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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Be prepared for some real spontaneity on today’s show. For those who may not know, “spontaneity” is an esoteric disc jockey term meaning, “Hey! I forgot to prepare anything for today’s show!”
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? –Romans 8:32
I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. — Psalm 138:2
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
“And so I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD.” — Ezekiel 38:23
Thought: “They will know that I am the LORD,” is a familiar refrain in Ezekiel’s prophecies. Here it is also a horrifying one to his people who have been rebellious, sinful, and wicked. God is holy. The people who claim him as their God had better reflect that glory and greatness. They had better magnify God’s holiness. If they do not, God will do so even at their expense. God will be known as God. In a day when so many profain the name of God and use it so glibly in their reactions and frustration, this is a sobering reminder that even the name of God is holy. He will show his greatness and holiness.
Prayer: Forgive me, God, for not reverencing you as I ought and as you deserve. Please send a wave of renewal among your people to honor you and your holiness with greater passion and a deeper sense of awe. You are holy, righteous, majestic, mighty, and great. Help me display my honor to you more faithfully in my life and words. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Psalm 7:10 NIV
My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart.
TODAY IS MONDAY – JULY 10, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 168 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is PAVEMENT DAY, marking completion of the first concrete-paved street on this date in 1892. ***Two weeks later the very first orange barrels appeared.
Today is INTERNATIONAL TOWN CRIERS DAY. ***There’s not a big need for criers anymore. These were the guys who, in the middle of the night, would cry out “Two o’clock and all’s well… three o’clock and all’s well…” That would never fly today; if you wake people up every hour in the middle of the night to yell that all is well… you won’t be all that well for all that long.
Today is DON’T STEP ON A BEE DAY. ***Maybe I’m just a wimp, but shouldn’t that be an everyday thing? Do you know anyone who nonchalantly goes around stepping on bees thinking it’s a good idea? Me neither.
This is LET’S PLAY TENNIS WEEK. ***MARLAR: Personally, I’d rather step on a bee.
TODAY IS ALSO…
Don’t Step On A Bee Day
International Town Criers Day
Piña Colada Day
Teddy Bears’ Picnic Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
TUESDAY, JULY 11
Cheer Up The Lonely Day
Day of The Five Billion
National Rainier Cherries Day
Slurpee Day or 7-11’s Birthday
World Population Day
Chick-fil-A’s Cow Appreciation Day
WEDNESDAY, JULY 12
Night of Nights
THURSDAY, JULY 13
Embrace Your Geekness Day
Gruntled Workers Day
International Sister Cities Day
National French Fries Day
World Cup Soccer Day
FRIDAY, JULY 14
Collector Car Appreciation Day
International Nude Day
National Macaroni and Cheese Day
National Motorcycle Day
Robin Hood Day
Shark Awareness Day
Victims of The Nice, France Attack Day
SATURDAY, JULY 15
Be A Dork Day
Celebration of The Horse Day
Gummi Worm Day
National Give Something Away Day
National Pet Fire Safety Day
Saint Swithin’s Day
Strawberry Rhubarb Wine Day
Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day
Woodie Wagon Day
SUNDAY, JULY 16
Anne Hutchinson Memorial Day
Hot Dog Night
Lake Superior Day
National Personal Chef’s Day
National Ice Cream Day
World Snake Day
MONDAY, JULY 17
National Get Out of the Doghouse Day
Global Hug Your Kid Day
Victims of Baton Rouge, Louisiana Attack Day
World Emoji Day
Wrong Way Corrigan Day
Yellow Pig Day
ON THIS DAY
1880: U.S. patent #254,828 was issued for the tuxedo life jacket, an inflatable formal jacket for dining out at sea.
1960: 16-year-old Brian Hyland’s “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini” entered the Billboard Hot 100 music chart. Composer Paul Vance wrote the song after watching his 2-year-old daughter Paula at the beach in her new bikini. (audio clip)
1964: The Beatles released the single “A Hard Day’s Night” in England. Flipside: “Things We Said Today.”
1967: Bobbie Gentry recorded “Ode to Billie Joe” (Capitol #5950). It was #1 for four weeks in August and September.
1989: The British pop group The Monkees received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (audio clip)
1991: Millie Bush, America’s First Dog, became a millionaire as royalties from her book about a dog’s life in the White House reached $1.1-million. Millie gave the money to First Lady Barbara Bush’s family literacy foundation. Millie died in May, 1997.
1993: A 37-year-old San Antonio man ran over himself when he tried to jump from his moving car while fleeing from police. The suspect survived to face charges of stealing 13 bags of potting soil from a builder’s supply store.
1996: A former employee of Orlando’s Gatorland theme park was sentenced to six months in jail for selling two of the park’s 2,400 alligators to an Indiana tourist for $75.00 each. The 3-foot gators were discovered in the tourist’s motel room after he called the state game commission for suggestions on how to transport them to Indiana.
1996: Tipper the cat, choking on his flea collar in Tampa, was rescued after he called 9-1-1. Fortunately, Tipper’s owner had programmed the speed-dial button on the phone to dial 9-1-1, so the cat only had to push one button.
1998: The Diocese of Dallas agreed to pay $23.4 million to nine former altar boys who said they had been molested by a priest.
2002: Peter Paul Rubens’ painting “The Massacre of the Innocents” sold at auction for $76.2 million.
2003: A 32-year-old Israeli woman was recovering well from surgery after she tried to retrieve a cockroach that had jumped into her mouth with a fork. She swallowed the fork.
2004: In his weekly radio address, President Bush said legalizing gay marriage would redefine the most fundamental institution of civilization, and that a constitutional amendment was needed to protect traditional marriage.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1509: French Protestant reformer John Calvin is born in Nyon, France.
1863: Clement C. Moore dies. In 1819 he established the General Theological Seminary, where he taught Greek and Hebrew Literature for 28 years. He also authored “A Visit from St. Nicholas” (‘Twas the Night Before Christmas…) in 1823.
1925: The Scopes Monkey Trial begins. Tennessee had forbidden the teaching of evolution. William Jennings Bryan, a fundamentalist, argued the prosecution and won, but popular culture has given the victory to Clarence Darrow. Bryan College now overlooks Dayton, Tennessee, the site of the battle.
HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
Singer/actress (Daisy Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard movie, MTV’s “Newlyweds”) Jessica Simpson 35
actor Thomas Ian Nicholas (American Pie) is 36
Actor (Vincent Chase on HBO’s “Entourage”, The Devil Wears Prada, Hart’s War) Adrian Grenier is 39
Actor (Willie on “Little House on the Prairie”) Jonathan Gilbert 48 (audio clip)
Actor (Shepherd Book on “Firefly” and the movie Serenity, Russell on “Friends”, Det. Ron Harris on “Barney Miller”) Ron Glass 71 (audio clip)
Actor (Governor Robert Ritchie on “The West Wing”, 1979’s The Amityville Horror, Westworld, Dr. Steven Kiley on “Marcus Welby, M.D.”, Colonel William Keating in Rambo IV) James Brolin 76 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1895 : Carl Orff
1937 : Jumpin’ Gene Simmons
1937 : Sandy Stewart
1941 : Ian Whitcomb
1942 : Ronnie James Dio (Black Sabbath, Rainbow)
1943 : Jerry Miller (Moby Grape)
1944 : John Dymond (Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich)
1947 : Arlo Davy Guthrie
1949 : Dave Smalley (The Young Rascals, The Raspberries)
1950 : Greg Kihn
1954 : Neil Tennant (Pet Shop Boys)
1965 : Peter DiStefano (Porno For Pyros)
1980 : Jessica Simpson
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
What exactly is the Continental Shelf?
The continental shelf, as large as it sounds, might make the perfect closet organizer for my wife and her hundreds of outfits! Unfortunately, that’s not really a convenient idea though, considering the continental shelf is under water. DRAT! The continental shelf is the underwater ledge that juts out from land at the ocean’s edge. Don’t confuse this ledge with the shallow end of a swimming pool though, because it still goes down as much as 600 feet. But it goes no deeper than that for quite a distance out from shore, where the real slope starts and the bottom quickly drops to a depth of several miles. So I wouldn’t wade out too far.
(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A 17-year-old South Carolina high school student may spend a month in jail for assault and battery after he allegedly threw a paper airplane that struck a teacher in the eye. Georgetown County sheriff’s deputies arrested the teen at Andrews High School. Teacher Edward McIver told deputies that he was upset after getting hit by the airplane because he recently had had eye surgery. He also told police he and the student had had previous confrontations over the student’s behavior, and that “something needs to be done.” The student was charged with third-degree assault and battery and was released from jail on bond. ***In case you missed that – you can now be arrested at school for throwing a paper airplane. You also now get the death penalty if you stick gum underneath your desk.
A Princeton University study has found that 85% of all Americans say they feel happy every day. But if you are among the 15% who are stuck on glum, try carrying around a few baby photos. A University of Wisconsin-Madison study reveals that looking at baby pictures activates a part of the brain that is associated with positive emotions. ***And if you’re like me and have no kids, there’s always Facebook where you can’t get away from other people’s baby pictures no matter how hard you try.
South Korea is developing a public transportation train that travels 620 miles an hour. ***It’s highly recommended you do not try to beat the train at the railroad crossings.
Here’s the thing – if you do something stupid and illegal, don’t use Snapchat as your confessional. In Myrtle Beach, SC, two 18-year-olds – Logan Brooke Larrimore and Farren Marie Lane, have been arrested and charges with third-degree burglary after police found Snapchat videos that showed the girls trespassing in the middle of the night at the Myrtle Waves Waterpark. The videos allegedly showed Larrimore and Lane enjoying themselves at the park about 4am Saturday. Police say Larrimore can be witnessed in one of the videos admitting to “jumping the fence” and stating that “we went down all the slides.” The teens are also accused of stealing a couple of Italian Ices worth $8 bucks. Police were able to find the names of the girls though their Snapchat accounts and then tracked them down through DMV records. ***On second thought, if you do something stupid and illegal, DO use Snapchat as your confessional. It’ll be easier for us to take you out of circulation.
An elderly man in China was treated for a stroke after he binged on his favorite video game. The 84-year-old man was rushed to a hospital after his children found him partially paralyzed and unable to speak after playing a game on his laptop for hours. ***Hear that, kiddos? Gaming can KILL YOU!
According to a study released by Kimberly-Clark, gas pump handles are the dirtiest surface that Americans encounter on the way to work. ***Which finally explains to me why biking to work might be a healthier option.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Ever thrown money around when an attractive woman was watching? Men are more generous around attractive women, according to a recent study. British researchers found that men contributed more winnings to charity when they were being watched by a beautiful woman than when they were playing alone or being watched by another man. Men may be showing off to potential mates according to the report. ***In other words, “Hey, Baby – here’s how much money I could be blowing on YOU instead of these ORPHANS…”
Medical research from leading hospitals and universities across the U.S. has shown conclusively a belief in God really IS good for you, making you healthier and happier, and helping you live longer. Duke University’s Harold G. Koenig, M.D. say “Studies have shown prayer can prevent people from getting sick — and when they do get sick, prayer can help them get better faster.” After an exhaustive analysis of more than 1,500 reputable medical studies, Dr. Koenig found that the studies “indicates people who are more religious and pray more have better mental and physical health.” ***On the reverse, people who are anti-religious seem to get sick at people even talking about God – but that’s likely a personality problem.
A survey of cell phone users found that almost nine in 10 say they encounter others using those phones in an annoying way but only 8 percent thought their own use of cell phones is sometimes rude. ***It’s the exact same ratio as people who think they are great drivers while all other drivers are idiots.
You could spend hundreds of dollars on fancy creams and facials or you could drink a cup of hot chocolate every day for three months for glowing, younger-looking skin! ***Ah, that’s the problem. Every day I’ve been drinking a hot cup of facial cream.
Experts say that binge drinking among the active military has now become a serious problem. ***Many are concerned it could be dangerous as well, seeing as a small U.S. battalion just last week decided in a drunken stupor to declare war on Wisconsin.
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were finally tired of running away from a giant-footed creature. Actually they weren’t running away from it, because nobody had ever really even seen it. In fact, this could all be just a big joke! There’s only one way to find out though… and it’s scary…
CLOSE: Oh no… it really IS a monster leaving those giant footprints! It’s a giant gorilla! What will happen to Millard? Will he really be eaten? And will the words salsa and Cheeze Whiz play a large part in our next episode? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Even criminals sometimes get their day in court… and win.
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU NEED A HAIRCUT
10. While waiting in the checkout line the lady behind you ran over your hair and tangled it in her buggy wheel.
9. The amount of money you spend on and shampoo and gas are the same.
8. You walked in the front door and all the drains in your building clogged instantly.
7. The “little polo man” on your “brown shirt” is really just an intricate knot.
6. You cannot afford the person carrying it behind you anymore.
5. You get a seeing eye dog because your hair is in your eyes.
4. Your most recent trip to the zoo was plagued by frequent tranquilizer darts and apologies.
3. Ow! Uh, could somebody help me? I… ow… I was tying my shoes and I… ow… I kind of accidentally tied my head to my feet… Anybody? Please?”
2. Your barber says he thinks he can cut it but will have to use a weed-whacker to thin it out a little first.
1. You don’t wash your hair anymore because the last time you did you got so tangled up it took 3 firemen and the jaws of life to free you.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
If robbing a store in order to get grocery money is a bad idea, robbing a store NEXT to the grocery store you’re planning on shopping at may not be the brightest idea either!
FILE #1: A woman from Indiana found herself in need of a medical prescription, but no money to buy it. So she and her boyfriend decided to rob the grocery store right next door to the pharmacy. The two then proceeded to go straight from robbing the grocery store to the pharmacy. There she gave her real name, address and telephone number to purchase her prescription. With this information the police were able to meet the bungling robbers just as they got home from the pharmacy.
FILE #2: With police in hot pursuit, armed Scottish robber Derek McFadden raced away from a bank near Glasgow with $4,000. Then, he made a law-abiding mistake—he stopped for a red light and was arrested immediately.
FILE #3: In Amarillo, Texas, police say Joshua Glenn Smith stole the pickup from an alley and collided with a car after driving away. After a blowout and a near crash, the truck smashed into a light pole and crashed into a bridge pillar. The truck then collided with a vehicle on the frontage road. Smith tried to keep going, but lost control of the truck and veered into the parking lot of a new Wendy’s restaurant, smashing into another vehicle. A crowd of about 20 people chased Smith around the restaurant. They tied his feet with a garden hose and handcuffed him.
STRANGE LAW: A Texas law requires that a criminal give the expected victim a 24 hour notice stating the crime to be committed. This can be orally or in writing.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
When someone robs you it’s best to call the police… unless you were robbed making an illegal drug transaction.
An East Hartford, Connecticut man called police to report he had been robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine. Max Minnefield called police to tell them he had paid a man and a woman $8 for drugs he never received. Police charged him with criminal attempt to commit possession of narcotics. During his arraignment Judge Bradford Ward asked Minnefield, “Did you really think the police were going to go after the people?” He added that his question was rhetorical.
Check out today’s “LEFTOVERS” below. Do your listeners have any ideas about what would be the easiest/coolest jobs to have?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What was the name of the first judge of Israel?
ANSWER: Othniel (Judges 1:13; 3:9)
QUESTION: How much of the average person’s lifetime is spent waiting for traffic lights to change?
ANSWER: Two weeks.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The largest gold nugget ever found weighed 172 lbs., 13 oz. (True)
2. The youngest person to have a chart-topping solo single is Michael Jackson. (True – in 1970)
3. James Earl Jones did the voice of Darth Vader. (True)
4. Darth Vader was played by 2 people. (False, 4. One guy for his body and the other for his face, one person for the voice, and the other for the breathing)
5. Melanie Griffith’s mother is Susan Sarandon. (False, it’s actress Tippi Hendren, best known for her lead role in Alfred Hitchcock’s, “The Birds”)
6. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the TV show “Cheers” had the most spin-off production. (False, Star Trek)
7. In 1973, General Motors introduced the airbag as a $225 option on cars. (True)
8. Lake Michigan is located entirely within the United States. (True)
9. Pork is the main ingredient in the Austrian dish known as wiener schnitzel. (False, Veal)
10. Marty McFly went back 30 years in the 1985 film “Back to the Future.” (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“STUDENT FORCED TO _______ IN LUNCHBOX!” (PEE – but we’ll accept “urinate,” “relieve himself,” or any other similar term to describe the same action)
In Orlando, Florida, Meadowbrook Middle School teacher Jameeka Chambers has been put on paid leave while officials investigate a most bizarre incident that went down in her classroom. It seems a boy in her class went behind the classroom bookcase and urinated in his lunchbox. According to statements by other students, the boy asked to go the restroom and Ms. Chambers told him to hold it or use her lunch box. So the boy took the teacher’s lunch box, hid behind a bookcase, urinated in it and returned it to her. The next morning the boy’s mother complained to the principal and told a local TV station about the incident. This is a first-year teaching job for Chambers, who teaches sixth-grade language arts. ***MARLAR: And probably her last year.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A miserable-looking man was sitting with some friends one night.
“Why are you looking so sad?” asked one friend.
“My wife’s made me a millionaire.” said the man.
“If my wife made me a millionaire, I’d be the happiest man on earth”, said the friend.
“Yes, but before I met her I was a billionaire.”
A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back on. He entered her initials and then she gave me him her password to log back on. She said her password was “genius”. After three tries and the system telling him “access denied,” he asked her how to spell it. She said, “G – E – N – I – O – U – S.”
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go? Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
Fathers spend more time with their children who resemble them? At least that was the result of a recent study. The Senegalese study suggests that fathers invest more time and energy in their children who look and smell like them, primal indicators that they are biologically connected. ***If my choices are to either be estranged from my father, or smell like him… well, I’ll miss him.
Keeping their keyboard clicks on is the most obnoxious thing a smartphone user can do. ***Although I’d have to think answering the phone while in a bathroom stall would be a very close second.
Look at the world around you, and you’ll see God’s creativity;
Look at the dinner table, and you’ll see God’s provision;
Look at the mirror, and you’ll see God’s sense of humor.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A Wisconsin high school student has been sentenced to probation for baking hair in a cake and serving it to teachers…
…John Smith (yes, his REAL NAME) shaved his body hair, baked it in the cake and brought it to school for his class. But, when he couldn’t serve it in class, he brought it to the teacher’s lounge. After it was half eaten, school officials discovered hair throughout the cake. ***MARLAR: He only received probation though, because it took so long to tell the difference between the cake and the deserts normally served in the school cafeteria.
JUST BY BEING IN IT
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
My old friends have returned for another summer of fun in my backyard. There must be hundreds of them out there every night. I can’t stay up with them anymore, but I sure do love watching them dance in the darkness for the first few hours after the sun goes down. They don’t even need any music and I never have to worry about them bumping into each other either, because each one of them carries their own light.
Watching my friends, the fireflies, light up my backyard every night brings me nothing but joy. I feel my own light shining a little brighter when I see them and I feel a little closer to God’s love as I look at them. What a wonderful love God must have for us all to give us such a beautiful world full of amazing creatures like these. They make the whole world a better place just by being in it.
Just think of what a paradise Earth would become if everyone of us also did our best to live a life so beautiful that we made the world a better place just by being in it. Just think what it would be like if all of us started each day by remembering how much God loves us and by thanking Him for our lives. Just think what it would be like if we all took the time needed to fully love God, ourselves, and others. Just think what it would be like if each of us spent each and everyday sharing love, joy, goodness, laughter, and smiles with everyone we met. Like my firefly friends we all would be carrying our own light, and our souls would be shining bright enough to light up the whole world.
Start today then. Start shining your light now. Live from your soul. Brighten the lives of all those around you. Be a beacon to others. Live a life of such joy, love, and oneness with God that you make the world a better place just by being in it. This world needs your light.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
BRAINS ARE NOT ENOUGH
READ: 1 Kings 11:1-13
Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord, and did not fully follow the Lord. —1 Kings 11:6
Why do smart people do not-so-smart things? Time after time I hear sad stories about people with high IQs who fall short in the area of moral discernment, leading to tragic results. Obviously, a good brain isn’t enough to keep a person from making bad choices.
This contradicts the belief of some that better education can solve society’s ills. The reasoning goes like this: “If we educate people about the dangers of _________, they won’t do ‘it’ and thus will be spared from unpleasant, unintended consequences.”
But experience and the Bible tell us something different. In fact, the smartest man who ever lived could serve as a poster boy for bad choices.
Ancient Israel’s King Solomon, author of much of the book of Proverbs, wrote, “Keep your heart with all diligence” (4:23) and “Wisdom rests in the heart of him who has understanding” (14:33). Despite knowing the connection between the heart and wisdom, the king disobeyed God by marrying foreign women who “turned his heart after other gods” (1 Kings 11:4). As a result, the Lord said, “I will surely tear the kingdom away from you” (v.11).
The ability to make good decisions demands a heart devoted to God. —Julie Ackerman Link
What will it profit when life here is o’er,
Though great worldly wisdom I gain,
If seeking knowledge I utterly fail
The wisdom of God to obtain? —Nelson
The smartest people know that God knows best.
THE BEST JOBS EVER
These are real jobs! Obviously, I’m just in the wrong career! Do any of these sound appealing to you? I’ll bet they do! What other jobs would be great to have?
Lotion Tester — You get paid to lie on a beach and test suntan lotions. (A great job – if the lotions work… a lousy job if they don’t work!)
Ice cream Taster — The only requirements are discriminating taste buds and a willingness to sample hundreds of gallons of ice cream a year. (As long as you can deal with the brain-freeze headaches every once in a while! But then, we all must make sacrifices!)
Toy-Enjoyment Controller — You spend your entire working day playing with toys to determine which ones will be a hit with kids. (If someone ever tells you to grow up, so you can’t afford to!)
Video Game Expert — You play the latest computer games, then share your knowledge with people who call for help. (You can be the 12-year-old expert that has to help the 42-year-old father figure out how to win the battle against Doctor Doom!)
World Travel Writer — You explore the world’s most exotic locales, then write about your adventures. All expenses are covered.
Ferrari Test Driver — A typical day involves cruising the scenic Italian countryside at top speeds in the world’s most exotic sports car.
Yachting Partners — You go on all-expense paid cruises aboard five-star ocean liners. Your only responsibility; you must socialize with people who are single. (And if you happen to be single – you may not stay single for long! You get too good at this job of talking to single people and you may put yourself out of work!)
TV Sports Viewers — You watch hours of taped sporting events to select the plays that will be included in news and blooper programs.
LIFE… LIVE IT
UNUSUAL YET USABLE HOUSEHOLD TIPS WITH ALKA-SELTZER
Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush, and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.
JUST FOR FUN
A man finds thousands of dollars worth of silver and gold coins… but almost throws them away because he thinks they’re worthless!
A builder who unearthed a tankard stuffed with gold and silver coins thought they were old washers. Trevor Fishleigh came across the 17th-century treasure worth about £30,000 while working at a house in Abbotsham, Devon. The 64-year-old handed them over to customers Teresa and Bob Prouse, who will share their reward with him. ***MARLAR: To be honest, if you start thinking that gold and silver coins are washers, maybe you shouldn’t be in charge of installing the plumbing.
It’s summer! That means vacations! And that means ROAD TRIP! But if you plan to visit one of our nation’s beautiful national parks, please don’t be like these people. The following are actual comments left on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:
“A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”
“Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”
“Too many bugs, leeches, spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”
“Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”
“Chair-lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”
“The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
“A McDonald’s would be nice at the trailhead.”
“The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”
“Too many rocks in the mountains.”
And finally, my favorite from the Grand Canyon, “We were shocked to find out there was no elevator going to the bottom of the canyon. This would sure make things easier.”
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
YOU ARE WHAT YOUR MOM EATS
According to a new study, a woman may be able to influence the sex of the child she conceives by what she eats. The study found that women who ate big breakfasts, particularly cereals, were more likely to have a son, while a diet low in calories, minerals and nutrients is more likely to produce a daughter. The percentage of babies that are girls has risen over the last four decades and this study would seem to explain it since the number of working moms has also risen as have the number of moms too busy for breakfast. They say this could offer a natural way for couples to select the gender of their children.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
If you’re serious about shedding pounds, you have to eat less. It’s as simple as that. While exercise has many health benefits–including reducing the risk of developing heart disease, type 2 diabetes and cancer–it won’t help you to lose weight. That’s the word from public health scientists Richard S. Cooper, M.D. and Amy Luke, Ph.D. of Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine. The two have been studying the link between physical activity and obesity for years. When they started their research, they assumed that physical activity would prove key to losing weight. But the preponderance of evidence has shown that assumption to be wrong. Why? If you increase your activity, your appetite increases and you compensate by eating more food. So with or without increasing physical activity, calorie control remains key to losing or maintaining weight. “This crucial part of the public health message is not appreciated in recommendations to be more active, walk up stairs and eat more fruits and vegetables,” the researchers wrote in the International Journal of Epidemiology. “The prescription needs to be precise: There is only one effective way to lose weight — eat fewer calories.”
It’s time to clear your calendar. People experience more pleasure from unplanned events than from those that are scheduled, says new research for The Ohio State University. So instead of setting aside time for an after-lunch ice cream outing, hold off on buying a cone until you come upon an ice cream truck. You may enjoy your treat even more. (Family Circle)
According to a new survey, we could all do with a brush up on our financial smarts. The latest data says the average person will waste about $9,700 in their lifetime because of financial mistakes – or incompetence. That brings the national total to a whopping $2.3 TRILLION of money we’ve just blown! The top four ways we blow money are: Bank fees, credit card interest, paying higher interest rates than we should, and investment losses.
Feeling fried? Nature wakes up your brain and your body, says University of Rochester scientists. They found that people who spent at least 20 minutes a day outdoors felt up to 20% more physical and mental energy than those who stayed inside. More research is needed to determine why, but the study authors ruled out the effects of exercise and socialization, which people do more of when they’re outdoors. Can’t finagle some fresh air? Open the blinds: Just eyeballing nature can recharge you. (Men’s Health)
BEST TRICK TO ENSURE YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR BABY IN A HOT CAR _ There are a lot of tips — and even a few smartphone apps — to help you remember you have a small child in the back seat, but this one is the best: Leave something in the back seat. Some people take off their non-driving shoe and toss it in the back to force them to always open the back door. You could also leave your purse or backpack on the back seat floor, or even your cell phone.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 07, 2017…
The Big Sick—This is a story of a rising stand-up comic Kamail Nanjiani, who is in love with a girl from another culture (Zoe Kazan.) This is based on a true life episode in which Zoe suddenly is terribly ill and Kamail tries to do his comedy routine-plus be at the hospital with her-and keep all this away from his traditional parents and soothe her rather negative parents (Holly Hunter and Ray Romano.) What a situation. “The Big Sick” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Spider-Man: Homecoming:—What is this…the third reboot of the “Spider-Man” series? Gone is Tobey Maguire, who was the first suit-up with Cliff Robertson and Rosemary Harris as the family, and Willem Dafoe, the villain. Then came Andrew Garfield, with Emma Watson as the girlfriend, Sally Field as Aunt May and various villains, such as Electro (Jamie Foxx) and the Green Goblin (Dane DeHaan.) Now, in 2017, Tom Holland is taking on the red and blue suit. You have seen him in “Captain America: Civil War.“ Yes, fans, your hero is back In this plot, Peter Parker (Holland) is fifteen years old and in high school, so expect more hi jinks. Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark, is there as a sort of guide. Also in the cast are Zendaya, Marisa Tomei and Michael Keaton as the villain, Vulture. Jon Watts directs. In 2002, Watts was in school at New York University and watched Sam Raimi direct the first “Spider-Man“ film. Now, Watts does the entire film. “Spider-Man: Homecoming” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
A Ghost Story—This quaint film concerns a ghost. You guessed that one right. Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara are a married couple who have to cope with everyday things, plus death and even afterward? This ghost doesn’t appear ordinary. “A Ghost Story” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Patti Cake$ (documentary) (opening in select cities)—This is the story of Patricia Dombrowski from New Jersey who becomes a rapper. Starring as Patricia is Australian actress Danielle Macdonald, who studied with real-life rapper Skyzoo, to really get into rap music. “Patti Cake$” is not rated, but could be PG 13. No rating.
City Of Ghosts (documentary) (opening in select cities)—This documentary by Matthew Heineman concerns local journalists in the war in Syria and how they work to expose corruption. “City Of Ghosts” is not rated but could be PG 13. No rating.
JULY 14, 2017…
Wish Upon concerns a special music box that you may not want after all. Stars Joey King.
To The Bone has Keanu Reeves as a therapist who helps anorexic teens.
War For The Planet Of The Apes continues the saga of the fight between man and ape. Stars Andy Serkis.
Lady Macbeth (based on the book “Lady Macbeth of Mtseksk” and a Russian adaptation of the famous play. Stars Florence Pugh.
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