July 12, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150712

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The program normally heard at this time will be aired. So fasten your seat belt and get out your Dramamine.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 8:38–39

 

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. — Philippians 1:6

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. — Isaiah 6:1

 

Thought: We often view difficult times, crisis times, as bad because the circumstances we face are very hard. But difficult times can also be an opportunity for our hearts to re-awaken to the steadfastness and the gloriousness of God, as well as our great need for him in our lives. The crisis of Uzziah’s death for Israel and Isaiah became the great opportunity for Isaiah to see God in a fresh way and to be called into a special ministry for God. How can God use your crises, hardships, trials, and difficulties? Why don’t you ask him to show you!

 

Prayer: Holy God, I confess that I get discouraged enduring hardships. I sometimes wonder where you are and why you have forgotten me. Deep in my heart, dear Father, I know you are there. But sometimes, O God, it is difficult to keep my faith burning brightly when I don’t hear your voice or see you face to face. Please strengthen my heart with your Holy Spirit and help me “see” you in a fresh way so that I will open myself to you and be tuned more perfectly for your service. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Revelation 7:12 NIV
saying: “Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!”

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JULY 12, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 167 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is RELIEVE STRESS BY WALKING OUTSIDE AND CALLING THE HOGS DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m not sure how you can do this without offending anyone, but be my guest.

 

Today is MINIMUM WAGE DAY. ***MARLAR: We don’t really talk too much about this one around the radio station though… don’t want to give the boss any ideas, if you know what I mean.

 

Today is SIMPLICITY DAY. ***MARLAR: Hey, you’re listening to this radio show… how much more simple-minded can you get?

 

This is FAMILY FEUD DAY. On this day back in 1976 the Family Feud game show made it to television. ***MARLAR: I thought about getting my own family on the show way-back-when, but the thought of kissing Richard Dawson creeped my mom out. (

)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Grange Day

Night of Nights

Simplicity Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, JULY 13

Ann Hutchinson Memorial Day

Embrace Your Geekness Day

Gruntled Workers Day

National French Fries Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 14

International Nude Day

International Town Criers Day ***MARLAR: Let’s just hope they are not also celebrating International Nude Day!

Shark Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 15

Be a Dork Day (Be a Dork and be proud.  Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set.)

Gummi Worm Day

National Pet Fire Safety Day

Saint Swithin’s Day

Take Your Poet To Work Week

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Hot Dog Night

World Snake Day

 

THURSDAY, JULY 17

Wrong Way Corrigan Day

Yellow Pig Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 18

Celebration of The Horse Day

National Hot Dog Day

Nelson Mandela International Day

National Caviar Day

Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

Woodie Wagon Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 19

Anne Hutchinson Memorial Day

National Ice Cream Day

Flitch Day

Lake Superior Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 20

Global Hug your Kid Day

Moon Day

Space Exploration Day

National Lollipop Day

World Jump Day

International Cake Day

National Get Out Of The Doghouse Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

100 BC: Roman dictator Julius Caesar was born.

 

1543: England’s King Henry the 8th married his sixth and last wife, Catherine Parr.

 

1873: It rained frogs in Kansas City. It really did.

 

1942: The owner of the Green Parrot bar in New York City, Max Geller, was murdered. The crime was solved because the victim’s pet parrot kept repeating the killer’s name. The parrot even testified in court.

 

1949: The first racially integrated major-league baseball All-Star Game featured second baseman Jackie Robinson, first baseman Larry Doby, catcher Roy Campanella, and pitcher Don Newcombe.

 

1957: Alan Freed’s “Friday Night Rock ‘N’ Roll” debuted on ABC-TV. The first guests were Frankie Lymon, the Everly Brothers, and Connie Francis.

 

1970: Johnny Cash gave a gold record to South Dakota judge Sue Hicks for inspiring the song “A Boy Named Sue.”

 

1973: Actor Steve McQueen and actress Ali McGraw were married.

 

1979: A near-riot erupted between games of a doubleheader at Chicago’s Comisky Park when deejay Steve Dahl proceeded to burn records brought by fans for a disco bonfire. Unfortunately, some fans started building their own fires. The White Socks had to forfeit the second game.

 

1984: Democratic presidential candidate Walter Mondale chose U.S. Rep. Geraldine Ferraro of New York to be his running-mate/ Ferraro was the first woman to run for vice president on a major-party ticket.

 

1994: A cat named Tabitha was recovered in a crawlspace above the baggage compartment of a Tower Air Boeing 747 after escaping its carrier during a flight 12 days earlier. Tabitha had logged over 32,000 miles.

 

1996: Minnesota favorite Kirby Puckett announced his retirement from baseball because a retina problem was causing him to lose his eyesight.

 

2003: A man who tried to rob a cafe in Wuppertal, Germany, fled when he was pelted with apples. The 43-year-old waitress told police the man wore a mask and had a gun, but she grabbed a bucket of apples and started throwing. The robber fled empty-handed.

 

2006: Debbie Phillips of Charleston, West Virginia, reported to police someone had been in her house and cleaned it. Nothing was missing. Police didn’t worry about it much, but it really bugged Debbie. A month-long investigation revealed a neighbor across the street with a house key hidden in a similar spot outside had hired a cleaning service. They went to the wrong house.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1536: Desiderius Erasmus, Dutch scholar and the first editor of the Greek New Testament, dies in Basel. One of the leading scholars of the Protestant Reformation, he also wrote the influential In Praise of Folly. “Most holy was his living,” said one observer, “most holy his dying.”

 

1739: David Brainerd, who became an influential missionary to the Indians, is converted

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Spider-Man 3, “That ’70s Show”) Topher Grace, 37 (
    )
  • skater Kristi Yamaguchi 44
  • Actress (“ER,” “Ally McBeal”) Lisa Nicole Carson, 47 (
    )
  • Actress (“Thirtysomething”) Mel Harris, 59 (
    )
  • Actress (“Charlie’s Angels’” Kris Munroe) Cheryl Ladd 64 (
    )
  • actor (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) Jamey Sheridan 64 (
    )
  • Fitness guru/actor/author Richard Simmons 67
  • actor (“Murphy Brown,” “Love & War”) Jay Thomas, 67 (
    )
  • Comedian/actor (“Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids”, “The Cosby Show”) Bill Cosby is 78 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1895 : Oscar Hammerstein II

1927 : Conte Candoli

1928 : Barbara Cowsill (The Coswills)

1934 : Van Cliburn

1937 : Bill Cosby

1943 : Christine McVie (Fleetwood Mac)

1946 : Jeff Christie (Christie)

1948 : Walter Egan

1949 : John Wetton (King Crimson, Asia)

1949 : Eric Carr (KISS)

1952 : Liz Mitchell (Boney M)

1952 : Philip Taylor Kramer (Iron Butterfly)

1956 : Sandi Patti

1962 : Dan Murphy (Soul Asylum)

1963 : Alan Duval (UB40)

1976 : Tracie Spencer

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is someone who has stopped drinking, “on the wagon?” Or why is someone that has resumed drinking, “fallen off the wagon?”

This phrase always brought to my mind the old beer wagons that used to carry kegs of beer from breweries to taverns. But that’s hardly the place for someone intent on swearing off the stuff, unless they were trying to demonstrate enormous self-control. Then what kind of wagon are we referring to? A vehicle as old as the one that sallied forth with the suds: the water wagon. It used to water down the streets to prevent the dust on them from being stirred up by traffic, choking pedestrians. Their presence on American streets in the 1890s suggested to proponents of prohibition the connection between water and sobriety, as in climbing on the water wagon, and gradually a phrase was born.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Another groaner from Citizen Way: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit? Because it was cultured.

 

Jonny Diaz says his daughter is a tough crowd. He tweeted: Just played Charlie Grace a song that I wrote for her. She listened and then spit up everywhere. Not sure how to take that.

 

Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman says his song Your Love Is Enough is a song that talks my lifelong struggles with doubt, fear, loneliness, and the contradictions within me. But Jon says the chorus is reminds him of the hope that he has. It says: “Your love is enough. You’re my harbor in this lonely storm. Your love is enough.”

 

TobyMac says he and his crew always have five food items on the tour bus. They are: Coffee, cereal, water, chips, and salsa.

 

Fans are inspired by more than just Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips on stage performance. One fan named Meagan tweeted: your inspiring quotes and healthy living quotes have helped me. I am now 80 lbs lighter. Thank you!

 

Newsboys member Duncan Phillips is an American transplant but that doesn’t diminish his pride in the American flag. The native Australian shared a picture of the flag this week along with the tweet: Love walking into a truck stop and seeing this proudly displayed on the dining room wall!

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Ruben Juarez: I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge

 

Sidewalk Prophets member Ben McDonald says his new cat is having an identity crises. The guitarist for the band tweeted a picture of their new kitten fast asleep on his shoulder with the caption: I thought we were getting a kitten not a parrot.

 

Advice from Britt Nicole: Healthy is the new skinny! Be the best you, not who magazines say you should be.

 

A confession from Kutless member James Mead: I literally suck at taking selfies.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Error in golden ratio at exhibit? Museum now says it’s right    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Boston science museum that praised a teenager for catching a mistake in the golden ratio at a decades-old exhibit now says it wasn’t an error after all. The Museum of Science released a statement Tuesday afternoon saying the equation in the 34-year-old “Mathematica exhibit”…

 

Drunken man seeking ride home calls 911 to report fake crash
HACKETTSTOWN, N.J. (AP) — Police in New Jersey say a drunken man twice called 911 to report a fake accident because he wanted officers to give him a ride home. Hackettstown police say the initial call from the 38-year-old man came in Tuesday night around the same time the department received…
Double deer: Officials say man kept 2 in captivity at home
HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (AP) — Officials say a West Virginia man had been keeping two deer in captivity at his home for at least a year. State Division of Natural Resources officer Joshua Addesa says authorities discovered the two white-tailed bucks when they visited the Cabell County man’s home…
Police: Man breaks into Berlin restaurant, drinks Tabasco
BERLIN (AP) — A man is in hot water after allegedly stealing a bicycle, pitching it through a Berlin restaurant window, then entering and quaffing half a bottle of Tabasco sauce — telling authorities he was thirsty. Police spokesman Jens Berger said Tuesday the 34-year-old was…
About 60 pounds of pot found in sewer line near border
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities have found about 50 to 60 pounds of marijuana they believe smugglers tried to get into Arizona via a sewer pipe that runs through the U.S. and Mexico. The four bundles caused the sewer line to back up and spill into a Nogales, Arizona, home. They believe…
Broadway theatergoer tries to recharge phone in onstage plug    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — There’s loud talking, snoring and, of course, phones ringing. But theater etiquette might have taken a turn for the bizarre on Broadway last week with a dead cellphone. A patron at the Tony Award-nominated play “Hand to God” on July 2 climbed onstage just before the show began…
Split-colored lobster caught off Maine, 1 in 50 million find    photo
SCARBOROUGH, Maine (AP) — A rare orange-brown split-colored lobster has turned up off the coast of Maine. HASH(0x13dcd00) According to research by the Lobster Institute, the chance of finding a split-colored lobster is one in 50 million. The institute reports that only the albino lobster is…
Police seek help after nut theft, post mug shot of squirrel
SHELBY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Police in suburban Detroit are having a little fun while asking for help from the public in figuring out who swiped roughly 28,000 pounds of packaged nuts. The Shelby Township Police Department says a truck and trailer packed with 18 pallets of walnuts and other…
Rain makes annual Detroit-area Mud Day for kids even muddier    photo
WESTLAND, Mich. (AP) — A steady downpour made this one of the muddiest Mud Days yet. Rain before and during the 27th annual event Tuesday in suburban Detroit that is open to kids 12 and younger created conditions that were conducive for maximum filthiness. Aidan Ruggiero, who quickly got…
Drug bundles block pipe near border, send sewage into home
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities in the border city of Nogales, Arizona, believe smugglers were using an international sewage line to transport drugs into the U.S. from Mexico when the pipe became clogged, sending gallons of waste through an illegal tunnel and into a house and local…
Woman arrested after calling 911 with Chinese food complaint
ALLIANCE, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio woman has been arrested after calling 911 to complain about an order of Chinese food. Police say the 44-year-old Alliance woman called the emergency number late Monday afternoon to say the Chinese food she’d ordered from a local restaurant was “not up to par for…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Medicare to cover end-of-life counseling
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare said Wednesday it plans to pay doctors to counsel patients about end-of-life care, the same idea that sparked accusations of “death panels” and fanned a political furor around President Barack Obama’s health care law six years ago. The policy change, to take effect…

 

Suicide attempts most common in newer soldiers, study found    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — War-time suicide attempts in the Army are most common in newer enlisted soldiers who have not been deployed, while officers are less likely to try to end their lives. At both levels, attempts are more common among women and those without a high school diploma, according to a…
Right-to-die advocates call California loss a brief setback    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California dealt the national right-to-die movement a huge blow when legislation allowing doctors to prescribe life-ending drugs stalled, but advocates aren’t conceding defeat. The movement was reinvigorated by the nationally publicized story of Brittany Maynard, a…
Expert testifies against cancer doctor at sentencing hearing    photo
DETROIT (AP) — An expert who looked at the files of 100 patients of a Detroit-area cancer doctor facing prison for unnecessary treatments testified Wednesday that the records were disturbing. Dr. David Steensma of Harvard Medical School said some patients received hundreds of unnecessary…
Report: Number of US heroin users rose 300,000 over a decade
NEW YORK (AP) — The number of U.S. heroin users has grown by nearly 300,000 over a decade, with the bulk of the increase among whites, according to a new government report. Experts think the increase was driven by people switching from opioid painkillers to cheaper heroin. The Centers for…
At least 5 kids got wrong immunizations at New Jersey clinic
SALEM, N.J. (AP) — At least five children were given the wrong immunizations at a health clinic for the uninsured, including a 2-year-old boy who got an “excessive dose” of a cervical cancer prevention vaccine, authorities said. The Salem County-run “Shots for Tots” program has been shuttered…
The battle for control of the growing breast milk industry    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — It could trade for 400 times more than the price of crude oil and 2,000 times more than iron ore. If sold off the shelf, it could cost more than 150 times the price of a gallon of cow’s milk and 15 times more than coffee. Going for as much as $4 per ounce, breast milk is…
Panel: Politics among reasons for botched UN Ebola response    photo
LONDON (AP) — The Ebola outbreak exposed the U.N. health agency’s organizational failings, a panel reported Tuesday — but it didn’t blame any individuals at the World Health Organization for its bungled response last year to the deadly crisis. The report instead criticized WHO’s…
Missouri law allows tax exemption for stillbirths
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) — Missouri is joining at least one other state in offering a tax exemption for stillbirths, after Democratic Gov. Jay Nixon signed a law allowing it starting this year. The measure will allow a one-time exemption of $1,200 from a parent’s income — the same…
WHO says too few countries taxing tobacco products enough
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Taxing cigarettes up to 75 percent of their retail price is among the most effective ways to reduce tobacco use, but too few governments levy high enough taxes, according to a World Health Organization global report released Tuesday. The WHO’s 2015 report on the…
Q&A: As Obama health law survives, GOP split over next move    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Having lost their latest war against President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, Republicans must decide how to wage battles that could fan the issue for the 2016 elections. Last month’s Supreme Court decision upholding the statute’s federal subsidies, which help millions…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Fog Horns”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Telemarketers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear built a toll booth on his property – right on the main path through the jungle. 35-cents a pass. But Gruffy let Nozzles get past with just 30-cents, with an I.O.U. of five cents, and he let Hermie the bug through for free! Fortunately, most all the animals had the money, and paid the toll without incident…

 

CLOSE: So now we have a toll free road, built to avoid the toll road in front of Gruffy’s house – but now Gruffy had removed his toll booth. So now we have two toll-free roads! That’s gotta be good, right? I know… that sounds too easy, doesn’t it? We’ll so how the animals react next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 11/12, 2015
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Marvy Snuffleson was tired of work. School, homework, chores, cleaning his room… but now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, where the weekly calendar clock tells them Sunday is for attending church, weekdays are for work, and Saturday is for rest and relaxation. And on Razzleflabbin Island – it’s now Saturday… and Marvy Snuffleson is loving it!

 

CLOSE: Bread and water to eat – but also no work! What will Marvy decide to do? Tune in again next time to find out, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Never try to outsmart your kids, especially when it comes to the computer. 

Britain’s Steve Williams became so fed up with his daughter’s messy bedroom that he set up a website featuring pictures of his daughter’s room in an attempt to shame her into cleaning up.  Mr. Williams’ website has proved popular with disgruntled families from all over the world. Nearly 40,000 people have visited the site in its first two weeks.  Dad’s website did spur her to action.  Not only did Claire tidy up her room, but with the help of her father’s friends, the 20-year-old student started her own website that displayed photos of dad in a variety of compromising situations. Williams said they managed to dig out photos of him dancing round with a handbag at a party, and also put pictures of his garage online to show Claire isn’t the only messy one in the family.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE BECOME A VIDEO GAME HERO

 

  1. Your doctor prescribes you a daily dosage of first aid kits, to keep your health bar nice and high.

 

  1. No one wants to play darts with you now that you’ve developed auto-aim.

 

  1. When you walk down the street, tough looking guys carrying grenades and chainsaws run away from you.

 

  1. On your way to work, three different 18-wheelers flap open to gas up your car and give you more ammo.

 

  1. You have killed more than 40,000 people, and have been killed yourself over six hundred times, but have never met a homicide detective.

 

  1. Your thumbs are five times normal size.

 

  1. You wear all black spandex and leather clothes, can carry up to 30 different firearms (plus ammunition) without a bag, and you never break a sweat.

 

  1. Everywhere you go ninjas pop out of random places and try to kill you.

 

  1. You have a key, torch, poison antidote, solar blaster, secret map, magic shield and personal helicopter in your pocket.

 

  1. A recent inventory check of your house showed, one room filled with coins, one filled with ninja stars, and one filled with bananas

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A one-legged woman struggles against an armed man!

 

FILE #1: A beautiful amputee from Brussels Belgium awoke to find an armed man crawling into bed with her. Angela England grabbed the only weapon she had close at hand… her fake leg. She clobbered the intruder with the artificial leg, beating him until he was unconscious. Angela says she hit him in the groin, the head… anywhere she could get at him. Once he was out cold, Angela called police. The man was arrested.

 

FILE #2: A man from Texas attempted to buy a new Porsche using counterfeit money. It didn’t take the folks at the dealership long to figure out the money was fake considering he gave them a one million dollar bill. By the way, in case you’re planning on being this stupid, here’s a few hints. The highest U.S. denomination is $100. The $500, $1,000, and $100,000 bills were removed from circulation years ago.

 

FILE #3: 56-year-old Alfred Fiser walked into the World Savings Bank in Miami, Florida, walked up to the teller and demanded money. The bank teller told him there were no envelopes to put the money in so Fiser pulled an envelope from his shirt pocket. Unfortunately for Mr. Fiser, he dropped a business card and a blank check when he reached for the envelope and failed to realize it. Fiser then fled with an undetermined amount of cash and police used the information that was on his card and check and arrested him later that day and charged him with bank robbery and grand theft.

 

STRANGE LAW: Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine in Provo, UT.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Maryland police arrest a woman for DUI twice… in less than five hours!

Police arrested a Woodbine, Maryland. woman twice in five hours on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol. Police said a 20-year-old woman was swerving across lane markers and failed to stop at a stop sign. When officers stopped her, police said she was driving under the influence of alcohol. She was released on DUI and motor vehicle charges and almost five hours later, police saw her driving again. Maryland law prohibits anyone from driving within 12 hours of a DUI arrest. Police stopped her again and charged her with DUI and other offenses. She was held on $25,000 bond.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

When you were growing up, what was your favorite old-style video game to play? Pac-Man, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Q-Bert?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: In Revelation, what bird went about saying, “Woe! Woe!”
ANSWER: An Eagle (Revelation 8:13)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is something you greatly admire in the driver behind you, but not in the driver ahead of you?

ANSWER: Patience

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. (True. What about milk you say? A cow has to eat grass to produce milk and grass is living.)

 

  1. Michael Jordan makes more money from NIKE annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. (True)

 

  1. Spiral staircases in medieval castles all run counter-clockwise. (False… they all run clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would have had no troubles, except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil.)

 

  1. Ham radio operators got the term “ham” coined from the expression “ham fisted operators,” a term used to describe early radio users who sent Morse code by pounding their fist. (True)

 

  1. The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is “Live Free or Die.” (True. Ironically, these license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord. Cruel and unusual punishment?)

 

  1. Each year there is one pound of cement poured for each man woman and child in the world. (False – it’s one TON per person!)

 

  1. Only 1 in 2-billion people will live to be 116 or older. (True)

 

  1. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (True)

 

  1. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. (True)

 

  1. According to Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, it is possible to go slower than light and faster than light, but it is impossible to go the speed of light. (True. In fact, there is a particle called tackyon which is supposed to go faster than light. This means if you fire a tackyon beam, it travels before you fire it. Try wrapping your head around that one!)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

Husbands Talk to Wives After Losing _____ for 3 Weeks!  (TV/Television)


A group of husbands from the small South Korean island of Darang took part in an interesting experiment and found that they turned on to their wives after turning off their TVs for three weeks! All 28 residents of Darang Island agreed to take part in the experiment sponsored by a local educational network. Surveillance cameras were set up in each home to avoid any cheating. The guys had a tough time fighting their viewing habits at first, but in the end the vast majority said that their lives had become much richer, with more time for reading, conversations between spouses and religious activities. One participant said, “My eyes used to be glued to the TV but now I look at my wife and find her prettier than before.” (Ananova)

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer.  In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.  “What did you take?” the priest asked.
“Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house.  And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake.”
“This is very serious,” the priest said.  “I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance.  Have you ever done a retreat?”
“No, Father, I haven’t,” the man replied.  “But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber.”

 

JOKE #2

A sergeant in a parachute regiment took part in several nighttime exercises. Once, he was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet and looked a bit pale so the sergeant struck up a conversation. “Scared, Lieutenant?” he asked.
”No, just a bit apprehensive.” the lieutenant replied.
”What’s the difference?”
The lieutenant answered, “The difference is I’m scared with a university education.”

 

JOKE #3

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish
generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.”
”You gave a bum five whole dollars? That’s a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?”
”Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, ‘Thanks.’ ”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A 142-year-old sheep farm in Australia puts on a show for tourists where the sheep shearers demonstrate synchronized shearing to music. ***MARLAR: They tried synchronized swimming, but the sheep kept shrinking.

 

The worst time to wake up is before 5am. And it’s best for your heart health to sleep in until 7 or 8am. That’s according to researchers from universities and hospitals in Kyoto, Japan, have concluded that early-risers have a higher risk of developing heart problems. ***MARLAR: I’m doomed!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

COMPUTER HUMOR

Do you know what you get when you cross a pit-bull terrier with a computer?

I don’t know either, but when it Megabytes it Megahertz.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT FIST IN, YOU TAKE YOUR RIGHT FIST OUT…

When you think of “controversial music”, you probably think of “gangsta” rap or heavy metal, right? But in a Louisiana town the “Hokey Pokey” is considered sinful!

The American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana filed a lawsuit that challenges the recent actions of the sheriff of a Louisiana town who arrested a roller skating rink owner and his manager — and closed down the skating rink — because he objected to the popular music being played. In addition to music by Snoop Doggy Dog and Britney Spears, the sheriff also seized the “Hokey Pokey”, “Chicken Dance”, and “Jingle Bells”! Apparently, there was a fist fight in the parking lot outside the Skate Zone, and the sheriff believes the music at the skating rink is the culprit. ***MARLAR: Granted, the sheriff is a doofus, but then, wouldn’t YOU like to see laws against playing “The Hokey Pokey” and “The Chicken Dance?” Me too.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HOMEWARD BOUND

He was hoping to sit next to an empty seat on the plane. But there was this little boy…
By Jerry Seiden

Right before the jetway door closed, I scrambled aboard the plane going from Los Angeles to Chicago, lugging my laptop and overstuffed briefcase. It was the first leg of an important business trip a few weeks before Christmas, and I was already running late. I had a ton of work to catch up on. Half wishing, half praying, I muttered, “Please God, do me a favor: Let there be an empty seat next to mine. I don’t need any distractions.” I was on the aisle in a two-seat row. Across sat a businesswoman with her nose buried in a newspaper. No problem. But in the seat beside mine, next to the window, was a young boy wearing a big red tag around his neck: Minor Traveling Unattended.

The kid sat perfectly still, hands in his lap, eyes straight ahead. He’d probably been told never to talk to strangers. Good, I thought.

Then the flight attendant came by. “Michael, I have to sit down now because we are about to take off,” she said the boy. “This nice man will answer any of your questions, okay?”

Did I have a choice? I offered my hand, and Michael shook it twice, straight up and down. “Hi, I’m Jerry,” I said. “You must be about seven years old.”

“I’ll bet you don’t have kids,” he responded.

“Why do you think that? Sure I do.” I took out my wallet to show him pictures.

“Because I’m six.”

“I was way off, huh?”

The captain’s voice came over the speakers: “Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.” Michael pulled his seat belt tight and gripped the armrests as the jet engines roared.

I leaned over. “Right about now I usually say a prayer. I ask God to keep the plane safe and to send angels to protect us.”
“Amen,” he said, then added, “but I’m not afraid of dying… I’m not afraid because my mama’s already in heaven.”
“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” he asked, peering out the window as the plane lifted off.

“I’m sorry you don’t have your mama here.”

My briefcase jostled at my feet, reminding me of all the work I needed to do.

“Look at those boats down there!” Michael said as the plane banked over the Pacific. “Where are they going?”

“Just going sailing, having a good time. And there’s probably a fishing boat full of guys like you and me.”

“Doing what?”

“Fishing. For sea bass and tuna and halibut. Maybe some mackerel. Does your dad ever take you fishing?”

“I don’t have a dad.” He didn’t elaborate.

Only six years old and he didn’t have a dad, his mom had died, and here he was flying halfway across the country all by himself. The least I could do was make sure he had a good flight. With my foot I pushed my briefcase under the seat.
“Do they have a bathroom here?” Michael asked, squirming a little.
“Sure,” I said. “Let me take you there.”

I showed him how to work the Occupied sign and what buttons to push on the sink, then he closed the door. When he emerged he wore a wet shirt and a huge smile. “That sink shoots water everywhere!”

Michael got VIP treatment from the crew during snack time. I took out my laptop and tried to work on a talk I had to give, but my mind kept going back to Michael. I couldn’t help looking at the crumbled grocery bag on the floor by his seat. He’d told me that everything he owned was in that bag. Poor kid.

While Michael was getting a tour of the cockpit the flight attendant told me that his grandmother would pick him up in Chicago. In the seat pocket a large manila envelope held all the paper work regarding his custody.

He came back exclaiming, “I got wings! I got cards! I got more peanuts. I got paper to draw on. I saw the pilot. And he said I could come back anytime!” But when he settled back he grew quiet. For a while he stared at the manila envelope.

“What are you thinking?” I asked. He didn’t answer. He buried his face in his hands and started sobbing. It had been years since I heard a little one cry like that. My kids were grown—still, I don’t think they’d ever cried so hard. I rubbed his back and wondered where the flight attendant was. “What’s the matter Michael?” I asked.

All I got were muffled words: “I don’t know my grandma. Mama didn’t want her to come visit and see her sick. What if Grandma doesn’t want me? Where will I go?”
“Michael, do you remember the Christmas story?”

“I don’t know.”

“Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus? Remember how they came to Bethlehem just before Jesus was born? It was late and cold, and they didn’t have anywhere to stay—no family, no hotels, not even hospitals where babies could be born. Well, God was watching over them. He found them a place to stay: a stable with animals.”

“Wait, wait.” Michael tugged on my sleeve. “I know Jesus. I remember now.” Then he closed his eyes and began to sing. His voice rang out with a strength that rocked his tiny frame. “Jeeesus loooves me—thiiiis I knooow. For the Biiiible tells meeee soooo…”

Passengers turned or stood up to see the little boy who made the large sound. Michael didn’t notice his audience. With his eyes shut tight and voice lifted high, he was in a good place.

“You’ve got a great voice,” I told him when he was done. “I’ve never heard anyone sing like that.”

“Mama said God gave me good pipes just like my grandma’s,” he said. “My grandma loves to sing. She sings in her church choir.”

“Well, I’ll bet you can sing there, too. The two of you will be running that choir.”

The seat belt sign came on as we approached O’Hare. The flight attendant came by. “We’re just a couple of minutes away,” she said. “I’ve got to buckle in now, but it’s very important that you stay put when we land, Michael, okay?”
Even before the plane touched down, people stirred in their seats like kids before the final school bell. By the time the seat belt sign went off, passengers were rushing down the aisle. Michael and I stayed seated.
“Are you gonna go with me?” he asked me when the flight attendant returned.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I assured him.

Clutching his bag and the manila envelope in one hand, he grabbed my hand with the other. The two of us followed the flight attendant down the jetway.

All the noises of O’Hare seemed to fill the corridor. Michael stopped, slipping his hand from mine. He dropped to his knees. His mouth quivered. His eyes brimmed. “What’s wrong, Michael? I’ll carry you if you want.”

He opened his mouth and moved his lips, but it was as if his words were stuck in his throat. When I knelt next to him, he grabbed my neck. I felt his warm, wet face as he whispered in my ear, “I want my mama.” Over and over, he gasped, “Mama.”

I tried to stand, but Michael squeezed my neck even harder. Then I heard the rattle of footsteps on the corridor’s mental floor.
“Is that you, baby?” I couldn’t see the woman behind me, but I heard the warmth in her voice. “Oh, baby,” she cried. “Come here, Grandmas loves you so much. I need a hug, baby. Let go of that nice man.” She knelt beside Michael and me.

Michael’s grandma stroked his arm. I smelled a hint of orange blossoms. “You’ve got folks waiting for you, Michael. Do you know that you’ve got aunts and uncles and cousins?”

She patted his skinny shoulders and started humming. Then she lifted her head and sang. I wondered if the flight attendant had told her what to sing, or maybe she knew just what was right. Her strong, clear voice filled the passageway: “Jesus loves me—this I know…”

Michaels’s gasps quieted. Still holding him, I rose, nodded hello to his grandma and watched her pick up the grocery bag. Right before we got to the doorway to the terminal, Michael loosened his grip and reached for his grandma.

As soon as she walked across the threshold with him, cheers erupted. From the size of the crowd I figured family, friends, pastors, elders, deacons, choir members and most of the neighbors had come to meet Michael. A tall man tugged on Michael’s ear and pulled off the red sign around his neck. It no longer applied.

As I made my way to the gate for my connecting flight I barely noticed the weight of my over stuffed briefcase and laptop. I started to wonder who would be in the seat next to mine this time.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

CAMPAIGN OF RECONCILIATION

READ: Luke 19:1-10

The Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost. —Luke 19:10

In Craig Nelson’s book The First Heroes, we read about the Doolittle Raiders who launched the first major counterattack on the Pacific front during World War II. Not all of the “raiders” returned from their bombing mission. Jacob DeShazer was among those who were captured and held in POW camps under difficult and painful circumstances.

DeShazer later returned to Japan after the war, but not to seek revenge. He had received Jesus as his Savior and had come back to Japanese soil carrying the message of Christ. A former warrior who was once on a campaign of war was now on a campaign of reconciliation.

DeShazer’s mission to Japan mirrors the heart of the Savior, who Himself came on a mission of love and reconciliation. Luke reminds us that when Christ came into the world, it was not merely to be a moral example or a compelling teacher. He came “to seek and to save” the lost (19:10). His love for us found its expression in the cross, and His rescue of us found its realization when He emerged triumphantly from the tomb in resurrected life.

In Christ we find forgiveness, and that forgiveness changes our life and our eternity—all because Jesus came on a campaign of reconciliation. —Bill Crowder

 

While Jesus hung on Calvary’s cross,
The devil and his demons smiled;
Disciples grieved and mourned the loss,
But God and man were reconciled.  —Sper

 

We can go to others because Jesus came to us.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

SILLY PUTTY CRIME SOLVER
I’m sure the makers of Silly Putty never thought it would be used in quite this way.

A man, identified only as Ron F., used Silly Putty to find out who broke into his truck. Despite dusting his car for fingerprints, Ohio police were never able to track down the person that broke into Ron’s truck and stole his stereo and some CD’s. Later, though, Ron noticed a single thumb print on his back window that the police apparently had missed. Then Ron remembered that his girlfriend had given him an egg of Silly Putty and it was still in the truck. He carefully pressed it against the glass and (ta da!) successfully lifted the print. He then gave the Silly Putty to the cops. And, wouldn’t you know it, two weeks later he had his stolen stuff back! What’s more, the police gave Ron $200 for helping them track the thief down. Binney & Smith, makers of Silly Putty, gave him a 5-pound block of the stuff, as well! Ron doesn’t know what he’s going to do with so much Silly Putty, but joked he might sell it to the police.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

10 WARNING SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE MAY BE IN NEED OF COUNSELING

  • You stop going to family gatherings together.
  • You become indifferent. (The efforts you used to put into the relationship have faded away into complacency.)
  • You’re not as physical as you once were – or not physical at all.
  • You don’t spend any time together anymore.
  • She starts evaluating the finances more closely.
  • She seeks her independence.
  • You avoid going home.
  • You fight every time you talk.
  • You’re having an affair.
  • The relationship is abusive. (The respect you had for each other is gone and all that’s left is mutual abuse, be it through insults or even physical aggression.)

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Students in North Carolina could be finding out what that means to them.

North Carolina State lawmakers are looking to pass a bill promoting student niceness and respect for teachers. The bill calls for schools that teach “character education” to include training on respect for teachers, responsibility for school safety and good citizenship. Some lawmakers are voicing concerns over the bill’s content. But others say the bill would promote students’ self-esteem, encourage peer conflict resolution and reduce the number of teachers who leave the profession. ***MARLAR: Welcome to the 21st century where we now have to teach the FOUR “R’s” — Reading, (w)Riting, (a)Rithmetic, and Respect.

 

 

FUN LIST

UNUSUAL (BUT REAL) TOWN MOTTOS…

  • The Wickedest Little City in America (Dodge City, KS)
  • The Cherry Pit Spitting Capital of the World (Eau Claire, MI)
  • Baghdad by the Bay (San Francisco, CA)
  • Named for the Turn of a Card (Show Low, AZ)
  • Spamtown, USA (Austin, MN)
  • The Loader-Backhoe Capital of the World (Burlington, IA)
  • It’s Not the End of the Earth, But You Can See it From Here (Bushnell, SD)
  • The Town Too Tough to Die (Tombstone, AZ)
  • The Aliens Aren’t the Only Reason to Visit! (Roswell, NM)
  • Little Hollywood (Kanab, UT)
  • The City That Was So Nice, They Named it Twice (Walla Walla, WA)
  • The Big Gun (Canon, GA)
  • Right on Top Not Down Under (Melbourne, IA)
  • Furniture and Hosiery Capital of the World (Thomasville, NC)
  • The Hub of the Universe (Boston, MA)
  • Everywhere Should be Like This (Springfield, MO)

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

IT’S GOOD TO GIVE SOMEONE A HUG TODAY

Why not give a few people a hug today? It can actually be good for you. Research shows that if we hold a hug for at least six seconds, we optimize the flow of mood-boosting chemicals that make us feel good.  ***MARLAR: And if that person doesn’t want a hug, well too bad for them – give them one anyway. Force one on them if you have to… tell them it’s for their own good.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The toughest part of doing a daily radio show is knowing what to do with all the material I prepared — but I didn’t get time to use. Today, for example, I have a huge pile of carefully prepared adlibs I didn’t have time to say. If only the Salvation Army had its own radio station.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 10, 2015…

 

Self/Less—Here is a science fiction film about taking someone’s consciousness and putting into another’s person’s brain. As if we hadn’t seen this before, but this movie stars Sir Ben Kingsley and Ryan Reynolds. Does all go as it should?  What do you think? “Self/Less” is rated R. No rating.

 

*The Bronze is now due to open in October 2015.

 

Minions—At last, the animated story comes to the screen and the Minions (“Despicable Me”) are here. This film shows the beginning of the group through three of the guys, Kevin, Stuart and Bob, and a search for someone evil  to serve. Their first boss is Overkill (voice of Sandra Bullock). Voices of Jon Harrim and Michael Keaton. “Minions” is rated PG and a rating of 3 for fans.

 

Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) —This is based on a true story in Europe and set in the mid 1930’s about a deportation without a trial. Directed by Ken Leech and stars Barry Ward. “Jimmy’s Hall” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Gallows—Horror film time and this one is about a person who dies in a school play and then strange things begin to happen. Again? The movie also had the previous titles of “Stage Fright” and “Superstition.” Stars Cassidy Gifford (daughter of Kathie Lee Gifford), Ryan Skoos and Reese Mishler. “The Gallows” is rated R. No rating.

 

JULY 17, 2015…

 

Mr. Holmes is a take on Sherlock Holmes in which he is an old man with failing memory who takes on a case. Stars Ian McKellen.

 

TrainWreck is a comedy with Amy Schumer as a writer and Bill Hader as a doctor.

 

Ant Man is the action film with Paul Rudd as the miniaturized man. Watch where you walk. Also in the cast is Michael Douglas.

 

Irrational Man stars Joaquin Phoenix as a man in a mid-life crisis. A Woody Allen film.

 

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.