July 13, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150713

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

“Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.” — Emo Philips

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. — Matthew 18:15

 

Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done and proclaim that his name is exalted. — Isaiah 12:4

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Above him were seraphs, each with six wings … and they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” — Isaiah 6:2-3

 

Thought: Jesus taught us that worship is not about a place, but about our Father (John 4:21-24). Knowing that our Father is worshipped by the heavenly hosts should inspire us, humble us, and motivate us to do the same, no matter where we may find ourselves. Above all other qualities, God is holy. Three times the heavenly beings acknowledge his holiness — he is special, undefiled, pure, perfect, and something much more than everyday and mundane. His glory fills the earth and sky. He is bigger than all we can imagine. He is worthy of our worship, reverence, and awe.

 

Prayer: Holy God, Holy Father, Holy King of the ages, I praise you for the wonderful gift of your grace. I know that in comparison to your glory, I am not worthy to be in your presence. But you have made me worthy and holy by the sacrificial blood of Jesus, the Lamb slain for my sins. Thank you for this incredible gift so that I may worship you as I should! In Jesus’ name I praise you. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Deuteronomy 7:13 NIV
He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers . . .

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – JULY 13, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 166 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL FRENCH FRIES DAY.  French fries are the most popular food ordered in American restaurants. 22 percent of all U.S. restaurant meals include French-fries.  ***MARLAR: Include fries? Heck, half the time fries are my MEAL.

 

Today is EMBRACE YOUR GEEKNESS DAY, a day to spend endless hours going to strange places on the Internet.  ***MARLAR: You can begin on my Facebook page.

 

Today is GRUNTLED WORKERS DAY.  ***MARLAR: Not DISgruntled, but simply GRUNTLED.  It’s a day to appreciate workers who are happy in their jobs. Assuming you can find any.

 

Today is CHILDHOOD MEMORIES DAY, a day to try to remember whatever happened to your Hot Wheels, your stuffed animals, your baseball cards, your apple core collection, etc. ***MARLAR: The only memory of my childhood that I have is when my father and I played a game of our own creation called “Escape”. He’d tie me up in a potato sack and then throw me in the middle of the woods and drove off. He was such a prankster.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Ann Hutchinson Memorial Day

Embrace Your Geekness Day

Gruntled Workers Day

National French Fries Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, JULY 14

International Nude Day

International Town Criers Day ***MARLAR: Let’s just hope they are not also celebrating International Nude Day!

Shark Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 15

Be a Dork Day (Be a Dork and be proud.  Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set.)

Gummi Worm Day

National Pet Fire Safety Day

Saint Swithin’s Day

Take Your Poet To Work Week

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Hot Dog Night

World Snake Day

 

THURSDAY, JULY 17

Wrong Way Corrigan Day

Yellow Pig Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 18

Celebration of The Horse Day

National Hot Dog Day

Nelson Mandela International Day

National Caviar Day

Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

Woodie Wagon Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 19

Anne Hutchinson Memorial Day

National Ice Cream Day

Flitch Day

Lake Superior Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 20

Global Hug your Kid Day

Moon Day

Space Exploration Day

National Lollipop Day

World Jump Day

International Cake Day

National Get Out Of The Doghouse Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 21

Legal Drinking Age Day

No Pet Store Puppies Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

 

1568: The Dean of Saint Paul’s Cathedral in London perfected a way to bottle beer.

 

1876: George Washington Bradley pitched the first no-hitter in baseball, leading St. Louis to a 2-0 win over Hartford.

 

1930: The first World Cup Soccer competition was held in Montevideo, Uruguay.

 

1939: Frank Sinatra recorded “From the Bottom of My Heart” and “Melancholy Mood” with the Harry James Orchestra. It was Sinatra’s first record.

 

1954: Dean Stone won the All-Star Game without throwing a pitch. With the American League trailing, Stone came in to pitch in the 8th with two out and Red Schoendienst on third. Before he fired his first pitch, Schoendienst tried to steal home and was thrown out. The American League went ahead in the 9th, and Virgil Trucks came in to save the win for Stone.

 

1976: History’s longest bagpipe concert, starring four student pipers from Churchill School in Salisbury, Rhodesia, ended after 100 hours.

 

1978: Bob Dylan performed before the largest open-air concert audience (for a single artist). Some 200,000 fans turned out to hear Dylan at Blackbushe Airport in England.

 

1990: The movie “Ghost” premiered in the U.S. It starred Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi Goldberg.

 

1991: Timothy Badyana set a Guinness World Record by running 10 kilometers in 45 minutes 37 seconds in Dayton, Ohio. He ran backwards.

 

1993: To keep witnesses from describing his clothing, a 19-year-old man stripped naked to rob a Los Angeles bank and ran out with two shopping bags filled with cash. Nearby sheriff’s deputies, noticing a naked man running down the street with two bags full of money and arrested him immediately.

 

2003: Richard Rodriguez, a university teacher from Chicago, set a world record by completing more than 70 hours on one of Europe’s steepest roller-coasters. The 42-year-old smashed the previous record of 35.5 hours, traveling on the Epedition GeForce train at Germany’s Holiday Park in Hassloch. He was allowed 15 minute breaks every eight hours. Doctors accompanied him on the 75 miles per hour, 203-foot high ride.

 

2005: Former WorldCom boss Bernard Ebbers was sentenced to 25 years in prison for leading the largest corporate fraud in U.S. history.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1886: Father Edward Flanagan, the Roman Catholic parish priest who founded Boys Town (originally named the Home for Homeless Boys) near Omaha, Nebraska, is born in Roscommon, Ireland. July 13, 1917.

 

1917: Three children in Fatima, Portugal, report-seeing visions of the Virgin Mary.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Aunt Vivian on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) Daphne Maxwell-Reid, 67 (
    )
  • Actor (Spy Kids, “Judging Amy,” Tin Cup) Cheech Marin, 68 (
    )
  • actor (Indiana Jones, Air Force One, The Fugitive, Star Wars episodes 4-6) Harrison Ford 73
  • Inventor/mathematician (invented the Rubik’s Cube) Dr. Erno Rubik, 71
  • actor (“Star Trek: The Next Generation,” X-Men) Patrick Stewart 75 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1935 : Pete Escovedo (Santana)

1942 : Roger McGuinn (The Byrds)

1942 : Stephen Jo Bladd (The J. Geils Band)

1942 : Jay Uzzell (The Corsairs)

1954 : Louise Mandrell

1973 : Deborah Cox

1978 : Will Champion (Coldplay)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who invented ice-cream?

Clearly it was not one person who created this gift to humanity, for surely he or she would have already been awarded the Nobel Prize. Ice cream debuted in China 4000 years ago among the nobility in the form of a milk and rice concoction packed in snow. Fruit ices and a form of sherbet followed. In the Middle Ages travelers brought these treats back to Italy, where it was still a dessert reserved for the upper crust. Improved cheaper refrigeration techniques in the 16th century brought ice cream to the masses, probably the most important dot on the timeline of history until the discovery of antibiotics 400 years later.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

You have probably heard the saying “happy as a clam”. Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard wants to know: How do we know clams are really that happy?

 

Natalie Grant shared a picture on instagram as she enjoyed what she called a glass full of green goodness. Natalie shared: 11 months ago I started on a journey that has changed my life. Up to that point I was eating whatever was fast, convenient and easy. But Natalie says that, in reality, it just made her more anxious, tired and overweight. She says it wasn’t about food or trying to be a certain size or weight. It was about learning how to take care of her whole temple, or as she described it, the inner and outer me. Natalie wrapped up by encouraging those following her on social media to: JUST DECIDE to move yourself up on your priority list. It’s NOT selfish. It’s smart. And it will make you a BETTER person and follower of Jesus in every facet of your life.

 

Casting Crowns Mark Hall has an idea. He things the entire world should wear name tags.

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey tweeted that he had joined his local YMCA a couple weeks back. One fan replied: I joined the YMCA in January. I haven’t been yet but when I do… I bet it’s going to be amazing

 

Brandon Heath shared a thought from his wife: “Sometimes I wish I could take off my head and do my own hair.”

 

Love and The Outcome’s Jodi says: Worship is our weapon! She added: That’s why I play my drum, it brings freedom!

 

Have a NASCAR and Mac Powell fan in your family? Then Christmas shopping might have just gotten a little easier. Nascar officials this week announced their Motorsports Cruise. Officials say many current NASCAR drivers along with some racing legends will take part in the cruise of the Caribbean December 7 through 11. Third Day front man Mac Powell is also scheduled to perform during the cruise.

http://t.co/oljyNy0eeb http://t.co/ktzOkeYBiR

 

Jamie Grace says someone needs to take her internet away. She tweeted: sometimes i take a break to watch ONE clip of britain’s or america’s got talent. THIRTY MINUTES later i’m crying my eyes out at every dream coming true.

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey joined his local YMCA a couple weeks back. He says he has been amazed to watch the friendships across economic and racial lines. Mike shared: I literally think my YMCA is one of the clearest pictures of the kingdom I’ve seen in a long time. Every age, every race, every tax bracket.

 

Now you can join Jamie Grace for a Bible Study each Tuesday. Last year Jamie became a young adult leader for her churches Tuesday night Bible Study, Retro Tuesdays. Jamie says the study is now being broadcast on periscope so anyone can join them via the live broadcast. It begins each Tuesday at 7:00pm ET.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Error in golden ratio at exhibit? Museum now says it’s right    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Boston science museum that praised a teenager for catching a mistake in the golden ratio at a decades-old exhibit now says it wasn’t an error after all. The Museum of Science released a statement Tuesday afternoon saying the equation in the 34-year-old “Mathematica exhibit”…

 

Drunken man seeking ride home calls 911 to report fake crash
HACKETTSTOWN, N.J. (AP) — Police in New Jersey say a drunken man twice called 911 to report a fake accident because he wanted officers to give him a ride home. Hackettstown police say the initial call from the 38-year-old man came in Tuesday night around the same time the department received…
Double deer: Officials say man kept 2 in captivity at home
HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (AP) — Officials say a West Virginia man had been keeping two deer in captivity at his home for at least a year. State Division of Natural Resources officer Joshua Addesa says authorities discovered the two white-tailed bucks when they visited the Cabell County man’s home…
Police: Man breaks into Berlin restaurant, drinks Tabasco
BERLIN (AP) — A man is in hot water after allegedly stealing a bicycle, pitching it through a Berlin restaurant window, then entering and quaffing half a bottle of Tabasco sauce — telling authorities he was thirsty. Police spokesman Jens Berger said Tuesday the 34-year-old was…
About 60 pounds of pot found in sewer line near border
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities have found about 50 to 60 pounds of marijuana they believe smugglers tried to get into Arizona via a sewer pipe that runs through the U.S. and Mexico. The four bundles caused the sewer line to back up and spill into a Nogales, Arizona, home. They believe…
Broadway theatergoer tries to recharge phone in onstage plug    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — There’s loud talking, snoring and, of course, phones ringing. But theater etiquette might have taken a turn for the bizarre on Broadway last week with a dead cellphone. A patron at the Tony Award-nominated play “Hand to God” on July 2 climbed onstage just before the show began…
Split-colored lobster caught off Maine, 1 in 50 million find    photo
SCARBOROUGH, Maine (AP) — A rare orange-brown split-colored lobster has turned up off the coast of Maine. HASH(0x13dcd00) According to research by the Lobster Institute, the chance of finding a split-colored lobster is one in 50 million. The institute reports that only the albino lobster is…
Police seek help after nut theft, post mug shot of squirrel
SHELBY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Police in suburban Detroit are having a little fun while asking for help from the public in figuring out who swiped roughly 28,000 pounds of packaged nuts. The Shelby Township Police Department says a truck and trailer packed with 18 pallets of walnuts and other…
Rain makes annual Detroit-area Mud Day for kids even muddier    photo
WESTLAND, Mich. (AP) — A steady downpour made this one of the muddiest Mud Days yet. Rain before and during the 27th annual event Tuesday in suburban Detroit that is open to kids 12 and younger created conditions that were conducive for maximum filthiness. Aidan Ruggiero, who quickly got…
Drug bundles block pipe near border, send sewage into home
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities in the border city of Nogales, Arizona, believe smugglers were using an international sewage line to transport drugs into the U.S. from Mexico when the pipe became clogged, sending gallons of waste through an illegal tunnel and into a house and local…
Woman arrested after calling 911 with Chinese food complaint
ALLIANCE, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio woman has been arrested after calling 911 to complain about an order of Chinese food. Police say the 44-year-old Alliance woman called the emergency number late Monday afternoon to say the Chinese food she’d ordered from a local restaurant was “not up to par for…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Medicare to cover end-of-life counseling
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare said Wednesday it plans to pay doctors to counsel patients about end-of-life care, the same idea that sparked accusations of “death panels” and fanned a political furor around President Barack Obama’s health care law six years ago. The policy change, to take effect…

 

Suicide attempts most common in newer soldiers, study found    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — War-time suicide attempts in the Army are most common in newer enlisted soldiers who have not been deployed, while officers are less likely to try to end their lives. At both levels, attempts are more common among women and those without a high school diploma, according to a…
Right-to-die advocates call California loss a brief setback    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California dealt the national right-to-die movement a huge blow when legislation allowing doctors to prescribe life-ending drugs stalled, but advocates aren’t conceding defeat. The movement was reinvigorated by the nationally publicized story of Brittany Maynard, a…
Expert testifies against cancer doctor at sentencing hearing    photo
DETROIT (AP) — An expert who looked at the files of 100 patients of a Detroit-area cancer doctor facing prison for unnecessary treatments testified Wednesday that the records were disturbing. Dr. David Steensma of Harvard Medical School said some patients received hundreds of unnecessary…
Report: Number of US heroin users rose 300,000 over a decade
NEW YORK (AP) — The number of U.S. heroin users has grown by nearly 300,000 over a decade, with the bulk of the increase among whites, according to a new government report. Experts think the increase was driven by people switching from opioid painkillers to cheaper heroin. The Centers for…
At least 5 kids got wrong immunizations at New Jersey clinic
SALEM, N.J. (AP) — At least five children were given the wrong immunizations at a health clinic for the uninsured, including a 2-year-old boy who got an “excessive dose” of a cervical cancer prevention vaccine, authorities said. The Salem County-run “Shots for Tots” program has been shuttered…
The battle for control of the growing breast milk industry    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — It could trade for 400 times more than the price of crude oil and 2,000 times more than iron ore. If sold off the shelf, it could cost more than 150 times the price of a gallon of cow’s milk and 15 times more than coffee. Going for as much as $4 per ounce, breast milk is…
Panel: Politics among reasons for botched UN Ebola response    photo
LONDON (AP) — The Ebola outbreak exposed the U.N. health agency’s organizational failings, a panel reported Tuesday — but it didn’t blame any individuals at the World Health Organization for its bungled response last year to the deadly crisis. The report instead criticized WHO’s…
Missouri law allows tax exemption for stillbirths
JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) — Missouri is joining at least one other state in offering a tax exemption for stillbirths, after Democratic Gov. Jay Nixon signed a law allowing it starting this year. The measure will allow a one-time exemption of $1,200 from a parent’s income — the same…
WHO says too few countries taxing tobacco products enough
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Taxing cigarettes up to 75 percent of their retail price is among the most effective ways to reduce tobacco use, but too few governments levy high enough taxes, according to a World Health Organization global report released Tuesday. The WHO’s 2015 report on the…
Q&A: As Obama health law survives, GOP split over next move    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Having lost their latest war against President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, Republicans must decide how to wage battles that could fan the issue for the 2016 elections. Last month’s Supreme Court decision upholding the statute’s federal subsidies, which help millions…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A town in Virginia has voted to fine anyone heard using profanity in public the sum of $250.  *** You think the profanity is bad now?  Just wait until you hear what’s said once you give someone a ticket for cursing!

 

Starting in 2020, a woman will be featured on the ten-dollar bill.  *** Seeing as all of the men on our money are already wearing wigs and look like Lady Gaga, this shouldn’t be too big of a change.

 

If you have a dollar bill, you would be a quadrillionaire in Zimbabwe. Actually you would be a quadrillionaire 35 times over. As the country continues to move away from it’s currency and toward the use of American dollars or the South African Rand, the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe has further reduced the value of the countries banknotes. The new rate later this year will be 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars to one US dollar. A quadrillion is a 1 followed by 15 zeros.  *** So, if you want to be a multi-quadrillionaire, just give someone there a dollar.

 

An Iowa man was arrested after he told police he was robbed by someone — after he himself had robbed a gas station.  *** God said He will not be mocked – now you know what He meant

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A research team says it may be on the right track for finding a cure for baldness. ***MARLAR: Sure, we could work on cures for cancer, heart attacks, AIDS… but first we have to bring an end to the comb-over!

 

In the story of Walt Disney’s “Pinocchio,” the boy puppet’s lies are revealed whenever his wooden nose grows. Since then, a “growing nose” has been synonymous with being caught in a fib. It turns out that this idea isn’t too far from the truth.  Researchers at the University of Granada in Spain found that when people lie, their noses and orbital muscles become hot, a condition they call the Pinocchio effect.  Researches found that when people fibbed, the temperature in the muscles around the nose and the eyes, heated up while other areas of the face cooled. This corresponds with action in the insular cortex, nestled deep within the cerebral cortex, which controls emotions, our subjective sense of our inner blood, blood pressure during exercise, and perception of pain.  ***MARLAR: It’s also been discovered that if you drink or smoke underage you slowly turn into a donkey.

 

According to a new study, rich people pay less for car insurance than poor people. ***Nationwide is on your side… as long as your side is the right side of town.

 

According to research, writing down your negative thoughts and tossing them in the garbage can erase your bad mood. The finding seems silly, admits lead researcher Richard Petty, Ph.D., a professor at The Ohio State University. “But sometimes it’s the silly things that work.”  In one of Petty’s experiments, 83 people were asked to write down thoughts on their body image, then either throw them away or keep them. The results: People who kept their thoughts were more likely to side in favor of their notes–so if they wrote negative notes, they rated themselves more negatively–but those who trashed their thoughts saw no change in how they rated their bodies.  ***MARLAR: Usually my negative thoughts are that I don’t want to take out the trash… how is adding to the trash pile going to help my mood?

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Fog Horns”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Telemarketers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear built a toll booth on his property – right on the main path through the jungle. 35-cents a pass. But Gruffy let Nozzles get past with just 30-cents, with an I.O.U. of five cents, and he let Hermie the bug through for free! Fortunately, most all the animals had the money, and paid the toll without incident…

 

CLOSE: So now we have a toll free road, built to avoid the toll road in front of Gruffy’s house – but now Gruffy had removed his toll booth. So now we have two toll-free roads! That’s gotta be good, right? I know… that sounds too easy, doesn’t it? We’ll so how the animals react next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 18/19, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson decided to nail the hands of the clock in place on the Razzleflabbin’s calendar clock tower so that they’d always read “Saturday”. But yesterday was Saturday – and now it’s Saturday again… and there’s only bread and water to drink!

 

CLOSE: Marvy would still rather have bread and water every single day at every meal rather than work? How long will he let the calendar clock read Saturday? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

The most expensive and inappropriate diet ever devised…

Don’t try this diet at home!  27-year-old Brian F. Monfort was arrested in Springfield, Ohio, and charged with child enticement. This was based on an arrest report noting that twice, in January and March, he had approached children and paid them up to $40 to insult him for being fat. Supposedly he was doing this as a tactic to inspire himself to lose weight.  ***MARLAR: Sounds like a good way to go broke too.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU LIVE IN A TOUGH TOWN

 

  1. Hotels ask your name, address and next of kin when you register.

 

  1. Your Ice Cream trucks plays “taps”.

 

  1. The gun shops have “Back to School” sales.

 

  1. The High school newspaper has obituary columns.

 

  1. Restaurants serve BROKEN leg of lamb.

 

  1. Bowling center patrons only bowl overhand.

 

  1. Advice columns have hints like how to get blood off of a chain saw.

 

  1. Your 911 emergency calling service has a two-day waiting list.

 

  1. Mothers give their kids $50 every day for the holdup man.

 

  1. Your “Honor students” practice saying, “Not any more, your honor”.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Harold Millwether says he still loves his wife Suzanne, even in spite of their marital difficulties.

 

FILE #1: What difficulties, you ask? Well, she’s kinda tried to kill him on seven different occasions. Once she poisoned him, another time she hired a hit man, still another time she dropped a radio in his bath and even shot at him during a hunting trip. But, she says that’s all over now and she’s ready to resume her happy life with her loving husband. She says the only problem is those pesky police!

 

FILE #2: In 1996, a Wisconsin man who led police on a 10mph car chase on a tractor has been jailed for a year. Carl Tuescher was chased after being spotted driving from a car park. As officers tried to get him out of the tractor at a traffic light, he tried to run them over. Janesville residents began to line the route of the chase and some even took photos before the driver eventually stopped in church parking lot. He then told officers that he stopped at the church because “he didn’t think he could be arrested there”.

 

FILE #3: Note to self – never throw slippers in India… unless you want to spend the rest of your life behind bars! In India, 19-year-old Rajkumar Sharma was appearing before Judge C. D. Gongale for robbing a rickshaw driver of $8.00 bucks. Frustrated at the charges, Rajkumar hurled his slipper at the judge who did manage to duck in time but then became outraged! So he sentenced the teenager to life in prison! Senior lawyer Mahesh Jethmalani said, “The punishment is excessive but the accused’s conduct is unpardonable.”  ***MARLAR: If I might suggest, before his first parole hearing, using Odor-Eaters…

 

STRANGE LAW: In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle in the state of Connecticut, it must bounce.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Can you be run over by a train and remain unhurt?  Only if your brain is on drugs!

In Iowa, a man who police say was intoxicated was unhurt after a train drove over him. Shawn Polley was passed out between the rails of the train tracks. The train’s engineer hit the emergency break and notified authorities that the northbound train may have hit a pedestrian. Two of the train’s engines passed over Polley’s body without hitting him. Authorities woke Polley and removed him from the tracks after the first engine was disconnected. Polley was arrested for public intoxication.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is NATIONAL FRENCH FRIES DAY.  French fries are the most popular food ordered in American restaurants. 22 percent of all U.S. restaurant meals include French-fries.  ***MARLAR: So where are the best fries in town?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who were Zebah and Zalmunna?

ANSWER: Kings of the Midianites (Judges 8:5)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many more bones does a horse have than a human?

ANSWER: Eighteen

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. When you tie a noose, the rope is wrapped twelve times around. (True – because it’s the same length as a person’s head.)

 

  1. A cat’s jaw cannot move sideways. (True)

 

  1. Patty Duke was the first teenager to be given their own show. (True)

 

  1. “Sixty Minutes” is the longest-running program currently on network television. (False, it’s “Meet the Press.” It has been on television since 1947.)

 

  1. Cowboy star Roy Rogers had his dead horse, Trigger, mounted by a taxidermist. (True)

 

  1. Mary Tyler Moore started working in a television series as just a voice and a pair of legs. (True, when she played Sam, who was a secretary to David Janssen’s detective in “Richard Diamond”.)

 

  1. In 1950, “What’s My Line” became the first panel game show on television. (True)

 

  1. Bugsy Bunny in 1949, was the first made for television animated cartoon. (False, that was Crusader Rabbit)

 

  1. “Bonanza” was the longest-running western in the history of television. (False, it’s “Gunsmoke”. It was on for almost 20 years.)

 

  1. Tiger was the name of the family cat in “The Brady Bunch” television series. (False, Tiger was the dog. Fluffy was the cat.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“_______ StealsA Car!”  (BEAR)

Police in New Jersey are blaming a black bear for stealing a car. Officer Dave Dehard found the passenger window had been broken and the door panels damaged. There was also tons of black bear hair inside which led him to determine a bear had apparently crawled inside the vehicle and somehow released the emergency brake which allowed the vehicle to roll 40 or 50 feet away from the owner’s house.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction – moss on the trees (there was no moss), the direction of the sun (it was an overcast day).

Just as his wife was beginning to panic, Steve spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, then turned and led his wife right back to their camp.
“That was terrific,” she said, impressed. “How did you do it?”

“Simple,” he replied. “In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south.”

 

JOKE #2

After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. “Make three wishes,” she told her mother, “and I’ll grant them.”

Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, “I wish to have a trim figure again.”

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.

“I’ll need more power for this!” she exclaimed.

 

JOKE #3

A man complains to a friend, “I can’t take it anymore.”

“What’s wrong?” his concerned friend asks.

“It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!”

“You mean hysterical,” his friend said, chuckling.

“No, I mean HISTORICAL,” the man insists. “Every argument we have, she’ll go “I still remember that time when you…”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Dr. Jerald Block of the Oregon Health and Science University is calling for Internet addiction to be classified as a genuine mental disorder. In an editorial in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Dr. Block wrote that people addicted to the internet have, “drug-like cravings, withdrawal, and a constant need for more and better gear.” He said these are common compulsive-impulsive symptoms like those of addiction to drugs, alcohol, or food; and if those are considered real mental disorders, then Internet addiction should be, too. ***MARLAR: To find out more, check Dr. Block’s website.

 

According to articles in both the journals Chance and Nature, a retired scientist claims he has proof that his electronic hand-held Scrabble game has been cheating him out of vowels. ***MARLAR: I’m sorry, can someone please explain to me again why is it so appealing to retire?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE DENTIST BILL

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. “I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”
“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A new study says that road rage may actually be a mental disease!

There’s a recent study from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and the University of Chicago that says people who commit road rage may actually suffer from an inherited brain disorder – meaning the outbursts may not be within their control. (Yeah, right.) The abnormality is called Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) and its main symptom is a sudden outburst of aggression. ***MARLAR: Intermittent Explosive Disorder… that sounds like “spontaneous human combustion” doesn’t it?  I think you should only get a pass on road rage if you burst into flames.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CELL PHONE VS THE BIBLE

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones.

  • What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
  • What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
  • What if we flipped through it several times a day?
  • What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
  • What if we treated it like we couldn’t live without it?
  • What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
  • What if we used it as we traveled?
  • What if we used it in case of an emergency?
  • What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

HE WANTED TO

READ: Acts 1:1-8

“You shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8

In his book Love Is Now, Peter Gilquist mentioned that he and several other friends were invited to speak to a group of UCLA students. After the meeting, a young man expressed a desire to discuss the matter of salvation. So Gilquist arranged to meet with him the next morning.

The student said that he really wanted what he saw in the lives of believers. But he hesitated to make a commitment because he thought he would have to tell others about Jesus. Gilquist, however, assured him that to become a Christian he was not required to do anything but place his trust in Christ. Realizing that salvation is by God’s grace through faith, the student gladly received the Lord Jesus as his Savior. But a strange thing happened as he went back to his fraternity house. He met a friend and told him of his newfound faith in Christ. Before the day was over, he had testified to every one of his fraternity brothers about Jesus.

Our witness for Christ should reflect a grateful heart—a sincere desire to share salvation’s blessings with others. If we shrink from giving a word of testimony, let’s ask God to give us the desire to speak out for Him. Then we’ll witness because we want to. —Richard De Haan

 

Lead me to some soul today;
O teach me, Lord, just what to say.
Friends of mine are lost in sin
And cannot find their way. —Houghton

 

If you know Christ, you’ll want others to know Him too.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

The Mexican state of Chihuahua reminded people that it is illegal there to give your kids ridiculous names.

…The state regulates not just names but their spelling: “creative” names like Lluvia (“Rain”) are banned; foreign names such as Brian or Karen must be followed by a Spanish name like Jose or Maria; and cutesy spellings such as “Elisabeth” with an “S” instead of a “Z,” are forbidden. They said the law is intended to prevent children from being ridiculed and having legal trouble later on with their names.  ***MARLAR: The bad news is, because you’re in Mexico, you could legally be named after the state in which you’re born… like Chihuahua.

 

Okay, we all know how celebrities just love to give their kids weird names: Apple, Moon Unit, etc. — but those kids have nothing on a 19-year-old young man from Vietnam. After nearly two decades of ridicule, Mai Xuan Can has agreed to change his son’s name.  The name was “Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred.”  He named his son after the amount he was forced to pay for ignoring Vietnam’s two-child limit policy.  Back in 1999, local government officials tried to persuade Mr. Can to change the name because the boy was constantly being teased by classmates at school but he refused. But now fully grown, he decided his son should have a proper name and changed it to Mai Hoang Long, which means golden dragon.  ***MARLAR: This Vietnamese kid is now saying he wishes he’d been born in Chihuahua, Mexico.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

DO YOU KNOW YOUR IQ?

Is it okay if I do just a little bit of bragging here? Until just a couple of months ago, I had never taken and IQ test. Mainly, because I was scared to do so… thinking that I might discover I’m a complete idiot. Well, I finally found enough nerve to take an on-line IQ test and I came up with a score of 132! I had no idea how good or bad that was until I saw what my score meant. I.Q. stands for “Intelligence Quotient” and is arrived at by taking your mental age; multiplying it by 100 then dividing that number by your chronological age. Here’s the list:

  • IDIOT= an IQ of 0-25.
  • IMBECILE= an IQ of 26-50.
  • MORON= an IQ of 51-70.
  • BORDERLINE= an IQ of 71-80.
  • DULL= an IQ of 81-90.
  • NORMAL= an IQ of 91-110.
  • SUPERIOR= an IQ of 111-140.
  • GENIUS= an IQ of 141 and higher.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS
When I bought my new car, the last thing on my mind was getting that “new car smell.”

But apparently, if you own a Rolls Royce, that’s important. Actually, owners don’t want the “new car” smell though… they want the “old car” smell! Rolls Royce owners are complaining that their new cars don’t smell like the old style Rolls Royce. The culprit is new production techniques, and the Rolls owners have put up so much of a stink about this, that scientists have actually created a chemical solution that mimics the smell of older cars using the aroma of a 1965 Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud as the model. Now it is applied to the inside of cars brought in for repair. ***MARLAR: Now that we’ve tackled this problem, how about we work on something less important like poverty?

 

 

FUN LIST

EXCUSES, EXCUSES…

It’s amazing what some people will say to try and get out of a speeding ticket. Philadelphia’s Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers’ favorites. By the way, none of them worked.

  • A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. “There’s the bee right there,” he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in a advanced state of decomposition.
  • An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, “I went by them so fast I probably missed them.”
  • A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. “My engine misses, and I’m trying to clean out the carburetor,” he told the officer. For good measure, he added, “If I don’t go this fast, my car won’t go at all.”
  • “I’m due in traffic court,” one speeder said. “If I’m late they’re going to enforce the bench warrant.”
  • When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, “Officer, where have you been? It’s 65 now.”
  • One speeder said simply, “I’m trying to beat my wife home. Don’t ask.”
  • An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, “Is there a senior citizen’s discount?”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SNACK FOOD DIET?

A new study seems to indicate that keeping junk food in the house might help you eat more healthy!

Forget banning chocolate, chips and bad-for-you snacks from your cupboards when you’re trying to eat better. A recent study says that keeping junk food around may actually help people maintain self-control. Researchers argue that putting tempting treats directly in front of you will help you better control your desire for them. People feel empowered knowing that they’ve successfully resisted a food, versus just feeling like they’re depriving themselves.  ***MARLAR: I dunno… when the Cheetos are in the house I can’t help but eat the whole bag.  That can’t be good for the diet.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS – ANOTHER REASON TO HOME SCHOOL

A Social Studies teacher in New York proves himself to be incompetent when he can’t even spell correctly the course that he teaches!

 

I hope you’re sitting down for this one.  I’m about to tell you about a New York Social Studies teacher and the New York City Board of Education. The teacher (teaching a summer school class of young people who are having trouble in school) sent three letters to the New York Post complaining about low teacher salaries, poor student attendance and lack of parental involvement. This was probably the worst thing he could’ve done though, because the letters actually showed his own incompetence. Here’s the text of one of his letters…

 

“Only if our society would realize that there are so many factors contributing to a student’s test scores, teachers would be willing to take the blame game. Who is to blame when students don’t do homework? Who is to blame when parents don’t care to come to the teacher parent conferences?”

 

Sounds like a decent letter. Only problem is that this is the final version after grammatical and spelling errors have been corrected. Here’s how it was really printed… I’ll point out the mistakes as we go:

 

“Only if our society realize (should be WOULD realize) that there are so many factors contributing to a student’s test score, (that should be test SCORES) then teachers will be (that should be “teachers would be”) willing to take the blam game. (Blame, spelled b-l-a-m… without the required “e”. Now he begins a new sentence without capitalizing the first word…) who is to blam (there it is again) when students don’t do homeworks? (Homeworks?  That should be “homework”… singular) who is to blam (he must really love that word!) when pareants (spelled p-a-r-e-A-n-t-s) don’t care to come to the teacher pareant (misspelled again) conference?” (that should be plural… “conferences”)

This guy even misspelled his own course as ”socail studies” at the end of his letter. (Spelling social as s-o-c-a-i-l).

 

Okay. So now you’re probably asking yourself, “How on earth did this guy become a teacher?!?!? How could he have possibly passed the licensing exams when he’s obviously unable to write coherently himself?” Good questions.

 

According to School Chancellor Harold Levy, the tests are not difficult. Worse, they are not difficult – and yet 12 percent of New York schoolteachers who currently teach, have flunked the state Education Department’s liberal arts and sciences test and the classroom test. And what says the New York City Board of Education? ”We have some issues with teaching quality. An example like this shows it’s worse than we might have thought.”

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

After years of taking care of her school, a custodian got the thank you of a lifetime. Brenda Hurst, who’s been the head custodian at Boiling Springs High School in Boiling Springs, South Carolina, for the last 20 years, finally has a place to call home thanks to her students and community. The house where Hurst grew up and lived with her brother burned down in June last year. And when they heard about the disaster, students and the community came to her aid. With donations from the school and community and help from volunteers, Carpenters for Christ was able to build and furnish a new home for Hurst.

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/south-carolina-school-custodian-lost-home-fire-house/story?id=32165682

 

Ten days after a Grandview, Missouri family’s home was burglarized, the thieves returned one of their most prized possessions. According to Fox News, Chris Oursler and his wife returned from work to find their TV, computer, tablet, and jewelry stolen. The thieves also took a box of service medals that Oursler’s grandfather received after serving in the war. However, just over a week later Oursler returned to find the medals sitting in a bag on his back porch. He said he is just happy he got back the one thing that can’t be replaced.

http://fox4kc.com/2015/06/29/burglarized-family-has-irreplaceable-items-returned-to-them/

 

A formerly homeless 10 year old by is making clothes for the less fortunate. Stephanie Elliot said she was completely taken by surprise when her son, Xavier Elliot, told her that he wanted to make clothes for homeless children, after learning what it was like to be homeless himself. Elliot said she mends clothing for extra income, which is how Xavier got the idea to help out kids who are less fortunate. Xavier has already attended a design fashion camp and, with his mother’s help, is perfecting the skills he’s learned to start making clothes for other kids

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/arizona-10-year-homeless-make-clothes-kids-fortunate/story?id=32131057&source=lifestyle

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I love being a DJ. I can’t think of any other job I’d rather mess up.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 10, 2015…

 

Self/Less—Here is a science fiction film about taking someone’s consciousness and putting into another’s person’s brain. As if we hadn’t seen this before, but this movie stars Sir Ben Kingsley and Ryan Reynolds. Does all go as it should?  What do you think? “Self/Less” is rated R. No rating.

 

*The Bronze is now due to open in October 2015.

 

Minions—At last, the animated story comes to the screen and the Minions (“Despicable Me”) are here. This film shows the beginning of the group through three of the guys, Kevin, Stuart and Bob, and a search for someone evil  to serve. Their first boss is Overkill (voice of Sandra Bullock). Voices of Jon Harrim and Michael Keaton. “Minions” is rated PG and a rating of 3 for fans.

 

Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) —This is based on a true story in Europe and set in the mid 1930’s about a deportation without a trial. Directed by Ken Leech and stars Barry Ward. “Jimmy’s Hall” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Gallows—Horror film time and this one is about a person who dies in a school play and then strange things begin to happen. Again? The movie also had the previous titles of “Stage Fright” and “Superstition.” Stars Cassidy Gifford (daughter of Kathie Lee Gifford), Ryan Skoos and Reese Mishler. “The Gallows” is rated R. No rating.

 

JULY 17, 2015…

 

Mr. Holmes is a take on Sherlock Holmes in which he is an old man with failing memory who takes on a case. Stars Ian McKellen.

 

TrainWreck is a comedy with Amy Schumer as a writer and Bill Hader as a doctor.

 

Ant Man is the action film with Paul Rudd as the miniaturized man. Watch where you walk. Also in the cast is Michael Douglas.

 

Irrational Man stars Joaquin Phoenix as a man in a mid-life crisis. A Woody Allen film.

 

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.