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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150715
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Live! From the outskirts of sanity! It’s (THE JOCK SHOW)!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.”–Ecclesiastes 11:8
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'” — Matthew 4:4
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.” — Isaiah 6:6-7
Thought: When we put the bread and wine to our lips during the Lord’s Supper, God tells us that our “guilt has been taken away” and our “sin has been atoned for.” The Holy One, in his grace, did what we could never do: he provided the perfect Sacrifice for our sin with his own Son. Our holiness, our righteousness, and our perfection are not won through our efforts on earth, but by the one who came from heaven’s altar and gave his life so that we might be the righteousness of God (see 2 Cor. 5:21).
Prayer: O precious and loving Father, thank you for your perfect sacrifice for my sins. Please use me to help others know of your incredible gift that allows them to stand before you holy and without any stain of sin. To you be all glory, honor, thanks, and praise in the name of Jesus, my Savior and Lord. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Matthew 7:15 NIV
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JULY 15, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 164 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
NATIONAL RABBIT WEEK begins today, paying tribute to the rabbit as a house pet.
Today is BE A DORK DAY ***MARLAR: Be proud of your darkness! Wear goofy clothing, don’t brush your teeth, eat yucky food, and fall off a swing set! It’s BE A DORK DAY – known here as “Wednesday”!
Today is NATIONAL GET OUT OF THE DOG HOUSE DAY. ***MARLAR: Easy for dogs, not so easy for husbands.
This is NATIONAL THERAPEUTIC RECREATION WEEK. ***MARLAR: Does that not sound like the perfect excuse to take the week off? If your boss asks why you’re not in… “Uh, yesterday? Well, I was gone because I had a health appointment for a massage. After all, it’s National Therapeutic Recreation Week.”
And finally, today is CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE DAY. ***MARLAR: Which is what will likely happen when the boss calls your bluff on the whole “therapeutic recreation” excuse.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Gummi Worm Day
Saint Swithin’s Day
Take Your Poet To Work Week
COMING UP NEXT
WEDNESDAY, JULY 16
Get To Know Your Customers Day
Hot Dog Night
THURSDAY, JULY 17
FRIDAY, JULY 18
Celebration of The Horse Day
Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day
Woodie Wagon Day
SATURDAY, JULY 19
Anne Hutchinson Memorial Day
National Ice Cream Day
Lake Superior Day
SUNDAY, JULY 20
Global Hug your Kid Day
Space Exploration Day
National Lollipop Day
National Get Out Of The Doghouse Day
MONDAY, JULY 21
Legal Drinking Age Day
No Pet Store Puppies Day
TUESDAY, JULY 22
Casual Pi Day (22/7)
Fragile X Awareness Day
WEDNESDAY, JULY 23
Gorgeous Grandma Day
Hot Enough For Ya Day
ON THIS DAY
971: The remains of Bishop Swithin of Winchester, who had died in 862, were moved to Winchester Cathedral, so angering his spirit that it caused 40 straight days of rain.
1952: “Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour” presented a gold cup and $2,000 to an 8-year-old Atlanta girl who sang “Too Young.” Her name was Gladys Knight.
1976: A school bus driver and 26 children were kidnapped near Chowchilla, California. Driver Ed Ray outsmarted the kidnappers and led the children to safety in Livermore.
1984: In Karlsruhe, West Germany, an elephant reached its trunk through the bars of its cage and turned a valve to run hot water into the hippopotamus tank next door. Three hippos were killed.
1986: Columbia Records dropped Johnny Cash after 28 years. Johnny signed with Polygram the following year.
1994: Wrestler Hulk Hogan testified in a New York court that he had used steroids over a period of 12 years, in his words, “to get big.”
1992: Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton received the Democratic presidential nomination in New York. Many Democrats considered Clinton a “sacrificial lamb,” since incumbent Republican President George Bush was expected to win reelection easily.
1994: In a settlement with the U.S. Justice Department, Microsoft agreed to end practices it had used to corner the market for personal computer software programs.
1995: Singer Aaron Tippin and his assistant manager Thea Corontzos were married at Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church in Nashville.
1999: The Seattle Mariners played their first game in the new Safeco Field, losing to the San Diego Padres, 3-2.
1999: The U.S. government acknowledged for the first time that thousands of workers became ill as a result of making nuclear weapons and announced a plan to compensate many of them.
2003: Tex Schramm, who turned the Dallas Cowboys into “America’s Team,” died in Dallas at age 83.
2003: A Japanese company announced the Meowlingual, a gadget it claimed would translate cat meows and purrs into human phrases. The company already had sold 300,000 Bowlinguals that translate dog barks into human language. Both gadgets use scientific data on animal sounds from a laboratory that also analyses human voices.
2004: Retired Air Force Gen. Charles W. Sweeney, who piloted the plane that dropped the atomic bomb on Nagasaki in the final days of World War II, died at age 84.
2006: The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to impose limited sanctions on North Korea in response to its launching of nuclear missiles. North Korea said, however, it would continue its nuclear program.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1015: Vladimir, the grand prince of Russia who made Orthodox Christianity the national religion, dies at age 59.
1099: The First Crusade captures Jerusalem, massacring thousands. “The city was filled with corpses and blood,” wrote one chronicler.
1606: Dutch Painter Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn is born to a wealthy family in Leyden. Personal tragedies seemed to deepen the spiritual dimensions of his art, and he eventually created nearly 90 paintings and etchings depicting Christ’s passion.
1704: August G. Spangenberg, bishop of the Unitas Fratrum and founder of the Moravian Church in North America, is born in Germany.
1846: President Lincoln notes he has “never denied the truth of the scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrespect of religion in general or of any denomination of Christians in particular…” Rumors had it that he mocked Christianity.
1962: Shady Grove Chapel in Leesburg Georgia burns in a racially motivated attack.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Actor (“Beverly Hills 90210’s” David Silver) Brian Austin Green, 42 (
- Actor (“Felicity’s” Noel, “Dawson’s Creek’s” Elliot, Scream 3) Scott Foley, 43 (
- actor-comedian (“Malcolm & Eddie”, John Q, Undercover Brother) Eddie Griffin 47 (
- Actress/model (Cobra, “The Surreal Life,” Strange Love) Brigitte Nielsen, 52
- Actor (Platoon, Phenomenon ,Battlefield Earth, The Last King of Scotland) Forest Whitaker, 54
- Actor (“Eight is Enough’s” Tommy Bradford, “Charles In Charge’s” Buddy Lembeck, “BibleMan”) Willie Aames, 55 (
- Wrestler/actor/former governor (Minnesota 1999-2003) Jesse Ventura, 64
- Actor (“Airwolf”) Jan-Michael Vincent, 71 (
- Actor (Cliff Barnes on “Dallas”) Ken Kercheval, 80
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1905 : Dorothy Fields
1913 : Cowboy Copas
1936 : H. B. Barnum
1940 : Tommy Dee
1944 : Millie Jackson
1945 : Peter Lewis (Moby Grape)
1946 : Linda Ronstadt
1947 : Peter Banks (Yes)
1948 : Artimus Pyle (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
1952 : Jeff Carlisi (.38 Special)
1952 : Johnny Thunders (New York Dolls)
1953 : Alicia Bridges
1953 : David Pack (Ambrosia)
1956 : Marky Ramone (The Ramones)
1956 : Joe Satriani
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
What is it that we’re actually doing when we sleep?
What are we actually doing when we sleep? I mean besides dreaming about getting that raise, winning the lottery, and eating a sinful desert without consuming a calorie. (Hey, dreams can be fun – if not realistic!) In truth, “shut eye” doesn’t begin to describe sleep. During sleep, our muscles go limp – but we do change position once or twice an hour — our heart slows up and we breathe in a slow, even rhythm. We become deaf to all but the loudest of noises. Our brain waves also slow, with increasingly fewer oscillations per minute until we reach the minimum in what is called deep sleep. The exception, which happens a few times a night, is when our brain waves suddenly quicken and we manifest rapid eye movement and experience some muscle twitching. That’s dreamtime, when anything goes – chocolate, money, power, preferably simultaneously. Anyway, that’s what the scientists say. But hey, to be honest, I’m not even sure what I’m doing while I’m awake.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Casting Crowns Melodee DeVevo was suffering through an arthritis flare up in her wrist. Melodee sings and plays several instruments for the band, including the violin. She tweeted: Hoping I can hold the bow the whole concert. If you see me crying, let’s just say it’s the Spirit.
Mandisa received a special greeting during a stop in Dallas. The Southwest Airlines gate agents called her out and blasted her song Good Morning over the intercom.
Kari Jobe says not to worry if you think you see a ghost today. She tweeted: it’s just me and my white legs. Don’t be alarmed.
Matthew West had to put his sound check above cheese curds. He was in Oshkosh, Wisconsin and one of his fans offered to show him the best cheese curds around. However, Matthew said he had to pass because he was getting ready for his show that night.
The Newsboys got a surprise when they got back to their tour bus after traveling by plane for a couple of days. Drummer Duncan Phillips says the company that owns the bus apparently needed it while they were gone for a Beachboys event. In the bus Newsboys members found a poster congratulating Bruce Johnston for 50 years as a member of the Beach Boys.
The web site Musicians Friend was talking with a variety of Christian artists recently about must have music gear and taking care of your equipment while on the road. One of the artists interviewed was UK Worship Leader Matt Redman. He said one of the most important things he’s found is to have your guitars serviced regularly. Matt says Factors like changes in air pressure and humidity during international travel can really take their toll. http://t.co/pBHhdE0qpF
Could former DC Talk and Audio Adrenaline member Kevin Max be the next front man for Sanctus Real? At least one fan thinks it’s a good idea. He suggested it to Kevin Max after learning that Matt Hammitt was stepping down and Kevin was at least giving the idea some thought. He responded: Hmmm.
Moriah Peters says life isn’t always picture perfect. She shared a beautiful picture of she and her husband Joel Smallbone as they celebrated their second anniversary on a cliff overlooking the ocean. But Moriah say the picture didn’t tell the whole story. She said a giant wave tackled her just after the picture was snapped. http://t.co/jgJRnEyzQW
Colton Dixon is finding that home ownership is not necessarily a cost saving move. Colton recently moved into his first home. He tweeted: People told me studio equipment was a money pit. Whereas I agree, I think a house is even more so.
Jamie Grace is calling all worship leaders. She recorded a video update on her Big Summer Tour 15 at an airport. One of her topics was the work they are doing with area churches. Jamie invited area worship leaders to contact her in hopes that she can be an encouragement. email@example.com
WEIRD & WACKY
|Witness: Woman in wench costume takes down sword thief photo
LARKSPUR, Colo. (AP) — A man is facing charges of theft and resisting arrest after authorities say he crashed a jousting performance at the Colorado Renaissance Festival and tried to make off with a sword. A witness says the man was chased down by two women in costume Saturday. Steve Chapman…
|Honeybees moved from exterior of 11th floor of Austin hotel photo
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Some honeybees have a penthouse view from an Austin hotel after their hive was moved from outside the 11th floor to the top of the building. An official with American Honey Bee Protection agency on Sunday safely rappelled from the 14-story Holiday Inn Austin at Lady Bird…
|Claims ‘As Seen on TV’ company scammed customers resolved
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A company known for its “As Seen on TV” products including the Pocket Hose has reached a settlement with state officials who said it used high-pressure sales tactics and made it difficult for customers to get refunds. Telebrands Inc., whose products include the PediPaws…
|Cat freed from truck engine after 28-mile trip has new home photo
HACKETTSTOWN, N.J. (AP) — A cat rescued from the engine of a pickup truck after a 28-mile ride from Pennsylvania to New Jersey now has a new home. NJ.com (http://bit.ly/1TuDCtr) reports that the cat was given to Jennifer Blunts and her boyfriend, John Tegethoff, at a ceremony Sunday. They…
|Colorado residents upset after bear found dead in front yard
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — Residents of a Colorado Springs community are upset after a bear was found shot to death in the front yard of a home. Residents in Cheyenne Mountain Estates say the bear roamed the area and was part of their lives. The 400-pound bear was found dead Friday….
|After days of pain, woman finds she was hit with bullet
DELAND, Fla. (AP) — A Florida woman says she was shot in the leg while sitting at a café on Independence Day, but she didn’t realize it until doctors found the bullet five days later. Heather Charlebois told The Daytona Beach News-Journal (http://goo.gl/PkMRto ) that after days of pain from…
|Playing the Lower Keys: Concert piped underwater in Florida photo
BIG PINE KEY, Fla. (AP) — Hundreds of music-loving snorkelers and divers, joined by distance swimmer Diana Nyad, ducked beneath the waves Saturday as a radio station broadcast a concert underwater at the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. Such songs as the theme from “The Little…
|Zimm the macaque captured after 3 days on the loose
MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) — A small, “very spirited” monkey that escaped its enclosure at the Memphis Zoo has been captured. Multiple media reports say that zoo workers spotted Zimm the 3-year-old macaque inside a drainage system on the eastern side of the zoo Saturday morning. Memphis Zoo Director…
|10-foot alligator captured near downtown Fort Worth photo
FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) — A blind alligator stretching more than 10 feet has been removed from the Trinity River in a park near downtown Fort Worth and taken to a refuge. Game wardens and a reptile hunter, Chris Stevens, used a noose to capture the male gator Thursday night at Riverside Park….
|School district soothes parents over school warning letter
SALEM, Ore. (AP) — An Oregon school district has rushed to soothe parents at a Salem elementary school who received a letter warning that children not picked up promptly might be turned over to the state. HASH(0x140c6e0) The third paragraph begins: “Children must be picked up on time. If they…
|Vet finds 62 hair bands, 8 pairs of underwear inside dog
MARS, Pa. (AP) — This hungry Labrador has some unusual taste buds. A Pennsylvania veterinarian retrieved 62 hair bands, eight pairs of underwear and a bandage from the dog’s stomach during exploratory surgery. The head technician at Good Shepherd’s Veterinary Hospital in Mars tells WTAE-TV…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Military announces plan to lift transgender ban photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Defense Secretary Ash Carter has ordered a six-month study aimed at formally ending one of the last gender- or sexuality-based barriers to military service, saying the Pentagon’s current regulations banning transgender individuals from serving in the military need to be…
|VA says it may shut down hospitals to close $2.5B budget gap
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Department of Veterans Affairs may have to shut down some hospitals next month if Congress does not address a $2.5 billion shortfall for the current budget year, VA officials warned Monday. The VA told Congress that it needs to cover shortfalls caused by an increased…
|Rough play is riskier than heading in youth soccer: Study photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Heading takes the heat in youth soccer, but limiting rough play might be a better way to prevent concussions and other injuries, a nine-year study of U.S. high school games suggests. More than 1 in 4 concussions studied occurred when players used their heads to hit the ball….
|Study: Silent cancer in moms a rare result in prenatal tests
CHICAGO (AP) — For pregnant women, abnormal results from certain prenatal tests may signal that something is wrong — with the moms-to-be, not the fetus, a preliminary study suggests. Very rarely, these results may indicate cancer in the women when follow-up testing shows the fetus is…
|AP-NORC Poll: Many Californians unaware of caregiver program photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Christine McCormack quit her job as a restaurant manager two years ago to care for her 88-year-old mother-in-law. While it doesn’t make up for all of her lost income, she’s getting some financial help through an innovative program that allows many of California’s low-income…
|Pricey successor overtakes $1,000-per-pill hepatitis C drug photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The $1,000 pill for a liver-wasting viral infection that made headlines last year is no longer the favorite of patients and doctors. The new leading pill for hepatitis C is more expensive, and the number of patients seeking a cure has surged. Sovaldi, last year’s wonder…
|EU drug regulator starts safety review of HPV vaccines
LONDON (AP) — The European Medicines Agency says it has started a review of cervical cancer vaccines to see if they are linked to two rare conditions, but emphasized it hasn’t changed its recommendations for how the shots should be used. The vaccines against HPV have been used in more than 70…
|Justice Dept.: Food companies risk prosecution for outbreaks photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Following a deadly listeria outbreak in ice cream, the Justice Department is warning food companies that they could face criminal and civil penalties if they poison their customers. “We have made a priority holding individuals and companies responsible when they fail to live…
|Polish Senate approves new law on in vitro fertilization
WARSAW, Poland (AP) — Poland’s Senate approved a government bill that provides coherent regulations for in vitro fertilization and makes the procedure also available to unwed couples, part of a larger effort to promote more births in the aging nation. Friday’s vote, 46-43 with four…
|Tests show Ebola in Liberia linked to virus found months ago photo
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — Samples taken from the 17-year-old boy who died from Ebola in Liberia nearly two weeks ago show the virus is genetically similar to viruses that infected many people in the same area more than six months ago, the World Health Organization said Friday. That finding by…
|Pentagon announces plan aimed at lifting transgender ban photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Pentagon’s current regulations banning transgender individuals from serving in the military are outdated, Defense Secretary Ash Carter said Monday, ordering a six-month study aimed at formally ending one of the last gender- or sexuality-based barriers to military…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A Florida man accidentally shot himself during a gun safety class. The bullet grazed his leg. *** And his IQ.
North Korea has announced that it has created a miracle vaccine that can treat Ebola, HIV, “a number of cancers,” and MERS. The country did not provide any proof. *** But it must be true, because Kim Jong Un said it.
Climbers who reach the summit of Mount Fuji will now be able to share their achievement via free Wi-Fi. A Japanese mobile phone network says it will begin offering the service Friday at eight hotspots on Japan’s most famous mountain, including the 12,389-foot summit. *** Well, crud. Now I have to find another excuse not to climb Mt. Fuji. I can’t use the, “I would, but it doesn’t have Wi-Fi” excuse.
Ariana Grande will not be charged for licking doughnuts on July 4th. TMZ reports that the pop singer was caught on security cameras licking the pastries she had not paid for at Wolfee Donuts in Lake Elsinore, California while saying “I hate America.” Grande has since issued two public apologies. In the first, she blamed obesity in America for her actions. And in the second, a video apology, she said: “Seeing a video of yourself behaving poorly that you had no idea was taken was such a rude awakening. I was disgusted with myself.” ***Hey, what a coincidence – we’re disgusted with you too!
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
A recent study links watching a lot of television to an early grave. According to the report, the study in Spain followed more than 13-thousand adults. It found that those who watched three or more hours of television a day were twice as likely to die. ***MARLAR: And watching “Two Broke Girls” sped up the process three-fold.
FBI stats show many more people are killed on a regular basis with hammers and clubs than with rifles. ***MARLAR: Expect the Illinois legislature to start working on a hammer ban immediately.
In a survey by the group Cats Protection, 75 percent of cat owners over age 55 said they sometimes prefer to share their feelings with their cat rather than their spouse or friends. 81 percent of kids 13 and under said they’d rather talk to their cat about their feelings than to their parents or a friend. And among owners aged 20-to-40, 60 percent said they’d put up with their cat’s bad breath but not their spouse’s, nearly half get a better night’s sleep with their cat in bed than with their spouse, and 55 percent would tolerate their cat hogging the bed covers but not their spouse doing it. ***MARLAR: Oh sure… it’s okay for the cat to cough up a hairball, but just let your spouse do it… (This is silly. I know from personal experience that you can talk to your husband about your feelings, and he’ll ignore you just as well as your cat can.)
Census figures show that a near-record level of U.S. counties are “dying” — that is, they are experiencing more deaths than births in their communities. About 1 in 4 counties — or roughly 760 — are fading away. ***MARLAR: So stop screaming about world over-population. You’ve won – so shut your pie hole.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Angry Colorblind People”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Gordon Douglas, “Whitehouse Brother”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was lonely at his cave because no one ever passed by on the path anymore because they didn’t want to pay his tolls. They built their own path, toll free, but even after Gruffy took down his toll booth the rest of the animals still don’t want to use his path – even if he gives all of their money back.
CLOSE: Tune in again next time as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 18/19, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson decided to nail the hands of the clock in place on the Razzleflabbin’s calendar clock tower so that they’d always read “Saturday”. But yesterday was Saturday – and now it’s Saturday again… and there’s only bread and water to drink!
CLOSE: Marvy would still rather have bread and water every single day at every meal rather than work? How long will he let the calendar clock read Saturday? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Not all school projects are a great idea – even if assigned by a teacher.
A high school in Arlington, Texas had art students dress up in camouflage and carry rifles as a reenactment of the Vietnam War. Unfortunately, they planned the project for September 11, prompting a call to the police and a total lock-down of the school. Nice work, guys.
TOP TEN THINGS MOM WILL NEVER SAY TO YOU
- “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
- “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”
- “Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”
- “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week”
- “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”
- “Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”
- “The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”
- “I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”
- “Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve”
- “You can have unlimited access to the phone”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Today’s files of Law & Disorder focus on a really dumb lawsuit… brought by a judge!
FILE #1: Stupid lawsuits aren’t a new thing in the files of Law & Disorder… but how often do we get tell you about a stupid lawsuit that is brought by a judge? It’s one of those “only in America” stories… but it takes place in Essen, Germany, instead. Judge Hans-Josef Brinkmann is suing the Coca-Cola company because he claims it’s their fault he got diabetes. (See, I told you it was a stupid lawsuit.) The judge apparently drank two bottles of Coke a day for years and says the company is partly responsible for his condition because they had no warning label about the sugar content of the drink and possible side-effects on health over long term use. I guess he never looked at the ingredients – the only ingredient of Coca-Cola that is more than sugar is the carbonated water! Judge Brinkmann wants about $4600 in damages and his medical expenses. Also at fault for his diabetes are the manufacturers of Mars Bars, Snickers and Milky Way… at least, according to the lawsuit.
FILE #2: In Rochester, Minnesota, an unidentified man walked into a bank, flashed a gun and demanded cash. Bank employees said he seemed a little nervous, a little fidgety. In fact, he left the building before getting his cash. Maybe he left because it dawned on him that he had locked his keys in his rusty old pickup outside. After a couple of minutes of trying in vain to get in the truck, he walked over to a nearby house and asked for a coat hanger. Suspecting that something was up, they wouldn’t give him one. Finally, getting desperate, the guy took out his gun, broke the window and drove away. Not only did he not leave with any money, the window is probably going to cost more to fix than the old truck is worth.
FILE #3: A 22-year-old Florida man dialed 911 more than 900 times since May, police said, taxing West Palm Beach police dispatchers until his arrest on charges of misusing the 911 system. During many of the calls, Howard V. Hill Jr. claimed that an officer had been shot, indicated he wanted to shoot an officer with a bow and arrow or made animal sounds into the phone. Police say that on June 23 alone 200 calls were made to 911 from Hill’s cellular phone. Once he was arrested he was allowed only one phone call… and you can guess what number he decided to dial.
STRANGE LAW: It’s an old state law in Alabama that no person can sleep all night in a barbershop.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Not even an FBI agent is totally immune from acting strange when his brain is on drugs.
FBI agent Robert Clymer was arrested for DUI in Las Vegas after he was found to have a blood-alcohol content of 0.306 percent, nearly four times the legal limit. This was after he was pulled from the burning wreckage of his 2004 Chevrolet Silverado, which had jumped a curb and began to smoke and caught fire after it was determined the engine had been running for a long time. Police found an empty 25-ounce bottle of rum on the passenger seat and a 9 mm pistol in the truck’s cab. Clymer was hospitalized due to complications from smoke inhalation and intoxication. During sentencing, Clymer’s lawyer said his client wanted to take responsibility for his actions. And that statement is truly bizarre, because “responsibility” apparently has different meaning to different people as Clymer is now turning around and suing General Motors for product liability.
MOM, UNRULY KIDS KICKED OFF PLANE
Wendy Slaughter, her sister, and her four children were kicked off their connecting Southwest Airlines flight to Seattle, because her children were reportedly too unruly on the first leg of the trip from Detroit to Phoenix. Although Wendy admits that her children – two of whom have special needs – were restless and a little out of control, she doesn’t believe her family deserved to be abandoned at the airport. Slaughter’s mother said she had to pay $2,000 to book last-minute tickets to Seattle the next day on Alaska Airlines. The family wants Southwest to compensate them and give a public apology.
PHONER: Do you think it’s okay for an airline to remove passengers who can’t keep their kids in line? What would you do as a passenger on that plan… or if you were the parent?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who did Abraham want as his heir?
ANSWER: Ishmael (Genesis 17:18)
QUESTION: In the movie, “The Wizard of Oz”, what is Dorothy’s last name?
ANSWER: Gail… it’s written on the mailbox.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Lunarologists study the moon, as geologists study earth. (False – those who study the moon are called Selenologists)
- Mosquitoes do not bite. They stab. (True. A mosquito has no jaws; when attacking a victim, it pierces it with its long proboscis and sucks the blood up through a nasal tube.)
- The first televised presidential debate was between Nixon and Kennedy. (True – September 26, 1960)
- The seven dwarves are Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, Bashful, Sneezy, and Goofy. (False – Goofy was not one of the dwarves, but Sleepy was!)
- The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after characters in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”. (True – Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver)
- The first CD pressed in the US – for commercial release – was Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’. (True)
- There are three times as many households in the United States without telephones as there are without television sets. (True)
- The amount of tropical rain forest cut down each year is an area the size of Deleware. (False – the size of Tennessee)
- The hieroglyph for 100,000 is a tadpole. (True)
- The Phillips-head screwdriver was invented in Oregon. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“10-YEAR-OLD SPEAKS _______ LANGUAGES!” (TEN)
10-year-old Arpan Sharma of Birmingham, England is being hailed a child lingo genius after it was learned he can speak 10 languages plus his native language Hindi. The boy apparently taught himself using CD-Roms and can speak French, Spanish, German, Italian, Swahili, Mandarin, Polish, Thai and Lugandan — the language of Uganda. Hindi, of course, he learned from mom and dad.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One night, after a long day’s trek, deep in the jungle, his wife awoke with a start. Searching the camp she found her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted they immediately go out and search for her dear mother. Reluctantly, the hunter shouldered his carbine, took a swig of brandy, and led the way into the bush to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large lion stood facing her. The wife cried, “Darling, what are we going to do?”
“Be still,” said the hunter husband. “That lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”
Helen and her mother returned to her parents’ house late one evening to find her father, her college-age brother, Steven, and her ten-year-old sister fast asleep. Her mom had forgotten her house keys, so they knocked loudly, first at the back door and then the front and side doors. They yelled the father’s name over and over, with no answer. The car horn aroused the neighbors but no one at their house. They drove into town and phoned home, finally waking Steven. When they got back, he let them in. Helen’s dad was in bed, snoring, with the television on. Her mom quietly switched it off. Dad woke right up. “Don’t turn that off,” he said. “I’m watching it!”
The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children’s Sunday school class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw a picture that would illustrate some part of the story. Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat behind the wheel was a rather large man and in the back seat a man and a woman. The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson. But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. “Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!”
Bern, Switzerland, is hoping to keep men from using parking spaces reserved for women by painting them pink and adding flowers. ***MARLAR: And if that doesn’t work, they’ll create special parking spaces just for men equipped with a toilet, big screen TV, and a mini fridge.
A few engineering students from Cranfield University in England have created the ultimate boy toy — a full-sized remote controlled Hummer H3! It took the students about a month to convert the $78,000 vehicle into an oversized child’s toy. Dr. James Brighton, who masterminded the project, said, “Everyone will be amazed by the handling ability– the best any radio-controlled vehicle has had to date.” ***MARLAR: Hey, guess what I’m adding to my Christmas wish list!
One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small frightened boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said, “I have to sleep with Daddy.”
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, “The big sissy.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
NEED A NEW CAR? NEED A FREE ONE? FIND AN OLD LADY IN COLUMBUS, OHIO
Adam Brooks of Columbus, Ohio, and an elderly woman where involved in one of the most cordial robberies ever. Brooks theft of a 76-year-old’s car involved many questions and many helpful answers. Adam told her that he didn’t want to hurt her, he just wanted to steal her car. He even asked if she needed to take any medication. He took her car keys and headed to the garage to take her car only to come back into the house to ask where the garage door opener was. The lady obliged and he left. He then came back and said the garage wasn’t opening. She told him the button sometimes sticks and you have to push it hard. He left again, but you guessed it, he returned again. He said he only knew how to drive stick. She told him how to put her automatic-transmission car into drive. And he was gone. For good. Brooks has been charged with delinquency, counts of aggravated robbery and kidnapping ***MARLAR: Gee. The lady seemed so kind, she probably would’ve just given him the car in the first place if he would’ve just asked nicely.
WINGS OR CRUTCHES
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…” Psalm 46:1,2a.
That word is, present tense, a right-now conviction that there is help–and hope. The verse doesn’t delineate the trouble; it only tells us that help and hope are there when they are so acutely needed.
Hope–which should be a Christian frame of mind–is one of God’s greatest blessings to man. It is Christian hope that helps us to bear the burdens of life. “…Jesus Christ, who is our hope…” (1 Timothy 1:1), a this-moment possible confidence that all is not lost the instant we think it is. “In the presence of trouble, some people grow wings; others buy crutches.”
A legend is told of the time when God placed wings on the backs of the feeble birds and they protested loudly to Him, “Must we be burdened with this weight?” The Lord smiled and asked them to wait a week. The next day a strange thing happened. A force of some kind lifted them heavenward and the birds found themselves flying and floating, and enjoying a sensation they had never felt before. When the week passed they reappeared before the Lord and humbly acknowledged the wisdom of their Father. “These very wings which we ridiculed as unnecessary burdens we now cherish. They enable us to soar into the loftiest heights!”
We may be at the end of our rope, and that is exactly when God reaches down and pulls that very rope–and us–up to Him. It is said that when Luther and his friends became discouraged, Luther would cheerily say, “Come, let us sing the forty-sixth Psalm.” Luther had a special affinity for this particular Psalm and for good reason. When he said, “Here I stand, I cannot do otherwise,” he knew that his resources were immediate and unfailing; he need fear no man on earth. “A mighty fortress is our God!” So let us grow wings to soar beyond and above earth’s sorrows and diseases of psyche and physique.
–Patricia Erwin Nordman, Walking Through the Darkness
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TRUTH
Read: 1 Corinthians 1:18-25
. . . always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. —2 Timothy 3:7
In 1692, Harvard College adopted as its motto Veritas Christo et Ecclesiae—“Truth for Christ and the Church.”Its crest showed three books, one face down to symbolize the limitation of human knowledge. But in recent decades that book has been turned face up to represent the unlimited capacity of the human mind. And the motto has been changed to Veritas-“Truth.”
The pursuit of knowledge is praiseworthy, yet learning can quickly lead to pride and a refusal to acknowledge any limits on our mental abilities. When that happens, biblical truth is ignored or rejected.
What, then, is the truth about truth? A wise king wrote centuries ago, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge”(Proverbs 1:7). We must recognize the relationship between God and truth. Without the help of the Holy Spirit and the instruction of God’s Word, man will be ever “learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:7). When we acknowledge and obey His truth, however, we will be set free from spiritual ignorance and error (John 8:32; 17:17).
That’s why we must be diligent in our study of the Bible (2 Timothy 2:15). It is the only book that tells us the truth about truth. —Vernon Grounds
For Your holy Book we thank you;
May its message be our guide,
May we understand the wisdom
Of the truth Your laws provide. —Carter
Study God’s written Word to know Christ the living Word.
SUPER SECRET RODENT
Can rodents catch undercover operatives? The British believed so during the Cold War!
Among the Cold War intelligence ideas of the mid-1970s (intelligence being a relative term in this case) was the British MI5 agency’s proposal to station gerbils at airport terminal gates, in the hope that they would exercise their ability to detect passengers who were unusually sweaty, in that such passengers were disproportionately likely to be spies entering Britain. MI5’s director-general during that time, Sir Stephen Lander, speaking at an intelligence agency conference, said the idea was abandoned when the agency realized that lots of people who go up in airplanes sweat. ***MARLAR: I don’t know what scares me more about this one… that I could be arrested for sweating, or that a trained gerbil would point out that I had B/O.
LIFE… LIVE IT
MOST COMMON THINGS MEN DO THAT ANNOY WOMEN
Face it ladies, as much as you love us, sometimes we guys do things that really annoy you. Many times we have no idea what sets you off either. Here’s are a few of the most common things men do that annoy women, according to Men’s Health:
- Not picking up after ourselves
- Asking how much your new haircut or handbag costs
- Talking to you like you’re one of the guys
- Talking about the future vaguely
- We stop trying to impress you
- Asking you out via text message
JUST FOR FUN
Imagine a tiger knocking on your door to fix your computer… it happens regularly in one California town.
Computer repairman Dennis Avner of Guatay, California, just may be the world’s most extreme variation of a “furrie.” You know — those folks who dress like and adopting the persona on an animal. Dennis has tiger-stripe tattoos covering most of his body, dental implants sharpened to points to resemble tiger teeth, and metal-stud implants around his mouth to hold his long, plastic whiskers. He’s also had ear and lip surgery to make his head more cat-like and wears special contact lenses to make his eyes appear as ovals. But alas, while he told the San Diego Union Tribune that folks in the Guatay area are mostly tolerant of him, he’s nonetheless has decided to relocate to Washington state. ***MARLAR: So you have a town that mostly accepts you despite your freakiness, and yet you decide to relocate anyway – are you sure you’re brain hasn’t also been surgically altered?
YOU KNOW IT’S HOT OUTSIDE WHEN…
- You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible
- You’ve been getting hot flashes – and you’re a man
- The swans in the park come in “original recipe” and “extra tasty crispy”
- Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans
- People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames
- A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants
- Politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves
- Your brother’s braces make blisters in his lips
- You need a spatula to remove your clothing
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Good news for dieters -having a sweet treat at breakfast can actually help you lose pounds and keep them off for longer. Scientists followed 200 non-diabetic obese adults who were randomly assigned to eat one of two low-calorie diets. Although both diets had the same number of daily calories – one included a large breakfast with a sweet treat such as a doughnut while the other allowed for a larger meal later in the day. The researchers from Tel Aviv University said those who consumed the carbohydrate and protein-rich 600 calorie breakfast were more successful at sticking to their diets than those who had the 300 calorie morning meal. They found that halfway through the eight-month study, participants in both groups lost an average of 33 pounds per person.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(None On The Weekends)
“A.D.: The Bible Continues” may have been cancelled by NBC, but the series could live on. According to Relevant magazine, executives at NBC opted not to bring the event series back for a second season after its initially strong ratings slowed down. But Roma Downey and Mark Burnett—the husband and wife team who produce the show—still may have plans for the A.D. franchise. The duo have reportedly envisioned an online network that would be built around faith-based programming, like The Bible miniseries and A.D. If that’s the case, more episodes could be coming. As of now, the channel is gearing up for a late-2016 or early-2017 launch.
Persecuted Christians unable to access the Bible could soon be able to print their own with a new program facilitated by Wycliffe Associates. According to Christianity today, Digital printing systems provided by the US-based organization will allow those in countries hostile to Christianity to publish the text in their own language. They will be given a computer, printer, binder, laminator and paper cutter, and trained to operate the system set up in a safe house. Officials say the program aims to create ways by which the Bible can be hand-carried and distributed discreetly.
Christians claim to believe the Bible is God’s Word. We claim it’s God’s divinely inspired, inerrant message to us. Yet despite this, we aren’t reading it. Christianity Today reports that a recent LifeWay Research study found only 45 percent of those who regularly attend church read the Bible more than once a week. Over 40 percent of the people attending read their Bible once or twice a month. Almost 1 in 5 churchgoers say they never read the Bible—essentially the same number as those who read it every day.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
If you had difficulty understanding today’s show, please know that we recommend listeners to (THE JOCK SHOW) be confused, semi-warped, bad spellers, and frequently sing in their sleep.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Do “working moms” make for better moms? I may be meddlin’ here.
An article posted on the website Quartz claims mothers who work outside the home have “more successful daughters and more caring sons.” The story is based on some new Harvard “research” that should certainly help reduce the guilt that many “working moms” might have. http://qz.com/434056/working-moms-have-more-successful-daughters-and-more-caring-sons-harvard-business-school-study-says/
If you do a little more Internet research you find quite a mixed bag on this topic. There are many stories of women who leave professional careers to be at home. Others explaining how they are able to maintain the balance of work and family.
One of the more statistically deceiving set of numbers comes from a 2014 Pew Research study. It was titled, “7 Key Findings About Stay-at-Home Moms.” Point #5 claims the share of these stay-at-homes in poverty has doubled since 1970! But pay close attention to the fact that the overwhelming increase comes from married mothers with non-working husbands, cohabiting mothers, and single mothers. Actual poverty level of married mothers with working husbands increased by 15%.
The Harvard study leaves me questioning their value system for mothering. They seem to value more money and managerial jobs for the grown up young women, and more chores and home responsibilities for boys.
The final paragraph from this article really got me. It includes a quote from Professor Kathleen McGinn at the Harvard Business School and the lead author of the study. Here goes:
“Her message for working mothers is that being employed has long-lasting, positive effects on children. ‘When you go to work, you are helping your children understand that there are lots of opportunities for them,’ says McGinn.”
Hmmm. Wait. I have questions.
Let’s say a couple with children at home approached me as a faith leader at church and asked for my counsel on whether it’s best to have a stay-at-home mom. She has a nice offer from a company.
I would first ask why the mom is considering this decision. Various answers could result. Financial reasons are, indeed, usually first. Wanting to use education or professional skills would be up there. Needing greater “challenge” or purpose might come up. Each reason has its own justifications.
Next, I would ask the couple where “being the primary influencers” in the development of their children ranks. The influencer role applies to more than one category. Foremost, the moral and spiritual foundations. Next, the social skills and the vital learning of navigating difficult situations. Then, having a keen awareness of the uniqueness of the children and how to help them pursue the person God created them to be. And, of course, engaging them in meaningful conversations daily about their world.
The answers to those questions would be of significant value in offering counsel. Parents who put financial interests and personal advancement as priorities will likely go for the working mom. But common sense should tell us less time and attention with children means less influence.
I’ve yet to meet a grown up child who says, “I wish my mom worked more outside of the home.” Kids learn to take pride in their parents regardless of status. The praise I’ve witnessed most from grown up children are about the sacrifices their moms made for them. Rarely are those sacrifices derived from spending less time with them. Or earning more money.
There are situations where moms must have a paying job. However in this age, we need more moms being present and available to guide and grow their children. A stable home environment is the greatest predictor of future family well being. PLENTY of research on that.
Proverbs 6:20-23 helps here: “Good friend, follow your father’s good advice; don’t wander off from your mother’s teachings. Wrap yourself in them from head to foot; wear them like a scarf around your neck. Wherever you walk, they’ll guide you; whenever you rest, they’ll guard you; when you wake up, they’ll tell you what’s next. For sound advice is a beacon, good teaching is a light, moral discipline is a life path.” (The Message)
That instruction comes from the home. Mothers nurture children best. Why yield that privilege of child development up to someone else? Just asking.
Now…are the cookies and milk ready? Just kidding!
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 10, 2015…
Self/Less—Here is a science fiction film about taking someone’s consciousness and putting into another’s person’s brain. As if we hadn’t seen this before, but this movie stars Sir Ben Kingsley and Ryan Reynolds. Does all go as it should? What do you think? “Self/Less” is rated R. No rating.
*The Bronze is now due to open in October 2015.
Minions—At last, the animated story comes to the screen and the Minions (“Despicable Me”) are here. This film shows the beginning of the group through three of the guys, Kevin, Stuart and Bob, and a search for someone evil to serve. Their first boss is Overkill (voice of Sandra Bullock). Voices of Jon Harrim and Michael Keaton. “Minions” is rated PG and a rating of 3 for fans.
Jimmy’s Hall (opening in select cities) —This is based on a true story in Europe and set in the mid 1930’s about a deportation without a trial. Directed by Ken Leech and stars Barry Ward. “Jimmy’s Hall” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Gallows—Horror film time and this one is about a person who dies in a school play and then strange things begin to happen. Again? The movie also had the previous titles of “Stage Fright” and “Superstition.” Stars Cassidy Gifford (daughter of Kathie Lee Gifford), Ryan Skoos and Reese Mishler. “The Gallows” is rated R. No rating.
JULY 17, 2015…
Mr. Holmes is a take on Sherlock Holmes in which he is an old man with failing memory who takes on a case. Stars Ian McKellen.
TrainWreck is a comedy with Amy Schumer as a writer and Bill Hader as a doctor.
Ant Man is the action film with Paul Rudd as the miniaturized man. Watch where you walk. Also in the cast is Michael Douglas.
Irrational Man stars Joaquin Phoenix as a man in a mid-life crisis. A Woody Allen film.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.