July 17, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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Before we begin I’d just like to say, if this doesn’t work out, we’ll all meet at Burger King, stick French fries in our ears, and take pictures.




Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. — Ephesians 4:32


In Christ, all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. — Colossians 2:9-10




Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” — Psalm 126:2


Thought: So many of us are so richly blessed — if not by physical and financial blessings, then most definitely by God’s gracious spiritual blessings. The Lord has done great things for us! Let’s praise him with songs of praise and lives full of laughter and joy!


Prayer: Generous and gracious Father, thank you so much for the many ways you have blessed me. Your gift of salvation through your Son Jesus is so incredible and gives me hope and confidence for the future. May all the physical and financial blessings you’ve shared with me bring glory to you, not me! In Jesus’ name. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 7:17 NIV = Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him . . .




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is NATIONAL GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE DAY.  ***MARLAR: A popular day with married men.


Today is DISNEYLAND DAY. America’s first theme park opened on this date in 1955 at Anaheim, California.  ***MARLAR: I’ve never been.  I never really cared for amusement parks.  Hamburgers the price of two gallons of gas, the sun frying me to a crisp, and standing in line for an hour and a half in order to ride a roller-coaster for sixty seconds.  No thanks.


This is CAPTIVE NATIONS WEEK.  ***MARLAR: The ironic thing is that, if you happen to be in a captive nation, you probably will never know your nation is a captive nation and won’t be celebrating Captive Nations Week because, well, you’re in a captive nation and they’d never admit to being a captive nation.


Today is WEAR CRAZY SOCKS TO WORK DAY.  ***MARLAR: I used to love crazy socks – but I don’t own any now.  I’d like to think it’s because I’ve matured a bit, but the truth is that Robin threw all of my Looney Tunes socks into the trash when she found out I wore Daffy Duck socks during our wedding ceremony.  No, I’m not kidding – I really did that.




Today is “Wear Crazy Socks To Work Day.”
Immediately I feel it’s something I should get behind and promote on the show, but I realize that I myself am not able to celebrate such a glorious holiday. It’s not that we have rules at the radio station against crazy clothing or anything – heck, if that were the case we’d have to lynch half the sales staff for showing up in those blinding ties. No, it has nothing to do with any kind of dress code.
The fact of the matter is that I have no crazy socks. I guess I could show up with NO socks, but that doesn’t really fit the spirit of the occasion. I used to have crazy socks though… but that was thirteen years ago.
Fourteen years ago last March, to be precise. I know exactly when my crazy socks disappeared because it coincided with an important event in my life. My wedding day.
My job for the wedding was simple. Show up on time, and be sure to wear black socks. Now, while I did hold to the letter of the law that was passed down to me from my bride-to-be, I did not follow the spirit of said law.
Just before the wedding my bride asked me to lift my pant legs so she could be sure I was wearing the black socks. I did, she saw that I had followed her decree, and she was happy.
Three minutes later when she left the room before the wedding ceremony, I peeled off my top layer of black socks to reveal the black Daffy Duck socks underneath… all with video camera recording so when forced to watch our wedding ceremony again later that evening (which I knew was going to happen – and I was dreading it) at least we’d have something to laugh about.
Fast forward six hours to the hotel room. The wine has been poured, the whirlpool bath is whirling, the lights are down low, and using the remote control in her hands, Robin selects “PLAY” on the VCR. (Yes, we’ve been married for just six hours and already she has control over the remote… my manhood is gone.)
My Daffy Duck socks disappeared the next day. As did my Yosemite Sam socks, my Daffy Duck socks, and my Marvin the Martian socks.
Oh well, I had to mature eventually.




Wrong Way Corrigan Day

Yellow Pig Day





Celebration of The Horse Day

National Hot Dog Day

Nelson Mandela International Day

National Caviar Day

Toss Away the “Could Haves” and “Should Haves” Day

Woodie Wagon Day



Anne Hutchinson Memorial Day

National Ice Cream Day

Flitch Day

Lake Superior Day



Global Hug your Kid Day

Moon Day

Space Exploration Day

National Lollipop Day

World Jump Day

International Cake Day

National Get Out Of The Doghouse Day



Legal Drinking Age Day

No Pet Store Puppies Day



Casual Pi Day (22/7)

Fragile X Awareness Day

National Penuche Fudge Day

Rat-catchers Day

Spoonerisms Day



Gorgeous Grandma Day

Hot Enough For Ya Day

Lumberjack Day



Cousins Day

National Drive-Thru Day

National Tequila Day

Tell An Old Joke Day




1821: Spain ceded Florida to the United States.


1913: Keystone studios released the movie A Noise From the Deep in U.S. theaters. The film featured a Hollywood first when actress Mabel Normand hit “Fatty” Arbuckle in the face with a pie.


1939: Charlie Barnet and his orchestra, featuring Billy May’s trumpet, recorded “Cherokee” for Bluebird Records.


1941: Yankee Joe DiMaggio went 0-3 in Cleveland, ending his record 56-game hitting streak.


1961: Ty Cobb, believed by many to be the greatest baseball player of all time, died of cancer at age 74. Born Tyrus Raymond, Cobb was nicknamed “The Georgia Peach.”


1962: 18-year-old Peter Fechter, shot atop the Berlin Wall while try to flee to the West, fell back into East Berlin and lay for over an hour while both East German and U.S. troops watched him die.


1982: 52-year-old Don Bennett of Seattle became the first one-legged mountain climber to hop to the top of 14,408-foot Mount Rainier on crutches. Before losing a leg in a boating accident, he had climbed the mountain 12 years earlier with two legs.


1990: At Boston’s Fenway Park, the Minnesota Twins became the first major-league team in history to get two triple plays in one game.


1990: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,942,044) to Nicholas Ruggieri of Rochester, New York, for his Spaghetti Sipper, a container that allows you to eat spaghetti through a straw while strolling at fairs and malls. ***MARLAR: To make it, you boiled it and then threw the container against the wall to see if it would stick.


1995: Forbes magazine listed Microsoft CEO Bill Gates as the world’s richest person. Net worth: $12.9-billion.


1995: Two goats jumped into a 5-foot deep lake in Inner Mongolia and drowned. Then, 206 goats and 43 other animals followed the first two to their death. Herders were able to keep 281 sheep from following suit.


1997: Woolworth closed its last 400 stores. The five and dime chain lasted 117 years.


1998: Pola Brown of London discovered why her new Mercedes SLK 230, capable of 140 miles an hour, would go only 30 miles an hour. A hoarding squirrel had disabled the $60-thousand sports car by hiding five pounds of nuts in the air filter.


1999: A suspected drug trafficker was arrested in Astoria, Oregon, when the cocaine he had stashed down his pants was burning his crotch so bad he had to ask police to remove it. Police were questioning the suspect while he sat in his car.


2004: California Governor. Arnold Schwarzenegger mocked Democrats with the term ”girlie men,” claiming they were delaying the state budget by catering to special interests.


2006: An earthquake under the Indian Ocean triggered a tsunami that struck the Indonesian island of Java, killing close to 700 people. Around 200 were reported missing and thousands were rendered homeless. A second quake hit the area two days later.




180: Seven men and five women who had been captured carrying “the sacred books, and the letters of Paul” are tried before Roman proconsul Saturninus. Since none would renounce their Christian faith, all 12 were beheaded.


431: The Council of Ephesus ajourns, having rejected Nestorianism (the idea that Christ had two persons, not two natures) and condemned Pelagianism.(a doctrine refuting human depravity)


1274: The Council of Lyons II ends. An attempt was made to reunite the eastern and western churches, but although accord seemed to be reached, nothing came of it.


1505: Martin Luther enters the Augustinian monastery at Erfurt.


1674: Isaac Watts, author of about 600 hymns, is born in Southampton, England.


1798: Issac Watts preaches first sermon.


1917: Charles Fuller is converted under the preaching of Paul Radar, a former boxer and wrestler. Unable to muster the courage to go forward in the meeting, he drives to a nearby park and gives his life to Christ under the shade of a eucalyptus tree. He goes on become a minister and a widely heard preacher on the Old Fashioned Bible Hour.


1942: Paul W. Fleming organizes New Tribes Mission which becomes one of the largest Fundamentalist missions in the world, dedicated especially to training Christian workers, translating the Bible and reaching tribes with the gospel.




  • actor (Click, “Baywatch”, “America’s Got Talent”, “Knight Rider”) David Hasselhoff 63 (
  • actress (The Jazz Singer, “The Lucie Arnaz Show”, daughter to Lucille Ball & Desi Arnaz – brother to Desi Arnaz, Jr.) Lucie Arnaz 64
  • actress (Ida Grayson on “Lonesome Dove: The Series”, Marion Gilbert on “A Different World”) Diahann Carroll 80 (
  • actor (Space Cowboys, M*A*S*H the movie, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Italian Job, Animal House, Nathan Templeton on “Commander In Chief”) Donald Sutherland 80 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1932 : Vince Guaraldi

1933 : Mimi Hines

1939 : Spencer Davis (The Spencer Davis Group)

1942 : Gale Garnett

1947 : Mick Tucker (Sweet)

1947 : Wolfgang Flur (Kraftwerk)

1948 : Ron Asheton (The Stooges)

1949 : Terence “Geezer” Butler (Black Sabbath)

1949 : Mike Vale (Tommy James and The Shondells)

1952 : Nicolette Larson

1952 : Phoebe Snow

1952 : Chet McCracken (The Doobie Brothers)

1963 : Regina Belle

1971 : JC (PM Dawn)




What was the first computer virus, and who can we blame for starting the hobby of creating computer viruses? We’ll find out, coming up next… assuming my computer doesn’t crash between now and then.

What was the first computer virus? We can trace the “germ” of the idea to John von Neumann, the father of the computer program. In the late 40s, he came up with the notion of a program that could reproduce itself. In the 60s, when time-sharing on large computers was still common, two programmers at the Bell Labs invented a routine that could steal time on the machine from other programmers. By the early 80s, several harmless programs that we would recognize as computer viruses had been demonstrated on Apple computers. With self-replication and the potential ability to cause mischief in place, the stage was set for real digital deviance. In 1985, the EGABTR virus, disguised as a graphics program, was spread via email. It wiped out everything on a hard disk, leaving only the message, “Arf, arf, Gotcha!” Now that’s just doggoned clever.




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Audio Adrenaline is going Hip Hop, at least for one song. Members of the band this week shared that they were working on a song collaboration with Christian Hip Hop artist The Real Young Noah. They say: can’t wait for you guys to hear it!


Casting Crowns Juan DeVevo recent went to his first political rally ever. After the meeting he gave his official endorsement, sharing: I can say the candidate is worthy of your vote. However, it might be a little difficult for most of us to follow Juan’s example. He was at a rally for a City Council candidate in McDonough, Georgia.


Ellie Holcomb tweeted: My 2 year old wanted to take a picture of herself with my point and shoot today, and said this: “I want to take a MYselfie!”


Chris from Love and The Outcome was at the movies watching Jurassic World this week and his wife and fellow member of the group, Jodi, was taking advantage of the alone time. She tweeted that she had been in the store Forever 21 for two hours.


Matt Maher was preparing this week for his son’s birthday. No, he wasn’t baking a cake. He tweeted that he was watching Star Wars. It should be pretty simple to guess the theme of the upcoming party.


Mercyme recently sat down to talk about their latest album and their life on their road. The members of the band even gave some advice to up and coming artists. And front man Bart Millard shared that he is joining several other member of the band in working out. In fact, he says he just hired a personal trainer to help in his workout efforts. https://t.co/jAxOZZNiFS


A bit of baseball humor this week from Mercyme’s Bart Millard: What are the odds Pete Rose would be at the all star game? See what I did there? Betting Joke.


Skillet is back in Billboard’s Fan Army face off. After a fantastic response from their fans, called Panheads, last year, members of the band are asking their followers to step up again this year. Skillet has already make it through round one. They defeated Hillsong United in the balloting that wrapped up on July 15.  http://t.co/UEAoVZuvA5


The group 4Him is celebrating 25 years of music and 25 No. 1 hits. The band is Reuniting later this year for the 25 Years 4Him Tour, featuring many of the song that have inspired multiple generations and countless believers. 4Him member Mark Harris shared: “The four of us are so excited about getting back together this fall for the 25 Years 4Him Tour. It’s hard to believe that it has been that long since we first headed out on the road.”  http://t.co/ycDPAUzpf4


Mercyme’s Bart Millard and Chris Huffman from Casting Crowns were getting in the spirit during this years All Star Game. Bart tweeted: if I were a Major League Baseball player, my walk up music would be either Levert’s “Casa Nova” or Aladdin’s “A Whole New World.” Chris replied: my walk up song would be “Homerun” by Geoff Moore and The Distance or “Strike Back” by the band We As Human.





Police: Man uninjured after being run over by freight train
SCHAGHTICOKE, N.Y. (AP) — State police say a man escaped injury after being run over by a freight train while sleeping in the middle of railroad tracks in an upstate New York town. Troopers say 38-year-old Aaron Collins of Stillwater was highly intoxicated when he went to sleep Wednesday…
60-pound dead fish found in suburban Kansas drainage ditch    photo
OLATHE, Kan. (AP) — A suburban Kansas City animal control officer says she was skeptical when a man called to report a 4-foot-long carp in a drainage ditch. But Jamie Schmidt, a school resource officer with the Olathe, Kansas, Police Department, soon found herself wrapping up the 60-pound…
Summer hail prompts use of snowplows in South Dakota city    photo
RAPID CITY, S.D. (AP) — A brief but intense hailstorm that dropped as much as 4 inches of slippery pellets in a South Dakota city prompted officials to call out snowplows in the middle of summer. HASH(0x13fe8b0) The National Weather Service says pea-size hail pelted the highway for about 15…
Video shows plane making emergency landing on Jersey highway
STAFFORD TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — Police have released a video of a small plane carrying students from a skydiving school making an emergency landing on a New Jersey highway. No one aboard the single-engine plane or on the ground was injured when the plane touched down Sunday morning in Stafford…
Netanyahu gets yearbook from his Pennsylvania high school    photo
CHELTENHAM, Pa. (AP) — Some suburban Philadelphia high school alumni say they’ve sent a 1960s yearbook to one of their most famous classmates, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (neh-ten-YAH’-hoo). HASH(0x13f5800) Netanyahu left school around the time of the Six-Day War in June 1967…
Scientists in Oregon develop bacon-flavored seaweed
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — What grows quickly, is packed with protein, has twice the nutritional value of kale and tastes like bacon? The answer, according to scientists at Oregon State University, is a new strain of seaweed they recently patented. Dulse is a form of edible seaweed that grows wild…
AP Top News At 11:20 a.m. EDT
Vegas weddings decline; officials consider more advertising
LAS VEGAS (AP) — At its peak, Las Vegas was home to one out of every 20 weddings in the United States. That number, however, has been dropping. HASH(0x140c620) The city’s multimillion-dollar industry for providing easy, quick marriages has noticed increased competition as the numbers…
‘I just like pigs’: Cops say nude man found drinking in barn
MILLERSVILLE, Pa. (AP) — Police have charged a man with trespassing, public drunkenness and indecent exposure after he was caught on a neighbor’s Pennsylvania farm in the nude, drinking beer among pigs. Police in Manor Township, Lancaster County, say 64-year-old Larry Henry told them, “I just…
Boston’s tower of filthy snow finally melts away    photo
BOSTON (AP) — The last of Boston’s winter nightmare has finally melted away. Mayor Martin Walsh announced Tuesday that Boston’s once-massive pile of filthy snow has officially dwindled to nothing. The pile accumulated into a 75-foot tower of snow after a record-breaking winter that dumped…




Could Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket miss out on medical pot?    photo
BOSTON (AP) — Massachusetts has a cannabis conundrum. State law requires every county to have a dispensary for medical marijuana, but federal regulations forbid the drug from being transported across U.S. waters. That leaves the tourist havens of Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket potless unless…


70 years after atomic bomb test, residents seek compensation    photo
LOS ALAMOS, N.M. (AP) — When a flash of light beamed from the arid New Mexico desert early on July 16, 1945, residents of the historic Hispanic village of Tularosa felt windows shake and heard dishes fall. Some in the largely Catholic town fell to their knees and prayed. The end of the world…
Probe: Bogus enrollees kept getting ‘Obamacare’    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Phony applicants that investigators signed up last year under President Barack Obama’s health care law got automatically re-enrolled for 2015. Some were rewarded with even bigger taxpayer subsidies for their insurance premiums, a congressional probe has found. The…
Liberia confirms 2nd Ebola death in resurgent outbreak    photo
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — A second person in Liberia has died from Ebola in the latest resurgence of the deadly disease in the West African nation, an official said Wednesday. The woman in her early 20s who died on July 12 was linked to the 17-year-old boy who died last month, Deputy Health…
Study show high-risk areas for Lyme disease growing    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The geographic areas where Lyme disease is a bigger danger have grown dramatically, according to a new government study published Wednesday U.S. cases remain concentrated in the Northeast and upper Midwest. But now more areas in those regions are considered high risk. “The…
Congressional panels will probe Planned Parenthood video    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The searing political conflict over abortion flared anew Wednesday as three Republican-led congressional committees said they will investigate whether Planned Parenthood is selling organs from aborted fetuses. House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, criticized the group and said…
Study: Early clue to why some children may have reading woes    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — New research suggests it may be possible to predict which preschoolers will struggle to read — and it has to do with how the brain deciphers speech when it’s noisy. Scientists are looking for ways to tell, as young as possible, when children are at risk for later…
11 ex-Pirelli managers convicted in Italian asbestos trial
MILAN (AP) — A Milan court has convicted 11 former Pirelli managers, including two former CEOs, on charges of manslaughter and gave them prison sentences for the deaths of about 20 workers who developed tumors or lung disease after being exposed to asbestos. The news agency ANSA said…
Military announces plan to lift transgender ban    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Defense Secretary Ash Carter has ordered a six-month study aimed at formally ending one of the last gender- or sexuality-based barriers to military service, saying the Pentagon’s current regulations banning transgender individuals from serving in the military need to be…
VA says it may shut down hospitals to close $2.5B budget gap
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Department of Veterans Affairs may have to shut down some hospitals next month if Congress does not address a $2.5 billion shortfall for the current budget year, VA officials warned Monday. The VA told Congress that it needs to cover shortfalls caused by an increased…
Colorado rejects PTSD as ailment eligible for medical pot    photo
DENVER (AP) — Citing scant research, Colorado health officials voted Wednesday against adding post-traumatic stress disorder to the list of ailments eligible for treatment with medical marijuana. The 6-2 vote came despite a recommendation from Colorado’s chief medical officer and a panel of…




(None on the weekends)



Rapper Mini Thin recently used a West Virginia courtroom to film a music video, and Hancock County Commissioner Jeff Davis is not happy about it. Davis wants his fellow commissioners to adopt rules to ensure a similar scenario doesn’t occur again.  *** He’s a rapper – aren’t we kinda expecting to see him in a courtroom anyway?


General Mills will be removing artificial colors and flavoring from its cereal products. General Mills says it hopes to have artificial ingredients out of 75 percent of its cereal lineup by January of next year.  *** So stock up now on the pretty colors and awesome flavors – 2016 the “Trix” will be in how your cereal looks and tastes awful.


A Polish cow on the run for 2 years has finally been caught. officials say the cow escaped from her Polish farm two years ago and lived a life on the lam in a nearby forest. She survived two frigid winters on her own, but the time on the run took its toll. She lost a calf and returned home with many scars. Farmers in the area complained of the damage she caused but nobody was able to catch her until last Saturday.  *** They couldn’t catch… a cow?  Sounds like we’ve found a new source for lean beef!


Lance Armstrong took to social media to insinuate that there’s cheating at this year’s ongoing Tour de France.  ***Pot… meet kettle.




Scientists say spouses share a surprising amount of DNA. ***MARLAR: Although you do have to wonder about this, seeing as the study was taken at a trailer park in Louisiana.


According to a new study, having power at the workplace makes people actually think that they’re taller.  ***MARLAR: It also helps if you cut a couple of inches off the legs off of all of your employees’ desks and chairs.


If you don’t think coffee is doing damage to your liver, think again. Jennifer Zartarian, N.D., the Wellness and Research Coordinator at Long Island College Hospital of Brooklyn explains, “Caffeine is broken down by the liver through the use of enzymes. The more these enzymes are involved in breaking down caffeine, the less available they are for breaking down other chemicals in the bloodstream. Excessive caffeine use, therefore, causes the liver to work less efficiently at its job of detoxifying the body.” While one to two cups each day seems normal, anything above that amount may seem excessive. Experts recommend replacing those additional cups of coffee with water instead.  ***MARLAR: Which is fine with me so long as the water is caffeinated and tastes like Starbucks. (



The same researchers that discovered men do poorly on tests after interacting with a woman have also discovered that men have trouble with completing tasks after just hearing a woman’s name. Researchers believe the mental energy involved in thinking sexy thoughts slows down other brain functions.  ***MARLAR: The key is keeping out the sexy thoughts – so you can use a woman’s name so long as that name is (LADY GAGA) or (CAITLYN JENNER).












OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been commissioned by the Rabbit family to create a portrait for them. It took him a while to find the right shade of white, but once he did he was ready to get started… except that he noticed that the sun was already beginning to go down.


CLOSE: What will Racquet the Skunk do now that all of his crayons have been lost? Will the Rabbit family portrait be put on indefinite hold? Will the crayons be found? Will the jungle population of rabbits explode to a point that no amount of crayons could ever be enough to draw the family? Tune in next time to see what happens, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson decided to nail the hands of the clock in place on the Razzleflabbin’s calendar clock tower so that they’d always read “Saturday”. But yesterday was Saturday – and now it’s Saturday again… and there’s only bread and water to drink!


CLOSE: Marvy would still rather have bread and water every single day at every meal rather than work? How long will he let the calendar clock read Saturday? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Rocket scientists get lost – in their own neighborhood!

Two dozen Caltech students were rescued after getting stranded on the Mount Wilson Toll Road.  In case you don’t know, Caltech, A.K.A. the California Institute of Technology, is the academic home of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.  Caltech faculty and alumni have received 32 Nobel Prizes for their achievements in science and engineering.  The annual Mount Wilson Night, when freshmen are initiated into the Page House dormitory at Caltech, started off as planned. The group had a large dinner and the young men and women were then taken to the Mount Wilson Observatory for the planned 10-mile descent down the road.  A quarter-mile from the bottom, the group got stranded in Eaton Canyon where the landslide blocked their path. Rescuers were called in at about 3 a.m.  The students didn’t have flashlights, warm clothes or other important supplies.  “Going up those trails in the middle of the night without any safety equipment and no lighting is pretty stupid,” said Deputy Greg Gabriel, who leads the Altadena Search and Rescue team.  Yes it was stupid.  Did I mention yet that these soon-to-be-scientist students were wearing Superman capes, tutus and other odd attire as part of a hazing stunt?  “You’ve got to remember that common sense is not factored into the intelligence quotient,” said Deputy Gabriel.  Come on, Caltech, this isn’t rocket science!  Oops!  Wait a minute… yes it is.






  1. You have a strikingly similar resemblance to Michael Jackson, play-doh nose and all.


  1. You have to use your acting skill to adopt that “blank” look.


  1. You have Michael Moore’s body, Don King’s hair, and Al Gore’s stage presence.


  1. You took your painted Middle Earth figures with you to showcase your talent for Claudia Schiffer’s open auditions.


  1. You aspire to be the person who single-handedly brings back “acid washed.”


  1. You can’t put Vaseline on your teeth because you don’t have any.


  1. Your previous experience in front of the lens mostly includes photos taken from security video cameras and mugshots.


  1. Your fashion sense consists of one question: “Are those pants stretchy?”


  1. Gerald Ford took grace lessons from you.


  1. In the waiting room at the agency, you sneezed and blew all the other applicants out the window.




Why on earth would people want to steal manhole covers?


FILE #1: Officials in Flint, Michigan, have had to replace hundreds of manhole covers and grates that were likely stolen and sold for scrap. According to the Flint Journal newspaper, nearly 400 cast iron covers and grates have been stolen in the past year. A cover can fetch $20 from a scrap yard but can cost the city more than $200 to replace. Officials in neighboring Burton have lost about 200 covers and grates in the last year.


FILE #2: A Belleville, Illinois, man who has been jailed several times for stealing women’s socks has been arrested again. James Dowdy was charged with a felony count of residential burglary after he allegedly entered a basement through a window and stole a pair of socks early Monday morning. His bail is set at $100,000. Dowdy was sentenced to prison in 2004, 1997 and 1994 for burglary-related charges tied to his sock fetish. His mother says she wants a court to order her son committed to a mental-health hospital.


FILE #3: Not returning overdue library books is costing a Denver man a lot more than just late fees. Thomas Pilaar has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for trying to sell hundreds of books and DVDs he checked out from Denver-area public libraries. Prosecutors say he had taken about 1,400 books and movies. Only about a third have been recovered. The borrowing bandit was also ordered to pay the libraries more than $53,000.


STRANGE LAW: In Texas, the entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.




A man blames his gambling problem on prescription medication… that he’s not prescribed to!

A former Wall Street banker who said he lost $3 million from compulsive gambling is blaming the prescription medication Mirapex, a popular drug used to treat Parkinson’s disease. Randolph Simens is suing German drugmaker Boehringer Ingelheim, Pfizer and Pharmacia & Upjohn, claiming that when he took the drug from 2002 to 2007, he developed an insatiable appetite for gambling. A rep for Pfizer said the company has not made Mirapex since 2005, when medical studies first linked the drug to compulsive behaviors, including gambling.  So he must be using the drug illegally.




This is NATIONAL GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE DAY. Hey men, what usually works with your wife in order to get you out of the doghouse? Dinner? Flowers? Love poem? Nothing? Give us the info and possible save some other men from frustration and misery!




QUESTION: What bird does the lover in the Song of Solomon compare his beloved’s eyes to?
ANSWER: The dove (Song of Solomon 1:15)




QUESTION: How long of a line can you write with one #2 lead pencil?

ANSWER: The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Actor Christian Bale did a commercial at age 9 for Pacman Cereal. (True)


  1. Elvis weighed 230 pounds at the time of his death. (True)


  1. Vincent Van Gogh sold one painting during his entire life. (True)


  1. The 80s song “Rosanna” from the Eighties was written about Rosanna Arquette. (True)


  1. Mae West was the first actress to appear on the cover of Life magazine. (False, Jean Harlow)


  1. Christopher Columbus invented the scissors. (False, Leonardo Da Vinci)


  1. Cell phones are responsible for at least 2500 emergency room visits every year. (True)


  1. Actress Shirley MacLaine made her debut in the Alfred Hitchcock film “Psycho.” (False, “The Trouble with Harry”)


  1. Walmart was initially known as Children’s Bargain Town. (False, that’s Toys R Us)


  1. Christian Bale’s Grandmother is Barbara Bush. (False, Gloria Steinem)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Assaults Another Man With His ______________ Homework!”  (Anger Management)

27-year-old Justin Boudin of St. Paul, Minnesota was actually on his way to an anger management class when he got into an argument with a 59-year-old woman at a bus stop. When she took out her cell phone to call police he allegedly hit her in the face. When a 63-year-old man tried to stop him, Justin started hitting him with a blue folder containing his anger management class homework!





The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”
Apparently having lost her voice, the girl behind the counter replied, “Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry.”

“Do you have laryngitis?” the man asked.
“Nope,” he girl whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”



When their family moved cross-country, Barry and his wife decided to drive both their cars. Nathan, their eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?”

“We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” Barry reassured him.

“Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted.

“Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” Barry quipped.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”



Jim frequently receives calls from pollsters asking him to participate in telephone surveys.  One woman began with a barrage of questions.  “Wait a moment,” Jim said.  “Who are you and whom do you represent?”
She told him and immediately continued asking questions.
”What’s the purpose of this survey?” Jim asked.

“Sir,” she replied irritably, “I don’t have time to answer your questions.”  Then she hung up.




An Australian motorist was convicting of assaulting an officer of the law… with his breath. Driver Jeff Pearce admitted in court that when he noticed he was being pulled over by a police officer, he immediately chewed a clove of garlic, so his breath would be all smelly. He says that his best friend told him it was a good way to get a cop to leave you alone.  ***MARLAR: “You have the right to remain silent… PLEASE!”


Some doctors believe that if you want kids to develop healthy immune systems, they need to be exposed to germs, pet hair, peanut butter and intestinal worms before age three.  ***MARLAR: And people say my mother didn’t raise me right!




Adam was with a friend in a cafe when a noisy car alarm interrupted their conversation. “What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?” Adam wondered aloud.

“Some are quite effective,” his friend corrected him. “Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time over at the neighbor’s house. Whenever I wanted him home, I’d go out to the driveway and jostle his car.”




If you find a $1,000 bill should you put it in the bank? Absolutely not!

Officials of the American Savings Bank in Munster, Indiana, say a woman deposited two crisp $1,000 bills. Bank president Michael Mellon says they called the customer to have her take the bills back – not because they were fake, but because they are worth a lot more than the face value. A rare coin dealer says the bills could be worth up to $4,500 each. The bills were issued in 1934 and have been out of circulation for decades. The woman said she got the bills from a relative a few years ago.





by Meladee McCarty

My husband, Hanoch, and I wrote a book Acts of Kindness: How to Create a Kindness Revolution, which has generated much interest across America. This story was shared with us by an anonymous caller during a radio talk show in Chicago.

“Hi, Mommy, what are you doing?” asked Susie.

“I’m making a casserole for Mrs. Smith next door,” said her mother.

“Why?” asked Susie, who was only six years old.

“Because Mrs. Smith is very sad; she lost her daughter and she has a broken heart. We need to take care of her for a little while.”

“Why, Mommy?”

“You see, Susie, when someone is very, very sad, they have trouble doing the little things like making dinner or other chores. Because we’re part of a community and Mrs. Smith is our neighbor, we need to do some things to help her. Mrs. Smith won’t ever be able to talk with her daughter or hug her or do all those wonderful things that mommies and daughters do together. You are a very smart girl, Susie; maybe you’ll think of some way to help take care of Mrs. Smith.”

Susie thought seriously about this challenge and how she could do her part in caring for Mrs. Smith. A few minutes later, Susie knocked on her door. After a few moments Mrs. Smith answered the knock with a “Hi, Susie.”

Susie noticed that Mrs. Smith didn’t have that familiar musical quality about her voice when she greeted someone.

Mrs. Smith also looked as though she might have been crying because her eyes were watery and swollen.”What can I do for you, Susie?” asked Mrs. Smith.

“My mommy says that you lost your daughter and you’re very, very sad with a broken heart.” Susie held her hand out shyly. In it was a Band-Aid. “This is for your broken heart.” Mrs. Smith gasped, choking back her tears. She knelt down and hugged Susie. Through her tears she said, “Thank you, darling girl, this will help a lot.”

Mrs. Smith accepted Susie’s act of kindness and took it one step further. She purchased a small key ring with a plexiglass picture frame — the ones designed to carry keys and proudly display a family portrait at the same time. Mrs. Smith placed Susie’s Band-Aid in the frame to remind herself to heal a little every time she sees it. She wisely knows that healing takes time and support. It has become her symbol for healing, while not forgetting the joy and love she experienced with her daughter.


READ: Acts 8:26-38

As we have opportunity, let us do good to all. —Galatians 6:10

Heavy rain was falling outside as Marcia, the director of the Jamaican Christian School for the Deaf, spoke to our group. Thirty-four teenagers and several adults were visiting the school. But the rain or the children running around the room did not distract one of our students.

That teenager heard Marcia say, “My dream for these kids is to have a playground.” She took that sentence, and through the prompting of the Lord turned it into an idea. Later that day she told me, “We should come back and build them a playground.” An opportunity for service was born.

A little over 4 months later, on another rainy day in Jamaica, we held a celebration in that same room. We had just assembled a wooden playground—complete with slides, a ladder, climbing bars, swings, forts, and a trapeze. One student seized an opportunity, and a dream was fulfilled.

How often does God prompt us to take action to meet the needs of others and we let the opportunity go? How many times does the Spirit nudge us to say or do something in Jesus’ name and we shake off the nudging? Like Philip in Acts 8, let’s honor the Lord by responding with action. Let’s seize each opportunity God gives us to serve others in His name. —Dave Branon


Jesus said to one and all:
“Take your cross and follow Me.”
When you sense the Spirit’s call,
Seize the opportunity!  —Hess


When the Spirit prompts, take action.





I’ve been thinking about the problem with the Post Office not making any money – which is why they keep raising the postal rates on us. I think I’ve come up with a way to not only increase their business greatly, but also to get rid of some of that junk mail that keeps showing up in our mail boxes.

I’ve mentioned on the show before that the U.S. Post Office is having some problems with finances because so many people are using email nowadays instead of writing letters and sending greeting cards. But I think I may have a way to remedy that problem… as well as get rid of some junk mail in the process. I’d encourage you to tell all your friends about this one, as it’ll take all of our cooperation to make it work.  This idea came to me via email and it’s so ingenious that I think it just may work.  You know those pre-approved letters you receive in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that? Well most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes? Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Or a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn’t get anything else that day, then just send them their application back – don’t fill out the application, just return it in the postage-prepaid envelope.  Heck, you can send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep ’em guessing! In fact, let’s turn this whole thing into a huge campaign and get all of our family and friends involved! Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting all their junk back in the mail. Let’s let them know what it’s like to get junk mail, and best of all… THEY’RE paying for it! Twice! Let’s help keep our postal service busy since they say e-mail is cutting into their business, and that’s why they need to increase postage again! (I absolutely LOVE this idea… we need to get everyone involved in this one!)




Men… we’ll reveal the secret to a happy marriage, but you may not like it.

Guys, if you want a happy marriage, the answer is simple: do whatever she says. Also, be sure to do it immediately and the way she wants it done. Forget about the modern psycho-babble about “active listening” and “validation.” Just do what she wants. That’s the official word from top psychologist John Gottman. He says his studies show that the majority of marriages that work are those where the husband has mastered the two most important words: “Yes, dear.”





Try explaining this one to your insurance company!

Investigators say a man’s rear-end may have caused a fire at a gas station in Missouri. Experts think the energy built up when the driver slid from his seat and sparked out from their fingers. David Hymers, assistant fire chief in the town of Hannibal, said a pickup truck driver had been sitting in his truck because of the cold. The spark probably came from him sliding across the seat and started the fuel pumps on fire when he touched them. Nobody was hurt but two cars were burned. Static should be removed by touching the car’s bodywork before picking up the pump. ***MARLAR: They believe the man maybe be a “liar, liar”, because his “pants were on fire”!





Nerdie ways of proposing (from Switched.com):

  • Knowing your girlfriend’s favorite hobbies is a great start for planning a proposal. For Bernie Peng, that meant using the game ‘Bejeweled’ to ask Tammy Li to marry him. Peng, a financial software programmer, spent a month tweaking the game so when Li reached a certain score, a ring and the proposal popped up on the screen.
  • An NFL fan started a Web site to raise enough money for a Super Bowl ad where he’d ask for his girlfriend’s hand in front of 130 million viewers. He actually got $75,000 without her finding out, but was too late to buy the TV time, so instead the commercial aired, with advertiser’s backing, during her favorite show, ‘Veronica Mars.’
  • Rather than make a commercial from scratch, one geek decided to take a well known ad and personalize it for his future wife. The fake iPhone commercial ran through the same parts as the real spot, complete with the “this is your music, this is your photos” lines, but ends with “and this is a proposal.”
  • A guy was searching for an original proposal idea when he decided to make it happen through his work. With some help from the people at AskJeeves.com, the man concocted a plan in which his girlfriend would look for her name on the search engine using his office computer. When she did it, the “Smart Answer” at the top of the page was a picture of the couple next to the message “Honey, Will You Marry Me?”
  • One guy told his girlfriend, Jenny, that he wanted to show her something he’d been working on. He gave her his password – a previous point of contention for the couple – and she opened his computer to find a happy picture of the duo. Per his instructions, she pushed F12 and a picture of a wedding ring popped up with the proposal.




As the summer heats up, here are some sunning tips!

1). Use sunscreen every day, rain or shine.

2). Don’t skimp. The average-size body requires at least a shot glass worth to achieve maximum coverage.

3). Don’t dig to the bottom of your beach bag for last year’s sunscreen. Sun protection expires after 12 months.

4). While at the beach or other sun-drenched locations, re-applying your sunscreen at least every two hours is crucial to staying protected. Immediately re-apply after swimming or sweating.

5). Double up on safety by using a 20percent concentration of topical Vitamin C under your sunscreen to boost the immune defense of your skin cells against UV damage. It will also reduce the appearance of brown spots.




(Mondays Only)




(None On The Weekends)

Sixteen-year-old Autumn Veatch is alive today thanks to a “miracle.” According to Breaking Christian News, Autumn was riding in a small plane along with her step-grandparents from Montana to Washington. For reasons unknown thus far, the plane crashed in the wilderness. Autumn survived the crash but then had to hike for two days through dense woods to find help. Following a stream, the teen made it to HWY 20 and was picked up by a motorist. She was released from the hospital earlier this week. Her father, David, described her survival as a miracle from God, in answer to hundreds of prayers. http://goo.gl/GxkMu1


Family Life Today will be hosting a I Still Do marriage-changing simulcast for couples on October 17. By exploring God’s design for marriage, couples will have a chance to reaffirm that their marriage matters – to their children and to the rest of society. Members of the organization say there are three ways you can help couples in your community. They include hosting a simulcast, taking a group to the live event, or purchasing tickets for the simulcast. http://istilldo.com/


The Word of God is under attack in Columbia Heights, Montana— literally. according to the Christian Post, A billboard park dedicated to displays centered on the Ten Commandments has been the victim of a recent spree of vandalism. Seventeen of the 21 billboards at the God’s Ten Commandments Park were seriously damaged by an unknown party earlier this week. http://bit.ly/1Df4WCr




“Deliver more than you are getting paid to do. The victory of success will be half won when you learn the secret of putting out more than is expected in all that you do. Make yourself so valuable in your work that eventually you will become indispensable.” –Og Mandino




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

The Working Mom Question

Do “working moms” make for better moms? I may be meddlin’ here.

An article posted on the website Quartz claims mothers who work outside the home have “more successful daughters and more caring sons.” The story is based on some new Harvard “research” that should certainly help reduce the guilt that many “working moms” might have. http://qz.com/434056/working-moms-have-more-successful-daughters-and-more-caring-sons-harvard-business-school-study-says/

If you do a little more Internet research you find quite a mixed bag on this topic. There are many stories of women who leave professional careers to be at home. Others explaining how they are able to maintain the balance of work and family.

One of the more statistically deceiving set of numbers comes from a 2014 Pew Research study. It was titled, “7 Key Findings About Stay-at-Home Moms.” Point #5 claims the share of these stay-at-homes in poverty has doubled since 1970! But pay close attention to the fact that the overwhelming increase comes from married mothers with non-working husbands, cohabiting mothers, and single mothers. Actual poverty level of married mothers with working husbands increased by 15%.

The Harvard study leaves me questioning their value system for mothering. They seem to value more money and managerial jobs for the grown up young women, and more chores and home responsibilities for boys.

The final paragraph from this article really got me. It includes a quote from Professor Kathleen McGinn at the Harvard Business School and the lead author of the study. Here goes:

“Her message for working mothers is that being employed has long-lasting, positive effects on children. ‘When you go to work, you are helping your children understand that there are lots of opportunities for them,’ says McGinn.”

Hmmm. Wait. I have questions.

Let’s say a couple with children at home approached me as a faith leader at church and asked for my counsel on whether it’s best to have a stay-at-home mom. She has a nice offer from a company.

I would first ask why the mom is considering this decision. Various answers could result. Financial reasons are, indeed, usually first. Wanting to use education or professional skills would be up there. Needing greater “challenge” or purpose might come up. Each reason has its own justifications.

Next, I would ask the couple where “being the primary influencers” in the development of their children ranks. The influencer role applies to more than one category. Foremost, the moral and spiritual foundations. Next, the social skills and the vital learning of navigating difficult situations. Then, having a keen awareness of the uniqueness of the children and how to help them pursue the person God created them to be. And, of course, engaging them in meaningful conversations daily about their world.

The answers to those questions would be of significant value in offering counsel. Parents who put financial interests and personal advancement as priorities will likely go for the working mom. But common sense should tell us less time and attention with children means less influence.

I’ve yet to meet a grown up child who says, “I wish my mom worked more outside of the home.” Kids learn to take pride in their parents regardless of status. The praise I’ve witnessed most from grown up children are about the sacrifices their moms made for them. Rarely are those sacrifices derived from spending less time with them. Or earning more money.

There are situations where moms must have a paying job. However in this age, we need more moms being present and available to guide and grow their children. A stable home environment is the greatest predictor of future family well being. PLENTY of research on that.

Proverbs 6:20-23 helps here: “Good friend, follow your father’s good advice; don’t wander off from your mother’s teachings. Wrap yourself in them from head to foot; wear them like a scarf around your neck. Wherever you walk, they’ll guide you; whenever you rest, they’ll guard you; when you wake up, they’ll tell you what’s next. For sound advice is a beacon,  good teaching is a light, moral discipline is a life path.” (The Message)

That instruction comes from the home. Mothers nurture children best. Why yield that privilege of child development up to someone else? Just asking.

Now…are the cookies and milk ready? Just kidding!

That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JULY 17, 2015…


Ant Man—Marvel Comic Books does it again.  Here comes “Ant Man’ and played by Paul Rudd. Instead of gigantic creatures, such as Godzilla, we have someone the size of an ant. Be careful where you step. The ant may be a science experiment in your neighborhood. This particular story has Rudd volunteering for a special suit by scientist Pym (Michael Douglas) and you can figure out the rest. There is a villain, Yellow Jacket (Corey Stoll) and at the size of an ant, just about everything can be a villain.  Also in the cast is Evangeline Lilly. “Ant Man” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.


TrainWreck—Amy Schumer is a writer who doesn’t believe in romance. It just doesn’t work out. However, when her next assignment is sports doc Bill Hader, she begins to change her mind. Also in the cast are Tilda Swinton and Brie Larson.  ”TrainWreck” is rated R. No rating.


Mr. Holmes—Ian McKellen takes on the role of Sherlock Holmes, aging and with failing memory, as he does one last case. Also in the cast are Laura Linney and Milo Parker. “Mr. Holmes” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.


Irrational Man—Joaquin Phoenix is a college teacher in the middle of a mid-life crisis.  He finds it helps him to work with others, even strangers. This is a Woody Allen film and also in the cast is Jamie Blakeley.  “Irrational Man” is rated PG 13. No rating.


JULY 24, 2015…


Paper Towns is a romantic comedy starring Cara Delevingne and Nat Wolff.


Pixels is an partly-animated movie about an alien invasion with the voices of Adam Sandler and Kevin James.


Pan is a fantasy and adventure film starring Hugh Jackman and a different type of “Peter Pan” story.


Southpaw stars Jake Gyllenhaal in a story about sports.


# # # # #


The Best Films and Worst Film—First Six Months of 2015 (January 15 – July 1), compiled by Marie Asner


BEST FILMS: Alphabetical Order


Dior And Me (documentary—R for language) Backstage at world famous Paris fashion house with new head designer and six weeks to go before the first show.


Inside Out (animated—PG) Story of five emotions in a young girl’s mind and how they help her cope with life


Jupiter Ascending (science fiction/fantasy—PG 13) Creative look a space royalty hierarchy and how it affects Earth


Mad Max: Fury Road (fantasy—R) Remake of the “Mad Max” series in post Apocalyptic world of Australia


Max (PG) Story of military dog who grieves loss of his handler in Afghanistan  (bring hankie)


Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (PG 13) Continuation of first film story and this time involves planning a wedding


Seymour: An Introduction (documentary—not rated) Actor Ethan Hawke’s homage to a favorite music teacher.


Terminator Genisys (R) Clever restart of the “Terminator” franchise and Arnold Schwarzenegger steals the film.


Woman in Gold (based on true story—PG 13) Helen Mirren searches for stolen family painting from WWII and how to retrieve it.




San Andreas (PG 13)—cheesy special effects and enough rescues by Dwayne Johnson for five films.





WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.