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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150721
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
It’s important to remember your brain works slower in hot weather — response times are slower — your whatchamacallit can get all, you know. So don’t try to do too much with your thingie, because it’s too hot to, you know, actually, kind of, uh… think.
Maybe it’s just my imagination – but does anyone else think Michael Caine sounds like the Geico gecko?
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God’s hand for that person.” –Proverbs 3:27 (The Message)
(Jesus said) “If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.” — John 15:10
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. — 1 Timothy 5:3
Thought: Practical loving concern for those who are powerless and forgotten is rooted in the heart of God and championed in Old Testament Law. One of the first internal problems the early church urgently and positively dealt with was prejudice and neglect of the Greek speaking widows in Jerusalem. It was important to God and to them! Paul further reminds us that we better have the same concern for widows today! (Notice that James extends that same concern for both widows and orphans! James 1:27)
Prayer: Forgive me, loving Father, for I sometimes get so lost in my own opportunities and problems that I don’t look around and check on those in my church family who need my help much less those in need who are not Christians. Touch me with your Spirit so that I may better hear, see, and respond to their needs. Thank you for your concern for all people, and please use me as one of your tools of concern to bless those in need. In the precious name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Matthew 7:21 NIV
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
TODAY IS TUESDAY – JULY 21, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 158 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL JUNK FOOD DAY. ***MARLAR: Or you can just celebrate every day like I do so you won’t miss it.
Today is MONKEY APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: I don’t have a lot of experience with them, so I’m not sure what you do to show your appreciation for monkeys. Even my Sea Monkeys died after a couple of days.
Today is DON KNOTTS DAY, marking his birth on this day back in 1924 in Morgantown, West Virginia. He played Barney Fife on “The Andy Griffith Show,” Ralph Furley on “Three’s Company,” and Les “Ace” Calhoun on “Matlock.” He was also a regular on “Search for Tomorrow,” “The Steve Allen Show,” “The Don Knotts Show,” and “What A Country!” Believe it or not, he’s won five Emmy awards. ***MARLAR: Wow, he was on a soap opera? I thought soap operas only hired BAD actors. (
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Legal Drinking Age Day
No Pet Store Puppies Day
COMING UP NEXT
WEDNESDAY, JULY 22
Casual Pi Day (22/7)
Fragile X Awareness Day
THURSDAY, JULY 23
Gorgeous Grandma Day
Hot Enough For Ya Day
FRIDAY, JULY 24
National Drive-Thru Day
National Tequila Day
Tell An Old Joke Day
SATURDAY, JULY 25
Carousel Day (Merry-Go-Round Day)
SUNDAY, JULY 26
Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day
MONDAY, JULY 27
National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day
Walk on Stilts Day
TUESDAY, JULY 28
National Milk Chocolate Day
ON THIS DAY
1873: The Jesse James gang robbed its first train, the Rock Island Express, near Adair, Iowa. The railroad reported the loss at $6,000; gang members said it was $65,000.
1951: The NAACP began protesting the TV version of Amos ‘N’ Andy as insulting to African-Americans four weeks after its debut. One of radio’s most popular and long-running programs, the show lasted just two seasons on television.
1971: Singer Carole King was awarded a gold album for Tapestry. It was on the U.S. album charts for 292 weeks, over 5½ years.
1972: Comedian George Carlin was arrested for disorderly conduct in Milwaukee for saying on stage the seven words performers were prohibited from saying on television.
1984: Asa Long became the oldest U.S. national checkers champion in Tupelo, Mississippi, at age 79 years 334 days. He was also the youngest champ, winning the title in Boston 61 years earlier at age 18.
1988: The first known case of a bull attacking a jet plane was recorded when an Indian Airlines Boeing 737 was charged while landing at Baroda Airport, India. The bull was killed.
1989: Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan was inducted into the Cowboy Hall of Fame.
1996: Three thousand residents of Alkbissola Marina, Italy, ate 662 pounds of pasta cooked in one pot and topped with 440 pounds of tomato sauce. They claimed it was a world spaghetti record.
1997: Seattle police arrested a man after he held up a bank, then walked outside and calmly passed our fistfuls of cash to people passing by.
1998: The roof at the Saline County Library collapsed in Benton, Arkansas, from the weight of what apparently was years of accumulated pigeon dung.
1998: A cyclist stopped by Paris police for riding the wrong way down a one-way street turned out to be a trainee policeman illegally carrying a gun on his way to buy drugs. He was immediately dropped from the police academy.
2003: A man accused of aggravated battery concluded his insanity defense in Panama City, Florida, by loudly hooting “cuckoo-cuckoo,” then dropping his pants and mooning the jury. Jurors took 30 minutes to find him guilty.
2006: A new study by the Institute of Medicine said medication errors harmed 1.5 million people and kill several thousand annually in the U.S.. Additionally, such errors were said to cost the nation at least $3.5 billion a year.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1773: Pope Clement XIV dissolves the Society of Jesus (Jesuits), which was founded in 1534. Clement did not condemn the Society, but explained it was an administrative move for the peace of the church. Pius VII restored the society in 1814.
1925: Biology teacher John T. Scopes is fined $100 for teaching evolution. He lost his trial, but because of it fundamentalists lost respect.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (The Perfect Man, Are You Afraid of the Dark? ) Vanessa Lengies 30
- Actor (Pearl Harbor, Blackhawk Down, Sin City) Josh Hartnett, 37
- Actress/model (“Felicity”) Ali Landry, 42 (
- Actor/comedian (“Mork & Mindy,” Good Morning Vietnam, Mrs. Doubtfire) Robin Williams, 63 (
- Actor/comedian (“Saturday Night Live”, “News Radio”, A League of Their Own) Jon Lovitz, 58 (
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1920 : Isaac Stern
1922 : Kay Starr
1937 : Plas Johnson
1942 : Kim Fowley
1945 : Mike Wilson (The Four Pennies)
1945 : Rosie Hamlin (Rosie and the Originals)
1946 : Barry Whitwam (Herman’s Hermits)
1947 : Cat Stevens
1953 : Eric Bazilian (The Hooters)
1955 : Howie Epstein (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)
1955 : Taco
1969 : Emerson Hart (Tonic)
1981 : Blake Lewis
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do they play “Taps” at military funerals?
Taps was originally used in the military only to end the day. If you’ve ever been to summer camp you may recall singing to it’s melody, “Day is done, gone the sun… yada, yada, yada.” It took on its additional, more solemn function during the American Civil War. Traditionally, a soldier’s funeral included the firing of a three-shot salute. The Civil War produced fatalities wholesale, and the military usually lacked the means to ship the bodies home. This led to funerals on or near the battlefield after the shooting stopped. Firing a salute might have been misinterpreted by the foe as a resumption of hostilities, so Taps, with its evocation of day’s end, was substituted. The custom has survived along with the rifle salute.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Some food for thought from Jimmy Needham. The Christian artist has been open about his struggles with pornography in his younger years. But he pointed out that, when he first got to college, he experienced immediate victory over his porn addiction. What changed? Jimmy says it was simply that he didn’t have cable TV. Sometimes victory over temptation is a simple as removing yourself from that temptation.
A groaner from Citizen Way: Despite the cost of living, it remains popular.
Jenny Simmons has a unique daughter. She tweeted: I have the one kid who has never woken up at 5 or 6 or 7 am. Not once. She rolls out at about 9 am each morning. Perhaps the best gift she has ever given us as parents: waking at a Godly hour.
The ultimate compliment for Danny Gokey. A fan tweeted: Not only did I meet Danny Gokey but I also gave my life to Christ during his set. What an amazing weekend.
Life as a touring artist who is also a mom isn’t always easy. Casting Crowns Megan Garrett tweeted at just after 11pm: In my bunk, listening to my still awake 2 year old sing EVERYTHING IS AWESOME at the top of his lungs. She added the hash tag: everything is not awesome.
A word of advice from Jenny Simmons: don’t leave black bean soup in your microwave. She tweeted: I forgot the black bean soup with extra onion and it lived in the microwave for 3 summer days. THE SMELL OF DEATH visited us.
Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips says lean protein is his food of choice after concerts.
Another groaner from CitizenWay: Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
Shane and Shane were playing with a new toy. They were given a selfie pole and shared a picture as they tried it out. But the two Shane’s wanted to know: are there rules on selfie pole usage?
A suggestion from Rhett Walker: With all the chaos going on in the world… Let’s rise up and fight for what matters most…Making Pluto a planet again!
WEIRD & WACKY
|Texas man navigates traffic while filming wife giving birth
HOUSTON (AP) — Video shows a Houston-area man filming his wife giving birth to their 10-pound baby son next to him as he drives through traffic in an unsuccessful effort to reach a birthing center in time. Jonathan and Lesia Pettijohn were stuck in traffic for more than an hour this week when…
|Suspect leads police on slow-speed scooter chase in Nevada
CARSON CITY, Nev. (AP) — A suspected drug dealer tried to evade authorities in Nevada while riding a scooter. The Nevada Appeal reports (http://bit.ly/1feemsn) that Joseph Scurti is facing charges including suspicion of a parole and probation warrant and probation violation. Obstruction…
|Police: Stuffed toy cushions Colorado girl’s 3-story fall
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — Police in Colorado say a stuffed toy helped save a 5-year-old girl’s life after she fell out of a third-story apartment window. The girl broke her arm, but Colorado Springs police say she held on to the toy and it cushioned her fall Thursday night. Police said…
|Man scales fences, runs onto San Diego airport runway
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Police arrested a shirtless man believed to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol after he scaled two fences and ran onto a runway at San Diego International Airport, briefly interrupting flights. Airport authority spokesman Jonathan Heller says all incoming and outgoing…
|Police: Man sees robbery video of himself, turns himself in
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Police say a man shown in a surveillance video trying to rob a New Jersey business later watched the recording online and turned himself in. Trenton police Lt. Stephen Varn tells NJ.com (http://bit.ly/1Kblz72) that Dwaine Whitaker appeared on surveillance video trying to…
|Team appears to fall short on largest chain reaction machine photo
DETROIT (AP) — A team at the Michigan Science Center in Detroit appears to have fallen short of building the world’s largest chain reaction machine. Lead builder Steve Price says while the machine ran from start to finish, some individual sections failed — which he believes meant there…
|China reprimands online companies for spread of sex video photo
BEIJING (AP) — Sex may sell, but a steamy video purportedly taken inside a Uniqlo fitting room in Beijing is giving the clothing retailer some uncomfortable attention. Online searches for the Japanese clothing brand soared this week after the viral spread of the video apparently showing a…
|Police: Man uninjured after being run over by freight train
SCHAGHTICOKE, N.Y. (AP) — State police say a man escaped injury after being run over by a freight train while sleeping in the middle of railroad tracks in an upstate New York town. Troopers say 38-year-old Aaron Collins of Stillwater was highly intoxicated when he went to sleep Wednesday…
|Owner says breast milk jewelry business isn’t scam
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — A Rhode Island woman who makes jewelry out of mothers’ breast milk is hitting back at claims that her business is a scam. HASH(0x13cf1c0) State Attorney General Peter Kilmartin says his office has received two new complaints against MommyMilk since Wednesday. The…
|Just a kangaroo in the vineyard during Australian snowstorm photo
SYDNEY (AP) — Kangaroos are a common sight for Australian vineyard owner Bill Shrapnel. But a winter storm this week was the first time he’d seen a ‘roo in the snow. Shrapnel guesses about 30 of the “timid” and “watchful” creatures live on his 77-acre Colmar Estate vineyard in Orange, New…
|Patrol investigating how Ohio inmate got prison passwords
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Ohio authorities are investigating how an inmate obtained a list of prison administrators’ usernames and passwords. Prisons spokeswoman JoEllen Smith says the list was discovered during a random search at Lebanon Correctional Institution on July 10. Smith said Thursday…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Families hit by rare early Alzheimer’s push for research photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The rarest form of Alzheimer’s ravages generations as families pass down gene mutations that trigger the disease in people in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Now, ahead of a major Alzheimer’s research meeting, dozens of these families met face to face for the first time, and asked…
|Liberia says 4 remaining Ebola patients have recovered
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — The four remaining patients infected during Liberia’s recent string of Ebola cases have recovered, meaning there are currently no confirmed cases in the country though more than 100 people are still under surveillance, a health official said Friday. “There are no…
|Could Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket miss out on medical pot? photo
BOSTON (AP) — Massachusetts has a cannabis conundrum. State law requires every county to have a dispensary for medical marijuana, but federal regulations forbid the drug from being transported across U.S. waters. That leaves the tourist havens of Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket potless unless…
|Democrats decry undercover probe of HealthCare.gov
WASHINGTON (AP) — Senior Democrats pushed back Thursday against an undercover government probe of President Barack Obama’s health care law, saying it didn’t uncover any real fraud. Investigators for the nonpartisan Government Accountability Office signed up 11 bogus beneficiaries for 2014…
|Major cyberattack targets UCLA hospital system
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A months-long cyberattack on the University of California, Los Angeles hospital system put at risk the personal information for up to 4.5 million people, officials said Friday. UCLA Health said in a statement that while there’s no evidence hackers acquired personal or…
|Senator: Compensate residents near site of atomic bomb test photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — People who lived near the site of the first atomic bomb test in the New Mexico desert and later developed cancer and other health problems need to be compensated, a U.S. senator said Thursday. The federal government neglected residents of the historic Hispanic village…
|Pot-pioneering Colorado rejects marijuana as PTSD treatment photo
DENVER (AP) — Colorado is known for pushing boundaries on marijuana, but health officials’ decision to reject pot as a treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder shows the issue is far from settled. Voters have made marijuana legal for both medical and recreational use, but government…
|Study show high-risk areas for Lyme disease growing photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The geographic areas where Lyme disease is a bigger danger have grown dramatically, according to a new government study published Wednesday U.S. cases remain concentrated in the Northeast and upper Midwest. But now more areas in those regions are considered high risk. “The…
|House panel wants to interview Planned Parenthood official
WASHINGTON (AP) — A Republican-led House committee asked Friday for a briefing from the Planned Parenthood official whose secretly recorded discussion of how her organization obtains tissue from aborted fetuses for research has ignited a new GOP political offensive on abortion. The letter to…
|Liberia confirms 2nd Ebola death in resurgent outbreak photo
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — A second person in Liberia has died from Ebola in the latest resurgence of the deadly disease in the West African nation, an official said Wednesday. The woman in her early 20s who died on July 12 was linked to the 17-year-old boy who died last month, Deputy Health…
|Study: Early clue to why some children may have reading woes photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — New research suggests it may be possible to predict which preschoolers will struggle to read — and it has to do with how the brain deciphers speech when it’s noisy. Scientists are looking for ways to tell, as young as possible, when children are at risk for later…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
With the summer thunderstorm season now underway, a study finds that 81% of lightning strikes happen to men. *** My guess – they’re the ones using God’s name as a curse word on the golf course.
Despite recent shark attacks in North Carolina and Florida, Christopher Ingraham writes in the “Washington Post” that shark attacks should be at the bottom of your list of concerns this summer. He says that humans are far more likely to be attacked and killed by other creatures including bees, wasps, hornets, dogs and cows. *** Well, in that case… don’t expect to see me leave the house until October.
According to a new political poll, Donald Trump has jumped to second place among New Hampshire Republicans, trailing only former Florida governor Jeb Bush. In the survey of 500 likely Republican primary voters, Bush was supported by 14% while Trump was favored by 11%. *** Followed closely in third place by write-in candidate, Seymour Butts.
More than a quarter of Americans lie about flossing their teeth, and 36 percent say they would rather do an unpleasant activity like doing taxes or cleaning the toilet. *** Which is still better than flossing with your toilet brush.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Nearly half of all American workers gripe about being burned out even though they didn’t use up all their vacation days last year. According to a recent survey by Yahoo Hot Jobs, 45% didn’t take all their time off, while 39% say they were too exhausted to go on a “real” vacation. Another 36% claim to be too busy to take time off, 34% say the high cost of going somewhere keeps them going to the office, while 32% want to save vacation days for real emergencies. ***MARLAR: I know exactly how frustrating that can be, working too hard and not taking time off… so here’s my plan for you. Work hard, and give ME your vacation time. I’m willing to make the sacrifice for you.
A Duke University study found that most Americans today are very isolated and have no close friends to confide in. ***MARLAR: I hope you don’t mind me telling you this story, but I have nobody else to talk to.
British scientists are trying to fight “global warming” by inventing a new livestock feed that reduces methane gas emissions. ***MARLAR: Couldn’t they also make it available to Taco Bell locations? Pleeeease?
It would seem logical for patients who have had a heart attack to cut back on fast food. Some devoted fast food eaters do. But six months later, more than half can still be found at their favorite fast food places at least once a week, according to a study in the American Journal of Cardiology. ***MARLAR: Personally, I think McDonald’s laces their Quarter Pounders with meth.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Horizontally Gifted”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Run Forest”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, upon losing all of his crayons, Racquet sought help from all of his friends to help find them so he could finish the portrait of the rabbit family as he promised. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to be all that sympathetic to his situation.
CLOSE: It’s beginning to look like those crayons will never be found, and that the Rabbit family will never get their portrait colored. Of course, we can all agree that swimming and fort building are extremely important – but then, so are crayons, right? And I’m pretty sure it’s important to help a friend in need to… I think. Find out what happens next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 25/26, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson, in order to avoid having to work, nailed the Razzleflabbins’ calendar clock hands so they’d stay on Saturday. But now it’s been Saturday for several days… and there’s nothing left to eat on the entire jungle except bread and water!
CLOSE: Will Marvy ever fess up to the truth that it’s actually HIS fault? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A Norwegian doctor called in for military service would have made Cpl. Klinger of MASH proud.
The doctor rubbed sour cream in his hair, poured sticky liqueur in his shoes, spilled beer on his clothes and sat in a closet smoking 40 cigarettes at once in an attempt to convince the military that he wasn’t fit mentally for service. And just to be sure he looked and felt his worst, he stayed awake for two days before his physical. He was so convincing that the military doctor alerted the national health authority about the man they had licensed to work as a physician. An analysis of his records, however, showed that not only was he not insane, but he had received high marks from his patients. Now the doctor is facing likely disciplinary action from the military and the medical board.
TOP TEN FISHING TERMS
- Catch and Release – A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit.
- Hook – (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman’s wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
- Line – Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
- Lure – An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
- Reel – A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
- Rod – An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
- School – A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.
- Tackle – What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
- Tackle Box – A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.
- Test – (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming “that stupid line” for once again losing the fish.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Timing is everything, especially if you plan to be a successful bank robber!
FILE #1: From Gallup, New Mexico comes a Law & Disorder file where an unidentified man did just about everything wrong in his attempt to rob the First Bank of Gallup. First, he picked a very poor disguise, a dirty old raincoat with the collar turned up and a pollen mask to cover his face. Then, he selected a rather poor container for the cash he hoped to take home, an empty, rolled up trash bag. Even with these things going against him he might have gotten away with at least a little money, except for one other thing… he waited until the bank was closed to try to hold it up. He was standing outside the bank in his robber getup, banging on the doors trying to get in when a bank manager inside heard the noise and called the cops.
FILE #2: 22-year-old Albert Jackson Dowdy of Grants Pass, Oregon, broke into somebody’s house by smashing through a glass door with a paint can. Unfortunately the can broke open and got paint everywhere — including his shoes. It wasn’t all that hard for the cops to simply follow the footprints to a nearby hotel where Al was living. Here’s the best part: Al’s total take from the crime — a can of tuna fish and a box of oatmeal!
FILE #3: Police in Moldova are on the lookout for Vladimir Kozak, whom they believe has used hypnotism to steal tens of thousands of dollars from bank tellers. Witnesses say bank employees have been unable to resist his powers after he makes eye contact, puts his targets in a hypnotic state, and convinces them to hand over cash. ***MARLAR: So he looks them in the eye, and then what? Does he whisper to them, “You are getting very, very generous…”?
STRANGE LAW: In Alaska you cannot disturb a grisly bear to take it’s picture.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Delivering sweets to the police department lands one teenager in a lot of trouble.
An 18-year-old suspected of delivering drug-laced cookies to a dozen police stations in Texas is fulfilling court-ordered community service work for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Christian Phillips told police he was representing MADD when he dropped off the baskets of treats that were loaded with LSD. A few officers ate the cookies, but no illnesses have been reported. Phillips was arrested Tuesday at the Lake Worth police department after officers – who had received a call from MADD saying that cookies taken to another station may have been tainted – accepted the basket. After he was busted, police discovered Phillips had visited 13 of 24 departments. Ironically, Phillips was on probation for an assault last summer after officers responded to a loud party at a Watauga house. Several teens fled, but Phillips tried to “karate chop” an officer’s arm.
What junk food can you not resist? Fries from McDonald’s? Wendy’s Frosty? Onion rings from Sonic?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Jesus said John the Baptist was which Old Testament prophet?
ANSWER: Elijah (Matthew 11:12-14)
QUESTION: What state is surrounded by the most water?
ANSWER: Hawaii. All of it is surrounded by water. Most people, amazingly enough, get this one wrong. They either say Maine, Florida, Alaska, or California.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain) was born on a day when Haley’s comet came into view – and died on a day when it was in view as well. (True)
- The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Glare Dots. (False, they’re called Botts dots)
- The first issue of People Magazine, in 1974, cost 25 cents. (False – it was 35 cents, and featured actress Mia Farrow on the cover)
- The four principal characters from the cartoon series “The Chipmunks” are Alvin, Simon, Theodore, and Michael. (False, it’s Dave – not Michael)
- The Jazz Singer, 1927, was the first movie with audible dialogue. (True)
- The Lone Ranger’s “real” name is John Reid. (True)
- The longest Oscar acceptance speech was an hour long. (True – it was made by Greer Garson for 1924’s “Mrs. Miniver.”)
- The Looney Tunes song is actually called “Three Blind Mice”. (False – it’s “The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down.”)
- The official state song of Georgia is “Georgia on My Mind”. (True – and has been since 1922)
- The Professor on “Gilligan’s Island” was named Roy Hinkley. (True. And the Skipper was named Jonas Grumby. Both names were used only once in the entire series, on the first episode.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
MATILDA, THE ____ FROM ANOTHER PLANET! (CAT)
The Internet’s newest celebrity looks like she’s landed on Earth from somewhere far away!
She’s a cat named Matilda and with her saucer-like eyes, she resembles a feline ET!
The feisty fur ball was born with a condition that makes her pupils dilate to the size of asteroids, and cover the rest of her eyes.
But her unique appearance has attracted a lot of looks around the web.
The 2-year-old tabby has collected an out-of-this-world 46,000 Instagram followers and 30,000 Facebook friends, allowing her to make contact with a vast universe of amazed Earthlings.
Matilda’s profile reads: “Have you seen anyone else that looks like this? I’m seeking my own kind.”
While her unusual condition limits her eyesight to “light and some motion,” her earthbound owners in Canada [who prefer to remain unnamed to maintain their privacy] said: “The pressure levels in her eyes are completely normal, which means that there is no pain.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would reply. So he asked, “God, are you listening?”
And God replied, “Yes my son, I am here.”
The man stopped and pondered some more.
He looked towards the sky and said, “God, what is a million years to you?”
God replied, “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you.”
So the man continued to walk and to ponder… walk and ponder… Then he looked to the sky again and said, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”
And God replied, “My son, my son… a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little.”
The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, “God, can I have a million dollars?”
God replied, “In a second.”
A reporter asked actor Howard Lindsay (who was the original father in “Life with Father”) the customary question: “Mr. Lindsay, can you remember the best piece of advice that you ever received?”
“Oh, yes,” the actor replied enthusiastically. “It was several years ago that I was advised to marry my lovely wife, Dorothy Stickney.”
“And, sir, do you remember who gave you that advice?”
“Certainly! She did.”
A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four year old David’s. Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart. “Listen”, she said, “What do you suppose that is?” He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. “Is that Jesus knocking?” he asked.
The Dutch airline KLM was fined $14,340 for an incident in 1999 where 440 Chinese ground squirrels heading to Greece were shredded because they didn’t have the proper European health papers. ***MARLAR: KLM defended its actions, saying the only other option would’ve been to put them in the middle seat in coach between two traveling salesmen and bore them to death.
British politicians are being urged to eat gray squirrels as part of a radical plan to prevent the native red squirrels from being eliminated by the gray imports from North America. ***MARLAR: As if English food isn’t bad enough – now they want you to sit down and eat a big steaming bowl of fish-and-chipmunks.
IN THE NAVY
A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after he had completed boot camp, he was invited to be in a friend’s wedding. He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.
“You don’t understand, sir,” my friend said. “I’m in the wedding.”
The officer replied, “No, YOU don’t understand. You’re in the Navy.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Where in the world do you think it’s actually appropriate for your wife to be a minimum weight?
I was always taught that asking a woman’s weight was a very impolite thing to do… but in Finland, it’s REQUIRED! That is, if you want to compete in the annual world wife-carrying championship! The Finnish village of Sonkajarvi has set a minimum weight for women taking part in its annual world wife-carrying championship to stop men with petite spouses having an advantage. By the way, if you have no idea what this is all about (and there’s really no reason that you should), the championships have men carry women on their backs over an obstacle course. Wives must now weigh at least 92.5lbs. ***MARLAR: “Honey, does this dress make me look fat? It does? Oh good… that means we’re ready to compete!”
Purpose can make a huge difference in a person’s life. The crew of Paul’s ship had given up all hope of being saved (Acts 27:20) after being relentlessly tossed in a mighty storm for two weeks. Still Paul was not moved. He knew he had a purpose to fulfill, for an angel had spoken to him, telling him that he would “surely stand trial before Caesar” (v. 24). Believing that nothing could defeat what God had determined, Paul encouraged everyone around him that all would be well.
When the circumstances of life fail to line up with your expectations, you can feel trapped, and the world becomes a hopeless place. God, however, has a plan for you, and when you find His purpose for your life, adverse circumstances become meaningless. No matter the difficulty, Satan cannot destroy you before you fulfill your purpose.
In Acts 27:28, when all hope seemed gone, suddenly a slight change appeared: the depth of the water lessened. As you cling to your purpose and God’s promise, suddenly the battle will begin to turn. It may seem almost imperceptible at first, but nothing will stop God from fulfilling His purposes.
That’s exactly what David experienced. After all the years of his trials with Saul, the day finally came when God removed Saul from the scene and “turned his kingdom over to David son of Jesse” (1 Chronicles 10:14).
Keep sailing. God is not finished with you yet!
–By Larry Stockstill
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Matthew 26:36-46
O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will. —Matthew 26:39
A question about the title of a hymn took me back to a wonderful old song I grew up singing in church called “Let Him Have His Way With Thee.” The chorus says: “His power can make you what you ought to be; His blood can cleanse your heart and make you free; His love can fill your soul, and you will see ’twas best for Him to have His way with thee.”
Even when we know that God’s way is best for us, we may still struggle to obey Him. When Christ our Savior faced the horrible reality of bearing our sins on the cross, He agonized in prayer, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39). Jesus, who lived to do His Father’s will, struggled and prayed, then willingly obeyed. And He can help us as we grapple with the difficult choices in our lives.
- S. Lewis wrote: “There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.'” If we continually choose our own way, He will eventually allow us to suffer the consequences.
It’s best to surrender to God now. If we do, we’ll have the assurance that His way is best for us. —David McCasland
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay;
Mould me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still. —Pollard
There is victory in surrender when the conqueror is Christ.
An army of 176 volunteer “odor police” is pounding the streets of the French Mediterranean port of Marseille as part of a crackdown on smell pollution. A newspaper report said the group was deployed by the air analysis firm Airmaraix. The volunteer “noses” are required to record what they smell on a daily basis, ranging from “pleasant” through “irritating” to “nauseating.” So far, the team has identified whiffs of rotten egg and burnt plastic on the outskirts of the city and a rancid mixture of refuse, petrol fumes, drains, fish, tobacco, soap and marijuana in the center. ***MARLAR: Gee, where can I apply for THAT job!
LIFE… LIVE IT
- Reheat Pizza: Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel. However, my personal preference is to use a toaster oven – just be sure to put aluminum foil on the bottom of the toaster oven so the melted cheese can more easily be cleaned up.
- Easy Deviled Eggs: Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.
- Expanding Frosting: When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar/calories per serving.
- Reheating refrigerated bread: To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.
- Newspaper weeds away: Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.
- Broken Glass: Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken glass pieces of glass – the fibers catch ones you can’t see!
- No More Mosquitoes: Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.
- Squirrel Away: To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn’t hurt the plant and the squirrels won’t come near it.
- Flexible vacuum: To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
- Reducing Static Cling: Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -voila – static is gone.
- Measuring Cups: Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill it with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry the cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
- Foggy windshields: Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
- Reopening envelope: If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It unseals easily.
- Conditioner: Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair.
- Goodbye Fruit Flies: To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2″ with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!
- Get Rid of Ants: Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it “home,” and can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
- Take baby powder to the beach: Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you’re ready to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the sand will slide right off your skin.
JUST FOR FUN
Keeping yourself clean is always a good idea… but you have to be careful on what methods you use to GET clean!
Talk about dirty laundry! A 38-year-old bakery worker in Hudsonville, Michigan was just doing his job one evening at the Spartan Stores bakery when he climbed into an industrial dishwasher to clean it out at 10:30 PM. The machine, which is about 8 feet long and 5 feet wide, managed to close the door on him and began to start. He banged and banged on the door but couldn’t attract the attention of his co-workers so he ended up spending 2 hours in the 180-degree wash cycle until they noticed him missing. He was released from the local hospital after a couple of hours of observation. ***MARLAR: The good news, he’s so clean now he won’t have to take a shower for a month!
YOU MIGHT BE A MISSIONARY IF
- You do your devotions in another language.
- You have friends from or in 29 different countries.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You can cut grass with a machete, but can’t start a lawnmower.
- You watch nature documentaries, and think about how good that animal would taste if it were fried.
- You consider a city 500 km away to be “very close”.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You read National Geographic and recognize someone.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You can’t answer the question, “Where are you from?”
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
AND REMEMBER, EVIAN SPELLED BACKWARDS IS NAÏVE.
Consumers spend a collective $100 billion every year on bottled water in the often mistaken belief that it’s better for us than what flows from our taps. However, according to environmental think tank the Earth Policy Institute, for a fraction of that sum, everyone on the planet could have safe drinking water and proper sanitation. Although in the industrial world bottled water is often no healthier than tap water, it can cost up to 10,000 times more. In fact, roughly 40 percent of bottled water begins as tap water; often the only difference is added minerals that have no marked health benefit. And here’s something to make you think — in many countries, including Europe and the United States, there are more regulations governing the quality of tap water than bottled water. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency sets more stringent quality standards for tap water than the Food and Drug Administration does for the bottled stuff. So think before you drink.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(None On The Weekends)
That morning cup-o-Joe is a must-have for many people. And now it looks like java fans may have a healthy reason to pour another cup. In a new study, researchers from the Institute for Scientific Information on Coffee (ISIC) looked at coffee consumption and found that moderate coffee consumption may decrease the risk of dying from heart disease. The study found that drinking around 3 cups of coffee per day was linked to a 21 percent decrease in patients’ risk of dying of heart disease. Three to 5 cups of coffee a day was also linked to a reduced risk of Type 2 diabetes.
New Zealand businessman Barry Cox has turned a connection with nature into a literal sanctuary by building an entire church out of trees. Cox lives on a three-acre property on the country’s north island and runs a tree relocating business. He opened the 100-seat Tree Church in January, but photos and videos didn’t surface until July. The church and gardens are open Sundays and Tuesdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. The Tree Church is also available for weddings or special events.
Do we need one more chocolate chip cookie recipe? Apparently we do. The latest suggestion is using ice cream in the cookies to give them a unique flavor variation. Use chocolate ice cream for a rich chocolate flavor or mint chocolate chip for a mint version of the age-old favorite.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
(THE JOCK SHOW) was recorded before a large cardboard cut-out of a live studio audience.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
No doubt you have seen those bumper stickers on company vehicles asking, “How’s my driving?” Then there’s a phone number to call. I doubt anyone has called the number to say, “Hey, I’m following Joe’s Landscaping truck number 46111 and he’s driving really well. Using turn signals and everything!” Not gonna happen.
While in Branson, Missouri, recently, we stopped at a grocery story for a few items. And for some Starbucks. Before leaving, we used the store restrooms. Bad news. Both of the towel dispensers in my room were empty. Stuff on the floor. Overall, it just needed attention.
I saw a toll free number on the mirror asking for feedback if the restroom needed attention. I called. A friendly person took my comments and said they would contact a manager right away. I didn’t stick around to watch. But I felt like I’d done my lavatory civic duty. I liked the feel of immediate response.
Many companies use different methods to get customer feedback. Secret shoppers provide some real life customer experiences. There’s now a lot of receipt-based requests asking for you to complete a brief survey on a company. Even my doctors’ offices asking for online feedback on their services. (Response: Too long waiting!!!)
What I was surprised to learn recently is the number of companies asking for employee feedback. The information management is seeking measures worker satisfaction. And new apps give a lot of this information in real time — rather than just an end-of-year survey.
In a Fast Company article titled, “Unhappy at Work? Swipe Right to Tell the Boss,” I found out about several of these apps. http://www.fastcompany.com/3046843/unhappy-at-work-swipe-right-to-tell-the-boss
Here’s one example: “So for quick daily happiness check-ins, the company (Bunny, Inc) uses an app called Niko Niko that lets employees quickly swipe across their smartphone screens to indicate their overall moods, or to answer more specific survey questions. A touch-and-drag happiness meter and corresponding smiley (or frowny) face lets employees say how they’re feeling about everything from their relationship with their managers to the cleanliness of the corporate offices.”
Apparently, over $700 million a year is spent by companies to measure and boost employee engagement. Better engaged workforces have payoffs. That includes higher productivity, employee retention, and worker safety. All leading to improved profitability.
Another app is used to get feedback from job prospects. While not a perfect measurement tool, it aids in discovering whether a prospect for a job might be a good fit. They also get information from new-hires and from exit interviews. Clever.
Here’s the critical piece in using these employee response methods. As one exec says, the “kiss of death is to ask questions and do nothing about it.” When employees see results from their feedback, morale jumps. When they don’t, this becomes a waste of money and time.
As you might suspect, there is a lesson from the Bible that applies here. It is found in the book of James, chapter two, verses 14-17:
“Dear brothers, what’s the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren’t proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone? If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing, and you say to him, ‘Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty,’ and then don’t give him clothes or food, what good does that do? So you see, it isn’t enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn’t show itself by good works is no faith at all—it is dead and useless.”
Discovering what people want and need to improve their quality of life is only valuable if there is a commitment to meet those needs. Pretty basic stuff. Let those in management who have ears…hear.
Now…back to my Survey Monkey.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 17, 2015…
Ant Man—Marvel Comic Books does it again. Here comes “Ant Man’ and played by Paul Rudd. Instead of gigantic creatures, such as Godzilla, we have someone the size of an ant. Be careful where you step. The ant may be a science experiment in your neighborhood. This particular story has Rudd volunteering for a special suit by scientist Pym (Michael Douglas) and you can figure out the rest. There is a villain, Yellow Jacket (Corey Stoll) and at the size of an ant, just about everything can be a villain. Also in the cast is Evangeline Lilly. “Ant Man” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
TrainWreck—Amy Schumer is a writer who doesn’t believe in romance. It just doesn’t work out. However, when her next assignment is sports doc Bill Hader, she begins to change her mind. Also in the cast are Tilda Swinton and Brie Larson. ”TrainWreck” is rated R. No rating.
Mr. Holmes—Ian McKellen takes on the role of Sherlock Holmes, aging and with failing memory, as he does one last case. Also in the cast are Laura Linney and Milo Parker. “Mr. Holmes” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
Irrational Man—Joaquin Phoenix is a college teacher in the middle of a mid-life crisis. He finds it helps him to work with others, even strangers. This is a Woody Allen film and also in the cast is Jamie Blakeley. “Irrational Man” is rated PG 13. No rating.
JULY 24, 2015…
Paper Towns is a romantic comedy starring Cara Delevingne and Nat Wolff.
Pixels is an partly-animated movie about an alien invasion with the voices of Adam Sandler and Kevin James.
Pan is a fantasy and adventure film starring Hugh Jackman and a different type of “Peter Pan” story.
Southpaw stars Jake Gyllenhaal in a story about sports.
# # # # #
The Best Films and Worst Film—First Six Months of 2015 (January 15 – July 1), compiled by Marie Asner
BEST FILMS: Alphabetical Order
Dior And Me (documentary—R for language) Backstage at world famous Paris fashion house with new head designer and six weeks to go before the first show.
Inside Out (animated—PG) Story of five emotions in a young girl’s mind and how they help her cope with life
Jupiter Ascending (science fiction/fantasy—PG 13) Creative look a space royalty hierarchy and how it affects Earth
Mad Max: Fury Road (fantasy—R) Remake of the “Mad Max” series in post Apocalyptic world of Australia
Max (PG) Story of military dog who grieves loss of his handler in Afghanistan (bring hankie)
Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (PG 13) Continuation of first film story and this time involves planning a wedding
Seymour: An Introduction (documentary—not rated) Actor Ethan Hawke’s homage to a favorite music teacher.
Terminator Genisys (R) Clever restart of the “Terminator” franchise and Arnold Schwarzenegger steals the film.
Woman in Gold (based on true story—PG 13) Helen Mirren searches for stolen family painting from WWII and how to retrieve it.
San Andreas (PG 13)—cheesy special effects and enough rescues by Dwayne Johnson for five films.
WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.