July 22, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

***RADIO ISN’T DEAD – From RadioIsntDead.com

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150722

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

If I sound sleepy it’s because I was up late last night. A UFO landed in my back yard.  An extraterrestrial got out and accidentally locked his keys inside.  He woke me up to ask if I had a coat hanger.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment…instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  –1 Peter 3:3-4

 

If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. — 1 John 1:7

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

The people served the LORD throughout the lifetime of Joshua and of the elders who outlived him and who had seen all the great things the LORD had done for Israel. — Judges 2:7

 

Thought: Each generation must have its own first-hand faith. Transforming faith takes more than receiving a godly heritage and stories of the past deeds of God. It requires a fresh experience of God’s mighty presence!

 

Prayer: Holy God, help me pass down my faith in you, and my love for you, to my children and to other young believers. More than that, Abba Father, help them experience your mighty power and great deeds personally through ministry and sacrificial service. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus! Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 7:21 NIV = “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JULY 22, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 157 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is INTERNATIONAL CHILDBIRTH AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: Okay, raise your hands if you think you might need to be made aware that you’re experiencing childbirth.

 

In SAN FRANCISCO IT’S PREPAREDNESS DAY. ***MARLAR: Possibly to prepare Rice-a-Roni – the San Francisco treat?

 

Today is HURRICANE SUPPLICATION DAY IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS. ***MARLAR: Be sure to get in line and get your supply of hurricanes before they’re all gone!

 

Today is NATIONAL SQUIRT A PIGEON DAY.  ***MARLAR: It’s payback for them squirting our cars the rest of the year.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Casual Pi Day (22/7)

Fragile X Awareness Day

National Penuche Fudge Day

Rat-catchers Day

Spoonerisms Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JULY 23

Gorgeous Grandma Day

Hot Enough For Ya Day

Lumberjack Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 24

Cousins Day

National Drive-Thru Day

National Tequila Day

Tell An Old Joke Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 25

Carousel Day (Merry-Go-Round Day)

National Dance Day

National Day of the Cowboy

Thread The Needle Day

Video Games Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 26

Aunties Day

One Voice

Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day

Parents’ Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 27

Barbie-in-a-Blender Day

National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day

Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day

Walk on Stilts Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 28

Buffalo Soldiers Day

National Milk Chocolate Day

World Hepatitis Day

 

WEDSDAY, JULY 29

Lasagna Day

National Chicken Wing Day

Rain Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1940: Thomas Wayne Perkins was born. He and Elvis attended the same high school in Memphis. His brother Luther played guitar for Johnny Cash. In 1959 Thomas Wayne had one hit record: “Tragedy.” He died in 1971 at age 31.

 

1963: Vee-Jay Records released an album entitled Introducing the Beatles.

 

1976: General Robert E. Lee became a U.S. citizen. The paper work had been bogged down for 110 years.

 

1985: Cleveland fans gobbled up 70,000 tickets in less than three hours to see Bruce Springsteen in concert.

 

1989: At 10:00am John Nowbilski and Don Gliha completed their 536th hole of golf in 24 hours at Tallwood Country Club in Manchester, Connecticut. They averaged 2 minutes 40 seconds per hole. ***MARLAR: 536 holes… that’s usually the number of strokes it takes me to finish a golf course. (Yeah, I’m that bad.)

 

1992: Bandits apparently spent all night cutting through a wall of Lloyds Bank in Hampshire, England, only to find the building was empty. The bank had been closed for four years. ***MARLAR: Masterful! It’s the perfect plan! After all, who would ever suspect a break in at a bank that didn’t have any money? Genius!

 

1993: Actress Michelle Pfeiffer became the world’s top paid actress when she accepted the offer of $12 million to play Catwoman in a spin-off movie about Batman’s evil opponent.

 

1994: In a Los Angeles courtroom O.J. Simpson pleaded “absolutely 100% not guilty” to two murder charges.

 

1995: Singer Shania Twain had her first #1 hit as “Any Man of Mine” topped the Billboard country music chart.

 

2001: A 30-year-old New Dehli man won a place in the Limca Book of Records, the equivalent of the Guinness Book of Record for India, by standing still for 24 hours and one minute. The previous record was 18 hours.

 

2001: A 27-year-old South African burglar was arrested after he broke into a library where the local policeman was discussing crime statistics. Carrying boxes and computer disks, the suspect was grabbed by security staff while the officer was discussing crime statistics.

 

2003: U.S. forces stormed a villa and killed Saddam Hussein’s sons Odai and Qusai in Mosul, Iraq.

 

2006: The head of NATO’s international security force in Afghanistan said that country was “close to anarchy” and that Western military forces were “running out of time.”

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1604: King James and Bishop Bancroft worked out a set of 14 instructions to the translators of the King James version of the Bible on this date. The instructions were designed to ensure that, despite the variety of views among the translators, the forth-coming work would be a Protestant Bible and the Bible names be “retained as near as may be” to the original. It was requested that when the translators had completed work on their assigned sections, that they should confer together on what had been done. The King James Version is often referred to as the most successful work ever done by a committee.

 

1620: Led by John Robinson, a group of English Separatists who had fled Holland in 1607 sail for England, where they would board the Mayflower.

 

1680: Madame Guyon claims to have achieved a union with Christ this day. Her mysticism inspired the famous Francois Fenelon to seek a deeper spirituality. Her writings breathe passion for Christ. She was eventually imprisoned by the Catholic church.

 

1822: Gregor Mendel, the Austrian monk and botanist who discovered the basic laws of genetic inheritance, is born.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Final Destination 2, “Criminal Minds”) A.J. Cook 37 (
    )
  • actor (Lieutenant Bud J. Roberts, Jr. on “JAG,” Andrew Garvey on “Little House on the Prairie”) Pat Labyorteaux 50 (
    )
  • Actor/comedian (“Saturday Night Live,” Joe Dirt, “Just Shoot Me”) David Spade 51 (
    )
  • AND… actor/comedian (Assault on Precinct 13, Ice Age, “ER,” Spawn) John Leguizamo, 51 (
    )
  • actress (Runaway Jury, Inventing the Abbots, “Dark Shadows”) Joanna Going 52 (
    )
  • Actor (“Melrose Place’s” Kyle) Rob Estes, 52 (
    )
  • Actor (Spider-Man, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Patriot Games) Willem Dafoe, 60
  • actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2, Silverado) Danny Glover  68
  • AND… actor/comedian (Broadcast News, The In-Laws) Albert Brooks, 68
  • TV host (“Jeopardy”) Alex Trebek 75 (
    )
  • Actor (General Zod in the Christopher Reeve Superman movie) Terence Stamp, 76

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1924 : Margaret Whiting

1937 : Chuck Jackson

1940 : George Clinton (Parliament/Funkadelic)

1941 : Thomas Wayne

1943 : Bobby Sherman

1944 : Estelle Bennett (The Ronettes)

1944 : Rick Davies (Supertramp)

1947 : Don Henley (Eagles)

1961 : Keith Sweat

1963 : Emily Sailers (Indigo Girls)

1967 : Pat Badger (Extreme)

1973 : Rufus Wainwright

1973 : Daniel Jones (Savage Garden)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

So, quicksand… is it really all that dangerous? Should we avoid it at all costs or risk losing our lives?

Despite what all the low budget Tarzan and horror movies would have you believe, quicksand doesn’t really suck you into the earth. Quicksand is nothing more than a blend of light sand and water, or sometimes mud peppered with pebbles. Water injects itself into the grains of sand or pebbles which separates and lifts them, causing them to tumble over one another. However, since quicksand is saturated with liquid, and far outweighs water, it allows anything or anyone who steps into it, to float on top of it. The key to swimming in quicksand is slow motion. By moving slowly, you give the quicksand the time necessary to flow around your body, thereby making swimming or floating possible.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Congratulations to Ellie Holcomb and her husband Drew. Ellie gave birth to Hampton Andrew Holcomb III this week. Ellie tweeted: “Huck”! We are already so thankful for your life!!!

 

Lincoln Brewster has an idea and he wants your opinion The longtime worship leader shared online: For the longest time, I’ve wanted to gather a small group of worship leaders and “talk shop.” This wouldn’t be another conference, this would be a time for me and a few of my worship leader friends to pour into 30-40 worship leaders. We’d be sharing real strategies, insights and conversations about ministry, family, songwriting and worship. Up close and personal. Lincoln says: This year could be the year but I need your help. We need an idea of how many people would be interested in this. If you or someone you know is interested, click the link and let us know. You can respond to Lincoln at http://bit.ly/1Gu388S

 

Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard says they had a hot set in Oklahoma City over the weekend. And his statement wasn’t just in relation to the tempo of their music. The heat index was 104 degrees when the band played for the Oklahoma City Dodgers Sunday afternoon.

 

The members of Group 1 Crew say they received an amazing compliment recently from a security guard at a venue they played at. The guard said he worked a lot of rap concerts and appreciated that he didn’t have to hear women called derogatory names all night long. Front man Manny Reyes added: Thank you Jesus for taking us to the places where it isn’t “appropriate” for us to do shows. Right in the place where love is needed most.

 

Audio Adrenaline wasn’t stopped by a little rain. They tweeted reports of rain and puddles in front of the stage but the show went on for the brave people who didn’t let a little moisture stop them from enjoying the show.

 

The members of Sonicflood say urgent prayer is needed. The band asked on Facebook over the weekend: Please help us fast and pray for lead singer Rick Heil. He is in the hospital with a serious blood infection. The members of the band are hoping to sign their fans up to pray every day for the next 40 days. They have set up a calendar to fast and pray for healing. You can sign up to join them in prayer for Rick at http://teamup.com/ks77a20d6be65ad81d

 

Phil Wickham was choosing to look at the glass half full last weekend. He tweeted: Beautiful run around Franklin, TN this morning. I almost stepped on a snake and came close to melting in the heat, but it was still beautiful.

 

Christy Nockels is having a hard time dealing with the thought of school beginning again. The Passion worship leader tweeted: Make it stop….. too soon.

 

Last weekend Darlene Zschech was celebrating the one year anniversary of her completion of treatment for breast cancer. The Australian worship leader tweeted: Heart and soul are strong and flourishing, body getting there slowly but surely! God is faithful.

 

Ellie Holcomb says she is still a kid: The Christian artist who is 39 weeks pregnant says she heard an ice cream truck in the distance, and immediately grabbed a change jar, sprinted outside, and waved it down.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Football-bowling hybrid sport takes hold in Detroit    photo
HAMTRAMCK, Mich. (AP) — A Detroit-area entrepreneur believes he has scored a touchdown with his new business idea. Or thrown a strike. Actually, it’s both. Chris Hutt owns the Fowling Warehouse, a 34,000-square-foot repurposed industrial site in Hamtramck that’s devoted to a football/bowling…

 

Indiana agency : No action planned over card game prizes
MUNCIE, Ind. (AP) — An Indiana senior center has stopped offering prizes like cookies and toilet paper in euchre card games in which residents paid a few dollars to play after state officials warned them the practice constituted gambling. Judy Elton, director of the Delaware County Senior…
College librarian in China admits he replaced art with fakes
BEIJING (AP) — A former chief librarian at a Chinese university admitted in court Tuesday to stealing more than 140 paintings by grandmasters in a gallery under his watch and replacing them with fakes he painted himself. For two years up until 2006, Xiao Yuan substituted famous works…
Boston bus driver treats passengers at lemonade stand
BOSTON (AP) — A Boston bus driver made a new group of friends by surprising passengers with a treat to help brave the sweltering heat: He made a stop at a child’s lemonade stand. HASH(0xd2e260) The Jamaica Plain resident says he noticed the lemonade stand a little over an hour before and…
Swiss army moo-ves out to keep cows cool during heat wave
BERLIN (AP) — Cows sizzling under Switzerland’s summer sun are getting help from an unexpected ally: the Swiss army. Soldiers have been ordered to help keep cows in the far west of the country cool amid a weeklong heat wave. Army spokesman Urs Mueller says troops are erecting eight artificial…
Thieves steal ATM machine, but it falls out of getaway van
LYNNWOOD, Wash. (AP) — Snohomish County authorities say two thieves suspected of stealing an ATM machine from a business made it as far as the parking lot, but the machine fell out of the getaway van. Sheriff’s spokeswoman Shari Ireton said Monday that deputies have recovered the ATM machine….
Searching for ET: Hawking to look for extraterrestrial life    photo
LONDON (AP) — The search for extraterrestrial life received a major boost Monday with the launch of an ambitious $100 million program, backed by famed physicist Stephen Hawking and tech billionaire Yuri Milner. Combining unprecedented computing capacity with the world’s most powerful…
Romanian music fest gives free tickets in exchange for blood
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Romania is tapping into the Dracula legend, offering concert-goers free tickets in exchange for their blood. The campaign is part of a push to increase blood donations in a country where only 1.7 percent of the people donate blood. Adrian Chereji, marketing director…
State police: Drunk driving suspect found naked on barn roof
HOLLIDAYSBURG, Pa. (AP) — State police say a drunken driving suspect ran away from the scene of a central Pennsylvania crash but was found on a nearby barn roof — naked — and arrested once he fell off. Online court records don’t list an attorney for 20-year-old Daquan Tate, of…
Toll operator says he was fired for not charging driver
ENGLEWOOD, Fla. (AP) — A 77-year-old Florida man has been fired from his job as a toll booth operator after reportedly using his own money to pay a toll for a tractor trailer whom he had undercharged. Vladislav “Sam” Samsonov had worked at the Gasparilla Island bridge toll booth in southwest…
Police probing death in LA find 1,200 guns, 2 tons ammo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Police investigating the death of a Los Angeles man uncovered an arsenal inside his home and garage — more than 1,200 guns and about two tons of ammunition, authorities said Monday. Los Angeles Police Department Cmdr. Andrew Smith called the number of rifles, pistols…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Studies: Better sleep may be important for Alzheimer’s risk    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — To sleep, perchance to… ward off Alzheimer’s? New research suggests poor sleep may increase people’s risk of Alzheimer’s disease, by spurring a brain-clogging gunk that in turn further interrupts shut-eye. Disrupted sleep may be one of the missing pieces in explaining how…

 

Families affected by early Alzheimer’s seek better treatment    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Alzheimer’s has ravaged generations of Dean DeMoe’s family — his grandmother, father, siblings — all in their 40s and 50s. DeMoe himself inherited the culprit gene mutation and at 53, the North Dakota man volunteers for a drug study he hopes one day will end the…
Doctors say teen’s HIV in check for 12 years without drugs    photo
An 18-year-old French teen born with the AIDS virus has had her infection under control and nearly undetectable despite stopping treatment 12 years ago — an unprecedented remission, doctors are reporting. The teen might have some form of natural resistance to HIV that hasn’t yet been…
Obama faces vets, Jon Stewart amid concerns over Iran, VA    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama is facing a convention of veterans and taking questions from Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show,” as concerns run high about Iran, veterans’ care and a shooting rampage against U.S. Marines. Obama will travel to Pittsburgh to speak to the Veterans of…
SPIN METER: Sketchy claims for high-tech health fraud buster    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare says its computerized fraud prevention system worked like a cybercharm last year, identifying $454 million in problematic payments and generating a financial return for the taxpayer of $10 for every dollar spent. But you can’t take that to the bank: Most of the…
California universities battle over Alzheimer’s research
LOS ANGELES (AP) — One university’s effort to poach a star faculty member at another Southern California university has devolved into a legal battle that some fear may impede Alzheimer’s disease research. The University of California, San Diego, has filed a lawsuit over last month’s defection…
Romanian music fest gives free tickets in exchange for blood
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Romania is tapping into the Dracula legend, offering concert-goers free tickets in exchange for their blood. The campaign is part of a push to increase blood donations in a country where only 1.7 percent of the people donate blood. Adrian Chereji, marketing director…
Liberia says 4 remaining Ebola patients have recovered
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — The four remaining patients infected during Liberia’s recent string of Ebola cases have recovered, meaning there are currently no confirmed cases in the country though more than 100 people are still under surveillance, a health official said Friday. “There are no…
Major cyberattack targets UCLA hospital system
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A months-long cyberattack on the University of California, Los Angeles hospital system put at risk the personal information for up to 4.5 million people, officials said Friday. UCLA Health said in a statement that while there’s no evidence hackers acquired personal or…
Senator: Compensate residents near site of atomic bomb test    photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — People who lived near the site of the first atomic bomb test in the New Mexico desert and later developed cancer and other health problems need to be compensated, a U.S. senator said Thursday. The federal government neglected residents of the historic Hispanic village…
Democrats decry undercover probe of HealthCare.gov
WASHINGTON (AP) — Senior Democrats pushed back Thursday against an undercover government probe of President Barack Obama’s health care law, saying it didn’t uncover any real fraud. Investigators for the nonpartisan Government Accountability Office signed up 11 bogus beneficiaries for 2014…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A new study shows three-quarters of men and two-thirds of women in America are now obese or overweight. According to CBN, that is an increase of more than 10 percent since the 1990s. Researchers at the Washington University School of Medicine studied information on more than 15,000 men and women ages 25 and older between 2007 and 2012. From that survey, they estimate 67.6 million Americans were obese in 2012 and 65.2 million were overweight.  ***And, yep – I’m one of those obese people.  In fact, if you look at my bathroom scale, it looks like I’m THREE of those people.

http://ow.ly/OKb7g

 

A grandmother in England celebrated a life-changing $6 million lottery win by buying new slippers.  *** Apparently some people need to “ease into” being disgustingly wealthy.

 

Studies suggest that the children of older fathers have lower IQs generally than those who had younger fathers.  *** Which makes you wonder how old DONALD TRUMP’S dad is right now.

 

The dating site for married people interested in having affairs, Ashley Madison dot com, has been hacked. The hackers aren’t looking for money, but rather, they want the site shut down. Otherwise they threaten to make public the records of the site’s users, who they refer to as “cheating dirt bags.” Ashley Madison has 37-million members. *** Ashley Madison plans to shut down the site and re-open it as “Cheating Dirt Bags dot com”.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Does logging onto Facebook make you feel sad, as if everyone’s having fun but you? Maybe you’re just overestimating how happy your friends are. Research out of Stanford University suggests when we misgauge our friends’ negative feelings, we feel worse about ourselves.  Lead researcher Alex Jordan, explained some people tend to focus on the negative aspects of their own lives while focusing on the positive aspects of other people’s lives. “People think, ‘Why am I alone on a Saturday night or why I am not in a relationship?'” he said. “When people overestimate the happiness of friends, they felt more negatively about their own lives.”  ***MARLAR: One way to combat this is to focus on negative news about your friends on Facebook, and whenever you see it, click the “LIKE” button.

 

Did you know that 2 hundred trillion text messages are received in America every single day which is more than a year’s worth of regular mail that’s received in America.  3,339 – that’s the average number of texts sent by American teens each month.  Texting is the #2 use of cell phones.  What is #1?  Checking the time.  ***MARLAR: Actually using your phone as a phone is like No. 23 or something.  Probably because they still haven’t found a way to keep your calls from being dropped.  Your phones can update Facebook, check your bank balance, even make deposits using your camera phone – but heaven forbid we create a cell phone that gets decent reception.

 

An Iowa State University study found that wives have more power over decisions at home than husbands do.  ***MARLAR: The technical term for this condition is called, “marriage.”

 

A German scientist says that an evil dark patch shows up on the brain scans of criminals. ***And the people who design parking garages.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Lighter Hair, Darker Skin”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scot Gregory, “Paper Cuts”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk was in a tizzy over losing all of his crayons – especially after promising the Rabbit family that he’d do their portrait. Unfortunately, his friends didn’t seem all that concerned about looking for lost crayons. Everything else was taking priority, like swimming, naps, snacks, and fort building!

 

CLOSE: Racquet is stuck in a deep dark scary jungle, and the animals are still more concerned about story time? This is getting really serious. Will Racquet be okay in the jungle all alone? Will the crayons ever be found? Will the animals ever stop thinking of themselves? Find out next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 25/26, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson, in order to avoid having to work, nailed the Razzleflabbins’ calendar clock hands so they’d stay on Saturday. But now it’s been Saturday for several days… and there’s nothing left to eat on the entire jungle except bread and water!

 

CLOSE: Will Marvy ever fess up to the truth that it’s actually HIS fault? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A ticking package explodes into a Moment of Duh!

A ticking alarm clock gave bomb squad police a wake-up call in Wichita, Kansas. The city’s bomb squad was called out to an apartment complex at 2 a.m. when neighbors heard something ticking inside a mailbox. The feared bomb turned out to be an alarm clock sent as a gift to an apartment resident, police said.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE

 

  1. American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”
  2. You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
  3. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.
  4. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
  5. You receive care packages from Europe.
  6. Your bologna has no first name.
  7. You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
  8. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
  9. You give blood everyday – for the orange juice.
  10. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Crime doesn’t pay – even if you commit that crime trying to get to the courthouse!

 

FILE #1: The files of Law & Disorder take us to Union City, New Jersey where Troy Harris needed to be in court to face sentencing for auto theft. Unfortunately, he had no way of getting to court, so he had to improvise. And how would a car thief improvise in finding a way to get to court? You got it – he stole another car. He drove the stolen car to the courthouse but a tipster called the cops to alert them and he was arrested when he arrived. He won’t be stealing any more cars for a while-he got six months in jail for the first offense and is awaiting trial on the new charge.

 

FILE #2: Police officers in two cars fired more than 20 rounds at each other after mistaking each other’s vehicles for a stolen patrol car. Nobody was hurt. It happened Tuesday when a bicycle patrol officer in downtown Seattle reported seeing a stolen patrol vehicle. A police car pursued it, but lost sight of the stolen vehicle after stopping briefly at an intersection to check for other vehicles. That’s when the other police car pulled up and, mistaking it for the stolen police car, rammed it. The officers inside thought they were being attacked and started firing. Three officers — two in one car and one in the other — fired more than 20 rounds before they discovered the error.

 

FILE #3: Recently, a Los Angeles robbery suspect was put in a lineup and asked to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot.” When asked to repeat it he said, “That’s not what I said.”

 

STRANGE LAW: It is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole in Atlanta, GA.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A brain on drugs causes a terrible first day on the job for one police officer.

An officer’s squad car in Hobart, Indiana, was nearly totaled in a crash less than 30 minutes into his first day on the police force. Officer Tim Pochron was inside his house early Monday when someone smashed into his new squad car parked outside. He was 29 minutes into the first day of his new job when a man drove his car into a tree and Pochron’s parked car, police said. The man tested positive for drugs, was arrested and taken to a hospital. The force of the collision bent the rear axle of the squad car. Pochron spent the rest of his first day filling out paperwork at the station.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Who has a great phone message? Call in and give us your number so we can call back and hear your outgoing answering machine message!

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was Abraham’s second wife?

ANSWER: Keturah (Genesis 25:1)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s the only U.S. state without a motto?

ANSWER: Alaska

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The science-fiction TV series “Lost in Space” supposedly took place in the year 1997. (True – and the show premiered on CBS in 1965.)

 

  1. The term karaoke means “empty talent” in Japanese. (False – it means “empty orchestra”, and the karaoke machine was designed originally to provide backing tracks for solo cabaret performers.

 

  1. The title role of Dirty Harry, 1971, was originally intended for Paul Newman. (False – it was written for Frank Sinatra. After he refused, it was offered to John Wayne, and then Paul Newman, finally being accepted by Clint Eastwood.)

 

  1. The Wizard of Oz was a Broadway musical 37 years before the MGM movie version was made. (True. It had 293 performances and then went on a tour that lasted 9 years.)

 

  1. There are seven points on the collar around Kermit the Frog’s neck. (False – eleven.)

 

  1. When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Go-Lucky Bunny. (False – Happy Rabbit)

 

  1. Our eyes are always the same size from birth. (True, but our nose and ears never stop growing)

 

  1. The Statue of Liberty’s tablet is two feet thick. (True)

 

  1. The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is ‘Live Free or Die’. (True. Ironically, these license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord.)

 

  1. During filming, David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars, plus he spoke all of Vader’s lines. (True. However, what he did not know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ QUITS MUSIC (JUSTIN BIEBER)

Justin Bieber has made his last record.  He wants out of the music business and will only focus on film, TV  and perfume from now on. Justin Bieber will make a major announcement to his fans on Monday.  He is tired of touring and making records.  He is hanging up his drumsticks, his guitar, his microphone.  His perfume, “Someday” is a smash hit and Justin feels that he should focus more on perfume and a new clothing line for teen girls, rather than music.

“He’s done it all already in music,” said Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun, “Justin is tired.  He wants to expand into other areas.  He has a TV series that he is developing with HBO, he’s got 3 to 4 new films in development and he’s thinking of buying Starbucks.  The Biebs loves his frappuccino.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. “I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”
The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. “I’m back!”
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”

 

JOKE #2

The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job.  “We make parts for microscopes.  You’ll be required to work with lenses that are ten-thousandths of an inch thick.”

“I can handle it,” the applicant said, “I used to slice meat in a delicatessen.”

 

JOKE #3

In Pennsylvania Station in New york the gateman was having difficulty with a pair of soldiers. Hearing the commotion, a young lieutenant hastened to the scene.
”What’s the matter here?” he asked.
”These two soldiers,” complained the railroad employee, “insist on going through the gate without tickets.”
”I’ll handle this, said officer. Turning to the soldiers, he commanded, “Forward march!” he led them through the gate and onto the train. “All right,” he advised the G.I’s, “at ease!”
”Say, Lieutenant, thanks a lot,” said one of the soldiers.
He shrugged, “Don’t mention it. I don’t have a ticket either.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A local zoning dispute in Naugatuck (NAW’-gah-tuck), Connecticut, has become, for some, a battle of good versus evil. The owner of a photo store put signs outside her store urging passing motorists to “Beep for Christ.” But then the owner of a neighboring tattoo store put out a sign urging motorists to honk twice for Satan.  Town officials responded by ordering the signs removed.  ***MARLAR: And put up their own signs saying, “Honk if you hate being told to honk.”

 

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, less than 100 have been tested, and approximately 14 chemicals so far have caused cancer in rats.  ***MARLAR: I should be dead by now.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THRU A CHILD’S EYES

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labor and called 911. Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

When you make your dinner reservations, you might want to avoid THIS restaurant: the Chez Ventre in Paris, France.

…This trendy cafe uses the stomachs of extremely fat men as tables. The couples sit cross legged on either side of 350 pound men who lie on their backs with their bellies covered by tablecloths. The human tables have never caused food or drinks to be spilled. And of course, at Chez Ventre it is not only proper to tip the waiter, but to tip the table as well. ***MARLAR: It’s a great deal for the table guys, they eat for free using the five-second rule.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

MEMO FROM GOD
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

 

I am God.
Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help.

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved… but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

NO SALE

Read: Acts 8:9-25

Peter said to him, “Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!” —Acts 8:20

Police officers in St. Louis have had at least one easy arrest. It occurred at the back door of the police station when a drunk driver pulled his car right up to the booking window, thinking he was at Burger King. After attempting to place his order at what he thought was a drive-up window, the surprised driver was arrested by the booking officer and charged with drunk driving.

A man named Simon also got the surprise of his life. According to Acts 8, he was a former sorcerer in Samaria before becoming a follower of Christ. His surprise came when he walked up to the apostles and offered them money. He wanted them to give him the power to lay hands on people and impart to them the Holy Spirit. The apostle Peter emphatically refused, and accused him of being under the influence of something worse than alcohol.

Peter wasn’t overreacting. It’s dangerous to think that the power of the Holy Spirit is like a product that can be bought and sold. The Spirit’s work is a gift of God that is freely given on the basis of faith, and faith alone. He has given us His Spirit to accomplish His purposes, not ours. The Spirit cannot be bought or bargained for.

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of Your Spirit. —Mart De Haan

 

Holy Spirit, all divine,
Dwell within this heart of mine;
Cast down every idol throne,
Reign supreme and reign alone. —Reed

 

We don’t need more of the Spirit; the Spirit needs more of us.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOE BUSINESS

Needing brake shoes is one thing… using shoes as your brakes is something entirely different!
An airport worker stopped a jet from crossing a busy road in Israel recently after its brakes failed by jamming his shoe under its wheels. Wisely, his foot wasn’t in the shoe at the time. Michaelov Abrosh averted a potential disaster by using his shoe to stop the 100-ton Lithuanian Airlines Boeing 737 jet carrying 130 people at Tel Aviv’s Ben Gurion airport. Abrosh yelled to the pilot in Russian to step on the brakes, but the driver yelled back that the brakes were not working. Abrosh then took off his shoe and jammed it under the wheel to help stop the plane.  ***MARLAR: He’s considered to be a “shoe in” for employee of the month. (And co-workers are now calling him Fred Flintstone.)

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

PIMPLE PROBLEMS

If your face is as blemished as a politician’s record, here’s some advice on zits.

It estimated 80 percent of all people between the ages of 11 and 30 have skin problems and there is no sure cure. Pimples form when your tiny hair follicles get clogged, blocking the normal exit pathway for oil to escape to the surface of the skin. Cosmetics, drugs such as lithium, and genetics also contribute to the problem. Contrary to popular belief, scrubbing them can actually make things worse. Experts have found that cleaning twice a day is probably best. Go ahead and have a candy bar or a greasy burger – researchers found that diet has little to do with acne. They found that drinking milk may be a problem, but they’re not sure, but drinking lots of water won’t help. Ingredients in over-the-counter soaps and lotions that contain benzoyl peroxide and salycic acid and sulphur can help and dermatologists can prescribe antibiotics, although there is no miracle cure. However, don’t pick at them (yes, your mom is right) because you’ll almost always make it worse.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

OH SAY CAN’T YOU SEE

Comfortable seats at a ball game are a good thing – but only if the seats are facing in the right direction!  One of England’s baseball stadiums is having difficulties learning that important fact.

Contractors working on a stadium in England apparently aren’t into watching sports themselves. In an attempt to increase Bradford City’s stadium’s capacity from 7,000 to 25,000, nine new executive boxes were being added to the stadium. After the first six were installed, someone noticed that they were all facing the parking lot instead of the inner part of the stadium. The good news for them is that they discovered the problem before any teams were scheduled to play in the stadium.  ***MARLAR: (Local baseball team) fans are actually requesting that their stadium’s seats be reconfigured this way. Watching the parking lot might be more exciting!

 

 

FUN LIST

SOUTHERN ADVICE
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

  • If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
  • Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don’t buy food at this store.
  • If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
  • Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SEND YOUR FINANCIAL GIFT TO. . .

Some Malaysian colleges may soon offer courses on how to keep public restrooms clean. A government official says the courses would involve managing washrooms by the highest standards in design and sanitation technology. Malaysia’s government recently said it wanted to start a “toilet revolution” in a country where public restrooms have long nauseated citizens and tourists with their lack of basic items such as toilet paper, soap and sometimes even toilet seats.  ***MARLAR: And now you know why we need money during our annual Sharathons.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

The world’s largest atom smasher has made a discovery that was five decades in the making. According to ABC News, Scientists with the European Organization for Nuclear Research this week announced the detection of a new kind of subatomic particle called the pentaquark, which essentially means a new form of matter has been discovered. The pentaquark was first predicted in the 1960s but actual detection of the particle had eluded scientists for decades.

http://abcn.ws/1f0Z362

 

A Stranger has changed a child’s life simply by posting a photo on the Internet. College student Joyce Torrefranca posted photos of a boy in the Philippines who was doing homework at a makeshift desk on a city sidewalk in the Philippines while his mother worked at a nearby store. She loaded the photos online and they were shared more than 9,000 times. Now others are donating money and school supplies to Daniel, and a local politician has even given the boy a scholarship to pay for his education through college.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/stranger-changes-childs-life-posting-this-photo-of-the-sidewalk-scholar/

 

Kansas officer Mark Engravalle was called to the store to investigate when Sarah Robinson was caught stealing diapers, baby wipes and shoes for her children, totaling about $300. But after hearing her story, he instead decided to make a difference. According to the BCN article, Robinson and her kids had been living in her car since her husband had accidentally drowned a few years back. She said she felt she had no other way to provide things they needed. That’s when officer Engravalle decided to help Sarah out using his own money. He went back into the store and purchased the items, including shoes for each of the children.

http://goo.gl/zUVkqX

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Opinions expressed during the show were not necessarily the opinions of this station, its management, or the boss’s bossy secretary who tells the boss what to think.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Please Tell Me How You REALLY Feel

No doubt you have seen those bumper stickers on company vehicles asking, “How’s my driving?” Then there’s a phone number to call. I doubt anyone has called the number to say, “Hey, I’m following Joe’s Landscaping truck number 46111 and he’s driving really well. Using turn signals and everything!” Not gonna happen.
While in Branson, Missouri, recently, we stopped at a grocery story for a few items. And for some Starbucks. Before leaving, we used the store restrooms. Bad news. Both of the towel dispensers in my room were empty. Stuff on the floor. Overall, it just needed attention.
I saw a toll free number on the mirror asking for feedback if the restroom needed attention. I called. A friendly person took my comments and said they would contact a manager right away. I didn’t stick around to watch. But I felt like I’d done my lavatory civic duty. I liked the feel of immediate response.
Many companies use different methods to get customer feedback. Secret shoppers provide some real life customer experiences. There’s now a lot of receipt-based requests asking for you to complete a brief survey on a company. Even my doctors’ offices asking for online feedback on their services. (Response: Too long waiting!!!)
What I was surprised to learn recently is the number of companies asking for employee feedback. The information management is seeking measures worker satisfaction. And new apps give a lot of this information in real time — rather than just an end-of-year survey.
In a Fast Company article titled, “Unhappy at Work? Swipe Right to Tell the Boss,” I found out about several of these apps. http://www.fastcompany.com/3046843/unhappy-at-work-swipe-right-to-tell-the-boss
Here’s one example: “So for quick daily happiness check-ins, the company (Bunny, Inc) uses an app called Niko Niko that lets employees quickly swipe across their smartphone screens to indicate their overall moods, or to answer more specific survey questions. A touch-and-drag happiness meter and corresponding smiley (or frowny) face lets employees say how they’re feeling about everything from their relationship with their managers to the cleanliness of the corporate offices.”
Apparently, over $700 million a year is spent by companies to measure and boost employee engagement. Better engaged workforces have payoffs. That includes higher productivity, employee retention, and worker safety. All leading to improved profitability.
Another app is used to get feedback from job prospects. While not a perfect measurement tool, it aids in discovering whether a prospect for a job might be a good fit. They also get information from new-hires and from exit interviews. Clever.
Here’s the critical piece in using these employee response methods. As one exec says, the “kiss of death is to ask questions and do nothing about it.” When employees see results from their feedback, morale jumps. When they don’t, this becomes a waste of money and time.
As you might suspect, there is a lesson from the Bible that applies here. It is found in the book of James, chapter two, verses 14-17:
“Dear brothers, what’s the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren’t proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone? If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing, and you say to him, ‘Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty,’ and then don’t give him clothes or food, what good does that do? So you see, it isn’t enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn’t show itself by good works is no faith at all—it is dead and useless.”
Discovering what people want and need to improve their quality of life is only valuable if there is a commitment to meet those needs. Pretty basic stuff. Let those in management who have ears…hear.
Now…back to my Survey Monkey.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 17, 2015…

 

Ant Man—Marvel Comic Books does it again.  Here comes “Ant Man’ and played by Paul Rudd. Instead of gigantic creatures, such as Godzilla, we have someone the size of an ant. Be careful where you step. The ant may be a science experiment in your neighborhood. This particular story has Rudd volunteering for a special suit by scientist Pym (Michael Douglas) and you can figure out the rest. There is a villain, Yellow Jacket (Corey Stoll) and at the size of an ant, just about everything can be a villain.  Also in the cast is Evangeline Lilly. “Ant Man” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

TrainWreck—Amy Schumer is a writer who doesn’t believe in romance. It just doesn’t work out. However, when her next assignment is sports doc Bill Hader, she begins to change her mind. Also in the cast are Tilda Swinton and Brie Larson.  ”TrainWreck” is rated R. No rating.

 

Mr. Holmes—Ian McKellen takes on the role of Sherlock Holmes, aging and with failing memory, as he does one last case. Also in the cast are Laura Linney and Milo Parker. “Mr. Holmes” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Irrational Man—Joaquin Phoenix is a college teacher in the middle of a mid-life crisis.  He finds it helps him to work with others, even strangers. This is a Woody Allen film and also in the cast is Jamie Blakeley.  “Irrational Man” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JULY 24, 2015…

 

Paper Towns is a romantic comedy starring Cara Delevingne and Nat Wolff.

 

Pixels is an partly-animated movie about an alien invasion with the voices of Adam Sandler and Kevin James.

 

Pan is a fantasy and adventure film starring Hugh Jackman and a different type of “Peter Pan” story.

 

Southpaw stars Jake Gyllenhaal in a story about sports.

 

# # # # #

 

The Best Films and Worst Film—First Six Months of 2015 (January 15 – July 1), compiled by Marie Asner

 

BEST FILMS: Alphabetical Order

 

Dior And Me (documentary—R for language) Backstage at world famous Paris fashion house with new head designer and six weeks to go before the first show.

 

Inside Out (animated—PG) Story of five emotions in a young girl’s mind and how they help her cope with life

 

Jupiter Ascending (science fiction/fantasy—PG 13) Creative look a space royalty hierarchy and how it affects Earth

 

Mad Max: Fury Road (fantasy—R) Remake of the “Mad Max” series in post Apocalyptic world of Australia

 

Max (PG) Story of military dog who grieves loss of his handler in Afghanistan  (bring hankie)

 

Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (PG 13) Continuation of first film story and this time involves planning a wedding

 

Seymour: An Introduction (documentary—not rated) Actor Ethan Hawke’s homage to a favorite music teacher.

 

Terminator Genisys (R) Clever restart of the “Terminator” franchise and Arnold Schwarzenegger steals the film.

    

Woman in Gold (based on true story—PG 13) Helen Mirren searches for stolen family painting from WWII and how to retrieve it.

 

WORST FILM:

 

San Andreas (PG 13)—cheesy special effects and enough rescues by Dwayne Johnson for five films.

 

#####

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.