July 26, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150726

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Yes, once again it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)… and remember, whatever happens probably will.

 

How stupid was it for Ponce de Leon to search for the Fountain Of Youth in Florida? Did he not see all of the old people?

 

This life is not about what you can accomplish, it’s about the amount of love with which you do it. — Mike Donehey (Tenth Avenue North)

 

You know your married when you buy a washer and dryer for the first time and are excited about it. – Mike Grayson (Mikeschair)

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” -Philippians 2: 1, 2

 

I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands. — Psalm 119:60

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, “I find no pleasure in them.” — Ecclesiastes 12:1

 

Thought: When we are young and have so many things to do, many things can distract us from what is important. We must let the Lord gather our passions under his grace in those early days of excitement and frenetic joy so we can be used for God’s greater good. For most of us, age brings a crescendo of limitations of one kind or another. This doesn’t mean life has to be bad, just that we had better put our priorities in order. Hopefully we learned the lessons of faith in our youth so that we have the maturity and wisdom to be mentors, examples, and counselors for those who come after us on the path.

 

Prayer: Holy God, I pray for the youth of your Church. Give them passion and joy as they find you and follow Jesus. May their faith be real, vibrant, joyous, and triumphant! Give them a sense of your glory. Sustain them through their later years with a deep assurance of your presence, victory, and grace. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 7:26 NIV = But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JULY 26, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 153 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL COFFEE MILKSHAKE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Take your love for coffee and your love for iced coffee and kick it up a notch with a few scoops of vanilla ice cream. Oh yeah.

 

Today is the BIRTHDAY OF THE U.S. POST OFFICE. On July 26, 1775, the 2nd Continental Congress established the first formal postal system for the U.S. Benjamin Franklin became the first Postmaster General.  ***MARLAR: Through rain, through sleet, through blinding snow, nothing will stop us from getting unwanted junk-mail to you!

 

Today is ALL OR NOTHING DAY. ***MARLAR: I have no idea what this is all about.  How do you go about celebrating “All or Nothing”?  You can’t do it half-heartedly, can you?  After all, it’s ALL or NOTHING.  So I’m leaning toward the latter of the two choices – and I’ll do my celebrating by doing nothing.  But rest assured, I will put an “all or nothing” attitude behind it – giving my full energy and mind to the task of doing NOTHING for the sake of the holiday!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Aunties Day

One Voice

Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day

Parents’ Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, JULY 27

Barbie-in-a-Blender Day

National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day

Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day

Walk on Stilts Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 28

Buffalo Soldiers Day

National Milk Chocolate Day

World Hepatitis Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 29

Lasagna Day

National Chicken Wing Day

Rain Day

 

THURSDAY, JULY 30

Cheesecake Day

Father-in-Law Day

Friendship Day

Health Care Now! (Medicare’s Birthday)

International Day of Friendship

National Support Public Education Day

Paperback Book Day

National Chili Dog Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 31

National Talk in an Elevator Day

System Administrator Appreciation Day

Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day

World Ranger Day

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 01

Girlfriend’s Day

India Pale Ale Beer Day

Mead Day

National Minority Donor Awareness Day

National Mustard Day

Respect For Parents

Rounds Resounding Day

Sandcastle Day

Spider-Man Day

US Air Force Day

World Lung Cancer Day

World Wide Web Day

World Scout Scarf Day

 

SUNDAY, AUGUST 02

Friendship Day

National Doll Day

National Kids’ Day

Sister’s Day

Take a Penny/Leave a Penny Day

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 03

Assistance Dog Day

Friendship Day

National Psychic Day

Watermelon Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1952: Argentina’s first lady, Eva Peron, aka Evita, died of cancer at age 33.

 

1968: Singer Jeannie C. Riley recorded “Harper Valley P.T.A.” The Tom. T. Hall song skyrocketed to #1 and became the country music Single of the Year.

 

1968: John Lennon and Paul McCartney completed composing the song “Hey Jude.”

 

1969: The Archies entered the Billboard Hot 100 with “Sugar Sugar.” The Archies singing voices, from the TV cartoon show, were all provided by studio backups Ron Dante and Toni Wine. One of the hand-clappers was Ray Stevens. It was the top song of 1969.

 

1975: Van McCoy and The Soul City Symphony hit #1 for their first and only time on Billboard Hot 100 with the disco hit “The Hustle.”

 

1976: Time magazine profiled actor John Travolta of TV’s “Welcome Back, Kotter” in an article entitled “Sweathog Heartthrob.” (

)

 

1979: A team of nine men set a world record in Edinburgh, Scotland, by pushing a hospital bed 3,233 miles in 36 days.

 

1984: “The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson” became the first network television program to be telecast in stereo. (

)

 

1984: In Wisconsin Edward Gein died at age 78 at the Central State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. In 1957 Gein admitted murdering two women, though police suspected he killed at least ten. Neighbors thought he was harmless, except he “smiled too much.” His story inspired the book and the movie Psycho.

 

1997: Actress Linda Hamilton and director James Cameron were married.

 

2001: A Jerusalem woman suffered chemical burns after spraying pesticide into her mouth when a flying cockroach landed on her tongue. The 20-year-old Israeli burned her mouth, tongue, and vocal cords and needed hospital treatment. She said she hated cockroaches. ***MARLAR: And her tongue.

 

2003: The Royal Bank of Scotland offered a gold credit card and the chance to earn air miles to a dog named Monty in Stockport, England. The bank apologized after the Shih Tzu’s owner declined on Monty’s behalf.

 

2003: A German court ruled police were right to confiscate the driving license of a woman they thought was too thin to drive. The 22-year-old student from Buxtehude near Hamburg lost her license following an accident in February 2002 when she weighed 72 pounds.

 

2005: In a game against the San Francisco Giants, Greg Maddux of the Chicago Cubs became the 13th pitcher in major league history to record his 3,000 career strikeout.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1603: James VI of Scotland becomes James I of England. Among his many acts affecting English religious life (it is he for whom the King James Version is named) was the issuing of the Book of Sports, approving sports on Sunday.

 

1833: Having abolished the slave trade in 1807, Britain’s House of Commons bans slavery itself. When William Wilberforce, who had spent most of his life crusading against slavery, heard the news, he said, “Thank God I have lived to witness [this] day.” He died three days later.

 

1925: William Jennings Bryan, American editor, politician, and anti-evolutionary leader, dies five days after being publicly ridiculed for his role in the Scopes “Monkey” trial.

 

1987: Death of Peter Dyneka, evangelist to East Europeans. Russian born, he was converted in a Billy Sunday service after migrating to the US. For his energetic efforts to spread the gospel he was known as Peter Dynamite.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Pearl Harbor, The Aviator, Underworld, Van Helsing, Serendipity) Kate Beckinsale 43
  • actress (Speed, Hope Floats, While You Were Sleeping, The Proposal) Sandra Bullock 51
  • actor (The Usual Suspects, Seven, K-PAX, Pay It Forward, Superman Returns) Kevin Spacey 56
  • skater Dorothy Hamill 59

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1895 : Gracie Allen

1914 : Erskine Hawkins

1924 : Louie Bellson (Duke Ellington)

1938 : Bobby Hebb

1940 : Dobie Gray

1941 : Brenton Wood

1941 : Darlene Love

1941 : Neil Landon (The Flowerpot Men)

1943 : Mick Jagger, born Michael Phillip Jagger (The Rolling Stones)

1949 : Roger Taylor (Queen)

1950 : Duncan Mackay (10cc)

1960 : Gary Cherone (Extreme, Van Halen)

1967 : Headliner (Arrested Development)

1980 : Dave Baksh (Sum 41)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How fast does a hummingbird fly?
Hummingbirds fly at speeds of up to 71 miles per hour. Small species of the hummingbirds may beat their wings 50 to 80 times each second. During courtship displays the hummingbird may beat their wings at even faster rates. The Peregrine Falcon is the fastest animal on earth. Many people mistakenly claim that the Cheetah is the fastest animal. The cheetah is the fastest land animal, and the fastest mammal. The cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 45 mph in 2 seconds. It can run at 70 mph for short distances and can run at an average speed of 40 mph. Humans can run at a top speed of 27.9 mph. The Peregrine Falcon is by far and above the fastest animal. It can fly at 217 miles per hour. Even flying upward it can fly at the amazing speed of 168 miles per hour.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Laura Story was out on the road this week and it was a tough concert. She shared that this week she had her first night away from the twins. Laura says it was a tearful parting but she was thankful for friends and family who were there to fill in while she was gone.

 

Kelly Clarkson is helping to introduce her audience to up and coming artists. She is showcasing artists as part of her Open Mic Night and Jamie Grace was one of the artists she featured this week during a stop in Buffalo, New York. Jamie featured one of her old YouTube cover songs and says she was grateful for the chance to sing during Kelly’s show.

 

Chris August was talking this week about going through depression. He was sharing about his song Muddy Waters from the album The Maker but, while the song is about depression, Chris say he worked hard to make sure that it wasn’t a depressing song. In fact, he said it’s one of his favorite songs to play live. (The audio of this would be great on the air!) https://t.co/jdLoHK5Ocr

 

Jenny Simmons got a Christmas in July present this week. She shared online that it was 9:49 a.m. and her daughter Annie was still SOUND ASLEEP. Jenny said: I’ve gotten four solid hours of work in this morning. It’s basically Christmas.

 

Chris Tomlin is on the lookout for an imposter. One of his fans wrote asking about a Facebook page for Chris Dwayne Tomlin that features picture of The worship leader Chris Tomlin. Chris himself replied: thank you so much for letting us know. That page is definitely a fake. Please do not accept their friend request and report the page to Facebook!

 

Jimmy Needham tweeted this week: Don’t let anyone tell you adopting internationally is easy. Jimmy share a picture of all their paperwork laid out on the floor, all 30 pages. Jimmy Needham and his wife are in the process of adopting from India.

 

Citizenway’s Ben Blascoe this week was celebrating 5,258,880 minutes of Marriage to his wife Jessica. Ben tweeted: Happy 10 Years Babe!

 

Jason Gray has been tweeting regularly from camp this summer but leading worship just got more difficult. Jason says he was accidentally kicked in the thumb while playing soccer, sharing a picture of his swollen right thumb. He’s finding out that he used his thumb for a lot more than he realized.

 

Plumb says phase two of their house renovations are in full swing. The Christian artist has been tweeting regularly about the renovation work being doing on their home, nicknamed The Hope House. But now she says they are starting to expand. Plumb said they are digging and pouring footings so they can add on a bed room and additional bathrooms. She says they are keeping it simple and small but are also making it more functional.

 

Astronaut Terry Virts says the recent close up views of Pluto reminded him of the Brandon Heath song For The First Time. Brandon is friends with Terry and had the chance to play the song before Virts launch to the International Space Station in November.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Drunk man who jumped in lake to avoid rescuers sent to trial
LEVITTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A district judge says a drunken-driving suspect who ran naked from a hospital and jumped into an eastern Pennsylvania lake must stand trial for disorderly conduct and other charges. The defense attorney for 29-year-old Gregory Morten, of New Hope, argued Thursday that…

 

Man leaves dead rattlesnake on Arizona police memorial    photo
COTTONWOOD, Ariz. (AP) — A 23-year-old man thought it would be funny to put a dead rattlesnake on a northern Arizona police memorial, but authorities were not amused. Nathan Cody Cumiford, of Cottonwood, was arrested Monday and faces a misdemeanor littering charge. He was released on his own…
BLM: Idaho cyclist sparks fire by burning used toilet paper
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Authorities say a cyclist started a 73-acre wildfire in southwest Idaho by lighting his toilet paper on fire after taking a comfort break. U.S. Bureau of Land Management officials say the cyclist stopped to defecate in a ravine in the Boise foothills on Wednesday…
Maine fisherman finds bright orange lobster; his 2nd rarity    photo
RAYMOND, Maine (AP) — A Maine lobsterman has caught a rare bright orange lobster, the second time he’s pulled an odd-colored crustacean from state waters. HASH(0x14139e0) Robert Bayer, executive director of The Lobster Institute at the University of Maine, says the odds of catching an orange…
Half-naked ‘Spartans’ attract attention of Beijing police    photo
BEIJING (AP) — A salad store paraded dozens of half-naked Western men dressed as Spartans through China’s capital as a publicity stunt, causing a stir and drawing a crackdown by police who were photographed restraining some of them on the ground. About 40 mostly blond and brown-haired men…
Milwaukee man shoots dog, mistaking it for reported lion
MILWAUKEE (AP) — A man who thought he spotted a lion that people have reported seeing wandering on Milwaukee’s north side has shot and injured a large pit bull. Police say the dog, which was shot Tuesday night, is being cared for at the Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Commission. The…
560-pound man biking across US to lose weight    photo
TIVERTON, R.I. (AP) — A 560-pound man biking across the United States to lose weight hit a snag in Rhode Island. HASH(0x13d81b0) Newport Bicycle is outfitting Hites with a new bike that can withstand his weight. In two weeks on the road, the 40-year-old says he’s lost 60 pounds. Hites, who…
Craigslist founder gives group $10,000 for composting toilet
MORRISTOWN, N.J. (AP) — The founder of Craigslist has donated $10,000 for a composting toilet that will be named in his honor by a northern New Jersey organization. Grow It Green Morristown says Craig Newmark’s donation will likely cover the purchase of the toilet for the group’s Early Street…
Maine brewer makes beer out of live lobsters, sea salt    photo
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — A Maine brewer is offering a quicker way to consume two of the state’s summertime staples: beer and lobster. Oxbow Brewing is serving up beer brewed with live Maine lobsters and a dash of sea salt. Brewmaster Tim Adams says the lobsters were placed in a mesh bag and…
Police: Man hid under bed for 3 days at ex-girlfriend’s home
SPOTSWOOD, N.J. (AP) — A man who police say sneaked into a central New Jersey home and hid under a bed for three days before he was found was the ex-boyfriend of the homeowners’ daughter. Spotswood police announced late Tuesday that Jason Hubbard was charged with burglary in the incident,…
Police: Man drove drunk, carried box of beer on lawn tractor
WASHINGTONVILLE, Pa. (AP) — State troopers say they had to use a rope to corral a man who was driving drunk on his lawn mower with a box of beer. HASH(0x13e3650) Police received a call that night about an agitated, mower-driving man making threats. Responding troopers said they could smell…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Lifestyle changes may guard aging brain against memory loss    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The latest Alzheimer’s research has a clear theme: Change your lifestyle to protect your brain. It will take several years for scientists to prove whether some experimental drugs could at least delay Alzheimer’s disease, and an aging population is at risk now. Whatever…

 

EU drug regulator recommends 1st license for malaria shot    photo
LONDON (AP) — The European Medicines Agency is recommending the world’s leading malaria vaccine be licensed even though it is only about 30 percent effective and that protection fades over time. In a statement published on Friday, the agency said it had “adopted a positive scientific opinion”…
Exercise good for brain, even for those with Alzheimer’s    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Exercise may do more than keep a healthy brain fit: New research suggests working up a good sweat may also offer some help once memory starts to slide— and even improve life for people with Alzheimer’s. The effects were modest, but a series of studies reported Thursday…
Report details chronic problems at Army anthrax facility
NEW YORK (AP) — Pentagon officials released a report Thursday detailing recurring problems at an Army bioterror facility that accidentally sent live anthrax to other labs for more than a decade. At a press briefing in Washington, military officials said half the lots of anthrax produced at…
India’s ‘Medicine Baba’ gets drugs from rich, gives to poor    photo
NEW DELHI (AP) — Omkarnath spends his days searching New Delhi for drugs. A call to the phone number printed boldly on his saffron-colored tunic reveals his alternate identity: “Hello, I am Medicine Baba.” The chatty, 79-year-old retired blood-bank technician has been collecting unused…
Eli Lilly: Experimental Alzheimer’s drug shows some benefit    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Eli Lilly & Co. reported Wednesday that an experimental medication might slow mild Alzheimer’s if people take it early enough, one of a handful of drugs in late-stage testing in the frustrating hunt for a better treatment. The new findings don’t prove that Lilly’s…
House passes bill to prevent mandatory GMO labeling    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Food companies would not have to disclose whether their products include genetically modified ingredients under legislation passed by the House Thursday. The House bill is backed by the food industry, which has fought mandatory labeling efforts in several states around the…
5 things from annual check-up for Social Security, Medicare    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Looking at the big picture, the financial health of Social Security and Medicare doesn’t appear to have worsened. Wednesday’s annual check-up found that Social Security’s retirement trust fund has enough money to pay full benefits until 2035, a year later than previously…
Lawmakers: VA hid details as budget crisis loomed    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Lawmakers from both parties accused the Department of Veterans Affairs Wednesday of hiding details of a budget crisis that could force the shutdown of some VA hospitals next month. The VA said last week it may shutter hospitals unless Congress closes a $2.5 billion shortfall…
Report: Teen use of morning-after pill is climbing    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — More than 1 in 5 sexually active teen girls have used the morning-after pill — a dramatic increase that likely reflects that it’s easier now for teens to buy the emergency contraceptive. A report released Wednesday shows teen use of the morning-after pill rose steadily…
Study: Women with mild memory problem worsen faster than men    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Older women with mild memory impairment worsened about twice as fast as men, researchers reported Tuesday, part of an effort to unravel why women are especially hard-hit by Alzheimer’s. Nearly two-thirds of Americans with Alzheimer’s are women. At age 65, seemingly healthy…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Abbreviated is a Long Word”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kerri Pomarolli, “Christmas Bargains”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were lost in the jungle because they all went out to look for Racquet, who was also lost. Racquet went out into the jungle because his crayons were lost and he promised to do a portrait for the Rabbit Family. We now find all of the animals wondering what to do next.

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 25/26, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson, in order to avoid having to work, nailed the Razzleflabbins’ calendar clock hands so they’d stay on Saturday. But now it’s been Saturday for several days… and there’s nothing left to eat on the entire jungle except bread and water!

 

CLOSE: Will Marvy ever fess up to the truth that it’s actually HIS fault? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A mugging victim gives the crooks a run for their money… or should I say a run for HER money?

We have two criminal inDUHviduals in today’s Moment of Duh. These two boneheads snatched the purse of Pamela McCarthy and took off running down the street. What they didn’t know was that 40 year old Pamela was a marathon runner and she chased them for more than a mile before they finally ran into their own apartment. She then called the cops who came over, retrieved her purse and arrested them.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO STRESSED

  1. You can achieve a “Runners High” by sitting up.9. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

    8. The Sun is too loud.

    7. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

    6. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

    5. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

    4. Things become “Very Clear”

    3. You begin speaking in a language that only you and 2 year-old children can understand.

    2. You and Reality file for divorce.

    1. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before…

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man is charged with armed and unarmed robbery at the same time! I’ll tell you how…

 

FILE #1: A woman with a pair of black tights over her head tried to rob a post office in Huddersfield, U.K., but she ran off when the postal workers told her not to be so stupid.

 

FILE #2: A suburban Philadelphia man asked a judge to perform a wedding ceremony while the jury in the man’s criminal trial was still deliberating the verdict. Twenty-year-old Timothy Zalut was on trial on assault charges in Bucks County Court. When it appeared that he might have to go to jail, Zalut decided to tie the knot with his fiancée. The judge presiding over the trial agreed to perform the ceremony in chambers while the jury was still out. Zalut’s fiancée said they wanted to get married and were worried that they wouldn’t get the chance. A plea bargain finally brought the trial to a halt, and the judge sentenced Zalut to five years of probation.

 

FILE #3: A man in El Paso, Texas, was arrested at a bar when his false arm fell off. He had been using the false arm to point a gun at a bartender who wouldn’t serve him because he’d had too much already. ***MARLAR: Imagine that… being arrested for armed robbery and unarmed robbery at the same time!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Raton, New Mexico, it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street while wearing a kimono.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

When robbing a liquor store, make sure you aren’t under the influence of it first.

Proving once again that there is no intelligence test to become a criminal, a Los Angeles gunman demanded cash and a bottle of gin from a clerk at a liquor store. But the clerk refused to give the man liquor until he proved his age, so the robber handed over his driver’s license. The clerk memorized the man’s name and address and the thief was arrested.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Who serves the best cup of coffee in town? Starbucks? Dunkin’ Donuts? McDonald’s? The corner café that nobody knows about?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: When the foundation for the second temple was laid, the priest played trumpets. What did the Levites play?

ANSWER: Cymbals (Nehemiah 12:35-36)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What was the name of Walt Disney’s family dog?

ANSWER: Lady. She was a poodle.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The first telephone answering machine was invented in 1904. (True)

 

  1. In 1899, a New York City taxi cab driver was the first person to get a traffic ticket for speeding. (True)

 

  1. Einstein failed his very first college entrance exam. (True)

 

  1. Henry Ford forgot to put a reverse gear in his very first car. (True)

 

  1. There are 7 different species of penguins. (False – there are 17. Only 5 of those species live in a cold climate.)

 

  1. Penguins have more feathers per square inch than any other bird in the world. (True)

 

  1. Only five percent of the world’s population is truly ambidextrous. (False – two percent)

 

  1. U.S. Postal Service processes 8 million address changes each year. (False – 38 million)

 

  1. When Heinz launched their “green” ketchup in 2000, it delivered the highest increase in sales in the brand’s history. (True)

 

  1. When Kellogg’s Raisin Bran first came out in 1942, they had a bunch of grapes instead of raisins next to the name of the cereal on the cereal box. In 1966, Sunny the happy smiling sun came out and that is when the grapes turned into raisins. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“MAN RETURNS TO CRIME SCENE TO ASK VICTIM FOR A _____” (DATE)


31-year-old Bruno Perez made the grave mistake of becoming smitten with21-year-old Lucia Marcelo — the postal worker he robbed at gunpoint in Genoa, Italy. So the next day, he bought flowers with some of the money he stole, then returned to the scene of the crime to apologize and ask her out on a date. She activated the silent alarm and police soon showed up to arrest the robbing Romeo.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.  You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.  There is, however, a catch… you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find a husband.  On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1, These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2, These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3, These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.  “Wow,” she thinks, but she feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4, These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous and help with the housework.  “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5, These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but her suspense and curiosity get the best of her and she continues on to the sixth floor.  She gets to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6, “You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor.  This floor is here to simply prove that women are impossible to please.  Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.  Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!”

 

JOKE #2

A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was 
named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” 
Whereupon the blonde responded, “What else you gonna name watch dogs?”

 

JOKE #3

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” 
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Archeologists digging at the site of the Wright brothers’ home in Dayton, Ohio, have uncovered a button, two nails and some broken china that may have belonged to them. ***MARLAR: Which finally answers the question as to where their luggage ended up.

 

A 40-year-old British man entered the record books by becoming the first person ever to run around the world. It took him 5 years and 8 months to do it.  ***MARLAR: It would’ve been just three years, but he kept refusing to ask for directions.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

LONG LIFE

A man, celebrating his 100th birthday, was being interviewed by the local newspaper reporter. “And what do you attribute your longevity to?” asked the reporter.

The centenarian answered, “I make sure I get up every morning”.

The puzzled reporter asked, “And just how do you do that?”

The man answered, “I drink six glasses of water before I go to bed.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT

College students protesting is nothing new. But students protesting NOTHING… now that’s new!  Students at Plymouth University in the UK held a silent demonstration about… well… nothing! Protesters carried blank white banners, and remained in complete silence during the protest. According to the organizer, Gwynn Wick, “there is really no such thing as nothing, for nothing is the absence of something.” ***MARLAR: Apparently there is an absence of something which has left nothing in her skull.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

MY NEXT 40 YEARS

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

I was looking at the calendar the other day and noticed that my 40th birthday is just a few months off now. I did a quick peek over each shoulder to see if that dreaded mid-life crisis was trying to sneak up on me. I didn’t see a sight of him anywhere, and I doubt that he will show up at all. Yes, I have made more than my share of mistakes in my past that I am sorry for. My past, though, got me to where I am today. It made me who I am now. I can’t change it. I can only learn from it and use it to better live the time I have left.

I am not sure how long I will have left on this world. None of us ever know when our time here will end. Some of us get a century and some of us get only a day. One thing I do know, however, is that if I get them: my next 40 years are going to be my best 40 years. I am going to love more, give more, and live more. I am going to sing more, laugh more, and dance more. I am going to smile more, hug more, and listen more. I am going to take in more sunsets, pet more dogs, and thank God more for my life. I am going to take more walks, watch more fireflies, and smell more flowers. I am going to choose more love, more joy, and more oneness with God all day long, everyday I am given. I am going to share it all with the whole world and show everyone everywhere that they can do the same. I am going to spend everyday I have left here bringing a little more Heaven to Earth before I leave Earth for Heaven.

It doesn’t matter if you have 60 years, 40 years, 20 years, or 6 months left. You can still make it the best, most glorious, and most loving time of your life. The longest life here is still very short indeed. Do all you can then to live it in laughter, love, happiness, joy, goodness, and oneness with God. Then when you die and get to see God’s smiling face you will know that your next billion years will be your best billion years.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

PROSPERITY AND ADVERSITY
READ: Proverbs 30:1-9

Give me neither poverty nor riches—feed me with the food allotted to me. —Proverbs 30:8

Prosperity and adversity are equal-opportunity destroyers. The extremes of life can be hazardous because a person with too much may encounter as much difficulty as one with too little.

Agur, the writer of Proverbs 30, must have sensed this danger when he prayed: “Remove falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches—feed me with the food allotted to me; lest I be full and deny You, and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God” (Proverbs 30:8-9).

A similar request occurs in a beautiful choral anthem composed by Benjamin Harlan:

 

Write Your blessed name,
O Lord, upon my heart,
There to remain so indelibly engraved
That no prosperity, nor adversity
Shall remove me from Your love.

 

In Proverbs 30 the focus is on circumstances, while the song centers on the state of our heart. Perhaps we should pray that God would guard us in both areas of our lives.

The late Dr. Carlyle Marney, a prominent pastor, often said that most of us need to have our “wanter” fixed. Instead of always asking for more, we should seek the balance expressed in Proverbs 30.

When we invite the Lord to place His mark of ownership on our lives, we acknowledge His wise and loving provision for all our needs. —David C. McCasland

 

 

LEFTOVERS

OLD LUNCH BOXES BRING IN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

A 1954 Superman lunchbox broke records when it sold for a whopping $11,500 in auction. Though most vintage boxes won’t score a sliver of that price, many good-condition carriers still hold their weight in worth. Here are some lunch-boxes’ blue book values we thought you might be interested in?  Who knows? You might have some cold hard cash collecting dust in your attic!

  1. Mickey Mouse, 1954 Available for $535.25
  2. Marvel Super Heroes, 1976 Sold for $410.25
  3. Star Wars, 1977 Sold for $335.25
  4. Clash of the Titans, 1983 Available for $335.10
  5. Stars and Stripes, 1970 Available for $325.50

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

THINGS CHILDREN SHOULD HEAR

 

  1. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!

 

  1. You’ve made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It’s all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.

 

  1. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn’t easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.

 

  1. Tell me about it. I’d like to hear more. And then what happened? I’ll listen.

 

  1. I’m right here. I won’t leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you.

 

  1. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?

 

  1. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!

 

  1. I have a surprise for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.

 

  1. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.

 

  1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

I RESIGN!

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rock. I want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree, and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life, and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again.

I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. So . . . here’s my checkbook, my car keys, my credit card bills, and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, well, you’ll have to catch me first, cause. . . “TAG!! YOU’RE IT!!!”

 

 

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE SUMMERTIME WHEN…

  • The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
  • The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • Hot water now comes out of both taps.
  • You can make sun tea instantly.
  • You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
  • The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
  • You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
  • You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
  • Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
  • You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
  • The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
  • Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
  • The cows are giving evaporated milk.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Looks like they were right – breakfast is the most important meal of the day, particularly if you are trying to lose weight! Skip the cold cereal: Eating eggs and bacon in the morning can help you control your hunger later in the day. Indiana University scientists determined that dieters who consumed their biggest dose of daily protein at breakfast felt full longer than those who ate more of the nutrient at lunch or dinner. The upshot: “They were less likely to overeat the rest of the day,” says study author Heather Leidy, Ph.D. To fend off hunger, shoot for at least 20 to 30 grams of protein at breakfast. (Men’s Health)

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If you’d like a written transcript of today’s show, please call the number at the bottom of your radio.

 

Is it still considered drinking on the job if you have a home-based business?

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Please Tell Me How You REALLY Feel

No doubt you have seen those bumper stickers on company vehicles asking, “How’s my driving?” Then there’s a phone number to call. I doubt anyone has called the number to say, “Hey, I’m following Joe’s Landscaping truck number 46111 and he’s driving really well. Using turn signals and everything!” Not gonna happen.
While in Branson, Missouri, recently, we stopped at a grocery story for a few items. And for some Starbucks. Before leaving, we used the store restrooms. Bad news. Both of the towel dispensers in my room were empty. Stuff on the floor. Overall, it just needed attention.
I saw a toll free number on the mirror asking for feedback if the restroom needed attention. I called. A friendly person took my comments and said they would contact a manager right away. I didn’t stick around to watch. But I felt like I’d done my lavatory civic duty. I liked the feel of immediate response.
Many companies use different methods to get customer feedback. Secret shoppers provide some real life customer experiences. There’s now a lot of receipt-based requests asking for you to complete a brief survey on a company. Even my doctors’ offices asking for online feedback on their services. (Response: Too long waiting!!!)
What I was surprised to learn recently is the number of companies asking for employee feedback. The information management is seeking measures worker satisfaction. And new apps give a lot of this information in real time — rather than just an end-of-year survey.
In a Fast Company article titled, “Unhappy at Work? Swipe Right to Tell the Boss,” I found out about several of these apps. http://www.fastcompany.com/3046843/unhappy-at-work-swipe-right-to-tell-the-boss
Here’s one example: “So for quick daily happiness check-ins, the company (Bunny, Inc) uses an app called Niko Niko that lets employees quickly swipe across their smartphone screens to indicate their overall moods, or to answer more specific survey questions. A touch-and-drag happiness meter and corresponding smiley (or frowny) face lets employees say how they’re feeling about everything from their relationship with their managers to the cleanliness of the corporate offices.”
Apparently, over $700 million a year is spent by companies to measure and boost employee engagement. Better engaged workforces have payoffs. That includes higher productivity, employee retention, and worker safety. All leading to improved profitability.
Another app is used to get feedback from job prospects. While not a perfect measurement tool, it aids in discovering whether a prospect for a job might be a good fit. They also get information from new-hires and from exit interviews. Clever.
Here’s the critical piece in using these employee response methods. As one exec says, the “kiss of death is to ask questions and do nothing about it.” When employees see results from their feedback, morale jumps. When they don’t, this becomes a waste of money and time.
As you might suspect, there is a lesson from the Bible that applies here. It is found in the book of James, chapter two, verses 14-17:
“Dear brothers, what’s the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren’t proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone? If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing, and you say to him, ‘Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty,’ and then don’t give him clothes or food, what good does that do? So you see, it isn’t enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn’t show itself by good works is no faith at all—it is dead and useless.”
Discovering what people want and need to improve their quality of life is only valuable if there is a commitment to meet those needs. Pretty basic stuff. Let those in management who have ears…hear.
Now…back to my Survey Monkey.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 24, 2015…

 

Southpaw—Jake Gyllenhaal stars in this boxing film of a man almost defeated in life, who tries a comeback. Jake has a tragedy in his life and his daughter is missing.  Forest Whitaker comes to the forefront as a trainer who gets Jake back into shape. (Gyllenhaal really got into shape for this role.) Rachel McAdams is Jake’s wife. “Southpaw” is rated R. Rating of 3 for sports fans.

 

Pan—This is a different concept, indeed.  Take the usual “Peter Pan” story and make it one with Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) instead and the children he kidnaps, especially Peter (Levi Miller). to work in his mines. Captain Hook is played by Garrett Hedlund and something in the vein of Johnny Depp’s “Jack Sparrow.”  Tiger Lily is played by Rooney Mara.  Ah, yes, not your usual story here, but the characters are based on the Barry stories.   “Pan” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Pixels—What would happen if the alien invaders turned out to be past video games? Pac Man running around the city, etc. That is the premise of this movie starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James as two guys who figure this out. They are helped by Peter Dinklage (“Game of Thrones”), Michelle Monaghan and Josh Gad.  “Pixels” (directed by Chris Columbus) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of video games.

 

Paper Towns—The film is adapted from a book by author John Green (“The Fault In Our Stars,.”) “Paper Towns” is a comedy/mystery  about a young man Quentin Jacobsen) who falls for the girl next door, Margo Roth Speigelman , who, in turn, involves him in a mystery and then disappears. What to do? He begins his journey. Also in the cast is Halston Sage. “Paper Towns” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JULY 31, 2015…

 

Vacation is a comedy with Ed Helms and Leslie Mann about revisiting the National Lampoon vacation spots.

 

The Gift is a thriller starring Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall

 

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation is a Tom Cruise action film and plenty of stunts, including hanging from a plane in flight.

 

The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)  stars Jesse Eisenberg as a reporter out for a great interview.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.