July 26, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170726
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Yes, once again it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)… and remember, whatever happens probably will.

How stupid was it for Ponce de Leon to search for the Fountain Of Youth in Florida? Did he not see all of the old people?

This life is not about what you can accomplish, it’s about the amount of love with which you do it. — Mike Donehey (Tenth Avenue North)

You know your married when you buy a washer and dryer for the first time and are excited about it. – Mike Grayson

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” -Philippians 2: 1, 2

I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands. — Psalm 119:60

Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, “I find no pleasure in them.” — Ecclesiastes 12:1

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

“Prepare chains, because the land is full of bloodshed and the city is full of violence.” — Ezekiel 7:23

Thought: God hates it when the innocent are afflicted with violence and bloodshed. He hates evil and political corruption. He hates courts that are false and leaders who are abusive of their power. We need to rest assured that he will provide deliverance for his faithful followers and administer justice to those who have abused or harmed other people — if not in this life, for sure in the life to come.

Prayer: Father, thank you for assuring me that your justice will ultimately be done with those who are violent, corrupt, wicked, and abusive. Give us patience to wait in hope until that day of ultimate justice is done. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Matthew 7:26 NIV = But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JULY 26, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
151 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL COFFEE MILKSHAKE DAY.  ***Take your love for coffee and your love for iced coffee and kick it up a notch with a few scoops of vanilla ice cream. Oh yeah.

Today is the BIRTHDAY OF THE U.S. POST OFFICE. On July 26, 1775, the 2nd Continental Congress established the first formal postal system for the U.S. Benjamin Franklin became the first Postmaster General.  ***Through rain, through sleet, through blinding snow, nothing will stop us from getting unwanted junk-mail to you!

Today is ALL OR NOTHING DAY. ***I have no idea what this is all about.  How do you go about celebrating “All or Nothing”?  You can’t do it half-heartedly, can you?  After all, it’s ALL or NOTHING.  So I’m leaning toward the latter of the two choices – and I’ll do my celebrating by doing nothing.  But rest assured, I will put an “all or nothing” attitude behind it – giving my full energy and mind to the task of doing NOTHING for the sake of the holiday!

TODAY IS ALSO…

Americans With Disabilities Day
Aunts and Uncles Day
Bagelfest Day
One Voice

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

THURSDAY, JULY 27

Barbie-in-a-blender Day
National Chili Dog Day
National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day
National Intern Day
National Refreshment Day
Walk on Stilts Day

FRIDAY, JULY 28

Buffalo Soldiers Day
Lumberjack Day
National Milk Chocolate Day
National Get Narly Day
National Talk in An Elevator Day
World Hepatitis Day

SATURDAY, JULY 29

Army Chaplain Corps Anniversary:
International Chicken Wing Day
Lasagna Day
National Chicken Wing Day
National Dance Day
National Lipstick Day
Rain Day
System Administrator Appreciation Day

SUNDAY, JULY 30

Cheesecake Day
Father-In-Law Day
Friendship Day
Health Care Now!  Medicare’s Birthday
International Day of Friendship
National Chicken and Waffles Day
National Support Public Education Day
Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day
Paperback Book Day
World Day Against Trafficking in Persons

MONDAY, JULY 31

National Mutt Day
Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day
World Ranger Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 01

Girlfriend’s Day
Lughnasa
Mead Day
National Minority Donor Awareness Day
National Night Out
Respect For Parents
Rounds Resounding Day
Spider-Man Day
Tisha B’Av
US Air Force Day
World Lung Cancer Day
World Wide Web Day
World Scout Scarf Day

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 02

Earth Over Shoot Day or Ecological Debt Day
International Albarino Day
National Coloring Book Day
Take A Penny/Leave A Penny Day

ON THIS DAY

1952: Argentina’s first lady, Eva Peron, aka Evita, died of cancer at age 33.

1968: Singer Jeannie C. Riley recorded “Harper Valley P.T.A.” The Tom. T. Hall song skyrocketed to #1 and became the country music Single of the Year.

1968: John Lennon and Paul McCartney completed composing the song “Hey Jude.”

1969: The Archies entered the Billboard Hot 100 with “Sugar Sugar.” The Archies singing voices, from the TV cartoon show, were all provided by studio backups Ron Dante and Toni Wine. One of the hand-clappers was Ray Stevens. It was the top song of 1969.

1975: Van McCoy and The Soul City Symphony hit #1 for their first and only time on Billboard Hot 100 with the disco hit “The Hustle.”

1976: Time magazine profiled actor John Travolta of TV’s “Welcome Back, Kotter” in an article entitled “Sweathog Heartthrob.” (audio clip)

1979: A team of nine men set a world record in Edinburgh, Scotland, by pushing a hospital bed 3,233 miles in 36 days.

1984: “The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson” became the first network television program to be telecast in stereo. (audio clip)

1984: In Wisconsin Edward Gein died at age 78 at the Central State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. In 1957 Gein admitted murdering two women, though police suspected he killed at least ten. Neighbors thought he was harmless, except he “smiled too much.” His story inspired the book and the movie Psycho.

1997: Actress Linda Hamilton and director James Cameron were married.

2001: A Jerusalem woman suffered chemical burns after spraying pesticide into her mouth when a flying cockroach landed on her tongue. The 20-year-old Israeli burned her mouth, tongue, and vocal cords and needed hospital treatment. She said she hated cockroaches. ***And her tongue.

2003: The Royal Bank of Scotland offered a gold credit card and the chance to earn air miles to a dog named Monty in Stockport, England. The bank apologized after the Shih Tzu’s owner declined on Monty’s behalf.

2003: A German court ruled police were right to confiscate the driving license of a woman they thought was too thin to drive. The 22-year-old student from Buxtehude near Hamburg lost her license following an accident in February 2002 when she weighed 72 pounds.

2005: In a game against the San Francisco Giants, Greg Maddux of the Chicago Cubs became the 13th pitcher in major league history to record his 3,000 career strikeout.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1603: James VI of Scotland becomes James I of England. Among his many acts affecting English religious life (it is he for whom the King James Version is named) was the issuing of the Book of Sports, approving sports on Sunday.

1833: Having abolished the slave trade in 1807, Britain’s House of Commons bans slavery itself. When William Wilberforce, who had spent most of his life crusading against slavery, heard the news, he said, “Thank God I have lived to witness [this] day.” He died three days later.

1925: William Jennings Bryan, American editor, politician, and anti-evolutionary leader, dies five days after being publicly ridiculed for his role in the Scopes “Monkey” trial.

1987: Death of Peter Dyneka, evangelist to East Europeans. Russian born, he was converted in a Billy Sunday service after migrating to the US. For his energetic efforts to spread the gospel he was known as Peter Dynamite.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress (Pearl Harbor, The Aviator, Underworld, Van Helsing, Serendipity) Kate Beckinsale 45

  • actress (Speed, Hope Floats, While You Were Sleeping, The Proposal) Sandra Bullock 53

  • actor (The Usual Suspects, Seven, K-PAX, Pay It Forward, Superman Returns) Kevin Spacey 58

  • skater Dorothy Hamill 61

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1895 : Gracie Allen

1914 : Erskine Hawkins

1924 : Louie Bellson (Duke Ellington)

1938 : Bobby Hebb

1940 : Dobie Gray

1941 : Brenton Wood

1941 : Darlene Love

1941 : Neil Landon (The Flowerpot Men)

1943 : Mick Jagger, born Michael Phillip Jagger (The Rolling Stones)

1949 : Roger Taylor (Queen)

1950 : Duncan Mackay (10cc)

1960 : Gary Cherone (Extreme, Van Halen)

1967 : Headliner (Arrested Development)

1980 : Dave Baksh (Sum 41)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How fast does a hummingbird fly?
Hummingbirds fly at speeds of up to 71 miles per hour. Small species of the hummingbirds may beat their wings 50 to 80 times each second. During courtship displays the hummingbird may beat their wings at even faster rates. The Peregrine Falcon is the fastest animal on earth. Many people mistakenly claim that the Cheetah is the fastest animal. The cheetah is the fastest land animal, and the fastest mammal. The cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 45 mph in 2 seconds. It can run at 70 mph for short distances and can run at an average speed of 40 mph. Humans can run at a top speed of 27.9 mph. The Peregrine Falcon is by far and above the fastest animal. It can fly at 217 miles per hour. Even flying upward it can fly at the amazing speed of 168 miles per hour.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Lana Del Rey has confirmed that she has resorted to witchcraft and attempted to place a hex on U.S. President Donald Trump.  ***Obviously it didn’t work, because he’s still tweeting.

There’s an uptick in people taking funeral selfies — selfies with an open casket in plain view behind them. ***The only way to make that more inappropriate is to caption the photo with, “Wish You Were Here.”

Snopes.com, one of the internet’s first and most famous fact-checking websites, said Monday that a previous website hosting vendor continues to “hold the Snopes.com web site hostage,” and the site is in danger of shutting down if it doesn’t raise $500,000. Snopes has started a GoFundMe campaign.  ***I wish there was some fact-checking website I could go to see if this story is true or not.

YouTube has begun redirecting online searches for violent extremist content and ISIS recruitment propaganda to anti-terrorist videos.  ***I understand what they’re trying to do – but are we sure this is such a great idea?  Wouldn’t being redirected to something you didn’t search for make you that much more angry at the world?

An Oregon woman found herself in the emergency room recently after her pet ball python, named Bart, got himself stuck in her gauged earlobe.  ***On the plus side, hey – cool earring!

Most people commute by bus, train or car — but a German man gets to work by plunging into Munich’s Isar River. Benjamin David was fed up with the stress of commuting on busy city roads so he now packs his laptop, suit and shoes into a waterproof bag, straps it to his back and swims 2 kilometers to work.  ***I can understand wanting to avoid city traffic, and even taking the river route – but they haven’t invented canoes yet in Germany?

McDonald’s is coming out with their own line of clothing.  ***So good news for those who look fabulous in red and yellow combos.

It appears Officer Karma is still on the job.  In Pennsylvania, 56-year-old Judith Permar died after she got her arm stuck in a drop-off clothing donation bin she was apparently trying to steal clothes from. Police believe Permar arrived at the clothing drop-off box around 2:00am and stood on a stepstool to reach her arm inside. She reportedly was pulling bags out of the bin when her stool collapsed and her arm got stuck inside with her feet dangling off the ground. Her body was found around 8:30am with her black Hummer still running nearby. Her death was ruled accidental from blunt force trauma. She also had a broken arm and wrist, and had hypothermia.  ***Well, the Bible says the wages of sin is death… and one of the big ten is “thou shalt not steal”… so….

A Wisconsin technology company is offering its employees microchip implants that can be used to scan into the building and purchase food at work. Whether or not to get a chip is up to the employee to decide.   ***Seeing as the number of each microchip begins with the “666”, I’d probably pass on getting it.

It has been shown that New Yorkers bite 10 times more people than sharks do worldwide each year.  ***New invention idea… hoodie shark cage!

Some viewers are ticked off that they tuned in the Discovery Channel to watch Michael Phelps race a Great White Shark to kick off Shark Week only to see him race a special effects shark, not a real one. ***Agreed – that is blatantly false advertising.  Plus, what a pansie.

More than 50,000 people globally have radio frequency identification chips, or RFID tags, inserted under their skin. The tags can provide access to medical information, log on to computers, or unlock doors.  ***And also send you directly to Hell once the rapture takes place and the Antichrist takes over.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

How do you keep people from using their phones while driving?  They think they’ve found a solution. Researchers have discovered how to stop drivers using their phones when they are behind the wheel without affecting use for passengers.  A team at Stevens Institute of Technology and Rutgers in New Jersey have created a system which shuts down a driver’s phone without affecting other people in the vehicle.  It utilizes a phone’s Bluetooth connection and a vehicle’s speakers to detect if the driver is using their mobile phone while driving.  ***This sounds like a good idea – up to a point.  What if the person in the back seat needs to make a phone call to the driver?  Then what?

Eating milk chocolate can improve your brain activity. Scientists now say you should eat some milk chocolate before your next exam or big work project. ***I use chocolate in my coffee every single morning… and if this is how I am when my brain activity is improved, imagine what kind of an idiot I am before my first cup of Joe!

According to a survey by Driver’s Seat Road Rage, Houston was the home of the least courteous drivers in America.  ***Instead of “Howdy”, Houston residents now greet people with a rude hand gesture.

According to a study by The Daily Mail, even a small amount of alcohol can make other people seem more attractive.  ***You can find this report in the website’s Stuff We Already Knew section.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear cancelled his checkers game with Sully so he could help out a friend’s bowling team who was short one player. Gruffy was doing well, in fact, he was doing very well! Finally it came down to the last ball, and it was all up to Gruffy… he had to get a strike or the team would lose the tournament!

CLOSE: That was great bowling by Gruffy – but now he has a dilemma. He already promised Sully that he’d play checkers tomorrow night. He’s already cancelled twice – and now he has decide whether or not to break his promise to Sully… again! What will he do? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A mugging victim gives the crooks a run for their money… or should I say a run for HER money?

We have two criminal inDUHviduals in today’s Moment of Duh. These two boneheads snatched the purse of Pamela McCarthy and took off running down the street. What they didn’t know was that 40 year old Pamela was a marathon runner and she chased them for more than a mile before they finally ran into their own apartment. She then called the cops who came over, retrieved her purse and arrested them.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO STRESSED

10. You can achieve a “Runners High” by sitting up.

9. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

8. The Sun is too loud.

7. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

6. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

5. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

4. Things become “Very Clear”

3. You begin speaking in a language that only you and 2 year-old children can understand.

2. You and Reality file for divorce.

1. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before…

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man is charged with armed and unarmed robbery at the same time! I’ll tell you how…

FILE #1: A woman with a pair of black tights over her head tried to rob a post office in Huddersfield, U.K., but she ran off when the postal workers told her not to be so stupid.

FILE #2: A suburban Philadelphia man asked a judge to perform a wedding ceremony while the jury in the man’s criminal trial was still deliberating the verdict. Twenty-year-old Timothy Zalut was on trial on assault charges in Bucks County Court. When it appeared that he might have to go to jail, Zalut decided to tie the knot with his fiancée. The judge presiding over the trial agreed to perform the ceremony in chambers while the jury was still out. Zalut’s fiancée said they wanted to get married and were worried that they wouldn’t get the chance. A plea bargain finally brought the trial to a halt, and the judge sentenced Zalut to five years of probation.

FILE #3: A man in El Paso, Texas, was arrested at a bar when his false arm fell off. He had been using the false arm to point a gun at a bartender who wouldn’t serve him because he’d had too much already. ***MARLAR: Imagine that… being arrested for armed robbery and unarmed robbery at the same time!

STRANGE LAW: In Raton, New Mexico, it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street while wearing a kimono.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

When robbing a liquor store, make sure you aren’t under the influence of it first.

Proving once again that there is no intelligence test to become a criminal, a Los Angeles gunman demanded cash and a bottle of gin from a clerk at a liquor store. But the clerk refused to give the man liquor until he proved his age, so the robber handed over his driver’s license. The clerk memorized the man’s name and address and the thief was arrested.

PHONER PHUN

Who serves the best cup of coffee in town? Starbucks? Dunkin’ Donuts? McDonald’s? The corner café that nobody knows about?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: When the foundation for the second temple was laid, the priest played trumpets. What did the Levites play?

ANSWER: Cymbals (Nehemiah 12:35-36)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What was the name of Walt Disney’s family dog?

ANSWER: Lady. She was a poodle.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The first telephone answering machine was invented in 1904. (True)

2. In 1899, a New York City taxi cab driver was the first person to get a traffic ticket for speeding. (True)

3. Einstein failed his very first college entrance exam. (True)

4. Henry Ford forgot to put a reverse gear in his very first car. (True)

5. There are 7 different species of penguins. (False – there are 17. Only 5 of those species live in a cold climate.)

6. Penguins have more feathers per square inch than any other bird in the world. (True)

7. Only five percent of the world’s population is truly ambidextrous. (False – two percent)

8. U.S. Postal Service processes 8 million address changes each year. (False – 38 million)

9. When Heinz launched their “green” ketchup in 2000, it delivered the highest increase in sales in the brand’s history. (True)

10. When Kellogg’s Raisin Bran first came out in 1942, they had a bunch of grapes instead of raisins next to the name of the cereal on the cereal box. In 1966, Sunny the happy smiling sun came out and that is when the grapes turned into raisins. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“MAN RETURNS TO CRIME SCENE TO ASK VICTIM FOR A _____” (DATE)


31-year-old Bruno Perez made the grave mistake of becoming smitten with21-year-old Lucia Marcelo — the postal worker he robbed at gunpoint in Genoa, Italy. So the next day, he bought flowers with some of the money he stole, then returned to the scene of the crime to apologize and ask her out on a date. She activated the silent alarm and police soon showed up to arrest the robbing Romeo.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.  You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.  There is, however, a catch… you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find a husband.  On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1, These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2, These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3, These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.  “Wow,” she thinks, but she feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4, These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous and help with the housework.  “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5, These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but her suspense and curiosity get the best of her and she continues on to the sixth floor.  She gets to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6, “You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor.  This floor is here to simply prove that women are impossible to please.  Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.  Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!”

JOKE #2

A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was 
named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” 
Whereupon the blonde responded, “What else you gonna name watch dogs?”

JOKE #3

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” 
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

USELESS FACTS

Archeologists digging at the site of the Wright brothers’ home in Dayton, Ohio, have uncovered a button, two nails and some broken china that may have belonged to them. ***Which finally answers the question as to where their luggage ended up.

A 40-year-old British man entered the record books by becoming the first person ever to run around the world. It took him 5 years and 8 months to do it.  ***It would’ve been just three years, but he kept refusing to stop and ask for directions.

FEATURED FUNNIES

LONG LIFE

A man, celebrating his 100th birthday, was being interviewed by the local newspaper reporter. “And what do you attribute your longevity to?” asked the reporter.

The centenarian answered, “I make sure I get up every morning”.

The puzzled reporter asked, “And just how do you do that?”

The man answered, “I drink six glasses of water before I go to bed.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT

College students protesting is nothing new. But students protesting NOTHING… now that’s new!  Students at Plymouth University in the UK held a silent demonstration about… well… nothing! Protesters carried blank white banners, and remained in complete silence during the protest. According to the organizer, Gwynn Wick, “there is really no such thing as nothing, for nothing is the absence of something.” ***MARLAR: Apparently there is an absence of something which has left nothing in her skull.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

MY NEXT 40 YEARS

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

I was looking at the calendar the other day and noticed that my 40th birthday is just a few months off now. I did a quick peek over each shoulder to see if that dreaded mid-life crisis was trying to sneak up on me. I didn’t see a sight of him anywhere, and I doubt that he will show up at all. Yes, I have made more than my share of mistakes in my past that I am sorry for. My past, though, got me to where I am today. It made me who I am now. I can’t change it. I can only learn from it and use it to better live the time I have left.

I am not sure how long I will have left on this world. None of us ever know when our time here will end. Some of us get a century and some of us get only a day. One thing I do know, however, is that if I get them: my next 40 years are going to be my best 40 years. I am going to love more, give more, and live more. I am going to sing more, laugh more, and dance more. I am going to smile more, hug more, and listen more. I am going to take in more sunsets, pet more dogs, and thank God more for my life. I am going to take more walks, watch more fireflies, and smell more flowers. I am going to choose more love, more joy, and more oneness with God all day long, everyday I am given. I am going to share it all with the whole world and show everyone everywhere that they can do the same. I am going to spend everyday I have left here bringing a little more Heaven to Earth before I leave Earth for Heaven.

It doesn’t matter if you have 60 years, 40 years, 20 years, or 6 months left. You can still make it the best, most glorious, and most loving time of your life. The longest life here is still very short indeed. Do all you can then to live it in laughter, love, happiness, joy, goodness, and oneness with God. Then when you die and get to see God’s smiling face you will know that your next billion years will be your best billion years.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

PROSPERITY AND ADVERSITY
READ: Proverbs 30:1-9

Give me neither poverty nor riches—feed me with the food allotted to me. —Proverbs 30:8

Prosperity and adversity are equal-opportunity destroyers. The extremes of life can be hazardous because a person with too much may encounter as much difficulty as one with too little.

Agur, the writer of Proverbs 30, must have sensed this danger when he prayed: “Remove falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches—feed me with the food allotted to me; lest I be full and deny You, and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God” (Proverbs 30:8-9).

A similar request occurs in a beautiful choral anthem composed by Benjamin Harlan:

Write Your blessed name,
O Lord, upon my heart,
There to remain so indelibly engraved
That no prosperity, nor adversity
Shall remove me from Your love.

In Proverbs 30 the focus is on circumstances, while the song centers on the state of our heart. Perhaps we should pray that God would guard us in both areas of our lives.

The late Dr. Carlyle Marney, a prominent pastor, often said that most of us need to have our “wanter” fixed. Instead of always asking for more, we should seek the balance expressed in Proverbs 30.

When we invite the Lord to place His mark of ownership on our lives, we acknowledge His wise and loving provision for all our needs. —David C. McCasland

LEFTOVERS

OLD LUNCH BOXES BRING IN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

A 1954 Superman lunchbox broke records when it sold for a whopping $11,500 in auction. Though most vintage boxes won’t score a sliver of that price, many good-condition carriers still hold their weight in worth. Here are some lunch-boxes’ blue book values we thought you might be interested in?  Who knows? You might have some cold hard cash collecting dust in your attic!

1. Mickey Mouse, 1954 Available for $535.25

2. Marvel Super Heroes, 1976 Sold for $410.25

3. Star Wars, 1977 Sold for $335.25

4. Clash of the Titans, 1983 Available for $335.10

5. Stars and Stripes, 1970 Available for $325.50

LIFE… LIVE IT

THINGS CHILDREN SHOULD HEAR

10. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!

9. You’ve made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It’s all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.

8. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn’t easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.

7. Tell me about it. I’d like to hear more. And then what happened? I’ll listen.

6. I’m right here. I won’t leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you.

5. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?

4. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!

3. I have a surprise for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.

2. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.

1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.

JUST FOR FUN

I RESIGN!

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rock. I want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree, and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life, and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again.

I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. So . . . here’s my checkbook, my car keys, my credit card bills, and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, well, you’ll have to catch me first, cause. . . “TAG!! YOU’RE IT!!!”

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE SUMMERTIME WHEN…

  • The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

  • The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

  • Hot water now comes out of both taps.

  • You can make sun tea instantly.

  • You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

  • The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

  • You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

  • You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

  • You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

  • Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

  • You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

  • The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

  • Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

  • The cows are giving evaporated milk.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Looks like they were right – breakfast is the most important meal of the day, particularly if you are trying to lose weight! Skip the cold cereal: Eating eggs and bacon in the morning can help you control your hunger later in the day. Indiana University scientists determined that dieters who consumed their biggest dose of daily protein at breakfast felt full longer than those who ate more of the nutrient at lunch or dinner. The upshot: “They were less likely to overeat the rest of the day,” says study author Heather Leidy, Ph.D. To fend off hunger, shoot for at least 20 to 30 grams of protein at breakfast. (Men’s Health)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Here’s another reason to encourage your kids to learn a second language.  Being fluent in a foreign tongue increases cognitive abilities in the younger years and makes the brain healthier later in life, offering protection against dementia, say experts. Researchers at York University in England say speaking two languages can strengthen key brain pathways and enhance mental flexibility. “Bilingualism has a beneficial effect on cognitive development in children,” says study leader Dr. Ellen Bialystock. It also makes the brain more resilient as people grow older.

Could peer pressure be a good thing?  Teenagers who have close friends are more likely to have better health as young adults, HealthDay News reports of research from the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. “These results indicate that remaining close to — as opposed to separating oneself from — the peer pack in adolescence has long-term implications for adult physical health,” wrote study co-author Joseph Allen in the journal Psychological Science. The study found that those who enjoyed high-quality friendships and had a high desire to fit in with their peers during adolescence had far better health at age 27 than those who separated themselves from their peers during the teenage years. This held even after the researchers accounted for other factors, including income, weight and drug use. Why? Strong friendships and a feeling of being part of a group as a teenager may influence adult health by lowering anxiety and stress levels.

Did you party hearty last night? When you wake up with a headache, nausea, extreme thirst and a cotton mouth, you know have a hangover. Ugh. If you hate that feeling, here is a 100 percent guaranteed way to prevent it from happening again: Don’t drink too much. Here is a cold, hard fact: If you drink to excess, you will have a hangover. You can count on that, reports HealthDay News of research from Utrecht University in the Netherlands. “The more you drink, the more likely you are to get a hangover,” said Joris Verster, a professor of pharmaceutical sciences, pharmacology, and psychopharmacology at Utrecht University in the Netherlands. Here is a second cold, hard fact: All those hangover “cures” — from chugging lots of water to popping vitamin B pills — don’t work and will do little to make you feel better.

Why does your bath towel stink? It’s not the towels, it’s you. “Skin flakes and body soil get left behind with every use,” says Mary Gagliardi, a.k.a. Doctor Laundry for Clorox. She advises washing a bath towel after seven uses. In between, spread it widely on a rack to avoid having it develop odors, says Gagliardi. Persistent funk? Could be grimy buildup in your washer, so run regular bleach clean-out cycles to keep your washer stank-free. (Men’s Health)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If you’d like a written transcript of today’s show, please call the number at the bottom of your radio.

Is it still considered drinking on the job if you have a home-based business?

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JULY 21, 2017…

Dunkirk—Here comes one of the big war movies of the year. “Dunkirk” directed by Christopher Nolan and with cinematography by Hoyte Van Hoyterna (they had worked together on “Interstellar”), gives the audience the sensation of WWII, in the 1940’s and what it was like to have your back to the water’s edge and the enemy closing in. The evacuation of Dunkirk, France took almost 300,000 Allied soldiers, and with every means possible, brought them to Great Britain across the English Channel. You get the view from the ground, sea and the air. Massive undertaking. The stars of the film, Fionn Whitehead (new actor on the ground) and Tom Hardy (seasoned actor in a fighter plane) are the people to watch in the melee of activity. So, movie fans, fasten your seat belts and prepare for a rocky sea journey. IMAX cameras were used for part of the filming to bring the audience into the action and keep track of the actors. “Dunkirk” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

First Kill—Hayden Christiansen is on a holiday and hoping for a pleasant trip. However, he accidentally witnesses a serious crime. Someone sees him and then take Hayden’s son as a hostage, telling Hayden to get them money. What a situation. “First Kill” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Landline—Yes, the word “landline” is still operational. In this film two sisters who have not gotten along (Abby Quinn and Jenny Slate) are suddenly suspicious that their Dad (John Turturro) is having an affair. What to do? Tell Mom? (Edie Falco) Say nothing…or do a little investigating themselves. Such is the plot. “Landline” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Girls Trip—Seems as though everyone is going on a vacation this summer.  Hayden Christiansen is in trouble with bank robbers, and in “Girls Trip,” four woman decide to go on a trip and have a good time. They are Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Regina Hall and Tiffany Haddish. Look out, world, here they come. The film is set in New Orleans. “Girls Trip” is rated R. No rating.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets—This science fiction film, directed by Luc Besson, concerns a fabulous city in the sky that evolved from the first Space Station. It is centuries later and the city (actually called Alpha) is over 18 miles long. Of course, there are problems there. Stars Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne. “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Polina (opening in select cities)—This is the story of a young girl (Anastasia Shevtsova) who wants to be a dancer in the Bolshoi Ballet and is—this close—to getting in when she discovers modern dance. What to do? She leaves town and moves to France and studies with Juliette Binoche. Is the impossible…possible?  Beautiful choreography. “Polina” is rated PG 13. A French language film with subtitles. Rating of 2 for dance fans.

JULY 28, 2017…

Atomic Blonde is Charlize Theron as an assassin who can clear a room in 30 seconds or less.

The Emoji Movie is—guess what—a movie on emotions when one emoji doesn’t have feelings.

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power (documentary) has Al Gore with more information on global warming.

From The Land Of The Moon with Marion Cotillard deciding between two men.

The Incredible Jessica James is a romance between Jessica Williams and Chris O’Dowd.

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