July 30, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

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I’ve got to get another alarm clock. Three times this month I’ve arrived to work on time.




Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be completely lighted, as when the light of a lamp shines on you. –Luke 11:34-36


I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 3:14




Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions. — Ecclesiastes 7:10


Thought: The only thing we get by spending our time looking in the rear view mirror is a big disaster in our front windshield! Our best days as Christians are always ahead. Jesus has promised to return and take us home to God — what better future could there be. So let’s not get distracted with nostalgic cynicism. We can thank God for his past blessings, but let’s not waste the present with pessimism. Let’s make a commitment to redeem our time and trust that the same God who raised Jesus from the dead also holds our future in his hands.


Prayer: Holy God, give me a sense of purpose in each day that you give me life and give me an optimistic outlook on the future and on my Lord who will meet me there. Please help me have a sense of genuine joy knowing that no matter where the road leads me today, I will journey with you. In Jesus’ name I thank you for being my loving God and eternal Father. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 7:30 NIV = At this they tried to seize him, but no one laid a hand on him, because his time had not yet come.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is CUBBYHOLE APPRECIATION DAY.  ***MARLAR: I remember cubbyholes in kindergarten… hated them.  Then, in my first radio job, instead of a locker I was given a cubbyhole.  Still hated it.


Today is CONTRAST DAY, a day to appreciate music by playing Vivaldi, Bo Diddley, Johann Sebastian Bach, Kanye West, Natalie Grant, and Megadeath. ***MARLAR: Of course, we wouldn’t have any listeners left if we did that… so forget I said anything.


Today is FAKE FRIEND DAY. In 1991 The U.S. issued a patent (#5,035,072) to Rayma Rich of Las Vegas for the Collapsible Riding Companion, a simulated male human head and torso to ride shotgun with a lone driver. When not riding, the device collapses into a lightweight easy-to-carry travel case.  ***MARLAR: Boy, the desire to abuse the carpool lane rules would be overwhelming, wouldn’t it?




Cheesecake Day

Father-in-Law Day

Friendship Day

Health Care Now! (Medicare’s Birthday)

International Day of Friendship

National Support Public Education Day

Paperback Book Day

National Chili Dog Day





National Talk in an Elevator Day

System Administrator Appreciation Day

Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day

World Ranger Day



Girlfriend’s Day

India Pale Ale Beer Day

Mead Day

National Minority Donor Awareness Day

National Mustard Day

Respect For Parents

Rounds Resounding Day

Sandcastle Day

Spider-Man Day

US Air Force Day

World Lung Cancer Day

World Wide Web Day

World Scout Scarf Day



Friendship Day

National Doll Day

National Kids’ Day

Sister’s Day

Take a Penny/Leave a Penny Day



Assistance Dog Day

Friendship Day

National Psychic Day

Watermelon Day



Coast Guard Day

National Chocolate Chip Day

Single Working Women’s Day

Social Security Day

National Night Out



National Oyster Day

National Underwear Day



Hiroshima Day

National Fresh Breath Day

National Root Beer Float Day




1954: Elvis Presley made his first paid performance opening for singer Slim Whitman at Overton Park in Memphis. The 19-year-old nervously began gyrating his leg and a legend began.


1956: Eleven-year-old Brenda Lee of Lithonia, Georgia, recorded “Jambalaya” and “Bigelow 6-500” for Decca Records. Her biggest hits came in 1960 with “I’m Sorry,” “I Want to Be Wanted,” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”


1965: U.S. President Lyndon Johnson signed legislation creating a health-care program for the elderly called “Medicare.” It became effective the following year.


1968: The Beatles closed their Apple boutique in London by giving away everything.


1974: America’s top advocate of natural foods, 63-year-old Euell Gibbons, disclosed that he had an ulcer. The author of Stalking the Wild Asparagus said he had taken too many aspirins for arthritis.


1978: Gary Deathbridge set a record by racing the 36 miles from Nanaimo to Vancouver, British Columbia, in one hour 29 minutes 40 seconds in a 6-horse-power outboard bathtub.


1987: NBC’s “L.A. Law” received 20 Emmy nominations, just shy of the “Hill Street Blues” record 21 received in 1982.


1991: The U.S. issued a patent (#5,035,072) to Rayma Rich of Las Vegas for the Collapsible Riding Companion, a simulated male human head and torso to ride shotgun with a lone driver. When not riding, the device collapses into a lightweight easy-to-carry travel case.


2002: WNBA player Lisa Leslie became the first woman to dunk in a pro basketball game, jamming on a breakaway in the first half of the Los Angeles Sparks’ 82-73 loss to Miami.


2003: An extreme sports fanatic became the first man to cross the English Channel in an unpowered flight. Felix Baumgartner jumped from a plane 30,000 feet above Dover and glided 22 miles at speeds up to 220 miles an hour in a 10-minute flight. He landed by parachute near Calais, France.


2003: Sun Records founder Sam Phillips, who discovered Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash, and Carl Perkins, and Charlie Rich, died in Memphis, Tennessee, at age 80.


2004: British heavyweight Danny Williams knocked out Mike Tyson in the fourth round of a fight in Louisville, Kentucky.




1547: John Knox is captured by the French, having become chaplain to the killers of Cardinal Beaton of St. Andrews. John is sentenced to the galleys. Eventually he escapes to become the leader of the Scottish Reformation.


1718: William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania as a colony for Quakers to enjoy religious liberty, dies.


1775: The U.S. Army founds its chaplaincy, making it the Army’s oldest division after the infantry.


1956: In God We Trust becomes the official motto of the United States by an act of Congress signed by President Dwight D. Eisenhower.




  • actress (Joy on “My Name is Earl,” Jill in Joe Dirt) Jaime Pressly 38 (
  • actress (Million Dollar Baby, Iron Jawed Angels, The Core) Hilary Swank 41
  • actress (Phoebe on “Friends,” Ursula the waitress on “Mad About You,” Analyze This, Analyze That) Lisa Kudrow 52 (
  • actor (Morpheus in the Matrix movies, Mission Impossible 3, Event Horizon, “CSI”) Laurence Fishburne 54 (
  • actress (Suzanne on “Designing Women”) Delta Burke 59 (
  • actor (Michael Steadman on “thirtysomething”) Ken Olin 61 (
  • Former California governor / actor (The Terminator movies, Last Action Hero, Jingle All The Way, Kindergarten Cop) Arnold Schwarzenegger 68




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Christine McGuire (The McGuire Sisters)

1936 : Buddy Guy

1941 : Paul Anka

1945 : David Sanborn

1946 : Jeffrey Hammond (Jethro Tull)

1947 : Marc Bolan (T-Rex)

1949 : Andy Scott (Sweeet)

1949 : Joyce Jones (First Choice)

1949 : Hugh Nicholson (Marmalade)

1958 : Kate Bush

1972 : Brad Hargraves (Third Eye Blind)




Why do we say that an annoying person who won’t let up is nagging?

If you’re trying to figure out if there’s some connection between horses and being annoyed, or if you think you’re being set up for a pun involving some nag, fuhgedaboutit. I wouldn’t saddle you with such a thing. The only way a horse gets into this is if he or she has sharp teeth. Nag comes from a Scandinavian or Low German word, nagga or gnaggen, to gnaw or chew. You may pick up the connection if you think of a nag as someone characterized by oral aggression, someone who has his or her teeth sunk into you and won’t let go. Nag, nag, and nag. Or think of it this way. You answer, “He/she is nagging me” to the question, “What’s eating you?” (Edited from Tricky Trivia)




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Juan DeVevo was on a quest this week. The member of Casting Crowns was sent to the grocery store for a specific list of items. However, she did grant him some leeway. She gave him the option of choosing whatever chocolate sauce he wanted.


The members of Building 429 this week shared James 1:19&20. They added the following thought: Most days we strive to be fast. May today be a day we focus on being slow.


Jamie Grace is thinking about getting a new pet. She tweeted this week: I just think I want a little tiny monkey.


The Sidewalk Prophets Dave Frey has a love/hate relationship with the Chicago Cubs. After a recent walk off win Dave tweeted: you make me so mad, then happy, then really mad… then really happy!




Man says he petted zoo cougars after calling ‘Here, kitty’
DELAWARE, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio man who jumped a fence to pet cougars at the Columbus zoo and posted video of it on YouTube says he jokingly said “Here, kitty” and decided to move closer when the animals seemed to respond. Thirty-five-year-old Joshua Newell of suburban Gahanna is set for…


Ohio State coach Meyer, mascot celebrated in butter at fair    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Winning another national championship has made Urban Meyer a butter man. The Ohio State University football coach and Buckeyes mascot Brutus are being honored with butter sculptures at this year’s Ohio State Fair, which opens Wednesday in Columbus. The life-size…
Diner en Blanc: New York leads world’s biggest popup picnic    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five thousand people dressed in white got together for the world’s largest popup picnic at a location revealed only at the last moment. Guests for Tuesday’s Diner en Blanc, French for Dinner in White, showed up at one of 24 designated spots where the secret venue was…
Cops: 2-state chase began over warrant for stolen underwear
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police say a man who led officers on a wild two-hour chase spanning two states had been facing charges of stealing $21 worth of underwear from a supermarket. Police records show 54-year-old Robert Ritter was accused of stealing a pack of underwear and a package of T-shirts…
Fugitive’s role in horror film leads to his arrest    photo
TACOMA, Wash. (AP) — A fugitive has been arrested after federal agents saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie. HASH(0x144d210) Federal agents tracked down Stange and arrested him Friday at a restaurant near the set. Stange pleaded guilty…
Snow piles from record-breaking Buffalo storm still melting    photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — People from Buffalo hear it all year — over the phone or while traveling: “Buffalo? Got snow there?” The answer, still: “Why, yes!” Two piles remain in one abandoned lot where trucks dumped it after a freak November storm buried neighborhoods in so much snow —…
Cat found alive aboard sunken boat pulled from Lake Havasu    photo
LAKE HAVASU CITY, Ariz. (AP) — A trapped, hungry, wet and scared cat is now safe after it was found tucked away in a boat that had sank to the bottom of Lake Havasu. Today’s News-Herald reports (http://bit.ly/1h31xlO) the brown-and-black American shorthair breed was found when the boat was…
Scott Walker orders American on cheesesteaks, avoiding gaffe    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The governor of the nation’s top cheese-producing state visited the capital of cheesesteaks on Tuesday and ordered two topped with American, skipping the customary Cheez Whiz but avoiding the blunder of a former presidential candidate who was ridiculed for wanting his with…
ATM workers forget bag of cash, man drives off with $150K
MAHWAH, N.J. (AP) — Police say a man drove off with a bag containing $150,000 in cash after two employees who were replenishing ATMs mistakenly left it on a lawn in northern New Jersey. Mahwah police say in a news release that the ATM employees had stopped at a business on Industrial Avenue…
Oldest ever giant panda celebrates with bamboo, veggie cake    photo
HONG KONG (AP) — The oldest giant panda ever in captivity tasted a vegetable ice cake and, of course, bamboo in celebration of her 37th birthday. Jia Jia was recognized Tuesday as holding two Guinness World Records, the oldest ever and the oldest living giant panda. Her mate, An An, also…
Former 41-pound fat cat in Texas slims down to 19 pounds    photo
DALLAS (AP) — A former 41-pound cat dubbed Skinny has lost more than half of his weight to become the darling of a Dallas veterinary clinic. Dr. Brittney Barton says the orange tabby she adopted in 2013 has slimmed down to 19 pounds with exercise and a special diet. Barton calls Skinny the…






Health care spending to accelerate, US report says    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — It’s lasted six years. But now welcome relief from rising U.S. health care costs seems to be winding down. Health care spending will outpace the nation’s overall economic growth over the next decade, the government forecast on Tuesday, highlighting a challenge for the next…
Then & Now: Medicare and Medicaid turn 50    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare and Medicaid into law on July 30, 1965, Americans 65 and older were the age group least likely to have health insurance. “No longer will older Americans be denied the healing miracle of modern medicine,” Johnson said at the…
Immigrants, poor fish for their dinner, unaware of mercury    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — It’s midday and the white bucket balanced on the rocky shore at Mountha Uppasay’s feet holds five or six white bass, moving sluggishly in the water she scooped from the Des Moines River. She and her husband, who are immigrants from Laos, have been fishing since shortly…
Ohio city detects Lake Erie toxins that led to 2014 crisis    photo
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — Toledo has detected the first signs in Lake Erie of the dangerous toxin that resulted in a water crisis last year that left 400,000 people in northwestern Ohio and southeastern Michigan without safe tap water for two days. Toledo Mayor Paula Hicks-Hudson and city officials…
Court orders EPA to redo air-pollution limits in 13 states    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal appeals court on Tuesday ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to relax some limits it set on smokestack emissions that cross state lines and taint downwind areas with air pollution from power plants. At the same time, the court upheld the EPA’s right to…
Surgeon who helped pioneer key CPR technique dies at 87
MIAMI (AP) — Dr. James Jude, one of the experts credited with pioneering life-saving cardiopulmonary resuscitation, has died. He was 87. Peter Jude says his father died early Tuesday in Coral Gables after an extended illness. Jude says his father always wanted to help people, noting CPR has…
FDA approves stomach-filling balloon for weight loss
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health regulators on Tuesday approved an inflatable medical balloon that aids weight loss by filling up space in the stomach. The Food and Drug Administration cleared Reshape Medical’s balloon as another option for millions of obese Americans who have been unable to…
Romanian officials raid homes in medicines corruption probe
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Romanian prosecutors have searched dozens of home and offices looking for evidence that drug companies offered doctors vacations and other incentives in exchange for prescribing cancer drugs. A statement from the anti-corruption agency Tuesday said that 61 homes and…
Boy who lost hands to infection gets double-hand transplant    photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — An 8-year-old boy who lost his hands and feet to a serious infection has become the youngest patient to receive a double-hand transplant, surgeons said Tuesday. Zion Harvey’s forearms were heavily bandaged but his hands were visible as he flashed some big smiles Tuesday at…
US expects to pay farmers $191 million for birds lost to flu
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — The U.S. government expects to spend $191 million to pay chicken and turkey farmers for birds lost to avian flu, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said Tuesday as he called for Congress to consider a disaster program for poultry producers similar to that for other…




(None on the weekends)



There is probably nothing more fun than making a baby or toddler laugh. And now there’s news that it could even help with learning — the toddler’s that is, not the adult’s. Researchers in France think laughing might be a stimulant of learning.  ***But you still won’t learn anything at a Dane Cook concert, because he’s not funny.


For many people, a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, so it’s only natural to want it to be something truly memorable. A new business in Japan will come to your wedding reception with a huge, freshly caught tuna and proceed to cut it apart in front of everyone. The bride and groom get to make the first cut, then the fish is cut into small pieces for guests.  *** Gee, I’ll bet the phones are ringing off the hook for this company.  I can’t think of anything more romantic than raw fish smell at a wedding.


A new report shows that login credentials for nearly every federal agency have been posted on open Internet sites for those who know where to look.  *** Fortunately, we don’t have to worry about the site Healthcare.gov, because no one has yet to figure out how to login there.


A new study finds that men think they’re better at math than they actually are.  *** Here’s an indicator: if you have to take off your shoes and socks to count to ten, you’re not so great at math.




A new survey discovered that a quarter of us would turn off our TV for an entire month if it meant having no bills for that month.  ***MARLAR: Well, I guess that would eliminate the need to even have a Comcast or Netflix bill right there, wouldn’t it?


If your toothbrush fell in the toilet, would you throw it away or rinse it off and continue using it? Well, get this, 9% of men said they would fish the toothbrush out of the toilet and use it again, according to a survey by dental products manufacturer Philips Sonicare. In addition, almost half of all adults said that if their toothbrush fell on the floor, they would use it again — even though they acknowledged that their bathroom floor is the dirtiest floor in the house.  ***MARLAR: That all sounds gross, but if you think about it isn’t toothpaste nothing more than soap in a tube for your teeth?  If so, you’re washing it every time you use your toothbrush anywhere – regardless of where it was eight seconds earlier.


One hateful Facebook comment might reduce you to tears, but a recent study found that the “likes” you get might also have a negative impact, especially on your waistline and pocketbook. Researchers (Columbia Business School professor Keith Wilcox and University of Pittsburgh business professor Andrew Stephen) studied people who use Facebook and found that the more likes and self-affirming comments they got, the more likely they were to reach for a cookie over a granola bar.  ***MARLAR: Well duh… we’re celebrating people liking our comments!


Apparently we’re looking for just about any excuse we can find to say that being fat isn’t our own fault.  Now it’s Mom’s fault because she had a job.  Childhood obesity has been steadily rising the past 30 years, and this new study from American University in Washington, D.C. has found that a child’s weight may depend on how much their mothers were away at work while growing up. The research team studied body mass index (BMI) data &  found that the total number of years that mothers were employed away from home had a cumulative influence on their children’s rising BMI. Over time, a higher than average BMI can lead to obesity in adulthood.  ***MARLAR: Seriously?  So I’m a big fat slob because my mother decided to get a job to provide for the family?  If she hadn’t, what then?  We’d have less food, and again it’d be Mom’s fault that I’m malnourished.  Sorry, Mom – you lose either way.












OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey discovered something new and fun to do… dropping a coconut on your head. He calls it “clunking” – and now he’s trying to get the other jungle animals to try it! Everybody seems to be enjoying it… well, everyone except Sully the Aardvark!


CLOSE: Looks like the clunking craze is spreading – and Sully the Aardvark is certainly not happy about it – especially now that his nephew Sooly is doing it! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!


CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




In today’s Moment of Duh, YOU get to decided who the true inDUHvidual is!

Today’s Moment of Duh leaves us with a decision to make. Who is the true inDUHvidual here, the stupid criminal, or the shopkeeper that let him get away? The owner of a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa, says he opened his store recently and found a man sleeping on the floor who claimed he had been locked inside all night by mistake. The man that was locked in then gave the shopkeeper 20 bucks for the stuff he ate and drank during the night, and left. That’s when the store owner discovered that the guy paid him with some of the money he had robbed from the safe.






  1. They go so perfectly with your tie dye shirt, cut off jeans and mullet.
  2. You just went through the heartache of losing one sock, why make it harder on yourself?
  3. You’re promoting diversity over conformism. Free the oppressed and unmatched socks!
  4. Sew them all together to make a fashionable chemise.
  5. Your “Ex” may come back to you and bring the other half of the pair lost in the “even split of communal property”.
  6. Warhead cozies.
  7. You have a house elf’s sense of style.
  8. Great Christmas gifts for Crazy Uncle Louie.
  9. Make good sacrifices to the dryer critters who are always hungry for more socks.
  10. Keep them in the dryer as bait for the gnomes that stole them. Gnomes are worth a fortune on e-bay these days.




Does the end of your marriage mean the end of your enjoyment of life? Not according to one man!


FILE #1: Is there life after divorce? There is if you ask a 37-year-old Italian man… and life comes in the form of bank robberies… a lot of them! This man, who’s name has not yet been released, admits to robbing 21 banks in ten months simply because he was bored after his wife divorced him. He even robbed two banks in the span of 40-minutes with a toy gun – when he finally got caught. “I found out that robbing banks really gave me thrills and peace of mind,” he said.


FILE #2: Firemen in Munich, Germany, rescued an 89-year-old granny who was stuck in a tree more than 60 feet above the ground. Anna Gurlow said she had climbed her neighbor’s tree to rescue her cat, but the tricky feline got away from her and jumped safely to a nearby roof. It took firemen nearly an hour to get the grandmother out of the tree.


FILE #3: 16 year old Nicole Lavelle is quickly learning the ins and outs of the British court system. According to the Guardian newspaper, she has taken her father to court for breach of contract. The girl charges that he had promised to pay up to about $20,000 a year for her to go to the exclusive college of her choosing and when she opted to go to a cheaper school he balked. Why? Because the college is very close to the home of the girl’s mother — his ex wife. ***MARLAR: Sounds like Nicole could be in pre-law.


STRANGE LAW: It’s a crime in Zion, Illinois to offer a cigar to a dog, cat, or any pet.




Not only do people not run well on alcohol… neither do they run well on lawnmowers while intoxicated.

A Florida man was recently cited for driving under the influence. However, it wasn’t his car that he was driving, it was his lawnmower! 38 year old Ronald Biggs was driving his brand new 14 HP Cub Cadet lawn mower along the road after having too much to drink, and he crashed into a parked vehicle, a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse.  He was charged as a motorist and cited for hit and run, drunken driving, driving without a license, improper registration, no insurance and failure to maintain control. However, he is looking for leniency since he mowed some of the weeds on the side of the road.




What happens if the rapture happens and you’re a pet owner? What happens to your pets? That’s an interesting topic of conversation right there – but if you want to go over the top, check out this posting at CraigsList.com.




QUESTION: Who was the mother of Jacob’s first son, Reuben?

ANSWER: Leah (Genesis 29:32)




QUESTION: What everyday office item was invented in 1899 by Norwegian, John Vaaler?

ANSWER: The paperclip




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Arguments in the home most often happen in the family room. (False – kitchen)


  1. In Wilton, Maine there is a cannery that imports and cans only dandelion greens. (True)


  1. According to studies, men prefer to have white bedrooms. (True… and women prefer to have blue bedrooms.)


  1. Prepared mustard can be stored for at least 20 years. (False – 2 years)


  1. More redheads are born in Scotland than in any other country. (True. Eleven percent of its population has red hair.)


  1. The average person has over 1,400 dreams a year. (True)


  1. The average American will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year. (True)


  1. The State of Florida is bigger than England. (True)


  1. Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning. (True)


  1. Your heart beats over 200,000 times a day. (False – 100,000)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


25-year-old Luke Pittard won $1.3 million bucks in a lottery in Cardiff, Wales — but he’s going back to work at McDonald’s anyway. Oh he still has plenty of money, but just says he misses the job he loved and all his coworkers. While he’s working, he’ll be continuing to build his wealth at the rate of $5.85 an hour.






When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights.  Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets.  Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.
Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door’s edge, ready to fall on him.  As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, “Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!”
It was then he realized we’d removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.



While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”

They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”



There’s this guy who shows up at a cabin where these hunters have gathered to hunt bear. Only he shows up without a gun.

The other hunters are very curious. “How you gonna get a bear without a gun?” they ask.

“Do you have a knife?”

“No,” says the guy.

“Do you have a club?”

“No,” says the guy.

“Don’t you worry. I’m gonna get myself a bear. Just wait right here and see.”

The guy leaves the cabin and disappears into the hills for several hours.

Eventually he happens upon a bear asleep in his den and he kicks the bear and gets it really angry. As the bear wakes up, he starts to chase after the guy, so the guy starts running back towards the cabin.

Finally the hunters hear him running down the hill and yelling, “Open the cabin door! Open the door!”

They open the door and the guy runs into the cabin and holds the door open behind him. To the terror of the other hunters, an angry bear follows close behind, running into the cabin, too.

Then the guy slams the door shut, and says, “You skin that one. I’ll go get another.”




In Hugo, Oklahoma, the mother of a teenage girl involved in an argument at a school track meet tried to shoot the mother of the other girl involved in the dispute, instead wounding a bystander. Police disarmed and arrested Sonya Bostic, 33, while the bystander was taken to the hospital.  ***MARLAR: They’re now considering a 30-day waiting period on all PTA meetings.


Surveys show that one in four Americans — that’s 70 million people — aren’t getting enough sleep. ***MARLAR: But then, that’s what The John Tesh Radio Show is for.





One afternoon, this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.
The guy rolls down the window and says, “How can I help you?”
“I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?”
With a smile on his face, the guy hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side of the road and waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, our guy stops, cranks down the window, and says, “What can I do for you?”
“I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?”
Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of Coke and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, our guy decides to stop one last time. He rolls down his window, and yells, “Let me guess. You’re the blue jerk of the highway, and just what do you wanna have?”
“Driver’s license and registration, please.”





Can you imagine seeing these comments on your job performance evaluation? These were actually written by supervisors!

  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  • When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
  • Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
  • A room temperature IQ.
  • One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
  • He’s so dense, light bends around him.
  • If brains were taxed, she’d get a refund.
  • If he were any less active, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
  • Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
  • Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.





On his way to church, a scholar was surprised to see a man in tattered clothes and barefoot. Nevertheless, as a good Christian, he greeted the poor man: “May God give you a good morning!”

The poor man replied cheerfully, “I have never yet had a bad morning.”

“Then may God give you good luck!”

“I have never yet had bad luck.”

“Well, may God give you happiness!”

“I have never yet been unhappy.”

The scholar then asked the man, “Could you please explain yourself to me? I do not understand.”

And the poor man replied, “With pleasure! You wish me a good morning, yet I have never had a bad morning. For when I am hungry, I praise God; when I feel cold, or when it is raining or snowing, I praise God; and that is why I have never had a bad morning.

“You wish that God may give me luck. However, I have never had bad luck. This is because I live with God and always feel what he does for me is the best. Whatever God sends me, be it pleasant or unpleasant, I accept with a grateful heart. That is why I have never had bad luck.

“Finally, you wish that God should make me happy. But I have never been unhappy. For all I desire is to follow God’s will; I have surrendered my will so totally to

God’s will that, whatever God wants, that is what I also want. “That is why I have never been unhappy.”

–Meister Eckhart





Read: Isaiah 55:6-13

My word . . . shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please. —Isaiah 55:11

They know Tom Dotson pretty well in the prisons of Michigan. They ought to. He spent more than a decade behind bars.

Tom gave his testimony at the annual banquet for prison chaplains in Muskegon, Michigan. He said he had grown up in a Christian home but had rebelled and rejected the gospel. His wife, who sang at the banquet, stayed with him in spite of his repeated failures. A prison chaplain faithfully worked with him, Tom genuinely surrendered to Jesus Christ, and his life was changed.

Dotson urged Christian workers, “Continue on in your ministry with people like me, no matter how frustrating. We may have lots of setbacks. But don’t give up. There’s power for change in even the most frustrating person through the sacrifice of Christ, the One who really sets us free.” Then, looking right at the chaplain who had patiently witnessed to him, Tom said tenderly,“ Thank you for not giving up on me.”

God will “abundantly pardon” all who come to Him (Isaiah 55:7). His powerful Word can bring change (v.11), freeing men and women from the prison of sin (John 8:32).

Are you about to give up on someone you think will never change? Don’t! Keep at it! —Dave Egner


Be not weary in well-doing,
Though your labors cause you pain—
There could never be a harvest
Without sowing of the grain. —Anon.


Instead of giving up on a person, give that person to God.





What would ice cream be if the ice cream parlor were owned by Jews? What would kosher ice cream taste like? Max & Mina’s kosher ice cream parlor in Kew Gardens Hills, N.Y. is very different than any other ice cream store you’ve ever heard of. It has a lot of very strange flavors. Here’s some of the stranger ones (all rich in butterfat but meeting various Jewish dietary standards): “lox,” “corn on the cob,” “horseradish,” “peanut butter and jelly,” “beer and nuts” and “campfire delight” (which is baked beans flavor). The store also once made (but has discontinued) a “broccoli” ice cream. ***MARLAR: No wonder there’s so much screaming about ice cream – those flavors are terrifying.





Who wants to pack a bigger bag just to take enough clothes to last a whole vacation? Yet doing laundry is pretty low on everyone’s activity list. “In the ’60s and ’70s, laundromats were dumps,” says Joel Jorgensen, “but no more.” An exec at Continental Girbau, which makes commercial and industrial laundry equipment, he tells USA TODAY’s Anne Goodfriend about some coin-ops that put a new spin on sudsing your duds.

  • Laundry 101 – Madison, Wisconsin: “It’s unlike any laundromat in the country.” Within walking distance of the State Capitol and the University of Wisconsin, Laundry 101 is a downtown favorite of students and young professionals, offering Internet access, espresso, and soft-pretzel sandwiches. No need to bring detergent and softener: Their Express Wash machines inject them and “wash and dry your clothes in 40 minutes.” Drop-off laundry and dry cleaning are ready the next day. 608-294-9274.
  • Brainwash – San Francisco: “It’s more than a laundromat: It’s a hangout with really good food: soups, salads, sandwiches and a full coffee bar,” plus live music on weekends. 415-431-9274.
  • Washtime Laundry – Westminster, Colorado: When in the Denver metro area, you can take a load to any of numerous Washtimes, but this one “is close to Six Flags Elitch Gardens, the new Coors Field and Mile High Stadium. It’s big, bright and clean, with TVs everywhere you look.” 303-429-1188.
  • Spin Station – Johnson, Vermont: This converted filling station in the heart of ski country is “something to behold. It’s done in ’50s deco style with the booths and barstools, and they kept the bay doors. In the precious summer months they open them, and it’s a laundromat with an outdoors feel.” There’s no phone at the station, but you can hardly miss the place.
  • Sit & Spin – Seattle: “Just as Seattle led the coffee-bar craze,” this place plays a similar role in the new generation of laundromats. “It serves pasta, pizza, chili, nachos. … It’s a joint where you can do laundry.” 206-441-9484.
  • Bessie’s Laundry – Kayenta, Arizona: “Lots of campers, bikers, hikers and mountain climbers” traversing the Glen Canyon National Recreation Area or Monument Valley stop here, where the machines are large enough to wash tents and sleeping bags. Near “the Utah border in the heart of the Navajo reservation,” the tiny town is a popular pass-through “because there is spectacular scenery. There’s flat desert, and all of a sudden there’ll be a huge rock structure that seems to come out of nowhere.” 520-697-3337.
  • Soaps-N-Suds Laundromat Lounge – Norfolk, Virginia
    One of 12 Soaps-N-Suds in Virginia, it offers drop-off service, but you may want to stay: “It’s right on the shore of the Chesapeake Bay. Walk out the back and you’re on the beach.” An entertainment area has comfortable armchairs, TVs, magazines and vending machines. 757-583-6975.
  • The Clothesline Coin Laundry – Rogers, Arkansas: Only 30 miles from the tourist mecca of Branson, Missouri, Rogers is in “a community of small towns with hotels, high-end grocery stores and shopping.” Besides drop-off service, daily specials and ample parking, the Clothesline has “beautiful neon signs and a wide-open layout,” and there’s usually a movie on the TV monitors. 501-636-5566.
  • Harvey Washbangers – Nashville: Here’s a laundromat plus diner, where “you can … get the wash going while you’re in the restaurant. It has a ’50s feel” with comfort food to match: “meatloaf and mashed potatoes, burgers, patty melts.” 615-322-9274.
  • The Laundry Bar – Miami Beach: “If you want to people-watch, go (to this) South Beach hot spot with atmosphere: dimmed lights, strobes flashing, and plenty of food. If you’re a local, (this is) where you do your laundry. Wash your night duds, put ’em on and hit the strand.”





A trip to Sonic for a cold drink ends up a complete wreck!
Martha Bell of Savannah, Georgia, stopped for a cold drink at a Sonic drive-thru restaurant recently, when the pedal on her Jaguar got stuck.  That’s the accelerator pedal.  So, as most cars do that have the pedal to the floor, Martha proceeded to smash through a wall and drove right into the Sonic restaurant and only stopped when the car finally hit a freezer. Restaurant manager Daniel McCollum joked, “I guess our service just wasn’t fast enough.”  ***MARLAR: This wasn’t what he meant when he told her to “please drive through.”





  • Dear God: How come people love to smell flowers but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
  • Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
  • Dear God: Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride. I realize every breed cannot have its own model, but how hard could it be to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
  • Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
  • Dear God: Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
  • Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
  • Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
  • Dear God: Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.
  • Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
  • Dear God: Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can’t make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets thing again?
  • Dear God: Can you undo what that doctor did?




  • Dear God: Do you exist? I’m just curious. I don’t care.





As we’ve already know, telling lies doesn’t make people’s noses grow like Pinocchio’s, but there are plenty of other ways to spot a fibber. The trick isn’t in learning to detect falsehoods but in spotting the clues that folks are telling the truth, says behavioral analyst Stan B. Walters. Just look for two or three of the following truth-telling signs the next time you ask someone a question. If you don’t see them, then take the answer with a grain of salt.


Calm demeanor — People who are honest feel cool and confident and answer without extraneous bodily motion. Tension gives liars excess energy and provokes fidgeting — especially tweaking an ear, rubbing their nose or touching their throat.


The eyes have it — Truth-tellers maintain a steady gaze because they’re focused on giving you the facts. Liars look away, close their eyes or blink rapidly.


Leaning — People who lean toward you are telling the truth 90 percent of the time, say psychologists. “When people lie, they feel uncomfortable so they unconsciously move away,” says an FBI expert.


Good timing — You can count on folks who answer in five seconds or less. Seven seconds is all a liar needs to come up with a whopper.


Talking the talk — Honest people speak in an even tone of voice, without wildly varying their pitch or getting tongue-tied. Stress makes liars breathe harder and affects their speech.




(Mondays Only)




Russell Wilson’s pastor is standing up for him after the media criticized Wilson for claiming that God told him to remain celibate in his relationship with singer Ciara. Charisma News reports Pastor Miles McPherson of the Rock Church responded to the critics in a blog post. The pastor wrote, “There are some in the media (who) claim waiting until marriage to have sex is ‘stupid,’” McPherson said. “I bet you that this would not be a ‘stupid’ idea if he were dating their daughter.”



Plastic litter along roadsides may soon be used to make new roads. A company in the Netherlands has come up with a plan to replace asphalt and concrete with recycled plastic. The “PlasticRoad” material promises two benefits for the environment — not only would it reduce plastic waste headed for landfills, it would also cut carbon emissions from the alternative oil-based asphalt. The company says PlasticRoad should last three times as long as conventional road materials. It would also be easier to repair by simply pulling out a damaged section and replacing it with a new one — just like with building blocks.



It’s summer and that means ice cream. As with everything else, someone always wants to push the bar a little bit further and, this summer, ice cream is no exception. Yahoo food did some searching and found some of the most interesting ice cream flavors around the country. Meat seems to be popular with ice cream. They found ice cream flavored with bacon, ham and even lobster. Some other interesting combinations include Wasabi, Balsamic Strawberry, Chocolate Chipotle Orange, Garlic, and even grass. That’s right, ice cream with bits of grass mixed right in.





My wife is really good at giving recognition to those that deserve it, and writing letters of thanks to friends and family after special occasions or if they’ve done a special favor for us. She is always looking for ways to encourage others. In fact, if she likes a particular product she buys at the store, she’ll sometimes take a moment to write the company. Yesterday we received a large carton of shampoo from a company that she’d written to as their way of saying “thanks”.  So today I’ve asked her to write a letter to Volkswagen.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Following Your Dreams Is Dangerous

Is there such a thing as an “entrepreneur gene?” You know, something innate that becomes the drive for some to take risks. To step out on their own. To follow their dreams.
I’m pretty sure my father had that innate drive. While family security was important, he had the urge to take on new things. His limited efforts in this way were not met with success. For a number of reasons.
My wiring definitely has some of that. I have stepped out aggressively more than once, raising capital for a new venture. And then I helped my wife start a publishing business several years ago. Additionally, I helped launch two nonprofits. It’s fun to be in the “start with a dream and see it work” business.
The verdict on whether genetics is involved is mixed. But what seems to be a very common indicator for success is a little more clear. And it has to do with…family money.
First, an Inc Magazine story on this topic reports findings from The Department of Twin Research and Genetic Epidemiology at Kings College, London. In short, their research concluded:
• 37 to 48 percent of the tendency to be an entrepreneur is genetic.
• The tendency to identify new business opportunities is in your genes.
• Self-employment income is heritable, which means that genetics affect not only the tendency to engage in entrepreneurship, but also the ability to perform it.
• The tendency to have personality traits such as extroversion, openness, etc., has a genetic component. This suggests that your genes could affect your tendency to be an entrepreneur by influencing the type of personality you develop.
(see http://www.inc.com/adam-heitzman/how-entrepreneurship-might-be-genetic.html)
But the success factor of entrepreneurship comes from a second article. It’s titled, “Entrepreneurs don’t have a special gene for risk—they come from families with money.” (http://qz.com/455109/entrepreneurs-dont-have-a-special-gene-for-risk-they-come-from-families-with-money/)
Here we learn that “the most common shared trait among entrepreneurs is access to financial capital—family money, an inheritance, or a pedigree and connections that allow for access to financial stability.” When basic needs are met, it’s argued, it’s easier to be creative. Safety nets encourage more risk taking.
A University of California Berkeley study of entrepreneurs revealed most were white, male, and highly educated. Not all, but most. And without family money, success chances drop quite a bit.
On the personality trait side, resilience stands out, along with extroversion and openness as noted earlier. And genetics do play a factor here. It’s still risky business. But as one woman who runs in circles of entrepreneurs says, “Following your dreams can be dangerous.”
This information was quite revealing to me. If I was counseling others on whether to take the leap and start a new venture, I would now have an even more cautious mindset. At least as it applies to business startups.
To the contrary, the spiritual life often demands from us a “leap of faith.” Hebrews, chapter 11, is a classic piece of scripture on the “halls of faith.” Here are a few verses specifically about Abraham:
“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.”  (Hebrews 11:8-10 NLT)
For a person to have an authentic spiritual life—which will certainly impact our work life as well—faith comes into play. To move confidently into areas where insecurity dwells, it is best to know the voice of God. The sensitivity to hear God’s voice comes by abiding in Him. Leaps of faith are not such big jumps when our hearts are properly tuned.
And in terms of “family wealth” as a safety net, remember: God not only owns the cattle on a thousand hills…he owns the real estate as well.
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JULY 24, 2015…


Southpaw—Jake Gyllenhaal stars in this boxing film of a man almost defeated in life, who tries a comeback. Jake has a tragedy in his life and his daughter is missing.  Forest Whitaker comes to the forefront as a trainer who gets Jake back into shape. (Gyllenhaal really got into shape for this role.) Rachel McAdams is Jake’s wife. “Southpaw” is rated R. Rating of 3 for sports fans.


Pan—This is a different concept, indeed.  Take the usual “Peter Pan” story and make it one with Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) instead and the children he kidnaps, especially Peter (Levi Miller). to work in his mines. Captain Hook is played by Garrett Hedlund and something in the vein of Johnny Depp’s “Jack Sparrow.”  Tiger Lily is played by Rooney Mara.  Ah, yes, not your usual story here, but the characters are based on the Barry stories.   “Pan” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Pixels—What would happen if the alien invaders turned out to be past video games? Pac Man running around the city, etc. That is the premise of this movie starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James as two guys who figure this out. They are helped by Peter Dinklage (“Game of Thrones”), Michelle Monaghan and Josh Gad.  “Pixels” (directed by Chris Columbus) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of video games.


Paper Towns—The film is adapted from a book by author John Green (“The Fault In Our Stars,.”) “Paper Towns” is a comedy/mystery  about a young man Quentin Jacobsen) who falls for the girl next door, Margo Roth Speigelman , who, in turn, involves him in a mystery and then disappears. What to do? He begins his journey. Also in the cast is Halston Sage. “Paper Towns” is rated PG 13. No rating.


JULY 31, 2015…


Vacation is a comedy with Ed Helms and Leslie Mann about revisiting the National Lampoon vacation spots.


The Gift is a thriller starring Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall


Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation is a Tom Cruise action film and plenty of stunts, including hanging from a plane in flight.


The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)  stars Jesse Eisenberg as a reporter out for a great interview.


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