July 30, 2017: Sunday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I’ve got to get another alarm clock. Three times this month I’ve arrived to work on time.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be completely lighted, as when the light of a lamp shines on you. –Luke 11:34-36

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 3:14

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions. — Ecclesiastes 7:10

Thought: The only thing we get by spending our time looking in the rear view mirror is a big disaster in our front windshield! Our best days as Christians are always ahead. Jesus has promised to return and take us home to God — what better future could there be. So let’s not get distracted with nostalgic cynicism. We can thank God for his past blessings, but let’s not waste the present with pessimism. Let’s make a commitment to redeem our time and trust that the same God who raised Jesus from the dead also holds our future in his hands.

Prayer: Holy God, give me a sense of purpose in each day that you give me life and give me an optimistic outlook on the future and on my Lord who will meet me there. Please help me have a sense of genuine joy knowing that no matter where the road leads me today, I will journey with you. In Jesus’ name I thank you for being my loving God and eternal Father. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

John 7:30 NIV = At this they tried to seize him, but no one laid a hand on him, because his time had not yet come.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JULY 30, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
147 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is CUBBYHOLE APPRECIATION DAY.  ***I remember cubbyholes in kindergarten… hated them.  Then, in my first radio job, instead of a locker I was given a cubbyhole.  Still hated it. (True story!)

Today is CONTRAST DAY, a day to appreciate music by playing Vivaldi, Bo Diddley, Johann Sebastian Bach, Kanye West, Natalie Grant, and Megadeath. ***Of course, we wouldn’t have any listeners left if we did that… so forget I said anything.

Today is FAKE FRIEND DAY. In 1991 The U.S. issued a patent (#5,035,072) to Rayma Rich of Las Vegas for the Collapsible Riding Companion, a simulated male human head and torso to ride shotgun with a lone driver. When not riding, the device collapses into a lightweight easy-to-carry travel case.  ***Boy, the desire to abuse the carpool lane rules would be overwhelming, wouldn’t it?

TODAY IS ALSO…

Cheesecake Day
Father-In-Law Day
Friendship Day
Health Care Now!  Medicare’s Birthday
International Day of Friendship
National Chicken and Waffles Day
National Support Public Education Day
Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day
Paperback Book Day
World Day Against Trafficking in Persons

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

MONDAY, JULY 31

National Mutt Day
Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day
World Ranger Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 01

Girlfriend’s Day
Lughnasa
Mead Day
National Minority Donor Awareness Day
National Night Out
Respect For Parents
Rounds Resounding Day
Spider-Man Day
Tisha B’Av
US Air Force Day
World Lung Cancer Day
World Wide Web Day
World Scout Scarf Day

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 02

Earth Over Shoot Day or Ecological Debt Day
International Albarino Day
National Coloring Book Day
Take A Penny/Leave A Penny Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 03

Friendship Day
Watermelon Day
India Pale Ale Beer Day

FRIDAY, AUGUST 04

Braham Pie Day or Homemade Pie Day
Coast Guard Day
International Beer Day
Tomboy Tools Day
Twins Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day

SATURDAY, AUGUST 05

International Hangover Day
Mead Day
National Disc Golf Day
National Jamaican Patty Day
National Mustard Day
National Oyster Day
National Underwear Day
Sandcastle Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 06

American Family Day
Friendship Day
Hiroshima Day
National Doll Day
National Kids’ Day
Sister’s Day
National Fresh Breath
National Root Beer Float Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 07

Assistance Dog Day
Lighthouse Day
National Psychic Day
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day

ON THIS DAY

1948: Professional wrestling premiered on primetime network TV. *** And even with the primitive technology of the time, viewers could still tell it was fake.

1954: Elvis Presley made his first paid performance opening for singer Slim Whitman at Overton Park in Memphis. The 19-year-old nervously began gyrating his leg and a legend began.

1956: Eleven-year-old Brenda Lee of Lithonia, Georgia, recorded “Jambalaya” and “Bigelow 6-500” for Decca Records. Her biggest hits came in 1960 with “I’m Sorry,” “I Want to Be Wanted,” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

1965: U.S. President Lyndon Johnson signed legislation creating a health-care program for the elderly called “Medicare.” It became effective the following year.

1968: The Beatles closed their Apple boutique in London by giving away everything.

1974: America’s top advocate of natural foods, 63-year-old Euell Gibbons, disclosed that he had an ulcer. The author of Stalking the Wild Asparagus said he had taken too many aspirins for arthritis.

1978: Gary Deathbridge set a record by racing the 36 miles from Nanaimo to Vancouver, British Columbia, in one hour 29 minutes 40 seconds in a 6-horse-power outboard bathtub.

1987: NBC’s “L.A. Law” received 20 Emmy nominations, just shy of the “Hill Street Blues” record 21 received in 1982.

1991: The U.S. issued a patent (#5,035,072) to Rayma Rich of Las Vegas for the Collapsible Riding Companion, a simulated male human head and torso to ride shotgun with a lone driver. When not riding, the device collapses into a lightweight easy-to-carry travel case.

2002: WNBA player Lisa Leslie became the first woman to dunk in a pro basketball game, jamming on a breakaway in the first half of the Los Angeles Sparks’ 82-73 loss to Miami.

2003: An extreme sports fanatic became the first man to cross the English Channel in an unpowered flight. Felix Baumgartner jumped from a plane 30,000 feet above Dover and glided 22 miles at speeds up to 220 miles an hour in a 10-minute flight. He landed by parachute near Calais, France.

2003: Sun Records founder Sam Phillips, who discovered Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash, and Carl Perkins, and Charlie Rich, died in Memphis, Tennessee, at age 80.

2004: British heavyweight Danny Williams knocked out Mike Tyson in the fourth round of a fight in Louisville, Kentucky.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1547: John Knox is captured by the French, having become chaplain to the killers of Cardinal Beaton of St. Andrews. John is sentenced to the galleys. Eventually he escapes to become the leader of the Scottish Reformation.

1718: William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania as a colony for Quakers to enjoy religious liberty, dies.

1775: The U.S. Army founds its chaplaincy, making it the Army’s oldest division after the infantry.

1956: In God We Trust becomes the official motto of the United States by an act of Congress signed by President Dwight D. Eisenhower.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress (Joy on “My Name is Earl,” Jill in Joe Dirt) Jaime Pressly 40 (audio clip)

  • actress (Million Dollar Baby, Iron Jawed Angels, The Core) Hilary Swank 43

  • actress (Phoebe on “Friends,” Ursula the waitress on “Mad About You,” Analyze This, Analyze That) Lisa Kudrow 54 (audio clip)

  • actor (Morpheus in the Matrix movies, Mission Impossible 3, Event Horizon, “CSI”) Laurence Fishburne 56 (audio clip)

  • actress (Suzanne on “Designing Women”) Delta Burke 61 (audio clip)

  • actor (Michael Steadman on “thirtysomething”) Ken Olin 63 (audio clip)

  • Former California governor / actor (The Terminator movies, Last Action Hero, Jingle All The Way, Kindergarten Cop) Arnold Schwarzenegger 70

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Christine McGuire (The McGuire Sisters)

1936 : Buddy Guy

1941 : Paul Anka

1945 : David Sanborn

1946 : Jeffrey Hammond (Jethro Tull)

1947 : Marc Bolan (T-Rex)

1949 : Andy Scott (Sweeet)

1949 : Joyce Jones (First Choice)

1949 : Hugh Nicholson (Marmalade)

1958 : Kate Bush

1972 : Brad Hargraves (Third Eye Blind)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why do we say that an annoying person who won’t let up is nagging?

If you’re trying to figure out if there’s some connection between horses and being annoyed, or if you think you’re being set up for a pun involving some nag, fuhgedaboutit. I wouldn’t saddle you with such a thing. The only way a horse gets into this is if he or she has sharp teeth. Nag comes from a Scandinavian or Low German word, nagga or gnaggen, to gnaw or chew. You may pick up the connection if you think of a nag as someone characterized by oral aggression, someone who has his or her teeth sunk into you and won’t let go. Nag, nag, and nag. Or think of it this way. You answer, “He/she is nagging me” to the question, “What’s eating you?” (Edited from Tricky Trivia)

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was substituting in a bowling tournament and was bowling better than he’d ever bowled before. Unfortunately, every time Gruffy bowled well, it meant the team moved to the next level… and Gruffy would have to keep canceling his checkers games with Sully. He’s already cancelled three times… will he do it to Sully again?

CLOSE: That’s not good… Gruffy is now so caught up in himself and his bowling skills that he’s about to lose a good friend. Will he snap out of it? Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

In today’s Moment of Duh, YOU get to decided who the true inDUHvidual is!

Today’s Moment of Duh leaves us with a decision to make. Who is the true inDUHvidual here, the stupid criminal, or the shopkeeper that let him get away? The owner of a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa, says he opened his store recently and found a man sleeping on the floor who claimed he had been locked inside all night by mistake. The man that was locked in then gave the shopkeeper 20 bucks for the stuff he ate and drank during the night, and left. That’s when the store owner discovered that the guy paid him with some of the money he had robbed from the safe.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS TO KEEP YOUR MISMATCHED SOCKS

10. They go so perfectly with your tie dye shirt, cut off jeans and mullet.

9. You just went through the heartache of losing one sock, why make it harder on yourself?

8. You’re promoting diversity over conformism. Free the oppressed and unmatched socks!

7. Sew them all together to make a fashionable chemise.

6. Your “Ex” may come back to you and bring the other half of the pair lost in the “even split of communal property”.

5. Warhead cozies.

4. You have a house elf’s sense of style.

3. Great Christmas gifts for Crazy Uncle Louie.

2. Make good sacrifices to the dryer critters who are always hungry for more socks.

1. Keep them in the dryer as bait for the gnomes that stole them. Gnomes are worth a fortune on e-bay these days.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Does the end of your marriage mean the end of your enjoyment of life? Not according to one man!

FILE #1: Is there life after divorce? There is if you ask a 37-year-old Italian man… and life comes in the form of bank robberies… a lot of them! This man, who’s name has not yet been released, admits to robbing 21 banks in ten months simply because he was bored after his wife divorced him. He even robbed two banks in the span of 40-minutes with a toy gun – when he finally got caught. “I found out that robbing banks really gave me thrills and peace of mind,” he said.

FILE #2: Firemen in Munich, Germany, rescued an 89-year-old granny who was stuck in a tree more than 60 feet above the ground. Anna Gurlow said she had climbed her neighbor’s tree to rescue her cat, but the tricky feline got away from her and jumped safely to a nearby roof. It took firemen nearly an hour to get the grandmother out of the tree.

FILE #3: 16 year old Nicole Lavelle is quickly learning the ins and outs of the British court system. According to the Guardian newspaper, she has taken her father to court for breach of contract. The girl charges that he had promised to pay up to about $20,000 a year for her to go to the exclusive college of her choosing and when she opted to go to a cheaper school he balked. Why? Because the college is very close to the home of the girl’s mother — his ex wife. ***MARLAR: Sounds like Nicole could be in pre-law.

STRANGE LAW: It’s a crime in Zion, Illinois to offer a cigar to a dog, cat, or any pet.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Not only do people not run well on alcohol… neither do they run well on lawnmowers while intoxicated.

A Florida man was recently cited for driving under the influence. However, it wasn’t his car that he was driving, it was his lawnmower! 38 year old Ronald Biggs was driving his brand new 14 HP Cub Cadet lawn mower along the road after having too much to drink, and he crashed into a parked vehicle, a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse.  He was charged as a motorist and cited for hit and run, drunken driving, driving without a license, improper registration, no insurance and failure to maintain control. However, he is looking for leniency since he mowed some of the weeds on the side of the road.

PHONER PHUN

What happens if the rapture happens and you’re a pet owner? What happens to your pets? That’s an interesting topic of conversation right there – but if you want to go over the top, check out this posting at CraigsList.com.

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the mother of Jacob’s first son, Reuben?

ANSWER: Leah (Genesis 29:32)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What everyday office item was invented in 1899 by Norwegian, John Vaaler?

ANSWER: The paperclip

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Arguments in the home most often happen in the family room. (False – kitchen)

2. In Wilton, Maine there is a cannery that imports and cans only dandelion greens. (True)

3. According to studies, men prefer to have white bedrooms. (True… and women prefer to have blue bedrooms.)

4. Prepared mustard can be stored for at least 20 years. (False – 2 years)

5. More redheads are born in Scotland than in any other country. (True. Eleven percent of its population has red hair.)

6. The average person has over 1,400 dreams a year. (True)

7. The average American will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year. (True)

8. The State of Florida is bigger than England. (True)

9. Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning. (True)

10. Your heart beats over 200,000 times a day. (False – 100,000)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“LOTTERY WINNER RETURNS TO ____________ JOB” (MCDONALD’S)


25-year-old Luke Pittard won $1.3 million bucks in a lottery in Cardiff, Wales — but he’s going back to work at McDonald’s anyway. Oh he still has plenty of money, but just says he misses the job he loved and all his coworkers. While he’s working, he’ll be continuing to build his wealth at the rate of $5.85 an hour.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights.  Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets.  Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.
Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door’s edge, ready to fall on him.  As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, “Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!”
It was then he realized we’d removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.

JOKE #2

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”

They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

JOKE #3

There’s this guy who shows up at a cabin where these hunters have gathered to hunt bear. Only he shows up without a gun.

The other hunters are very curious. “How you gonna get a bear without a gun?” they ask.

“Do you have a knife?”

“No,” says the guy.

“Do you have a club?”

“No,” says the guy.

“Don’t you worry. I’m gonna get myself a bear. Just wait right here and see.”

The guy leaves the cabin and disappears into the hills for several hours.

Eventually he happens upon a bear asleep in his den and he kicks the bear and gets it really angry. As the bear wakes up, he starts to chase after the guy, so the guy starts running back towards the cabin.

Finally the hunters hear him running down the hill and yelling, “Open the cabin door! Open the door!”

They open the door and the guy runs into the cabin and holds the door open behind him. To the terror of the other hunters, an angry bear follows close behind, running into the cabin, too.

Then the guy slams the door shut, and says, “You skin that one. I’ll go get another.”

USELESS FACTS

Surveys show that one in four Americans — that’s 70 million people — aren’t getting enough sleep. ***But then, that’s what The John Tesh Radio Show is for.

FEATURED FUNNIES

ROAD TRIP

One afternoon, this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.
The guy rolls down the window and says, “How can I help you?”
“I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?”
With a smile on his face, the guy hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side of the road and waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, our guy stops, cranks down the window, and says, “What can I do for you?”
“I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?”
Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of Coke and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, our guy decides to stop one last time. He rolls down his window, and yells, “Let me guess. You’re the blue jerk of the highway, and just what do you wanna have?”
“Driver’s license and registration, please.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

JOB EVALUATION COMMENTS

Can you imagine seeing these comments on your job performance evaluation? These were actually written by supervisors!

  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

  • When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.

  • Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.

  • A room temperature IQ.

  • One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.

  • He’s so dense, light bends around him.

  • If brains were taxed, she’d get a refund.

  • If he were any less active, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

  • Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

  • Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

FREE

On his way to church, a scholar was surprised to see a man in tattered clothes and barefoot. Nevertheless, as a good Christian, he greeted the poor man: “May God give you a good morning!”

The poor man replied cheerfully, “I have never yet had a bad morning.”

“Then may God give you good luck!”

“I have never yet had bad luck.”

“Well, may God give you happiness!”

“I have never yet been unhappy.”

The scholar then asked the man, “Could you please explain yourself to me? I do not understand.”

And the poor man replied, “With pleasure! You wish me a good morning, yet I have never had a bad morning. For when I am hungry, I praise God; when I feel cold, or when it is raining or snowing, I praise God; and that is why I have never had a bad morning.

“You wish that God may give me luck. However, I have never had bad luck. This is because I live with God and always feel what he does for me is the best. Whatever God sends me, be it pleasant or unpleasant, I accept with a grateful heart. That is why I have never had bad luck.

“Finally, you wish that God should make me happy. But I have never been unhappy. For all I desire is to follow God’s will; I have surrendered my will so totally to

God’s will that, whatever God wants, that is what I also want. “That is why I have never been unhappy.”

–Meister Eckhart

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

KEEP AT IT

Read: Isaiah 55:6-13

My word . . . shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please. —Isaiah 55:11

They know Tom Dotson pretty well in the prisons of Michigan. They ought to. He spent more than a decade behind bars.

Tom gave his testimony at the annual banquet for prison chaplains in Muskegon, Michigan. He said he had grown up in a Christian home but had rebelled and rejected the gospel. His wife, who sang at the banquet, stayed with him in spite of his repeated failures. A prison chaplain faithfully worked with him, Tom genuinely surrendered to Jesus Christ, and his life was changed.

Dotson urged Christian workers, “Continue on in your ministry with people like me, no matter how frustrating. We may have lots of setbacks. But don’t give up. There’s power for change in even the most frustrating person through the sacrifice of Christ, the One who really sets us free.” Then, looking right at the chaplain who had patiently witnessed to him, Tom said tenderly,“ Thank you for not giving up on me.”

God will “abundantly pardon” all who come to Him (Isaiah 55:7). His powerful Word can bring change (v.11), freeing men and women from the prison of sin (John 8:32).

Are you about to give up on someone you think will never change? Don’t! Keep at it! —Dave Egner

Be not weary in well-doing,
Though your labors cause you pain—
There could never be a harvest
Without sowing of the grain. —Anon.

Instead of giving up on a person, give that person to God.

LEFTOVERS

31 FLAVORS GONE KOSHER

What would ice cream be if the ice cream parlor were owned by Jews? What would kosher ice cream taste like?

Max & Mina’s kosher ice cream parlor in Kew Gardens Hills, N.Y. is very different than any other ice cream store you’ve ever heard of. It has a lot of very strange flavors. Here’s some of the stranger ones (all rich in butterfat but meeting various Jewish dietary standards): “lox,” “corn on the cob,” “horseradish,” “peanut butter and jelly,” “beer and nuts” and “campfire delight” (which is baked beans flavor). The store also once made (but has discontinued) a “broccoli” ice cream. ***MARLAR: No wonder there’s so much screaming about ice cream – those flavors are terrifying.

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP TEN GREAT PLACES TO DO LAUNDRY ON THE ROAD

Who wants to pack a bigger bag just to take enough clothes to last a whole vacation? Yet doing laundry is pretty low on everyone’s activity list. “In the ’60s and ’70s, laundromats were dumps,” says Joel Jorgensen, “but no more.” An exec at Continental Girbau, which makes commercial and industrial laundry equipment, he tells USA TODAY’s Anne Goodfriend about some coin-ops that put a new spin on sudsing your duds.

  • Laundry 101 – Madison, Wisconsin: “It’s unlike any laundromat in the country.” Within walking distance of the State Capitol and the University of Wisconsin, Laundry 101 is a downtown favorite of students and young professionals, offering Internet access, espresso, and soft-pretzel sandwiches. No need to bring detergent and softener: Their Express Wash machines inject them and “wash and dry your clothes in 40 minutes.” Drop-off laundry and dry cleaning are ready the next day. 608-294-9274.

  • Brainwash – San Francisco: “It’s more than a laundromat: It’s a hangout with really good food: soups, salads, sandwiches and a full coffee bar,” plus live music on weekends. 415-431-9274.

  • Washtime Laundry – Westminster, Colorado: When in the Denver metro area, you can take a load to any of numerous Washtimes, but this one “is close to Six Flags Elitch Gardens, the new Coors Field and Mile High Stadium. It’s big, bright and clean, with TVs everywhere you look.” 303-429-1188.

  • Spin Station – Johnson, Vermont: This converted filling station in the heart of ski country is “something to behold. It’s done in ’50s deco style with the booths and barstools, and they kept the bay doors. In the precious summer months they open them, and it’s a laundromat with an outdoors feel.” There’s no phone at the station, but you can hardly miss the place.

  • Sit & Spin – Seattle: “Just as Seattle led the coffee-bar craze,” this place plays a similar role in the new generation of laundromats. “It serves pasta, pizza, chili, nachos. … It’s a joint where you can do laundry.” 206-441-9484.

  • Bessie’s Laundry – Kayenta, Arizona: “Lots of campers, bikers, hikers and mountain climbers” traversing the Glen Canyon National Recreation Area or Monument Valley stop here, where the machines are large enough to wash tents and sleeping bags. Near “the Utah border in the heart of the Navajo reservation,” the tiny town is a popular pass-through “because there is spectacular scenery. There’s flat desert, and all of a sudden there’ll be a huge rock structure that seems to come out of nowhere.” 520-697-3337.

  • Soaps-N-Suds Laundromat Lounge – Norfolk, Virginia
    One of 12 Soaps-N-Suds in Virginia, it offers drop-off service, but you may want to stay: “It’s right on the shore of the Chesapeake Bay. Walk out the back and you’re on the beach.” An entertainment area has comfortable armchairs, TVs, magazines and vending machines. 757-583-6975.

  • The Clothesline Coin Laundry – Rogers, Arkansas: Only 30 miles from the tourist mecca of Branson, Missouri, Rogers is in “a community of small towns with hotels, high-end grocery stores and shopping.” Besides drop-off service, daily specials and ample parking, the Clothesline has “beautiful neon signs and a wide-open layout,” and there’s usually a movie on the TV monitors. 501-636-5566.

  • Harvey Washbangers – Nashville: Here’s a laundromat plus diner, where “you can … get the wash going while you’re in the restaurant. It has a ’50s feel” with comfort food to match: “meatloaf and mashed potatoes, burgers, patty melts.” 615-322-9274.

  • The Laundry Bar – Miami Beach: “If you want to people-watch, go (to this) South Beach hot spot with atmosphere: dimmed lights, strobes flashing, and plenty of food. If you’re a local, (this is) where you do your laundry. Wash your night duds, put ’em on and hit the strand.”

JUST FOR FUN

PLEASE DRIVE THROUGH

A trip to Sonic for a cold drink ends up a complete wreck!
Martha Bell of Savannah, Georgia, stopped for a cold drink at a Sonic drive-thru restaurant recently, when the pedal on her Jaguar got stuck.  That’s the accelerator pedal.  So, as most cars do that have the pedal to the floor, Martha proceeded to smash through a wall and drove right into the Sonic restaurant and only stopped when the car finally hit a freezer. Restaurant manager Daniel McCollum joked, “I guess our service just wasn’t fast enough.”  ***MARLAR: This wasn’t what he meant when he told her to “please drive through.”

FUN LIST

  • Dear God: How come people love to smell flowers but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?

  • Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

  • Dear God: Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride. I realize every breed cannot have its own model, but how hard could it be to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

  • Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

  • Dear God: Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

  • Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

  • Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

  • Dear God: Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.

  • Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

  • Dear God: Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can’t make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets thing again?

  • Dear God: Can you undo what that doctor did?

CAT’S LETTER TO GOD

  • Dear God: Do you exist? I’m just curious. I don’t care.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

LIAR LIAR

As we’ve already know, telling lies doesn’t make people’s noses grow like Pinocchio’s, but there are plenty of other ways to spot a fibber. The trick isn’t in learning to detect falsehoods but in spotting the clues that folks are telling the truth, says behavioral analyst Stan B. Walters. Just look for two or three of the following truth-telling signs the next time you ask someone a question. If you don’t see them, then take the answer with a grain of salt.

Calm demeanor — People who are honest feel cool and confident and answer without extraneous bodily motion. Tension gives liars excess energy and provokes fidgeting — especially tweaking an ear, rubbing their nose or touching their throat.

The eyes have it — Truth-tellers maintain a steady gaze because they’re focused on giving you the facts. Liars look away, close their eyes or blink rapidly.

Leaning — People who lean toward you are telling the truth 90 percent of the time, say psychologists. “When people lie, they feel uncomfortable so they unconsciously move away,” says an FBI expert.

Good timing — You can count on folks who answer in five seconds or less. Seven seconds is all a liar needs to come up with a whopper.

Talking the talk — Honest people speak in an even tone of voice, without wildly varying their pitch or getting tongue-tied. Stress makes liars breathe harder and affects their speech.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

It’s a rare individual who gets through an entire day without telling a lie. Most are harmless, so-called “white lies” that are told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Others are bigger lies that are told to protect ourselves. It turns out that telling the truth when you’re tempted to lie can actually improve your mental and physical health. On average, the typical American lies about 11 times a week. “We wanted to find out if living more honestly can actually cause better health,” said lead author Anita E. Kelly, a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame. “We found that the participants could purposefully and dramatically reduce their everyday lies, and that in turn was associated with significantly improved health.” Over the course of the 10-week study, the link between less lying and improved health was significantly stronger for participants in the no-lie group. for example, when participants in the no-lie group told three fewer white lies than they did in other weeks, they experienced, on average, about four fewer mental-health complaints, such as feeling tense or melancholy, and about three fewer physical complaints, such as sore throats and headaches.

Just because your commute is 20 seconds long and your dress code is a T-shirt and underpants doesn’t mean stress can’t find you in your home office. To explore how our ubiquitous digital devices are affecting telecommuters or those who work remotely, a study looked at employees in 15 countries, including the U.S., U.K., and Japan. The researchers found that although there are many positives to working from home or off-site like increased autonomy, better flexibility, no commute, the way that the workday can spill over into your personal time can be a big negative. They reported that 41 percent of mobile employees felt stressed, compared with only 25 percent of the cubicle jockeys, and a full 42 percent had trouble sleeping, with only 29 percent of office workers reporting insomnia according to a report in International Labor Organization. (Men’s Fitness)

Put the coffee cup down. Don’t go anywhere near that soda machine. If you want to jolt yourself awake around 3pm when you get the afternoon doldrums, climb up and down the nearest set of stairs. That’s the word from researchers at the University of Georgia in Athens, who found that 10 minutes of walking up and down stairs at a regular pace does more to make you feel energized than drinking a cup of coffee or a can of soda. A study found that neither caffeine nor exercise caused large improvements in attention or memory, but stair-walking was associated with a small increase in motivation for work, albeit temporary. Why the stairs? Office workers can go outside and walk, but weather can be less than ideal. And a lot of people working in office buildings have access to stairs, so it’s an option to keep some fitness while taking a short break from work.

Well here’s a not-so-fun fact about summer.  Will one really bad sunburn lead to melanoma? It’s a question many wonder, especially since it’s a rare person who never suffered a severe burn as a child or teenager. That’s especially true for those born before sunscreen was popularly available — and we knew to use it. And if one bad burn can cause skin cancer, what can you do about it now? “We’re still waiting for a definitive one-sunburn study to show us exactly how much melanoma risk increases with one blistering burn, but to the best of our knowledge, it seems like the answer is about 50 percent,” explained R. Neil Box, an investigator at the University of Colorado Cancer Center and president of the Colorado Melanoma Foundation. “One bad burn as a child makes you half-again more likely to develop melanoma as an adult.” About 250,000 people are diagnosed with melanoma annually, and 60,000 people will die from this most dangerous form of skin cancer. while the increased risk accompanying one bad burn is still imprecise, studies show that the overall lifetime risk of developing melanoma climbs 80 percent with five blistering burns in childhood.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

My wife is really good at giving recognition to those that deserve it, and writing letters of thanks to friends and family after special occasions or if they’ve done a special favor for us. She is always looking for ways to encourage others. In fact, if she likes a particular product she buys at the store, she’ll sometimes take a moment to write the company. Yesterday we received a large carton of shampoo from a company that she’d written to as their way of saying “thanks”.  So today I’ve asked her to write a letter to Volkswagen.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JULY 28, 2017…

Atomic Blonde—When Charlize Theron dives into a role, she really does it. The actress trained for hours a day for months getting the stunts right.  This film concerns a British female spy in the 1980’s who is supposed to gather information to help bust a spy ring in Berlin. With all the action here—and watch those deadly spike heels—Theron goes into battle as Lorraine Broughton. She is in Berlin, just before the big crack in The Wall. The plot is adapted from the graphic novel by Anthony Johnston and Sam Hart called “The Coldest City.”  James McAvoy plays Lorraine’s contact, while Sofia Boutella (“Star Trek: Beyond”) is a French agent. Director David Leitch was once a stunt double for Brad Pitt and directed  “Captain America: Civil War.“ “Atomic Blonde” has action sequences that go on longer than what is usual in an action film. Plus, there is a rocking soundtrack. Fasten your seat belts. “Atomic Blonde” is rated R and is an adult movie. Rating of 2 for fans of the genre.

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power (documentary)—The first “Inconvenient Truth” documentary with Al Gore won an Academy Award in 2006. Now, we have an update on the situation.  From melting icebergs to typhoon victims, the audience see what is happening to the world as the climate slowly warms up. What can be done? Gore knows. “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power” stars Al Gore. Rated PG 13. No rating.

The Emoji Movie—The little creatures that seems to decorate everything in cyber land now have their own animated film. The theme of the movie is that one emoji thinks he is imperfect because he can’t express emotion. What to do? Voices of T. J. Miller, Patrick Stewart and James Corden. “The Emoji Movie” is rated PG. No rating.

From The Land Of The Moon (opening in select cities)—is  French films starring Marion Cotillard. She goes into an arranged marriage to a land owner in Spain only to fall for a war veteran (Louis Garret.) What to do? “From The Land Of The Moon” is rated R. No rating.

The Incredible Jessica James (opening in select cities)—In this romance, a woman who writes plays (Jessica Williams) falls for Chris O’Dowd who has recently been divorced. Will this work out? The story is set in New York. “The Incredible Jessica James” is rated PG 13. No rating.

AUGUST 04, 2017…

The Dark Tower is adapted from the Stephen King books and stars Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba.

Detroit is directed by Kathryn Bigelow and is centered on the Detroit Riots. Stars Anthony Mackie.

Ingrid Goes West has Aubrey Plaza befriending someone on Instagram. It had to happen.

Wind River concerns an Indian Reservation murder. Stars Jeremy Renner.

Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature continues the animated  adventures of the little creatures and voiced by Will Arnett.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.