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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150731
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
You don’t know what fear is–until you sit in a dark radio studio at the beginning of your show — wondering if your wife was just being kind when she laughed at all those adlibs you practiced on her the night before.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.” –1 Peter 2:2-3
I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life. — Psalm 119:93
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. — Titus 2:2
Thought: “Teach older men?” “Learn from younger folks?” Buried in this verse is a profound understanding and respect that transcends generations. For some of us who share our local churches with five generations of people for the first time in human history, Paul’s challenging words mean even more to us today. Those who are younger need leaders and mentors who are people of character if transformation and renewal are to be sustainable. Those who are older need to realize that God often uses the voices of the young to speak his truth and bring renewal. We need to love, respect, and pray for each other as we seek to be God’s people in our time!
Prayer: O God, please give us wisdom, patience, and respect in your Family so that we may value each person, listen to the voices of character and maturity regardless of age, and be open to hearing your truth no matter who you use to speak it to us. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 Corinthians 7:31 NIV = those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – JULY 31, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 148 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is MAKE TODAY BETTER THAN YESTERDAY DAY. ***MARLAR: Which makes tomorrow “Make Today Better Than The Day Before Yesterday Day.”
This is SHADOW DAY. In 1930 Orson Welles starred as “The Shadow” in the show’s radio debut. At first, the Shadow was the narrator for changing stories, but later became a character in his own adventures. He knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men and scared the tar out of the bad guys. ***MARLAR: Later, Alec Baldwin became “The Shadow” on the big screen and now nobody’s afraid of him.
Today is MUTT’S DAY, honoring all dogs that are not just one breed. ***MARLAR: Why don’t we have anything like this for humans? I’m German/Irish. My wife is German/Czech, and what about Tiger Woods – I don’t even know what he is. And President Obama even admits to being a mutt! How about we have a Human Mutt Day? Because really, if you look at it, just about everyone has some mutt in them if you look far enough back into your family’s history. So why is racism such a problem?
Today is MAKE HOMEMADE ICE CREAM AND INVITE THE NEIGHBORS OVER DAY. ***MARLAR: Does anyone still make ice cream at home anymore? It’s hard to beat when it comes to taste and texture. There’s a “today in history” fact about ice cream as well. On this day in 2001, a Tokyo exhibit featured sweet potato, squid, ox tongue, cactus, eel, crab, and octopus ice cream. Perhaps that’s why we don’t make homemade ice cream anymore.
This is PHONUITAR DAY. In 1969 Moscow police reported that thieves had stolen telephone parts from thousands of phone booths to convert their acoustic guitars to electric. ***MARLAR: Proving that it’s not “Rock ‘n’ Roll” that corrupted society… it’s telephones.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, AUGUST 01
India Pale Ale Beer Day
National Minority Donor Awareness Day
Respect For Parents
Rounds Resounding Day
US Air Force Day
World Lung Cancer Day
World Wide Web Day
World Scout Scarf Day
SUNDAY, AUGUST 02
MONDAY, AUGUST 03
TUESDAY, AUGUST 04
Coast Guard Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day
National Night Out
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 05
THURSDAY, AUGUST 06
National Fresh Breath Day
FRIDAY, AUGUST 07
Braham Pie Day (Homemade Pie Day)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day
Tomboy Tools Day
ON THIS DAY
1845: The French Army introduced the saxophone to its military band. The instrument had been invented by Adolphe Sax of Belgium.
1928: Leo, the MGM Lion, first roared for the debut of the movie “White Shadows of the South Seas.”
1930: Orson Welles starred as “The Shadow” in the show’s radio debut. At first, the Shadow was the narrator for changing stories, but later became a character in his own adventures. He had the ability to cloud men’s minds so they could not see him and he knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men.
1964: Singer Jim Reeves died in a Tennessee plane crash at age 39. He had 51 Top 10 country hits and 11 #1 singles. Biggest hit: “He’ll Have to Go” in 1960.
1969: Moscow police reported that thieves had stolen telephone parts from thousands of phone booths to convert their acoustic guitars to electric.
1971: David Scott and James Irwin became history’s first moon riders, taking their lunar dune buggy for a 2-hour drive on the surface of the moon.
1973: The ABA Virginia Squires traded Julius Earving to the New York Nets.
1984: Reporter Leeza Gibbons made her first appearance on TV’s “Entertainment Tonight.” (
1995: The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital Cities/ABC in a deal placed at $19 billion.
1995: Selena’s first English album, “Dreaming of You,” debuted at No. 1 in Billboard four months after her death. Selena was the first Latin artist to debut at No. 1.
1996: Three brothers, a sister, and two cousins all drowned while trying to rescue a chicken and each other from a 60-foot-deep well in Nazlat Imara, Egypt. The chicken survived.
1996: Ottawa-born Alanis Morissette kicked off her first Canadian tour before 15,000 fans at GM Place in Vancouver.
1997: Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago announced that “the Teddy Bear Lady,” a $15-thousand-a-year secretary who passed out teddy bears to children in the hospital, had left $18-million for research into children’s diseases. Gladys Holm, who never married and had no heirs, apparently had invested wisely in the stock market.
2001: A Tokyo exhibit featured sweet potato, squid, ox tongue, cactus, eel, crab, and octopus ice cream. The Mainichi Daily News called the unusual flavors “surprisingly tasty.”
2002: A knife-wielding robber in the Philippines was beaten up by his victim, a 25-year-old pregnant woman with a black belt in taekwondo. Clarissa de Guzman of Manila said when the robber focused his attention on her jewelry and money, she kicked him in the head, then in the groin and all over.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1556: Ignatius of Loyola, Spanish Roman Catholic reformer and founder of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits), dies in Rome. During his life he saw 1,000 men join his order and 100 colleges and seminaries established. Apart from his order, Ignatius’s greatest legacy he left in his Spiritual Exercises, a devotional guide that has been in constant use for over 460 years.
1566: Bartolome de las Casas, the first Spaniard ordained in the New World and “Father to the Indians,” dies in Spain. He wrote several books detailing the horrors committed upon Native Americans by the Spanish settlers, and argued for the humanity of the Indians against many of his countrymen who had described them as children or subhuman.
1966: After John Lennon proclaims the Beatles to be “more popular than Jesus,” residents of Alabama burn the band’s records and other products.
1970: The complete New American Standard Version of the Bible is published.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Las Vegas”, Insp. Jack Ellis on “The Division”, Clark Kent/Superman on “The Adventures of Lois & Clark”) Dean Cain 49 (
- actor (Blade movies, U.S. Marshalls, Murder At 1600, Demolition Man, Passenger 57, Major League) Wesley Snipes is 53
- actor (Detective Steve Sloan on “Diagnosis Murder”) Barry Van Dyke 64 (
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1911 : George Liberace
1918 : Hank Jones
1923 : Ahmet Ertegun
1931 : Kenny Burrell
1939 : John West (Gary Lewis and the Playboys)
1942 : Daniel Boone
1943 : Lobo
1945 : Gary Lewis ((Gary Lewis and the Playboys)
1946 : Bob Welch (Fleetwood Mac)
1947 : Karl Green (Herman’s Hermits)
1953 : Hugh McDowell (Electric Light Orchestra)
1957 : Daniel Ash (Love & Rockets)
1959 : Bill Berry (R.E.M.)
1963 : Fatboy Slim
1978 : Will Champion (Coldplay)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How loud are the songs of whales?
People who live near the shores of quiet bays where whales visit can sometimes hear their beautiful songs even above water. At times, the whale songs can be loud enough to be heard indoors. The songs of humpback whales have been measured at 170 decibels underwater, which is equivalent to 144 decibels in the air (every 10 decibels represents a 10-fold increase in sound intensity.) This is louder than a jet engine, which blasts 140 decibels at full throttle. But the loud-song champions are the blue whales, whose earsplitting melodies can reach 188 decibels underwater (162 db in air), more than 100 times louder than a roaring jet engine. These ocean leviathans are the world’s champion loud noise making animals.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Crowder concerts are unique. From laser lights to a cabin front porch, the concerts have a feel all their own. But Crowder’s music company says that isn’t the only unique aspect of a crowder show. Members shared this week: he featured a petting zoo available before a recent show in Atlanta.
Jimmy Needham this week pointed out another difference between men and women. Jimmy tweeted: My wife just clipped her nails over the trash can. I clipped mine into my hat.
David Crowder fans need to be ready to go at a moments notice. Crowder tweeted this week: Wanna be in a Crowder video? Get to PCC in Atlanta in the next 30 minutes.
TobyMac is having to wait to listen to his own album. A record rep shared this week on twitter that one of the perks of his job was getting to listen to Tobymac’s new CD This is Not a Test more than a week ahead of it’s scheduled August 7th release. Tobymac replied: Man, I don’t even have one yet cause I’m out of the country. He will be in Canada through the end of the week.
Lincoln Brewster was on stage earlier this month leading worship but it wasn’t with his guitar. Instead, he was sharing a message from Romans 8. As part of the message, Lincoln asked: Have you ever wanted to do great? I mean really succeed. With all your might you wanted to make the team, give the speech, sell the product, win the girl, score the winning point, finish on top, win the prize, etc. etc. etc. but instead of winning you failed. Have you ever blown it? Then you will want to listen to Lincoln Brewster’s entire message.
Do you have better rhythm that worship leader Paul Baloche? I played an online game this week called Got Rhythm and says he only scored 681 out of 1000 points. Now he’s asking if you can do any better? Find out! http://t.co/joGBQblERE
WEIRD & WACKY
|New Hampshire baby receives lifetime hunting-fishing license
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — A 6-month-old New Hampshire boy has become the first child to get a newborn hunting and fishing license in the state. Daylen Brickley’s grandfather read about the state program in a hunting and fishing magazine. The family from Milford bought the license July 23, the…
|Soup kitchen offers free meal for return of Jesus statue
PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) — “Have you found Jesus?” That’s what employees at a Rhode Island soup kitchen are asking after a religious statue disappeared from the kitchen’s garden. Pawtucket Soup Kitchen Director Adrienne Marchetti says on Wednesday that she last saw the statue, which depicts…
|US court says drug-sniffing dog fails the smell test photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Lex the police dog from central Illinois is far from top dog in drug-sniffing skills. That’s the core finding of a potentially influential new ruling from the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which considered the question of how much police should rely on their K-9 partners…
|Diner en Blanc: New York leads world’s biggest popup picnic photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five thousand people dressed in white got together for the world’s largest popup picnic at a location revealed only at the last moment. Guests for Tuesday’s Diner en Blanc, French for Dinner in White, showed up at one of 24 designated spots where the secret venue was…
|Man says he petted zoo cougars after calling ‘Here, kitty’
DELAWARE, Ohio (AP) — A man who jumped a fence to pet cougars at the Columbus zoo and posted video of it on YouTube says he jokingly called “Here, kitty” and moved closer when the animals seemed to respond. Joshua Newell of suburban Gahanna pleaded no contest Wednesday to a misdemeanor…
|2 houses from ‘Breaking Bad’ for sale in Albuquerque photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — Two houses featured on the hit AMC-TV series “Breaking Bad” are up for sale in Albuquerque. A mother-daughter realty team said this week they are helping sell the home where the fictitious Jesse Pinkman made methamphetamine. The two-story, 3,500-square foot,…
|Summer snow turns Wyoming mountains into winter wonderland photo
TETON VILLAGE, Wyo. (AP) — The middle of summer looked like the middle of winter in the mountains of western Wyoming. A cold front that moved through Monday afternoon dumped heavy rain on the valleys and snow above 9,000 feet. Officials at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort say they saw the storm…
|Ohio State coach Meyer, mascot celebrated in butter at fair photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Winning another national championship has made Urban Meyer a butter man. The Ohio State University football coach and Buckeyes mascot Brutus are being honored with butter sculptures at this year’s Ohio State Fair, which opens Wednesday in Columbus. The life-size…
|Cops: 2-state chase began over warrant for stolen underwear
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police say a man who led officers on a wild two-hour chase spanning two states had been facing charges of stealing $21 worth of underwear from a supermarket. Police records show 54-year-old Robert Ritter was accused of stealing a pack of underwear and a package of T-shirts…
|Fugitive’s role in horror film leads to his arrest photo
TACOMA, Wash. (AP) — A fugitive has been arrested after federal agents saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie. HASH(0x1433880) Federal agents tracked down Stange and arrested him Friday at a restaurant near the set. Stange pleaded guilty…
|Snow piles from record-breaking Buffalo storm still melting photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — People from Buffalo hear it all year — over the phone or while traveling: “Buffalo? Got snow there?” The answer, still: “Why, yes!” Two piles remain in one abandoned lot where trucks dumped it after a freak November storm buried neighborhoods in so much snow —…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|APNewsBreak: Gov’t finds health law co-ops awash in red ink photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nonprofit co-ops, the health care law’s public-spirited alternative to mega-insurers, are awash in red ink and many have fallen short of sign-up goals, a government audit has found. Under President Barack Obama’s overhaul, taxpayers provided $2.4 billion in loans to get the…
|Free checkups helping Special Olympics athletes stay healthy photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — They arrived in Los Angeles by the thousands to run, jump and swim and to play such team sports as soccer and softball. This week, however, Special Olympics athletes from around the world also are taking part in what could be called the Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat events….
|NYC health department investigates Legionnaire’s outbreak
NEW YORK (AP) — The New York City Department of Health is investigating an outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease in the South Bronx. The department said Wednesday that 31 cases have been reported in the area since July 10. Two patients reported to have the illness have died, and the department is…
|Planned Parenthood seeks fed study of fetal tissue research photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Under fire for its role in providing fetal tissue for research, Planned Parenthood asked the government’s top health scientists Wednesday to convene a panel of independent experts to study the issues surrounding the little-known branch of medicine. Planned Parenthood’s…
|Health care spending to accelerate, US report says photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — It’s lasted six years. But now welcome relief from rising U.S. health care costs seems to be winding down. Health care spending will outpace the nation’s overall economic growth over the next decade, the government forecast on Tuesday, highlighting a challenge for the next…
|Human fetal tissue long used for variety of medical studies photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Controversy over Planned Parenthood’s supplying fetal tissue for research has focused attention on a little-discussed aspect of science. Some of the organization’s affiliates, in fewer than five states, provide the tissue, according to Planned Parenthood. An anti-abortion…
|Then & Now: Medicare and Medicaid turn 50 photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare and Medicaid into law on July 30, 1965, roughly half of Americans 65 and older had no health insurance. “No longer will older Americans be denied the healing miracle of modern medicine,” Johnson said at the bill signing. “No…
|Immigrants, poor fish for their dinner, unaware of mercury photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — It’s midday and the white bucket balanced on the rocky shore at Mountha Uppasay’s feet holds five or six white bass, moving sluggishly in the water she scooped from the Des Moines River. She and her husband, who are immigrants from Laos, have been fishing since shortly…
|Correction: Lake Erie Algae story
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — In a story July 28 about toxins in lakes, The Associated Press reported erroneously on the affiliation of Milt Miller. He is restoration manager for Grand Lake St. Marys, not Lake Erie. A corrected version of the story is below: Ohio city detects Lake Erie toxins that led…
|Court orders EPA to redo air-pollution limits in 13 states photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal appeals court on Tuesday ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to relax some limits it set on smokestack emissions that cross state lines and taint downwind areas with air pollution from power plants. At the same time, the court upheld the EPA’s right to…
|Surgeon who helped pioneer key CPR technique dies at 87
MIAMI (AP) — Dr. James Jude, one of the experts credited with pioneering life-saving cardiopulmonary resuscitation, has died. He was 87. Peter Jude says his father died early Tuesday in Coral Gables after an extended illness. Jude says his father always wanted to help people, noting CPR has…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A North Charleston, South Carolina, police officer has been fired after posting a photo on Facebook of him dressed only in Confederate flag underwear. *** But this is the police, so by far it’s not the worst thing that will likely be reported about him this year.
John Kerry said Iran won’t use any of their $150 billion in newly-unfrozen assets to fund terrorists, because “they’re not allowed to do that”. *** You’re also not allowed to shoot people in “gun free zones” but you can see how well that works.
Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign is selling beer koozies (chiller packs) dubbed the “Chillary.” *** Apparently Hillary no longer cares about being labeled as cold.
A dispute about backyard grilling in a St. Petersburg, Florida, neighborhood has flamed up. Cell phone video captured a discussion between brothers Dwayne and Chris Matt, and county environmental inspector Joe Graham, who visited their home to address a recent complaint about smoke and odor coming from their barbecue. Graham asks the men to try to contain the smoke from their grill to their yard, per a county ordinance he reads to them. Although barbecuing is legal, county ordinances prohibit air pollution. *** Really? Well, then – how about I cite you for noise pollution for unwanted talking on my property? Your argument is stupid – how am I supposed to keep smells and smoke from wafting outside my own property? This winter I’m going to call the cops on you when your fireplace smoke wafts outside of your property – how about that? Hey, it’s the law. Oh, and when your car pulls out of the driveway… those exhaust fumes… that’s another citation on your butt. Now that you’re here, I would also like to complain about the air pollution coming from your breath. You’re going to wish you’d never met me. Now, can I get back to my barbecue – the ribs are burning, and that might cause air pollution.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Scientists have recently discovered that many kinds of bacteria do not operate independently. Instead, they seem to communicate with each other and only go to work – causing an infection, for example — when they decide that they have reached the critical mass they need to get the job done. ***MARLAR: Apparently they studied under the U.S. Congress.
The average person should ingest around 2,000 calories per day — which is what makes it so incredible that the Cheesecake Factory’s Bistro Shrimp Pasta contains 3,120 calories. ***MARLAR: But you do have the option of ordering it with a Diet Coke to balance it all out.
Can ice cream be considered a health food? Well, not quite – but if you’re trying to lose weight, but have uncontrollable urges to snack on sinful foods, ice cream is your best bet, say researchers at the Center for Human Nutrition at the University of Colorado. Ice cream is loaded with calcium, an important mineral that bumps fat out of cells and into your bloodstream, where it burns off. Ice cream seems to work best on belly fat, which has been linked to metabolic syndrome, a complex host of conditions that can lead to heart disease. ***MARLAR: For health reasons, after the show I’m heading to Dairy Queen for a Heath Bar Blizzard.
The battery of the future could be made from paper. You’ll be able to cut it into pieces, crunch it into a ball, roll it up into a tube or any other shape required to power the ever growing array of electronic devices that are hitting the market at light speed. The new battery consists of paper that’s been infused with an electrolyte substance and microscopic carbon nanotubles that form electrodes. Current flows from one side of the paper to the other. Even more amazing, the paper battery also functions as a capacitor, a device that stores electricity, so you’ll be able to charge it, wad it up and stick it in your pocket and stuff it into your cell phone whenever and wherever you need. ***MARLAR: And spit-wads would suddenly become deadly electro-magnetic weapons.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Rush Hour”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mike Williams, “Pepper Spray & Battery Acid”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, all of the jungle animals, thanks to Millard the Monkey, had discovered a new and dangerous hobby called “clunking” – which really is just dropping a coconut on your head. Over and over again. Sully the Aardvark, however, thought clunking was a dumb thing to do. He didn’t want anything to do with it… but he may not have a choice now that his nephew is in town!
CLOSE: What is Sully going to do? Tune in again next time, As FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 01/02, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!
CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Smoking is dumb. Lighting your cigarette in an unconventional way can be a Moment of Duh!
They say that cigarette smoking is hazardous to your health and Omaha’s Tim Green found that out the hard way. However, cancer is the least of Tim’s worries after he tried to light a cigarette using a propane torch. He ended up starting a fire in his detached garage which left him hospitalized in critical condition with third-degree burns.
TOP TEN SIGNS IT’S TIME TO CLEAN OUT YOUR REFRIGERATOR
- Something is in there shrieking in pain, but you can’t seem to find it.
- You open the bowl of green growing stuff, and the Crocodile Hunter is right behind you saying “Look at the size of those teeth!”
- The applesauce looks like sauerkraut and has begun fashioning rudimentary tools.
- You suspect the mammoth has gone bad by now.
- When you fail to close the door all the way, the meat drawer gets it for you.
- The fridge bulb burned out six months ago, but there’s still plenty of light coming from that burping mass in the back corner
- You have to put fresh meat in the freezer, because when you put it in the fridge overnight, something eats it.
- The creatures inside have constructed their own “inner fridge” and it has been cleaned out twice since you last did yours.
- Last week you tried eating some of the food from the back of the fridge. Today you woke up beside a road in Oregon, with no memory of the past week.
- You reach in for the milk, but instead find something that looks like a jug of concrete.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
How hard is it really to be a criminal in Alaska anyway? Think about it, everyone wears a ski mask. Nevertheless there are those who screw it up.
FILE #1: Roger D. Yost and William Isberg were arrested in Fairbanks after they tried to get a 500-pound safe out the door of a Moose Lodge hall. Who knows? They might have gotten away with it except they had no real way of getting the safe home after they apparently forgot they had arrived at the Lodge — on bicycles! (The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner)
FILE #2: A police officer in Bollnas, Sweden, confessed that he robbed a bank, then returned to the same bank an hour later as the lead investigator of the crime. His colleagues became suspicious when he bought a new car for $31,400 (US) cash, using money from the robbery.
FILE #3: 24-year-old Dantzler L. Thomas of Minneapolis, allegedly tried to rob a grocery store, but tripped himself up when he put his gun on the counter so he could scoop up the cash. The store clerk lost no time in grabbing the discarded gun and turned it on the would-be robber who then ran out of the store.
STRANGE LAW: In Illinois you can receive a fine up to $1000 for beating rats with a baseball bat.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Drunk driving can now be blamed on high-heels!
Attorney Bill Thomas of Durham, North Carolina, has created a new defense for women accused of DUI: the high heel excuse. Thomas argued that the sobriety test was unfair because it required his client to walk a long straight line, pivot quickly and stand on one foot for 30 seconds, all of which were impossible because she was wearing stilettos with 3-1/2-inch heels which make women wiggle. He claimed that under the circumstances, she did remarkably well by balancing on one foot for 16 seconds. The judge agreed, invalidated the test and tossed out the case.
Secret signals – those secret signs you use with your spouse when you want to get off the phone or leave a party. There’s the “under the table claw,” secret hand signals, the hair flick, special phrases you’ll utter that actually are a secret code just between the two of you – indicating it’s time to leave the party or that the person has had enough dessert, etc. What secret signals do you and your spouse use when out in public?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What instruments did John hear in his vision of the heavenly throne?
ANSWER: Harps (Revelation 14:2-3)
QUESTION: Approximately how many pounds of food will you eat in your lifetime?
ANSWER: During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That’s the weight of about 6 elephants.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The world’s oldest piece of chewing gum is 90 years old. (False – it’s 9,000 years old!)
- About 3,000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 20. (False – 30)
- More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones. (True)
- Your ribs move about 5 million times a year. (True, every time you breathe)
- Lightning strikes about 600 times per minute on this planet. (False – 6,000)
- The United States once issued a 5-cent bill. (True)
- You’ll eat about 35,000 cookies in your lifetime. (True)
- Fortune cookies were invented in China in 1918. (False – they were invented in America!)
- The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head. (True)
- Dogs and cats consume almost $7 billion worth of pet food a year. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
MINNEAPOLIS WOMAN _________ PIT BULL! (BITES)
38-year-old Amy Rice of Minneapolis watched in horror as a pit bull lunged at her 12-year-old Labrador’s throat. At first she tried to pull the pit bull’s jaws off the throat but when that didn’t work she decided to fight fire with fire. She bit the pit bull on the nose — and bit him hard. Broke the skin and ended up with pit bull blood in her mouth. But it worked. The pit bull let go. Animal care and control manager Dan Niziolek said the case was a first, even for more seasoned animal control officers. However, now Amy has to deal with a potential rabies scare as well as her own dog Ella’s wounds. The pit bull was quarantined after Amy’s doctor told her of a possible rabies threat. But she’s unhappy the pit bull, named Frances, wasn’t immediately locked up by animal control officers. She said, “It could have been a child. It just could have been so much worse. I really question the policy of not removing the animal.” (Star Tribune)
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
The principal called the mother of one of his students. He said, “I have some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is your son thinks he’s a frog.”
“What’s the good news?” asked the mother.
“The good news is I think we licked the fly problem in the cafeteria.”
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn’t come back till about noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said, “I find tracks… I follow tracks… I kill deer.”
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon. When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said, “I find tracks… I follow tracks… I kill buffalo.”
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and watching for him. When it was almost sundown and he still hadn’t returned they started getting worried. Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.
He said, “I find tracks… I follow tracks… I get hit by a train.”
On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a horse with him to add to the starting lineup. The coach asks, “Why on earth did you bring that horse here?”
The scout replies, “Wait until you see him bat.”
All the players are laughing, until the horse comes to bat. At this point, the horse grabs the bat and everyone quiets down. They stare at the horse. The pitcher, just shrugs his shoulders, and throws the ball toward home plate, when astonishingly the horse hits the ball deep into the outfield. The horse just stands there and does not move. The manager then yells at the baseball scout to tell the horse to run to first base.
The scout looks back at the manager and yells back, “If he could run, he’d be in the Kentucky Derby!”
A physics professor at the University of Connecticut claims to have designed a working time machine. ***MARLAR: He says all he needs to finish it is a case of plutonium and a Delorian.
An interesting trend among campgrounds across the country: lots of them are now offering free high-speed wireless internet. ***MARLAR: Because who wants to go out camping and “get away from it all” if you brag about it by updating your status on Facebook?
HER FIRST BALLET
A mother took her six-year old daughter to the ballet. This was the first time the little girl had ever seen a ballet and she watched wide-eyed as the ballerinas pranced around the stage on their toes.
When the ballet was over, the mother asked her daughter if she had any questions.
“Yes, Mommy,” the little girl replied, “Wouldn’t it be easier if they just hired taller dancers?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
C’MON RING THOSE BELLS – NOT!
One of the cool things about having a church with a bell tower is, well, the BELLS! But what if your neighborhood doesn’t like those bells-a-ringing?
…That’s what’s happening in Frankfurt, Germany. Several complaints from residents of the town caused a court order to come to a church in the community. They don’t have to stop ringing the bells though… they just have to ring them more softly from now on – or pay a hefty fine. ***MARLAR: Imagine that… a church being charged with disturbing the peace!
INTERRUPTED BY LIFE
Yes, interruptions can be annoying, but they can also mean you are greatly loved.
By Bob Perks
“I’ll admit that I was angry,” I said. “All I wanted was peace and quiet.”
“You wanted to be left alone,” my friend said.
“Yes! Well, I didn’t want to be interrupted,” I replied.
“You wanted to be left alone,” he repeated.
I thought about what he was saying. I knew he was trying to make a point, and I just didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t respond to him and continued on with our normal conversation.
Later in the day I thought about what he was trying to say to me.
“You wanted to be left alone,” I repeated to myself.
Ron’s point was clear. About a year ago he lost his wife after a long illness. They never had children, and he has been struggling with the emptiness in his life.
I had been complaining to him about my Sunday. One day out of my life when I just really wanted to do nothing. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to see anyone. I just wanted to…be left alone, I guess.
My wife and I went upstairs to put the television on and watch some old movies. We never really get to see them because either the phone rings or we fall into a deep sleep just minutes later.
But today I was determined not to be interrupted. “I just won’t answer the phone,” I declared.
About 10 minutes into my “peace and quiet” the phone rang. “Don’t get it!” I said.
Five minutes later it rang again. I knew then that it had to be my son, Keith. He always calls twice. Maybe it’s an obsessive-compulsive thing or just determination, but he always calls twice when we are out. The calls show up on our phone just minutes apart. I got up and grabbed the phone this time.
He could sense a bit of frustration in my voice, and I toned it down. I didn’t want him to feel like I really didn’t want to speak with him.
Afterwards, I crawled back into bed. Our dogs, Ricky and Lucy, often join us for a quick nap. They normally sleep through anything, but today every little sound made them bark. Ricky has a habit of getting down off the bed and then minutes later he will scratch at the bed or moan to let you know he needs you to get him back up again. He did it three times.
I had just settled down when the phone rang again. My wife said, “Forget it,” but my curiosity made me answer it. It was my brother. He was trying out his new cell phone and wanted to give me the number. We talked and I felt bad for not wanting to answer the call. He makes me laugh. Today I needed to laugh.
Not more than 15 minutes later the phone rang again. “You win!” I shouted. “I give up!” I grabbed the phone and almost yelled “Hello!” I heard the sweet voice of my neighbor from across the street. This was highly unusual for her to call at this time. I thought there might be a problem. “Bob, this is Grace. I just had to call you,” she said.
“Yeah, like everyone else today!” I thought to myself.
“I just finished my lunch and I was sitting here looking out my window. Every time I do I say, ‘You know you should call Bob and tell him.’”
“Tell me what?”
“I have been enjoying the beauty of your labor. Your flowers are wonderful, Bob. I sit here and enjoy my lunch just looking at those beautiful flowers you planted. Every time I do I say I should call and tell you. Well, as you and I know, life is all too unpredictable and much too short. So today I did it. Thanks, I love you, Bob!”
I thought back on that Sunday. My son called twice just to tell me about his day and to end the call with “I love you.” This November 11th he will celebrate 10 years cancer free. You would think I’d appreciate his call any time of day.
My dogs barked and moaned while I was trying to sleep. Every day of my life they give me unconditional love any time I want it and never get angry when I interrupt their sleep.
My brother called. He made me laugh. It was just last week I was so very worried about him. I thought I was going to lose him. Hearing his voice should be music to my ears.
My neighbor, who depends on me to watch over her, called to tell me she loved me and to thank me for the beautiful flowers she sees each day. Her warm smile and welcome hugs fill the gap in my own life. She reminds me of my mother who died from cancer when I was 21 years old.
Seven interruptions in my day.
Seven blessings. I thank God that I don’t have an uninterrupted life.
I’ll think I’ll give my friend a call. I know he doesn’t want to be left alone.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
TEARS IN HEAVEN
READ: Revelation 21:1-8
God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. —Revelation 21:4
n 1991, famed British guitarist Eric Clapton was stricken with grief when his 4-year-old son Conor died as a result of a fall from an apartment window. Looking for an outlet for his grief, Clapton penned perhaps his most poignant ballad: “Tears In Heaven.” It seems that every note weighs heavy with the sense of pain and loss that can be understood only by a parent who has lost a child.
Surprisingly, however, Clapton said in a television interview years later, “In a sense, it wasn’t even a sad song. It was a song of belief. When it [says that] there will be no more tears in heaven, I think it’s a song of optimism—of reunion.”
The thought of a heavenly reunion is powerful indeed. For everyone who has trusted Jesus Christ for salvation, there is the hope that we will be reunited forever in a place where “God will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying” (Revelation 21:4). And, most of all, it is a place where we will “see His face” and forever be with Christ Himself (22:4).
In our times of loss and grief, of tears and sorrow, isn’t it comforting to know that Christ has purchased for us a heavenly home where there will be no more tears! —Bill Crowder
What wonders await us in yonder fair land?
The face of our Savior, the touch of His hand,
No tears and no crying, no sighs or despair,
For Jesus is waiting to welcome us there. —Kerr
When God wipes our tears, sorrow will give way to eternal song.
MASKED MEN AT TACO BELL
When fifteen guys wearing masks burst into a Taco Bell, you know something is up – but it’s not necessarily a robbery. In fact, in this case, at a Taco Bell in Grant County, Indiana, the masked men weren’t there to take stuff, but to return it. The masked men were toting six 40-gallon trash bags – all filled with individual packets of taco sauce (about 25,000 in all). They left a note, saying they collected the packets over a span of three years and thought about using them for a practical joke, but decided against it and returned the packets to the Taco Bell. ***MARLAR: It sounds like this truly IS the practical joke. You just know they had fun planning this caper. “Trash bags?” Check. “Taco sauce?” Check. “Alright then… we’re good to go.”
LIFE… LIVE IT
CARS LOADED WITH BACTERIA
Apparently driving is more than just dangerous… it’s unhealthy!
Microbiologists from Britain’s Aston University found the typical car has 283 different types of bacteria present in every square inch. The dirtiest part of the vehicle was the gear stick, home to 356 germs per square inch. Drivers with children and pets were found to host a greater number and range of bacteria in their cars. The study, conducted for insurance.co.uk, found British motorists spend more than three years of their life behind the wheel and over a quarter eat there every week. One in four car owners said their car is littered with food wrappers and empty drink bottles, while one in six admitted to regularly leaving uneaten food in their vehicle.
JUST FOR FUN
When is a child prodigy NOT a child prodigy? When he fools scientists into thinking that he is one!
The Department of Science and Technology in India sent what they believed to be a 13-year-old child prodigy to Germany to meet and interact with Nobel Prize winners. But they ended up being embarrassed because it became obvious that the child was not a prodigy at all – which should have been rather obvious from the get go. The agency believed the boy’s claims, with no proof or verification; claims that should have been an obvious load of garbage to any agency claiming to be the ”Department of Science and Technology.” The boy claimed to have discovered a ”new fundamental particle which has ‘consciousness”’ and claimed to have written a book entitled ”Electro-gravity Unification.” And what says the Department of Science and Technology? They say they are shocked to learn he wasn’t what he claimed to be. But they shouldn’t be so shocked since THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO THEM FIVE YEARS EARLIER when one of their other ”child prodigies” turned out to be a fake; they believed his claim that he could turn water into gasoline by mixing the water with a secret herb.
THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOUR TEENAGER SAY
- If the cops show up, don’t let them in.
- What’s the credit limit on your Mastercard?
- Do we have a bail bondsman?
- What’s the deductable on the new car?
- You’re sure you won’t be back ’till Sunday night?
- I don’t need to go to college — I’ll live right here with you.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
10 BEST SNACKS TO PICK YOU UP
In-between-meal snacks have taken a lot of heat in the war against obesity, but there are 10 healthy treats that will soothe your grumbling belly while boosting your energy level:
- Dried apricots — A great source of iron, vitamin A, fiber and protein.
- Fresh peaches — Eat a peach for fiber, niacin, potassium, beta-carotene and vitamin C.
- Almonds — A low cholesterol, low-sodium treat.
- Raisins — A healthy low-fat snack that’s rich in potassium, phosphorus, iron and copper.
- Yogurt — Six ounces of this tasty treat offers riboflavin, vitamin B-12 and calcium.
- Sesame sticks — A single ounce contains 3 grams of protein.
- Baby carrots — Teeming with beta-carotene and vitamins A, C and B-6, as well as iron, copper and potassium.
- Dried soybeans — High in fiber, protein, iron and potassium.
- Low-fat peanut butter — A great source of protein.
- Celery — Loaded with fiber and minerals.
- Low-fat string cheese — A quick and easy source of protein and calcium.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
While American drivers routinely exceed the speed limit, getting caught is more expensive in some states than in others. To find out which states take the hardest line on dangerous driving behavior, the website WalletHub conducted an in-depth analysis of 2015’s Strictest States on Speeding and Reckless Driving. The site looked at 12 key metrics ranging from what speeds are automatically considered reckless driving to how many speeding tickets it takes to earn an automatic license suspension. Based on their findings, the state taking the hardest line on speeding was Colorado. It was followed by Arizona, Delaware, New Mexico and… Illinois.
An ancient, charred Torah scroll from 1,500 years ago has been translated as a text from the book of Leviticus. According to ChristainToday.com, The Hebrew scroll was discovered 45 years ago by archaeologists in a burned down synagogue but researchers have only just been able to decipher it. It is the oldest known scroll after the 2,000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls. Scientists at the Dead Sea lab at Israel’s Antiquity’s Authority and Kentucky university used micro_CT scanners and 3D reconstruction to establish that the scroll consisted of verses from the second book of Leviticus.
The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association has announced plans to broadcast a couple of festivals in August live online. Franklin Graham will be joining with popular artists to spread the gospel message in Birmingham, Alabama August 14 through 16 and in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma August 22 and 23. If you can’t attend in person you can tune in online. They’ll both be aired at billygraham.org/live.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people. –George Bernard Shaw
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Is there such a thing as an “entrepreneur gene?” You know, something innate that becomes the drive for some to take risks. To step out on their own. To follow their dreams.
I’m pretty sure my father had that innate drive. While family security was important, he had the urge to take on new things. His limited efforts in this way were not met with success. For a number of reasons.
My wiring definitely has some of that. I have stepped out aggressively more than once, raising capital for a new venture. And then I helped my wife start a publishing business several years ago. Additionally, I helped launch two nonprofits. It’s fun to be in the “start with a dream and see it work” business.
The verdict on whether genetics is involved is mixed. But what seems to be a very common indicator for success is a little more clear. And it has to do with…family money.
First, an Inc Magazine story on this topic reports findings from The Department of Twin Research and Genetic Epidemiology at Kings College, London. In short, their research concluded:
• 37 to 48 percent of the tendency to be an entrepreneur is genetic.
• The tendency to identify new business opportunities is in your genes.
• Self-employment income is heritable, which means that genetics affect not only the tendency to engage in entrepreneurship, but also the ability to perform it.
• The tendency to have personality traits such as extroversion, openness, etc., has a genetic component. This suggests that your genes could affect your tendency to be an entrepreneur by influencing the type of personality you develop.
But the success factor of entrepreneurship comes from a second article. It’s titled, “Entrepreneurs don’t have a special gene for risk—they come from families with money.” (http://qz.com/455109/entrepreneurs-dont-have-a-special-gene-for-risk-they-come-from-families-with-money/)
Here we learn that “the most common shared trait among entrepreneurs is access to financial capital—family money, an inheritance, or a pedigree and connections that allow for access to financial stability.” When basic needs are met, it’s argued, it’s easier to be creative. Safety nets encourage more risk taking.
A University of California Berkeley study of entrepreneurs revealed most were white, male, and highly educated. Not all, but most. And without family money, success chances drop quite a bit.
On the personality trait side, resilience stands out, along with extroversion and openness as noted earlier. And genetics do play a factor here. It’s still risky business. But as one woman who runs in circles of entrepreneurs says, “Following your dreams can be dangerous.”
This information was quite revealing to me. If I was counseling others on whether to take the leap and start a new venture, I would now have an even more cautious mindset. At least as it applies to business startups.
To the contrary, the spiritual life often demands from us a “leap of faith.” Hebrews, chapter 11, is a classic piece of scripture on the “halls of faith.” Here are a few verses specifically about Abraham:
“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.” (Hebrews 11:8-10 NLT)
For a person to have an authentic spiritual life—which will certainly impact our work life as well—faith comes into play. To move confidently into areas where insecurity dwells, it is best to know the voice of God. The sensitivity to hear God’s voice comes by abiding in Him. Leaps of faith are not such big jumps when our hearts are properly tuned.
And in terms of “family wealth” as a safety net, remember: God not only owns the cattle on a thousand hills…he owns the real estate as well.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 31, 2015…
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation—This time, Tom Cruise is hanging from the side of a plane in flight. The next “Mission Impossible” film probably has him hanging from the side of a rocket. Anyway, this particular story has Ethan Hunt (Cruise) fighting the Syndicate and is aided by Rebecca Ferguson. Also in the cast are Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner. “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The Gift—Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall have to come to grips with a secret when an old friend visits. This film is directed and also stars, Joel Edgerton. “The Gift” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Vacation—Ed Helms is married to Christina Applegate and Ed plays the son of Chevy Chase from the “National Lampoon” vacation films. Here, he decides to take his family to Walley World and retrace the childhood steps. For fans, Chevy Chase has a cameo and also in the cast are Chris Hemsworth and Leslie Mann. “Vacation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)—Jesse Eisenberg plays a reporter from “Rolling Stone” magazine who wants to have an interview with writer David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel). This is set in the mid 1990’s. “The End Of The Tour” is rated R. No rating.
AUGUST 07, 2015…
Dark Places is based on the Gillian Flynn novel about a 25-year-old murder in Kansas. Stars Charlize Theron.
The Diary of a Teenage Girl is based on the book by Phoebe Glockner and stars Kristen Wiig.
Fantastic Four, and what more can one say? Comic book heroes are back.
Nicki and the Flash has Meryl Streep as a rock star who is asked to help the family she abandoned.
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