June 02, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150602

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Today’s (JOCK SHOW) is being broadcast live directly into your home or car so you can listen on an out-patient basis.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. –1 Corinthians 1:10 New International Version

 

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. — Romans 12:10

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given to me — the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. — Acts 20:24

 

Thought: How important is grace? Paul said that God’s grace and telling others about that grace were more important than his own life! In fact, sharing God’s grace with others no matter the cost was Paul’s life!

 

Prayer: Almighty God, Holy Father, thank you for your lavish grace demonstrated and fully expressed in sending Jesus to die for me. As your child, and in thanks to your sacrificial gift, I pledge to you my life, my love, and my all. Through Jesus. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Galatians 6:2 NIV = Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – JUNE 02, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 207 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is YELL “FUDGE” AT THE COBRAS IN NORTH AMERICA DAY. ***MARLAR: I’ve been doing this every year for the past ten years, and it works! After all, when’s the last time you’ve seen a cobra in North America, hmm?

 

Today is ROCKY ROAD DAY. ***MARLAR: Also known as “(LOCAL ROAD UNDER CONSTRUCTION) Non-appreciation Day.”

 

This is STEP-PARENTS DAY. ***MARLAR: I have a step-mother, which ironically makes me the red-headed step-child.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Bubba Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 03

Chimborazo Day

National Running Day

National Tailors Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 04

Audacity to Hope Day

International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression

Old Maid’s Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 05

Apple II Day

Doughnut Day

Festival of Popular Delusions Day

Horseradish Days

Hot Air Balloon Day

National Moonshine Day

Positive Power of Humor and Creativity Days

World Environment Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 06

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)

Atheists Pride Day

D-Day

Drive-In Movie Day

Russian Language Day

YoYo Day

Belmont Stakes

Do-Dah Parade Day

Drawing Day / Pencil Day

National Trails ay

Turtle Races Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 07

Children’s Awareness Memorial Day

Daniel Boone Day

National Cancer Survivors Day

VCR Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 08

Upsy Daisy Day

World Oceans Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 09

Donald Duck Day

World APS Day

World Pet Memorial Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1899: During a train robbery on a Wyoming bridge, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid got into a long argument with the conductor and forgot about the explosives they’d planted. The bridge blew up.

 

1897: The New York Journal quoted 61-year-old Mark Twain as saying from London that “the report of my death was an exaggeration.”

 

1924: Congress granted U.S. citizenship to all American Indians.

 

1928: Searching for new ideas to fight the Depression, Kraft’s Chicago employees created a processed specialty cheese product they would call Velveeta. (

)

 

1953: Queen Elizabeth II of Britain was crowned in Westminster Abbey, 16 months after the death of her father, King George VI. It was the first coronation to be televised and millions watched worldwide.

 

1964: The Rolling Stones kicked off their first American tour at a high school football stadium in Lynn, Massachusetts.

 

1983: The movie Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was released in Germany. The 1978 horror spoof, starring David Miller and Rock Peace, was so bad it had attracted a cult following in the U.S. The 1988 sequel, Return of the Killer Tomatoes, starred John Astin and George Clooney. (

)

 

1988: Singer James Brown’s wife Adrienne claimed “diplomatic immunity” in traffic court because she was the wife of the “official ambassador of soul.”

 

1992: A new survey found the average bra size of the British woman had gone from 34B to 36C in the past decade.

 

1993: Minor-league baseball banned the use of all tobacco products by players during games.

 

1996: The Mt. Vernon Ladies’ Association, which owns George Washington’s Virginia estate, insisted that the cellular telephone relay tower to be built there be disguised as a tree. Cellular One agreed to erect a white fir “treepole” with plastic needles and bark.

 

1999: South African officials built a special polling station in the remote Drakensberg mountain area where there was only one registered voter. Sure enough, he stayed home and didn’t vote.

 

2001: An Australian man laid off from work in the morning became a multi-millionaire a few hours later when he won a $4.5 million lottery. He had lost his job at a shipbuilding yard in Hobart on the island state of Tasmania.

 

2005: Georgia “runaway bride” Jennifer Wilbanks pleaded no contest to faking her own abduction and was sentenced to probation, community service and a fine.

 

2007: In Tempe, Arizona, U.S. hot dog eating champ Joey Chestnut surpassed the record of 53 3/4 hot dogs — held for six years by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan — by wolfing downing 59 1/2 wieners in 12 minutes.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

597 AD: Augustine, missionary to England and first archbishop of Canterbury, baptizes Saxon king Ethelbert, the first Christian English king. The missionary’s tomb in Canterbury bears this epitaph: “Here rests Augustine, first archbishop of Canterbury, who being sent hither by Gregory, bishop of Rome, reduced King Ethelbert and his nation from the worship of idols to the faith of Christ”.

 

1491: Henry VIII, the English king who went from being called “Defender of the Faith” by the pope (for attacking Martin Luther) to galvanizing the English Reformation, is born in Greenwich.

 

1875: James Augustine Healy becomes the first African-American Roman Catholic bishop in the U.S.

 

1979: Pope John Paul II makes a return trip to his home country of Poland, the first visit by a pope to a Communist country.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Las Vegas”, “Nikki”, “Unhappily Ever After”) Nikki Cox 37 (
    )
  • comic (“Saturday Night Live”, Wayne’s World) Dana Carvey 60 (
    )
  • actress (Morgan Winslow on “Different Strokes” and “Hello Larry”, Mr. Holland’s Opus) Joanna Gleason 65 (
    )
  • actor (“Leave it to Beaver”) Jerry Mathers 67 (
    )
  • actor (Andy Renko on “Hill Street Blues”) Charles Haid 72 (
    )
  • actress (M*A*S*H the movie, Back to School) Sally Kellerman 78

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1857 : Edward Elgar

1932 : Sammy Turner

1936 : Otis Williams (The Charms)

1937 : Jimmy Jones

1941 : Charlie Watts (drummer for The Rolling Stones)

1941 : William Guest (Gladys Knight & The Pips)

1944 : Marvin Hamlisch

1950 : Chubby Tavares (Tavares)

1951 : Steve Brookins (.38 Special)

1952 : Pete Farndon (The Pretenders)

1954 : Michael Steele (The Bangles)

1960 : Tony Hadley (Spandau Ballet)

1962 : Thor Eldon Jonsson (The Sugarcubes)

1965 : Jeremy Cunningham (The Levellers)

1970 : B-Real (Cypress Hill)

1970 : Dominic Greensmith (Reef)

1976 : Tim Rice-Oxley (Keane)

1980 : Fabrizio Moreti (The Strokes)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Is it best to turn off your computer at night, or let it run all the time?
There are arguments on both sides. Turning a computer on and off changes the temperature of its components, which stresses them. The fan keeps the temperature constant while the machine is running. Except for the monitor, which you should turn off or put in power-saving mode when not using it for an hour or more, computers don’t use much electricity when run constantly. On the other hand (or finger, since computers are digital) leaving it on can wear down the always-spinning hard drive, and dust on the fan can make it an inefficient cooler. If you leave it on you will also need to reboot periodically to flush the memory of digital garbage programs leave behind when you close them.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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The Sidewalk Prophets were challenging their fans over the weekend. They invited those attending a weekend show to visit their bus and try to beat guitarist Ben McDonald’s Donkey Kong high score. Several years ago Ben restored an old Donkey Kong video game and now he is taking on all comers.

 

Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman says the band’s drummer was making the best of a bad situation over the weekend. Jon shared that, when the fire alarm went off during their show, drummer Drew Shirley simply started playing along with it, harmonizing with it, turning it into music. Jon added: sometimes life doesn’t go the way you want – you can still try to make it sing.

 

Jamie Grace and her sister Morgan Harper have a tough decision in front of them. They recently announced that they were taking applications for an opening band or artist for their Big Summer Tour 2015. Over the weekend Jamie reported that they have received “a ton of entries.” She says they hare having a lot of fun watching all the videos.

 

Even Jamie Grace can get star struck. She tweeted: “so… whatcha been up to? chilling out bein famous?” awkward things I say to Chris Tomlin.

 

Big Daddy Weave was celebrating over the weekend. They had a number 1’s party Saturday night, celebrating four consecutive number one songs and their song Redeemed going Gold. That means it has sold more than a half million copies. Members of the band shared: We love hearing the stories of how God is doing amazing things in your lives through these songs. What a privilege it is to do what we do.

 

Ben, from the band The Museum, recently shared a post on Life. Love. Leading & Leaving. Ben said: It can be a whirlwind of feelings and emotions to have a baby and start summer touring season all in a span of 48 hours! It was less than 24 hours ago that my wife, Mary Grace, gave birth to our second little girl – Lenna Joy Richter! Now it’s less than 24 hours until I head out to our first summer camp of 2015! So begins a season where I’ll be on the road 40 of the next 58 days.

 

What happens when you pull the fire alarm in a retail store?  Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips says his son now knows. Duncan shared a picture of a fire engine pulling up to the store with the lights and siren on.

 

The Huffman Hangout is open for business. Casting Crowns bass player Chris Huffman tweeted: School is done for summer!! That means there will be neighbor kids at my house every day. Chris added: Their families will be getting a grocery bill.

 

Britt Nicole found a unique way to celebration National Hamburger Day last week. She shared a picture of her daughter Ella trying her first In-N-Out Burger.

https://www.facebook.com/brittnicole/photos/a.501394377252.270394.7849802252/10152908486762253/?type=1&theater

 

Third Day guitarist Mark Lee recently turned 42. In response he shared a list of 42 things he has learned over the past 42 years of life. Some of his bits of wisdom include:

  1. God is everything.
  2. Spend time with God every day. Read Scripture. Pray. This habit alone will carry over into every area of your life.
  3. Every journey needs a good journal
  4. Everybody lacks self confidence.
  5. Pain is a part of life.

Read the entire list here: https://www.facebook.com/markleefanbase/posts/1121815247845682

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Birkin sets auction record for handbags, sold for $222,000
HONG KONG (AP) — Christie’s said Monday that a Hermes designer handbag smashed a world auction record in Hong Kong. The auction house did not identify the buyer of the crocodile skin Birkin Bag in fuschia with 18 karat gold and diamond hardware. It sold for 1.72 million Hong Kong dollars…

 

Officials say those Boston snow piles are even more vile    photo
BOSTON (AP) — It’s disgusting enough to put you off snow cones for the rest of the summer. A Boston public works official says the towering piles of filthy snow left over from the city’s record-setting winter are even more grotesque than most people can imagine. Daniel Nee says one giant pile…
Animal control mistakes life-sized toy for tiger
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) — An animal control worker in Michigan was convinced he was looking at a young tiger lying in a driveway, so he approached with care. He grabbed a pole and a shield, and called police. Turns out, it was a stuffed animal. HASH(0x1416bb0) Supervisor Joe Dainelis…
German police alerted to armed mob, find asparagus pickers
BERLIN (AP) — Police in rural northeastern Germany rushed out to track down a reported mob of up to 15 people armed with knives and sticks. Instead, they found a group of asparagus harvesters. Police in the town of Ludwigslust said a man called their emergency number Saturday to report having…
Teen charged with taking $25K, giving classmates $100 bills
MEDINA, Ohio (AP) — A 13-year-old Ohio boy accused of stealing $25,000 from his 83-year-old grandfather and handing out $100 bills to his middle school classmates has been charged as a juvenile. HASH(0x141f8c0) Authorities say the boy gave away thousands of dollars last month before schools…
20-year-old Wisconsin cheddar makes debut at $209 a pound
MINERAL POINT, Wis. (AP) — A Wisconsin cheesemaker is debuting a 20-year-old cheddar this week that’s short in supply and big on price. HASH(0x1415520) “It’s like a milestone in the cheese industry,” said Ken Monteleone, owner of an artisan cheese shop in Madison. There’s about of 20 pounds…
Man with 1st name ‘God’ settles with credit rating agency
NEW YORK (AP) — A New York City man whose first name is God has settled a lawsuit with a credit reporting agency that had refused to recognize his name as legitimate. Under the agreement reached in Brooklyn federal court this week, Equifax will enter God Gazarov’s name into its database. The…
Firefighters too big, but girl just right to rescue kitten    photo
LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) — Firefighters were too big to rescue a kitten from a storm drain in south-central Pennsylvania, but a 6-year-old girl’s size proved to be just right. Lancaster Township firefighters responded when the girl, Janeysha Cruz, and her friends saw the trapped kitten Tuesday…
Bear scurries around Wyoming city, falls asleep, gets caught    photo
CASPER, Wyo. (AP) — After leading wildlife officials on a daylong chase through a Wyoming city, an exhausted young black bear fell asleep under a tree. HASH(0x13faea0) “He was so sound asleep he didn’t move when we used the tranquilizer,” she said. Game wardens captured the bear around 6:45…
Mystery of disappearing holes in Swiss cheese solved    photo
BERLIN (AP) — The mystery of Swiss cheese and its disappearing holes has been solved: The milk’s too clean. A Swiss agricultural institute discovered that tiny specks of hay are responsible for the famous holes in cheeses like Emmentaler or Appenzeller. As milk matures into cheese these…
Wife, husband say they hit back-to-back holes-in-one
GRAND LEDGE, Mich. (AP) — A wife and husband from Michigan say they both got a hole-in-one in consecutive shots at the same hole. HASH(0x13ec780) The newspaper says two golfers who didn’t know the Blundys verified the back-to-back holes-in-one. According to contest prize insurer National…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Hong Kong quarantines 18 over MERS fears
BEIJING (AP) — Hong Kong authorities quarantined 18 fellow passengers of a South Korean man who arrived in the city infected with Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, or MERS. The Chinese city’s health authorities said Saturday the 18 are quarantined in the Lady MacLehose Holiday Village resort…

 

Cancer treatments got gentler, yet kids’ survival improved    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — The move to make cancer treatments gentler for children has paid a double dividend: More kids are surviving than ever before, and without the long-term complications that doomed many of their peers a generation ago, new research shows. Radiation and chemotherapy have saved…
GOP pledges to ‘rein in’ Obama on EPA rules, global warming    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration says a new federal rule regulating small streams and wetlands will protect the drinking water of more than 117 million people in the country. Not so, insist Republicans. They say the rule is a massive government overreach that could even subject…
Study sees benefit from more extensive breast cancer surgery
CHICAGO (AP) — Having a little extra tissue taken off during breast cancer surgery greatly lowers the risk that some cancer will be left behind and require a second operation, according to a new study that could change care for more than 100,000 women in the United States alone each year….
Study: Many cancer patients could be spared brain radiation
CHICAGO (AP) — A major study could change care for many of the hundreds of thousands of people each year who have cancer that spreads to the brain from other sites. Contrary to conventional wisdom, radiation therapy to the whole brain did not improve survival, and it harmed memory, speech and…
Northern Ireland leader blames heart attack on bad lifestyle
NEWCASTLE, Northern Ireland (AP) — Northern Ireland’s leader says he suffered a heart attack this week because he lives on junk food, gets too little sleep and no exercise. In his first comments since being released from hospital, First Minister Peter Robinson said he blames “myself and…
More cancer success with drugs that enlist immune system    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — For the first time, a major study shows that a drug targeting the body’s disease-fighting immune system may improve survival for the most common form of lung cancer. These newer kinds of drugs have transformed treatment of melanoma, the deadliest kind of skin cancer. Studies…
Former quadriplegic runs, walks to show others they can    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The worst day of Aaron Baker’s life wasn’t when the then-20-year-old professional motocross racer crashed his bike one spring day in 1999, flew over the handlebars and hit the ground head-first, paralyzing him from the neck down. No, the worst day came a year later when…
Wisconsin governor: Obama power plant rule ‘unworkable’    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, a Republican eyeing a presidential run in 2016, says President Barack Obama’s plan to reduce pollution from coal-fired power plants is “unworkable.” Wisconsin will not comply with the president’s plan without “significant and meaningful changes,”…
NIH: Major study finds earlier HIV treatment improves health    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A major international study sought to settle how soon is best to start HIV treatment — and the advice is don’t delay. People who started anti-AIDS drugs while their immune system was strong were far less likely to develop AIDS or other serious illnesses than if they…
Shocking ads ignite debate about abortion ban in Chile
SANTIAGO, Chile (AP) — The video shows a woman climbing a stairwell, her belly visibly pregnant, as she offers suggestions: Make sure there are no security cameras. Be careful not to look down or you might regret it. She tumbles backward as the screen goes black. “When you reach the bottom…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

More than five years ago, art collector and author Forrest Fenn decided to hide a treasure chest in the Rocky Mountains. According to ABC News, The 84-year old millionaire, who lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico, left clues in his book, “The Thrill of the Chase” — but so far, no one has been successful in finding the illusive chest. Fenn told reporters that 30,000 people looked for the treasure last summer and that 50,000 may look for the treasure this summer. Fenn has never revealed the value of the treasure chest — which measures 10 inches by 10 inches — but the New Mexico Tourism Department estimates the value to be as much as $2 million.  *** He’s 84-years-old.  Has anyone thought to look inside his mattress?

 

There are some unique food trucks selling meals around the world. According to the Huffington Post, a Spam food truck recently hit the road for a three month-long trek to 12 cities across the country. The goal of the Spamerican Tour is bringing high-end Spam dishes to a city near you. Meanwhile, a food truck based in Amsterdam serves pigeon, parakeet and “pony burgers.” *** Pony burgers?  Oh yeah, that won’t be controversial at all.

 

Hawaii is poised to become the first state to raise the legal smoking age to 21 and experts say it might just be a game-changer. According to ABC News, the Hawaii bill prohibits the sale of tobacco products to people under 21 years old, and includes fines for underage smokers and even heftier fines for anyone who buys or sells tobacco products to an underage person. Officials say the bill has extreme importance because studies find that virtually no one who smokes started after the age of 21.  ***We’re okay with you voting at the age of 18 and deciding upon the direction of our country, and we’re cool with you joining the military and placing your life on the line to defend our freedoms at the age of 18… but doggone it, we can’t trust you to read a pack of cigarettes and know they’re bad for you until you’re at least 21.

 

NASA’s chief scientist recently predicted that we’d find signs of life beyond Earth within a decade or so, but a new study by researchers at Penn State — one of the most exhaustive of its type — isn’t very encouraging. According to Huffington Post, After surveying tens of thousands of galaxies surrounding our own Milky Way galaxy, the scientists turned up no sign of advanced alien civilizations. *** So, essentially, Penn State is saying there is no intelligent life to be found anywhere – including NASA.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

At what age did you consider yourself no longer ‘young’? If you ask women, it’s after your 28th birthday. A new survey found 28 years old is the line in the sand to start concentrating more on your career, and less on having fun.  ***MARLAR: Or you can do what I did and get a career where you can have fun!

 

A study published recently reveals that researchers at a facility in San Diego once had a whale there that could imitate human speech.  ***MARLAR: In fact, the whale kept saying, “Does this aquarium make me look fat?”

 

Could being in good financial shape mean you’re in better physical shape as well?  Back in the 1990s, the federal government tried an unusual social experiment: It offered thousands of poor women in big-city public housing a chance to live in more affluent neighborhoods.  A decade later, the women who relocated had lower rates of diabetes and extreme obesity – differences that are being hailed as compelling evidence that where you live can determine your health.  ***MARLAR: Meaning, if you live next to a Cheetos factory, you’re in biiiiiig trouble.

 

University of London researchers studied 1,100 adults and found that sending e-mails and text messages lowers your I.Q.!  Tapping out text messages knocked 10 points off their I.Q. scores, and researchers are now warning employers that more than six in ten workers admit they’re addicted to texting and e-mail, especially men, and it may be lowering their mental sharpness.  ***MARLAR: I wouldn’t put much credibility in this story though… I received it via email.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Australia Up-and-Over”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Million Dollars”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was so frustrated and angry at never being as good as Mozart at anything that he decided to sabotage Mozart’s concert that night… and his evil plan began at a very unusual place, the Franciscan Monkey Copy Shop…

 

CLOSE: Will Millard’s evil scheme work? Will tomorrow be great… or will Steve Mozart yet again show up Millard J. Monkey? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 06/07, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were so busy trying to get so many things done that they didn’t have time for anything else… meetings, planning, even talking to each other! They were getting annoyed with each other – and then, all at once, the animals shouted…

 

CLOSE: Do the turtles have a secret to staying calm, cool, and collected? Will they share the secret with the other animals? Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

College students are given the answers to test questions… but don’t use them!

A famous Sherlock Holmes quote: “…when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”  United Kingdom sitting for their GCSE music exams (similar to a G.E.D. in the U.S.) would have done well to have followed this advice by looking for test answers on the back of their exams.  Incompetence was afoot at the printer where the GCSE music exams were printed resulting in the exam question answers being printed with exams.  “The exam board said …  students would not have to do a re-sit as most pupils seemed to have been unaware of their good fortune.”  In other words, most of the students never saw the answers on the back of the sheet because they never bothered to turn the page over to see what was on the other side.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS HEARD BY COMPUTER TECH SUPPORT

 

  1. Customer: “I have Microword Soft.”9. Customer: “Microwave Windows?”

    8. Customer: “Will this upgrade include Microwave XP?”

    7. Customer: (Referring to Microsoft Defrag.) “I ran Microwave Defrost, but it didn’t help.”

    6. Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”

    5. Customer: “I have Microscope Exploiter.”

    4. Customer: “I have Netscape Complicator.”

    3. Customer: “I have Netscape Regulator.”

    2. Customer: “Uhh…I have Newscape and Outlook Exposure.”

    1. Customer: “It’s not my computer that is slow. I have a 200 horse power hard drive.”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A cell phone saves a man’s life, and also places him at the scene of a crime!

 

FILE #1: A 911 dispatcher in Oregon received a call from a man hanging by one ankle from a fire escape leading to an apartment. Fortunately, for this man, he had a cell phone and was able to call 911. Unfortunately, after being rescued, it was discovered that he had burglarized the apartment and had used the fire escape to make his exit. In his attempt to escape, he stepped through a hole in the fire escape ladder and nearly fell to his death. He hung upside down for almost twenty minutes before he decided to call 911. After being rescued, he was taken to the hospital and treated for a broken ankle. He was charged and later convicted of the burglary. Among the items he stole was the cell phone that saved his life.

 

FILE #2: Two Michigan men went into a new subdivision and decided to steal a refrigerator from one of the unfinished homes. After destroying walls and floors, they snatched a fridge from one of the houses and placed it on the back of their pickup truck. It was then that their truck became bogged down in the mud so the men decided the refrigerator was too heavy so they put it back in the house. When they returned to the truck, they realized the keys had been left in the ignition and the doors were locked. They took off and left their running truck at the scene of the crime.

 

FILE #3: Police arrested David Ballou for driving drunk in a car he had stolen. Soon after being picked up by a state trooper, Ballou thought he would add to his list of crimes. While sitting in the back of the state trooper’s car with his hands handcuffed behind his back, Ballou managed to steal $23 from the wallet of the trooper who momentarily left him alone in the squad car. Not exactly the smartest way to raise your bail money.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Rumford, Maine it is illegal for a tenant to bite his/her landlord.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A West Virginia man once again confirmed that criminals are their own worst enemies.

The man was arrested for stealing a VCR, but said he was innocent. In court he pleaded, “I plead not guilty Judge, honestly, I didn’t steal the VCR. He gave it to me because he owed me for drugs.” The good news for the man was that he was not arrested for stealing the VCR. The bad news for him (and good news for everyone else) is that he now faces felony charges for possessing and selling drugs.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Do you save or collect something strange or unusual? Tell us about it.

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who won the 2nd battle between Israel and Syria?

ANSWER: Israel (1 Kings 20:29)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many languages has the Bible been translated into?

ANSWER: The Bible has been translated into 2,018 languages, with countless more partial translations, and audio translations (for unwritten languages). By comparison, Shakespeare, considered by many to be the master writer of the English language, has only been translated into 50 languages.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

Today’s TRUE of FALSE is going to the dogs!

 

  1. All dogs are the descendant of the wolf. (True. These wolves lived in eastern Asia about 15,000 years ago.)

 

  1. An average city dog lives approximately ten years longer than an average country dog. (False – three years longer)

 

  1. Bloodhounds have been used since the 1800’s for tracking criminals. (False – since the 1600’s!)

 

  1. German Shepherds are the most intelligent breed of dog. (False – Border Collies)

 

  1. Chocolate can be fatal to dogs. (True. Chocolate contains a chemical theobromine, which is poisonous to dogs.)

 

  1. Dalmatian puppies do not have any spots on them when they are born. (True. They actually develop them as they get older.)

 

  1. Dogs can be trained to detect an upcoming epileptic seizure. (True)

 

  1. In just two years (2000-2001), dogs killed more people in the U.S. than the Great White shark has killed in the past 100 years. (True)

 

  1. Nose prints are used to identify dogs, much like humans use fingerprints. (True)

 

  1. A dog by the name of Laika was launched into space aboard the Russian spacecraft Sputnik 2 in 1957. (True. ***MARLAR: Yes, I know we used this one yesterday – but we needed another dog question!)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

QUEEN ELIZABETH SELLS HER _______ (BLOOMERS)

TMZ reports that Queen Elizabeth’s dirty, old undies have a new home, because a mystery panty lover bought them at an Internet auction for $48k.

The Royal knickers were thought to be placed on eBay by the estate of the late “Baron” Joseph de Bicske Dobronyi… who had claimed he came into possession of the undergarments after they were left on a private plane when the Queen visited Chile in 1968.

But, sources close to WWN say that the Queen herself put them on eBay.   Royal watchers say that the Queen is worried about her money and that she wants to start getting rid of things she doesn’t want anymore.  ”The Queen is actually on the verge of bankruptcy,” said a source close to the Royal Family.  ”They’ve been spending money like drunken sailors for decades.  Every little bit helps.

The  cyber auction of the Queen’s bloomers consisted of 18 total bids and one lucky mystery buyer emerged victorious. So far, his identity has not been revealed … and we’re guessing it probably won’t be.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A man is applying for a job as mechanic that he really wants to get. The boss says, “Can you roll your hard hat down your arm and pop it back on your head?”

The mechanic nods, confused.

“Can you play light saber with your wrench and another man’s screwdriver?”

“Oh yes,” says the mechanic.

“Can you bounce your screwdriver off the cement, grab it, whirl it around and put it in your belt like a gun?”

“Sir, I’ve been doing that for years!” says the wanna-be mechanic.

“Well in that case, I can’t use you. I have 12 men doing that already!” says the boss.

 

JOKE #2

At the end of the school year, a Kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.  The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is?” Flowers.”

“That’s right” the boy said, “but how did you know?”

“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is? A box of candy.”

“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.

“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. “Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”

With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

 

JOKE #3

While on a road trip between Billings and Butte, Montana, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.  After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.  When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn’t miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes.  By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.  All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.  He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.  To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.  And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and credit card.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The London Sun reports that the Harvey Nichols store is selling a line of French fragrances called “Secretions Magnifiques” for $150 a bottle that smell like, among other things, sweat or spit.  ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t you smell like those even without the perfume?  Heck, I’ll personally spit on you for fifty bucks!

 

According to a study by Dr. Olga Yakusheva of Marquette University, high-income men are more likely to be overweight than low-income men, whereas low-income women are more likely to be overweight than high-income women. The trend is most noticeable among women.  ***MARLAR: If fat guys make more money, I’m getting ripped off.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

DEAR ABBY

DEAR ABBY: “P.O. in New Jersey” was angry because her sister-in-law purchased an identical wedding dress after seeing hers. Here’s another way she could handle the situation: The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready and nothing could dampen Jennifer’s excitement, not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother had finally found the perfect dress and felt she would be the best-dressed mother of the bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to exchange it, but Barbie refused. “Absolutely not! I’m going to wear this dress. I’ll look like a million bucks in it.” Jennifer relayed the conversation to her mother, who graciously replied, “Never mind, dear. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day, not hers.” Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch that day, Jennifer asked, “What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don’t have any place to wear it.” Her mother grinned and replied, “Of course, I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!” — JUDITH, HOUSTON

Abby’s Response:
DEAR JUDITH: I like her sense of humor.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A man in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, frustrated about having to wait an hour for a pizza to be delivered, came up with idea to speed up pizza delivery. 

Scott Matthew thought, “What if you cooked the pizza in the delivery van? It would get there sooner and hotter”.  Now his company, Super Fast Pizza, is doing just that, delivering pizzas around Fond du Lac with the cheese still bubbling in about 15 minutes.  Pizzas are kept in a refrigerator and then cooked in an oven in the delivery truck on the way to the patron’s house.  Matthew admits it’s not gourmet pizza, but says, “our pepperoni tastes like a pepperoni.”  ***MARLAR: See, now that’s what you’re looking for in a high-quality pizza… for the pepperoni to taste like pepperoni.  You know, unlike those OTHER pizza places where the pepperoni tastes like pickles.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

“Jesus replied, The time has come for the Son of Man to enter into his glory.” –John 12:23

Satan may try to delay, hinder, sift, oppose, and confuse, but the moment of your breakthrough must come. Although the hands of a clock move almost imperceptibly, the moment inevitably arrives when the clock strikes the hour. The poet Friedrich von Logau expressed it this way: Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small; though with patience He stands waiting, with exactness grinds He all. Jesus; thirty-three years of preparation and ministry culminated in the glory of His death and resurrection. In that moment, the prince of this world was cast out (John 12:31). David also experienced tremendous pressure in his years of preparation, but suddenly his hour came, Saul died unexpectedly, and the path to the throne was opened (2 Samuel 2:4). This is the payoff of years of faithful service to a vision: one day the hour will come. Never try to get ahead of your time, for God knows when the circumstances are ripe and you have been thoroughly prepared. All your trials and difficulties are only the stepping-stones to your glorious destiny: to reign forever with Jesus Christ!

–Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

THE ANGEL OF MUSIC

READ: Ephesians 6:10-18

Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. —2 Corinthians 11:14

In Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical The Phantom of the Opera, a young chorus girl named Christine Daae receives voice training from a mysterious musician she calls the “Angel of Music.” Christine believes this is the angel her dying father had promised to send to complete her musical training.

As the plot thickens, we find that her mysterious mentor is really a demented man who wants to carry her away into a bizarre underworld beneath the opera house. What the girl thinks is a supernatural agent sent by her beloved father is really a madman who wants to possess her for his own ends. The “Angel of Music” is evil masquerading as good.

The believer in Christ also faces an evil one who masquerades. One of Satan’s key strategies is to look like someone who is good. Paul told us, “Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). The Greek word translated as “transforms” means “to change appearance, masquerade, or disguise oneself.”

In preparing us to face the evil strategies of the devil, God has provided all the equipment we need to stand our ground. Protecting ourselves with the armor of God unmasks the evil that opposes us and stabilizes our spiritual walk (Ephesians 6:10-18). —Dennis Fisher

 

When you’re making a decision,
Evil sometimes wears a mask;
Trust the Lord for true discernment—
He’ll give wisdom if you ask.  —Hess

 

God’s armor is tailor-made for us, but we must put it on.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

BUT IT’S AFFECTING MY BUSINESS

A criminal has sued one of his victims!

A career crook has sued the clerk who shot him during his last ripoff. Willie Brown, 44, already had convictions for one robbery and two burglaries on his rap sheet when he walked into a Muncie, IN, deli. But the three-time loser hadn’t learned his lesson.. He held up the store and bolted out the door as the clerk sprayed him with gunfire. Brown took two bullets — in the back and the side — and cops had no trouble tracking him to a nearby house. Later, he pleaded guilty and landed a four-year sentence. Now, the felon has filed a lawsuit that claims “there was no need for deadly force” and that the clerk behaved “maliciously and sadistically.” Further, the suit claims that the shooting has “prevented him from transacting his business”.  Of course, his “business” is robbing people – and he’s using that argument in court.  Nice plan.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Interviewing for a job? Try to schedule it for the morning.

Research shows that 83% of executives are more likely to hire AM job seekers. And 70% of all hiring decisions are made before 11:00 AM. So obviously, if you can help suggest the time of an interview, make it before 11:00 AM.  Avoid Mondays and Fridays. On Monday, people tend to have too much to do and on Friday they are anticipating the weekend and ready to get out of the office. So the very best times for interviews are Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday mornings between 8:00 and 10:00 AM. The little things could tip the scale in your favor.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

Would you work ten hours a day if it meant you could have a three day weekend?

A three day weekend has a great sound to it, but according to economist John Owen, some people may not be able to afford it. He says that some workers whose schedule puts them on a ten hour, four day workweek ran out of money for their leisure time activities before their long weekend ran out.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t that why we have credit cards?

 

 

FUN LIST

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER

We may complain about mowing our own lawns, but men obviously don’t have a problem mowing someone else’s lawn. The Murray Lawnmower company conducted a poll asking men, ‘‘If you could mow any lawn in the world, which would it be?’’ The results:

1) The White House

2) Pebble Beach golf course

3) The Rose Bowl stadium

4) Graceland

***MARLAR: If they’d asked me, I would have chosen a field of astro-turf.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

You can’t believe you ate that whole thing. Now you’re paying for it with a burning sensation in your chest and a bitter taste in the back of your throat.  Now what? You’ll have to wait for your stomach to empty to get complete relief, says Patricia Raymond, a gastroenterologist in Chesapeake, Virginia. Meanwhile…- Don’t lie down. Eating more than your stomach can comfortably hold means there’s nowhere for gastric acids to go but up, into the esophagus. Reclining will only exacerbate this problem. You should stay upright for three to four hours after overeating.  – Take a brisk 30-minute walk to help speed digestion along. Don’t do anything more energetic, however. Bouncing around could cause gastric acids to slosh up into the throat.  And you’ll want to avoid most antacids. By neutralizing existing stomach acids, they prompt the stomach to produce more of them.  You might want to loosen your belt too.  “The pressure can worsen heartburn.”  ***MARLAR: And you thought your dad was just being inconsiderate in front of your friends and family.  Turns out he was modeling proper behavior!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)

Winnie Blagden turned 100 on Sunday. However, according to Time, she had no surviving family to help her celebrate. That’s when a BBC reporter stepped in. She put out a small appeal to see if they could get a hundred cards or letters for Winnie to open on her birthday. In response well-wishers from as far away as Singapore, the U.S. and Taiwan sent Blagden 16,000 cards and over 200 presents and flowers.

http://ti.me/1QhyIMZ

 

World War II veteran Charles Benning is finally achieving a decades-long goal. According to ABC News, the 92-year-old finally has his high school diploma. Benning was just 17 when he was drafted to serve in World War II. He left his hometown of Yellow Springs, Ohio to serve abroad, and was stationed in several countries, including Germany and France. Recently Benning told his grandson, Sean Jenkins, that The only thing he regrets in life is he never had the opportunity to have be a graduate. Sean went to the school administrators and, after finding that Benning had passed all the prerequisites, they agreed to present him with an honorary diploma during their graduation this Spring.

http://abcn.ws/1FbChPr

 

A Hong Kong environmental group has turned to public shaming to end the city’s litter problem. According to Time, The Hong Kong Cleanup Initiative used DNA collected from discarded cigarette butts, gum and other items to create renderings of the faces of people who left their trash. The Face of Litter campaign, which launched on Earth Day, has created 27 facial composites of litterers and splashed them across billboards around the city. The samples came from a six-week challenge in which teams collected more than 4,000 tons of litter from streets.

http://ti.me/1LC1bMA

 

Drinking coffee is good for you. Not only can a few cups a day lower your risk of a heart attack, even smelling coffee can make you less stressed out. And the type of coffee you drink? Well, that can actually say a lot about you. According to the Coffee Tasting Club

The Latte Drinker is a comfort seeker, laid back and reflective.

The Espresso Drinker: A hardworking leader. Always on the go.

The Cappuccino Drinker: Sociable, creative and optimistic.

The Black Coffee drinker: Quiet and moody, a purist and occasional extrovert.

The Artisan Coffee Drinker: fashionable, but outside the cultural mainstream.

The Frappuccino Drinker: Stylish and spontaneous, a trendsetter.

http://huff.to/1GnLcBD

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If I could get all the people in my life who have ever done mean things to me in one room, I wouldn’t go in there because, man, those are some mean people! –LeMel Hebert-Williams

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 29, 2015…

 

San Andreas 3 D—There has been a giant earthquake in southern California. Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) is a helicopter rescue pilot who, with his former wife Carla Gugino) is trying to find their lost daughter, Alexandra Daddario. Paul Giamatti is also in the cast. They are heading for San Francisco and all this in 3 D, too. “San Andreas 3 D” is rated PG 13.. Rating of 3 for fans. (Note: for another Southern California earthquake movie, see “Earthquake {1974} with Charlton Heston and Ava Gardner.) With “Aloha” opening this weekend, people fleeing the earthquake can head for the South Pacific.

 

Aloha—Bradley Cooper is a  contractor who falls in love with a woman pilot (Emma Stone.) He is doing satellite work. All this set against the South Pacific and written by Cameron Crowe. The cast is a large one including Rachel McAdams, Alec Baldwin, Bill Murray, Danny McBride and John Krasinski. “Aloha” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the cast.

 

JUNE 05, 2015…

 

Entourage with the film continuing the television series, is finally here. Stars Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven (now “Mr. Selfridge” on PBS)

 

Insidious Chapter 3 had to happen, with Dermot Mulroney and Lin Shaye, the haunting continues.

 

Spy has Melissa McCarthy as the bottom of the FBI totem pole who decides to volunteer for a mission.

 

Testament of Youth stars Alicia Vikander (“Ex Machina”) and Kit Harington (“Game of Thrones”) in a movie about WWI.

 

Love & Mercy stars Elizabeth Banks (“Perfect Pitch 2”), John Cusack and Paul Dano

 

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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.