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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150605
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
We now interrupt this entertainment to bring you (THE JOCK SHOW)!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. –Colossians 1:1 NIV
I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride, beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of thing has passed away. — Revelation 21:2-4
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. — Psalm 107:31
Thought: I’m not sure I can fully comprehend “unfailing love.” To always do the loving thing, whether it’s discipline or reward, fun or pain, I’m not sure I can fully understand it. But I can tell you this: I am eternally grateful for it! It’s not hard to give thanks for a God like ours!
Prayer: Thank you Almighty God for revealing yourself as Abba Father! Thank you for loving me so much that you give me what I need, not what I want or deserve! Thank you for the very many kindnesses and loving deeds you have done for me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Deuteronomy 6:5 NIV = Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – JUNE 05, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 204 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
NATIONAL HEADACHE AWARENESS WEEK is this week. ***MARLAR: If you’re not aware that you have a headache, you probably don’t have one.
Today is NATIONAL SHUT UP DAY. ***MARLAR: Yeah right. If I didn’t listen to the boss the other 364 days of the year, what makes anybody think I’d do it today?
Today is CELEBRATE THE HEAT DAY, sponsored by the National Anxiety Center, where they believe there is no global warming and that being warm is great. ***MARLAR: Anyone remember twenty years ago when we were all freaked out about the new ice-age scientists told us was coming? Then they changed their minds and got all panicked about global warming. Now it’s “climate change”. With the next change, I think they should just call it “weather.”
Today is WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY, sponsored by the UN. ***MARLAR: We should hook these folks up with the people at the National Anxiety Center – that’d be quality entertainment right there!
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Apple II Day
Hot Air Balloon Day
National Moonshine Day
World Environment Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, JUNE 06
Atheists Pride Day
Drive-In Movie Day
Russian Language Day
Do-Dah Parade Day
Drawing Day / Pencil Day
National Trails ay
Turtle Races Day
SUNDAY, JUNE 07
Children’s Awareness Memorial Day
Daniel Boone Day
MONDAY, JUNE 08
Upsy Daisy Day
TUESDAY, JUNE 09
World Pet Memorial Day
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10
Alcoholics Anonymous (Founders) Day
Ball Point Pen Day
THURSDAY, JUNE 11
Corn On The Cob
National Cotton Candy Day
FRIDAY, JUNE 12
Banana Split Days (12-13)
Crowded Nest Awareness Day
National Lemonade Day (12-14)
National Jerky Day
ON THIS DAY
1895: William Boyd was born. He played Hopalong Cassidy in 66 movies and almost a hundred TV episodes. (
1936: Actor Charlie Chaplin announced in Hollywood he was through playing his classic silent movie character, the “little tramp.” Chaplin said, “I can’t make the little tramp talk. He has never talked and will never talk.” ***MARLAR: Charlie didn’t have a lot in common with me.
1957: Singer Dale Hawkins released “Suzy Q.” It peaked at #29 in Billboard. In 1968 the Creedence Clearwater Revival version went to #11.
1960: The Hollywood Argyles, a fake group created by singer Gary Paxton, entered the Billboard Hot 100 with “Alley Oop.” Paxton had acquired the song from Burbank service station attendant Dallas Frazier. The Argyles included Frazier and fellow gas station worker Buddy Mize. Singer Sandy Nelson played the garbage can and did the screaming. When the song hit, Paxton sent a dozen groups on the road, all called The Hollywood Argyles.
1977: Singer Alice Cooper’s boa constrictor was bitten by a live rat it was being fed for breakfast. The snake died.
1977: The Apple II computer, with 4K of memory, went on sale for $1,298. The Apple I had been sold primarily to electronic hobbyists since 1976.
1982: Actress Sophia Loren was released from an Italian jail after serving 17 days for tax evasion.
1989: Toronto’s Sky Dome opened, but the Milwaukee Brewers beat the Blue Jays 5-3.
1993: A New Jersey court ruled that a father had to pay for the legal defense of his two teenage sons, who were charged with trying to hire a hit man to kill him. ***MARLAR: Isn’t that like asking the roaches to pay for the can of Raid?
1993: Singer Conway Twitty died suddenly from an abdominal aneurysm at age 59. His 40 #1 country hits included “Hello Darlin,” “You’ve Never Been This Far Before,” and “After the Fire Is Gone” with Loretta Lynn.
1997: The 280 residents of Nash, Oklahoma, got the word that their policeman had been stolen. To discourage speeders, a mannequin, dressed like a cop, had sat in an old black Chevy Nova with a white star painted on the doors parked on the highway shoulder outside the town for two years. Then, somebody broke the car window and kidnapped him.
1999: Actors Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon were married.
1999: Steffi Graf won her sixth French Open tennis title, beating top-ranked Martina Hingis.
2001: A burglar fell asleep after taking sleeping tablets to calm his nerves during a raid on a hospital pharmacy in Amman, Jordan. The raider took three tablets from the haul of medication he had stolen. He then fell asleep and was later awakened by police.
2004: The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter, the most advanced nuclear submarine in the U.S. Navy, was christened at a shipyard in Groton, Connecticut. With Jimmy grinning ear to ear, Wife Rosalynn broke a bottle of champagne against the sub.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
754: English monk Boniface, missionary to Germany, dies with 50 other Christians in an attack by angry pagans. The missionary, famous for smashing pagan idols, also established a monastery at Fulda that is still the center of Roman Catholicism in Germany.
988: Rus’s Grand Prince Vladimir orders his people to be baptized into the Orthodox Christian faith. He personally oversaw the baptism of the majority of the population of Kiev, the capital of his realm.
1191: England’s Richard I (the Lion-hearted) of England sets sail for Muslim-controlled Acre in the Third Crusade. After helping Philip II, king of France, capture the city, Richard took Jaffa and negotiated Christian access to Jerusalem, also Muslim-controlled.
1305: Bertrand de Got, who as Pope Clement V (1305-1314) moved the seat of papal power to Avignon, France, is born in Villandraut, France.
1414: Bohemian reformer Jan Hus appears before the Council of Constance. Instead of allowing him to state his beliefs, the council only permitted him to answer trumped-up charges of heresy. Hus was condemned and burned the following July.
1661: English mathematician and physicist Isaac Newton is admitted as a student to Trinity College, Cambridge. But the “greatest scientific genius the world has ever known” actually spent less of his life studying science than theology, writing 1.3 million words on biblical subjects.
1818: The Society for Promoting the Gospel among Seamen is organized in New York.
1865: Rev. Sabine Baring-Gould listened quietly when his composition, “Onward Christian Soldiers”, was performed for the first time in Horbury, England.
1942: Bandits hack to death 60 women and children in Burma for protecting the British; headmistress Daw Pwa Sein dies nobly.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (“Gilmore Girls,” “ER”) Liza Weil 38 (
- actor (End of the Spear, “Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman”) Chad Allen 41 (
- rapper-actor (The Italian Job, Planet of the Apes, Rock Star, I Heart Huckabees, The Perfect Storm) “Marky” Mark Wahlberg 44
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1922 : Gordon “Specs” Powell
1925 : Bill Hayes
1932 : Pete Jolly
1941 : Floyd Butler (The Friends Of Distinction)
1945 : Don Reid (The Statler Brothers)
1946 : Freddie Stone (Sly and the Family Stone)
1947 : Laurie Anderson
1947 : Tom Evans (Badfinger)
1950 : Ronnie Dyson
1954 : Nicko McBrain (Iron Maiden)
1954 : Pete Erskine (Weather Report)
1956 : Richard Butler (The Psychedelic Furs)
1956 : Kenny G
1969 : Brian McKnight
1970 : Clause Noreen (Aqua)
1971 : Marky Mark
1974 : Aaron “P-Nut” Wills (311)
1981 : Sebastien Lefebvre (Simple Plan)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do colored shampoos always produce white suds?
Since taking a shower isn’t the most interesting thing you will do during the day, there out to be at least something intriguing going on while the water’s running. For many people this is it, and I hope that this mundane explanation won’t stop you from fantasizing more fanciful reasons. There is not much dye in the shampoo to begin with–just enough to color the light passing through the liquid when it’s in the bottle. So when it comes down to the suds–bunches of very thin bubbles–the coloring agent is present in tiny quantities. But more than that, the color of the suds comes mostly from the overhead light it’s reflecting, which is likely to be white in the first place. Oh, I suppose we could get deeper into the science of optics, but let’s not split hairs.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Britt Nicole is finding that children can be a great work out tool. She shared a picture on Instagram after completing a run while pushing her children in a double stroller. She said she was pushing a total of about 40lbs. Britt said it wasn’t easy, but she felt great afterwards.
A confession from Kutless member James Mead: I’m thirty two years old and I still don’t know how a mirror works.
Advice of the day from Kutless member James Mead: Do not argue against God’s process of making you into who He means for you to be. A diamond is struck hard before it is chiseled.
Casting Crowns Chris Huffman: I’m hoping that Dr Pepper is secretly working on the never-ending soda can or bottle.
Oakland Athletics Billy Burns is a fan of NeedToBreathe. The major league outfielder recently tweeted: My walk up song is “Lay em Down” by NeedToBreathe. It’s my favorite band.
A big day in the life of Matthew West took place this week. No, it wasn’t the release of another CD or another number one song. Instead, Matthew said the big day was his daughter Delaney loosing her first tooth. Matthew tweeted: The little moments are the big moments my friends.
Some thoughts from Manny, front man of the band Group 1 Crew: Sometimes your greatest burden can become your biggest blessing. I’ve never looked back after getting through a tough situation and thought “that wasn’t worth it”. It takes perspective to see that hard times only create Giants in faith. Praying for you all. Praying for perspective.
Some insight from Casting Crowns’ Chris Huffman on the unique workings of our Lord: Anyone have two totally different things happening and God somehow connects them to show you that He’s working on something?
Moriah Peters recently completed a 5k but clearly didn’t experience the euphoria of running that those who joined her did. She shared a picture that included the smiling faces of four others along with her own noticeably serious face. The caption said: This is what my face looks like after running a 5K. Notice all the other joyful athletic faces. Not me. I want fries
Third Day’s Mac Powell was having a rough night. He tweeted: At a sports bar for dinner, it’s storming, and all the satellite TVs just went out. Lame.
WEIRD & WACKY
|New Hampshire governor blocks baby pictures on beer bottles photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Sorry, baby, your picture isn’t going to be on the front of any beer bottles in New Hampshire. Democratic Gov. Maggie Hassan on Tuesday vetoed a measure that would have allowed some images of minors to grace alcoholic beverage labels as long as they didn’t encourage young…
|New Chinese restaurant’s name: I Don’t Know
ROCHESTER, N.Y. (AP) — There’s a new Chinese restaurant in Rochester. The name? I Don’t Know. Seriously, the I Don’t Know Chinese Restaurant recently opened in the western New York city. Owner Jessie Dong tells the Democrat and Chronicle of Rochester (http://on.rocne.ws/1K98JYg ) that said…
|White House asks New Hampshire 4th-graders to name its hawk
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Some New Hampshire fourth-graders whose effort to name the red-tailed hawk the official state raptor was defeated at the statehouse are aiming a little higher: the White House. A red-tailed hawk recently took up residence on the grounds of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., and the…
|That’s not mistletoe … North Pole won’t block pot sales photo
NORTH POLE, Alaska (AP) — North Pole residents can put marijuana on their Christmas list next year. The city council in North Pole, Alaska, rejected a measure Monday that would have banned marijuana dispensaries. Marijuana became legal in Alaska in February, and sales begin next year….
|Bull free after falling into metro Atlanta well, taking nap photo
FAIRBURN, Ga. (AP) — A bull that fell into a metro Atlanta well has been freed after taking a nap during the rescue effort. Abel Ambrosio Lopez told WSB-TV the bull fell through rotten wood that was covering a well on his property in Fairburn, south of Atlanta. Lopez says he assumed the…
|Cops: Pennsylvania man ran fake DUI checkpoint while drunk photo
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — Police say a man who set up a drunken-driving checkpoint complete with road flares while pretending to be a Pennsylvania state trooper was drunk. Troopers say 19-year-old Logan Shaulis, of Somerset, parked his vehicle diagonally across state Route 601 and set up road…
|Police take stray pig into custody outside Detroit-area home photo
SHELBY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Officers in suburban Detroit took a stray pig into custody, holding the animal in the back of a police vehicle before reuniting it with its owner. HASH(0x14191d0) DeRiemaecker called 911 and explained the situation. She says police officers soon pulled up at her…
|Novice German driver unscathed after crash with British tank
BERLIN (AP) — Police in western Germany say a novice driver escaped unharmed but her car was crushed after she inadvertently turned into the path of a convoy of British tanks. Lippe police spokesman Lars Risserbusch said Tuesday the 18-year-old had apparently not seen the convoy when she made…
|Snakes in walls: Realtor accused of selling infested home photo
ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) — An Annapolis couple says their real estate agent knew their future home was infested with snakes but sold it to them anyway. HASH(0xc2be80) The Brookses purchased the house in December. They seek more than four times the home’s price in their lawsuit against real estate…
|State: Man who said Holy Spirit guided him ran Ponzi scheme
BOSTON (AP) — The Massachusetts secretary of state’s office says a man who told investors that the Holy Spirit guided his trading system has been charged with running a Ponzi scheme. Secretary of State William Galvin said in a complaint filed Tuesday that Uxbridge resident Charles Erickson…
|Man’s red underwear leads to burglary arrest
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. (AP) — The blue sneakers were the subject of the crime, but police say it was a man’s red underwear that led to his arrest on Long Island. Police say 18-year-old Taykim Ross stole $200, electronics and Air Jordan sneakers from an apartment Monday and stopped in the backyard to…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Expert panel: Mammograms are most worth it for women 50-69 photo
A new, international panel of experts has studied the most recent evidence on mammograms to screen for breast cancer and says they do the most good for women in their 50s and 60s. Women 70 to 74 also benefit to a lesser extent. But evidence that screening helps women in their 40s is “limited,” the…
|Problem drinking affects 33 million – 14 pct. of US adults photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Alcohol problems affect almost 33 million adults and most have never sought treatment, according to a government survey that suggests rates have increased in recent years. The study is the first national estimate based on a new term, “alcohol use disorder,” in a widely used…
|GOP-controlled House backs state medical marijuana laws
WASHINGTON (AP) — The GOP-controlled House voted Wednesday to prevent the federal government from blocking state laws that permit the use of medical marijuana. But lawmakers narrowly declined to direct the Justice Department not to interfere with states like Colorado and Washington that…
|More than 10M enrolled this year under Obama’s health law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — More than 10 million people have signed up for private health insurance this year under President Barack Obama’s law, the administration said Tuesday. That puts the nation finally within reach of coverage for all, but it may not last. The report from the Department of Health…
|Federal eateries join effort to curb animal antibiotic use
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama’s effort to curb the use of antibiotics in animals raised for meat is starting with his own employees. The White House said Tuesday that many federal cafeterias serving government workers will start serving meat and poultry from animals raised with…
|South Korea reports its first 2 deaths from MERS virus photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — South Korea on Tuesday confirmed the country’s first two deaths from Middle East Respiratory Syndrome as it fights to contain the spread of a virus that has killed hundreds of people in the Middle East. South Korea has reported 24 cases of the disease since…
|California’s largest lake threatened by urban water transfer photo
SALTON CITY, Calif. (AP) — Once-bustling marinas on shallow water in California’s largest lake a few years ago are bone-dry. Carcasses of oxygen-starved tilapia lie on desolate shores. Flocks of eared grebes and shoreline birds bob up and down to feast on marine life. An air of decline and…
|Survey: Most Americans with disabilities ‘striving to work’
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — More than two-thirds of American adults with disabilities are “striving to work,” according to a national employment survey being released just before the landmark legislation protecting their rights turns 25. In contrast to census data on how many people with…
|Officials: Dozens of labs received potentially live anthrax photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Pentagon disclosed Wednesday that it inadvertently shipped possibly live anthrax to at least 51 laboratories across the U.S. and in three foreign countries over the past decade, but it has yet to determine how it happened, who is to blame, why it was not discovered…
|Vast trove of Medicare data details how billions are spent
WASHINGTON (AP) — Joint replacement was the most common hospital procedure that Medicare paid for in 2013, accounting for nearly 450,000 inpatient admissions and $6.6 billion in payments. Among physicians, cancer specialists received the largest payments from Medicare, but much of their…
|Novel government cancer study will test precision medicine
CHICAGO (AP) — The federal government is launching a very different kind of cancer study that will assign patients drugs based on what genes drive their tumors rather than the type. The National Cancer Institute’s NCI-MATCH trial will be a massive precision medicine experiment at more than…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Is the USA becoming less godly by the day? Perhaps, but there is still some good news.
…Most Americans would rather have a president who believes in God than one who doesn’t. According to an article in the Christian Post, a study conducted by the Pew Research Center found Americans ranked atheism as the most negative trait that could be displayed by presidential candidates who plan to seek the White House in 2016. In fact, Americans said cheating, pot-smoking or sexual orientation have less impact on their vote then the Presidents belief in God. ***MARLAR: And let’s be honest, with the state our country seems to be in right now, we could certainly use a touch from the Almighty.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal will make a “major announcement” regarding his presidential plans on June 24th. Jindal adviser Timmy Teepell says the governor will declare his plans to enter the crowded Republican field in New Orleans. *** If you’re announcing that on a future date you will be declaring that you are running for President, doesn’t that mean you just declared you’re running for President? Like two weeks from now we’ll suddenly be surprised by it?
If you drop your keys on the sidewalk, go ahead and pick them up. If you drop them in a subway grate, call for help. A Long Island, New York, man dropped his keys into a sidewalk subway grate, opened it up and tried to climb down to get them when he slipped and fell 20 feet. *** He then decided to stay down there because it was still more roomy than his New York apartment.
Some guy on GoFundMe is trying to raise $5,000 so he can travel around and eat an ice cream in each of the fifty U.S. states. He plans to post a video from each cone stop on his website (jzcrazy.com). He’s not getting a lot of support. At last check he’d raised only $120 of the $5,000. *** Well, yea. Why would I give you five bucks for ice cream, when I can go to McDonald’s and get one for myself for a whopping half-buck?
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
While easy to blame Facebook for feeling disconnected, an article in the Relevant Magazine says quitting social media altogether might not be the answer. According to the article, social media didn’t invent jealousy or time-wasting. The problem isn’t Facebook. The problem is us. ***MARLAR: Well, actually, the problem is YOU. Yeah… YOU. If you’d stop posting that really awesome and interesting stuff maybe the rest of us wouldn’t waste so much time and energy being jealous of you!
For years, cranberry juice has been touted as the natural way to prevent and treat bladder and urinary tract infections (UTI). But a comprehensive review of studies has found the claims have been overhyped. Certain sugars and a type of enzyme called flavanol found in cranberries have been thought to prevent infections by keeping bacteria from clinging to cells in the urinary tract. Results from a review of 24 studies that included nearly 5,000 people suggest that cranberry juice may only be helpful in a select few women. ***MARLAR: So a cup of Cran-Apple a day WON’T keep the doctor away.
57% of women say they’d rather be rich than maintain their ideal weight forever. ***MARLAR: Well, duh. If you’re rich you can buy liposuction!
Flu season is changing the way some Christians worship. New Hampshire’s Roman Catholic Diocese is telling priests to offer Communion without wine and place wafers in parishioner’s hands instead of in their mouths. The church is also suggesting the tradition of greeting each other should become less germ-friendly. It suggests nodding in place of shaking hands or kissing. Not so at St. John the Baptist Church in New York, where parishioners said they had no problem sipping from a communal cup. In the Philippines, Roman Catholic churches are offering special prayers for flu victims. ***MARLAR: Churches are really taking this seriously. Over the weekend my church changed over the tissues in the pews to Lysol Disinfectant Wipes.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Second Hand”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Sally Boeke, “Three Boys”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey, after trying hundreds of different ways to beat Steve Mozart, finally gave up. He even decided at the last moment not to sabotage Steve Mozart’s concert – even though Mozart’s latest hit song was exactly like the one Millard wrote. Millard, sadly, went home…
CLOSE: Could it be true? Could all of Steve Mozart’s original ideas actually be MILLARD’S original ideas? Could it be that Millard is the true genius, and Steve Mozart is nothing but a low-life, paper-rifling thief? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 06/07, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were so busy trying to get so many things done that they didn’t have time for anything else… meetings, planning, even talking to each other! They were getting annoyed with each other – and then, all at once, the animals shouted…
CLOSE: Do the turtles have a secret to staying calm, cool, and collected? Will they share the secret with the other animals? Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Sometimes it’s a good idea to MapQuest your work day.
A helpful hint if you happen to work for a construction/demolition company. When you are hired to knock down a house, the most important thing to know is the house’s address. A contractor hired to demolish a house in Arkansas didn’t know this and accidentally knocked down the wrong one. Johnny Mack Richardson, of Richardson Environmental and Excavating Services, said that they were sitting on the street and made a call to City Hall. They asked City Hall if they were at the right house. Johnny Mack was told it was the house that was covered by trees. Evidently there were two houses that were covered by trees.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’VE CHOSEN A “NO FRILLS” AIRLINE
- They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.
- All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
- Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
- You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
- Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
- The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
- You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”
- The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
- You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.
- All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man is stopped for speeding and reading the newspaper at the same time… at 155mph!
FILE #1: A man was stopped by police after driving 155mph on a German freeway–while checking the financial page in a newspaper. He told traffic police: ‘I was just checking on my stocks and shares. I wasn’t reading a big feature or anything.’ The driver faces a $100 fine and a three-month license suspension.
FILE #2: Being caught and surrounded by an entire rugby team may just be one of a purse-snatcher’s worst nightmares. And yet, it happened for real to a man who snatched a woman’s purse in the northern Italian city of Bologna. The snatching happened close to a hotel where two rugby teams were about to hold a news conference. The pickpocket was spotted by two team members who ran after him. He ran and sought refuge in a kindergarten classroom, which was quickly surrounded by the whole Benetton rugby team. The man was arrested a few minutes later by police.
FILE #3: A Wisconsin man, who has been spending his days barking at the neighbor’s dog, is facing charges after he threatened to shoot it when it barked back at him. 42 year old Michael VanKauwenberg is alleged to have gone on to threaten the dog’s owner, as well as the authorities. VanKauwenberg was eventually arrested when he surrendered after a 4-hour standoff.
STRANGE LAW: In Indiana baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. ***MARLAR: Boy, I bet the Holidays really stink!
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Can you get drunk, from kissing?
17-year-old Gianna Vigliotti of Manhasset, New York, was pulled over by police after she swerved her car Friday night. The cop said her speech was slurred, there were four full beer bottles under her car seat and an empty beer can in her purse, and she blew a .15 blood alcohol level on the Breathalyzer, twice the legal limit. But Gianna is pleading not guilty, and she has an excuse: She claims she wasn’t drinking, but she’d been kissing a boy who was drunk. ***MARLAR: Aaaaand he threw up in her mouth.
It appears that spam accounts for more than 80 percent of Internet traffic. While most of us (78%) delete spam, some (20%) Americans actually click on it, read it, and then buy something advertised in it. Have you ever bought anything from a spam e-mail? Did you get what was promised, or did you get robbed?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who did Jesus call a “fox”?
ANSWER: Herod (Luke 13:31-32)
QUESTION: Doctors say people with pet fish do this easier than people who don’t – what is it?
ANSWER: Fall asleep
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The first Cadillac was produced in 1903 and cost less that a Model T Ford. (True)
- Super villain, Bane, once broke Batman’s back, leaving him crippled and wheelchair-bound. (True)
- Chris Angel is most famous for making the Statue of Liberty disappear, levitating over the Grand Canyon, and walking through the Great Wall of China. (False, that was David Copperfield)
- The Chevrolet Impala sold more than one million units in 1965, setting a record that still stands today. (True)
- The VW Bug was the first car to come equipped with anti-lock brakes. (False, it was the 1966 Jensen FF)
- In Sleeping Beauty, the cookies that the fairies eat with tea are shaped like clouds. (False, they were shaped like Mickey Mouse’s head and ears)
- Donald Duck has been known to fight crime as the costumed superhero, Mighty Duck. (False, Super Duck)
- If you are drinking “Darjeeling”, you are drinking a type of fruit juice. (False, Tea)
- About 1 out of every 20 Americans suffers from stress. (False, 1 in 20 Americans have phobias)
- Aretha Franklin has the fear of flying. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
___________ TO CHARGE USERS! (FACEBOOK)
Facebook has reportedly announced a bold new plan – charging users?
Mark Zuckerberg reportedly announced that there will be a host of new changes to Facebook.
Pressure from angry users (and shareholders) has been too much and Facebook is looking at an alternative, something that will persuade Mark Zuckerberg to keep the site profitable: his social media platform is going to start charging users!
According to sources outside the company, Facebook is planning a subscription-based service with monthly fees starting at $0.99 for a basic “friendship” which allows for the posting of text and just one profile picture. This fee will increase, depending on the number of friends you have, the messages posted and sent, and the pictures/videos/ games put on a user’s page. The monthly fee will be capped at $50.00 per month at the high-end.
Bottom line: the more you use Facebook, the more you will pay.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride.
A ways down the road the driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck to steer directly toward the lawyer. Then he remembered, “I have a priest in the truck. I can’t run down this lawyer,” and at the last second he swerved to miss the lawyer.
But he heard a thump outside anyway. He looked in his rear-view mirror but didn’t see anything.
He turned to the priest and said, “Sorry Father, I just missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”
And the priest said, “Don’t worry my son, I got him with my door.”
A dad and his young son were in the garden digging for worms for fishing bait. Uncovering a many-legged creature, the boy proudly dangled it in front of his dad’s face. The dad said, “No, son, he won’t do for bait because he’s not an earthworm.”
“He’s not?” the boy asked with wide eyes. “What planet is he from?”
David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?”
“Not too late, Dad.” she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, “Really? Well then, my precious one, I’ll have to ask the paperboy to please not place the paper under the front tire of the car anymore.”
Big city dog owners are excited about a new product that allows dogs to do their business without having to go outside. Basically, it’s a giant litter box called “The Pet Loo.” ***MARLAR: It also comes in handy for young adults having “Lord of the Rings” trilogy parties.
A Florida woman is facing charges after being accused of chasing a Wendy’s employee with a stun gun when she got upset about her order. ***MARLAR: “I said WELL DONE! Come here, let me show you what I mean by ‘well done’!.”
Morris had been playing golf for years and he had the finest golfing equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.
As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.
“Why don’t you use an old ball?” his friend Sam asked.
“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
In San Francisco it is now illegal to use a stun belt against someone in court for talking.
…Which means that, at one time, it was LEGAL to do so! In fact, it was taking place at a Long Beach court in California! A defendant kept interrupting the judge in the case, so the judge had the defendant shocked with a 50,000-volt stun belt. The defendant is now afraid to say anything in court for fear of being shocked. I think that was the intention of the judge. But now it’s illegal to do that kind of thing to a defendant.
TO REMEMBER ME
Author: Robert N. Test
The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped. When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don’t call this my deathbed, let it be called the Bed of Life and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby’s face or love in the eyes of a women. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain. Give my blood to the teen-ager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play. Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk. Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window. Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudice against my fellow man. Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
A CONGRESS ON HOSPITALITY
READ: Romans 12:6-13
Be kindly affectionate to one another . . . , given to hospitality. —Romans 12:10,13
Let me be the first to summon the church to a National Congress on Hospitality. We could hold it in Minneapolis near the Betty Crocker Kitchens, and perhaps we could borrow the Pillsbury Doughboy as our symbol. After all, there’s some truth to the slogan, “Nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven.”
The biblical word for hospitality means “a love of strangers.” Some-times people who visit our churches feel unwelcome. No one greets them or notices them. Hospitality, however, can break down barriers and build bridges. It can make strangers feel more welcome than just a word in the church bulletin.
For those tempted to shrug off my call for a Congress on Hospitality because they are planning another evangelistic outreach, let me insist that hospitality doesn’t conflict with outreach; it complements it! Inviting someone in for coffee, offering to babysit, taking a meal to a sick mother—all these show that we care. And people listen to someone who cares.
On second thought, I withdraw my call for a National Congress on Hospitality. Instead, let’s invite a few lonely folks to our homes and show them genuine Christian hospitality. —Haddon W. Robinson
The good we do is never lost,
Each kindly act takes root;
And every bit of love we sow
In time will bear its fruit. —Anon.
Christian hospitality is the bridge between an open heart and an open home.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE INSTANTLY SMARTER?
Here’s a scientifically proven way to make your home office smarter and by extension, make yourself smarter. Get a plant. Put it nearby. Keep it alive. Pretty simple, but effective. Researchers (Norwegian University of Life Sciences) say participants working in a room with plants improved their performance, while those in the room without plants did not. ***MARLAR: So… vegetables keep you from becoming a vegetable!
LIFE… LIVE IT
Want to save money? Unplug the TV and video games!
If your energy bills are on the upswing, there’s some pretty simple things you can do to bring them down. It turns out that those videogame consoles and plasma flat-screen TVs eat up some major current. In an Australian study, the game consoles and plasma TV’s topped a list of 16 electronic devices in energy consumption. Even leaving a Playstation 3 on while not in use would cost almost five times more than it would take to run a refrigerator. They say the plasma TV’s eat up four times more power than a traditional television.
JUST FOR FUN
Looking for an excuse to play golf instead of mow the lawn? Maybe a fear of bears could be your answer!
…Talk to Rodney Therrien. A bear charged the Salem, New York, man while he was cutting his grass. Therrien was on his Troy-Built riding mower when the bear came barreling out of the woods and made a bee-line straight for him. Therrien figured he was dead. He says he knew he couldn’t out-run the big bear with his little mower. So Therrien says he decided to show the bear who was boss. He opened the mower full-tilt and headed straight for the charging animal. The bear turned tail and ran. But the run-in didn’t do anything for Therrien’s high blood pressure. He says he’s had it with mowing and doesn’t care if the grass grows as tall as the trees.
IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER
- If you messed up your life, you could press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!
- To get your daily exercise, just click on “run.” If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
- Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.
- To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
- To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
- To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
- If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
- When you loose your car keys, click on find.
- “Help” with the chores is just a click away by using the “Help” button.
- Auto insurance wouldn’t be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.
- And, we could click on “SEND NOW” and a Pizza would be on it’s way to you.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
IS IT OKAY TO ASK A CO-WORKER OUT ON A DATE?
Well, it depends on your company’s policies. But if there are no written rules against it, according to experts, it’s perfectly fine… but there are some unwritten rules that you’ll want to follow because of the underlying threat of harassment. CareerRamblings.com offers six office dating do’s and don’ts:
- Do not repeatedly ask the same co-worker to go on a date if he or she has said no even one time. No means no. Period. Move on.
- Do get to know your potential date well before you ever go out. Sharing the same work environment means there are far more potential consequences if the date goes bad. As much as possible, know what you’re getting into.
- Do start out slowly. If you take things slowly in the beginning, the chances of a bad ending are lessened.
- Do agree to set up relationship rules. Here’s an example: No flirting at work.
- Do not be afraid to talk about sexual harassment. Be open and honest with each other by candidly discussing the issues on your mind–even those that might be a bit scary to address out loud.
- Do be ready to address the rumors in the office! Gossip thrives in every workplace, large or small. Be prepared to address the rumors with your employer. Tell the truth and promise you will keep your relationship professional when you’re at work. If you make your employer feel comfortable with the relationship, all should be fine.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)
What are your strong points and what blind spots should you beware of due to those strengths? That the subject of a new quiz from the Crossway organization. You can take the 10 part, one-page quiz here:
Robert Lee really, really hates to see food go to waste. According to the Good News Network, that’s why he left his finance job at J.P Morgan to rescue leftover food from various restaurants around New York City and deliver them to homeless shelters. Every day, Robert and a band of volunteers collect the bagels, deli items, and catered food, knowing they’ll be tossed in the trash. Over the past two years, the organization Rescuing Leftover Cuisine has delivered 100,000 pounds of food to those in need by partnering with 50 food providers citywide.
A US Marine was convicted at a court-martial last year after she refused to remove a Bible verse from her computer work station, but now Liberty Institute, a religious liberty law firm, is appealing the decision. According to Christian Today.com, Lance Corporal Monifa Sterling was prosecuted for displaying a slightly paraphrased version of Isaiah 54:17: “No weapons formed against me shall prosper” around her computer while she was stationed at Camp Lejune in North Carolina. It was announced this week that the Liberty Institute has appealed her case with the Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces, the highest military court in the US.
A 92-year-old cancer survivor rocked her way into the record books Sunday, becoming the oldest woman to finish a marathon. According to ABC News, Harriette Thompson of Charlotte, North Carolina, completed Sunday’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in San Diego in 7 hours, 24 minutes, 36 seconds. Harriette says she didn’t begin running marathons until she was in her 70s, after a member of her church approached her about being one of her sponsors in the marathon to raise money to fight leukemia and lymphoma.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“Happy graduation” to all of you seniors; you are now ready to join the rest of us out there in the mainstream of life. You have our deepest sympathies.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JUNE 05, 2015…
Entourage—Yes, they finally made a movie from the TV series and the gang is back including Adrian Grenier, Jeremy Piven (now in “Mr. Selfridge”), Kevin Connally, Jerry Ferrera and Kevin Dillon. In this plot, Piven heads a movie studio and wants Adrian to star in a film, but Adrian wants to star AND direct. And away we go. “Entourage” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
Insidious Chapter 3—The haunting continues and a teenage girl (of course) is haunted by something from the beyond. The cast includes Dermot Mulroney, Stefanie Scott, Michael Reid MacKay and Lin Shaye. “Insidious: Chapter 3” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Spy—Melissa McCarthy is on the right side of the law this time. She is a government analyst and at the bottom of her social life, when she is picked to find important information about a nuclear contraption gone missing. The other agents are doing other things, so can Melissa complete the task at hand? What do you think? Guess who is in the cast…Jason Statham and Jude Law. “Spy” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the cast.
Testament of Youth (opening in select cities)—The script is adapted from a book by Vera Brittain about her experiences during WWI. Love and war don’t always go together. The cast includes Kit Harington (“Game of Thrones” and Alicia Vikander (“Ex Machina.”) “Testament of Youth” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Love & Mercy—This is a biopic-film about members of The Beach Boys, and stars Paul Dano as Brian Wilson and John Cusack as Brian in later years. You figure that one out, the director is Bill Pohlad. The film shows the problems Wilson has in his early years and how a girlfriend (Elizabeth Banks) tries to help him in later years. “Love & Mercy” is rated PG 13. No rating.
JUNE 12, 2015…
Jurassic World takes us ahead a few years and the park is now a functioning wonderland…or is it? Stars Chris Pratt.
Madame Bovary is another adaptation of the famous novel and this time stars Mia Wasikowska.
Me and Earl and the Dying Girl stars Thomas Mann in a film about serious illness.
The Wolfpack is a documentary about brothers who are home-schooled and never leave the house.
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