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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150607
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
The best thing I can say about our station’s coffee? I’m pretty sure it’s low-tar.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'” –Matthew 22:37
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. — Ephesians 3:17-19
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. — 1 Thessalonians 1:3
Thought: In a world that falls for facades and seems to give more credit for intentions than actions, don’t you find it refreshing that Paul expects that faith, hope, and love will naturally produce certain actions.
Prayer: Mighty God of deliverance, I want to honor you with a life of observable faith, hope, and love. Please revive and refresh me with your Holy Spirit so that my life will be full of the actions that your grace and character inspire. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Galatians 6:7 NIV = Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – JUNE 07, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 202 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is ACCORDION LOVERS DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m sure all three of them will celebrate greatly.
CHIEF SEATTLE DAY. The Lutheran church commemorates Chief Seattle of the Duwamish, who was famous for his environmental statement that said the land belongs to no one and everyone. ***MARLAR: Of course, that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever… but environmentalists think it’s deep.
It’s NATIONAL CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM DAY. ***MARLAR: And remember… chocolate ice cream belongs to no one, and to everyone.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Children’s Awareness Memorial Day
Daniel Boone Day
COMING UP NEXT
MONDAY, JUNE 08
Upsy Daisy Day
TUESDAY, JUNE 09
World Pet Memorial Day
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10
Alcoholics Anonymous (Founders) Day
Ball Point Pen Day
THURSDAY, JUNE 11
Corn On The Cob
National Cotton Candy Day
FRIDAY, JUNE 12
Banana Split Days (12-13)
Crowded Nest Awareness Day
National Lemonade Day (12-14)
National Jerky Day
World Day Against Child Labor
SUNDAY, JUNE 13
International Young Eagles Day
SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Abused Women and Children’s Awareness Day
Multicultural American Child Day
Family History Day
Pause for the Pledge Day
Race Unity Day
ON THIS DAY
1913: During a revival at Pokagon, Michigan, Ohio-born Methodist evangelist George Bennard introduced a new song he had composed entitled “The Old Rugged Cross.”
1924: The ruthless criminal Joey Chill shot and killed millionaire Thomas Wayne while Wayne’s wife Martha watched in horror, then died of a heart attack. The couple’s son, Bruce Wayne, dedicated himself to fighting crime as the caped crusader Batman.
1930: The New York Times announced it would begin capitalizing the word “Negro.”
1937: Actress Jean Harlow died at age 26 of a gallbladder infection. Her mother’s religion prohibited seeking medical treatment. Actor Clark Gable was a pallbearer at the funeral; Jeanette MacDonald sang “The Indian Love Call.”
1955: Quizmaster Hal March introduced the “isolation booth” to TV’s $64,000 Question. Contestants were locked inside the sound-proof glass booth for the final series of questions that led to the grand prize. ***MARLAR: Nowadays it’s a sound-proof glass booth for the 64-dollar morning radio show.
1955: The final “Lux Radio Theater” aired ending 21 years on NBC Radio.
1969: “The Johnny Cash Show” debuted as a summer replacement on ABC-TV. It returned as a regular weekly show in 1970 and 1971. Regulars included Mother Maybelle and the Carter Family, the Statler Brothers, Carl Perkins, and the Tennessee Three. In the summer of 1976, the show aired on CBS, featuring new comics Steve Martin and Jim Varney.
1972: The musical “Grease” opened on Broadway. The ’50s style musical lasted through April 13, 1980 for 3,388 performances. (
1975: Actor Ron Howard married Cheryl Alley.
1979: Singer Chuck Berry was charged with three counts of tax evasion. The next day he sang at the White House at a Black Music Association gala.
1991: Singer Alan Jackson became the 68th member of Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry.
1993: The artist once upon a time known as Prince changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol. ***MARLAR: He has since changed it back to Prince though… so he’s now “The artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince.”
1997: A presidential commission approved a report concluding that cloning a human being was “morally unacceptable,” but that research using cells of humans and animals should be allowed.
2003: An Austrian motorist blew up his car when he tried to open it with his remote control key. Police said the man was carrying two leaking containers of oxy-acetylene gas in his car trunk. The remote caused a spark that set off the explosion. No one was injured but eight other cars were damaged. ***MARLAR: But it did get the doors open.
2004: The Tampa Bay Lightning defeated the Calgary Flames 2-1 in playoff game seven to win their first Stanley Cup.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1099: The armies of the First Crusade (1096-99) reached the walls of Jerusalem.
1502: Ugo Buoncompagni is born in Bologna. As Pope Gregory XIII (1572-1585), he issued the Gregorian calendar, supported the Inquisition, promoted the Counter-Reformation, and encouraged missions.
1891: English Baptist clergyman Charles H. Spurgeon preached the last sermon of his 38-year-long ministry at London’s Metropolitan Tabernacle. He died the following January.
1913: Ohio-born Methodist evangelist George Bennard introduced his new hymn, “The Old Rugged Cross,” during a revival he was conducting at Pokagon, Michigan.
1934: Wycliffe Bible Translators held its first study course in linguistics at Sulphur Springs, Arkansas. The training session lasted 3 months.
1959: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: “If we really think that home is elsewhere and that this life is a ‘wandering to find home,’ why should we not look forward to the arrival?”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Tennis player Anna Kournikova 34
- British actress (Emily Waltham on TV’s “Friends”) Helen Baxendale 45 (
- Actor (Kinsey, Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, Schindler’s List, Batman Begins, Darkman) Liam Neeson, 63
- Former talk show host Jenny Jones, 69
- Actor (Eddie Haskel on “Leave It To Beaver”) Ken Osmond, 712– Ken was an LAPD cop for 18 years, and was shot 3 times by one suspect in the line of duty. After that he battled depression. Today he is a vintage car enthusiast and real estate investor. (
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1917 : Dean Martin
1940 : Tom Jones
1944 : Clarence White (The Byrds)
1955 : Joey Scarbury
1958 : Prince (Prince Rogers Nelson)
1964 : Ecstacy (Whodini)
1966 : Eric Kretz (Stone Temple Pilots)
1967 : Dave Navarro (Jane’s Addiction)
1974 : T-Low (Next)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Can you be bored to death… literally?
A new university study reveals you can be bored to death. Dr. Pers Lundgrem of the Norwegian Heart Institute in Oslo says, “prolonged boredom cause the body to release low levels of adrenaline, the same hormone which is produced when war are frightened or angry.” This can cause blood pressure and heart rate to sky rocket. Normally when we get an adrenaline rush we are able to expend it through fight or flight. But when the cause is boredom, there is not such pressure release and the levels increase until they reach lethal proportions.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Britt Nicole is finding that children can be a great work out tool. She shared a picture on Instagram after completing a run while pushing her children in a double stroller. She said she was pushing a total of about 40lbs. Britt said it wasn’t easy, but she felt great afterwards.
A confession from Kutless member James Mead: I’m thirty two years old and I still don’t know how a mirror works.
Advice of the day from Kutless member James Mead: Do not argue against God’s process of making you into who He means for you to be. A diamond is struck hard before it is chiseled.
Casting Crowns Chris Huffman: I’m hoping that Dr Pepper is secretly working on the never-ending soda can or bottle.
Oakland Athletics Billy Burns is a fan of NeedToBreathe. The major league outfielder recently tweeted: My walk up song is “Lay em Down” by NeedToBreathe. It’s my favorite band.
A big day in the life of Matthew West took place this week. No, it wasn’t the release of another CD or another number one song. Instead, Matthew said the big day was his daughter Delaney loosing her first tooth. Matthew tweeted: The little moments are the big moments my friends.
Some thoughts from Manny, front man of the band Group 1 Crew: Sometimes your greatest burden can become your biggest blessing. I’ve never looked back after getting through a tough situation and thought “that wasn’t worth it”. It takes perspective to see that hard times only create Giants in faith. Praying for you all. Praying for perspective.
Some insight from Casting Crowns’ Chris Huffman on the unique workings of our Lord: Anyone have two totally different things happening and God somehow connects them to show you that He’s working on something?
Moriah Peters recently completed a 5k but clearly didn’t experience the euphoria of running that those who joined her did. She shared a picture that included the smiling faces of four others along with her own noticeably serious face. The caption said: This is what my face looks like after running a 5K. Notice all the other joyful athletic faces. Not me. I want fries
Third Day’s Mac Powell was having a rough night. He tweeted: At a sports bar for dinner, it’s storming, and all the satellite TVs just went out. Lame.
WEIRD & WACKY
|New Hampshire governor blocks baby pictures on beer bottles photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Sorry, baby, your picture isn’t going to be on the front of any beer bottles in New Hampshire. Democratic Gov. Maggie Hassan on Tuesday vetoed a measure that would have allowed some images of minors to grace alcoholic beverage labels as long as they didn’t encourage young…
|New Chinese restaurant’s name: I Don’t Know
ROCHESTER, N.Y. (AP) — There’s a new Chinese restaurant in Rochester. The name? I Don’t Know. Seriously, the I Don’t Know Chinese Restaurant recently opened in the western New York city. Owner Jessie Dong tells the Democrat and Chronicle of Rochester (http://on.rocne.ws/1K98JYg ) that said…
|White House asks New Hampshire 4th-graders to name its hawk
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Some New Hampshire fourth-graders whose effort to name the red-tailed hawk the official state raptor was defeated at the statehouse are aiming a little higher: the White House. A red-tailed hawk recently took up residence on the grounds of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., and the…
|That’s not mistletoe … North Pole won’t block pot sales photo
NORTH POLE, Alaska (AP) — North Pole residents can put marijuana on their Christmas list next year. The city council in North Pole, Alaska, rejected a measure Monday that would have banned marijuana dispensaries. Marijuana became legal in Alaska in February, and sales begin next year….
|Bull free after falling into metro Atlanta well, taking nap photo
FAIRBURN, Ga. (AP) — A bull that fell into a metro Atlanta well has been freed after taking a nap during the rescue effort. Abel Ambrosio Lopez told WSB-TV the bull fell through rotten wood that was covering a well on his property in Fairburn, south of Atlanta. Lopez says he assumed the…
|Cops: Pennsylvania man ran fake DUI checkpoint while drunk photo
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — Police say a man who set up a drunken-driving checkpoint complete with road flares while pretending to be a Pennsylvania state trooper was drunk. Troopers say 19-year-old Logan Shaulis, of Somerset, parked his vehicle diagonally across state Route 601 and set up road…
|Police take stray pig into custody outside Detroit-area home photo
SHELBY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Officers in suburban Detroit took a stray pig into custody, holding the animal in the back of a police vehicle before reuniting it with its owner. HASH(0x14191d0) DeRiemaecker called 911 and explained the situation. She says police officers soon pulled up at her…
|Novice German driver unscathed after crash with British tank
BERLIN (AP) — Police in western Germany say a novice driver escaped unharmed but her car was crushed after she inadvertently turned into the path of a convoy of British tanks. Lippe police spokesman Lars Risserbusch said Tuesday the 18-year-old had apparently not seen the convoy when she made…
|Snakes in walls: Realtor accused of selling infested home photo
ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) — An Annapolis couple says their real estate agent knew their future home was infested with snakes but sold it to them anyway. HASH(0xc2be80) The Brookses purchased the house in December. They seek more than four times the home’s price in their lawsuit against real estate…
|State: Man who said Holy Spirit guided him ran Ponzi scheme
BOSTON (AP) — The Massachusetts secretary of state’s office says a man who told investors that the Holy Spirit guided his trading system has been charged with running a Ponzi scheme. Secretary of State William Galvin said in a complaint filed Tuesday that Uxbridge resident Charles Erickson…
|Man’s red underwear leads to burglary arrest
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. (AP) — The blue sneakers were the subject of the crime, but police say it was a man’s red underwear that led to his arrest on Long Island. Police say 18-year-old Taykim Ross stole $200, electronics and Air Jordan sneakers from an apartment Monday and stopped in the backyard to…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Expert panel: Mammograms are most worth it for women 50-69 photo
A new, international panel of experts has studied the most recent evidence on mammograms to screen for breast cancer and says they do the most good for women in their 50s and 60s. Women 70 to 74 also benefit to a lesser extent. But evidence that screening helps women in their 40s is “limited,” the…
|Problem drinking affects 33 million – 14 pct. of US adults photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Alcohol problems affect almost 33 million adults and most have never sought treatment, according to a government survey that suggests rates have increased in recent years. The study is the first national estimate based on a new term, “alcohol use disorder,” in a widely used…
|GOP-controlled House backs state medical marijuana laws
WASHINGTON (AP) — The GOP-controlled House voted Wednesday to prevent the federal government from blocking state laws that permit the use of medical marijuana. But lawmakers narrowly declined to direct the Justice Department not to interfere with states like Colorado and Washington that…
|More than 10M enrolled this year under Obama’s health law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — More than 10 million people have signed up for private health insurance this year under President Barack Obama’s law, the administration said Tuesday. That puts the nation finally within reach of coverage for all, but it may not last. The report from the Department of Health…
|Federal eateries join effort to curb animal antibiotic use
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama’s effort to curb the use of antibiotics in animals raised for meat is starting with his own employees. The White House said Tuesday that many federal cafeterias serving government workers will start serving meat and poultry from animals raised with…
|South Korea reports its first 2 deaths from MERS virus photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — South Korea on Tuesday confirmed the country’s first two deaths from Middle East Respiratory Syndrome as it fights to contain the spread of a virus that has killed hundreds of people in the Middle East. South Korea has reported 24 cases of the disease since…
|California’s largest lake threatened by urban water transfer photo
SALTON CITY, Calif. (AP) — Once-bustling marinas on shallow water in California’s largest lake a few years ago are bone-dry. Carcasses of oxygen-starved tilapia lie on desolate shores. Flocks of eared grebes and shoreline birds bob up and down to feast on marine life. An air of decline and…
|Survey: Most Americans with disabilities ‘striving to work’
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — More than two-thirds of American adults with disabilities are “striving to work,” according to a national employment survey being released just before the landmark legislation protecting their rights turns 25. In contrast to census data on how many people with…
|Officials: Dozens of labs received potentially live anthrax photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Pentagon disclosed Wednesday that it inadvertently shipped possibly live anthrax to at least 51 laboratories across the U.S. and in three foreign countries over the past decade, but it has yet to determine how it happened, who is to blame, why it was not discovered…
|Vast trove of Medicare data details how billions are spent
WASHINGTON (AP) — Joint replacement was the most common hospital procedure that Medicare paid for in 2013, accounting for nearly 450,000 inpatient admissions and $6.6 billion in payments. Among physicians, cancer specialists received the largest payments from Medicare, but much of their…
|Novel government cancer study will test precision medicine
CHICAGO (AP) — The federal government is launching a very different kind of cancer study that will assign patients drugs based on what genes drive their tumors rather than the type. The National Cancer Institute’s NCI-MATCH trial will be a massive precision medicine experiment at more than…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Chess Set in a Pawn Shop”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Cecile Kaiser, “Public Bathrooms”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey, feeling defeated because he could never come up with a way to beat Steve Mozart, no matter how hard he tried, walked sadly back to his tree-house. But when he opened the door, he found an intruder rifling through this filing cabinets… it was Steve Mozart!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 06/07, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals were so busy trying to get so many things done that they didn’t have time for anything else… meetings, planning, even talking to each other! They were getting annoyed with each other – and then, all at once, the animals shouted…
CLOSE: Do the turtles have a secret to staying calm, cool, and collected? Will they share the secret with the other animals? Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Cutbacks and layoff are never fun… but they can be funny!
In 2006, Walkers Potato Chips, a Pepsi-owned British potato chip company, laid off 250 employees. Laying off 250 workers at one time doesn’t take a lot of genius, unless you consider that the person who did the laying off still has his job. But the true Moment of DUH is in the details of the firings. Each person who was fired received a nice parting gift from his ex-employer. You guessed it… the goodbye “gift” was a bag of potato chips.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR MECHANIC DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING
- “We like to think we run a classy joint, so we used black duct tape to seal your tire. That way no one will notice.”
- You hear squealing underneath the hood; he’s thoroughly convinced there are mice trapped in there somewhere.
- The message he left saying your brake job won’t be done until tomorrow because he “ran out of rubber bands.”
- He said the alternator was full and that it was in perfect pitch after the tune up.
- The only tool you see in the shop is one enormous roll of duct tape.
- Believing all carbs are bad, he removes your carburetor.
- You take your car in for a “tuneup” and he pulls out a pitch pipe.
- Sees brake fluid leak, freaks out at the sight of “blood”.
- On his itemized invoice: Pointy thing – $200, Roundish thing – $150, Scary looking box with the wires – $300
- When he was finished he gave you the extra bolts to keep.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Gas prices drive one man to crime – and to a severe burn unit.
FILE #1: From the ‘crime doesn’t pay’ file…19-year-old Glen B. Germain Jr., of Warrensburg, New York, thought he would beat the high cost of gasoline by stealing it. Had he been smart, he would’ve just bought the gas. Alas, he wasn’t and decided to check how his gasoline siphoning efforts were going by lighting a match. The ensuing blaze destroyed a forklift and gave Glen fourth-degree burns.
FILE #2: You can bet Juan Catalan will never let his HBO subscription expire. He just won $320,000 from the city of Los Angeles to settle his lawsuit over having been held in jail for five months for a 2003 murder he could not have committed. Juan maintained all along that he had been at a Dodgers baseball game at the time of the crime, with his 6-year-old daughter, but police never bought it. It wasn’t until Juan’s lawyer discovered that the HBO TV show “Curb Your Enthusiasm” had been filming at Dodger Stadium that day for an episode and, poring over time-stamped outtakes of crowd shots, finally found a scene with Juan and his daughter in the stands!
FILE #3: A man in Georgia received a speeding ticket for going 90 MPH in a 25 Mph speed zone. His appearance in court was somewhat amusing! The excuse he gave to the judge was that he had taken a laxative and was in urgent need to make it home before mother nature made her speedy relief. He still had to pay the ticket.
STRANGE LAW: In Jonesboro, Georgia, it’s illegal to say, “Oh boy!”
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Sometimes it’s best to look in the mirror first, before grabbing the aspiring for your splitting headache.
A Russian man woke up with a splitting headache after a heavy drinking session to find a kitchen knife stuck in his face. The man had invited a friend for a drink but went to bed early after telling his friend he was tired of hearing him moan. He woke up later that night with a splitting headache and went to the bathroom to get a glass of water — and that’s when he noticed the knife sticking out of his face, just below his eye. After calling for an ambulance, the knife was removed in a 40-minute operation. He’ll escape with only a small scar on his face. Police have confirmed that they found his friend’s fingerprints on the knife. ***MARLAR: If ever there was evidence that drinking alcohol is a bad idea…
What would you do if you suddenly found out that you were not legally married? Ten couples in Czechoslovakia are facing that question right now.
Ten Czechoslovakian couples now have to get remarried because their marriages were deemed illegal. It was discovered that the former mayor of Prague performed weddings – even though she was not officially registered to do so. So, according to a council spokesman, “Strictly speaking, these marriages are illegal.” The council is going to apologize to the couples, and is considering some type of financial compensation.
PHONER: Could it EVER be enough money? As long as these couples honestly and truly believed that they were married, do you think God is okay with it? What should they do now that they’re marriage has been deemed illegal?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who said these last words: “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.”?
ANSWER: Stephen (Acts 7:59-60)
QUESTION: What was the number one name for newborn boys in the year 2002?
ANSWER: Jacob, followed by Michael, Matthew, Joshua, Nicholas, Christopher, Joseph, Ethan, Andrew, Daniel
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The Avengers was the first British show ever to air in a U.S. network’s prime time fall schedule. (True)
- Carrie Underwood was country music’s first female millionaire. (False, Loretta Lynn, at age 30 in 1965)
- Rolling Stone magazine debuted on November 9, 1967. (True)
- The first Hispanic to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was Jennifer Lopez. (False, Carlos Santana)
- William Shatner commanded the “Battlestar Galactica.” (False, Lorne Green)
- Celebrity Fabio was promoting a roller coaster ride when a bird flew into his face. (True)
- Seattle has a major league baseball team named for the “Cyanocitta cristata” – a Blue Jay bird. (False, Toronto)
- USA was the host country of the Soccer World Cup in 1982. (False, Spain)
- According to the title of the 1986 Steve Martin movie, there were “Two Amigos”. (False, Three)
- The TV show “Emergency!” was set at a Hospital in the city of Chicago. (False, Los Angeles) (
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
ALIEN SPACESHIP FOUND IN ______ SEA (BALTIC)
An international team of oceanic experts have found an alien ship from Planet Gootan National on the bottom of the Baltic Sea.
The ship was abandoned, but experts from the U.N. Panel of Extraterrestrials told WWN that the Gootans were using the Baltic Sea as a base to spy on humans.
The U.N. dispatched a team of experts in Unidentified Submarine Objects (USOs) to the Baltic Sea accompanied by an elite Navy SEALS team. The U.S. military has been conducting a vast underwater reconnaissance of Gootan activities, ever since the Gootans landed three large ships on Earth in November, 2011.
Some are saying the ship looks like the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A very elderly gentleman of 90+ years, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walked into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated alone at the bar was an elderly looking 80+ year lady.
The gentleman walked over, sat alongside of her, turned to her and said, “So tell me, do I come here often?”
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend’s check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
“Why not?” my friend asked incredulously.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,” she continued, “our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000.”
“It can’t be!” he cried. “You have to be kidding!”
“Yes, I am,” she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. “But you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said, “Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.” That night, on a meal of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, “I don’t think so!”
A University of Minnesota study found that kids who eat breakfast are less likely to be overweight. ***MARLAR: So before you leave the house, be sure to finish that Red Bull and pack of Ho-Hos.
In Ohio, a cow that escaped from a slaughterhouse was finally captured after eleven days of being on the run. ***MARLAR: Which raised its value as it could then be sold as LEAN beef.
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it that you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
The Vatican has said “no” to the Internet… at least when it comes to confessions.
It’s amazing what you can do on the internet nowadays. You can plan a vacation, work on a report for work or school, shop for all sorts of things including food, and… unfortunately… there are also numerous ways to sin online (which I will not go into here). But can you get those sins forgiven online? The Vatican says “No.” According to the Vatican, the Roman Catholic Church is going to rule out giving confessions online. In fact, they’ve gone so far as to say that online confessions will NEVER happen. ***MARLAR: That’s probably a good thing. After all, can you imagine having to type 12 “Hail Marys”, 7 “Lord’s Prayers” and an “Act of Contrition” as your penance? And once you’ve typed out your penance, who do you send the email to? What if you get carpal-tunnel syndrome, start thinking bad things, and then have to go to confession all over again?
Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn’t move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn’t acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK. Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled.
“Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking,” she said in a clear strong voice. “I didn’t mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,” I explained to her.
“Have you ever looked at your hands,” she asked. “I mean really looked at your hands?” I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.
Grandma smiled and related this story: “Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. “They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war. “They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.
They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse. “They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn’t understand “They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer. “These hands are the mark of where I’ve been and the ruggedness of life.
But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.”
I will never look at my hands the same again.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
A DAILY BEAUTY
READ: Acts 6:9-15
All who sat in the council, looking steadfastly at him, saw his face as the face of an angel. —Acts 6:15
When you look in a mirror, what do you see? Do you see a lovely reflection? A handsome face? Or do you see a plain or unattractive countenance?
We want to give those who behold us what my friend called an aesthetic blessing. But what about the beauty of holiness? Are others blessed by the beauty that flows through us from Christ?
A distinguished Bible scholar of the 19th century, J. B. Lightfoot, was described by one of his devoted students as “startlingly ugly: a stout little man with a grotesque figure and a squint.” But that same student also said that Lightfoot was “the best man I have ever encountered, and I say this deliberately after the experience of many years. In a day or two . . . his face appeared the most beautiful and lovable thing imaginable.”
When Stephen was brought before the Jewish council for interrogation, “they were not able to resist the wisdom and the Spirit by which he spoke” (Acts 6:10). As he was being accused, they “saw his face as the face of an angel” (v.15).
By God’s transforming grace, we too can have a daily beauty in our lives. As we walk prayerfully in the Spirit, our faces increasingly reflect the beauty of Jesus.
—Vernon C Grounds
Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me,
All His wonderful passion and purity;
O Thou Spirit divine, all my nature refine
Till the beauty of Jesus is seen in me. —Orsborn
Nothing can dim the beauty that shines from within.
THE DOG ATE MY ANKLE BRACELET
The excuse “the dog ate it” doesn’t work for all situations.
A Scottish man under house arrest has blamed his dog for eating through the electronic tag attached to his ankle. This is not the first time the dog has been the culprit – the 24 year old man says his hound jumped into his lap and caused a car accident, which is the reason he was under arrest in the first place.
LIFE… LIVE IT
HOW TO SURVIVE MONDAYS
Everyone hates Mondays. In fact, they can actually be hazardous to your health. But you can take some of the stress out of the day and actually start the workweek feeling good, with the help of famed psychologist Dr. Robert Butterworth. “Mondays are so stressful that they can be life-threatening,” declares Dr. Butterworth. “The highest proportion of workplace injuries on Monday.” He says Mondays are also characterized by an increase in on-the-job heart attacks. Here are 10 great tips from Dr. Butterworth, to get you sailing instead of slumping into work:
- Don’t stay out late Sunday night — Just take it easy and on Monday morning you’ll head for work and refreshed and raring to go.
- Take a look at how you spend your weekend — If you’re exhausted after two days off, schedule more leisure time for Saturday and Sunday.
- Exercise on weekends — especially if your job involves physical labor. Working out will help keep your muscles loose so you’re much less likely to hurt yourself when you get back into action Monday.
- Avoid heavy, fatty foods on Sunday night — Research shows that heart attacks frequently occur after eating like this, and many heart attacks happen on Monday mornings. By combining risky food with a risky day, you’re playing with fire.
- Try to wrap up projects on Friday if you can — You won’t have to worry about the unfinished work all weekend — and you’ll arrive at work with a fresh outlook.
- Allow extra time to get ready Monday mornings — Arriving late will add to your stress and get you off on the wrong foot.
- Don’t over schedule your Mondays — Avoid setting urgent deadlines that day. Spread your workload out over the week.
- Plan as few chores as possible for Monday nights — If you always do the laundry on Monday nights, for example, consider switching it to a different day. Use the time to unwind instead.
- Line up a pleasant social activity for Monday — Have lunch with a co-worker or rent a video you’ve been wanting to see.
- Eat breakfast Monday morning — Have an energizing meal of juice, cereal and some type of protein. If you don’t, your blood sugar will be so low by mid-morning that you’ll just be dragging your feet.
JUST FOR FUN
Hollywood has begun rolling out the summer blockbusters, but how do you know which ones are good and which ones are turkeys before you shell out your money? The studios drop big hints if you know how to look for them. If the studios don’t screen a movie for critics, it’s a bomb. If a movie comes out in the dead of winter, late summer or early fall it’s probably lousy because those are usually dumping grounds for bad films. Another bad sign is if you don’t see the stars on TV plugging the film. That’s because they want to distance themselves from it. A good sign is if the movie gets a sneak peek for audiences. That means the studio is confident the public will like it, even if critics won’t. ***MARLAR: I think the biggest indicator of a bad movie is if the movie trailers show the face of Adam Sandler. Combine that with name Pauly Shore or Rob Schneider and it’s a guaranteed bomb.
TOP REASONS TO SING BASS
My church choir director has asked me to sing in the choir… and I’m not so sure that’s really what I want to do. So I took some advice from a friend and made a list of positives and negatives to singing bass in my church choir, and here’s what I came up with.
- I wouldn’t have to worry about a woman replacing me.
- Action heroes are always basses. That is — if they ever sang, they would sing bass.
- I’d get great memorable lyrics to sing like be-bop, be-bop, ba-mow-wow.
- I’d never need to learn to read the treble clef.
- If I catch a cold, so what… I’m a bass… it’ll make my voices even lower.
- For fun, basses can sing at the bottom of their range and fool people into thinking there’s an earthquake.
- If you belch while you’re singing, the congregation just thinks it’s part of the score.
- If the singing job doesn’t work out, there’s always broadcasting.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
ONE IN TEN ADULTS PEE IN THE POOL
One in five adults pee in the pool. Welcome to summertime! How would you ever know? Check your eyes… it turns out that red eyes in the pool are associated with chloramine, a chemical created when urine combines with the chlorine that’s already in the pool. Oh, and it gets better, the study also found that 70% of us don’t shower before entering a pool, which spreads many diseases (according to the CDC). A quick 30 second shower will remove dirt, sweat and sunscreen before entering the pool.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)
What are your strong points and what blind spots should you beware of due to those strengths? That the subject of a new quiz from the Crossway organization. You can take the 10 part, one-page quiz here:
Robert Lee really, really hates to see food go to waste. That’s why he left his finance job at J.P Morgan to rescue leftover food from various restaurants around New York City and deliver them to homeless shelters. Every day, Robert and a band of volunteers collect the bagels, deli items, and catered food, knowing they’ll be tossed in the trash. Over the past two years, the organization Rescuing Leftover Cuisine has delivered 100,000 pounds of food to those in need by partnering with 50 food providers citywide.
A US Marine was convicted at a court-martial last year after she refused to remove a Bible verse from her computer work station, but now Liberty Institute, a religious liberty law firm, is appealing the decision. Lance Corporal Monifa Sterling was prosecuted for displaying a slightly paraphrased version of Isaiah 54:17: “No weapons formed against me shall prosper” around her computer while she was stationed at Camp Lejune in North Carolina. The Liberty Institute is now taking her case to the Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces, the highest military court in the US.
A 92-year-old cancer survivor rocked her way into the record books Sunday, becoming the oldest woman to finish a marathon. According to ABC News, Harriette Thompson of Charlotte, North Carolina, completed Sunday’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in San Diego in 7 hours, 24 minutes, 36 seconds. Harriette says she didn’t begin running marathons until she was in her 70s, after a member of her church approached her about being one of her sponsors in the marathon to raise money to fight leukemia and lymphoma.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Scientist report that nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JUNE 05, 2015…
Entourage—Yes, they finally made a movie from the TV series and the gang is back including Adrian Grenier, Jeremy Piven (now in “Mr. Selfridge”), Kevin Connally, Jerry Ferrera and Kevin Dillon. In this plot, Piven heads a movie studio and wants Adrian to star in a film, but Adrian wants to star AND direct. And away we go. “Entourage” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
Insidious Chapter 3—The haunting continues and a teenage girl (of course) is haunted by something from the beyond. The cast includes Dermot Mulroney, Stefanie Scott, Michael Reid MacKay and Lin Shaye. “Insidious: Chapter 3” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Spy—Melissa McCarthy is on the right side of the law this time. She is a government analyst and at the bottom of her social life, when she is picked to find important information about a nuclear contraption gone missing. The other agents are doing other things, so can Melissa complete the task at hand? What do you think? Guess who is in the cast…Jason Statham and Jude Law. “Spy” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the cast.
Testament of Youth (opening in select cities)—The script is adapted from a book by Vera Brittain about her experiences during WWI. Love and war don’t always go together. The cast includes Kit Harington (“Game of Thrones” and Alicia Vikander (“Ex Machina.”) “Testament of Youth” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Love & Mercy—This is a biopic-film about members of The Beach Boys, and stars Paul Dano as Brian Wilson and John Cusack as Brian in later years. You figure that one out, the director is Bill Pohlad. The film shows the problems Wilson has in his early years and how a girlfriend (Elizabeth Banks) tries to help him in later years. “Love & Mercy” is rated PG 13. No rating.
JUNE 12, 2015…
Jurassic World takes us ahead a few years and the park is now a functioning wonderland…or is it? Stars Chris Pratt.
Madame Bovary is another adaptation of the famous novel and this time stars Mia Wasikowska.
Me and Earl and the Dying Girl stars Thomas Mann in a film about serious illness.
The Wolfpack is a documentary about brothers who are home-schooled and never leave the house.
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