June 09, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180609
PDF: 20180609

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I worked really hard last night to come up with this – and I’m excited that it’s now ready to go. It’s the (JOCK SHOW) Play At Home Game!  It comes complete with everything you see here. Including a tiny microphone, a tiny pair of headphones, and a tiny boss holding a tiny cattle prod.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Oh, the depth and riches of the wisdom and the knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out.” –Romans 11:33 New International Version

Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. — Psalm 90:2 and 4

Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor. — Ecclesiastes 7:12

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? — Romans 6:1

Thought: Grace doesn’t mean that we are sloppy with sin. We have died to sin when we surrendered our lives to the Lordship of Christ. We don’t want sin, or its power, to have control over us. We don’t want to take lightly the awful cost Jesus paid to cover our sin. The apostle Paul uses the strongest language possible (“By no means!” is way too tame a translation: “God forbid!” “Unthinkable!” “Abomination!” would all be much more accurate.) As those saved by grace, we realize that sin is more than spurning the will of God or breaking a divine command; sin is making light of Jesus’ sacrifice for us, sin is rebelling against the Father who paid such a high price to adopt us into his family, and sin is breaking our Father’s heart to chose our own self-destructive path.

Prayer: Father, thank you for your incomparable generous grace lavished upon me through Jesus’ death on the Cross and the salvation that I have received through him. Please make my own sin abhorrent to me. Give me a passion for holiness and a deeper appreciation of what it cost you to make me holy. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Galatians 6:9 NIV = Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – JUNE 09, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
198 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

This is FAMILIES IN BUSINESS WEEK. ***Let’s hear it for nepotism! Yay! (I have to be positive about this because the owner’s daughter is in the other room answering phones and she can hear me.)

This is MEET A MATE WEEK. ***While this week is intended for singles to go out and meet other singles, married folks could use it as an excuse to make friends in Australia. Or maybe choose a different creamer for your coffee.

This is COACHES WEEK. ***And if you don’t like it you can shut up and take a lap.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Belmont Stakes
Companies That Care Day
Donald Duck Day (Birthday)
Family Fitness and Health Day
International Archives Day
International Young Eagles Day
Missing Mutts Awareness Day
National Earl Baltes Day
National Marina Day
National Rose’ (wine) Day
Queen’s Official Birthday
Toy Industry Day
World APS Day

World Bike Naked Day
Worldwide Knit (and Crotchet) in Public Day
World Gin Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, JUNE 10

Abused Women and Children’s Awareness Day
Alcoholics Anonymous (Founders) Day
Ball Point Pen Day
Children’s Sunday
Iced Tea Day
Multicultural American Child Day
Race Unity Day

MONDAY, JUNE 11

Corn on the Cob Day
National Cotton Candy Day
National Making Life Beautiful Day

TUESDAY, JUNE 12

Call Your Doctor Day
Crowded Nest Awareness Day
Loving Day
National Jerky Day
National Peanut Butter Cookie Day
Superman Day
Victims of Orlando, Florida Attack Day
World Day Against Child Labor
World Pet Memorial Day

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 13

Brain Injury Awareness Day
International Albinism Awareness Day
Random Acts of Light
Roller Coaster Day

THURSDAY, JUNE 14

Army’s Birthday
Family History Day
Flag Day
International Bath Day
National Bourbon Day
Pause for the Pledge Day
(World) Blood Donor Day
National Nursing Assistants Day

FRIDAY, JUNE 15

Global Wind Day
Magna Carta Day
Native American Citizenship Day
Nature Photography Day
National Day of Prayer for Law Enforcement Officers
National Flip Flop Day
Prune Day
Work@Home Father’s Day

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day
Worldwide Day of Giving

SATURDAY, JUNE 16

Bloomsday
Fudge Day
Ladies’ Day (Baseball)
Mermaid Day
Polar Bear Swim
World Juggling Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 17

Dollars Against Diabetes Day
Eat Your Vegetables Day
Family Awareness Day
Father’s Day
Husband Caregiver Day
National Garbage Man Day
Stewarts Root Beer Day
Turkey Lovers Day
World Day To Combat Desertification and Drought
World Tesselation Day

MONDAY, JUNE 18

Autistic Pride Day
Clark Kent’s Birthday (Superman)
International Sushi Day
National Splurge Day
Ride To Work Day (Motorcycles)
Sustainable Gasteronomy Day

ON THIS DAY

1869: Charles Elmer Hires sold his first root beer in Philadelphia.

1915: Les Paul was born in Waukesha, Wisconsin. In the 1940s and ’50s he transformed popular music by inventing the modern solid-body electric guitar (Patent Number 3,018,680). In 2005, he was inducted into the Inventor Hall of Fame.

1970: Princeton University bestowed an honorary Doctorate of Music degree on Bob Dylan. ***He was then asked to speak to the class but nobody understood a word he said.

1972: Elvis Presley’s press agent announced that Elvis was available for an interview for $120,000.

1973: Secretariat became horse racing’s first Triple Crown winner in 25 years by winning the Belmont Stakes.

1978: Heavyweight boxing champ Ken Norton lost the world title he never won, losing a split decision to challenger Larry Holmes. The World Boxing Confederation had simply given the crown to top contender Norton when it stripped the title from Leon Spinks.

1958: Sheb Wooley’s “The Purple People Eater” hit #1 in the U.S. and stayed there for six weeks. Sheb’s second-highest song came in 1962 when “That’s My Pa” reached #51. His country novelties, recorded as Ben Colder, never made the pop charts. (audio clip)

1984: Martina Navratilova beat Chris Evert at Wimbledon, earning a $1-million bonus for winning the French Open, the U.S. Open, and Wimbledon.

1989: Jane Foster and Deanna Brasseur became Canada’s first two female fighter pilots available for combat roles, possibly the world’s first.

1993: The U.S. Post Office unveiled its rock and rhythm-and-blues Legends of American Music stamp series, featuring Elvis Presley, Dinah Washington, Buddy Holly, Otis Redding, Bill Haley, Ritchie Valens, and Clyde McPhatter.

1994: In North Yorkshire, England, car thieves stole British Home Secretary Michael Howard’s bulletproof car while he was a attending a meeting of police chiefs. The car was found later minus all four wheels.

1996: Critics chased director Osama Fawzi from a movie seminar in Cairo, expressing their opinions loudly about his Devils of the Asphalt, which examined perversion among Cairo’s minibus drivers. They didn’t like the film.

1997: In Santa Monica, California, guests at the premier of the movie “Dream With The Fishes” celebrated afterward by bowling nude at a nearby rented alley. Not everyone was nude—some wore boxer shorts with the film’s logo. The movie had a nude bowling scene.

2003: Hundreds of tons of human waste leaked from containers, sparking a health concern at a fertilizer plant in Trosa, Sweden. Trosa, as newspapers gleefully pointed out, is what Swedes call women’s panties.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

68: Nero Claudius Caesar, the ruler to whom the Apostle Paul appealed for justice (Acts 25:10) and who ordered the first imperial persecution of Christians died.

597: Columba, Irish missionary to Scotland and founder of a monastery on the island of Iona, dies at age 76. Though more monk than missionary, he established churches that went on, in time, to evangelize the Picts and the English.

1549: England’s Act of Uniformity, passed by Parliament in January, takes effect. The act ordered that religious services be consistent throughout the country, using Thomas Cranmer’s Book of Common Prayer.

1784: Pope Pius VI names John Carroll, the first Roman Catholic bishop in the United States, as superior of the American mission.

1834: William Carey, often called “the father of modern Protestant missions” dies, having spent 41 years in India without a furlough. His mission could count only about 700 converts, but he had laid a foundation of Bible translations, education, and social reform. He also inspired the missionary movement of the nineteenth century, especially with his cry, “Expect great things; attempt great things”.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Parenthood”, “Arrested Development”) Mae Whitman, 30

  • Actress (Black Swan, V For Vendetta, Thor, Stars Wars: Phantom Menace) Natalie Portman, 37 (Today being Queen Amidala’s birthday, it’s a three-day weekend on Naboo!)

  • Actress (“ER”) Gloria Reuben, 53 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Finding Neverland, Pirates of the Caribbean, Edward Scissorhands, “21 Jump Street”) Johnny Depp, 55 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“Spin City,” Back to the Future, Alex on “Family Ties”) Michael J. Fox, 57 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1865 : Carl Nielsen

1891 : Cole Porter

1915 : Les Paul

1929 : Johnny Ace

1934 : Jackie Wilson

1941 : Jon Lord (Deep Purple, Whitesnake)

1947 : Mick Box (Uriah Heep)

1949 : George Bunnell (The Strawberry Alarm Clock)

1950 : Trevor Bolder (Uriah Heep, Wishbone Ash)

1967 : Dean Felber (Hootie & the Blowfish)

1967 : Dean Dinning (Toad The Wet Sprocket)

1970 : Ed Simons (The Chemical Brothers)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why do we call someone who’ll write almost anything for money a “hack?”

Well it’s not because they sometimes feel like taking an axe to their clients. The origin of the word lies not in a sharp temper–or wit–but rather in the animal kingdom. Hack is short for “hackney,” a word that since the 13th century has meant an ordinary horse, an animal that was not a thoroughbred or war horse used by a knight but rather just an everyday nag useful for mundane tasks. In other words, a horse that did the drudge work. After a century or so the word also came into use for a horse that could be hired out. By the 16th century it was being applied to people who did work for hire. Two hundred years later hackney became hack. So if you’re a hack, you’re considered “nobody.” I hope that doesn’t hack you off!

NEWS KICKERS

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was angry because every time he tried to do something amazing, like compose music, for example, Steve Mozart always beat him to it. Millard felt haunted by the very presence of Mozart, and is now determined to find something he can do better than Mozart!

CLOSE: You have to give Millard credit, he truly is working hard to find a way to one-up that genius, Steve Mozart! Will he ever find a way to be better than him? Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

The best way to get away with a crime? Just tell the cops not to bother getting up.

A Vancouver thief specializing in hitting high-end jewelry stores by neutralizing their sophisticated security systems is believed to be behind last month’s multi-million dollar art heist at the University of British Columbia’s Museum of Anthropology. In this high tech heist, he called campus police, said he was with the alarm company and that they were doing some tests and not to worry when the alarms went off. Campus security fell for it and ignored the ensuing alarms.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN BACHELOR FOOD STORAGE RULES

10. EGGS – When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

9. DAIRY PRODUCTS – Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway — if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetite!.

8. MEAT – If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.

7. LETTUCE – Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet and a brillo pad. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid. Endive never spoils, but you will never eat it anyway.

6. MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled. Permanently.

5. CARROTS – A carrot you can tie a clove hitch in is no longer fresh.

4. CHIP DIP – If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

3. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them. If the original can you put it away in has finally lost it’s label, it’s probably done.

2. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is a fine old trick, but it only works if you live with someone else.

1. THE GAG TEST – Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Learning your criminal-mastermind techniques from TV may not be the best idea. The files of Law & Disorder, coming up!

FILE #1: An Alexandria, Louisiana, woman tried to outrun officers, thinking police could not arrest her once she made it home. Renetta Fells told officers she had seen that happen on a television show. Fells also did not stop because she did not want her car impounded. But once she pulled into her driveway, officers from four agencies surrounded and arrested Fells on charges of speeding, aggravated flight from an officer, reckless operation of a vehicle, and failure to yield to an emergency vehicle. Fells had pulled into her driveway and got out as if nothing had happened.

FILE #2: He used to put criminals away. Now he’ll be joining them. Former Highland Falls police Officer Matthew Lawrence was sentenced to 60 days in Orange County Jail after pleading guilty to official misconduct He admitted to stealing a $600 leaf blower from a locked utility garage at the James I. O’Neill High School in the Town of Highlands in New York. He was in full uniform, driving a police car at the time he committed the theft.

FILE #3: In Green Bay, Wisconsin, a 23-year-old inmate, serving 15 months in Brown Country jail for a robbery conviction, must have thought his sentence was too lenient. Why else would he have blinded himself permanently by gouging his own eyes out with his fingers? Lt. Phil Steffen of the sheriff’s department would not release the inmate’s name but did say, “He injured both eyes permanently. Nobody has heard of this happening before. How do you protect someone from their own hands?” Guards rushed to his cell after hearing strange noises. They found the man standing in his cell with blood covering his face. The officers were later given counseling and have returned to work. ***MARLAR: The OFFICERS received counseling? What about the guy that DOESN’T HAVE ANY EYES NOW?!?!

STRANGE LAW: In Delaware, getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

What do you do to get rid of a telemarketing phone call? Jason Dee of Sparks, Nevada, thought he came up with a funny excuse to stop talking to a telemarketer.

He brushed the caller off by saying he couldn’t talk because he was too busy robbing the house. Jason wasn’t robbing the house — it was his house — but the man on the other end of the line did not know that, and soon the police were at his door. And while they couldn’t arrest him for burglary, they did discover that Dee was wanted for three outstanding warrants and he had drug paraphernalia in his home too, which resulted in the arrest of two of his friends who were sleeping at his house.

PHONER PHUN

Do you have any nervous habits, like biting your nails, cracking your knuckles, or twisting your hair? Does your significant other?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention what?

ANSWER: God

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Researchers say it appears that the more you eat of these, the less your chance of having asthma.  What do they suggest you eat more of?

ANSWER: Carrots and tomatoes

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Illegible handwriting is known as “griffonage.” (True)

2. It’s against the law to stare at the mayor of Paris. (True)

3. It takes about 200 ears of corn to make a tablespoon of corn oil.(False – 12)

4. Chinese gooseberries didn’t sell well in the U.S. until grocers renamed them kiwis. (True)

5. The average person can live 5 days without water. (False, 11 days)

6. One pound of $50 bills would be worth $24,500. (True)

7. Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines. (True – because it doesn’t smoke unless it’s heated above 450 degrees)

8. In the adult human body, there are 460 miles of nerves. (False, 46)

9. There are no permanent rivers or lakes in Saudi Arabia. (True)

10. An atomic clock can be made accurate to one second in every 150,000 years. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

FACEBOOK ________ (JUNIOR)

Facebook Junior, a new platform for children under the age of 13, has launched – and millions have signed up already.

With Facebook’s stock under pressure and revenue streams needing to be strengthened, Facebook has launched a new site that allows children 13 and younger to have their own Facebook profiles, something that was not allowed before,  but happened commonly.

In order to comply with federal law, access for children comes with strict parental oversight.

Over the last two years, Facebook tested access for younger children that would allow them to control their account but would ultimately give responsibility for managing apps and friends requests to their parents.

Already the site is a huge hit, with millions of tweens, toddlers… and even newborns signing up.  ”We’ll probably add 50 million children before the end of the year,” said a source close to an employee of the company.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.

“This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.

“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.

And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”

“Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.

But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.

Aghast, the second woman said, “But she was willing to hew him in two!”

“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”

JOKE #2

On Sunday, the new young pastor arrived at church and found only an old farmer had shown up.

After waiting a while, the disappointed the pastor remarked to the old farmer, “Well, it appears no one else is coming, so we should probably cancel service today”

The farmer, dressed in his Sunday best, looked at the young preacher and said, “Well pastor, I don’t know much ’bout preachin’, but I do know something bout farmin’ and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I’d still feed ’em”

This excited the young preacher who preached for the next 45 minutes a fierce fire and brimstone sermon. Afterwards the pastor asked the old farmer what he thought.

The old farmer remarked, “Well pastor, I don’t know much bout preachin’, but I do know somethin’ ’bout farmin’ and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I wouldn’t give ’em the whole bale of hay.”

JOKE #3

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.  They bagged six.  As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.  The two lads objected strongly. “Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours.”

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.  However, even with full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.

Climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Seamus, “Any idea where we are?”

Seamus says, “Not sure but I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”

USELESS FACTS

With the sun expected to grow eleven percent hotter over the next 1.1 billion years, astronomers are working on a way to move Earth to a cooler, safer orbit. ***Okay, so then what’s going to happen to that lifetime warranty on my new solar-powered pocket calculator?

At some point this week, 12% of people will burn themselves with pizza. ***Wow – well that settles it, I won’t eat pizza THIS week!

FEATURED FUNNIES

NO REST

The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, “It’s nothing… just his beeper.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

NO REST

The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, “It’s nothing… just his beeper.”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

My lord the king, please forgive me,” he pleaded. “Forget the terrible thing I did when you left Jerusalem.” 2 Samuel 19:19

The return of the king was a sudden, unanticipated event that radically changed all perspectives. Those who had mocked David as he left Jerusalem now repented, falling prostrate and begging for mercy. Those who had blessed David in his exile were richly rewarded (2 Samuel 19:23) and invited to sit at his table for the rest of their lives. With his return, David held accountable those whose actions were questionable, and the truth was revealed (v. 25). What a picture this story is of the return of the King of Kings! When Jesus returns, time will stop. One by one, we will each stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give a detailed account of how we have used our time, money, and gifts. We will answer for every wrong thought and attitude of the mind we have harbored. How foolish it is to waste our lives or brazenly defy the Lordship of Christ as though He will never return! Why not ponder every day what it will be like the moment after the King returns and it is too late to change anything? One day our King will return. That is a sure fact. May you hear Him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).

–Larry Stockstill

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

PEOPLE PROBLEMS

READ: Romans 12:9-21

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. —Romans 12:18

My neighbor seemed upset with me. Apparently I had done something that bothered her. When I asked if I had offended her, she responded with a curt “No!” I told her, “I don’t want any bad feelings between us. If I’ve done something to offend you, I apologize.” Since then the climate has remained cool.

Someone has said, “The more I get to know the human race, the more I love my dog.” Dogs are loyal, dependable, eager to please, and quick to forgive and forget. Don’t you wish people were more like that?

But sometimes no matter how hard we try to have a good relationship with someone, it doesn’t work. The apostle Paul addressed that situation in Romans 12:18. Notice the phrase “as much as depends on you.” He knew that some people-problems may never be resolved. It takes two to quarrel; it takes two to reconcile. If you do your part and the problem remains, there is still a plan to follow. Don’t harbor resentment or retaliate with the weapon of silence. Do all you can to overcome evil with good (v.21), and let God work out the problem. We need to keep following the steps given in Romans 12 until our people-problems are resolved—but especially if they’re not. —Dennis J. De Haan

How To Handle People Problems (Romans 12)
Be affectionate (v.10). Be prayerfully patient (v.12).
Bless your persecutors (v.14). Be humble (v.16).
Don’t take revenge (v.19). Defeat evil with good (v.21).

The best way to conquer an enemy is with the weapon of love.

LEFTOVERS

IF YOUR DOG IS ‘LEFT-PAWED’ IT IS MORE LIKELY TO ATTACK

Left handed dogs are more likely to be aggressive to strangers than those that are right-pawed. Australian researchers tested a group of dogs to see which paw they preferred to use for basic tasks and then analyzed their behavioral traits. They found while there was no link with levels of excitability or attention seeking, the animals which were ‘left-pawed’ were much more likely to act aggressively towards people they did not know.

LIFE… LIVE IT

SQUEEEEEZE

One of the greatest FREE products available, anywhere! It’s healthy, all-natural, organic, has no moving parts or batteries, it’s non-taxable, and fully returnable!

Hugging is healthy. It helps the body’s immune system; it keeps you healthier; it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it’s invigorating, it’s rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug. Hugging is all-natural. It is organic, naturally sweet, no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients and 100% wholesome. Hugging is practically perfect. There are no movable parts, no batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups, low energy consumption, high energy yield, inflation proof, non-fattening, no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, theft proof, non-taxable, non-polluting, and, of course, fully returnable.

JUST FOR FUN

Bad news for lovers of reality shows – they’re about to become even MORE boring!

Agents and casting directors say they’re seeing a shrinking pool of people who want to appear on reality shows. Actors who used to do it for exposure now see it as a stigma, and non-professionals are wary because too many shows humiliate contestants. A TV Guide Online editor says he doubts there will a shortage of contestants, but we may see a reduction in the quality of people appearing on reality shows. ***MARLAR: … may?… (That might explain why NONE of the people on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” are actual celebrities.)

FUN LIST

THE AGE TEST

1. Name the Beatles.

A. _________________

B. _________________

C. _________________

D. _________________

2. Finish this line… “Lions and Tigers and Bears, ____ _____”

3. “Hey kids, what time is it?” It’s______ _____ ______.

4. What do M&M’s do? ____ ____ ____ ____ _____, ____ ____ ____ ____

5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? ____ _____.

6. Long before he was Mohammed Ali, we knew him as _____ _____.

7. You’ll wonder where the yellow went, ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ___.

8. Post-baby boomers know Bob Denver as the Skipper’s “little buddy.” But we know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie’s closest friend, ______G. _______.

9. M-I-C: See ya’ real soon; K-E-Y: _____? ____ _____ _____ _____!

10. “Brylcream: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____.”

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone _____ _____.

12. From the early days of our music, real rock ‘n roll, finish this line:” I wonder, wonder, wonder…wonder who; ____ ______ _____ _____ _____ ____?”

13. And while we’re remembering rock n’ roll, try this one: “War…uh-huh, huh…yea; what is it good for?, ____ _____.”

14. Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and _____ ____ _____.

15. He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL. He later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings. He is Broadway _____ ______.

16. “I’m Popeye the sailor man; I’m Popeye the sailor man. I’m strong to the finish, ____ ____ ____ ___ ____. I’m Popeye the sailor man.”

17. Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was played once in a movie by Robin Williams, but we will always remember when Peter was played by ______ ______.

18. In a movie from the late sixties, Paul Newman played Luke, a ne’er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson for the other prisoners, and explained, “What we have here, ____ ____ ____ ____ ___.”

19. In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. “Just think, you won’t have ____ ____ to kick around anymore.”

20. “Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighed 245. Kinda’ broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn’t give no lip, ____ ____,____ ____ ____.”

21. “I found my thrill, ____ ____ ____.”

22. ____ ____ said, “Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ____ ____ ____.”

23. “Good night, David.” “____ ____,____.”>

24. “Liar, liar, ____ ____ ____.”

25. “When it’s least expected, you’re elected. You’re the star today. ____! ____ ____ ____ ____.”

26. It was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, “We have met the enemy, and ____ ____ ____.”

ANSWERS:

1. John, Paul, George, Ringo

2. Oh, my

3. It’s Howdy Doody Time!

4. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

5. Wonder Bread

6. Cassius Clay

7. when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

8. Maynard G. Krebbs

9. Why? Because we like you.

10. A little dab’ll do ya.

11. over 30

12. Who wrote the book of love

13. Absolutely nothing’

14. The American way

15. Joe Namath

16. “cause I eats me spinach”

17. Mary Martin

18. is a failure to communicate

19. Richard Nixon

20. Big John, Big Bad John

21. On Blueberry Hill

22. Jimmy Durante – Wherever you are.

23. Good night, Chet.

24. pants on fire

25. Smile you’re on Candid Camera

26. he is us

SCORING:

24-26 correct – You’re probably 50+ years old

20-23 correct – Most likely in your 40’s

15-19 correct – Are we in our 30’s?

10-14 correct – Must be in your 20’s!!

1- 9 correct – You’re, like, sorta a teenage dude?

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Don’t forget to get married – it might keep you from being forgetful! 

(Sun) Matrimony is so good for people that it even wards off memory loss and dementia. These startling new facts were revealed in a study of 1,400 participants. Researchers began with the group at age 50 or so and then checked back 20 years later. The results of the survey showed that those who were widowed or divorced at midlife were more likely to fall victim to Alzheimer’s. Apparently, married couples provide each other with enough mental and social challenges to hold dementia at bay at least for several extra years. The scientists did include other factors that could lead to Alzheimer’s a devastating illness caused by a complex combination of genetics and environment. But the most important conclusions from the study are that maintaining an active lifestyle of healthy eating, regular exercise, mental challenges and marital status lowers the risk of developing the deadly disease.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Stories to get your dander up! Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I’m going to bolt out of here a little early. The boss is kind of testy today because his new secretary isn’t working out. He asked her to take a letter. She took “Q.”

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JUNE 08, 2018…

Hearts Beat Loud-–This is a film in which a father and his daughter decide they want to start their own band. Maybe, do a little DJ, too.  Does it work? Well, some of the time. Stars Nick Offerman and Kiersey Clemons. What is on your Play List? Offerman has Tom Watts “Get Behind The Mule” and Kiersey Clemons has “Jamming” by Bob Marley & the Wailers.” “Hearts Beat Loud” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Hereditary—This is a movie about relatives.  Specifically, dead relatives who make up a family’s history.  In this case, a family gets together after the death of the head lady of the family. To say that family history and information comes forth is putting it mildly.  This film caused a stir at the last Sundance Film Festival. Hold on to your arm rests.  The stars are Toni Collette, Gabriel Byrne, Alex Wolff and Milly Shapiro. “Hereditary” is rated R. No rating.

Hotel Artemis—The year is 2028 AD and Los Angeles is beset by riots. Sound familiar?  In this setting, criminals come to a “special” hotel to have medical treatment done. Head of the “hotel” is Jodie Foster.  So, this is what the future holds for health insurance? Also, in the cast are Sterling F. Brown, Sofia Boutella and Jeff Goldblum (what, no dinosaurs?) “Hotel Artemis” is rated R. No rating.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? —This delightful and informative documentary about one of television’s most loved people, features Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers). This talented man showed children and adults that kindness is more than just a word in the dictionary. Rogers did his own drawings and material and songs and his neighborhood was the one everyone wanted to live in. Directed by Morgan Neville, this is family entertainment. “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” is rated G. Rating of 4 for fans and you all know who you are. By the way, Tom Hanks is looking at starring as Fred Rogers in a future film.

Ocean’s 8—The “Ocean’s 11, etc.” films starring George Clooney, were classy tales of major robberies that went off like clockwork. This time, there are ladies who do the planning and the heist. Here is the cast: Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Anne Hathaway, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter and Awkwafina. Anne Hathaway plays the role of the rich, spoiled actress who has a diamond necklace the size of a harness. To say the character Hathaway plays is vain is putting it mildly. As you can imagine, fashion is top on the list of watchables. Basic plot is that there is pre-planning, a heist, and how to get away with it. Sandra Bullock’s character is Debbie, Danny Ocean’s sister. Each person on the team has a special skill. “Ocean’s 8” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

JUNE 15, 2018…

Incredibles 2 is the long-awaited sequel to the first “Incredibles” film with a power family. Voices of Craig T. nelson and Holly Hunter.

Superfly is a remake of the 1972 film about a drug dealer. This version stars Trevor Jackson from television’s “American Crime.”

Set It Up is a comedy where two junior executives try to match up their bosses. Stars Zoey Deutch and Glen Powell.

Tag takes the children’s game and humorously brings it into the adult world where guys try to out-do each other. Stars Jon Hamm and Ed Helms.

Gotti (this film was to have opened in the fall of 2017) stars John Travolta as John Gotti.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.