June 10, 2016: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160610

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)!  Don’t touch that dial!  And don’t touch that volume control.  Don’t touch that antenna.  And especially don’t touch that black thing inside your radio with transistors and diodes and all the wires and the little label that says ‘Do Not Touch’.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” –Matthew 6:26-29

 

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? — Psalm 56:4

 

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? — Romans 10:14

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. — Amos 5:14

 

Thought: Many illicit and evil groups have claimed to have God on their side. Horrific things have been done under the disguise of a “Christian” movement. Jesus, however, told us we could recognize people by their fruit. Those who seek good and abhor evil and those who practice justice and mercy are the ones who have God with them. Let’s make sure our claim of God’s presence is matched by the presence of God’s character in our lives!

 

Prayer: Almighty God and loving Father, thank you for your presence in my life. Please forgive me when I let sin and selfishness crowd you out and bring reproach to your name. Empower me with your Holy Spirit to live as your holy child while displaying your righteous character to the world. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 6:10 NIV = Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – JUNE 10, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 197 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL YO-YO DAY.  ***MARLAR: If you’re not UP to celebrating, you can at least be DOWN with those who are.

 

Today is AMERICUS CALLAHAN DAY, marking this date in 1902 when the Chicago inventor patented the window envelope.  ***MARLAR: Why would anyone want to celebrate this day though?  Practically the only thing you get in the mail nowadays in a window envelope is a bill.

 

Today is NATIONAL BLACK COW DAY.  ***MARLAR: In case you’re wondering, a black cow is like a Root Beer Float, only you add chocolate syrup to it.  Either that, or it’s a black four-legged lactating mammal.

 

Today is BALL POINT PEN DAY.  On this day in 1943 a Hungarian hypnotist and journalist named Lasalo Biro, while working in Argentina, patented the ballpoint pen.  ***MARLAR: A hypnotist?  Could it be that the entire world is now hypnotized to believe the ballpoint pen works, and yet, secretly, it doesn’t work at all?

 

Today is ANTIQUATED SAYINGS DAY.  Identify and try to replace sayings and phrases you grew up with that no longer make sense.  Here are a few examples…

  • You sound like a broken record.  (Most people don’t have record players or records anymore, and this phrase doesn’t work with a CD, and certainly not with an iPod.)
  • Crank up the car window.  (Some used cars have crank windows, but most new cars all have power windows.  Might as well start phasing this out of your vocabulary now.)
  • Dial the phone.  (What dial?  Is it on the side of the phone opposite the buttons?)
  • Adjust the rabbit ears.  (Everyone has cable or satellite now.  In fact, I’ve never in my life had to utter this phrase.  How about “adjust the dish”?)
  • Make a mix tape.  (Most people copy songs to CDs or iPods nowadays.)
  • That and a dime will buy you a cup of coffee.  (One word: Starbucks.)
  • Turn up the TV volume.  (There’s nothing to turn anymore.  You’d have to say “button up the volume” – but then your TV sounds like a blouse.)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Alcoholics Anonymous (Founders) Day

Iced Tea Day

Banana Split Day

National Lemonade Day

Poultry Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, JUNE 11

Abused Women and Children’s Awareness Day

Belmont Stakes

Corn on the Cob Day

International Young Eagles Day

Missing Mutts Awareness Day

National Cotton Candy Day

National Making Life Beautiful Day

National Rose’ (wine) Day

Queen’s Official Birthday

World Bike Naked Day ***Umm, we’d rather you didn’t.

World Gin Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 12

Children’s Sunday

Crowded Nest Awareness Day

Loving Day

Multicultural American Child Day

National Jerky Day

National Peanut Butter Cookie Day

Race Unity Day

Superman Day

World Day Against Child Labor

 

MONDAY, JUNE 13

(NONE TODAY)

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 14

Army’s Birthday

Family History Day

Flag Day

National Bourbon Day

Pause for the Pledge Day

World Blood Donor Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15

Global Wind Day

Magna Carta Day

Native American Citizenship Day

Nature Photography Day

National Day of Prayer for Law Enforcement Officers

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day

Worldwide Day of Giving

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 16

Bloomsday

Career Nurse Assistants Day

Fudge Day

Ladies’ Day (Baseball)

Dump the Pump Day

Recess At Work Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 17

Eat Your Vegetables Day

National Flip Flop Day

Stewarts Root Beer Day

Ugliest Dog Day

World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought

Work@Home Father’s Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1692: Bridget Bishop became the first person hanged for witchcraft, during the ordeal known to history as the “Salem Witch Trials.” In all, 20 people died before theological jurisprudence was restored in this isolated Puritan community in Massachusetts.

 

1893: Miss Fitzsimmons died in Australia. She was the most successful boxing kangaroo of her time.

 

1905: Based on cylinder and sheet music sales, the #1 song in America was “The Preacher and the Bear” by Arthur Collins.

 

1943: A Hungarian hypnotist and journalist Lasalo Biro, while working in Argentina, patented the ballpoint pen.

 

1944: Fifteen-year-old Joe Nuxhall became the youngest player ever to appear in a major-league baseball game. He pitched two-thirds of an inning for Cincinnati, giving up five runs on five walks and two hits. Eight years later he came back to the big leagues and stayed for 15 years.

 

1964: Capitol Records released the Beatles’ single and album titled “A Hard Days Night.”

 

1967: History’s first horse motel opened in Marshfield, Missouri.  ***MARLAR: Would I do housekeeping at a horse motel?  Neigh, I say.

 

1976: Paul McCartney and Wings set a record for an indoor concert crowd with 67,100 fans in Seattle.

 

1986: Nancy Lieberman-Cline became the first woman to play in a men’s pro basketball league, signing in Massachusetts with the Springfield Fame of the USBL.

 

1988: An American clergyman claimed the TV cartoon character “Mighty Mouse” had been shown snorting cocaine. CBS producers denied the claim and said he was only sniffing flowers. (

)

 

1989: Rev. Jerry Falwell announced that his Moral Majority political organization would be disbanded.

 

1996: “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” debuted in TV syndication. Rosie’s first guests were George Clooney and Susan Lucci.

 

1997: Doctors in Lecco, Italy, removed a 7-by-7 centimeter surgical gauze from the abdomen of a woman where it had been left 25 years earlier when she had a Caesarian section. Giuditta Consonni had complained for years of stomach pains; doctors finally found the problem.

 

2002: A man in Hanau, Germany, was charged with assaulting a police officer with his underpants. Arrested for traveling on a train without a ticket, the suspect was waiting the police station when he suddenly stripped and began hitting an officer repeatedly in the face with his underpants, which were listed in the charge as a weapon.

 

2004: Singer Ray Charles died at age 73 in Beverly Hills, California. His classic hits “What’d I Say,” “Georgia on My Mind” and “I Can’t Stop Loving You,” are still selling today.

 

2005: In a lawsuit against the tobacco industry, the U.S. government scaled back its demands for penalties from $130 billion to $10 billion. The government had asked for the larger sum to help 45 million American smokers quit the habit.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1555: Thomas Hawkes is martyred in England for refusing to baptize a baby. He gave as his reason that he took the Bible for his final authority and would not compromise with the ruling church. He was termed a stubborn man and church authorities said if he was allowed to get away with this, other people would become stubborn, too. And so he was burned to death by the decision of Catholic bishops.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • skater Tara Lipinski 34
  • actress (Deep Impact, Joan of Arc, The Wicker Man, Eyes Wide Shut, Public Enemies) Leelee Sobieski 34
  • actress/model (The Austin Powers movies,  Bedazzled, edTV) Elizabeth Hurley 51
  • actress (Waterworld, Timecode, “Big Love”) Jeanne Tripplehorn 53
  • actress (Karate Kid, Hollow Man, Leaving Las Vegas, “CSI”) Elizabeth Shue 53
  • Actress (Borderline, The Insider, Face/Off, Pretty in Pink) Gina Gershon 54
  • actor (“Starsky & Hutch,” Murder by Numbers, Mulholland Falls, Footloose, Rumble Fish, brother to Sean) Chris Penn 54 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1910 : Howlin’ Wolf

1922 : Judy Garland

1941 : Shirley Owens Alston (The Shirelles)

1942 : Janet Vogel (The Skyliners)

1944 : Rick Price (The Move, Wizzard)

1961 : Maxi Priest

1964 : Jimmy Chamberlain (The Smashing Pumpkins)

1969 : Dan Lavery (Tonic)

1971 : Jo-Jo (K-Ci & JoJo)

1973 : Lemisha Grinsted (702)

1973 : Faith Evans

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How does bulletproof glass stop a bullet?

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks.” Don’t believe it. With bulletproof glass you can throw rocks, have a professional wrestler head-butt it, or go for your gun and plug a pane or two. The glass may crack but it probably won’t break. They most often make this glass by bonding alternate layers of glass and certain plastics in a kind of sandwich. This structure has the physical property of absorbing a bullet’s momentum, dispersing its destructive force before it can break all the way through. Heating and then chilling it can also make a super-strong bulletproof glass. If that doesn’t work, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger can catch the bullet with his teeth.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Thoughts on music from Danny Gokey: God is the creator of music, art and entertainment. We as His children should copy His creativity and not the world. That’s how we become industry leaders, movers and shakers. Not for our own glory but for His Glory alone.

 

Colton Dixon is finding that marriage life isn’t always glamorous. He was doing his husband duty this week by cleaning the drains and posted: Never thought a shower drain would be that disgusting. So gross.

 

Mandisa says an American Idol show could be coming. A fan this week suggested that she, Danny Gokey, and Colton Dixon put together a concert made up of American Idol contestants that now sing Christian music. Mandisa replied: Actually, Colton and I just talked about that today. All three of us have expressed that we want to. It’ll happen one day!

 

Moriah Peters was back home in the USA for just one day and posted that she was already having Europe withdrawal. Moriah was in Europe in late May and early June for a series of shows followed by some down time with her husband Joel from the band for King and Country. But she won’t have to wait long for her next trip to the other side of the Atlantic. She and her band will be in Norway and Sweden in early July.

https://instagram.com/p/BGVVxjoiAHU/

 

Jamie Grace was trying to be a grownup this week but it sounds like she still needs some work. She was off to a good start, posting: I just crossed like a thousand things off my to do list. However, she then admitted that it was really only three things and she added: now I’m on twitter, oops.

 

In the latest Jamie Grace Show, she issues an official apology to anyone who is an indirect Jamie Grace listener. She apologized to those who hear her songs constantly because someone else in their family is a huge Jamie Grace fan. Jamie is experiencing that herself. Her parents are taking care of several young kids and she says they constantly sing the chorus of her song White Boots. She says one day they sang White Boots for 35 minutes straight.

https://youtu.be/OmKCHj8Efzo

 

The Sidewalk Prophets this week gave just a taste of what goes on behind the scenes as they prepare for their shows. Dave was in the dressing room rehearsing the song To Live Is Christ from the bands new album Something Different. Check out his practice session accompanied by a string quartet.

http://ow.ly/H6gG3012HKJ

 

Members of Mercyme joined their friends for some fun this week. They posted pictures on twitter and Instagram as the took part in an instavideo scavenger hunt. And from the pictures it looks like some of the tasks were quite interesting. Videos included recording a commercial to sell a candle in the middle of a local store, jumping in the river, and fake vomiting outside a business. The race was created by the wife of Mercyme guitarist Mike Scheuchzer.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

KFC is spending a reported $185-million in an effort to upgrade its restaurants.  ***If their new KFC Colonel TV commercials are any indication, we’re not going to like their upgrades.

 

Kim Jong Un has reportedly ballooned up to 300 pounds.  ***This might be a good thing though.  Fat people ARE supposed to be more jolly, right?

 

A guy in New York state was charged with burglary after he allegedly walked into another man’s home, started cooking pork chops and used the bathroom.  ***Creepy, sure – but if he’d also offered to make me some chops as well I probably wouldn’t have a problem with it.

 

Jim Trenter was fed up with the mice chomping into grass seed bags at his St. Paul, Minnesota warehouse — until he heard about the new “working cat” program at the Humane Society. He adopted two felines. They now live and work in the warehouse, which is mouse-free. Trenter calls the cats the “best employees I have had.”  ***This is great news – we are finally doing something about unemployed cats living off taxpayers!

 

A 30-year-old Florida man took off all his clothes at a sheriff’s substation after being charged with a domestic crime. There was nothing in his arrest report to indicate officers thought he was under the influence of anything.  ***Except for being in Florida.

 

A Texas (Paris) nurse is mad after he made a late-night Domino’s Pizza order and received a hand-written message on the box. The note said: “We would appreciate it very much if you didn’t wait until 5 minutes before we close.” The nurse admits he placed the order to the Domino’s five minutes before the store closed at midnight.  ***Still, if you’re open until midnight – you’re open until midnight.  If you don’t want to delivery pizza at midnight, close at 11:30.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Trying to come up with some bright ideas for your next home project?  Then get rid of your lampshades.  According to a recent study, illuminating a room with a single un-shaded light bulb greatly boosts your problem solving skills.  ***MARLAR: It’s also convenient; you can hold it over your head whenever you need a bright idea.

 

As many as 75 percent of American children consume caffeine daily, which is leading to sleep problems among the biggest consumers of caffeine, according to a study published in the Journal of Pediatrics. The research, carried out by doctors at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, found that children between eight and 12 consume an average of 109 milligrams of caffeine a day, which is the equivalent of about three cans of caffeinated soda.  Lead researcher, William Warzak, said the intake of caffeine appears to interfere with children’s sleep, with sleep disruptions increasing as kids consume more caffeine.  ***MARLAR: But if caffeine keeps kids awake, why are we banning soda machines in schools?  Isn’t that a place we WANT kids to be awake and alert?

 

Researchers who set out to determine if the adage “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” is actually true have found it a bit more complicated. The study concluded that people who consumed apples daily were not less likely to stay overnight at a hospital or visit a mental health professional, but they were likely to use fewer prescription medications.  ***MARLAR: Sadly, those same people were also more susceptible to biting into poison apples given to them by evil queens jealous of their beauty.

 

With many celebrations taking place from prom to graduation season, the risk of teens crashing due to underage drinking while driving increases. A recent AAA survey of teens 16-19 years old in Wisconsin, revealed that 41 percent of high school teens say either they or their friends are likely to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol sometime during the prom or graduation season.  The majority (84%) of teens indicate their peers would be likely to drive under the influence instead of calling their parents for help, because they were afraid of getting in trouble for drinking underage.  ***MARLAR: Another dangerous statistic – over 87% of teens are also under the influence of Justin Bieber.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Expired Sour Cream”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Mind Your Own Business”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, all of the jungle animals were suffering from having so much to do in their daily schedules.  So much, in fact, that they even stopped sleeping just to get everything done!  Planners, DayTimers, lists, appointments, it was getting so bad they didn’t have time for anything else!
CLOSE: Sounds like the animals, in their rush to get things done, don’t even have time now for common courtesy and niceness!  Tune in again next time for more of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 11/12

 

OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita met a group of alligators that sang wonderfully together – and they helped her realize that doing a solo is great once in a while, but not all of the time.  And it looks like all the other animals heard the alligators singing too…

 

CLOSE: Now THAT is a harmonious ending!  Tune in again next time, for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A football helmet doesn’t protect you from stupidity.

21-year-old Kaleb Spangler of Bloomington, Indiana, decided to duct tape a mortar-style firework to a football helmet. If you think that sounds stupid, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet. Kaleb then placed the helmet on his head and lit the fuse. After a large flash, Spangler was lying on the ground, unconscious, and bleeding from the head. Kaleb was taken to a local hospital, where he was treated for severe burns, lacerations and a concussion.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR DAD SAY

10. Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating’s not good enough for you, son?

5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies–ya know–that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal. (Okay, they might say it. But they don’t mean it)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Remember that endless stream of “Death Wish” movies in the 70s and 80s?  One man apparently saw that as educational television.

 

FILE #1: In the 70s and 80s Charles Bronson played Paul Kersey — a guy who takes the law into his own hands. Well a modern day Paul Kersey has emerged in Vienna, Maine. Machine shop owner Joseph Lord was angry that thieves stole $3,000 worth of scrap steel, iron and aluminum and wasn’t going to let it happen again. After Saturday night’s theft, Joseph loaded his shotgun and laid low, expecting the thieves to return. They came back on Tuesday, in broad daylight. When Joe saw their 2008 F-250 pickup truck, he shot out its tires and windshield and blasted the radiator. The startled thieves took off on foot, but investigators quickly tracked down the truck’s operator, who will be charged with theft. Kennebec County Sheriff Randall Liberty said he discourages the use of guns to protect property. In this case, Joe told investigators he just wanted to disable the vehicle so the criminals couldn’t escape. Sounds like he did.

 

FILE #2: In Fort Pierce, Florida, 24-year-old Amity Joy Doss grabbed a young McDonald’s employee by her shirt to emphasize her dissatisfaction with the service she had received. She then demanded to see the manager and insisted the employee be fired. The manager called police. In the meantime, Miss Doss wandered outside, climbed a tree, hung upside down by her knees for a while, then came down and lay on the hood of her car before re-entering the restaurant and asking if the girl had been fired yet. About that time police showed up and Doss was arrested.

 

FILE #3: It may have seemed like a good idea, but it still landed 21-year-old Marc Antoine Stovall in a Mesa, Arizona jail. Marc’s big plan was to pretend to be a new employee at a 7-Eleven so he could learn to use the cash register and later steal its contents. He successfully conned the female clerk working at the store that morning who “trained” him. But Marc returned to the store twice that same day to make purchases and on the final visit, the clerk commented on his photo ID when he was trying to buy beer. That’s when he allegedly pulled a gun and forced the woman into a bathroom. Marc then pretended to be the store clerk and was helping customers when the real clerk broke free and emerged with a gun. He fled with stolen money but police caught up with him and arrested him in Phoenix. He now faces charges of armed robbery, kidnapping and third-degree burglary — charges he later admitted to during a police interview.

 

STRANGE LAW: The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary is banned in Carlsbad, New Mexico.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A bulge in a baby’s diaper wasn’t what you might think.

Deputies in McMinn County, Tennessee, found something foul in Aisha Carter’s 3-month-old son’s diaper alright — but it wasn’t what should have been there. Deputy Ken Pruitt had pulled Aisha over for a traffic stop when he noticed a large bulge in the front of her baby’s diaper. A diaper search allegedly uncovered about half an ounce of marijuana and 70 grams of crack cocaine. Mom’s out on bail and baby’s now with grandma.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

They’ve already done it with the Beverly Hillbillies, Speed Racer, Underdog, Get Smart, Land of the Lost, and many others.  What other old TV shows do you think they should make into a movie? (

)

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who owned so many cattle that the Philistines became so envious that they stopped up his wells?
ANSWER: Isaac (Genesis 26:12-15)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many miles of shelves does the Library of Congress claim to have?

ANSWER: They boast of over 600 miles of shelves!

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The tulip is named after a hat. (True)

 

  1. Barbara Walters was the inspiration behind comedian Mike Myers’ skits as verklempt “Coffee Talk” hostess Linda Richman on TVs Saturday Night Live. (False, it was his mother-in-law, Linda Richman)

 

  1. A vampire bat is most likely to bite a sleeping human victim on their arm. (False, on their big toe)

 

  1. On computer and typewriter keyboards, the letter “x” is between the c and b. (False, the letter “V” is)

 

  1. Cockroaches can live up to two weeks without a head. (True – because their brain is located throughout their body)

 

  1. Jimmy Carter was the U.S. president during all six of the manned moon landings. (False, Richard Nixon)

 

  1. Woody Allen’s legal name is Joe Kinisky. (False, Heywood Allen)

 

  1. Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly danced together in only two films. (True)

 

  1. On the TV sci-fi series “The X Files,” aliens are expected to invade earth, on December 22, 2012. (True)

 

  1. The Doberman Pinscher was named for a tax collector. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GIANT _____ FOUND! (SQUID)

One of the most elusive creatures of the deep ocean was found floating on the surface off the coast of southeastern Australia.

A fishing columnist with the Australian publication the Daily Telegraph was the lucky one to spot the ocean beast.

Al McGlashan, author of The Fishing Bible and an avid fisherman, was amazed that he happened to see the giant squid which has long been part of fishing lore.

“In all my time of fishing, I’ve never seen calamari rings so big,” he said. “It was massive.”

McGlashan was thrilled to see the squid even though it was dead because there has never een any documentation of an actual live squid.

“They’re sort of one of those mythical things you hear those stories about ancient mariners getting attacked in their boat and you only hear about the very occasional one being washed up down in Tassie.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. “Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.” He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled to the dogs, “Here Soap! Here Water!”
JOKE #2

Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

“I would like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business,'” declared the first man.

“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man.'” Turning to the third gent, he asked, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”

“Me?” the third one replied. “I want them to say, ‘He certainly looks good for his age.'”

 

JOKE #3

A fellow gets ready to make his first parachute jump. His jumpmaster sees he’s nervous and says, “Don’t worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there’s a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft.” So the fellow exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He pulls on his reserve ripcord. Nothing. He’s falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, “Figures.  I bet the truck won’t be there, either.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Young people can expect to get carded at a Wisconsin hot spot. Not to buy a drink, but to go to the mall. Mayfield Mall southwest of Milwaukee is a popular place with local teens. But if they want to hang out they’ll have to show I-D. Mall officials are concerned rowdy teenagers might be driving away paying customers.  ***MARLAR: It’s a mall… 90% of your paying customers ARE teenagers!

 

St. Louis University suggests that frequent driving might raise the risk of skin cancer on body parts used while steering.  ***MARLAR: Which is why I always apply sun block to my hands, arms, and knees.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

FALSE ALARM

A small country church was planning a chili supper for the homeless, and John’s wife, Florence, agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program asked Florence how she would describe her chili — three alarm or four alarm. After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other chili donations, Florence replied, “I guess you’d call mine false alarm.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

What if vegetables tasted like chocolate?

Do you hate it when your parents make you eat spinach? Karla Homeski does. That’s why the 11-year-old invented a pill that makes the veggie taste like yummy chocolate candy. “It has chemicals that fool your taste buds,” explained the fifth-grade science whiz. “It works for other yucky-tasting vegetables too, like asparagus. The pill makes them taste like M&Ms.” Incredibly, Karla concocted the pill using nothing but a chemistry kit her father bought for just $15. “A company has offered us $2 million for the marketing rights – that kit turned out to be a great investment,” said Karla’s proud dad.  ***MARLAR: Ah, what you can find in Weekly World News!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
The Bible still has the answers.
Prayer still works.
The Spirit can still move.
God still inhabits praise.
There is still anointed preaching.
There is still anointed singing.
God still pours out blessings.
There’s still room at the cross.
Jesus still loves you.
Jesus still saves.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GOING AGAINST THE FLOW
But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. – (Numbers 14:10)
Have you ever had to stand up against the majority for a cause that wasn’t popular?  God brought the Israelites out of Egypt and promised He would lead them into a land of milk and honey. The process of moving out of Egypt was difficult. They could no longer do things the old way, for the old ways didn’t work in the desert. God provided for them during this journey. But there came a point in which the people forgot what God had said. Their discomfort changed their belief about God.
Whenever God is slow to answer our prayers, what we believe about God is revealed.  Do we change our plans and move in a different direction when pressure mounts? Or do we continue on the path God has directed for us? Four men believed what God said and were willing to stand; however, the crowd wanted to stone them.
Notice Joshua and Caleb’s response to the situation. They had spied the land. They believed God. They challenged the crowd. They seemed to know that if the Lord was not pleased with them they would not enter into the Promised Land. Those who grumbled did not enter the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb and a new generation saw the fulfillment of God’s promise.
Has God called you to stand for a cause bigger than yourself? You will have opposition to His call; sometimes it even comes from those in your own camp. But if God has called you, then you can be sure He will make a way. He has already opened the way before you. But you must walk in faith, joined with Him to take the land.
…Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE WRITING IS ON THE DESKTOP WALL

I always suspected that my handwriting was getting worse as I got older – but I never knew why. Apparently, it’s because I spend so much time on the computer. According to a new survey in Japan, most people under the age of 25 have not even once in their lives picked up a pen to write a formal letter. Even job applications and complaint letters to companies are sent via email nowadays. The survey also shows that about half of the people never use correct punctuation, style or grammar, and the internet has been used numerous times to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. ***MARLAR: Now you know where the term “Scuzzy drive” came from.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

DO YOU WASTE GAS?

CNNMoney.com offers these six ways drivers typically waste gas every on every trip:

  • Racing away from green lights — When the light turns green, you don’t have to take off as quickly as possible.
  • Racing up to red lights — When you’re driving down the street, and you see a light red light or stop sign up ahead, you should lay off the gas sooner rather than later.
  • Confusing the highway with a speedway — Even if it doesn’t involve hard acceleration, speeding wastes gas. The faster you go, the more air your vehicle has to push out of the way.
  • Bumper-buzzing — Tailgating is a bad move for many reasons. First of all, it’s unsafe… and tailgating wastes gas. Every time the driver ahead taps his brakes, you have to slow down even more than he did. Then you accelerate again wasting gas.
  • Driving standing still — You’ve probably heard that it takes more gas to restart a car than to let it run. But with modern engines it takes very little extra gas to restart a car once it’s warmed up. Idling, meanwhile, burns about a half-mile worth of gas every minute.
  • Short hops — For really short trips, take advantage of the opportunity to get some exercise. Try walking to the store instead of driving. You can save gas and burn a few calories instead.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

TRULY FRIGHTFUL

What frightens you the most in this world? According to kids, it could be (gasp!), PARENTS!

According to kids, parents are even scarier than dinosaurs and aliens. A survey has found, however, that the one-eyed monster Cyclops is even scarier than parents. The survey of children aged 4 to 10 found that dragons, Dracula and Frankenstein, also terrified them. ***MARLAR: Apparently, these kids haven’t seen me first thing in the morning!  People can’t look directly at or they might turn to stone.

 

 

FUN LIST

PRISON VS. HOME

  • In prison, you get three square meals a day.  At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your
  • kids to eat it.
  • In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and  mingle.  At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can’t sleep without his latest Lego creation.
  • In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.  At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote
  • control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.
  • In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.  At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.
  • In prison, all your medical care is free.  At home, you have to pawn your mother’s silver and fill out trillions
  • of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.
  • In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.  At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.
  • In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.  At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else’s space, too, and what is free time again?
  • In prison, you get your own personal toilet.  At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you’re done so you can do something for them.
  • In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.  At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else’s, and get yelled at because somebody’s favorite shirt isn’t clean.
  • In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.  At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.
  • In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.  At home, you have to lug around everybody else’s stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.
  • In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn’t.  At home…. well… never mind.  I’m beginning to wonder what the downside of jail is.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

BAD HABITS AT THE OFFICE

Do you know anyone with really bad habits at the office? Here are a few excerpts from a CareerBuilder.com article:

 

Bad Habit: Missing deadlines. What you think: “If it’s only a little late, it doesn’t mean anything.” What it really says: Your colleagues and boss can’t count on you. What to do: Don’t view deadlines as negotiable. Remind yourself that people are counting on you to do your job well, which includes completing tasks on time. Even if you just barely missed the deadline and everything turned out OK, you probably caused your teammates a lot of anxiety and extra work, which they won’t forget.

 

Bad Habit: Dressing unprofessionally. What you think: “I’m the office free spirit with a quirky sense of style!” What it really says: You don’t take the job seriously. What to do: You don’t have to be a boring dresser to be professional, but you shouldn’t look like you’re about to go clubbing or strutting down a runway. Take a cue from your co-workers to see what’s considered acceptable in the office.

 

Bad Habit: Not being punctual. What you think: “As long as I get all my work in, nobody cares.” What it really says: You think your time is more important than everybody else’s. What to do: Stick to the schedule. Everyone in your office would like to sleep in a little or leave early, but they don’t because people rely on them to be on time.

 

Bad Habit: Checking your e-mail, playing games, shopping. What you think: “I’m discreet.” What it really says: You’re not doing your job. What to do: Keep the fun stuff to a minimum. Most employers don’t mind if you check your e-mail every once in awhile or read your favorite blog for a few minutes in the morning. They begin to care when you minimize that game of Scrabulous every time they walk by your desk. You’re being paid to work, not play.

 

Bad Habit: Gossiping. What you think: “I’m just saying what I heard.” What it really says: You can’t be trusted. What to do: Sure, everybody gossips a little here and there, but it shouldn’t be your livelihood. Eventually you’ll gain a reputation for not keeping anything confidential –whether it’s a personal matter or work-related. Plus, your chattering could end up hurting somebody’s feelings or reputation.

 

Bad Habit: Being negative. What you think: “Everybody complains.” What it really says: You’re the person to avoid. What to do: It’s natural to grumble about work once in awhile. If you gripe and moan when you’re asked to do anything, however, people will not only get annoyed, they’ll wonder why you don’t just quit. Keep in mind that work isn’t always fun; keep the complaints to a minimum.

 

Bad Habit: Trying to be everybody’s best friend. What you think: “I’m just sociable.” What it really says: You don’t know how to set boundaries. What to do: It’s not uncommon for friendships to develop at work, but don’t expect it to happen with everybody. Unless you have reason to do otherwise, treat your superiors, colleagues and subordinates like professionals, not like drinking buddies.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

If your marriage could use a little help, the next 31 days could change everything. According to Focus on the Family President Jim Daly, that may sound like a promise right out of an infomercial, but it’s closer to the truth than you might think. He says the solution is to make a few subtle changes in your dealing with one another. That could include a 5-to-10-second kiss instead of a peck on the cheek, or taking a short walk together each day. Jim says: Do things like that consistently for 31 days, and you can deepen your connection and intimacy more quickly than you might think.

http://t.co/ZXEderHfuW

 

Researchers say they have developed a “second skin” made of polymer that is strong, stretchy and adherent, just like the real thing. According to the web site Mashable.com, researching have been working on the project for the past eight years. The the resulting silicon-based film forms from two different creams that are applied one after the other. The combination forms an invisible polymer layer that reinforces the skin beneath, while also providing a breathable barrier layer on top.  They say the biggest challenge was finding something with all those properties of real skin: elastic, invisible, durable, moisturizing, and adheres well. They say the new “second skin” will be used to protect and enhance the skin, as well as combat skin diseases.  It’s amazing how far technology has brought us… by doing it’s best to copy God’s perfect creation!

http://on.mash.to/24Hktxr

 

Teenagers depend on their cell phones for keeping up with friends and trends on social media. But should they be allowed to have them in school?  A study from the London School of Economics for the first time provided hard evidence that banning phones in school actually BOOSTS student achievement. The study found that, in schools that banned mobile phones, student scores on standardized tests went up 6.4 percent on average. Lower performing students benefited the most from phone bans.

http://www.worldmag.com/2015/06/study_cellphones_in_schools_hurt_low_performing_students

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

And remember, in the immortal words of Ben Franklin, “If we don’t stick together, we will all stick separately.”  Hmmm.  Okay, perhaps I over-edited that one.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 10, 2016…

 

The Conjuring 2—I think we may be having the horror-film-of-the-week this summer. This week, it is a continuation of Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga going after demons and ghosts in London. They are professionals at this. “The Conjuring 2” is rated R. No rating.

 

Genius (opening in select cities)—As depicted here, author Thomas Wolfe (Jude Law) didn’t have an easy time writing, and his editor (Colin Firth) tries to help him. Also in the cast are Nicole Kidman and Laura Linney. “Genius” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Now You See Me 2—The first film showed what happens behind the scenes in magic shows, but now the group called The Four Horseman meet someone who isn’t the best magician in the world, played by Daniel Radcliffe.  The adventure unfolds. Stars Jesse Eisenberg, Morgan Freeman and Liza Caplan. “Now You See Me 2” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

The Music Of Strangers (opening in select cities)—Yo Yo Ma, the world famous cello player, is part of a music ensemble called the Silk Road Ensemble and this documentary shows the group at work. “The Music Of Strangers” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for music fans.

 

Warcraft—Adapted from the video game, this fantasy is something like “The Hobbit” stories about strange creatures and, of course, warfare. Two different groups of people have to get along to fight a common enemy. Shades of isn’t-that-a-sword-in-your-hand?  The film stars Dominic Cooper, Paula Patton and Travis Finnel. “Warcraft” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JUNE 17, 2016…

 

Central Intelligence stars Dwayne Johnson in a comedy about spies who don’t get along.

 

Finding Dory is the animated sequel to “Finding Nemo” and has the same voices including Ellen DeGeneres as Dory, who wants to find her parents.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.