June 10, 2018: Sunday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20180610
PDF: 20180610



Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)! Don’t touch that dial!  And don’t touch that volume control.  Don’t touch that antenna.  And especially don’t touch that black thing inside your radio with transistors and diodes and all the wires and the little label that says ‘Do Not Touch’.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)


“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” –Matthew 6:26-29

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? — Psalm 56:4

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? — Romans 10:14


(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. — Amos 5:14

Thought: Many illicit and evil groups have claimed to have God on their side. Horrific things have been done under the disguise of a “Christian” movement. Jesus, however, told us we could recognize people by their fruit. Those who seek good and abhor evil and those who practice justice and mercy are the ones who have God with them. Let’s make sure our claim of God’s presence is matched by the presence of God’s character in our lives!

Prayer: Almighty God and loving Father, thank you for your presence in my life. Please forgive me when I let sin and selfishness crowd you out and bring reproach to your name. Empower me with your Holy Spirit to live as your holy child while displaying your righteous character to the world. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. — Amos 5:14

Thought: Many illicit and evil groups have claimed to have God on their side. Horrific things have been done under the disguise of a “Christian” movement. Jesus, however, told us we could recognize people by their fruit. Those who seek good and abhor evil and those who practice justice and mercy are the ones who have God with them. Let’s make sure our claim of God’s presence is matched by the presence of God’s character in our lives!

Prayer: Almighty God and loving Father, thank you for your presence in my life. Please forgive me when I let sin and selfishness crowd you out and bring reproach to your name. Empower me with your Holy Spirit to live as your holy child while displaying your righteous character to the world. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

Today is NATIONAL YO-YO DAY. ***If you’re not UP to celebrating, you can at least be DOWN with those who are.

Today is AMERICUS CALLAHAN DAY, marking this date in 1902 when the Chicago inventor patented the window envelope. ***Why would anyone want to celebrate this day though? Practically the only thing you get in the mail nowadays in a window envelope is a bill.

Today is NATIONAL BLACK COW DAY.  ***In case you’re wondering, a black cow is like a Root Beer Float, only you add chocolate syrup to it.  Either that, or it’s a black four-legged lactating mammal.

Today is BALL POINT PEN DAY. On this day in 1943 a Hungarian hypnotist and journalist named Lasalo Biro, while working in Argentina, patented the ballpoint pen. ***A hypnotist? Could it be that the entire world is now hypnotized to believe the ballpoint pen works, and yet, secretly, it doesn’t work at all?

Today is ANTIQUATED SAYINGS DAY.  Identify and try to replace sayings and phrases you grew up with that no longer make sense.  Here are a few examples…

  • You sound like a broken record.  (Most people don’t have record players or records anymore, and this phrase doesn’t work with a CD, and certainly not with an iPod.)

  • Crank up the car window.  (Some used cars have crank windows, but most new cars all have power windows.  Might as well start phasing this out of your vocabulary now.)

  • Dial the phone.  (What dial?  Is it on the side of the phone opposite the buttons?)

  • Adjust the rabbit ears.  (Everyone has cable or satellite now.  In fact, I’ve never in my life had to utter this phrase.  How about “adjust the dish”?)

  • Make a mix tape.  (Most people copy songs to CDs or iPods nowadays.)

  • That and a dime will buy you a cup of coffee.  (One word: Starbucks.)

  • Turn up the TV volume.  (There’s nothing to turn anymore.  You’d have to say “button up the volume” – but then your TV sounds like a blouse.)


Abused Women and Children’s Awareness Day
Alcoholics Anonymous (Founders) Day
Ball Point Pen Day
Children’s Sunday
Iced Tea Day
Multicultural American Child Day
Race Unity Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)


Corn on the Cob Day
National Cotton Candy Day
National Making Life Beautiful Day


Call Your Doctor Day
Crowded Nest Awareness Day
Loving Day
National Jerky Day
National Peanut Butter Cookie Day
Superman Day
Victims of Orlando, Florida Attack Day
World Day Against Child Labor
World Pet Memorial Day


Brain Injury Awareness Day
International Albinism Awareness Day
Random Acts of Light
Roller Coaster Day


Army’s Birthday
Family History Day
Flag Day
International Bath Day
National Bourbon Day
Pause for the Pledge Day
(World) Blood Donor Day
National Nursing Assistants Day


Global Wind Day
Magna Carta Day
Native American Citizenship Day
Nature Photography Day
National Day of Prayer for Law Enforcement Officers
National Flip Flop Day
Prune Day
Work@Home Father’s Day

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day
Worldwide Day of Giving


Fudge Day
Ladies’ Day (Baseball)
Mermaid Day
Polar Bear Swim
World Juggling Day


Dollars Against Diabetes Day
Eat Your Vegetables Day
Family Awareness Day
Father’s Day
Husband Caregiver Day
National Garbage Man Day
Stewarts Root Beer Day
Turkey Lovers Day
World Day To Combat Desertification and Drought
World Tesselation Day


Autistic Pride Day
Clark Kent’s Birthday (Superman)
International Sushi Day
National Splurge Day
Ride To Work Day (Motorcycles)
Sustainable Gasteronomy Day


1692: Bridget Bishop became the first person hanged for witchcraft, during the ordeal known to history as the “Salem Witch Trials.” In all, 20 people died before theological jurisprudence was restored in this isolated Puritan community in Massachusetts.

1893: Miss Fitzsimmons died in Australia. She was the most successful boxing kangaroo of her time.

1905: Based on cylinder and sheet music sales, the #1 song in America was “The Preacher and the Bear” by Arthur Collins.

1943: A Hungarian hypnotist and journalist Lasalo Biro, while working in Argentina, patented the ballpoint pen.

1944: Fifteen-year-old Joe Nuxhall became the youngest player ever to appear in a major-league baseball game. He pitched two-thirds of an inning for Cincinnati, giving up five runs on five walks and two hits. Eight years later he came back to the big leagues and stayed for 15 years.

1964: Capitol Records released the Beatles’ single and album titled “A Hard Days Night.”

1967: History’s first horse motel opened in Marshfield, Missouri. ***Would I do housekeeping at a horse motel? Neigh, I say.

1976: Paul McCartney and Wings set a record for an indoor concert crowd with 67,100 fans in Seattle.

1986: Nancy Lieberman-Cline became the first woman to play in a men’s pro basketball league, signing in Massachusetts with the Springfield Fame of the USBL.

1988: An American clergyman claimed the TV cartoon character “Mighty Mouse” had been shown snorting cocaine. CBS producers denied the claim and said he was only sniffing flowers. (audio clip)

1989: Rev. Jerry Falwell announced that his Moral Majority political organization would be disbanded.

1996: “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” debuted in TV syndication. Rosie’s first guests were George Clooney and Susan Lucci.

1997: Doctors in Lecco, Italy, removed a 7-by-7 centimeter surgical gauze from the abdomen of a woman where it had been left 25 years earlier when she had a Caesarian section. Giuditta Consonni had complained for years of stomach pains; doctors finally found the problem.

2002: A man in Hanau, Germany, was charged with assaulting a police officer with his underpants. Arrested for traveling on a train without a ticket, the suspect was waiting the police station when he suddenly stripped and began hitting an officer repeatedly in the face with his underpants, which were listed in the charge as a weapon.

2004: Singer Ray Charles died at age 73 in Beverly Hills, California. His classic hits “What’d I Say,” “Georgia on My Mind” and “I Can’t Stop Loving You,” are still selling today.

2005: In a lawsuit against the tobacco industry, the U.S. government scaled back its demands for penalties from $130 billion to $10 billion. The government had asked for the larger sum to help 45 million American smokers quit the habit.


1555: Thomas Hawkes is martyred in England for refusing to baptize a baby. He gave as his reason that he took the Bible for his final authority and would not compromise with the ruling church. He was termed a stubborn man and church authorities said if he was allowed to get away with this, other people would become stubborn, too. And so he was burned to death by the decision of Catholic bishops.


  • skater Tara Lipinski 36

  • actress (Deep Impact, Joan of Arc, The Wicker Man, Eyes Wide Shut, Public Enemies) Leelee Sobieski 36

  • actress/model (The Austin Powers movies, Bedazzled, edTV) Elizabeth Hurley 53

  • actress (Waterworld, Timecode, “Big Love”) Jeanne Tripplehorn 55

  • actress (Karate Kid, Hollow Man, Leaving Las Vegas, “CSI”) Elizabeth Shue 55

  • Actress (Borderline, The Insider, Face/Off, Pretty in Pink) Gina Gershon 56

  • actor (“Starsky & Hutch,” Murder by Numbers, Mulholland Falls, Footloose, Rumble Fish, brother to Sean) Chris Penn 56 (audio clip)


(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1910 : Howlin’ Wolf

1922 : Judy Garland

1941 : Shirley Owens Alston (The Shirelles)

1942 : Janet Vogel (The Skyliners)

1944 : Rick Price (The Move, Wizzard)

1961 : Maxi Priest

1964 : Jimmy Chamberlain (The Smashing Pumpkins)

1969 : Dan Lavery (Tonic)

1971 : Jo-Jo (K-Ci & JoJo)

1973 : Lemisha Grinsted (702)

1973 : Faith Evans

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How does bulletproof glass stop a bullet?

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks.” Don’t believe it. With bulletproof glass you can throw rocks, have a professional wrestler head-butt it, or go for your gun and plug a pane or two. The glass may crack but it probably won’t break. They most often make this glass by bonding alternate layers of glass and certain plastics in a kind of sandwich. This structure has the physical property of absorbing a bullet’s momentum, dispersing its destructive force before it can break all the way through. Heating and then chilling it can also make a super-strong bulletproof glass. If that doesn’t work, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger can catch the bullet with his teeth.


(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)




(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was angry because every time he tried to do something amazing, like compose music, for example, Steve Mozart always beat him to it. Millard felt haunted by the very presence of Mozart, and is now determined to find something he can do better than Mozart!

CLOSE: You have to give Millard credit, he truly is working hard to find a way to one-up that genius, Steve Mozart! Will he ever find a way to be better than him? Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.


A football helmet doesn’t protect you from stupidity.

21-year-old Kaleb Spangler of Bloomington, Indiana, decided to duct tape a mortar-style firework to a football helmet. If you think that sounds stupid, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet. Kaleb then placed the helmet on his head and lit the fuse. After a large flash, Spangler was lying on the ground, unconscious, and bleeding from the head. Kaleb was taken to a local hospital, where he was treated for severe burns, lacerations and a concussion.



10. Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating’s not good enough for you, son?

5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies–ya know–that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal. (Okay, they might say it. But they don’t mean it)


Remember that endless stream of “Death Wish” movies in the 70s and 80s? One man apparently saw that as educational television.

FILE #1: In the 70s and 80s Charles Bronson played Paul Kersey — a guy who takes the law into his own hands. Well a modern day Paul Kersey has emerged in Vienna, Maine. Machine shop owner Joseph Lord was angry that thieves stole $3,000 worth of scrap steel, iron and aluminum and wasn’t going to let it happen again. After Saturday night’s theft, Joseph loaded his shotgun and laid low, expecting the thieves to return. They came back on Tuesday, in broad daylight. When Joe saw their 2008 F-250 pickup truck, he shot out its tires and windshield and blasted the radiator. The startled thieves took off on foot, but investigators quickly tracked down the truck’s operator, who will be charged with theft. Kennebec County Sheriff Randall Liberty said he discourages the use of guns to protect property. In this case, Joe told investigators he just wanted to disable the vehicle so the criminals couldn’t escape. Sounds like he did.

FILE #2: In Fort Pierce, Florida, 24-year-old Amity Joy Doss grabbed a young McDonald’s employee by her shirt to emphasize her dissatisfaction with the service she had received. She then demanded to see the manager and insisted the employee be fired. The manager called police. In the meantime, Miss Doss wandered outside, climbed a tree, hung upside down by her knees for a while, then came down and lay on the hood of her car before re-entering the restaurant and asking if the girl had been fired yet. About that time police showed up and Doss was arrested.

FILE #3: It may have seemed like a good idea, but it still landed 21-year-old Marc Antoine Stovall in a Mesa, Arizona jail. Marc’s big plan was to pretend to be a new employee at a 7-Eleven so he could learn to use the cash register and later steal its contents. He successfully conned the female clerk working at the store that morning who “trained” him. But Marc returned to the store twice that same day to make purchases and on the final visit, the clerk commented on his photo ID when he was trying to buy beer. That’s when he allegedly pulled a gun and forced the woman into a bathroom. Marc then pretended to be the store clerk and was helping customers when the real clerk broke free and emerged with a gun. He fled with stolen money but police caught up with him and arrested him in Phoenix. He now faces charges of armed robbery, kidnapping and third-degree burglary — charges he later admitted to during a police interview.

STRANGE LAW: The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary is banned in Carlsbad, New Mexico.


This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

A bulge in a baby’s diaper wasn’t what you might think.

Deputies in McMinn County, Tennessee, found something foul in Aisha Carter’s 3-month-old son’s diaper alright — but it wasn’t what should have been there. Deputy Ken Pruitt had pulled Aisha over for a traffic stop when he noticed a large bulge in the front of her baby’s diaper. A diaper search allegedly uncovered about half an ounce of marijuana and 70 grams of crack cocaine. Mom’s out on bail and baby’s now with grandma.


They’ve already done it with the Beverly Hillbillies, Speed Racer, Underdog, Get Smart, Land of the Lost, and many others. What other old TV shows do you think they should make into a movie? (audio clip)


QUESTION: Who owned so many cattle that the Philistines became so envious that they stopped up his wells?
ANSWER: Isaac (Genesis 26:12-15)


QUESTION: How many miles of shelves does the Library of Congress claim to have?

ANSWER: They boast of over 600 miles of shelves!


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The tulip is named after a hat. (True)

2. Barbara Walters was the inspiration behind comedian Mike Myers’ skits as verklempt “Coffee Talk” hostess Linda Richman on TVs Saturday Night Live. (False, it was his mother-in-law, Linda Richman)

3. A vampire bat is most likely to bite a sleeping human victim on their arm. (False, on their big toe)

4. On computer and typewriter keyboards, the letter “x” is between the c and b. (False, the letter “V” is)

5. Cockroaches can live up to two weeks without a head. (True – because their brain is located throughout their body)

6. Jimmy Carter was the U.S. president during all six of the manned moon landings. (False, Richard Nixon)

7. Woody Allen’s legal name is Joe Kinisky. (False, Heywood Allen)

8. Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly danced together in only two films. (True)

9. On the TV sci-fi series “The X Files,” aliens are expected to invade earth, on December 22, 2012. (True)

10. The Doberman Pinscher was named for a tax collector. (True)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


One of the most elusive creatures of the deep ocean was found floating on the surface off the coast of southeastern Australia.

A fishing columnist with the Australian publication the Daily Telegraph was the lucky one to spot the ocean beast.

Al McGlashan, author of The Fishing Bible and an avid fisherman, was amazed that he happened to see the giant squid which has long been part of fishing lore.

“In all my time of fishing, I’ve never seen calamari rings so big,” he said. “It was massive.”

McGlashan was thrilled to see the squid even though it was dead because there has never een any documentation of an actual live squid.

“They’re sort of one of those mythical things you hear those stories about ancient mariners getting attacked in their boat and you only hear about the very occasional one being washed up down in Tassie.”



A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. “Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.” He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled to the dogs, “Here Soap! Here Water!”


Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

“I would like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business,'” declared the first man.

“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man.'” Turning to the third gent, he asked, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”

“Me?” the third one replied. “I want them to say, ‘He certainly looks good for his age.'”


A fellow gets ready to make his first parachute jump. His jumpmaster sees he’s nervous and says, “Don’t worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there’s a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft.” So the fellow exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He pulls on his reserve ripcord. Nothing. He’s falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, “Figures.  I bet the truck won’t be there, either.”


Young people can expect to get carded at a Wisconsin hot spot. Not to buy a drink, but to go to the mall. Mayfield Mall southwest of Milwaukee is a popular place with local teens. But if they want to hang out they’ll have to show I-D. Mall officials are concerned rowdy teenagers might be driving away paying customers.  ***It’s a mall… 90% of your paying customers ARE teenagers!

St. Louis University suggests that frequent driving might raise the risk of skin cancer on body parts used while steering.  ***Which is why I always apply sun block to my hands, arms, and knees.



A small country church was planning a chili supper for the homeless, and John’s wife, Florence, agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program asked Florence how she would describe her chili — three alarm or four alarm. After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other chili donations, Florence replied, “I guess you’d call mine false alarm.”


What if vegetables tasted like chocolate?

Do you hate it when your parents make you eat spinach? Karla Homeski does. That’s why the 11-year-old invented a pill that makes the veggie taste like yummy chocolate candy. “It has chemicals that fool your taste buds,” explained the fifth-grade science whiz. “It works for other yucky-tasting vegetables too, like asparagus. The pill makes them taste like M&Ms.” Incredibly, Karla concocted the pill using nothing but a chemistry kit her father bought for just $15. “A company has offered us $2 million for the marketing rights – that kit turned out to be a great investment,” said Karla’s proud dad. ***MARLAR: Ah, what you can find in Weekly World News!


The Bible still has the answers.
Prayer still works.
The Spirit can still move.
God still inhabits praise.
There is still anointed preaching.
There is still anointed singing.
God still pours out blessings.
There’s still room at the cross.
Jesus still loves you.
Jesus still saves.


But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. – (Numbers 14:10)
Have you ever had to stand up against the majority for a cause that wasn’t popular? God brought the Israelites out of Egypt and promised He would lead them into a land of milk and honey. The process of moving out of Egypt was difficult. They could no longer do things the old way, for the old ways didn’t work in the desert. God provided for them during this journey. But there came a point in which the people forgot what God had said. Their discomfort changed their belief about God.
Whenever God is slow to answer our prayers, what we believe about God is revealed. Do we change our plans and move in a different direction when pressure mounts? Or do we continue on the path God has directed for us? Four men believed what God said and were willing to stand; however, the crowd wanted to stone them.
Notice Joshua and Caleb’s response to the situation. They had spied the land. They believed God. They challenged the crowd. They seemed to know that if the Lord was not pleased with them they would not enter into the Promised Land. Those who grumbled did not enter the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb and a new generation saw the fulfillment of God’s promise.
Has God called you to stand for a cause bigger than yourself? You will have opposition to His call; sometimes it even comes from those in your own camp. But if God has called you, then you can be sure He will make a way. He has already opened the way before you. But you must walk in faith, joined with Him to take the land.
…Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).



I always suspected that my handwriting was getting worse as I got older – but I never knew why. Apparently, it’s because I spend so much time on the computer. According to a new survey in Japan, most people under the age of 25 have not even once in their lives picked up a pen to write a formal letter. Even job applications and complaint letters to companies are sent via email nowadays. The survey also shows that about half of the people never use correct punctuation, style or grammar, and the internet has been used numerous times to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. ***MARLAR: Now you know where the term “Scuzzy drive” came from.



CNNMoney.com offers these six ways drivers typically waste gas every on every trip:

  • Racing away from green lights — When the light turns green, you don’t have to take off as quickly as possible.

  • Racing up to red lights — When you’re driving down the street, and you see a light red light or stop sign up ahead, you should lay off the gas sooner rather than later.

  • Confusing the highway with a speedway — Even if it doesn’t involve hard acceleration, speeding wastes gas. The faster you go, the more air your vehicle has to push out of the way.

  • Bumper-buzzing — Tailgating is a bad move for many reasons. First of all, it’s unsafe… and tailgating wastes gas. Every time the driver ahead taps his brakes, you have to slow down even more than he did. Then you accelerate again wasting gas.

  • Driving standing still — You’ve probably heard that it takes more gas to restart a car than to let it run. But with modern engines it takes very little extra gas to restart a car once it’s warmed up. Idling, meanwhile, burns about a half-mile worth of gas every minute.

  • Short hops — For really short trips, take advantage of the opportunity to get some exercise. Try walking to the store instead of driving. You can save gas and burn a few calories instead.



What frightens you the most in this world? According to kids, it could be (gasp!), PARENTS!

According to kids, parents are even scarier than dinosaurs and aliens. A survey has found, however, that the one-eyed monster Cyclops is even scarier than parents. The survey of children aged 4 to 10 found that dragons, Dracula and Frankenstein, also terrified them. ***MARLAR: Apparently, these kids haven’t seen me first thing in the morning!  People can’t look directly at or they might turn to stone.



  • In prison, you get three square meals a day.  At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your

  • kids to eat it.

  • In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and  mingle.  At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can’t sleep without his latest Lego creation.

  • In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.  At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote

  • control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

  • In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.  At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

  • In prison, all your medical care is free.  At home, you have to pawn your mother’s silver and fill out trillions

  • of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.

  • In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.  At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

  • In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.  At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else’s space, too, and what is free time again?

  • In prison, you get your own personal toilet.  At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you’re done so you can do something for them.

  • In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.  At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else’s, and get yelled at because somebody’s favorite shirt isn’t clean.

  • In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.  At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.

  • In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.  At home, you have to lug around everybody else’s stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

  • In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn’t.  At home…. well… never mind.  I’m beginning to wonder what the downside of jail is.



Do you know anyone with really bad habits at the office? Here are a few excerpts from a CareerBuilder.com article:

Bad Habit: Missing deadlines. What you think: “If it’s only a little late, it doesn’t mean anything.” What it really says: Your colleagues and boss can’t count on you. What to do: Don’t view deadlines as negotiable. Remind yourself that people are counting on you to do your job well, which includes completing tasks on time. Even if you just barely missed the deadline and everything turned out OK, you probably caused your teammates a lot of anxiety and extra work, which they won’t forget.

Bad Habit: Dressing unprofessionally. What you think: “I’m the office free spirit with a quirky sense of style!” What it really says: You don’t take the job seriously. What to do: You don’t have to be a boring dresser to be professional, but you shouldn’t look like you’re about to go clubbing or strutting down a runway. Take a cue from your co-workers to see what’s considered acceptable in the office.

Bad Habit: Not being punctual. What you think: “As long as I get all my work in, nobody cares.” What it really says: You think your time is more important than everybody else’s. What to do: Stick to the schedule. Everyone in your office would like to sleep in a little or leave early, but they don’t because people rely on them to be on time.

Bad Habit: Checking your e-mail, playing games, shopping. What you think: “I’m discreet.” What it really says: You’re not doing your job. What to do: Keep the fun stuff to a minimum. Most employers don’t mind if you check your e-mail every once in awhile or read your favorite blog for a few minutes in the morning. They begin to care when you minimize that game of Scrabulous every time they walk by your desk. You’re being paid to work, not play.

Bad Habit: Gossiping. What you think: “I’m just saying what I heard.” What it really says: You can’t be trusted. What to do: Sure, everybody gossips a little here and there, but it shouldn’t be your livelihood. Eventually you’ll gain a reputation for not keeping anything confidential –whether it’s a personal matter or work-related. Plus, your chattering could end up hurting somebody’s feelings or reputation.

Bad Habit: Being negative. What you think: “Everybody complains.” What it really says: You’re the person to avoid. What to do: It’s natural to grumble about work once in awhile. If you gripe and moan when you’re asked to do anything, however, people will not only get annoyed, they’ll wonder why you don’t just quit. Keep in mind that work isn’t always fun; keep the complaints to a minimum.

Bad Habit: Trying to be everybody’s best friend. What you think: “I’m just sociable.” What it really says: You don’t know how to set boundaries. What to do: It’s not uncommon for friendships to develop at work, but don’t expect it to happen with everybody. Unless you have reason to do otherwise, treat your superiors, colleagues and subordinates like professionals, not like drinking buddies.


(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


(Stories to get your dander up! Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


And remember, in the immortal words of Ben Franklin, “If we don’t stick together, we will all stick separately.”  Hmmm. Okay, perhaps I over-edited that one.


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JUNE 08, 2018…

Hearts Beat Loud-–This is a film in which a father and his daughter decide they want to start their own band. Maybe, do a little DJ, too.  Does it work? Well, some of the time. Stars Nick Offerman and Kiersey Clemons. What is on your Play List? Offerman has Tom Watts “Get Behind The Mule” and Kiersey Clemons has “Jamming” by Bob Marley & the Wailers.” “Hearts Beat Loud” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Hereditary—This is a movie about relatives.  Specifically, dead relatives who make up a family’s history.  In this case, a family gets together after the death of the head lady of the family. To say that family history and information comes forth is putting it mildly.  This film caused a stir at the last Sundance Film Festival. Hold on to your arm rests.  The stars are Toni Collette, Gabriel Byrne, Alex Wolff and Milly Shapiro. “Hereditary” is rated R. No rating.

Hotel Artemis—The year is 2028 AD and Los Angeles is beset by riots. Sound familiar?  In this setting, criminals come to a “special” hotel to have medical treatment done. Head of the “hotel” is Jodie Foster.  So, this is what the future holds for health insurance? Also, in the cast are Sterling F. Brown, Sofia Boutella and Jeff Goldblum (what, no dinosaurs?) “Hotel Artemis” is rated R. No rating.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? —This delightful and informative documentary about one of television’s most loved people, features Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers). This talented man showed children and adults that kindness is more than just a word in the dictionary. Rogers did his own drawings and material and songs and his neighborhood was the one everyone wanted to live in. Directed by Morgan Neville, this is family entertainment. “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” is rated G. Rating of 4 for fans and you all know who you are. By the way, Tom Hanks is looking at starring as Fred Rogers in a future film.

Ocean’s 8—The “Ocean’s 11, etc.” films starring George Clooney, were classy tales of major robberies that went off like clockwork. This time, there are ladies who do the planning and the heist. Here is the cast: Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Anne Hathaway, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter and Awkwafina. Anne Hathaway plays the role of the rich, spoiled actress who has a diamond necklace the size of a harness. To say the character Hathaway plays is vain is putting it mildly. As you can imagine, fashion is top on the list of watchables. Basic plot is that there is pre-planning, a heist, and how to get away with it. Sandra Bullock’s character is Debbie, Danny Ocean’s sister. Each person on the team has a special skill. “Ocean’s 8” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

JUNE 15, 2018…

Incredibles 2 is the long-awaited sequel to the first “Incredibles” film with a power family. Voices of Craig T. nelson and Holly Hunter.

Superfly is a remake of the 1972 film about a drug dealer. This version stars Trevor Jackson from television’s “American Crime.”

Set It Up is a comedy where two junior executives try to match up their bosses. Stars Zoey Deutch and Glen Powell.

Tag takes the children’s game and humorously brings it into the adult world where guys try to out-do each other. Stars Jon Hamm and Ed Helms.

Gotti (this film was to have opened in the fall of 2017) stars John Travolta as John Gotti.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.