June 13, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150613

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

You are listening to the show for the disc jockeys’ disc jockey. Yes, gang, every other disc jockey in town listens to this show. It makes them feel better about their own shows.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins.” – Matthew 26:28

 

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. — Psalm 19:1-2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever. — Psalm 28:9

 

Thought: While most of us are familiar with the very personal declaration about God as shepherd in Psalm 23. This Psalm is a plea for God to actively shepherd all of his people today and into the far distant future. It is also a great reminder of how important it is for us to pray for God’s presence in the lives of his children wherever, and “whenever” they are!

 

Prayer: Eternal Father, the great “I AM,” please bless me as I seek to pass on faith to my children. Bless them and their generation, and lead them in your truth so that they may pass on a vibrant and passionate faith to their children. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 6:13 NIV = Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – JUNE 13, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 196 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL OPEN A WINDOW DAY, to let in the sounds and smells of spring before it’s too late.  ***MARLAR: (Sniff) Ah… (LOCAL FARM TOWN)… smell our dairy air!

 

Today is The QUEEN’S OFFICIAL BIRTHDAY, the official birthday celebration of England’s Queen Elizabeth II. Her actual birthday is April 21.  ***MARLAR: So she was born on April 21st, but her “official” birthday is June 13th? Would you think the “official” birthday would be on the official day you were born? And what’s so wrong with April 21st that you don’t want to celebrate your birthday on it?

 

Today is WORK AT HOME FATHER’S DAY, a day to honor and celebrate fathers who choose to work from home. ***MARLAR: By the way, if you sit in front of a computer all day long surfing and playing Solitaire – but it’s all on the same computer that you run your home business from… that still counts.

 

Today is NATIONAL LOBSTER DAY.  ***MARLAR: Lobsters are people too, you know – and you can help a lobster today by going to your local grocer or seafood restaurant, buying a live lobster, and then setting it free in the woods!

 

LOBSTER YUM

Hey… it’s National Lobster Day – and one man decided to be nice to the lobsters in a supermarket… almost getting himself arrested in the process!

A New York man grew upset at seeing lobsters, with rubber bands on their claws, piled atop one another in a supermarket tank, so he figured it was time to make his anger known. Joel Freedman bought a pound of scallops and, before anyone could intervene, lifted the tank lid and dumped them in. Employees at the Wegmans store quickly surrounded him. Freedman refused to leave until the Lobsters had their fill, so the police were summoned. After several more minutes of loud conversation, he exited the store on police orders not to return. Freedman argued that lobsters are inhumanely treated since they’re not fed and are often crowded into supermarket tanks. ***MARLAR: So he’s concerned about lobster overcrowding and their not being fed – but he’s totally okay with dropping lobsters, still alive, into boiling water?

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Poultry Festival (13-14)

World Bike Naked Day

International Young Eagles Day

Missing Mutts Awareness Day

Queen’s Official Birthday

World Gin Day

World Juggling Day

Worldwide Knit & Crochet in Public Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, JUNE 14

Abused Women and Children’s Awareness Day

Army’s Birthday

Children’s Sunday

Multicultural American Child Day

Family History Day

Flag Day

Magic Circles Day

National Bourbon Day

Pause for the Pledge Day

Race Unity Day

World Blood Donor Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 15

Global Wind Day

Magna Carta Day

Native American Citizenship Day

Nature Photography Day

National Day of Prayer for Law Enforcement Officers

Ride to Work Day (Motorcycles)

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day

Worldwide Day of Giving

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 16

Bloomsday

Fudge Day

Ladies’ Day (Baseball)

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 17

Eat Your Vegetables Day

Stewarts Root Beer Day

World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 18

International Sushi Day

Dump the Pump Day

Ramadan (6/18-7/16)

Recess at Work Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 19

Garfield the Cat Day

Juneteenth

National Flip Flop Day

Ugliest Dog Day

Work at Home Father’s Day

World Sickle Cell Day

World Sauntering Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day

Dollars Against Diabetes Days

Flitch of Bacon Day

Polar Bear Swim

World Productivity Day

World Refugee Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 21

Alzheimer’s Awareness Day

Ann & Samantha Day

Atheists Solidarity Day

Cuckoo Warning Day

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Go Skateboarding Day

National Daylight Appreciation Day

National Selfie Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Summer Solstice (12:38pm)

Tall Girl Appreciation Day

World Handshake Day

World Humanist Day

World Music Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

323 BC: Alexander the Great, conqueror of the entire known world, died of a fever in Babylon at age 33. Taken to Egypt, his body was preserved in honey until centuries later when Caligula desecrated the tomb.

 

1898: The Yukon Territory was organized in Canada; Dawson was named its capital.

 

1916: A U. S. patent was issued for the Peeping Tom Rifle. It featured a curved barrel and periscope and was designed to shoot around corners.

 

1966: In a case involving 23-year-old Ernesto Miranda, the U.S. Supreme Court granted criminal suspects the right to remain silent and to have an attorney present during questioning. Miranda was retried, convicted, sent back to prison, paroled, and stabbed to death during a 1976 card game in Phoenix.

 

1979: Darla Hood died. With Alfalfa, Spanky, Buckwheat, and the other Little Rascals, she entertained every generation since the 1920s.

 

1980: The Broadway musical Grease closed after 3,883 performances. (

)

 

1991: An Atlanta firm paid $2.4-million for an original copy of the U.S. Declaration of Independence in New York. A flea market buff had found the document stuffed in the frame of a $4.00 painting.

 

1996: Marine police and bomb disposal experts swung into action when a bomb was reported bobbing around in Hong Kong harbor. Fortunately, the “bomb” turned out to be a giant sausage.

 

1997: Michael Jordan scored 39 points as the Chicago Bulls beat the Utah Jazz 90-86 to win their fifth NBA championship in seven years.

 

1999: A wren and her two chicks finally flew in Kinturk, Ireland, seven weeks after the mother bird made a nest in 16-year-old Cathy O’Hagan’s lacy bra on the family clothesline.

 

2003: A fisherman in Surin, Thailand, had emergency surgery to remove a live fish from his throat. The 26-year-old man was holding the fish in his mouth so his hands would be free to hold a fishing rod and rebait the line. But the fish pushed its way further into his mouth and got jammed in his throat. He managed to get home and his wife took him to a hospital.

 

2005: In Olathe, Kansas, a 17-year-old student was charged with battery after he threw up on his Spanish teacher. Witnesses told police the boy did it on purpose. A month later the juvenile was convicted and sentenced to four months cleaning up vomit from police cars.

 

2005: In Santa Maria, California, a jury acquitted singer Michael Jackson of charges he molested a 13-year-old cancer survivor at Jackson’s Neverland ranch.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1231: Anthony of Padua dies at age 36. His mentor, Francis of Assisi, wrote early in his ministry, “It pleases me that you teach sacred theology to the brothers, as long as—in the words of the Rule—you ‘do not extinguish the Spirit of prayer and devotion’ with study of this kind.” With this blessing, Anthony went on to a life of teaching and preaching, becoming the most popular and effective preacher of his day.

 

1525: German reformer Martin Luther marries Katherine von Bora, 16 years his younger, having sneaked her and several other nuns out of their Cistercian convent in empty herring barrels two years earlier. Many viewed the marriage, which lasted 21 happy years, as a scandal.

 

1910: Many Christians are killed in the Boxer rebellion in China, an anti-foreigner movement sponsored by the empress.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actresses & billionaires (“Full House”) Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen 29 ***MARLAR: Wow – what are the odds they’d both be born on the same day! (
    )
  • Actor (Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear, “Home Improvement,” The Santa Clause) Tim Allen, 62 (
    )
  • actor (“The Waltons”) Richard Thomas is 63 (
    )
  • actor (Die Hard With A Vengeance, Star Trek: Generations, My Life So Far) Malcolm McDowell 72

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1940 : Bobby Freeman

1949 : Dennis Locorriere (Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show)

1951 : Howard Leese (Heart)

1954 : Bo Donaldson (Robert Walter Donaldson

1955 : Jorge Santana (Malo)

1957 : Rolf Brendel (Nena)

1963 : Paul DeLisle (Smash Mouth)

1968 : David Gray

1969 : Soren Rasted (Aqua)

1970 : Rivers Cuomo (Weezer)

1985 : Raz B (B2K)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we call that children’s game hopscotch?

Well if the kids played it on a tartan-design playing area, the name might be self-evident. But not only is that not the etymology, the origin of the name has nothing to do with any part of the British Isles either. The game – called scotch hoppers in the seventeenth century – is played on squares cut into the ground or marked on pavement. The name was derived from the Old French word “escocher,” which meant to cut or mark. It was anglicized to “scotch.” From the same source, we get butterscotch (didn’t you ever wonder about that) which is simply butter-colored candy cut into squares.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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Bart Millard may have found a way around the commandment thou shalt not covet. He posted a picture of an antique pickup with the caption: Wish I had this and the guy who owns it had a nicer one. See what I did? I’m just thinking of the owner.

 

A bit of trivia about Mat Kearney: My legs have been exceptionally white since the 90’s.

 

Kerrie Roberts says road life isn’t as glamorous as you might imagine. She tweeted: because of a lot of reasons, my dressing room is my vehicle. I use the QuickTime movie on my laptop for a mirror and a road pro plug for my curling iron.

 

Another groaner from Citizenway: 

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room who thinks he’s invisible.

Doctor: Tell him I am very busy and can’t see him right now.

 

Jonny Diaz has found his dog Rudy’s sweet spot. He said if you pet him between the eyes, Rudy will fall asleep in any position. No word on if it will also work on Jonny.

 

Citizenway’s David Blascoe was originally worried about the volume of his drums when he recently moved into a new house. Now he says he’s not nearly as concerned. He said the kids are so loud that: I doubt anybody will even hear me.

 

Jason Gray was enjoying some Canadian contraband recently. He shared on line: A new friend drove from Canada to the show last night bringing two of Canada’s greatest treasures. They are the only donut that Jason says he will eat, Tim Horton’s Honey Crullers, and the only candy bar that he will eat, the Cadbury Wunderbar. Jason said: I’m not big on junk food, and I’m trying to be good, but it’s hard when these goodies come along.

 

Casting Crowns Juan DeVevo was having a bad day. While he was tweeting that he broke his phone screen he cut his finger on one of the cracks.

 

Some good news from Kutless member James Mead if you are from the country of Brazil. He tweeted: My favorite tweets are from Brazilians.

 

Natalie Grant recently shared the following thought online: Motherhood. You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

2 girls told to close lemonade stand for lack of permit
OVERTON, Texas (AP) — Two Texas girls whose lemonade stand was shut down because they lacked a permit will instead offer the drink for free. HASH(0x13f7fa0) A police officer on Monday approached the stand, which offered lemonade for 50 cents and “kettle korn” for $1. In patrol-car video, the…

 

Man dismissed from jury duty for wearing prisoner costume    photo
ST. JOHNSBURY, Vt. (AP) — A Vermont man has escaped jury duty — by getting dismissed for wearing a prisoner costume. James Lowe of Barnet says he was released from jury duty on Tuesday when he showed up to court wearing a black-and-white-striped jumpsuit with a matching beanie….
Typo corrected on Ernie Pyle statue at Indiana University
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) — Ernie Pyle’s statue has filed a correction. The bronze statue of the famed World War II journalist on the Bloomington campus of Indiana University had misspelled the word “correspondent” by dropping an “r.” But on Wednesday, a bronze artist from Detroit fixed the…
Report of plane crash actually monster truck’s bath time    photo
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. (AP) — Ambulances, law enforcement officers and several emergency responders rushed to a property in southwest Missouri upon receiving a report of a possible plane crash. Instead, they found a man washing his jet-powered semi — named “Shockwave” — on Monday…
Police: Woman reports drug deal rip-off, ends up charged
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say a South Florida woman who called 911 to report that she was getting stiffed in a drug deal ended up reporting on herself: She now faces charges including drug possession. The Broward Sheriff’s Office reports that 19-year-old Daneshia Heller told a…
Missing 50-pound pet tortoise is found alive and well
PLAINFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Frank, a 50-pound pet tortoise, has been found in western Michigan after a two-day search. Owner Bradley Clark tells The Grand Rapids Press that he got a call from someone who said the tortoise was munching on flowers Tuesday, 7 miles from home in Kent…
‘Throwing shade’; Taco Bell execs bone up on youth lingo    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Taco Bell executives are studying a strange new vocabulary emerging on this side of the border — the lingo of its young customers. CEO Brian Niccol said the company features a “Millennial Word of the Week” at its headquarters as a reminder of how the chain’s biggest fan…
Colorado sees 1st camp resort for pot users
DURANGO, Colo. (AP) — Colorado is full of all-inclusive ranch resorts where guests hike, fish, play horseshoes and roast marshmallows. This one has a new offering — smoking pot. The 170-acre CannaCamp opening July 1 in Durango in southwest Colorado calls itself the nation’s first…
Homeless man gets back nearly $10k in cash left on bus bench
LAUDERDALE-BY-THE-SEA, Fla. (AP) — A South Florida homeless man has been reunited with an inheritance of nearly $10,000 in cash, stuffed into two envelopes, which he’d accidentally left on a bus bench. A Broward County sheriff’s deputy and a good Samaritan found the cash and authorities were…
Traps set for remaining loose piglets after Ohio truck crash    photo
XENIA, Ohio (AP) — Federal officials are setting traps for any piglets that may still be in the area after a semitrailer carrying 2,200 of them overturned on an Ohio highway. HASH(0x1428540) Agencies and volunteers worked to corral the animals after the Monday night crash. About 1,100 of the…
Report: Chimps enjoy fermented palm sap, get drunk off it
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — Chimpanzees in West Africa get inebriated during lengthy “drinking sessions” featuring the fermented sap of palm trees — normally used to make palm wine — according to a new study published Wednesday. The report in the journal Royal Society Open Science…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

South Korea reports 10th death from MERS virus    photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — South Korea reported a 10th death from the MERS virus on Thursday, although officials say they believe the disease has peaked. The victim was a 65-year-old man who had been treated for lung cancer and was hospitalized in the same facility as another MERS patient, the…

 

Spike in heroin overdoses takes toll on Ohio town’s psyche    photo
MARION, Ohio (AP) — The usual handwringing over the heroin problem turned into panic in this small city in May when a supercharged blue-tinted batch from Chicago sent more than 30 overdose victims to the hospital and two to the morgue in a 12-day stretch. Like many places in America, Marion…
Health officials tell US doctors to watch for MERS
NEW YORK (AP) — Health officials are advising U.S. doctors to be on the lookout for people sickened by Middle East respiratory syndrome, also called MERS, following an outbreak in South Korea. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Thursday reminded doctors to ask patients with…
Advocates aim to extend benefits for 9/11 first responders
WASHINGTON (AP) — Advocates for ailing Sept. 11 first responders urged Congress on Thursday to permanently extend a law providing medical monitoring and treatment for the rescue workers, saying they need reassurance that their health care will not be cut off. Dr. John Howard, the…
FDA panel backs Amgen cholesterol drug for some patients    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health advisers said Wednesday that a highly-anticipated cholesterol-lowering drug from Amgen Inc. should be approved for patients with dangerously high levels of the artery-clogging substance. But as with their review of a similar drug a day earlier, the Food and…
Study: Rape prevention training works, cuts sex assault risk    photo
A program that taught college women ways to prevent sexual assault cut in half the chances they would be raped over the next year, a Canadian study found. It was the first large, scientific test of resistance training, and the strong results should spur more universities to offer it, experts say….
NYC Health Department proposes high-sodium warning on menus    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — New York City’s Health Department wants all chain restaurants to warn customers about products that are high in salt. The department voted on Wednesday to consider the proposal at a meeting of the Board of Health that all chain restaurants add a salt-shaker-like symbol on…
Johnson & Johnson starts project to prevent Type 1 diabetes    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson has begun a research partnership to find the root cause of Type 1 diabetes and stop the hormonal disorder in its tracks. It’s the health care giant’s first project under its ambitious initiative to prevent or at least intercept and reduce harm from many…
San Francisco moves to put warnings on ads for sugary drinks    photo
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Soda and some other sugary drinks contribute to health problems, San Francisco supervisors said as they voted unanimously to approve health warnings on ads for such beverages. The soda industry said it might sue to block the ordinance, while supporters said they will seek…
Blue Bell: Listeria source likely ID’d at Oklahoma plant
HOUSTON (AP) — Blue Bell Creameries believes the listeria found at its Oklahoma facility is likely linked to a non-sanitary room, though the company has not been able to pinpoint a single source for the contamination at its Texas plant, according to a report released Wednesday. The…
Health head: Congress’ problem if court voids health law aid    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congress and the states will need to find an answer if the Supreme Court strikes down the federal subsidies that are a foundation of President Barack Obama’s health care law, his health secretary told lawmakers Wednesday. Sylvia Burwell also said the president would reject…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Zero in Roman Numerals”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Thor Ramsey, “Drunk Proposal”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Rita the Skunk received an “A” on the first day of turning in her Accelerated Math homework. And on her second day she received a gold star! But the truth is that Rita doesn’t deserve either of those things – because she’s been manipulating her Uncle Racquet to do her homework for her… and it’s getting harder!

 

CLOSE: Well now, look who suddenly has in interest in learning! And look who’s having difficulty doing so! Will Rita be able to learn addition, subtraction, multiplication and long-division before school? That’s some major cramming! We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 13/14, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were completely exhausted from trying to keep up with their own schedules. They didn’t have time for all of their chores, didn’t have time for friends, meetings, even quick conversations! After collapsing from the stress, a group of very peaceful turtles wandered by…

 

CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another episode in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A father and son in West Virginia argued over the best way to prepare skinless chicken for dinner, and end up in a very dangerous and stupid Moment of Duh! 

Unfortunately, one of the secret herbs and spices in this recipe turned out to be lead. What started out as a physical confrontation, soon escalated into a gunfight. Police say each man fired a .22-caliber handgun at the other. Harley Shrader was struck by a bullet that went through the upper part of his right ear and lodged in the back of his head. He was treated at a hospital and released. The father was not injured. ***MARLAR: Oh, by the way… Happy Father’s Day!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO DURING YOUR DRIVER’S TEST

 

  1. Rate your instructor.

 

  1. As you drive mumble commentary as if your car is driving the Indy 500, “Oh my gosh they’re heading into turn four too fast.”

 

  1. When the test examiner gets in put on a blind fold and say, “I’m such a good driver I can do this without looking!”

 

  1. Ask if they can make the test quick, ’cause you need to get your license plates back on the owner’s car.

 

  1. Play punch-Bug with the DMV examiner.

 

  1. Use your cell phone to report yourself as a suspicious driver.

 

  1. Pull out a braille map just before starting the car.

 

  1. Keep asking the instructor if he notices that car following you.

 

  1. Use a hearse as the test vehicle. Ask if the “guy in the back” is considered a ‘”passenger.”

 

  1. Acknowledge every instruction with “10-4, Rubber Duckie.”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man gets fired for foiling a robbery… despite the fact that he’s a bank guard!

 

FILE #1: A man walks into a bank wearing pantyhose and a bandana. He yells out, ”I’ve got a gun and I’m going to shoot the first person who moves. Give me the money or I’ll start shooting.” The bank guard sneaks up on the robber who is six inches taller than him, wraps his arms around the robber and shuffles him out a back door where he wrestles him to the ground, slapping handcuffs on him. The FBI pats him on the back and tells him he did the right thing. That he is a hero. What do you suppose the bank did? They fired him. Why did Charter One Bank in Cleveland fire him? They say he’s only there to be a deterrent and get a good description of the robber.

 

FILE #2: First mistake: Robbing a bank. Second mistake: Returning the rental car used for the getaway. Police say Tony Abercrombie was arrested while he tried to return a car to Enterprise Rent-A-Car. They say the car was used in a bank robbery less than an hour before in nearby Meta, Kentucky. Abercrombie is now charged with robbery and faces extradition to Kentucky.

 

FILE #3: In Toronto, Canada, two men tried to obtain a huge line of credit from a bank. They put up as collateral $25 billion in fake U.S. government bonds. These bonds pictured former president Grover Cleveland and were supposedly issued in 1930. And on the back of the bonds was the complete address of the Federal Reserve Bank in Washington, D.C., right down to the zip code. And that’s where their grand plan went wrong. The zip code wasn’t introduced until 1963. Busted!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Long Beach, California, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

I’m not sure WHOSE brain is actually on drugs in this story – if anybody’s, but it’s still a great story.

A traveler has managed to make a $10,000 drug score in Japan. The problem is that he doesn’t even know it. It seems that an officer at Narita International Airport planted some marijuana into a random black suitcase coming off an overseas flight so that a drug sniffing dog could get some practice. However, the dog couldn’t find it and the officer forgot which bag he put it in. Airport officials are asking that if the passenger finds it in their suitcase, to please return it.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Have you ever been to a class reunion? Was it a good experience, or a bad one? I skipped mine for fear that I’d be fatter than everybody else… but I hear I do have more hair! What was YOUR class reunion experience?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the third son of Adam and Eve?
ANSWER: Seth (Genesis 4:25)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What can be driven, but has no wheels, and can be sliced, and still remain whole?

ANSWER: A golf ball.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Shakespeare invented the expression, “Laugh it off.” (True)

 

  1. Every U.S. President that has had a beard has been Democrat. (False – Republican)

 

  1. There are 218 peanuts in a 28-ounce jar of Jif peanut butter. (False, there are 1,218)

 

  1. The blood pressure of a healthy human is about the same as that of a spider. (True)

 

  1. The Roadrunner in the cartoons never spoke. (False – he spoke once. The first and last time the Roadrunner spoke was in the 1951 Bugs Bunny cartoon, Operation: Rabbit.)

 

  1. During World War II, it was against the law in Germany to name a horse Adolf. (True)

 

  1. Americans use more than 116,000 tons of aspirin a year. (False – 16,000 tons)

 

  1. Every square inch of the human body has an average of 32 million bacteria on it. (True. Eww.)

 

  1. The shoestring was invented in England in 1890. (False, 1790. And prior to this time all shoes were fastened with buckles.)

 

  1. Rome has more homeless cats per square mile than any other city in the world. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GLOBAL _______ THREATENS EARTH! (COOLING!)

Shocked scientists told reporters that the Earth is cooling at a dramatic and alarming rate.

Global warming  has been the subject of so many discussions in recent years, but scientists now say that the world is not warming, but instead is becoming cooler – by the day!

According to scientists from the Pulkovo Observatory in St.Petersburg, solar activity is decreasing significantly, so the average yearly temperature will decline at a rapid rate.

Scientists from Britain and the US are forecasting a 5-10 degree (Fahrenheit) drop in global temperatures – over the next five years!

“This is catastrophic for the planet,” said Dr. John Malley, the head of the U.N. Panel on Global Cooling.   “The United Nations is issuing an alert to all the countries on the planet.  The planet could very well freeze over entirely by 2100.”

Scientists predict that most major cities that are on the coast, will be frozen over in the next thirty years.  ”There’s nothing we can do to stop it. The sun is just not as powerful as it used to be,” said Dr. Malley.

Experts say that the Arctic ice is getting thicker by the day.  ”Even places like Jamaica will have an average daily temperature of only 40 degrees (Fahrenheit) within five years.”

Solar activity follows different cycles, including an 11-year cycle, a 90-year cycle and a 200-year cycle.  Scientist predict that this “cold spell” will last 200-250 years and by that time, all life on earth will have been extinguished.

“We are in for a cooling period that lasts 200-250 years. The period of low solar activity won’t end until about 2275.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids talking about the yellow flower. He decides he wants to find out what it is. He gets to school and says to his teacher, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?”
His teacher says, “I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my classroom! Go to the Principal’s office!”
The little boy goes up to the Principal’s office, and the Principal asks him, “What are you doing up here, son?”
The little boy replies, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent me up here. What is it?”
The Principal says, “I will not have that kind of talk in my school! You are expelled from this school and every other school in the state! Get out!”
So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, “What are you doing home so early?”
“I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, and the Principal expelled me from every school in the state. What is the yellow flower?”
His mother says, “Go up to your room! You’re going to bed without dinner. I’ll send your father up to talk to you when he gets home.”
So the little boy goes up to his room, and about 5:00 his dad got home from work. He went up to the boy’s room and said, “Your mom tells me you’ve been a bad boy. What did you do?”
“Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner. What’s the yellow flower?”
His dad says, “Get out of my house son! I don’t ever want to see you again!”
The little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later and policeman stopped him. He asked him why he was walking by himself so late at night. The little boy says, “Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house. Can you tell me what the yellow flower is?”

The policeman says, “That’s enough of that! You’re going to jail for 99 years!”
99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is. So he heads to his old school where it all started. As he was crossing the street, he got hit by a car and he died.
What’s the moral of the story?

Look both ways before crossing the street.

 

JOKE #2

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.  He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.  Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

He thought for a moment and then said, “I would pass an offering plate.”
He got the job.

 

JOKE #3

A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist’s office wearing a dancer’s tutu, flippers and a scuba mask.

The psychologist, humoring him, asks, “What seems to be the problem?”

The man answers, “Well, Doc, I’m worried about my brother…”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

In China, a man left his wife… she took revenge by burning the 400 cell phones they had for sale at their business.  ***MARLAR: Strangely, an hour later she felt like burning 400 cell phones again.

 

In an attempt to curb child obesity, a West Virginia school district is implementing the interactive dancing video game “Dance, Dance Revolution.” ***MARLAR: This is a much better idea than what they did back in the 1980’s with FROGGER.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

CARPOOL

A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his carpool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: “I have a last minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave.”
At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped back at his desk and found this note: “Meet us at the restaurant across the street. You drove, you idiot.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Is it “FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS”, or is it “FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES”? For some, this slight difference is enough to fight about!

About 12 people were injured when a brawl erupted in a church in New Castle, Australia.  Believe it or not, the fight broke out over how to say the Lord’s Prayer. Some thought the line was “forgive us our trespasses” while others thought it was “forgive us our debts.”  ***MARLAR: Either way, it seems they were led into temptation and not delivered from evil.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

MOMENTS FOR LOVE

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

I had a three dog couch waiting on me when I got home this morning. As I came through the front door I saw that each cushion on my couch had a little, furry ball curled up on it, sleeping peacefully. I smiled when I saw this and petted each of them lovingly as I walked by. It only took a few seconds of my time, but it filled my heart with joy.

As we go through our often busy days it is funny how the best parts of them seem to be those little moments we make for sharing love. They take so little of our time and yet the rewards they bring us are beyond belief. They strengthen our hearts, uplift our souls, and energize our bodies. They make our lives a joy to live and a delight to share. They bring us peace, happiness, goodness, and most of all oneness with God. Three of the most important words in the Bible are: “God is love.” Every moment we spend living in love then is a moment spent living in oneness with God.

Try to spend and share some moments for love in your own life today. Pet your dogs, cuddle your cats, and feed the birds. Hug your loved ones, look them in the eye, and say “I love you.” Smile at the cashier in the store, give a compliment to a friend, and share a good laugh at work. Open a door for a stranger, help an elderly person with their bags, and do a few random acts of kindness when no one is looking. They only take a few seconds each day, but they bring you joy for a lifetime.

It takes so little time to live in love. It takes so few moments to share that love with the world. It is these moments, however, that join your heart to God’s and fill your life with light. Don’t miss out on them. Make time for them and choose them every day of your life. Moments of love lead to a lifetime of love and a lifetime of love leads to an eternity of love.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FOCUS ON BEING

READ: Matthew 6:25-34

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin. —Matthew 6:28

During a small-group exercise at a seminar, we were asked to introduce ourselves without referring to our occupations. The challenge was to explain who we are instead of telling what we do. It was not easy to focus on being instead of doing.

Dr. William H. Thomas, a geriatric specialist, has pointed out that babies begin life by being. As we approach adulthood, the emphasis shifts to accomplishment. Then, as we grow older and our energy wanes, we must refocus on being. “Elderhood brings us full circle,” Thomas says, “to a life that favors being over doing. This is a gift of great value.”

But the search for being isn’t confined to the sunset years. Jesus said that the proper focus is the antidote for anxiety at any age. He told His followers to look at the birds and flowers, which are not defined by what they do, and yet God cares for them.

Oswald Chambers said: “‘Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow’ . . . they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars, and the moon—all of these simply are as well, yet what a ministry and service they render.”

As Christians, our value to God comes not from what we do for Him, but in what we are to Him. Our being—more than our doing—glorifies His name.

—David C. McCasland

 

We’re members of God’s family,
We’re children of the King;
Because we’ve put our faith in Christ,
To us He’ll always cling.  —Sper

 

You are one of a kind—designed to glorify God as only you can.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Some airlines will do anything to make you pay more!

The Air Transport Association reports that among the tricks airlines are considering for cutting costs and upping revenues is the idea of treating passengers as cargo. They’d have to be weighed like baggage before takeoff and be charged by how much they weigh.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t that discrimination against Americans?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

How dumb do you have to be if you can’t even mow the grass without professional help?

I’ve told you before that I don’t do yard work at our house, right?  Yesterday I thought I’d surprise Robin and get the lawn mowed before she got home from work, but our gas-powered mower is in the shop, and our backup electric lawn mower refused to cooperate with me. It would run fine for a few seconds, then cut off, run again, cut off. Finally, I gave up and waited for Robin to get home.  She had a good laugh when she diagnosed the problem. Instead of plugging in the mower using a three-prong adapter, I had hooked up the cord through the Christmas-tree light blinker.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THE BIGGER THEY COME

There may be an UP side to being a little overweight. That is if you ever fall DOWN.

Heavy set people have a better chance of surviving a fall from a cliff or tall building than skinny people do. In a brand new worldwide survey of falling cases, those who were 15 to 30 pounds overweight had a much better survival rate than people who were at a healthier weight. Doctors say the extra layer of fat may protect the body from internal injuries.  ***MARLAR: And here I am wasting my time dieting!

 

 

FUN LIST

PARENT’S GLOSSARY OF KID’S KITCHEN TERMS

  • APPETIZING: Anything advertised on TV.
  • BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic “Yuck” before a food is even tasted.
  • CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
  • CHAIR: Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit.
  • COOKIE (LAST ONE): Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling.
  • DESSERTS: The reason for eating a meal.
  • EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
  • FAT: Microscopic substance detected visually by children on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat.
  • FLOOR: Place for all food not found on lap or chair.
  • FORK: Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers.
  • FRIED FOODS: Gourmet cooking.
  • FROZEN: Condition of children’s jaws when spinach is served.
  • FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
  • GERMS: The only thing kids will share freely.
  • KITCHEN: The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.
  • LEFTOVERS: Commonly described as “gross.”
  • LIVER: A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.
  • LOLLIPOP: A snack provided by people who don’t have to pay dental bills.
  • MACARONI: Material for a collage.
  • MEASURING CUP: A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox.
  • NAPKIN: Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.
  • NATURAL FOOD: Food eaten with unwashed hands.
  • NUTRITION: Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty.
  • PLATE: A breakable Frisbee.
  • REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
  • SODA POP: Shake’N Spray.
  • TABLE: A place for storing gum.
  • TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument
  • THIRSTY: How your child feels after you’ve said your final “good night.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SLEEPING ON THE JOB

Very soon, sleeping on the job may be a good thing!

What makes a job a great job? Excellent pay? Bonuses? Maybe the benefits? What about a nice afternoon nap? The United Kingdom Sleep Council has called for an end to the nine-to-five work day. They want more flexible hours for everyone. A recent survey shows that the majority of people are not fully alert in the middle of the day – so the sleep council is asking for companies to have a siesta time… a time for rest in the middle of the day. ***MARLAR: We love this idea here, so we’re introducing a new schedule.  We’ll do the morning show from 6a-8a, take a nap for an hour, and then finish up from 9a-10a.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Doctors will tell you that anxiety is hard on your health, and I hate when they say that because it makes me nervous. –James Lileks

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 12, 2015…

 

Jurassic World—Yes, we go back to that famous…or infamous island of creatures from long, long ago. They are still there and doing a great business. The theme park is functional and guests are happy.  You know when they are this happy, something will happen and it does…a rogue, intelligent dinosaur (think T-Rex). Now the chases begin. The cast includes Chris Pratt (“Guardians of the Galaxy”) and Bryce Dallas Howard.  “Jurassic World” is rated PG 13 and may be a reboot of the series.

 

Madame Bovary—Films like “Anna Karenina” or “Madame Bovary” are remade every 20 years or so. This time, Mia Wasikowska has the title role of the woman, married to a doctor and living away from high society,  who is dissatisfied with her marriage.  Also in the cast is Henry Lloyd-Hughes. “Madame Bovary” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (opening in select cities)—Thomas Mann stars in a film of teens who try to help a really ill friend by acting out famous movies of the past. Also in the cast are Olivia Cooke and R. J. Cyler. “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl” is rated

PG 13. No rating.

 

The Wolfpack (opening in select cities)—A documentary by Crystal Mosell  and it concerns the Angulo brothers, who are home-schooled and don’t leave the family apartment in New York City. The children become intensely interested in watching movies. “The Wolfpack” is not rated.

 

JUNE 17, 2015…

 

The Tribe is set in a school for the deaf and people communicate only in sign language. The film has won major awards.

 

JUNE 19, 2015…

 

Dope has a comedy about a boy from the streets who wants to attend Harvard. Stars Shameik Moore.

 

Inside Out is an animated film, one voice being Amy Poehler, and it concerns one’s emotions which have individual voices and individual personalities. Wasn’t there a TV series about this years ago?

 

Manglehorn has Al Pacino as a man who had a battle with relationships from his son to his two girlfriends.

 

The Overnight stars Adam Scott in a family about what happens when you invite someone to be your friend.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.