June 13, 2016: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160613

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

You are listening to the show for the disc jockeys’ disc jockey. Yes, gang, every other disc jockey in town listens to this show.  It makes them feel better about their own shows.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins.” – Matthew 26:28

 

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. — Psalm 19:1-2

 

Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever. — Psalm 28:9

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. — Matthew 5:16

 

Thought: As Christians, we are not called to isolate ourselves from culture. We are not called to be hermits or monks. Instead, we are to recognize that we are in a world of darkness and live as light — not as little candles tucked away in some inner bedroom, but as candles set on their stands so all can see their light or cities on a hill that can’t be hidden. Of course, our goal is not to call attention to ourselves, but to help others see the glorious grace of our Father.

 

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, may my life bless others today, and everyday, so they can see you and your love more clearly. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 6:13 NIV = Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JUNE 13, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 194 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL OPEN A WINDOW DAY, to let in the sounds and smells of spring before it’s too late.  ***MARLAR: (Sniff)  Ah… (LOCAL FARM TOWN)… smell our dairy air!

 

Today is The QUEEN’S OFFICIAL BIRTHDAY, the official birthday celebration of England’s Queen Elizabeth II. Her actual birthday is April 21.  ***MARLAR: So she was born on April 21st, but her “official” birthday is June 13th?  Would you think the “official” birthday would be on the official day you were born?  And what’s so wrong with April 21st that you don’t want to celebrate your birthday on it?

 

Today is WORK AT HOME FATHER’S DAY, a day to honor and celebrate fathers who choose to work from home.  ***MARLAR: By the way, if you sit in front of a computer all day long surfing and playing Solitaire – but it’s all on the same computer that you run your home business from… that still counts.

 

Today is NATIONAL LOBSTER DAY.  ***MARLAR: Lobsters are people too, you know – and you can help a lobster today by going to your local grocer or seafood restaurant, buying a live lobster, and then setting it free in the woods!

 

LOBSTER YUM

Hey… it’s National Lobster Day – and one man decided to be nice to the lobsters in a supermarket… almost getting himself arrested in the process!

A New York man grew upset at seeing lobsters, with rubber bands on their claws, piled atop one another in a supermarket tank, so he figured it was time to make his anger known. Joel Freedman bought a pound of scallops and, before anyone could intervene, lifted the tank lid and dumped them in. Employees at the Wegmans store quickly surrounded him. Freedman refused to leave until the Lobsters had their fill, so the police were summoned. After several more minutes of loud conversation, he exited the store on police orders not to return. Freedman argued that lobsters are inhumanely treated since they’re not fed and are often crowded into supermarket tanks. ***MARLAR: So he’s concerned about lobster overcrowding and their not being fed – but he’s totally okay with dropping lobsters, still alive, into boiling water?

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

(NONE TODAY)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, JUNE 14

Army’s Birthday

Family History Day

Flag Day

National Bourbon Day

Pause for the Pledge Day

World Blood Donor Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15

Global Wind Day

Magna Carta Day

Native American Citizenship Day

Nature Photography Day

National Day of Prayer for Law Enforcement Officers

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day

Worldwide Day of Giving

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 16

Bloomsday

Career Nurse Assistants Day

Fudge Day

Ladies’ Day (Baseball)

Dump the Pump Day

Recess At Work Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 17

Eat Your Vegetables Day

National Flip Flop Day

Stewarts Root Beer Day

Ugliest Dog Day

World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought

Work@Home Father’s Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 18

Dollars Against Diabetes Day

International Sushi Day

National Splurge Day

Polar Bear Swim

World Juggling Day

Worldwide Knit in Public Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 19

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Garfield the Cat Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Juneteenth

World Sickle Cell Day

World Sauntering Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day

Flitch of Bacon Day

Lambrusco Day

National Kouign Amann Day

Ride to Work On Your Motorcycle Day

Ryan Moran Day

Summer Solstice (6:34 PM EDT)

World Productivity Day

World Refugee Day

Ann & Samantha Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

323 BC: Alexander the Great, conqueror of the entire known world, died of a fever in Babylon at age 33. Taken to Egypt, his body was preserved in honey until centuries later when Caligula desecrated the tomb.

 

1898: The Yukon Territory was organized in Canada; Dawson was named its capital.

 

1916: A U. S. patent was issued for the Peeping Tom Rifle. It featured a curved barrel and periscope and was designed to shoot around corners.

 

1966: In a case involving 23-year-old Ernesto Miranda, the U.S. Supreme Court granted criminal suspects the right to remain silent and to have an attorney present during questioning. Miranda was retried, convicted, sent back to prison, paroled, and stabbed to death during a 1976 card game in Phoenix.

 

1979: Darla Hood died. With Alfalfa, Spanky, Buckwheat, and the other Little Rascals, she entertained every generation since the 1920s.

 

1980: The Broadway musical Grease closed after 3,883 performances. (

)

 

1991: An Atlanta firm paid $2.4-million for an original copy of the U.S. Declaration of Independence in New York. A flea market buff had found the document stuffed in the frame of a $4.00 painting.

 

1996: Marine police and bomb disposal experts swung into action when a bomb was reported bobbing around in Hong Kong harbor. Fortunately, the “bomb” turned out to be a giant sausage.

 

1997: Michael Jordan scored 39 points as the Chicago Bulls beat the Utah Jazz 90-86 to win their fifth NBA championship in seven years.

 

1999: A wren and her two chicks finally flew in Kinturk, Ireland, seven weeks after the mother bird made a nest in 16-year-old Cathy O’Hagan’s lacy bra on the family clothesline.

 

2003: A fisherman in Surin, Thailand, had emergency surgery to remove a live fish from his throat. The 26-year-old man was holding the fish in his mouth so his hands would be free to hold a fishing rod and rebait the line. But the fish pushed its way further into his mouth and got jammed in his throat. He managed to get home and his wife took him to a hospital.

 

2005: In Olathe, Kansas, a 17-year-old student was charged with battery after he threw up on his Spanish teacher. Witnesses told police the boy did it on purpose. A month later the juvenile was convicted and sentenced to four months cleaning up vomit from police cars.

 

2005: In Santa Maria, California, a jury acquitted singer Michael Jackson of charges he molested a 13-year-old cancer survivor at Jackson’s Neverland ranch.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1231: Anthony of Padua dies at age 36. His mentor, Francis of Assisi, wrote early in his ministry, “It pleases me that you teach sacred theology to the brothers, as long as—in the words of the Rule—you ‘do not extinguish the Spirit of prayer and devotion’ with study of this kind.” With this blessing, Anthony went on to a life of teaching and preaching, becoming the most popular and effective preacher of his day.

 

1525: German reformer Martin Luther marries Katherine von Bora, 16 years his younger, having sneaked her and several other nuns out of their Cistercian convent in empty herring barrels two years earlier. Many viewed the marriage, which lasted 21 happy years, as a scandal.

 

1910: Many Christians are killed in the Boxer rebellion in China, an anti-foreigner movement sponsored by the empress.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actresses & billionaires (“Full House”) Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen 30 ***MARLAR: Wow – what are the odds they’d both be born on the same day! (
    )
  • Actor (Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear, “Home Improvement,” The Santa Clause) Tim Allen, 63 (
    )
  • actor (“The Waltons”) Richard Thomas is 64 (
    )
  • actor (Die Hard With A Vengeance, Star Trek: Generations, My Life So Far, Batman Vs Superman) Malcolm McDowell 73

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1940 : Bobby Freeman

1949 : Dennis Locorriere (Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show)

1951 : Howard Leese (Heart)

1954 : Bo Donaldson (Robert Walter Donaldson

1955 : Jorge Santana (Malo)

1957 : Rolf Brendel (Nena)

1963 : Paul DeLisle (Smash Mouth)

1968 : David Gray

1969 : Soren Rasted (Aqua)

1970 : Rivers Cuomo (Weezer)

1985 : Raz B (B2K)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we call that children’s game hopscotch?

Well if the kids played it on a tartan-design playing area, the name might be self-evident. But not only is that not the etymology, the origin of the name has nothing to do with any part of the British Isles either.  The game – called scotch hoppers in the seventeenth century – is played on squares cut into the ground or marked on pavement. The name was derived from the Old French word “escocher,” which meant to cut or mark. It was anglicized to “scotch.” From the same source, we get butterscotch (didn’t you ever wonder about that) which is simply butter-colored candy cut into squares.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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David Crowder will be at Reset 2016 in Washington DC this summer and he wants you to join him. He posted: Hey, Let’s all stand together for Jesus on 7.16.16. Team Reset 2016 is hoping to fill the Mall in Washington DC with 1 million believers. The goal is to come together around Jesus in unified prayer, worship, and a call for catalytic change. Other artists scheduled to perform include Hillsong United, Lecrae, and Kari Jobe. Francis Chan and Ravi Zacharias will also make an appearance.

 

A reminder of the unchanging nature of God’s love from Casting Crowns Mark Hall. He just found out that his local airport had changed his status from gold to silver. Mark said: I’m glad God doesn’t love me like my airlines.

 

Amy Grant is welcoming Campers this month for the 2nd Annual “Barefoot At The Farm” camp. According to Merge media, Last summer during eight overnight and six day camp sessions, more than 1600 campers, summer staff and volunteers came together at Barefoot Republic Camp, representing 40 different ethnicities. This summer, Barefoot anticipates 25% growth due to two new day camp session venues, a new treehouse village and increased camper enrollment for two sessions at Amy Grant’s farm in Franklin, Tennessee. “Barefoot at the Farm” for K-7th graders will take place this week and next week. It is anticipated that over 50% of the 450 campers will receive financial assistance through Barefoot’s “Counting the Kids” Annual Scholarship Fund.  https://t.e2ma.net/share/inbound/t/7uk77b/fhz75d

 

Kutless member James Mead was asking for your thoughts this week. He posted: Thinking about bleaching (professionally) my hair. The long hair, not the sides. However, James did clarify: Ps. The “hair bleach” decision is not contingent upon the results of the poll.

 

You are invited to join Laura Story for a free Online Bible Study this summer. Right now you can get free access to all five videos for Laura’s new book and study, When God Doesn’t Fix It – Lessons You Never Wanted to Learn, Truths You Can’t Live Without. Also included are all the free downloads you need to get started right away.  http://ow.ly/U45G3017TBY

 

 

Kari Jobe posted this week: Sometimes it’s just the little things. Attached was a picture of a coffee cup on the counter.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BGZnEfqBobl/

 

Meredith Andrews was showing off their family’s street carnival spoils this week. Items included 1 giant dog, 1 large minion, 1 medium rocker duck, 5 blow up USA guns, and 2 goldfish.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BGYHGDtJuvJ/

 

Another awards show, another big win for Lauren Daigle. Last weekend the winners in the latest Fan Awards show were announced and Lauren was named both Female Vocalist of the Year and Overall Vocalist of The Year. As part of the show, Lauren also had the chance to sing on stage with Switchfoot. But she says the night didn’t go off without a hitch. She used tape to keep her dress down but if came off during her appearance. Also, Lauren says she gave the wrong acceptance speech when she went up to accept the final award of the evening. Lauren added: It is safe to say that no matter how hard we try, we are all human! I’m finding that little quirks define us and make us who we are.

 

Mark Schultz is in Zambia this week observing the ministry of Childfund. Mark says he had the chance to meet is sponsor child. He helped her draw water from a well and carried bucket of it it on my head…for a while. Mark also read his wife Kate’s new book to a group of orphans. It’s a children’s book called Bartleby that will be available soon.  http://www.childfund.org/mark-schultz

 

Big Daddy Weave frontman Mike Weaver recently shared that his little brother Jay Weaver is battling a serious infection. Jay, who plays bass for the band and contributes vocally, has required amputation of both feet as doctors try to help curb a leg infection. Mike shared: we thought it was getting better, but then some days ago it took a bad turn. Mike added that despite the current challenges, his faith remains unshaken.  http://bit.ly/1WEJUeh

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The growing number of passwords computer users need to remember to conduct their lives is leading to password rage. A third of people admit to becoming angry after struggling to remember login details.  ***This is exactly why I’ve set all of my passwords to just “password123” – that way it’s easy to remember and nobody is probably going to guess it.

 

According to a survey from the Pew Research Center, nearly 80 percent of Americans don’t trust big government.  ***Only 80%?  That sounds really low to me.

 

The U.S. obesity epidemic continues to worsen. The latest reports show that 40 percent of U.S. women are obese, and American teenagers are also continuing to put on weight. The two reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that efforts to encourage Americans to lose weight are having little effect. Overall, 38 percent of U.S. adults are obese and 17 percent of teenagers are.  ***Congratulations, Michelle Obama – you’ve accomplished absolutely nothing!

 

Nurses at a Kansas hospital were stunned when Moses William Hilton was born last Thursday. Moses weighed a whopping 14.4 pounds and was 22 inches long and quickly earned the nickname “sumo wrestler.” He is not the heaviest newborn on record, but the staff at Hutchinson Regional Medical Center in Hutchinson, Kansas, say he is probably the biggest they have ever seen. He was born by cesarean section, 11 days early.  ***Upon being born, the doctor told Moses’ mom, “Congratulations… you’ve just given birth to a toddler!”  http://abcn.ws/1Zypj9u http://twitter.com/ABC/status/740600433694117888/photo/1

 

Donald Trump is promising to take a “more respectful tone” from this point on in the campaign.  ***Instead of calling her “Crooked Hillary”, he’ll be calling her, “Slightly Misaligned Hillary”.

 

If you’re in the market to find a partner who shares your appreciation for Donald Trump then check out TrumpSingles.com. The dating site was started by David Gross, who felt that Trump followers faced a stigma in the dating scene because of the “brash things” the presidential candidate says.  *** This is a really great idea, as it huddles all of these people together and makes it easier for the rest of us to avoid them.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Imagine a world where eating chocolate makes you look younger.   Lycotec, a UK-based company with research ties to Cambridge University, has created something they call “Esthechoc.” It’s a 70 percent dark chocolate and researchers say it’s so potent that just one 7.5-gram piece of the chocolate packs the same anti-oxidant punch as 100 grams of regular dark chocolate or even 300 grams of Alaskan salmon. Creators say that, in a clinical trial of 50- to 60-years-olds, eating a piece of Esthechoc a day over three to four weeks boosted blood supply to the skin as well as reduced inflammation. They added that, “In terms of skin biomarkers we found it had brought skin back to the levels of a 20 or 30-year-old.”  ***MARLAR: Oh yeah – and you also get pimples like a 20-year-old too.

 

If your derriere is large, that could actually be good for your health! The specific type of fat that accumulates around the hips is called subcutaneous fat, which is fat that collects under the skin, and it appears to fight type 2 diabetes, according to researchers from Harvard Medical School in Boston.  ***MARLAR: Well, I’m a lot healthier than I thought I was.  And apparently so is our neighbor-lady who’s always bending over in her garden.

 

A new study has found the fear of looking stupid stops people from using self-service checkout machines — but hiding in a crowd helps. And that could give stores some tips on how to handle self-checkout, which is becoming a very popular cost-cutting tool among retailers. The study found that shoppers felt more comfortable ringing up their own purchases if they were alone or in a crowd. But if there was just one other person waiting in line behind them, they felt more pressured and less confident and were less likely to use the machine again or recommend it to others.  ***MARLAR: It might also have made them nervous to have some doofus with a clipboard hovering over them ready to ask about their checkout experience.

 

A study found that reconnecting with your sweetie boils down to two words… ROAD TRIP. A whopping 84% of couples say taking a simple road trip strengthened their relationship. That’s quality time… just you and your sweetie. Sixty-three percent say they hold hands or share a kiss at a red lights. It’s also a good time to talk about something important.   ***MARLAR: Sounds pretty risky to me.  Sure, 84% say it strengthened their relationship – but that means 16% wanted to kill each other.  Can you really risk that?

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Low Walmart Prices”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Telemarkters”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, all of the animals had really busy schedules – so busy in fact that not only did they not have time to get everything done, but they didn’t have time even to plan what they had to do!  They didn’t even have time for campfire meetings – and now, no time to even talk to each other!

 

CLOSE: It’s no wonder they’re so exhausted – they’ve been working so hard and so long without sleep!  But now how will they get everything done on their schedules?  Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 18/19

 

OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, “As the Jungle Turns!”

 

CLOSE: So what’s so wrong about playing with the new kid?  Nothing, I think… but then, I don’t think like Marvy Snuffleson.  Which is a good thing – otherwise I’d end up being sent to my room, which I’m pretty sure is going to happen to Marvy!  Tune in next time to find out… As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A father and son in West Virginia argued over the best way to prepare skinless chicken for dinner, and end up in a very dangerous and stupid Moment of Duh! 

Unfortunately, one of the secret herbs and spices in this recipe turned out to be lead. What started out as a physical confrontation, soon escalated into a gunfight. Police say each man fired a .22-caliber handgun at the other. Harley Shrader was struck by a bullet that went through the upper part of his right ear and lodged in the back of his head. He was treated at a hospital and released. The father was not injured.  ***MARLAR: Oh, by the way… Happy Father’s Day!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO DURING YOUR DRIVER’S TEST

 

  1. Rate your instructor.

 

  1. As you drive mumble commentary as if your car is driving the Indy 500, “Oh my gosh they’re heading into turn four too fast.”

 

  1. When the test examiner gets in put on a blind fold and say, “I’m such a good driver I can do this without looking!”

 

  1. Ask if they can make the test quick, ’cause you need to get your license plates back on the owner’s car.

 

  1. Play punch-Bug with the DMV examiner.

 

  1. Use your cell phone to report yourself as a suspicious driver.

 

  1. Pull out a braille map just before starting the car.

 

  1. Keep asking the instructor if he notices that car following you.

 

  1. Use a hearse as the test vehicle. Ask if the “guy in the back” is considered a ‘”passenger.”

 

  1. Acknowledge every instruction with “10-4, Rubber Duckie.”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man gets fired for foiling a robbery… despite the fact that he’s a bank guard!

 

FILE #1: A man walks into a bank wearing pantyhose and a bandana. He yells out, ”I’ve got a gun and I’m going to shoot the first person who moves. Give me the money or I’ll start shooting.” The bank guard sneaks up on the robber who is six inches taller than him, wraps his arms around the robber and shuffles him out a back door where he wrestles him to the ground, slapping handcuffs on him. The FBI pats him on the back and tells him he did the right thing. That he is a hero. What do you suppose the bank did? They fired him. Why did Charter One Bank in Cleveland fire him? They say he’s only there to be a deterrent and get a good description of the robber.

 

FILE #2: First mistake: Robbing a bank. Second mistake: Returning the rental car used for the getaway. Police say Tony Abercrombie was arrested while he tried to return a car to Enterprise Rent-A-Car. They say the car was used in a bank robbery less than an hour before in nearby Meta, Kentucky. Abercrombie is now charged with robbery and faces extradition to Kentucky.

 

FILE #3: In Toronto, Canada, two men tried to obtain a huge line of credit from a bank. They put up as collateral $25 billion in fake U.S. government bonds. These bonds pictured former president Grover Cleveland and were supposedly issued in 1930. And on the back of the bonds was the complete address of the Federal Reserve Bank in Washington, D.C., right down to the zip code. And that’s where their grand plan went wrong. The zip code wasn’t introduced until 1963. Busted!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Long Beach, California, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

I’m not sure WHOSE brain is actually on drugs in this story – if anybody’s, but it’s still a great story.

A traveler has managed to make a $10,000 drug score in Japan. The problem is that he doesn’t even know it. It seems that an officer at Narita International Airport planted some marijuana into a random black suitcase coming off an overseas flight so that a drug sniffing dog could get some practice. However, the dog couldn’t find it and the officer forgot which bag he put it in. Airport officials are asking that if the passenger finds it in their suitcase, to please return it.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Have you ever been to a class reunion?  Was it a good experience, or a bad one?  I skipped mine for fear that I’d be fatter than everybody else… but I hear I do have more hair!  What was YOUR class reunion experience?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the third son of Adam and Eve?
ANSWER: Seth (Genesis 4:25)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What can be driven, but has no wheels, and can be sliced, and still remain whole?

ANSWER: A golf ball.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Shakespeare invented the expression, “Laugh it off.” (True)

 

  1. Every U.S. President that has had a beard has been Democrat. (False – Republican)

 

  1. There are 218 peanuts in a 28-ounce jar of Jif peanut butter. (False, there are 1,218)

 

  1. The blood pressure of a healthy human is about the same as that of a spider. (True)

 

  1. The Roadrunner in the cartoons never spoke. (False – he spoke once. The first and last time the Roadrunner spoke was in the 1951 Bugs Bunny cartoon, Operation: Rabbit.)

 

  1. During World War II, it was against the law in Germany to name a horse Adolf. (True)

 

  1. Americans use more than 116,000 tons of aspirin a year. (False – 16,000 tons)

 

  1. Every square inch of the human body has an average of 32 million bacteria on it. (True. Eww.)

 

  1. The shoestring was invented in England in 1890. (False, 1790. And prior to this time all shoes were fastened with buckles.)

 

  1. Rome has more homeless cats per square mile than any other city in the world. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GLOBAL _______ THREATENS EARTH! (COOLING!)

Shocked scientists told reporters that the Earth is cooling at a dramatic and alarming rate.

Global warming  has been the subject of so many discussions in recent years, but scientists now say that the world is not warming, but instead is becoming cooler – by the day!

According to scientists from the Pulkovo Observatory in St.Petersburg, solar activity is decreasing significantly, so the average yearly temperature will decline at a rapid rate.

Scientists from Britain and the US are forecasting a 5-10 degree (Fahrenheit) drop in global temperatures – over the next five years!

“This is catastrophic for the planet,” said Dr. John Malley, the head of the U.N. Panel on Global Cooling.   “The United Nations is issuing an alert to all the countries on the planet.  The planet could very well freeze over entirely by 2100.”

Scientists predict that most major cities that are on the coast, will be frozen over in the next thirty years.  ”There’s nothing we can do to stop it. The sun is just not as powerful as it used to be,” said Dr. Malley.

Experts say that the Arctic ice is getting thicker by the day.  ”Even places like Jamaica will have an average daily temperature of only 40 degrees (Fahrenheit) within five years.”

Solar activity follows different cycles, including an 11-year cycle, a 90-year cycle and a 200-year cycle.  Scientist predict that this “cold spell” will last 200-250 years and by that time, all life on earth will have been extinguished.

“We are in for a cooling period that lasts 200-250 years. The period of low solar activity won’t end until about 2275.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids talking about the yellow flower. He decides he wants to find out what it is. He gets to school and says to his teacher, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?”
His teacher says, “I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my classroom! Go to the Principal’s office!”
The little boy goes up to the Principal’s office, and the Principal asks him, “What are you doing up here, son?”
The little boy replies, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent me up here. What is it?”
The Principal says, “I will not have that kind of talk in my school! You are expelled from this school and every other school in the state! Get out!”
So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, “What are you doing home so early?”
“I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, and the Principal expelled me from every school in the state. What is the yellow flower?”
His mother says, “Go up to your room! You’re going to bed without dinner. I’ll send your father up to talk to you when he gets home.”
So the little boy goes up to his room, and about 5:00 his dad got home from work. He went up to the boy’s room and said, “Your mom tells me you’ve been a bad boy. What did you do?”
“Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner. What’s the yellow flower?”
His dad says, “Get out of my house son! I don’t ever want to see you again!”
The little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later and policeman stopped him. He asked him why he was walking by himself so late at night. The little boy says, “Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house. Can you tell me what the yellow flower is?”

The policeman says, “That’s enough of that! You’re going to jail for 99 years!”
99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is. So he heads to his old school where it all started. As he was crossing the street, he got hit by a car and he died.
What’s the moral of the story?

Look both ways before crossing the street.

 

JOKE #2

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.  He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.  Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

He thought for a moment and then said, “I would pass an offering plate.”
He got the job.

 

JOKE #3

A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist’s office wearing a dancer’s tutu, flippers and a scuba mask.

The psychologist, humoring him, asks, “What seems to be the problem?”

The man answers, “Well, Doc, I’m worried about my brother…”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

In China, a man left his wife… she took revenge by burning the 400 cell phones they had for sale at their business.  ***MARLAR: Strangely, an hour later she felt like burning 400 cell phones again.

 

In an attempt to curb child obesity, a West Virginia school district is implementing the interactive dancing video game “Dance, Dance Revolution.” ***MARLAR: This is a much better idea than what they did back in the 1980’s with FROGGER.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

CARPOOL

A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his carpool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: “I have a last minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave.”
At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped back at his desk and found this note: “Meet us at the restaurant across the street. You drove, you idiot.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Is it “FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS”, or is it “FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES”?  For some, this slight difference is enough to fight about!

About 12 people were injured when a brawl erupted in a church in New Castle, Australia.  Believe it or not, the fight broke out over how to say the Lord’s Prayer. Some thought the line was “forgive us our trespasses” while others thought it was “forgive us our debts.”  ***MARLAR: Either way, it seems they were led into temptation and not delivered from evil.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

MOMENTS FOR LOVE

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

I had a three dog couch waiting on me when I got home this morning. As I came through the front door I saw that each cushion on my couch had a little, furry ball curled up on it, sleeping peacefully. I smiled when I saw this and petted each of them lovingly as I walked by. It only took a few seconds of my time, but it filled my heart with joy.

As we go through our often busy days it is funny how the best parts of them seem to be those little moments we make for sharing love. They take so little of our time and yet the rewards they bring us are beyond belief. They strengthen our hearts, uplift our souls, and energize our bodies. They make our lives a joy to live and a delight to share. They bring us peace, happiness, goodness, and most of all oneness with God. Three of the most important words in the Bible are: “God is love.” Every moment we spend living in love then is a moment spent living in oneness with God.

Try to spend and share some moments for love in your own life today. Pet your dogs, cuddle your cats, and feed the birds. Hug your loved ones, look them in the eye, and say “I love you.” Smile at the cashier in the store, give a compliment to a friend, and share a good laugh at work. Open a door for a stranger, help an elderly person with their bags, and do a few random acts of kindness when no one is looking. They only take a few seconds each day, but they bring you joy for a lifetime.

It takes so little time to live in love. It takes so few moments to share that love with the world. It is these moments, however, that join your heart to God’s and fill your life with light. Don’t miss out on them. Make time for them and choose them every day of your life. Moments of love lead to a lifetime of love and a lifetime of love leads to an eternity of love.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FOCUS ON BEING

READ: Matthew 6:25-34

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin. —Matthew 6:28

During a small-group exercise at a seminar, we were asked to introduce ourselves without referring to our occupations. The challenge was to explain who we are instead of telling what we do. It was not easy to focus on being instead of doing.

Dr. William H. Thomas, a geriatric specialist, has pointed out that babies begin life by being. As we approach adulthood, the emphasis shifts to accomplishment. Then, as we grow older and our energy wanes, we must refocus on being. “Elderhood brings us full circle,” Thomas says, “to a life that favors being over doing. This is a gift of great value.”

But the search for being isn’t confined to the sunset years. Jesus said that the proper focus is the antidote for anxiety at any age. He told His followers to look at the birds and flowers, which are not defined by what they do, and yet God cares for them.

Oswald Chambers said: “‘Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow’ . . . they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars, and the moon—all of these simply are as well, yet what a ministry and service they render.”

As Christians, our value to God comes not from what we do for Him, but in what we are to Him. Our being—more than our doing—glorifies His name.

—David C. McCasland

 

We’re members of God’s family,
We’re children of the King;
Because we’ve put our faith in Christ,
To us He’ll always cling.  —Sper

 

You are one of a kind—designed to glorify God as only you can.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Some airlines will do anything to make you pay more!

The Air Transport Association reports that among the tricks airlines are considering for cutting costs and upping revenues is the idea of treating passengers as cargo. They’d have to be weighed like baggage before takeoff and be charged by how much they weigh.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t that discrimination against Americans?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

How dumb do you have to be if you can’t even mow the grass without professional help?

I’ve told you before that I don’t do yard work at our house, right?  Yesterday I thought I’d surprise Robin and get the lawn mowed before she got home from work, but our gas-powered mower is in the shop, and our backup electric lawn mower refused to cooperate with me. It would run fine for a few seconds, then cut off, run again, cut off. Finally, I gave up and waited for Robin to get home.  She had a good laugh when she diagnosed the problem. Instead of plugging in the mower using a three-prong adapter, I had hooked up the cord through the Christmas-tree light blinker.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THE BIGGER THEY COME

There may be an UP side to being a little overweight. That is if you ever fall DOWN.

Heavy set people have a better chance of surviving a fall from a cliff or tall building than skinny people do. In a brand new worldwide survey of falling cases, those who were 15 to 30 pounds overweight had a much better survival rate than people who were at a healthier weight. Doctors say the extra layer of fat may protect the body from internal injuries.  ***MARLAR: And here I am wasting my time dieting!

 

 

FUN LIST

PARENT’S GLOSSARY OF KID’S KITCHEN TERMS

  • APPETIZING: Anything advertised on TV.
  • BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic “Yuck” before a food is even tasted.
  • CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
  • CHAIR: Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit.
  • COOKIE (LAST ONE): Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling.
  • DESSERTS: The reason for eating a meal.
  • EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
  • FAT: Microscopic substance detected visually by children on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat.
  • FLOOR: Place for all food not found on lap or chair.
  • FORK: Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers.
  • FRIED FOODS: Gourmet cooking.
  • FROZEN: Condition of children’s jaws when spinach is served.
  • FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
  • GERMS: The only thing kids will share freely.
  • KITCHEN: The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.
  • LEFTOVERS: Commonly described as “gross.”
  • LIVER: A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.
  • LOLLIPOP: A snack provided by people who don’t have to pay dental bills.
  • MACARONI: Material for a collage.
  • MEASURING CUP: A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox.
  • NAPKIN: Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.
  • NATURAL FOOD: Food eaten with unwashed hands.
  • NUTRITION: Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty.
  • PLATE: A breakable Frisbee.
  • REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
  • SODA POP: Shake’N Spray.
  • TABLE: A place for storing gum.
  • TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument
  • THIRSTY: How your child feels after you’ve said your final “good night.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SLEEPING ON THE JOB

Very soon, sleeping on the job may be a good thing!

What makes a job a great job? Excellent pay? Bonuses? Maybe the benefits? What about a nice afternoon nap? The United Kingdom Sleep Council has called for an end to the nine-to-five work day. They want more flexible hours for everyone. A recent survey shows that the majority of people are not fully alert in the middle of the day – so the sleep council is asking for companies to have a siesta time… a time for rest in the middle of the day. ***MARLAR: We love this idea here, so we’re introducing a new schedule.  We’ll do the morning show from 6a-8a, take a nap for an hour, and then finish up from 9a-10a.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Hoping to keep your mental edge as you get older? Look after your heart, a recent analysis suggests, and your brain will benefit, too. According to NPR, A research team analyzed a subset of data from a study of risk factors for stroke. They wanted to see how people in their 60s and 70s would do on repeated tests of memory and mental acuity six years later — and, specifically, what sort of subtle differences a heart-healthy lifestyle might make to the brain. The study found that, across all demographic groups, the people who had higher scores on the measures of cardiovascular health did better on the mental tests.

 

It’s always good to hear a victory for the Kingdom of Christ!  A federal judge has ruled against North Carolina State University over it’s permit policy that requires Christian students to obtain a permit to share their faith on campus. In September, members of Grace Christian Life, which meets on the North Carolina State campus, was denied the ability to pass out flyers and invite students to attend worship services. School officials said the group’s actions violated its speech permit policy. But last Tuesday, Chief U.S. District Judge James C. Denver III, issued a preliminary injunction against the school’s policy, saying it violates the students’ First Amendment right to freedom of speech.  Finally… a news story in which the Christians win!  http://go.cbn.com/9753

 

Christian refugees seeking asylum in Great Britain are facing difficult Bible trivia tests that western Christians with years of Sunday school under their belts might still not be able to pass.  The future of these refugees fleeing religious persecution hinges on obscure questions, like knowing when Pentecost is, or being able to name all twelve apostles or how many books are in the Bible. In some cases, refugees were required to recite the Ten Commandments.  http://go.cbn.com/9739

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Doctors will tell you that anxiety is hard on your health, and I hate when they say that because it makes me nervous. –James Lileks

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 10, 2016…

 

The Conjuring 2—I think we may be having the horror-film-of-the-week this summer. This week, it is a continuation of Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga going after demons and ghosts in London. They are professionals at this. “The Conjuring 2” is rated R. No rating.

 

Genius (opening in select cities)—As depicted here, author Thomas Wolfe (Jude Law) didn’t have an easy time writing, and his editor (Colin Firth) tries to help him. Also in the cast are Nicole Kidman and Laura Linney. “Genius” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Now You See Me 2—The first film showed what happens behind the scenes in magic shows, but now the group called The Four Horseman meet someone who isn’t the best magician in the world, played by Daniel Radcliffe.  The adventure unfolds. Stars Jesse Eisenberg, Morgan Freeman and Liza Caplan. “Now You See Me 2” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

The Music Of Strangers (opening in select cities)—Yo Yo Ma, the world famous cello player, is part of a music ensemble called the Silk Road Ensemble and this documentary shows the group at work. “The Music Of Strangers” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for music fans.

 

Warcraft—Adapted from the video game, this fantasy is something like “The Hobbit” stories about strange creatures and, of course, warfare. Two different groups of people have to get along to fight a common enemy. Shades of isn’t-that-a-sword-in-your-hand?  The film stars Dominic Cooper, Paula Patton and Travis Finnel. “Warcraft” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JUNE 17, 2016…

 

Central Intelligence stars Dwayne Johnson in a comedy about spies who don’t get along.

 

Finding Dory is the animated sequel to “Finding Nemo” and has the same voices including Ellen DeGeneres as Dory, who wants to find her parents.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.