June 16, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150616

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

It’s now 12 minutes past, and if there’s no further discussion the minutes will stand approved as read.

 

And now, for the next (4) hours — or until we decipher that really complicated letter from the FCC — it’s another (JOCK) Show!

 

I’m pretty sure (3am) came earlier this morning than usual.

 

What’s with people saying “yeah no” or “no yeah”? The words cancel each other out. It’s like answering a question with “Definitely, maybe.”

 

The world says, “listen to your heart”. The burning in my heart is telling me I shouldn’t have started the day with that breakfast burrito.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6-7

 

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies… She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. — Proverbs 31:10 27-28

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. — John 10:11

 

Thought: The Bible uses the term “shepherd” for all kinds of good leaders. But only One is the quintessential Shepherd. He shows us that the heart of godly leadership is sacrifice not status, service not selfishness. We follow this Shepherd because we know he values us above his own life.

 

Prayer: Holy and sacrificial Father, I am humbled to silence by your plan to have Jesus be both Lord and Lamb, Shepherd and Sacrifice. Thank you for giving me life by his death and leadership by his example. I offer you my undying thanks in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 6:16 NIV = …take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – JUNE 16, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 193 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is PSYCHO DAY, marking the premier of the classic movie Psycho on this date in 1960. ***MARLAR: It was about that same time that people began to prefer whirlpool baths to showers. (

)

 

Today is HORSEY PARENTS DAY, a time to honor parents who play horsey – again and again and again.

 

Speaking of playing… this is RECESS AT WORK WEEK. Each day this week at 11:00 a.m., all computers should be shut down so everyone at work can go outside and play.   ***MARLAR: So if you could leave work to go out and play, what game would you play?  Here are a few activities you can organize on the fly…

  • Dodgeball: Management vs. Accounting
  • Building gravel castles in the parking lot
  • Waiting for the constantly napping guy to pass out and then draw on his face with a Sharpie
  • Making balloon animals out of the plastic gloves from the janitor’s closet
  • Racing cockroaches from the kitchen
  • Climbing the oversized corporate sculpture in front of the building
  • Playing “Duck, Duck, You’re Fired”

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Bloomsday

Fudge Day

Ladies’ Day (Baseball)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 17

Eat Your Vegetables Day

Stewarts Root Beer Day

World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 18

International Sushi Day

Dump the Pump Day

Ramadan (6/18-7/16)

Recess at Work Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 19

Garfield the Cat Day

Juneteenth

National Flip Flop Day

Ugliest Dog Day

Work at Home Father’s Day

World Sickle Cell Day

World Sauntering Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day

Dollars Against Diabetes Days

Flitch of Bacon Day

Polar Bear Swim

World Productivity Day

World Refugee Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 21

Alzheimer’s Awareness Day

Ann & Samantha Day

Atheists Solidarity Day

Cuckoo Warning Day

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Go Skateboarding Day

National Daylight Appreciation Day

National Selfie Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Summer Solstice (12:38pm)

Tall Girl Appreciation Day

World Handshake Day

World Humanist Day

World Music Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 22

Global Smurfs Day

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Baby Boomers Recognition Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day

National Columnists’ Day

Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Windjammer Days (23-24)

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1858: Senate candidate Abraham Lincoln said in a speech in Springfield, Illinois, the slavery issue had to be resolved, declaring, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

 

1882: Hailstones 17 inches in diameter and weighing as much as 1.7 pounds fell in Dubuque, Iowa.

 

1891: The George A. Hormel & Company was founded in Austin, Minnesota. In 1937 it introduced Spam, now the world’s biggest selling canned meat product.

 

1903: A U.S. patent was issued for Chicken Goggles. ***MARLAR: Goggles designed to protect chickens? Are chickens doing a lot of heavy welding?

 

1903: A U.S. patent was issued for a soft drink formula called Pepsi-Cola.

 

1903: Ford Motor Company was incorporated.

 

1929: Otto E. Funk arrived in San Francisco to become the first person to walk across the U.S. playing a violin. 4,165 miles in 183 days.

 

1976: “The Jacksons” premiered on CBS-TV with music and comedy sketches starring Michael, Jackie, Tito, Marlon, Randy, LaToya, Rebie, and Janet. After four shows in 1976, the cast returned for three months in early 1977.

 

1978: The electronic game “Space Invaders” was first demonstrated by Taito Corporation in Tokyo.

 

1987: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar signed a two-year contract with the Los Angeles Lakers for $5 million, making him the highest paid player in any sport.

 

1991: John Decker of Cheshire, England, did 7,683 one-arm pushups in five hours.

 

1995: The movie “Batman Forever” opened at theaters through the U.S. Americans spent $20-million on tickets the first day.

 

1998: A 40-year-old Florida woman gave birth to a son in the first-ever live birth on the Internet before an audience estimated by a cable health network at two million people.

 

2002: A runaway winner again in the U.S. Open, Tiger Woods became the first player since Jack Nicklaus in 1972 to capture the first two major golf championships of the year.

 

2003: Twelve people sent to prison in a Tulia, Texas, drug bust were released on bail by a judge who said they’d been railroaded by an undercover agent. (Thirty-five people were later pardoned by Texas Governor Rick Perry.)

 

2004: Rebuffing the Bush administration claims, the independent commission investigating the September 11th attacks said no evidence existed that al-Qaida had ties to Saddam Hussein.

 

2007: A two-headed snake named “We,” the main attraction at the World Aquarium in St. Louis, died from natural causes. Though most two-headed snakes live only a week or two, We was 8 years old, and was so popular, the snake’s remains were preserved and remain on display. We was both male and female, but had not been able to reproduce when paired with another two-headed snake.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1846: Giovanni Maria Mastai-Ferretti is named Pope Pius IX. Roman Catholics remember him for his 31-year pontificate—the longest in history—for his declaration of the dogma of the Immaculate Conception and for the First Vatican Council’s declaration of the infallibility of the pope.

 

1855: William and Catherine Booth, founders of the Salvation Army, marry, having fallen in love the first night they met. William had escorted Catherine home, and she later wrote, “Before we reached my home, we both felt as though we had been made for each other”.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Tana Schrick on “Gilmore Girls”) Olivia Hack 32 (
    )
  • actress (Olivia Evans on “ER”, Brooke Harper on “Boston Public”) China Shavers 38 (
    )
  • actor (War of the Worlds, “The Mickey Mouse Club”) Ricky Luna 38 (
    )
  • Actor (Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, the American Pie movies, Star Trek, “Sleepy Hollow”) John Cho, 43
  • Actor (Cruel World, Gods and Generals, Gettysburg, Pretty Woman, “All My Children”, he plays an attorney on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”) James Patrick Stewart 48 (
    )
  • Arnold Vosloo (“24″, The Mummy) 53 (
    )
  • Actress (JFK, Jackie on “Roseanne”) Laurie Metcalf, 60 (
    )
  • Actress (“Knots Landing”, “Dallas”) Joan Van Ark, 72 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1792 : Francis Johnson

1934 : “Little Caesar” (Little Caesar & the Romans)

1939 : Billy “Crash” Craddock

1941 : Lamont Dozier

1942 : Edward Levert (The O’Jays)

1946 : Ian Matthews (Fairport Convention, Matthews Southern Comfort)

1949 : Peppy Castro (Blues Magoos)

1950 : James Smith (The Stylistics)

1952 : Gino Vannelli

1954 : Garry Roberts (The Boomtown Rats)

1966 : MC Ren (N.W.A.)

1971 : Tupac Shakur

1979 : Nathan Followill (Kings of Leon)

1987 : Diana DeGarmo

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How rigid are monastic vows of silence?

In our clamorous world, the peace and quiet of the monastery can be appealing. Some even accept paying guests who just want to get away from it all for a few days. But how do the monks who live there permanently bring it off when silence is not just a sometime thing? Amazingly they do keep the silence, a rule that generally brings only minor punishment when broken because it is almost always faithfully observed. It’s not absolute silence. They can reply to superiors when addressed by them and can speak to guests. They also sing hymns and pray out loud. But they can’t converse with each other. When it’s necessary to communicate, they use sign language. Now go in peace.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Natalie Grant was taking on a challenge. She tweeted that she was about to tackle the toughest trail at the Temescal Canyon with her husband and daughters.

 

Matt Redman says his wife helps him keep in touch with his home church even when he is out of town. Matt tweeted: Love that I have the kind of wife who takes extensive talk notes and emails me them when I’m away from our home church.

 

Colton Dixon was doing a little spring cleaning. He tweeted: Feels so good to clean up your apps on your phone.

 

Britt Nicole was recently getting a pedicure with her daughter and tweeted: Not the most relaxing pedicure but def the most fun and memorable!

 

Brandon Heath is doing a little hiking this summer. He tweeted over the weekend: Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail today. Tomorrow, the Rockies. So far this summer is looking real good.

 

Audio Adrenaline front man Adam Agee was trying his hand at valet parking. He recently was out in the 100 degree heat working as a valet for the 90th birthday party for one of his wife’s grandparents. Adam said it was the first 90th bday party he had ever been to.

 

How was your Sunday? A reminder from Casting Crowns: Sunday’s are a time of rejuvenation and revitalization through worship and fellowshipping with God’s Church. Sunday’s are a day spent with loved ones reflecting on all that God has done for you that week and prepare for all that he will continue to do in the coming week.

 

Third Day now has their own home decor line. The band is partnering with Glory Haus, Inc. to feature products inspired by their lyrics. Band members say they hope to provide their fans with a new way to engage with their songs by displaying them on products in their homes. View the entire Third Day line at http://www.gloryhaus.com/thirdday.

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard had the chance to meet his hero over the weekend. Mercyme was playing for the Houston Astros and Bart got to spend some time with Nolan Ryan. But Bart wasn’t the only one getting autographs. Nolan also made sure to get an autographed ball from Bart.

 

for King and Country is taking over Fox and Friends. The Aussie band will be playing five songs on the show this coming Friday, June 19, from 6:00 to 9:00am ET

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Mayor says town full, temporarily closed to outsiders
BELMAR, N.J. (AP) — The mayor of a central New Jersey town is barring nonresidents from entering the community via a major highway — but it’s just a temporary prohibition. Belmar Mayor Matt Doherty announced the decision in a twitter posted around 3 p.m. Sunday. He says traffic into the…

 

Minnesota man’s mistake leads to winning poker’s top prize    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — It’s one thing to outlast hundreds or thousands of poker players to win one of the World Series of Poker’s 68 events and the Las Vegas tournament’s coveted gold bracelet. It’s another thing entirely to win a game you’ve never played before. Christian Pham of St. Paul,…
School district’s diploma cover features wrong state seal
KELSO, Wash. (AP) — High school graduates in Kelso, Washington, discovered an error when they received their diplomas during Saturday’s graduation ceremony. The covers protecting the diplomas carried the state seal of Oregon. Kelso High School is in southwest Washington. HASH(0x13fc610) Kelso…
$10K donation nets hockey fan chance to use Taser on mayor
GLENDALE, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona Coyotes fan got to take out her frustration on the mayor behind the decision to send the hockey team packing. KPNX-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1FSCfwn) that disgruntled fan Ronda Pearson used a stun gun on Glendale Mayor Jerry Weiers on Saturday as part of a…
Giant purple sea slugs slime San Francisco Bay Area beaches
ALAMEDA, Calif. (AP) — A giant purple blob from the sea — a slug — is invading East Bay beaches and waterways this summer, and some experts say it may be caused by warmer temperatures near coastal waters. HASH(0x13d32e0) “We are getting calls from the public asking what the heck…
Virgin Islands couple wins Maine inn in writing contest
CENTER LOVELL, Maine (AP) — A Virgin Islands couple will be trading the Caribbean breezes of St. John for the rigors of Maine’s four seasons after winning a “Win an Inn” essay contest. Prince and Rose Adams, both 45 and originally from New York City, entered the contest organized by Janice…
Spelling counts: Errors on signs cost county $4,000
NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) — Spelling counts — and sometimes it costs money. A suburban Philadelphia county was victim to an embarrassing misspelling on signage posted around the local community: the word “commissioners” with only one “m” on 26 signs. Montgomery County officials say it will…
Court: Iowa residents have right to be drunk on front porch
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — The right to be drunk on the front porch of a private home was endorsed Friday by the Iowa Supreme Court, which said a woman can’t be convicted of public intoxication while standing on her front steps. Patience Paye, 29, of Waterloo based the appeal of her 2013 case on…
2 girls told to close lemonade stand for lack of permit
OVERTON, Texas (AP) — Two Texas girls whose lemonade stand was shut down because they lacked a permit will instead offer the drink for free. HASH(0x13eb8e0) A police officer on Monday approached the stand, which offered lemonade for 50 cents and “kettle korn” for $1. In patrol-car video, the…
Man dismissed from jury duty for wearing prisoner costume    photo
ST. JOHNSBURY, Vt. (AP) — A Vermont man has escaped jury duty — by getting dismissed for wearing a prisoner costume. James Lowe of Barnet says he was released from jury duty on Tuesday when he showed up to court wearing a black-and-white-striped jumpsuit with a matching beanie….
Typo corrected on Ernie Pyle statue at Indiana University
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) — Ernie Pyle’s statue has filed a correction. The bronze statue of the famed World War II journalist on the Bloomington campus of Indiana University had misspelled the word “correspondent” by dropping an “r.” But on Wednesday, a bronze artist from Detroit fixed the…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Target selling pharmacy, clinic businesses to CVS Health    photo
Target will sell its pharmacy and clinic businesses to the drugstore chain CVS Health for about $1.9 billion in a deal that combines the resources of two retailers seeking to polish their health care reputations. The acquisition allows CVS Health to reach more patients and expand its in-store…

 

Vast data warehouse raises health overhaul privacy concerns    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government data warehouse stores personal information forever on millions of people who seek coverage under President Barack Obama’s health care law, including those who open an account on HealthCare.gov but don’t sign up for coverage. At a time when major breaches have…
Study on ER returns suggests more need for follow-up care    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — No one wants to make a repeat visit to the emergency room for the same complaint, but new research suggests it’s more common than previously thought and surprisingly, people frequently wind up at a different ER the second time around. Already some ERs are taking steps to…
Image of Asia: Schools reopen during Korean MERS outbreak    photo
In this photo by Ahn Young-joon, elementary school students wearing masks return to a school in Seoul, South Korea, that reopened Monday after a temporary closure due to the outbreak of Middle East respiratory syndrome. About 2,900 of the country’s schools and kindergartens had been closed, but the…
VA seeks to offer aid to some Air Force C-123 reservists    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Reversing a long-held position, the Department of Veterans Affairs now says Air Force reservists who became ill after being exposed to Agent Orange residue while working on planes after the Vietnam War should be eligible for disability benefits. The VA said it has been…
Oregon women soon can get a year’s supply of birth control    photo
SALEM, Ore. (AP) — It’s like a ritual for women across the nation: frequent treks to the pharmacist to refill birth control prescriptions. It’s a hassle for busy students, a headache for rural women with long drives and a cause for panic for travelers on the road when their packs run out….
8 get rabies shots after student brings bat to school
HELENA, Mont. (AP) — Eight people in Montana are receiving rabies shots as a precaution after a middle school student found a bat at home and brought it to science class in a bag, health officials said. The seventh-grade boy released it in a field before officials could test it for rabies….
Spike in heroin overdoses takes toll on Ohio town’s psyche    photo
MARION, Ohio (AP) — The usual handwringing over the heroin problem turned into panic in this small city in May when a supercharged blue-tinted batch from Chicago sent more than 30 overdose victims to the hospital and two to the morgue in a 12-day stretch. Like many places in America, Marion…
Health officials tell US doctors to watch for MERS
NEW YORK (AP) — Health officials are advising U.S. doctors to be on the lookout for people sickened by Middle East respiratory syndrome, also called MERS, following an outbreak in South Korea. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Thursday reminded doctors to ask patients with…
Advocates aim to extend benefits for 9/11 first responders
WASHINGTON (AP) — Advocates for ailing Sept. 11 first responders urged Congress on Thursday to permanently extend a law providing medical monitoring and treatment for the rescue workers, saying they need reassurance that their health care will not be cut off. Dr. John Howard, the…
WHO: MERS not spreading outside S. Korea hospitals    photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — The MERS virus in South Korea, which has killed 14 people and infected nearly 140 in the largest outbreak outside the Middle East, hasn’t spread outside hospitals among the wider community or become easier to transmit between humans, the World Health Organization…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Emil Knodell bought a chest at an estate sale for $100 but inside he discover something much more valuable. According to ABC news, as he was moving the chest to his vehicle he discovered a hidden drawer in the bottom. Knodell says it was full of rings, diamonds, gold and all kinds of other items. That’s when Knodell says his sense of right and wrong kicked in. He said I didn’t buy those things. If I kept them, I would never feel right about it. Instead, Knodell returned the chest and all the items inside to the original owner.  *** My wife and I were talking about this.  I said, “Wow – what a great guy.”  To which my wife responded, “He’s an idiot.”

 

A burglar accused of ransacking homes in China while wearing what he called his “lucky jacket” was caught during a police stakeout.  *** Hey, guess who’s jacket isn’t lucky!?!

 

A new survey (by cable.co.uk) shows one in three people would rather lose a finger than their broadband connection.  *** But not their thumb though – they need that for the remote control.

 

A Pennsylvania man is accused of using his nine-year-old daughter as a ploy to collect money for Girl Scout cookies he never ordered or delivered. Cody Patrick Wylie and his daughter allegedly took door-to-door cookie orders from as many as 100 people in his own neighborhood.  *** You’d think someone would’ve called the cops when they opened the door to find a full grown man on their doorstep wearing a Girl Scout uniform.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Japanese researchers have discovered the perfect way to eat a hamburger. Three “experts in fluid mechanics, engineering, and density” say thumbs and pinkies on the bottom, middle three fingers on top. The uniformly spread fingers help keep the burger together at all times, thus keeping the contents from mushing out preemptively.  ***MARLAR: Well, what do you know – I was actually doing something right in my life for a change.

 

A recent study says that New York city produces 1% of the country’s greenhouse gas emissions — as much as the entire countries or Ireland or Portugal.  ***MARLAR: Legislation is now being drafted to ban New Yorkers from breathing.

 

Turns out ice cream really can help you get pregnant!

Ben and Jerry or Haagen-Dazs might help you get pregnant, but not in the usual way. A study suggests a diet rich in ice cream and other high-fat dairy foods may lower the risk of one type of infertility. But some doctors say it sounds too good to be true and probably is. ***MARLAR: Whew!  That’s good… for a second there I thought I’d have to give up my Chunky Monkey!

 

Are you on a sugar high right now?  If you’re an average American, you probably are.

The average American stays on a sugar high, eating the equivalent of 31 teaspoons of sugar each day. In addition to the obvious sugar in sodas (a 12-ounce can contains 10 teaspoons), desserts, and candy bars, sugar is a common ingredient in processed foods, from pizza sauce to crackers.  ***MARLAR: So expecting niceties from your boss is probably unreasonable – he’s sweet enough as it is.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Weeks in a Light Year”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Daren Streblow, “Phone Drop”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk’s niece, Rita, had been manipulating her uncle Racquet to do her Accelerated Math homework for her. But now she’s in a bind, because tomorrow, in front of the entire class, she has to show long division on the black board… but she doesn’t even know addition or subtraction yet!

 

CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 20/21, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Being a boy is tough – and going to school, doing homework, chores, and cleaning up your room may not be very fun, but what WOULD happen if you never had to work? Tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Playing with others doesn’t usually mean going to a cemetery in order to find a playmate.

Neil J. Goodwin Jr., already doing community work in a cemetery after being convicted of breaking and entering, somehow came up with the brilliant idea of having fun at the cemetery by kicking in the thin marble entrance to a tomb marked ”1863 Pierce.”  He then twisted off the spine, collarbone, and skull, then played with the bones, balancing the skull on his shoulder and posing for pictures.  According to Lieutenant Richard Siemasko of the Nesburyport police, “This is just a whole new level of weird.  I can’t even imagine what was in his head.”  ***MARLAR: Neither can we.

 

 

TOP TEN

 

TOP TEN INDICATORS YOU’RE NOT OLD… UNLESS YOU CAN REMEMBER…

 

  1. Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

 

  1. When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.

 

  1. When there were two types of sneakers for boys.

 

  1. When boys couldn’t wear anything but leather shoes to school.

 

  1. When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

 

  1. When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

 

  1. When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.

 

  1. When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.

 

  1. When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

 

  1. When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Want to get out of prison? Send the warden a fax saying it’s okay to let you out!

 

FILE #1: Three French prisoners escaped through the open doors of their jail after warders fell for a fake fax and released them. Written on official stationery, the fax ordering their release was signed by the magistrate investigating them on charges of attempted extortion and illegal possession of firearms. Prison officials were so sure the fax was real that they neither checked the number from which it was sent nor contacted the judge to confirm he wanted the prisoners freed.

 

FILE #2: A Sheffield police officer who turned up for work with the hairstyle of rapper Eminem was sent home and not allowed to report for duty. The officer was one of three English officers who bleached their hair for a party. The other two agreed to change their hair color. A spokeswoman for the department quoted superintendent Richard Wilson as saying he thought the officers’ platinum blond Eminem-style haircuts were not appropriate for the corporate image which police wished to portray. The police officer was back on duty after having cut his hair short, the spokeswoman said.

 

FILE #3: Tortoises in Turkey are being given round-the-clock police protection against motorists. The creatures are being killed as they cross three roads to reach a lake and warning signs to motorists didn’t seem to help matters. So now the police force is to guard the tortoises.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in one’s pajamas.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

The Dominion Post reports that a man in Carterton, New Zealand, pleaded guilty to drug possession after he attempted to invent a new form of currency.

He wanted to cure his munchies by buying two packs of M&Ms and a bag of potato chips at a convenience store, but he was short on cash. So he asked the clerk if he could pay with marijuana instead. We’ll never know the answer because he hadn’t noticed the cop standing in line right behind him.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

NOT A HALLMARK MOMENT

Ever wonder what kind of greeting cards get rejected before they make it to the shelves? Well here’s a short list of cards that never made the cut… and after hearing them I’m sure you’ll understand why!

* Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.

* Congratulations on your promotion. Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You might need it again.

* Happy Birthday! You look great for your age… almost lifelike!

* I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

* You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

CAN YOUR LISTENERS ADD A FEW MORE TO THE LIST?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was Isaiah’s father?

ANSWER: Amoz (Isaiah 1:1)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The plant life in the oceans make up what percent of all the greenery on the Earth?

ANSWER: About 85%

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. 1961 was the most recent year that could be written both up-side-down and right-side-up and appear the same. (True. The next year that this will be possible will be 6009!)

 

  1. Karen Carpenter’s doorbell chimed the first six notes of “We’ve Only Just Begun.” (True)

 

  1. When wearing a Kimono Japanese women wear mittens. (False. But they do wear something like “foot mittens.” They wear socks called “Tabi”. The big toe of the sock is separated from the rest of the toes, like a thumb from a mitten.)

 

  1. Lazy Susans are named after Thomas Edison’s daughter. (True. He invented it to impress a gathering of industrialists and inventors.)

 

  1. Petey, the beloved pit bull of “Our Gang” fame is buried in a military graveyard. (False. He’s buried at historic Clara Glen pet cemetery in Linwood, New Jersey.)

 

  1. If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will land on heads 5,000 times. (False… more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.)

 

  1. Camel’s milk does not curdle. (True)

 

  1. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. (True)

 

  1. Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. (True)

 

  1. The Madagascan Hissing Cockroach is one of the few insects who give birth to live young, rather than laying eggs. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

KILLER BEES TARGET ________ (WOMEN)

Killer Bees are zeroing in on women in Arizona and California, especially blonde women taller than five-foot-five.

The Department of Homeland Security are saying that hundreds of women are being hospitalized because of attacks by swarms of killer bees.  Beekeepers say that this is the first time in the history of bees that they have targeted a specific gender.

“If a man and a woman are walking down the street together, the bees will leave the man alone – not touch him at all, but they will violently attack the woman,” said U.S. Beekeeper Orin Tablot.

Tablot told WWN that he thinks it has something to do with “those hormonal things woman’s got,” but this has not been confirmed by the Department of Health.

The U.S. Military is spraying Arizona and California with Anti-Bee spray, but there are side effects reported by men.  ”Apparently, the spray causes men to break out into big red rashes,” said a Department of Homeland Security spokesperson.  ”So, we either get men with rashes or women with bee stings.  For me, I’ll take the rash to save a woman.”

Women in Arizona are advised to take precautions when outdoors and if you have to get out of your car — run!!

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A father and son went fishing one day. Sitting in the boat for a couple of hours gave them not much to do, so the son started thinking about the world around him. He began to get curious so he asked his father some questions. “How does this boat float?”

The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.”

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

His father immediately assured him, “Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”

 

JOKE #2

I was reading an article last night talking about how male obesity might actually be a virus.  I’m considering calling in fat to work tomorrow.

 

JOKE #3

It was graduation day and everybody was waiting to get their diplomas. Everybody but Brian. At the commencement, the entire senior class stood up and shouted, “Let Brian graduate, let Brian graduate!”

The principal relented to the mob and decided to give Brian one last chance. “If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Brian, how many apples do I have?”

Brian thought long and hard and then said, “Ten.”

Hearing the answer the entire senior class stood up and shouted “Give Brian another chance! Give Brian another chance!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

According to a new study, people 60 and over become more liberal at a faster rate. A new study suggests that the popular belief about older people being more conservative isn’t true. Researchers found that as people pass the age of 60 they become more tolerant and liberal.  ***MARLAR: Tolerant right up to the time you step on their grass.

 

According to a new survey by the Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development the average French person spends 8 hours and 50 minutes sleeping getting almost an hour more shut-eye than citizens from nations like Japan and Korea. At 8 hours and 30 minutes, the United States comes in at number two. ***MARLAR: C’mon America – let’s be #1 again!  Bring out the La-Z-Boy!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIVE IT UP, DAD

In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest.  The boy came in with a second piece of pie and again watched his father give it to a guest. This was too much for the boy, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!

(From 2001) You may have heard that the State of Missouri didn’t want to allow the KKK to ”adopt” part of a highway (a section of Interstate 55). Unfortunately, the Klan took the case to the Supreme Court and won their right to do so. So free speech wins… even though it’s the KKK that is victorious. Or are they? Missouri retaliated in a very ingenious move. They still honored the U.S. Supreme court’s decision to allow the KKK to ”adopt” the highway and post their sign attesting to their adoption, but… get this… Missouri renamed that particular section of the highway, ”Rosa Parks Freeway. Now the KKK has essentially agreed to be responsible for a highway named after a well-known civil rights activist. (I’ll give you a moment to regain your composure here…) So what does the KKK have to say about all of this? Ironically, they say it’s a “hate crime and it’s wrong”!  Takes one to know one.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

FATHER FORGETS
By W. Livingston Larned
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
These are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “Good-bye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your socks. I humiliated you before your friends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Socks were expensive, and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in, timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither…and then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, reprimanding–this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. It was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me goodnight. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt here, ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy. I will chum with you, suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual, “He is nothing but a boy, a little boy!”
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your bed, I see that you are still a little boy.  Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Now that you’re out of school, what are you going to do this summer? Veg out at home? Get a job? Work at a camp? All of the above? Let me encourage you in whatever you decide to do–choose to be a servant.

Throughout the New Testament we are plainly told that if we want to be like Christ, we need to be servants (Matthew 20:25-28, Philippians 2:7). But what does that mean?

Let’s think about a couple of examples. Are you back home for the summer? How is it going, living with your parents and siblings again? Are you finding it hard to live under the house rules? Are your brothers and sisters even more annoying than you remember?

What does it mean to serve the people you live with? Maybe it means giving them the respect they are due. Doing things for your mom without being asked. Letting your dad read the newspaper first or have control of the TV remote. Returning home from a date before your mother starts worrying about the time. Or even wackier yet, don’t go out on the date, but stay home and spend quality time with your family! Sit in the living room instead of holing up in your bedroom. Play together. Talk with each other. Listen to each other.

Here’s another one. Is there a place a little outside your comfort zone where you can serve? In my city, we have many rescue missions, homeless shelters, and places that help those who are down-and-out.

I can’t think of one that can’t use some volunteer help. Maybe you could find a child who needs a tutor. And there are lots of kids in our neighborhoods who need a mentor, someone who cares about them. What a great influence you could have on someone who may not otherwise know anything about God! Be Christ to him or her. Point to Jesus. Be a servant.

Why on earth would you want to give up your comforts and needs to serve someone else this summer? Let me tell you. Because that is what we are called to do as people who follow Christ. Look at Philippians 2 again. This is the way to honor God: “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: [He] made Himself nothing, [and took] the very nature of a servant” (vv.5-7).

Service, anyone?

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Can a penny cause $900 damage to a car? Yep.

Police in Salt Lake City said a teenager accused of misdemeanor criminal mischief allegedly caused $900 damage to a car by throwing a single penny. Investigators said the 18-year-old threw the penny at a car to get the attention of the occupants on March 5th. However, the teen missed his mark and the penny struck the roof of a BMW, resulting in $932.37 worth of damage.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

FROM THE NATIONAL HIGHWAY SAFETY COMMISSION

 

TOP 10 DEADLIEST DAYS OF THE YEAR TO DRIVE

  • July 4
  • July 3
  • December 23
  • August 3
  • January 1
  • August 6
  • August 4
  • August 12
  • July 2
  • September 2

 

TOP 5 DEADLIEST MONTHS TO DRIVE

  • August
  • October
  • July
  • November
  • September

 

DEADLIEST DAYS OF THE WEEK TO DRIVE

  • Saturday
  • Friday
  • Thursday
  • Wednesday
  • Monday
  • Tuesday
  • Sunday

 

DEADLIEST TIMES OF THE DAY TO DRIVE

  • 3:00 – 6:00 pm
  • 6:00 – 9:00 pm
  • 9:00 – Midnight
  • Noon – 3:00 pm
  • Midnight – 3:00 am

 

***MARLAR: Ironically, the morning commute to work isn’t in the top five, but the drive home IS! What is (AFTERNOON JOCK) doing to you people?!??!

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT

How much would you pay for a device that would give you a green light when driving whenever you pushed the button? Would you buy one?

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to push a button and all the traffic lights would turn green for you? That’s what a couple of scam artists in Miami were hoping you would want… but the device does NOT exist (dagnabbit!). They called them “Go-boxes” and promised they would change red lights to green with the push of a remote control button. But there was no “go” with the “Go-boxes”. People sent in checks to purchase the devices, but often got instructions on how to build the “Go-box”, which turned out to be nothing more than a flashing strobe light. Others got nothing at all. The “Go-boxes” were advertised on the Internet and sold for as much as $200. ***MARLAR: Ironically, the suspects were told to GO directly to jail, do not pass GO, and do not collect $200.

 

 

FUN LIST

COMMON FACTUAL ERRORS CITED IN THIS YEAR’S SAT ESSAY EXAMS…

The S.A.T.s are back – and if any of these answers give us a glimpse into the minds of future leaders, we’re in BIIIIG trouble!  Here are a few actual answers on recent tests.

  • In course of life the typical person eats his own weight in Slim Jims.
  • Ronald Reagan once sent warships to invade North Dakota.
  • The Spanish Armada was defeated by Queen Latifah.
  • Dogs were invented in 1963.
  • Turning point of World War II was “that part where Tom Hanks finds Matt Damon.”
  • Prior to the invention of the airplane, people flew around by flapping their arms.
  • Neil Armstrong’s first words on the moon were, “Visa — it’s everywhere you want to be!”
  • Thomas Jefferson was “that funny African-American guy who was married to Weezie.” (
    )

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

365 NIGHTS OUTSIDE

Here’s your feel-good story of the day!  Minnesota winters are brutal, even if you have a warm house and a cozy bed to while away the cold nights. Which is why it’s remarkable that a 17-year-old Boy Scout from the Duluth area voluntarily slept outside for 365 nights straight. Perched most often seven feet up in a tree near his parents’ house, Rudy Hummel survived 76 subzero nights and multiple snowstorms to raise about $6,000 for Western Lake Superior Habitat for Humanity and the Hawk Ridge Bird Observatory. When not at home, Hummel would pitch a tent or crash on a hotel’s deck. He slept outside in 30 different places.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)

Christianity Today is out with their list of the top Archaeology discoveries of 2014 related to the Bible. Topping the list is the discovery of Harrods Gate, the monumental entrance to the inner court yard of the Herodium. The second top archaeological find of 2014 was the discovery of six clay seal impressions from the 10th century BC. They indicate significant administrative activity near Gaza, continuing to support the existence of a major Jerusalem based Kingdom in the 10th century. The findings debunk earlier views that David and Solomon were minor or mythological leaders and not the major rulers depicted in the Bible.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2014/december-web-only/biblical-archaeologys-top-ten-discoveries-of-2014.html

 

Making it to the big leagues is the dream of countless athletes, but for playoffs-bound Don Carey, being an NFL player does not fulfill his purpose. According to the Christian Post, Carey, a safety for the Detroit Lions, manages to also find the time to pursue a masters degree at Moody Theological Seminary in Michigan while also being a family man to his new wife and soon-to-be newborn son. The Christian athlete joked that cutting out television has helped him balance his life as a professional athlete, student, ministry leader and husband. However, he credits his wife and the ability to prioritize for helping him pursue his calling to uplift the kingdom of God.

http://bit.ly/1vsxwLJ

 

Ever have kids, friends or family want to borrow your iPad or iPhone? There is an important trick that will keep them from exploring the rest of the phone or changing your settings while still allowing them to play one specific game. In the setting category is a guided access feature. It keeps the phone in one single apps, allowing them to play the game, but not explore every other app, file, or photo on your apple device.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zOthS0qrKA

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I wanted to go to the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn’t tell me where it was. –Wisecrack of Dawn

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 12, 2015…

 

Jurassic World—Yes, we go back to that famous…or infamous island of creatures from long, long ago. They are still there and doing a great business. The theme park is functional and guests are happy.  You know when they are this happy, something will happen and it does…a rogue, intelligent dinosaur (think T-Rex). Now the chases begin. The cast includes Chris Pratt (“Guardians of the Galaxy”) and Bryce Dallas Howard.  “Jurassic World” is rated PG 13 and may be a reboot of the series.

 

Madame Bovary—Films like “Anna Karenina” or “Madame Bovary” are remade every 20 years or so. This time, Mia Wasikowska has the title role of the woman, married to a doctor and living away from high society,  who is dissatisfied with her marriage.  Also in the cast is Henry Lloyd-Hughes. “Madame Bovary” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (opening in select cities)—Thomas Mann stars in a film of teens who try to help a really ill friend by acting out famous movies of the past. Also in the cast are Olivia Cooke and R. J. Cyler. “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl” is rated

PG 13. No rating.

 

The Wolfpack (opening in select cities)—A documentary by Crystal Mosell  and it concerns the Angulo brothers, who are home-schooled and don’t leave the family apartment in New York City. The children become intensely interested in watching movies. “The Wolfpack” is not rated.

 

JUNE 17, 2015…

 

The Tribe is set in a school for the deaf and people communicate only in sign language. The film has won major awards.

 

JUNE 19, 2015…

 

Dope has a comedy about a boy from the streets who wants to attend Harvard. Stars Shameik Moore.

 

Inside Out is an animated film, one voice being Amy Poehler, and it concerns one’s emotions which have individual voices and individual personalities. Wasn’t there a TV series about this years ago?

 

Manglehorn has Al Pacino as a man who had a battle with relationships from his son to his two girlfriends.

 

The Overnight stars Adam Scott in a family about what happens when you invite someone to be your friend.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.