June 16, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180616
PDF: 20180616

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

It’s now 12 minutes past, and if there’s no further discussion the minutes will stand approved as read.

And now, for the next (4) hours — or until we decipher that really complicated letter from the FCC — it’s another (JOCK) Show!

I’m pretty sure (3am) came earlier this morning than usual.

What’s with people saying “yeah no” or “no yeah”? The words cancel each other out. It’s like answering a question with “Definitely, maybe.”

The world says, “listen to your heart”. The burning in my heart is telling me I shouldn’t have started the day with that breakfast burrito.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6-7

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies… She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. — Proverbs 31:10 27-28

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. — John 10:11

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. — Jeremiah 29:11

Thought: Jeremiah was telling God’s people that 70 years after the devastation, God would deliver and restore them. Despite the fact that they had repeatedly abandoned God, he would not abandon them or his promises to them. He would be faithful. In fact, God was planning and preparing a bright future for them. This promise also reminds us that no matter how deep our own personal gloom may seem, God does have plans for us. He will keep his promises to us. He will deliver and bless us. We can have a vibrant hope and a bright future because of his faithfulness and our trust in his Son, Jesus, who delivers us from every foe.

Prayer: Give me faith, O Lord, during the times I’m weary, discouraged, and beaten down. Inspire me to trust in your great promises. Please give me courage, O Lord, when my faith wavers. Help me obey your word no matter how challenging it may seem or how discouraged I feel. Thank you for giving me a bright future in Jesus. Please help me live more consciously aware of this great gift. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Ephesians 6:16 NIV = …take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – JUNE 16, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
191 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is PSYCHO DAY, marking the premier of the classic movie Psycho on this date in 1960. ***It was about that same time that people began to prefer whirlpool baths to showers. (audio clip)

Today is HORSEY PARENTS DAY, a time to honor parents who play horsey – again and again and again.

Speaking of playing… this is RECESS AT WORK DAY. Today at 11:00 a.m., all computers should be shut down so everyone at work can go outside and play.   ***So if you could leave work to go out and play, what game would you play?  Here are a few activities you can organize on the fly…

  • Dodgeball: Management vs. Accounting

  • Building gravel castles in the parking lot

  • Waiting for the constantly napping guy to pass out and then draw on his face with a Sharpie

  • Making balloon animals out of the plastic gloves from the janitor’s closet

  • Racing cockroaches from the kitchen

  • Climbing the oversized corporate sculpture in front of the building

  • Playing “Duck, Duck, You’re Fired”

TODAY IS ALSO…

Bloomsday
Fudge Day
Ladies’ Day (Baseball)
Mermaid Day
Polar Bear Swim
World Juggling Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, JUNE 17

Dollars Against Diabetes Day
Eat Your Vegetables Day
Family Awareness Day
Father’s Day
Husband Caregiver Day
National Garbage Man Day
Stewarts Root Beer Day
Turkey Lovers Day
World Day To Combat Desertification and Drought
World Tesselation Day

MONDAY, JUNE 18

Autistic Pride Day
Clark Kent’s Birthday (Superman)
International Sushi Day
National Splurge Day
Ride To Work Day (Motorcycles)
Sustainable Gasteronomy Day

TUESDAY, JUNE 19

Free BSD Day
Garfield the Cat Day
International Day For The Elimination of Sexual Violence in Conflict
Juneteenth
National Watch Day
World Sickle Cell Day
World Sauntering Day

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day
Flitch of Bacon Day

Lambrusco Day
National Hike With A Geek Day
National Kouign Amann Day
World Productivity Day
World Refugee Day

THURSDAY, JUNE 21

Ann & Samantha Day
Atheists Solidarity Day
Cuckoo Warning Day
Dump The Pump Day
Go Skateboarding Day
International Day of Yoga
Litha
Midsummer
National Daylight Appreciation Day
National Day of The Gong
National Sea Shell Day
National Selfie Day
Recess At Work Day
Summer Solstice
Summer
Tall Girl Appreciation Day
World Giraffe Day
World Handshake Day
World Humanist Day
World Hydrography Day
World Music Day

FRIDAY, JUNE 22

Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day
HVAC Technicians Day
Global Smurfs Day
National Eat At A Food Truck Day
Stupid Guy Thing Day
Ugliest Dog Day

Take Your Dog to Work Day
World Rainforest Day
Worldwide VW Beetle Day

SATURDAY, JUNE 23

ARRL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day
Great American Backyard Campout
International Widows’ Day
Let It Go Day
National Hydration Day
Pink Flamingo Day (Lawn Ornaments)
Public Service Day
Runner’s Selfie Day
SAT Math Day
Typing Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 24

America’s Kids Day
Celebration of the Senses
Descendants Day
International Fairy Day or Faerie Day
Log Cabin Day
Stonewall National Monument Day

MONDAY, JUNE 25

Color TV Day (CBS)
Day of The Seafarer
Global Beatles Day
Leon Day
National Catfish Day
Please Take My Children To Work Day

ON THIS DAY

1858: Senate candidate Abraham Lincoln said in a speech in Springfield, Illinois, the slavery issue had to be resolved, declaring, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

1882: Hailstones 17 inches in diameter and weighing as much as 1.7 pounds fell in Dubuque, Iowa.

1883: Baseball’s very first Ladies Day took place when the New York Gothams offer free admission for women to a game against Cleveland. ***Back then, it was chivalrous. Today, it’s sexist.

1891: The George A. Hormel & Company was founded in Austin, Minnesota. In 1937 it introduced Spam, now the world’s biggest selling canned meat product.

1903: A U.S. patent was issued for Chicken Goggles. ***Goggles designed to protect chickens? Are chickens doing a lot of heavy welding?

1903: A U.S. patent was issued for a soft drink formula called Pepsi-Cola.

1903: Ford Motor Company was incorporated.

1929: Otto E. Funk arrived in San Francisco to become the first person to walk across the U.S. playing a violin. 4,165 miles in 183 days.

1959: George Reeves, the actor who played Superman on TV, shot himself. ***Turns out he WASN’T “faster than a speeding bullet” after all.

1975: Randy Farland found a fourteen-leaf clover near Sioux Falls, South Dakota. ***And from then on he had three-and-a-half times as much good luck as other people.

1976: “The Jacksons” premiered on CBS-TV with music and comedy sketches starring Michael, Jackie, Tito, Marlon, Randy, LaToya, Rebie, and Janet. After four shows in 1976, the cast returned for three months in early 1977.

1978: The electronic game “Space Invaders” was first demonstrated by Taito Corporation in Tokyo.

1987: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar signed a two-year contract with the Los Angeles Lakers for $5 million, making him the highest paid player in any sport.

1988: In Santa Barbara, California, a team of 32 divers began cycling underwater on a standard tricycle, to complete 116.66 miles in 75 hours, 20 minutes. ***And we don’t KNOW why, so don’t bother asking.

1991: John Decker of Cheshire, England, did 7,683 one-arm pushups in five hours.

1995: The movie “Batman Forever” opened at theaters through the U.S. Americans spent $20-million on tickets the first day.

1998: A 40-year-old Florida woman gave birth to a son in the first-ever live birth on the Internet before an audience estimated by a cable health network at two million people.

2002: A runaway winner again in the U.S. Open, Tiger Woods became the first player since Jack Nicklaus in 1972 to capture the first two major golf championships of the year.

2003: Twelve people sent to prison in a Tulia, Texas, drug bust were released on bail by a judge who said they’d been railroaded by an undercover agent. (Thirty-five people were later pardoned by Texas Governor Rick Perry.)

2004: Rebuffing the Bush administration claims, the independent commission investigating the September 11th attacks said no evidence existed that al-Qaida had ties to Saddam Hussein.

2007: A two-headed snake named “We,” the main attraction at the World Aquarium in St. Louis, died from natural causes. Though most two-headed snakes live only a week or two, We was 8 years old, and was so popular, the snake’s remains were preserved and remain on display. We was both male and female, but had not been able to reproduce when paired with another two-headed snake.

2012: A California mom was accused of mixing booze with her five-month-old daughter’s baby formula and then feeding it to her. ***When Grandma gave us brandy to knock us out back in the day, she was considered a “baby whispering genius.”

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1846: Giovanni Maria Mastai-Ferretti is named Pope Pius IX. Roman Catholics remember him for his 31-year pontificate—the longest in history—for his declaration of the dogma of the Immaculate Conception and for the First Vatican Council’s declaration of the infallibility of the pope.

1855: William and Catherine Booth, founders of the Salvation Army, marry, having fallen in love the first night they met. William had escorted Catherine home, and she later wrote, “Before we reached my home, we both felt as though we had been made for each other”.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Tana Schrick on “Gilmore Girls”) Olivia Hack 35 (audio clip)

  • actor (Helmut Zemo in Captain America: Civil War) Daniel Bruhl, 40

  • actress (Olivia Evans on “ER”, Brooke Harper on “Boston Public”) China Shavers 41 (audio clip)

  • actor (War of the Worlds, “The Mickey Mouse Club”) Ricky Luna 41 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, the American Pie movies, Star Trek, “Sleepy Hollow”) John Cho, 46

  • Actor (Cruel World, Gods and Generals, Gettysburg, Pretty Woman, “All My Children”, he plays an attorney on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”) James Patrick Stewart 51 (audio clip)

  • Arnold Vosloo (“24″, The Mummy) 56 (audio clip)

  • Actress (JFK, Jackie on “Roseanne”) Laurie Metcalf, 63 (audio clip)

  • Actress (“Knots Landing”, “Dallas”) Joan Van Ark, 75 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1792 : Francis Johnson

1934 : “Little Caesar” (Little Caesar & the Romans)

1939 : Billy “Crash” Craddock

1941 : Lamont Dozier

1942 : Edward Levert (The O’Jays)

1946 : Ian Matthews (Fairport Convention, Matthews Southern Comfort)

1949 : Peppy Castro (Blues Magoos)

1950 : James Smith (The Stylistics)

1952 : Gino Vannelli

1954 : Garry Roberts (The Boomtown Rats)

1966 : MC Ren (N.W.A.)

1971 : Tupac Shakur

1979 : Nathan Followill (Kings of Leon)

1987 : Diana DeGarmo

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How rigid are monastic vows of silence?

In our clamorous world, the peace and quiet of the monastery can be appealing. Some even accept paying guests who just want to get away from it all for a few days. But how do the monks who live there permanently bring it off when silence is not just a sometime thing? Amazingly they do keep the silence, a rule that generally brings only minor punishment when broken because it is almost always faithfully observed. It’s not absolute silence. They can reply to superiors when addressed by them and can speak to guests. They also sing hymns and pray out loud. But they can’t converse with each other. When it’s necessary to communicate, they use sign language. Now go in peace.

NEWS KICKERS

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey had tried everything he could think of to somehow be better than Steve Mozart. But the more he tried, the worse things got… and now he’s in the hospital. But he couldn’t even do that better than Steve Mozart, because HE’S in the hospital too – and in worse condition!

CLOSE: Is it true, will Steve Mozart really live? Will Millard still live? Will Steve be okay in time for his concert – and will Millard still be angry about Steve being better than him? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Playing with others doesn’t usually mean going to a cemetery in order to find a playmate.

Neil J. Goodwin Jr., already doing community work in a cemetery after being convicted of breaking and entering, somehow came up with the brilliant idea of having fun at the cemetery by kicking in the thin marble entrance to a tomb marked ”1863 Pierce.”  He then twisted off the spine, collarbone, and skull, then played with the bones, balancing the skull on his shoulder and posing for pictures.  According to Lieutenant Richard Siemasko of the Nesburyport police, “This is just a whole new level of weird.  I can’t even imagine what was in his head.”  ***MARLAR: Neither can we.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN INDICATORS YOU’RE NOT OLD… UNLESS YOU CAN REMEMBER…

10. Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

9. When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.

8. When there were two types of sneakers for boys.

7. When boys couldn’t wear anything but leather shoes to school.

6. When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

5. When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

4. When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.

3. When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.

2. When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

1. When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Want to get out of prison? Send the warden a fax saying it’s okay to let you out!

FILE #1: Three French prisoners escaped through the open doors of their jail after warders fell for a fake fax and released them. Written on official stationery, the fax ordering their release was signed by the magistrate investigating them on charges of attempted extortion and illegal possession of firearms. Prison officials were so sure the fax was real that they neither checked the number from which it was sent nor contacted the judge to confirm he wanted the prisoners freed.

FILE #2: A Sheffield police officer who turned up for work with the hairstyle of rapper Eminem was sent home and not allowed to report for duty. The officer was one of three English officers who bleached their hair for a party. The other two agreed to change their hair color. A spokeswoman for the department quoted superintendent Richard Wilson as saying he thought the officers’ platinum blond Eminem-style haircuts were not appropriate for the corporate image which police wished to portray. The police officer was back on duty after having cut his hair short, the spokeswoman said.

FILE #3: Tortoises in Turkey are being given round-the-clock police protection against motorists. The creatures are being killed as they cross three roads to reach a lake and warning signs to motorists didn’t seem to help matters. So now the police force is to guard the tortoises.

STRANGE LAW: In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in one’s pajamas.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

The Dominion Post reports that a man in Carterton, New Zealand, pleaded guilty to drug possession after he attempted to invent a new form of currency.

He wanted to cure his munchies by buying two packs of M&Ms and a bag of potato chips at a convenience store, but he was short on cash. So he asked the clerk if he could pay with marijuana instead. We’ll never know the answer because he hadn’t noticed the cop standing in line right behind him.

PHONER PHUN

NOT A HALLMARK MOMENT

Ever wonder what kind of greeting cards get rejected before they make it to the shelves? Well here’s a short list of cards that never made the cut… and after hearing them I’m sure you’ll understand why!

* Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.

* Congratulations on your promotion. Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You might need it again.

* Happy Birthday! You look great for your age… almost lifelike!

* I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

* You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket. I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

CAN YOUR LISTENERS ADD A FEW MORE TO THE LIST?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was Isaiah’s father?

ANSWER: Amoz (Isaiah 1:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The plant life in the oceans make up what percent of all the greenery on the Earth?

ANSWER: About 85%

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. 1961 was the most recent year that could be written both up-side-down and right-side-up and appear the same. (True. The next year that this will be possible will be 6009!)

2. Karen Carpenter’s doorbell chimed the first six notes of “We’ve Only Just Begun.” (True)

3. When wearing a Kimono Japanese women wear mittens. (False. But they do wear something like “foot mittens.” They wear socks called “Tabi”. The big toe of the sock is separated from the rest of the toes, like a thumb from a mitten.)

4. Lazy Susans are named after Thomas Edison’s daughter. (True. He invented it to impress a gathering of industrialists and inventors.)

5. Petey, the beloved pit bull of “Our Gang” fame is buried in a military graveyard. (False. He’s buried at historic Clara Glen pet cemetery in Linwood, New Jersey.)

6. If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will land on heads 5,000 times. (False… more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.)

7. Camel’s milk does not curdle. (True)

8. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. (True)

9. Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. (True)

10. The Madagascan Hissing Cockroach is one of the few insects who give birth to live young, rather than laying eggs. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

KILLER BEES TARGET ________ (WOMEN)

Killer Bees are zeroing in on women in Arizona and California, especially blonde women taller than five-foot-five.

The Department of Homeland Security are saying that hundreds of women are being hospitalized because of attacks by swarms of killer bees.  Beekeepers say that this is the first time in the history of bees that they have targeted a specific gender.

“If a man and a woman are walking down the street together, the bees will leave the man alone – not touch him at all, but they will violently attack the woman,” said U.S. Beekeeper Orin Tablot.

Tablot told WWN that he thinks it has something to do with “those hormonal things woman’s got,” but this has not been confirmed by the Department of Health.

The U.S. Military is spraying Arizona and California with Anti-Bee spray, but there are side effects reported by men.  ”Apparently, the spray causes men to break out into big red rashes,” said a Department of Homeland Security spokesperson.  ”So, we either get men with rashes or women with bee stings.  For me, I’ll take the rash to save a woman.”

Women in Arizona are advised to take precautions when outdoors and if you have to get out of your car — run!!

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A father and son went fishing one day. Sitting in the boat for a couple of hours gave them not much to do, so the son started thinking about the world around him. He began to get curious so he asked his father some questions. “How does this boat float?”

The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.”

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

His father immediately assured him, “Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”

JOKE #2

I was reading an article last night talking about how male obesity might actually be a virus.  I’m considering calling in fat to work tomorrow.

JOKE #3

It was graduation day and everybody was waiting to get their diplomas. Everybody but Brian. At the commencement, the entire senior class stood up and shouted, “Let Brian graduate, let Brian graduate!”

The principal relented to the mob and decided to give Brian one last chance. “If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Brian, how many apples do I have?”

Brian thought long and hard and then said, “Ten.”

Hearing the answer the entire senior class stood up and shouted “Give Brian another chance! Give Brian another chance!”

USELESS FACTS

According to a recent study, people 60 and over become more liberal at a faster rate. The study suggests that the popular belief about older people being more conservative isn’t true. Researchers found that as people pass the age of 60 they become more tolerant and liberal.  ***Tolerant… right up to the time you step on their lawn.

According to a survey by the Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development the average French person spends 8 hours and 50 minutes sleeping getting almost an hour more shut-eye than citizens from nations like Japan and Korea. At 8 hours and 30 minutes, the United States comes in at number two. ***C’mon America – let’s be #1 again!  Bring out the La-Z-Boy!

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIVE IT UP, DAD

In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest.  The boy came in with a second piece of pie and again watched his father give it to a guest. This was too much for the boy, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!

(From 2001 – one of my favorite stories of all time.) You may have heard that the State of Missouri didn’t want to allow the KKK to ”adopt” part of a highway (a section of Interstate 55). Unfortunately, the Klan took the case to the Supreme Court and won their right to do so. So free speech wins… even though it’s the KKK that is victorious. Or are they? Missouri retaliated in a very ingenious move. They still honored the U.S. Supreme court’s decision to allow the KKK to ”adopt” the highway and post their sign attesting to their adoption, but… get this… Missouri renamed that particular section of the highway, ”Rosa Parks Freeway. Now the KKK has essentially agreed to be responsible for a highway named after a well-known civil rights activist. Ha ha ha ha!!! So what does the KKK have to say about all of this? Ironically, they say it’s a “hate crime and it’s wrong”!  Takes one to know one.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

FATHER FORGETS
By W. Livingston Larned
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
These are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “Good-bye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your socks. I humiliated you before your friends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Socks were expensive, and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in, timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither…and then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, reprimanding–this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. It was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me goodnight. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt here, ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy. I will chum with you, suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual, “He is nothing but a boy, a little boy!”
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your bed, I see that you are still a little boy.  Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Now that you’re out of school, what are you going to do this summer? Veg out at home? Get a job? Work at a camp? All of the above? Let me encourage you in whatever you decide to do–choose to be a servant.

Throughout the New Testament we are plainly told that if we want to be like Christ, we need to be servants (Matthew 20:25-28, Philippians 2:7). But what does that mean?

Let’s think about a couple of examples. Are you back home for the summer? How is it going, living with your parents and siblings again? Are you finding it hard to live under the house rules? Are your brothers and sisters even more annoying than you remember?

What does it mean to serve the people you live with? Maybe it means giving them the respect they are due. Doing things for your mom without being asked. Letting your dad read the newspaper first or have control of the TV remote. Returning home from a date before your mother starts worrying about the time. Or even wackier yet, don’t go out on the date, but stay home and spend quality time with your family! Sit in the living room instead of holing up in your bedroom. Play together. Talk with each other. Listen to each other.

Here’s another one. Is there a place a little outside your comfort zone where you can serve? In my city, we have many rescue missions, homeless shelters, and places that help those who are down-and-out.

I can’t think of one that can’t use some volunteer help. Maybe you could find a child who needs a tutor. And there are lots of kids in our neighborhoods who need a mentor, someone who cares about them. What a great influence you could have on someone who may not otherwise know anything about God! Be Christ to him or her. Point to Jesus. Be a servant.

Why on earth would you want to give up your comforts and needs to serve someone else this summer? Let me tell you. Because that is what we are called to do as people who follow Christ. Look at Philippians 2 again. This is the way to honor God: “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: [He] made Himself nothing, [and took] the very nature of a servant” (vv.5-7).

Service, anyone?

LEFTOVERS

Can a penny cause $900 damage to a car? Yep.

Police in Salt Lake City said a teenager accused of misdemeanor criminal mischief allegedly caused $900 damage to a car by throwing a single penny. Investigators said the 18-year-old threw the penny at a car to get the attention of the occupants on March 5th. However, the teen missed his mark and the penny struck the roof of a BMW, resulting in $932.37 worth of damage.

LIFE… LIVE IT

FROM THE NATIONAL HIGHWAY SAFETY COMMISSION

TOP 10 DEADLIEST DAYS OF THE YEAR TO DRIVE

  • July 4

  • July 3

  • December 23

  • August 3

  • January 1

  • August 6

  • August 4

  • August 12

  • July 2

  • September 2

TOP 5 DEADLIEST MONTHS TO DRIVE

  • August

  • October

  • July

  • November

  • September

DEADLIEST DAYS OF THE WEEK TO DRIVE

  • Saturday

  • Friday

  • Thursday

  • Wednesday

  • Monday

  • Tuesday

  • Sunday

DEADLIEST TIMES OF THE DAY TO DRIVE

  • 3:00 – 6:00 pm

  • 6:00 – 9:00 pm

  • 9:00 – Midnight

  • Noon – 3:00 pm

  • Midnight – 3:00 am

***Ironically, the morning commute to work isn’t in the top five, but the drive home IS! What is (AFTERNOON JOCK) doing to you people?!??!

JUST FOR FUN

RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT

How much would you pay for a device that would give you a green light when driving whenever you pushed the button? Would you buy one?

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to push a button and all the traffic lights would turn green for you? That’s what a couple of scam artists in Miami were hoping you would want… but the device does NOT exist (dagnabbit!). They called them “Go-boxes” and promised they would change red lights to green with the push of a remote control button. But there was no “go” with the “Go-boxes”. People sent in checks to purchase the devices, but often got instructions on how to build the “Go-box”, which turned out to be nothing more than a flashing strobe light. Others got nothing at all. The “Go-boxes” were advertised on the Internet and sold for as much as $200. ***MARLAR: Ironically, the suspects were told to GO directly to jail, do not pass GO, and do not collect $200.

FUN LIST

COMMON FACTUAL ERRORS CITED IN THIS YEAR’S SAT ESSAY EXAMS…

The S.A.T.s are back – and if any of these answers give us a glimpse into the minds of future leaders, we’re in BIIIIG trouble!  Here are a few actual answers on recent tests.

  • In course of life the typical person eats his own weight in Slim Jims.

  • Ronald Reagan once sent warships to invade North Dakota.

  • The Spanish Armada was defeated by Queen Latifah.

  • Dogs were invented in 1963.

  • Turning point of World War II was “that part where Tom Hanks finds Matt Damon.”

  • Prior to the invention of the airplane, people flew around by flapping their arms.

  • Neil Armstrong’s first words on the moon were, “Visa — it’s everywhere you want to be!”

  • Thomas Jefferson was “that funny African-American guy who was married to Weezie.” (audio clip)

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

365 NIGHTS OUTSIDE

Here’s your feel-good story of the day!  Minnesota winters are brutal, even if you have a warm house and a cozy bed to while away the cold nights. Which is why it’s remarkable that a 17-year-old Boy Scout from the Duluth area voluntarily slept outside for 365 nights straight. Perched most often seven feet up in a tree near his parents’ house, Rudy Hummel survived 76 subzero nights and multiple snowstorms to raise about $6,000 for Western Lake Superior Habitat for Humanity and the Hawk Ridge Bird Observatory. When not at home, Hummel would pitch a tent or crash on a hotel’s deck. He slept outside in 30 different places.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I wanted to go to the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn’t tell me where it was. –Wisecrack of Dawn

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JUNE 15, 2018…

Loving Pablo (opening in select cities)—This film is a study of the leader of a drug cartel. Javier Bardem plays Pablo Escobar, and in this film (based on real life), we see the connection between Escobar and a reporter, Virginia Vallejo (played by Penelope Cruz.) What is Escobar’s life really like? Also in the cast is Peter Sarsgaard. “Loving Pablo” is rated R. No rating.

Incredibles 2—This reviewer has waited in vain for Plastic Man to have his own film. Alas, no, but second best is Helen Parr (voice of Holly Hunter) who is the Mom (ElastiGirl) of the Paar family, and Dad (Bob, voiced by Craig T. Nelson is Mr. Incredible.) The kids have their own special gifts from throwing fire (the baby Jack) to physical strength. This family really stays together.  Now, in the plot which begins after the first film, a super hero is needed to give the public positive publicity, so ElastiGirl is chosen. That means Mom goes out to work while Dad stays home with the kids. Not always fun when the teens, Violet and Dash (Sarah Vowell and Huck Milner) begin to explore their own powers and like what they have. Violet can be invisible which Dash can bounce all over the place. As for the baby?  He has his own agenda, sometimes.  Is the general public ready for this? We will see and in the meantime, are real theater audiences so immersed in super characters, whether real actors or animation, that they would yawn their way through “Incredibles 2?” Time will tell, but methinks, since the first “Incredibles” was a hit (with an Oscar, too) that fans are still there and ready to follow the Parr family exploits. Also in the cast are Bob Odenkirk and Catherine Keener. “Incredibles 2” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

Superfly—This reviewer has worn out the tape of the soundtrack to the first “Superfly” film. Now comes a remake starring Trevor Jackson as Priest, a top drug dealer who wants one more large job before leaving the business.  Priest is known for his wardrobe, too. Can he do it? One big score and then walk away? By the way, if Trevor Jackson’s name sounds familiar, he was Simba in a National Touring Company of “The Lion King” and is on television’s “grownish.” Also in the cast of “Superfly” are Jason Mitchell and Michael E. Williams. Director is Director X. “Superfly” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Set It Up—Here comes a comedy about two overworked junior executives who want to get their bosses together. The reason being” this would give the junior’s more time rather than work. The best thought-out plans don’t always go together. Zoey Deutch is one junior and Glen Powell is the other.  Will their plan work? Also in the cast are Lucy Liu and Taye Diggs. “Set It Up” is 

rated PG-13. No rating.

Tag—Do some adults ever really grow up?  Not in this film, that has Jon Hamm, Ed Helms, Hannibal Buress, Jake Johnson and Jeremy Renner trying to get at each other even as adults. No one, even at their age, wants to be “it.” Now the plans develop and nothing is sacred, including work, someone’s wedding and even a funeral. The stunts took their toll on the actors, too, with injuries. “Tag” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of “Tag.” 

Gotti—This film was to have opened in December 2017. John Gotti was a famous mobster in New York City. He ruled the town and in this film, John  Travolta takes on the role of Gotti, with Kelly Preston as his wife and Spencer Lofanco as his son, John Gotti, Jr. Violence follows the life of someone in crime. Also in the cast are Stacy Keach and Leo Rossi. “Gotti” is rated R.  No rating. 

JUNE 22, 2018…

Damsel is a western starring Robert Pattison about finding a lost girlfriend. Isn’t Andrew Garfield doing the same thing?

Under The Silver Lake is a mystery/thriller starring Andrew Garfield about finding a lost girlfriend. Isn’t Robert Pattison doing the same thing?

Boundaries is about a family traveling across country—and they don’t really want to because of Grandpa who sells weed on the side.  Stars Christopher Plummer.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.