June 17, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150617

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

A little cool this morning. Too cool for me to wear my shorts — which means I shaved my legs for nothing.

 

I don’t have any new jokes today, so I’ll talk about the (Kansas City Royals).   They’re funny without jokes.

 

I’m working on a new diet. If it works you’ll want to buy numerous copies of the resulting book because those will be your only meals.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. — James 5:16

 

The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. — Proverbs 23:24

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. — Mark 6:34

 

Thought: Jesus reminds us of the incredible importance of teaching. While we might have expected miracles or wonders arising out of Jesus’ compassion, what shepherdless sheep most need is good, solid, down to earth, practical teaching from a teacher who knows them and cares for them.

 

Prayer: Almighty God, please bless your Church with dynamic, compassionate, and effective teachers. Please give your people, your sheep, a hunger for your Word and a willingness to put it into practice in our lives. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 6:17 NIV = But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 17, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 192 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL EAT ALL YOUR VEGETABLES DAY.  ***MARLAR: And so long as they are all covered in mozzarella cheese and pizza sauce, no problem.

 

This is NATIONAL FORGIVENESS WEEK, a week to forgive others. Who do you need to forgive? ***MARLAR: You can begin by forgiving me, because I should’ve told you about this yesterday.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Eat Your Vegetables Day

Stewarts Root Beer Day

World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JUNE 18

International Sushi Day

Dump the Pump Day

Ramadan (6/18-7/16)

Recess at Work Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 19

Garfield the Cat Day

Juneteenth

National Flip Flop Day

Ugliest Dog Day

Work at Home Father’s Day

World Sickle Cell Day

World Sauntering Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day

Dollars Against Diabetes Days

Flitch of Bacon Day

Polar Bear Swim

World Productivity Day

World Refugee Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 21

Alzheimer’s Awareness Day

Ann & Samantha Day

Atheists Solidarity Day

Cuckoo Warning Day

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Go Skateboarding Day

National Daylight Appreciation Day

National Selfie Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Summer Solstice (12:38pm)

Tall Girl Appreciation Day

World Handshake Day

World Humanist Day

World Music Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 22

Global Smurfs Day

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Baby Boomers Recognition Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day

National Columnists’ Day

Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Windjammer Days (23-24)

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24

Celebration of the Senses

International Fairy Day or Faerie Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1870: George Cormack was born in Scotland. In 1924, working in the U.S., he invented Wheaties, breakfast of champions. ***MARLAR: Which explains why I’ve never had a bowl.

 

1879: Daughter Mary Susan was born to Zerelda and Jesse James of Missouri. They already had a 3-year-old son, Jesse Jr.

 

1885: The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York Harbor aboard the French ship Isere.

 

1933: Vernon Presley, a sharecropper and a truck driver who hailed from Fulton, Mississippi, and Gladys Love Smith, a seamstress from Pontotoc County, Mississippi, were married. Less than two years later, they had twin boys, but the first, Jesse Garon, was still born. The second, Elvis Aaron, was okay and, in fact, did quite well.

 

1957: Jerry Lee Lewis’s “Whole Lot of Shakin’ Going On” entered the Billboard country chart after he performed the song on TV’s “Steve Allen Show.” Sun Records had released the single seven months earlier, but radio stations had refused to play it.

 

1967: The Hollies released “Carrie Ann.”

 

1972: Five men carrying electronic surveillance equipment were arrested in the Watergate office headquarters of the Democratic Party National Committee. The arrest eventually led to the resignation of U.S. President Richard Nixon.

 

1976: What remained of the American Basketball Association, the Nets, Pacers, Nuggets, and Spurs, merged into the NBA.

 

1990: After eight days of work, 12 students in Singapore completed a pyramid built with 263,810 bottle caps.

 

1993: A local character stole two security cameras from a Brooklyn bank. Police knew it was him because the last pictures both cameras took showed him unscrewing them from the wall.

 

1994: An estimated 95-million watched on television as police chased O.J. Simpson slowly hour after hour through Southern California. Simpson finally was taken into custody at his home, charged with two counts of murder. He was acquitted in 1995, but lost a civil judgment in 1996 to the victim’s families.

 

2001: After routinely tardy students claimed they didn’t have alarm clocks, St James’ Primary School in Gorton, England, handed out free alarm clocks to any students that wanted them. Since then, school officials says students arrive a lot earlier and are much more consistent.

 

2006: In a real-life version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears – in reverse – a West Vancouver woman came home to find a young bear eating oatmeal in her kitchen. Police couldn’t get the bear to budge, so they let the animal finish his oatmeal. Eventually the bear decided to go out the same way he got in, through a sliding glass door, and headed back down toward a forest.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1700: Massachusetts Puritans publish a law banning all Catholics on pain of death or imprisonment.

 

1703: John Wesley, founder of Methodism, is born in Epworth, England, to parents Samuel and Susanna. Though Methodism’s emphasis on grace and instantaneous (often emotional) conversion marked a radical departure from high church tradition, Wesley always considered himself an Anglican.

 

1963: The US Supreme Court rules that reading the Lord’s prayer or Bible verses aloud in public schools is unconstitutional.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (The Lost Boys, Sleepers) Jason Patric 49
  • Actor (You’ve Got Mail, Dear God, As Good As It Gets) Greg Kinnear, 52
  • Actor (Larry on “Perfect Strangers”) Mark Linn-Baker, 62 (
    )
  • Actor (“SNL,” Johnny Dangerously, Wise Guys) Joe Piscopo, 64
  • Former Speaker of the House (and 2012 U.S. Presidential candidate) Newt Gingrich, 72

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1882 : Igor Stravinsky

1902 : Sammy Fain

1910 : Red Foley

1930 : Cliff Gallup (Gene Vincent and his Blue Caps)

1939 : Dickie Doo (Dickie Doo and the Don’ts)

1939 : Dave Alldred (The Rhythm Orchids, Dicky Doo)

1942 : Norman Kuhlke (The Swinging Blue Jeans)

1944 : Chris Spedding

1946 : Barry Manilow

1947 : Greg Rolie (Santana, Journey)

1947 : Eric Lewis (Middle of the Road)

1956 : Paul Young

1969 : Kevin Thornton (Color Me Badd)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is someone who’s indecisive “waffling?”

Try to picture a waffle. It has lots of little squares that are ideal for holding syrup, correct? So, what do you conclude about the relationship between this breakfast food’s shape and being indecisive? Well, I hope you find no relationship whatsoever, as there is no relationship between the two. The relationship is between waffle and the Old English word, “wafian,” which meant “to wave.” From that word in the 16th century came another, “whiffle,” which described the wind when it changed direction. (Perhaps someone had a lisp and said what sounded like “the wind is whiffling.”) Now jump to the 1950s and 60s and whiffle ball, a game in which you hit a wind-blown plastic ball with holes in it. That ball, like indecisive people, could go in any direction. So, when waffling on a subject, we’re referring to the whiffle ball. So, why don’t we say that indecisive people whiffle, instead of waffle? Perhaps someone tried to speak with his or her mouth full. I really don’t know. I can’t decide on the matter. If you ask me, I’d have to waffle on the subject… now, please pass the syrup if you don’t mind.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

A reminder from Kutless member James Mead: You are never alone. The God of the Universe is your good and holy Father! He is with you ALWAYS! Never fear. Never be afraid.

 

A dating tip from Colton Dixon: “listen to your woman, she’s right all of the time.”

 

Another groaner from Citizen Way: I hate it when people ask me what I’ll be doing in 5 years…I mean, I don’t have 2020 vision.

 

Chelsea Cameron, wife of actor Kirk Cameron, recently answered the question: what’s the weirdest gift you’ve been given? Her answer: Kirk got me a heated toilet seat.

 

Some trivia about Steven Curtis Chapman. He said the first thing he noticed about his wife Mary Beth was the little precious moments buttons on her jacket.

 

A reminder from Britt Nicole: Working out is for fun and health, it’s not about getting a “beach-worthy” body! God already thinks we are beautiful and worthy of His love!

 

Some words of wisdom from Casting Crowns Chris Huffman: Any day is a good day to have a burrito!

 

David Crowder actually got his start in music to encourage college kids to be in church on Sunday mornings. He helped start a church in Waco, Texas after realizing that almost half of the students at Baylor University, where he was going to school, were not attending church. David helped found the University Baptist Church in 1995, serving as the Pastor of worship at the church after his graduation. As the church’s congregation grew, so did the band’s lineup, eventually developing into the David Crowder Band.

 

Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman played three solo shows in two days but he says it was just a warm up. Jon tweeted that he was gearing up for 25 shows in 25 hours.

 

TobyMac wants to see how you jam to his latest song Backseat Driver. He wants you to record a video jammin to the song and then share it on twitter using the hashtag #BackseatDriver. The song is the second release from his new CD This is Not a Test. The CD won’t be available until August but right now you can download Backseat Driver in iTunes.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Police: Lotto winner leaves behind voucher at turnpike plaza
BEDFORD, Pa. (AP) — Police say a man accidentally left a Pennsylvania Turnpike plaza without claiming a $500 prize from a scratch-off lottery ticket, only to have another man claim the winnings. Troopers from the Bedford barracks say the York man accidentally left the voucher displayed on a…

 

Bridge closed for 2nd night over swarms of mayflies, crashes    photo
WRIGHTSVILLE, Pa. (AP) — A bridge has been closed for a second straight night because of swarms of mayflies so thick they caused accidents, authorities said. Wrightsville fire officials said the Route 462 bridge over the Susquehanna River between Columbia and Wrightsville closed at about 10…
Earthlings, NASA send toast to Martians: Happy New Year!
MARS, Pa. (AP) — Earth to Mars: Happy New Year! That’s the sentiment being offered this weekend in Mars, Pennsylvania, as NASA and other space enthusiasts gather to honor the red planet. The Martian New Year occurs about every two Earth-years. On Friday and Saturday, NASA will sponsor…
Minnesota man’s mistake leads to winning poker’s top prize    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — It’s one thing to outlast hundreds or thousands of poker players to win one of the World Series of Poker’s 68 events and the Las Vegas tournament’s coveted gold bracelet. It’s another thing entirely to win a game you’ve never played before. Christian Pham of St. Paul,…
School district’s diploma cover features wrong state seal
KELSO, Wash. (AP) — High school graduates in Kelso, Washington, discovered an error when they received their diplomas during Saturday’s graduation ceremony. The covers protecting the diplomas carried the state seal of Oregon. Kelso High School is in southwest Washington. HASH(0x1418570) Kelso…
$10K donation nets hockey fan chance to use Taser on mayor
GLENDALE, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona Coyotes fan got to take out her frustration on the mayor behind the decision to send the hockey team packing. KPNX-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1FSCfwn) that disgruntled fan Ronda Pearson used a stun gun on Glendale Mayor Jerry Weiers on Saturday as part of a…
Giant purple sea slugs slime San Francisco Bay Area beaches
ALAMEDA, Calif. (AP) — A giant purple blob from the sea — a slug — is invading East Bay beaches and waterways this summer, and some experts say it may be caused by warmer temperatures near coastal waters. HASH(0x14172b0) “We are getting calls from the public asking what the heck…
Virgin Islands couple wins Maine inn in writing contest
CENTER LOVELL, Maine (AP) — A Virgin Islands couple will be trading the Caribbean breezes of St. John for the rigors of Maine’s four seasons after winning a “Win an Inn” essay contest. Prince and Rose Adams, both 45 and originally from New York City, entered the contest organized by Janice…
Spelling counts: Errors on signs cost county $4,000
NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) — Spelling counts — and sometimes it costs money. A suburban Philadelphia county was victim to an embarrassing misspelling on signage posted around the local community: the word “commissioners” with only one “m” on 26 signs. Montgomery County officials say it will…
Court: Iowa residents have right to be drunk on front porch
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — The right to be drunk on the front porch of a private home was endorsed Friday by the Iowa Supreme Court, which said a woman can’t be convicted of public intoxication while standing on her front steps. Patience Paye, 29, of Waterloo based the appeal of her 2013 case on…
2 girls told to close lemonade stand for lack of permit
OVERTON, Texas (AP) — Two Texas girls whose lemonade stand was shut down because they lacked a permit will instead offer the drink for free. HASH(0x13ebc80) A police officer on Monday approached the stand, which offered lemonade for 50 cents and “kettle korn” for $1. In patrol-car video, the…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

3 states get feds’ OK to run health insurance marketplaces
HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) — The Obama administration is giving conditional approval to Arkansas, Delaware and Pennsylvania to run state-based insurance marketplaces created under the 2010 health care law. Monday’s approvals come ahead of a high court decision that could wipe out federal health…

 

Study: Nazi propaganda left life-long mark on German kids    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Anti-Semitic propaganda had a life-long effect on German children schooled during the Nazi period, leaving them far more likely to harbor negative views of Jews than those born earlier and later, according to a study published Monday. The findings indicate that attempts to…
Hospital group says Illinois could lease Healthcare.gov    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — A hospital group in cash-strapped Illinois says the state might be able to set up a health insurance exchange at a lower cost by “leasing” the federal government’s technology, an option that could appeal to as many as 34 states where subsides could be jeopardized by an…
Target selling pharmacy, clinic businesses to CVS Health    photo
Target will sell its pharmacy and clinic businesses to CVS Health in the latest twist behind a push from big retailers to become all things to all customers. The nation’s second-largest drugstore chain will pay about $1.9 billion to run Target’s in-store health operations and expand what they offer…
Vast data warehouse raises HealthCare.gov privacy concerns    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government data warehouse that stores personal information on millions of HealthCare.gov customers is raising privacy concerns at a time when major breaches have become distressingly common. A government privacy assessment dated Jan. 15 says data “is maintained…
UK court denies woman’s attempt to carry her own grandchild
LONDON (AP) — Britain’s High Court has denied an attempt by a woman to use her dead daughter’s frozen eggs to create her own grandchild, after deciding it wasn’t clear whether the daughter wanted the procedure. The daughter died in 2011 at age 28 and had signed a consent form agreeing that…
Study on ER returns suggests more need for follow-up care    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — No one wants to make a repeat visit to the emergency room for the same complaint, but new research suggests it’s more common than previously thought and surprisingly, people frequently wind up at a different ER the second time around. Already some ERs are taking steps to…
Image of Asia: Schools reopen during Korean MERS outbreak    photo
In this photo by Ahn Young-joon, elementary school students wearing masks return to a school in Seoul, South Korea, that reopened Monday after a temporary closure due to the outbreak of Middle East respiratory syndrome. About 2,900 of the country’s schools and kindergartens had been closed, but the…
VA seeks to offer aid to some Air Force C-123 reservists    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Reversing a long-held position, the Department of Veterans Affairs now says Air Force reservists who became ill after being exposed to Agent Orange residue while working on planes after the Vietnam War should be eligible for disability benefits. The VA said it has been…
Colorado court: Workers can be fired for using pot off-duty    photo
DENVER (AP) — Pot may be legal in Colorado, but you can still be fired for using it. The state Supreme Court ruled 6-0 Monday that a medical marijuana patient who was fired after failing a drug test cannot get his job back. The case was being watched closely by employers and pot smokers in…
Oregon women soon can get a year’s supply of birth control    photo
SALEM, Ore. (AP) — It’s like a ritual for women across the nation: frequent treks to the pharmacist to refill birth control prescriptions. It’s a hassle for busy students, a headache for rural women with long drives and a cause for panic for travelers on the road when their packs run out….

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Giggles the pig is running for mayor of Flint, Michigan against two convicted felons, including one who served nearly 20 years for murder.  *** I say you vote for Giggles.  Sure, it’s a pig – but at least it was never convicted of murder.

 

A Taco Bell in Chicago is applying for a liquor license.  *** Which is strange, because aren’t you typically over-the-limit when you stumble into a Taco Bell in the first place?

 

Edryd Jones from South Wales was working on a do-it-yourself project when he accidentally cut his left hand off with a circular saw. Jones says, “It didn’t hurt at all. It was only when I went to retrieve the piece of wood that I’d cut that I realized that I had no hand to lift it up.” Doctors were able to reattach the hand. *** He says he has to give the doctors a hand for doing such a great job.

 

If you bite your tongue or stub your toe, your first instinct is probably to yell “Ow!” But have you ever wondered why that is? According to a study, being vocal could actually help you tolerate the pain. Researchers tested how long subjects could keep their hands immersed in very cold water before they couldn’t take it anymore. They found that saying “ow” during the experiment increased the subjects’ tolerance for pain.  *** So when my wife kept saying “Ow, ow, ow” during our wedding… that should’ve been a warning sign?

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

They are tiny animals with cute faces. They’re covered in quills. They roll into prickly balls when they are scared. The ideal pet?  Hedgehogs are steadily growing in popularity across the United States, despite laws in several states banning or restricting them as pets.  Breeders say the trend is partly fueled by the fact that hedgehogs require less maintenance than dogs and cats, and because they emit little odor — in sharp contrast with rodents and rabbits. They are largely hypoallergenic and are solitary, making them ideal for those with a busy lifestyle.  Massachusetts-based hedgehog breeder Jennifer Crespo said, “A hedgehog can hang out all day while you are at work, you can come home, hang out with it for a couple of hours or, you know, put it away.”  ***MARLAR: Oh… so, a hedgehog is a kind of television?

 

Consumer Reports says that most of the U.S. pork supply is tainted with all sorts of things including a growth hormone.  ***MARLAR: So… bigger bacon.  I’m not seeing a problem here.

 

A lot of people complain about the cold weather, but now doctors say some kids are actually allergic to the cold.  Just like a pollen allergy, the cold allergy–called cold urticaria–has symptoms that range from rashes to closing of the throat.  Doctors say it could have a genetic cause, but could also be acquired.  ***MARLAR: The allergy usually starts when your mom begins when you need to go to the bathroom but your mom has already wrapped you up like the little brother in “A Christmas Story”.  Who WOULDN’T have an aversion to cold at that point?

 

An average of 4,615 people go to the emergency room for a snow blower injury each year.  ***MARLAR: Safety Tip – aim the blower forward rather than directly at your face.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Space Vacuum Bags”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Umbilical Cord”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Taking a windy day and making the best of it – that sounds like a great plan! Maybe this time everything will go smoothly with our jungle friends getting together, no one will get upset, and everyone will have a fun day! Yeah right… you know better than that! Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 20/21, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Being a boy is tough – and going to school, doing homework, chores, and cleaning up your room may not be very fun, but what WOULD happen if you never had to work? Tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Getting arrested during the job interview… not the best way to make a good first impression!

If your job interview ends with you being arrested, you likely aren’t going to be getting the job. Anthony Phillips was arrested during an interview for a job with a Stillwater, Oklahoma construction company when his job prospective employer called the cops. Apparently he recognized Anthony from the surveillance tapes of a robbery that took place the day before… at the SAME COMPANY he was interviewing at for the job!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN MOST COMMON FORMS OF OFFICE ILLNESS

 

  1. The Macy’s One Day Sale Flu.

 

  1. The Drivers License Renewal Appointment 24-Hour Virus.

 

  1. The Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.

 

  1. The I’m Looking for a New Job and I Don’t Know How Long It’s Going to Take, but I Want To Stay On The Payroll Until Then Mysterious Infection.

 

  1. The My Boyfriend’s Got the Week Off So Suddenly I’m Too Contagious To Come In To The Office Disease.

 

  1. The I Need a Hair Cut and My Stylist Doesn’t Make Evening Appointments Bout of Influenza.

 

  1. The There’s No Federal Holidays for Two Months and I Want a Day Off Sickness.

 

  1. The It’s Spring Break and I Want To Pretend I’m a Teenager Again General Ailment.

 

  1. The I’ve Messed Up Royally and I Won’t Come In To Face the Music Terminal Illness.

 

  1. The I Really Am Sick and I’ve Got The Doctor’s Bills and the Completed Medical Expense Reimbursement Forms to Prove It Infirmity.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Planning on stealing somebody’s checkbook? We have a tip on what NOT to do after robbing your victim in today’s files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: Grocery store clerk Gennifer Robinson knew immediately that the customer at her cash register was a crook when the woman tried to pay with a check stolen from Gennifer’s car five days earlier. If that wasn’t enough proof, there was one more thing. “She handed me my own driver’s license,” says the 20-year-old worker at Sav-A-Center in Matairie, LA. Gennifer says she stayed calm and told the woman she had to get the store managers approval. Then she left her register and called the cops, who arrived to find the woman still waiting to check out. Gennifer was visiting a friend when her car was broken into and her purse stolen. Five days later, she says she’d just finished a break at work when a 20-year-old New Orleans woman wrote her a check for $259.17. The clerk was stunned to see her own brown checkbook and the distinctive Looney Tunes background on the check. And the driver’s license — complete with her picture on it — was the last straw, she says.

 

FILE #2: In Brighton, England, police got a tip about a pair of guys who had stolen some cars. They got a warrant and went to the apartment the guys shared. While arresting the two men, the police also found a camera, and decided to develop the film in it. The last four photos on the roll showed the thieves proudly displaying the tools of their trade. They had both posed happily with car keys, screwdrivers, wrenches, and other tools for breaking into cars. The earlier pictures on the roll showed a family on vacation in the Canadian Rockies. It turned out that that the two men had stolen the family’s car, found the camera inside, and snapped several shots of themselves, not realizing that they were linking themselves directly to one of their victims.

 

FILE #3: 19-year-old Brandon Naradovy, of Chino Hills, California thought it would be cool to have his own cell phone, but apparently he didn’t have the money. That didn’t stop Brandon from going to a nearby Radio Shack and picking up a phone. That’s just what he did. He picked up a phone and ran out of the store without paying for it. However, before Brandon beat it, he was nice enough to fill out a credit application with his name and address on it. And, to make policemen’s jobs even easier, Brandon also left behind pictures that he took of himself with the cell phone’s camera.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Colorado one may not mutilate a rock in a state park.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It’s not often you see anything but a Fudgsicle fly out the window of an ice cream truck…

…but when a Wisconsin woman saw an unidentified object land in her front yard, she picked up the phone and called police. The object, it turned out, was an empty can of malt liquor. The driver, David A. Blundell, was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and littering. In an interview with local media, Blundell said he did not drink beer while he was driving the ice cream truck. He says, “I’m driving and selling ice cream to kids, you know, and it’s like, dude gave me a beer and I dumped it out and I shot it on the ground. Why I grabbed it I had no idea. That was just stupid. Then I realized, ‘I got to get rid of this, it’s not good.'” Blundell said he didn’t know why the result of a Breathalyzer test he took was three times the level considered evidence of intoxication.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Ever wanted to have your own TV show? Well, it looks like the Netherlands are willing to give you a shot at it! TV producers are looking for reality show ideas, and we thought, “hey – that’s a great phone topic!” If you could create your own reality TV show – serious or funny – what would it be?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What did Peter, James and John do while Jesus prayed in Gethsemane?

ANSWER: They fell asleep / they slept. (Mark 14:37)

 

QUESTION: Who said, “I called you to curse my enemies, but you have blessed them”?

ANSWER: Balak (Numbers 24:10)

 

QUESTION: For whose sin was Israel defeated in Ai?

ANSWER: Achan (Joshua 7)

 

QUESTION: What did a sinful woman do for Jesus as he had dinner at a Pharisee’s house?
ANSWER: She washed his feet with her tears and hair and poured perfume on them. (Luke 7:37-39)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many hours does the average child spend in front of the television each week?

ANSWER: 28 hours a week

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The soft drink “7-Up” was introduced at the 1904 St. Louis Exposition. (False, Dr. Pepper)

 

  1. In the year 1763, there were over 2,000 coffee shops in Venice. (False – 200)

 

  1. The highest point of the Empire State Building was put in place by Alfred E. Smith, former governor of New York, on September 17, 1930. (False – he placed the corner stone.)

 

  1. The movie rating “PG-13” was invented for the movie “Jaws”. (False – “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.”)

 

  1. “David” is the only sculpture on which Michelangelo is believed to have carved his name. (False – “The Pieta” is)

 

  1. A squid can dig its own den and close the entrance with stones after it is safely inside. (False – but an octopus can.)

 

  1. Former U.S. president Gerald Ford was a car salesman by profession. (False – an attorney)

 

  1. Human beings are the only mammals that drink milk beyond infancy. (True)

 

  1. An albatross in flight can be so perfectly attuned to wind conditions that it may not flap its wings for hours, or even for days. (True, it can even sleep while flying.)

 

  1. A camel can eat a thorny twig without hurting its mouth. (True. The lining of the mouth is so tough that the sharp thorns cannot push through the skin.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

FACEBOOK OFFERS ______ BUTTON (DISLIKE)

The much-requested feature will soon be available to all users.

After years of urging from users on the popular social network, Facebook will roll out its new “Dislike” button next week for text, photo and video posts. Soon, Facebookers can express their immediate dissatisfaction with a post as quickly as their enjoyment. According to social media specialist Andre Slater, this move is a game-changer.

“Any chance that a rival social website could rise and take over the market is now shot,” Slater said. “This is enough to keep users busy for at least the next year or so before they come up with something else cool.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. “I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

“Strike One!” he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”

He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. “Strike Two!” he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. “Strike Three!”

“Wow!” he exclaimed. “I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”

 

JOKE #2

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have laryngitis?” the young man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

 

JOKE #3

(I’m sure every married man in the world can relate to this joke.)

The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr.Rosenthal was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation.
 “It’s simple,” he said. “Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on.”

“And you?”
“I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Syracuse, New York native Bill Foody has never owned a mobile phone – so imagine the surprise when he received a bill totaling $6500! The 63-year-old Foody says he hardly ever uses a normal phone, let alone a mobile, so he was shocked the bill when he opened his mail. Foody immediately called Cellular One to complain and is waiting to hear from the firm’s fraud department. He is worried the mistake will affect his credit rating. ***MARLAR: He’s also complaining about the roaming charges because he’s never been to Rome.

 

A bride in India asked for volunteers from the audience after her groom got cold feet and deserted her at the last minute. One man stepped up, her parents approved of him and the couple was married.  ***MARLAR: She already has better odds of a lasting marriage than any couple living in Hollywood, USA.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WHAT’S THAT YOU SAY?

Several years ago, the community theatre group was rehearsing “Little Women” for the Garland Civic Theatre.  The older gentleman who was playing the father’s part was wearing a hearing aid. Everyone wondered why he kept missing his cues until they discovered that it was not a hearing aid; he was listening to a ball game.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SHOTGUN WEDDING

Having a blast at your wedding is one thing… getting blasted in the stomach with an air rifle just before saying your vows is something else entirely!

If you don’t know, Turkish weddings are often rowdy gatherings, in which air rifles and other guns are fired to celebrate the event. Which is ok we guess, unless you hit the bride. That’s exactly what happened to 22-year-old Aynur Tayoglu. During the pre-wedding celebration, one of her relatives accidentally shot eight air rifle pellets into her stomach! She was taken to the hospital, but doctors agreed to postpone surgery to remove the pellets after her fiancé’s father refused to set another date for the wedding, saying people had traveled a long way for the day’s ceremony (gee, thanks, Dad!). So they carted her back to the wedding where she said, “I do,” and even danced with her new husband despite her wounds.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE THIEF
 by Jo Hart

After years of wandering, Clint Dennis had come to that point in his life when he knew he had been missing something important. And for months he had felt he could find what that something was in that church on the hillside in North Phoenix.
He arrived at Phoenix First Assembly of God on an unusual day. The choir
room was filled with members putting on long robes, tying ropes around their waists, wrapping headdresses around their head. “Come be part of the mob,” a stranger told him.
It was Palm Sunday and the church was reenacting the Crucifixion in costume. Like others in the congregation, he would be part of the crowd that yelled, “Crucify Him! Crucify Him!” Hesitantly he agreed.
Then another stranger hurried up to him. “The man who was supposed to
play one of the thieves on the cross didn’t show up,” he said. “Would you take his place?”
Again he agreed and was shown to the cross where he would look on as Christ died. Just then, though, something about dint’s manner caught a member’s eye. He turned to Clint and asked, “Have you ever asked Jesus to forgive your sins?”
“No,” Clint replied softly, “but that’s why I came here.” There beneath the cross, they prayed, and Clint asked Jesus to come into his heart. His life was transformed.
What the church didn’t know then was that Clint had been in prison for ten years. Even after his release he had gone on stealing cars and trucks until he knew he had been missing something in life. He was a real thief, but at last he was welcomed into God’s kingdom by the same Jesus who welcomed another thief two thousand years ago.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A tax assessor came one day to a poor pastor to determine the amount of taxes the pastor would have to pay.

The following conversation took place;
“What property do you possess?” asked the assessor.
“I am a very wealthy man,” replied the minister.
“List your possessions, please,” the assessor instructed.
“First , I have everlasting life, John 3:16.
“Second, I have a mansion in heaven, John 14:2.
“Third, I have peace that passeth understanding, Philippians 4:7.
“Fourth, I have joy unspeakable, 1 Peter 1:8.
“Fifth, I have divine love which never faileth, 1 Corinthians 13:8.
“Sixth, I have a faithful precious wife, Proverbs 31:10.
“Seventh, I have healthy, happy obedient children, Exodus 20:12.
“Eighth, I have true, loyal friend Proverbs 18:24.
“Ninth, I have songs in the night, Psalms 42:8.
“Tenth, I have a crown of life, James 1:12.”
The tax assessor closed his book, and said, “Truly you are a very rich man, but your property is not subject to taxation.”
~ Author Unknown ~

 

 

LEFTOVERS

GIVE TILL IT HURTS – OR I WILL HURT YOU

A priest is accused of kidnapping… his entire congregation!

Desperate for cash to repair the roof of his crumbling church, a parish priest locked his Turin, Italy, congregation inside and refused to let them out until they emptied their pockets into the collection plate. Now 76-year-old Father Dino Giacchero faces charges of kidnapping, false imprisonment, extortion and robbery in a court case that could land him in prison for up to 20 years. “They brought me food and flowers but no money to help our church,” Giacchero said of the congregation in his statement to police. “I got down on my knees and begged them to help but they looked the other way.”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Awhile back a study came out that said some people could be fat and yet still be fit if they were active. Guess again.

New research says that being active is good, but it still won’t eliminate the risks of heart disease. This new study involved nearly 39,000 women with an average age of 54. They were considered active if they got at least 30 minutes of moderate activity most days of the week. However, researchers found they were still at an increased risk of heart problems. But, a leading proponent of the so-called fit and fat theory is sticking by his claims. He says the problem with this new study is that the women just filled out questionnaires on the honor system and weren’t monitored by doctors.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

32 FLAVORS

I scream, you scream, we all scream for horseradish ice cream! It really exists – along with a few other very strange flavors!

So… you like ice cream. You ADORE ice cream. If that’s true, and you want to sample all of the ice cream flavors of the world, be sure to plan a trip to Max & Mina’s kosher ice cream parlor in Kew Gardens Hills, New York. The store was just featured in Jewish Week magazine, bringing readers up to date on the many offbeat flavors the store makes — all rich in butterfat but meeting various Jewish kosher dietary standards. Some of those delicious kosher flavors include “lox,” “corn on the cob,” “horseradish,” “peanut butter and jelly,” “beer and nuts” and “campfire delight” which is basically the flavor of baked beans. Max and Mina once actually made a “broccoli” ice cream but have since discontinued the flavor due to poor sales. ***MARLAR: So people are actually ordering the other flavors?

 

 

FUN LIST

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB (These are real examples from real resumes):

  • Responsibility makes me nervous.
  • They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.
  • I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
  • The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.

 

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

  • While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.       (Say wha?!?)

 

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

  • Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
  • My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
  • I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

KEYLESS ENTRYLESS

People in Bremerton, Washington, are very frustrated right now… because they can’t get into their cars. It seems that almost everyone in town is unable to use their keyless entry gadgets. No one knows why it’s happening, but it seems to be a problem with almost every keyless entry device for almost every car in the entire town. Even stranger still is the fact that once people leave the area, the devices begin to work again. Speculation about the cause has ranged from solar flares to the International Space Station or possible interference from a local Navy ship. ***MARLAR: Some are also confused about what that key-shaped metal thingy is for that’s hanging off of their keyless entry remotes.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

What You Ignore Can Hurt You

In the news this past week we learned that hackers — reportedly, Chinese hackers — gained personal information on all federal employees. The government document known as Standard Form 86 is submitted to intelligence and military personnel for security clearances. On those forms you might discover personal information about past arrests, financial trouble, mental illnesses, and drug abuse.
The names of relatives and other contacts are also listed. But a vital piece of data on the form is the Social Security number. Both the applicant and the “cohabitant” numbers are now on the market—somewhere. We believe at least one of our relatives may have had their information stolen.
This was the second security breach announced within two weeks. An earlier hack included federal personnel data. That one dates back to 2013.
Hackers can come in two flavors — good and evil. We hear frequently about the evil ones. Are there “good hackers”? Apparently so.
Check out HackerOne. They hope to persuade other hackers to cough up security flaws and get paid for their discoveries. The founders already have a proven track record.
A few years ago, young 20-ish hackers Michiel Prins and Jobert Abma made a list called the Hack 100. This was a target list of 100 high tech companies on which they would test their skills. Big name companies like Google, Microsoft, Apple, Facebook, etc. They found plenty of vulnerabilities and alerted the companies.
Interestingly, about a third of those companies ignored them. Another third, as reported in the New York Times, “thanked them curtly, but never fixed the flaws, while the rest raced to solve their issues.” No one got in touch with law enforcement! http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/08/technology/hackerone-connects-hackers-with-companies-and-hopes-for-a-win-win.html?emc=edit_sb_20150610&nl=business&nlid=68618012&_r=0
Now, these two “gifted” hackers have found two others to form HackerOne. The firm intends to be the intermediary between companies that are vulnerable and the hackers who discover those vulnerabilities. As you can figure, the hacker then gets paid. HackerOne is getting LOTS of interested parties to their party. Call them the “good guys in the white hack.”
This reminds me of the movie from 2002, Catch Me If You Can. It is the true story of Frank Abagnale. Before he was even 19, he had conned millions of dollars by posing in various roles — including an airline pilot! His particular “gifting” was check fraud.
After a long pursuit from the FBI, Frank eventually turns himself in and goes to prison. And while there, he gets an offer to work for the FBI bank fraud department catching others in this game. He accepts, and that’s how he fulfills the remainder of his sentence!
Hackers catching hackers. Thieves catching thieves. Spy versus spy.
The lesson to be derived from my sharing this today is to be found in the “warnings” given when the two young Dutch hackers started their endeavor. Note that two thirds of the companies they contacted to warn of security flaws … did nothing. Ignorance may seem like bliss, but ignoring what are clear warnings may be closer to stupidity. Or, said more nicely, foolishness.
The book of Proverbs offers much wisdom on the subject of the fool. In Proverbs 28:26 we’re told, “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” And Proverbs 14:16 states, “One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless.” (Both verses from the ESV)
One more bit of advice from Proverbs, Chapter 14, verses 7-8: “If you are looking for advice, stay away from fools. The wise man looks ahead. The fool attempts to fool himself and won’t face facts.”
The Bible also tells us Jesus will return like a “thief in the night.” Unexpectedly to most. And the advice to the wise is simply, “Be prepared.”
Any questions?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)

When I was a boy, I always thought the world was a wondrous and magical place. Now that I’m a man, though, I’ve brought litigation against my parents and their alleged “wondrous and magical Kool-Aid.” –Dan Sternfeld

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 12, 2015…

 

Jurassic World—Yes, we go back to that famous…or infamous island of creatures from long, long ago. They are still there and doing a great business. The theme park is functional and guests are happy.  You know when they are this happy, something will happen and it does…a rogue, intelligent dinosaur (think T-Rex). Now the chases begin. The cast includes Chris Pratt (“Guardians of the Galaxy”) and Bryce Dallas Howard.  “Jurassic World” is rated PG 13 and may be a reboot of the series.

 

Madame Bovary—Films like “Anna Karenina” or “Madame Bovary” are remade every 20 years or so. This time, Mia Wasikowska has the title role of the woman, married to a doctor and living away from high society,  who is dissatisfied with her marriage.  Also in the cast is Henry Lloyd-Hughes. “Madame Bovary” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (opening in select cities)—Thomas Mann stars in a film of teens who try to help a really ill friend by acting out famous movies of the past. Also in the cast are Olivia Cooke and R. J. Cyler. “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl” is rated

PG 13. No rating.

 

The Wolfpack (opening in select cities)—A documentary by Crystal Mosell  and it concerns the Angulo brothers, who are home-schooled and don’t leave the family apartment in New York City. The children become intensely interested in watching movies. “The Wolfpack” is not rated.

 

JUNE 17, 2015…

 

The Tribe is set in a school for the deaf and people communicate only in sign language. The film has won major awards.

 

JUNE 19, 2015…

 

Dope has a comedy about a boy from the streets who wants to attend Harvard. Stars Shameik Moore.

 

Inside Out is an animated film, one voice being Amy Poehler, and it concerns one’s emotions which have individual voices and individual personalities. Wasn’t there a TV series about this years ago?

 

Manglehorn has Al Pacino as a man who had a battle with relationships from his son to his two girlfriends.

 

The Overnight stars Adam Scott in a family about what happens when you invite someone to be your friend.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.