June 18, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160618

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, “If I had a nickel”…

 

In New England, a law firm hands out attorney trading cards. Each lawyer’s stats are on the back– showing how many clients he’s handled, how many cases he’s won, etc. Here at (STATION) we’re debating doing the same thing with disk jockey trading cards, with each DJ’s stats on the back. I have my personal stats right here.

  • Number of shows: 984
  • Number of shows without insulting the boss: 862
  • Number of shows I’ve spilled coffee into studio equipment: 6
  • Number of times not in the studio when song ended: 38
  • Number of times burped during a commercial: 19
  • Number of times fell asleep during newscast: 3
  • Number of times accidentally locked in men’s room: 1 – but that wasn’t my fault
  • Number of times finger stuck in CD machine: 3 (we don’t use CDs much anymore)
  • Number of times finger stuck in hole in middle of CD: 189 (we still have a lot of CD laying around the studio)

Okay… let’s start the show and see how the stats change; it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.  — Romans 15:7

 

Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds — his name is the Lord — and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. — Psalm 68:4-5

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

May the LORD, the God of the spirits of all mankind, appoint a man over this community to go out and come in before them, one who will lead them out and bring them in, so the LORD’s people will not be like sheep without a shepherd. — Numbers 27:16-17

 

Thought: Wow! For any city, county, or country electing new leadership, or church selecting elders or ministers, what greater prayer could there be?

 

Prayer: O Father, please forgive us for choosing leaders for the wrong reasons and with the wrong character. Please raise up leaders at every level of community that have integrity of character and a deep concern for people. In the name of the Savior, Jesus. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

2 Corinthians 6:18 NIV = “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – JUNE 18, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 189 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

NATIONAL SPLURGE DAY. ***MARLAR: Splurge? In other words, spend money wastefully on something that you can’t afford and don’t need. Yep… that pretty much describes my life.

 

This is TAKE YOUR PET TO WORK WEEK. ***MARLAR: Not nearly as popular as “Take Your Son/Daughter To Work Day” – mostly because of that whole pooper-scooper thing.  And in an effort to celebrate Take Your Pet To Work Week, we have had a special collar designed for (OTHER JOCK).

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Dollars Against Diabetes Day

International Sushi Day

National Splurge Day

Polar Bear Swim

World Juggling Day

Worldwide Knit in Public Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, JUNE 19

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Garfield the Cat Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Juneteenth

World Sickle Cell Day

World Sauntering Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day

Flitch of Bacon Day

Lambrusco Day

National Kouign Amann Day

Ride to Work On Your Motorcycle Day

Ryan Moran Day

Summer Solstice (6:34 PM EDT)

World Productivity Day

World Refugee Day

Ann & Samantha Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 21

Atheists Solidarity Day

Cuckoo Warning Day

Go Skateboarding Day

National Daylight Appreciation Day

National Selfie Day

Tall Girl Appreciation Day

World Handshake Day

World Humanist Day

World Music Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22

Global Smurfs Day

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day

Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Typing Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 24

Celebration of the Senses

International Fairy Day

Drive Your Corvette to Work Day

Take Your Dog To Work Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 25

AARL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day

National Catfish Day

Great American Backyard Campout

Color TV Day

Day of the Seafarer

Global Beatles Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 26

America’s Kids Day

Descendants Day

International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking

International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

National Canoe Day

National Milkman Day

Log Cabin Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day

“Happy Birthday To You” Day

Industrial Workers of the World Day

National HIV Testing Day

National Sunglasses Day

PTSD Awareness Day

Please Take My Children To Work Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1812: The WAR OF 1812 began. ***MARLAR: I can’t recall what year that was, but I’m sure it began on June 18th.

 

1873: Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for trying to vote in the 1872 U.S. presidential election. She refused to pay the fine, but never was allowed to vote.

 

1948: Columbia Records publicly unveiled its new long-playing phonograph record in New York. It played at 33 and 1/3 revolutions per minute.

 

1953: The Boston Red Sox got 14 hits and a mind-boggling 17 runs in the 7th inning on their way to embarrassing the Detroit Tigers 23 to 3.

 

1961: “Gunsmoke” was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. (

)

 

1963: England’s Henry Cooper decked Cassius Clay near the end of the fourth round of their heavyweight fight. Saved by the bell, Clay went on to win the fight, and claimed later that he went down only to get a closer look at Elizabeth Taylor, who was at ringside.

 

1975: Fred Lynn of the Boston Red Sox hit three home runs, a triple and a single in a game as Boston massacred the Detroit Tigers 15-1. Lynn would go on to become the only player in sports history to be named Rookie of the Year and Most Valuable Player in the same season..

 

1983: Astronaut Sally Ride became America’s first woman in space as she and four colleagues blasted off aboard the space shuttle Challenger.

 

1984: Radio talk show host Alan Berg was shot to death outside his home in Denver. Two white supremacists were convicted of civil rights violations in the slaying.

 

1985: Wimbledon made Chris Evert Lloyd and Martina Navratilova co-number one seeds, the first time in the tennis tournament’s 63-year history for a co-top seeding.

 

1988: Fourteen students at Hanover High School in New Hampshire set a world record by leapfrogging 888.1 miles in 189 hours 49 minutes, or almost eight days.

 

1990: The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that singer Jett Williams was the daughter of and a legal heir to the estate of singer Hank Williams Senior.

 

1992: Italian police arrested a man for stealing 17-thousand little bars of hotel soap.

 

1994: At a Las Vegas auction a collector paid $36,000 for Elvis Presley’s expired American Express card.

 

1995: Americans Steven Trotter and Lori Martin were treated for minor injuries after flying 165 feet over Niagara Falls in a fiberglass barrel.

 

2000: Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open by a record 15 strokes.

 

2002: The Los Angeles Lakers took the New Jersey Nets in four games, winning their third straight NBA title.

 

2006: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger broke his jaw and nose in a motorcycle crash. He was not wearing a helmet.

 

2007: A Canadian couple won their second big lottery jackpot in less than a decade. Jadwiga and Rudy Taylor of Mississauga won $20 million ($19 million U.S.) in the Lotto 6/49. The jackpot was 20 times the $1 million they won in 1999 in the Ontario 49 lottery.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

325: Bishop Hosius, a delegate at the Council of Nicea, announces the newly written Nicene Creed. Countering Arius, who taught that “there was a time when the Son was not,” the creed describes Christ as “God from very God, begotten not made”

 

1464: Pope Pius II begins a crusade against the Turks. He died on the way to a rendezvous with his allies, and the crusading mentality died with him.

 

1546: Protestant Anne Askew is condemned in England for denying the doctrine of transubstantiation (the idea that sacramental bread and wine turn into the body and blood of Christ). When asked by her accuser, “Sayest thou that priests cannot make the body of Christ?” she answered, “I have read that God made man; but that man can make God, I never yet read, nor, I suppose, shall ever read.

 

1956: Death of Dawson Trotman who founded the Navigators, a discipleship ministry.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Simka on “Taxi,” The Princess Bride, The Ghost of Christmas Present in Scrooged) Carol Kane 64 (
    )
  • actress Isabella Rossellini 64

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1942 : Paul McCartney, born James Paul McCartney

1942 : Carl Radle (Derek and the Dominos)

1947 : Sandy Posey

1952 : Ricky Gazda (Asbury Jukes)

1961 : Alison Moyet

1963 : Dizzy Reed (Guns N’ Roses)

1971 : Nathan Morris (Boyz II Men)

1975 : Silkk The Shocker

2006 : When I’m 64 – On this date in 2006, Paul McCartney turned 64. He started writing the song when he was 15.

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who started the custom of men wearing tuxedos on formal occasions?

At one time if you told me it was a bunch of penguins that wanted men to look as funny and ridiculous as they do, I would have believed you. But now I can muster some facts to fill in the tail–er, tale–of the tuxedo’s origins. When the tuxedo debuted in 1886, black tie and tails had been the accepted formal wear for a century. But that year Pierre Lorillard (from the tobacco family) commissioned a tailor to create something less stiff–preferably tail-less–for a big social occasion where he lived, in Tuxedo Park, New York. But by the big night his enthusiasm for the new suit had tailed off, and he chickened out. However, his son and his friends wore it, and they started a new fad that itself became the standard for formal wear. In the process, they immortalized the name of their hometown.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Jason Gray says that, on his recent tour, he was with his type of people. Jason says: I pulled up to the bus on the first day of the Where the Light Gets In release tour and this is what I find. Attached was a picture of his tour bus guarded by Storm Troopers.

 

David Crowder posted: Few extra guests at the summer cookout? Nothing my people can’t handle. Attached with a picture of a rake with 15 hotdogs, one on every prong.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Abbreviated is a Long Word”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Joey ILO, “Dad Compliments”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson had voiced his disgust over having to work so much – he was tired of it and didn’t want to work anymore.  Now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, and his friends Karl and Olaf are showing him their new weekly calendar clock-tower…

 

CLOSE: Every day could be Saturday… we all wish that from time to time, don’t we?  But would it really be a good thing?  Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 18/19

 

OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, “As the Jungle Turns!”

 

CLOSE: So what’s so wrong about playing with the new kid?  Nothing, I think… but then, I don’t think like Marvy Snuffleson.  Which is a good thing – otherwise I’d end up being sent to my room, which I’m pretty sure is going to happen to Marvy!  Tune in next time to find out… As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

While you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, there are some things you should just never teach a dog, ever.

If insurance agents thought they had heard it all before, they haven’t spoken to this lady.  The woman, identified only as Li (from China), had a dog who was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive. Not thinking things through all the way, Li decided to teach her dog to drive while she operated the accelerator and brake. According to reports, they did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE CHOSEN AN OVERPRICED RESTAURANT

 

  1. The meal is the size of a thumbprint, the plate is as big as a kiddie pool, and the credit card company calls to laugh at you when you pay the bill.
  2. “Hi, my name is Ryan. Would you prefer 15 or 30 year financing with your  meal?”
  3. Even the bus boys wear Prada!
  4. Pre-meal menu rentals begin at $20 per person.
  5. The toilet paper is made of velvet
  6. When you ask for water, the waiter goes into a long list of options, none of which are “tap.”
  7. You ask for a menu and your waiter does that “money” hand motion.
  8. The coat check girl can’t break anything smaller than a $100 bill.
  9. Your $50 steak looks like it comes from the Extreme Weight-Loss Clinic.
  10. The sign above the maitre d’s podium says “Plutonium MasterCard accepted.”

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Bad idea: burgling a home.  Really bad idea: burgling a home with a dog.  Really really bad idea: burgling a home with a gigantic 300+ lb mastiff guard dog… a breed of dog used in ancient times to fight other large animals – like lions! 

 

FILE #1: Of all the gardens in all the world, one thief had the bad luck to break into the one where Cromwell was peacefully gnawing on his bone.  Cromwell is a three-year-old English mastiff.  He’s a gentle pet, but his breed are also born guard dogs – and big ones at that. Only the thief and Cromwell know exactly what happened next. But it can’t have been friendly, as the dog’s owner heard a ’scream, a roar and a commotion’ from the back garden. George Watson, 43, had been having a bath and ran outside in his towel, to see the thief zooming off down the driveway in his van.  Apart from a very agitated dog, the only evidence the man left behind was the torn T-shirt. Mr. Watson, who lives with his wife Lesley, 43, and daughter Molly, ten, in Gordon, Berwickshire, assumes Cromwell tore the shirt from the thief’s back to stop him stealing the family’s lawnmower, which had been taken from the shed and left by the gate.  The dog could be the world’s heaviest, so it is lucky that this is all he tore off. Mr. Watson, a regional manager of an IT company, does not expect the man to return for another go.

 

FILE #2: Carlos Marin, 20, of Miami, tried to rob a Dunkin Donuts by using a crumpled-up newspaper as a fake gun.  Marin walked into the restaurant with a shirt half wrapped around his face saying, “‘You know what this is! Give me your register!” The clerk refused and told him to get out of her store. Marin ran off, but not before asking, “How you gonna describe me?”  Miami Beach police said Marin bolted from the Dunkin’ Donuts and was found across the street from the store.

 

FILE #3: After leading police in Fremont, California, on a chase during which he ran 15 red lights and sideswiped several cars, Michael Anthony Dorsey was finally halted when he slammed his 1980 Corvette into the city jail. “He didn’t have too go to far from there,” said police Cpt. Mike Lanam. “It was like a drive-up window.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In Wisconsin it is illegal to cut a woman’s hair.  Period.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A Russian man woke up with a splitting headache after a heavy drinking session to find a kitchen knife stuck in his face.  

The man had invited a friend for a drink but went to bed early after telling his friend he was tired of hearing him moan. He woke up later that night with a splitting headache and went to the bathroom to get a glass of water — and that’s when he noticed the knife sticking out of his face, just below his eye. After calling for an ambulance, the knife was removed in a 40-minute operation. He’ll escape with only a small scar on his face. Police have confirmed that they found his friend’s fingerprints on the knife.  ***MARLAR: If there was EVER any evidence that getting drunk is a bad idea…

 

 

PHONER PHUN

With favorite movies comes favorite movie quotes.  What is your favorite movie line? Everyone has one.  Is it Schwarzenneger saying, “I’ll be back?”  Maybe Sean Connery saying, “Bond, James Bond?”  Maybe it’s just a one word quote from a movie… “Inconthievable!”  What’s your favorite movie line of all time?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who built booths, or shelters, for his cattle?
ANSWER: Jacob (Genesis 33:17)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many muscles does it take to move your eyeball in your socket?

ANSWER: Six

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The term “window dressing” is a term used for a store display visible to passers-by. (True)

 

  1. Doc Severinsen and Ray Charles both performed the theme song to “Designing Women.” (True)

 

  1. Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis battled their way through ten seasons of TVs Moonlighting. (False, five seasons)

 

  1. Dallas, Texas is Starbucks home base. (False, it’s Seattle)

 

  1. Knoxville, Tennessee is the “Coffee Capital of the World.” (False, it’s Seattle)

 

  1. A group of Crows is called, a murder of Crows. (True)

 

  1. A group of Apes is called, a henpeck of apes. (False, a shrewdness of apes)

 

  1. A group of Owls is called, a parliament of Owls. (True)

 

  1. A group of Hippos is called, a hoard of Hippos. (False, a bloat of hippos)

 

  1. Jesse James once left behind a press release after one of his heists. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

BIDEN RUNS ________ CLUB IN WHITE HOUSE BASEMENT (FIGHT)

WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden has had his fair share of criticism, but some may become more restrained to voice it after a Thursday revelation: He runs a fight club.

Even more shocking, the second-most powerful man in the country runs a fight club in the basement of the White House. Biden’s actions came to light after he left a copy of the official fight club rules in a copy machine.

“I don’t know what to say,” Biden told a reporter. “But I tell you what: Come down to the basement at 8 p.m. on Friday, and we’ll talk about it some more.”

According to an aide, Biden had only just recently saw the film “Fight Club,” based off of the popular Chuck Palahniuk book of the same name. The vice president was reportedly enthralled by both the idea of a fight club and the film’s twist ending, which he somehow hadn’t heard about by now.

“He just couldn’t believe Ed Norton and Brad Pitt were the same person,” the aide said. “He talked about it for days. Now he seems to be playing the role of two people himself — vice president and fight club combatant.”

The spot has become popular for Democrats and Republicans alike, according to Washington insiders. Notable members reportedly include Sens. Harry Reid, John Boehner and Eric Cantor. N.J. Governor Chris Christie is said to now have an interest after seeing the physical changes of officials partaking in the group.

President Barack Obama has stayed mum on the subject for now, citing “bigger things to worry about.” However, rumors persist that Obama sometimes walks down the stairs to enjoy a few rounds.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually, it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

 

JOKE #2

A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”

 

JOKE #3

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. “Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled, “Forget your troubles. Come in and join us for dinner. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”

“That’s mighty nice of you, ” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.” After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host and said, “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish,” the neighbor said with a smile, “by the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A Minnesota representative proposed a bill to encourage schools to ban fragrances because teenage boys are soaking themselves in Axe body spray instead of showering, in the belief it attracts girls. ***MARLAR: Guys, if you really want to attract girls, try a shower.

 

A U.C.-Berkeley study of 49,000 people found no connection between eating a low fat diet and getting cancer, heart disease, diabetes, or even gaining weight.  ***MARLAR: So can I PLEASE go back to putting cream cheese on my donuts?!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

CULTIVATE

Morris Epstein was taking an oral exam applying for his US citizenship papers.  He was asked to spell “cultivate” …. He spelled it correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence.

He brightened up and said, “Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home.”

Morris passed.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Have you ever had the alarm go off while you’re cooking? No… not the smoke alarm… the CAR alarm!

That’s what was happening every time Dean Johnson’s family tried to make dinner! At first they thought it was a neighborhood cat jumping onto their car – coincidentally at mealtime. But the high-pitched alarm was driving them crazy – and they figured that a cat would learn the lesson after a couple of times of setting it off… it must be something else. Well, after a bit of trial and error work at the house, it turns out that the car alarm was being set off by Mr. Johnson’s mother’s microwave! Apparently, the car alarm was working on the same frequency as the microwave. Dean now parks the car away from his house every time his mother is cooking. ***MARLAR: How bad is it when your mother-in-law’s cooking sets off the car alarm?

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

“Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is useless.” Psalm 127:1

Solomon had a vision to build the most magnificent temple in history, and his success resulted from the blessing of the Lord. First, the Lord gave Solomon wisdom to achieve his purpose (1 Kings 5:12). He showed him how to rotate his labor force in such a way that the men could be in Lebanon one month and at home for two months. Shared responsibility, as indicated by rotating the labor force, was a wise plan from God to cover responsibilities without burning out the laborers. Second, Solomon achieved success because he followed the plan of the Lord (1 Kings 6:12). You cannot hope to succeed at any work for God if you deviate from the revelation in the Bible. All work must follow the exact plan of the Church as given in the Gospels, Acts, and the Epistles. Finally, Solomon succeeded because he persevered. He spent seven years building the temple (1 Kings 6:38), never wavering from his goal. Never give up when God is “building” with you. Though it may seem your work is moving at a crawl, keep doing what you know to do. Purpose, plan, and persevere, and the Lord will build your house!
Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” – 1 Peter 2:9
William Shakespeare said, “All the world is a stage and we are but players thereon.”  Let’s take a look at his statement.  If all the world is a stage then there is no reality in it, after all, the stage is a place where illusions abound and fiction is stranger than truth. It is a place where  reality and imagination merge and imagination becomes the dominant factor. That is why people flock to the stage and the theater, to be entertained.

Then, if the world is a stage, and we are all actors upon it, it stands to reason that someone must write the play. There is yet to be a successful play or movie without some master writer, director, and producer behind it. If we are actors, who is the casting agent? Many people question the wisdom of that agent as he cast them in their role. The fallacy of Shakespeare’s philosophy is visible in these last thoughts. If men are the actors, who is left to write and direct the play?
The answer lies in the Word of God. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth . . ..” John tells us, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” He continues to tell us that nothing was created without the Word’s input. Returning to Genesis we see that “the Spirit hovered upon the face of the deep.” Who is the writer of the play being acted out upon the earth? God – God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.” Still there is one more question to be answered; are we the actors?
For the answer to that question, read again the verse for today.  We are” a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”

Does that sound like a reference to “actors?” I think NOT.  No, Mr. Shakespeare, we are not actors performing on some deviously designed play.  We are the children of the Most High God, chosen by Him to be His priests, His people singing out the heartfelt praises due Him.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

DO YOU TAKE THIS BRIDE… TO THE HOSPITAL?

Weddings with themes are becoming increasingly popular around the country, but I’m sure this bride and groom wish they’d picked a different theme. The bride and groom had just said their “I do’s” at their “Old West” themed wedding, when three of their wedding party fired their six-shooters to celebrate. Unfortunately, one of the bullets had a mind of its own and ended up in the ankle of the bride. The first two hours of this couple’s marriage was spent at the hospital in surgery. ***MARLAR: I always thought “shotgun wedding” was just an expression.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

I NEED A VACATION

Looking for someplace unique to visit for summer vacation?  Something “out of the ordinary”? 

Hey, it’s summer! Pack up a suitcase, and head out for family vacation! Hmm, where to go… how about some of these unusual vacation spots!

  • THE ATOMIC BOMB CRATER (Mars Bluff, South Carolina) -This one serves as a metaphor for all that is wonderful about tourist sites. In 1958, a B-47 pilot accidentally dropped a bomb on a guy’s farm. It exploded, and the result was a huge hole that is now a tourist attraction.
  • THE 5-STORY-TALL CHICKEN (Marietta, Georgia) it’s made of sheet metal and is 55 feet tall. Not much else to say, is there?
  • FLINTSTONE BEDROCK CITY (Vail, Arizona) Visit a replica of the town the modern stone age family calls home! 520-635-2600
  • THE HALL OF MOSSES (Port Angeles, Washington) Admit it, you’ve always dreamed that one day all the myriad forms of Mosses would be gathered in one place. Well dream no more. Ho Rainforest State Park: 360-452-0330
  • THE HOEGH PET CASKET COMPANY (Gladstone, Michigan) The tour includes the casket showroom and factory, as well as a look at a prototype pet cemetery. Gee, how much fun can it get? 906-428-2151
  • HOLY LAND, USA (Waterbury, Connecticut) Religious shrines, dioramas, and statues galore, all done in a manner that brings to mind a religious Disneyland: 203-755-2456
  • THE HAIR MUSEUM (Independence, Missouri) Weird things made out of hair. A haircut is actually included in the admission price (so they say) [It’s at a Beauty School] 816-252-4247

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HEARTBURN

Firefighters n New Jersey are no longer allowed to go shopping or eat out while on duty… now doesn’t that just burn you up!  It’s sure giving THEM heartburn!

If your house is burning down, you call the fire department. Usually they make it in time and save your home. Sometimes they don’t make it in time and you lose everything. What makes the difference? Maybe it’s because those firefighters were out shopping when they got the call! That’s exactly what happened in New Jersey!  Authorities say that the shopping trip did NOT delay the firefighters though… and no one died in the fire. But, because they want to appease an upset public, they’re banning shopping and eating out for the firefighters while they are on duty. Of course, the unions HATE the idea.  ***MARLAR: Couldn’t they just take the fire trucks with them to lunch?  That way they could take care of fires, and restaurant guests who used too much hot sauce on their Chalupas!

 

 

FUN LIST

DRIVING MISS DAISY

According to Petrol Company, JET, when you get behind the wheel you automatically fit into one of the following personality patterns. Are you:

  • “Mean Maureen” – tight-lipped, avoiding eye contact and absolutely refuse to let anyone else in.
  • “Terry the Tailgater” – sits on your tail and tries to intimidate you to get out of the way.
  • “Arrogant Andy” – a queue jumper who zips up the outside or uses the hard shoulder, to push in at the last minute.
  • “Steve the Speedaholic” – the person whose own ego will not let him slow down.
  • “Daphne the Ditherer” – crawls along at a snail’s pace, failing to signal clearly and stop-starting at every junction and roundabout.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Obesity hurts your wallet as well as your health. Doctors have long known that medical bills are higher for the obese, but that’s only a portion of the real-life costs.  George Washington University researchers added in things like employee sick days, lost productivity, even the need for extra gasoline – and found the annual cost of being obese is $4,879 for a woman and $2,646 for a man.  ***MARLAR: Oh, that’s different.  When they said obesity hurts your wallet I was about to disagree and say the extra padding back there has made it so I don’t feel my wallet at all when I sit on it.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Are you misusing Bible verses and you don’t even realize it?  Here are Five Bible Verses You Might Be Misusing… http://ow.ly/N5sL300prhy

 

10 Things to Do to Help Your Marriage Feel Less Stressed from All Pro Dad.

  1. Always put your spouse first.
  2. Have fun together.
  3. Build together time into your schedule.
  4. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  5. Give back, and do it together.
  6. Communicate clearly and respectfully.
  7. Tell the truth.
  8. Hold hands, hug and make out.
  9. Play to your strengths and hers.
  10. Live within your means

http://bit.ly/1SYKrnu

 

A six year old with autism is helping rescue dogs get socialized by reading to them. Jacob Tumalan reads to shelter dogs every week at the Carson Animal Shelter in Gardena, California, as part of a group called “Rescue Readers.” The boy has been involved with the group for about six months now and the animals aren’t the only ones who have benefited from Jacob’s story time. The boy’s reading skills have improved, and he now reads at a third-grade level. And though Jacob often feels uncomfortable around loud noises, his mother says the reading seems to keep him zeroed in on the pups and more relaxed himself.

http://huff.to/22ic6n4

 

5 Keys To Unlocking Your God-Given Creativity

  1. Recognize where creativity comes from
  2. Understand your creative role
  3. Feed your inner artisan
  4. Write all your creative ideas down
  5. Know your internal clock

http://bit.ly/1ZGvurV

 

5 Things Every Mom Needs to Accept from iMom.

  1. Your child won’t be good at everything.
  2. You can’t always pick your kids’ friends.
  3. You’re going to mess up sometimes and have to do damage control.
  4. Sometimes your kid is going to get a raw deal. And that’s OK.
  5. You are a better mom than you give yourself credit for.

http://bit.ly/1SRTdEQ

 

10 Oddly Practical Things You Can Rent

  1. CHICKENS: Services like RenttheChicken.com, RentaCoop.com and Rent-a-Chicken.net allow you access to all the supplies and chickens you need to get going.
  2. FRIENDS: Making friends is tough. It takes time. That’s where RentaFriend.com comes in.
  3. CASKETS: Because caskets can be expensive, some funeral homes are giving folks the option of renting one for a fraction of the price.
  4. DRESSES: Need a one-time fancy dress for that cocktail party or wedding? Check out services like RenttheRunway.com and WearTodayGoneTomorrow.com
  5. TOYS: Companies like Pley.com offers a subscription service
  6. TOOLS: Need a power saw for that one DIY project? You could rent one at some neighborhood hardware stores.
  7. CHRISTMAS TREES: Available from stores like RentXmasTree.com, LivingChristmas.com and OurCityForest.org
  8. ART: For as little as $15 a month, you can rent artwork, according to TurningArt.com.
  9. GOATS: RentaRuminant.com, WeRentGoats.com and even Amazon.com rents out goat grazers.
  10. BATHROOMS: People have begun renting out their household bathrooms through the app, Airpnp.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/spendingandborrowing/10-oddly-practical-things-you-can-rent/ss-BBt1ofl#image=2

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I don’t care what you say about my show–as long as you say it to lots of people!

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 17, 2016…

 

Finding Dory—This animated story, and remember the hit film “Finding Nemo,”  stars the voice of Ellen DeGeneres as Dory, who wants to find her family. Nemo and his Dad are off to join the adventure and help her, along with a myriad of sea creatures. Other voices include Albert Brooks, Dominic West, Hayden Rolence  and Ed O‘Neill. “Finding Dory” is rated G. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Central Intelligence—Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) team up looking for spies in the comedy about two guys who just don’t get along out in the field.  Guess the earthquake belt has quieted down (Reference “San Andreas.”) The mayhem continues. “Central Intelligence” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

 

JUNE 24, 2016…

 

Free State Of Jones stars Matthew McConaughey as a farmer, during the Civil War, who lives in Mississippi and rebels against the South.

 

Independence Day 2: Resurgence and here comes the Mother Ship, about the size of Texas and ready to take on Earth. Stars Liam Hemsworth.

 

The Shallows stars Blake Lively in a survival role as a woman who is surfing and has to fight off a giant shark.

 

Hunt For The Wilderpeople starring Sam Neill as a crusty farmer in New Zealand, has a new opening date. Another view of parenting.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.