This never gets old. Not only does it bring back memories of my early days in radio production, but the message still rings true even today, twenty years later! The Greaseman is brilliant in this video.
Posted by Marlar House Productions on Thursday, June 18, 2015
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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150619
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
It’s (THE JOCK SHOW) – the show that makes you want to sing, laugh, dance, shout, cry, call the cops…. defect….
THIS LAND IS MY LAND (to the tune of “This Land is Your Land”)
“This land is my land, it isn’t your land,
I got a shotgun and you ain’t got one.
I’ll blow your head off if you don’t get off,
This land is my property.”
* 1980: Funny, non-dangerous song to sing with your friends.
* 2015: Automatic suspension and labeling as a terrorist.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” –1 Peter 3:7-9
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. — Ephesians 6:4
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. — Hebrews 3:13
Thought: How serious are we about sin? The Bible reminds us how seriously God views it. The power of sin to entice us, entrap us, and ultimately engulf us in its power can be offset by loving Christian friends who encourage each other daily.
Prayer: Father, I know sin’s power is deceptive. Help me see those who need my encouragement today, so that together, we can help each other escape sin’s traps. In the name of Jesus, who withstood all of Satan’s tests, I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV = Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own…
TODAY IS FRIDAY – JUNE 19, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 190 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is STILL NEED TO DO DAY, a time to remember dreams and fantasies and remember that time runs out. Do it today! ***MARLAR: My dream has always been to find a job that requires practically no work, no responsibility, but I still get a paycheck. Mission accomplished!
Today is WORLD SAUNTERING DAY, a day to discourage jogging, lollygagging, sashaying, fast walking, and trotting. ***MARLAR: Apparently shuffling is still okay though.
Today is NATIONAL MARSHMALLOW MUNCHING DAY. ***MARLAR: Anyone ever play “Chubby Bunnies”?
Tonight is SPOOKY STORIES APPRECIATION NIGHT. ***MARLAR: Last year my wife scared the tar out of me on this night. She told me her mother was coming for the weekend – and was going to cook. (Maybe you can come up with a spooky story about sauntering marshmallows.)
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Garfield the Cat Day
Ugliest Dog Day
Work at Home Father’s Day
World Sauntering Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, JUNE 20
American Eagle Day
Polar Bear Swim
World Productivity Day
World Refugee Day
SUNDAY, JUNE 21
Atheists Solidarity Day
Cuckoo Warning Day
Family Awareness Day
National Daylight Appreciation Day
Husband Caregiver Day
Summer Solstice (12:38pm)
Tall Girl Appreciation Day
World Humanist Day
World Music Day
MONDAY, JUNE 22
Stupid Guy Thing Day
Baby Boomers Recognition Day
TUESDAY, JUNE 23
Let It Go Day
Public Service Day
Runner’s Selfie Day
SAT Math Day
Windjammer Days (23-24)
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24
Celebration of the Senses
THURSDAY, JUNE 25
Color TV Day (CBS)
Day of the Seafarer
Global Beatles Day
National Hand Shake Day
FRIDAY, JUNE 26
International Day Against Drug Abuse And Illicit Trafficking
International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
National Canoe Day
ON THIS DAY
325: The month-long Council of Nicea closed. Known as the first ecumenical council in the history of the Church, it formulated the Nicene Creed and established the method for calculating Easter. ***MARLAR: Which to this day no one understands.
1846: In the first organized pro baseball game, the New York Nine beat the Hoboken Knickerbockers 23 to 1. New York player H. Davis was fined six cents for swearing at the umpire.
1910: Father’s Day was celebrated for the first time, in Spokane, Washington.
1941: General Mills in Minneapolis created a new dry breakfast cereal called Cheerie Oats. The name was later shortened to Cheerios.
1950: “The Kingston Trio Show” debuted on CBS radio.
1960: Billboard’s country & western music chart added “Honky Tonk Girl,” by unknown Loretta Lynn.
1964: The U.S. Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved by the Senate, 73-27, after surviving a lengthy filibuster.
1967: Catherine Murphy of Bonsall, California, became the first female golfer to play 150 holes without resting.
1982: Singer Amy Grant married guitarist Gary Chapman at the Vine Street Christian Church in Nashville.
1985: Angelo Spagnolo shot 257 to “win” the Worst Avid Golfers Tournament in Ponte Vedra, Florida. He lost 60 golf balls, hitting 27 into the water.
1987: Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream and the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia announced a new ice cream flavor: Cherry Garcia.
1988: Some 3,000 East Germans gathered at the Berlin Wall to hear Michael Jackson perform on the other side of the Wall in West Berlin. ***MARLAR: It was kind of like Joshua bringing the walls down, but after hearing the music they decided to build the wall even higher.
1992: The movie “Batman Returns” earned $16.8-million the day it opened. Stars were Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Danny DeVito.
1993: Toronto police reported that a business burglar had left a thumb print in the owner’s Silly Putty.
1998: A study published in the British medical journal Lancet said smoking more than doubled the riskof developing dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.
2002: A district judge called a mistrial in a first-degree murder trail because of interruptions by a juror’s loud snoring. An alternate juror had already been seated. The snoring juror claimed she had a medical condition and could not stay awake.
2005: An Arkansas, man survived with only minor injuries when a car skidded into his bedroom, rolled him up in his mattress and sprayed gasoline through his home. Ricky May of Pine Bluff was pinned under the Ford Taurus. The driver was ticketed for failing to maintain control of the car, driving with a suspended license, and no proof of insurance.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
325: The month-long Council of Nicea closed. Known as the first ecumenical council in the history of the Church, it formulated the Nicene Creed and established the method for calculating Easter.
1566: James VI of Scotland, who later became King James I of England, is born. He wrote treatises on the divine right of kings, witchcraft, biblical themes, and set into motion a translation of the Bible known as the King James Version.
1623: Blaise Pascal, French mathematician and scientist as well as an apologist for Christianity and for Jansenism, is born.
1834: Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon, one of the greatest preachers and orators of the nineteenth century, is born.
1902: Death of Lord Acton, English Parliamentarian, Catholic thinker, and historian. He attempted to create a scientifically rigorous history of liberty.
1987: The U.S. Supreme Court strikes down a Louisiana law requiring public schools to teach creationism if they taught evolution.
1995: Tim Van Dyke and Steve Welsh, workers with New Tribes Mission in Colombia, are kidnapped and shot in cold blood.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- cartoon cat Garfield is 37
- actor (“A Different World”, “Living Single”, “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”) Bumper Robinson 41 (
- singer/dancer/”American Idol” judge Paula Abdul 53 (
- actress (The War of the Roses, Peggy Sue Got Married, Romancing The Stone) Kathleen Turner is 61
- actress (“The Cosby Show”) Phylicia Rashad is 67 (
- actress (The Notebook, Hope Floats) Gena Rowlands 79
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1925 : Charlie Drake
1936 : Shirley Goodman (Shirley & Lee, Shirley & Company)
1939 : Al Wilson
1942 : Elaine “Spanky” McFarlane (Spanky and Our Gang)
1950 : Ann Wilson (Heart)
1962 : Paula Abdul
1963 : Simon Wright (AC/DC)
1964 : Brian Vander Ark (The Verve Pipe)
1969 : Brian Welch (KoRn)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Where did the tradition of wearing graduation gowns originate?
Academic dress for graduations started in the 12th and 13th centuries when universities first began forming. Standard dress for scholars was clerical garb. In 1321, the University of Coimbra mandated that all Doctors, Bachelors, and Licentiates must wear gowns. In the latter half of the 14th century, excess in apparel was forbidden in some colleges and prescribed wearing a long gown. By the time of England’s Henry VIII, Oxford and Cambridge began using a standard form of academic dress, which was controlled to the tiniest detail by the university.
Colors for the gowns were assigned in the 1800s to signify certain areas of study, but they were only standardized in the United States. European institutions have always had diversity in their academic dress, but American institutions employ a definite system of dress thanks to Gardner Cotrell Leonard from Albany, New York. The system he helped form was based on gown cut, style and fabric; as well as designated colors to represent fields of study.
The shape and size of the hood and the sleeve design of the gown show the degree a student pursued: a Bachelor’s Degree gown has pointed sleeves and no hood, a Master’s Degree gown had long, closed sleeves with arm slits and a narrow hood, and a Doctor’s Degree had bell-shaped sleeves and a draped, wide hood.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer has found a new way of identifying a good friend. Mike tweeted: Measurement of a good friend is one who will knock on the door of the people who bought your old house before they have a chance to paint and make a copy of your door frame measuring stick. Attached was a picture of the stick showing the measurements of Mike’s kids as they grew over the years.
After 27 albums and three decades in the music industry, Michael w. Smith is taking a risk. According to an article in Guidepost Magazine, Michael’s new CD Sovereign is a departure from his usual style, trading in the live orchestra for a studio sound. Michael is also doing more touring outside the USA. He has already been in Nigeria, South Africa and Brazil this year and he will soon be hitting the road again, this time heading to Tokyo, North Korea and Ukraine. In between Michael W. Smith is working with his eldest son Tyler on the soundtrack for the new Kate Bosworth film 90 Minutes in Heaven. http://t.co/YEJQM8cKoc
Matt Maher is an outspoken champion of unity and collaboration, not just amongst Christians on a level of faith but also on a civic level.” Perhaps the most outspoken example of this desire is the song “Sons and Daughters.” Although the song was written before the Ferguson incident made headlines, the timely track is an ode to Martin Luther King, Jr., and Maher’s attempt to speak into racial reconciliation. Matt says “God used the church in the ’60s to inspire a nation for healing. Faith was the thing that motivated people toward eradicating injustice.” Matt goes on to say that “Sons and Daughters” is a special song, and I hope it will play a part in inspiring more Christian leaders toward re-engagement in the issue of civil rights.”
David Crowder is noticing an epidemic of misleading adds promoting sales that don’t really exist. Earlier he shared a picture of a sales flyer announcing a rate drop of one penny, from $149 to $148.99. Now Crowder is out with another sales banner that looks better than it actually is. This banner proclaims: Buy Three for the Price of Three!
Natalie Grant took the next step this week in producing her newest album. She was part of a photo shoot for her ninth album and tweeted: I’m having the most fun I’ve had yet.
David Crowder was taking this week about the social role of music and art. The worship leader told Relevant Magazine that what we sing about changes the way we think. Crowder said: Worship and justice go hand in hand. If what you’re singing doesn’t change what you do, what’s the point of singing? When you help people sing about Jesus and model their lives after Jesus, it’s going to change the way they interact with their neighbors. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/music/worship-and-justice-go-hand-hand
Plumb’s daughter Lucy was eating ice cream this week for the very first time. Plumb tweeted: From her response it’s safe to say that blueberry cheesecake ice cream will probably always be her favorite! The ice cream was almost as delicious as she is!
Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips is now the father of a teenager. His eldest, Taylor, turned 13 this week. ***MARLAR: So you might want to add him to your prayer list.
The new CCM Magazine is focused on fathers and fatherhood. The free magazine focused on Christian music features the thoughts of several fathers, including Chris Tomlin. Also in this weeks edition are Father’s Day stories from Skillet, Ellie Holcomb, and more. http://www.ccmmagazine.com/getissue/196/jun_15_2015/
Jamie Grace says the Warriors NBA championship is hitting close to home. Following their win over Cleveland this week Jamie tweeted: now my dad just CASUALLY tells me he went to high school with AND played baseball with Warriors coach Steve Kerr.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Ohio man pleads not guilty to accepting teen’s stolen cash
MEDINA, Ohio (AP) — A 70-year-old northeast Ohio man has pleaded not guilty to a charge of receiving stolen property for allegedly accepting cash from a 13-year-old boy accused of stealing $25,000 from his grandfather. The charge accuses the man of accepting less than $7,500. He pleaded not…
|UK man sneaks marriage proposal into newspaper crossword photo
LONDON (AP) — It’s a case of two down: the aisle. A crossword-loving British lawyer hid a marriage proposal in The Times newspaper’s daily puzzle. Matthew Dick thought of the cryptic way of popping the question to girlfriend Delyth Hughes and persuaded the newspaper to agree. Tuesday’s Times…
|Wisconsin city bars use of kangaroos as service animals
BEAVER DAM, Wis. (AP) — Officials have changed a southeastern Wisconsin city’s rules on service animals after a woman took a baby kangaroo into a McDonald’s restaurant. HASH(0x142faf0) Beaver Dam police say the woman wrapped the baby kangaroo in a blanket and tucked it in an infant car seat,…
|Cops: Would-be good Samaritan helps, then makes things worse
GENESEE FALLS, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say a good Samaritan trying to help a New York man in distress turned out to be a bad Samaritan. The Wyoming County sheriff’s office says a man’s foot got stuck under his riding mower last week on a sloped lawn near an embankment in Genesee Falls….
|No joke: Emerson College in Boston to offer major in comedy
BOSTON (AP) — Emerson College in Boston will soon offer a degree in making people laugh. The communications and arts school said Wednesday that starting in September 2016, it will become the first college to offer a four-year bachelor of fine arts in comedic arts degree. The degree will be…
|3 little pig houses removed from Ohio crash site photo
XENIA, Ohio (AP) — Three miniature houses modeled after the “Three Little Pigs” folktale have been removed from the side of an Ohio road where a truck hauling 2,200 piglets crashed — but it wasn’t a big bad wolf that blew them away. HASH(0x140db30) One house was made from straw, another…
|Thieves break into Ohio pet rescue, swipe 7 rare pythons
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio pet rescue is searching for seven rare pythons that were stolen from the shop over the weekend. Akron Rattery and Reptile Rescue CEO Robin Everley says the snakes were taken Saturday when thieves cut a hole in a wall in an adjacent building and broke in. She says…
|Police: Lotto winner leaves behind voucher at turnpike plaza
BEDFORD, Pa. (AP) — Police say a man accidentally left a Pennsylvania Turnpike plaza without claiming a $500 prize from a scratch-off lottery ticket, only to have another man claim the winnings. Troopers from the Bedford barracks say the York man accidentally left the voucher displayed on a…
|Distracted GOP lawmaker accidentally OKs California budget
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A Republican lawmaker accidentally cast his party’s first vote for the California budget in years because he was distracted by Facebook. Assemblyman Scott Wilk was the sole Republican to vote for California’s record $117.5 billion spending plan Monday. The Santa…
|Government worker drives Mercedes SUV seized in drug case
HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) — The Pennsylvania attorney general’s office is defending an arrangement that allows a top administrator to drive a Mercedes SUV seized in a drug case as his state-issued vehicle. HASH(0x13ebd90) Spokesman Chuck Ardo says having Duecker drive a seized vehicle saves money…
|3 postal workers accused of rigging Operation Santa program photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Three postal workers played the Grinch and stole laptop computers, a toy train, boots and other gifts destined for underprivileged children by rigging the Operation Santa program where they worked, authorities said. In a part of Manhattan where the movie “Miracle on 34th…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Dengue fever outbreak infects thousands in war-torn Yemen
SANAA, Yemen (AP) — Health officials and international organizations say thousands of people have been diagnosed with dengue fever in southern Yemen, where fighting has raged for months between Shiite rebels and their opponents. The top health ministry official in the southern port city of…
|House ready to repeal pieces of Obama health care law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Despite White House veto threats, the House is ready to vote to repeal taxes on medical devices and kill a Medicare advisory board that foes say would ration health care as the chamber aims its latest whack at President Barack Obama’s health care law. Thursday’s votes were…
|WHO chief reassures South Korea as its MERS deaths reach 23 photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — The head of the World Health Organization on Thursday praised beleaguered South Korean officials and exhausted health workers, saying their efforts to contain a deadly MERS virus outbreak have put the country on good footing and lowered the public risk. Margaret Chan…
|UN: Spread of MERS in South Korea isn’t global emergency photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the spread of a mysterious virus from the Middle East to South Korea doesn’t merit being declared a global emergency despite infecting more than 160 people in the biggest outbreak outside the Arabian peninsula. In a statement Wednesday, the…
|German hospital says quads born to 65-year-old doing well photo
BERLIN (AP) — Doctors say quadruplets born prematurely a month ago to a 65-year-old woman in Germany are doing well and gaining weight but one remains on a respirator. Berlin’s Charite hospital said Wednesday the four babies — a girl named Neeta and three boys named Dries, Bence and…
|Q&A: What are trans fats and why are they unhealthy? photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — You may not even know you are eating them, but trans fats will soon be mostly gone from your food. The Food and Drug Administration said Tuesday it will require food companies to phase them out over the next three years because the agency says they are a threat to public…
|What is trans fat? A look at different kinds of fats
The FDA is phasing out artificial trans fats from the food supply, but people should limit their intake of saturated fats, too, which can also cause heart disease. There are three main types of fat: unsaturated, saturated and trans fats. UNSATURATED FAT: These are the good fats, and doctors say…
|Former Packers QB Bart Starr took part in stem cell trial
Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame quarterback Bart Starr is participating in a clinical trial using stem cells as a possible treatment for strokes. Starr suffered two strokes and a mild heart attack last September. His family said Wednesday in a statement released by the Packers that Starr is…
|Senator probes retailers on dubious ‘brain’ supplements photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A high-ranking Senate Democrat is probing retailers and online companies about sales of dubious dietary supplements, especially those promising seniors protection from memory loss, dementia and other age-related problems. The pills, tablets and formulas targeted by Senator…
|Is baby recession over? US births up after years of decline photo
NEW YORK (AP) — It appears the baby recession really is over: Preliminary figures show U.S. births were up last year for the first time in seven years. About 53,000 more babies were born in 2014 than the year before — a 1 percent increase. Births were up for nearly every racial and…
|Rhode Island toddler dies of suspected bacterial infection
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — More than a dozen children at a day care have been given preventative antibiotics as a precaution after a toddler there died of a suspected bacterial infection, the state Department of Health said Wednesday. The 13-month-old child, whose name has not been made public,…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Donald Trump says he really is running for president. The real-estate and reality TV star announced Tuesday that he would seek the Republican nomination for president in 2016. *** Possible VP candidates are Caitlyn Jenner or Rachel Dolezal.
Just one day after Donald Trump announced his bid for 2016, the 69-year-old is being accused of hiring actors to cheer him on during the press conference. The actors were reportedly paid $50. *** He paid them only fifty bucks? Who wants a President that is that much of a cheapskate?
Google Plans to Eliminate Human Driving in 5 Years. According to an MSN report, Google’s self-driving car prototype has no steering wheel or pedals, so it’s up to the computer to do all the driving. It isn’t a huge technological step forward. The same software controls the Lexus and Toyota vehicles and has logged hundreds of thousands of autonomous miles. What’s important here is Google’s commitment to its all-or-nothing approach. It expects to have a finished product by 2020. *** The only downside is that we’ll have to find some other reason other than road rage to act irresponsibly on our way to work now.
First daughters Sasha and Malia Obama had tea on Tuesday with the world’s most eligible bachelor, Prince Harry, at his London palace. ***At which point they immediately complained about the rooms being too small, room service being inadequate, and the pool not having a hot tub.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
According to Elle Magazine, plastic surgeons are seeing an increase in requests for “hand lifts.” A trend that many reports claim is directly related to the desire for better looking hands in engagement ring photos. ***MARLAR: We now live in a world where the surgery to look good with your engagement ring now costs more than the engagement ring itself.
Denny’s has opened a restaurant in Las Vegas with a wedding chapel where couples can tie the knot after a meal. ***MARLAR: As if getting married in Las Vegas doesn’t reek of desperation enough… you can now get married and have your first act as man and wife be digging into a Grand Slam Breakfast.
A new survey found middle school students are cheating with their smartphones. More than a third of youngsters are using their phone to help them find answers to their homework. 88% of kids admit that they’re not allowed to bring their phones into the classroom, and 66% said they couldn’t bring their tablet to school. ***MARLAR: Ironically, the worst offenders of cheating using smart phones are those in Ethics Class.
If you eat less — specifically cutting 300 to 500 calories out of your diet every day — it will not only reduce your risk of many common diseases, but also it may slow the aging process. That’s the word from researchers at St. Louis University in Missouri. ***MARLAR: This could explain why I’m only (46) but look (66).
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jogging Backwards”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Gregory, “Hockey”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were planning a big day of playing in the wind, going to the beach, and sailing on Nozzles the Elephant’s sailboat while making paper airplanes. The whole day was planned to take advantage of the unusually windy day. But after Nozzles went to the bookstore, he stepped outside, and suddenly…
CLOSE: Well, it looks like Nozzles and Gruffy have found something to do with the day… accuse each other of stealing and not sharing. But the good news is that Nozzles found something to write in his new book of blank pages. This could get reeeeeally ugly. We’ll find out how ugly next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 20/21, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Being a boy is tough – and going to school, doing homework, chores, and cleaning up your room may not be very fun, but what WOULD happen if you never had to work? Tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A low IQ and fire DO NOT MIX!
An unnamed employee of “Furniture by Thurston” in Nevada, ended up getting his pants saturated with a flammable liquid. We don’t know exactly how that happened, but it did. The DUH moment, however, takes place when – simply out of curiosity – he held a lighter to his pants to see what would happen. You can guess what happened next. Fortunately, he suffered only minor leg burns… but he did catch the building on fire. ***MARLAR: This probably won’t be the last time he hears the word “fired.”
THE TOP 10 THINGS NOT TO DO AT YOUR CHILD’S PERFORMANCE OR SPORTS EVENT
10. Try to pep up the dance recital crowd by starting “the wave.”
9. Do a halftime trampoline show.
8. With your buddies, spell out your child’s name on your chests.
7. Mimic the conductor.
6. Start a paper airplane contest with the program.
5. Clip your toenails.
4. Wear a multi-colored wig and hold up a large, confusing sign.
3. In the middle of the violin piece, say loudly to the person next to you, “That reminds me…I need to take our cat to the vet.”
2. Wear your wife’s old cheerleading outfit.
1. Two words: cow bell.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A Florida SWAT team put themselves into the files of Law & Disorder!
FILE #1: A St. Petersburg Florida police SWAT team, wanting to startle the residents of a house they were about to raid, threw a noise grenade into the home, which started a fire, completely destroying the house. Besides destroying the house they also destroyed over $100,000 worth of recording equipment. And what say the police? The device never started a fire before and they were following standard procedures. So what’s the big deal? Well, it turns out the police were at the wrong house! Oops!
FILE #2: Four police officers in Waukegan, Illinois, were injured during a six-hour class designed to teach police officers how to reduce injuries while subduing offenders. According to Police Chief Phillip Stevenson, three of the men suffered their injuries at the hands of other officers. The fourth broke his toe while stumbling on foam mats that were used to pad the floor.
FILE #3: Horst Schultz called the police, saying he had been shot. German cops arrived in full riot gear, complete with bulletproof vests. After they secured the house, they found Mr. Schultz inside, but they could find no bullet wounds, only a couple of small red spots on his arm. He then explained that he was afraid of spiders. Really afraid of spiders. And when one bit him he was sure he was going to die, so he called the cops and made up the story about being shot to make sure the police would come in a hurry. They sent him to jail in a hurry, charged with wasting police time and making false emergency calls.
STRANGE LAW: In Kentucky it is illegal to remarry the same man four times.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Trees and alcohol do not mix.
A drunken student recently spent the night in a tree and had to be rescued by British firefighters. The student had climbed 100 feet up a pine tree, without his shoes on, and then fell asleep. Eight firefighters needed 90 minutes and ropes and pulleys to get him down from his precarious perch. As one fire official put it, “Alcohol and climbing trees don’t really mix.”
Today is STILL NEED TO DO DAY, a time to remember dreams and fantasies and remember that time runs out. You could probably say this is a “Bucket List.” What’s on YOUR list to do during your lifetime?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What judge had 30 sons who rode 30 donkeys, and controlled 30 towns?
ANSWER: Jair (Judges 10: 3-4)
QUESTION: What year did Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” originally air on radio?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Golfer Fuzzy Zoeller ended up with his unusual first name because they’re his initials. (True – F.U.Z. His full name is Frank Urban Zoeller)
- The Arizona Cardinals football team got its name from the color of used jerseys purchased from a local college. (True)
- Tom Hanks was originally intended to play Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. (False, Tom Selleck)
- Bob Dole held a number of odd jobs in Kansas during the Great Depression, including working as a soda jerk. (True)
- John Travolta’s white disco suit from ‘Saturday Night Fever’ was bought in 1978 for just $100,000 by a famous fan: movie critic Gene Siskel. (False, only $2,000)
- The only place in the world that alligators and crocodiles co-exist naturally is in Alabama. (False, it’s in Florida)
- John Larroquette, who played Dan Fielding on the TV show “Night Court” provided the narration “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre”. (True – for two of the massacre movies, in fact.)
- Fido means “faithful” in Latin. (True)
- The first sport to be pictured on the cover of the first Sports Illustrated was basketball. (False, baseball.)
- Shangri-la, the presidential hideaway near Thurmont, Maryland, was renamed Camp David in honor of President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s father and grandson. (True – on May 22, 1953)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
FLYING _____ ARRESTED IN KANSAS (WITCHES)
Hundreds of witches were arrested in Kansas this week. They violated Kansas City airspace.
Witches’ broomsticks are considered similar to any heavier-than-air transportation device that is airborne, and are thus regulated by the FAA.
“A witch on a broomstick can not fly above the 2,000 feet,” an FAA representative, Gavin Riddell told WWN. Hundreds of witches chose to defy this law this week and they were arrested. ”We will not tolerate rogue witches,” said Riddell.
There are no penalties for witches flying below 2,000 feet, as witches have done for centuries.
“Witchcraft isn’t a joke,” said Kansas City Councilwoman, Jeanette Rizzi. ”Witches belong to a the Wiccan religion and they need to be respected. We can’t order witches not to fly, just as we can’t order Catholics not to go to mass. But, we can regulate them so that they do not cause any accidents in our airspace.”
Kansas law also forbids toy helicopters and children’s kites from ascending too high into Kansas airspace.
There are regulations, as well, as to how long the broomstick can be that witches use and the broomsticks must be approved by the FAA. ”We don’t want witches using unsafe broomsticks. They can fly all they want, but we don’t want them hurting themselves or others,” said Rizzi.
Other states are thinking of adopting the Kansas Flying Witch Law.. except Massachusetts, where they still burn their witches.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $96.50!”
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: “$500 if we fail to fill your order!” So, trying to make a quick buck, when his waitress arrives, he orders elephant toes on rye. Unfazed, the waitress calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where suddenly there’s a huge commotion with yelling, screaming, and pans hitting the floor. Finally, the restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer’s table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, “You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that’s the first time in ten years we’ve been out of rye bread!”
At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
“If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard.
With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, less than 100 have been tested, and approximately 14 chemicals so far have caused cancer in rats. ***MARLAR: And you thought I had a cushie radio job. Do you know how much coffee I drink each day? (audio clip)
Ever wonder why some dictators go into the oppression business? Hitler, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung had one thing in common, other than being brutal dictators who killed millions of innocent people. All three admitted at least once in their writings that they initially got involved in politics to meet girls.
GET IN THE CAR
An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. “If you get in the car,” the driver says, “I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.” The boy refuses and keeps on walking.
A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. “How about $20 and two pieces of candy?” The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.
Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. “OK,” he says, “this is my final offer. I’ll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat.”
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. “Look,” he says to the driver. “You bought the FIAT, Dad. You’ll have to live with it!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A woman in a swimsuit causes a massive air-search for a missing person…
In England, a woman was taking a dip in the ocean when she decided to pop over to the supermarket, so she wrapped herself in a towel and wandered off. A man drinking at a nearby boat club noticed her clothes had been on the beach for some time with no owner in sight and called authorities, who launched a massive air-search. An hour later the woman, who was still only wearing a swimsuit and towel, returned to collect her clothes — and wondered what all the fuss was about.
AND GOD MADE FATHERS
When the good Lord was creating fathers, he started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, “What kind of father is that? If you’re going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high?
He won’t be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child into bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.”
God smiled and said, “Yes, but if I make him child-sized, who would children have to look up to?”
And when God made a father’s hands, they were large and sinewy. The angel shook her head sadly and said, “Do you know what you’re doing, God? Large hands are clumsy. They can’t manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony-tails, or even remove splinters from baseball bats.”
God smiled and said, “I know, but they’re large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child’s face.”
And then God molded long legs and broad shoulders. The angel nearly had a heart attack. “Boy, this is the end of the week alright,” she clucked, “Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?”
God smiled and said, “A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle, or hold a sleepy hand on the way home from the circus.”
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. “That’s not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?”
God smiled and said:” They’ll work. You’ll see. They’ll support a small child who wants to ‘ride a horse to Banbury Cross’ or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill.”
God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words, but a firm, authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, he added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, “Now are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?”
The angel shutteth up.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
READ: Matthew 21:1-11
Behold, your King is coming to you, lowly, and sitting on a donkey, a colt, the foal of a donkey. —Matthew 21:5
A minister referred to Christ’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem and asked: “What if the donkey on which Jesus was riding had thought all the cheering was for him? What if that small animal had believed that the hosannas and the branches were in his honor?”
The minister then pointed to himself and said: “I’m a donkey. The longer I’m here the more you’ll come to realize that. I am only a Christ-bearer and not the object of praise.”
In recording Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem, Matthew referred to the prophecy of Zechariah: “Tell the daughter of Zion, ‘Behold, your King is coming to you, lowly, and sitting on a donkey, a colt, the foal of a donkey’” (Matthew 21:5; see Zechariah 9:9).
On Palm Sunday, the donkey was merely a Christ-bearer, bringing the Son of God into the city where He would give His life for the sins of the world.
If we could develop a healthy “donkey mentality,” what an asset that would be as we travel the road of life. Instead of wondering what people think of us, our concern would be, “Can they see Christ Jesus, the King?” Rather than seeking credit for service rendered, we would be content to lift up the Lord.
—David C. McCasland
O what can I give to the Master,
The One who from sin set me free?
I’ll give Him a lifetime of service
To thank Him for dying for me. —K. De Haan
A Christian’s life is a window through which others can see Jesus.
A teen is suspended for participating in a food fight that she wasn’t even a part of!
A food fight recently broke out among more than 100 students at Central Valley High School in Ceres, California. Unlike Animal House when someone just jumped up and shouted ‘food fight,’ school officials say this fight was planned and executed by students who spread the word via text messaging. The school has suspended several students, including senior Lahna Dixon who won’t be allowed to participate in her graduation ceremonies. This despite the fact that Lahna wasn’t at the fight and only sent text messages to warn other students to avoid the fight.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Can you improve your family’s relationships with a DVR? Actually… YES!
More than 70% of digital video recorder (DVR) owners say they cannot live without them, according to a survey by NDS, a maker of smart cards and other technology for digital pay-TV services. Owners ranked the DVR as the second-most essential household technology item, behind the mobile phone, and the third most-indispensable household item, after the washing machine and microwave oven. The survey also found that over 60% of DVR owners with a partner felt that having a DVR had improved their relationship. More than three-quarters of DVR owners with families also felt that having a DVR has improved family relationships, “eliminating arguments over TV and allowing for the whole family to join the dinner table.”
JUST FOR FUN
It’s not a tumor!
Doctors performing surgery on an unnamed man in Japan found out that what they thought was a tumor was a surgical towel that had been left inside him 25 years ago! The patient had been carrying the cloth since his operation a quarter century ago, when surgeons at the Asahi General Hospital in Chiba prefecture near Tokyo left it in him after an operation to treat an ulcer, a spokesman for the hospital said. The man went in to another hospital in late May after suffering abdominal pain. When examinations found what was believed to be an eight-centimeter (3.2-inch) tumor, he underwent the operation to remove it. It was only then that surgeons realized it was a towel.
USELESS FACTS I LEARNED FROM MY DAD
- It’s okay to wipe the crumbs on the floor when nobody’s looking.
- My mom’s the one who’s the bad driver.
- Everything’s good with a whole lot of pepper.
- If I tell him that I’ll time him, my little brother will get things for me.
- If Mom goes out of town and I say there’s no food in the house (even if there is), we get to order pizza delivery.
- When someone makes a crude hand gesture to my dad from their car, they’re really saying “Your Dad’s #1!”
- Everyone deserves a big tip.
- Frogs are invisible, and there are elephants small enough to hide under seat cushions.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
THINGS DADS SAY
- Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
- Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
- We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
- Do what I say, not what I do.
- I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
- As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
- Do you think I am made of money?
THE WAY WE WORK
(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(None On The Weekends)
Peanuts and other nuts may protect against several major causes of death. According to a study that began in 1986 involving 120,000 Dutch adults, people who eat at least 10 grams of nuts or peanuts daily have a lower risk of dying from a range of serious illnesses. The reduction in mortality was strongest for respiratory disease, neurodegenerative disease, and diabetes, followed by cancer and cardiovascular diseases.
Bicycles are a common form of exercise but they can also be a helpful tool of missionaries. In the country of Chad Christian Aid Mission is supporting indigenous gospel workers and investing in the efforts of a native ministry by raising money for bikes. According to Mission Network News, The bicycles will help 30 native missionaries to more quickly travel around the country, showing the Jesus film in rural areas where 72 people groups have yet to hear the gospel.
Retired Olympian Bryan Clay has found a new use for his Javelin, pulling his daughters tooth. The gold medalist retired in 2012 and has been focusing on parenting his little girl. Recently he recorded a video on YouTube. The clip begins with Clay holding a javelin with a long string attached to its end, while the other end of the thread is tied to his daughter’s incisor. The video shows Clay throwing the javelin followed by a clip of Ellie’s mouth with one less tooth. Ah… what would life be like without dads?
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go home and look like I worked hard all morning.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JUNE 19, 2015…
Dope (opening in select cities)—This is a comedy about a young man trying to go to college and a drug situation that turns out wrong. Pharrell Williams wrote many of the songs. The story is set in California, but the young man, Malcolm (Shameik Moore) wants to go to Harvard. “Dope” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Inside Out—Several years ago was a comedy TV series, called “Herman’s Head” starring William Ragsdale, about a man with voices in his head who were always arguing about something. Several actors had the roles of the voices. Now, we have an animated film with emotions who argue in the head of a pre-teen girl named Riley (Kaitlyn Dias). They all come into play when Riley and her family move to a new location. Enough to give one a headache. Voices of Joy (Amy Poehler), Anger (Lewis Black), Disgust (Mindy Kaling), Sadness (Phyllis Smith) and Fear (Bill Hader) . This is a Pixar film. “Inside Out” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.
Manglehorn (opening in select cities)—Al Pacino stars in this film about a man trying to manage his life and friendship with a son (Chris Messina), a past girlfriend and a new girlfriend. Pacino plays a locksmith. Also in the cast are Natalie Wilemon and Holly Hunter. “Manglehorn” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Overnight (opening in select cities)—What happens when you move to a new city? In this cast, Seattle. Well, be careful when making friends as you never know. Taylor Schilling and Adam Scott are a couple who move and are befriended by Jason Schwartzman. Hmm. “The Overnight” is rated PG 13. No rating.
JUNE 26, 2015…
What Happened Miss Simone? is a documentary on the life of the famous singer, Nina Simone.
Ted 2 and it had to happen. The foul-mouthed teddy bear is back in action and this time wants to get married?
Max (and bring hankie to theater) is about an Army dog who is returned to civilian life.
Big Game is an action film starring Samuel L. Jackson.
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