June 19, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160619

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

It’s (THE JOCK SHOW) – the show that makes you want to sing, laugh, dance, shout, cry, call the cops…. defect….

 

THIS LAND IS MY LAND (to the tune of “This Land is Your Land”)
“This land is my land, it isn’t your land,
I got a shotgun and you ain’t got one.
I’ll blow your head off if you don’t get off,
This land is my property.”
* 1980: Funny, non-dangerous song to sing with your friends.
* 2016: Automatic suspension and labeling as a terrorist.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” –1 Peter 3:7-9

 

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. — Ephesians 6:4

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. — Hebrews 3:13

 

Thought: How serious are we about sin? The Bible reminds us how seriously God views it. The power of sin to entice us, entrap us, and ultimately engulf us in its power can be offset by loving Christian friends who encourage each other daily.

 

Prayer: Father, I know sin’s power is deceptive. Help me see those who need my encouragement today, so that together, we can help each other escape sin’s traps. In the name of Jesus, who withstood all of Satan’s tests, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV = Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own…

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JUNE 19, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 188 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is STILL NEED TO DO DAY, a time to remember dreams and fantasies and remember that time runs out. Do it today!  ***MARLAR: My dream has always been to find a job that requires practically no work, no responsibility, but I still get a paycheck.  Mission accomplished!

 

Today is WORLD SAUNTERING DAY, a day to discourage jogging, lollygagging, sashaying, fast walking, and trotting.  ***MARLAR: Apparently shuffling is still okay though.

 

Today is NATIONAL MARSHMALLOW MUNCHING DAY.  ***MARLAR: Anyone ever play “Chubby Bunnies”?

 

Tonight is SPOOKY STORIES APPRECIATION NIGHT.  ***MARLAR: Last year my wife scared the tar out of me on this night.  She told me her mother was coming for the weekend – and was going to cook.  (Maybe you can come up with a spooky story about sauntering marshmallows.)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Garfield the Cat Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Juneteenth

World Sickle Cell Day

World Sauntering Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, JUNE 20

American Eagle Day

Flitch of Bacon Day

Lambrusco Day

National Kouign Amann Day

Ride to Work On Your Motorcycle Day

Ryan Moran Day

Summer Solstice (6:34 PM EDT)

World Productivity Day

World Refugee Day

Ann & Samantha Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 21

Atheists Solidarity Day

Cuckoo Warning Day

Go Skateboarding Day

National Daylight Appreciation Day

National Selfie Day

Tall Girl Appreciation Day

World Handshake Day

World Humanist Day

World Music Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22

Global Smurfs Day

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day

Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Typing Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 24

Celebration of the Senses

International Fairy Day

Drive Your Corvette to Work Day

Take Your Dog To Work Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 25

AARL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day

National Catfish Day

Great American Backyard Campout

Color TV Day

Day of the Seafarer

Global Beatles Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 26

America’s Kids Day

Descendants Day

International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking

International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

National Canoe Day

National Milkman Day

Log Cabin Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day

“Happy Birthday To You” Day

Industrial Workers of the World Day

National HIV Testing Day

National Sunglasses Day

PTSD Awareness Day

Please Take My Children To Work Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

325: The month-long Council of Nicea closed. Known as the first ecumenical council in the history of the Church, it formulated the Nicene Creed and established the method for calculating Easter.  ***MARLAR: Which to this day no one understands.

 

1846: In the first organized pro baseball game, the New York Nine beat the Hoboken Knickerbockers 23 to 1. New York player H. Davis was fined six cents for swearing at the umpire.

 

1910: Father’s Day was celebrated for the first time, in Spokane, Washington.  *** And sadly, we’ve had ugly ties ever since.

 

1934: The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) was created.  *** I’d tell you what I think of them, but we can’t afford another fine at the radio station.

 

1941: General Mills in Minneapolis created a new dry breakfast cereal called Cheerie Oats. The name was later shortened to Cheerios.

 

1950: “The Kingston Trio Show” debuted on CBS radio.

 

1960: Billboard’s country & western music chart added “Honky Tonk Girl,” by unknown Loretta Lynn.

 

1964: The U.S. Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved by the Senate, 73-27, after surviving a lengthy filibuster.

 

1967: Catherine Murphy of Bonsall, California, became the first female golfer to play 150 holes without resting.

 

1967: On National TV, Paul McCartney admitted to taking LSD.  *** At which point absolutely no one gasped in shock.

 

1978: Garfield the Cat made his debut in the newspapers.  *** And then ten years later he began showing up in people’s car windows for some reason.

 

1982: Singer Amy Grant married guitarist Gary Chapman at the Vine Street Christian Church in Nashville.

 

1985: Angelo Spagnolo shot 257 to “win” the Worst Avid Golfers Tournament in Ponte Vedra, Florida. He lost 60 golf balls, hitting 27 into the water.

 

1987: Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream and the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia announced a new ice cream flavor: Cherry Garcia.

 

1988: Some 3,000 East Germans gathered at the Berlin Wall to hear Michael Jackson perform on the other side of the Wall in West Berlin. ***MARLAR: It was kind of like Joshua bringing the walls down, but after hearing the music they decided to build the wall even higher.

 

1992: The movie “Batman Returns” earned $16.8-million the day it opened. Stars were Michael Keaton, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Danny DeVito.

 

1993: Toronto police reported that a business burglar had left a thumb print in the owner’s Silly Putty.

 

1994: The author of a book about kindness and good works was in the news after being mugged by three teenagers while riding his bike.  *** His next book was about self-defense.

 

1995: A West Virginia man had just created a line of Redneck Greeting Cards.  *** The guy quickly went bust because the people they were aimed at couldn’t read them.

 

1998: A study published in the British medical journal Lancet said smoking more than doubled the riskof developing dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

 

2002: A district judge called a mistrial in a first-degree murder trail because of interruptions by a juror’s loud snoring. An alternate juror had already been seated. The snoring juror claimed she had a medical condition and could not stay awake.

 

2005: An Arkansas, man survived with only minor injuries when a car skidded into his bedroom, rolled him up in his mattress and sprayed gasoline through his home. Ricky May of Pine Bluff was pinned under the Ford Taurus. The driver was ticketed for failing to maintain control of the car, driving with a suspended license, and no proof of insurance.

 

2012: The New York Mets were considering a “designated quiet-seating section” at Citi Field that would help families with autistic children due to the fact that one of the most commonly reported challenges for people with autism is hypersensitivity to sound.  *** “Ok, now let’s WHISPER our chant of ‘Let’s go, Mets!'”

 

2014: The US Patent and Trademark Office had canceled the Washington Redskins trademarks on the basis that it is “disparaging to Native Americans.” *** This can’t be good news for the Cleveland Indians and possibly the Atlanta Braves.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

325: The month-long Council of Nicea closed. Known as the first ecumenical council in the history of the Church, it formulated the Nicene Creed and established the method for calculating Easter.

 

1566: James VI of Scotland, who later became King James I of England, is born. He wrote treatises on the divine right of kings, witchcraft, biblical themes, and set into motion a translation of the Bible known as the King James Version.

 

1623: Blaise Pascal, French mathematician and scientist as well as an apologist for Christianity and for Jansenism, is born.

 

1834: Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon, one of the greatest preachers and orators of the nineteenth century, is born.

 

1902: Death of Lord Acton, English Parliamentarian, Catholic thinker, and historian. He attempted to create a scientifically rigorous history of liberty.

 

1987: The U.S. Supreme Court strikes down a Louisiana law requiring public schools to teach creationism if they taught evolution.

 

1995: Tim Van Dyke and Steve Welsh, workers with New Tribes Mission in Colombia, are kidnapped and shot in cold blood.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • cartoon cat Garfield is 38
  • actor (“A Different World”, “Living Single”, “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”) Bumper Robinson 42 (
    )
  • singer/dancer/”American Idol” judge Paula Abdul 54 (
    )
  • actress (The War of the Roses, Peggy Sue Got Married, Romancing The Stone) Kathleen Turner is 62
  • actress (“The Cosby Show”) Phylicia Rashad is 68 (
    )
  • actress (The Notebook, Hope Floats) Gena Rowlands 80

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Charlie Drake

1936 : Shirley Goodman (Shirley & Lee, Shirley & Company)

1939 : Al Wilson

1942 : Elaine “Spanky” McFarlane (Spanky and Our Gang)

1950 : Ann Wilson (Heart)

1962 : Paula Abdul

1963 : Simon Wright (AC/DC)

1964 : Brian Vander Ark (The Verve Pipe)

1969 : Brian Welch (KoRn)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where did the tradition of wearing graduation gowns originate?

Academic dress for graduations started in the 12th and 13th centuries when universities first began forming. Standard dress for scholars was clerical garb. In 1321, the University of Coimbra mandated that all Doctors, Bachelors, and Licentiates must wear gowns. In the latter half of the 14th century, excess in apparel was forbidden in some colleges and prescribed wearing a long gown. By the time of England’s Henry VIII, Oxford and Cambridge began using a standard form of academic dress, which was controlled to the tiniest detail by the university.
Colors for the gowns were assigned in the 1800s to signify certain areas of study, but they were only standardized in the United States. European institutions have always had diversity in their academic dress, but American institutions employ a definite system of dress thanks to Gardner Cotrell Leonard from Albany, New York. The system he helped form was based on gown cut, style and fabric; as well as designated colors to represent fields of study.
The shape and size of the hood and the sleeve design of the gown show the degree a student pursued: a Bachelor’s Degree gown has pointed sleeves and no hood, a Master’s Degree gown had long, closed sleeves with arm slits and a narrow hood, and a Doctor’s Degree had bell-shaped sleeves and a draped, wide hood.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Jason Gray says that, on his recent tour, he was with his type of people. Jason says: I pulled up to the bus on the first day of the Where the Light Gets In release tour and this is what I find. Attached was a picture of his tour bus guarded by Storm Troopers.

 

David Crowder posted: Few extra guests at the summer cookout? Nothing my people can’t handle. Attached with a picture of a rake with 15 hotdogs, one on every prong.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Abbreviated is a Long Word”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Joey ILO, “Dad Compliments”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson had voiced his disgust over having to work so much – he was tired of it and didn’t want to work anymore.  Now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, and his friends Karl and Olaf are showing him their new weekly calendar clock-tower…

 

CLOSE: Every day could be Saturday… we all wish that from time to time, don’t we?  But would it really be a good thing?  Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 18/19

 

OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, “As the Jungle Turns!”

 

CLOSE: So what’s so wrong about playing with the new kid?  Nothing, I think… but then, I don’t think like Marvy Snuffleson.  Which is a good thing – otherwise I’d end up being sent to my room, which I’m pretty sure is going to happen to Marvy!  Tune in next time to find out… As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A low IQ and fire DO NOT MIX!

An unnamed employee of “Furniture by Thurston” in Nevada, ended up getting his pants saturated with a flammable liquid.  We don’t know exactly how that happened, but it did.  The DUH moment, however, takes place when – simply out of curiosity – he held a lighter to his pants to see what would happen.  You can guess what happened next.  Fortunately, he suffered only minor leg burns… but he did catch the building on fire.  ***MARLAR: This probably won’t be the last time he hears the word “fired.”

 

 

TOP TEN

THE TOP 10 THINGS NOT TO DO AT YOUR CHILD’S PERFORMANCE OR SPORTS EVENT

10. Try to pep up the dance recital crowd by starting “the wave.”

9. Do a halftime trampoline show.

8. With your buddies, spell out your child’s name on your chests.

7. Mimic the conductor.

6. Start a paper airplane contest with the program.

5. Clip your toenails.

4. Wear a multi-colored wig and hold up a large, confusing sign.

3. In the middle of the violin piece, say loudly to the person next to you, “That reminds me…I need to take our cat to the vet.”

2. Wear your wife’s old cheerleading outfit.

1. Two words: cow bell.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A Florida SWAT team put themselves into the files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: A St. Petersburg Florida police SWAT team, wanting to startle the residents of a house they were about to raid, threw a noise grenade into the home, which started a fire, completely destroying the house. Besides destroying the house they also destroyed over $100,000 worth of recording equipment. And what say the police? The device never started a fire before and they were following standard procedures. So what’s the big deal? Well, it turns out the police were at the wrong house! Oops!

 

FILE #2: Four police officers in Waukegan, Illinois, were injured during a six-hour class designed to teach police officers how to reduce injuries while subduing offenders. According to Police Chief Phillip Stevenson, three of the men suffered their injuries at the hands of other officers. The fourth broke his toe while stumbling on foam mats that were used to pad the floor.

 

FILE #3: Horst Schultz called the police, saying he had been shot. German cops arrived in full riot gear, complete with bulletproof vests. After they secured the house, they found Mr. Schultz inside, but they could find no bullet wounds, only a couple of small red spots on his arm. He then explained that he was afraid of spiders. Really afraid of spiders. And when one bit him he was sure he was going to die, so he called the cops and made up the story about being shot to make sure the police would come in a hurry. They sent him to jail in a hurry, charged with wasting police time and making false emergency calls.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Kentucky it is illegal to remarry the same man four times.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Trees and alcohol do not mix.

A drunken student recently spent the night in a tree and had to be rescued by British firefighters. The student had climbed 100 feet up a pine tree, without his shoes on, and then fell asleep. Eight firefighters needed 90 minutes and ropes and pulleys to get him down from his precarious perch. As one fire official put it, “Alcohol and climbing trees don’t really mix.”

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is STILL NEED TO DO DAY, a time to remember dreams and fantasies and remember that time runs out.  You could probably say this is a “Bucket List.”  What’s on YOUR list to do during your lifetime?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What judge had 30 sons who rode 30 donkeys, and controlled 30 towns?
ANSWER: Jair (Judges 10: 3-4)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What year did Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” originally air on radio?

ANSWER: 1938

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Golfer Fuzzy Zoeller ended up with his unusual first name because they’re his initials. (True – F.U.Z. His full name is Frank Urban Zoeller)

 

  1. The Arizona Cardinals football team got its name from the color of used jerseys purchased from a local college. (True)

 

  1. Tom Hanks was originally intended to play Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. (False, Tom Selleck)

 

  1. Bob Dole held a number of odd jobs in Kansas during the Great Depression, including working as a soda jerk. (True)

 

  1. John Travolta’s white disco suit from ‘Saturday Night Fever’ was bought in 1978 for just $100,000 by a famous fan: movie critic Gene Siskel. (False, only $2,000)

 

  1. The only place in the world that alligators and crocodiles co-exist naturally is in Alabama. (False, it’s in Florida)

 

  1. John Larroquette, who played Dan Fielding on the TV show “Night Court” provided the narration “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre”. (True – for two of the massacre movies, in fact.)

 

  1. Fido means “faithful” in Latin. (True)

 

  1. The first sport to be pictured on the cover of the first Sports Illustrated was basketball. (False, baseball.)

 

  1. Shangri-la, the presidential hideaway near Thurmont, Maryland, was renamed Camp David in honor of President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s father and grandson. (True – on May 22, 1953)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

FLYING _____ ARRESTED IN KANSAS (WITCHES)

Hundreds of witches were arrested in Kansas this week.  They violated Kansas City airspace.

Witches’ broomsticks are considered similar to any heavier-than-air transportation device that is airborne, and are thus regulated by the FAA.

“A witch on a broomstick can not fly above the 2,000 feet,” an FAA  representative, Gavin Riddell told WWN.  Hundreds of witches chose to defy this law this week and they were arrested.  ”We will not tolerate rogue witches,” said Riddell.

There are no penalties  for witches flying below 2,000 feet, as witches have done for centuries.

“Witchcraft isn’t a joke,” said Kansas City Councilwoman, Jeanette Rizzi.  ”Witches belong to a the Wiccan religion and they need to be respected.  We can’t order witches not to fly, just as we can’t order Catholics not to go to mass.  But, we can regulate them so that they do not cause any accidents in our airspace.”

Kansas law also forbids toy helicopters and children’s kites from ascending too high into Kansas airspace.

There are regulations, as well, as to how long the broomstick can be that witches use and the broomsticks must be approved by the FAA.  ”We don’t want witches using unsafe broomsticks.  They can fly all they want, but we don’t want them hurting themselves or others,” said Rizzi.

Other states are thinking of adopting the Kansas Flying Witch Law.. except Massachusetts, where they still burn their witches.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him.   As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $96.50!”

 

JOKE #2

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: “$500 if we fail to fill your order!” So, trying to make a quick buck, when his waitress arrives, he orders elephant toes on rye. Unfazed, the waitress calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where suddenly there’s a huge commotion with yelling, screaming, and pans hitting the floor. Finally, the restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer’s table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, “You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that’s the first time in ten years we’ve been out of rye bread!”

 

JOKE #3

At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:

“If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard.

With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, less than 100 have been tested, and approximately 14 chemicals so far have caused cancer in rats. ***MARLAR: And you thought I had a cushie radio job. Do you know how much coffee I drink each day? (audio clip)

 

Ever wonder why some dictators go into the oppression business? Hitler, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung had one thing in common, other than being brutal dictators who killed millions of innocent people. All three admitted at least once in their writings that they initially got involved in politics to meet girls.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

GET IN THE CAR

An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. “If you get in the car,” the driver says, “I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.” The boy refuses and keeps on walking.

A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. “How about $20 and two pieces of candy?” The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking.

Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. “OK,” he says, “this is my final offer. I’ll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat.”

The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. “Look,” he says to the driver. “You bought the FIAT, Dad. You’ll have to live with it!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A woman in a swimsuit causes a massive air-search for a missing person…

In England, a woman was taking a dip in the ocean when she decided to pop over to the supermarket, so she wrapped herself in a towel and wandered off. A man drinking at a nearby boat club noticed her clothes had been on the beach for some time with no owner in sight and called authorities, who launched a massive air-search. An hour later the woman, who was still only wearing a swimsuit and towel, returned to collect her clothes — and wondered what all the fuss was about.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

AND GOD MADE FATHERS

When the good Lord was creating fathers, he started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, “What kind of father is that? If you’re going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high?

He won’t be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child into bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.”

God smiled and said, “Yes, but if I make him child-sized, who would children have to look up to?”

And when God made a father’s hands, they were large and sinewy. The angel shook her head sadly and said, “Do you know what you’re doing, God? Large hands are clumsy. They can’t manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony-tails, or even remove splinters from baseball bats.”

God smiled and said, “I know, but they’re large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child’s face.”

And then God molded long legs and broad shoulders. The angel nearly had a heart attack. “Boy, this is the end of the week alright,” she clucked, “Do you realize you just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?”

God smiled and said, “A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle, or hold a sleepy hand on the way home from the circus.”

God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. “That’s not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?”

God smiled and said:” They’ll work. You’ll see. They’ll support a small child who wants to ‘ride a horse to Banbury Cross’ or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill.”

God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words, but a firm, authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, he added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, “Now are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?”

The angel shutteth up.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

DONKEY MENTALITY

READ: Matthew 21:1-11

Behold, your King is coming to you, lowly, and sitting on a donkey, a colt, the foal of a donkey. —Matthew 21:5

A minister referred to Christ’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem and asked: “What if the donkey on which Jesus was riding had thought all the cheering was for him? What if that small animal had believed that the hosannas and the branches were in his honor?”

The minister then pointed to himself and said: “I’m a donkey. The longer I’m here the more you’ll come to realize that. I am only a Christ-bearer and not the object of praise.”

In recording Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem, Matthew referred to the prophecy of Zechariah: “Tell the daughter of Zion, ‘Behold, your King is coming to you, lowly, and sitting on a donkey, a colt, the foal of a donkey’” (Matthew 21:5; see Zechariah 9:9).

On Palm Sunday, the donkey was merely a Christ-bearer, bringing the Son of God into the city where He would give His life for the sins of the world.

If we could develop a healthy “donkey mentality,” what an asset that would be as we travel the road of life. Instead of wondering what people think of us, our concern would be, “Can they see Christ Jesus, the King?” Rather than seeking credit for service rendered, we would be content to lift up the Lord.

—David C. McCasland

 

O what can I give to the Master,
The One who from sin set me free?
I’ll give Him a lifetime of service
To thank Him for dying for me.  —K. De Haan

 

A Christian’s life is a window through which others can see Jesus.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

A teen is suspended for participating in a food fight that she wasn’t even a part of!

A food fight recently broke out among more than 100 students at Central Valley High School in Ceres, California. Unlike Animal House when someone just jumped up and shouted ‘food fight,’ school officials say this fight was planned and executed by students who spread the word via text messaging. The school has suspended several students, including senior Lahna Dixon who won’t be allowed to participate in her graduation ceremonies. This despite the fact that Lahna wasn’t at the fight and only sent text messages to warn other students to avoid the fight.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Can you improve your family’s relationships with a DVR?  Actually… YES!

More than 70% of digital video recorder (DVR) owners say they cannot live without them, according to a survey by NDS, a maker of smart cards and other technology for digital pay-TV services.  Owners ranked the DVR as the second-most essential household technology item, behind the mobile phone, and the third most-indispensable household item, after the washing machine and microwave oven. The survey also found that over 60% of DVR owners with a partner felt that having a DVR had improved their relationship. More than three-quarters of DVR owners with families also felt that having a DVR has improved family relationships, “eliminating arguments over TV and allowing for the whole family to join the dinner table.”

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

It’s not a tumor!

Doctors performing surgery on an unnamed man in Japan found out that what they thought was a tumor was a surgical towel that had been left inside him 25 years ago! The patient had been carrying the cloth since his operation a quarter century ago, when surgeons at the Asahi General Hospital in Chiba prefecture near Tokyo left it in him after an operation to treat an ulcer, a spokesman for the hospital said. The man went in to another hospital in late May after suffering abdominal pain. When examinations found what was believed to be an eight-centimeter (3.2-inch) tumor, he underwent the operation to remove it. It was only then that surgeons realized it was a towel.

 

 

FUN LIST

USELESS FACTS I LEARNED FROM MY DAD

  • It’s okay to wipe the crumbs on the floor when nobody’s looking.
  • My mom’s the one who’s the bad driver.
  • Everything’s good with a whole lot of pepper.
  • If I tell him that I’ll time him, my little brother will get things for me.
  • If Mom goes out of town and I say there’s no food in the house (even if there is), we get to order pizza delivery.
  • When someone makes a crude hand gesture to my dad from their car, they’re really saying “Your Dad’s #1!”
  • Everyone deserves a big tip.
  • Frogs are invisible, and there are elephants small enough to hide under seat cushions.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

THINGS DADS SAY

  • Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
  • Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
  • We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
  • Do what I say, not what I do.
  • I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
  • As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
  • Do you think I am made of money?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Are you misusing Bible verses and you don’t even realize it?  Here are Five Bible Verses You Might Be Misusing… http://ow.ly/N5sL300prhy

 

Peanuts and other nuts may protect against several major causes of death. According to a study that began in 1986 involving 120,000 Dutch adults, people who eat at least 10 grams of nuts or peanuts daily have a lower risk of dying from a range of serious illnesses. The reduction in mortality was strongest for respiratory disease, neurodegenerative disease, and diabetes, followed by cancer and cardiovascular diseases.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/peanuts-may-lower-risk-of-cancer-diabetes-heart-disease/

 

10 Things to Do to Help Your Marriage Feel Less Stressed from All Pro Dad.

  1. Always put your spouse first.
  2. Have fun together.
  3. Build together time into your schedule.
  4. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  5. Give back, and do it together.
  6. Communicate clearly and respectfully.
  7. Tell the truth.
  8. Hold hands, hug and make out.
  9. Play to your strengths and hers.
  10. Live within your means

http://bit.ly/1SYKrnu

 

A six year old with autism is helping rescue dogs get socialized by reading to them. Jacob Tumalan reads to shelter dogs every week at the Carson Animal Shelter in Gardena, California, as part of a group called “Rescue Readers.” The boy has been involved with the group for about six months now and the animals aren’t the only ones who have benefited from Jacob’s story time. The boy’s reading skills have improved, and he now reads at a third-grade level. And though Jacob often feels uncomfortable around loud noises, his mother says the reading seems to keep him zeroed in on the pups and more relaxed himself.

http://huff.to/22ic6n4

 

5 Keys To Unlocking Your God-Given Creativity

  1. Recognize where creativity comes from
  2. Understand your creative role
  3. Feed your inner artisan
  4. Write all your creative ideas down
  5. Know your internal clock

http://bit.ly/1ZGvurV

 

5 Things Every Mom Needs to Accept from iMom.

  1. Your child won’t be good at everything.
  2. You can’t always pick your kids’ friends.
  3. You’re going to mess up sometimes and have to do damage control.
  4. Sometimes your kid is going to get a raw deal. And that’s OK.
  5. You are a better mom than you give yourself credit for.

http://bit.ly/1SRTdEQ

 

10 Oddly Practical Things You Can Rent

  1. CHICKENS: Services like RenttheChicken.com, RentaCoop.com and Rent-a-Chicken.net allow you access to all the supplies and chickens you need to get going.
  2. FRIENDS: Making friends is tough. It takes time. That’s where RentaFriend.com comes in.
  3. CASKETS: Because caskets can be expensive, some funeral homes are giving folks the option of renting one for a fraction of the price.
  4. DRESSES: Need a one-time fancy dress for that cocktail party or wedding? Check out services like RenttheRunway.com and WearTodayGoneTomorrow.com
  5. TOYS: Companies like Pley.com offers a subscription service
  6. TOOLS: Need a power saw for that one DIY project? You could rent one at some neighborhood hardware stores.
  7. CHRISTMAS TREES: Available from stores like RentXmasTree.com, LivingChristmas.com and OurCityForest.org
  8. ART: For as little as $15 a month, you can rent artwork, according to TurningArt.com.
  9. GOATS: RentaRuminant.com, WeRentGoats.com and even Amazon.com rents out goat grazers.
  10. BATHROOMS: People have begun renting out their household bathrooms through the app, Airpnp.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/spendingandborrowing/10-oddly-practical-things-you-can-rent/ss-BBt1ofl#image=2

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go home and look like I worked hard all morning.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 17, 2016…

 

Finding Dory—This animated story, and remember the hit film “Finding Nemo,”  stars the voice of Ellen DeGeneres as Dory, who wants to find her family. Nemo and his Dad are off to join the adventure and help her, along with a myriad of sea creatures. Other voices include Albert Brooks, Dominic West, Hayden Rolence  and Ed O‘Neill. “Finding Dory” is rated G. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Central Intelligence—Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) team up looking for spies in the comedy about two guys who just don’t get along out in the field.  Guess the earthquake belt has quieted down (Reference “San Andreas.”) The mayhem continues. “Central Intelligence” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

 

JUNE 24, 2016…

 

Free State Of Jones stars Matthew McConaughey as a farmer, during the Civil War, who lives in Mississippi and rebels against the South.

 

Independence Day 2: Resurgence and here comes the Mother Ship, about the size of Texas and ready to take on Earth. Stars Liam Hemsworth.

 

The Shallows stars Blake Lively in a survival role as a woman who is surfing and has to fight off a giant shark.

 

Hunt For The Wilderpeople starring Sam Neill as a crusty farmer in New Zealand, has a new opening date. Another view of parenting.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.