June 21, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150621

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

“Radio separates the men from the boys.  You’ve got to be able to write, and to have a good idea, and there’s nowhere to hide.” – Lionel Hunt

 

I was watching an interesting special on the Discovery Channel last night. We’ve all heard that people for centuries thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. But that got me to thinking – couldn’t both views be correct? After all, that’s what happens to cheese when you leave it laying out.

 

The secret to a productive morning: A good night’s sleep, lots of coffee, stay off Facebook & Twitter. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

 

A quick note for those of you who ask me for advice on how to make it in radio. Please keep in mind that I am NOT one of the overly-paid radio personalities that have agents knocking on their door at all hours in the hopes of earning 13% of my paycheck. So my advice might not be the best to get you to success.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. –Matthew 5:10

 

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. — Psalm 103:13

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

May the God of peace, …that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will. — Hebrews 13:20-21

 

Thought: A good shepherd equips his sheep to face the trials of life. But as Psalm 23 reminds us, no shepherd equips his sheep quite like the ultimate Shepherd. Let’s unleash his power in the lives of our brothers and sisters in Christ by specifically praying for God to equip them with everything they need to do his good work!

 

Prayer: O Great Shepherd of the sheep, please release the power of your Spirit in your people and equip us to do great things in our day, like the first Christians did in their day. May it all be done to your glory, in the name of my hero, Jesus. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 6:21 NIV = For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JUNE 21, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 188 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is the first full day of SUMMER.

 

Today is STOCK UP ON ANTIPERSPIRANT DAY.  ***MARLAR: After all, it IS the first full day of Summer – you’re going to need it!

 

Today is NATIONAL AIMLESS WANDERING DAY.  ***MARLAR: Also known as “(THE JOCK SHOW).”

 

Today is CUCKOO WARNING DAY.  ***MARLAR: Much like Groundhog Day, but with a twist.  It will be a wet summer if the cuckoo is heard today.

 

Today is BABY BOOMER RECOGNITION DAY.  ***MARLAR: And here’s a quick test.  The more of these you remember, the more likely it is that you’re a Baby Boomer…

 

DO YOU REMEMBER…

*   “Cruising” on a Friday night, listening to the Top 40 on your AM radio?

*   How much popcorn you made when you got that first microwave?

*   When there were only 3 TV channels — and it was so hard to choose what to watch!

*   Where you were when JFK was shot?  (or RLK or MLK?)

*   When the “Domino Theory” meant something other than planning to have pizza for dinner?

*   Who shot J.R.?

*   How scary it was to open that first Apple II to add a card to increase the RAM from 16K all the way up to 64K?

*   When your teenage son or daughter first told you about the Internet?

*   When the Beatles sang “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to Ed Sullivan?

*   How “neat” it was to hear the Beach Boys actually sing surfing music at the beach, on your transistor radio?

*   When you bought your first car that actually had seatbelts installed?

*   When you said that you’d never trust anyone over 30?

*   What a TV test pattern looked like, when the channel went off the air at midnight?

*   When we gave up trying to win “hearts and minds” and settled for “peace with honor?”

*   When the price of gas jumped up to 50 cents per gallon?

*   Watching the first man walk on the moon with “one small step…?”

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Alzheimer’s Awareness Day

Ann & Samantha Day

Atheists Solidarity Day

Cuckoo Warning Day

Family Awareness Day

Father’s Day

Go Skateboarding Day

National Daylight Appreciation Day

National Selfie Day

Husband Caregiver Day

Summer Solstice (12:38pm)

Tall Girl Appreciation Day

World Handshake Day

World Humanist Day

World Music Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, JUNE 22

Global Smurfs Day

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Baby Boomers Recognition Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day

National Columnists’ Day

Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Windjammer Days (23-24)

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24

Celebration of the Senses

International Fairy Day or Faerie Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 25

Color TV Day (CBS)

Day of the Seafarer

Global Beatles Day

National Bomb Pop Day

National Catfish Day

National Hand Shake Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 26

Drive Your Corvette to Work Day

International Day Against Drug Abuse And Illicit Trafficking

International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

National Canoe Day

Take Your Dog To Work Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day

“Happy Birthday To You” Day

Industrial Workers of The World Day

National HIV Testing Day

PTSD Awareness Day

ARRL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day

Great American Backyard Campout

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 28

International Body Piercing Day

America’s Kids Day

Log Cabin Day

Descendants Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1788: The U.S. Constitution went into effect as New Hampshire became the ninth state to ratify it.

 

1955: Sun Records in Memphis released Johnny Cash’s first recording, “Hey, Porter,” backed with “Cry, Cry, Cry.” Sun owner Sam Phillips had turned Cash away a year earlier as being “too country,” but reconsidered after a second audition.

 

1964: Philadelphia Philly Jim Bunning pitched a perfect game, beating the New York Mets 6-0. It was the first perfect game in the National League since 1880.

 

1976: For a movie remake, a 110-foot artificial King Kong was dropped off the World Trade Center in New York City. ***MARLAR: And you thought the PETA people were upset BEFORE!

 

1977: An article in the Wall Street Journal revealed that Kellogg had reduced the iron content of its Frosted Rice after consumers discovered they could move flakes of the cereal around with magnets.

 

1982: A jury in Washington, D.C., found John Hinckley Jr. innocent by reason of insanity in the shootings of President Reagan and three other men.

 

1983: Singer Kathy Mattea signed her first recording contract on her 24th birthday.

 

1988: An 18-month-old Bangladesh boy became the youngest person on record to bite a snake to death.

 

1989: A 15-year-old West Palm Beach, Florida, girl received $81.25 in damages after she sued her prom date for standing her up. ***MARLAR: Pretty much ensuring that she’d never be asked out by anyone ever again.

 

1989: Hollywood’s Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith remarried.

 

1989: The Supreme Court ruled that burning the U.S. flag as a form of political protest is protected by the First Amendment.

 

1990: Singer Little Richard got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It was Little Richard Day in Los Angeles.

 

2003: A German driver on the autobahn near Gotha crashed his Volkswagen Passat into the back of a truck when a pair flying underpants landed on his face. One of a passing van full of naked men threw the underpants out the van window. No one was hurt. The naked men did not stop.

 

2003: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, fifth book in J.K. Rowling`s blockbuster series about a young wizard, hit the book stores and sold 5 million copies the first day.

 

2004: The SpaceShipOne rocket plane punched through Earth’s atmosphere, then glided to a landing in California’s Mojave Desert in the first privately financed manned spaceflight.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1607: English settlers found the first Anglican (later Episcopalian) parish in America at Jamestown, Virginia.

 

1639: Birth of Increase Mather, early American theologian. He published nearly 100 books, and is credited with helping end executions for witchcraft in colonial America.

 

1821: Birth of Henry W. Baker, compiler of ‘Hymns Ancient and Modern’ Ä the unofficial Anglican church hymnal. He also authored the hymn based on Psalm 23: “The King of Love My Shepherd Is.”

 

1821: The African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Zion Church was formally constituted in New York City. Nineteen clergymen were present, representing six African-American churches from New York City; Philadelphia; New Haven, CT and Newark, NJ.

 

1892: Reinhold Niebuhr, American neo-orthodox theologian and ethicist, is born. He rejected some of the optimism of Christian liberalism, arguing for origional sin and for a prophetic, culture-challenging Christianity, but his liberal views on politics, the Bible, and the nature of Christ (he believed Jesus was a moral exemplar, but not fully God) distanced him from conservatives.

 

1897 – Death of Clara H. Scott, who wrote the hymn “Open My Eyes that I May See.” She was killed when thrown from a buggy by a runaway horse.

 

1963: In Rome, Italian Cardinal Giovanni Battista Montini was elected Pope Paul VI, the 261st pontiff of the Catholic Church.

 

1968: Swiss Reformed theologian Karl Barth wrote in a letter: “Faith in God’s revelation has nothing to do with an ideology which glorifies the status quo.”

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Cape Fear, Starsky & Hutch movie) Juliette Lewis, 41
  • Actor (“Melrose Place”, “Desperate Housewives”) Doug Savant, 50 (
    )
  • actress (“Family Ties”) Meredith Baxter 67 (
    )
  • actor (“Family Ties”) Michael Gross 67 (
    )
  • actress (Sister Mary Daniel on “One Life To Live”, Attorney Lorna Scarry on “Law & Order: SVU”) Mariette Hartley 74 (
    )
  • Actor (“The Love Boat’s” Dr. Adam Bricker) Bernie Kopell, 81 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Helen Merrill

1932 : Lalo Schifrin

1936 : O.C. Smith

1936 : Nick Noble

1942 : Deodato

1945 : Ray Davies (The Kinks)

1945 : Chris Britton (The Troggs)

1946 : Brenda Holloway

1947 : Joey Molland (Badfinger)

1950 : Joey Kramer (Aerosmith)

1951 : Nils Lofgren (Grin, E Street Band, All Starr Band)

1957 : Mark Brzezicki (Big Country)

1959 : Kathy Mattea

1959 : Marcella Detroit (Shakespear’s Sister)

1968 : Sonique

1975 : Justin Cary (Sixpence None the Richer)

1976 : Mike Einziger (Incubus)

1981 : Brandon Flowers (The Killers)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How is it that men started to be called “Mister?”

While Mr. is common these days, it began as a term of respect, coming to us from two sources. The word “Master” evolved into “Mister” to match the female title, “Mistress.” Mister also developed as a title to set apart skilled workers, or artisans, from the peasantry and common laborers. Here it descends from the Latin, “ministerium,” which meant craft or trade. Over the centuries, as it passed through the lips of enough mumblers and fast talkers, ministerium became mister. By the way, the French Revolution sought to eliminate all special terms of address, replacing them with “Citizen.” That really went too far. Just imagine your children’s looking up at you and saying, “Hello Citizen Johnson!” Sounds like you’re in a George Orwell novel, doesn’t it?

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer has found a new way of identifying a good friend. Mike tweeted: Measurement of a good friend is one who will knock on the door of the people who bought your old house before they have a chance to paint and make a copy of your door frame measuring stick. Attached was a picture of the stick showing the measurements of Mike’s kids as they grew over the years.

 

After 27 albums and three decades in the music industry, Michael w. Smith is taking a risk. According to an article in Guidepost Magazine, Michael’s new CD Sovereign is a departure from his usual style, trading in the live orchestra for a studio sound. Michael is also doing more touring outside the USA. He has already been in Nigeria, South Africa and Brazil this year and he will soon be hitting the road again, this time heading to Tokyo, North Korea and Ukraine. In between Michael W. Smith is working with his eldest son Tyler on the soundtrack for the new Kate Bosworth film 90 Minutes in Heaven. http://t.co/YEJQM8cKoc

 

Matt Maher is an outspoken champion of unity and collaboration, not just amongst Christians on a level of faith but also on a civic level.” Perhaps the most outspoken example of this desire is the song “Sons and Daughters.” Although the song was written before the Ferguson incident made headlines, the timely track is an ode to Martin Luther King, Jr., and Maher’s attempt to speak into racial reconciliation. Matt says “God used the church in the ’60s to inspire a nation for healing. Faith was the thing that motivated people toward eradicating injustice.” Matt goes on to say that “Sons and Daughters” is a special song, and I hope it will play a part in inspiring more Christian leaders toward re-engagement in the issue of civil rights.”

 

David Crowder is noticing an epidemic of misleading adds promoting sales that don’t really exist. Earlier he shared a picture of a sales flyer announcing a rate drop of one penny, from $149 to $148.99. Now Crowder is out with another sales banner that looks better than it actually is. This banner proclaims: Buy Three for the Price of Three!

 

Natalie Grant took the next step this week in producing her newest album. She was part of a photo shoot for her ninth album and tweeted: I’m having the most fun I’ve had yet.

 

David Crowder was taking this week about the social role of music and art. The worship leader told Relevant Magazine that what we sing about changes the way we think. Crowder said: Worship and justice go hand in hand. If what you’re singing doesn’t change what you do, what’s the point of singing? When you help people sing about Jesus and model their lives after Jesus, it’s going to change the way they interact with their neighbors.  http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/music/worship-and-justice-go-hand-hand

 

Plumb’s daughter Lucy was eating ice cream this week for the very first time. Plumb tweeted: From her response it’s safe to say that blueberry cheesecake ice cream will probably always be her favorite! The ice cream was almost as delicious as she is!

 

Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips is now the father of a teenager. His eldest, Taylor, turned 13 this week.  ***MARLAR: So you might want to add him to your prayer list.

 

The new CCM Magazine is focused on fathers and fatherhood. The free magazine focused on Christian music features the thoughts of several fathers, including Chris Tomlin. Also in this weeks edition are Father’s Day stories from Skillet, Ellie Holcomb, and more. http://www.ccmmagazine.com/getissue/196/jun_15_2015/

 

Jamie Grace says the Warriors NBA championship is hitting close to home. Following their win over Cleveland this week Jamie tweeted: now my dad just CASUALLY tells me he went to high school with AND played baseball with Warriors coach Steve Kerr.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Ohio man pleads not guilty to accepting teen’s stolen cash
MEDINA, Ohio (AP) — A 70-year-old northeast Ohio man has pleaded not guilty to a charge of receiving stolen property for allegedly accepting cash from a 13-year-old boy accused of stealing $25,000 from his grandfather. The charge accuses the man of accepting less than $7,500. He pleaded not…

 

UK man sneaks marriage proposal into newspaper crossword    photo
LONDON (AP) — It’s a case of two down: the aisle. A crossword-loving British lawyer hid a marriage proposal in The Times newspaper’s daily puzzle. Matthew Dick thought of the cryptic way of popping the question to girlfriend Delyth Hughes and persuaded the newspaper to agree. Tuesday’s Times…
Wisconsin city bars use of kangaroos as service animals
BEAVER DAM, Wis. (AP) — Officials have changed a southeastern Wisconsin city’s rules on service animals after a woman took a baby kangaroo into a McDonald’s restaurant. HASH(0x142faf0) Beaver Dam police say the woman wrapped the baby kangaroo in a blanket and tucked it in an infant car seat,…
Cops: Would-be good Samaritan helps, then makes things worse
GENESEE FALLS, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say a good Samaritan trying to help a New York man in distress turned out to be a bad Samaritan. The Wyoming County sheriff’s office says a man’s foot got stuck under his riding mower last week on a sloped lawn near an embankment in Genesee Falls….
No joke: Emerson College in Boston to offer major in comedy
BOSTON (AP) — Emerson College in Boston will soon offer a degree in making people laugh. The communications and arts school said Wednesday that starting in September 2016, it will become the first college to offer a four-year bachelor of fine arts in comedic arts degree. The degree will be…
3 little pig houses removed from Ohio crash site    photo
XENIA, Ohio (AP) — Three miniature houses modeled after the “Three Little Pigs” folktale have been removed from the side of an Ohio road where a truck hauling 2,200 piglets crashed — but it wasn’t a big bad wolf that blew them away. HASH(0x140db30) One house was made from straw, another…
Thieves break into Ohio pet rescue, swipe 7 rare pythons
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio pet rescue is searching for seven rare pythons that were stolen from the shop over the weekend. Akron Rattery and Reptile Rescue CEO Robin Everley says the snakes were taken Saturday when thieves cut a hole in a wall in an adjacent building and broke in. She says…
Police: Lotto winner leaves behind voucher at turnpike plaza
BEDFORD, Pa. (AP) — Police say a man accidentally left a Pennsylvania Turnpike plaza without claiming a $500 prize from a scratch-off lottery ticket, only to have another man claim the winnings. Troopers from the Bedford barracks say the York man accidentally left the voucher displayed on a…
Distracted GOP lawmaker accidentally OKs California budget
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A Republican lawmaker accidentally cast his party’s first vote for the California budget in years because he was distracted by Facebook. Assemblyman Scott Wilk was the sole Republican to vote for California’s record $117.5 billion spending plan Monday. The Santa…
Government worker drives Mercedes SUV seized in drug case
HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) — The Pennsylvania attorney general’s office is defending an arrangement that allows a top administrator to drive a Mercedes SUV seized in a drug case as his state-issued vehicle. HASH(0x13ebd90) Spokesman Chuck Ardo says having Duecker drive a seized vehicle saves money…
3 postal workers accused of rigging Operation Santa program    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Three postal workers played the Grinch and stole laptop computers, a toy train, boots and other gifts destined for underprivileged children by rigging the Operation Santa program where they worked, authorities said. In a part of Manhattan where the movie “Miracle on 34th…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Dengue fever outbreak infects thousands in war-torn Yemen
SANAA, Yemen (AP) — Health officials and international organizations say thousands of people have been diagnosed with dengue fever in southern Yemen, where fighting has raged for months between Shiite rebels and their opponents. The top health ministry official in the southern port city of…

 

House ready to repeal pieces of Obama health care law    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Despite White House veto threats, the House is ready to vote to repeal taxes on medical devices and kill a Medicare advisory board that foes say would ration health care as the chamber aims its latest whack at President Barack Obama’s health care law. Thursday’s votes were…
WHO chief reassures South Korea as its MERS deaths reach 23    photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — The head of the World Health Organization on Thursday praised beleaguered South Korean officials and exhausted health workers, saying their efforts to contain a deadly MERS virus outbreak have put the country on good footing and lowered the public risk. Margaret Chan…
UN: Spread of MERS in South Korea isn’t global emergency    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the spread of a mysterious virus from the Middle East to South Korea doesn’t merit being declared a global emergency despite infecting more than 160 people in the biggest outbreak outside the Arabian peninsula. In a statement Wednesday, the…
German hospital says quads born to 65-year-old doing well    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Doctors say quadruplets born prematurely a month ago to a 65-year-old woman in Germany are doing well and gaining weight but one remains on a respirator. Berlin’s Charite hospital said Wednesday the four babies — a girl named Neeta and three boys named Dries, Bence and…
Q&A: What are trans fats and why are they unhealthy?    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — You may not even know you are eating them, but trans fats will soon be mostly gone from your food. The Food and Drug Administration said Tuesday it will require food companies to phase them out over the next three years because the agency says they are a threat to public…
What is trans fat? A look at different kinds of fats
The FDA is phasing out artificial trans fats from the food supply, but people should limit their intake of saturated fats, too, which can also cause heart disease. There are three main types of fat: unsaturated, saturated and trans fats. UNSATURATED FAT: These are the good fats, and doctors say…
Former Packers QB Bart Starr took part in stem cell trial
Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame quarterback Bart Starr is participating in a clinical trial using stem cells as a possible treatment for strokes. Starr suffered two strokes and a mild heart attack last September. His family said Wednesday in a statement released by the Packers that Starr is…
Senator probes retailers on dubious ‘brain’ supplements    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A high-ranking Senate Democrat is probing retailers and online companies about sales of dubious dietary supplements, especially those promising seniors protection from memory loss, dementia and other age-related problems. The pills, tablets and formulas targeted by Senator…
Is baby recession over? US births up after years of decline    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — It appears the baby recession really is over: Preliminary figures show U.S. births were up last year for the first time in seven years. About 53,000 more babies were born in 2014 than the year before — a 1 percent increase. Births were up for nearly every racial and…
Rhode Island toddler dies of suspected bacterial infection
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — More than a dozen children at a day care have been given preventative antibiotics as a precaution after a toddler there died of a suspected bacterial infection, the state Department of Health said Wednesday. The 13-month-old child, whose name has not been made public,…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Slow Children Running Child”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Paul Aldrich, “Rock Star Commercials”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Nozzles the Elephant had just purchased a new book… a book with no title, filled with nothing but blank pages. He was wondering what to write in the book, when suddenly he was talking with Gruffy and thought it’d be a good to write down the tools Gruffy had borrowed from him to keep a record…

 

CLOSE: Oh great… now everyone’s getting into it. It won’t be long and we’ll have an entire book filled with nothing but complaints about how people treat one another. That can’t be good for friendships! Our story continues next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 20/21, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Being a boy is tough – and going to school, doing homework, chores, and cleaning up your room may not be very fun, but what WOULD happen if you never had to work? Tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A Moment of Duh from a listener!

Hello, (JOCK). I can’t use my name, because my wife would kill me, but I still can’t help but share this story with you. My wife called me this morning when she was driving to work. She was really frustrated and said she couldn’t find her cell phone anywhere. I asked her, “aren’t you talking on it?”

She didn’t say anything for about twenty seconds and then told me, “You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!”

“Well, nobody except (JOCK) on (STATION),” I said. She made me promise not to use my name or hers. Hope you like this real-life Moment of Duh. We listen to your show every day; it makes the day for us!

–Anonymous

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REAL REASONS THE CHINESE BUILT THE GREAT WALL

 

  1. Started as a college hazing stunt in Mongolia

 

  1. Ancient philosophers foresaw the coming of Britney Spears.

 

  1. The Chinese inventor of the skateboard needed something to “shread” on.

 

  1. It’s really a big, huge zipper that holds two tectonic plates together. Apparently, they were having chronic earthquakes.

 

  1. They were planning on building the worlds biggest subdivision.

 

  1. Insomnia is a scary affliction.

 

  1. It all started when the Emperor’s Wife saw this fabulous 2-for-1 sale on wallpaper.

 

  1. They really planned on just having a pretty good wall, but you know how these home hobby projects tend to grow.

 

  1. What else would you do with 8,234,376,665 rocks?

 

  1. Chinese? Everyone knows Al Gore built the Great Wall!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes criminals take stupidity to a whole new level.

 

FILE #1: Curtis Sherman gave a bank teller in western Washington a note demanding money. On the back of the note was a name and phone number of a person who turned out to be his girlfriend. Before he was caught, he robbed another bank the next day. This time, he had a cab driver help him find a bank that was open on Saturday. Then, he borrowed a pen and paper to write a holdup note that was easily traced to the cab. To top it all off, he stiffed the cabby. He was finally arrested the next day — for shoplifting in the same store where the second bank branch was located.

 

FILE #2: A retired police chief says he was robbed by “probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania.” It happened at a police officers’ convention, of all places. The retired chief says as he came out of a stall in the men’s room, a man was pointing a gun in his face, demanding money. The chief did what he was told, handing over his money and cell phone. But when the robber turned and ran, the former cop and some colleagues chased him. They arrested the guy as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

 

FILE #3: A Michigan man who’s accused of breaking into a gas station might have gotten his inspiration from “Prison Break.” Except he didn’t have control over the script.  Police say once the guy had broken in to the gas station, he had a few smokes and drank some booze. Then, he called 911 so he’d be arrested because he wanted to see his brother in jail. But, the guy wasn’t allowed to see his brother. Now, he’s pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of “attempted” breaking and entering. His sentencing is in one month. That’s when he’ll find out how much time he’ll get to spend in jail, and whether or not he’ll be bunking with his brother.

 

STRANGE LAW: Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine in Provo, Utah.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Sometimes even non-humans can have drug problems.

A dog that ran off from its owner in Seattle’s Seward Park found and ate some marijuana and got high. Owner Jen Nestor Waddell told KING-TV the 11-year-old black Lab mix named Jack was “just stoned” May 12 after they returned home from the park. The dog’s eyes glossed over and he had trouble walking. The vet said Jack had swallowed a large amount of dried, harvested marijuana. After some medication to induce vomiting and a night of rest Jack was back to normal. Waddell told police about the drugs and joked they could borrow Jack to find them if they paid the $1,500 vet bill.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is BABY BOOMER RECOGNITION DAY.  ***MARLAR: And here’s a quick test.  The more of these you remember, the more likely it is that you’re a Baby Boomer…

 

DO YOU REMEMBER…

*   “Cruising” on a Friday night, listening to the Top 40 on your AM radio?

*   How much popcorn you made when you got that first microwave?

*   When there were only 3 TV channels — and it was so hard to choose what to watch!

*   Where you were when JFK was shot?  (or RLK or MLK?)

*   When the “Domino Theory” meant something other than planning to have pizza for dinner?

*  Who shot J.R.?

*   How scary it was to open that first Apple II to add a card to increase the RAM from 16K all the way up to 64K?

*   When your teenage son or daughter first told you about the Internet?

*   When the Beatles sang “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to Ed Sullivan?

*   How “neat” it was to hear the Beach Boys actually sing surfing music at the beach, on your transistor radio?

*   When you bought your first car that actually had seatbelts installed?

*   When you said that you’d never trust anyone over 30?

*   What a TV test pattern looked like, when the channel went off the air at midnight?

*   When we gave up trying to win “hearts and minds” and settled for “peace with honor?”

*   When the price of gas jumped up to 50 cents per gallon?

*   Watching the first man walk on the moon with “one small step…?”

 

***PHONER: What did we miss?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Jonah and what other prophet were sent by God to minister to Nineveh?
ANSWER: Nahum — (Nahum1:1)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is the world’s largest office building?

ANSWER: The Pentagon with 6.5 million square feet.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. A deltiologist collects exercise equipment. (False – postcards)

 

  1. Seat belts became mandatory on U.S. cars in 1978. (False – March 1, 1968)

 

  1. The average sixty minute audio cassette tape has 200.8 feet of tape in it. (False – 562.5 feet)

 

  1. The launching mechanism of a carrier ship that helps planes to take off, could throw an average pickup truck over a mile. (True)

 

  1. The quartz crystal in your wristwatch vibrates 32,768 times a minute. (False – a second!)

 

  1. The side of a hammer is a called the “flat”. (False – the cheek)

 

  1. A canton is the blue field behind the stars in the U.S. flag. (True)

 

  1. A bonnet is the cap on the fire hydrant. (True)

 

  1. Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else. (False – they owned more property than anyone, except The Catholic Church)

 

  1. The little lump of flesh just forward of your ear canal, right next to your temple, is called a tragus. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

PICKLES CURE ______ (OBESITY)

Scientists have discovered that eating homemade pickles – cures obesity!

The best way to fight “fat bacteria” is to eat homemade pickles.  This is according to a new study out of Harvard, Cambridge and the Culinary Institute of America.

“If you eat homemade pickles, you will lose all the excess weight you carry on your frame,” said famed nutritionist, Jacob Walkmer.  ”Five to ten pickles a day after that will help you maintain your ideal weight, for the rest of you life.”

Microbiologists discovered that we are made up of 90 per cent bacteria. Nine out of every ten cells in our bodies are not human but belong to these microbial species (most of them residents of our gut).

The pickles fight the bacteria in the gut and enhance growth of “fat-killing bacteria.”

“You have to eat the pickles as soon as you wake up and then have two or three right before you go to bed,” said Walkmer.  ”If you do this, you will, absolutely lose weight.”

If you change the ratio of bad bacteria to good bacteria in your stomach, you will lose weight – fast – according to the study.

The Western diet, with its refined carbohydrates, highly processed foods, and dearth of fresh vegetables, preserves foods by killing bacteria and then deprives our gut bacteria of much that is good for them to ferment and grow.

‘Probiotics – beneficial bacteria ingested either in fermented foods or in supplements – have been shown to calm the immune system and reduce inflammation; shorten the duration and severity of colds in children; relieve diarrhea and irritable bowel syndrome; reduce allergic responses; stimulate the immune response; possibly reduce the risk of certain cancers; and improve the health and function of the gut.

And the best probiotic every created – pickles.

So, go ferment some pickles – and lose weight!

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

There was a farmer who had many pigs.  One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: “What do you use to feed your pigs?”

“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that.  Why?”

“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you should, they shouldn’t eat wastes.” Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.  The farmer answered: “Well, I feed them very well.  I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak…  why?”

“Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.” And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question.  The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: “Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.”

 

JOKE #2

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. 
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. 
”Look !” she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. “And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.” 
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. 
Services are pending.

 

JOKE #3

An English teacher at Michigan State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?”

“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again … “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter? … ???”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A doctor in Austria filed a police complaint after a truck driver threw a cheeseburger at him for driving too slowly, but police told him that wasn’t illegal. ***MARLAR: Apparently Austrians consider cheeseburgers deadly weapons. Here in the U.S. they are considered appetizers.

 

A new study says garlic stinks at reducing cholesterol.  Almost 200 adults given the equivalent of an average clove of garlic a day, six days a week for six months, saw no reduction in their cholesterol level.  ***MARLAR: But garlic-eaters did see a massive reduction in their number of friends.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

FATHER’S DAY SURPRISE

Realizing at the last minute that it was father’s day, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully.  Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud, “Happy Father’s Day to a wonderful Dad. Now that I’m a father too . . .”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
In our fast-paced society, we often have a difficult time waiting for things. Gillian Kennedy of Bristol, England, decided she just couldn’t wait any longer for the furniture she ordered and took matters into her own hands. After being told the dresser she ordered 10 weeks ago was still not in and was on backorder from Malaysia, Gillian stormed the furniture store. With a screwdriver in hand she spent 30 minutes taking apart the display model of the dresser she wanted and put the pieces in her car. Walking out the door she yelled to the store’s staff, “Don’t you dare try to stop me!” And they didn’t! ***MARLAR: Two syllables for Gillian… DE-CAF.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DAD’S GREATEST JOB
I may never be as clever as my neighbors down the street,
I may never be as wealthy as some other men I meet;
I may never have the glory that some other men have had,
But I’ve got to be successful as a little fellow’s dad.

There are certain dreams I cherish that I’d like to see come true.
There are things I would accomplish, ere my working time is through;
But the task my heart is set on is to guide a little lad
And make myself successful as that little fellow’s dad.

I may never get earth’s glory; I may never gather gold;
Men may count me as a failure when my business life is told;
But if he who follows after is a Christian, I’ll be glad,
For I’ll know I’ve been successful as a little fellow’s dad.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

SMART DAD

Read: Proverbs 4:14-27

Whoever loves wisdom makes his father rejoice. —Proverbs 29:3

A hard-working single dad named William Jackson Smart was the inspiration for the creation of Father’s Day. His wife died in 1898 while giving birth to their sixth child, and the Civil War veteran was left to raise the children alone in rural Washington.

In May 1909, Smart’s daughter, by then a married woman named Sonora Dodd, heard a sermon enumerating the virtues of motherhood. It was Mother’s Day, a new American holiday that had begun the previous year. Sonora decided to honor her dad’s dedication to his children by seeking to have a Father’s Day designated on the calendar. The day caught on, but it wasn’t permanently established as an annual holiday in the US until 1972.

What a vital role fathers can play in the home as they train their children to follow God’s ways! Proverbs 4 gives these nuggets of wisdom that dads can pass on to their children: “Do not enter the path of the wicked” (v.14). “Keep your heart with all diligence” (v.23). “Put away from you a deceitful mouth” (v.24). And finally, “Remove your foot from evil” (v.27).

We honor our godly fathers by obeying their instruction. And we should pray for all dads to recognize their God-given role of training in the home. —JDB

 

We’re thankful for good fathers, Lord,
They’re special gifts from You;
Help us to show we honor them
By what we say and do. —Sper

 

Good fathers not only tell us how to live—they show us.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

HOW MUCH BEER IS THAT AGAIN?

You know how some people, after they use something, just can’t bear to throw it away. That might make sense if it’s magazines or clothes. But what if it’s empty beer cans? In astounding numbers?

…When property manager Ryan Froerer checked on an Ogden, Utah, townhouse, he knew something was up. Ryan couldn’t even open the front door. It was blocked from inside. From 70,000 beer cans. The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there. To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood. The cans were recycled for 800 dollars. And by the way, to burn through 70,000 beers in 8 years you’d have to drink 24 beers a day. (

)

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP U.S. AMUSEMENT PARKS TO VISIT THIS SUMMER

  • Astroland Amusement Park (Brooklyn, NY) – Featuring the world famous Cyclone.
  • Busch Gardens (Tampa Bay, FL) – Besides rides, there’s the Edge of Africa safari experience.
  • Cedar Point Amusement Park (Sandusky, OH) – 68 rides, 16 rollercoasters!
  • Disneyland (Anaheim, CA) – Main Street, USA; Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.
  • Kennywood Park (West Mifflin, PA) – Old fashioned park, but with five major coasters.
  • Knott’s Camp Snoopy (Bloomington, MN) – Largest indoor theme park inside the Mall of America.
  • Magic Kingdom (Lake Buena Vista, FL) – Adventureland, Frontierland, Fantasyland and more.
  • Paramount’s Carowinds (Charlotte, NC) – Featuring the tallest body slide on the East Coast.
  • Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (Santa Cruz, CA) – Old school boardwalk with carousel, rides, Whack-a-Mole, Skee Ball.
  • Six Flags Astroworld (Houston, TX) – With the Serial Thriller, a suspended, looping coaster and Looney Tunes Town.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

BEST TV FATHERS

Everyone knows being a dad can be demanding, even on TV. For Father’s Day, TiVo commissioned an independent survey and in 2008 announced the top 25 TV dads of all time to honor the men who take on the toughest — and most rewarding — job of all: fatherhood.  Top honors went to:

  • (5) Ward Cleaver, “Leave it to Beaver”
  • (4) Howard Cunningham, “Happy Days”
  • (3) Pa Ingalls, “Little House on the Prairie”
  • (2) Sheriff Andy Taylor, “The Andy Griffith Show”
  • and at the top of the list, Cliff Huxtable on “The Cosby Show.”

***MARLAR: What disturbs me about this list isn’t those fathers, they’re all great… but the ones at the bottom of the list.  We have lewd, crude, and tattooed fathers coming in positions 21-25.  Keep in mind this is still the list of TOP TV DADS – supposedly, GOOD fathers.  Number 21 is Peter Griffin, from “Family Guy”, then comes Al Bundy, “Married… With Children”, Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”, number 24 is Tony Soprano, “The Sopranos”, and just barely squeaking in at the end of the “best father list” – Ozzy Osbourne from “The Osbournes.”  Is it no wonder that society is being flushed down the toilet when some of the so called “best” TV dads are always drunk, stoned, running the mob, or running from responsibilities?

 

 

FUN LIST

YOU’RE NOT OLD UNLESS

You’re not old UNLESS you can remember …..

  • Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.
  • When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.
  • When there were two types of sneakers for boys.
  • When boys couldn’t wear anything but leather shoes to school.
  • When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
  • When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.
  • When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.
  • When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
  • When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.
  • When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
  • When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
  • When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Next time you catch a cold, forget about vitamin C and aspirin.  Take a good, brisk walk. A new study reveals that exercise helps you fight the common cold. The study showed that men and women who walked 45 minutes a day recovered from colds twice as quickly as couch potatoes.  ***MARLAR: I will never be healthy.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

Peanuts and other nuts may protect against several major causes of death. According to a study that began in 1986 involving 120,000 Dutch adults, people who eat at least 10 grams of nuts or peanuts daily have a lower risk of dying from a range of serious illnesses. The reduction in mortality was strongest for respiratory disease, neurodegenerative disease, and diabetes, followed by cancer and cardiovascular diseases.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/peanuts-may-lower-risk-of-cancer-diabetes-heart-disease/

 

Bicycles are a common form of exercise but they can also be a helpful tool of missionaries. In the country of Chad Christian Aid Mission is supporting indigenous gospel workers and investing in the efforts of a native ministry by raising money for bikes. According to Mission Network News, The bicycles will help 30 native missionaries to more quickly travel around the country, showing the Jesus film in rural areas where 72 people groups have yet to hear the gospel.

https://t.co/RAiHlC4yzT

 

Retired Olympian Bryan Clay has found a new use for his Javelin, pulling his daughters tooth. The gold medalist retired in 2012 and has been focusing on parenting his little girl. Recently he recorded a video on YouTube. The clip begins with Clay holding a javelin with a long string attached to its end, while the other end of the thread is tied to his daughter’s incisor. The video shows Clay throwing the javelin followed by a clip of Ellie’s mouth with one less tooth.  Ah… what would life be like without dads?

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-moms/news/former-olympian-bryan-clay-pulls-daughters-tooth-with-javelin-video-201565

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I wanted to be a singer, and I tried it once. And the birds left, the sun went out, the rivers and lakes dried up. So I became a DJ.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 19, 2015…

 

Dope (opening in select cities)—This is a comedy about a young man trying to go to college and a drug situation that turns out wrong. Pharrell Williams wrote many of the songs. The story is set in California, but the young man, Malcolm (Shameik Moore) wants to go to Harvard. “Dope” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Inside Out—Several years ago was a comedy TV series, called “Herman’s Head” starring William Ragsdale, about a man with voices in his head who were always arguing about something. Several actors had the roles of the voices. Now, we have an animated film with emotions who argue in the head of a pre-teen girl named Riley (Kaitlyn Dias). They all come into play when Riley and her family move to a new location. Enough to give one a headache. Voices of  Joy (Amy Poehler), Anger (Lewis Black), Disgust (Mindy Kaling), Sadness (Phyllis Smith)  and Fear (Bill Hader) . This is a Pixar film. “Inside Out” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.

 

Manglehorn (opening in select cities)—Al Pacino stars in this film about a man trying to manage his life and friendship with a son (Chris Messina), a past girlfriend and a new girlfriend. Pacino plays a locksmith. Also in the cast are Natalie Wilemon and Holly Hunter. “Manglehorn” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Overnight (opening in select cities)—What happens when you move to a new city? In this cast, Seattle. Well, be careful when making friends as you never know. Taylor Schilling and Adam Scott are a couple who move and are befriended by Jason Schwartzman. Hmm.  “The Overnight” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JUNE 26, 2015…

 

What Happened Miss Simone? is a documentary on the life of the famous singer, Nina Simone.

 

Ted 2 and it had to happen. The foul-mouthed teddy bear is back in action and this time wants to get married?

 

Max (and bring hankie to theater) is about an Army dog who is returned to civilian life.

 

Big Game is an action film starring Samuel L. Jackson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.