June 21, 2018: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180621
PDF: 20180621

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

“Radio separates the men from the boys.  You’ve got to be able to write, and to have a good idea, and there’s nowhere to hide.” – Lionel Hunt

I was watching an interesting special on the Discovery Channel last night. We’ve all heard that people for centuries thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. But that got me to thinking – couldn’t both views be correct? After all, that’s what happens to cheese when you leave it laying out.

The secret to a productive morning: A good night’s sleep, lots of coffee, stay off Facebook & Twitter. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

A quick note for those of you who ask me for advice on how to make it in radio. Please keep in mind that I am NOT one of the overly-paid radio personalities that have agents knocking on their door at all hours in the hopes of earning 13% of my paycheck. So my advice might not be the best to get you to success.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

“The United States is the best and fairest and most decent nation on the face of the earth.” – George H.W. Bush

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. –Matthew 5:10

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. — Psalm 103:13

May the God of peace, …that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will. — Hebrews 13:20-21

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. — Isaiah 40:30-31

Thought: What is your strength? Is it your youth? …your conditioning? …your wisdom? …your friends? …your experience? None of us can depend upon our human ability. Health, wisdom, and wealth are all vulnerabe to the fragility of life and circumstance. Only the LORD can ensure that we can survive the unthinkable, thrive in the mundane, and soar in good times. Let’s call upon, let’s wait upon, let’s depend upon the LORD!

Prayer: O LORD, thank you for sustaining me through the hard times in my life. Thank you for helping me soar, doing things for you that I never dreamed I could accomplish. Father, thank you for blessing me during the everyday comings and goings of life. I depend upon you for help and strength. For every good thing in my life I praise you and thank you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Matthew 6:21 NIV = For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – JUNE 21, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
186 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is the first full day of SUMMER.

Today is STOCK UP ON ANTIPERSPIRANT DAY.  ***After all, it IS the first full day of Summer – you’re going to need it!

Today is NATIONAL AIMLESS WANDERING DAY.  ***Also known as “(THE JOCK SHOW).”

Today is CUCKOO WARNING DAY.  ***Much like Groundhog Day, but with a twist.  It will be a wet summer if the cuckoo is heard today.

Today is BABY BOOMER RECOGNITION DAY.  ***And here’s a quick test.  The more of these you remember, the more likely it is that you’re a Baby Boomer…

DO YOU REMEMBER…

* “Cruising” on a Friday night, listening to the Top 40 on your AM radio?

* How much popcorn you made when you got that first microwave?

* When there were only 3 TV channels — and it was so hard to choose what to watch!

* Where you were when JFK was shot?  (or RLK or MLK?)

* When the “Domino Theory” meant something other than planning to have pizza for dinner?

* Who shot J.R.?

* How scary it was to open that first Apple II to add a card to increase the RAM from 16K all the way up to 64K?

* When your teenage son or daughter first told you about the Internet?

* When the Beatles sang “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to Ed Sullivan?

* How “neat” it was to hear the Beach Boys actually sing surfing music at the beach, on your transistor radio?

* When you bought your first car that actually had seatbelts installed?

* When you said that you’d never trust anyone over 30?

* What a TV test pattern looked like, when the channel went off the air at midnight?

* When we gave up trying to win “hearts and minds” and settled for “peace with honor?”

* When the price of gas jumped up to 50 cents per gallon?

* Watching the first man walk on the moon with “one small step…?”

TODAY IS ALSO…

Ann & Samantha Day
Atheists Solidarity Day
Cuckoo Warning Day
Dump The Pump Day
Go Skateboarding Day
International Day of Yoga
Litha
Midsummer
National Daylight Appreciation Day
National Day of The Gong
National Sea Shell Day
National Selfie Day
Recess At Work Day
Summer Solstice
Summer
Tall Girl Appreciation Day
World Giraffe Day
World Handshake Day
World Humanist Day
World Hydrography Day
World Music Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

FRIDAY, JUNE 22

Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day
HVAC Technicians Day
Global Smurfs Day
National Eat At A Food Truck Day
Stupid Guy Thing Day
Ugliest Dog Day

Take Your Dog to Work Day
World Rainforest Day
Worldwide VW Beetle Day

SATURDAY, JUNE 23

ARRL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day
Great American Backyard Campout
International Widows’ Day
Let It Go Day
National Hydration Day
Pink Flamingo Day (Lawn Ornaments)
Public Service Day
Runner’s Selfie Day
SAT Math Day
Typing Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 24

America’s Kids Day
Celebration of the Senses
Descendants Day
International Fairy Day or Faerie Day
Log Cabin Day
Stonewall National Monument Day

MONDAY, JUNE 25

Color TV Day (CBS)
Day of The Seafarer
Global Beatles Day
Leon Day
National Catfish Day
Please Take My Children To Work Day

TUESDAY, JUNE 26

Harry Potter Day
International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking
International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
National Canoe Day
National Columnists Day
Same Sex Marriage Day

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day
“Happy Birthday To You” Day
Industrial Workers of The World Day
Micro-, Small-, And Medium-Sized Enterprises Day
National HIV Testing Day
National Parchment Cooking Day
National Sunglasses Day
PTSD Awareness Day
Windjammer Day

THURSDAY, JUNE 28

International Body Piercing Day
Tau Day
National Bomb Pop Day
National Hand Shake Day
Ryan Moran Day

ON THIS DAY

1788: The U.S. Constitution went into effect as New Hampshire became the ninth state to ratify it.

1879: F.W. Woolworth opened his very first store. It was called a “Five & Dime” store. ***That was years before “five” and “dime” became drug-related terms.

1939: Doctors revealed that Lou Gehrig had Lou Gehrig’s disease. ***What were the odds?!

1955: Sun Records in Memphis released Johnny Cash’s first recording, “Hey, Porter,” backed with “Cry, Cry, Cry.” Sun owner Sam Phillips had turned Cash away a year earlier as being “too country,” but reconsidered after a second audition.

1964: Philadelphia Philly Jim Bunning pitched a perfect game, beating the New York Mets 6-0. It was the first perfect game in the National League since 1880.

1975: The first summer blockbuster hit theaters… Jaws. ***Suddenly it was easy to get a great spot at the beach.

1976: For a movie remake, a 110-foot artificial King Kong was dropped off the World Trade Center in New York City. ***And you thought the PETA people were upset BEFORE!

1977: An article in the Wall Street Journal revealed that Kellogg had reduced the iron content of its Frosted Rice after consumers discovered they could move flakes of the cereal around with magnets.

1982: A jury in Washington, D.C., found John Hinckley Jr. innocent by reason of insanity in the shootings of President Reagan and three other men.

1983: Singer Kathy Mattea signed her first recording contract on her 24th birthday.

1988: An 18-month-old Bangladesh boy became the youngest person on record to bite a snake to death.

1989: A 15-year-old West Palm Beach, Florida, girl received $81.25 in damages after she sued her prom date for standing her up. ***Pretty much ensuring that she’d never be asked out by anyone ever again.

1989: Hollywood’s Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith remarried.

1989: The Supreme Court ruled that burning the U.S. flag as a form of political protest is protected by the First Amendment.

1990: Singer Little Richard got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It was Little Richard Day in Los Angeles.

2003: A German driver on the autobahn near Gotha crashed his Volkswagen Passat into the back of a truck when a pair flying underpants landed on his face. One of a passing van full of naked men threw the underpants out the van window. No one was hurt. The naked men did not stop.

2003: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, fifth book in J.K. Rowling`s blockbuster series about a young wizard, hit the book stores and sold 5 million copies the first day.

2004: The SpaceShipOne rocket plane punched through Earth’s atmosphere, then glided to a landing in California’s Mojave Desert in the first privately financed manned spaceflight.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1607: English settlers found the first Anglican (later Episcopalian) parish in America at Jamestown, Virginia.

1639: Birth of Increase Mather, early American theologian. He published nearly 100 books, and is credited with helping end executions for witchcraft in colonial America.

 

1821: Birth of Henry W. Baker, compiler of ‘Hymns Ancient and Modern’ Ä the unofficial Anglican church hymnal. He also authored the hymn based on Psalm 23: “The King of Love My Shepherd Is.”

 

1821: The African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Zion Church was formally constituted in New York City. Nineteen clergymen were present, representing six African-American churches from New York City; Philadelphia; New Haven, CT and Newark, NJ.

 

1892: Reinhold Niebuhr, American neo-orthodox theologian and ethicist, is born. He rejected some of the optimism of Christian liberalism, arguing for origional sin and for a prophetic, culture-challenging Christianity, but his liberal views on politics, the Bible, and the nature of Christ (he believed Jesus was a moral exemplar, but not fully God) distanced him from conservatives.

1897 – Death of Clara H. Scott, who wrote the hymn “Open My Eyes that I May See.” She was killed when thrown from a buggy by a runaway horse.

1963: In Rome, Italian Cardinal Giovanni Battista Montini was elected Pope Paul VI, the 261st pontiff of the Catholic Church.

 

1968: Swiss Reformed theologian Karl Barth wrote in a letter: “Faith in God’s revelation has nothing to do with an ideology which glorifies the status quo.”

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Guardians of the Galaxy, Jurrasic World, “Parks And Recreation”) Chris Pratt, 39

  • Actress (“Mad Men”) Maggie Siff, 44

  • Actress (Cape Fear, Starsky & Hutch movie) Juliette Lewis, 45

  • Actor (“Melrose Place”, “Desperate Housewives”) Doug Savant, 54 (audio clip)

  • actress (“Family Ties”) Meredith Baxter 71 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Family Ties”) Michael Gross 71 (audio clip)

  • actress (Sister Mary Daniel on “One Life To Live”, Attorney Lorna Scarry on “Law & Order: SVU”) Mariette Hartley 77 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“The Love Boat”, “Get Smart”) Bernie Kopell, 84 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Helen Merrill

1932 : Lalo Schifrin

1936 : O.C. Smith

1936 : Nick Noble

1942 : Deodato

1945 : Ray Davies (The Kinks)

1945 : Chris Britton (The Troggs)

1946 : Brenda Holloway

1947 : Joey Molland (Badfinger)

1950 : Joey Kramer (Aerosmith)

1951 : Nils Lofgren (Grin, E Street Band, All Starr Band)

1957 : Mark Brzezicki (Big Country)

1959 : Kathy Mattea

1959 : Marcella Detroit (Shakespear’s Sister)

1968 : Sonique

1975 : Justin Cary (Sixpence None the Richer)

1976 : Mike Einziger (Incubus)

1981 : Brandon Flowers (The Killers)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How is it that men started to be called “Mister?”

While Mr. is common these days, it began as a term of respect, coming to us from two sources. The word “Master” evolved into “Mister” to match the female title, “Mistress.” Mister also developed as a title to set apart skilled workers, or artisans, from the peasantry and common laborers. Here it descends from the Latin, “ministerium,” which meant craft or trade. Over the centuries, as it passed through the lips of enough mumblers and fast talkers, ministerium became mister. By the way, the French Revolution sought to eliminate all special terms of address, replacing them with “Citizen.” That really went too far. Just imagine your children’s looking up at you and saying, “Hello Citizen Johnson!” Sounds like you’re in a George Orwell novel, doesn’t it?

NEWS KICKERS

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to a study, people who regularly smoke marijuana may find their memories growing hazy over time.  ***So if you plan on doing something horrible to a person, choose a pot smoker; the next day they may have completely forgotten about it.

A South Carolina (Greenville) man was arrested for unlawful carrying of a firearm. Police said Michael Vines is accused of tossing a fully loaded Smith and Wesson .38-caliber revolver into the grass after a recent car wreck. Ironically, Vines has a gun tattooed on his forehead.  ***So if he doesn’t get the tattoo removed, can he still be charged with carrying a firearm?

Two of the hottest selling shows on Broadway are based on Harry Potter and SpongeBob Squarepants. Now comes word that they’re working on a musical about Michael Jackson. ***Personally, I’m still waiting for someone to make a Broadway music based on “Hungry Hungry Hippos.”

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Train Up a Child In the Way They Should… Phone? Moms are sharing their smartphones and other technologies with their kids, some as young as one year old. Moms use gadgets such as smartphones to keep their kids quiet and engaged. During car travel, DVD players and Nintendo DS have highest use, followed by smartphones. Moms now load up their phones with games and music selections specifically for their kids. ***But it can be embarrassing – especially when your husband calls and the ringtone switches to “The Cow Goes Mooooo…”

Japan is hoping to boost tourism by using one of the most famous figures from its history — the ninja. A “ninja council” has been set up by mayors and governors from around the country. Officials are hoping that global interest in the mysterious figures will encourage people to visit Japan. ***The downside of the council is that no one will ever see them because, well, they’re ninjas.

A recent study indicates that America is facing a critical shortage in clowns. The report found that membership at the country’s largest trade organizations for the jokesters has plunged over the past decade. Officials say membership in other clown organizations has also plummeted. ***How is this distressing news? I’d think a world with fewer clowns would be much LESS distressing. But then, my first clown experience was from Stephen King, so…

Eating yogurt four or five times a week may lower the risk for developing Type 2 diabetes, according to a recent study. Researchers in the UK looked at the diets of 4,000 people and followed them for 11 years. They found that people with the highest yogurt consumption had a 24 percent lower risk of developing diabetes, compared with people who didn’t eat yogurt. ***Sweetness! Looks like I’m going back to my diet of eating at Culvers! (Eating pure frozen yogurt!)

Want to lose a few pounds? Take photos of your food. When researchers (University of Wisconsin) had volunteers take pictures of everything they ate, the subjects consumed fewer snacks, went back for seconds less often, and ate a third fewer calories than people who kept a mental record of what they took in. ***Because what this world needed more than anything else is for people to have yet another excuse to post food pics.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Millard the Monkey – driven to the edge of madness for not being able to do anything better than Mozart (Steve Mozart, that is) – decided he’d had enough. He charted a flight with Jean Claude the flying squirrel’s plane to leave the jungle for places unknown…

CLOSE: Well, if Millard’s envy, jealousy, and hatred of Mozart doesn’t kill him, Jean Claude’s flying very well may! Where in the world can Millard relocate to get away from Steve Mozart? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A Moment of Duh from a listener!

Hello, (JOCK). I can’t use my name, because my wife would kill me, but I still can’t help but share this story with you. My wife called me this morning when she was driving to work. She was really frustrated and said she couldn’t find her cell phone anywhere. I asked her, “aren’t you talking on it?”

She didn’t say anything for about twenty seconds and then told me, “You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!”

“Well, nobody except (JOCK) on (STATION),” I said. She made me promise not to use my name or hers. Hope you like this real-life Moment of Duh. We listen to your show every day; it makes the day for us!

–Anonymous

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REAL REASONS THE CHINESE BUILT THE GREAT WALL

10. Started as a college hazing stunt in Mongolia

9. Ancient philosophers foresaw the coming of Britney Spears.

8. The Chinese inventor of the skateboard needed something to “shread” on.

7. It’s really a big, huge zipper that holds two tectonic plates together. Apparently, they were having chronic earthquakes.

6. They were planning on building the worlds biggest subdivision.

5. Insomnia is a scary affliction.

4. It all started when the Emperor’s Wife saw this fabulous 2-for-1 sale on wallpaper.

3. They really planned on just having a pretty good wall, but you know how these home hobby projects tend to grow.

2. What else would you do with 8,234,376,665 rocks?

1. Chinese? Everyone knows Al Gore built the Great Wall!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes criminals take stupidity to a whole new level.

FILE #1: Curtis Sherman gave a bank teller in western Washington a note demanding money. On the back of the note was a name and phone number of a person who turned out to be his girlfriend. Before he was caught, he robbed another bank the next day. This time, he had a cab driver help him find a bank that was open on Saturday. Then, he borrowed a pen and paper to write a holdup note that was easily traced to the cab. To top it all off, he stiffed the cabby. He was finally arrested the next day — for shoplifting in the same store where the second bank branch was located.

FILE #2: A retired police chief says he was robbed by “probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania.” It happened at a police officers’ convention, of all places. The retired chief says as he came out of a stall in the men’s room, a man was pointing a gun in his face, demanding money. The chief did what he was told, handing over his money and cell phone. But when the robber turned and ran, the former cop and some colleagues chased him. They arrested the guy as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

FILE #3: A Michigan man who’s accused of breaking into a gas station might have gotten his inspiration from “Prison Break.” Except he didn’t have control over the script.  Police say once the guy had broken in to the gas station, he had a few smokes and drank some booze. Then, he called 911 so he’d be arrested because he wanted to see his brother in jail. But, the guy wasn’t allowed to see his brother. Now, he’s pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of “attempted” breaking and entering. His sentencing is in one month. That’s when he’ll find out how much time he’ll get to spend in jail, and whether or not he’ll be bunking with his brother.

STRANGE LAW: Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine in Provo, Utah.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Sometimes even non-humans can have drug problems.

A dog that ran off from its owner in Seattle’s Seward Park found and ate some marijuana and got high. Owner Jen Nestor Waddell told KING-TV the 11-year-old black Lab mix named Jack was “just stoned” May 12 after they returned home from the park. The dog’s eyes glossed over and he had trouble walking. The vet said Jack had swallowed a large amount of dried, harvested marijuana. After some medication to induce vomiting and a night of rest Jack was back to normal. Waddell told police about the drugs and joked they could borrow Jack to find them if they paid the $1,500 vet bill.

PHONER PHUN

Today is BABY BOOMER RECOGNITION DAY.  ***MARLAR: And here’s a quick test.  The more of these you remember, the more likely it is that you’re a Baby Boomer…

DO YOU REMEMBER…

* “Cruising” on a Friday night, listening to the Top 40 on your AM radio?

* How much popcorn you made when you got that first microwave?

* When there were only 3 TV channels — and it was so hard to choose what to watch!

* Where you were when JFK was shot?  (or RLK or MLK?)

* When the “Domino Theory” meant something other than planning to have pizza for dinner?

* Who shot J.R.?

* How scary it was to open that first Apple II to add a card to increase the RAM from 16K all the way up to 64K?

* When your teenage son or daughter first told you about the Internet?

* When the Beatles sang “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to Ed Sullivan?

* How “neat” it was to hear the Beach Boys actually sing surfing music at the beach, on your transistor radio?

* When you bought your first car that actually had seatbelts installed?

* When you said that you’d never trust anyone over 30?

* What a TV test pattern looked like, when the channel went off the air at midnight?

* When we gave up trying to win “hearts and minds” and settled for “peace with honor?”

* When the price of gas jumped up to 50 cents per gallon?

* Watching the first man walk on the moon with “one small step…?”

***PHONER: What did we miss?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Jonah and what other prophet were sent by God to minister to Nineveh?
ANSWER: Nahum — (Nahum1:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is the world’s largest office building?

ANSWER: The Pentagon with 6.5 million square feet.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A deltiologist collects exercise equipment. (False – postcards)

2. Seat belts became mandatory on U.S. cars in 1978. (False – March 1, 1968)

3. The average sixty minute audio cassette tape has 200.8 feet of tape in it. (False – 562.5 feet)

4. The launching mechanism of a carrier ship that helps planes to take off, could throw an average pickup truck over a mile. (True)

5. The quartz crystal in your wristwatch vibrates 32,768 times a minute. (False – a second!)

6. The side of a hammer is a called the “flat”. (False – the cheek)

7. A canton is the blue field behind the stars in the U.S. flag. (True)

8. A bonnet is the cap on the fire hydrant. (True)

9. Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else. (False – they owned more property than anyone, except The Catholic Church)

10. The little lump of flesh just forward of your ear canal, right next to your temple, is called a tragus. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

PICKLES CURE ______ (OBESITY)

Scientists have discovered that eating homemade pickles – cures obesity!

The best way to fight “fat bacteria” is to eat homemade pickles.  This is according to a new study out of Harvard, Cambridge and the Culinary Institute of America.

“If you eat homemade pickles, you will lose all the excess weight you carry on your frame,” said famed nutritionist, Jacob Walkmer.  ”Five to ten pickles a day after that will help you maintain your ideal weight, for the rest of you life.”

Microbiologists discovered that we are made up of 90 per cent bacteria. Nine out of every ten cells in our bodies are not human but belong to these microbial species (most of them residents of our gut).

The pickles fight the bacteria in the gut and enhance growth of “fat-killing bacteria.”

“You have to eat the pickles as soon as you wake up and then have two or three right before you go to bed,” said Walkmer.  ”If you do this, you will, absolutely lose weight.”

If you change the ratio of bad bacteria to good bacteria in your stomach, you will lose weight – fast – according to the study.

The Western diet, with its refined carbohydrates, highly processed foods, and dearth of fresh vegetables, preserves foods by killing bacteria and then deprives our gut bacteria of much that is good for them to ferment and grow.

‘Probiotics – beneficial bacteria ingested either in fermented foods or in supplements – have been shown to calm the immune system and reduce inflammation; shorten the duration and severity of colds in children; relieve diarrhea and irritable bowel syndrome; reduce allergic responses; stimulate the immune response; possibly reduce the risk of certain cancers; and improve the health and function of the gut.

And the best probiotic every created – pickles.

So, go ferment some pickles – and lose weight!

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

There was a farmer who had many pigs.  One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: “What do you use to feed your pigs?”

“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that.  Why?”

“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you should, they shouldn’t eat wastes.” Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.  The farmer answered: “Well, I feed them very well.  I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak…  why?”

“Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.” And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question.  The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: “Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.”

JOKE #2

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. 
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. 
”Look !” she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. “And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.” 
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. 
Services are pending.

JOKE #3

An English teacher at Michigan State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?”

“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again … “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter? … ???”

USELESS FACTS

A new study says garlic stinks at reducing cholesterol.  Almost 200 adults given the equivalent of an average clove of garlic a day, six days a week for six months, saw no reduction in their cholesterol level.  ***But garlic-eaters did see a massive reduction in their number of friends.

In Milan, Italy, when an operator dialed a wrong number, the phone company fined the operator. ***I know, I know, “what’s an operator”… right?

FEATURED FUNNIES

FATHER’S DAY SURPRISE

Realizing at the last minute that it was father’s day, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully.  Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud, “Happy Father’s Day to a wonderful Dad. Now that I’m a father too . . .”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
In our fast-paced society, we often have a difficult time waiting for things. Gillian Kennedy of Bristol, England, decided she just couldn’t wait any longer for the furniture she ordered and took matters into her own hands. After being told the dresser she ordered 10 weeks ago was still not in and was on backorder from Malaysia, Gillian stormed the furniture store. With a screwdriver in hand she spent 30 minutes taking apart the display model of the dresser she wanted and put the pieces in her car. Walking out the door she yelled to the store’s staff, “Don’t you dare try to stop me!” And they didn’t! ***MARLAR: Two syllables for Gillian… DE-CAF.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DAD’S GREATEST JOB
I may never be as clever as my neighbors down the street,
I may never be as wealthy as some other men I meet;
I may never have the glory that some other men have had,
But I’ve got to be successful as a little fellow’s dad.

There are certain dreams I cherish that I’d like to see come true.
There are things I would accomplish, ere my working time is through;
But the task my heart is set on is to guide a little lad
And make myself successful as that little fellow’s dad.

I may never get earth’s glory; I may never gather gold;
Men may count me as a failure when my business life is told;
But if he who follows after is a Christian, I’ll be glad,
For I’ll know I’ve been successful as a little fellow’s dad.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

SMART DAD

Read: Proverbs 4:14-27

Whoever loves wisdom makes his father rejoice. —Proverbs 29:3

A hard-working single dad named William Jackson Smart was the inspiration for the creation of Father’s Day. His wife died in 1898 while giving birth to their sixth child, and the Civil War veteran was left to raise the children alone in rural Washington.

In May 1909, Smart’s daughter, by then a married woman named Sonora Dodd, heard a sermon enumerating the virtues of motherhood. It was Mother’s Day, a new American holiday that had begun the previous year. Sonora decided to honor her dad’s dedication to his children by seeking to have a Father’s Day designated on the calendar. The day caught on, but it wasn’t permanently established as an annual holiday in the US until 1972.

What a vital role fathers can play in the home as they train their children to follow God’s ways! Proverbs 4 gives these nuggets of wisdom that dads can pass on to their children: “Do not enter the path of the wicked” (v.14). “Keep your heart with all diligence” (v.23). “Put away from you a deceitful mouth” (v.24). And finally, “Remove your foot from evil” (v.27).

We honor our godly fathers by obeying their instruction. And we should pray for all dads to recognize their God-given role of training in the home. —JDB

We’re thankful for good fathers, Lord,
They’re special gifts from You;
Help us to show we honor them
By what we say and do. —Sper

Good fathers not only tell us how to live—they show us.

LEFTOVERS

HOW MUCH BEER IS THAT AGAIN?

You know how some people, after they use something, just can’t bear to throw it away. That might make sense if it’s magazines or clothes. But what if it’s empty beer cans? In astounding numbers?

…When property manager Ryan Froerer checked on an Ogden, Utah, townhouse, he knew something was up. Ryan couldn’t even open the front door. It was blocked from inside. From 70,000 beer cans. The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there. To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood. The cans were recycled for 800 dollars. And by the way, to burn through 70,000 beers in 8 years you’d have to drink 24 beers a day. (audio clip)

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP U.S. AMUSEMENT PARKS TO VISIT THIS SUMMER

  • Astroland Amusement Park (Brooklyn, NY) – Featuring the world famous Cyclone.

  • Busch Gardens (Tampa Bay, FL) – Besides rides, there’s the Edge of Africa safari experience.

  • Cedar Point Amusement Park (Sandusky, OH) – 68 rides, 16 rollercoasters!

  • Disneyland (Anaheim, CA) – Main Street, USA; Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.

  • Kennywood Park (West Mifflin, PA) – Old fashioned park, but with five major coasters.

  • Knott’s Camp Snoopy (Bloomington, MN) – Largest indoor theme park inside the Mall of America.

  • Magic Kingdom (Lake Buena Vista, FL) – Adventureland, Frontierland, Fantasyland and more.

  • Paramount’s Carowinds (Charlotte, NC) – Featuring the tallest body slide on the East Coast.

  • Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (Santa Cruz, CA) – Old school boardwalk with carousel, rides, Whack-a-Mole, Skee Ball.

  • Six Flags Astroworld (Houston, TX) – With the Serial Thriller, a suspended, looping coaster and Looney Tunes Town.

JUST FOR FUN

BEST TV FATHERS

Everyone knows being a dad can be demanding, even on TV. For Father’s Day, TiVo commissioned an independent survey and in 2008 announced the top 25 TV dads of all time to honor the men who take on the toughest — and most rewarding — job of all: fatherhood.  Top honors went to:

  • (5) Ward Cleaver, “Leave it to Beaver”

  • (4) Howard Cunningham, “Happy Days”

  • (3) Pa Ingalls, “Little House on the Prairie”

  • (2) Sheriff Andy Taylor, “The Andy Griffith Show”

  • and at the top of the list, Cliff Huxtable on “The Cosby Show.”

***MARLAR: What disturbs me about this list isn’t those fathers, they’re all great… but the ones at the bottom of the list.  We have lewd, crude, and tattooed fathers coming in positions 21-25.  Keep in mind this is still the list of TOP TV DADS – supposedly, GOOD fathers.  Number 21 is Peter Griffin, from “Family Guy”, then comes Al Bundy, “Married… With Children”, Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”, number 24 is Tony Soprano, “The Sopranos”, and just barely squeaking in at the end of the “best father list” – Ozzy Osbourne from “The Osbournes.”  Is it no wonder that society is being flushed down the toilet when some of the so called “best” TV dads are always drunk, stoned, running the mob, or running from responsibilities?

FUN LIST

YOU’RE NOT OLD UNLESS

You’re not old UNLESS you can remember …..

  • Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

  • When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.

  • When there were two types of sneakers for boys.

  • When boys couldn’t wear anything but leather shoes to school.

  • When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

  • When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

  • When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.

  • When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.

  • When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

  • When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

  • When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

  • When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Next time you catch a cold, forget about vitamin C and aspirin.  Take a good, brisk walk. A new study reveals that exercise helps you fight the common cold. The study showed that men and women who walked 45 minutes a day recovered from colds twice as quickly as couch potatoes.  ***MARLAR: I will never be healthy.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Beware your contact lenses. Wearing them appears to change the natural bacterial environment of the eyes, reports HealthDay News of research from the New York University School of Medicine. Led by Maria Dominguez-Bello, the team collected samples at the beginning of the study from 58 adults to analyze bacteria on the eye surface and the skin below the eye. Twenty of the participants wore contacts, and the researchers also collected bacteria found on their lenses. Additional samples were taken from another 20 participants, about half of whom wore contact lenses, at three points over the next six weeks. for those who do not wear contact lenses, the bacterial composition of the eye is very different from that of the surrounding skin — with greater or lesser amounts of specific bacteria. for those who do wear contact lenses, bacteria that are normally found on the skin around the eye were found also on the surface of the eye. How did the skin bacteria get into the eye? The researchers aren’t sure. It could have been transferred by fingers to the lens or it could just be from the act of wearing contacts. What should you do? Be smart about contact lens hygiene. Wash your hands with soap and hot water before handling your contacts. Clean the contacts per the manufacturer’s instructions, and replace disposable lenses on schedule. Never sleep with your lenses in your eyes. Replace disinfecting solutions monthly and lens cases every three months.

When the going gets tough, Mom’s brain gets going. That’s what scientists are saying after figuring out how motherhood super charges female smarts to equip gals for the rigors of raising a child. “Pregnant women undergo a phase of so called baby brain, when they have an apparent loss of function,” explains Dr. Craig Kinsley, professor of neuroscience at the University of Richmond in Virginia. “This is because their brains are being remodeled to cope with the many new demands they will experience.” Hormonal changes during breast feeding increases to size of brain cells, which leads to a boost in smarts. “The many benefits seem to emerge from motherhood as the maternal brain rises to the reproductive challenge,” he adds. “The changes could last for the rest of their lives, bolstering cognitive abilities and protecting against degenerative diseases.”

More than 85 percent of American will experience low back pain. Backache is the second most common cause for sick days in the workplace. Headache is the number one reason for sick days. Most cases of back pain stem from poorly trained core muscles that put pressure on nerve roots leaving the spine. A literature review and meta-analysis led by Daniel Steffens Sydney Medical School in Australia published in JAMA Internal Medicine, concluded that exercise plus proper spinal biomechanics are moderately effective for reducing the incidence of lower back pain and the use of sick leave. Popular back pain preventive methods such as back braces, shoe insoles and lifting belts are ineffective. Studies by Canadian bio-mechanist Stuart McGill show that core-stiffening exercise such as side-bridges, stir-the-pot, bird-dogs and Pallof presses are extremely effective for treating and reducing the incidence of back pain. People must do these exercises regularly to get results. (Fitness Rx)

Ladies, lace up your running shoes and hit the pavement or the treadmill. But you don’t have to run. Walk — but at a forceful pace as fast as you can go. Do that when you’re young, and it could reap huge benefits as you age, keeping your brain strong. That’s right: Strong legs equal a strong brain, according to researchers in Great Britain. The study found that leg strength was a far better predictor of brain health than any other lifestyle factor examined in the study. Generally, the twin who had greater leg strength at the start of the study maintained her mental abilities better and had fewer age-related brain changes than the twin with weaker legs. While the research didn’t prove a cause-and-effect relationship, it appears that simply walking more now to improve leg force and speed could help maintain brain function as you age.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I wanted to be a singer, and I tried it once. And the birds left, the sun went out, the rivers and lakes dried up. So I became a radio DJ.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JUNE 15, 2018…

Loving Pablo (opening in select cities)—This film is a study of the leader of a drug cartel. Javier Bardem plays Pablo Escobar, and in this film (based on real life), we see the connection between Escobar and a reporter, Virginia Vallejo (played by Penelope Cruz.) What is Escobar’s life really like? Also in the cast is Peter Sarsgaard. “Loving Pablo” is rated R. No rating.

Incredibles 2—This reviewer has waited in vain for Plastic Man to have his own film. Alas, no, but second best is Helen Parr (voice of Holly Hunter) who is the Mom (ElastiGirl) of the Paar family, and Dad (Bob, voiced by Craig T. Nelson is Mr. Incredible.) The kids have their own special gifts from throwing fire (the baby Jack) to physical strength. This family really stays together.  Now, in the plot which begins after the first film, a super hero is needed to give the public positive publicity, so ElastiGirl is chosen. That means Mom goes out to work while Dad stays home with the kids. Not always fun when the teens, Violet and Dash (Sarah Vowell and Huck Milner) begin to explore their own powers and like what they have. Violet can be invisible which Dash can bounce all over the place. As for the baby?  He has his own agenda, sometimes.  Is the general public ready for this? We will see and in the meantime, are real theater audiences so immersed in super characters, whether real actors or animation, that they would yawn their way through “Incredibles 2?” Time will tell, but methinks, since the first “Incredibles” was a hit (with an Oscar, too) that fans are still there and ready to follow the Parr family exploits. Also in the cast are Bob Odenkirk and Catherine Keener. “Incredibles 2” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

Superfly—This reviewer has worn out the tape of the soundtrack to the first “Superfly” film. Now comes a remake starring Trevor Jackson as Priest, a top drug dealer who wants one more large job before leaving the business.  Priest is known for his wardrobe, too. Can he do it? One big score and then walk away? By the way, if Trevor Jackson’s name sounds familiar, he was Simba in a National Touring Company of “The Lion King” and is on television’s “grownish.” Also in the cast of “Superfly” are Jason Mitchell and Michael E. Williams. Director is Director X. “Superfly” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Set It Up—Here comes a comedy about two overworked junior executives who want to get their bosses together. The reason being” this would give the junior’s more time rather than work. The best thought-out plans don’t always go together. Zoey Deutch is one junior and Glen Powell is the other.  Will their plan work? Also in the cast are Lucy Liu and Taye Diggs. “Set It Up” is 

rated PG-13. No rating.

Tag—Do some adults ever really grow up?  Not in this film, that has Jon Hamm, Ed Helms, Hannibal Buress, Jake Johnson and Jeremy Renner trying to get at each other even as adults. No one, even at their age, wants to be “it.” Now the plans develop and nothing is sacred, including work, someone’s wedding and even a funeral. The stunts took their toll on the actors, too, with injuries. “Tag” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of “Tag.” 

Gotti—This film was to have opened in December 2017. John Gotti was a famous mobster in New York City. He ruled the town and in this film, John  Travolta takes on the role of Gotti, with Kelly Preston as his wife and Spencer Lofanco as his son, John Gotti, Jr. Violence follows the life of someone in crime. Also in the cast are Stacy Keach and Leo Rossi. “Gotti” is rated R.  No rating. 

JUNE 22, 2018…

Damsel is a western starring Robert Pattison about finding a lost girlfriend. Isn’t Andrew Garfield doing the same thing?

Under The Silver Lake is a mystery/thriller starring Andrew Garfield about finding a lost girlfriend. Isn’t Robert Pattison doing the same thing?

Boundaries is about a family traveling across country—and they don’t really want to because of Grandpa who sells weed on the side.  Stars Christopher Plummer.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.