June 22, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150622

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The following program has earned the National Association of Broadcasters’ Seal of Apology.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.” –Psalm 19:1-2

 

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask for him. — Luke 11:13

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

psalm109_1-2O God, whom I praise, do not remain silent, for wicked and deceitful men have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. — Psalm 109:1-2

 

Thought: Satan has a way of discouraging us by using unscrupulous and evil people to spread lies and false rumors about us. This often occurs when we are most effective in our discipleship. We must not let the criticisms of wicked people derail our efforts to please the eternal and almighty God!

 

Prayer: Please, dear God, silence the gossips, slanderers, and liars empowered by Satan to wound and maim me. Not only defeat what is evil, but please empower all that is good in my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 6:22 NIV = But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – JUNE 22, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 187 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL LISTEN TO A CHILD DAY.  ***MARLAR: Which reminds me, (OTHER JOCK’S) show begins at (7pm).

 

Today is MIRTHDAY, a day to celebrate your own uniqueness, sense of humor, and outlook on life.

 

Today is STUPID GUY THING DAY, a day for women to make a list of stupid guy things and pass it on.

 

Today is SOAP MICROPHONE DAY, a day to shower while singing into the soap.  ***MARLAR: Most certainly a stupid guy thing – I used to do it all the time.  The only reason I don’t anymore is that we use liquid soap… so now I sing into my back brush. Hey, it’s part of my mirth.

 

STUPID GUY THINGS…

  • TiVo-ing “World’s Wildest Police Videos”
  • Throwing every article of clothing into the same load of laundry
  • Refusing to buy new socks or underwear
  • Constantly repeating lines from our favorite movies in everyday conversation
  • Thinking you’re really good at poker… then losing 200 bucks
  • Forgetting your anniversary and/or your wife’s birthday
  • Teaching your kid to burp the alphabet
  • Wearing everything you eat
  • Leaving the toilet seat up
  • Turning shirts inside out so they can be worn again
  • Thinking all greens or blues match each other in picking out clothes

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Global Smurfs Day

Baby Boomers Recognition Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day

Let It Go Day

National Columnists’ Day

Pink Flamingo Day

Public Service Day

Runner’s Selfie Day

SAT Math Day

Windjammer Days (23-24)

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24

Celebration of the Senses

International Fairy Day or Faerie Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 25

Color TV Day (CBS)

Day of the Seafarer

Global Beatles Day

National Bomb Pop Day

National Catfish Day

National Hand Shake Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 26

Drive Your Corvette to Work Day

International Day Against Drug Abuse And Illicit Trafficking

International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

National Canoe Day

Take Your Dog To Work Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day

“Happy Birthday To You” Day

Industrial Workers of The World Day

National HIV Testing Day

PTSD Awareness Day

ARRL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day

Great American Backyard Campout

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 28

International Body Piercing Day

America’s Kids Day

Log Cabin Day

Descendants Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 29

Please Take My Children To Work Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 30

Leap Second Time Adjustment Day

NOW (National Organization for Women) Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1882: The Air-Conditioned Rocking Chair was patented. It had a propeller fan mounted overhead that was turned by the chair’s motion. The faster you rocked, the faster the fan turned.

 

1937: Joe Louis, the Brown Bomber, knocked out Jim Braddock in the 8th round of a boxing match in Chicago to become the world heavyweight champion.

 

1938: Joe Louis knocked out Germany’s Max Schmeling in the first round, in a bout at Yankee Stadium.

 

1959: “The Battle of New Orleans” by Johnny Horton started week number four of six at the top of the nation’s music charts. It was Horton’s only number one record and million-seller. From Tyler, Texas, Johnny married Billie Jean Jones, Hank Williams’ widow. And just like Hank, Johnny was killed in a car crash after a show at the Skyline in Austin.

 

1961: In Hamburg, Germany, the Beatles recorded “When the Saints Go Marching In,” “Why,” “Ain’t She Sweet,” “Nobody’s Child,” “My Bonnie,” and “Cry For A Shadow.”

 

1970: President Nixon signed a measure lowering the U.S. voting age from 21 to 18.

 

1981: After exhibiting poor sportsmanship, America’s John McEnroe became the only man in 104 years at Wimbledon not be made an honorary member of the All England Tennis Club. He won the tournament.

 

1982: Prince Charles and Princess Di took Prince William home from the hospital.

 

1984: The movie “The Karate Kid,” starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, opened in American theaters. ***MARLAR: Convincing every 10 year old kid in the world that he could be as tough as he wanted by looking stupid and acting like a crippled bird on one leg. (

)

 

1985: People magazine reported 44 confirmed dead in Sylvester Stallone’s latest movie, Rambo. An undetermined number also died in the film’s 70 explosions. (

)

 

1988: A Stradivarius cello made in Cremona, Italy, in 1698 sold at auction in London for $1.2-million.

 

1990: Billy Joel became the first rock artist to perform at New York City’s Yankee Stadium.

 

1990: The last-place Atlanta Braves fired manager Russ Nixon and replaced him with general manager Bobby Cox, who last managed Toronto in 1985. Cox led the Braves to a dramatic worst-to-first turnaround, the first of its kind in National League history. But the Braves lost the World Series to another resurgent team, the Minnesota Twins. Cox was name Manager of the Year by the Associated Press.

 

1991: The Nude Olym-picks in Darlington, Maryland, included nude skydiving.

 

2002: A Spanish aristocrat became the first person to cross the Atlantic by jet ski. Alvaro De Marichalar landed on Miami beach four months after setting off from Rome, spending 12 hours a day on the water and sleeping on a support boat. He told the Miami Herald the hardest part was the cold weather and 18-foot waves. He celebrated in Miami by reciting the Lord’s Prayer.

 

2003: The mayor of Torredonjimeno, Spain, declared Thursdays “Ladies Night” and threatened to fine any man found strolling about town in the evening, in an attempt to encourage them to stay at home and do the chores. Ladies in the town of 14,000 were thrilled, men were not.

 

2008: Gus, a Chinese Crested, beat out 11 other contestants to be named World’s Ugliest Dog at a contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, California. Gus was missing a leg, an eye and its fur, but he got two trophies and $1,600, the prize for the contest. His masters said they’d use the prize money for radiation treatments. Gus was fighting skin cancer, which caused him to lose his leg and fur. He lost the eye in a scuffle with a tomcat.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

431: The Third Ecumenical Council opens in Ephesus to condemn Nestorianism, which holds that Christ was two separate persons rather than one person with two natures.

 

1559: In England, Queen Elizabeth’s Prayer Book was issued. During her 45-year reign, Elizabeth I rejected the Catholic faith, adopting instead the Thirty-Nine Articles of the Anglican Church.

 

1714: Matthew Henry, English Presbyterian pastor and Bible commentator, dies. His work is still published as Matthew Henry’s Commentary.

 

1745: Colonial missionary to the American Indians David Brainerd wrote in his journal: “I am often weary of this world, and want to leave it on that account; but it is more desirable to be drawn, rather than driven out of it.”

 

1750: Clergyman Jonathan Edwards was dismissed from his Congregational pulpit in Northampton, MA, after serving there 23 years. Maintaining his ultra- conservative theology, Edwards had grown to become administratively too inflexible for his congregation.

 

1865: The society known today as the Palestine Exploration Fund (PEF) was first organized. Its purpose is to provide information about the archaeology, the history and the people of the Holy Land.

 

1870: Scholars began translation work on the English Revised Version of the Bible. Released in 1881, the ERV became the textual basis for the American Standard Version (ASV), first published in the United States in 1901.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“Judging Amy”, “NYPD Blue”, Daybreak, HEAT) Amy Brenneman, 51 (
    )
  • Actress (Alex’s girlfriend in “Family Ties” – she later married Michael J. Fox in real life) Tracy Pollan, 55 (
    )
  • Actor (Snow Dogs, Dances With Wolves, Maverick) Graham Greene, 63
  • Actress (“The Bionic Woman”) Lindsay Wagner, 66 (
    )
  • Actor (“Laverne & Shirley’s” Squiggy) David L. Lander, 68 (
    )
  • Actress (Death Becomes Her, Oscars for Sophie’s Choice and Kramer vs. Kramer) Meryl Streep, 70
  • Actor/singer/songwriter (The Blade movies, Where The Red Fern Grows, Planet of the Apes) Kris Kristofferson, 79

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1830 : Theodor Leschetizky

1913 : Dotty Todd

1936 : Kris Kristofferson

1943 : Jimmy Castor

1944 : Peter Asher (Peter and Gordon)

1947 : Howard Kaylan (The Turtles, Mothers Of Invention, Flo & Eddie)

1948 : Todd Rundgren

1949 : Alan Osmond (The Osmonds)

1953 : Cindy Lauper

1956 : Derek Forbes (Simple Minds)

1957 : Gary Beers (INXS)

1959 : Alan Anton (Cowboy Junkies)

1961 : Jimmy Somerville (The Bronski Beat)

1964 : Mike Edwards (Jesus Jones)

1970 : Steven Page (Barenaked Ladies)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why don’t our palms get sunburned at the beach?

Think about how you hold your palms. When you walk down the street on a sunny day your arms are usually at your side, palms facing your body. The sun can’t get at them. Even if you’re lying on the beach unprotected, daring skin cancer to take its best shot, your palms are safe. If you’re on your back, your arms are at your side, palms face down. Lying on your stomach, you probably keep your arms folded in front of you, palms down. For double protection, the skin on your palms is thicker than everywhere else but on the soles of your feet, with more dead cells at the surface to keep out ultraviolet rays.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Bart Millard recently sat down with CBN to talk about the latest Mercyme song called Flawless. In the video Bart shared about the new freedom he’s found in his walk with Christ and how that is expressed in the words of the bands latest song. Listen to the interview here: http://t.co/ofAglgOVZ8

 

Rhett Walker says he was being a good husband this week. He tweeted: I just left April the Almonds and Cashews from the Trail Mix bag.

 

Jimmy Needham was on the Desiring God web site last week honestly opening up about his struggles and sharing about the victory God has given him over sin. Jimmy shared: In high school, and even into college, I weighed 260 pounds and was not even six feet tall. I was addicted to pornography — had been since I was nine. Jimmy says: The message of the gospel collided with my appetites when I was fifteen. I was saved; I was washed; I was made new. Even so, as a young Christian I was losing battles with my gluttony and lust. Jimmy says Real freedom came for me when I began, by God’s grace, to see that my cravings were for more than just food or sex. http://t.co/woLvG691SI

 

Third Day has partnered with iDisciple to give you access to the resource iDisciple. At the site you can also enjoy “THIRD DAY Thoughts” – a Bible verse and a short word of inspiration – plus an invitation to participate in THIRD DAY’s weekly devotions and Bible studies as well as band members’ personal insights on faith, family, touring, and more. 
https://www.idisciple.org/channel/third-day?view=overview

 

NEEDTOBREATHE will be on your TV on Thursday, July 2. According to New Release Tuesday, the Rivers in the Wasteland band will be on Good Morning America, and will bring along Gavin DeGraw for their first network television performance of “Brother.”

 

Tobymac was writing new music this week but it wasn’t for his own project. The well known Christian artist was writing music with John Cooper for Skillet’s new album. In response, John tweeted: what a great writer. Can’t wait for you all to hear!

 

The members of NeedtoBreathe say they were flying home with heavy hearts last week. The band is from the Charleston area, sight of the church shooting. NeedToBreathe tweeted: Absolutely horrific. Pray for Charleston.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Woman charged with killing boyfriend in canned food attack
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A Southern California woman has been charged with beating her boyfriend to death with canned food. Prosecutors on Thursday filed a murder charge against 59-year-old Linda Jackson of Lake Los Angeles. She was jailed. It’s unclear whether she had obtained an attorney….

 

Calico kitty ‘Bella’ named official cat of the Alamo    photo
SAN ANTONIO (AP) — The Alamo has a new official cat. The Texas General Land Office on Thursday announced the calico kitty has the formal title Miss Isabella Francisca Veramendi de Valero. But she goes by Bella. The General Land Office oversees the state-owned landmark in San Antonio. Bella…
Utah school creates ‘texting lane’ for phone-focused walkers    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — One Utah university is giving students glued to their cellphones a place to call their own: a designated lane for texting while walking. The neon green lanes painted on the stairs to the gym at Utah Valley University were intended as a lighthearted way to brighten up the…
Police: Man drives himself to station, asks for DUI arrest
HOPKINSVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Authorities say a man drove under the influence of alcohol to a small-town Kentucky police station, where he requested that officers arrest him. The Kentucky New Era (http://bit.ly/1MNoFOI) reports that 26-year-old Christopher L. Stewart drove to Tuesday night to the…
Lost stuffed tiger goes on an adventure at Tampa airport
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — When a 6-year-old boy left behind his favorite stuffed animal at Tampa International Airport, officials took the toy on an adventure. Owen Lake lost his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, earlier this month on his way to Houston. His mother, Amanda Lake, says she called the…
Bank robber who stopped for biscuits gets state prison
GREENSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A man who was arrested for robbing a western Pennsylvania bank when he stopped to eat biscuits at a nearby restaurant will spend two to four years in prison. The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review (http://bit.ly/1K0lDr8) reports 32-year-old Shane Lindsey, of Arnold, was…
Massachusetts 6-year-old plays 100 holes of golf for charity
NORTON, Mass. (AP) — A 6-year-old Massachusetts boy has raised $25,000 for cancer research by playing 100 holes of golf in one day in memory of a classmate who died of the disease. Ryan McGuire, of Foxborough, completed the golf marathon Wednesday at MGA Links at Mamantapett, a par-3 course…
Ohio man pleads not guilty to accepting teen’s stolen cash
MEDINA, Ohio (AP) — A 70-year-old northeast Ohio man has pleaded not guilty to a charge of receiving stolen property for allegedly accepting cash from a 13-year-old boy accused of stealing $25,000 from his grandfather. The charge accuses the man of accepting less than $7,500. He pleaded not…
UK man sneaks marriage proposal into newspaper crossword    photo
LONDON (AP) — It’s a case of two down: the aisle. A crossword-loving British lawyer hid a marriage proposal in The Times newspaper’s daily puzzle. Matthew Dick thought of the cryptic way of popping the question to girlfriend Delyth Hughes and persuaded the newspaper to agree. Tuesday’s Times…
Wisconsin city bars use of kangaroos as service animals
BEAVER DAM, Wis. (AP) — Officials have changed a southeastern Wisconsin city’s rules on service animals after a woman took a baby kangaroo into a McDonald’s restaurant. HASH(0x13ecc50) Beaver Dam police say the woman wrapped the baby kangaroo in a blanket and tucked it in an infant car seat,…
Would-be good Samaritan back in New York jail on drug charge
GENESEE FALLS, N.Y. (AP) — A man whose failed good Samaritan gesture landed him in jail is back behind bars. Police in Wyoming County say 31-year-old Christopher Ratcliffe was trying to get donations for a non-existent foundation on June 8, the same day he tried to free a man whose leg was…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

House bill aims for less e-cigarette regulation    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Republicans are pushing to ease proposed government regulations for companies that sell e-cigarettes and other new tobacco products, a move that Democrats charge could lead to unsafe products on the market. A spending bill approved by a House subcommittee Thursday…

 

Medicare: House calls can help frail seniors and cut costs    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — An X-ray in the living room. A rapid blood test. A peek into pill bottles and refrigerators. The humble house call can accomplish a lot — and now research suggests that tailoring it to some of Medicare’s frailest patients can improve their care while cutting costs….
US agrees to pay millions for Agent Orange claims
WASHINGTON (AP) — Ending years of wait, the government agreed Thursday to provide disability benefits to as many as 2,100 Air Force reservists and active-duty forces exposed to Agent Orange residue on airplanes used in the Vietnam War. The new federal rule, approved by the White House Office…
Iowa high court to rule on telemedicine abortions ban
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — The Iowa Supreme Court is expected to rule whether a state medical board overstepped its authority by requiring doctors to be in the room when a woman receives abortion-inducing medication rather than allowing it to be administered remotely via video conferencing. The…
House votes to kill health care law’s medical device tax    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The House defied a White House veto threat and voted Thursday to abolish a tax on medical device makers as a group of Democrats uncharacteristically joined Republicans in moving to kill part of President Barack Obama’s health care law. Thursday’s 280-140 House vote was…
Dengue fever outbreak infects thousands in war-torn Yemen    photo
SANAA, Yemen (AP) — Thousands of people have been diagnosed with dengue fever in southern Yemen, where fighting has raged for months between Shiite rebels and their opponents, international organizations and health officials said Thursday. The top health ministry official in the southern port…
WHO chief reassures South Korea as its MERS deaths reach 24    photo
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — The head of the World Health Organization has praised beleaguered South Korean officials and exhausted health workers, saying their efforts to contain a deadly MERS virus outbreak have put the country on good footing and lowered the public risk. Margaret Chan said…
Grocers: Vermont GMO law could lead to fines of $10M a day
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Vermont’s first-in-the-nation law requiring the labeling of foods made with genetically modified organisms could cost the nation’s grocers up to $10 million a day in fines, according to a letter from an industry organization that is suing the block the law. The letter…
UN: Spread of MERS in South Korea isn’t global emergency    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the spread of a mysterious virus from the Middle East to South Korea doesn’t merit being declared a global emergency despite infecting more than 160 people in the biggest outbreak outside the Arabian peninsula. In a statement Wednesday, the…
German hospital says quads born to 65-year-old doing well    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Doctors say quadruplets born prematurely a month ago to a 65-year-old woman in Germany are doing well and gaining weight but one remains on a respirator. Berlin’s Charite hospital said Wednesday the four babies — a girl named Neeta and three boys named Dries, Bence and…
Medicare project: House calls for frail seniors cut costs    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The humble house call is being put to the test to see if it can improve care and cut costs for some of Medicare’s frailest patients — and new data suggests it can work. Medicare announced Thursday that it saved more than $25 million in the first year of a three-year…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

An estimated 250 thousand people in the US are married to a partner who’s a second cousin or closer.  *** This might explain why people vote the way they do in America.  Their brains are damaged.

 

We’ve all sent some text messages we wish we hadn’t. Now a Phoenix man is making your mistakes disappear. According to a KTVK news report, Kevin Wooten has developed an app that can help you turn back the clock. It’s called reTXT and Kevin says that, when you’ve sent a text you didn’t really mean to send, it allows you delete them. He said he was inspired by autocorrect to create a messaging app with edit and delete functions. Though your text recipient will see you’ve made a change, Wooten insists once you hit delete, it’s gone.  *** This is awesome – but yet, we still can’t do this with email?

 

Rachel Dolezal, the former head of the Spokane NAACP, is reportedly in negotiations for her own Reality TV series.  *** But of course she is.

 

Senator Lindsey Graham said last week that we are “due” for a bachelor president.  *** We’re “due”?  That’s now the qualification we’re looking at for the leader of America, that they are “due”?  Never mind the amount of experience they have, or what their views are on the issues, or even if they are mentally capable… so long as our next president is a bachelor – because bachelors are due.  What hope would our country possibly have if the only reason he’s in power is because he’s unmarried?  Oh… and all of this applies to the whole “we’re due for a woman President” argument too.  Please be a bit more intelligent, people.  What’s next?  Are we “due” for a transracial President?  Rachel Dolezal is looking for a job…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Some things never change. Students at UC Santa Cruz were asked who should propose marriage — the man, the woman, or does it matter? Two-thirds of men and women said “definitely” the guy should propose. Only 2.8% of the women said they’d “kind of” want to propose.  ***MARLAR: So, it’s still the guy’s responsibility to propose marriage – but heaven forbid you open a door for a lady or insist on buying dinner – then suddenly you’re a male chauvinist. You gotta love the 21st century.

 

Beautiful people don’t just get all the breaks, scientists say they’re likely smarter than most people, too.  A study in England conducted by researchers at the London School of Economics found that attractive men and women generally have higher IQs.  The study indicated attractive men have IQs that are 13.6 points above the average, while beautiful women are 11.4 points higher than average.  Lead researcher Satoshi Kanazawa, insists this should not be considered justification for believing beautiful people are better than everyone else.  “Our contention that beautiful people are more intelligent is purely scientific,” he said.  ***MARLAR: So not only am I unattractive… I’m also stupid.

 

Want an edge the next time the Powerball or Mega Millions lottery jackpots get to big numbers? Software developer Mark McCracken says his program, The Lottery Picker, can increase your chances. The software also helps streamline the labor of buying, filling out, and checking multiple tickets. It’ll set you back $140.  ***MARLAR: But Mark McCracken guarantees a winner with every purchase… and that winner’s name is Mark McCracken.

 

OK guys. Admit it. Your skivvies probably have seen better days. According to a survey done for Jockey International, 77 percent of men say their undershorts are stained or tattered or worse. A quarter of guys confess their boxers or briefs are more than four years old. Another 15 percent admit they wear underwear that doesn’t fit. The telephone survey of 500 men was conducted by Kelton Research for Jockey. ***MARLAR: Nice to see I’m finally in the majority for something.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Slow Children Running Child”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Paul Aldrich, “Rock Star Commercials”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Nozzles the Elephant had just purchased a new book… a book with no title, filled with nothing but blank pages. He was wondering what to write in the book, when suddenly he was talking with Gruffy and thought it’d be a good to write down the tools Gruffy had borrowed from him to keep a record…

 

CLOSE: Oh great… now everyone’s getting into it. It won’t be long and we’ll have an entire book filled with nothing but complaints about how people treat one another. That can’t be good for friendships! Our story continues next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 27/28, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson has just arrived home from a very busy day at school, and he was getting really tired of having to be so busy all of the time. Working all day at school, working on homework, working on chores, and now his father wants him to work at cleaning up his room!

 

CLOSE: What exactly is a weekly calendar clock-tower good for? Tune in again next time As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

How fast can you run?  One man tried to run 100mph! How did he do…?

A Paw Paw, Michigan man became lost in the Calhoun County countryside – and his car became stuck in the mud of a field driveway.  The man, whose name is unknown and shall be heretofore referred to as the inDUHvidual, tried to push his car out of the mud but realized he couldn’t be in two places at once. So he weighted the accelerator down with a metal tool box and then proceeded to push on the back of his rear-wheel-drive car.  Well, the plan worked, for the car took off and eventually reached a speed exceeding 100 miles per hour across a muddy cut bean field.  And here’s where our inDUHvidual committed a second Moment of Duh… he gave chase.  The car became airborne at a couple of places, so we can only imagine the guy trying to run 100 miles an hour and attain enough speed to take off.  The car eventually came to a stop by running into a tree.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CAR ADS… TRANSLATED

 

10.One careful owner – But the other nine were clumsy as anything

 

  1. 10,000 trouble-free miles – crashed in the last 20 feet

 

  1. Heated rear window – so you don’t get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter

 

  1. Very clean – only washed if and when it rains

 

  1. Lady owner – the glove box is full of half-used cosmetics

 

  1. Clean interior – all the rubbish is under the floormats

 

  1. Immobiliser – the gear shift comes off in your hand

 

  1. Anti-theft device – I can let you have a rottweiler cheap

 

  1. Drives beautifully – in a straight line; the steering is all over the place

 

  1. Low mileage – the odometer is on its third time around

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A tip for would-be drug kingpins…

 

FILE #1: …you may want to consider a different profession if your father is the local sheriff. Bobby Hopper, the sheriff in Fulton County, Kentucky, recently arrested Robert Hopper Jr. after allegedly finding him making methamphetamine. If the names sound similar, you’re right. They are father and son and it was Junior’s second arrest by his father on meth-related charges in a month.  I’m sure it was a very pleasant Father’s Day for this family.

 

FILE #2: 28-year-old Albert Hoffmueller had the tables turned on him when he tried to rob a taxi driver in Germany. The cabbie reversed roles and in fact held up Albert, taking his wallet instead. Amazingly Albert called the police who then found the cab and driver at the dispatch headquarters. The driver still had Albert’s wallet but then explained the situation to police and said he only kept it for the purposes of identifying the crook. Al’s wallet was returned to him and no charges will be pressed against the driver.

 

FILE #3: What would you do if you found out your bank mistakenly put more than $6 million into your account? The answer one New Zealand couple came up with has made them the object of a police search. Authorities say they’ve gone on the run, after realizing the bank made a huge error in their favor. The couple runs a gas station and applied to their bank for a $6,000 overdraft – only to get 1,000 times that put into their account. They withdrew a chunk of the money and haven’t been seen since. Not a good idea. Authorities consider the use of the money theft and say it’s only a matter of time before they get caught.

 

STRANGE LAW: If your summer travels take you through Delcambre, Louisiana, don’t even think about wearing baggy pants that fall so low below the waist that your underwear is exposed. Why? You’ll be arrested. The penalty is up to six months in jail or a $500 fine.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Usually when you hear someone say “like mother, like daughter” it’s not a compliment. Same applies here.

Leanne Black, who at 12 years of age gained notoriety in Britain a couple of years ago when she became that country’s youngest drunk driver, has gotten her face plastered over newspapers again.  Now 14, Leanne was hauled into court again on new DUI charges.  However, Leann came prepared.  Not with a lawyer, but with a box of eggs, which she used to pelt reporters covering the trial. Later in court, Leanne was branded a “vicious little cow” by neighbors and screamed when she was told she would be jailed.  At that point she punched the prosecutor in the back, threw a jug of water over the magistrates and their clerk, kicked furniture over as she sprinted around cowering probation officers.  She proceeded to sweep the tables of their contents and yell abuse at court officials before she was dragged off.  Outside the court, Leanne’s mom mooned photographers, and then said of her daughter, “I’m proud of her.”

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is STUPID GUY THING DAY, a day for women to make a list of stupid guy things and pass it on. Here are just a few…

  • TiVo-ing “World’s Wildest Police Videos”
  • Throwing every article of clothing into the same load of laundry
  • Refusing to buy new socks or underwear
  • Constantly repeating lines from our favorite movies in everyday conversation
  • Thinking you’re really good at poker… then losing 200 bucks
  • Forgetting your anniversary and/or your wife’s birthday
  • Teaching your kid to burp the alphabet
  • Wearing everything you eat
  • Leaving the toilet seat up
  • Turning shirts inside out so they can be worn again
  • Thinking all greens or blues match each other in picking out clothes

 

***PHONER: HAVE YOUR LISTENERS ADD TO THE LIST!

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: A confederacy of kings was formed by Adoni-zedec, who was the king of what city?

ANSWER: Jerusalem (Joshua 10:1)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is so unique about the flag of the Philippines?

ANSWER: The flag of the Philippines is the only national flag that is flown differently during times of peace or war. A portion of the flag is blue, while the other is red. The blue portion is flown on top in time of peace and the red portion is flown in war time.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. The Andy Griffith Show was a spin-off show. (True. It was the first spin-off in TV history. It was a spin-off of the Danny Thomas Show.)

 

  1. Humans are the only primates that can have blue eyes. (False – black lemurs can too.)

 

  1. Over 50% of the weddings in the U.S. occur in the afternoon. (True)

 

  1. An ear of corn is more than 60% water. (False – 80%)

 

  1. There were 57 countries involved in World War II. (True)

 

  1. A phonophobe fears telephones. (False – they fear noise.0

 

  1. Shredded Wheat was the first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal. (True)

 

  1. You are most likely to lose your hearing than any of the other senses if you are hit by lightning. (True)

 

  1. The price of the first TV Guide was 5 cents. (False – 15 cents)

 

  1. The Hershey chocolate bar was used overseas during World War II as currency. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ BANNED IN NEW JERSEY (HUGGING)

TRENTON, NJ –  Chris Christie has followed the Matawan-Aberdeen Middle School, and has banned hugging anywhere in New Jersey.

“We are a no hugging state,”  Governor Chris Christie reportedly told reporters yesterday.  “If  we catch anyone hugging it will be a $100 fine for the first offense, $250 or the second offense and $1,000 for the third.  After that, it’s jail.”

Christie got the idea from Matawan school district that decided that middle school children shouldn’t hug each other.  “It’s not normal or natural,” said school superintendent John Jacobus.  “If kids hug, then the next thing you know there having babies and we can’t have that happen in our school.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Three old men were sitting around, playing cards, and talking about ways to stay fit. The oldest guy boasted that, at 70, he had the body of a 30-year-old, thanks to a strict daily regimen he had followed for the past three decades.

“Yessir,” said the old guy. “Up at five a.m. sharp every morning, right into the shower, then a quick, healthy breakfast — and plain food at that; nothing fancy. Then I work hard all morning, exercise for a full hour, have a simple lunch, then go back to work. After dinner, I take a long walk — just up and down my own hallway, really, since I can’t go out at night anymore, but I do walk, for nearly two hours steady, every evening. Then I go to bed nice and early, at exactly 9:00 — no ifs, ands, or buts. “And, most importantly,” finished the old guy, “I don’t drink, do drugs, or run around with women. And here I am, living proof of what a strict daily routine can do for you.”

“Uh, Mike,” said one of his buddies. “We’ve all been following that same ‘strict daily routine’ too… ever since the day we were all remanded to Leavenworth Prison.”

 

JOKE #2

Scott was working at a lumberyard pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all four of his fingers. He rushed to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the doctor took a look and said, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do.”

“I haven’t got the fingers.” Scott replied.

The doctor said, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We’ve got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn’t you bring me the fingers?”

“Well, think about it, Doc! I tried, but I couldn’t pick ’em up.”

 

JOKE #3

Sometimes the funniest things happen right in the middle of your own church service. Last Sunday our pastor had a more patriotic sermon, talking about God and country. He started by saying, “We live in a great country. One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” At that moment one of the kids in the church piped up, “I’m not free. I’m four.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Donna Maddock of Mold, Wales, found her picture flashed all over the world when a police video camera caught her driving on the A499 highway while putting on her makeup. She was going 32 mph with a brush in one hand, a compact in the other, and no hands on the wheel. She was fined $350 (US). A police spokesman said, “A car is a dangerous lump of metal in the wrong hands.” ***MARLAR: On the upside, she has the best looking mugshot in England.

 

Police in Haifa, Israel, are searching for a thief who broke into a factory and stole nearly 100 tons of chocolate spread. They suspect it was an inside job, since the alarm was deactivated, and the surveillance video was taken. The missing chocolate was enough to fill five large trucks.  ***MARLAR: Of course it’s missing… they probably ate it!  (I would’ve.)

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

As you know, last Sunday was Father’s Day. I went over to my dad’s place early Sunday afternoon for dinner, and then after dinner we ran out to Men’s Foot Locker because he needed some new sneakers.  We were near the mall anyway, so it wasn’t any big deal.  So we stop in, Robin (my bride) and I take a seat because who knows HOW long it might take to get someone to take care of you on Father’s Day at the mall.  Fortunately, it didn’t take very long… the sales guy walks up and starts talking to Dad. Dad tells him what he wants the guy goes back and gets the shoes for Dad to try on.

“How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk.

“Well … they feel a bit tight,” my Dad said.

So the sales guy bends down and has a look at the shoes my Dad has tried on and says, “try pulling out on the tongue.”

My dad sticks out his tongue, grabs it and says, “Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

STOP FOR DIRECTIONS!

Imagine having major heart surgery, and then, while being rushed to a different hospital, your ambulance driver gets lost!

A Scottish patient, recovering from major heart surgery, and who was being transported between hospitals, didn’t arrive at the other hospital FOR FOUR HOURS because the ambulance driver had become hopelessly lost. The ambulance only arrived, finally, at the correct hospital when the recovering patient became aware that the ambulance was heading in the wrong direction and guided the driver to the correct hospital. All in all, the ambulance traveled more than 200 miles.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

“When the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s reputation, which brought honor to the name of the Lord, she came to test him with hard questions.” 1 Kings 10:1

Money does not satisfy. Had it satisfied the queen of Sheba, she never would have traveled for hundreds of miles over ancient roads and deserts just to hear the words of God from Solomon. The human heart craves more than money. It craves answers to life’s purpose and longs to see the wisdom and power of God. Simon was willing to pay money to obtain the power of laying hands on people to receive the Holy Spirit (Acts 8:18-19). The treasurer for Candace, the queen of Ethiopia, was more interested in knowing whom Isaiah was describing than he was in acquiring all the wealth of which he was steward (v. 34). Even Solomon with his hundreds of talents of gold per year was not satisfied with worldly wealth, and his wandering, searching heart thus delved into idolatry. Don’t let the devil dangle riches before your eyes, telling you that money will fulfill you. Those who have handled vast sums of it will tell you otherwise. Use money as a tool to evangelize the world, and enjoy the free riches of the Kingdom of God!
By Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Today’s Drive Time Devotional concentrates on Psalm 34:8… with a side of fries.

When I’m driving a lengthy distance and need a quick pick-me-up, I’ll often stop at McDonald’s for an order of French fries. When they’re fresh and hot, nothing tastes better. In fact, now that I think about it, I get fries almost every time I go to McDonald’s.

When McDonald’s began, founder Ray Kroc insisted that his French fries be made only from russet potatoes, and that they be made from scratch every day. The wonderful taste of the fries came from the cooking oil–93 percent beef tallow and 7 percent cottonseed oil. All of the restaurants used the same formula, and people everywhere praised–and ate–literally tons of their fries.

But when McDonald’s kept growing, changes had to be made. Frozen French fries are now made in huge plants and shipped to the restaurants. Chemists and technicians worked long and hard to produce an artificial flavor that matched the original.

Today, manufacturing artificial flavors and odors for food is a major industry in the United States. And it isn’t limited to fries. Everything from snack foods to cereal to grape Kool-Aid has one of these little statements in the list of ingredients: “artificial flavoring added” or “natural flavor added.” I really don’t care as long as the taste is right.

But there is something that cannot be duplicated artificially: our relationship with Christ. True, all kinds of substitutes have emerged, from elaborate systems of good works to Eastern mysticism. But these alternatives do not “taste” the same as a genuine personal relationship with the living Christ. He is “the real thing,” for He fully satisfies the thirst for God in every human heart. The psalmist put it this way: “Taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8).

Tired of poor substitutes? Turn to Jesus Christ. Trust in Him as your Savior. He will meet the needs of your heart.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

PRETTY IN PINK

People often paint their bedrooms their favorite colors… that’s understandable. But you spend more time at work normally, than you do in your bedroom, so why not paint your work area your favorite color?

That’s exactly what a Cleveland Ohio man has done. Oh, by the way, did I mention that he owns a gas station? Yup, he painted his entire gas station PINK! Crazy? Perhaps. But there is a pretty nifty side-effect to his bizarre paint job… increased business! He used to sell only 800 gallons of gasoline per day, now he’s selling close to 4,000. ***MARLAR: His gas station may not look “pretty in pink”, but it sure looks good in the black from making the green!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

E-MAIL OBSESSEDCITIES

According to an AOL survey, our love affair with e-mail may be a tad out of control. The survey found that New Yorkers are No. 1 in the country when it comes to being addicted to e-mail. While 46% of the nation is hooked on e-mail, 55% of New Yorkers are. The average New Yorker has 2.7 email accounts and checked their personal e-mail four times a day. The five most e-mail addicted cities are:

  1. New York
  2. Houston
  3. Chicago
  4. Detroit
  5. San Francisco

 

WHERE DO YOU CHECK YOUR EMAIL?

The survey also found:

67% check their e-mail in bed

59% check their e-mail in the bathroom

50% check it while driving

39% check their e-mail at a bar

25% while on a date

15% in church

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HOW MANY IS TOO MANY

Ever known anyone with more than one middle name? How about someone with two first names? How about twelve?

Most of us have three names: a first, middle, and last. But how many could you have? That was the question a German court ruled on recently. A woman had applied to a regional court to give her son 12 names – but the court restricted her to three first names. The Supreme Court later overruled the lower court and said she could have four first names for her son and set a maximum on five first names. In Germany local registrars have the authority to reject names considered improper or liable to subject the child to public ridicule. She wanted to name her child, Chenekwahow Migiskau Nikapi-Hun-Nizeo Alessandro Majim Chayara Inti Ernesto Prithibi Kioma Pathar Henriko. She wanted the names to reflect different lands, cultures and religions and show the child there should not be “boundaries in the heart of humans.” ***MARLAR: You have to feel sorry for this kid when his parents get angry. How much trouble are you in when you have twelve names and your parents use every single one of them to call you into the other room?

 

 

FUN LIST

GIFTS DAD REALLY WANTED BUT DIDN’T GET FOR FATHER’S DAY

  • a giant “No Whining Zone” poster
  • a solemn promise to accept “we’ll see” as an acceptable answer to any request.
  • Remote controlled Bar-B-Q grill
  • Satellite Dish for the car
  • A cell phone option that only allows daughters to make calls in emergencies
  • The ability to truly understand the concept of the need for women to shop

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

My bride had me go out earlier today to pick up bread and milk at the grocery store. 
So I get there, pick up the stuff, and while I’m in the checkout lane there’s this woman in front of me paying and is having difficulty finding her change purse. She started pulling everything out of her purse: make up, her garage door opener, her checkbook, a small toy action figure, you name it she had it. And then, she took out a television remote control! 
The cashier was just as surprised as I was, because she asked the lady, “Do you always carry your TV remote control around?” 
The lady said, “Oh, no. But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was a great way to get even.” 
Who knew going grocery shopping could be so entertaining?!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

A robber attacks a man and his family – but it’s the victim that ends up in jail!

A millionaire in the UK faces life in prison for attacking a robber who held him and his family at knife point. Munir Hussain, 52, was found guilty of “inflicting grievous bodily harm with intent,” for attacking Walid Salem, 56, one of three raiders who broke into his house and forced him, his wife and three children to lie on the floor with their hands behind their backs. At some point they were able to overtake Salem, and neighbors say they saw “several men” beating him with weapons including a cricket bat and a metal pole. Salem was left with injuries including a fractured skull and bruising on the brain. In another twist, Salem could be eligible for criminal injury compensation, even though he recovered to commit other crimes.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

Service dogs at a Minnesota high school are receiving some special recognition. The dogs, Dakota and Carmel, belong to two Blaine High School teachers and are featured in the yearbook under the staff section. One of the teachers is hearing impaired and uses the dog to help teach American sign language. The other teacher works in special education and brings her dog in to work with students. The yearbook advisor says the dogs bridge the different populations at the school and make everyone smile.

http://www.freep.com/story/life/2015/06/13/service-dogs-yearbook/71168224/

 

Looks like man’s best friend won’t be friends with you if you’re mean to its owner. Japanese researchers separated dogs into three groups: one where the owner asks for help from two strangers and is refused, one where the owner asks for help from two strangers and receives it from one, and a third where the strangers neither helped nor refused to help. The strangers accompanying the owner then offered the dog food, and according to researchers, the dogs were more likely to ignore the stranger who denied him help and take food from the neutral person.

http://pix11.com/2015/06/13/dogs-not-friendly-to-people-who-are-mean-to-their-owners-researchers/

 

New findings could help scientists trace how viruses spread. According to a Time Magazine article, the blood test analyzes less than a single drop of blood and can reveal every virus people have over their lifetime. The experimental test called VirScan can detect the 206 virus species known to infect humans and more than 1,000 known virus strains, according to the journal Science. Scientists say the new blood test could help doctors trace how viruses spread.

http://ti.me/1RSGmjw

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I feel so vibrant and creative I may just stop by the yogurt shop on the way home and go crazy with the sprinkles.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 19, 2015…

 

Dope (opening in select cities)—This is a comedy about a young man trying to go to college and a drug situation that turns out wrong. Pharrell Williams wrote many of the songs. The story is set in California, but the young man, Malcolm (Shameik Moore) wants to go to Harvard. “Dope” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Inside Out—Several years ago was a comedy TV series, called “Herman’s Head” starring William Ragsdale, about a man with voices in his head who were always arguing about something. Several actors had the roles of the voices. Now, we have an animated film with emotions who argue in the head of a pre-teen girl named Riley (Kaitlyn Dias). They all come into play when Riley and her family move to a new location. Enough to give one a headache. Voices of  Joy (Amy Poehler), Anger (Lewis Black), Disgust (Mindy Kaling), Sadness (Phyllis Smith)  and Fear (Bill Hader) . This is a Pixar film. “Inside Out” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.

 

Manglehorn (opening in select cities)—Al Pacino stars in this film about a man trying to manage his life and friendship with a son (Chris Messina), a past girlfriend and a new girlfriend. Pacino plays a locksmith. Also in the cast are Natalie Wilemon and Holly Hunter. “Manglehorn” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Overnight (opening in select cities)—What happens when you move to a new city? In this cast, Seattle. Well, be careful when making friends as you never know. Taylor Schilling and Adam Scott are a couple who move and are befriended by Jason Schwartzman. Hmm.  “The Overnight” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JUNE 26, 2015…

 

What Happened Miss Simone? is a documentary on the life of the famous singer, Nina Simone.

 

Ted 2 and it had to happen. The foul-mouthed teddy bear is back in action and this time wants to get married?

 

Max (and bring hankie to theater) is about an Army dog who is returned to civilian life.

 

Big Game is an action film starring Samuel L. Jackson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.