June 24, 2018: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180624
PDF: 20180624

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The toughest thing about being on the air (four hours) every day is meeting the high professional broadcast standards that I set for myself. That’s why, every day about this time, I lower my standards.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Search me O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” –Psalm 139:23-24

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and will not be faint. — Isaiah 40:31

I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. — Jeremiah 10:23

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.” — Luke 5:26

Thought: Jesus forgave a man who was lame, then showed he had authority to forgive by healing him. As exciting and important as this healing was, the most important thing was the reaction of those who witnessed it; they praised God out of a sense of amazed awe. They recognized that Jesus had come to minister as God’s very presence. When we understand who Jesus is and what he has done for us and will continue to do for us, we do the same thing today — we offer our praises with a sense of amazement and awe.

Prayer: Almighty God and Heavenly Father, I glorify your name and thank you for your grace which you so lavishly poured out on me through your Son and my Savior, Jesus, in whose name I offer this praise. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Ephesians 6:24 NIV = Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – JUNE 24, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
183 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is TAKE YOUR DOG TO WORK DAY, sponsored by Pet Sitters of King, North Carolina (petsit.com).  ***Now that’s interesting… a business that specializes in watching your pet for you is asking you to watch your own pet today.  Great business plan.

Today is NATIONAL SWIMMING DAY.  ***So what happens if you’re a professional swimmer and you take your dog to work today? Do you just work on your dog-paddle?

Today is NEWFOUNDLAND DISCOVERY DAY, marking John Cabot’s arrival on June 24, 1497. ***I can understand it being called Newfoundland when it was newly found in 1497… but that was more than 600 years ago. Shouldn’t we just be calling it “Land” now?

Today is NATIONAL SWING A KID DAY. ***Which makes aiming for the piñata a LOT more entertaining.

Today is CELEBRATION OF THE SENSES DAY. ***As opposed to “Celebration of Common Sense Day” which never gets celebrated.

TODAY IS ALSO…

America’s Kids Day
Celebration of the Senses
Descendants Day
International Fairy Day or Faerie Day
Log Cabin Day
Stonewall National Monument Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

MONDAY, JUNE 25

Color TV Day (CBS)
Day of The Seafarer
Global Beatles Day
Leon Day
National Catfish Day
Please Take My Children To Work Day

TUESDAY, JUNE 26

Harry Potter Day
International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking
International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
National Canoe Day
National Columnists Day
Same Sex Marriage Day

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day
“Happy Birthday To You” Day
Industrial Workers of The World Day
Micro-, Small-, And Medium-Sized Enterprises Day
National HIV Testing Day
National Parchment Cooking Day
National Sunglasses Day
PTSD Awareness Day
Windjammer Day

THURSDAY, JUNE 28

International Body Piercing Day
Tau Day
National Bomb Pop Day
National Hand Shake Day
Ryan Moran Day

FRIDAY, JUNE 29

Drive Your Corvette to Work Day
World Scleroderma Day

SATURDAY, JUNE 30

Asteroid Day
California Avocado Day
National Haskap Berry Day
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
National Meteor Watch Day
NOW (National Organization For Women) Day
Social Media Day

SUNDAY, JULY 01

Canada Day
Estee Lauder Day
Fast of Tammuz
Hop A Park Day
National GSA Employee Day
National Postal Workers Day
Resolution Renewal Day
Second Half of The Year Day
U.S. Postage Stamp Day
Zip Code Day

MONDAY, JULY 02

I Forgot Day
Made In The USA Day
Second Half of The Year Day
World UFO Day

ON THIS DAY

1882: The National League expelled umpire Richard Higham for dishonesty. ***Well, when the catcher hands him a twenty-dollar-bill and he changes a ball to a strike, it gets a little blatant.

1892: Robert Ford was gunned down in a Creede, Colorado, saloon. Ten years earlier, as a new recruit in the Jesse James gang, he had killed Jesse for a $10,000 reward.

1949: NBC debuted the first network television western, “Hopalong Cassidy”, starring William Boyd and Edgar Buchanan. Edited theater films had been shown earlier on local New York City television. (audio clip)

1953: Journalist Jacqueline Bouvier announced her engagement to U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy.

1972: Baseball’s first woman umpire, Mrs. Bernice Gera, called the balls and strikes in her first game and resigned just a few hours after it was over. ***She couldn’t take the comments from fans like “How can you be so blind and put on your mascara!?”

1973: 15-year-old Marlene Raymond did the Limbo under a flaming bar six and one-eighth inches off the ground. ***Wow – I couldn’t limbo under a bar that low if you laid me flat on my back and dragged me by the heels!

1977: 15-year-old Marlene Raymond of Toronto set a world limbo record by scrunching under a limbo bar only 6 and 1/8 inches above the floor. And the limbo bar was on fire! ***With only six inches between flame and flesh, isn’t that technically a barbecue?

1983: The space shuttle Challenger, carrying America’s first woman in space, astronaut Sally K. Ride, coasted to a safe landing at Edwards Air Force Base in California.

1985: Ron Howard’s “Cocoon” beat out “Rambo: First Blood, Part II” starring Sylvester Stallone for top North American movie of the week.

1989: Roseanne Cash’s recording “I Don’t Want to Spoil the Party” hit #1. It was the first #1 country song written by Paul McCartney and the late John Lennon.

1991: A $100 check made out to Pablo Picasso sold for $6,500. In 1962 an art lover gave Picasso the check and asked for a picture. Picasso drew a smiling little devil on the back of the check and returned it to the buyer.

1994: President Bill Clinton complained in St. Louis that unfair and negative reports about him were “feeding a cynical mindset” in America.

1995: Singer Daryle Singletary married actress Kerry Harvick at the First Baptist Church in Daryle’s hometown, Comanche, Texas.

1996: A report by the World Bank revealed one-fifth of the world’s population had to live on less than a dollar a day.

1997: After three days eluding gamekeepers, an 8-foot, 175-pound alligator named Douglas was finally captured in an Atlanta residential area and adopted by the Wild Adventures amusement park in Valdosta, Georgia.

1998: Walt Disney World Resort in Florida admitted its 600-millionth guest.

2002: A drunk driver in Karlskoga, Sweden, didn’t notice he had lost a wheel until he was pulled up by police. The man could not believe he was driving around on just three wheels. He was charged with drunk-driving.

2005: The U.S. Department of Agriculture reported the nation’s second confirmed case of mad cow disease.

2007: In Riccione, Italy, a businessman opened a women-only beach on the Adriatic coast to give the country’s females an oasis from men and children. Milan housewife Cinzia Donati said it was wonderful “to relax, read or doze without hearing some child shouting ‘Mamma, Mamma’ 600 times — and without men ogling you all the time.” The beach offered beauty tip, fitness classes, manicures, pedicures and cooking lessons.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

64: The first state-sponsored terror against Christians in the Roman Empire. It came at the hands of emporer Nero.

1579: The first English religious service is read in the Americas. Reverend Francis Fletcher, sailing with Sir Francis Drake, read from the Book of Common Prayer in California. The spot is marked with a granite cross and the day is observed by many Episcopalians. Pastors make pilgrimages to the spot.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“NYPD Blue,” “ER”) Sherry Stringfield, 51 (audio clip)

  • actress (Dee on TV’s “What’s Happening”) Danielle Spencer 53 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Robocop, Screamers, Star Trek Into Darkness) Peter Weller, 71

  • Actress (“Knots Landing”) Michele Lee, 76 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1939 : Oz Bach (Spanky and Our Gang)

1942 : Mick Fleetwood (Fleetwood Mac)

1944 : Jeff Beck

1944 : Arthur Brown

1944 : Chris Wood (Traffic)

1945 : Colin Blunstone (The Zombies, Manfred Mann)

1948 : Patrick Moraz (Yes,The Moody Blues)

1949 : John Illsley (Dire Straits)

1957 : Jeff Cease (The Black Crowes)

1957 : Astro (UB40)

1959 : Andy McCluskey (OMD)

1961 : Curt Smith (Tears for Fears)

1970 : Glenn Medeiros

1973 : Mario Calire (The Wallflowers)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

When do bears STOP hibernating?

This one may cause some contention, because not everyone really believes that bears truly hibernate. The bear’s body temperature doesn’t fall as much as that of other hibernating animals, and this was once thought to disqualify them as true hibernators. But now we know that their higher body temperature is simply a function of their larger size. Like other hibernating animals, bears don’t sleep through the winter, but rather wake up periodically and eat what they’ve stored in their cave. They emerge for good when average temperatures are above freezing. The true questions is, how does the bear determine the average temperature? Truthfully, I have no idea. I’m curious as to how we know the bear’s hibernating temperature in the first place. Who was brave enough to ask the bear to open their mouths and take a thermometer?

NEWS KICKERS

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was flying around the world with Jean Claude the flying squirrel trying to find somewhere that didn’t know about Steve Mozart. But alas, that was impossible – so Millard, defeated, is now heading back home… where he always takes second place to Steve Mozart.

CLOSE: What on earth could Millard be planning? What does a copy shop have to do with Steve Mozart’s concert? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Looks like the library police are getting serious — at least in Bay City, Michigan.

Library card holders up there with chronically overdue library books may soon find themselves with a much bigger problem than just a 10-cent-a-day fine. Frustrated librarians are proposing a crackdown on the worst offenders that could include criminal charges and up to 90 days in jail. Frederick J. Paffhausen, the library’s system director, said, “We want to go after some of the people who owe us a lot of money. We want to set an example.” Fred has asked the Bay County Library Board for permission to seek arrest warrants for offenders who ignore repeated notices.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS MOM DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR

1. I swallowed a goldfish.

2. Your lipstick works better than crayons.

3. Does grape juice leave a stain???

4. The principal called…

5. But DAD says that word all the time.

6. What’s it cost to fix a window???

7. Has anyone seen my earthworms???

8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?

9. The dog doesn’t like dressing up in your clothes.

10. I’m moving out. (Well, maybe some days.)

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Little League Baseball hits a ground ball into the files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: Little League baseball games get pretty heated at times. Randy Langston an assistant coach on his son’s baseball team took objection to what he thought was a bad call from umpire Terry Hessenflow. Hessenflow got so mad with Langston that he threw him out of the game. The coach thought he had the perfect revenge, though. Langston, a Texas police officer, went home, changed into his uniform and headed back to the baseball diamond. He waited for the game to finish and then followed the umpire in his patrol car waiting for him to make a mistake. He almost immediately pulled him over for failing to use his turn signal. The umpire had the last laugh, though. He reported the incident to police, who demoted Langston from a sergeant to a patrolman for what’s being called “poor judgment”. His pay was cut by $5,500 and was also put on 6 months’ probation. It was the case of “The Umpire Strikes Back”!

FILE #2: A man in Texas tried to rob a gun shop. He announced his intent while holding a pocket knife in his hand. He proceeded to go behind the counter toward the cash register. When the clerk refused to open the cash drawer, the robber moved aggressively toward the clerk. The clerk then retrieved a large caliber handgun and fired one shot, wounding the robber. 911 was called. An ambulance and the police arrived shortly thereafter. The robber survived the gun shot to his leg, but was hospitalized for almost a month. Although out armed, the pocket knife was considered a deadly weapon. This mental giant was charged with attempting an armed robbery and attempt to do bodily harm with a deadly weapon.

FILE #3: In Granbury, Texas, Thomas Parsons was angry because a couple of his friends had been arrested on drug possession charges. And the longer he thought about it, the madder he became. Finally he decided to drive down to the city hall to give the police chief a piece of his mind. That’s when the trouble started. First, when attempting to park, he drove over the curb, breaking the sprinkler system and destroying several shrubs in the process. Then, when he entered the building, he was making such a fuss that the officers decided to give him a breathalyzer test. Yep. He was drunk. And a check of his car found marijuana and drug paraphernalia. He joined his friends in jail.

STRANGE LAW: In McLough, Kansas, it is against the law to wash your false teeth in a public drinking fountain.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

42-year-old Judith Weidner is in jail. 

Why is she in jail?  Well, Judy forced her six-year-old daughter to steal the volunteer fire department’s fundraising jug to help finance her heroin addiction.  The grand total of the theft?  $1.85.

PHONER PHUN

Have you ever been sleep deprived? I think we all have. In fact I am right now. Well there’s a new study that suggests a drug can compensate for sleep deprivation. Imagine, being tired, but taking a pill and being magically awoken! MAGIC! If you could take a pill and never have to sleep again, would you want to?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: At what event did a voice from heaven say, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased”?
ANSWER: Jesus’ baptism (Matthew 3:13, 17)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What are the top two personal grooming procedures that paperclips are used for?

ANSWER: Picking teeth and cleaning fingernails

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. American Airlines is the worlds’ oldest airline established in 1919. (False, it’s KLM)

2. The country with the most number of islands is the Bahamas. (False, Finland)

3. The country that is the largest producer of cork is Portugal. (True)

4. The Eiffel Tower was designed by Gustave Eiffel (True)

5. Hartsfield – Jackson International Airport, is in Atlanta. (True)

6. The U.S. Agriculture Department proposed yogurt as a substitute for meat in school lunches. (True)

7. Sonny the Cuckoo Bird is “cuckoo for” Cocoa Pebbles. (False, Cocoa Puffs)

8. The Animal Crackers box was designed with a string handle so they could be hung from the Christmas trees. (True)

9. An ancient Egyptian used to place his right hand on an onion when taking an oath. (True)

10. Black-eyed peas are actually beans. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

______ SKULL FOUND!  (BIGFOOT)

A scientist in Idaho found a fossilized Bigfoot skull.

A week after a fossilized Bigfoot head was found in Utah, another one was found in Idaho!

Soon after, Ralph Barnkopf of Boise came by the West Coast offices of WWN and showed us a Bigfoot skull HE found in the woods outside Boise.

“It’s definitely a Bigfoot head, for sure.  I’d bet my dog’s life on it,”  Ralph told WWN.

We contacted a number of Bigfoot experts.   Dr. Lee Blanton of Alberta, Canada confirmed that the Barnkopf skull was, indeed, a Bigfoot skull.  ”If it looks like a Bigfoot skull, it’s a Bigfoot skull,” said Blanton.

“I went for a walk in the woods so that I would avoid having to talk to son-in-law, who’s always a pain-in-the (butt) when he comes over for Sunday supper ,” the ex-proctologist  told WWN, “and then I tripped and fell over something that was sticking up out of the ground.”

“After I got up, I looked at it and it looked like there was these two big eye holes looking at me.  So I kicked it a few times to see if it was alive and then I realized it wasn’t alive… it was a skull!”

The skull tips the scales at 90 pounds and is the biggest Bigfoot skull found in modern times.  That is, after the skull that Mark Saal reported about in Utah.

“I’ve been watching Finding Bigfoot on the TV,” Barnkopf said. “But I never in a million years, thought that I’d be the one to find him.  I guess I’m a hero.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A Dominican sister lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while she was wearing contemporary clothes instead of her habit, she drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up.  After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward the car window to return her credit card.  It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.  The young man looked at the nun shyly and pointed to the convent’s name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card.  “Pardon me,” he asked hesitantly, “but how do you pronounce your husband’s middle name?”

JOKE #2

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over dinner, one asked, “What was your most difficult case?”

The other replied, “I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years.”

“What was the result?”

“It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!”

JOKE #3

A very devout man who was very over weight decided to go on a diet. One of his main problems with eating was that he would stop for donuts every morning on the way to work. So to make things easier for himself, he changed his route to work to avoid the temptation of stopping. As the weeks went by he started losing a lot of weight and was receiving compliments from his friends and co-workers.
Then one morning without thinking, he accidentally turned onto the road which would take him by the donut shop. At first he was going to turn around but then he thought to himself, “maybe the Lord is rewarding me for my efforts”. So, he said a short prayer telling the Lord that if this was His true intention let there be an open parking place directly in front of the shop. And sure enough, on the seventh time around the block there was an open spot right up front.

USELESS FACTS

Ambient Corp. demonstrated a device called the Audeo, a neckband that picks up nerve signals sent to the vocal cords when you think about words you want to say and transmits them wirelessly to a computer that converts them into a computerized voice. Someday, people may be able to use it to make “voiceless” cell phone calls in which they merely think the words and don’t even have to say them. ***Thank goodness – blabbing on a cell phone is such exhausting work!

The production of toilet paper in China began in 1391, which was used for the Emperors.

FEATURED FUNNIES

LITTLE LEAGUE GAME

As John was driving home from work one day, he stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near his home.  As he sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, John asked one of the boys what the score was.
“We’re behind 14 to nothing,” the boy answered with a smile on his face.
“Really,” John said. “I have to say you don’t look very discouraged.”
“Discouraged?” the boy asked with a puzzled look. “Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

What do those big music stars demand for backstage when they book a concert?

A new book, “The Little Red Riders Book,” collects the backstage contract demands of the biggest music stars of all time. Some of the stranger ones: Elton John requires 74 towels. Barbra Streisand must have rose petals in her toilet, while Madonna needs a new toilet seat and 25 cases of Kabbalah water. Motley Crue demands a 12-foot boa constrictor and a machine gun. David Hasselhoff requires a lifesize cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff. Mariah Carey needs a puppy, kittens, and a special attendant to dispose of her used gum. And Britney Spears demands Pop Tarts, Fruit Loops and an odor-free carpet.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BE THANKFUL EVERYDAY

We have so much for which to be thankful. Have you ever been around someone who always has something to complain about and seems to moan and groan all the time? Really boring isn’t it?
If you live a thankful life you will live a happy life. There are big things we can and should be thankful for everyday. Things like our families, blessings of a home, food, cars to drive, jobs, health, our wonderful families in Christ (the church), and most of all the salvation God offers us through Jesus Christ. But there are so many little things we take for granted everyday that we should also be thankful for. Such as a green light, gentle falling rain, sunshine, the smile of a friend, flowers for us to enjoy, rainbows, pets we love, the changing of the seasons, warm showers, and so many other things. You can think of a lot more than that. Live thankful lives and take time to realize that absolutely everything we have has been given to us as a gift by our God.

There are treasures all around us to enjoy. As we realize that fact we smile more and brighten the lives of other people we meet. Then they want to know what it is we have that they don’t. What a perfect teaching opportunity. God bless you all.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3: 15)

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Luke 14: 26-27. If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his (own) father and mother (in the sense of indifference to or relative disregard for them in comparison with his attitude toward God) and likewise his wife and children and brothers and sisters-(yes) even his own life also-he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not persevere and carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you that this Christian walk is easy; it is not. In fact, without the Holy Spirit, it is impossible. Without the Holy Spirit no one could fully understand the above scripture, let alone do it. Jesus always seemed to talk about discipleship with an “IF” attached. Meaning that we have a “Choice” to toss our spiritual head and say, “No thanks, that kind of talk is a bit too much for me.” And you know what! The Lord will never say a word; we can do exactly as we like; He will never plead, or beg, or try to influence you in any way. The opportunity is there, “If…”

Do you know what attracts us? It is not the fear of hell or the joy of heaven that attracts us. It is Christ and Him crucified that will attract mankind to Him. Jesus said it, “If I be lifted up from the earth, I will draw all men unto me.” It is never the unspeakable joy of Paradise; it is the ugly beam of a Cross that draws us to Him. It is taking up our own cross daily and stepping out in faith daily, and believing daily that draws us to becoming His disciple. We, who call ourselves Christians, should be about putting to death the self that is in us. We are both saved and being saved daily as we carry that cross, and there is much in us that must go. Thank God that you are not what you used to be, and thank Him even more with the hope that tomorrow you will not be what you are today.

LEFTOVERS

I’LL TAKE THE BUFFALO, PLEASE

What do you do if you’re a zoo and need to raise cash fast?

Always wanted a blue-tongued skink? Or a pet Peruvian pinktoe tarantula? Yeah… me too! And now we have somewhere to go to get them! Peru has a virtual Noah’s ark of animals up for adoption to raise funds for its cash-strapped national zoo. In other words, they’re selling the animals in the zoo! Spend anywhere from $15 to over $10,000 per year and you can adopt any one of the animals at the zoo. If you want to adopt a gerbil, it’ll cost you around $28 per year. Crocodiles are a bit more expensive at $2,700 per year, and if you want a puma, that could run you up to $24,000! Bad news is that if you decide to adopt, the animals still has to stay at the zoo… sorry folks! (Then again, where would you keep a full grown hippo anyway? In the bathtub?) If you decide to adopt, you get a certificate verifying that you are, indeed, the godparent of such and such animal – you also get a photo portrait of you and your animal. ***MARLAR: And here’s a picture of me and the Siberian tiger… he was so cute when he tried to rip my arm off. Awwwww….”

LIFE… LIVE IT

TIME TO TWEAK YOUR RESUME…

But how will you know if your resume is ready to go?  Here are a few indicators that it’s time to re-do your resume.

  • You have no career summary/introductory statement

  • There’s a lack of keywords and phrases

  • There’s no evidence of your experience or education

  • You’re using personal pronouns and articles

  • Your resume has irrelevant information towards the career you’re seeking

  • Poor formatting

  • Typos and misspelled words

A few more indicators that your resume needs help…

  • You’ve included “Clown College” in the education section.

  • Under “Skills” you’ve written “none.”

  • It’s on perfume scented paper, and all the i’s are dotted with hearts.

  • You’ve folded it into a paper airplane.

  • You have no explanation for your eight-year job gap except “amnesia.”

  • Your email address is StarWarsFan@hotmail.com.

JUST FOR FUN

ELECTION FLIP

Deciding close elections can be done easily – you just have to know how to do it.

Close elections are nothing new in this world… but how those close elections are decided varies depending on what part of the world you happen to be in. Most candidates will ask for recounts, some areas a single vote from another elected official is required, and then in Jamaica you can go about deciding an election the simple way… by flipping a coin! Patrick White of Jamaica’s ruling People’s National Party called heads and won his race after a recount from local elections showed a tie in voting for the Annotto Bay seat in St Mary’s parish. The losing candidate, Hugh Bryan, is being a sore loser though and his calling for a court-supervised recount. No matter, the Caribbean Island’s constitution says the presiding elections officer casts the deciding vote in the event of a tie… and how he chooses who to vote for is totally up to him… even if it comes to a coin-flip. ***MARLAR: I think they should flip the candidates in the air themselves. If they land both land on their feet you flip them again, if one of them lands on his head, that removes him from consideration anyway. If they both land on their heads, that’s probably best for the people anyway.

FUN LIST

WHY YOU’RE GLAD TO SEE YOUR KIDS GO TO SUMMER CAMP

  • You just finished an embroidery class and needed a reason to put initials in everyone’s clothing!

  • You figure the food at Christian Camps is better than other camps–at least it’s blessed!

  • You love getting notes from your kids but they only write when they’re at camp!

  • You’re hobby is shaping socks into biblical characters and camp socks have the perfect rigidity!

  • You’re convinced there are new life forms in Bobby’s room, but it will take a week with him away to explore the primordial ooze under his bed.

  • You were thinking of getting rid of your kids anyway and sending them to camp is legal!

  • You love playing practical jokes and some crazy glue on the zipper of little Joey’s sleeping bag brings a month of smiles to your face!

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

WHAT’S THAT AGAIN?

Stress can make you forget stuff!  (And in other news… stress can make you forget stuff!)

Has this happened to you? You get home after a super-stressful day and realize you’ve forgotten some important event or errand?  Well, now there’s a scientific explanation for the oversight. Stress makes you forgetful.  A team of researchers has found how it happens. They say stressful situations in which the individual has no control were found to activate an enzyme in the brain called P-K-C, which impairs the short-term memory and other functions in the prefrontal cortex.  The researchers say the discovery could point the way to better treatments for such illnesses as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  The findings are reported in the journal Science.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I not only will be back tomorrow, but I will be glibber, profounder, adorabler, and charismaticker than ever.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


JUNE 22, 2018…

Damsel—It is the wild West and Robert Pattison is trying to find his girlfriend (Mia Wasikowska). Does this look familiar? See “Under The Silver Lake.” Anyone on the West Coast checking script content lately? “Damsel” is rated PG 13. No rating. 

Under The Silver Lake—Andrew Garfield wants a date with his neighbor and then she disappears.  What to do?  Does this look familiar?  See “Damsel.” Strange things happen in the summertime. Also in the cast are Riley Keough and Topher Grace. “Under The Silver Lake” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Boundaries—The word “boundaries” can mean many things from national countries to emotional limits.  In this movie, well, Grandpa is kicked out of his retirement home because he sells weed, the son (grandson) draws questionable pictures and Mom (Vera Farmiga) has just about had it with everyone. Then, comes the road trip. I’m sure you had had your share, too, and I remember the time crossing the Alps in July with four adults in a small VW and the much-older driver had never driven in snow before. Yes, there was a blizzard that day, too. We were caught in a tunnel and each car had a five minute delay before leaving the tunnel and heading downhill—in our case, it was mostly sideways. At the end of the day, it really was “Thank you, Lord.”  So, in “Boundaries,” the cast has their problems, too, and others in the film are Kristen Schaal and Lewis MacDougall.  “Boundaries” is rated PG-13. Rating of 2.

JUNE 29, 2018…

Sicario: Day Of The Soldado continues the story of Alejandro (Benicio Del Toro) from “Sicario” and what happens next as he goes against drug cartels.

Leave No Trace concerns a father and daughter who try to live by themselves. Stars Ben Foster.

Uncle Drew has Kyrie Irving portraying an aging sports legend who wants to do the game again.

Woman Walks Ahead has an American portrait painter who wants to do Chief Sitting Bull. Stars Jessica Chastain.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.