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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
And now, here it is again, folks – it’s (THE JOCK SHOW): radio’s answer to absolutely nothing!
Due to our current anti-gun culture, bullet points are no longer allowed when formatting documents.
PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)
(None on the weekends or holidays.)
“America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense, it is the other way around. Human rights invented America.” – Jimmy Carter
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. — Colossians 4:5-6
The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. — 2 Thessalonians 3:3
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.” — John 3:5
Thought: Water and Spirit — they track together as key components in conversion and the new birth throughout the New Testament. One is an act of submission and surrender. The other a gift and reminder that only God can make us new by his power. No wonder Jesus made them so important to being a part of his Kingdom.
Prayer: Holy and righteous Father. I acknowledge that my best efforts often fail and my consistency isn’t always consistent. That’s why I’m so thankful you have given me your grace in Jesus and made me new by my spiritual birth into your family. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Matthew 6:25 NIV = Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
TODAY IS MONDAY – JUNE 25, 2018
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 182 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.
Today is PLEASE TAKE MY CHILDREN TO WORK DAY. ***While “Take Your Daughter or Son to Work Day” has the parent taking the kid to the office, “Please Take My Children to Work Day” is more for the stay-at-home parents, asking someone… anyone… to take their kids to the office for the day so the parent can have a few hours of peace and quiet.
Today is SENSE OF HUMOR IN BED APPRECIATION DAY. ***But seeing as I do a family-friendly radio show, it’s probably best that we skip this one.
Today is LITTLE BIGHORN DAY. The Sioux army, led by Chiefs Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull, wiped out Lt. Col. George Custer’s U.S. forces on this date in 1876 at the Little Bighorn River in Montana. ***Sitting Bull had the edge, as the U.S. forces were distracted trying to figure out how a horn could be both little and big at the same time.
TODAY IS ALSO…
Color TV Day (CBS)
Day of The Seafarer
Global Beatles Day
National Catfish Day
Please Take My Children To Work Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
TUESDAY, JUNE 26
Harry Potter Day
International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking
International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
National Canoe Day
National Columnists Day
Same Sex Marriage Day
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27
Decide To Be Married Day
“Happy Birthday To You” Day
Industrial Workers of The World Day
Micro-, Small-, And Medium-Sized Enterprises Day
National HIV Testing Day
National Parchment Cooking Day
National Sunglasses Day
PTSD Awareness Day
THURSDAY, JUNE 28
International Body Piercing Day
National Bomb Pop Day
National Hand Shake Day
Ryan Moran Day
FRIDAY, JUNE 29
Drive Your Corvette to Work Day
World Scleroderma Day
SATURDAY, JUNE 30
California Avocado Day
National Haskap Berry Day
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
National Meteor Watch Day
NOW (National Organization For Women) Day
Social Media Day
SUNDAY, JULY 01
Estee Lauder Day
Fast of Tammuz
Hop A Park Day
National GSA Employee Day
National Postal Workers Day
Resolution Renewal Day
Second Half of The Year Day
U.S. Postage Stamp Day
Zip Code Day
MONDAY, JULY 02
I Forgot Day
Made In The USA Day
Second Half of The Year Day
World UFO Day
ON THIS DAY
1730: King August II fed some 30,000 people at a military feast in Radewitz, Poland. It was history’s largest banquet.
1785: George Washington retired from hunting and gave away all of his dogs.
1935: United Press reported persistent rumors that Ford was building a 4-cylinder diesel automobile to compete for auto sales in Japan. The new secret car would fly at 70 miles an hour and sell for $300.
1949: Billboard magazine renamed its “Hillbilly Music Chart” as “Country & Western.”
1962: Italian screen star Sophia Loren and film producer Carlo Ponti were charged with bigamy in Rome because Ponti’s Mexican divorce from his first wife was not recognized by Italy.
1969: Guitarist Mick Taylor first appeared with The Rolling Stones at the Coliseum in Rome, replacing Brian Jones. Jones was found dead a week later.
1983: Denzel Washington married Paulette Pearson.
1990: Phoenix recorded an official high temperature of 120 degrees. The next day it would reach 122.
1991: Francis Johnson’s world record 8.7-ton ball of twine, which he had been building since 1950, was moved to a prominent place in downtown Darwin, Minnesota, where more people could see it.
1993: Kim Campbell was sworn in as Canada’s 19th prime minister and the first woman to hold the post.
1996: Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas was looking for somebody who could look and act like him to appear in ads for him. ***They could really use that guy now that Dave’s dead!
1999: The San Antonio Spurs won their first NBA title by defeating the New York Knicks, 78-77, in game five of their championship series.
2002: A five-year-old Sicilian boy tore up $1,525 in cash, his father’s monthly salary, the day after his grandfather told him money was trash and couldn’t buy happiness.
2005: Tehran Mayor Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was declared the winner of Iran’s presidential runoff election.
2006: Warren Buffett committed $30 billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation
2011: Cops in Boulder, Colorado, were looking for a man who hid in a porta-potty at a yoga festival. He fled, covered in excrement. Police weren’t sure how he was able to squeeze into the toilet tank or what he was doing there. ***Did they ever find the guy? I mean, how hard could he have been to find? You could smell him three blocks away!
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1115: St. Bernard founds a monastery at Clairvaux, France, that would soon become the center of the Cistercian religious order. The order had been established 17 years earlier to restore Benedictine monasticism to a more primitive and austere state, but it is Bernard who is most closely associated with it. He founded 70 Cistercian monasteries, which in turn founded another 100 in his lifetime.
1530: Lutherans present their summary of faith, known as Confession of Augsburg, to Emperor Charles V. Philipp Melanchthon did most of the work preparing it, but it was not presented until it received Martin Luther’s approval.
1580: On the fiftieth anniversary of the Confession of Augsburg, Lutherans publish the Book of Concord, which contains all the official confessions of the Lutheran Church, in German.
1744: The first Methodist conference convenes in London. Leaders set standards for doctrine, liturgy, and discipline, giving an organizational framework to the “Evangelical Revival” touched off by John Wesley and George Whitfield in 1739.
1865: English missionary J. Hudson Taylor forms the China Inland Mission. Its missionaries would have no guaranteed salaries, nor could they appeal for funds; they would simply trust God to supply their needs. Furthermore, its missionaries would adopt Chinese dress and press the gospel into the China interior.
1962: US Supreme Court bans prayers in public schools on a case brought from New York. Governmental statistics show that schools worsened on dozens of measurable problems since then: grades went down, teen pregnancy increased, school violence, etc.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actress (Nurse Samantha Taggart on “E.R.”, Velma in the Scooby Doo movies) Linda Cardellini 43 (audio clip)
TV’s (Miss America 1971, Linda Banks in Meet the Parents) Phyllis George 69
comic (“Good Times”) Jimmy Walker 71 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1935 : Eddie Floyd
1940 : Clint Warwick (The Moody Blues)
1945 : Carly Simon
1946 : Allen Lanier (Blue Oyster Cult)
1952 : Tim Finn (Crowded House)
1954 : David Paich (Toto)
1963 : George Michael
1968 : Candyman
1972 : Mike Kroeger (Nickelback)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
How is dry ice made?
Dry ice–frozen carbon dioxide–is often used to preserve perishable food, such as ice cream (God bless it). But you might perish if you ever ingested dry ice because its temperature is around -110 degrees F. It’s cold enough to burn you if you even touch it. They make dry ice by subjecting carbon dioxide to very high pressure and extreme cold. It turns into a liquid that, when it evaporates, forms a deeply frigid, snow-like substance. That “snow” is then compressed into blocks of dry ice. If allowed to “melt,” dry ice goes directly from a solid state back to a gas, a process known as sublimation. That’s the same word psychiatrists use to describe substituting a benign or creative impulse for a baser one–such as treating yourself to a nice cold dish of ice cream instead of taking an ice pick to someone who’s annoying you.
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Yet another reason to skip the drive through: A recent study shows that the more fast food you suck down, the higher your depression risk. Researchers think the processed menu items lack nutrients that boost mood, such as good fat and complex carbs. ***Really? If that’s true, why do I feel so giddy when ordering a triple cheeseburger combo?
The Star Wars spinoff movies have been put on hold after the Han Solo debacle at the box office. ***Meanwhile, Indiana Jones is getting a fifth movie. Yeah… I don’t understand Hollywood either.
The founder of JetBlue has gotten funding for a new low-cost U.S. airline. ***It’ll save you a ton of money on travel expenses so long as you don’t find things like having a seat to sit in important.
Jiamener was the name of a new hotpot restaurant in Chengdu, China, but it wasn’t doing so well. In hopes of drawing in and keeping new customers, the owners decided to try a month-long all-you-can-eat promotion. It was very successful. So successful it rand the place out of business in under two weeks. On June 1st, patrons were offered the chance to fill their bellies for just 120 yuan ($19) per day, for a whole month. The two owners had anticipated that they would suffer a financial loss during this period, but they hoped that the promotion would pay off in the long run, with some visitors becoming loyal customers. They couldn’t have been more wrong. The soon found themselves serving 500 customers per day with many lining up at the door several hours before the restaurant opened, and refusing to leave until midnight. ***Nineteen bucks for all the food I want, I can stay there all day without being kicked out… free restrooms and wi-fi… heck, I’d probably change my mailing address to the restaurant and just live there.
A new study says that being married in your elderly years may help ward off heart disease and stroke. *** <off mic> “Do you hear that, Honey? I may be a lazy, fat slob, but you can’t ever leave me – I’m saving your life!”
The World Health Organization now says that gaming addiction is considered a mental health disorder. ***Don’t I know it. Last weekend my nephew forced to play five hours of non-stop Candyland.
Seattle begins a ban on plastic straws and silverware on July 1st. ***Because people aren’t already depressed enough from the constant rain.
Google is working on machines that will predict when a patient will die. ***Until then, you don’t have to worry – you can still visit DeathClock.cc.
A new study claims that when it comes to tipping, Millennials are the worst. ***And when it comes to cow tipping Generation X is the best.
A report says one third of kids under 19 are taking some kind of dietary supplement. ***Does anyone else find it strange that there are so many people on dietary supplements – yet we all look like we need to be on diets? Doesn’t that mean that dietary supplements DON’T WORK?
Koko, the gorilla who mastered sign language, died in her sleep at the foundation’s preserve in California’s Sana Cruz mountains on Tuesday. She was 46. ***She had no last words.
A new study says mosquitos remember people who swat at them. ***Now you know why they keep coming back to annoy you… those blood-suckere are out for revenge.
Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker reported last week on social media that he regretfully would have to bow out of playing drums for some time, due to a serious-sounding bout with blood clots in both of his arms and an infection. ***Suddenly my carpal-tunnel sounds kinda wimpish.
The movie “Billionaire Boys Club” is going to hit theaters. What makes it interesting is that the movie stars Kevin Spacey. ***Awkward.
A new study says that 4 out of every 10 people have deleted a social media account over the past year out of privacy concerns. ***The remaining six out of ten would probably do the same, but online friends are the only friends they have.
Starting this fall, some students at Northeastern University in Boston will be given the option of getting an Echo Dot smart speaker linked to their university accounts. ***That sounds like a cool idea until you realize the students will be in packed dorm rooms with several people living close together and speaking loud enough for all of the Amazon Echos to hear all at once, “Alexa… order me a case of beer.”
Burger King has apologized for an ad that promised Russian women a lifetime supply of free meals and a cash “prize” if they were to become pregnant with a child fathered by a World Cup soccer player. ***You could say it was a WHOPPER of a failed promotional idea.
After canceling the comedy following star Roseanne Barr’s racist tweet, ABC has found a way to move forward with the original cast, creators and likely crew as “The Conners.” ***Although personally I would’ve named the show “ROSEANNELESS”.
Two newlyweds in Munich, Germany, spent their wedding night in separate drunk tanks after celebrating too hard. Police found the happy couple staggering home and almost falling into the street after their wedding reception. They escorted the newlyweds home, but put them in custody overnight to sober up after they insisted on going out again to get more drinks. *** “To love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in drunkenness or sobriety, until jail do us part.”
Over 65% of women feel that flowers are the most romantic gift to receive, but almost 38% of men have not given them to their significant other in over a year. A Woman’s Day/AOL survey also found that 64% of women would rather be with a man who’s poor and attractive than rich and unattractive. ***How about poor and unattractive – is there anybody interested in that? I’m asking for a friend.
A new musical on the life of Michael Jackson is going to hit Broadway in 2020. ***Although critics are already saying it’s BAD.
A new study says that CEOs average 9.7 hours a day and 62.5 hours a week on the job. ***And C-3POs never sleep.
Starbucks says they’re going to be closing 150 stores. ***But then, where am I supposed to hang out all day and use a free restroom? Never mind – I see there’s another Starbucks right across the street.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Sad news for you, Gary. You’re probably the last of a long line of men named Gary. The name is going extinct. It’s been plummeting in popularity since the early 1950s — where America saw nearly 39,000 baby Garys. This is compared to 2013 with only 442, the lowest since 1928. And it continues to decline. The name is now ranked number 578 in America. ***I blame Gary Busey.
According to a Gallup poll, 46% of Americans believe in Creationism as found in the Bible, 32% believe in theistic evolution (God directing creation over millions of years using evolution) and 15% believe in evolution without any divine intervention. The statistics seem to mirror opinions from three decades ago, meaning we’ve not really changed our minds one way or the other on this matter. ***Except for Scientologists, who apparently feel they were never created, but planted next to volcanoes.
Popeye might want to consider switching to broccoli. British scientists unveiled a new breed of the vegetable that experts say packs a big nutritional punch. The new broccoli was specially grown to contain two to three times the normal amount of glucoraphanin, a nutrient believed to help ward off heart disease. “Vegetables are a medicine cabinet already,” said Richard Mithen, who led the team of scientists at the Institute for Food Research in Norwich, England, that developed the new broccoli. “When you eat this broccoli … you get a reduction in cholesterol in your blood stream.” ***Maybe so… but the bad news is you’re still eating broccoli.
According to a study by Salary.com, if a full-time stay-at-home mom were paid market wages for all her work, she would earn $134,121 a year – comparable to a judge or a top advertising executive. To reach that figure, they calculated the earning power of the ten jobs moms said most closely described what they do: housekeeper, day care teacher, cook, computer operator, facilities manager, van driver, janitor, chief executive, psychologist, and laundry machine operator. ***Laundry machine operator? Boy, that had to bring down the average salary – I’ve seen people at the Laundromat that can’t figure out why their quarters keep disappearing in the slots.
Researchers at Cambridge University may have discovered the secret to happiness, at least for men: Do more chores. Men from seven European countries were found to have an improved sense of well-being and work-life balance, as well as less work-life conflict, if they helped more around the house. ***This story sponsored by “Modern Woman Magazine.”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was flying around the world with Jean Claude the flying squirrel trying to find somewhere that didn’t know about Steve Mozart. But alas, that was impossible – so Millard, defeated, is now heading back home… where he always takes second place to Steve Mozart.
CLOSE: What on earth could Millard be planning? What does a copy shop have to do with Steve Mozart’s concert? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Unless you live in Europe, you likely couldn’t care less about the game of Cricket. But Jim Young does care – so much so that he played through even though he knew he was having a heart attack!
Jim Young was having a great game with his team from Westmill Village, but then he had a heart attack. So he drank a glass of water and then went back out and scored four more points! After the match a teammate got him an ambulance and he was taken straight to the hospital. Doctors confirmed that he’d had a mild heart attack. He said, “I was getting sixes and fours and feeling really good. Then I got this pain in my chest but it seemed the right thing to carry on. Now I think how stupid I was. It could have killed me.” Worst part – his team lost anyway.
TOP TEN REASON TO MOVE TO CALIFORNIA
10. You’ve always wanted a governor that could defeat aliens.
9. Little known Prop 44, providing state subsidized dates to the socially disadvantaged
8. Celebrity Trials
7. There isn’t enough tofu to feed your addiction in the other 49 states.
6. It’s Mudslide Home Relocation program is the best in the country.
5. Earthquakes are like nature’s free roller coasters.
4. You can get up 3 hours later and still not miss anything.
3. You want to get away from all the liars, cheaters, and swindlers back home, and move in with the pros.
2. Mudslide Surfing: It’s all the rage.
1. It’s home to the California Raisins and the San Diego Chicken. Enough said.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Can you be fired for being too courteous? You can if you work in security!
FILE #1: 68 year old Elsie Holdren recently lost her job as a security officer in a courthouse in Viera, Florida because her colleagues thought that she was too courteous. She was transferred to a courthouse in nearby Melbourne. Her superior told her that “Due to your caring and giving nature, you are compromising your position as a security officer. Being caring and giving is not a job requirement, nor is it what you are paid to do.”
FILE #2: Our bungling burglar of the day comes from Yokohama, Japan. That’s were a man threatened to blow up a bank branch of a major bank unless they put 30 million yen (about $300,000) into his bank account. In order for the bank to be able to deposit the money into his account, they needed his bank account number. Which he gave them. Which in turn gave the police his name and address. Needless to say he never got the money and wouldn’t have been able to use for a long time if he did, considering he’ll be locked up for years.
FILE #3: One day will get you twenty, or it could for an inmate that decided to flee from jail the same day that a judge ordered his release. Sherman Lee Parks, 50, had served nine months in the Dallas County, Arkansas, Jail. According to Dallas County Sheriff Donny Ford, “The judge ruled that since they had been locked up for nine months to let them out.” Parks, now wanted for an escape attempt was re-arrested and sent back to the Dallas County Jail the next day.
STRANGE LAW: In Minnesota women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
Sipping a beer after work isn’t that unusual. But it’s probably not the best idea if your career happens to be bank robbery.
Police in Florida say they caught a robber enjoying a cold one across the street from the bank he’s charged with having just held up. Orange County Sheriff’s Commander Jeff Stonebreaker says James Taylor was “just as cool as can be” when deputies found him. Investigators say a witness saw Taylor change clothes in a car and drive it across the street. The Orlando Sentinel reports Taylor was sitting at an outdoor table and sipping a brewski when the law arrived. ***MARLAR: Sounds like he may have had a few BEFORE the robbery.
What if you could put your life up for sale on e-Bay for $2-million– would you do it? You’d sell your home, that person could apply for your job, they’d get your car, your jet ski, plus formal introductions to all of your friends. Then YOU pick up and leave town to start a whole new life with your two million bucks. If you could sell your life and start a new one, would you take the chance? Where would you go? What would you do? What would you miss about your current life?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: On what day did God create the birds?
ANSWER: The fifth day (Genesis 1:20, 23)
QUESTION: How many miles long is the line an average pencil is capable of drawing?
ANSWER: 35 miles
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The city of Moscow has been around since 1347. (False – 1147)
2. A Partridge is a big yellow flower. (False, it’s a medium sized pheasant)
3. Wikipedia first went online in 1999. (False – 2001)
4. Airports that are at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density. (True)
5. The ‘you are here arrow’ on a map is called the ID locator. (False – it’s the IDEO locator)
6. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum. (True)
7. The king of hearts is the only king with a moustache. (False – the only one without a mustache)
8. A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers’ first flight. (True)
9. Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks. (True)
10. Human thighbones are as strong as concrete. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
RATS ON ______ (MARS)
Scientists have discovered a rat infestation on Mars.
Nasa’s Mars rover Curiosity took a photo of a rat on Mars in early May. Some dismissed it as an optical illusion, that it was just a rock, but NASA has reportedly confirmed now that it was indeed a rat.
AND in the last few days, NASA has reportedly found that there was not just one rat on Mars – there are thousands of rats on Mars. They are not sure how the rats got on the red planet… but many feel that rats are the first beings that come to life on any planet.
Yes it really does look like a rat. Of course it’s probably just a rock but let’s face it, that’s a boring conclusion. The internet is full of theories about the “rat”. Like for example, maybe it is a rat. Has Nasa released the rat on Mars as part of a secret experiment to see if the planet supports life? Huh? Is it a lab rat? Or is it a Martian?
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Have I told you the one about the surgeon who knew his patients inside-out?
A couple encouraged their 18-year-old daughter to find a job to help pay for her college education.
One day she came home with five applications, and later that evening the parents read them.
Under “Previous Employment,” she listed “Babysitting.”
And, under “Reason for Leaving” she wrote, “They came home.”
During a soccer game, the coach called one of his 7- year-old soccer players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose but we act together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a jerk. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to take out your disappointment on me, is it?” Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
The Pittsburgh Penguins made Mister Rogers an honorary captain in 1991. ***I’m guessing all of his sweaters came in handy on the ice too.
When the mummy of Ramses II was sent to France in the mid-1970s, it was issued a passport. Ramses’ occupation? “King (deceased).” ***So you can have an occupation of “deceased”? I wonder how much my ancestors are getting paid…?
NEW BABY, OLD DOG
The 96-pound hound dog, an “only child” for nine years, was less than enthusiastic about the new baby. The couple had anticipated his discomfort and tried in every way — including formerly forbidden couch privileges and extra treats — to show him he was still a much-loved member of the family. They thought their efforts were paying off — until the day the young mother took him in the car without the baby for the first time. When she came out of the store, she saw him sitting there, high and mighty, with his big doggie rear pushed into the baby seat.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Imagine going to the hospital to deliver a baby, and then coming home with your new bundle of joy and the initials of your obstetrician carved into your stomach!
It really happened in New York and the obstetrician has pleaded not guilty to felony assault for carving his initials into the stomach of a woman who had just given birth. The lawyer for the “former” Dr. Allan Zarkin claims that the doctor has a brain disorder Pick’s disease and that made him do it! And it’s not the first time! He also etched his monogram into the tummy of Dr. Liana Gedz, a dentist who is suing Zarkin for $5.5 million.
THINK ON THESE THINGS…
What is the first and most important element for a happy Christian home? It is the practice of love. Homes built on animal attraction and lust are destined to crumble and fall. Love is the cohesive force that holds the family together. True love contains an element of spiritual mystery. It embodies loyalty, reverence, and understanding. Love imposes a tremendous responsibility on all members of a family, but it is a responsibility accompanied by glorious rewards.
The Bible says “Love even as Christ…loved the church and gave Himself for it.” How did Christ love the church? He loved it despite its faults, its mistakes, its weaknesses. True love does not fail – it loves despite personality defects, physical blemishes, or mental quirks. Love is deep, abiding, and eternal.
Nothing can bring a sense of security into the home as true love can. Are you practicing love in your home? Pray that the Lord will help us all to listen, love, and care for our loved ones with a heart as sensitive as that of Jesus.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
WHY GOD BLESSES
And David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel and that his kingdom had been highly exalted for the sake of His people Israel. – (1 Chronicles 14:2)
King David learned an important lesson every leader must learn if he is to ensure God’s continual blessing. He knew why God blessed him. It wasn’t because he deserved it, though he was a man who sought God with his whole heart. It wasn’t because of his great skill, though he was a great military strategist. It wasn’t because he was perfect, for he committed some horrible sins during his reign as king. No, it was for none of these reasons. God blessed David for the “sake of His people Israel.”
God never blesses an individual just for that person’s exclusive benefit. God calls each of us to be a blessing to others. So often we forget this last part. R.G. LeTourneau, a businessman who built heavy construction equipment, came to realize this only after God took him through many trials. Once the Lord had all of LeTourneau, he came to realize that the question wasn’t whether he give 10 percent of what the Lord gave him.
Rather, the question was, “What amount does He want me to keep?” LeTourneau was known for giving 90 percent of his income toward the end of his career and was a great supporter of world missions. But the Lord doesn’t bless businesspeople just for the ability to give financially.
God may not have given you the ability to give large financial gifts, but he has given you many gifts beyond the financial. What is happening with the spiritual fruit of God’s blessing on your life? Is it clogged, or is it freely flowing to others? Ask the Lord to free you to be a blessing to those in your circle of influence.
HATFIELDS & MCCOYS
It looks like the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s may be feuding yet again. This time the feuding is about graves and property rights. Two McCoy’s are suing a descendent of the Hatfield’s because they want to get to the cemetery on the Hatfield’s property where some of the McCoy’s are buried. The descendent of the Hatfield’s says the road is on private property and he doesn’t want to be liable if someone has an accident on it.
LIFE… LIVE IT
The longer couples are married, the crankier they get with each other…
… says a University of Michigan study. Familiarity apparently breeds irritation, says lead researcher Kira Birditt. Longtime spouses are more likely to both criticize their mates for getting on their nerves and to accuse them of being overly demanding. “As we age and become closer and more comfortable with one another, it could be we’re more able to express ourselves to each other,” says Birditt. “Older adults are more likely than younger people to deal with conflict by avoiding confrontations,” explains Birditt. “But when you’re living together, it’s a lot harder to avoid each other. It’s possible that negativity is a normal aspect of close relationships that include lots of daily contact. Furthermore, longtime married couples consistently rated their relationship with their mate as more contentious than with either their children or their friends.” (National Examiner)
JUST FOR FUN
A woman causes a traffic accident because she didn’t use Scotch Guard on her sofa!
A woman in Atlanta, Georgia, caused a 24-vehicle pile-up when she stopped her pickup truck under a bridge to keep the sofa in the back from getting wet when it started raining. Police say the woman swerved suddenly to get under the bridge and caused eight separate accidents, but only minor injuries to the drivers. ***MARLAR: Fortunately there was enough change in the sofa cushions to pay for the ticket she received.
SIGNS YOU’RE BROKE
American Express calls and asks you to please leave home without it.
Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
You finally clean your house, hoping to find spare change.
McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
You give blood everyday… just for the orange juice.
Your rob Peter to pay Paul… and then rob Paul.
You work in radio.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
NEWLYWED MISTAKES (from women.msn.com)
Not dealing with debt
Alienating your friends
Letting yourself go
Letting the in-laws become out-laws
Becoming obsessed with the next step: babies
I have some additions I’d like to make to the list – mistakes to avoid as newlyweds…
Not having separate bathrooms
Going clothes shopping together
Going on a reality show
Joining a cult
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Do not shop when you’re sleepy. You are more likely to purchase high calorie grub it you are tired, a Swedish study reports. Sleep deprived men bought an average of 1,319 more calories’ worth of food than well rested guys did. Why? After a poor night’s sleep, your stomach produces extra ghrelin, an appetite hormone that can make food seem more appealing, says study author Christian Benedict, Ph.D.
Spuds are not duds. True, many nutrition gurus are tater haters because people smother them in calories like cheese and bacon. But once you strip away the toppings, these tubers begin to look, uh, tubular. Just one large white potato with skin provides nearly half your recommended daily B6, which converts carbs into fuel and helps you metabolize protein and fat, says Men’s Health nutrition advisor Alan Aragon, M.S. Plus, white spuds pack more potassium per serving than almost any other vegetable, an Advances in Nutrition study reports that is big: Low potassium is linked to higher risks of hypertension and stroke. (Men’s Health) ***So I’m no longer going to apologize for my love of potato chips.
If you’re having trouble sleeping, try wearing amber-tinted glasses that block blue light for a couple of hours before going to bed. A new study found the glasses led to longer and more refreshing slumber. According to a report published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, study volunteers “were sleeping about 30 minutes extra,” “And those improvements were associated with them feeling like their sleep was better.” http://on.today.com/2mf0Slk
A recent study has found that there is a link between a woman’s weight and a happy marriage but you do not have to be supermodel slim. You just have to be trimmer than your hubby. A research team led by University of Tennessee psychologist Andrea Meltzer followed 165 newlyweds for four years, checking on them every now and then to see how things were going. “Husbands were more satisfied at the time of the marriage, and remained more satisfied” if their wives had a lower Body Mass Index (BMI) “than their own,” according to researchers. “And wives who had lower BMIs than their husbands also remained more satisfied over time.” Researchers stress that pounds were not the issue as long as the hubby was at least slightly more chubby. Concludes the report: “Educating women about these findings may alleviate the pressures that plague women today to be extremely thin.”
Imagine how much you would accomplish at work if you truly focused for just one hour. Or two. Or three. No cell phone, no surfing the Internet, no quick peek at Facebook. Just work. Wait. Isn’t that what you’re being paid to do? It is a rare person who can come to work and never be distracted. And while some interruptions aren’t your fault — such as the noisy coworkers in the next row of cubicles — others you have only yourself to blame. CareerBuilder.com and Harris Poll surveyed 3,022 full-time, private sector workers nationwide across industries and company sizes to find out what causes us to waste the most time at work. One in four workers (24 percent) admitted that, during a typical workday, they will spend at least one hour a day on personal calls, emails or texts. Twenty-one percent estimate that they spend one hour or more during a typical workday searching the Internet for non-work-related information, photos and more. ***And of course, I found this story while surfing the internet this morning at work.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
DIAPER spelled in reverse is REPAID. Think about it.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JUNE 22, 2018…
Damsel—It is the wild West and Robert Pattison is trying to find his girlfriend (Mia Wasikowska). Does this look familiar? See “Under The Silver Lake.” Anyone on the West Coast checking script content lately? “Damsel” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Under The Silver Lake—Andrew Garfield wants a date with his neighbor and then she disappears. What to do? Does this look familiar? See “Damsel.” Strange things happen in the summertime. Also in the cast are Riley Keough and Topher Grace. “Under The Silver Lake” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Boundaries—The word “boundaries” can mean many things from national countries to emotional limits. In this movie, well, Grandpa is kicked out of his retirement home because he sells weed, the son (grandson) draws questionable pictures and Mom (Vera Farmiga) has just about had it with everyone. Then, comes the road trip. I’m sure you had had your share, too, and I remember the time crossing the Alps in July with four adults in a small VW and the much-older driver had never driven in snow before. Yes, there was a blizzard that day, too. We were caught in a tunnel and each car had a five minute delay before leaving the tunnel and heading downhill—in our case, it was mostly sideways. At the end of the day, it really was “Thank you, Lord.” So, in “Boundaries,” the cast has their problems, too, and others in the film are Kristen Schaal and Lewis MacDougall. “Boundaries” is rated PG-13. Rating of 2.
JUNE 29, 2018…
Sicario: Day Of The Soldado continues the story of Alejandro (Benicio Del Toro) from “Sicario” and what happens next as he goes against drug cartels.
Leave No Trace concerns a father and daughter who try to live by themselves. Stars Ben Foster.
Uncle Drew has Kyrie Irving portraying an aging sports legend who wants to do the game again.
Woman Walks Ahead has an American portrait painter who wants to do Chief Sitting Bull. Stars Jessica Chastain.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.