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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150627
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Today’s show has been altered to fit your tweeters.
I’m against talking dirty on the radio. I’m for saving all those words for when I can’t start my lawn mower.
I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamed a mad scientist kidnapped (Jock) and cloned him.
We used to be a great country, and we can be again – the instant we get rid of leggings. (And lower-back tattoos.)
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, ‘Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.'” –Proverbs 3:27
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his very soul? — Mark 8:36
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. — Psalm 34:11
Thought: What better goal for a father or mother could there be? Even if you have no children of your own, or if your “own” children are grown, God gives you his children at your congregation so you can teach them to love, honor, and reverence their one and only heavenly Father.
Prayer: Loving Father, help me to be involved in teaching your children and as I teach, please bless my efforts to teach them to love, honor, and reverence you, the one true and holy God. In Jesus’ name I ask for this help and grace. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Daniel 6:27 NIV = “He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions.”
TODAY IS SATURDAY – JUNE 27, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 182 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is DECIDE TO BE MARRIED DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m sure this day is for singles who’ve been debating taking the plunge, but I’d also like to challenge those of you who are already legally married. Today, start ACTING married. Make a point of scheduling time to just be with your wife or husband. No special reason, just to be with them. Resolve to give your spouse a hug and kiss before you take off in different directions for the day. First thing when you get home, seek out your spouse and give them another hug and a kiss and tell them you love them. If you REALLY want to take this seriously and truly decide to be married, go online to www.LoveAndRespect.com and find out how to make your marriage the best it can be.
Today is PG-13 DAY. The PG-13 movie rating was introduced on this date in 1984. ***MARLAR: Nowadays, I think we need more ratings… like PG-15, PG-17, NC-NOBODY…
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
“Happy Birthday To You” Day
Industrial Workers of The World Day
National HIV Testing Day
Great American Backyard Campout
COMING UP NEXT
SUNDAY, JUNE 28
International Body Piercing Day
America’s Kids Day
Log Cabin Day
MONDAY, JUNE 29
Please Take My Children To Work Day
TUESDAY, JUNE 30
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
NOW (National Organization for Women) Day
WEDNESDAY, JULY 01
National GSA Employee Day
Second Half of The Year Day
U.S. Postage Stamp Day
Zip Code Day
THURSDAY, JULY 02
I Forgot Day
Made In The USA Day
World UFO Day
FRIDAY, JULY 03
Compliment Your Mirror Day
Stay Out Of The Sun Day
SATURDAY, JULY 04
Boom Box Parade Day
Independence Day (USA)
Independence From Meat Day
Hop a Park Day
International Day of Cooperatives
SUNDAY, JULY 05
ON THIS DAY
1833: Prudence Crandall was arrested in Canterbury, Connecticut, for operating an academy for black women. Prudence was white.
1859: Schoolteacher Mildred Hill of Louisville, Kentucky, composed the melody to the song “Good Morning to You.” Her sister Patty wrote the lyrics. The stanza “Happy Birthday to You” was added in 1924, eight years after Mildred’s death.
1950: An 8-pound bear cub that had been seriously burned three weeks earlier in a New Mexico forest fire left for the National Zoo in Washington where he lived to the ripe old bear age of 26. Originally named Hot Foot Teddy by the firemen who saved his life, he became better known as Smokey the Bear.
1962: Former IBM salesman H. Ross Perot took $1,000 and founded Electronic Data Systems in Dallas.
1963: Vice-President Lyndon Johnson’s beagles, Him and Her, were born.
1977: In a 5-4 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that lawyers could advertise.
1984: Doug Domokos did a non-stop wheelie for 145 miles on the Alabama Speedway at Talladega on his Honda XR 500 motorcycle. He stopped when he ran out of gas.
1988: At age 35, singer Cyndi Lauper received her high school diploma from Richmond High in New York City. ***MARLAR: That’s almost as long as it took for (OTHER JOCK) to get his!
1993: New York Met pitcher Anthony Young lost his 24th straight game, a major league record.
1995: Controversial bullfighter Jesulin de Ubrique was recovering after being gored twice in Burgos, Spain. Ubrique had created an uproar among serious bullfight fans by fighting on his knees before all-female audiences. He apparently was gored while trying to kiss a bull’s horns.
1999: A 29-year-old woman was arrested in Grafton, Ohio for domestic violence and resisting arrest. After her husband allegedly stayed online several nights until 4:00 a.m. chatting with other women, she hacked his computer to pieces with a meat clever. She pleaded no contest and was fined $200. ***MARLAR: That’s right – she was arrested for computer hacking.
2001: A man confessed to robbing a motel in Fargo, North Dakota, because his internet research said it had the safest jail in America. The man had traveled from Florida to claim he had a bomb in his Winnie the Pooh backpack. The robber told police he was a habitual criminal and wanted to go to prison for life.
2005: A 27-year-old man was charged with disorderly conduct in Devils Lake, North Dakota, after driving an electric-powered shopping cart around a grocery store while drunk, driving into people and nearly knocking them down. Witnesses told police the man was actually driving after people. No one was hurt.
2005: Who is the oldest baseball player to hit a grand slam home run in the major leagues? Julio Franco of the Atlanta Braves hit his eighth grand slam on this date to help the Braves knock off the Florida Marlins. He was 46 years old, already the oldest player in major league history to have a two-homer game, and the oldest in the last 96 years to steal a base.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
444: Cyril, patriarch of Alexandria and author of several writings on the dual natures of Christ, dies. He opposed Nestorius, who supposedly taught there were two separate persons in the Incarnate Christ, one divine and the other human.
1736: George Whitfield preaches his first sermon.
1865: Hudson Taylor establishes the China Inland Mission, one of the most successful mission ventures in history.
1933: James Mountain, English revivalist/hymnwriter (“Like a River Glorious”), dies.
1940: The USSR returns to the Gregorian calendar after its experimental atheistic calendar fails.
1978: The Moscow Seven, Siberian believers, take refuge at the US embassy in Moscow. This was not the first such instance, but earlier occupations lasted only a few hours.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress Madilyn Sweeten (“Everybody Loves Raymond”) 24 (
- Actor (Spider-Man flicks, Wonder Boys, Seabiscuit) Tobey Maguire, 40
- Actress (“Designing Women”, “Newhart”) Julia Duffy, 64 (
- Former presidential candidate and big-eared mega-rich guy, H. Ross Perot, 85
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1925 : Doc pomus
1945 : Bruce Johnston (The Beach Boys)
1951 : Gilson Lavis (Squeeze)
1959 : Lorrie Morgan
1961 : Margo Timmins (Cowboy Junkies)
1976 : Leigh Nash (Sixpence None the Richer)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do graduates wear those strange square caps with their gowns?
Those mortarboards are modeled after the biretta, a similar cap worn by church officials in the Middle Ages to symbolize their knowledge, experience and high place. With an optimism that borders on religious faith, the mortarboard states that the graduate has reached a similar point in life. The square cardboard was added to the top to keep the biretta’s high crown from flopping on the grad’s face – I guess so it’s easier for Grandma to get good camera shots. Now here’s what I really think: Like the beanies sported by fraternity pledges, those silly-looking mortarboards are worn by people pledging adulthood. Of course, once you get in, it ain’t near as much fun as you were promised it would be, the only food fights you are allowed to participate in are the ones your own kids start and you’re required to put a stop to, and working at a job is worse than cramming for finals. Go out into the world? Not me!
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Josh Wilson says his diet and exercise app need to add a new category. He says he had an incredible trail ride over the weekend but there needs to be a place in the app to enter accidental bugs swallowed.
Tenth Avenue North is considering offering their services as rain makers. The band didn’t get to play for Alive Festival over the weekend due to the rain and lightning. The canceled show followed a rain out in Ohio two days earlier. After their second cancellation in as many days, members of the band tweeted: The State of California ought to invite us over. We could probably cure their drought problems.
Citizenway’s Ben Calhoun joined his daughter for her first big bike ride over the father’s day weekend. Ben said his daughter stayed strong throughout the five mile ride, even after a bee got lost in her ear.
After years of disappointing cups of coffee, the band Skillet has decided to take matters into their own hands. Members of the band recently shared: We knew what we wanted…just a perfect bold, smooth, rich cup of coffee. After endless trials of different blends and roasts, we succeeded in creating exactly what we wanted! Now you can get your own bag of Skillet coffee, called Rise, along with a Skillet tumbler on the Skillet online store
Jamie Grace rerouted her tour over the weekend after learning of the tragedy in Charleston. Jamie is on tour with her sister Morgan. They made a quick stop at a Chick-fil-A in the community to encourage and minister to area residents on the way to their next concert.
Christian artists are speaking out about the Charleston’s church shooting tragedy. Artists like Blancaand Newsboys front man Michael Tait shared some thoughts with CCM magazine.
Michael Tait said: I’ve said it before and I must say it again, COLORS DON’T HATE BUT PEOPLE DO, and there is an obvious reason why. Since the fall of man, we are born and shaped in sin, and that sin controls us until we lay down our lives and give up the rights to ourselves to become new creations in Christ with renewed minds!
Blanca added: I believe that now is no time for fear nor standing back but more than ever, a time for the body of Christ to come together in prayer asking the Lord to be a light in this darkness and to heal our nation.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Ex-homeless man with golden voice: I’m running for president photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — A once-homeless Ohio man whose smooth radio voice made him an Internet sensation says he’s running for president as an independent. Ted Williams was propelled into the spotlight in 2011 after he appeared in a video by The Columbus Dispatch panhandling on a highway ramp…
|Beekeepers set out to remove a million bees from NY home
WALLKILL, N.Y. (AP) — Beekeepers have quite the task ahead of them as they remove an estimated 1 million honey bees that have taken up residence at a New York home. HASH(0x13defb0) The Orange County family living there discovered the bees while they were clearing trees. They were preparing to…
|New rainbow crosswalks support Philadelphia’s LGBT community photo
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Rainbow-colored crosswalks have been painted in a gay neighborhood of Philadelphia known as the Gayborhood. HASH(0xd2e680) The crosswalks appeared Thursday morning. Backers say they were planned for some time. Philly Pride Presents senior adviser Chuck Volz says the…
|Iowa man scratches off 2 winners in 1 day: $100,000 and $930
DUBUQUE, Iowa (AP) — A 75-year-old Dubuque man has scratched off two winning tickets in one day. One was worth $100,000, the other $930. HASH(0x13e1560) He said Wednesday that he intends to “buy my real estate up at the cemetery and a headstone,” and that he is thinking about buying a new…
|Whirlpool forms near spillway on Texas-Oklahoma border
DENISON, Texas (AP) — Water draining into the spillway on a lake along the Texas-Oklahoma border has formed a whirlpool. The whirlpool formed on Lake Texoma near the Denison Dam spillway after heavy rains raised the lake to flood level. The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Tulsa District manages…
|Massachusetts State trooper meets colleague who saved him
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (AP) — A veteran Massachusetts State Police trooper and the baby boy whose life he saved more than three decades ago were reunited this week, and through a strange twist of fate, that boy is now a fellow trooper. Al Balestra, 63, met and shook hands Tuesday with 32-year-old…
|Stench from stinky fridge sends 11 to hospital
LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) — A smelly refrigerator has prompted the decontamination of nearly a dozen people at the University of Kentucky. Multiple news sources report that 11 people were taken to the hospital on Wednesday after being exposed to chemicals inside the Dimock Animal Pathology building…
|Firefighter accused of reporting fake fire to earn paycheck
SOUTH AMHERST, Ohio (AP) — Authorities say an Ohio auxiliary firefighter reported a fake fire so he could head to the scene and earn a paycheck, but a different department was dispatched instead and he is now facing charges. Twenty-seven-year old Dean Evans, of Lorain, is charged with…
|Suit: Family flees home after getting letters from ‘Watcher’ photo
ELIZABETH, N.J. (AP) — A couple who says they were scared away from their new $1.4 million home because of creepy letters from a stalker has sued the sellers for not telling them about a person with a “mentally disturbed fixation” on the house. Derek and Maria Broaddus said the former owners…
|News crew preparing for segment saves overdose victim’s life
WASHINGTON, Pa. (AP) — Police are crediting a Pittsburgh TV news crew with saving the life of an overdose victim by calling 911 and performing CPR on him before emergency responders could arrive. HASH(0x13ec810) Clark performed CPR while Sapida called 911. Clark says he was thinking, “OK, if…
|Wacky fossil worm reveals secret: Which end is which? photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A bizarre-looking fossil worm that’s been a puzzle for scientists has given up a secret: Researchers now know which end is which. The giveaway was finding evidence of eyes and teeth in the black traces of carbon the creature left behind in ancient rock. The worm, called…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Coverage worries persist amid relief over health care ruling photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Throughout the country, relief was the dominant emotion among consumers who get help from the government to lower their health insurance costs following Thursday’s Supreme Court ruling upholding the subsidies underpinning President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul. Many…
|With court defeat, GOP health law effort now aimed at ’16 photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court’s resounding rejection of a conservative attempt to gut President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul won’t stop Republicans from attacking the law they detest. But now, their efforts will be chiefly about teeing up the issue for the 2016 presidential and…
|Obama and Roberts legacies intertwined in health care law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The chief justice who once mangled President Barack Obama’s oath of office has once again helped rescue the president’s signature achievement, his health care law. After an awkward first encounter, these two Harvard Law graduates who rose to high positions of power from…
|Other legal challenges to health overhaul remain
WASHINGTON (AP) — If you thought the legal fight over the health care overhaul was finally over, think again. At least four issues related to the Affordable Care Act still are being sorted out in the courts, although none seems to pose the same threat to the law as the challenge to nationwide…
|Obama health care law survives second Supreme Court fight photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court sent a clear message Thursday that President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul is here to stay, rejecting a major challenge that would have imperiled the landmark law and health insurance for millions of Americans. Whether you call it the Affordable Care…
|Excerpts from the Supreme Court’s health care ruling photo
Excerpts from the majority opinion of Chief Justice John Roberts and a dissent written by Justice Antonin Scalia in the Supreme Court’s 6-3 ruling Thursday that upheld the nationwide tax subsidies underpinning President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul: ___ ROBERTS “In a democracy, the power to…
|Hospital stocks leap after Supreme Court backs overhaul
Investors in hospital stocks rejoiced Thursday after the Supreme Court upheld a key portion of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul and eliminated the prospect of a sudden influx of uninsured patients seeking care. Shares of big hospital operators like HCA Holdings Inc. and Tenet…
|California vaccine bill clears major legislative hurdle photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California’s Assembly on Thursday approved a hotly contested bill requiring that nearly all public schoolchildren be vaccinated, clearing one of its last major legislative obstacles before the measure heads to the desk of Gov. Jerry Brown. The bill aims to increase…
|Judge blocks Kansas’ ban on 2nd-trimester abortion procedure photo
TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) — A judge on Thursday blocked Kansas’ first-in-the-nation ban on an abortion procedure that opponents describe as dismembering a fetus, concluding that the law would likely present too big of an obstacle for women seeking to end their pregnancies. Shawnee County District…
|Republicans push back against proposed dietary guidelines photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congressional Republicans are pushing back against proposed dietary guidelines that urge Americans to consider the environment when deciding what foods to eat. House and Senate spending bills say the guidelines must focus only on nutrition and diet. That’s a clear effort to…
|Panel gives weak endorsement of new meningitis shots photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A federal panel gave a weak endorsement Wednesday to two expensive meningitis shots, declining to recommend that all teens get the vaccine and leaving the decision to parents and doctors. At a meeting in Atlanta, the panel approved a half-measure that says older teens and…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Semiconductors”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Fat Dad Spankings”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard saw some horses pass by and couldn’t help but admire their shoes. He even proclaimed his desire for a pair of those beautiful horseshoes out loud – and it was at that moment that a small badger appeared and told Millard that he could be of assistance…
CLOSE: Well, it looks like Gruffy may end up with a new pair of shoes now as well! What a great salesman that badger is! Come to think of it, I could use a new pair of shoes myself. Join us next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JUNE 27/28, 2015
OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: My… what a coincidence, indeed! I can understand Millard admiring the horses’ shoes – but wanting some for himself? Can you imagine horseshoes – on a MONKEY? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
You’d think it’d be something that’d be covered in Journalism 101: fish don’t have hair, and because of that, they don’t need to be around shampoo.
… apparently a Danish TV reporter missed that point – and has been convicted of animal cruelty for killing a dozen fish with shampoo. A court says Lisbeth Koelster poured dandruff shampoo into a fish tank for a 2004 TV program. The report was supposed to show that some hair products contain toxic chemicals. What it ended up showing is that guppies die when you put shampoo in their tank. A veterinarian reported the reporter to police two days after the show aired. But the case wasn’t heard until last week. Though convicted, the reporter wasn’t fined, because the court said her rights to a speedy trial had been violated.
TOP TEN RESUME’ BLOOPERS
(“Resumania” is a term coined by Mr. Robert Half, founder of RHI Consulting’s parent company, to describe the unintentional bloopers that often appear on job candidates’ resumes, job applications and cover letters. Here are 10 examples.)
- “I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise.” (And an eye on the “e” section of the dictionary, evidently.)
- “Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.” (No problem …)
- “Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.” (Glad to hear it.)
- “My compensation should be at least equal to my age.” (And bonuses “tied to” his shoe size?)
- “I can play well with others.” (We’ll be sure to tell your mommy.)
- “Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.” (A new twist on work-family balance.)
- “My salary requirement is $34 per year.” (They say money isn’t everything.)
- “Previous experience: Self-employed – a fiasco.” (Definitely to the point.)
- “I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live.” (And they say loyalty is hard to come by.)
- “Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.” (We’re glad you’re not bitter.)
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Why would anyone WANT a plaster cast?
FILE #1: Ernest G. Johnson was recently arrested in Shreveport, Louisiana, for what we can only describe as an out of control plaster cast fetish. Posing as an insurance company employee, he was caught roaming the corridors at LSU Hospital, sneaking photographs of women wearing casts. One police detective said, “It’s like all he wants is to be in the presence of a woman with a cast on and have her attention.”
FILE #2: It was a dream come true for 2 little old ladies who took a trip to Memphis, Tennessee to honor Elvis. After taking the Graceland tour, they went to get a bite to eat. They stopped at a local shopping area and were quickly approached by a man who demanded their purses. Not missing a beat – they beat him senseless with their purses causing the guy to fall down and break his ankle. Since he could not run off, he instead used his cell phone to call 911 for help. The police came and arrested him as he was curled up in the corner while the old ladies held him down by sitting on him.
FILE #3: Thieves in the UK broke into the car of a shoe salesman and took off with 80 of today’s most fashionable shoes. The key there is that they took off with 80 shoes — not 40 pairs. The salesman was carrying around single samples of new shoe designs — not a pair among them. The bungling burglars got away with 80 right-footed shoes. Police officer Stuart Elford said, “They must have been hopping mad when they found out.”
STRANGE LAW: In Texas, it’s against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
In Wadsworth, Ohio, firefighters hit the crime-busting jackpot while dousing a fire in a new home.
It did seem strange that the guy believed to be the owner suddenly took off while they were still battling the blaze. Then it all made sense — as soon as they found the $700,000 worth of marijuana plants in the basement. A total of 239 plants were found but that’s not the only crime here. The special marijuana-cultivating system, with special plant-growing lights, was wired to the home’s electrical system in a way that bypassed the meter. Police are now looking for the owner who bought the place just under a month ago.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ESPECIALLY BRAVE ON THEIR RADIO SHOW…
It’s JOB EVALUATION TIME! Just like every other job I’ve ever had, I receive annual evaluations here at the radio station. However, what’s great about working here is that it’s not my boss that evaluates me – it’s YOU! So evaluate away, my friends! Email your “DJ Job Evaluation” to me at (insert your email address here) and I’ll read it on the air – or call me and give me a live on-the-spot job evaluation! Positive or negative! After all, not all job evaluations are 100% great. Where do I need to improve? What am I doing right? What would you like to hear less or more of?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Hannah was the mother of Samuel. What was the name of Hannah’s husband?
ANSWER: Elkanah (1 Samuel 1:8)
QUESTION: What gem was once considered a charm against drunkenness?
ANSWER: Amethyst – which gets its name from the Greek amethystos – which means “remedy for drunkenness.”
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Paula Abdul used to be a cheerleader for the Kansas City Chiefs. (False – the Los Angeles Lakers)
- The last thing Elvis Presley ate before he died was a grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich. (False, it was four scoops of ice cream and 6 chocolate chip cookies.)
- Singer Alice Cooper once had a live rat thrown at him during a concert in Toronto. He threw the rat back at the crowd and all the publicity surrounding the incident skyrocketed his singing career. (False – it was a chicken. The rest of it is true though.)
- The airport in La Paz, Bolivia is the world’s highest airport. (True)
- Chicago is closer to Moscow than to Rio de Janeiro. (True)
- If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean, the horizon will be about eight statute miles away. (False – three)
- Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. (True)
- The dome on Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s home, conceals a bowling alley. (False – a billiards room. In Jefferson’s day, billiards was illegal in Virginia.)
- Female orcas (killer whales) live twice as long as male orcas. (True. The larger numbers of female orcas in a pod are because of the female’s longer lifespan, not because the males have collected a harem.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
Night Watchman Sues Over __________ __________!” (WORKING NIGHTS)
The Weekly World News claims Bernard Kipley was hired to be a night watchman for the Sandover Construction Company – until the company told him that he’d have to work nights. When he refused, he was fired. Kipley sued the company and amazingly, he won. Five minutes after he had been hired, Kipley was informed that he would be working from midnight to 8am. “I said, ‘You’re kidding me, right? I can’t work nights. That’s when all my favorite TV infomercials are on,” Kipley said. When Kipley refused the hours, the company immediately terminated him. Kipley then sued Sandover on the grounds that it discriminated against people who don’t like working nights. Surprisingly, Judge Judy Bench agreed with Kipley. “Just as there’s nothing that says a ‘night watchman’ has to be a ‘man,’ there’s no reason a night watchman can’t work during the day,” ruled the judge.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man was watching a fisherman at work. The fisherman caught a giant trout but threw it back into the river. Next the fisherman hooked a huge pike and threw it back. Finally, the fisherman caught a little bass. He smiled and put the little bass in his bag.
“Hey,” yelled a guy who was watching. “Why did you throw back a giant trout and a huge pike and then keep a little bass?”
The fisherman yelled back, “Small frying pan.”
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall. The owner asks the clerk “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”
The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
The owner screams, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxative!”
The clerk replies, “Of course you can! Look at him. He’s too afraid to cough!”
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.” He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
When he did die, she sat at the ceremony next to her friend. After the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She brought a box over and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!”
She said, “Listen, I’m a Christian. I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”
“I sure did,” said the wife. “But I didn’t feel safe walking around with all of that cash, so I just wrote him a check instead.”
A recent study suggests that most of the pain experienced while visiting the dentist actually comes from the painful thoughts you have before ever getting into the chair. ***MARLAR: The rest of the pain comes from being forced to sit listen to instrumental versions of Led Zeplin songs.
A small town south of Hamburg, Germany, has been conducting a test for two years and found that government workers who were allowed to sleep on the job were more efficient that employees who stayed awake. ***MARLAR: Oh, so THAT’S what road workers are doing – they’re being EFFICIENT!
Did you hear about the cross-eyed discus thrower? He didn’t break a lot of records, but he sure kept the crowd alert!
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
THE WHOLE TOOTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH
The good news is Annie McLean’s dog didn’t have cancer. The bad news is the dog was almost put to sleep.
…McLean’s terrier, Robert, was originally diagnosed with cancer by a vet who suggested that the dog be put to sleep. On a hunch, she took the dog to another vet for a second opinion. That doctor correctly diagnosed that Robert didn’t have cancer, just bad teeth! Instead of being destroyed, the animal had to have 12 rotten teeth removed.
THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
The Bible still has the answers.
Prayer still works.
The Spirit can still move.
God still inhabits praise.
There is still anointed preaching.
There is still anointed singing.
God still pours out blessings.
There’s still room at the cross.
Jesus still loves you.
Jesus still saves.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
READ: 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
Bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. —2 Corinthians 10:5
Some days my computer helps me fly like an eagle. Other times, it bogs me down like a hippopotamus. On “eagle days” I’m grateful for my computer. But there are those “hippo days” when I rue the day I bought one.
Recently I’ve had to contend with a virus that invaded my computer. What bothers me most is that viruses are created maliciously. Bright people who live with a darkness in their lives want to make other people miserable. What’s worse, I permitted the virus to enter my machine by opening what I thought was an innocent e-mail.
Sin resembles a computer virus. Satan wants to destroy Christians by infecting their minds. But the apostle Paul urged the believers at Corinth to bring “every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Just as we let a virus into our computers, we also let darkness into our lives when we open ourselves unthinkingly to the godless messages that permeate our culture. We let down our guard and hardly notice the sin that infects our minds.
But by confessing our sin, reading God’s Word, and praying, we build a firewall, or barrier, to safeguard our minds. With the help of the Spirit, we’ll keep our minds from becoming unwitting hosts for unwanted guests. —Haddon W. Robinson
Heavenly Father, I’m often careless with what I allow to enter my mind. By Your Spirit, please help me to guard my mind today. By Your grace, keep me from situations that wage war on my thought life. Amen.
Guard your thoughts as you would your wallet.
Planning on spending some time in Florida this summer? Better watch out for the gators!
A caution has been issued in Florida: The Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in Bay, Seminole, Osceola, Polk, Brevard and Orange Counties. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings. Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. ***MARLAR: Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Do you think you’re a lousy parent? You’re probably a much better parent than you think you are – we’ll show you how!
Here are 10 reasons you are a better parent than you think you are: (from Parenting)
- You are the best mommy or daddy in the world for your child – Regardless of what the experts or anyone else says, in your child’s eyes you are their one and only. If you can live up to that kind of love and acceptance, you’ll be happier for it.
- You trust your gut – Most of us try not to get too worried or upset by the proliferation of news stories about lead-poisoned toys or tragic stories of kidnapped children, but it’s not very easy. When push comes to shove, your gut can be your guide. If you feel more than a tingle of doubt, you’ll do the right thing by your child. You’re wired that way.
- You give the best love you know how to give – Love isn’t perfect or always kind, but you want to be a good parent and you try every day to be the best parent you know how to be.
- You feed them every day- Not always meals with enough vegetables or fruit, but you feed them, and you worry about their health. And that makes you a good parent.
- You smile at them, beam even, and they make you proud – When you smile at your child (and you know you do, often) you are transmitting your love and tenderness. Kids are sponges and they feel every iota of that sweetness.
- You teach them about wonderful things — You fill their heads with the wishes of childhood — Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and other wonderful creatures. Even if they don’t believe you, their eyes light up with the spark of imagination.
- You love them unconditionally, even when you don’t like them very much – Most kids know that you love them no matter what. Even when they have tantrums in the grocery store and hit their sister or brother and refuse to eat their dinner. Even then you love them deeply.
- You comfort them when they’re scared – Monsters, bad dreams, and things that go bump in the night hold no power over the comfort of your arms and your murmured reassurance.
- You want your child to be happy – Almost more than anything else, you want to see evidence that your child is happy, well-adjusted, and secure. You want this for them more than you want it for yourself.
- You are their one true love – For so many years, you are your child’s sun, moon, and stars. You are the keeper of their small open hearts, their only one. This essential truth, when fully appreciated, makes parenting the most fulfilling thing you’ll ever do.
JUST FOR FUN
ARE WE THERE YET?
What is the furthest distance you’ve driven for a road trip? The story of Joey, Josh, Adam and their venture is on the way!
What is the furthest distance you’ve gone on a road trip? Joey, Josh and Adam, three guys in their 20’s, took on a wild venture: to go on one road trip and hit all 48 contiguous states and never stop (except for gas). Josh’s father was the original planner who mapped the trip and was going to take the challenge himself several years ago. The trip never happened due to the death of his mother shortly before the journey was supposed to begin. And so the baton, or map rather, was passed on to Josh and his two buddies. The world traveled with them on their blog. The trip began in Boston and ended at the Four Corners. To make a very long story short here is what these three guys accomplished in FOUR DAYS:
- 7,008 Miles
- Exact time: 106 Hours and 43 Minutes
- Saw 90 cops
- And never got pulled over (Wow!)
- Highest gas price: $4.15
- Lowest gas price: $3.45
- Showers taken: Zero (I guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do.)
- It can buy a house … But not a home
- It can buy a bed … But not sleep
- It can buy a clock … But not time
- It can buy you a book … But not knowledge
- It can buy you a position … But not respect
- It can buy you medicine … But not health
- It can buy you blood … But not life
- It can buy you sex … But not love
So you see, money isn’t everything! … It often causes pain and suffering. But because I’m your friend, I want to take away your pain and suffering. Send me all your money, and I will do the suffering for you.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Drop the hamburger – it’s a deadly weapon!
Red meat, the staple of the American diet, could send you to an early grave. The study concluded that Americans 50 and older who eat large amounts of red meat and processed meats, including cold cuts, bacon and hot dogs, face a greater risk of early death from heart disease and cancer. How much is a “large amount” of red meat? It’s not that much at all: one-quarter pound a day or the equivalent of a hamburger. ***MARLAR: I should be dead now.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(None On The Weekends)
Is the sunscreen you use really protecting your skin? Dermatologists say that, to shield your face and body adequately when you’re outdoors, you need a full ounce of sunscreen. And according to a Huffington Post article, you need to reapply that amount every two hours if you are staying dry and more often if you’re getting wet. They say most water-resistant sunscreens are rated for only 40 to 80 minutes
130 years ago the statue of liberty arrived in New York Harbor. In celebration, Time Magazine has released a series of pictures this month, giving views of the statue before it was assembled at its current location. Check out the pictures and read more about the construction and delivery of this national icon…
Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson announced in a letter over the weekend that his organization will donate $100,000 in honor of the victims of the Charleston, South Carolina, shooting on Wednesday. According to the Huffington Post, Richardson said that $10,000 should go to each of the families of the nine victims. The final $10,000 is to go to the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, the site of the shooting, “as a memorial honoring the victims.”
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I kid around a lot, because if I didn’t, listening to myself would drive me right up the wall.
I feel so great I may go home and wash MY half of the car.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JUNE 26, 2015…
Max—Bring handkerchief to theater. This is the true story of Max, a military dog whose army handler was killed in action. Can Max adjust to civilian life? Do dogs in service also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome? The cast includes Thomas Haden Church and Lauren Graham. “Max” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for military theme and animal fans.
Ted 2—Most teddy bears are soft and cuddly, but this “Ted” is cuddly and foul-mouthed and made quite an impression on audiences. Hence, a sequel. Ted is still with his buddy, Mark Wahlberg, but Ted wants to have a baby with his wife (Amanda Seyfreid) and in order to do this must be declared a real person. Hmm. This is a Seth MacFarlane film. Morgan Freeman is also in the cast. I think people looked strangely at their teddy bears for months after seeing the first “Ted.” This film, “Ted 2” is rated R, so be aware of that. No rating.
What Happened Miss Simone? (documentary)—Nina Simone was a class act singer and this documentary shows her career in music and in civil rights The film is directed by Liz Garbus. “What Happened Miss Simons?” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
Big Game—Samuel L. Jackson is the president of the United States and when his plane is shot down in the northern wilderness, what can he do to survive? No drones available? He is helped by a boy (Onni Tommila) out hunting. What an idea for a plot. “Big Game” is rated PG 13. No rating.
JULY 01, 2016…
Terminator Genisys is a continuation of the “Terminator” films and also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. What else is new? Oh, yes, and this film runs against Channing Tatum in the second “Magic Mike” movie.
Magic Mike XXL is a sequel to the first “Magic Mike” and will run against Schwarzenegger’s robot. “Mike” stars Channing Tatum.
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