June 29, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160629

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I won’t say much on today’s program. I said so much yesterday I got a blister on my tongue.

 

Today is kind of an important day here at the radio station. I am very happy to announce we have now had 25 days without a CD related injury — and one whole year without a CD related fatality. Way to go guys!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” –Philippians 3:20

 

[Spoken by Jesus] “…whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” — Matthew 16:25

 

But he [Jesus] said, “I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.” — Luke 4:43

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than men!” — Acts 5:29

 

Thought: Against a stern warning from the ruling council in Jerusalem, called the Sanhedrin, Peter and the other apostles proclaimed Jesus as Lord. They knew that Jesus had triumphed over the attempts of his enemies to extinguish him and his ministry. The apostles blatantly disobeyed the orders of the very same people who had Jesus crucified. By any standard, that is faithful courage. How are you doing in the “standing up for Jesus” battle?

 

Prayer: Lord God Almighty, please empower me by your Spirit to be courageous. I do not want to ever back down from my convictions nor ever renounce my faith in Jesus, in whose name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 6:29 NIV
Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 29, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 178 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is ELVIS PRESLEY BOULEVARD DAY. The City of Memphis voted to name a 12-mile portion of the street that passes Graceland in honor of Elvis. Street signs disappeared immediately.

 

Today is REMOTE CONTROL DAY.  ***MARLAR: A favorite observance of couch potatoes everywhere.

 

Today is WAFFLE IRON DAY.  ***MARLAR: It’s not Waffle Day – but Waffle IRON Day.  So what fun is that?  “Hey, look Bill, I have a shiny waffle iron for you to look at!”

 

Today is REMEMBER THE 80’S DAY. ***MARLAR: I’ll never forget the 80’s. I remember once in 1987 when I decided to clean my room.  (

)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

(None Today)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, JUNE 30

National Bomb Pop Day

National Hand Shake Day

NOW (National Organization For Women) Day

Social Media Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 01

Canada Day

National GSA Employee Day

Second Half of the Year Day

U.S. Postage Stamp Day

Zip Code Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 02

Hop a Park Day

I Forgot Day

International Chicken Wing Day

International Day of Cooperatives

International Cherry Pit Spitting Day

Made in the USA Day

World UFO Day

Compliment Your Mirror Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 03

International Plastic Bag Free Day

Stay Out Of The Sun Day

Superman Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 04

Boom Box Parade Day

Earth At Aphelion

Independence Day (USA)

Independence From Meat Day

Indivisible Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 05

Bikini Day

Work Without Your Hands Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JULY 06

Fried Chicken Day

International Kissing Day (World Kiss Day)

Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

Beer Pong Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1838: To mark Queen Victoria’s coronation the day before, the British newspaper The Sun published its entire issue with gold ink.

 

1863: The very first First National Bank opened in Davenport, Iowa.  *** Which means every other First National Bank is just living a hideous lie.

 

1956: Dressed in a tux and tails on Steve Allen’s TV variety show, Elvis Presley sang “Hound Dog” to a basset hound sitting on a stool. ***MARLAR: Which was appropriate since all the women in the audience were howling too.

 

1978: Actor Bob Crane was murdered in a Scottsdale, Arizona, motel room. A former deejay, he starred as Col. Robert Hogan on TV’s “Hogan’s Heroes.” (

)

 

1983: History’s oldest caged rabbit died in Longford, Tasmania. Flopsy was 18 years 11 months old. ***MARLAR: He was survived by 37,298 sons, daughters, grandchildren, great grandchildren…

 

1983: Prince Mongo of the uncharted planet of Zambodia, accused of tampering with an electric meter in Memphis, was sentenced to 10 days for contempt when he appeared in court wearing green body paint, a fur loincloth, gold goggles, and carrying a skull under one arm. Later that year Prince Mongo ran for mayor of Memphis and got 2,650 votes.

 

1986: In Louisville, Kentucky a man arrested for drunk driving claimed to be legally blind and that the car was actually being driven by his dog, Sir Anheuser Busch II. He served 30 days in jail.

 

1991: A company called Longest Taco Tico made the world’s longest burrito in Newton, Kansas. They used 2,557 tortillas, 75 pounds of cheese, and 607 pounds of refried beans to build the 1,598-foot burrito. ***MARLAR: It’s now illegal in Newton, Kansas to use a lighter.

 

1992: Doctors in Pittsburgh reported the first transplant of a baboon’s liver into a human patient. The 35-year-old recipient survived three months.

 

1994: Robert Shepard escaped from the South Central Regional Jail in Charleston, West Virginia, by scaling an 18-foot wall using a rope made from dental floss purchased at the jail store. He was recaptured a month later. The jail store no longer sells dental floss. ***MARLAR: And building a rope out of toothbrushes is proving quite a bit more difficult.

 

2002: President George W. Bush transferred presidential powers to Vice President Dick Cheney for more than two hours during a routine colon screening.

 

2003: Actress Katherine Hepburn died in Old Saybrook, Connecticut at age 96. She won a record four Oscars for best actress.

 

2005: A group of half-naked animal rights demonstrators got plenty of attention in Madrid’s historic Puerta del Sol square  in a protest against bullfighting. Five young women carrying “Stop the Bloody Bullfights” signs wore only panties and had plastic bull horns on their heads. The protesters claimed 70,000 bulls a year were killed in bullfights in Spain.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1757: Anglican clergyman and hymnwriter John Newton wrote ina letter: “Whatever we may undertake with a sincere desire to promote His glory, we may comfortably pursue. Nothing is trivial that is done for Him.”

 

1810: In Bradford, Massachusetts, the first U.S. missionary society was organized: the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions.

 

1875: The first “holiness” conference opened at Keswick, England. Keswick conferences stress a non-charismatic, “crisis” form of sanctification, in contrast to the older traditional view of Christian sanctification as being a lifelong “process.”

 

1908: Birth of Cyrus H. Gordon, American Jewish archaeological scholar. Having taught Assyriology and Egyptology at Dropsie College in Philadelphia, his his technical writings include the Ugaritic Handbook (1947).

 

1931: The Unevangelized Fields Mission was founded, in England. UFM missionaries today work primarily in Latin America, Europe and Africa, as well as in Haiti and Indonesia.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“L.A. Law”) Amanda Donohoe, 54 (
    )
  • Actress (“NYPD Blue”) Sharon Lawrence, 55 (
    )
  • Politician/actor (Gopher on “The Love Boat”) Fred Grandy, 68 (
    )
  • Actor/comedian (Robin Hood: Men In Tights) Richard Lewis, 69
  • actor (The Buddy Holly Story, Lethal Weapon, Silver Bullet) Gary Busey is 70

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1901 : Nelson Eddy

1910 : Frank Loesser

1911 : Bernard Herrmann

1922 : Elmer J. “Mousey” Alexander

1922 : Ralph Burns

1935 : Lee (Shirley & Lee)

1938 : Billy Storm (The Valiants, The Alley Cats)

1940 : L. Russell Brown

1942 : Gilberto Gil

1943 : Little Eva

1943 : Roger Spear (The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band)

1947 : Carlo Santanna (Paper Lace)

1948 : Ian Paice (Deep Purple, Whitesnake)

1948 : Derv Gordon (The Equals)

1948 : Lincoln Gordon (The Equals)

1953 : Colin Hay (Men at Work)

1954 : Billy Hinsche (Dino, Desi & Billy)

1960 : Evelyn “Champagne” King

1964 : Stedman Pearson (Five Star)

1978 : Nicole Scherzinger (Pussycat Dolls)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do some comedians leave us in “stitches?”

Have you heard this joke? What do you call a man who wears a mask and carries a knife? Answer: a surgeon. Ok, ok, but it does leave some people in “stitches.” Why? What does laughing hard have to do with getting sewn up? The answer is in the etymology of stitches, which ain’t no laughing matter. Stitches evolved from a Germanic word that meant to stick or jab with a sharp point. Did you ever notice that when you really laugh hard your ribs can hurt? That common cramping or stabbing feeling suggests the pain you might experience from being stuck in the ribs by something sharp. Hence the laughter leaves you in “stitches.” By the way, don’t even think about it. Your HMO won’t cover it.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Chris Tomlin may want to re-think his play list for outdoor shows. He was at Kingsfest 2016 over the weekend and posted: So sorry we got cut short. Shouldn’t have started with Waterfall I guess.

 

Josh Wilson is promoting a new app for those who travel a lot. The app helps fight human trafficking simply by uploading a photo of your hotel room each time you stay the night away from home. Josh says the photos are then used to determine where perpetrators of sex trafficking are committing their crimes. The app is called “Traffick Cam.”  http://traffickcam.org/

 

Jamie Grace says you can tell that she’s an exceptional golfer just by her outfit. She posted a picture as she teed off in her cowboy boots.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BHFPv4OBhNV/

 

Want to join Mercyme on a seven day cruise? Now you can. The band will headline a cruise to the Caribbean January 15-22.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BHBMyRQgOX-/

 

Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo was a little disappointed by the web site WebMD this week. He did a search for Foaming armpits but the site had zero results. Jaun posted: I’m sure you’re a trusted resource, but I still say that there’s a problem, WebMD.

 

Jamie Grace recently starting offering an online course titled How To Be A Singer. Now she is giving away one free copy of the 5 week course that Jamie says will take you from Singer to Artist. Just post a video of you singing, along with a caption answering the question: “Why do you want to take your music career to the next level?” Submissions must be in by July 6.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BG-rN_ETS_f/

 

Selah member Todd Smith will release a solo project later this summer. There’s A Light is scheduled for release in August but the title cut from the new album will be available within the next few days. Check out the story behind “There’s a Light”…  http://youtu.be/vN5jqiq3zfo?a

 

Third Day’s Mac Powell continues to gradually provide additional information about his new project. Earlier this week he announced that work was underway on a new project but didn’t share anything else. Late in the week he added a video clip of the entire Third Day crew in the studio creating new music. Now word yet, though, on if it’s an entire new CD or just a few songs.  https://www.instagram.com/p/BG-LXtZgm0T/

 

Jason Gray says he feels more safe just knowing they are out there and ready. Attached was a picture of a Zombie Response Team jeep. https://www.instagram.com/p/BHAoXwNk-QG/

 

Want to make your own album. Chris August is ready and willing to help. Chris posted this week: I often get asked from artists and bands if I would ever work on records that aren’t my own. I do and I love it. I’ve spent the last couple years studying mixing. If you are an artist/band and are interested in having me mix and/or add some production to your record then feel free to send me a note.  http://afteraugustmusic.com

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Firefighters recently rescued a naked man from the chimney of an Iowa business.  ***Which, as we all know, IS the most efficient way to clean your chimney.

 

A West Virginia mother was recently charged with child abuse after she allegedly punched her teenage son in the face during an argument. Over a Taco Bell burrito. The 15-year-old had apparently ordered the wrong toppings on his mom’s burrito.  ***So obviously the kid had it coming.

 

A Florida man has been arrested after authorities say he sent a woman approximately 118 text messages over a span of eight hours. 34-year-old William Thomas Hardaway was taken in to police custody after the woman couldn’t take the alleged harassment any longer.  ***In case you’re trying to do the math, that’s over 14 texts per hour – or about one text every four minutes.  So, in other words, he was arrested for acting like a teenage girl.

 

A concerned employee called 911 after finding several ceiling tiles on the floor and papers strewn around a real estate office in Florida (Palm Bay). Officers arrived at the office and began going room to room to find out why the office was in such disarray. They found their suspect hiding behind a potted plant. It was a raccoon.  ***And they knew they had the right suspect, because he was wearing a mask.

 

A Florida man stuffed a couple of steaks down his pants, then pushed a loss prevention officer before high-tailing it out of a grocery store. But because he weighs 300 pounds it didn’t take long for police to catch up with the sweaty and out-of-breath man.  ***I guess eating red meat really IS bad for you!

 

A woman trying to navigate a foggy night in Ontario ended up driving straight into Lake Huron — the fourth largest lake in the world. The 23-year-old was following her car’s GPS when she somehow lost her way at a boat launch. It was late, it was dark and she suddenly felt her red Toyota Yaris filling with cold water as it sank. Apparently no alcohol was involved in the incident.  ***Although the woman is wishing she had a lot of it right now.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Research shows that boys, just like girls, are experiencing younger and younger puberty.  ***MARLAR: In fact, some southern states like Arkansas will be voting on whether or not to lower the legal marrying age from 12 to 10.

 

A University of Newcastle. study of 170 obese Australians disproved the common belief that you can lose weight faster if you break up meals into five or six snack-size portions a day. There was no difference in health or weight loss between those who ate three meals a day and those who ate six smaller meals. A nutritionist said what matters is what and how much you eat, not how many times, and that eating six small meals a day at McDonald’s clearly won’t help you lose weight.  ***MARLAR: But eating six Happy Meals a day will make you extremely happy.

 

A study by San Diego State University researchers has disproven the popular phrase “five second rule” … determining bacteria can attach itself to food in less than five seconds.  ***MARLAR: True – but that’s why you blow on it once you pick it up off the floor. DUH!

 

Just one in 17 women of a healthy weight actually considered themselves to be “slim”, a recent survey has found.   The study, involving thousands of people, provides a disturbing insight into female self-esteem. Volunteers were asked to look at themselves in the mirror and select from 12 adjectives to describe how they felt or how they considered they looked. Those taking part were also measured to determine whether they were overweight or of a healthy weight.  Among women who were the right weight for their height, just 13 per cent said they felt happy when they saw their reflection and only six per cent thought they were slim.  ***MARLAR: Although the study did look a bit more normal if you took out the names of Calista Flockhart, Terri Hatcher, and Lara Flynn Boyle.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Airplane Black Box”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Gregory, “British Baseball”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and  (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never ending saga that is As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was singing show tunes and getting ready to go on a picnic.  He had everything ready to go and was just about to take off when Millard the Monkey stopped by…

 

CLOSE: The best picnic the jungle animals have ever had… now that DOES sound like fun!  We’ll find out how much fun next time, As the Jungle Turns!
 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 02/03

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left our story, Marvy Snuffleson had been sent to his room by his parents because he’d been mean to the new kid in the neighborhood and refused to play with him – mostly because it wasn’t cool.  But now the thunderstorm has tossed Marvy, his teddy-bear, and his entire bed out the bedroom window and onto the high seas!

 

CLOSE: What kind of place is this that Marvy has washed ashore upon?  And who are the furry, tall creatures?  Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Some men can’t be trusted to wash their own work clothes.

A Dutch man left his house without a roof and windows when he decided to remove grease stains from his jumper the man’s way… by using a lot of gasoline on the stain. He then threw the jumper into the washing machine, where the gasoline reacted with the detergent causing a massive explosion. He wasn’t hurt, but his house does need a new roof and windows now. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, the stains are gone.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS STORE EMPLOYEES SAY YET REALLY MEAN

 

  1. “Can I help you get a size?” (Don’t touch that, I just spent an hour folding it and I don’t need your hands messing it up again.)9. “Do you need help with anything?” (Quick, my manager is coming around the corner and I need to look busy.)

    8. “Welcome!” (Good, another customer to mess up my entire store just to buy a pair of socks.)

    7. “Have a nice day!” (Now that you ruined mine.)

    6. “Thank you for shopping with us.” (Thanks for emptying your wallet with us!)

    5. “Do you need a shopping cart to help you carry your items?” (The more you can carry, the more you can buy!)

    4. “I love your shirt! Where did you get it?” (Your shirt is much nicer than the clothes we sell here. Why are you even shopping here?)

    3. “Can I help you get something down?” (I’ll get a ladder and put it up for you since this other nice customer put in the absolute wrong place.)

    2. “Don’t worry about folding it, I can do it.” (You would just mess it up again if you folded it.)

    1. “No, we don’t have any more in the back.” (I just don’t want to check.)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Down in El Cajon, California, the manager of a shoe store saved the day by giving a would-be-robber the boot… literally.

 

FILE #1: …The suspect entered Boot World, approached a clerk, pulled out what appeared to be a gun and announced the robbery. The manager suddenly sprang into action and began throwing boxes of boots as the suspect pointed the weapon at several employees. Finally the pelting of footwear became too much and the robber fled. Police found him minutes later hiding in a utility room behind another business. Turns out his weapon of choice was nothing more than a BB pistol.

 

FILE #2: In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn’t get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn’t fire. Grabbing the cashregister, he ran — but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall… Unplugging it, he tried again, but a regular diner decked him and called police.

 

FILE #3: It was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Instead, their wedding day ended with a brawl. Police were called when a fight broke out at a couple’s wedding reception in Westlake, Ohio. The fight started when the bride’s father introduced his new son-in-law by the wrong name. It ended with about 10 police officers trying to calm the guests down. The bridegroom’s father and a friend of the groom were charged with drunken disorderly conduct. No one was seriously hurt.  ***MARLAR: It’s always a nice touch when mugshots are also included in your wedding album.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Jonesboro, GA, it is illegal to say “Oh, Boy.”

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A bank teller receives more than just a monetary deposit.

Authorities said a man using the drive-through at a Tallahassee bank deposited $200 and a small bag containing marijuana and cocaine. Police said an employee at the Wachovia Bank called police after the unusual deposit. An officer arrested a 38-year-old man and found the remnants of three marijuana cigarettes inside his vehicle.  It’s not clear why the man included the drugs with his deposit.  ***MARLAR: I’m guessing his brain was on drugs.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Have you ever tried to get fired? A friend of mine is thinking about doing it on purpose so he can collect unemployment as he looks for a better job.  Have you ever purposely gotten yourself fired?  How’d you do it?

 

The 1980’s… what do you remember most fondly about the 80’s?  The hairstyles?  The fashions?  The music?  The gadgets and technologies?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Abimelech destroyed what city?

ANSWER: Shechem (Judges 9:39 & 45)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: 47% of us say we’ll do this if nobody is watching.  What is it that we’ll do?

ANSWER: Drink from the carton

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Kitsap County, Washington’s first hotel was called the Slaughter House. (True. Kitsap County was originally called Slaughter County, and the first hotel there was called the Slaughter House.)

 

  1. Ninety percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment. (False – ten percent0

 

  1. A person afflicted with hexadectylism has six fingers or six toes on one or both hands and feet. (True)

 

  1. A poll of 3,000 Americans found that the #1 fear is spiders. (False – it’s speaking before a group of people. Next came the fear of heights.)

 

  1. For those Americans who admit to reading in the bathroom, the preferred reading material is “The Bathroom Reader.” (False – “Reader’s Digest”)

 

  1. George W. Bush was the shortest U.S. President. (False – it was James Madison, 5 feet, 4 inches tall. Abraham Lincoln was the tallest at six feet, 4 inches.)

 

  1. Julius Caesar and Napoleon Bonaparte both suffered from epilepsy. (True)

 

  1. Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand. (True)

 

  1. If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of oxygen deprivation. (False – you’ll die of carbon dioxide poisoning before you will die of oxygen deprivation.)

 

  1. Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“KIM KARDASHIAN’S _____ EXPLODES!” (BUTT)

(Weekly Word News, June 24, 2011) Tragedy struck Kim Kardashian last night on a private flight from New Jersey to Las Vegas.  Her left butt cheek exploded.  Many have debated for years whether Kardashian has had butt implants or not, but the proof was in the rupturing last night when Kim’s pilot took the Gulfstream 5 above 38,000 feet to avoid turbulence.  When implants fly above this altitude they have been known  to rupture, and that’s exactly what happened to Kardashian.  As she reached for her third deep-fried Oreo cookie, she felt a “bang” in her butt.  The implant burst and her cheek immediately began to sag.  Pilots cleared the runway for an emergency landing at North Las Vegas Airport.  Kim was taken to Sunrise Hospital on Maryland Parkway.  There almost was total chaos at the hospital when the staff was unable to find a female plastic surgeon whose first name began with the letter “K” (as Kris demanded) but soon Dr. Karen Engeman showed up and replaced Kim’s left cheek implant.  “We’ve had a few cases like this before,” said Dr. Engeman.  “It’s not always safe to fly with her butt filled with silicone, but Kim’s a brave woman.”  Kim is resting at her Las Vegas home today and is expected to make a “full” recovery.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A granddaughter is sitting on grandpa’s lap as he reads the paper not paying any attention to her studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve and rubs her fingers over the wrinkles and then over her own face and looks more puzzled. She finally asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”

“He sure did honey, a long time ago”, he replied.

“Well did God make me?” she said.

“Yes he did and that wasn’t too long ago,” he said.

She thought for a minute and then said, “Boy, he’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t he?”

 

JOKE #2

An 8 year old boy loved going to the Web, and he kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.  His mom noticed that his Disney password was “MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto,” and so she asked why it was so long.  “Because,” the boy explained, “they told me my password hat do have at least four characters.”

 

JOKE #3

Do you ever come up with a great comeback to something someone says to you a couple of hours AFTER they say it?  For example the other day a friend of ours said, “Our dogs are our children!”  Two hours later I realized I should have said, “Well, don’t look now, but your daughter is drinking out of the toilet.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The 4th of July is just a few days away – the day all of America celebrates its independence. ***MARLAR: With fireworks from Taiwan, flags from Hong Kong, barbecue grills imported from Japan…

 

In Northern parts of China it was once a common practice to shave pigs. When the evenings got cold the Chinese would take a pig to bed with them for warmth and found it more comfortable if the pig was clean-shaven. ***MARLAR: If the only solution you can think of to keep warm is to sleep with a pig, you have more problems than just being cold.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

TRANSLATION

A company was doing an English-language movie where, at one point, an exhausted messenger was supposed to dash in, collapse, and gasp out a vital message in Swahili. They even found someone who knew the language, and the scene worked beautifully in the movie — until it played in an African town where Swahili was well-known. A moment of high drama nose-dived into comedy as the panting messenger gasped out:
“I don’t think I am being paid enough for this part!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Parents and sports just don’t seem to get along anymore…

A Nebraska basketball coach is advocating parental code of conduct classes that need to be taken before a kid can play sports.  Earlier this year, he punched a parent who cussed at him and poked him after a game.  While he takes responsibility for his actions, he hopes that incidents like this can be avoided.  Believe it or not, this is the actual “PARENTAL CODE OF CONDUCT”.  It’s sad we even have to put these items in writing for parents…

  • Leave all deadly weapons at home.
  • Do not heckle the other team, even by saying “We need a pitcher, not a belly itcher.”
  • Do not wait for umpires, coaches, or referees in the parking lot.  Ditto for slashing their tires.
  • Keep your hands to yourself.
  • Limit yourself to three beers during the game.
  • Do not ask a five year old if he wants to “take it outside.”
  • Do not tell your daughter she “throws like a girl.”
  • Pretend the game is rated PG.
  • Don’t make your kid cry in front of the whole team.
  • And I’d like to add one item from my own personal experience growing up… don’t embarrass your child at half-time by making him take off his helmet so you can comb his hair in front of the whole team.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am.” –Psalm 139:1-3

What comfort and fear it should bring to know that God is intimately acquainted with both our every move and also our every mistake! He sent Elijah to intercept the messengers of Ahaziah and to inform them of God’s verdict on his injury (2 Kings 1:4). Nothing was hidden from God’s eyes, even things intended to be kept secret. Through a revelation given by the Holy Spirit, the prophets of Jericho and Bethel discerned that Elijah would be taken to heaven on the very day that he eventually was (2 Kings 2:3, 5). God knows your every step and misstep, and He even records your actions in His book before one of them comes to be (Psalm 139:16). Wherever you go, whatever you do today, God’s Spirit will be there, observing, helping, and protecting. Relax in His great omniscience, and walk carefully. The greatest miracle of all is that He knows you intimately and still loves you unconditionally! –Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

WARNINGS IN THE WORD

READ: Proverbs 13:1-14

“The law of the wise is a fountain of life, to turn one away from the snares of death.” Proverbs 13:14

Swans frequently visit Mill Pond, England, where RBC Regional Director Howard Liverance lives. He writes, “It’s a beautiful place . . . where ducks, geese, and other waterfowl frolic playfully.” Yet even in this idyllic setting there has been danger. Across one corner of the pond are some power lines. A number of swans have been killed because they didn’t see them as they approached the pond.

Howard talked with some people about this problem, and eventually the power company installed red flags on the lines. Now the swans can see the danger and avoid it. Since the red flags were installed, not a single swan has died.

God has provided some “red flags” for our protection. The book of Proverbs is filled with warnings about evil and encourages us to seek wisdom. In Proverbs 13:1-14, we find several red flags, including:

Don’t ignore instruction and rebuke (v.1).

Guard your mouth (v.3).

Beware of the pursuit of riches (v.7).

Avoid dishonesty (v.11).

Don’t disrespect God’s Word (v.13).

The Word of God “is a fountain of life, to turn [us] away from the snares of death” (v.14). —Anne Cetas

 

God’s warnings are to protect us, not to punish us.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

WALKING SHOES
A new device may allow you talk on your cell-phone without ever running out of power…

…it’s not a new battery — it’s a pair of boots. The electric shoes have an energy dynamo inside the soles to generate power and then release it in a controlled way to power a phone. The shoes developed by Dr. Jim Gilbert, are so powerful they can also run personal stereos, computers, heaters and navigation systems. Gilbert says about 3 watts of electricity are needed to power a cell phone. The trick is for the shoes to be able generate enough power without requiring the person to walk anymore than usual. The boots will undergo an endurance test next with a walk in the desert to see if they can work under extreme conditions. If successful, the shoes could be used by military units in the future. They also have plans to market them commercially.  ***MARLAR: “These boots are made for talking…”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

10 JOBS WHERE WOMEN EARN MORE THAN MEN

(National Examiner) Women have struggled for years to get equal pay for equal work. But too often, it seems, the ladies come up on the short end of the salary scale. However, the roles are reversed in these 10 fields, where, according to a report by CNNMoney.com gals actually tend to out earn the guys. Ladies, check out this list to see where you may want to try to get your next paycheck:

  • TELEPHONE OPERATOR — Women ring up an average income of $22,152 annually, a significant 21% more than the men, who average $18,356.
  • METER READER — Women earn about $36,348 a year, 15% more than the men’s average of $31,668.
  • MOTION-PICTURE PROJECTIONIST – The ladies generally get about $35,412 annually, 27% more than the guys, who tend to pocket about $27,924.
  • LIBRARY ASSISTANT — Women average $23,608, while men make $18,512, which is 28% less.
  • FUNERAL SERVICES WORKER — Women tend to get about $30,108, 23% more than the guys’ $24,492.
  • FOOD BATCH MAKER — Ladies are ladled out an average compensation of $27,872, which is 19% more than the $23,400 men receive.
  • CROSSING GUARD — Women average $18,824 annually, whereas men tend to get about $16,640, which is 13% less.
  • CONSTRUCTION TRADES HELPER — Gals in this field earn an average $26,936, which is 24% more than the guys’ average of $21,736.
  • HUMAN RESOURCES ASSISTANT — Women are getting an average $30,420, while their male counterparts are earning $28,028, 9% less.
  • GAMING SERVICES WORKER — Women who roll the dice in this field average $24,076, which is 8% more than the men’s average of $22,308.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

EWWW…

Here’s the grossest excuse of all time…

…Veteran New England mobster Anthony St. Laurent, was recently arrested again in Providence, Rhode Island on loan-sharking charges. As with previous arrests, Anthony tried to convince the judge that he could not spend time in prison because of his special colorectal condition which required him to take 40 enemas a day! On top of that, it seems Anthony claimed his condition had worsened, in that he now claims to need “to have his stool removed, biweekly.” Interesting note — technically, biweekly means once every two weeks but it is often used incorrectly to mean twice a week. (Providence Journal)

 

 

FUN LIST

YOUR ODDS OF DYING…

  • Injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1
  • Injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1
  • Injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to 1
  • Fatally slipping in bath or shower: 2,232 to 1
  • Drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1
  • Being killed on a 5-mile bus trip: 500 million to 1
  • Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1
  • Being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1
  • Being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1
  • Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1
  • Of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585
  • Of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666
  • Of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065
  • Of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524
  • Of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS!

According to the book “Danger Ahead: The Risks You Really Face in Everyday Life” (by Larry Lauden), the odds that:

  • Your TV will catch fire sometime this year: 1 in 7500
  • You will be forced to leave your home because of a flood: 1 in 4,000
  • You will crush a finger with a hammer: 1 in 3,000
  • Your doctor is not really a doctor: 1 in 50
  • You will have to have an operation that requires a hospital stay sometime this year: 1 in 12
  • Your elderly mother will come to live with you: 1 in 9
  • Your next meal will be from McDonalds: 1 in 8
  • Your child hates school: 1 in 3
  • (And here’s a disturbing one!) You will have some sort of mental problem in your lifetime: 1 in 2

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

 

Whitney and Jamie clicked during their freshmen year in highschool and remained kindred spirits ever since. Now Witney has taken the friendship to a whole new level. On June 2, she gave birth to a son for Britt and her husband, Drew. Witney has had two children of her own while Britt had struggled for years to get pregnant. So when Britt started looking at alternatives, Whitney told her “I found a surrogate for you,” she said. “It’s me.” Before starting the process, the women, along with their husbands, underwent psychological counseling. They drew up legal documents that went over every possible circumstance that could arise.  Read the story here: http://ow.ly/Vlhr301FJ40

 

Both government and societal harassment of all religions dropped worldwide in 2014. This is the second year in a row that researchers found such a drop. But the news was more mixed for Christians, which make up about 30 percent of the world’s population. Once again, Christians were the most harassed religious group, facing arrest, discrimination, and assault in 108 countries, up from 102 countries in 2013.  Read the article here: http://bit.ly/28S3y5W

 

Facebook is adding a training program for its employees to address concerns that the company has a bias against conservatives. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s chief operating officer, announced the addition of a “political bias” section to the company’s managing unconscious bias class during a Wednesday event at the American Enterprise Institute. Sandberg’s announcement comes six weeks after a former Facebook contractor accused the company of suppressing conservative news on the platform. Read the full article here: http://bit.ly/2927Ogf

 

Abortion clock – frightening if you think about it. (And you should.)

 

Insist on hating the wealthy 1%?  First be sure you’re not one of them. http://www.globalrichlist.com/

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

And now, as a public service to the entire listening area (and internet community), I will end the show.

 

My next show is going to be so great I may stay home and listen to it myself.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 24, 2016…

 

Independence Day 2: Resurgence–Liam Hemsworth is at the helm this time, as (and you knew there would be a second film) Earth goes against the aliens who came against Will Smith in the first “Independence Day” film. This time, Earth has learned a bit about alien technology so we will see what happens?  The mother ship looks about as large as Texas. “Independence Day: Resurgence” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Free State Of Jones—Based on a true incident, Matthew McConaughy plays a small farmer in Civil War times, who decides to secede from the Confederacy. With neighbors and former slaves, he tries to hold his ground.  This was in Jones County, Miss. Also in the cast are Keri Russell and Gugu Nbatha-Raw. “Free State Of Jones” is rated R. No rating.

 

Hunt For The Wilder People (new release date and opening in select cities)—Sam Neill stars as a crotchety New Zealander who, with his wife, takes in a foster child and tries to give him a home. Other stars are Julian Dannebon and Rachel House. “Hunt For The Wilder People” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Shallows—Blake Lively (“Gossip Girl”) is in action this time, bikini and all.  She portrays a surfer who is lost out at sea, manages to get to a buoy and then has to fight off a shark. Shades of  the “Jaws” films. Will you be afraid to go out into the water? “The Shallows” is rated R. Rating of 2.

 

JULY 01, 2016…

 

The BFG has Mark Rylance from “Bridge of Spies” as an ogre who gains the friendship of a young girl.

 

The Legend Of Tarzan is renewing the series of a boy raised by apes who meets a girl (Oh, and is her name, Jane?). Edgar Rice Burroughs, where are you now?

 

Our Kind Of Traitor comes from the John le Carre novel about espionage. Stars Ewan McGregor.

 

The Purge: Election Year is timed well to open now. This time, the storyline is about guarding a woman presidential candidate who wants to end the Purges. Stars Frank Grillo and Elizabeth Mitchell.

 

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