June 30, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150630

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Tune in tomorrow for the beginning of the show when I’ll say the very charming and witty thing I don’t have prepared to say right now.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“…Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” –Philippians 3:13

 

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever — do not abandon the works of your hands. — Psalm 138:8

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. — Psalm 105:4

 

Thought: When we honestly evaluate where we use our time, how we spend our money, what we think about most often, and where we put forth our best efforts, what do we find? Is God our consuming passion? Is he our first love?

 

Prayer: O mighty Lord, it is hard not to be able to see your face, yet I know my imperfection makes that impossible in light of your awesome holiness. Until that Day I see you face to face in heaven, please make your presence known in my life as I seek you with all of my heart. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 6:30 NIV
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – JUNE 30, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 179 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL ICE CREAM SODA DAY.  ***MARLAR: And the first person to bring me one gets to pick something out of the prize closet!

 

This is LEAP SECOND ADJUSTMENT DAY. You get an extra second added to the day to help adjust the clocks. ***MARLAR: You’ve been asking for more time in the day – well today, you get it!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

NOW (National Organization for Women) Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, JULY 01

Canada Day

National GSA Employee Day

Second Half of The Year Day

U.S. Postage Stamp Day

Zip Code Day

 

THURSDAY, JULY 02

I Forgot Day

Made In The USA Day
World UFO Day

 

FRIDAY, JULY 03

Compliment Your Mirror Day

International Chicken Wing Day

International Plastic Bag Free Day

Stay Out Of The Sun Day

Superman Day

 

SATURDAY, JULY 04

Boom Box Parade Day

Independence Day (USA)

Independence From Meat Day

Hop a Park Day

Indivisible Day

International Day of Cooperatives

International Cherry Pit Spitting Day

 

SUNDAY, JULY 05

Bikini Day

 

MONDAY, JULY 06

Earth at Aphelion

International Kissing Day (World Kissing Day)

Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

 

TUESDAY, JULY 07

Chocolate Day

Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day

Global Forgiveness Day

Tell The Truth Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1859: French acrobat Blondin (real name: Jean Francois Gravelet) crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope as 5,000 spectators watched.

 

1926: McGraw Electric Company of Minneapolis sold the world’s first pop-up toasters.

 

1934: The NFL Portsmouth Spartans became the Detroit Lions.

 

1953: The first Chevrolet Corvette rolled off the assembly line in Flint, Michigan. It was the first laminated plastic car. Sticker price: $3,250.

 

1974: Steven Spielberg filmed the famous July 4th scene for his movie, Jaws. A crowd of 400 screaming extras in bathing suits ran from the water — again and again and again. (

)

 

1975: Cher married Gregg Allman. The marriage lasted nine days. ***MARLAR: Hollywood celebrities still ask her, “What was your secret to a long marriage?”

 

1985: Continental Baking executive James A. Dewar died at age 88. In the early 1930s he invented Twinkies. ***MARLAR: Appropriately, he was labeled as “creamy filling” and buried in a long square yellow coffin.

 

1985: Actor Yul Brynner ended his reign as the King of Siam in “The King and I” after playing the role on and off for 34 years in over 4,500 performances. He won two Tonys and an Oscar.

 

1986: Calling his Playboy Bunny a symbol of the past, Hugh Hefner closed Playboy clubs in New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles.

 

1992: Newspapers reported singer Tom Jones’ new television series was rated lower than British TV’s hymnfest “Songs of Praise.”

 

1994: Twelve miles of highway in Waverly, Tennessee, became Loretta Lynn Parkway.

 

1994: The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of her 1994 national title and banned her for life for the attack on competitor Nancy Kerrigan.

 

1995: The movie “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” opened throughout the U.S. (

)

 

2002: Brazil won its 5th World Cup soccer championship with a 2-0 victory over Germany.

 

2005: A Solomon Islands man who had lived as a hermit in a jungle cave for 40 years returned home when his fire went out. After relatives welcomed him home, 80-year-old Philip Uduota decided to stay.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1881: Presbyterian preacher and African-American abolitionist Henry Highland Garnet is appointed minister to Liberia. The former slave shocked the abolitionist community in 1843 by calling for violent rebellion. “Rather die free-men than live to be slaves,” he preached.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino 31 (
    )
  • Actress (Saw, Along Came A Spider, Con Air) Monica Potter 44
  • Actor (“Melrose Place”) Brian Bloom 45 (
    )
  • Actor (“Daredevil”, Full Metal Jacket, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”, Men In Black) Vincent D’Onofrio 56 (
    )
  • Actor/comedian (Little Man, “Chocolate News”, “Life With Bonnie”) David Alan Grier 60

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1917 : Lena Horne

1940 : Larry Hall

1943 : Florence Ballard (The Supremes)

1944 : Glenn Shorrock (Little River Band)

1949 : Andy Scott (Sweet)

1951 : Stanley Clarke

1953 : Hal Lindes (Dire Straits)

1956 : Adrian Wright (The Human League)

1969 : Tom Drummond (Better Than Ezra)

1984 : Fantasia Barrino

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Are there people with mirror-image bodies?

About one person in 8,500 has a condition called situs inversus in which all the internal organs are located in mirror-image to the usual arrangement. People with situs inversus have their heart on the right and their liver on the left. The condition does not usually result in any medical problems. No one knows why some people are internally flip-flopped, but recently scientists have discovered some clues. In the earliest days of embryo development there is a critical period during which cilia (tiny beating hairs) cause a current to flow across the embryo. This current carries certain substances to one side more than the other, creating a left-right difference that becomes amplified into the left-right positions of the organs. People with situs inversus may have a genetic quirk that reverses or removes that current.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Rhett Walker says it’s a sure sign that you travel too much when you call a random hotel in Cedar Falls, IA and they already have your information.

 

The members of Third Day had this to say about their new worship song Lead Us Back: It’s a cry of the heart that we as God’s people sometimes go astray…or maybe we have just grown a little bit complacent…we really want to be led back to this place where we first found ourselves in Christ. It’s almost like being born again, again.

 

Francesca Battistelli says her husband treated her to a day off this week. She shared on instagram: My sweet man took the kids out so I could have some much needed alone time today. So what does a day alone at home look like for Francesca Battistelli? She shared: Naturally, that involved cooking. And a manicure. And maybe some leftover Easter candy.

 

Natalie Grant hosted her first ever periscope broadcast last week but the live online broadcast wasn’t without it’s struggles. After the broadcast Natalie took to twitter asking for help. She tweeted: Ok so I just did my first ever periscope. I didn’t even know how to make it stop. Or how to chat back. I need lessons. Help!

 

A milestone for Plumb’s daughter Clementine. Plumb shared on twitter that she had learned to ride her bike without training wheels.

 

Francesca Battistelli says she has the best team. They recently surprised her at a breakfast meeting with flowers and foam fingers and lots of hoots and hollers to celebrate the song Holy Spirit going to number one on radio!

 

Question and answer time with Jimmy Needham:

-What has been the most influential book you’ve read, Bible excluded? “The Pursuit of God” by AW Tozer

-Where did you & your wife meet? We met on campus as students at Texas A&M University. I had to persuade her she liked me.

-Favorite flavor ice cream? Pecan pralines and cream.

-What is your best parenting advice? (from a Dad to be) It’s ok to admit you have no idea what you’re doing. God loves to reveal truth to humble hearts.

-Why is the sky blue? God. next question.

-Favorite TV show you love to binge-watch? Chopped!

-Is that a trumpet with the solo on Jekyll & Hyde? It was me! It lets me save money on a band.

 

SancusReal’s Matt Hammitt says he had his first Tennis lesson this week. He shared: My teacher was over 80. Every lesson was like,”Wow, I can apply that to my whole life!”

 

for King and Country has joined Periscope. The members of the band announced this week that the are now part of the social media site that allows the airing of short live videos. You can access the band and see their videos at the handle @4forkingandcountry.

 

Jamie Grace says she has the best parents. When her AC unit died they let her use theirs, cooling her home from 99 to 78 degrees.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Bees swarm from truck crash near Washington-Idaho border
COEUR D’ALENE, Idaho (AP) — Authorities say bees are swarming near the Washington-Idaho border after a tractor-trailer full of the buzzing insects tipped over, spilling its load on Sunday. One eastbound lane of Interstate 90 was closed by the accident near Coeur d’Alene HASH(0x13f4c90) A…

 

Black bear crashes college party, gets collared
BETHLEHEM, Pa. (AP) — A college party got a little wild when a black bear showed up. The black bear, weighing between 300 and 400 pounds, crashed the party early Saturday near the campus of Lehigh University. Emergency officials received a flood of 911 calls after the bear was spotted around…
Man, 73, rides Ohio roller coaster for 12,000th time
MASON, Ohio (AP) — A 73-year-old man has taken his 12,000th ride on his favorite roller coaster at King’s Island amusement park in Ohio. The park says Gary Coleman of Monfort Heights took the milestone ride in the front row of the Diamondback roller coaster on Monday. The retired minister has…
Court rails against judge who didn’t show for jury duty
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — A federal judge won’t punish a Kansas judge who didn’t show up for jury duty in federal court. Sedgwick County District Judge Michael Hoelscher failed to appear for jury duty June 15. U.S. District Judge Eric Melgren wrote in an order Friday that he believes judges and…
Beekeepers set out to remove a million bees from NY home
WALLKILL, N.Y. (AP) — Beekeepers have quite the task ahead of them as they remove an estimated 1 million honey bees that have taken up residence at a New York home. HASH(0x13ec840) The Orange County family living there discovered the bees while they were clearing trees. They were preparing to…
Beaver attacks 2 Oregon men who climbed on top of dam
BEND, Ore. (AP) — A beaver protecting its dam attacked two central Oregon men, who fell into a river and got taken to the hospital. Sgt. William Bailey of the Deschutes County Sheriff’s Office says the men were exploring Thursday night when they climbed onto a beaver dam and got attacked by…
Woman, 88, charged with assaulting officer at wrong address
PITTSFIELD, Mass. (AP) — An 88-year-old woman has been charged with assaulting police who responded to her western Massachusetts home, which turned out to be the wrong address. HASH(0x14111b0) Police say Stankiewicz opened her front door while wielding a knife and slapped an officer, after…
Ex-homeless man with golden voice: I’m running for president    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — A once-homeless Ohio man whose smooth radio voice made him an Internet sensation says he’s running for president as an independent. Ted Williams was propelled into the spotlight in 2011 after he appeared in a video by The Columbus Dispatch panhandling on a highway ramp…
Iowa man scratches off 2 winners in 1 day: $100,000 and $930
DUBUQUE, Iowa (AP) — A 75-year-old Dubuque man has scratched off two winning tickets in one day. One was worth $100,000, the other $930. HASH(0x13e3410) He said Wednesday that he intends to “buy my real estate up at the cemetery and a headstone,” and that he is thinking about buying a new…
Deformed mutt is crowned World’s Ugliest Dog    photo
PETALUMA, Calif. (AP) — A 10-year-old mutt named Quasi Modo, whose spinal birth defects left her a bit hunchbacked, is the winner of this year’s World’s Ugliest Dog contest. The pit bull-Dutch shepherd mix and her owner took the $1,500 prize Friday night, besting 25 other dogs competing in…
Whirlpool forms near spillway on Texas-Oklahoma border
DENISON, Texas (AP) — Water draining into the spillway on a lake along the Texas-Oklahoma border has formed a whirlpool. The whirlpool formed on Lake Texoma near the Denison Dam spillway after heavy rains raised the lake to flood level. The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Tulsa District manages…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Time to change the subject in America’s health care debate?    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The country finally has an opportunity to change the subject on health care, after the Supreme Court again upheld President Barack Obama’s law. There’s no shortage of pressing issues, including prescription drug prices, high insurance deductibles and long-term care. But…

 

New questions about why more women than men have Alzheimer’s    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly two-thirds of Americans with Alzheimer’s disease are women, and now some scientists are questioning the long-held assumption that it’s just because they tend to live longer than men. What else may put woman at extra risk? Could it be genetics? Biological differences…
With court defeat, GOP health law effort now aimed at ’16    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court’s resounding rejection of a conservative attempt to gut President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul won’t stop Republicans from attacking the law they detest. But now, their efforts will be chiefly about teeing up the issue for the 2016 presidential and…
USDA proposes healthier fare for child, adult day cares    photo
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) — As teachers lament seeing toddlers too large to fit in playground swings, a federal program that feeds millions of low-income children may be overhauled for the first time in almost 50 years, aiming to make the meals at day cares healthier and reduce obesity. About 3.8…
Obama and Roberts legacies intertwined in health care law    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The chief justice who once mangled President Barack Obama’s oath of office has once again helped rescue the president’s signature achievement, his health care law. After an awkward first encounter, these two Harvard Law graduates who rose to high positions of power from…
Other legal challenges to health overhaul remain
WASHINGTON (AP) — If you thought the legal fight over the health care overhaul was finally over, think again. At least four issues related to the Affordable Care Act still are being sorted out in the courts, although none seems to pose the same threat to the law as the challenge to nationwide…
Coverage worries persist amid relief over health care ruling    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Throughout the country, relief was the dominant emotion among consumers who get help from the government to lower their health insurance costs following Thursday’s Supreme Court ruling upholding the subsidies underpinning President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul. Many…
Obama health care law survives second Supreme Court fight    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court sent a clear message Thursday that President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul is here to stay, rejecting a major challenge that would have imperiled the landmark law and health insurance for millions of Americans. Whether you call it the Affordable Care…
Excerpts from the Supreme Court’s health care ruling    photo
Excerpts from the majority opinion of Chief Justice John Roberts and a dissent written by Justice Antonin Scalia in the Supreme Court’s 6-3 ruling Thursday that upheld the nationwide tax subsidies underpinning President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul: ___ ROBERTS “In a democracy, the power to…
Hospital stocks leap after Supreme Court backs overhaul
Investors in hospital stocks rejoiced Thursday after the Supreme Court upheld a key portion of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul and eliminated the prospect of a sudden influx of uninsured patients seeking care. Shares of big hospital operators like HCA Holdings Inc. and Tenet…
California vaccine bill clears major legislative hurdle    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — California’s Assembly on Thursday approved a hotly contested bill requiring that nearly all public schoolchildren be vaccinated, clearing one of its last major legislative obstacles before the measure heads to the desk of Gov. Jerry Brown. The bill aims to increase…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The US Supreme Court made history Friday, legalizing same-sex marriage in all 50 states.  *** Congratulations, gay community – now you’ll get to be pestered by your parents just like the rest of us.  “When are you going to get married… when are you going to get married… when are you going to get married…?”

 

Verizon has closed its recently announced four-point-four billion dollar purchase of AOL.  *** So, be looking for your free Sign Up For Verizon CD in the mail soon!

 

A woman climbed a 30-foot flagpole on the grounds of the South Carolina state capitol Saturday morning in a what she called an effort to “dismantle white supremacy” in the United States. Bree Newsome was arrested following her climb to remove the Confederate flag. ***Proof that liberals aren’t thinking things through all the way.  Wouldn’t it have been easier to just cut the rope holding the flag up?

 

A federal district court judge in Alexandria, Virginia, heard arguments late last week in a lawsuit that may influence whether the U.S. Navy must admit secular atheists as chaplains. *** Umm… why on earth would a secular atheist be interested in becoming a chaplain?  What legitimate reason could their possibly be?

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

With wedding season in full swing, guests everywhere are asking the same question: How much money should I give the newlyweds? Though most guests will spend an average of $109 this year, the average cost nearly doubles to $200 if the recipient is a close family member (according to the American Express Spending & Savings Tracker).  ***MARLAR: Which is exactly why I keep all family members at arm’s length.

 

Preliminary research from Australia has found that fish oil supplements reduce body fat, improve cholesterol levels and boost blood vessel function. There’s just one catch. The fish oil only eliminates body fat if it’s combined with exercise.  ***MARLAR: Kinda like what exercise does without fish oil.

 

Cellphone use is ubiquitous, and new research shows it may be socially contagious, too. People are more likely to pull out their phones to check their text messages or email if they’re with someone who has just done the same.  ***MARLAR: But then, that’s probably because the person next to them is the one that just sent them a text.

 

The University of Rochester reports that children who eat candy cigarettes are more likely as adults to smoke real cigarettes. ***MARLAR: Or they’re more likely to eat Marlboro Reds.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jelly Fish Gas”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Chonda Pierce, “Naked X-Ray”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey wanted a new pair of shoes so he could be the envy of the entire jungle. Fortunately, a badger stopped by that just so happened to have a few dozen pair in Millard’s size. What luck! And now that Millard looks great in his shoes, he’s off to show them to his friends…

 

CLOSE: Boy, it’s a good thing I didn’t buy my own pair of fancy shoes yet! Looks like I may need to go a more expensive pair as well! After all, how else can I be the envy of the jungle? But now I’m going to have to find a pair even MORE fancy than the pair Millard is going to go out and buy! (Hmph!) Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF JULY 4/5, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson had voiced his disgust over having to work so much – he was tired of it and didn’t want to work anymore. Now he’s on Razzleflabbin Island, and his friends Karl and Olaf are showing him their new weekly calendar clock-tower…

 

CLOSE: Every day could be Saturday… we all wish that from time to time, don’t we? But would it really be a good thing? Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Don’t believe everyone who calls you on the telephone… especially if they say it’s for your own safety that you start breaking things around you.

A telephone prankster posing as a sprinkler company employee caused havoc at an Arkansas Holiday Inn when he convinced an employee to set off the hotel’s fire alarm, smash windows, shut down electricity, and break a sprinkler head that flooded the building lobby. Holiday Inn employee Christina Bergmann was at the front desk early that morning when a male caller “identified himself as an employee of Grennel Fire Sprinkler service.” The man told Bergmann that there was a problem with the hotel’s fire sprinklers and that she “needed to pull the fire alarm to reset them,” Bergmann, aided by a hotel guest, would subsequently follow a series of directions from the caller that would result in about $50,000 in damages to the hotel!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO STREAMLINE CONGRESSIONAL PROCEDURES

 

  1. Important issues are to be decided with Rock’em Sock’em Robot Matches.

 

  1. All statements over 300 words are subject to rebuttal by Simon Cowell.

 

  1. Add a “10 Bribes or Less” Legislative Express Check-Out.

 

  1. Outsource it all to Domino’s Pizza. Then you could get a bill passed in “30 minutes or less.”

 

  1. Combine swearing-in and indictment ceremonies.

 

  1. All budget appropriations are to be submitted to an internet based Top Ten List. Only the suggestions that get selected will get funded.

 

  1. Instead of a gavel, give the chair a supply of poison blow darts.

 

  1. Make it like a reality show: the first congressman to pass his bill wins immunity!

 

  1. New temperatures in House and Senate. Winters 20 degrees F. Summers 110 degrees F

 

  1. Limit senators to ten words per day. Cut off access to aides for non-compliance.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man tries to get a driver’s license – and goes to prison for kidnapping.

 

FILE #1: Roberto Padilla’s day started with him just wanting to get his driver’s license and ended with him being arrested for kidnapping. The 44-year-old Portland, Oregon, man’s driver’s test got off to a bad start when he shifted gears to drive and hit the curb – an automatic failure. Padilla pleaded with instructor Ruth Ramos for another chance, but she refused. So Padilla took off driving, refusing to let Ramos out. Finally, he stopped at an intersection and Ramos was able to jump out. Padilla was arrested a short time later and has been charged with second-degree kidnapping.  ***MARLAR: Somewhere in between “making complete stops” and “parallel parking”, I’m sure there has to be something in the Rules of the Road book about not kidnapping your instructor.

 

FILE #2: Sometimes we’re able to succeed in spite of ourselves. Take the unidentified man who held up an Orlando bank. Surveillance video showed the bandit handing a bank teller a piece of paper before pulling a gun, which he held backwards during the holdup. During the robbery he also pointed the gun at himself before walking out of the bank, amazingly with cash. Police consider the man armed and dangerous to himself.

 

FILE #3: In Durango, Colorado, police had to tell liquor store owner Gabe Fidanque to give shoplifters the boot — quite literally. Tired of losing what he says was about $1,000 worth of merchandise a month in thefts, Gabe took to telling shoplifters he caught that they had two choices: Give him one of their shoes or he’d call the police. A handful actually gave up a shoe but Durango police told him to cut it out or face charges of felony robbery. Ironically, shoplifting from his store is only a misdemeanor. Police Capt. Micki Browning said, “I would suggest that he find a different option that doesn’t involve giving up property. What’s the difference between him saying, ‘Give me $20 and I won’t call the police’ or ‘Give me your shoe?'” Gabe was also ordered to return the shoes to their owners–if he can find them. He reluctantly agreed but said, “That’s the whole point of it. They’re too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, and that also means they won’t steal again.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In Nebraska it is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

If you plan on protesting something, first be sure your brain isn’t on drugs. 

A man accused of trying to burn down a post office to protest the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan has been charged with attempted arson. A 45-year-old man was arrested in front of the post office holding a beer, a hammer and a propane torch.  Police found the front door smashed and saw a garbage can and its contents on fire inside the building. An officer dragged the can outside before flames spread to the structure.  Police said the man claimed he was angry about U.S. military involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan.  No word on how he thought burning down a post office would help anything.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What are some of the coolest things you’ve found at garage sales?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was indicated when one who had taken the Nazarite vow shaved his head?

ANSWER: He had completed his vow (Numbers 6:13 & 18)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: For roughly six to seven months after birth, an infant can do this, but adults can’t. What is it?

ANSWER: Breathe and swallow at the same

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Over 30 million people in the US “suffer” from Diastima. (True. Diastima is having a gap between your front teeth.)

 

  1. In 1976 Sarah Connor became the first woman to conduct the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. (False – Sarah Caldwell. Sarah Connor conducted the first escape from The Terminator!)

 

  1. Reindeer milk has less fat than cow milk. (False – it has more)

 

  1. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. (True)

 

  1. The city with the most Rolls Royce’s per capita is Los Angeles. (False – Hong Kong)

 

  1. The youngest pope was 11 years old. (True)

 

  1. The First novel ever written on a typewriter was “Tom Sawyer.” (True)

 

  1. The phrase “Rule of Thumb” refers to spousal abuse. (True. It is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.)

 

  1. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. (True)

 

  1. The nursery rhyme Ring Around The Rosey is a rhyme about the plague. (True. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores <Ring Around the Rosey>. These sores would smell very badly, so common folk would put flowers on their bodies somewhere, inconspicuously, so that it would cover the smell of the sores <a pocket full of posies>. People who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease <ashes, ashes, we all fall down>.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“______ BUY THE DODGERS” (THE YANKEES)

The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy on Monday – and the NY Yankees quickly bought the team. According to a release issued by the team on Monday morning, the Dodgers filed for bankruptcy.  Hal Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, immediately announced that the New York Yankees would purchase the ball club. “The Yankees organization always wanted to have a west coast presence – and now we have it,” said Hal Steinbrenner.  The Los Angeles Dodgers will be known as the Los Angeles Yankees starting next season.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” So now he works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

 

JOKE #2

This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Alabama, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s not.

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom.  It slowly crept toward him – silently – and stopped. Reflexively, the guy got into the car and closed the door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car slowly started moving again. The guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. The guy started to pray, begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge to his death, when just before the curve, a hand came from out of the darkness thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with terror, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve.  Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, told everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was not drunk and could very well be telling the truth.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar. One said to the other, “Look Billy Bob, thar’s that idjit what rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain.”

 

JOKE #3

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.” The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Blind people could one day use their tongues to help them “see”. Scientists have developed a device which transfers visual cues from a video camera to the brain through electrodes in the mouth. A map of the outside world is sent to a postage stamp-sized “tongue display unit” made of 144 electrodes which stimulates the highly sensitive tongue. ***MARLAR: So if someone sticks their tongue out at you, they may just be sight-seeing!

 

The mayor of one Malaysia town wants to blow the whistle on litterbugs. Mayor Khazali Din is issuing whistles to officials in Alor Star city. The idea is for authorities to pucker-up and blow when they spot someone tossing trash. The mayor wants the litterbugs to be shamed when they’re caught. They also face fines of up to 85 bucks.  ***MARLAR: Residents are now complaining of noise pollution.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

DIETING BUDDIES

Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
“Great,” Sue exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Wonderful,” Mary replied. “I’ll go with you.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

ARACHNOPHOBIA

Think of the dumbest reason to get rid of your car… I can almost guarantee you that the next story will beat it!

Granted, I don’t like spiders either… I’m sure most people don’t. But would you sell your car because you saw a spider in it? Michelle Holloway did just that! “I don’t regret selling the car at all. I couldn’t keep it after that. If the spider had come out while I was driving I would have crashed,” she said. So she sold her Mazda 626 because she saw a spider in it and now she rides the bus to work. ***MARLAR: Oh yeah, I’m sure public transit is completely bug free.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO GOD

 

Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane

 

Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -Lucy

 

Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma

 

Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

 

Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

 

Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil

 

Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane

 

Dear GOD, Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother! -Darla

 

Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce

 

Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

EIGHT COWS ON THE ALTAR

READ: Genesis 22:1-12

God tested Abraham. —Genesis 22:1

Pastor Ed Dobson was speaking to a congregation on “putting all on the altar” in total surrender to Christ. After the service, an old German farmer came forward. He told Dobson that he had eight cows that were dying, which would mean great financial loss, and he had been struggling with accepting this as God’s will. Then he said, “Because of your message, I have found peace. Tonight I put them all on the altar.”

Christ’s lordship touches every area, every relationship, every concern of our lives. If we are willing to submit to Him, any loss in life will be seen as an opportunity of giving back to God what is rightfully His and trusting Him to provide what is needed.

When God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, He seemed to be undermining His own purposes. Isaac was the son of promise through whom God would bless the world. Yet Abraham’s faith had grown strong over the years, and baffled though he must have been, he said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb” (Genesis 22:8).

The issue is the same for us. Can we entrust everything to God—our possessions, job, health, family? If we commit ourselves to Him each day and thank Him for every blessing, our confidence in Him will survive any test. —Dennis J. De Haan

 

You have longed for sweet peace and for faith to increase,
And have earnestly, fervently prayed;
But you cannot have rest or be perfectly blest
Until all on the altar is laid. —Hoffman

 

Submission to God means taking our hands off what belongs to Him.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

DEADLIER THAN GUNS?

Lots of people are saying that guns are dangerous and should be banned… but there is something that every single one of us uses that’s 9,000 times more dangerous than guns and kills more people than guns ever could!

Bad news folks. You know how everyone is saying that guns should be banned because they’re so dangerous? Well, I’ve learned about another product that’s NINE THOUSAND TIMES more dangerous than guns! And, sadly, every single American uses this product at least once in their lifetime! I can almost guarantee you’ve used this product at least once… and children are especially vulnerable because they use this product more often than the average adult! Want to know what this product is? Are you sitting down? It’s health care administered by a doctor! That’s right… doctors are more deadly than guns! Don’t believe me? Keep listening…

We have 700,000 doctors in the United States. All total, doctors cause 120,000 accidental deaths per year. That equals 0.171 deaths per doctor.

As for guns, there are 80-million gun owners in the United States. There are a total 1,500 deaths caused by guns (and that’s for all age groups). That comes to 0.0000188 deaths per gun owner.

***MARLAR: Statistically, doctors are about 9,000 times more likely to kill you than are gun owners. Maybe we should ban doctors… and politicians who want to give us free health care.

(Numeric Figures from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.)

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

WATER COOLER TALK

Looking to get ahead at work? Spend more time at the water cooler…

… drinking water, not talking! According to research conducted by the Innowave water company, 38% of folks claim they feel more productive after drinking water on the job. Plus, they say it will help you digest food better, which makes workers feel less groggy after lunch. ***MARLAR: Then again, this is research from a water company – so you might want to take it with a grain of salt. Which, now that I think about it, will make you thirsty for more water.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SWEET!

Two things that mankind (and mostly womankind) have been looking for are: ways to look younger; and acquisition of chocolate.  Now it looks like you can combine the two!

Confectioner Adolf Andersen of Hamburg, Germany, teamed up with an anti-aging clinic to develop the first line of anti-aging chocolates. He says Felice pralines are made with dark chocolate, mango and soya milk, all filled with antioxidants and other ingredients that reportedly protect against free radicals, boost metabolism and tighten skin. A tester for the company said that two chocolates with a cup of tea at the end of the day make you immediately feel 15 years younger.  ***MARLAR: But the sugar and caffeine will keep you awake all night making you look like death warmed over at work the next morning.

 

 

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE SUMMERTIME WHEN…

 

  1. The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

 

  1. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

 

  1. Hot water now comes out of both taps.

 

  1. You can make sun tea instantly.

 

  1. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

 

  1. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

 

  1. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

 

  1. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

 

  1. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

 

  1. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Want to live longer? Stop bathing!

A new study out of Stockholm University reveals that people who want to live longer may want to re-think how often they bathe. The study shows that warm bath water strips the body of essential germ-fighting oils, and that shortens life expectancy. Researchers say when you bathe for social reasons, take quick showers in cool water.

***MARLAR: Well, if there’s a teenage in your house, cold water is usually all that’s left.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(None On The Weekends)

For 16-year-old Katie Stagliano, it started simply enough. According to a Huffington Post article, when she was in third grade, she planted a cabbage seedling as part of a school gardening project. After it grew to a massive 40 pounds Stagliano donated it to a soup kitchen in her hometown, where it was cooked with ham and rice, serving more than 275 low-income individuals. After seeing the impact of just one seedling, the then-9-year-old was hooked. Using a plot of land donated by her elementary school, she created a community garden aimed at feeding the hungry as well as getting more classmates excited about gardening. The 16 year old’s garden last year was responsible for supplying 3,000 pounds of donated produce to local charities.

http://huff.to/1Lm4zuL

 

Aside from the occasional birthday cake or candy binge, you might think you’re a healthy eater. But according to a Time Magazine article, sugar lurks in more than just the obvious places, like candy bars and cupcakes. SugarScience, a new initiative from the University of California, San Francisco is working to educate consumers about sugar. They point out that some kinds of yogurt have more sugar than a Twinkie. Other high sugar foods to watch out for include granola, sports drinks and fruit juices, the dressing on your salad, and ketchup.

http://ti.me/1MTl9CA

 

A former stray cat named Tara has been named National Hero Dog of the year. The cat received the 33rd annual award, an honor usually reserved for canines, after saving a little boy by scaring off an attack dog. The cats heroic actions were caught on the family’s security camera and have been viewed more than 24 million times on YouTube since being uploaded in mid May.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/cat-receives-national-hero-dog-of-the-year-award-for-rescuing-boy/

 

After being booted for requiring student leaders to be Christians, InterVarsity, America’s largest campus ministry has regained its place at the 19 California campuses, the nation’s largest public university system. According to Christianity Today, InterVarsity noted that its 23 chapters on 19 CSU campuses will “once again be recognized student groups”. As part of the agreement, college officials said InterVarsity will allow all students to become members, which they have always done. The ministry will also allow all students to apply for leadership positions. InterVarsity officials add that, while they will allow anyone to apply, “We have been assured that we can have a rigorous selection process which reflects InterVarsity’s mission and message as a Christian ministry.”

http://bit.ly/1GaSO6Q

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

This important traffic bulletin. If you’re driving on (Pleasant Street), please avoid the road at the intersection of (Pleasant and Public Ave). There’s nothing wrong out there, but I’ll be going home in a few minutes and I’d sort of like the road to myself.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JUNE 26, 2015…

 

Max—Bring handkerchief to theater.  This is the true story of Max, a military dog whose army handler was killed in action.  Can Max adjust to civilian life?  Do dogs in service also suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?  The cast includes Thomas Haden Church and Lauren Graham. “Max” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for military theme and animal fans.

 

Ted 2—Most teddy bears are soft and cuddly, but this “Ted” is cuddly and foul-mouthed and made quite an impression on audiences. Hence, a sequel.  Ted is still with his buddy, Mark Wahlberg, but Ted wants to have a baby with his wife (Amanda Seyfreid) and in order to do this must be declared a real person.  Hmm.  This is a Seth MacFarlane film. Morgan Freeman is also in the cast. I think people looked strangely at their teddy bears for months after seeing the first “Ted.” This film, “Ted 2” is rated R, so be aware of that. No rating.

 

What Happened Miss Simone? (documentary)—Nina Simone was a class act singer and this documentary shows her career in music and in civil rights  The film is directed by Liz Garbus. “What Happened Miss Simons?” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Big Game—Samuel L. Jackson is the president of the United States and when his plane is shot down in the northern wilderness, what can he do to survive?  No drones available? He is helped by a boy (Onni Tommila) out hunting. What an idea for a plot. “Big Game” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

JULY 01, 2016…

 

Terminator Genisys is a continuation of the “Terminator” films and also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. What else is new? Oh, yes, and this film runs against Channing Tatum in the second “Magic Mike” movie.

 

Magic Mike XXL is a sequel to the first “Magic Mike” and will run against Schwarzenegger’s robot. “Mike” stars Channing Tatum.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.