March 06, 2018: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180306
PDF: 20180306

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

A prayer for early morning joggers: Give Us This Day Our Daily Breath.

I’ve thought long and hard about it and I’ve decided that for #Lent I’ll be giving up giving stuff up for Lent.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

“I have never been hurt by anything I didn’t say.” – Calvin Coolidge

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“You have granted me life and loving kindness; and Your care has preserved my spirit.” –Job 10:12

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. — Deuteronomy 6:6-7

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. — Psalm 37:3

Thought: Having a place of permanence in the middle of life’s uncertainties and having the assurance of God’s provision are based on two very clear principles: trusting in the LORD and doing good to others. When we live by those two commitments, we learn to depend upon God in fresh new ways that bring us refreshment, hope, and new joy.

Prayer: Loving God, my Abba Father, I trust you with my life. I offer it to you as a living sacrifice to bring you glory and honor. As I do this, dear Father, I know you are rushing to meet me with your loving grace and love beyond compare. Thank you! In Jesus’ name I praise. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Proverbs 3:6 NIV = in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

TODAY IS TUESDAY – MARCH 06, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
293 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Michelangelo was born on this date in 1475. It took Michelangelo four years to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. ***What was he thinking? He could have done it in just four hours with a Wagner Power Painter!

Cyrano de Bergerac was born on this day in 1619. Cyrano had a huge proboscis. ***And his nose was big, too.

Today is LEARN WHAT YOUR NAME MEANS DAY. ***Ironically, my name goes back to Ireland and roughly translated, it means “face for radio”.

1978: In London the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences paid $10,505 for the skull of philosopher-theologian Emanuel Swedenborg, who died in 1772. It’s history’s most expensive skull (Guinness). ***History’s EMPTIEST skull belongs to London’s Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, who were willing to pay over $10,000 for a dead guy’s head.

This is still NATIONAL PROCRASTINATION WEEK.  ***I’ll work on coming up for a punch line about it later.

TODAY IS ALSO…

National Dress Day
Oreo Cookie Day
Peace Corps Day
Sofia Kovalevskaya Math Day

Unique Names Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 07

Cereal Day
National Be Heard Day
National Cereal Day

Discover What Your Name Means Day

THURSDAY, MARCH 08

Day for Women’s Rights & International Peace
Girls Write Now Day
International Women’s Day
International Working Women’s Day
Nametag Day
National Proofreading Day
National Peanut Cluster Day
National Retro Video Game Day
The Bikini Bottom Free (Crabcakes)
World Kidney Day

FRIDAY, MARCH 09

Barbie Day
Get Over It Day
Joe Franklin Day
Middle Name Pride Day
National Day of Unplugging
Panic Day
Shabbat Across America/Canada
US Snow Shoe Days

SATURDAY, MARCH 10

Genealogy Day
International Bagpipe Day
International Day of Awesomeness
Land Line Telephone Day
Mario Day
National Urban Ballroom Dancing Day
Salvation Army Day
US Paper Money Day
Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

International Fanny Pack Day

SUNDAY, MARCH 11

Check Your Batteries Day
Daylight Savings Time Begins
Dream 2018 Day
Girl Scout Sunday
Johnny Appleseed Day
Mothering Sunday
National Promposal Day
World Plumbing Day

MONDAY, MARCH 12
Fill Our Staplers Day
Girl Scout Birthday Day
Napping Day

TUESDAY, MARCH 13

Donald Duck Day
Earmuffs Day
Good Samaritan Involvement Day
Itra-Uterine Growth Awareness Restriction (IUGAR) Day
K-9 Veterans Day
Ken Day
L. Ron Hubbard Day
National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day
Organize Your Home Office Day
Smart & Sexy Day

ON THIS DAY

1948: Florence Hubbard of Chicago won $22,000 in prizes for identifying Jack Benny as “The Walking Man.” The l0-week radio promotion raised $1.5-million for the American Heart Association.

1955: A new comedienne made her San Francisco debut at the Purple Onion club. Phyllis Diller was 37 years old. (audio clip)

1959: The Drifters recorded “There Goes My Baby.”

1960: The U.S. announced that it would send 3,500 troops to Vietnam.

1964: The Elvis Presley film “Kissin’ Cousins” premiered. (audio clip)

1967: Singer Nelson Eddy died in Miami Beach after suffering a stroke on stage at the Sans Souci Hotel. He made 19 movies including “Naughty Marietta,” “I Married An Angel,” and the 1943 “Phantom of the Opera.”

1976: Britain’s EMI Records re-released all 22 Beatles singles plus “Yesterday,” which had never been released on a 45 in Britain. All 23 singles entered the British music charts at the same time.

1978: In London the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences paid $10,505 for the skull of philosopher-theologian Emanuel Swedenborg, who died in 1772. It’s history’s most expensive skull (Guinness).

1982: Willie Nelson’s “Always On My Mind” entered the pop chart at #88, went on to #5, and won a Grammy as Country Song of the Year. It had been recorded ten years earlier by Elvis Presley.

1986: Hollywood’s Timothy Hutton and Debra Winger were married.

1992: The last episode of “The Cosby Show” aired after eight seasons. (audio clip)

1993: In Maidstone, England, 33 cows were accidentally electrocuted by a faulty milking machine.

1997: Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official royal Web site: royal.gov.uk/

1999: Police in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, arrested a man they say robbed a bank with a taxi waiting outside. The cab driver became suspicious after the man was inside the bank only about a minute, then gave the driver a $50 bill for the $8.00 fare and told him to keep the change.

2002: Brazilian weight-training instructor Edmar Freitas finished sweating his way through 111,000 sit-ups in 24 hours to claim a world record. The previous record, 103,000 sit-ups in 24 hours, was by American Bill Evans. Freitas, who carried out the feat on a stage mounted along a busy street in Curitiba, ate an energy bar and drank coconut milk every hour and was allowed a five minute break every four hours. He averaged about 77 sit-ups a minute.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1475: Italian artist Michelangelo Buonarroti, famous for his paintings (the Sistine Chapel), sculpture (“David”), and architecture (the rebuilding of St. Peter’s Cathedral), is born in Caprese.

1521: Luther is summoned to Diet (Council) of Worms to give an account of his views. It will be at this meeting that he declares, “Here I Stand, I can do no other, so help me, God.”

1799: The second president of the United States, John Adams, calls for a day of national fasting. He sets aside the 25th day of April for this purpose, urging every citizen to abstain as much as possible from secular pursuits and devote the time to the “sacred duties of religion, in public and in private that they call to mind our numerous offenses against the most high God, confess them before Him with the sincerest penitence, implore his pardoning mercy, through the Great Mediator and Redeemer [Jesus Christ}, for our past transgressions…”

1858: The Missionary Society of St. Paul the Apostle (the Paulists) is founded by Isaac Hecker and his companions. Its purpose was to convert Americans to Roman Catholicism, for Hecker viewed the United States as a mission field comparable to any other. The Paulists have been highly successful.

1984: Lutheran pastor Martin Niemoller, a founder of Germany’s Confessing Church and a prisoner for his opposition to the Nazis, dies. Because of his advocacy for complete neutrality between East and West Germany (which was perceived as compromise with communism), he spent his later years in obscurity.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Jack Frost, “Tucker”) Eli Marienthal, 32

  • NBA center (also played John Henry in Steel) Shaquille O’Neal 46

  • actress (“Rodney,” “Caroline in the City”) Amy Pietz 47 (audio clip)

  • actress (“One Tree Hill,” “The West Wing”) Moira Kelly 50 (audio clip)

  • actor/comedian (ex-husband to Rosanne, True Lies, The Stupids) Tom Arnold 59

  • director/actor (Meathead in “All in the Family,” EdTV, This is Spinal Tap) Rob Reiner 71 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1893 : Furry Lewis

1936 : Sylvia Vanderpool Robinson (Mickey & Sylvia)

1944 : Mary Wilson (The Supremes)

1945 : Hugh Grundy (The Zombies)

1946 : David Gilmour (Pink Floyd)

1947 : Kiki Dee

1971 : Betty Boo

1977 : Bubba Sparxxx

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why does it mean “yes” when we nod our head up and down, and “no” if we shake it from side to side?

Imagine how many misunderstandings there have been throughout history because someone happened to be trying to flex a stiff neck or perhaps shake a fly off his or her ear. How many wars and multimillion-dollar contracts owe their genesis to some sleep-deprived negotiator nodding off for a second? Nevertheless, a nod or a shake is the body language signal we use and they seem to be universal. How can that be? What is there in our biology that would make this body language “natural” for everyone? As best we can tell, it comes from breast-feeding. Babies seeking a breast on which to suck make a nodding motion, which mother and child both understand as a positive gesture. Infants shake their head away from the breast when they’ve had enough or aren’t hungry. I wonder if my behavior changes when I don’t get my way; after all, throwing a tantrum, is also universal.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Lacoste is swapping its crocodile logo for endangered species.  ***Hmm… I wonder which Conservative celebrity they’ll choose first?

Roger Bannister, the first runner to break the 4-minute mile, has died. Sir Roger was 88.  ***And I hear he made it to the Pearly Gates in record time.

When Oprah heard that “A Wrinkle in Time” co-star Mindy Kaling had her baby in December, she sent Mindy a baby gift… that had to be delivered by two men in a U-Haul. A hand-carved bookcase that contained a hundred of the classic essential books in children’s literature. ***The chiropractic bills for the two moving men, however, are on their own dime.

And now a male gymnast has come forward and said he was molested by Dr. Larry Nassar while in the Olympic program. ***Gee, it sure is nice to hear the doctor wasn’t sexist at all and was an equal-opportunity abuser.

Can’t quite decide if you’re a millennial or not? Well now you can be sure. The final word on who is and who isn’t a millennial has been issued, courtesy of the Pew Research Center. Pew’s ruling: individuals born between the years 1981 and 1996 – meaning those who are currently between the ages of 22 and 37- are officially deemed members of the millennial crowd.  ***So now you know you’re sandwiched between “Generation X”, and “Generation Tide Pod”.

A new study says that selfies make your nose look 30% bigger. ***Which explains why you NEVER see selfies of Barbara Streisand or Dustin Hoffman.

Companies in Sweden are trying something new: mandatory exercise at work.  ***What’s the point of graduating from school if as an adult you’re still required to go to gym class?

At the Gridiron dinner in DC over the weekend, President Trump attempted some humor, saying: “I like chaos.”  ***So… mission accomplished!

In New York City, Hunter College is trying to evict Lisa Palmer, a 32-year-old former student it says is illegally squatting in her dorm room. The college has filed a lawsuit against Palmer, saying she owes more than $94,000 in unpaid residence hall fees since she dropped out in 2016. Palmer was apparently denied summer housing in 2016 but she refused to leave despite the school sending several notices that she would be charged $150 a day if she stayed. Palmer, a former geography major, says she plans to stay in the dorm while she fights the case. She rejects the school’s assertion that she dropped out saying the college refused to allow her to register for classes in 2016 after she contested her housing and tuition fees. “I felt that it was a miscommunication initially, but after I met with the dean I felt that they were starting to treat me unfairly,” she said. “It was like, ‘Get out.'”  ***You’re 32 years old – living in a college dorm.  I hope you were trying to take classes to major in Psychology – because somebody really needs to examine your head.

It looks like Sunday’s Academy Awards viewership might be the lowest ever.  ***Well seeing as they keep snubbing cinematic gems like “The Power Rangers Movie” and “Howard The Duck”, what do you expect?  I’m still boycotting the Oscars.

There’s a “9 to 5” sequel in the works that supposedly will include Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda and Lilly Tomlin.  ***This time around the “5” in “9 to 5” refers to the early bird special at the buffet for the seniors discount.

Pizza Hut has replaced Papa John’s as the NFL’s official pizza.  ***As part of the deal, quarterbacks will now be required to change the wording when the ball is hiked from “hutt hutt hutt” to “Pizzza Hut Hut Hut”.

Shots were fired at a Caruthersville, Missouri, Dollar General after two men got into an argument. According to police, the argument took place over toilet paper. ***There is a big detail missing in this story though.  The brand of toilet paper.  Seriously, if it’s worth getting shot over it has to be pretty danged good stuff and I wanna know what it is!

Friends say that Tori Spelling had a “major meltdown” at her California home last Thursday, due to all the stresses in her life.  ***Stresses in her life?  Does that lady even work anymore?  She hasn’t shown up on a TV or movie set in two years.  The rest of us call that length of relaxation, “retirement”.

In Miami, homeowners got quite a scare when a raft crashed through the roof of their house. Turns out it had been accidentally dropped by the Canadian Air Force.  ***In other surprising news – Canada has apparently invented rafts that can fly!

A pastry and donut delivery driver has been called a hero for handing out free goodies to stranded drivers caught in a winter storm in the UK. Jon Gowing unloaded the treats from the back of the truck and shared them out with drivers who had been stuck for hours. ***I’m not dissing what he did – I think it’s great, but you have to admit it is a lot easier to be a hero when you’re using other people’s money.

Included in this year’s Oscar goody bag: a key-ring sized pepper spray, a gel pepper spray, two personal body alarms and a kit to test whether your drink has been drugged.  ***Those are considered GOODIES!  I’d hate to open gifts on Christmas morning from Academy Award organizers.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Men are five times more likely to be hit by lightening than women. ***That’s because most women are protected by the lightening-proof walls of Macy’s.

This should motivate you to clean up your house: When people live in a clean-smelling environment, they are unconsciously more fair and generous, according to researchers from Brigham Young University, the University of Toronto and Northwestern University. All it took was a few spritzes of citrus-scented Windex for the study participants to show a dramatic improvement in their ethical behavior! No one is saying this is a magic elixir, but just think of the power it could have on your spouse. Or your kids. Or your boss. It also has implications for offices and retail stores. Basically, the study shows that morality and cleanliness can go hand-in-hand.  ***So the next time I go in to the boss to ask for a raise, I’m bringing a can of Lysol.

According to a Gallup poll, most Americans still get their news from television.  ***Which explains why most of America has no clue as to what is truly happening in the world.

An international survey by Harlequin Romances found that women say the most attractive trait in a man is a sense of humor.  ***On newsstands now – People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” is Larry the Cable Guy.

Research reveals if you want to feel good and have more self-esteem you should talk about yourself or compliment yourself. ***Forget milk – it’s narcissism that does a body good!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita decided she no longer wanted to sing with her sisters and decided to go solo. So the Cheetah Sisters held auditions to find a replacement. And that wasn’t going very well. And Cheetah Bonita’s solo career was also having difficulties, because the BAND wanted to be solo too!

CLOSE: Now even the individual band members want to have solos? If this keeps up everybody will be doing solos – but nobody will be listening, because they’ll be too busy with their own solos! Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
Looking to beat the heat last summer gets a man into a bit of trouble with Wal-Mart and the police.

Today’s Moment of Duh takes us to Glenwood Springs, Colorado where Steven Harper went into an air conditioned Wal-Mart store last summer to get some relief from the heat. He did a little shopping before plopping down into a reclining chair in the yard and garden department to cool off. He promptly fell asleep and when associates had a tough time waking him up, the police were called. The cops did a quick check on his ID and wouldn’t you know it, he was wanted on an outstanding warrant for contempt of court. He was taken in and cooled his heels in jail.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS TO TAKE UP WRITING POETRY

10. Being homeless wasn’t working out for you, so you took a step down in the tax bracket.

9. Had trouble finding a real personality after high school.

8. “You too can be poor and obscure!”

7. There’s a restraining order that prevents you from playing your accordion.

6. “Chicks dig rhymes”

5. Because you’re bad at math.

4. It gets you a little closer to your all-time dream job as a rap musician.

3. You want to prove to your parents that taking a master degree in English wasn’t a waste after all.

2. Speaking in Haiku, annoying people with it, brings me so much joy.

1. Your father said “Take up poetry or I’m gonna kick your lazy tail out of the house.”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man has been arrested for sucking women’s fingers!

FILE #1: Richard Lee Sanders has been charged with disorderly conduct for allegedly sucking the fingers of at least two Minnesota women. The 38-year-old deviant gets his jollies by walking up to suburban females and pretending to admire their fingernails. He approaches women at their place of business and asks if their nails are real. He then licks their fingers until the woman reacts and then flees. A judge has ordered a mental evaluation. ***If that doesn’t work, Richard Lee Sanders has been offered a job with Colonel Sanders so he may continue to lick fingers.

FILE #2: A suspect in a string of Mississippi bank heists left investigators a pretty big clue when he allegedly robbed a bank — he left his wallet, with his driver’s license inside. A first-degree theft warrant was issued for Jayme D. Allen after two tellers at Bank Independent in Cherokee identified him from his license picture as the man who robbed the bank last Friday.

FILE #3: Utah police believe a man tried to eat a stolen check to destroy the evidence after trying to buy three Sony PlayStations. Police Lieutenant Andrew Hale said Shane McMaster put the check in his mouth and started chewing when he was confronted by a cashier at the town’s Wal-Mart. Lieutenant Hale said he recovered part of the check. McMaster has been arrested and booked into the Utah County jail. ***MARLAR: If you can’t beat them… eat them!

STRANGE LAW: It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway in Nevada.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

It’s another slow police chase going after a white SUV… but it’s not O.J. this time!

After watching a white SUV circle the block for 20 minutes, a Miami homeowner called police. As the officer spoke to the homeowner, the sport utility vehicle passed by again. With the officer trailing it, the SUV ran a stop sign, prompting the officer to turn on his lights and siren. The SUV kept going and ignored two more stop signs. When it finally came to a stop, the officer ordered the driver to the ground at gunpoint. After his arrest, the 39-year-old driver said he heard the siren but wanted to finish his cocaine and beer.

PHONER PHUN

What strange things have you found in your kids pockets?

Whenever I’m feeling depressed or sick, I seem to gravitate towards a big mug of hot coffee, a big block of cheddar cheese, sliced turkey, and crackers.  It’s my comfort food.  When you’re ill or depressed, what food do you automatically reach for?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who suggested to Moses that he appoint judges so that he would not have to judge all the cases himself?

ANSWER: His father-in–law, Jethro (Exodus 18)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to research in New Woman magazine, a man’s worst day of the week is Monday, because of back-to-work pressures. What’s the worst day of the week for women?

ANSWER: Friday, when they’re tired after the work week and still face a weekend of chores and child care.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. There is cyanide in apples. (True – in the apple pits.)

2. When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop, even your heart. (True)

3. Our eyes never grow. (True)

4. Your nose continues to grow for the rest of your life. (True – as do your ears.)

5. The coins we call “nickels” are mostly copper, not nickel. (True. Nickels are composed of 75% copper and only 25% nickel.)

6. The number or word “One” appears 28 times on a U.S. dollar bill. (False, sixteen times)

7. There are approximately 100 Bibles sold each minute across the world. (False, fifty – but still, that’s mighty impressive.)

8. Hotdogs are the objects most often choked on by Americans. (False, toothpicks.)

9. The average person walks the equivalent of twice around the world in a lifetime. (True)

10. Elephants are afraid of mice. (False. Go to any zoo and chances are that the mice are living in the same quarters as the elephants. The mice eat the grain and nest in the hay that is so common to elephant habitats.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“OCCUPY _________” MOVEMENT SPREADS (TOILET)

Women around the world are joining a movement to occupy — men’s toilets.

Fed up with long queues for ladies’,  Li Tingting made headlines when she and 20 women marched into a men’s public toilet in the southern city of Guangzhou carrying colorful placards calling for equal waiting times for both sexes.

Her Occupy Toilet movement quickly spread to Beijing and Shanghai where leaders will gather next month for the annual meeting of the country’s parliament.

“We want senior officials to pay attention to this issue,” she told AFP. “It is a big issue for many women. During the protest in Guangzhou, we conducted intensive surveys and found that the majority of people supported us.”

“We gathered here not to forcibly stop men from using their toilet, but to arouse consciousness on gender equality for both women and men,” said one female student and an activist during the march.  ”But if the government does not comply, swiftly, we plan to occupy men’s toilets around the world!”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Aubrey Meek was brought before the court on the charge of refusing to obey a police officer.  “Why did you refuse to move on when asked to do so by the officer?” the judge inquired, obviously wondering what unexplained force could have given such a man strength to buck a strong minion of the law.
“It’s like this, your honor,” explained Meek. “My wife said I was to meet her at exactly twelve noon at that spot – and I was forced to choose between man’s law and wife’s law.”

JOKE #2

Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

Bystander: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.

Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.

Bystander: I’m not. I’m her mother.

JOKE #3

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $1,000,000 Question TV Quiz Show. The night before the big question, he told the host that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the town. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The host stepped up to the microphone. 
”Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away one million dollars richer. Are you ready?”

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence — the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t missed a question all week.

“Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?”

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn’t believe it. He was not sure, but American History was his best subject, so he played it safe. 

”I’ll try the easier part first.”

The host nodded approvingly. “Here we go, Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half.”

The audience grew silent with anticipation…..

“Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?”

USELESS FACTS

You can try this new word with your friends…”Non’trée.”  This word is for customers trying to save money at a restaurant by ordering appetizers rather than a pricier entrée. The term was first used in San Francisco and is spreading fast.  ***And I can tell you from experience that it is possible to live entirely on loaded potato skins.

A nationwide driving test found that drivers in the Northeast know the least, with 20% not knowing pedestrians in a crosswalk have the right of way and 33% not stopping for them.  ***Whoa… that leaves 13% who know pedestrians have the right of way and don’t stop anyway!

FEATURED FUNNIES

FOR SALE CHEAP

A guy bought a new refrigerator for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying “Free to good home, you want it you take it”.
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read “Fridge for sale $50”. The next day someone stole it.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Sometimes a mugging has a happy ending even if the criminal is successful in it.

A retired man in England recently received a visit from the man who mugged him two years ago. After being released from prison, the mugger made a beeline for Charles Wiseman’s home in Essex. Not to seek revenge, but to make amends. The 84-year-old was amazed when his attacker arrived to say he was sorry for the crime – and handed over a bag of stolen items including his wallet and driving license. The 22-year-old mugger, who said he was “trying to right his wrongs”, had been sent to prison for two years for the attack on Wiseman, who said he was “choked up” by the gesture.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

SPECIAL THOUGHTS
“Why go out tonight? There won’t be a soul there.” As the minister watched the rain lash against the window, the voice that spoke inside him sounded reasonable enough. It was one of the stormiest nights of the winter.
But somehow he felt he must conduct that evening service. So he put on his raincoat, took his lantern, and stepped out into the blackness. The water almost blinded him as he plunged into the teeth of the gale.
On and up he plodded until he came to his church, which stood on a high hill along the Scottish coast. When he had opened the door, he set the lantern on a windowsill, and then sat down to wait for his congregation – a congregation that never came.
At last, seeing he would be quite alone, he sang a hymn and knelt and prayed. Then, his duty performed, he locked the church and went down the hill.
Had it all been a waste of time?
The parson wondered.
But the next morning he heard a different story.
The night before, when the storm was at its worst, a fishing vessel had been trying to make the harbor. The skipper was floundering around in the blackness until he saw the small light in the old church.  Without that lantern the ship would have surely been carried onto the rocks. But thanks to those steady beams, the pilot had brought his boat safely to port.
It was a lesson to the minister. After that, he knew that any light he might throw into this world’s darkness would never be entirely lost.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

HE NEVER CHANGES

–Vernon Grounds

Read: Psalm 103:11-22

You, O Lord, shall endure forever, and the remembrance of Your name to all generations. – Psalm 102:12

Bible In One Year: Leviticus 25; Mark 1:23-45

Photographer David Crocket of Seattle’s KOMO-TV knows that solid mountains can move. On May 18, 1980, he was at the foot of towering Mount St. Helens when it erupted. For 10 hours he was nearly buried by the falling debris. As the atmosphere cleared, a helicopter pilot spotted him. He was dramatically rescued and flown to a hospital.

Writing about his horrendous experience, he said, “During those 10 hours I saw a mountain fall apart. I saw a forest disappear. . . . I saw that God is the only one who is immovable. . . . I feel somehow that I’m being allowed to start over—whatever is in His master plan for me.”

Nothing in our world, not even a mountain, is absolutely indestructible. God alone is absolutely unchangeable—He endures “forever” (Psalm 102:12). He “has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all” (103:19).

When we trust ourselves to God’s keeping, we are forever secure. He removes our sins from us “as far as the east is from the west” (103:12). And His mercy toward us is “from everlasting to everlasting” (v.17). He holds us in His almighty hands, and nothing can pry us loose from that omnipotent grip (John 10:28-29).

I do not rest on shifting sand,
Or fear the storm that rages;
For calm and sure, I stand secure
Upon the Rock of Ages. —Anon.

Our world may crumble around us, but God never changes.

LEFTOVERS

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

The only thing worse than an arsonist, is an arsonist who brags.

…Just ask Nichols Breidenstein. Breidenstein went and started a New York shop on fire. He then thought it would be a really cool idea to brag to one of his friends about setting the fire. But as luck would have it, Breidenstein dialed the wrong number. Breidenstein boasted to his friend, “Dude, it’s lit. The whole corner’s going,” before he realized that he wasn’t talking to his pal. He accidentally dialed Michael Guadango — who just so happens to be a fire chief. Breidenstein is now facing arson charges. ***MARLAR: Maybe he can use his phone call to accidentally call his lawyer.

LIFE… LIVE IT

YOU LIKE PINK?

You can put yourself in the pink just by paying attention to the colors in your life. For example, wearing green attracts money. Writing things on yellow paper helps you remember them. You’ll get faster restaurant service if you wear red. Psychologist Dr. Edna DuShann discovered these and other facts during a 15-year career studying the effects that colors have on people attitudes and behavior. Here are DuShann’s tips on colors and what they can do for you.

  • Red energizes both the mind and body. To work more efficiently, keep a bright red object close by and look at it regularly. You’ll get waited on sooner in bank lines and restaurants if you wear red because it’s a bold color that demands attention.

  • Green has a deep subconscious association with wealth. Look at a green lawn or tree leaves to help you generate money-making ideas. When applying for a loan wear green to your interview.

  • Yellow stimulates memory. When trying to recall someone’s name or where you put your keys, look at a post-it note, yellow bandana or an unpeeled lemon. To retain information, write it on a yellow legal pad.

  • Blue relaxes us. Look at the sky or at the ocean when you’re dressed. Wearing a blue shirt or sweater makes others feel more comfortable around you.

  • Pink has an amazingly positive effect on the immune system. To stay healthy or fight the beginnings of a cold or flu, surround yourself with pink.

  • Gray is great for helping you get out of yourself. When personal problems threaten to overwhelm you, look at a charcoal gray cloth or object to slow your self-centered thoughts and make you more objective. Wearing gray can make you blend into a crowd.

  • Violet is associated with confidence and personal power. Next time you have to take on a difficult task, especially one involving other people, look at a violet pastel painting or cloth. Violet will also help you command respect from those around you, but don’t overdue it. A violet shirt or jacket is going too far. Better to sport a violet tie or scarf.

  • White is the color of purity. Looking at clean white pillowcases, nice fluffy clouds or newly driven snow will help you fight temptation and resist bad habits. For reasons not completely understood, wearing white makes women attractive to men, but women regard men who wear white as less attractive and more brainy.

JUST FOR FUN

I WANT CANDY (audio clip)

(Sun) Candy is great for your sweet tooth at Halloween and Christmas, but there are oodles of fascinating facts about it you may not have known. Here are just a few:

  • Cotton candy is called “candy floss” in England and “fairy floss” in Australia.

  • Ninety percent of parents swipe goodies from their kids’ trick or treat snacks.

  • When the Mars company refused to let the producers of E.T. use M&Ms in the movie, Hershey offered Reese’s Pieces and their sales soared.

  • The name Snickers was changed to Marathon in England to prevent jokesters from rhyming Snickers with “knickers,” which is British for underwear.

  • Milton Hershey was among the first Americans to see chocolate making equipment at the World’s Columbian Exposition in Chicago in 1893. He bought it all and started his empire.

  • Chicago candy makers began the tradition of giving sweets to Halloween trick or treaters as a marketing ploy.

  • The Baby Ruth bar was named after President Grover Cleveland’s daughter Ruth, not baseball icon Babe Ruth.

  • Hershey advertised the nutritional value of their chocolate with the slogan “More sustaining than meat.”

  • The Arabs invented caramel for women in harems to use as a hair remover.

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE DRAWBACKS OF DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME

  • There’s time to mow the lawn after work

  • It gets later sooner

  • My snooze alarm is filing assault charges against me

  • I finally save something and I don’t have anything to show for it

  • It bumps up the income tax deadline one hour sooner

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HOW TO KEEP YOUR CHILD FROM BECOMING A SORE LOSER

Fact: Everybody loves a winner. As the old adage goes, it isn’t whether you win or lose but how you play the game…Yeah, right. That’s certainly not the message American society sends. One way to make a dent is to teach our children to lose with dignity. Because as much as we all like to win, it is also true that nobody likes a sore loser. Courteous behavior begins at home. Here are four ways to start young children on the road to ‘graceful losing’:

  • Be a graceful winner. Be sure to say “Good game”. Even if the score is lopsided, the other side probably tried their best. Stress that it’s impolite to gloat. During board games at our house, one of the tactics I used was that the winner always had to clean up. It takes some of the sting away from losing.

  • Avoid the “Who won?” trap. Don’t ask about the score right away. Instead, say “How did you play today?” Or, better yet, “Did you have fun?” If your child seems upset at a loss, it’s OK to discuss it further. But focus on improvement, not the mistakes. End the discussion by looking forward: “There’s always a next time.”

  • Share a story. Sympathize with how your child feels – disappointed, angry, sad – by sharing a similar experience of your own. Be ready with an anecdote of what you learned from a loss. Your child will feel better when you say, “I was the worst player on the team at first, but Grampa wouldn’t let me give up. Every year I got better and better because I really loved basketball, and being part of a team was important to me.”

  • Be a good role model. Ironically, some of the worst behavior I’ve witnessed during kids’ sporting events has come from the parents themselves. Children very often get over the loss quickly if left to their own devices. Meanwhile, the parents on the sidelines are still dissecting everything from the coach’s decision-making to teammates’ performances. Try not to be THAT parent and your child will notice!

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

We joke and call them “senior moments,” but it’s not funny when you can’t remember a word, a person’s name or where you put your keys. The solution? Go take a walk. When seniors regularly took brisk walks for one year, an amazing thing happened: The hippocampus, the section of the brain that is involved in memory, actually grew in size, according to researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Typically, the hippocampus shrinks as we age.  So rather than playing those brain games, maybe take a quick walk – it might be better for your brain!

The next time you buy groceries, talk to the cashier. Talking with a stranger — and in so doing socially connecting with that person — can improve your own sense of well-being, according to researchers from the University of Chicago. It’s long been conventional wisdom that we avoid talking to strangers because we think it will be a negative experience. Instead, the opposite appears to be true. Small talk with a stranger can spark happiness and make you feel more positive about your own life. Nicholas Epley and Julia Schroeder from Chicago’s Booth School of Business conducted several experiments in which commuters were asked to either connect with a nearby stranger, remain disconnected or commute as normal. Those who initially said they preferred to remain in solitude during a commute found that then when they talked to a stranger they were surprised that the stranger was actually interested in making the social connection, too. And when they did take that chance and strike up a conversation with someone they didn’t know, the participants reported that it was a positive experience. The takeaway: The next time you buy a coffee, talk to the barista.

Not only is lying a sin… it’s also bad for your health. It turns out that telling the truth when you’re tempted to lie can actually improve your mental and physical health. On average, the typical American lies about 11 times a week. “We wanted to find out if living more honestly can actually cause better health,” said lead author Anita E. Kelly, a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame. “We found that the participants could purposefully and dramatically reduce their everyday lies, and that in turn was associated with significantly improved health.” ***Hey… I guess the Bible was right!

If you’re one of the millions of people who takes blood pressure-lowering medication every day, you might be better off popping that pill every night instead. Why? Taking the drug at night not only controls blood pressure better, but also reduces the risk of potentially fatal heart problems. That’s the word from Spanish researchers, who concluded that heart conditions, such as strokes and heart attacks, can be drastically reduced in patients with hypertension if they just take the medication at night instead of in the morning. Best of all, this requires no extra effort or cost.  If you plan on doing this though, you might want to check with your doctor first – just in case he or she has a different opinion.

Men are much better than women at reading a map, research reveals. Of course, that’s because guys need to use them; women are less likely to get lost in the first place. Women get where they’re going quicker because they’re better at remembering landmarks. “Women develop a certain intuition and they make better judgment calls,” explains Frank Furedi, professor of sociology at England’s Kent University. “Men make a big deal about it and turn the most basic tasks into a very big deal. They tend to over complicate it.” The study confirms the longtime belief that men and women developed different skill sets thousands of years ago because the fellas were hunters and the ladies were gatherers. In other words, men read maps, women recall routes.

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

After a difficult week at Carmel High School, students arrived Thursday morning to some positivity. A group of students put a positive note on every student’s locker, offering them encouragement. According to Carmel Clay Schools, there are more than 5,100 notes across the school. The positivity comes at a good time, as two students were arrested this week in connection with threats made toward students and staff at the school.
http://www.wktv.com/content/national/474866043.html

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Being jailed for your religious beliefs is usually something you hear about from third world nations or communist countries… but not in Colorado, USA.  Greta Lindecrantz has been behind bars since last Monday – because she refuses to testify in a death-penalty case in Colorado – because her religion forbids it. Lindecrantz worked as an investigator for the defense team of Robert Ray, who was sentenced to death in 2009 for ordering the deaths of two witnesses in another murder case involving Ray. His current defense team is appealing the sentence partly on the claim that he had an ineffective legal team. So prosecutors want to question Lindecrantz about her work on the case. She is after all a veteran investigator and they hope her testimony will prove Ray’s team was competent, thus upholding the death sentence. But Lindecrantz is a Mennonite, and her religion opposes violence of any form. Since Ray’s life hinges on the appeal she has refused. When questioned Monday in court, she said over 70 times, “I can’t answer your question.” The courtroom was packed with fellow Mennonites supporting her, but Arapahoe District Judge Michelle Amico ordered her to answer the questions, leading a teary Lindecrantz to reply, “I’d have no problem saying the truth if death wasn’t on the line. I don’t believe in killing fellow human beings or participating in that.” As she sobbed while explaining her religious views and why, as the primary breadwinner for her household, being sent to jail would be devastating, Amico said that while the decision was “excruciatingly difficult,” Lindecrantz must be held in contempt of court, without bail. She has continued to refuse to testify and could be behind bars for up to six months. Her lawyer is working on an emergency appeal to the Colorado Supreme Court. (Daily Journal)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I asked my neighbor if he started on his taxes yet. He said ‘No, I don’t deal with those people. Once you start that type of thing–there’s no end to it’.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MARCH 02, 2018…

Death Wish—Just the title brings up the familiar Charles Bronson dead-eye look of revenge. Through five films, he played the same character, going from city to city, tracking down the ones the law couldn’t touch. Bruce Willis reprises the role of Paul Kersey, here a doctor. Kersey goes on a revenge trek when his wife (Elisabeth Shue) and daughter (Camila Marrone) are fatally attacked by criminals. What does a doctor know about weapons and stealth? Plenty. Of course, the law either gets in the way or can’t do a thing. Plenty of action and chases here. The character comes from the 1972 book by Brian Garfield, with the first film out in 1974. Bronson’s career seem to land on variations of this man seeking revenge for the helpless. Whether it was present day or the old West, the chase was on. In the 2018 “Death Wish,” the cast includes Mike Epps, Vincent Young. Dean Norris and Beau Knapp. The same theme: everyone is in Paul Kersey‘s way. “Death Wish” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Red Sparrow—Adapted from the book by Jason Matthews, the plot has a young girl selected to be trained as a ballerina and then a spy. This is what happens when she falls for someone from the other side. Jennifer Lawrence stars and also in the cast are Joel Edgerton, Mary-Louise Parker and Charlotte Rampling. “Red Sparrow” is rated R. No rating.

MARCH 09, 2018…

Wrinkle In Time is a screen adaptation of the Madeleine L’Engles book and stars Oprah Winfrey.

Gringo concerns a business man mixed up in crime. Stars David Oyelowa.

Hurricane Heist is about a gang trying to pull off a major robbery during a hurricane. The star is Toby Kebbell.

The Upside is a comedy about a criminal trying to reform Stars Nichole Kidman and Kevin Hart.

Thoroughbreds has two girls trying to rekindle their friendship. This marks the last film for the late actor Anton Yelchin of “Star Trek.”

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.