March 08, 2016: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160308

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – now quilted for extra softness.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead too.  –James 2:26 KJV

 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. —Psalm 139:23-24

 

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. — Romans 15:14

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. — James 2:26

 

Thought: By this definition, a whole lot of people claiming to be believers are really spiritual corpses. For faith to be real, it must express itself in service. Faith not only moves mountains; it moves believers to act in ways that honor God and bless others, demonstrating their thankfulness for God’s incredible grace.

 

Prayer: Holy and Faithful Father, please forgive me for the times I’ve been lazy in my spiritual walk. Help me see the many opportunities for service you give to me each day, and then empower me to act in those opportunities in ways that bless others. In Jesus’ holy name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Philippians 3:8 NIV = What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – MARCH 08, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 291 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL PEANUT CLUSTER DAY.

 

Today is ORGANIZE YOUR HOME OFFICE DAY.  *** Which I would do, but my fingers are sticky from eating peanut clusters.

 

Today is BE NASTY DAY.  *** Which is what you are if you clean your home office with sticky peanut-cluster fingers.

 

SKUNK DAY.  According to tradition, today is the one day each year when skunks mate.  *** Probably because they can’t stand being in such close proximity to each other more than once a year.

 

Today is INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY.  *** So, guys, honor your wives and/or girlfriends with the greatest gift a man can give – hand over the remote control.

  • PHONER: Ladies – what would you like for your men to do for you today in honor of “International Women’s Day”?

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

The Bikini Bottom Free (Crabcakes) Day

Check Your Batteries Day

Girls Write Now Day

International Women’s Day

National Proofreading Day

Unique Names Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 09

Barbie Day

Discover What Your Name Means Day

Get Over It Day

Joe Franklin Day

Panic Day

Registered Dietitian Day

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 10

International Bagpipe Day

International Day of Awesomeness

Land Line Telephone Day

Mario Day

Nametag Day

Salvation Army Day

U.S. Paper Money Day

World Kidney Day

 

FRIDAY, MARCH 11

Dream 2016 Day

Johnny Appleseed Day

Middle Name Pride Day

World Plumbing Day

World Sleep Day

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 12

Genealogy Day

Girl Scout Birthday Day

International Fanny Pack Day

National Urban Ballroom Dancing Day

 

SUNDAY, MARCH 13

Daylight Savings Time Begins

Digital Learning Day

Donald Duck Day

Earmuffs Day

Good Samaritan Involvement Day

K-9 Veterans Day

IUGAR Awareness Day

Ken Doll Day

  1. Ron Hubbard Day

National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day

Smart & Sexy Day

 

MONDAY, MARCH 14

International Ask a Question Day

International Day of Action for Rivers

MOTH-ER Day

Napping Day

Potato Chip Day

Pi Day

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 15

Brutus Day

Buzzard Day

Ides of March

International Day of Action Against Canadian Seal Slaughter

National Agriculture Day

National Shoe The World Day

True Confessions Day

World Consumer Rights Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1830: History’s most mysterious fish story came from the island of Ula, off the Scottish coast The island was deluged with a downpour of small herring. Honest. It did rain fish! To this day, there’s been no satisfactory explanation. ***MARLAR: It was so weird many island residents moved to the mainland — where it only rained cats and dogs.

 

1917: The February Revolution began in Russia. ***MARLAR: Oddly enough, the February Revolution started on March 8; the October Revolution started November 7. Apparently, the Russians never start a revolution on time.

 

1941: Author Sherwood Anderson, who wrote Tea and Sympathy, died on this date after swallowing a toothpick at a cocktail party.  ***MARLAR: Local officials immediately passed a law requiring a 7-day waiting period before serving hors d’oeuvres.

 

1962: The Beatles made their TV debut on the BBC’s “Teenager’s Turn.” They did Roy Orbison’s “Dream Baby.”

 

1970: In Framingham, Massachusetts, singer Diana Ross performed her first solo concert after leaving The Supremes.

 

1971: A new undisputed world heavyweight boxing champion was crowned, as “Smokin” Joe Frazier of Philadelphia won a decision over Muhammad Ali, who was previously undefeated.

 

1975: In the season’s final episode of TV’s “All in the Family,” Mike and Gloria decided to rent the Jeffersons’ vacant house next door to the Bunkers. (audio clip)

 

1985: John McPherson of Newcastle, England, set a Guinness World Record by kissing 4,444 women in eight hours.  ***MARLAR: Wow, he must’ve gotten one major case of cooties!

 

1991: Harry Hamlin and Nicollette Sheridan were married.

 

1993: Michael Jackson established a film production company to make movies with “positive and uplifting” themes.

 

1995: In Dayton, Washington, four sheriff’s deputies had their heads shaved so their boss, Sheriff Jim LaTour, wouldn’t face baldness alone. LaTour had to undergo chemotherapy for Hodgkins disease.  ***MARLAR: At that year’s Kojak look-alike contest they had more entries than usual.

 

1997: A piece of mold sold for $34,500 at a London auction. It was part of the growth that led to Sir Alexander Fleming’s discovery of penicillin in 1928.

 

1998: Surgeons in Chongqing, China, removed two of a 32-year-old farmer’s three tongues to allow him to speak and eat normally for the first time in 20 years. The man had grown a second tongue at age five and a third by age 12.  ***MARLAR: Before the surgery, he was seriously considering going into politics.

 

2003: North Dakota Governor John Hoeven reported receiving three calls the first week on his new secure emergency phone installed at the request of the federal Department of Homeland Security — one a wrong number and two from telemarketers. Hoeven said he was trying to figure out what type of disaster had occurred and it was some guy trying to sell him two pizzas for the price of one. The phone was quickly reprogrammed to block non-emergency calls.

 

2004: Vancouver Canuck Todd Bertuzzi slugged Colorado Avalanche forward Steve Moore during a game, leaving Moore with a broken neck, a concussion and facial cuts. Bertuzzi pleaded guilty to criminal assault and was sentenced to probation and community service.

 

2005: Harvard Business School announced rejection of 119 would-be students accused of hacking into a Web site to learn early if they were accepted before official notification. The school’s dean called the behavior unethical.

 

2006: Three Alabama college students reportedly looking for cheap thrills were arrested on charges they set fire to nine rural Baptist churches.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1698: The first meeting convened of the British group which later formed the Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge (SPCK).

 

1711: In this date’s edition of “The Spectator,” English essayist Joseph Addison wrote: ‘To be an atheist requires an infinitely greater measure of faith than to receive all the great truths which atheism would deny.’

 

1715: France’s Louis XIV announces he has finally put an end to all Protestant practices in his country.

 

1740: Colonial revivalist Gilbert Tennent, 37, preached his famous sermon, “The Danger of An Unconverted Ministry.” The message, assaulting opponents of the Great Awakening, contributed to the first schism within the American Presbyterian Church between the Old Side and New Side. (In 1758 the two divisions were reunited.)

 

1782: Ninety-six Native Americans, who had converted to Christianity and were living peacefully in the Moravian Brethren town of Gnadenhutten (near New Philadelphia), Ohio, are killed by militiamen in “retaliation” for Indian raids made elsewhere in the Ohio territory.

 

1887: Death of Henry Ward Beecher, 73, American clergyman and social reformer. His last words were: ‘Going out into life” that is dying.’

 

1915: The U.S. Supreme Court finds religious education in the public schools in violation of the First Amendment of the Constitution.

 

1921: The United Evangelical Lutheran Church in Australia was organized at Ebenezer, in South Australia. In 1966 the UELCA united with the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Australia (ELCA) to form the Lutheran Church of Australia (LCA).

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (“Dawson’s Creek”) James Van Der Beek, 39 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Scooby Doo movies, I Know What You Did Last Summer, “Freddie”) Freddie Prinze Jr., 40
  • actress (“Less Than Perfect”, “The Pretender”) Andrea Parker 47
  • Actress (“The Practice”) Camryn Manheim, 55 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Legends of the Fall, Practical Magic, The Handmaid’s Tale) Aidan Quinn, 57
  • Actress (Gods and Monsters, “Rude Awakening”, Midnight, Peter Pan, My Dog Tulip) Lynn Redgrave, 73

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1927 : Dick Hyman

1942 : Ralph Ellis (The Swinging Blue Jeans)

1943 : Andrew Semple (The Fortunes)

1944 : Keef Hartley (John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers, Keef Hartley Band)

1945 : Mickey Dolenz (The Monkees)

1946 : Randy Meisner (Poco, Eagles)

1947 : Carole Bayer-Sager

1947 : Michael Allsup (Three Dog Night)

1948 : Little Peggy March

1948 : Mel Galley (Whitesnake)

1949 : Dave Lambert (The Strawbs)

1957 : Clive Burr (Iron Maiden)

1958 : Gary Numan

1964 : Peter Gill (Frankie Goes To Hollywood)

1968 : Shawn Mullins

1976 : Gaz Coombes (Supergrass)

1978 : Kameelah Williams (702)

1979 : Tom Chaplin (Keane)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we put photos and clippings in an album?

The first “albums” were white tablets on which the ancient Romans inscribed public records. They were about as exciting as Wayne Newton singing disco. During the Middle Ages, album came to mean any list of people or a register of things. Eventually that evolved into a book that held memorabilia of any kind – photos, autographs, pressed flowers, the severed finger that couldn’t be reattached, and so on. I still have my 6th grade graduation album. Several friends signed it, “2 good 2B 4 got 10.” For the life of me, I can’t remember any of them.
Source: DICTIONARY OF WORD ORIGINS by Jordan Almond

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Steven Curtis Chapman released his first worship album on Friday but he wasn’t in the USA for the release. Instead, he was fulfilling a Christmas promise. Steven took his wife Mary Beth to Switzerland to see their sons plan in Zurich as part of the Colony House Band. Mary Beth posted that the trip was her Christmas present thanks to a sweet hubby and frequent flyer miles.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCiAJ1nMz62/

 

The members of the Rock and Worship Road Show recently shared some insight into Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips. The Newboys are headlining the Road Show and they posted: Duncan doesn’t “play” the drums. He beats them into submission. But off stage he’s the sweetest happiest man on this tour – a constant encouragement to all of us.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCmQ5jlEXbo/

 

What started as a scary experience for Jamie Grace turned out well thanks to a couple of good Samaritans. Jamie posted: two days ago my car windshield cracked while I was driving through a hailstorm. It was terrifying. My dad, even though he was hours away, immediately went on dad duty and found a couple of guys in Columbus, Georgia who met my friends and I and fixed my windshield. I’m a bragger when it comes to kind hearted people and great customer service. Jamie posted a picture with the two men who showed up to fix her windshield.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCk8kVxTSxq/

 

For King and Country was in Puerto Rico last week but they weren’t there for a concert. The members of the band were in the country to present a rough cut of the movie Priceless to a SOLD OUT crowd. The movie is the first by For King and Country and is officially scheduled for release later this year.

 

Over the weekend Switchfoot member Tim Foreman released a new blog entitled Intruders. In the blog Tim asked: What really inspires you? What gets you amped to wake up? He then shared some of the changes he has made this year to keep the intruders at bay, those things that keep you from doing what you are really passionate about. Some of his suggestions: 1: Build a wall between you and your intruders, 2: Think about what really inspires you? and 3: Do at least one of those things each morning before you even think about dealing with the intruders.

http://switchfoot.com/intruders/

 

Jamie Grace is struggling to deal with the return of spring. She posted: before too long it’ll be too warm to wear sweaters. i’m not positive how I feel about that yet.

 

Citizenway wants you to be in their next music video. The filming will take place at 4pm CT on March 9th in Nashville. Details and reservation information is available at http://smarturl.it/CWVideoShoot.

 

The Jason Gray and Josh Wilson tour is underway and this week the bands released another Tour Journal. The latest features a lighthouse in Maine and Josh Wilson throwing instruments. That’s right, Josh actually is suppose to throw is $800 mandolin to a tech during the show as he switches instruments on a dark, foggy stage. Will he do it? You will have to watch to find out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_74WW2uJ50

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard is a big fan of the new Citizenway album. The bands latest project, 2.0, releases next Friday and Bart says: This album is so stinking good. However, Bart admits he is a little biased. He helped to write some of the songs on the new project. Citizenway 2.0 will release on March 11.

https://itun.es/us/go1pab

 

Steven Curtis Chapman released his first ever worship album last week. It’s titled Worship and Believe and Steven recently talked with Show Hope about what the album means to him. He said: We were created by God for the ultimate purpose of worshipping Him. I believe this deeply, and have for many years. But lately I’ve been on a journey of coming to understand more about what worship really is. What God has been teaching me about worship is that, at it’s core, it really is us simply agreeing with Him—agreeing with Him about who He says He is, and what He says is true about Himself in His word, as well as what He says about us, and who He says we are.

http://sho.pe/1QRBQFb

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Wildfires strike suddenly and unexpectedly, destroying homes, taking lives and costing billions of dollars every year. Now, scientists say that new satellite technology developed by NASA will help predict where fires will strike next. According to Time, the system, known as FireSat, uses infrared sensors to identify wildfires when they have grown to be at least 35 to 50 feet wide. Detection by the system occurs within 15 minutes of the beginning of a fire.  ***MARLAR: Next, they hope to create an early-warning system to let people know of oncoming Kardashians.  http://ti.me/1NhoUGQ

 

Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has endorsed John Kasich for president.   ***Which makes sense, because the words “I’ll Be Back” will definitely apply here – because Kasich certainly isn’t going the distance this time around.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow plans to stay off the silver screen. The actress revealed during an interview on the Today show on Friday, that she’s taking a break from acting to focus on her company, Goop. She told Matt Lauer that for the time being, her main focus will be entirely on the lifestyle brand.   ***Another bonus, when you’re yelling at your underaged daughter to get that goop off her face, you’ll be dissing Gwyneth Paltrow at the same time!

 

Hillary Clinton will appear at Fox News Channel’s Democratic Town Hall after all. The Detroit event, announced only a few days ahead of the Michigan primary, was previously only set to include Bernie Sanders.  ***This is the first time in history that the words “Hillary”, “Clinton”, and “fox” have appeared in the same sentence.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Before you check out, remember that the hotel towels aren’t yours. And just because they’re owned by a big corporation doesn’t make it right to steal. Visitors steal roughly $50 million worth of towels a year in the United States.  ***MARLAR: I’m suddenly feeling guilty about taking that half-full bottle of conditioner.

 

New research says caffeine improves your memory. A team at Johns Hopkins University, found that caffeine had measurable, positive effects on both short term and long term memory.  ***MARLAR: Now, if I could just remember where I left my coffee mug…

 

Well all know that Americans don’t eat their fruits and veggies, but data from the USDA lets us count the ways. According to figures that compare actual grocery spending with what the government recommends over an eight-year period, we’re buying a fraction of green vegetables, legumes and whole fruits than what’s suggested. Instead, we buy way more juice, frozen dinners and candy.  ***MARLAR: Well, yeah… but the candy IS fruit flavored, so it’s pretty much a non-issue.

 

A recent study suggests better access to stairs in office buildings — and signs reminding people to use them — might encourage workers to get more exercise.  ***MARLAR: Key word – “might”.  Now, please point me to the escalator.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Artificial Lemon”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Golf Carts”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Millard had tried everything he could think of to beat Steve Mozart.  Composing music, building a sandcastle, a bridge, a boat… and nothing worked.  Steve Mozart kept beating Millard to the punch, doing things faster and better.  But Millard hasn’t given up yet!

 

CLOSE: Talk about adding insult to injury!  Now not only can Millard not beat Steve Mozart at anything, but now Steve Mozart had to be called in to save Millard’s life?  How will Millard ever be able to deal with this?  Tune in next time for more of our story, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MARCH 12/13

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, all of the jungle animals, after searching long and hard for a new king, finally found a new lion king – but he’s already got a jungle to be king of.  But then he began telling the little king, Louis, how being a king didn’t mean having answers to everything… because there was also another king…

 

CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

An advice column in India ends up giving more DUHvice than advice. 

It seems obvious to me, but a newspaper columnist in India shared this remarkable insight in a recent article: If your daughter’s hair smells, tell her to wash it! Phillip Kingsley (master of the obvious) was answering a question from a reader who wrote to him saying her daughter’s hair was “really unpleasant”. He told readers they could avoid the problem by using shampoo. “The solution for teenagers is simple: encourage them to wash their hair daily by giving them a nice-smelling shampoo and conditioner. Tell them to use the shampoo liberally and to rinse several times.” ***MARLAR: In the coming weeks he’ll write articles on the following topics: “When your car runs out of gas, put fuel in the tank” and “Why you should put your socks on before your shoes.”

  • PHONER: Have you listeners call in and give obvious advice like this as if it’s intelligent and insightful.  It could be a fun bit for the morning!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS TO HATE SPRING

 

  1. The name is just too perky.

 

  1. I was just getting used to winter, and Bang! They change it again!

 

  1. Not quite Christmas, not quite summer.

 

  1. Last autumn’s un-raked leaves in the lawn looked so much better with a thick blanket of snow over them.

 

  1. Cubs fans start talking smack the first time the team reaches .500

 

  1. Spring egg hunts yield Summer “lost egg” findings.

 

  1. In Canada it means it’s actually warm enough to go out and shovel the snow!

 

  1. Neighbor’s “Delux Pollen Assortment” flower bed is back.

 

  1. I finally got my snowblower fixed.

 

  1. Birds singing, flowers blooming, warm sunshine..what’s a grouch to do?

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you want to be in pictures, try getting into crime!

 

FILE #1: Two Italian criminal masterminds had this brilliant plan to rip off their insurance company. They first met in a public place to discuss exactly how they would pull off the operation, first by crashing their cars into each other and then faking injuries. It sounded like such a foolproof plan that they went ahead and did it, smashing their cars into each other. This all would have been fine except for one small matter. These criminal masterminds failed to notice a film crew nearby when they were discussing their plan. The Italian film crew was there on another assignment and just happened to catch the whole thing on tape, including the discussion of how these two men planned to defraud the insurance company. After returning to the studio and discovering what they had, the TV crew turned the tape over to the cops and the men were arrested.

 

FILE #2: Brazil Police have discovered an 80-yard tunnel stretching from a nearby town to the Bangu III maximum-security prison, a half-complete passageway that would have been used in a jailbreak. The Bangu III prison houses hundreds of dangerous criminals who apparently have plenty of contacts on the outside as their friends dug a tunnel that was about 6 foot deep, had concrete pillars and electric lighting! Freeing prison inmates has become a profitable business in Brazil recently and jailbreaks are commonplace.

 

FILE #3: Three men forced their way into the principal’s office at a middle school in Johannesburg, South Africa, wielding a gun. They then proceeded to have the headmaster and two secretaries put all their jewelry, money and the contents of the school safe into a black briefcase. But turning to flee, one of the robbers grabbed the wrong black briefcase, escaping instead with the principal’s bag, stuffed with homework.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Alabama you can be put to death for putting salt on a railroad track.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

What’s the worst thing you can do if you’re scheduled to show up to court on drunk driving charges?  I’m guessing you guessed right.

Authorities say a 19-year-old Iowa City, Iowa man showed up drunk to serve a three-day public intoxication sentence at the Johnson County Jail. Court records said initial tests showed the man had a blood-alcohol content of 0.101 percent when he arrived at the jail.  So now he now faces another charge, requiring more jail time.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Daylights Savings… should we keep it, or is it time to ditch the idea?  Why?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: It what city was Jesus when he turned water into wine?
ANSWER: Cana (John 2:1-11)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What TV character used the men’s room as his office?

ANSWER: The Fonz on “Happy Days” (audio clip)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. In 1983, a Japanese artist made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of toast. (True)

 

  1. In the early ’80s, a toad was discovered that meows instead of croaking. (True)

 

  1. Scientists say the rotation of the Earth is slowing down, each day will be lengthened by one-tenth of a second. (True)

 

  1. About 90% of all American children can recognize Ronald McDonald. (False, 96%)

 

  1. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas. (True)

 

  1. The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million. (True)

 

  1. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night. (True)

 

  1. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h. (True)

 

  1. The most extras ever used in a movie was 1,000,000. (False – it was 300,000 for the film Gandhi in 1981.)

 

  1. Every person has a unique tongue print. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

______ TERRIFIES WYOMING TOWN (PTERANODON)

Residents of Kirby fear a large flying reptile.

KIRBY, Wyo. — Citizens of a small town in Wyoming are locking their doors and refusing to leave as a creature with a 22-foot wingspan stalks the skies. Residents first reported sightings of the Cretaceous-era creature pteranodon yesterday. Today, not only do the reports persist, but they claim the creature is beginning to attack anyone walking the streets of Kirby.

Though the flying reptile’s diet is known to have existed of mostly fish, the creature is reported to be aggressively pecking people and even lifting some off to an unknown location. It is thought that the beast has a nest somewhere within the higher elevations of Kirby.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

“Vernon, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.

“Vernon, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted the boy. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”

 

JOKE #2

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: “Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow.

But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: “Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck.”

 

JOKE #3

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?”

The father responded “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful young woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A man in Mexico protested the way people with tattoos and piercings are treated as freaks by hanging himself from a tree, suspended by wires through his various piercings.  ***MARLAR: Ironically, that’s the best way to get someone to think you’re a freak.

 

The Discovery Canyon Campus elementary school in Colorado Springs has banned children playing Tag on its playground after some children complained they were harassed or chased against their will.  ***MARLAR: If you’re being chased against your will, you’re not playing Tag, you’re playing Cops & Robbers.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

GIFT IDEAS

Worried over what to give his girl for her birthday, the young man asked his mother for help. “Mom,” he said, “If you were going to be 16 years old tomorrow, what would you want?”

“Not another thing” was her heartfelt reply.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU THREW AWAY WHAT?!?

Attention wives, don’t throw away your husbands’ old clothes unless you plan on visiting him in the hospital!

What is it with spouses of the gentler persuasion that feel they can toss out their husbands’ favorite shirts and sweaters without asking? We husbands would never presume to have that type of power. If we even thought about throwing away one of our wives’ sweaters, we’d be in the doghouse for a month! But the women, they must feel they can do the very same thing with no repercussions whatsoever. Well, now there is a good reason for wives to stop this practice… it could be dangerous to their husbands!  Recently a man squeezed himself down a garbage chute in his apartment in an attempt to get his sweater back – after his wife threw it out. The basement doors to the garbage were locked, so he felt this was his only option. He didn’t get the sweater though… he got stuck between floors! Firefighters were called after the man’s wife unsuccessfully tried to save him by lowering a knotted bed sheet. The man is now safe… and it’s too late to save the sweater, as the garbage collectors came early the next morning.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BOTH FREE AND PRICELESS

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

It seems like it takes more and more money to buy fewer and fewer things these days. The price of fuel, food, clothes, and homes continue to rise and rise.

I am just glad, however, that the best things in life remain both free and priceless.

Every hug and kiss that I get from my daughter and sons is freely given yet is worth more than all the treasures in this life. Every sunset is a glorious gift from God but is also a one of a kind original that no expensive painting could ever match. Every kind word I hear or smile I see costs me nothing and still brings more joy to my soul than all the money in the world.

Love, joy, goodness, delight, peace, happiness, and wonderful oneness with God are all free. They are yours for the choosing each and everyday of your life. They cost you nothing at all, yet they bring more wealth into your life than any amount of gold or silver ever could. Each time you choose them you make yourself a little

richer in what is essential and eternal. Each time you share them you multiply your wealth a hundred times over. I myself think that the richest man in the world is the one with the biggest heart not the biggest bank account.

Choose some priceless love today then. Share your fortune of joy with the world. Build yourself some treasures of Heaven while still here on Earth. No amount of money can ever match a smile freely shared, an encouraging word happily given, or an act of help right from the heart. No amount of money can ever match a gentle hug, an uplifting thought, or a random act of kindness. No amount of money can ever match a merry heart, a cheerful spirit, or a loving soul living in oneness with God. What a glorious world we live in where the best things in life are both priceless and free of charge.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Read: Proverbs 10:8-21

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. –Proverbs 10:19

The young woman’s urge to embarrass her own mother in a court of law was greater than her desire to be found not guilty.

When the defendant in a home-invasion case took the stand, she felt compelled to “correct” her mother’s earlier testimony. “Mother,” she snapped, “they didn’t get in through the upstairs, they came in through your bedroom window at the back. You left it unlocked!”

Hmm. I’m just asking the obvious here, but how did she gain such detailed information about the crime? The verdict: She was found guilty of aiding and abetting two young men who had broken into her parents’ home and stolen a substantial amount of jewelry.

I sat on that jury. It was painful to observe the animosity that spanned the chasm between a mother and daughter on opposing sides of the judicial process. But the law required me to decide on the merits of the case.

In his closing arguments, the prosecutor quoted from Proverbs 28:1, “The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” He was referring to the defendant’s efforts to conceal her complicity by lying–until evidence proved otherwise.

I thought of other proverbs she would have done well to heed. From Proverbs 10:2, “Ill-gotten treasures are of no value.” Proverbs 11:12, “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor [or her own mother], but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” Proverbs 12 adds, “An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk” (v.13), and “A fool shows his annoyance at once” (v.16). “A quick-tempered man does foolish things,” says Proverbs 14:17.

Actually, I couldn’t find too many proverbs that didn’t apply to this woman’s situation. But then, I had to admit that they apply to me too!

From the same lips I use to praise God, I’ve spewed venom about those made in His image (see James 3:9). I’ve aided and abetted the devil in his war on reputations. And I’ve engaged in some character assassinations of my own.

Finding that sad, angry woman guilty of crimes against her own parents did not make me feel warm and fuzzy. But how much more do I grieve God with my own verbal barbs against His creations?

“My brothers, this should not be,” James exclaimed (3:10). And with the Holy Spirit’s help, it won’t be!

(modified from Campus Journal and used with permission)

 

 

LEFTOVERS

HARD FOR ME TO SAY I’M SORRY

Saying you’re “sorry” is sometimes the hardest thing to do. It’s apparently very difficult in China.

…There’s actually a business called “The Apology and Gift Center” which just opened in Tianjin, China. Their slogan is “We Say Sorry for You”. And for $2.50 they’ll send someone to make an in-person apology on your behalf. Along those same lines, one of the most popular radio shows in Beijing is called “Apologize in Public Tonight”. The show allows people to call in and apologize over the air. ***MARLAR: I’ll think you’ll agree, nothing sincerely says “I’m sorry” then by giving a complete stranger $2.50 to do it for you.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

SHOPAHOLICS

Are you a shopaholic?  That might not be a bad thing!

We often hear about the dangers of being a shop-a-holic… but one expert says there are benefits to being a shop-a-holic as well. According to at least one expert, you may be getting more than great bargains when you go out on a spending spree… you may be getting a more youthful appearance and a longer life. Sociologist Dr. Tom Dunne is one of the first to study the effects of shopping on women. He conducted a two year study with 260 ladies, instructing them to keep a careful record of their shopping habits including how long their sprees lasted and how much they spent. The results?

  • Women who averaged 17 hours of shopping or more a week and spent over $200 on each shopping trip were slimmer, stronger and more robust than women who shopped less and spent less.
  • Frequent shoppers showed fewer wrinkles, higher energy levels, brighter skin tones and better all around youthfulness.
  • Women who purchased clothing fared slightly better than women who bought kitchen items and housewares.
  • You’re better off taking lots of short trips than two or three long ones. For instance, if you spend 21 hours shopping per week, it would be better to take seven three-hour trips rather than three seven-hour trips.
  • Finally, the frequent shoppers in the study not only stayed younger but also had greater self esteem. Well sure they do… so would I if I could spend $200 a week shopping and not have to worry about it!

PHONER: Are you a shopaholic? When you’re out shopping, is there something you just cannot resist buying if you see it?  What is it?

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

COMMUNICATING WITH WOMEN

A word never to use in the presence of a woman… “fine”.

…Why? Well, because I’ve recently discovered that women use the word “fine” at the end of an argument when they feel they are in the right but want the other party (usually a man) to shut up. So, when your wife asks you how a certain dress looks on her, never respond by saying “fine”, as this will cause one of those arguments.

Oh, and another phrase to be careful with is “five minutes”. In women’s time this is about half an hour. Don’t believe me? Well, it’s roughly equivalent to that very same five minutes we men say are left in a football game and we’ll take the trash out when it’s over. So it’s a pretty good trade.

And then there is the word “nothing”. This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ‘Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine.”

 

 

FUN LIST

GREAT LINES FROM JOB EVALUATIONS

  • I would not allow this employee to breed.
  • This associate is not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be.
  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  • When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whatever foot was previously there.
  • He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
  • This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
  • He set low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was not looking.
  • A room temperature IQ.
  • Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it together.
  • A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  • A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
  • A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
  • Bright as Alaska in December.
  • One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
  • Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
  • Fell out of the family tree.
  • Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
  • Has two brains: one is lost; the other one is out looking for it.
  • He’s so dense, light bends around him.
  • If brains were taxed, she would get a refund.
  • If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
  • If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you will get change.
  • If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
  • On neuron short of a synapse.
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
  • Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
  • Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
  • Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

THE TOP TEN WAYS TO SCORE A JOB OFFER (from CareerBuilder.com)

  1. Sell yourself – You’ve worked hard in school and in your career; don’t be afraid to share your accomplishments. A great way to sell yourself is in your cover letter, include a “P.S.” at the end of your cover letter, the trick is including one so intriguing, employers won’t have any choice but to call you to learn more.
  2. Have a goal before you apply – Always have a clear job search goal in mind, preferably, a specific job title at a specific company.”
  3. Put a figure to it – Figure out how much you’re worth by looking into salary resources like CBSalary.com. You’ll be able to negotiate pay, benefits and other perks much better if you know what others in your field earn.
  4. Prove the claims in your resume. Testimonials are incredibly effective sales tools, include two or three brief quotes from clients or managers.
  5. Know the company. With all the information available on the Internet today, no job seeker should go into an interview without a thorough understanding of the company.
  6. Give employers a reason to hire you. When you follow up after the interview, include something that shows the employer how great you are for the job.
  7. Be prepared. Bring a resume and a list of references. Be early, be bright, be professionally aggressive and thankful for the interview.
  8. Think for the employer. Never assume the employer will know what job is best suited for you, the specific value of what you’ve done before or how much salary you’re worth. You have to figure that out for them.
  9. Use an angle. If the company is a competitor to a company you worked for, try to get an insider to recommend you to the hiring manager. If you know someone there, use your knowledge to open a door.
  10. Plan for a disaster. If you’re prepared for disaster — such as a job loss — you’re in a much better position to get a new job quickly. Make sure your resume is up-to-date and that you can reach your network of contacts as soon as possible.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Joni Tada has spent the majority of her life in a wheel chair. Now she is out with a free booklets sharing tips for wheelchair etiquette as well as other valuable information for any church that wishes to reach out to people with disabilities. It’s a little 70-page book called “Start with Hello: Introducing Your Church to Special Needs Ministry.”  http://ow.ly/Z32Ec

 

A married Christian student with four children has been expelled from his university because he wrote a post on Facebook opposing gay marriage. According to ChristianToday.com, 38 year old Felix Ngole was asked to leave the University of Sheffield, where he was in the second year of a Masters in social work. He plans to appeal the decision, which came after members of the faculty decided he might have “caused offence” to some people for expressing support for Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk jailed after refusing to issue same-sex marriage licenses.  http://bit.ly/1XUXE20

 

When Simon Beck walks in the snow, he leaves tracks to remember. According to the Huffington Post, Beck creates giant murals as he trudges through the white stuff in his snowshoes. For one of his bigger works, Beck says he might spend two hours measuring his piece and 8 hours walking. That’s about 40,000 steps for him. He makes about 30 snow drawings per year, with the Alps serving as his main canvas.   http://huff.to/1WOSXpe

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Help beautify the city dump — throw out something beautiful today!

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MARCH 04, 2016…

 

Desierto—It is a major operation to cross the border illegally and in this movie, not only are the police out there, but a vigilante out to kill them, too.  The film stars Gael Garcia Bernal, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Alondra Hidalgo. “Disierto” is rated R. No rating.

 

London Has Fallen—Gerard Butler is part of security for a top level government meeting. When the Prime Minister dies mysteriously, he begins to figure out what is really happening.  Also in the cast are Morgan Freeman and Charlotte Riley. “London Has Fallen” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot—Tina Fey takes on the role of a former journalist who is remembering her days as a correspondent in Afghanistan. With her is Margot Robbie.  Billy Bob Thornton is also in the cast. “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Zootopia—Here is an animated film about animals of many, many species (think the “Star Wars” Counsel meetings) who get along and have their leaders, meeting for various rules and regulations. Of course, there are problems and someone who wants to take over everything. Voices include Idris Elba, Jason Bateman, J. K. Simmons and Ginnifer Goodman. “Zootopia” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for animation fans.

 

Knight of Cups—Here is a fantasy romance in which a man keeps changing places with himself somewhere else.  Hmm.The cast includes Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Brian Dennehy and Natalie Portman. “Knight of Cups” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Wave (subtitled)—Here is an original idea. What would happen if one of the walls of a Norwegian fjord collapsed and sent all that water inland?  An inland tsunami?  This is the premise of the movie and this actually could happen.  Just as earthquake experts can place where an earthquake may happen, experts in Norway study the Fjord walls for cracks, like the walls of a dam.  The cast includes Kristoffer Joner, Thomas Bo Larsen and Ane Dahl Torp.  “The Wave” is rated R. No rating.

 

MARCH 11, 2016…

 

Brothers Grimsby is a comedy about brothers who are police officers.  Stars Sacha Baron Cohen and Mark Strong.

 

The Other Side Of The Door can be scary as in trying to contact a deceased child. Stars Sarah Wayne Callies.

 

Young Messiah looks at Jesus in his childhood and living in Egypt. Stars Sean Bean.

 

Eye In The Sky has Helen Mirren as head of a military drone squad.

 

Hello, My Name Is Doris stars Sally Field in a comedy about aging.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.