March 09, 2017: Thursday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20170309
PDF: 20170309

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

You’ll have to excuse me if I sound a bit, well… nervous on today’s show. The boss has a new motto: if at first you don’t succeed, you’re fired.

Nothing convinces you more that you are not secretly a superhero than throwing your back while trying to put on a sock.

DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME BEGINS THIS WEEKEND! 

Just a reminder – this Saturday night/Sunday morning be sure to set your clocks FORWARD one hour!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. (Spoken by Jesus.) — Matthew 24:35

Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. —Joshua 1:9

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. — Psalm 103:12

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. — John 14:23

Thought: This chapter begins with Jesus promising that he is going back to heaven to prepare a place for us. Now, however, he wants us to know that we don’t have to wait until heaven to be in the presence of God. As we love God and obey his Word, God comes and makes his home with us. Isn’t it an amazing and gracious thought: God, the Creator of the Universe, the Holy One of Israel lives in me!

Prayer: For your abiding presence within me, O God, I thank and praise you. May my life reflect the holiness and grace of your presence in all that I do, think, and say. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

2 Peter 3:9 NIV = The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – MARCH 09, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
290 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is PANIC DAY, a day to run around in a panic and tell everyone you can’t take it anymore. ***We usually get that at our staff meetings anyway though.

Today is TWENTY-FOUR-HOUR GLOBAL MARATHON FOR, BY AND ABOUT WOMEN IN ENGINEERING AND TECHNOLOGY. ***I don’t really have any thoughts about this one except to say, seriously? They couldn’t come up with a shorter name for this?

Today is BARBIE DAY, marking this date in 1959 when the doll went on sale in the U.S. More than 900-million Barbies have been sold, and still sell at the rate of about 120 dolls a minute. ***Barbie has been around since 1959 – and she still looks great, thanks to the miracle of plastic surgery! (audio clip)

Today is “FAMILY” DAY, marking the debut of the TV drama on this date in 1976. It starred Sada Thompson, James Broderick, Gary Frank, and Kristy McNichol. (audio clip)

TODAY IS ALSO…
Barbie Day
Get Over It Day Link
Joe Franklin Day
Nametag Day Link
Panic Day
World Kidney Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

FRIDAY, MARCH 10

International Bagpipe Day
International Day of Awesomeness Link
Land Line Telephone Day
Mario Day
Middle Name Pride Day Link
Salvation Army Day
US Paper Money Day
Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day Link
World Sleep Day Link

SATURDAY, MARCH 11

Dream 2017 Day
International Fanny Pack Day Link
Johnny Appleseed Day
National Urban Ballroom Dancing Day
World Plumbing Day Link
Genealogy Day Link

SUNDAY, MARCH 12

Check Your Batteries Day
Girl Scout Birthday Day Link
Girl Scout Sunday Link
Daylight Savings Time Begins

MONDAY, MARCH 13

Donald Duck Day
Earmuffs Day
Fill Our Staplers Day
Good Samaritan Involvement Day
Itra-Uterine Growth Awareness Restriction (IUGAR) Day
K-9 Veterans Day  Link
Ken Doll Day
L. Ron Hubbard Day
Napping Day
National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day
*Smart & Sexy Day

TUESDAY, MARCH 14

International Ask A Question Day
International Day of Action for Rivers Link
MOTH-ER Day
Organize Your Home Office Day
Potato Chip Day Link
Pi Day (as in the math pie = 3.14159265 etc.) Link
National Pie Day Link
Save a Spider Day Link

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 15

Brain Injury Awareness Day Link
Brutus Day
Buzzards Day Link
Ides of March
International Day of Action Against Canadian Seal Slaughter Link
Kick Butts Day Link
National Shoe The World Day
True Confessions Day
World Consumer Rights Day Link

THURSDAY, MARCH 16

Absolutely Incredible Kid Day
Black Press Day
Campfire Girls Day
Companies That Care Day Link
Curlew Day
Freedom of Information Day
Goddard Day Link  Link
Lips Appreciation Day
No Selfies Day
St. Urho’s Day Link Link

FRIDAY, MARCH 17

St. Patrick’s Day Link
National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence  Link
National Irish Coffee Day Link

ON THIS DAY

1562: Kissing in public was banned in Naples, Italy. Violators could be put to death.

1822: Charles Graham received the first patent for false teeth. ***He was so proud of his patent; he kept it by his bedside in a glass of water.

1858: Albert Potts of Philadelphia patented the street letter box, an idea the Post Office liked very much.

1932: Ford introduced the V-8 engine. ***It was the first engine to run on vegetable juice.

1934: The first man to orbit Earth, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, was born. Gagarin’s flight into space lasted 108 minutes and everything went well. ***Except that he landed back in Russia.

1961: A Soviet dog named Blackie became the first animal to return alive from outer space aboard the spacecraft Sputnik-9. The dog Laika that orbited the earth in Sputnik-2 did not return alive.

1964: The U.S. Supreme Court, in its New York Times v. Sullivan decision, ruled that public officials who charged libel could not recover damages for defamatory statements related to their official duties unless they proved actual malice on the part of the news organization.

1964: The first Mustang rolled off of the Ford assembly line.

1969: CBS-TV cancelled “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour,” indicating that though the show’s irreverent comedy had high ratings, it was more trouble than it was worth. The replacement was called “Hee Haw.” (audio clip)

1984: Two 78-year-old burglars were caught in Sao Paulo, Brazil, when the occupants of the house returned unexpectedly. The lookout sounded a warning, but his partner inside was too deaf the hear.

1986: “Steady Eddy” Wolf of Loyal, Wisconsin, took 27 steps in Yokohama, Japan, on aluminum stilts 40 feet 6 inches tall. Each stilt weighed 55 pounds.

1987: History’s largest piece of furniture was completed by 800 builders on Masuhoura Beach at Ishikawa, Japan. It is a bench 1,512 feet long that seats 1,400 people.

1987: Carole King was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in New York City.

1988: Singer Andy Gibb, the younger brother of the Bee Gees, died at age 30. Official cause of death was heart failure.

1999: A 48-year-old Massachusetts man, already convicted four times of DWI and driving with a suspended license, hit a car driven by the state director of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. The man’s alcohol level was twice the legal limit, but he pleaded not guilty to DWI charges and was released without bond.

2000: Jeff Fredrick of La Crosse won his sixth Wisconsin turkey calling contest in seven years. Jeff’s mom said her son was such a good caller, real turkeys tried to imitate him.

2005: Dan Rather signed off for the last time as principal anchorman of “The CBS Evening News.”

2006: Scientists reported finding evidence of water on a Saturn moon.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

395: Gregory of Nyssa, Cappadocian father and bishop, dies. An outstanding thinker, theologian, orator, and ascetical author, he was very influential in developing the theology of the Trinity.

1831: Evangelist Charles Finney concludes a six-month series of meetings in Rochester, New York. The meetings, which have been called “the world’s greatest single revival campaign,” led to the closing of the town’s theater and taverns, a two-thirds drop in crime, and a reported 100,000 conversions.

1839: Birth of Phoebe Palmer Knapp, American Methodist hymn writer. She published more than 500 hymn tunes during her lifetime; her most famous melody comprises the tune to Fanny Crosby’s hymn, “Blessed Assurance.”

1843: Scottish clergyman Robert Murray McCheyne wrote in a letter: ‘You will never find Jesus so precious as when the world is one vast howling wilderness. Then he is like a rose blooming in the midst of the desolation, a rock rising above the storm.’

1930: Pioneer linguist Frank Laubach wrote in a letter: ‘It seems to me…that the very Bible cannot be read as a substitute for meeting God soul to soul and face to face.’

1931: The World Radio Missionary Fellowship (WRMF) was incorporated in Lima, Ohio, by cofounders Clarence W. Jones and Reuben Larson. Today, this interdenominational mission agency broadcasts the Gospel in 15 languages to South America and throughout Europe.

1965: Three white Unitarian ministers, including the Rev. James J. Reeb, were attacked with clubs on the streets of Selma, Alabama, while participating in a civil rights demonstration. Reeb later died in a Birmingham, Alabama hospital.

HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Nip Tuck,” “American Dreams,” “Guiding Light”) Brittany Snow 31 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Justice,” “E-Ring,” “Charmed”) Kerr Smith 45 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Webster”) Emmanuel Lewis 46 (audio clip)

  • actress (Chocolate, Wuthering Heights) Juliette Binoche 53

  • The BARBIE doll turns 58

  • newscaster Faith Daniels 59

  • Former TV journalist (ABC News) Charles Gibson 74

BARBIE’S BIRTHDAY

The Barbie doll made its debut today at the American International Toy Fair in NYC in 1959. Here are some Barbie Doll fun-facts that we have dug up for you:

  • Barbie® doll has had more than 80 careers — everything from a rock star to a paleontologist to a presidential candidate.
  • Barbie® doll represented a candidate for President in 1992 and ran again in 2000 with a platform of opportunities for girls, educational excellence and animal rights.
  • The military series of Barbie® dolls, Army, Air Force, Navy and Marine Corps went through approvals by the Pentagon to ensure the most realistic costumes.
  • In 1997, Share A Smile® Becky® was the first Mattel, Inc. fashion doll introduced with a wheelchair.
  • Barbie® doll was introduced in Europe in 1961The Barbie® doll is currently marketed in more than 150 nations around the world.
  • Placed head to toe, Barbie® dolls and family members sold since 1959 would circle the earth more than seven times.
  • Every second, three Barbie® dolls are sold somewhere in the world.
  • The first black and Hispanic Barbie® dolls were introduced in 1980. 2002 marks the debut of Kayla, Barbie doll’s new multi-cultural friend.
  • Barbie® doll has had over 43 pets including 21 dogs, 14 horses, 3 ponies, 6 cats, a parrot, a chimpanzee, a panda, a lion cub, a giraffe and a zebra.
  • The best selling Barbie® doll ever was Totally Hair Barbie®, with hair from the top of her head to her toes.
  • The full name of Barbie® doll is “Barbie Millicent Roberts.” She is from Willows, Wisconsin and went to Willows High School.
  • Barbie® doll has five sisters, Skipper®, introduced in 1964, Tutti, a twin introduced in 1966, Stacie® in 1992, Kelly® in 1995 and Krissy(TM) in 1999.
  • Barbie® doll’s boyfriend, Ken® doll made his debut two years after Barbie in 1961 and in 2001 marks his 40th anniversary.
  • Ken® doll was named after the son of Mattel founders Ruth and Elliot Handler.
  • The first celebrity to join the Barbie® doll family was fashion model Twiggy in 1967 and the M. C. Hammer doll, complete with a cassette of his songs, was added in 1991.
  • Barbie® doll’s first pet was a horse named Dancer.
  • Barbie® doll’s best friend, Midge® was introduced in 1963 and then again in 1988 as California Midge®.
  • More than 105 million yards of fabric have gone into making Barbie® doll and her friends’ fashions, making Mattel one the largest apparel manufacturers in the world.

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1910 : Samuel Barber

1925 : Billy Ford (Billy & Lillie)

1932 : Keely Smith

1933 : Lloyd Price

1936 : Mickey Gilley

1940 : John Cale (The Velvet Underground)

1942 : Mark Lindsay (Paul Revere and the Raiders)

1944 : Trevor Burton (The Move)

1944 : Gary Walker (The Walker Brothers)

1945 : Robin Trower (Procol Harum)

1948 : Jeffrey Osborne (L.T.D.)

1948 : Jimmie Fadden (Nitty gritty Dirt Band)

1951 : Frank Rodriguez (Question Mark and the Mysterians)

1958 : Martin Fry (ABC)

1968 : Robert Sledge (Ben Folds Five)

1980 : Chingy

1981 : Chad Gilbert (New Found Glory)

1987 : Bow Wow

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why don’t camels sink in the desert sand?

Camels have broad, flat, leathery pads with two toes on each foot. When the camel places its foot on the ground the pads spread, preventing the foot from sinking into the sand. When walking, the camel moves both feet on one side of its body, then both feet on the other. This gait suggests the rolling motion of a boat, explaining the camel’s ‘ship of the desert’ nickname.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Although Passion 2018 is still 10 months away, one of the two arenas is already sold out. Next year the event for college age students featuring Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio, and a host of other worship leaders and speakers will be held in the Atlanta area at both Philips Arena and Infinite Energy Arena. Officials announced this week that Philips Arena is already sold out.

Josh Havens and his family made an unscheduled stop in Hawaii this week. The Afters were on their way to Sydney when their flight was diverted to Hawaii because of a medical emergency on board. Josh posted: All is good and there are definitely worse places to be stranded. https://www.instagram.com/p/BRTbmcdjIZN/

The memoir of Steven Curtis Chapman is now available. For decades, Steven Curtis Chapman’s music and message have brought hope and inspiration to millions around the world. Now, for the first time, Steven openly shares the experiences that have shaped him, his faith, and his music in a life that has included incredible highs and faith-shaking lows. It’s titled: Between Heaven and the Real World: My Story. http://bit.ly/2mfLfLZ

Brandon Heath is joining with the One Campaign to impact girls around the world. Brandon posted: 130 million girls didn’t go to school today. In response, the One Campaign is making the world take notice by counting from 1 to 130 million. Brandon added: I am personally joining them because I believe all Girls Count. https://www.instagram.com/p/BRTuO_VAZcW/

Less than one year after losing both feet to a dangerous infection, Big Daddy Weave member Jay Weaver is walking again. Jay’s family posted a short video as Jay walked into their house with the help of crutches and prosthetics earlier this week. It was on May 31 of 2016 that Jay left the families house on a stretcher headed to the hospital. https://www.facebook.com/jasonjaydawgweaver/videos/593284460868729/

Jamie Grace is hoping to raise more money for her home church in Stone Mountain, Georgia. Jamie posted this week: Our Atlanta church was robbed two Sundays in a row. The church lost more than $30,000 in equipment in the first robbery.

Fans of the band Disciple have responded in a big way. A recent bus breakdown left the band facing a $30,000 bill for a new engine. They announced the need on funding page and, according to New Release today, their fans banded together and raised $32,000 in just 24 hours. http://nrt.cc/DiscipleRaises32k

Kutless member James Mead is ready for spring. He lives in the North western United States and posted: Legit sick of snow.

Earlier this week Focus on the Family recorded a two-day broadcast with Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman talking Steven’s new book Between Heaven and the Real World: My Story. When the recording wrapped up, Jim Daly and John Fuller record a Facebook like broadcast with the Chapman’s touching on the topics of the book. Watch the Facebook live broadcast at http://bit.ly/2n6VSy7.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Egyptian archaeologists have discovered a 7,000-year-old lost city on the Nile. ***Not only that, but it also connects to other sites across the universe through a dial-up wormhole.

A man in the Philippines suspected of robbing a number of women over the past two weeks ordered some of them to remove their shoes so he could touch their toes. Five women ages 21 to 55 have reported being robbed and groped by the man. ***Sounds like a really lame supervillain from the Marvel universe. “Beware the power of Ptomaine (TOE-main)!”

A Cleveland man accused of carrying out three carjackings in a 10-day period has been arrested because he couldn’t drive a stick. ***Sounds like we need to add “driving a stick” to our kids’ classrooms along with bringing back cursive.

University of Central Arkansas student Blayk Puckett was pulled over by police last weekend and proved his sobriety to officers by juggling. Puckett was on his way home from the library and was driving slower than usual because he had a break light out. Police pulled him over suspecting that his slower speeds were the result of impaired driving. Puckett, whose license plate is “JUGGLER,” offered to perform a juggling trick for officers. ***Yeah, that’s impressive kid – but can you do that while walking this straight line and touching the tip of your nose with your index finger?

Alec Baldwin thinks Donald Trump should back away from Twitter for his own good. Baldwin, who quit Twitter in 2013, says: “The president should have his office do the tweeting.” He adds: “I had a very strange relationship with Twitter, because in the beginning, I thought it was an opportunity to communicate directly with my audience. And I tried to do that. Therefore when people picked a fight with me I got angry. And I would get into these rants with people. And I stopped and said to myself, ‘What… am I doing?’ And you let it go.” ***You know you’ve got some major problems if you’re being given advice on how to get along with people from Alec Baldwin.

A Nevada woman is on the run from the law after it was discovered she was poisoning her now ex-husband’s Lucky Charms, so that he wouldn’t try to have sex with her. ***Lady, there’s already a tried and true way to deal with this… tested by women for centuries. It’s simple. “Not tonight, I have a headache!”

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

There seems to be a new outbreak of the extremely dangerous necrotizing fasciitis virus – more notoriously known as the flesh-eating disease. ***Sadly, my doctor just diagnosed me with the flesh eating virus. He says I have about 80 years left to live.

If you ask the American people, they don’t have much good to say about the U.S. economy. According to a poll by Quinnipiac University, most say they are worse off financially than they were four years ago, and they don’t expect it to get better anytime soon. ***Well… at least not until this November.

Our personalities stay pretty much the same throughout our lives, from our early childhood years to after we’re over the hill, according to a new study. The results show personality traits observed in children as young as first graders are a strong predictor of adult behavior. “We remain recognizably the same person,” said study author Christopher Nave, a doctoral candidate at the University of California, Riverside. “This speaks to the importance of understanding personality because it does follow us wherever we go across time and contexts.” The study will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. ***Meaning (Charlie Sheen) has always been that way… and likely always will be.

Data from State Farm shows drivers in West Virginia are the most likely in the country to hit a deer during their vehicular travels. West Virginia drivers hit more deer, followed by drivers in Montana and Iowa. ***This is just the USA though. Worldwide, the greatest chance of hitting a deer is on the Elfling Tollway at the North Pole.

Good news: According to a recent survey, teens are sexting less today. ***Bad news: It’s only because they are having sex.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson learned that, because he ran away to avoid tonsil surgery, that his tonsils got worse and killed him! Other kids also died because they saw Marvy as a hero, and even the entire population of Razzleflabbin Island is now gone because Marvy wasn’t around to keep them from being hit by a giant tidal wave!

CLOSE: An entire generation of Snufflesons wiped out because Marvy wouldn’t get his tonsils taken out? What more could possibly go wrong? Tune in next time to find out what happens – as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

An inDUHvidual attacks a couple with the strangest weapon ever!

In Waukesha, Wisconsin, 47-year-old Leisa K. Reed has been sentenced to two years in prison for attacking a couple she didn’t know with a most unusual weapon– a metal pooper scooper! By her own admission, Leisa was high on crack when she showed up at the door of John and Linda Dormer — who did not know her– saying that someone was going to kill her. She then threatened to kill the Dormers and began swinging the pooper scooper and a pair of scissors at them. Her defense attorney tried to convince the judge she wasn’t really trying to hurt anyone but he somehow didn’t buy that.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS FOR JOINING THE CHURCH CHOIR

10. You’re running out of clean clothes and the choir robes save on laundry.

9.You’ve just been selected for jury duty and want to get used to sitting with a group of people.

8. Your church is so full you want to ensure that you always have a seat.

7. The collection plate is never passed to the choir.

6. There’s a clock at the back of the sanctuary and you want to be the first to know when it’s 12:00.

5. The preacher is new and you want to be close by in case he says something heretical.

4. For years you’ve wanted to know who sits in the back pews but were always afraid to turn around.

3. You’ve been known to nod off during the service and don’t want the preacher to catch you.

2. The chairs in the choir are the most comfortable in the sanctuary.

1. Your favorite movie is Sister Act!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A well planned robbery, a getaway car, an easy victim – but still the culprits end up in the files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: Craig Glaiser approached a 24-year-old man, kicked him and grabbed his bag.  Yes, we have a crime in progress.  Glaiser apparently had spent some time planning the caper, as he had his faithful and loyal accomplice, Nicholas Saide, waiting in a vehicle.  Saide, the wheel man, took his job seriously.  Not only was he there to provide their timely means of escape, but also to use his vehicle directly in the commission of the crime, because when the victim attempted to skedaddle, Saide drove up on the pavement to block any path to escape.  With a smirk undoubtedly on his face, Glaiser picked up his booty, got in the car, and nodded for Saide burn rubber and lam it out of there.  Clean, and quick.  Except that they had failed to notice that a police helicopter had been hovering above them the entire time and had filmed the assault.  Glaiser got two years, Saide got a year.  Both end up in the files of Law & Disorder.

FILE #2: For those about to embark on a career in crime, take a tip from one woman in Edmonton. While pulling off her latest heist, the female thief was too busy to notice one important detail. The gas gauge on the stolen truck she was driving was pointing to “E.” As police gave chase, they noticed she was slowing down, and they prepared to see the driver jump and run. However, it turns out the truck had run dry and she was coasting to a stop.

FILE #3: There are a lot of places that are not the best choices to bring your stash of pot but this one takes the cake. In St. Paul, Minnesota, an unnamed man, had been assigned to work out his community-service sentence by cleaning up the grounds and preparing for the next day’s “graduation” at the St. Paul Police Department’s dog training school! Yep — this is where they train the drug-sniffing dogs. And this is where the guy decided to bring in six small bags of marijuana. Of course he was sniffed out by the senior canine “instructor,” Buster.

STRANGE LAW: In Spades, Indiana, it’s illegal to open a can of food with your revolver!

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Talk about dirty diapers!

Police say a Delaware man tried to hide his pot stash inside of diapers. According to police in New Castle County, Dysheen Randell was smoking weed when probation officers stopped by his house for a routine check. Police report finding 45 grams of marijuana in one diaper and 34 grams inside another. There were two babies in the house. Randell now faces a number of charges, including possession with intent to deliver. Police say two other men in the house, including Randell’s brother, face the same charges.

PHONER PHUN

One of my wife’s friends loves expensive jewelry – and yesterday one of her earrings fell in the toilet just as she pulled the lever. She heard it, saw it disappear in the same moment. Gone. So, “What’s the weirdest thing you ever dropped in the toilet?”

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: In Revelation; an Angel told John that Gentiles would tread the Holy city for how many months?

ANSWER: 42 (Revelation 11:1-2)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to a new study, women with babies tend to forget things. What are they calling this condition?

ANSWER: Momnesia

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Ants can live up to 16 months. (False – years)

2. There are 25 matches in a standard pack (False – 20)

3. “Teen” is a Scottish word meaning “grief.” (True)

4. Merry-go-rounds turn counterclockwise. (True)

5. Cadillac introduced cruise control in 1928. (False, 1958)

6. Chickens can’t swallow while they are upside down. (True)

7. War & OEace was the first novel to sell more than one million copies. (False, it was Uncle Tom’s Cabin)

8. William Howard Taft was the first President to own a car. (True)

9. Coca-Cola was the first company to use a jingle in its radio ads. (False, Wheaties)

10. Two hundred million M&Ms are sold every day in the United States. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

ELEVATOR TO _______ (SPACE)

TOKYO – The Japanese are building an elevator to space.  It will  be ready for “lift” off by 2020.

Representatives of the Japanese construction company Kobayashi Corp.  stated that they have begun constructing u a giant space elevator a height of 60,000 miles.   The cable for the elevator will be made up of carbon nanotubes.  The company said that the the project will be completed by 2020 – at the latest.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

When John returned to the house one evening, his wife Mary announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. “Yeah,” said John very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, “that wasn’t very nice of her to do.”

“You’re darn right it wasn’t,” Mary said. “And they were the two best towels we had… the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation.”

JOKE #2

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy — Either way, you get your dog back!”

JOKE #3

In a remote village in Central America the word got out among the peoples of the region that one of the American missionaries that had served this country for many years was about to return to the US to live out the remaining years of her life.

The nationals desired to honor her for her years of service with a public time of appreciation. News of the event went to all parts of the country in which the missionary was known to the people. One very old and very poor man walked to the ceremony over mountainous terrain for 4 days to bring his gift to the missionary.

The gift consisted of 2 coconuts, but it was all the man had. The missionary recognized the man as coming from the remote village in the mountains.

“Brother, I cannot believe that you would walk so far to present me with this gift,” said the missionary to the man.

His response? “Long walk part of gift.”

USELESS FACTS

A mosquito flaps its wings 600 times a second. ***Good, if it’s going to suck my blood, I want him to have to work for it.

Unlike most cats, tigers love the water and can easily swim three or four miles. ***And where does a tiger swim? Anywhere it wants to.

FEATURED FUNNIES

TENNESSEE GIRLS

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that

he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Tennessee girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye…enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a lawn service.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

DON’T GET SMART WITH ME LITTLE GIRL!

Forget that TV show, “Are you Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” The real question is whether or not you’re smarter than a three year old!

A SINGAPORE girl is believed to be the youngest person admitted to Mensa, the international society for people with high IQs. Celestine Grace Cai became a Mensa member when she was three years and ten months old, which makes her the youngest person admitted to the society. Normally, Mensa does not consider anybody under 15 for membership. But the only requirement to be in Mensa is to have an IQ that ranks among the top 2% of the world. Celestine’s IQ was off the scale, so she’s been given an IQ of 158-plus. She was able to solve every test and reconstruct and reproduce figures and puzzles years ahead of her time. ***MARLAR: Yeah, well she hasn’t tried to balance my checkbook yet.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP

What makes an effective Christian leader today? Is it charisma? Is it ability? Is it communication and oratory skills?

God’s view of an effective leader has nothing to do with these qualities. They may be a part of an effective leader. However, the core attribute of a Christian leader is his integrity with God and his obedience to follow Him. When this happens, God manifests His power in and through that leader. Moses was effective because he was willing to obey the commands God gave him. When Moses did this, God manifested His presence in him. The result was that people followed. They followed because they saw God working in and through the man. They saw that this man was worthy of following because God’s anointing was on him.

When people see the Lord’s power manifested in your life, they will have a healthy fear of the Lord. They will look at you and say, “This person has something I don’t have that is worthy of more investigation.” Your challenge is to seek the Lord with a whole heart, resulting in God’s power being manifested in the daily activities of your life. When this happens, you can expect others to be drawn to what they see in you. The problem with many Christians today is that non-Christians see nothing different about the way they live to motivate the unsaved to desire their faith.

What makes you different from your neighbor? Is your experience with God noticeably different from that of the man next door? If you’re not experiencing regular encounters with God, it’s time to ask why not. We don’t live day-to-day for the next spiritual experience, but we should see by-products of a life centered in God that is reflected in fruit from His presence in our lives.

–Os Hillman

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

BEGINNING FROM THE END

Read: Job 3:20-26

May the day of my birth perish. –Job 3:3

At age 30 she was ready to give up. She wrote in her diary, “My God, what will become of me? I have no desire but to die. There is not a night that I do not lie on my bed wishing I could leave it no more. Unconsciousness is all I desire.” But the dark clouds gave way to light, and in time she discovered a new purpose for living. When she did die at the age of 90, she had left her mark on history.

Some believe she and those who introduced antiseptics and chloroform to medicine did the most to relieve human suffering in the entire 19th century. Her name? Florence Nightingale, founder of modern nursing.

The patriarch Job in the Bible is another person who wanted to die more than anything else. Just as Florence Nightingale came out of her depression and found ways to help others in physical distress, so too Job lived through his grief. His example has helped many turn in faith to God in their darkest hour.

What about you? Maybe this Campus Journal article has reached you at a time when you’d just as soon not go on living. Because you are a believer in Christ, you feel even more despondent. You wonder how a Christian can have such dark thoughts of hopelessness and death.

Don’t give up! Coming to the end of yourself emotionally may be just what you need. It forces you to turn to Christ for the courage to keep on going and for a good reason to keep on living.

You may never turn out to be a Florence Nightingale. But you can do something to ease human suffering and help your fellowman. Decide now to start over. God often uses what seems to be the end of it all to initiate a new beginning. –MD

LEFTOVERS

EXACTLY HOW MUCH TIME DOES YOUR CHILD SPEND ON THE INTERNET?

How much of their life do you think the young people of today will end up spending on the internet? The current new generation, Generation Y are likely to spend one third of their life on line. While they will be more techno-savvy than previous generations, they’ll also have fewer face to face interactions. ***MARLAR: Which could seriously affect sales of acne medication.

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE “DOH-ZONE”

Doctors have found the part of the brain that makes you stupid.

…That’s the conclusion of researchers at Vanderbilt University, who identified an area in the brain’s frontal lobe where neurons send out an alarm signal when you realize you’ve done something stupid. Scientists reported that discovery of the area is important because it helps control activity as we make decisions, corrects errors and overrides habitual responses. The neuroscientists studied monkeys gazing at spots on computer screens to figure out what goes on in our heads when we say “oops!” They have nicknamed it the “Doh-Zone” after TV’s Homer Simpson’s catch phrase exclamation (“doh”!) of frustration. ***MARLAR: They could just as easily call it the (JOCK) Zone”!

JUST FOR FUN

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUPER-SIZE THAT FORMULA?

Debbie Watts went into work one morning not feeling well and left with a newborn baby.

…Watts, who works for a McDonalds in England, said she was unaware that she was even pregnant. Watts complained of stomach pains and then felt an incredible urge to push. Within a matter of minutes she gave birth to a 6lb 6oz baby girl in the restaurant’s bathroom with the help of a co-worker. The little girl’s name is Danielle. ***MARLAR: So she didn’t even have to ask and she still left with a small fry!

FUN LIST

WORST FORTUNE COOKIE FORTUNES

  • “What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren’t enough for you, tubby?”
  • “Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.”
  • “Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.”
  • “Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.”
  • “Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan.”
  • “Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

BAD MONEY HABITS (AND HOW TO BREAK THEM)

–from Woman’s Day

Some habits are good for you-flossing, exercise, getting eight hours of sleep. (Oh, if only.) And doing the same thing over and over again can feel comfortable, and even safe. But when habits sabotage your financial health, it’s time to turn off the autopilot and start making active, careful decisions about your money and your life.

  • Contributing too little to your 401(k): If you’re putting only 3 or 4% into your company 401(k), you’re behind. Ten percent is the minimum for anyone in any situation.

  • Keeping quiet at raise time: Men are four times as likely as women to ask for a raise, according to a study from Carnegie Mellon University. If you don’t ask, you don’t get, and the vast majority of people who do ask get something, whether it’s a salary bump or another type of incentive.

  • Carrying a balance on credit cards: The average credit card balance in 2011 was $6,576, according to data from CreditKarma.com. With an average interest rate of nearly 17%, you’d rack up more than $1,100 in interest every year. So it’s wise to live within your means and pay down your credit card debt.

  • Using too many credit cards: When you spread your purchases out over multiple cards, it’s tough to rein in spending. It’s harder to be aware of where your money is going.  Instead, you spend a few hundred dollars here, a few hundred dollars there, and at the end of the month you owe more than you expected.

  • Spending money without tracking it: More than a third of women spend more each month than they make, according to a survey by Financial Finesse. “I often hear people say, ‘I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle,’ but they spend a large percentage of their disposable income on going out to dinner,” says Baltimore financial planner Wendy Weaver. If you don’t know where your money’s going, you can’t accurately plan to meet saving and spending goals.

  • Skimping on emergency savings: If you lost your job tomorrow, how long would you be able to last on your savings? A month? A week? An emergency fund is a must.  You should have enough socked away (in a money market account, perhaps) to cover three to six months of living expenses.

  • Skipping disability insurance: Your chance of becoming disabled is far greater than your chance of dying before retirement.  But you have life insurance, right? Start with disability coverage offered through your employer, if you can-it’ll be much cheaper than the individual market, or it may be free.

  • Saving for college over retirement: Yes, it’s great that you’re putting money aside for your child’s higher education. But if you’re doing this instead of growing your retirement savings, you’ll need to work for a long time to make up for it.

  • Buying high and selling low: When the market tanks, it’s easy to panic. People will cash in all their 401(k) stock holdings and go to a money market account, but if you take all your funds out of stocks, you miss any rebound that happens. Over the long run, investing an equal amount periodically is the smarter option.

  • Letting your significant other handle all the money decisions: Even today, many women aren’t involved in every family money move. Day-to-day budgeting? Sure. But some financial planners, including Zaneilia Harris, of Upper Marlboro, MD, say that women are less likely to deal with big-picture items such as taxes, debt payments and investments. The problem with that: What if your significant other is more aggressive with your money than you’d like to be? What if he’s doing things that you don’t agree with?

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Jim and Lora Koch were faced with a difficult diagnosis at the beginning of February when Lora discovered that she had breast cancer. After assessing her options, Lora, 54, opted to have a bilateral mastectomy on Feb. 21. That was when her husband of 26 years surprised her — he proposed to his wife, again. http://on.today.com/2n1hTiu

When is Tax Day 2017? April 15 is traditionally the last day you can rush to file your annual return, but the reality is much different and varies across the country. For most taxpayers, the deadline for filing and paying taxes is April 18, a Tuesday. This year, April 15 falls on a Saturday, and while one might think Tax Day would be bumped to the following Monday, IRS agents will not be in the office on April 17 in observance of Emancipation Day, a holiday in Washington, D.C. that commemorates the day President Abraham Lincoln freed slaves. So, April 18 it is … for the most part. In parts of Georgia and Mississippi, some people have until May 31 to file and pay their taxes, while portions of Louisiana have until June 30. http://ti.me/2mxv9Ot

Within the last decade, it’s been reported that 70 percent of Americans identify as Christians. But when it comes to actually living out those beliefs, the percentage gets much lower. A new study out of the American Culture and Faith Institute has revealed that only 10 percent hold basic Christian beliefs. The data was collected from more than 6,000 surveys that asked “Christian 101” questions about spiritual beliefs and actual behaviors. http://ow.ly/Hb5x309wJns

A 6-year-old girl from Chicago, Illinois, became a pint-sized hero to the homeless and poor in her community this past weekend after she told her parents she wanted to forgo a big birthday party and instead devote her time to serving those in need. So, rather than opening gifts and eating cake with friends, little Armani Crew and her family spent Sunday giving out food and care packages to the poor.

http://www.faithwire.com/2017/03/07/i-want-to-make-sure-they-eat-6-year-old-girl-gives-up-birthday-party-for-an-incredibly-heartwarming-reason/

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Wasn’t sure I’d still be here for the end of the show.  About an hour ago I put instant coffee in the microwave and briefly ended up in 1985. (audio clip)

So I’m taking the luge out for a test drive and almost get run off the road by a bobsled… soccer mom. She and her three kids all hunched over and talking on their cell phones. –Duane Matz, Christian Family Radio

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

MARCH 03, 2017…

Logan—Hugh Jackman is back and not singing and dancing, either. He is lives in the outback part of Mexico and ends up helping a young mutant and Professor X. The action begins. Also in the cast are Boyd Holbrook and Doris Moragio. “Logan” is rated R. No rating.

The Shack—“You are never alone as you think.“ Adapted from the best selling novel, this film tells the story of the abduction of a child named Missy and how it affects the family unit. Some view this story/film as religious while others see it as a thriller. Octavia Spencer (“Hidden Figures”) plays the woman in the shack, and Sam Worthington is the father of the little girl. Also in the cast is Tim McGraw. “The Shack” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Before I Fall—Another thriller this week and this one concerns a young woman caught between heaven and the underworld. What to do? She lives, dies and lives and…..what is happening. The stars are Zoey Deutch, Liv Huston, Jennifer Beals and Logan Miller. “Before I Fall” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Table 19—Ah, the dreaded Table 19, which in any banquet, is near the rest room or the kitchen or the back door. In this wedding comedy, the former maid-of-honor is still invited to the wedding but is seated at (gasp) Table 19. What to do? The cast includes Anna Kendrick, Lisa Kudrow and Wyatt Russell. “Table 19” is rated PG 13. No rating.

MARCH 10, 2017…

My Scientology is a documentary about this religion.

Leap! is an animated film about a young girl wanting to become a dancer.

Kong: Skull Island has the largest King Kong of all. Stars Tom Hiddleston and Samuel L. Jackson.

Raw is a horror film and the title just about says it all. French language.

The Last Word stars Shirley MacLaine as a businesswoman who is writing her own obituary.

The Ottoman Lieutenant has a young woman going to the Middle East and falling in love in the time of WWI.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.