March 13, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***RADIO ISN’T DEAD – From RadioIsntDead.com

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160313

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Yesterday, (OTHER JOCK / THE BOSS) and I were playing Frisbee in the hall, but we had to stop because his teeth were getting sore.

 

If someone became addicted to counseling how would you treat them?

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” – Proverbs 3:25-26

 

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship him in spirit and in truth. — John 4:24

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear but like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail. — Isaiah 51:6

 

Thought: I don’t know about you, but sometimes the Bible is so brutally honest it hurts! We consider our world, our earth, to have been here a long time and assume it will be here a long time more. But God reminds us that it is temporary! We are even more temporary: just like flies, we’re here for a short while, and then we’re gone. But not gone, gone! Christians are just gone from the temporary existence of earth because our lives are caught up with Christ in God’s salvation which lasts forever and God’s righteousness that will never end or fail.

 

Prayer: O Righteous Father who hears my prayers and strengthens me for the journey, thank you for the assurance that what I have as a Christian with you goes beyond the boundaries of death, the limitations of my humanity, and the vulnerabilities of my weaknesses. Thank you that I am tied to you and your salvation and that because of Jesus, you see me as your righteous and holy child. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Thessalonians 3:13 NIV = May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – MARCH 13, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 286 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is GOOD SAMARITAN INVOLVEMENT DAY. *** Many people forget that Samaria was a true, honest-to-gosh place.  That being said, does anyone even know a Samaritan nowadays?  Even a Samaritan-American?  If not, Good Samaritan Involvement Day is going to be a bit difficult.

  • PHONER: When is the last time a complete stranger did something nice for you?  What did they do?  Call us and let us know – maybe we can encourage a few random acts of kindness today!

 

Today is NATIONAL OPEN AN UMBRELLA INDOORS DAY.  *** Open an umbrella indoors and see if anything bad happens.  It won’t… unless you do it next to the china cabinet.

 

Today is COMMONWEALTH DAY in the United Kingdom.  *** Maybe we should all move to the UK… wealth is common there!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Daylight Savings Time Begins

Digital Learning Day

Donald Duck Day

Earmuffs Day

Good Samaritan Involvement Day

K-9 Veterans Day

IUGAR Awareness Day

Ken Doll Day

  1. Ron Hubbard Day

National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day

Smart & Sexy Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, MARCH 14

International Ask a Question Day

International Day of Action for Rivers

MOTH-ER Day

Napping Day

Potato Chip Day

Pi Day

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 15

Brutus Day

Buzzard Day

Ides of March

International Day of Action Against Canadian Seal Slaughter

National Agriculture Day

National Shoe The World Day

True Confessions Day

World Consumer Rights Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16

Freedom Of Information Day

Brain Injury Awareness Day

Black Press Day

Curlew Day

Goddard Day

Kick Butts Day

Lips Appreciation Day

No Selfies Day

St. Urho’s Day

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 17

Absolutely Incredible Kid Day

Campfire Girls Day

Companies That Care Day

St. Patrick’s Day

National Irish Coffee Day

 

FRIDAY, MARCH 18

Awkward Moments Day

Forgive Mom and Dad Day

National Biodiesel Day

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 19

Clients Day

Corn Dog Day
Earth Hour

Endometriosis March Day

International Sports Car Racing Day

Goddess of Fertility Day

National Chocolate Caramel Day

National Poultry Day

National Quilting Day

Operation Iraqi Freedom Day

Swallows Return to San Juan Capistrano Day

 

SUNDAY, MARCH 20

Alien Abduction Day

Atheist Pride Day

Bed-In For Peace Day

Great American Meat Out Day

International Astrology Day

International Day of Happiness

French Language Day

Kiss Your Fiancée Day

Proposal Day

Snowman Burning Day

Spring (Vernal Equinox) at 12:30am EDT

World Storytelling Day

Won’t You Be My Neighbor Day

World Day of Theatre for Children And Young People

 

MONDAY, MARCH 21

Afghanistan Day

International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination

International Day of Forests and the Tree

Memory Day

National Common Courtesy Day

National Renewable Energy Day

WE Day

National Single Parent Day

Poetry Day

Spring Fairy Fun Day

Twitter Day

Well-Elderly (Wellderly) Day

World Down Syndrome Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1961: Ricky Nelson recorded “Travelin’ Man.” It became his second #1 song. “Poor Little Fool” reached #1 in 1958.

 

1964: 28-year-old Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death in Queens, New York. The murder occurred over several hours during which the killer left and returned, yet not one of 37 witnesses called police.

 

1975: Singers George Jones and Tammy Wynette were divorced after a stormy 6-year marriage.

 

1982: John Jaszowski of Milwaukee hit 12 consecutive strikes to become the youngest bowler ever to roll a perfect game. John was 11 years old.

 

1983: The Larry King Live show premiered on CNN.

 

1987: Bryan Adams’ “Heat of the Night” became the first commercially released cassette single in the U.S.

 

1988: Gallaudet University, a liberal arts college for the hearing-impaired since 1864 in Washington, D.C., chose I. King Jordan to become the school’s first deaf president.

 

1990: A blind man robbed a bank in Vallejo, California, then asked the teller to guide him out of the building. She refused, and he was still trying to find his way out when police arrived.

 

1991: Romanian peasant Calin Florea dug up his prize German-made Lanz tractor, which he had buried in his garden 35 years earlier to prevent a communist co-op from confiscating it. He cleaned the engine and it cranked right up.

 

1996: The Nigerian news agency reported that a woman waiting in line three hours for gasoline gave birth to a baby girl. Others in line at the service station nicknamed the baby “Fuel Crisis.”

 

1997: A lock of British naval hero Lord Nelson’s hair sold at auction for $8,096.

 

2002: President Bush declared Iraqi President Saddam Hussein was a menace and had to be dealt with, and Osama bin Laden had been reduced to a marginal figure in the war on terrorism.

 

2002: On Fox’s “Celebrity Boxing.” Tonya Harding beat Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce whipped Barry Williams and Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice.

 

2006: U.S. Customs agents in California found 250 bogus billion dollar bills while investigating a man charged with currency smuggling. The investigation led agents to a West Hollywood apartment where they found the stash of yellowing and wrinkled one billion dollar bills with an issue date of 1934 and bearing a picture of President Grover Cleveland.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1456: Johann Gutenberg first publishes the Bible on his printing press with movable type.

 

1569: Roman Catholics defeat the Huguenots at Jarnac, France. Condé, the Huguenot leader, is killed.

 

1815: Presbyterian medical missionary James Hepburn is born in Milton, Pennsylvania. In the course of his missions work, he compiled the first Japanese-English dictionary and supervised the first complete translation of the Bible into Japanese.

 

1892: Charles Henry Packhurst preaches his famous documented sermon against Tammany Hall corruption in New York, helping to bring about reform in that city.

 

1925: Austin Peay, governor of Tennessee, signs the “Butler Bill,” prohibiting any teaching that contradicted the Genesis creation story. By July, John Scopes was on trial for violating the legislation and the “trial of the century” had begun.

 

1925: Tennessee prohibits the teaching of evolution in public schools. This ban led to the Scopes Monkey trial in which William Jennings Bryan prosecuted Scopes (who was found guilty of violating the law). Court rulings have not allowed prohibitions like Tennessee’s to stand.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Gremlins, “Mr. Belvedere”) Tracy Wells 44 (audio clip)
  • actress (Monica Reyes in “The X-Files,” Elizabeth Bartlet Westin in “The West Wing”) Annabeth Gish 45 (audio clip)
  • actress (Julie Hastings on “7th Heaven”) Deborah Raffin 63 (audio clip)
  • Donald Duck 82

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1939 : Neil Sedaka

1940 : Daniel Bennie (The Reflections)

1949 : Donald York (Sha Na Na)

1960 : Adam Clayton (U2)

1978 : Common

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What causes jet lag?
Scientists long ago ruled out airline food and forced exposure to hours of droning conversation from the bore in the seat next to you as causes. The funny thing is that the cause most people would point to, a change in time zones with the accompanying confusion with meal and bed times is also apparently not the only answer. Many people flying North to South, without changing time zones, also suffer from jet lag. (That surprised me, too!) So what else could be the cause? Most likely it’s the pressurized cabin with its low humidity, the plane’s vibration, engine noise, and radiation from the high altitude. In other words, your body is being assaulted while you sit there with your seat belt fastened. The solution? Drink plenty of water, move around the cabin, and take vitamin supplements. (And next time take the train, but not if you’re crossing the ocean.)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Protesters formed outside a recent Third Day show in Nashville. Front man Mac Powell says they were there protesting that he had made a country cd. Mac’s response: I’m just glad that somebody knew!

 

Switchfoot on their goals for Album number 10: What do we wanna accomplish with Album10? We wanna solo the absurd and mute everything else.

 

Blanca may have gotten a little carried away this week. She posted: When you check your Instagram and can’t stop until you reach where you last left off… The world could be ending but you. ain’t. stopping.

 

Randy Phillips, of Phillips, Craig & Dean, says Zechariah 14:9 is a good verse to remember during the election season. It says God will be king over all the earth, one God and only one. What a day that will be.

http://bible.com/97/zec.14.9.msg

 

Jamie Grace has an in interesting sense of taste. She posted: I’m eating cabbage. Y’all God is SO talented but He outdid himself with cabbage for sure

 

Jamie Grace was feeling like a fifth wheel this week. She posted: This is awkward. Chillin with my parents and we just picked up their two friends. Jamie added: 50 year olds laugh a lot but I’m not getting any of their jokes.

 

Sometimes necessity is the mother of invention. Paul Baloche posted: I just made a BLT soft-shell taco, because we had no bread. Wow! I’m hooked.

 

Good news or not? The jury is still out. Casting crowns Jaun Devevo posted: I got a new phone everyone! I can finally take selfies again!

 

Jamie Grace had a life altering decision to make this morning. She asked on twitter: do I go back to sleep and eat a granola bar on the way or make breakfast now and miss that extra half hour of snoozin. Her solution: just drank a juice box and crawled back in bed.

 

A word of encouragement from Britt Nicole: Start today! Take an adventure even if it’s a 5 minute walk or a conversation with someone you don’t know! Don’t get stuck in the SAME OH ROUTINE! Take an adventure today! It will fill your soul

 

The members of For King and Country are out with a behind-the-scenes look at their home-away-from-home. They recently recorded a video giving a tour of their tour bus. Check out how they live…

http://www.digitaltourbus.com/features/for-king-country-bus-invaders-ep-945-video/

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Noah Mosquitos”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Robert G. Lee, “Ceremonies”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was in the hospital after hurting himself while trying to do things better than Steve Mozart.  Mozart was also in the hospital, received all of the attention, made a miraculous recovery, and is headed out of the hospital with everyone following him…

 

CLOSE: It may be freezing in Siberia, but the good news is that there isn’t any Steve Mozart there!  At least, that’s what Millard hopes.  We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MARCH 12/13

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, all of the jungle animals, after searching long and hard for a new king, finally found a new lion king – but he’s already got a jungle to be king of.  But then he began telling the little king, Louis, how being a king didn’t mean having answers to everything… because there was also another king…

 

CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

With or without a red cape, playing with bulls is a DUHngerous game!

Saying that a father put his son’s life in danger, a Spanish judge has revoked the parental visitation rights of a man who took his ten-year-old son running with the bulls in Pamplona.   Spanish television showed the boy smiling as he ran ahead of a pack of charging bulls with his father.   The images didn’t sit well with city officials, who fined the boy’s father 200 dollars. According to city regulations, runners in the festival must be 18 years old.  It also angered the man’s ex-wife, who took her case to the police after she saw the footage.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS LEARNED FROM VIDEO GAMES

 

  1. The thumb will someday evolve into the mightiest muscle in the body.

 

  1. up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start

 

  1. Just because you can play DDR (Dance, Dance Revolution) does NOT mean you can dance.

 

  1. If you have been kidnapped it’s better to call a plumber than the cops

 

  1. Jumping is one of life’s most important skills.

 

  1. The phrase “seen one, seen ’em all” is particularly true in regards to terrorists, guards, scientists, and cops.

 

  1. Newton’s laws of physics are just loose guidelines.

 

  1. You can carry a pistol, an AK-47, a rocket launcher, a knife, a mini-gun, and a bloody chainsaw and nobody will get suspicious.

 

  1. Guards will always walk in a simple easily memorized pattern.

 

  1. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes, even criminals worry about how they look in public!

 

FILE #1: Clifford Myles of Thunder Bay, Ontario, decided to give police officers an exciting chase when he was being pulled over for his erratic driving.  Instead of stopping, Clifford drove onto a grocery store parking lot, where he slammed into several shopping carts.  Not being able to beat the cops AND the shopping carts, Clifford abandoned the car and decided to make it a chase on foot.  But wait!  It was a Wednesday.  Apparently Wednesdays are when Clifford gets a haircut.  So he stepped into a nearby salon for a quick trim.  Now we’re talkin’ genius: chased by cops, overcome by shopping carts, Clifford stops for a haircut.  At least his hair looked good at the arraignment, later that same day.

 

FILE #2: In Brooklyn, New York, Abdullah Darby sent a threatening letter to the cops, filled with a white powder and concluding with the words “Catch me if you can.” The New York cops were up to the challenge, even though Darby made it easy for them. Right after “Catch me if you can” he signed his real name. And he included his return address on the envelope.

 

FILE #3: William Fogarty forgot to pay a parking ticket… 60 years ago.  The 86-year-old intended to pay it the same week he received it in Norfolk, Virginia– even going so far as to purchase a $1 money order to pay the $1 ticket.  But he forgot to send it in. About a month ago, as he was looking through a box of collectibles, William discovered a wallet with the money order inside. So he wrote a letter to the Norfolk Police Department and included the money order. Norfolk police says Fogarty’s money order will not be cashed. Instead, it will be framed and displayed in the department’s museum.

 

STRANGE LAW: A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him in Paulding, OH.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

If you keep buying alcohol when you’re drunk, and you get hurt – is it the fault of the alcohol sellers?  That’s the case one man is trying to make in a lawsuit!

A Florida man who said he was shocked by 13,000 volts of electricity after climbing up a transformer in a “drunken stupor” has sued six bars and stores that allegedly sold him alcohol. Ed O’Rourke also named Tampa Electric Co. as a defendant in the lawsuit. He said the utility did not do enough to prevent him from slipping into a fenced, gated and locked sub station and scaling the electrical transformer one night in May 1996. O’Rourke was thrown more than 40 feet from the transformer and burned over 60 percent of his body, leaving him with permanent immobility in his right arm and severe scarring. According to the lawsuit, O’Rourke is “unable to control his urge to drink alcoholic beverages” and that the bars and stores negligently served or sold him alcohol despite his “continual consumption.”

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Would you rather give up the television or your smart phone for a week?

 

In what ways do you want your children to be like you? In what ways do you not want them to be like you?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was King Solomon talking about when he said that “it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder.”
ANSWER: Wine (“Don’t let the sparkle and smooth taste of wine deceive you. For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like a viper.” –Proverbs 23:31-32)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Researchers say the more of these two foods you eat, the less your chance of having asthma.  What two foods do they suggest you eat more of?

ANSWER: Carrots and tomatoes

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Americans fill in 54 acres of crossword puzzles each day. (True)

 

  1. In ancient Athens, every third man worked with marble. (True)

 

  1. Woody Woodpecker’s hometown was Lawrence. (False – Puddleburgh)

 

  1. A woodpecker can peck 200 times a second. (False – 20 times a second)

 

  1. You can get 7.5 thousand toothpicks out of a cord of wood. (False – 7.5 million!)

 

  1. Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo, is the novel that contains the longest sentence in literature. (True. The sentence has 823 words.)

 

  1. Alaska doesn’t have any counties. (True)

 

  1. Waterskiing was originally called “plank-gliding”. (True – in England.)

 

  1. The real name of the Riddler (of Batman fame) is E. Nigma. (True – the “E” stands for Edward.)

 

  1. The revolving star on the back of a cowboy’s spurs is called a “rowel.” (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_______ PLOT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD (WITCHES)

A global network of powerful witches and Satanists hold the fate of the world in their hands – warns a terrorism expert.

Sorcerers, all of them practiced in the black arts, are present in every nation on Earth.  They usually keep in close touch by cell phone and now – by text.  And they are plotting to – takeover the world.

“Their aim is, quite simply, to pave the way for the arrival of their master, known in the Bible as the Beast whose number is 666,” says writer Tim Blish, the world’s top Wiccan researcher.  ”In other words, Satan, the Antichrist.

“They’re working hard for world domination, so the Antichrist will easily ascend to power.  And the horrifying thing is that they will likely be successful.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Stumpy goes to his first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings.  One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it.  The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.  Stumpy walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

 

JOKE #2

“I caught a 250-pound marlin the other day!”

“That’s nothing. I was fishing and hooked a lamp from an old Spanish ship. In fact, the light was still lit!”

“If you blow out the light, I’ll take 200 pounds off the marlin!”

 

JOKE #3

While waiting in line at the bank, Walter developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened.  The teller took Walter’s check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check. “Why not?” Walter asked incredulously.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,” she continued, “our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000.”

“It can’t be!” he cried. “You have to be kidding!”

“Yes, I am,” she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. “But you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The FDA reports that meat from cloned animals is perfectly safe to eat.  ***MARLAR: Plus, it’s great for making double cheeseburgers.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

YOU ASKED

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, “Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?”
“No, dear, not at all,” he replied, “Our house isn’t blue.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

One UPS delivery driver’s life is saved after an auto accident due to the cargo he was carrying in his truck!

After a UPS driver was involved in a crash on an icy road near Keene, New Hampshire, he was rushed to the hospital with a head injury. Unfortunately, when they got him to the medical center, it was discovered that the machine used to do the necessary tests was broken, although the parts were on order. Sure enough, after checking the status of the order, hospital personnel discovered that the parts needed to fix the machine had been shipped via UPS… and were on the very truck that just crashed and required the UPS guy to be in the hospital and need the tests!  The parts were retrieved, and the UPS driver is recovering nicely.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN?

Robert R. Thomas

Hurricane Bertha left me in a bad mood. I had managed to maintain my sour disposition for several days in spite of the attempts of almost everybody to cheer me up. I had leaks in my ceiling at the gallery, the floors were flooded, the showcases dirty, there was no air conditioning or electricity, and I had over one hundred artists calling me to see if their work had been damaged. On top of all that, I had to drive over to Jacksonville in the pouring rain and choking heat, and the air conditioner in my truck had quit working. I was not happy.

As I motored along North Carolina’s Highway 24 to Jacksonville, my faithful truck was trying to tell me something . . Something important like . . . YOU FORGOT TO BUY GAS! For the first time in my life I had run out of gas. I’d always smirked at the friends and family who’d done this, as if to say, “How could you be so stupid? There’s a gauge on the dashboard to tell you that your tank is empty, and all you have to do is read it.”I was right: There was a gauge, and it said EMPTY.

I was not happy. I coasted to the side of the road, saying several things about my own mental abilities . . . Several things about  Hurricane Bertha . . . And vowing to sit there until the darn truck rotted and fell apart. As I contemplated the possibility of getting a job with the French Foreign Legion, I heard a motorcycle pull up

beside me: a big, throaty, rumbling, growling Harley-Davidson. I opened my door and was face to face with a throwback to the 1960s. Snakes were painted all over his face shield and helmet and tattooed all over his body. He wore the traditional Harley-Davidson garb: denim jacket, jeans and biker boots. Chains hung from every available hook or loop. His hair was so long that he had it doubled up and tied to keep it out of his wheels. The Harley was straight out of Easy Rider – extended front fork; suicide rack on the back; black, purple and green paint job, and the gas tank painted to look like a skull with glowing green eyes.

“S’wrong?” he said. His shield and helmet completely masked his face

“I’m out of gas,” I whispered.

“B’right back.” And he rode off.

About fifteen minutes later he returned with a can of gas. When I offered to pay him he said, “Wait till ya get to the station.”

I started my truck and drove the two or three miles to the station as he followed along (in the pouring rain). Again I offered to pay him. He said, “Pay the guy inside. Everything okay now?”

I said yes.

He said, “See ya!” And off he rode down Highway 24 toward Jacksonville, hair undone and flying in the wind, Harley roaring and throwing up spray from the pavement.

After pumping twenty-four dollars worth of gas, I went into the station and gave the attendant thirty dollars. He said, “It’s only four dollars. The other guy paid twenty and said to tell you to ‘pass it on, Brother.'”

I will always remember the kindness of the snakes-and-chains stranger on the Harley with the glowing green eyes, and I will never again judge anyone by their looks (a promise I had often made to myself). And I will always wonder, “Who was that masked man?”

As for the twenty dollars . . . I passed it on.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

STAY IN THE SUNSHINE – Richard De Haan

Read: John 15:5-17

If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love.  – John 15:10

In his book The Best Is Yet To Be, Henry Durbanville told the story of a little girl in London who won a prize at a flower show. Her entry was grown in an old cracked teapot and had been placed in the attic window of a rundown tenement house. When someone asked how she managed to raise such a lovely flower in such an unlikely environment, she said she moved it around so it would always be in the sunlight.

Durbanville then reminded his readers of Jesus’ words, “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love” (John 15:9). We learn from this that we too must keep ourselves continually in the warmth of Christ’s love.

We abide in Christ’s love when we show love to others. Jesus made this clear when He said, “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love . . . . This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (vv.10,12-13).

We feel the warmth of Christ’s love when we obey His commandment to love and serve others. That’s the way to stay in the sunshine.

 

Our love for God is seen in our love for others.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

I SPY

In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in Washington, D.C. Since I was in that city at the time, on a whim I decided to see if the statue really contained the small niche the author had described. To my great surprise, it did — and a cellophane-wrapped letter was inside. After a moment’s hesitation, I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burst into laughter. An unidentified reader had penned, “Good book, wasn’t it?”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

What is the secret to getting a solid 7 to 8 hours of sleep?

…Head for the kitchen and enjoy one or two of these 10 foods. They relax tense muscles, quiet buzzing minds, and/or get calming, sleep-inducing hormones – serotonin and melatonin – flowing. Yawning yet? Here are some foods that are good bedtime foods (from Yahoo Food):

  1. Bananas. They’re practically a sleeping pill in a peel. In addition to a bit of soothing melatonin and serotonin, bananas contain magnesium, a muscle relaxant.
  2. Chamomile tea. The reason chamomile is such a staple of bedtime tea blends is its mild sedating effect.
  3. Warm milk. It’s not a myth. Milk has some tryptophan – an amino acid that has a sedative – like effect – and calcium, which helps the brain use tryptophan.
  4. Honey. Drizzle a little in your warm milk or herb tea. Lots of sugar is stimulating, but a little glucose tells your brain to turn off orexin, a recently discovered neurotransmitter that’s linked to alertness.
  5. Potatoes. A small baked spud won’t overwhelm your GI tract, and it clears away acids that can interfere with yawn-inducing tryptophan.
  6. Oatmeal. Oats are a rich source of sleep – inviting melatonin, and a small bowl of warm cereal with a splash of maple syrup is cozy – plus if you’ve got the munchies, it’s filling too.
  7. Almonds. A handful of these heart-healthy nuts can be snooze-inducing, as they contain both tryptophan and a nice dose of muscle-relaxing magnesium.
  8. Flaxseeds. When life goes awry and feeling down is keeping you up, try sprinkling 2 tablespoons of these healthy little seeds on your bedtime oatmeal.
  9. Whole-wheat bread. A slice of toast with your tea and honey will release insulin, which helps tryptophan get to your brain, where it’s converted to serotonin and quietly murmurs “time to sleep.”
  10. Turkey. It’s the most famous source of tryptophan, credited with all those Thanksgiving naps. But that’s actually modern folklore. Tryptophan works when your stomach’s basically empty, not overstuffed, and when there are some carbs around, not tons of protein.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

QUICK FLIGHT TO THE ISLANDS

It was the fastest vacation ever… a flight to Hawaii from Washington and back in less than 24 hours!

It was a very short trip to paradise for one 13-year-old boy: He flew from Washington to Hawaii and back in less than a day. The unidentified teen managed to charge the airline ticket online to his mother’s credit card — and got himself to the airport and aboard the flight to Maui. But his mom figured out where he was going at her expense, so a Maui County officer met him on his arrival. The boy was booked on a return flight, and was back home before midnight. The boy’s mother realized her son was missing and checked their home computer, which showed he had ordered a plane ticket to Hawaii. His mother sentenced him to “two years of yard work” to cover the cost of his ticket.  ***MARLAR: “Aw, Mom – how about a break?  Like maybe two years of yard work… in Hawaii?”

 

 

FUN LIST

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF JESUS WERE ON EARTH TODAY?

If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth today, He would be wanted by…

  • the FDA and the BATF for turning water into wine without a license
  • the EPA for killing fig trees
  • the AMA for practicing medicine without a license
  • the Health Department for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness
  • the NEA for teaching without a certificate
  • OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket
  • the FAA for flying without an airplane
  • the National Board of Psychiatrists for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life
  • the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) for not choosing a woman apostle
  • the Zoning Department for building mansions without a permit

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

We try to avoid sewer humor here on the show – but how about toilet paper?  Can we talk about that?

Philadelphia police have arrested a man who stole a truckload of toilet paper! The truck was stolen after its driver left the engine running to warm it up, but officers caught the thief using a satellite tracking system installed on the truck to pinpoint its location. The 44-year-old man claims that he was going to sell the 18,000 rolls of toilet paper on the streets. ***MARLAR: This guy was ready to sell 18,000 rolls of toilet paper… on the street?  Is there a black market for toilet paper that I don’t know about?  Do you know ANYONE who’s “Jonesin” for a roll of 2-ply?

  • PHONER: He planned to sell 18,000 roles of toilet paper on the street?  How uncreative!  If you had 18,000 roles of toilet paper, what would YOU do with it?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Fast food chain Chick-Fil-A has started a new promotion in which patrons receive a free ice-cream dessert if they put their phone away while they eat. According to Christianheadlines.com, Many Americans are addicted to checking their phones, so Chick-Fil-A wants to encourage customers to spend quality time with each other while enjoying a meal. One hundred fifty Chick-Fil-A restaurants across the country are participating in the promotion which includes providing “phone coops” to customers who want to participate in the challenge. The “phone coops” are boxes in which to keep your phone until you are finished enjoying your Chick-Fil-A meal.  http://ow.ly/ZfKcK

 

Landon Cunningham’s 9th birthday celebration and first trip to a Major League baseball game changed from near disaster to relief in a split second, all thanks to his hero dad. According to Today.com, Landon was looking at his phone while texting his mom a picture from Saturday’s Pirates-Braves spring training game when Pittsburgh outfielder Danny Ortiz lost control of his bat at the plate. That sent the bat hurtling into the stands behind first base, directly at Landon’s face. At the last instant, his father, Shaun Cunningham, stuck out his arm to block the bat from hitting his son.  It is an extremely close call, which can you see from the pictures and video…   http://on.today.com/1pvwyTJ

 

The Alaska Senate has passed a bill that would ban Planned Parenthood materials from being used in public school sex education classes. According to Christianheadlines.com, senate Bill 89 requires parents to give permission before their child attends public school sex education classes. The bill also would ban educational material from any “abortion services provider,” including Planned Parenthood.  http://ow.ly/ZfJSr

 

The maker of K-cups, those small containers used to brew a single cup of coffee, says he feels bad that he ever invented them. The small containers have wreaked havoc on the environment. According to some estimates, so many were trashed in 2014 alone, that if lined up, they’d circle the earth more than 12 times! K-cup inventor John Sylvan explained, “No matter what they say about recycling, those things will never be recyclable.” Because of the plastics and materials used to help it withstand brewing, the individual cups are extremely difficult to breakdown and recycle. Sylvan told the magazine, “I don’t have one. They’re kind of expensive to use. Plus it’s not like drip coffee is tough to make”.

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. –Timothy Leary

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MARCH 11, 2016…

 

Brothers Grimsby—Sacha Baron Cohen and Mark Strong discover they are not only brothers, but Strong is a police officer and needs Cohen’s help.  What a team that will make! Also in the cast is Ian McShane.  “Brothers Grimsby” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Other Side Of The Door—A child passes away and the mother wants to communicate with the child.  This is the premise of a supernatural film starring Sarah Wayne Callies and Jeremy Sisto. Who really does know what is on the other side of any door?  “The Other Side Of The Door” is rated R. No rating.

 

10 Cloverfield Lane—John Goodman stars in this movie of a man who offers underground protection to a family when a major disaster occurs.  After a bit, was there really a disaster?  Someone’s sinister plan?  “10 Cloverfield Lane” is rated R. No rating.

 

Young Messiah (current title, this title could change)—This film tells the story of the young Jesus, known as Jesus Bar-Joseph,  when he was a child in Egypt.  It was tough growing up there and parents telling him he was special. The family hears that it might be safe to go back to Nazareth, but one king is dead and another reigns. The cast includes Sean Bean, David Bradley and Christian McKay. “Young Messiah” is rated PG-13. No rating.

 

Eye In The Sky—Helen Mirren is head of a drone attack squad and her top man is Aaron Paul.  What happens when they are ordered to do a hit and children are there?  Also in the cast is the late Alan Rickman. “Eye In The Sky” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Hello, My Name Is Doris—Sally Field takes on the role of Doris, an older woman who now feels empowered and decides to date…a man (Max Greenfield) way younger than she is.  How people will talk.  “Hello, My Name Is Doris” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

MARCH 18, 2016…

 

Divergent: Alligant continues the storyline from the YA book series. Stars Shailene Woodley and Theo James.

 

Midnight Special tells the story of a parent trying to protect his child who may have supernatural powers. Stars Michael Shannon.

 

The Bronze stars Melissa Rausch (“Big Bang Theory”) in the true story of an injured gymnast. Rescheduled from an earlier date.

 

Ben Wheatley’s High Rise stars Tom Hiddleston as a lonely man who rents an apartment and doesn’t like the neighbors.

 

Preppie Connection has Thomas Mann in a true story of a college kid who becomes a top-notch drug dealer.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.