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Here’s a strange story. Police in (South Bend) today picked up a missing child with a tattoo of a milk carton on his chest.
Nothing screams “unsexy” like trying to walk sexy in front of your wife and throwing your back out. Again.
PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)
(None on the weekends or holidays.)
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. –Romans 8:28
Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. — 2 Peter 1:5-8
He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. — Colossians 1:18
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, …. — Philippians 3:7-8
Thought: Paul had accomplished great things in his spiritual life before he became a Christian. His devotion to God and to the Word of God was legendary. But he counted his past accomplishments as garbage, compared to knowing Christ and the grace he had received. What he found in Jesus was salvation, not just salvation from sin and death, but salvation to a life of grace and power.
Prayer: Almighty and Faithful Father, thank you for your grace that rescued me from legalism, pride, arrogance, sin, and despair. Thank you for the perfection you have given me in Jesus. Please use me to help others come to know your grace more fully. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV = And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – MARCH 18, 2018
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 281 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.
This is NATIONAL FREE PAPER WEEK. ***Although I called the (South Bend Tribune) and they don’t seem to be in the celebrating mood.
Today is AWKWARD MOMENTS DAY, a time to celebrate the humor of life’s uncomfortable situations. ***Like when telling the (South Bend Tribune) that you should get their paper for free for the next week.
PHONER: Tell us about an awkward moment you or someone you know had recently!
COFFEE CUP WASHING DAY. ***Now that I know there’s a day set aside each year to do it, maybe I’ll actually wash it.
Today is also HAM RADIO DAY. ***Do they make ham radios in the honey-cured variety?
TODAY IS ALSO…
Awkward Moments Day
Forgive Mom and Dad Day
National Biodiesel Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
MONDAY, MARCH 19
Goddess of Fertility Day
National Certified Nurses Day
National Chocolate Caramel Day
National Poultry Day
Operation Iraqi Freedom Day
Swallows Return to San Juan Capistrano Day
Well-Elderly or Wellderly Day
TUESDAY, MARCH 20
Alien Abduction Day
Bed-in For Peace Day
Great American Meat Out Day
International Astrology Day
International Day of Happiness
French Language Day
Kiss Your Fiancée Day
National Agriculture Day
National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
Snowman Burning Day
Spring (Vernal Equinox)
World Storytelling Day
Won’t You Be My Neighbor Day
World Day of Theatre for Children and Young People
World Sparrow Day
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21
Gallo Wine Day
International Colour Day
International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination
International Day of Forests and The Tree
International Day of Nowruz
Kick Butts Day
National Common Courtesy Day
National Day of Action On Syringe Exchange
National Healthy Fats Day
National Renewable Energy Day
WE Day (Note: This has various dates based on city. Check their website.)
National Single Parent Day
World Down Syndrome Day
World Poetry Day
World Puppetry Day
THURSDAY, MARCH 22
FRIDAY, MARCH 23
National Puppy Day
National Chia Day
National Tamale Day
Near Miss Day
World Meteorological Day
SATURDAY, MARCH 24
Be Mad Day
Endometriosis March Day
National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
International Day for the Right to the Truth Concerning Gross Human Rights Violations and for Dignity of Victims
Take Your Parents To The Playground Day
Violations and for Dignity of Victims
World Tuberculosis Day
SUNDAY, MARCH 25
International Day of Remembrance of The Victims of Slavery and The Transatlantic
International Day of The Unborn Child
International Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing Staff Members
National Day of Celebration of Greek & American Democracy
National Medal of Honor Day
Old New Year’s Day
Tolkien Reading Day
Vaffeldagen (Waffle Day)
MONDAY, MARCH 26
ON THIS DAY
1850: Henry Wells and William Fargo formed America’s first stagecoach freight line. They called it the American Express, but later changed the name to Wells-Fargo.
1910: The first American horror film was patented, a one-reel Edison Studio production of Frankenstein.
1931: Electric razors were first manufactured by the Schick Corporation in Stanford, Connecticut.
1960: The Everly Brothers recorded “Cathy’s Clown.” It would become their fifth million seller single.
1961: Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy was born.
1965: Farouk-I of Egypt died in Rome at age 45. The 300-pound deposed king had just eaten a dozen oysters, a leg of lamb, two oranges, beans, fried potatoes, and two Cokes, and smoked a Havana cigar.
1970: The NFL adopted a rule that required all players names to appear on the back of their jerseys. ***This really slowed up the 1970 season, as players had to take time out to learn how to spell.
1982: Singer Teddy Pendergrass was paralyzed from the waist down after his Rolls Royce crashed into a tree in Philadelphia.
1985: Denver and Houston of the USFL set a pro football record with 112 passes in a game: Denver lofted 43 passes, Houston 69.
1989: Researchers in Giza, Egypt, discovered a 4,400-year-old mummy at the Pyramid of Cheops.
1994: Kenner, Louisiana, honored a native son by naming a street Lloyd Price Avenue. His hits included “Lawdy Miss Clawdy,” “Stagger Lee,” “Personality,” and “I’m Gonna Get Married.”
1996: Author John Young published The Good Code Book, the first book to list every telephone dialing code in the world from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe. It was not a best-seller.
2001: Workers equipped with a bulldozer, face masks and a court order have removed 154 tons of garbage from a man’s home outside Madrid, Spain. The job took two weeks, with 30 truckloads of trash hauled away from the house and surrounding lot. Police said the 58-year-old resident, who repeatedly refused requests to clean up the place, lived in a tiny compartment in the back and reached it through a tunnel carved out of the garbage.
2002: The Sun Valley Mall in Concord, California, was closed temporarily due to popularity when 1,500 teenagers swarmed a music store to get autographs from the band B2K.
2005: Doctors removed the feeding tube keeping Terri Schiavo alive after an wide-ranging fight over the brain-damaged Florida woman’s care that involved Congressional leaders. She died 13 days later.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
386: Cyril, bishop of Jerusalem from 315, dies. Best known for his series of discourses given during Lent for those to be baptized on Easter, he early on advocated the veneration of relics and argued for transubstantiation—the doctrine that the bread and wine of Communion become the actual body and blood of Christ.
1123: The First Lateran Council opens in Rome. Convoked by Callistus II, it repeated and confirmed earlier decrees. The Western church, however, remembers its importance as being the first “ecumenical council” held in the West.
1314: Thirty-nine Knights Templar are burned at the stake in Paris. Though few others besides Dante championed the innocence of the oft-maligned military order, most scholars now agree with him. Created to protect pilgrims going to the Holy Land, had become wealthy after the crusades. Perhaps because of jealously, they were accused of sodomy, blasphemy, and heresy.
1861: London’s Metropolitan Tabernacle, the sanctuary of English Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon, opens. Spurgeon had insisted that the enormous building employ Greek architecture because the New Testament was written in Greek—a decision that influenced church architecture throughout the world.
1979: The Nakasero Three, two laymen and a laywoman are captured, openly evangelizing on Uganda’s roads. For a week they are starved, beaten, and tortured. The woman is humiliated by being forced to undress publicly.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actor (“Cosby Show”) Malcolm Jamal Warner 48 (audio clip)
rapper-talker-actress (Ice Age, Burning Down the House, Chicago) Queen Latifah 48
singer-actress (“Ugly Betty”, Shaft, Eraser, Hannah Montana the Movie) Vanessa Williams 55 (audio clip)
Singer/actress (theme song to movie Fame) Irene Cara, 59 (audio clip)
actor (“Knots Landing”, “Kojak”) Kevin Dobson 75 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1844 : Nikolay Rimsky-Korsakov
1938 : Charley Pride
1941 : Wilson Pickett
1943 : Dennis Linde
1947 : Barrie James “B.J.” Wilson (Procol Harum)
1950 : John Hartman (The Doobie Brothers)
1959 : Irene Cara
1963 : Vanessa Williams
1963 : Jeff LeBar (Cinderella)
1966 : Jerry Cantrell (Alice In Chains)
1970 : Queen Latifah
1974 : Stuart Zender (Jamiroquai)
1977 : Devin Lima (LFO)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Why do we put on a pair of pants, but not a pair of shirts?
As a child, I had the distinct impression that life was a gamble. Why else would adults refer to heaven as a pair ‘o dice? Then there was this pair of pants business. It was like the emperor’s new clothes. Hard as I looked, I only saw one. What’s with the doubletalk about pants? Logically, it doesn’t have a leg to stand on. But historically, whatever we’ve worn below the waist, from breeches to trousers, has singularly come in a “pair.” The answer is to be found in clothing history. You know the expression about “putting on your pants, one leg at a time?” That used to be necessary because that’s how they were once made: each leg separately, literally a pair. Once you had put on both legs, you tied them at the waist, like the chaps that cowboys wear. (Or is it the cowboys that chaps wear?)
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, “As the Jungle Turns!”
CLOSE: So what’s so wrong about playing with the new kid? Nothing, I think… but then, I don’t think like Marvy Snuffleson. Which is a good thing – otherwise I’d end up being sent to my room, which I’m pretty sure is going to happen to Marvy! Tune in next time to find out… As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
You think you’ve heard every pickup line out there? No you haven’t.
First, a few really lame pick up lines I’ve heard…
- Do you have a Band-Aid? Cuz I just scraped my knee falling for you.
- Do you have a map? Cuz, Honey, I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
- Girl, you gotta be tired cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day.
- Help, something is wrong with my eyes; I just can’t take them off of you!
- Was your father an alien? Cuz on planet Earth there’s nothing else like you!
- Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic Ocean – and Baby, I’m all lost at sea!
- You’re like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life!
Okay, so… what can be worse than trying to pick up a girl with those lines? Easy… do what this inDUHvidual did! 25-year-old Brent Brown of New Castle, Delaware, robbed an 18-year-old Domino’s Pizza delivery woman while she was out delivering a pizza. When she arrived at the door, Brent and two of his buddies surrounded her and took her cash and two pizzas. But then Brent felt bad. So bad that he decided to call her up on his cell phone and ask her out on a date. She turned him down but was happy to turn over his cell phone number to the police. They made quick work of tracking him down and picking him up. And of course it didn’t take him long to give up his two buddies either.
PHONER: Worst pickup lines heard by women! Call with your worst!
TOP TEN POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMS FOR “SIN”
10. Mostly righteous on a good day
9. Ethically non-enlightened
8. Morally Dyslexic
7. Good (if marked on a curve)
6. Bearing a strong family resemblance (to Adam)
5. Microsoft Perfection v. 1.0
4. Gravitationally influenced (fallen)
3. Motown Motivated (“Supremes”ly affected by all the “Temptations”)
2. Living by trial and error
1. Beta holiness
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Buying cigarettes lands a man in jail in the files of Law & Disorder!
FILE #1: Marco Ramos of Lufkin, Texas robbed a food store cashier at gunpoint after showing the cashier his ID card with the name ‘Marco Ramos’ on it so he could buy cigarettes, according to police who went to Marco Ramos’ house that day.
FILE #2: Enrique Aquilar Canchola of Mexico attempted to enter the United States illegally by disguising himself as one of the car seats in a van. But seats don’t have legs that stick out. Immigration officials saw his legs sticking out from beneath what appeared to be a seat covered by papers, rubbish and a baby seat while searching the van. He apparently modified one of the van’s seats so he could fit it over his body as he sat in the seat’s normal spot.
FILE #3: A Salem, Virginia man forced a teller, at threat of being shot, to cash a $300 check he made out to himself and then was informed that checks could not be cashed without proper ID. Fine, he must have thought… he handed over his drivers license for photocopying.
STRANGE LAW: In Louisiana it is against the law to gargle in public.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
St. Patrick’s Day was NOT very lucky for one man in Georgia.
21-year-old Jody Brian Minor was at Dingus Magee’s bar in Statesboro, Georgia, when he found a checkbook. Alas, the luck of the Irish was not on Jody’s side when he used the checks to pay his bar tab. It seems that Jody never considered that the person who lost the checkbook might be the bartender. The arresting officer noted that Jody was “extraordinarily intoxicated” and his dad had to pay the delinquent $129 bar tab.
In London, a Violinist tripped and fell carrying his 18th century violin as he was leaving London’s Barbican Hall after a performance, smashing it to bits. He had it over his shoulder in its case and he fell down a concrete flight of stairs backwards. The violin was valued around 1 million dollars. What’s the most expensive thing that you’ve ever broken?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: How old was Eli when he died?
ANSWER: 98 (1 Samuel 4:15-18)
QUESTION: What do Oral Roberts, Steve Martin and Raquel Welch all have in common?
ANSWER: They were all former cheerleaders.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
FROM A LIST OF THE MOST POPULAR SCIENCE MYTHS
A chicken can live without a head (True)
Water drains backwards in the Southern Hemisphere due to the Earth’s rotation (False)
Animals can predict natural disasters (False)
A penny dropped from the top of a tall building could kill a pedestrian (False)
There is no gravity in space (False)
Hair and fingernails continue growing after death (False)
A falling cat will always land on its feet (True)
Yawning is contagious (True)
Humans use only ten percent of their brains (False)
The Great Wall of China is the only manmade structure visible from space (False)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
NASA LAUNCHES MISSION TO ______ (THE SUN)
NASA has launched a secret mission to the Sun!
WWN has learned that NASA launched a mission to the sun – last August. It will be launching a second mission to the sun in 2019.
In 2011 NASA launched a spacecraft from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station in Florida to fly dangerously close to our star.
Fitted with a select set of instruments, Solar Probe Plus will address two questions that solar physicists have tussled with for decades: How does the corona, that ghostly, spiked halo seen during a total solar eclipse, heat to more than a million degrees, far hotter than the sun’s surface? And what powers the solar wind, the stream of charged particles that flows from the corona?
An up-close look at the sun will help scientists predict solar flares, as well as coronal mass ejections — “solar storms” like those launched at Earth last week. These events send a barrage of high-energy particles crashing against the Earth’s magnetic field, at times disabling satellites, wiping out power grids, forcing airlines to reroute flights and potentially exposing astronauts to fatal doses of radiation.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
“Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice. “You folks need all the practice you can get.”
A man survives a plane crash on a desolate mountain. He, hungry and exhausted, finds shelter in a cave. A Red Cross search party climbs up the mountain, spots the cave entrance and calls: “Anyone in there?”
“Who’s that?”, comes the reply.
“Red Cross”, says the leader of the search party.
“Thank you”, comes the reply, “I’ve already donated”.
A man receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!
About halfway through the first quarter he notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man replies “No”.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?”
The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been together since we got married over forty years ago.”
“Well, that’s terribly sad. But still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?”
“No,” the man replied, “they’re all at the funeral.”
When trying to find something that’s lost, about 30% of us give up after a week. ***They last a whole week? Those are some patient people.
Recently more Canadian companies are making the shift to a 4-day work week. ***I wanna do that! Four days per week for my radio show – it’s for the good of the country’s economy!
CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU
“You just go ahead,” the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. “While you’re shopping, I’ll browse in the hardware store.”
An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ringing up the last of a pile of tools and supplies that would fill two wheelbarrows.
“Are you buying all this?” his wife asked incredulously.
“Well, yes,” he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store, he added, “But look at all the stuff I’m leaving behind!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Nine-one-one operators get some unusual calls, and this sure fits the bill.
A guy on a cell phone dialed in to say he’d dozed off in a trash container and woke up in a garbage truck that was about to compact its load. That call really came in to police in Oak Park, Michigan, outside Detroit. An officer says the guy didn’t know where he was. As police began checking on garbage trucks, they lost contact with the man, whose cell phone battery fell out. But in the nick of time, one officer spotted a truck that was stopped, with the driver compacting a load. The officer banged on the side — and someone responded. The driver emptied his trash into the parking lot and out fell the man, who says he’d been looking for bottles to collect the deposit on. Amazingly, he wasn’t hurt. ***MARLAR: Wow… talk about being pressed for extra cash!
THE HOUSE OF A THOUSAND MIRRORS
Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again.”
All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
IS FEAR HEALTHY?
Read: 2 Chronicles 17:3-10
The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom. —Proverbs 15:33
During a severe thunderstorm, a mother tucked her child into bed and turned off the light. Frightened by the tempest, he asked, “Mommy, will you sleep with me?” Hugging him, she replied, “I can’t, dear. I have to sleep with Daddy.” Stepping out of the room, she heard, “That big sissy!”
Fear is real. But it’s not always negative. In 2 Chronicles 17:3-10, we read about a healthy, positive fear that prevented neighboring countries from going to war against Judah. What had caused this fear? We are told that “the fear of the Lord fell on all the kingdoms of the lands that were around Judah, so that they did not make war against Jehoshaphat” (v.10).
A respectful fear of the Lord was also what King Jehoshaphat desired for his own people. So he made it a priority that they be taught God’s Word. He knew that if the people were in awe of the Almighty, they would humble themselves and obey Him. Doing what was right would bring prosperity to Judah and respect from neighboring countries.
Proverbs 15:33 declares, “The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom.” Those who fear Him act with wisdom; they walk faithfully before Him as they obey His commands. —Albert Lee
God dwells in light and holiness,
In splendor and in might;
And godly fear of His great power
Can help us do what’s right. —D. De Haan
The right kind of fear will keep us from doing wrong.
Feeling stressed? Get rid of the noise!
Do you feel a lot of stress on the job? Is your work environment noisy and loud? That could be the reason! Even if you’re used to lots of noise, loud sounds on the job increase stress, they keep you from staying focused, and decrease your motivation. A recent study on the subject also claims that people working in loud environments are less willing to make adjustments to their chairs and workstations – which means more aches and pains for the person. ***MARLAR: And yet, all I DO is make noise for a living – I work in radio! For me to alleviate my stress, I’d have to get fired!
LIFE… LIVE IT
Here are 5 steps to being a better husband (from MSN.com)
Take an interest in something your wife is really passionate about. This can be especially tough for guys, because we generally feel that if someone else has interests that differ from ours, they’re morons. It’s not an easy task, and being able to show interest in something that matters to someone you love shows growth — and that’s terrifying. Good, but terrifying. Accomplish this and you’ll make her feel better about herself, and you get better insight into what makes her tick.
Put the kids to bed. Once a week give her the night off and put the kids to bed by yourself. Let her take a hot bath, read a book, or check gossip on the Web and forget about the kids. I’m always amazed how happy this makes my wife. It ranks somewhere between low-end jewelry and a Hawaiian vacation.
Learn to apologize. This is the easiest one, and the hardest one. A marriage is a marathon, and we all fly off the handle too quick or let our temper get the best of us sometimes. When you’re wrong, it’s best to step up and apologize. It’s amazing how fast “I’m sorry” can defuse a stupid argument about something you can’t even remember.
Thank her for putting up with you. Every once in a while, just thank her for putting up with you. That’s all you have to say. Don’t launch into a list of your faults, or the story about coming home two days late from that Vegas bachelor party. Just thank her, and let her know that you understand that you’re not the easiest person in the world to live with.
Clean up after yourself. Take care of that late night snack or morning cereal bowl. Setting them in the sink is one thing, but go that extra mile and actually put them in the dishwasher. After all, no one enjoys scraping bacon dip off a bowl that’s been sitting too long or smelling the chili from the night before. A beer bottle on the counter the next morning is even worse.
JUST FOR FUN
I GOTTA GO WEE
Looking for a reason to pull your kids out of government schools and home school them? How about this… urinary tract infections. No kidding.
I’m sitting here working on my radio show for tomorrow morning and I just came across a story from 2003 that still creeps me out. I hated school when I was growing up, and I really hated having to ask for a hall pass in order to use the bathroom in the middle of class. But if lived in Long Beach, California, I don’t think I would’ve had a problem, as I would not be using the school restrooms. Students at several schools in Long Beach, California have begun protesting over the unhealthy conditions of their school bathrooms. Think this is just kids being finicky? Think again. They’re complaining about overflowing toilets, broken toilet seats, damaged stall doors, soap dispensers always being empty, toilet rolls always being empty, towel dispensers always being empty, and empty sanitary napkin dispensers to boot. This isn’t the local gas station – it’s a government school! Some girls are so disgusted and upset by the bathroom conditions, that they’re getting urinary tract infections because they flat-out refuse to use the school’s facilities during the school day. Apparently this situation has been a problem for almost four years now. Don’t worry though, because the school district says, quote, “The health and safety of the kids is an issue we take very seriously”, unquote. Oh, well in that case, never mind.
SIGNS YOU JOINED A REDNECK GYM
Guys misunderstand and keep taking the free weights.
Top speed of the treadmill is “Pretty Dern Fast.”
Locker rooms are out back.
The barbells are actually the front axles of a Ford Pickup.
The recommended attire is cutoffs and sleeveless t-shirts.
The only workout music is a “Best of George Jones” 8-track.
Out of 1,000 members, 800 are named Bubba.
Monthly dues are $35 or 20 pounds of deer meat.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Eat slower and you’ll stay leaner.
…Researchers have discovered that eating too fast limits the release of two hormones that bring on the feeling of being full, which can lead to overeating. “Most of us have heard that eating fast can lead to food over consumption and obesity,” said Dr. Alexander Kokkinos, who headed the research at Laiko General Hospital in Athens, Greece. “The warning we were given as children that ‘wolfing down your food will make you fat’ may, in fact, have a physiological explanation.” (National Enquirer)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Imagine how different your life would be if television had never been invented. For example, you’d have paid $500 or more for an empty box. –Scott Pinto
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
MARCH 16, 2018…
Tomb Raider-–Angelina Jolie was the first Lara Croft and I still have the soundtrack from that film. Jolie has gone on to further things in the film industry, including directing. In this reboot of the series, directed by Roar Uthaug, we again meet Lara )Alicia Vikander) , who is the daughter of a famous explorer, played by Dominic West. They search for antiquities and Dad’s company is vast, directed by Kristen Scott Thomas, with an array of gear and guns designed by Nick Fraser. In the film, Lara is searching for her father (aren’t they all?) She doesn’t quite have the knack for defense but catches on quickly. A water escape is there, and Vikander did many of her own stunts. Reminiscent of “A Wrinkle In Time.“) Every adventure film has to have a villain, and here it is Walton Groggins. Lara gets into one entanglement after another with plenty of chases and escapes. The soundtrack this time around is done by Junkie XL. “Tomb Raider” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Love, Simon—The story line here concerns a teenage boy, Simon (Nick Robinson) who is gay and trying to come out. Unfortunately, someone is trying to blackmail Nick and he learns you must choose your friends with care. The film is adapted from the book “Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda.” Also in the cast are Jennifer Garner as Simon’s Mom and Josh Duhamel as his father. “Love, Simon” is rated PG 13. No rating.
MARCH 23, 2018…
Midnight Sun was to have been released last year. It is a story of a young woman with a disease that makes it painful for her to be in the sun.
Sherlock Gnomes is an animated continuance of the gnomes stories and this time, there is a detective gnome trying to solve a case.
Leisure Seeker is finally opening and stars Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland as an aging couple on a road trip.
Pacific Rim 2 is a science fiction film about Earth battling alien invaders by building huge robots as fighting machines. Stars John Boyega.
Unsane is directed by Steven Soderbergh and a psychological thriller starring Claire Foy in a mental hospital.
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