March 23, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160323

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to another edition of (THE JOCK SHOW)!  And please — it’s not necessary to kiss your radio. When you kiss your radio you risk getting spit on your woofer. And a spitty woofer makes (FEMALE ARTIST) sound like (MALE ARTIST)!

 

Saw something weird on my way to work today. I just saw a pregnant woman on a motorcycle. In black leather maternity chaps.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.  — Jeremiah 32:17

 

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. — Psalm 23:1-3

 

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace with his blood, shed on the cross. — Colossians 1:19-20

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law.” Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, “The righteous will live by faith.” — Galatians 3:10-11

 

Thought: Thankfully, God provided us the Sacrifice that makes us righteous and pays for our sins, because none of us keeps God’s Law perfectly. In his boundless grace, God sent Jesus to do what we cannot do: live a perfect life and offer himself as the perfect sacrifice for our sins. We don’t have to live under law trying to earn our perfection and God’s acceptance. Instead, we live “by faith,” trusting that God will look at us through Christ’s perfection and not our imperfection, judge us based on Jesus’ holiness and not our transgressions, and view us through the Son’s righteousness and not our unrighteousness. In this way, we fulfill the righteousness requirements of the Law, without having to be bound to the “curse of the law.”

 

Prayer: Almighty and Most Holy God, thank you for your plan of grace that has brought me back from sin and death, and given me a way to live victoriously for you. Thank you, dear Father, for Jesus and his awesome and holy life, and his generous and loving sacrifice for my sins. May the words I say, and the way I live, show that your grace has captured my heart and that true faith in Jesus has changed my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Colossians 3:23 NIV = Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – MARCH 23, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 276 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL PUPPY APPRECIATION DAY.  *** And remember, “Happiness is a warm puppy.”  (Charles Schultz, from the Peanuts comic strip.)

 

Today is NEAR MISS DAY, marking this date in 1989 when a mountain-sized asteroid passed within 500,000 miles of earth, a close-call, according to NASA.  *** So why do they call these a “near miss”?  Sounds to me like it was a near HIT!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Puppy Day

National Tamale Day

Ta’Anit Esther

OK Day

World Meteorological Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, MARCH 24

International Day For The Right To The Truth Concerning Gross Human Rights Violations And For Dignity Of Victims.  ***Seriously?  They couldn’t have come up with a shorter version of that?  Maybe IDRTCGHRVDV for short?

National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day

World Tuberculosis Day

 

FRIDAY, MARCH 25

International Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic

International Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing Staff Members

National Day of Celebration of Greek & American Democracy

National Medal of Honor Day

Old New Year’s Day

Pecan Day

Tolkien Reading Day

Waffle Day

World Marbles Day

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 26

Legal Assistants Day

Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

Purple Day

Spinach Day

 

SUNDAY, MARCH 27

Easter

Plum Pudding Day

Celebrate Exchange Day

Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day

 

MONDAY, MARCH 28

Barnum & Bailey Day

Be Mad Day

Dyngus Day

Mule Day

Virtual Advocacy Day

Weed Appreciation Day

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 29

Knights of Columbus Founders Day

National Mom & Pop Business Owners Day

Niagara Falls Runs Dry Day

Texas Loves The Children Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30

Doctors Day

Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day

I Am In Control Day

Manatee Appreciation Day

Pencil Day

Torrents Day

World Bi-Polar Day

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 31

Bunsen Burner Day

Cesar Chavez Day

International Hug a Medievalist Day

National “She’s Funny That Way” Day

Terri’s Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1743: Handel’s “Messiah” premiered in London. King George rose to his feet during the “Hallelujah Chorus,” prompting the entire audience to rise and creating a tradition that remains during live Messiah performances to this day.

 

1775: Patrick Henry gave his famous “Give me liberty or give me death” speech. ***Right before they hanged him he fired his speech writer.

 

1857: The first department store elevator was installed in the E.V. Haughwout store in New York City.  *** The operator was asked how he liked his job. He said it had its ups and downs.

 

1925: Tennessee declared teaching the theory of evolution in schools was illegal because it contradicted the Bible’s account of creation.

 

1957: The U.S. Army sold its homing pigeons. Took six months to do it. You guessed it — they kept coming back home.

 

1963: The Beach Boys released “Surfin’ U.S.A.”

 

1983: President Reagan urged support for the “Star Wars” defense system. ***More recently, President Obama took a weekend off so he and Michelle could attend a Star Wars convention.

 

1984: The first Police Academy movie opened in theatres throughout the U.S. Five sequels followed. (audio clip)

 

1985: Singer Billy Joel married uptown model Christie Brinkley. The marriage lasted ten years.

 

1986: Joseph Shury of Toronto set a world record by playing his flute continuously for 61 hours. ***He would have played even longer; but if he didn’t stop, his neighbors threatened to tar and feather his lips.

 

1987: Baltimore Orioles’ manager Cal Ripkin sent infielder Cal Ripkin Jr. down to the minor leagues. But Junior would return shortly and for a very long stay.

 

1989: The Dallas district attorney’s office announced it would not retry Randall Dale Adams for the 1977 shooting death of a police officer. Adams had been convicted of the shooting and had served 12 years in prison before a film, The Thin Blue Line, reexamined his case and documented another man’s confession.

 

1989: Helen Gainville unveiled a wedding dress in Paris, with embroidered diamonds by Alexander Reza. History’s most expensive dress was valued at $7.3-million.

 

1993: The York County, Pennsylvania, Pregnancy Coalition sponsored the first Great York County Sex-Out, urging that no sex occur for 24 hours to encourage teenage abstinence. Suggested alternate activities included talking, moonlight walks, cookie-baking, and cold showers.

 

1998: The movie Titanic won 11 Oscars, tying Ben Hur for most Academy Awards won by a single film. In 2004, Lord Of The Rings, The Return Of The King also took home 11 Oscars.

 

2002: Girls in Afghanistan were allowed to return to school for the first time in years.

 

2003: A prank by three ten-year-olds caused $141,700 damage and left their village of Bottighofen, Switzerland, without power. The children were  throwing burning sticks into a canal when one of the sticks melted the insulation on a 16,000 volt power line, blowing the town’s main fuses. Some 1,800 residents were without power for four hours..

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

332: Gregory the Illuminator, who converted a nation before Constantine even embraced Christianity, dies. A missionary to his homeland of Armenia, he converted King Tiridates, and much of the kingdom followed suit. Soon Christianity was established as the national religion, with Gregory as its bishop.

 

1540: In a show of growing support for Henry VIII, Waltham Abbey in Essex became the last monastery in England to transfer its allegiance from the Catholic Church to the newly-established Church of England.

 

1743: George Friedrich Handel’s oratorio “Messiah” plays in London and is attended by the king, who stood instantly at the opening notes of the Hallelujah Chorus—a tradition ever since (though some historians have suggested it was because he was partially deaf and mistook it for the national anthem). The oratorio was actually quite controversial, since it used the words of God in the theater, and the title only made things worse. Handel compromised a bit by dropping the “blasphemous” title from handbills. It was instead called “A New Sacred Oratorio.”

 

1877: Mormon fanatic John Doyle Lee was executed by a firing squad for masterminding the Mountain Meadows Massacre. In 1857, a wagon train of 127 Arkansas Methodist emigrants, bound for California, were killed by a party of Mormon settlers and Paiute Indians at Mountain Meadows (near Cedar City), Utah.

 

1892: Birth of George Arthur Buttrick, English Presbyterian pastor and educator. A teacher at both Union Theological Seminary and Harvard University, Buttrick is best remembered as chief editor of The Interpreter’s Bible (1952-57).

 

1966: Archbishop of Canterbury Arthur Michael Ramsey met and exchanged public greetings with Pope Paul VI in Rome. It was the first official meeting between heads of the Anglican and Roman Catholic churches in over 400 years.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“Beverly Hills 90210,” “The Nanny”) Nicholle Tom, 38 (audio clip)
  • Actress (“Felicity”) Keri Russell, 40 (audio clip)
  • Actor (“21 Jump Street,” “Mobster”) Richard Grieco, 51 (audio clip)
  • Actress (Tank Girl, Cadillac Man) Lori Petty, 53
  • Comedian/actress/writer (“Saturday Night Live”) Terry Sweeney, 56
  • Actress (“LA Law”) Amanda Plummer, 59 (audio clip)
  • Comedian/actor (“The Louie Show”, “Life With Louie”) Louie Anderson, 63 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1917 : Granville “Stick” Henely McGhee

1949 : Ric Ocasek (The Cars)
1950 : Phil Lanzon (Uriah Heep)

1951 : Phil Keaggy

1953 : Chaka Khan (Rufus)

1959 : Epic Soundtracks (Swell Maps, Crime and the City Solution and These Immortal Soul)

1965 : Marti Pellow (Wet Wet Wet)

1968 : Damon Albarn (Blur)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Just what exactly is “method” acting anyway?

Acting is about the only activity where you don’t get locked up for pretending that you are someone else. (In politics they do put you away if your illusion doesn’t account for what you did with large sums of money.) Onstage there is more than one way to play “let’s pretend.” You can work from the outside, consciously modifying your speech, body language and mannerisms to turn yourself into someone else. Or you can find something within yourself – a memory of something in your childhood, say – that enables you to sympathize with your character’s motives, almost becoming that character. The latter approach, developed early in the 20th Century by Konstantin Stanislavsky of the Moscow Art Theater, is called method acting and is today identified with the Actor’s Studio.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Audio Adrenaline front man Adam Agee recently sat down with group founder Mark Stuart to tell the story behind the AA song, ‘Sound of the Saints’.

https://youtu.be/-7gAcezWeQE

 

Mercyme guitarist Mike Scheuchzer said news is sometimes a no brainer. After reading the headline for a Fox news story titled Kerry determines ISIS is committing genocide, Mike commented: File under “duh”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDDd-k9FbW9/

 

Michael Anderson is boycotting P.F. Chang’s. The Building 429 guitarist posted: I will never eat at a P.F. Chang’s again. He explained: we spent $90 for wrong order 3 times and got order and was still wrong. Wow.

 

Jamie Grace was late for an appointment recently but she had a good excuse. She posted: I’m gonna be late cause selfie lighting is great when the sun’s like this.

 

“Just Be Held” took on a new meaning for Mark and his family during his winning battle with cancer. You may remember that the Casting Crowns front man had to have a kidney removed after doctors found that it contained a cancerous growth. Mark says he had to let go of his pride, of his own self-control, and let God hold him and his family through this. He added: Once you release that grip you receive such an overwhelming peace and comfort that nothing compares to.

https://youtu.be/s53R3aj5pfc

 

Chris August tried something new last week. During a show in Bellville, Georgia, Chris was introduced to something called chewy cake. He says it was chewy and awesome.

 

The members of Audio Adrenaline are inviting you to join them on what they describe as a life-changing, 5-day mission trip to Haiti. August 16-20 and August 20-24 the band will be serving with the Hands and Feet Project in Grand Goave, Haiti and they want you to join them. As an added bonus, you will also get to attend an Audio A concert in the Caribbean.

http://bit.ly/haitiAA

 

Another Jeremy Camp tour video is available this week. This time Jeremy talks about what happens when everything goes wrong. After the equipment failed prior to a Rock and Worship Road Show in Colorado Springs, the bands put on an improv Acoustic Show. Jeremy says what started as a problem turned out to be one of the most meaningful nights on the show.

http://youtu.be/mjONJjuWJps?a

 

Danny Gokey is out with a new video with some special backup singers. This week he recorded a cover of the song This Is My Desire backed up by men from the Helping Up Mission. Helping Up is a faith-based recovery mission for men fighting addiction, poverty, and homelessness in Greater Baltimore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLbceBAWYMo

 

Jamie Grace says her new songs are having an interesting affect on her personally. She tweeted: I’m listening to a new song on the new record…it makes me wanna dance…and cry..and giggle…and eat pizza.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to a survey, one in 12 people would rather break their arm than do their taxes.  ***Wait… breaking my arm in a valid option?  I choose that!

 

Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump blasted the United Nations in a speech on Monday, yet in 2005 he told Congress he was a “big fan” of the U.N.  ***I’m guessing he thought he was asked if he was a big fan of the parody news site “The Onion”.  I mean, who ISN’T a fan of that?

 

Even Antarctica could soon be available to commercial travel. Icelandic airline Loftleidir landed the first Boeing 757 on the blue ice runway at Union Glacier on Antarctica. The runway is literally made of blue ice: dense, intensely blue glacier ice formed when snow falls onto glaciers, gets compacted and recrystallizes. This is generally a place for cargo and military jets to land. Airline officials say the flight “was undertaken to prove the feasibility of landing commercial passenger airliners at Union Glacier.”  *** Commercial travel, to the Arctic?  Why?  What can you see there that you can’t see close-up in the back of your freezer?  http://on.mash.to/1If4DQ1

 

Amazon has released a glimpse of what its much-anticipated drone deliveries could look like, although it warns the service is still very much in a testing phase. A new video shows a drone being loaded with a small package on a warehouse conveyor line, traveling through a suburban neighborhood to a house, hovering over a yard, slowly lowering itself onto a small landing pad and depositing the package, all in about 30 minutes. The drones will fly no higher than 400 feet from the ground — low enough to avoid other aircraft but high enough to bypass traffic-clogged streets. They will be able to carry packages of no more than 5 pounds and travel distances of 10 miles or more.  ***Bring that up to fifteen pounds and we can put baby-delivering storks out of business!  http://n.pr/21pnMVV

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

For the fifth straight year, the majority of Americans (57%) say they have little or no trust in the mass media to report the news fully, accurately, and fairly.  ***MARLAR: Which means 57% of those listening to me now won’t believe a word I’ve just said.

 

A sweet tooth isn’t necessarily bad for your health… at least not when it comes to chocolate. Researchers studying more than 33,000 Swedish women found that the more chocolate women said they ate, the lower their risk of stroke. The results add to a growing body of evidence linking cocoa consumption to heart health.  ***MARLAR: Is it supposed to be a surprise that chocolate adds to the results of a growing body?  I eat tons of chocolate… and I grow wider every year.

 

New proof that big butts are huge: More than 13,000 people in the United States paid a plastic surgeon to enhance their butts last year, according to a report by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. Butt-boosting surgeries were among the fastest growing cosmetic surgeries last year.  ***MARLAR: It’s nice to know I’m ahead of the curve on something for a change.

 

Statisticians from Harvard and the California Institute of Technology have created a mathematical formula to determine whether or not you should wait for the bus that is running late or leave the bus stop and walk to your destination.  The formula takes into account many factors including the number of bus stops, the distance you’re traveling, the average speed of the bus versus the average speed of walking, and the probability of the bus showing up or passing you as you’re walking.  ***MARLAR: Unfortunately, by the time you’ve finished the calculations you’ve already missed your bus.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Two Percent Milk”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Pregnant”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, Millard the Monkey, after trying hundreds of different ways to beat Steve Mozart, finally gave up.  He even decided at the last moment not to sabotage Steve Mozart’s concert – even though Mozart’s latest hit song was exactly like the one Millard wrote.  Millard, sadly, went home…

 

CLOSE: Could it be true?  Could all of Steve Mozart’s original ideas actually be MILLARD’S original ideas?  Could it be that Millard is the true genius, and Steve Mozart is nothing but a low-life, paper-rifling thief?  Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MARCH 26/27

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns!  Last time, Cheetah Bonita – one of the three-part-harmony-singing Cheetah Sisters came up with a brand new song to share with everyone.  But it quickly became apparent that this new song not only didn’t have three part harmony – but it didn’t have any harmony at all!  It was a solo!

 

CLOSE: I don’t know about you, but I’m already tired of Cheetah Bonita’s new Me-My-I song.  Hopefully we’ll hear a new tune next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Patricia Freund may have the best job in America.

She basically does absolutely nothing and it pays her $82,000 a year. Patricia, who “works” as the New York Liquor Authority’s director of wholesale services says, “I don’t think I’ve done more than two days’ work in three years.” This interesting tid-bit was offered as an example of how bureaucracies deal with “problem” workers who are hard to fire. She was exiled to an office with no work and no responsibilities which she said was in retaliation for raising a stink about Governor George Pataki’s Christian prayer breakfasts and Jesus-laden mementoes, which she said was discriminatory toward Jewish employees, such as her. Apparently the higher ups figured she’d eventually quit but so far — that hasn’t happened.  ***MARLAR: Why would she?  She’s getting paid 82-thousand a year to do NOTHING!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN LESSONS WE CAN LEARN FROM NOAH

 

  1. Don’t miss the boat.

 

  1. Try to remember that we’re all in the same boat.

 

  1. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark, you know.

 

  1. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

 

  1. Don’t listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.

 

  1. Speed isn’t always an advantage; after all, the snails were on board with the cheetahs.

 

  1. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic that was built by professionals.

 

  1. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms outside.

 

  1. Two heads are better than one.

 

  1. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There’ll be a rainbow at the end of the storm.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man tries to tackle a career in bank robbery.

 

FILE #1: It didn’t turn out exactly the way he had planned when 50-year-old John Wesley Bradley of Nashville tried bank robbery. Bradley entered a local bank and handed the teller a note saying he was committing a robbery and had a gun. When the teller didn’t immediately respond, Bradley left. However, the story didn’t end there as the 26-year-old teller followed him outside, saw that he didn’t appear to be armed and tackled him in the grass as police arrived.

 

FILE #2: In Poland, two crooks broke down in tears during a recent bank robbery. They weren’t sorry for what they were doing, but were sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray. It seems they tried to use pepper spray on a cashier who was in front of an air conditioning unit. The wind blew the spray back into their faces, forcing them to stagger empty handed out to their waiting getaway car.

 

FILE #3: “Catch Me If You Can” – a great title for a movie, but not a great way to live.  In Brooklyn, New York, Abdullah Darby sent a threatening letter to the cops, filled with a white powder and concluding with the words “Catch me if you can.” The New York cops were up to the challenge, even though Darby made it easy for them. Right after “Catch me if you can” he signed his real name. And he included his return address on the envelope.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Jonesboro, GA, it is illegal to say “Oh, Boy.”

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A stash of grass can take the place of a lot of gas, but it won’t do anything for mileage. 

A man from Sandy, Utah, took his newly acquired, used SUV to a mechanic to find out why the gas gauge always read half-full.  The mechanic in Sandy looked inside the gas tank and found about 35 pounds of marijuana in plastic-wrap packages that filled about half the tank’s volume.  Police estimate the pot is worth about $35,000.  The Nissan Armada has had several different owners and was once a rental car.  Sandy police are trying to figure out who stashed the pot but say the current owner is not a suspect.  Investigators in the town south of Salt Lake City say the drug packs could have been in the tank for months.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Best toy that you grew up with? Still have it?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: To what city did Lot and his family flee?

ANSWER: Zoar (Genesis 19:22)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 

ANSWER: Niagara Falls – the rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Grand Island, Nebraska was the first city in the U.S. to put fluoride in their water. (FALSE… Grand Rapids, Michigan was first.)
  2. While Timothy McVeigh was in prison, he received four proposals for marriage from women. (TRUE… sickos.)
  3. 4 out of 10 guys will end a relationship over the phone. (FALSE… it’s only 2 out of 10. See, we’re not as bad as you thought ladies!)
  4. Before becoming a famous actor, Harrison Ford’s biggest claim to fame was being the voice for the famous TV ad line — “Secret, strong enough for a man but made for a woman.” (FALSE… that line was actually done by William H. Macy who starred in “Fargo” and “Jurassic Park III”)
  5. Green has become the most popular car color in America. (FALSE… it’s white, and has been for a long time.)
  6. When Congress was first created, the first Congressmen were paid only $1 a day. (FALSE… but it wasn’t all that much better… it was 6 dollars per day – and they didn’t get a pay raise until 1814!)
  7. Baseball great Jackie Robinson was the only person to letter in four sports at UCLA.  (TRUE… and of all of the sports he lettered in, he supposedly liked baseball the least.)
  8. Mr. Peanut is the creation of a child.  (TRUE… Mr. Peanut was created in 1916 by a 14-year-old Suffolk, VA, boy who won $5 in a design contest sponsored by the Planters Peanuts.)
  9. If Brooklyn became independent of New York City, New York would still be the largest city in the U.S.  (TRUE… second would be Los Angeles, and third would be Brooklyn again!)
  10. The world’s smallest mammal is a bat.  (TRUE… it’s the bumblebee bat of Thailand, weighing less than a penny.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GIANT _____ BREEDING IN SUBWAY SYSTEM (RATS)

A rare breed of giant rat is terrorizing the New York City subway system.

The latest in a string a giant rat sightings was caught on video in the Bronx. Even more frightening is the news that, according to a veterinarian from the Bronx Zoo, the rat in the video recently gave birth. Rat litters typically have 8 to 12 babies, but can have as many as 16 or 18.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

 

JOKE #2

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair recently.  He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project, he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”  And for plenty of good reasons, since:

  1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
  2. It is a major component in acid rain
  3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
  4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
  5. It contributes to erosion
  6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
  7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?” He feels the conclusion is obvious.

 

JOKE #3

Two husbands were discussing their married lives.  Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.  Then the first man said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word.”

“Wow!” said the second, “how did you manage that?”

“It’s easy,” he replied.  “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.'”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

In California, a man has been arrested for allegedly cutting off the hair of several long-haired women. The suspect is thought to have attacked at least four women, using either a knife or scissors. ***MARLAR: He’s been sentenced to four years in prison, then rinse and repeat.

 

Cave explorers in Croatia have discovered what they think is the world’s steepest underground vertical drop: a cave that steadily descents 203 feet, then suddenly plunges 1,693 feet straight down.  ***MARLAR: The guy who first discovered the drop was quoted as saying, “AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!”

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WANT TO PLAY?

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

FREEZE, AND DROP THE SHARPIE!

A city in Georgia has made it a crime for anyone under the age of 18 to be in possession of spray paint or felt-tip markers.

…Smyrna may be the first city in the state (maybe even the country) to ban the sale of what police call “graffiti tools” to those under 18. In addition to banning the sale of certain materials to minors, the order requires merchants to keep such items in areas inaccessible to customers. In other words, behind the counter. As weird as the American Civil Liberties Union sometimes gets, even they say the laws are “ridiculous”. The laws also require property owners to remove graffiti within five days of being notified by city officials. Until now officers encountering suspected gang members with spray cans, were powerless to prevent any vandalism, even though they suspected the gangs were writing graffiti. ***MARLAR: So now we’re making the ownership of absolutely ordinary, mundane things a crime simply because they might be used for something illegal. Heck, I can do that with a butter knife and a stapler… should we outlaw those things too?

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE ROSE WITHIN

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.

He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, “How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom… it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristic of love… to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life… all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the “rose” within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

JAIL FROM THE INSIDE OUT

Read: Romans 6:15-23

When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. –Romans 6:20

From the outside, all jails look alike. You see one, you’ve seen them all. But from the inside, some prisons rate better than others.

(We’re talking real jails here, not the school library, where you’ve been cooped up working on a big paper or the mail room that you feel you are a prisoner to.) Several years ago, The Associated Press published an inmates’ list of the nation’s 10 best jails. Included in the survey were evaluations of cell capacity, TV service, meal quality, and visitation rights.

The results indicated that some jails offer a pretty nice life: a good library, smoke-free accommodations, continuing education. But the Fairbanks Correctional Center in Alaska ranked at the top with its capacity of 194 dormitory-style bunks in single cells, cable TV, regular contact visits, and varied and plentiful meals.

That got me to thinking about a believer’s relationship with Christ. To someone “on the outside,” it can look like a form of imprisonment. To an unbeliever, all that church and morality stuff may seem worse than going to prison.

But from the inside, obedience to God actually opens the door to a whole new world of freedoms. Set free from the penalty of sin and the burden of guilt, we are open to make choices that bring lasting happiness and avoid bad consequences.

The apostle Paul, who wrote a lot of the New Testament, was familiar with the inside of a cell. He also knew that whether we become a slave to sin or to God is not a matter of doing time. It’s a matter of the heart. Paul had learned that with bondage to sin comes an ever-increasing hunger for the kinds of thoughts and behavior that bring dishonor to the Lord.

But with slavery to God comes an ever-increasing desire to do good, to love, and to be grateful for the freedoms that bring no regret. –MD

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE MAN PILL

Researchers at the University of Kansas and the University of Kansas Medical Center are developing a male contraceptive, a hormone-free pill that men could take weekly or monthly.  ***MARLAR: Unfortunately, there are a few possible side-effects of having a pill for men.  Men could…

  • start asking directions while driving.
  • cry when they watch ESPN.
  • start winning arguments with their wives.
  • suddenly recall some random statement their wife made 12 years ago and give her the silent treatment all weekend because of it.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Most of the time when people think of super fruits or healing plants, they don’t tend to think of bananas. Maybe they should.

…Bananas are powerhouses of protective ingredients, and are especially good for mind and mood. For starters, bananas are rich in natural fiber. As most people are aware, Americans typically get too little fiber in their diets. Bananas are a well known source of potassium, an essential nutrient that helps to maintain proper fluid balance in the body. From a protective standpoint, bananas are high in a variety of compounds, many of which are antioxidants. While blueberries, mangos and other fruits get more time in the antioxidant spotlight, bananas are especially loaded with these compounds, thereby helping to reduce premature aging of the body’s cells. Bananas are a great source of the super-protective compounds kaempferol and quercetin. These compounds have been extensively studied, and are known to protect cells, reduce inflammation, fight numerous types of tumors, protect nerves, enhance blood circulation, and reduce the risk of a number of diseases. Bananas also contain high amounts of rutin, a compound that complements the activity of vitamin C, and helps to maintain strong, flexible blood vessels.  ***MARLAR: Although you have to be careful, as there is a danger in eating bananas.  No amount of antioxidants are going to save you from slipping on banana peels.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

Imagine living with 154 tons of garbage in your house.  One man lived that way for several years.

Workers equipped with a bulldozer, face masks and a court order have removed 154 tons of garbage from a man’s home outside Madrid. The job took two weeks, with 30 truckloads of trash hauled away from the house and surrounding area. Municipal officials got a court order after the owner, 58-year-old Antonio Villalba, refused repeated requests from neighbors and city officials to clean up his yard and house. It stank and there were rats on the premises, according to a local newspaper. The house was so packed with everything from tin cans to car parts that the man lived in a tiny compartment in the back and reached it through a tunnel carved out of the garbage, reports said. ***MARLAR: Which reminds me, it’s my turn to clean the radio station’s break room…

 

 

FUN LIST

EXCUSES FOR NOT FILING YOUR TAXES (audio clip)

  • The short form is too stinkin’ long.
  • You’re still in shock from last year.
  • You think the EZ form is fake because they spell the word “easy” with just two letters.
  • Your only liquid assets say “just add water”
  • You have questions about adjustments and can’t get any answers from your chiropractor.
  • You think the 1040 form has to be filled out when the clock reads exactly 10:40.
  • Hey, no worries! You already did your taxes last year!

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

How much time to you spend in your life each year shopping for shoes? 

Yahoo Shine Reports that a recent marketing research project shows the average woman makes 301 shopping excursions each year and spends about 400 hours buying clothes, books, food and toiletries. This adds to women spending 8.5 years or 3,148 days of their lives shopping.  Here’s the breakdown of the amount of time spent shopping for specific retail items each year:

  • Clothes – 30 times, total 100 hours and 48 minutes
  • Shoes – 15 times, 40 hours and 30 minutes
  • Accessories – 18 times, 29 hours and 31 minutes
  • Food – 84 times, 94 hours and 55 minutes
  • Books – 57 times, 31 hours and 21 minutes
  • Toiletries – 27 times, 17 hours and 33 minutes
  • Gifts – 19 times, 36 hours and 17 minutes
  • Window Shopping – 51 times, 48 hours and 51 minutes  ***MARLAR: And even stranger, they NEVER come home with new windows.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

The number one marriage killer is us. Here are four ways we may be destroying our marriages:

  1. We Embrace the Bare Minimum. We watch the movie instead of reading the book. We agree to a single session with the counselor and select the one-day seminar, hoping the easy way will revitalize our marriages.
  2. We Are Impatient. We require everything microwaved, instant and delivered overnight.
  3. We Fear Conflict. We prefer distraction over conversation.
  4. We Don’t Like to Admit Weakness

http://relm.ag/F9MPOVp

 

The latest Joni and Friends Kids Corner answer the Question: Do We Have to Kneel to Pray? Their answer: Yes! And No. The article authors say you don’t have to kneel down or close your eyes. God will still hear you. However, they add that closing our eyes and bowing our head (and other things like folding our hands and kneeling) are all ways to show we respect God.  http://ow.ly/ZzsOU

 

A new article from Pastor Greg Laurie is titled: How to do Evangelism, ’Jesus Style’.  Greg says: A person can argue all day with you about certain facts. But they can’t argue with your personal story of how you came to faith. Using your testimony as a bridge is very effective because it helps to find that common ground with the person you’re speaking with. They may be surprised that you weren’t always the way that you are now as a Christian — that you didn’t always believe what you now believe.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/greg-laurie-evangelism-jesus-style-159154/

 

Have trouble deciding which Girl Scout Cookie you like best. According to the Huffington Post, you can now combine them into one decadent pie. The recipe combines Do-si-dos, thin mints, and Tagalongs into a cream pie, sandwiched between chocolate and peanut butter cream. Find out how to make it yourself at http://huff.to/1GMCbzh.

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The end of the show already? My how time flies when you spend the entire program trying to think of something witty and amusing to say at the end of the show.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MARCH 18, 2016…

 

Divergent: Allegiant—This is the next part of the “Divergent” YA book series, and again stars Shailene Woodley, Theo James, and Miles Teller.  This time, Shailene and Theo venture outside of their area and are promptly captured by an previously unknown group. “Divergent Alligant” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Midnight Special—Michael Shannon has a son with special powers, and almost on the supernatural side.  What must he do to protect his son from neighbors, governments and anyone else?  Also in the cast is Jaeden Lieberher as his son, plus Kristen Dunst and Joel Edgerton. “Midnight Special” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

The Bronze (finally opening after postponed from Fall 2015)—Melissa Rausch from “The Big Bang Theory” stars in a story of gymnast Hope Annabelle Gregory who won the 2004 Olympics while competing with a torn leg muscle.  Now (in this story) she is a has-been and comes back to life when a new gymnast hits town. “The Bronze” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Little Prince—this is an animated telling of the famous book by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.  It follows the adventures of a little girl, who is directed by the Aviator and goes into the world of the Little Prince. Voices include Jeff Bridges, Rachel McAdams, James Franco and Paul Rudd.  “The Little Prince” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

The Confirmation—Clive Owen has partial custody of his son (Jaeden Lieberher from “Midnight Special”).  Clive is a carpenter and when his tool box is stolen, he and his son go after the crooks.  “The Confirmation” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Ben Wheatley’s High Rise—Tom Hiddleston is a lonely man and somewhat solitary.  He decides to move into a high-rise apartment building and soon finds that he dislikes his neighbors more and more.  Also in the cast are Jeremy Irons and Sienna Miller. “Ben Wheatley’s High Rise” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Preppie Connection—Thomas Mann stars as a college kid who gets into the drug trade. This is based on a true incident in the 1980’s when a barely-twenty kid started dealing drugs to friends and ended up working with a Colombia drug cartel.  “The Preppie Connection” is rated R. No rating.

 

MARCH 25, 2016…

 

Batman vs. Superman and oh, it’s the big movie of two super heroes battling it out over something or the other.  Henry Cavill is Superman and Ben Affleck is Batman.

 

Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 continues the story of the original wedding and its hilarity.

 

I Saw The Light stars Tom Hiddleston as Hank Williams (he does his own singing, too) and was supposed to have been released in Dec., but is opening now.  Good film.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.