March 24, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20180324
PDF: 20180324



I asked the boss yesterday if I could have today off. His replied to me via email:

So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give you 14 days of vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work… and now you want that day off as well?”

So here I am at work.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)


Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. –2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NIV

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. — Colossians 1:21



Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.” — Galatians 3:13

Thought: Cursed! Not just in the sense that he was mocked and his detractors cursed at him, but in the sense that he received the curse of death because of our sin. He did what was hideous and scandalous; he died on a Cross — hung to a tree in front of a jeering mob, executed like sub-human scum. But the beauty of his shame and disgrace is that God made it our redemption. Jesus’ ridicule and curse bought us freedom from the curse of our own sins. Praise God! Praise Jesus!

Prayer: Almighty Father, I can’t even pretend to fathom your ways and why you would require of yourself such a horrific sacrifice to redeem me. Precious Savior, I can’t imagine what it was like to hang before a mob carrying the sin of the whole world. All I can do is ask the Holy Spirit to make my thoughts and words convey the gratitude of my heart as he intercedes for me now. Thank you! Praise you! May my life truly honor you! In the mighty name of Jesus, I praise. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

1 John 3:24 NIV = The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

Today is INSPECT YOUR CAT’S TONGUE DAY. You know you’ve always wanted to see what makes your cat’s tongue feel like sandpaper. Today’s the day to find out.

NINE MONTHS FROM TODAY IS CHRISTMAS EVE!  ***We’ve already got out decorations up.  No sense waiting until the last minute ya know.


Be Mad Day
Earth Hour
Endometriosis March Day
National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
International Day for the Right to the Truth Concerning Gross Human Rights Violations and for Dignity of Victims
Take Your Parents To The Playground Day
Violations and for Dignity of Victims
World Tuberculosis Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at


International Day of Remembrance of The Victims of Slavery and The Transatlantic
International Day of The Unborn Child
International Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing Staff Members
National Day of Celebration of Greek & American Democracy
National Medal of Honor Day
Old New Year’s Day
Pecan Day
Tolkien Reading Day
Vaffeldagen (Waffle Day)


Legal Assistants Day
Live Long And Prosper Day
Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
Purple Day
Spinach Day


Celebrate Exchange Day
Education and Sharing Day
National Education and Sharing Day
Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
World Theatre Day
American Diabetes Association Alert Day


Barnum & Bailey Day
Virtual Advocacy Day
Weed Appreciation Day
Whole Grain Sampling Day


Knights of Columbus Founders Day
Little Red Wagon Day
Manatee Appreciation Day
National Mom & Pop Business Owner’s Day
National Vietnam War Veterans Day
Niagara Falls Runs Dry Day
Texas Loves The Children Day


Doctors Day
Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day
I Am In Control Day
Pencil Day
Torrents Day
Virtual Vacation Day
World Bi-polar Day
World Marbles Day


Bunsen Burner Day
Cesar Chavez Day
International Hug A Medielvalist Day
International Transgender Day of Visibility
National Crayon Day
National Prom Day
National “She’s Funny That Way” Day
Terri’s Day
World Backup Day


American Crossword Puzzle Day
April Fools  or All Fools Day
Atheist Day
Boomer Bonus Days
International Tatting Day
Library Snap Shot Day
Myles Day
National Fun Day
Plum Pudding Day
Poetry & The Creative Mind Day
Reading is Funny Day
Sorry Charlie Day
St. Stupid Day
US Air force Academy Day


Dyngus Day
International Children’s Book Day
Mule Day
National Ferret Day
National Love Your Produce Manager Day
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
Reconciliation Day
Tater Day ( It’s Sweet Potatoes)
White House Easter Egg Roll
World Autism Day
World Autism Acceptance Day


1820: Frances Crosby was born in Putnam County, New York. Blinded by illness at age six weeks, “Fannie” grew up to teach English and history for 35 years and to write 9,000 poems and songs. Some of her biggest hits included “To God Be the Glory,” “Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior,” “Jesus Is Tenderly Calling,” “All the Way My Savior Leads Me,” “Rescue the Perishing,” “Blessed Assurance,” “I Am Thine, O Lord,” and “Tell Me the Story of Jesus.”

1858: The Metropolitan Life Insurance Company was founded.

1898: Alexander Winton sold his first automobile, built in Cleveland, to mining engineer Robert Allison for $1,000. It was the first car built and sold in the U.S.

1955: Gloria Steinem founded Ms. magazine.

1958: At age 23, Elvis Presley was inducted into the U.S. Army in Memphis. The next day at Fort Chaffee, Arkansas, barber James Peterson sheared off the King’s famous ducktails as Elvis groaned, “Hair today, gone tomorrow.” (audio clip)

1978: Near Sutherland, England, Alex Maclennan dug 16 sheep out of a snowdrift where they’d been buried for 50 days. One ewe was still alive.

1980: Capitol Records released “Sie Liebt Dich” and “Komm Gib Mir Deine Hand” by the Beatles, the previously unreleased versions in German of “She Loves You” and “I Want to Hold Your Hand.”

1989: The Exxon Valdez hit a reef in the Gulf of Alaska (Prince William Sound), spilling 11-million gallons of crude oil in the largest oil tanker spill in U.S. history.

1990: Hairless Sinead O’Connor became the first Irish female to top the UK album charts with I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got.

1991: Some 100 cars were damaged by fire when dry grass ignited at a cook-off sponsored by the San Antonio Firefighters Association. No one was hurt.

2001: A German man who persuaded a friend to tell his fiancée he had been arrested to cover up an affair was fined $700 for wasting police officers’ time. The fiancée called police to find out where her man was and found he had not been arrested. Police feared he might have been kidnapped by gangsters disguised as police and called in the friend for questioning. The friend confessed the story was made up.

2002: At the Academy Awards, Halle Berry became the first black actress to win an Oscar in a leading role for her work in “Monster’s Ball.” Denzel Washington became the second black actor, after Sidney Poitier, to win in the best actor category, for “Training Day.” “A Beautiful Mind” won four Oscars, including best picture and best director for Ron Howard.

2005: Texas actress Sandra Bullock got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

2007: A 68-year-old man in Waterville, Maine, got his dentures back after a mouse stole them. Bill Exner had to open a wall and pull them out where the mouse had hidden them after he caught the feisty creature three times and it escaped each time. At last report. Exner still had his teeth, and the mouse was still at large.


1208: After England’s irreligious King John opposed his choice for Archbishop of Canterbury, Pope Innocent III places Britain under an interdict. Innocent had all religious services canceled, churches closed, and the dead were not given Christian burials until John surrendered. Soon after, the king signed the Magna Carta, in which the first article affirms “That the Church of England shall be free . . .

1816: Methodist Bishop Francis Asbury, age 71, preaches his last sermon. The sermon, delivered at the Old Methodist Church in Richmond, Virginia, lasted an hour—even though Asbury, weakened, spoke while lying on a table.

1820: Blind hymn writer Fanny Crosby, author of more than 9,000 hymns, is born. Her works include “Blessed Assurance,” “All the Way My Savior Leads Me,” “To God Be the Glory,” “Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior,” “Safe in the Arms of Jesus,” “Rescue the Perishing,” and “Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross.

1980: Roman Catholic archbishop Oscar Romero, a vocal opponent of the San Salvador military, is assassinated while saying mass in his country. Several men, believed to be part of a death squad, were arrested for the murder but were later released.


  • actress (“How I Met Your Mother,” American Wedding) Alyson Hannigan 44 (audio clip)

  • Actress (“The Practice,” Men in Black II) Lara Flynn Boyle, 48  (audio clip)

  • Actress (Cop Land, Cadillac Man, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) Annabella Sciorra, 54 (audio clip)

  • TV personality Star Jones (“The View”) 56

  • Actress/model (Weird Science) Kelly LeBrock, 58 (audio clip)

  • Warner Brothers cartoon cat Sylvester 73 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Full Metal Jacket, Toy Story movies, Man of the House, host of the History Channel’s “Mail Call”) R. Lee Ermey, 74 (audio clip)


(Music Artist Birthdays From

1912 : Nervous Norvus

1932 : Dave Appell of (The Applejacks)

1937 : Billy Stewart

1946 : Colin Petersen (The Bee Gees)

1946 : Lee Oskar (War)

1947 : Mike Kellie (Spooky Tooth)

1949 : Nick Lowe

1951 : Dougie Thomson (Supertramp)

1954 : Steve Diggle (The Buzzcocks)

1960 : Nena

1970 : P.A. Pasemaster Mase (De La Soul)

1970 : Sharon Corr (The Corrs)

1974 : Chad Butler (Switchfoot)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why is an idea or plan that’s stale called “cut and dried?”

It figures that we would draw from nature for much of our language. For example, “any budding genius who wishes to find the root cause of something must branch out and let new ideas flower.” These botanical comparisons are fresh, alive and permeated by growth. Cut and dried, on the other hand, is a phrase that suggests the end of the life force, aridity, no room for growth, the ordered arrangement of a thing as opposed to the creative chaos of life. There are two theories of the origin of cut and dried. One holds that it describes the herbs that were used before modern medicine, cut and dried rather than fresh picked because they could be compounded with greater precision without moisture interfering. The other explanation suggests that the reference is to harvested timber. But I find that stale and stiff–in fact, rather wooden, don’t you?


(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )


(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson had met new friends – the Razzleflabbins, on Razzleflabbin Island. He told them why he’d been sent to his room – because he wouldn’t get to know the new kid in his neighborhood, and they told Marvy they understood, but that it’s important to get to know people – especially those who are different than you!

CLOSE: Uh oh… what’s so weird about this other Razzleflabbin that they have to have a scout spying at all times to keep an eye out on him? Well… he’s on his way, so we’ll likely find out why’s he so different (and why the Razzleflabbins are frightened of him) next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

The driving test of one Roseville, California, teenage girl didn’t get off to a great start.

The (luckily for her, “unidentified”) girl prepared for her driver’s test by crashing her car into the local Department of Motor Vehicles building. Officials said the girl will likely only face some personal liability costs, not to mention embarrassment and, hopefully, extended status as a non-driving pedestrian.



10. Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.

9. Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.

8. Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.

7. Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

6. Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.

5. Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.

4. “Jaws of Life” in trunk.

3. The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.

2. When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, “Where do you want to go today?”

1. The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.


Have to answer to police after being in a crash?  No problem – blame the whole thing on your 4-year-old’s lousy driving!

FILE #1: Police in Pennsylvania said a man accused of drunken driving told them his 4-year-old son was at the wheel of his sport utility vehicle when it crashed into a tree. They said Albert Monroe Boyce Jr. (of Hyndman) told them his son, who was sitting on his lap, had turned the wheel too far to one side, sending the SUV careening off the road. So is the little boy going to jail? Not likely. Police said Boyce had an open 30-pack of Budweiser and a cooler in the vehicle when the crash occurred.

FILE #2: Embarrassed officials at a prison in Denmark are taking a lot of ribbing after thieves broke into the prison’s payroll office and cracked the safe… twice! Based on available evidence, police say the same burglars were involved in both thefts. The break-ins occurred with 11 days of each other and netted the prisoners a total of 11-thousand dollars. The brazen safe-crackers remain at large.

FILE #3: 3 men wanted for Arson in Tifton, Georgia recently accepted a ride to the county line from Deputy Don Allen. It seems that their car broke down when Deputy Allen stopped to help. They informed the officer that they were on their way to Panama City Beach, Florida and would appreciate a lift for part of the way. During the drive, an announcement came over the radio to “be-on-the-lookout” for 3 arson suspects, one with long, black hair. Deputy Allen responded to the men, “It’s a good thing one of you hasn’t got long, black hair,” to which one guy responded, “Yeah, I just got it cut”. The officer pulled over to the side of the road and charged Jerrick Sumlin, Timothy Conatser, and Scott Rawlings with first-degree arson.

STRANGE LAW: It’s against the law to sing off key in North Carolina.


This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Police pull over drunk drivers all the time, but have you ever heard of a drunk driver pulling over a police officer?

In all his years patrolling the streets of Vernon, Vermont, Police Chief Ian McCollin has pulled over plenty of drunk drivers. However, he just had the tables turned on him. While heading south on Route 142 he was flagged down by another motorist. As he slowed down to help the man, Chief Ian noticed the driver pulled behind him. When Ian pulled his cruiser to the shoulder, the man pulled alongside, rolled down his passenger-side window and made an astonishing proclamation. He told the chief, “I’ve been looking for a police officer to arrest me. I’m drunk!” Although a bit suspicious, as Chief Ian approached the vehicle, it became apparent that the guy’s assertions were true and then some. 28-year-old Bryan Condo, who had a history of previous DUIs, registered more than four times the 0.08 legal limit to drive. Of his new captive Ian said, “He was a gentleman, very polite and very cooperative. I think he was just looking for help.”


They say the secret to a happy marriage is compromise – but most of the time compromise means you’re giving something up. What did you give up to be with your significant other? Did you give up your favorite furniture? Your pet? Your house? What sacrifice did you have to make in order to make it work between the two of you?


QUESTION: Who was Rachel’s handmaid?

ANSWER: Bilhah (Genesis 29:29)


QUESTION: Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

ANSWER: Asparagus and rhubarb


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. In 1876, the first microphone was invented. (True – by Emile Berliner)

2. The most common injury in cheerleading is a broken arm. (False – it’s a busted lip)

3. George Washington was deathly afraid of being buried alive. (True – after he died, he wanted to be laid out for three days just to make sure he was dead.)

4. President John Tyler had fifteen children. (True)

5. You inhale about 700,000 of your own skin flakes each day. (True)

6. Aluminum can be spun into a filament so fine that 1.5 pounds of it could encircle the Earth. (True)

7. In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. (True – and catching it meant she accepted.)

8. There are 3,798 names listed in the closing credits of The Matrix Reloaded. (False – 1,943)

9. Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been insects. (False – birds)

10. A bowling pin needs to tilt only 7.5 degrees to fall. (True)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


A NASA space telescope captured a planet-sized object flying close to the sun – extending a refueling tube into the star’s surface.

The black, Death Star-like, orb is briefly engulfed in light from the sun, then flies off into space.

A video edited from the Solar Dynamics Observatory’s photos inspired a wave of speculation on YouTube.



A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma. Guess which one I’m going to marry.”

She immediately replies, “The red-head in the middle.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

“I don’t like her.”


Our part of the country had gone for weeks with little or no rain. 
The TV weatherman, on his computerized map, was pointing out a thunderstorm 50 miles away. He placed his cursor over the region and clicked to zoom in on the storm. 
Watching, my son shook his head and said, “I sure wish he would click on that storm and drag it over here.”


An older man is on the operating table awaiting surgery. He has insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. He is about to receive the anesthesia when he asks to speak to his son. 

”Yes, Dad, what is it?”

“Don’t be nervous, do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”


Scientists at Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia have discovered why your cat would rather eat a mouse than a chocolate bar.  There is a major defect in cat genes which prevents them while maturing from developing the taste receptors that detect sweets. Researchers can’t say what meat actually tastes like to cats.  ***My guess is lasagna.  Otherwise, why would Garfield love it so much?

In Peanuts in 1968, Snoopy trained to become a champion arm-wrestler. In the end, he was disqualified for not having thumbs.  ***Nowadays that would be grounds for a lawsuit due to Snoopy having a pre-existing disability.



A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”

The giant nodded. “If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.

“Are you sure?” the deputy asked.

The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”

“In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”



It’s Eastertime again and sadly that means trouble for a number of the nation’s animal shelters.

…Every year around this time a large number of adorable little bunnies get dumped at animal shelters because families acquire the critters at Easter without realizing what difficult house guests bunnies can be. Kris Best, a spokeswoman for the Humane Society said, “It’s a big problem. Rabbits are now the third most common animal to be given up after dogs and cats.” Why are bunnies being dumped?

  • Rabbits don’t like to cuddle. They have a self-image problem. Rabbits are prey animals — eaten by coyotes and other carnivores — so they survive by hiding from other mammals.  They are used to being chased so they often don’t like cuddling which they interpret as being captured.

  • Bunnies start out cute but at about 4 months they become obnoxious teenagers. They lunge, spray urine and chew on things. They must be spayed or neutered.

  • Rabbits require meals of fresh vegetables and hay and must have their nails clipped monthly and coats brushed.

  • Unlike their low-maintenance pet counterparts such as gerbils or guinea pigs, rabbits can live a long time, often 10 years.

And if you’ve just had enough and dump your little bunny in the woods under the Disney-esque impression they will spend their days cavorting with other wild rabbits — shame on you! In fact, domestic rabbits are a different breed, defenseless against predators. If left outdoors, they will be either be eaten or starve to death.


Jesus stood before the high priest and boldly declared who He was. There stood Christ, unafraid of death, declaring before all men His identity and their judgment. His bold, resilient declaration ignited a storm like a match in a powder keg. Oh, what a difference the presence of the Holy Spirit makes as He gives us boldness to fearlessly declare our witness for God!
How opposite Jesus’ assertion was from Peter’s timid, fearful denial of who He was just six verses later. Peter shrank back, cursing, swearing, and denying that he had ever known Christ. If “fearing people is a dangerous trap” as Proverbs 29:25 declares, then Peter fell headlong into that trap. What a change we can observe in Peter’s life, however, when he stood up on the day of Pentecost, demanding repentance from the men who had crucified Christ!
Joshua and Caleb demonstrated the same boldness when facing a whole assembly that was about to stone them (Numbers 14:10). Never let the fear of man intimidate you in your greatest hour of destiny. Others may run, hide, and deny, but you must stand tall and be bold. –By Larry Stockstill



Read: Luke 1:26-38

You will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus. —Luke 1:31

Many churches observe March 25 as Annunciation Day. It commemorates the angel’s announcement to Mary that she would be the mother of Jesus, the Messiah. In our success-oriented society, this festival is a needed reminder to recognize and rejoice at the beginning of God’s work in a person’s life rather than holding our applause for the accomplishments.

Because we often read Luke’s gospel at Christmas, we may forget that 9 months of trust and waiting separated Mary’s response to Gabriel from the birth of Jesus. When we read her words of surrender in light of this timespan, they take on added meaning: “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). Mary must have received great encouragement when her cousin Elizabeth told her, “Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord” (v.45).

We can celebrate beginnings by giving a hug or handshake to a new believer who professes faith in Christ. We can write a note of encouragement to a friend who has chosen to obey God’s Word.

Let’s grasp every opportunity to celebrate the beginnings of God’s work in the lives of others. —David McCasland

It takes but a moment of time
And minimal energy spent
To pass an encouraging word
To one who’ll be glad it was sent. —Hess

The human spirit soars with hope when lifted by an encouraging word.



Families around the world have different ways of celebrating the springtime holiday:

  • Russia — People tap each other with pussy willow branches for good luck.

  • Germany — Villagers make a bonfire out of their old Christmas trees to burn the last vestiges of winter and make way for spring.

  • England — Young men carry around a chair decorated with flowers. When a girl or a woman sits in the chair, they lift her up three times for good luck. She thanks them with money and a kiss.

  • Australia — Families play a game in which everyone takes an egg and then pair off and tap each other’s egg. The first egg to crack loses and the winner goes on to challenge other winners until there is only one egg left.

  • Norway — Even though Easter heralds the beginning of spring, many Norwegians go skiing. They also love to buy crime novels and watch TV detective shows while on vacation. They call it “paskekrimmen” or “Easter Crime.”

  • Sweden — Swedes celebrate by shooting off fireworks.

  • Argentina— Women in ruffled skirts, colorful ponchos and white hates cover their faces with white powder and sing songs as they ride on horseback to the Easter carnival. At the end of the festivities, a rag doll is buried to mark the conclusion of the holiday.

  • Bulgaria — The oldest woman in the family touches the faces of the children with the first Easter egg that has been colored red, for good luck.

  • Poland — People celebrate by splashing water on each other. On Easter Monday boys lie in wait to sprinkle girls with water or perfume. It is said that girls who get soaked will marry within the year.

  • United States – Kids talk to giant rabbits.



H&R Block says only 24 percent of 8 to 11 year olds know that the IRS collects taxes. Here’s what the munchkins have to say about taxes:

  • “I think the IRS is smart and helpful” – 71 percent

  • “Taxing my allowance would be a bad thing” – 88 percent

  • “I’d rather pay taxes on my allowance than give up TV” – 50 percent

  • “I’d rather go to school year-round than pay allowance taxes” – 48 percent

  • “My parents are crabby and mad when they do their taxes” – 39 percent



After thinking long and hard, I think it’s time that I move on, and turn in my resignation. I have already turned it in to our General Manager, and I feel that I owe you, my fans, an explanation as to why I’m turning it in.

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, the alphabet, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, and how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause “Tag! You’re it.”

I hope you’ll join me!

Sincerely Yours and HIS…




  • Allergies to plastic grass have made it become increasingly difficult to perform job.

  • Sick and tired of harassing phone calls from Elmer Fudd.

  • Every year, Santa laughs and slams door in his face when he asks if the elves could give him a hand.

  • Tired of receiving junk mail addressed to Peter Cottontail.

  • The one major perk of his job, Easter Candy, has also caused him to have rotted teeth.

  • Sick of being teased about carrying a marshmallow peep.

  • Litigation against Cadbury Bunny still unresolved.



An 80-year-old man was driving around when he suddenly took a wrong turn and almost had a head on collision with an airplane!

…The elderly man accidentally drove through a normally locked terminal gate, past a hangar and onto the runway at Bodoe airport in Oslo, Norway.  The plane was traveling at almost 125 miles per hour when the pilot saw the old man, accelerated and took off early to clear the man’s car by only a few meters. The driver of the car stopped immediately when he saw the plane bearing down on him.  ***MARLAR: The man was heard yelling out his car window, “Crazy teenagers and your supped-up hotrods! You’re going to kill us all!”


(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)


Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will go out and buy expensive fishing equipment, stupid looking clothes, a sports utility vehicle, travel 1,000 miles to the “hottest” fishing spot, and stand waist deep in cold water just so he can outsmart a fish. (Average cost per fish: $395.68)


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

MARCH 23, 2018…

Pacific Rim: Uprising—For fans of the first “Pacific Rim” movie, you don’t have to wait any longer. Here comes the second film, with plenty of action and the monster robots that put Godzilla to shame. In this film, it is about ten years later and more pilots have come forth to battle the enemy. Giant, now-larger, robotic-like creatures have come again from beneath the sea to conquer Earth. What can earthlings to but modify their robots to do battle and the Earth becomes a giant stomping ground for supremacy. Scott Eastwood is here as Jake, who is a top “pilot” and his friend, Amara (Cailee Spaeny) is also there. Who will win? Will there be anything left of Earth when all is said and done? Also in the cast are John Boyega (“Star Wars”), Jing Tian, Rinko Kikuchi, Adria Arjona, Charles Day and Burn Gorman. Steven S. DeKnight directs and he also co-authored the story with T. S. Nowlin. “Pacific Rim: Uprising” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and count me in. 

Midnight Sun—Sunlight isn’t always good for the sick, and no one knows this better than Bella  Thorne, who has a rare disease in which sunlight is dangerous for her She also likes to play the guitar.  What to do when you are a teen, why…fall in love, of course, and enter Patrick Schwarzenner (you read that last name right) as the young man. How to carry on a courtship? Also in the cast are Rob Riggle, Quinn Shephard and Paul McGillion (remember him from “Stargate: Atlantis.”) “Midnight Sun” is based on a Japanese film and is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Sherlock Gnomes—Yes, even garden gnomes have a life and in this animated film—the second one for the gnomes—there is a mystery to be solved. Who to call? Why Sherlock Gnomes, of course. Who did you think? The basic premise also has disagreements between the blue gnomes and the red gnomes (think “Romeo and Juliet” here). Voices of Emily Blunt, James McAvoy, Johnny Depp and Mary J. Blige. “Sherlock Gnomes” is rated G. Rating of  2 for fans.

Unsane—This film is directed by Stephen Soderbergh and concerns a woman who has a problem with mental stability, so is in a hospital. The problem is—are her problems real?  Imaginary? Or, brought about by someone else? Claire Foy stars, and also in the cast are Jay Pharoah, Juno Temple (“Wonder Wheel”) and Amy Irving. “Unsane” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Leisure Seeker—On the road and away we go could be the mantra for Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland. They play a senior couple who decide to take a road trip in their old camper, The Leisure Seeker. The problem is, that Donald has a fading memory and Helen wants to preserve what memories he has and perhaps, give him new memories. This film was postponed from a 2017 opening. “Leisure Seeker” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

MARCH 30, 2018…

Ready Player One is directed by Steven Spielberg and is a science fiction film about playing a special game. Stars Tye Sheridan.

Acrimony has Taraji  P. Henson as the wronged wife who wants answers.

Loveless (opening in select cities) is a foreign language film concerning a bickering couple and their missing son.

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