March 29, 2016: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160329

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I think everybody should have a hobby. My hobby is, apparently… napping. For me, napping is easy – so it’s a great hobby. In fact, napping is so easy I can do it with my eyes closed.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  — Hebrews 11:1

 

For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men — the testimony given in its proper time. — 1 Timothy 2:5-6

 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. — Psalm 46:1-2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you — even Jesus. — Acts 3:19-20

 

Thought: When was the last time that you caught yourself straying from a passionate walk with the Lord? Refreshing times come when we change our hearts and lives to live for God and with God in our everyday lives! In fact, Jesus has told us that he will reveal himself to us as we live obediently for him (see John 14:15-21). His home will be in us until he returns for us and we get to enjoy the ultimate refreshment — going home to be with him forever.

 

Prayer: Abba Father, I am consciously turning my life over to you today. I ask for your forgiveness for any sin that I have committed. Please refresh me through a deeper awareness of Jesus’ lordship and presence in my life today. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Galatians 3:29 NIV = If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – MARCH 29, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 270 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is VIETNAM VETERANS DAY. On this day in 1973, the last United States combat troops left South Vietnam, ending America’s direct military involvement in the Vietnam War.

 

BORROWED DAYS begin today. According to calendar legend, March originally had only 28 days, while April had 33.

 

Today is COCA-COLA DAY.  Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton concocted Coca-Cola on March 29th and introduced it to the public on May 8th, 1886.  *** Did you catch that it was a PHARMACIST that made Coca-Cola?  So it MUST be good for you!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Knights of Columbus Founders Day

National Mom & Pop Business Owners Day

Niagara Falls Runs Dry Day

Texas Loves The Children Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30

Doctors Day

Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day

I Am In Control Day

Manatee Appreciation Day

Pencil Day

Torrents Day

World Bi-Polar Day

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 31

Bunsen Burner Day

Cesar Chavez Day

International Hug a Medievalist Day

National “She’s Funny That Way” Day

Terri’s Day

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 01

American Crossword Puzzle Day

April Fools Day / All Fools Day

Atheist Day

Boomer Bonus Day

Hospital Admitting Clerks Day

National Walk to Work Day

International Tatting Day

Library Snap Shot Day

Myles Day

National Fun Day

National Fun at Work Day

Poetry & The Creative Mind Day

Reading Is Funny Day

Sorry Charlie Day

St. Stupid Day

U.S. Air Force Academy Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 02

Every Day is Tag Day

International Children’s Book Day

International Pillow Fight Day

National Ferret Day

National Love Your Produce Manager Day

National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

Reconciliation Day

Tangible Karma Day

World Autism Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 03

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day

Fan Dance Day

Find a Rainbow Day

Black Marriage Day

Pony Express Day

Tweed Day

Weed Out Hate: Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 04

International Day for Mine Awareness & Assistance in Mine Action

National Love Our Children Day

Passover

Square Root Day

Tater Day (It’s Sweet Potatoes)

Victims of Violence Wholly Day

Vitamin C Day

World Rat Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 05

Equal Pay Day

National Deep Dish Pizza Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Mont’s Day of Action (SAAM)

Read a Road Map Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1790: John Tyler, the 10th U.S. president, was born. ***Tyler had 15 children. So obviously he really needed the job. Tyler was so poor he had to borrow money to attend his own inauguration. Honest. Also strange – he reportedly died in 1862 — however, nobody knows where he’s buried!

 

1824: The Society for the Reformation of Juvenile Delinquents was formed in New York City. ***The problem was pretty serious back then. In fact, you couldn’t get five blocks in Manhattan without spotting some young punk kid attempting to chew gum.

 

1848: Niagara Falls stopped falling. An ice jam blocked the river above the falls for 30 hours.  ***Leaving scores of folks owning barrels with nothing to do.

 

1859: Oscar Mayer was born in Germany. ***Oscar was really stubborn. When they told him in Chicago that Americans would never buy his lunch meat, Oscar said, “Baloney!”

 

1886: Coca-Cola was launched in Atlanta as an Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage.

 

1936: Adolph Hitler got 98.7% of the German vote. ***Which, of course, he took as a mandate to go insane.

 

1962: Jack Paar left “The Tonight Show” and an audience of eight million. Fill-in hosts filled in until one of them. Johnny Carson, got the job. Paar had hosted the show for five years. Steve Allen was the original host.

 

1977: Gene Pingle of Myrtle Creek, Oregon, set a world record by peeling 50 pounds of onions in 31 minutes. ***It was the happiest day of Gene’s life. In fact, for years afterward, just thinking about it brought tears to his eyes.

 

1984: Baltimore Colts employees arrived at work to find phones, chairs, desks, even the coffee machine gone. During the night 15 moving vans had moved everything to Indianapolis. A secret NFL franchise move that surprised everybody.

 

1985: Madonna made her movie debut in “Desperately Seeking Susan.”

 

1987: Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant before 93,136 “Wrestlemania-3” fans at the Silverdome in Pontiac, Michigan. Another 2.5 million watched on pay-per-view TV.

 

1990: The world’s largest yo-yo was launched from a 160-foot crane in Jasonville, Indiana. Built by the woodwork class at Shakamak High School, the yo-yo was 6-feet in diameter and weighed 820 pounds. It yo-yoed 12 times.  ***MARLAR: 820 pounds?!? I’ll bet that hurt the guy’s finger that was tossing the yo-yo!

 

1991: City officials in Encinitas, California, warned that children had begun a dangerous activity by venturing into sewers searching for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. ***MARLAR: What’s so dangerous about that? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would protect them, right? (audio clip)

 

1994: Dallas Cowboy head coach Jimmy Johnson resigned after leading the team to two consecutive Super Bowls.

 

1995: M&M’s announced that voters had chosen blue as the new color to be added to their candy. Over 10-million voters chose blue over pink and purple during the two-month campaign.

 

1999: In Anderson, Indiana, 20-year-old Amber Scott, whose car was being dragged by a train, frantically used her cell phone to call her mother and 9-1-1. She said she prayed for seven minutes before her car finally hit a railroad sign and was knocked loose from the train. Amber said it was a miracle she survived with only a concussion, bumps and bruises, and a sore back.

 

2001: Chuck Sozio of Melrose, Massachusetts, won a whole set of appliances because he had the oldest operating Frigidaire in the U.S. and Canada. Sozio’s fridge, made from wood and porcelain, was still operating after 77 years. He still used it in his garage. The Frigidaire contest drew 5,300 entries, many from people whose fridges dated back to the 1930s.

 

2003: Michelle Kwan became only the third American to win five World Figure Skating Championships, after Dick Button and Carol Heiss.

 

2004: Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia joined NATO.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1139: In the bull “Omne Datum Optimum,” Pope Innocent II grants the Templars “every best gift” and makes them an independent unit within the church. Created to protect pilgrims from bandits in the Holy Land, the Templars rose in influence and wealth and eventually earned the jealousy of other Christians.

 

1523: German reformer Martin Luther wrote in a letter: “There has never been a great revelation of God’s Word unless God has first prepared the way by the rise and the flourishing of languages and learning, as though these were forerunners, a sort of John the Baptist.”

 

1638: The first Swedish colonists in America established a Lutheran settlement at Fort Christiana in the Colony of Delaware.

 

1832: The Kentucky Baptist Convention was organized in Frankfort with delegates representing nine congregations within the state.

 

1847: Birth of Winfield Scott Weeden, American sacred chorister and hymnwriter. During his life he led music and singing schools for the YMCA and Christian Endeavor. Of his several musical compositions, Weeden is best remembered today for the hymn, “I Surrender All.”

 

1882: The Knights of Columbus, founded by Father Michael J. McGivney, was chartered by the General Assembly of Connecticut. Established as a lay fraternal society, the K of C encourages benevolence, patriotism, and racial tolerance among its members.

 

1887: Death of Ray Palmer, hymn writer. His most famous song is probably “My Faith Looks up to Thee.”

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Xena: Warrior Princess”) Lucy Lawless is 48 (audio clip)
  • model Elle MacPherson 53

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1902 : William Walton

1918 : Pearl Bailey

1942 : Eden Kane

1943 : Chad Allan (The Guess Who)

1943 : Vangelis

1944 : Terry Jacks (“Seasons In The Sun“)

1944 : Terry Jacks

1945 : Speedy Keen (Thunderclap Newman)

1947 : Bobby Kimball (Toto)

1949 : Michael Brecker (The Brecker Brothers)

1959 : Perry Farrell (Jane’s Addiction)

1967 : John Popper (Blues Traveler)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is an easy mark a “sucker?”

This particular fish tail begins with the bottom-scavenging fish known as the sucker, from the way it purses its “lips” to draw in the garbage it eats (how low can you sink?). The early settlers of America saw lots of these fish and soon they were indiscriminately using the name as well for other fish that made the same motion with their mouths. Eventually so many kinds of fish bore this name that if you baited a hook you were likely to haul in a sucker. Suckers, being so easy to catch, became synonymous with an easy mark. Any person who would figuratively go for the bait was also labeled a sucker.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Audio Adrenaline’s Adam Agee says life has a way of bringing you back to earth. The band played a show for 15,000 people Saturday night. The next day, on his day off, he was at his at his wife’s grandparents house taking heaps of garbage to the dump.

 

Tenth Avenue North front man Mike Donehey recently released a new blog. Over the holiday weekend Mike shared his thoughts on Good Friday, pointing out that Good Friday was the Worst Friday. Mike added: You’re not alone, even on your worst Friday. Give me enough time, and I can make even this day good.”

http://Mikedonehey.tumblr.com

 

Mandisa has been having some fun with her phone. She recently featured new, comic style, profile pictures. She said it was produced using the Bitmoji App and added, Yes, I’m obsessed. http://get.bitmoji.com/i/ampNg3

 

Want to meet Lauren Daigle after an upcoming show? Now you can sign up on her web site to do just that. Lauren launched a meet and greet form on her page. You can sign up and indicate the show you will attend and then someone from Lauren’s team will let you know if you are one of those selected.

http://laurendaigle.com/site/meet-and-greet-signup/

 

The Beautiful offerings tour of chiropractors around the country is continuing. Two more came out to the shows featuring Big Daddy Weave, Jordan Feliz, and Plumbduring last weekend’s shows and took care of the band. This is the fourth weekend members of the tour have had at least one chiropractor give adjustments before a show so I think it could officially qualify as a tend.

 

Matthew West recently had a special guest join him during the Winterjam tour. Casting Crowns Mark Hall was in town to write new music with Matthew. Matthew posted: Can’t wait “until the whole world hears” what we are cooking up. See what I did there?

 

Colton Dixon will be on the American Idol stage one more time. The program is in it’s final year and will kick off a three-night Grand Finale week on Tuesday, April 5. Colton will be one of a number of past Idol contestants performing as part of the final season of the show.

http://idol.ly/1o9gW6Z

 

Natalie Grant says sometimes the line between tour life and home life can get a little blurry. She posted a picture of her daughters this week and said: Straight off the tour bus, straight into their uniforms and off to school. Turnaround time: 15 minutes. I think they will be sleepy students today, but it’s worth it so that we can be together as much as possible.

http://ow.ly/ZVl4E

 

Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman will be ministering to coaches wives at the final four next weekend. The couple has been announced as the featured guests at The Gathering. It’s described as a welcoming place for coaches’ wives attending the National Association of Basketball Coaches’ Convention at The Final Four to connect with women who share their common experience, use their resources to help others, and be encouraged, inspired and challenged by hope found in Jesus Christ.

 

A question from Jamie Grace: Y’all ever heard of someone coming back from a big lunch and getting stuck in their Easter skirt? Asking for a friend…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A drone has successfully delivered a package to a residential location in a small Nevada town in what its maker and the governor of the state said Friday was the first fully autonomous urban drone delivery in the U.S. According to NBC News, Matt Sweeney said the six-rotor drone flew about a half-mile along a pre-programmed delivery route on March 10 and lowered the package outside a vacant residence in an uninhabited area of Hawthorne, southeast of Reno. The route was established using GPS. A pilot and visual observers were on standby during the flight but weren’t needed. The package included bottled water, food and a first-aid kit.  *** One step closer to blissful drone deliveries of sausage and pepperoni pizza!

http://nbcnews.to/1MHZI72

 

Google is giving a big boost to Gmail security. Google announced on its blog that it is expanding upon Safe Browsing to alert Gmail users about the possibility of suspicious government activity. Since 2012, Google has put a banner on top of users’ Gmail pages that had a warning about state-sponsored attackers if Google believed they were in danger, but now people will get a full-page warning about it — very hard to miss. ***And really ticking off the NSA.

 

A small bird landed on Bernie Sanders’ podium during a rally in Portland on Friday. To the delight of the crowd, the bird first landed on the stage and then perched on the podium. Sanders said: “I think there may be some symbolism here. That bird is really a dove asking us for world peace. No more wars.” After the incident, the hashtag #BirdieSanders began trending on Twitter.  ***Which had to be explained to Bernie because he has no idea what that Twitter thing is.

 

In an interview yesterday morning on ABC’s “This Week,” Donald Trump was asked if he would continue his late-night Twitter fights with famous public figures while serving in the White House.  ***I sure hope so – I mean, if we’re going to be stuck with Trump in the Oval Office, at least he could continue entertaining us.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Eating yogurt four or five times a week may lower the risk for developing Type 2 diabetes, according to a recent study. Researchers in the UK looked at the diets of 4,000 people and followed them for 11 years. They found that people with the highest yogurt consumption had a 24 percent lower risk of developing diabetes, compared with people who didn’t eat yogurt.  *** Sweetness!  Looks like I’m going back to my diet of eating at Culvers! (Eating pure frozen yogurt!)

 

Want to lose a few pounds? Take photos of your food. When researchers (University of Wisconsin) had volunteers take pictures of everything they ate, the subjects consumed fewer snacks, went back for seconds less often, and ate a third fewer calories than people who kept a mental record of what they took in.  *** Because what this world needed more than anything else is for people to have yet another excuse to post food pics.

 

The Sun reports Americans spend a whopping six hours a day gossiping. That’s the findings of an independent national poll from all 50 states about the time they spend dishing dirt. Not surprisingly, women gossip more than men, logging in six and a half hours daily talking to friends about subjects from their husbands to celebrities to other friends. But men aren’t exactly silent. The guys put in an average of five and a half hours.  Their subjects were most likely to be their bosses, co-workers and sports figures.  *** The Sun?  Isn’t that a GOSSIP MAGAZINE?!?!

 

Is there a smell that we can all agree is just horrible? Yes.  A British survey found the smell of a wet dog is something we can do without. Wet dog beat out “cheesy socks” as the top stink.  *** Worst smell of all though was “wet dog wearing cheesy socks.”

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Better Business Bureau”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Dating”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, Racquet the Skunk’s niece, Rita, was depressed because she didn’t know how to do her accelerated math homework.  Fortunately, Uncle Racquet was there to help… well, sort of.  Actually Racquet ended up doing all of Rita’s homework FOR her.  The next afternoon, Gruffy Bear again dropped off Rita after school…

 

CLOSE: Oh yeah, like you didn’t see THAT one coming… right?  That’s twice now that Racquet has done Rita’s homework for her.  Hopefully he’ll realize that what’s happening soon… at least before they get to long division!  Tune in next time as our story continues, on As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 01/03

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, the singing Cheetah Sisters weren’t getting along very well – mostly because Cheetah Bonita’s new song had no room for anyone but her.  No three-part harmonies, just Cheetah Bonita singing solo.  Not only that, but she refused to sing any other songs!

 

CLOSE: Do you think this is why other music groups break up?  Find out what happens next time on As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

How can you mess up the act of walking your dog?

Today’s Moment of Duh allows us to follow a Belgian man who took his dog for a walk… but he stayed in his car, making his dog run alongside the car on the leash as the man drove 20 MPH. Drivers in the other direction slammed their brakes and swerved. Behind him he created a traffic jam. And there’s no need to describe how scared the dog was.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN PERKS OF WORKING AT HOT DOG ON A STICK

 

  1. Stripey uniforms and tall hat more dignified than those stupid pens you had to wear at T.G.I.Friday’s.

 

  1. All the stick you can eat. All the mustard you can drink

 

  1. No rule against wearing cool uniform while off duty.

 

  1. It will look really good on your Mc Donald’s application some day.

 

  1. Always have free chopsticks for use at the Quick Wok next door.

 

  1. Allowed to slap the little punks that ask for a soda on a stick to go with their hot dog.

 

  1. Satisfies your life long goal to provide delicious corn dogs to our society at a low price.

 

  1. You can make fun of all those guys working at Vienna Sausage on a Stick

 

  1. Used with straws, the unused sticks make excellent blowdarts.

 

  1. You know that big honey-baked ham you want to dip in cornmeal and then deep-fry? Done.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man on disability tries to outrun the law.

 

FILE #1: Liverpool’s Stephen Sinnott had collected over $40,000 dollars in disability payments.  Stephen might still be riding the taxpayer’s gravy train had he not made one little slip up.  Stephen told authorities he could barely walk more than 50 yards without feeling breathless.  Apparently it didn’t affect his running.  He was discovered to be an active member of the Penny Lane Striders running club and was regularly competing in half marathons.  Stephen will continue to live on the taxpayers dime for the next year, although it will be in jail.

 

FILE #2: A Canadian man was shocked when he showed up at his house only to find another family living in it.  It seems that while he was out, his estranged wife forged her husband’s name to a sales agreement, then had a relative impersonate her husband at a lawyer’s office to get the final documents signed.  The wife has been charged with fraud and may find herself a new place to live.  Again.  Perhaps jail.

 

FILE #3: Public service has its price and a Colorado councilwoman revealed that recently. Cori McCain resigned from her post on the Castle Rock, Colorado City council because she was sentenced for defrauding the town bank of $269,000. Ironically, having the shame that goes with leaving your job as a convicted felon wasn’t her biggest regret. Nope, she cited that the several years of regular Thursday night meetings caused her to miss her favorite TV shows.  Maybe she’ll get lucky and get a TV in prison.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Pocatello, Idaho, “the carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited in public view.”

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It’s marijuana on the move!

Ryan N. Smith says he was just moving his stuff to protect it from crooks. But in this case, police say the stuff was a bunch of pot plants. Police report busting Smith after getting a tip that two men were loading the plants into a pickup in Jacksonville, Fla. Officers say Smith told them his house had been robbed the night before and he didn’t want to lose the weed to the bandits. He’s been charged with cultivating marijuana.  Another man, the pickup’s driver, faces charges of felony marijuana possession.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

In what dumb ways have you hurt yourself?  Robin and I were putting up a new mailbox yesterday and we had to use a power drill to attach it to the post.  Robin’s long hair fell onto the drill, got spun into the drill’s motor, and was so tangled we had to cut off about seven inches of her hair!  It took us an hour to take the drill apart and get all of the hair out – and now Robin’s hair is lopsided!  What’s the strangest way you’ve hurt YOURSELF?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What prophet was a very hairy man?

ANSWER: Elijah (2 Kings 1:8)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What U.S. state has the smallest population?

ANSWER: Wyoming

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Muhammad Ali was the first person featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated. (False – Eddie Mathews)

 

  1. Jesse Owens was the first person to run the mile in under four minutes. (False – Roger Bannister)

 

  1. A wind with a speed of 54 miles or more is designated a hurricane. (False – 75mph)

 

  1. The first National Football League team to travel by plane was the Green Bay Packers, in 1940. (True)

 

  1. The New York Yankees became the first major league baseball team to wear numbers on their uniforms. (True, in 1929)

 

  1. Any month that starts on a Sunday will have a Friday the 13th in it. (True)

 

  1. A bathometer is an instrument for indicating the depth of the sea beneath a moving vessel. (True)

 

  1. A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/10th of a second. (False – 1/100th of a second)

 

  1. A Sphygmomanometer measures blood pressure. (True)

 

  1. A typical lightning bolt is two to four inches wide and two miles long. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

PANDA ____ TEA (POO)

Giant pandas make some of the best tea in world.  And they make it every day!

An Yashi, a lecturer at Sinchuan University, is collecting excrement from pandas at a breeding center in Chengdu to make what is the world’s most expensive tea at $200 a cup, Reuters reported.

He said panda feces is rich in fiber and nutrients and creates a unique aroma for the tea blend.  “It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

After it was all over, and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals “to go forth and multiply.” All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark. “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah. “We can’t,” answered the snakes. “We’re adders.”

 

JOKE #2

A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, “Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie, Billy, Sally, the dog, and me and Dad are all home alone.”

 

JOKE #3

When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan (1860- 1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.”

Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul: “So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)

Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: “Yes, but Paul had no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon ought to be the better judge as to marriage.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A new study shows teenagers who smoke are more likely to get fat.   ***MARLAR: Now listen up, kids – this is serious.  If you get fat — it’ll cost a lot more money to cover your body with tattoos and body piercings.

 

A human eyeball weighs an ounce.  *** So “lifting your eyes to the skies” probably isn’t the best workout routine.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

A FRACTION OF HUMOR

Miss Figpot was teaching her class of young students about the usefulness of fractions. It was a math lesson that the children were enjoying immensely. After numerous children answered the questions posed to them correctly, it was now Little Johnny’s turn. Miss Figpot asked, “Johnny, if your father earned $100.00 and gave half of it to your mother, what would she have?” “A heart attack!” replied Little Johnny.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

GUITAR FRENZY

How can a guitar stop an entire train and cause other trains to be diverted?

An electronic guitar pedal left on a train cause quite a commotion. About a hundred trains were stopped or diverted as police dealt with a mysterious ticking device. As a precaution, they blew it up. It was only later that they discovered it was the foot pedal to a guitar. The pedal’s 15-year-old owner said he was “profusely sorry for all the inconvenience he has caused,” but he was also upset because the pedal was part of his schoolwork. The school said they would contact the examination board to see how his course work would be marked now that it has been blown up.  ***MARLAR: Man – this is SO much better than the whole “dog at my homework” thing.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE “I LOVE YOU MORE” GAME (A little girl teaches her mom a thing or two about love.)
By Christie A. Hansen

Meet my daughter, Amanda. Four years old and a fountain of knowledge. The other day she was reciting a list of all the facts and tidbits she has memorized. One plus one is two. If you mix yellow paint with blue you get green. Penguins can’t fly….On and on she went.
Finally, she finished. “Mom,” she said, looking very smug, “I know everything.”

I let on as if I believed her, but chuckled to myself thinking of all the “this and that’s” that a four-year-old child couldn’t possibly know. Comparing her four years to my almost three decades of life experiences, I felt sure I knew what she knew and then some.

Within a week, I’d learn I was wrong.

It all began as we were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, me fixing Amanda’s fine, blonde hair. I was putting in the final elastic of a spunky pair of pony tails and finished with, “I love you, Amanda.”

“And I love you,” she replied.

“Oh, yeah,” I taunted, “well, I love you more.”

Her eyes lit up as she recognized the cue for the start of another “I love you more” match. “Nuh-uh,” she laughed, “I love you the most.”

“I love you bigger than a volcano!” I countered–a favorite family phrase in these battles of love.

“But, Mom, I love you from here to China”–a country she’s learning about thanks to our new neighbors up the street.

We volleyed back and forth a few favorite lines. “I love you more than peanut butter”…Well, I love you more than television”…”I even love you more than bubble gum.”

It was my turn again, and I made the move that usually brings victory. “Too bad, chickadee. I love you bigger than the universe!” On this day, however, Amanda was not going to give up. I could see she was thinking.

“Mom,” she said in a quiet voice, “I love you more than myself.”

I stopped. Dumbfounded. Overwhelmed by her sincerity.

Here I thought that I knew more than she did. I thought I knew at least everything that she knew. But I didn’t know this. My four-year-old daughter knows more about love than her twenty-eight-year-old mom. And somehow she loves me more than herself.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(Modified from Campus Journal and used with permission)

Read: 2 Corinthians 5:1-10

We must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due to him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. –2 Corinthians 5:10

There’s some mail you’d rather not get. I’m not talking about junk mail. I’m referring to rejection notices from the college of your choice, or overdue notices from your credit card bank, or a letter from the IRS saying you’re about to be audited… that’s mail no one wants to get!

Although the IRS says the majority of taxpayers are honest and have nothing to fear, no one feels good about having to bundle up all his files and haul them down to the local IRS office for a once-over.

The only consolation in all this is that not many people receive that hated letter. Only about one person in every 46 is called in to have his tax return audited.

There’s another kind of audit coming, but it isn’t based on a random sampling. This one will call everyone into account. It’s the final audit that every human will experience when he stands face-to-face with God in judgment–either the great white throne for those who reject Christ or the judgment seat for those who accept Him.

In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul stated clearly that we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ. We may not understand how this will work and what it will involve, but one thing is sure. It will happen! We need to be ready.

Nobody can escape God’s judgment. One out of 46 will be audited–and so will the other 45. That’s just one more reason to live in a way that pleases and glorifies the Lord.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TRICKS TO TEACH YOUR BODY

  • If your throat tickles, scratch your ear.
  • If you’re stuck chatting up a mumbler at a party, lean in with your right ear. It’s better than your left at following the rapid rhythms of speech.
  • German researchers have discovered that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick.
  • Forget Sudafed. An easier, quicker, and cheaper way to relieve sinus pressure is by alternately thrusting your tongue against the roof of your mouth, then pressing between your eyebrows with one finger.
  • Sleep on your left side to avoid acid reflux.
  • To cure a toothache, rub ice on the back of the V-shaped webbed area between your thumb and index finger.
  • To get rid of side stitches when you run, exhale as your left foot strikes the ground.
  • Brain freeze? Press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as much as you can.
  • If your hand falls asleep while you’re driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side.
  • If you’re dying to retrieve that quarter from the bottom of the pool, take several short breaths first – essentially, hyperventilate.  When you’re underwater, it’s not a lack of oxygen that makes you desperate for a breath; it’s the buildup of carbon dioxide.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

8 COMMON TRAFFIC TICKET MYTHS

Here are the most common misconceptions surrounding tickets and how to beat them from Bankrate.com:

  1. If the officer makes a single mistake on your ticket, the case is dropped — Clerical mistakes, such as a wrong number or wrong order of a person’s name, are usually overlooked. Material mistakes, like the identity of the driver, the direction of travel, the street or the description of the vehicle, can usually help a driver win the case.
  2. If the officer doesn’t show up in court, you automatically win — Some judges will drop a case if the officer does not appear in court because defendants have the constitutional right to question their accusers. However, in most cases an officer not showing up will result in a dismissal.
  3. Red cars get more tickets — There are no official studies to confirm that red cars do get more tickets, but some suggest the bold color tends to attract more attention from everyone — including police officers.
  4. You need a lawyer to beat a ticket — With a little time and homework, many people successfully fight their own traffic tickets. At the very least, first-time offenders for minor offenses can usually strike a plea bargain.
  5. If you get a ticket in another state, your home state won’t find out about it — Reports on traffic violations and suspensions are usually forwarded to the home state of the nonresident.
  6. You can make up an excuse to get out of the ticket — Most police officers aren’t interested in excuses. When an officer pulls you over, he already suspects you of an infraction.
  7. A radar detector will ensure that you never get pulled over — Speeding drivers are also more likely to commit other infractions, and a radar detector can’t tell you when a cop is watching you run that red light or make an illegal turn.
  8. If you don’t sign the ticket, it will be dismissed — Signing a ticket is not an admission of guilt, but merely an acknowledgement you received the ticket and a promise to appear in court.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

AND NOW FOR MY NEXT TRICK… AVOIDING TAXES!

Death and taxes; two things that are unavoidable in this life, right?  Well… maybe not death.

…He’ll probably still have to pay taxes, but Paul Bodey has escaped death… at least for now. Skydiver Paul Bodey survived plunging a mile from the sky by hitting a tree – and landed in the path of a passing car. The tree cushioned his fall and the motorist managed to avoid him as he lay stricken in the road – though he did suffer spinal injuries and a punctured lung. According to a friend, he remembers nothing of his downward journey and only remembers waking up in the road. ***MARLAR: Gee, I’d be seeing a doctor about those blackouts – that might be dangerous.

 

 

FUN LIST

MY TOWN IS SO SMALL (HOW SMALL IS IT?)

My town is so small that…

  • our city limits signs are both on the same post.
  • the McDonald’s only has one Golden Arch.
  • the 7-11 is a 9-5.
  • the mayor had to annex property to eat a foot long hot dog.
  • the New Years baby was born in October.
  • a “Night on the Town” takes only 11 minutes.
  • the phone book has only one page.
  • there’s nothing doing every minute.
  • at the last beauty contest, nobody won 1st, 2nd or 3rd
  • the ZIP code was a fraction.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED!

Want to live to be 100 and be happy and healthy while you’re doing it?

Here are six secret keys to your very own fountain of youth, from researcher Dan Buettner, author of the National Geographic bestseller, “The Blue Zones”:

  1. Laugh long and often — Not only is it fun, but a good, long giggle relaxes blood vessels and lowers your risk of heart attack.
  2. Nosh on nuts — Studies of a Seventhday Adventist group in California found that those who ate small portions of nuts five days a week lived an average of two years longer than those who didn’t.
  3. Cherish your friends — Keep a tight knit circle of close buddies around you visit often and share your innermost hopes and fears. “Gather people around you who will reinforce your lifestyle,” advises Buettner.
  4. Eat wisely — Okinawas, who boast an unusually high number of healthy seniors over 100, begin every meal by saying, “Hara hachi bu!” The saying translates to “Eat until you’re 80 percent full!” Buettner recommends eating slowly off smaller plates to make smaller meals satisfying.
  5. Stay active – You don’t have to run marathons or schedule gym time. Just make physical activities long walks, puttering in the garden or playing with kids a part of your regular routine.
  6. Live like you mean it — “Across the board, those living the longest had a clear sense of purpose,” Buettner explains. “You have to know why you get up every morning.” Find ways to connect with things you feel passionate about and get involved.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A dog who fell off a fishing boat in the Pacific Ocean and had been “presumed dead” more than a month ago has now been found alive by Navy officials on an island 80 miles off the coast of San Diego, California. According to Yahoo News, The 1-year-old German Shepherd, named Luna, was first reported missing the morning of Feb. 10 about 2 miles off of San Clemente Island by her owner — Nick Hayworth, a fisherman. Last week the dog showed up to greet Navy staff arriving on the island for work. The German Shepherd has since been examined by a wildlife biologist for the San Diego Zoo, who determined Luna was “perfectly healthy other than being a little undernourished.”

http://abcn.ws/22lzuDS

 

The world’s smallest self-proclaimed nation was rocked this week by the death of its princess. According to NBC News, the Principality of Sealand is actually a rusting World War II fortress, barely larger than a tennis court, six miles off the English coast. It was declared a state in 1967 by former British Army Major Paddy Roy Bates and his wife, Joan — and its five-decade history has been pockmarked with court battles. Sealand’s latest chapter was drawn to a close this week with Joan Bates’ death at the age of 86. The controversial fiefdom is now ruled by the couple’s 63-year-old son, ‘Prince’ Michael Bates.

http://nbcnews.to/1XCfNks

 

Fadi Mansour wanted to go to Europe, but he was afraid of the sea. So instead, according to Mashable.com, Mansour decided to follow a smuggler’s advice: fly from Istanbul to Malaysia, where Syrians can still enter without a visa, and try to get on a flight to Europe from there. A year later, he wishes he could turn back time. Since March 15th, 2015 — Mansour has been living in Istanbul’s Airport. He is not allowed to go any further without a passport and also is not allowed to go back to Lebanon.

http://on.mash.to/1pAQ01z

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The management of this station is not responsible for any loss of dignity suffered while listening to the preceding program.

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MARCH 25, 2016…

 

Batman vs. Superman—Well, it had to happen. If  “Cowboys and Aliens” became a movie with Harrison Ford, then Batman can fight Superman in a movie, with assistance by another comic book character.  (Guess who?) In this film, Jesse Eisenberg plays an annoying genius who is trying to pit the two world heroes against each other.  Batman (Ben Affleck with a stern jaw line like Robo-Cop), it seems, has a disagreement with Superman (Henry Cavill).  Also in the cast are Amy Adams and Diane Lane. “Batman vs. Superman” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans..

 

Justice League vs. Teen Titans—An animated film concerning the young super-powers who have to learn to work as a team.  Voices of Jon Bernthal, Jerry O’Connell and Rosario Dawson. “Justice League vs. Teen Titans” is rated PG. No rating.

 

The Disappoints Room—Another horror film concerning a mother and son moving into an old mansion (sigh).  This one stars Kate Beckinsale, Gerald McRaney and Duncan Joiner. This mansion happens to be in the Deep South. “The Disappointments Room” is rated PG-13. No rating.

 

Big Fat Greek Wedding 2—A continuation of the last Big Fat Greek Wedding.  In the second film, there is a family secret that comes to light and it involves someone thinking they were already married. The usual suspects are here including Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Michael Constantine and Lainie Kazan. “Big Fat Greek Wedding 2” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

I Saw The Light—This film, a bio-pic on the life of the late singer Hank Williams, was supposed to have been released last fall.  It is now (hopefully) opening and it is good, with British star Tom Hiddleston doing his own singing.  Can we say, “wow” now? Also in the cast is Elizabeth Olsen as his wife. Shows the ups and downs of his career. “I Saw The Light” is rated R. Rating of 4.

 

APRIL 01, 2016…

 

Collide stars Nicholas Hoult in a story of trying to escape from the mob.

 

Amityville: The Awakening is a fresh start (again?) of living in a haunted house. Stars Bella Thorne.

 

Everyone Wants Some is about a 1980’s college baseball team. Stars Blake Jenner.

 

Pandemic and another film set in the future and a virus gone awry. Stars Missi Pyle and Mekki Phifer.

 

Meet The Blacks has Mike Epps and his family winning big and leaving Chicago for the West Coast.

 

Miles Ahead stars Don Cheadle as the late jazz musician Miles Davis.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.