March 31, 2018: Saturday ON

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Once again, it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)!  Life got you down? Misery on the rise? Troubles everywhere you turn? Well, stand by — it’s going to get worse!

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. — Psalm 119:130

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. — Romans 6:23

I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness. — John 12:46

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. — Proverbs 29:25

Thought: Jesus told us not to fear other human opponents (Lk. 12:4-5). When we try to please others, when we fear what others may say or do to us, we place ourselves in a position of great vulnerability. Our lives no longer remain our own. We become captive to what others think, want, or threaten. We are only to trust the LORD and reverence him. In God is our safety, both now, and forevermore.

Prayer: Please keep me safe, O LORD, from those who oppose me and would do me harm. Make my life a holy praise to honor you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

John 3:31 NIV = The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – MARCH 31, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
268 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL TATER DAY.  ***Unless you’re under the age of five – then it’s Tater TOT Day!

Today is BUY SOME NEW SOCKS DAY. Go ahead, you’re worth it. (audio clip)

Today is NO HOMEWORK DAY. Teachers should not assign homework for tonight.  ***As if educators all across the city are going to take advice from some guy on the radio that never got above a C-average to begin with.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Bunsen Burner Day
Cesar Chavez Day
International Hug A Medielvalist Day
International Transgender Day of Visibility
National Crayon Day
National Prom Day
National “She’s Funny That Way” Day
Terri’s Day
World Backup Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, APRIL 01

American Crossword Puzzle Day
April Fools  or All Fools Day
Atheist Day
Boomer Bonus Days
Easter
International Tatting Day
Library Snap Shot Day
Myles Day
National Fun Day
Plum Pudding Day
Poetry & The Creative Mind Day
Reading is Funny Day
Sorry Charlie Day
St. Stupid Day
US Air force Academy Day

MONDAY, APRIL 02

Dyngus Day
International Children’s Book Day
Mule Day
National Ferret Day
National Love Your Produce Manager Day
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
Reconciliation Day
Tater Day ( It’s Sweet Potatoes)
White House Easter Egg Roll
World Autism Day
World Autism Acceptance Day

TUESDAY, APRIL 03

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
Fan Dance Day
Find A Rainbow Day
Pony Express Day
Tweed Day
Weed Out Hate
World Party Day

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 04

Childhelp National Day of Hope
International Day for Mine Awareness& Assistance in Mine Action
Jeep 4×4 Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Day of Action
National Walking Day
Whole Grain Sampling Day
Paraprofessional Appreciation Day
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
World Rat Day

THURSDAY, APRIL 05

Gold Star Spouses Day
National Fun at Work Day
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Burrito Day
National Deep Dish Pizza Day
Read A Road Map Day

FRIDAY, APRIL 06

Army Day
Charlie the Tuna Day
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
Hostess Twinkie Day
International Day of Sport for Development and Peace
National Pie Day
National Kids Yoga Day
National Student Athlete Day
National Walk To Work Day
New Beers Eve
Tartan Day
Teflon Day
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Day

SATURDAY, APRIL 07

Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide
Every Day is Tag Day
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
International Pillow Fight Day
Metric System Day
National Beer Day
National Girl Me Too Day
National Handmade Day
National Love Our Children Day
No Housework Day
Tangible Karma Day
World Health Day (UN)
World Health Organization Day

SUNDAY, APRIL 08

Buddah Day (Historical Birth Date)
Draw A Bird Day
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Da
y
Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day

MONDAY, APRIL 09

Appomattox Day
Jenkins Ear Day
Jumbo Day (Elephant
s came to US and created the word for “jumbo” meaning “big” in our language.)
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Winston Churchill Day

ON THIS DAY

1917: The U.S. took possession of the Virgin Islands from Denmark.

1933: Bob Simmons was born in England. He became a top movie stuntman and doubled for Sean Connery in the James Bond films. He died in 1988. (audio clip)

1943: The Rodgers and Hammerstein musical “Oklahoma!” opened on Broadway. (audio clip)

1949: Newfoundland became Canada’s 10th province.

1954: Leica introduced a revolutionary new 35-millimeter camera with dialed shutter speeds, interchangeable lenses, and a film-winding lever.

1958: Chess Records released Chuck Berry’s “Johnny B. Goode.”

1973: Boxer Ken Norton broke Muhammad Ali’s jaw.

1973: Loudon Wainright-the-3rd’s “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road” peaked at #16 on Billboard’s Hot 100.

1974: Three Miami Dolphins, Larry Csonka, Jim Kiick, and Paul Warfield, signed with the World Football League’s Toronto Northmen, which soon became the Memphis Southmen. The World League folded within two years and still owes all three players money.

1985: “The Love Boat” celebrated its 200th TV episode by honoring its 1,000th guest star, Lana Turner. (audio clip)

1989: “Wrestlemania-5,” pitting Hulk Hogan against Macho Man Savage, became the largest pay-per-view program in cable TV history.

1995: The 23-year-old Tejano star Selena Quintanilla-Perez was shot and killed at a Corpus Christi motel. The manager of her boutiques was convicted of the murder and sentenced to life in prison.

1998: God did not appear live at 10:00 a.m. on Channel 18 as predicted by a Tawanese UFO cult in Garland, Texas. The group had predicted God’s appearance for months.

1999: During a promotional ride of a new roller coaster at the Busch Gardens theme park in Williamsburg, Virginia, model Fabio was cut over the nose when a bird flew into his face.

2001: In Thessaloniki, Greece, two men using a crossbow to shoot drugs over a prison wall were arrested by police and charged with narcotics trafficking. Police had been staking out the Diavata prison after wardens discovered small bags of heroin and hashish hanging from the barbed wire atop the wall surrounding the penitentiary.

2005: Terri Schiavo, a 41-year-old Florida woman in a persistent vegetative state since 1990, died 14 days after removal of her feeding tube in a right-to-die dispute that involved the courts, Congress and the White House.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1146: French monastic reformer and theologian Bernard of Clairvaux preaches for the Second Crusade at Vezelay, France. He urged his audience to “take the sign of the cross,” and so many responded that he ran out of cloth crosses to pass out (he ended up tearing pieces from his own habit to stitch on the shirts of would-be crusaders). When the crusade proved to be a failure, people were shocked that a venture supported by such a powerful man of God could go wrong.

1492: After the Inquisition failed to convert Spain’s Jews, monarchs Ferdinand and Isabella sign an edict giving them three months to leave the country. An estimated 150,000 Jews fled, the last reportedly leaving August 2, the traditional anniversary of the destruction of the first and second temples. The next day, August 3, Christopher Columbus sailed for America.

1596: French philosopher Rene Descartes is born. Though more famous for his saying, “Cogito ergo sum” (I think, therefore I am), he followed that statement with a logical argument for the existence of God. In essence, he argued that the idea of God, a perfect being, could only be caused by that perfect God. Though fellow philosopher-mathematician-scientist Blaise Pascal (an avid Christian) considered Descartes a mere Deist, “letting [God] give a tap to set the world in motion,” Descartes repeatedly wrote about his devotion to Roman Catholicism.

1732: Franz Joseph Haydn, mentor to both Beethoven and Mozart, is born in Austria. His greatest contribution to church music is probably his 1798 oratorio The Creation.

1816: Pioneer Methodist bishop Francis Asbury dies at age 71. During his 45-year ministry in America, he traveled on horseback or in carriage an estimated 300,000 miles, delivering some 16,500 sermons.

1879: Father John Veniaminov, missionary to Alaska, dies. Known as St. Innocent of Alaska, Veniaminov pioneered Russian Orthodox church plants in the Alaskan islands, and located his archdiocese in Sitka.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Daredevil, The Recruit, The Phonebooth, S.W.A.T.) Colin Farrell 42

  • Actor (Doogie’s geeky friend, Paul Pfeiffer, on “Doogie Howser, M.D.” ) Josh Saviano, 42 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Big Fish, Moulin Rouge, Star Wars Episodes II and III) Ewan McGregor, 47

  • Actor (movie Sideways, sitcom “Wings,” The Sandman in Spider-Man 3) Thomas Haden Church, 58 (audio clip)

  • Former Vice-President Al Gore Jr. 70

  • actress (Carla on “Cheers”) Rhea Perlman 70 (audio clip)

  • comedian/actor (“Welcome Back Kotter”) Gabe Kaplan 73 (audio clip)

  • Actor (The Rundown, Deer Hunter, Catch Me If You Can, The Dead Zone) Christopher Walken, 75

  • Actress (“The Partridge Family”, Oklahoma!) Shirley Jones 84 (audio clip)

  • Actor (George Feeney on “Boy Meets World,” the voice of KITT on the original “Knight Rider” series) William Daniels, 91 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1908 : Red Norvo

1921 : Lowell Fulson

1928 : Lefty Frizzell

1933 : Ina Anita Carter (The Carter Sisters)

1934 : Shirley Jones (The Partridge Family)

1934 : John D. Loudermilk

1935 : Herb Alpert

1935 : Richard Chamberlain

1944 : Mick Ralphs (Mott The Hoople, Bad Company)

1944 : Rod Allen (The Fortunes)

1946 : Allan Nichol (The Turtles)

1947 : Al Goodman (The Moments)

1948 : Jon Jon Poulos (The Buckinghams)

1948 : Thijs Van Leer (Focus)

1953 : Sean Hopper (Huey Lewis and the News)

1954 : Tony Brock (The Tubes, The Babys)

1955 : Angus Young (AC/DC)

1958 : Pat McGlynn (The Bay City Rollers)

1959 : Robert Holmes (’til tuesday)

1987 : Georg Listing (Tokio Hotel)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why do we tell someone who’s snooty to get off his or her high horse?

I’ve known some pretty snooty people who I wouldn’t mind seeing fall off a high horse. But this expression just tells them to get off. So what would they be doing mounted on this tall nag in the first place? If you know anything about horses, you’re aware that they come in a pretty wide variety of sizes and shapes. Clydesdales, for examples, are very big, while Shetland Ponies are, by comparison, pretty diminutive. At one time, the size of your horse would have had a lot to do with your social position. Knights, for instance, high on the social scale, needed big horses to hold them and their equipment. Other high-standing people just liked to sit tall in the saddle, with a little help from their steed. The expression “get off your high horse” thus means to come down from such social pretensions.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

*****NOTE: THIS FEATURE WILL BE TAKING A BREAK FROM MARCH 31 THRU APRL 16. IT WILL RETURN TUESDAY, APRIL 17, 2018.*****

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins were running away, terrified of The Plaid Guy! Marvy was running so hard and was so scared that he even dropped his teddy-bear – but then he fell down, and before he could get up, the Plaid Guy was right on top of him!

CLOSE: Well… it’s good to know that The Plaid Guy is actually a friendly guy… but you have to wonder… living alone all these years, how good can his seven cup salad really be? We’ll find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
The Wilcox Memorial Hospital in Hawaii had to recently enforce a little used regulation: No horses allowed!

…Apparently a man thought a relative, who was a patient, might enjoy seeing his stallion, and he and his horse managed to enter the hospital and ride an elevator up to the third floor before being stopped by security personnel! Hospital spokesperson Lani Yukimura said security managed to get the man and the horse out of the hospital, with “just a few scuff marks.” She did add that while the hospital does have a pet visitation policy– it’s for dogs and cats, not horses. Even funnier — the guy’s good intentions were all for not when hospital staff brought the relative outside to see the horse. The patient then said, “That’s not my horse.”

TOP TEN

TOP TEN MANAGEMENT TRANSLATIONS

10. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don’t totally disagree with you. (TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don’t care.)

9. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility. (TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not.)

8. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have an opportunity. (TRANSLATION: You have a problem.)

7. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: In a perfect world. (TRANSLATION: Just get it working and get it out the door.)

6. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Help me to understand. (TRANSLATION: I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I don’t think you do either.)

5. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to see the big picture. (TRANSLATION: My boss thinks it’s a good idea.)

4. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We’re going to follow a strict methodology here. (TRANSLATION: We’re going to do it my way.)

3. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I didn’t understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary? (TRANSLATION: I still can’t figure out how to start the e-mail program.)

2. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to leverage our resources. (TRANSLATION: You’re working weekends.)

1. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I’d like your buy-in on this. (TRANSLATION: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.)

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Forgetting where you parked your car is a bit embarrassing – but it’s also a bit inconvenient if the car happens to be your getaway vehicle! 

FILE #1: Kevin Phillips violated a very important rule when it comes to being a criminal. When you steal a car it’s usually a good idea to remember where you parked it. Kevin heisted a bright red BMW and headed out with some friends. When he came back he tried the key in the lock and it wouldn’t fit. He looked at the key and looked at the car and tried it again and again… the key just wouldn’t work. Becoming frustrated, Kevin next picked up a brick and tried to smash the window. And that’s when he attracted the attention of the police, who came over and sorted the whole thing out. They discovered that Kevin’s car, the stolen one, was parked a few spaces away. Yep, he’d gone to the wrong car. He’s now been charged with theft and destruction of property.

FILE #2: Police in Tacoma, Washington, had no trouble identifying a man who robbed a convenience store. The crook held the clerk up with a gun and demanded beer. The quick thinking clerk secretly hit the silent alarm and then told the robber that he would have to show some ID in order to steal the beer. Believe it or not, the guy actually showed him his driver’s license. Police quickly caught up with the thief a few miles away from the store.

FILE #3: A group of illegal aliens picked one of the worst possible spots to try to land their boat. Right in front of NASA’s Kennedy Space Center, one of the most closely guarded strips of shoreline in the United States. Apparently they were shooting for a beach near Miami and strayed a little too far north. And they didn’t help their cause any when the one member of the group who could speak English asked one of the armed NASA guards if he could borrow his cell phone to call for directions. They’re being held pending deportation back to their Chinese homeland.

STRANGE LAW: In Idaho, boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Federal Express – when your marijuana absolutely positively has to be there overnight.

In Marshfield, Massachusetts, 19-year-old Alexandra Docanto was arrested after $50,000 worth of marijuana was Fed Ex’d to her! Police intercepted the package after being tipped off. The package, which was paid for in cash, had 20 pounds of pot and was sent from a privately owned mail center in California. Police say Alexandra admitted she was expecting the package but that the drugs were not for her. She told them she was supposed to get $200 for her role in the scheme.

PHONER PHUN

I just saw a TV commercial that said “Metal Detecting is one of the most exciting hobbies of the decade”. Wait, what? Metal detecting is an exciting hobby? Oooookay. What hobby do lots of people find exciting that would bore you to death? Metal detecting would certainly be on that list for me. Along with coin and stamp collecting!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Where did Miriam (Moses and Aaron’s sister) die?
ANSWER: Kadesh (Numbers 20:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is the strongest muscle in the body?

ANSWER: The tongue. ***MARLAR: Probably because that’s the one we use the most – at least that’s the case with my mother-in-law.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. An ounce of gold can be stretched into a wire 5 miles long. (False – 50 miles long!)

2. Outlaw Butch Cassidy’s real name was Mabel Cassidy. (False – his real name was Robert Leroy Parker. The Sundance Kid’s real name was Harry Longabaugh.)

3. Sea water, loaded with mineral salts, weighs about a pound and a half more per cubit foot than fresh water. (True)

4. Ten per cent of the salt mined in the world each year is used to de-ice the roads in America. (True)

5. The air we breathe is 78% oxygen. (False – it’s 78% nitrogen, 21.5% oxygen, .5% argon and other gases.)

6. The Chinese were using aluminum as early as 30 A.D. (False – as early as 300 A.D. Western civilization didn’t rediscover aluminum until 1827.)

7. The most abundant metal in the Earth’s crust is copper. (False – aluminum)

8. The only rock that floats in water is pumice. (True)

9. The United States government keeps its supply of silver at the US Military Academy at West Point, NY. (True)

10. NORAD stands for North American Air Defense. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Schwarzenegger Pulled Over For Improper _____!” (CYCLING)

(From 2016) It happened in Germany. He was riding his bike in a train station and that’s a big German no-no. Arnold was there for Oktoberfest 2016. Of course.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

JOKE #2

Bill was taking a flight to New York. He boards the plane, finds his seat and settles in, but does not fasten his seatbelt. The flight attendant comes down the aisle and see Bill’s unfastened seatbelt and says, “Sir, you need to fasten your seatbelt for takeoff.”

Macho Bill says, “Not necessary to do that, Superman doesn’t need a seatbelt.”

“Superman,” the flight attendant said, “doesn’t need an airplane either.”

JOKE #3

Tom is a police officer and occasionally parks his cruiser in residential areas to watch for speeders. One Sunday morning he was staked out in a driveway when he saw a large dog trot up to his car.

The dog stopped and sat just out of arm’s reach. No matter how much Tom tried to coax him to come for a pat on the head, the animal refused to budge.

After a while, Tom decided to move to another location. Tom pulled out of the driveway, looked back, and learned the reason for the dog’s stubbornness. The canine had quickly picked up the newspaper Tom had been parked on and dutifully ran back to his master.

USELESS FACTS

Men’s Health says 18% of all home cooked meals are prepared by men.  ***Re-heated pizza does count as a home cooked meal, right?

A high school principal in Montana returned to work recently after serving a six-day suspension for giving a student a wedgie.  ***He says it was not his fault, as his originally plan was to give the kid a swirly but the toilets were broken.

FEATURED FUNNIES

GOOD FOOD

Can’t eat beef… mad cow.

Can’t eat chicken… bird flu

Can’t eat eggs… again, bird flu

Can’t eat pork…fears that bird flu will infect piggies

Can’t eat fish…heavy metals in the water has poisoned their meat

Can’t eat fruits and veggies……. insecticides and herbicides

Hmmmm! I believe that leaves chocolate!

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

HAVE A NICE FALL
Chris Hoyle could not believe her eyes when she saw (and heard) a man falling five-stories past her office window.

…The California lady was even more surprised when she went outside to see what happened to the man. She saw 34-year-old Ken Larsen who amazingly was okay after falling headfirst from the five-story building. His arm was scratched and his shoulder bruised, but nothing was broken. In fact, he said, he landed on his feet. Larsen had been laying telecommunications cable on the roof, walking backwards and pulling it when he accidentally stepped off the ledge. Halfway to the ground, Larsen realized he might survive. The cable he still clutched was slowing his fall. On the roof, his partner Rick Williver, put his weight against the spinning spool of cable. After unwinding 65 feet of cable and crashing through tree branches, he had landed on his feet. “It was like landing after a parachute jump,” Larsen said. A paramedic told him that with the chances of him surviving a fall such as this, he should go out and buy a lottery ticket. ***MARLAR: I’d recommend staying out of lightning storms too.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking.

Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, “Hi there.” He pounded his fat baby hands on the high-chair tray. His eyes were wide with excitement and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin. He wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment.

It was a man with a tattered rag of a coat; dirty, greasy and worn. His pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed.

His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.

His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. “Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,” the man said to Erik. My husband and I exchanged looks, “What do we do?” Erik continued to laugh and answer, “Hi, hi there.”

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room,”Do ya know patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo.”

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. “Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,” I prayed.

As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to side step him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby’s “pick-me-up” position.

Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man’s. Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man’s ragged shoulder. The man’s eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor gently, so gently, cradled my baby’s bottom and stroked his back.

No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms for a moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, “You take care of this baby.” Somehow I managed, “I will,” from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest – unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain.

I received my baby, and the man said, “God bless you, ma’am, you’ve given me a great gift.”

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, “My God, my God, forgive me.”

I had just witnessed Christ’s love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking “Are you willing to share your son for a moment?” when He shared His for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, “To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little children.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

HOW LONG?

Read: Luke 19:41-44

As [Jesus] drew near, He saw the city and wept over it. —Luke 19:41

It took years before she finally said yes. A Welshman had fallen in love with one of his neighbors and wanted to marry her. But they had quarreled, and she refused to forgive.

Shy and reluctant to face the offended woman, the persistent suitor slipped a love letter

under her door every week.

At last, after 42 years, he summoned up courage, knocked on her door, and asked her to become his wife. To his delight, she consented. So they were married at the age of 74!

God is also a persistent lover. Century after century He sent prophets, seeking the stubborn people of Israel. Then God sent His Son. In Luke 19, we read that Jesus looked out over the city of Jerusalem and wept because of their hardness of heart (vv.41-44).

Yet Jesus persisted in His loving pursuit. He opened the way for reconciliation by His redeeming sacrifice at Calvary. Today He is still asking sinners to come to Him, personally accept Him as Savior, and enjoy close fellowship with Him (Matthew 11:28).

If you have come to Him, rejoice that you are His. If you have not, however, you must realize that time may run out. Don’t remain forever alienated from the Lover of your soul. Trust Him today. —Vernon Grounds

Why trade the hope of heaven’s light
For things that please the prince of night?
Eternal glories wait for all
Who turn and trust God’s loving call. —Branon

God always knocks loud enough for the seeking soul to hear.

LEFTOVERS

BUSY THIEF
Most bank robbers take a breather in between heists but a Los Angeles bank robber robbed 3 banks within 25 minutes!

…It could be a record, and Lt. Tim Stehr of the suburban Burbank police department said that the man simply walked into the banks, waived a gun and demanded cash. The first of the three took place at 11am, the next at 11:15am, and the next at 11:25am. ***MARLAR: This guy robbed three banks in 25 minutes – and yet I can’t get to a single bank teller in less than thirty!

LIFE… LIVE IT

If you’re at risk for a heart attack, you might want to give up coffee. Pft… yeah, right!

Just a single cup can trigger a heart attack in some people within an hour of consumption, according to a study from Brown University and Harvard University. People who have the greatest danger are those who have three or more risk factors for heart disease, as well as drink coffee occasionally and lead a sedentary lifestyle. Heart attack risk factors include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, diabetes and smoking.  ***MARLAR: Dang!  High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and obesity – that’s me!  But life ain’t worth living without coffee, so never mind.

JUST FOR FUN

JET LAG
Statistics show that flying is still the safest form of travel. But here’s some bad news for frequent fliers and airline crews.

…New research says that too much jet lag can damage your memory and slow down the brain. A new study of airline cabin staff has shown that people who had been flying across time zones for four years or more had slower reaction times and worse short-term memory than people in non-flying jobs. The study, by psychologists from Durham, Liverpool and Bristol universities in the UK, showed that hormones produced by stress were higher in cabin staff, and that these hormones lead to memory loss and slowing of the brain. ***MARLAR: Fortunately, I don’t fly that often. At least, I don’t think I do. Maybe I just don’t remember…

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU’RE NO LONGER HIP WHEN:

  • Your daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

  • The pattern on your shorts and your couch match.

  • When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.

  • You turn down free tickets to a concert because you have to work the next day.

  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your kid’s new running shoes.

  • Jogging is something you do to your memory.

  • You use words like “hip” to say how cool you are.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

A QUACKS LANDING

A helicopter pilot managed to safely land his chopper despite a head-on collision with a duck! Sam Cain was piloting a helicopter transporting a heart transplant patient to a hospital in St. Louis, when his craft and a group of ducks were heading straight towards each other. It was at an altitude of around 500 feet when it hit seven of the ducks, one of them actually crashed through the helicopter windshield. The pilot suffered a cut over his left eye but was able to retain control despite the rush of cold air and blood loss. The duck ironically landed on a stretcher inside the helicopter. Thanks to Cain, heart transplant patient Linda Horner made it to the hospital safely and is now recovering. The duck, meanwhile, broke it’s neck and died. The helicopter crew intends to stuff it and present it to Linda.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Gotta go. I’m in charge of fixing dinner tonight, and I want to get home and open that jar of peanut butter so it can breathe.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MARCH 30, 2018…

Ready Player One—Steven Spielberg directs this film that is based on an Ernest Cline novel from 2011. It is a science fiction film, set in 2045 and in a world where the reality everyone lives in is just too hard to bear. People live in barren cities and use a virtual reality world to exist. The outside world is something like “Blade Runner.”  Enter Mark Rylance (remember him from “Dunkirk”) as the man who is head of the Oasis Corporation, along with Simon Pegg. In Mark’s later years. they set up a game called “Anorak,” supposed to be unsolvable. Well, tell that to teens. If you win the game, you get an enormous amount of money and life away from this present place. Now,  everyone goes to solve the game, so if you don’t play, it means, you like to remain just where you are. “Ready Player One” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

Acrimony—Taraji P. Henson, who makes a name for herself in the television series, “Empire,” now plays a betrayed wife in Tyler Perry’s newest film, “Acrimony.” Woe to the husband, played by Lyriq Bent. Also in the cast is Crystie Stewart. “Acrimony” is rated R. No rating.

Loveless (opening in select cities)—A husband and a wife (Boris and Zenya) quarrel all the time. They don’t seem to notice their son, Alyosha.  One day, after a heated argument, they notice the boy is missing A massive search begins, and in the meantime, how does the couple deal with this enormous loss—a missing child. “Loveless” is rated R. Rating of 2. Subtitles.

APRIL 06, 2018…

You Were Never Really Here has Joaquin Phoenix in a thriller about a kidnapped young woman.

Blockers is a comedy starring John Cena about a father trying to stop his daughter from serious dating.

A Quiet Place has John Krasinski as the actor/writer/director of this thriller that also stars his wife, Emily Blunt. Keep quiet when the prowlers come.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.