May 01, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

NOTE: You may have noticed the slight changes to the welcome page for ONAIRprep – primarily, the green “Member Entrance” button and the red “Member Login” button. You will need to begin using these buttons on Monday, May 4TH as we revert back to using unique usernames and passwords to gain admittance to the prep pages. Be on the lookout for an email with more information about this important and overdue change.

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

We have a great show for you today — especially if you’re one of our regular listeners and don’t expect much anyway.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. — Psalm 143:10

 

Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. — Ephesians 4:15

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. — Acts 2:41

 

Thought: Wow! Wouldn’t it be great to see 3,000 added to God’s people in church today. Those who accepted Peter’s message at Pentecost were baptized and the beginning of the early church started with an incredible bang. Earlier that day, only a small group of Jesus’ followers had met to pray just as they had done for several days since Jesus’ ascension. As night falls in Jerusalem, the number has jumped to over 3,000! Acts 2 stands as a hallmark passage showing us the message of salvation, what the response of open hearts will be, and how the Holy Spirit uses this simple message to bring seeking hearts to salvation and community. Why don’t you read Acts 2 today? Jot down what Peter says about Jesus. Notice what Peter tells the people to do to be saved. The Gospel is still just as simple, so let’s not only study it; let’s share it, praying for God to bring revival to our times and to our broken land!

 

Prayer: Holy and Most High God, please breathe your Holy Spirit out upon us and bring true revival today to our churches and salvation for thousands who are lost. I pray this, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

Romans 5:1 NIV = Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – MAY 01, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 239 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is SAVE THE RHINO DAY. ***MARLAR: Be sure to save your rhino in a cool, dry place so it won’t spoil.

 

Today is STEPMOTHERS DAY, a day to honor stepmothers who care.  ***MARLAR: I actually do have a stepmother, and I have red hair… so that makes me THE RED HEADED STEP CHILD!

 

Today is TEEN DAY, a day for teens and adults to talk to each other. ***MARLAR: Because there is a first time for everything.

 

POSTCARD WEEK.  ***MARLAR: How many people still send postcards?  With the creation of email, why waste a stamp to tell someone “Wish you were here” when in all truthfulness you are where you are in the first place because you needed a vacation from that person?!

 

Today is MAY DAY, originally a festival in honor of Flora, the Roman goddess of Spring, which is why people use this day to gather flowers and welcome warm weather.  Since we don’t worship Roman gods and goddesses, it doesn’t make much sense to celebrate.  However, in the late 1800s, May Day also became a day to honor workers… which might also explain why today is known as…

 

Today is LABOR DAY in 140 nations.  Bermuda, Canada, and the U.S. are the only nations that observe Labor Day in September.  ***MARLAR: Can we celebrate today AND in September?  I could really use another vacation day.

 

This is SENIOR COMEDIANS WEEK. ***MARLAR: As old as their jokes are, I’m guessing the morning team at (COMPETING STATION) began celebrating early.

 

Today is MOTHER GOOSE DAY. ***MARLAR: To be honest, I don’t think celebrating Mother Goose Day is a good idea in any way whatsoever. I mean, think about it. Take a look at Jack and Jill… Jack falls down and cracks open his skull, and then goes home to mend it with vinegar and brown paper… what kind of medical remedy for a cracked skull is that? Shouldn’t we be telling our kids to dial 911 instead of building a brown paper salad with vinegar dressing on their heads?

 

Today is NATIONAL ANXIETY DISORDER SCREENING DAY. ***MARLAR: Which reminds me, has anyone seen the boss today?

 

 

THIS IS PET WEEK

The kind of pet you choose can be a direct reflection on the type of person you really are. “There’s a powerful connection between people and their pets that’s truly beneficial,” says psychologist Marion Steinberg. “Research has shown you’ll live a longer, happier life if you open your heart to anything from a dog to a parrot.” Steinberg says the latest study proves the animals you choose to love actually highlights your personal traits. So what does your favorite pet say about you? Choose the one you like the best and discover more about yourself.

  • Birds — Fun-loving and adventurous, folks in your inner circle know you’ll try anything once. The trouble is, you don’t always plan ahead to avoid catastrophe. If you curb your impatience, you’ll land on your feet more often than not.
  • Cats — Just like the feline, you’re picky about who you lavish your affection on. You’re a natural-born leader who’s not afraid to stand up for your rights and take charge of a situation. That’s fine because your co-workers respect your ideas.
  • Dogs — You’re a straight shooter, and your pals often ask for your clear-eyed advice and thoughtful observations. A loyal and true friend, you never betray a confidence. Best of all, when you give your friendship, it’s for life.
  • Fish — You’re a creative person who appreciates beauty in all its forms. Friends and family love your generous spirit and unselfish approach to life. You’re also perceptive and observant — a person who’s always in the know.
  • Gerbils/Guinea Pigs — Loved ones are sometimes confused by your behavior. You can be shy and standoffish or outgoing and full of spunk, depending on your mood. But despite the ups and downs, you’re a popular and well-loved person.
  • Pot-belly pigs — You’re intelligent, funny and affectionate. Life is something to be enjoyed to the fullest. But although your friends are the center of your life, you may have a commitment phobia when it comes to love.
  • Rabbits — These indicate you’re a shy yet curious nature, ready for anything.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Amtrak Day

Batman Day

Beltane

Dandelion Day

Executive Coaching Day

Global Love Day

International Space Day

Keep Kids Alive, Drive 25 Day

Law Day

Lei Day

Loyalty Day

Mariachi Day

May Day

Mother Goose Day

National Bubba Day

National Purebred Dog Day

New Homeowner’s Day

School Principals’ Day

Silver Star Day

Stepmother’s Day

Tuba Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, MAY 02

Beer Pong Day

Bladder Cancer Awareness Day

Free Comic Book Day

Join Hands Day

Kentucky Derby

Martin Z. Mollusk Day

National Homebrew Day

National Scrapbooking Day

World Naked Gardening Day

Roberts Rule of Order Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 03

Garden Meditation Day

Hug Your Cat Day

International Baby Lost Mother’s Day (Bereaved Mothers Day)

Lemonade Day

Lumpy Rug Day

Motorcycle Mass & Blessing of the Bikes Day

National Special-abled Pets Day

National Infertility Survival Day

National Two Different Colored Shoes Day

Paranormal Day

Public Radio Day

World Laughter Day

World Press Freedom Day

 

MONDAY, MAY 04

Intergalactic Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You)

International Firefighters Day

International Respect for Chickens Day

Melanoma Monday

National Library Legislative Day

Petite and Proud Day

World Give Day

 

TUESDAY, MAY 05

Cartoonists Day

Childhood Depression Awareness Day

Childhood Stroke Awareness Day

Cinco de Mayo

International Midwives Day

National Teacher Day

Totally Chipotle Day

Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith)

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 06

Bike To School Day

Great American Grump Out

Joseph Brackett Day

No Diet Day

No Homework Day

Nurses Day or National RN Recognition Day

World Asthma Day

Occupational Safety & Health Day

School Nurse Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 07

Cosmopolitan Day

Lag B’omer

National Barrier Awareness Day

National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day

National Day of Prayer

National Day of Reason (the atheists’ response to National Day of Prayer)

National Day to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy

 

FRIDAY, MAY 08

Free Trade Day

National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day

No Socks Day

Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War

V E Day

World Ovarian Cancer Day
World Red Cross Day (Red Crescent Day)

Child Care Provider Day

Fintastic Friday Giving Shars a Voice

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1786: In Vienna, the hothead composer Mozart threatened to burn “The Marriage of Figaro” unless it was performed ahead of another composer’s latest opera. Mozart won.

 

1868: Tom Dula was hanged in North Carolina. A few days earlier, he had composed a song that went, “Hang down your head, Tom Dula, poor boy, you’re goin’ to die.”

 

1889: The Bayer company of Germany introduced aspirin in powdered form.

 

1967: Elvis married Priscilla Beaulieu, daughter of a U.S. Army colonel, at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas. They divorced in 1973.

 

1973: A cat named Gros Minou fell 20 stories from a Montreal apartment building, landed on her feet, and survived.

 

1979: The Academy of Country Music named Loretta Lynn its Artist of the Decade.

 

1991: Charles Osborne of Anthon, Iowa, died at age 97. Though living a normal life, he had hiccupped continuously every few seconds for 69 years. ***MARLAR: Apparently holding your breath truly is the cure. He hasn’t hiccupped once since he stopped breathing.

 

1991: As a Texas Ranger against Toronto, Nolan Ryan pitched his seventh career no-hitter. He struck out 16.

 

1992: On the third day of the Los Angeles riots, beaten motorist Rodney King appeared in public to appeal for calm. King asked, “Can we all get along?”

 

1999: “The Paintings of Paul McCartney” opened in Siegen, Germany. The exhibit of 70 paintings included McCartney’s representation of a young David Bowie entitled “Bowie Spewing.”

 

2002: A Christchurch, New Zealand, man received a phone call from police saying there were armed officers surrounding his house. The 33-year-old was told to walk out with his arms in the air and no weapons. When he got outside there was no one there and he went back in. A police negotiator still on the phone then realized he had the wrong telephone number.

 

2003: President Bush, speaking to the nation from the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln off the Southern California coast, declared major combat in Iraq over, but also said “difficult work” remained ahead.

 

2005: Thai fishermen caught a 646-pound catfish, the world’s largest freshwater fish ever recorded. The 8.9 feet Mekong giant catfish was netted by villagers in Chiang Khong in northern Thailand, and weighed by Thai fisheries department officials.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1572: Pius V, pope from 1566, dies at age 68. A reforming pope, he ordered bishops and clergy to accept the propositions of the Council of Trent, but he also vehemently opposed the Reformation. He rarely hesitated to use the Inquisition in Italy and hastily excommunicated England’s Elizabeth I.

 

1819: Lott Carey and Collin Teague, Afro-Americans, sail as Baptist missionaries to the regions of Sierra Leone and Liberia in Africa where Carey was not careful to stay out of revolutionary politics.

 

1873: Missionary-explorer David Livingstone dies. Responsible for “opening up” central Africa and for popularizing missions to that continent, Livingstone himself only made one convert—who later backslid. Still, he is widely considered one of Christianity’s missionary heroes.

 

1939: The popular radio series ‘Back to the Bible‘ begins broadcasting.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Committed, Edward ‘Eddie’ Winslow on “Family Matters”) Darius McCrary 39 (audio clip)
  • actor (Dr. Jesse Travis on “Diagnosis Murder,” Ferris Beuler on the TV series “Ferris Beuler” – which lasted less than thirteen episodes back in 1990) Charlie Schlatter 49 (audio clip) (Check out this video clip – in the TV show Ferris is dating Ami Dolenz, his sister is Jennifer Aniston, and his mom – is that the evil mom, Angela Petrelli from “Heroes?”)
  • The Dark Knight, Batman is 76

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1891 : Charley Patton

1907 : Kate Smith

1924 : Big Maybelle

1929 : Sonny James

1930 : Little Walter

1933 : Titus Turner

1934 : Shirley Horn

1939 : Judy Collins

1944 : Rita Coolidge

1946 : Jerry Weiss (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1946 : Nick Fortune (The Buckinghams)

1954 : Ray Parker, Jr.

1966 : Johnny Colt (The Black Crowes)

1967 : Tim McGraw

1968 : D’Arcy Wretsky-Brown (The Smashing Pumpkins)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

If “overwhelmed” means overpowered by something, what does it mean to be “whelmed?”

Pick up just about any dictionary – except the huge, unabridged ones – and look at all the words they list that are made by putting “over” in front to mean excessively . In just about every case – maybe in every one, depending on the dictionary – the second part of the word can stand alone as a word you might use. But nobody I know uses “whelmed” in any context. Oh, it’s a word. And some people use it humorously to mean not overwhelming, not underwhelming, just whelmed. But whelmed does not mean something in the middle. It actually means pretty much the same thing as “overwhelmed.” In the Middle Ages, whelmed meant to turn something over, to capsize it. That means overpowering to me, not something halfway between anything. That’s still what it means. So “overwhelmed” is really overdone. Understand? Me neither. (Source: www.merriam-webster.com)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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Think that major Christian artists never have a down night? Casting Crowns Megan Garrett says that’s not the case. She tweeted this week: I’m pretty sure I set a personal record for most wrong or bad notes both vocally and on keys during tonight’s concert. Yay me.

 

Third day was in Montreal, Canada last night and, prior to the concert, front man Mac Powell was a little concerned. He tweeted: So…Montreal….I know French is the primary language. Should we have an interpreter at the show tonight?

 

What does a gorilla, a Lamborghini and a pet store have in common? Give up?? Jimmy Needham says you can find out this week when he debuts the music video for Vice and Virtue, the title cut from his brand new CD.

 

Matthew West says one of his first dreams in life was to play professional baseball so, when he decided to hold 24 concerts in 24 hours to celebrate the release of his new CD, he says baseball had to be involved. Matthew sang the national anthem prior to the start of a college baseball game in Nashville as part of his day long series of concerts. However, Matthew admitted that the performance did have one disappointment. He says: I never did get that hot dog.

 

Show Hope is introducing a revolutionary new product. The adoption organization created by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman is out with a new promotional video for a product they say allows 100% of the proceeds to go to feeding orphans with absolutely no overhead. It’s the invisible bracelet. According to the video, it’s water resistant, goes with any outfit and is hypoallergenic. And best of all, it costs nothing to produce so 100% of donations go to actually feeding orphans. Watch the Show Hope promotional video for the invisible bracelet at https://t.co/4uZEWWBwG2.

 

Kutless member James Mead was sitting in a van all day so took some time for a Questions. Here are a few of them.

-What has it been like to be a founding member of Kutless as other members come and go?

A: Bittersweet. I’ve gotten to know some rad people throughout the years. I know God guided the others decisions.

-Do you like Cheetos?

A: Nope. I hate the Cheeto dust all over my fingers.

-What’s your favorite venue you’ve ever played with Kutless?

A: Hmm….that’s s hard one. I really enjoyed this festival in Frauenfeld, Switzerland.

-Where has been your most favorite place to visit and see. Not for a concert just in general.

A: NORWAY!!!!

-What is your most favorite thing about touring? Least favorite?

A: People. People.

-What’s the weirdest fan encounter you’ve ever had during a meet and greet?

A: Someone brought their car door through the line.

-What would you be doing if you weren’t playing music?

A: Hopefully, I would be teaching the Bible or writing books on hermeneutics and such.

-Do you remember the first concert you ever went to?

A: No. I was really young. I was 3.

 

Jamie Grace is requesting continue prayer for her mom. She this week shared honestly about the families struggles as they deal with the her moms rare disease. Her mom suffers from Pudendal Neuralgia, an illness that causes chronic, unbearable pain. Her mom was sent home this week after another stint in the hospital but Jamie said the doctors really don’t know what to do to help with the problem. Jamie added: I’ll be blunt and say that if ANYONE has ANY connections to a doctor or clinic that would be willing to help us… please let us know.

 

Christian artists regularly give away CD, journals, mugs, and even hand written copies of their lyrics. But David Crowder isn’t satisfied with the status quo. The front man for the group Crowder this week was giving away beard oil. He announced the giveaway on twitter and encouraged his followers to tag someone who needed to win. Crowder promised more beard focused giveaways throughout the rest of the week.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

RI woman returns home, finds wild turkey in her bathroom
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) — A Rhode Island woman thought a pipe burst when she returned home to find water pouring from her garage ceiling. But the culprit turned out to be an unusual houseguest that dropped in. HASH(0x14149e0) Police and a Department of Environmental Management officer caught the…

 

2 arrested in Florida for stealing hundreds in meat products
DeLAND, Fla. (AP) — A man and woman have been arrested in central Florida after police say they stole more than $300 worth of meat from a grocery store. Deputies told The Daytona Beach News-Journal (http://bit.ly/1bh9GQ8) 48-year-old Doris Rowe and 54-year-old Kenneth Edwards drove 26 miles…
Brewers tasked with turning sewage into suds    photo
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — Some companies boast of making beer with spring water from majestic mountains. They won’t be competing in the upcoming Pure Water Brew Challenge, in which an Oregon wastewater treatment operator has asked home brewers to make great-tasting beer from hops, barley, yeast…
San Diego man recovering after sea lion yanked him overboard    photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Dan Carlin’s wife told him to smile for a picture on their 29-foot boat as he held up one of the yellowtail fish they had caught that day. Then a sea lion leaped 7 feet out of the water, bit into his hand and yanked him overboard. The animal, weighing hundreds of pounds,…
Police tranquilize, collar coyote in Queens
NEW YORK (AP) — A second coyote has been captured in New York — this time in Queens. Police say they tranquilized the animal and captured it just before 8 p.m. Tuesday. The NYPD says it’s likely the same one that got away after being spotted hiding near a house Monday. It’s being cared…
Bad vibrations: Buzzing inside mailbox shutters town square
BELLEFONTE, Pa. (AP) — Police were picking up some bad vibrations from a buzzing mailbox in a Pennsylvania town, enough to prompt them to shut down the town square for a couple of hours. Bellefonte police Chief Shawn Weaver says the “vibrating noise, like an alarm going off” was reported at…
School tour of South Dakota bank inadvertently trips alarm
MITCHELL, S.D. (AP) — Police officers who responded to what they thought was a robbery of a South Dakota bank found a school tour instead. HASH(0x14087a0) Beintema says the group of students found the whole incident amusing. Mitchell is 70 miles west of Sioux Falls. ___
Greek justice pursues jobless father-of-3 beyond the grave
THESSALONIKI, Greece (AP) — A Greek court has convicted a dead man of stealing electricity from a power utility, giving him a six-month suspended jail sentence. Defense lawyer Christos Bakelas told the Thessaloniki court that his client was deceased, and asked to have the trial deferred until…
Denver-area school won’t let child eat cookies in lunchbox
AURORA, Colo. (AP) — A suburban Denver 4-year-old came home from school disappointed, with untouched Oreos and a note from her teacher. HASH(0x141b820) The note told parents to pack a nutritious lunch that includes a fruit, vegetable and healthy snack. Natalee’s mother, Leeza Pearson, says…
89-year-old former Kansas player scores in alumni scrimmage    photo
LAWRENCE, Kan. (AP) — An 89-year-old former University of Kansas football player has gained fresh fame after making a touchdown run during an alumni scrimmage. HASH(0x140b980) “That was fun,” the Pittsburg resident said. “I didn’t know if I could run.” Sperry was 17 years old when he first…
Burnt macaroni and cheese forces evacuation at Iowa Capitol
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A burnt bowl of macaroni and cheese forced a brief evacuation at the Iowa Capitol. Iowa Department of Administrative Services spokesman Caleb Hunter says somebody’s lunch burned in a microwave Monday behind the Senate Chambers on the second floor of the Capitol. He…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

GOP divided as Supreme Court ruling on health care law nears
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congressional Republicans are divided over how to respond to an approaching Supreme Court decision on President Barack Obama’s health care law, even as growing numbers concede that their long-sought goal of repealing the statute will have to wait. Should the plaintiffs…

 

Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch dies at age 91    photo
PARKLAND, Fla. (AP) — A half-century after dropping 70 pounds and keeping them off, Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch made some allowances: Cokes in her fridge, Klondikes in her freezer, the occasional potato or extra piece of bread on her plate. But she never again touched the chocolate…
Toxic waste defiles defunct chemical plant in Hungary    photo
BUDAPEST, Hungary (AP) — Greenpeace says leaking, rusted barrels full of toxic materials stored in the open at a defunct chemical company in Hungary could cause an environmental catastrophe. The government says it will take months before the chemicals are removed and the area can be cleaned…
3 boys saved by customized airway tube made on 3-D printer    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a striking example of how 3-D printers could customize medical care, doctors turned powdered plastic into tiny devices that saved the lives of three baby boys by holding open defective airways so they could breathe — and the implants even expanded as the tots grew….
German measles officially eliminated in North, South America    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — German measles is officially gone from North and South America, the first region to rid itself of the disease, health officials announced Wednesday. Vaccines against German measles were first licensed in 1969, and were included in mass vaccination campaigns. It is now part of…
Jury awards woman $13M for exposure to asbestos in talcum
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A Los Angeles jury awarded $13 million to a 73-year-old woman who contracted a deadly disease from using asbestos-containing talcum powder manufactured by Colgate-Palmolive Co. Jurors deliberated for two hours Tuesday before finding that New York-based Colgate was 95…
Chinese babies born during pollution-light Olympics heavier
BEIJING (AP) — Women in the Chinese capital in the final stage of pregnancy during the 2008 Beijing Olympics — when officials strictly controlled air pollution — gave birth to heavier babies than in years when the city was smoggier, a study said Wednesday. The study, led by…
Indiana lawmakers OK needle exchange programs
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Lawmakers looking to prevent a repeat of an HIV outbreak that has rocked a southern Indiana county sent Republican Gov. Mike Pence a measure Wednesday that would allow communities to implement needle-exchange programs if they can prove they’re in the midst of an epidemic…
Pressure grows to end blanket bans on gay men blood donors
PARIS (AP) — The European Union’s top court on Wednesday joined a growing chorus of voices questioning whether it still makes sense to forever bar all gay men from donating blood. Several countries imposed lifetime bans on homosexual male blood donors early in the AIDS crisis, because…
UN says it will try to identify all Ebola cases by June    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it aims to identify and isolate all new Ebola cases in West Africa by the end of May to stop the spread of the lethal virus before the rainy season. In a new Ebola plan released on Tuesday, the U.N. health agency said it hopes to limit…
Jeni’s to destroy 265 tons of ice cream after listeria found    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams is destroying more than 265 tons of ice cream after listeria was found in the production facility and in products last week. CEO John Lowe says in a statement Tuesday that the product to be destroyed amounts to 15 tractor-trailer loads on more…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A buffalo that roamed away from home has been recaptured after being cornered by police in Central Texas in a chase through a residential area. Cops were dispatched Friday morning when the owner reported the buffalo jumped some fences at a rural property and fled. Patrol car video shows officers with flashing lights chasing the buffalo as it gallops along sidewalks, on grass and into streets. Officers managed to secure the buffalo, safely returning the animal to its home. The buffalo wasn’t harmed. No officers were hurt… ***MARLAR: And they are now responding to a call of deer and antelope playing in someone’s begonias.

 

Researchers in Ireland say they’ve developed a perfume that makes you smell better the more you sweat.  ***MARLAR: Then again, we’re talking about Ireland – and most of them smell like beer or potatoes.  (Hey – that’s not racist, because I, too, am of Irish decent – and I love potatoes.)

 

The Pope has been told to lose weight. ***Wait – isn’t the Pope considered infallible?  Just declare yourself NOT overweight and boom, you’re done with it.

 

An overweight mother from Scotland (Cumbernauld) lost 85 pounds after a co-worker asked her when her baby was due — even though she wasn’t even pregnant. Marie Kilpatrick was mortified when her colleague popped the ultimate embarrassing question. Marie says the comment mortified her so much that she decided to drop her diet of fast food and began a strict diet and exercise regime.  ***MARLAR: I understand, Marie – that’s exactly why I’m on a diet too.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A man has had his right arm raised above his head for almost forty years now… on purpose!

A man in New Delhi, India, has kept his right arm raised above his head since 1973. The clerk (Mahant Amar Bharti Ji) has kept his arm up for 40+ years in honor of a Hindu deity (Shiva). Despite pain and arm deformation, he’s managed to keep his arm raised for over four decades.  ***MARLAR: Sadly, it’s the ONLY thing he’s accomplished in forty years, because people keep coming up and asking if he has a question.

 

Experts say that binge drinking among the active military has now become a serious problem.  ***MARLAR: Many are concerned it could be dangerous as well, seeing as a small U.S. battalion just last week decided in a drunken stupor to declare war on Wisconsin.

 

Japanese researchers have formulated a way to create a super-thin mineral film that simulates human tooth enamel. The discovery could lead to patches that could leave teeth looking whiter and prevent tooth decay, even for people on a steady diet of sugary snacks.  ***MARLAR: Great news for those of us who stopped flossing back in 1996!

 

A report says banks may be the next target for terrorists. ***MARLAR: Terrorists hate us for our freedoms, yet they’ll attack the one place we have so little freedom that they even chain the pens to the countertops.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Time Machine Parts”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Wood, “Engaged & Mother In Law”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, the badminton racquets made for Gruffy, Sully, and Nozzles all broke during their first use. When they went back to Racquet to complain, he convinced them to buy new racquets – but these will be even more flimsy than the first racquets, and he’s even got them to buy defective birdies too!

 

CLOSE: Well, it looks like Racquets bad badminton racquet racket might backfire on Racquet and the racquet of Racquet’s niece, Rita… all because Racquet tried to cheat his friends. But his solution isn’t to make it right – it’s just to make a new racquet for Rita. This is not looking good. Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 02/03, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: And you thought YOU were busy! Tune in again next time – if you have time, that is – to see what the jungle animals do about their own time problems! As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

In Denver, sheriff’s deputy Bobby Rogers’ has been slapped with a 45-day suspension for slapping another male deputy’s buttocks– an incident that prompted the co-worker to quit. Deputy Francisco Hernandez reportedly resigned after having his rear-end whacked but attorney Derek W. Cole has called Rogers’ subsequent suspension an over-reaction saying, “It’s gross overkill. It’s like executing somebody for blowing their nose and not washing their hands.” The incident occurred back on August 30, 2007, when Hernandez bent to pick up some keys only to be “slapped hard on the buttocks” by Rogers according to city documents. Rogers then allegedly said, “If you’re going to stick it out, I’m going to hit it.” For what it’s worth, Rogers’ didn’t help his case by continuously changing his version of the incident during interviews, while Hernandez’s version remained constant, prompting authorities to impose the suspension.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN BEST THINGS BEFORE SLICED BREAD

 

  1. Sliced rocks

 

  1. Burlap pants

 

  1. Bread torn in a reasonably neat fashion

 

  1. Not dying of the plague

 

  1. Sliced mastodon

 

  1. That deli guy who could balance three whole pounds of pastrami on top of your loaf of rye

 

  1. The bread slicer. (Unfortunately, the moment it was used, it was knocked off the number 1 spot.)

 

  1. Giant toaster with oval-shaped opening in which to put unsliced bread

 

  1. The bread bag little twisty ties

 

  1. Pointy sticks to stab the tribe that had the sliced bread

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you can believe this, a 79-year-old woman was arrested in Chicago after she tried to hold up a bank at gunpoint.

 

FILE #1: A 79-year-old woman was arrested in Chicago after she tried to hold up a bank at gunpoint! She wore a white visor that read “princess” and black sunglasses when she tried to hold up a Bank of America branch using a toy gun. According to the FBI, the woman told the cashier she could not speak very loud because she had just come from the dentist. When the cashier leaned forward, the woman pulled out what appeared to be a gun and said, “Give me $30,000. My friend is across the street. And no dye.” Instead, the cashier activated a silent alarm and then walked away. Grandma waited a few minutes then walked out of the bank, ditching her trench coat as she left. A bank employee flagged down a police officer who arrested her outside.

 

FILE #2: What happens when you shoot a robber running from the scene of the crime? A convicted robber in Muncie, Indiana is suing the convenience store clerk who shot him as he fled after a holdup. Willie Brown claimed the clerk acted “maliciously and sadistically” in firing five shots as Brown ran out of Zipps Deli with money from the store’s cash register. Brown later pleaded guilty to robbery and was sentenced last week to four years in prison. In a lawsuit filed recently, Brown claimed, “there was no need for the use of deadly force” when the clerk fired at him. Brown said the shooting had “prevented him from transacting his business”.  ***MARLAR: Yeah – that was the whole idea.

 

FILE #3: Even Wal-Mart’s prices aren’t this low. Kirksville, Missouri’s Reginald Newman came up with a not so ingenious plan to save some big bucks on a 26-inch LCD TV from his local Wal-Mart. He simply switched the bar code on the TV with that of another product in the store. Unfortunately, he switched it with a water bottle that sold for less than $3 thinking no one would notice. They did and now the 44-year-old Newman is facing felony charges.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Kansas City, MO, installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

We have to use sewer humor in today’s Brain on Drugs.  No choice.

In Ontario, Canada, a man got lost and called police from his cell phone to be rescued. Apparently the man, police say, was trying to take a shortcut and got confused for more than an hour. The man’s shortcut, by the way, was in the city’s sewer’s system. He kept rescue crews busy Saturday afternoon giving them directions to no avail. He told police he’d climbed a ladder in the sewer and could see a green box beside a wooden pole and that traffic was traveling by quickly, but police said he had no idea what street he was on. He was finally found around 6pm. And, yes, police say alcohol was involved.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

If you know me at all, you know that you’re asking for problems if you hand me a hammer or a screwdriver. Check the giant hole in my wife’s closet from me trying to install a clothes rack. I’m horrid at home improvement. Have you or someone you know tried to build or fix something yourself and it became a total disaster? What was your worst do-it-yourself handyman moment?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which wife of David’s was unable to bear children because she despised his dancing before the Lord?
ANSWER: Michal (2 Samuel 6:23)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: More than 40 percent of the women in the U.S. have participated in what organization?

ANSWER: Girl Scouts

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The TV Show the “Rockford Files” was based on true events. (False)

 

  1. Two Muppets who have hit the Top 40 music charts. (True, Ernie and Kermit)

 

  1. The loose skin hanging from the neck of a chicken is known as a “Wattle”. (True)

 

  1. It takes a lobster seven years to grow to be one pound! (True. No wonder they are so expensive!)

 

  1. People in China don’t eat cheese. True. It’s just not a big thing over there.)

 

  1. In the classic arcade video game Donkey Kong, logs floating in a river sometimes mysteriously turned into hungry alligators. (False, that was Frogger)

 

  1. The Ford Festiva was the inspiration for Ralph Nader’s bestseller “Unsafe at Any Speed” (False, it was the Chevrolet Corvair)

 

  1. The name of Legionnaires’ disease comes from an outbreak that occurred during a 1976 convention in a Los Angeles hotel. (False, it was a Philadelphia hotel)

 

  1. Mount Crumpit was the peak overlooking the Seussian town, “Whoville”. (True)

 

  1. In Pakistan, goats are often sacrificed to improve the performance of the stock market. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

WORLD’S OLDEST ___________ (SUPERMODEL)

Meet the world’s oldest supermodel — Daphne Selfe.

She has a mane of silver hair, an etiolated neck, high cheekbones, bright, intelligent, lively eyes, and all 83 of her years etched upon her face.

She recently modeled for the Oxfam’s Big Bra Hunt.

“I’ve never had anything done to my face,’ Daphne says, pulling it this way and that. ‘Not that poison, not a facelift. I think it’s a waste of money. Anyway, I couldn’t afford it!”

So how on earth does she do it, remain so fit, so lively in her slacks and flats?

‘I think it’s partly down to good genes. My mother was a livewire; she lived until she was 95. I’ve never really bothered with skin cream or anything like that, although I might use a bit of Boots. I hate anything you can’t take the top off and dig around for what’s left in the bottom.

‘I did dye my hair at home for a while when I started to go grey in my early 40s. Occasionally, I would go into L’Oreal as a guinea pig, but it became too much of a bother.

‘Women are too sloppy these days; they simply don’t look in the mirror. Leggings and skinny jeans — just dreadful!’

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Two goobers are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they’re going to rob.

“Drive slower” pleads the one in the passenger seat, “I don’t want all the dynamite in the trunk to explode.”

“Relax,” the driver replies, “even if it did, I’ve got a spare box under the seat.”

 

JOKE #2

There was a student who wanted to be admitted to the University.

He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GED, and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.

“Tell me your choice,” said he to the boy, “What’s your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind.”

The boy thought for a while and said, “My choice is ONE real difficult question.”

“Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!” said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?”

The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: “It’s the DAY, sir.”

“How???????” the interviewer shot back, smiling. (“At last, I got you!” he said to himself.)

“Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!”

The student was admitted to the University.

 

JOKE #3

Two guys are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, “That was touching. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
The first guy responds, “Well, I guess it was the thing to do – after all, I was married to her for 40 years.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A poll of 3,000 Americans found that for 41 percent, the thing they’re most afraid of is speaking before a group of people. 32 percent stated they were afraid of heights. ***MARLAR: The remaining 27 percent clammed up when asked the question because they were afraid of people with clipboards.

 

A Polish woman got fed up with her husband returning home drunk, so she chained him in a freezing dog kennel and fed him nothing but water and dog food for several days.  ***MARLAR: He would’ve called for help, but the Alpo was better than her usual cooking.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE NEW CHURCH

A rich man went to his vicar and said, “I want you and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you come back, I’ll have a surprise for you”. The vicar accepted the offer, and he and his wife went off to the Middle East.

Three months later they returned home and were met by the wealthy parishioner, who told them that while they were gone, he had had a new church built. “It’s the finest building money can buy, vicar,” said the man. “No expense was spared.” And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice both outside and in.

But there was one striking difference. There was only one pew, and it was at the very back. “A church with only one pew?” asked the vicar.

“You just wait until Sunday,” the rich man said.

When the time came for the Sunday service, the early arrivals entered the church, filed onto the one pew and sat down. When the pew was full, a switch clicked silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move forward. When it reached the front of the church, it came to a stop. At the same time, another empty pew came up from below at the back and more people sat down. And so it continued, pews filling and moving forwards until finally the church was full, from front to back.

“Wonderful!” said the vicar, “Marvelous!”

The service began, and the vicar started to preach his sermon. He launched into his text and, when 12 o’clock came, he was still going strong, with no end in sight. Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor behind the pulpit dropped open.

“Wonderful!” said the congregation, “Marvelous!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

LOCKED UP

Do you have the kind of parents that you’re afraid to have your boyfriend or girlfriend meet? How far would you go to keep your significant other from meeting your embarrassing parent?

Here’s one idea… a Romanian woman was so worried that her husband would embarrass their two daughter’s fiancés, that she locked him up in the basement for three days. The mother feared that her husband would cause trouble and make a bad impression when her two daughters turned up at their house with her future son-in-laws. The two couples were told that he was out visiting relatives in the countryside and that noises from the cellar were rats. Although police are questioning the woman she has not yet been charged. ***MARLAR: Now the girls are embarrassed by their mother.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

LIFE IS LIKE A BAG OF POTATOES

A teacher once told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to school. For every person they’d refused to forgive in their life’s experience, they chose a potato, wrote on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of their bags were quite heavy. They were then told to carry this bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night; on the car seat when driving; next to their desk at work. The hassle of lugging this around with them made it clear what a weight they were carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget and keep leaving it in embarrassing places. Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity! Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and it clearly is for ourselves!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(modified from Campus Journal and used with permission)

Read: Romans 3:21-31

Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved–you and your household. –Acts 16:31

Have you ever thought about what kind of people will be in heaven? Will there be a bunch of Baptists, a collection of Catholics, a multitude of Methodists, or a pack of Presbyterians?

The great Methodist preacher John Wesley must have done some thinking about this one day, because he had a dream about it.

In his dream, Wesley was transported to the gates of hell. He named several denominations and asked if their members were in hell. “Yes,” came the response. “Not any Methodists, I hope!” he ventured.

“Those too,” was the unfortunate reply.

Then in his dream, he was instantly taken to the gates of heaven. Again he started naming off other denominations and asking if their members were in heaven. “No,” came the surprising reply. More optimistic, he asked, “Are there any Methodists in heaven?” “No!” was the answer. “Well, then, who is in heaven?” Wesley asked in exasperation. “Christians!” he was told.

The New Testament clearly teaches that you can’t get into heaven by depending on what church you go to. When Paul was asked by the Philippian jailer how to be saved, he didn’t say a word about church. He said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.” Getting into heaven depends on your decision to put your faith in Jesus, not on church affiliation.

Are you banking on the fact that you are a Baptist or a Lutheran or a Catholic to get you into heaven? Those labels won’t mean a thing when you stand before God and face His question, “Why should I let you into My heaven?” Only faith in Jesus Christ will do you any good then.

The only kind of people who will be let in will be those who have trusted Jesus as their Savior and have been cleansed of their sin through faith in Him. They’re the ones who are going to heaven.

–Dave Branon

 

 

LEFTOVERS

JIVE TALKIN

“When you’re bubbalatin’ with your whoady, it’s important to look ghetto-fabulous.”

If you want to know what this means, a dictionary written by students at a California school will help. The dictionary features nearly 200 words representing a variety of cultures. Daniel Silber-Baker, 17, said: “I think it’s interesting to make grown-ups learn our language. But they aren’t going to be able to just pick this up and start talking. It’s all in how you emphasize the word and use it in the right context.” Veronica Munoz, 16, added: “You can’t just say, ‘What’s up?’ You have to put z’s in it and draw it out, like, ‘Waaaazzzzup’.” The project evolved from teacher Rick Ayers’ Communications Arts and Sciences class, reports the San Francisco Chronicle. He told them to write an essay in their own language which they then translated into standard English. The dictionary came next. It reveals “wack” is bad, but “wickety-wack” is great. Each entry has a pronunciation key, an etymology source and an explanatory sentence. By the way, the phrase, “When you’re bubbalatin’ with your whoady, it’s important to look ghetto-fabulous” means “When you’re spending time with your friends, it’s important to look good in your clothes.” ***MARLAR: Apparently what is NOT important is speaking in a language intelligent people will understand.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Could Starbucks hold the cure for dementia?

Coffee has already been linked to a lower risk of Alzheimer’s Disease, and they say the same may be true for dementia. Not only that, scientists say they think they may know why. They say it could be that the caffeine blocks the damage from cholesterol. The good news for those who don’t care that much for coffee is that just one cup a day should do the trick.

 

COUPONS FOR GUYS…

The web site All Pro Dad is out with a set of coupons for guys. The plan is to allow your wife to use them when she needs a break. The coupons are good for everything from making the bed to a mom’s night out. Check out the downloaded coupons here: http://bit.ly/1f0A1Dy

 

SNACKS UNDER 150 CALORIES…

Ready to get in shape for the summer? The organization eMeals has 10 low calorie snack ideas. They include:

  1. Peanut butter on celery
  2. Chocolate-hazelnut spread on a graham cracker
  3. Nonfat vanilla yogurt and blueberries

See the entire list here: http://ow.ly/wl3hF

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

GOT IT MADE IN THE SHADE

Pigs in Denmark battled long and hard in the courts… and now they’ve won their right to have shade! It is now mandatory for farmers in Denmark to have places on their farms for pigs to seek shade. Many farmers will now have to redesign their farms in order to adhere to the new law. Pigs sunburn very easily because of their pink skin – even temperatures of only 60-degrees can cause burns. ***MARLAR: When do farmers know it’s time to bring the pigs into the shade? When they smell frying bacon.

 

 

FUN LIST

ETIQUETTE TIPS

Sure, we may be in a new century now… even a new millennium, but that doesn’t mean that old fashioned etiquette has gone out of style! Here’s a refresher course on etiquette for those of you who’ve forgotten about it.

  • While ears should be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
  • Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if one lives alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
  • Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger food.
  • Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the rifle is loaded and the deer is in sight.
  • When sending your wife down the road with a gas can it is impolite to ask her to bring back a two liter bottle of Pepsi.

Now… welcome to the upper crust of society.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Seconds Away from Success

If you’re on top of the music scene and aware of the hit makers being generated through social media, then you know of Shawn Mendez. For the rest of us, he’s quickly reaching stardom status. He’s a six-second wonder.
Shawn is 16 and in the 11th grade, and lives in Ontario, Canada. Uh-oh. Another Justin Bieber. His debut album just shouted down the soundtrack to Furious 7. In fact, his “Handwritten” tracks were numero uno on Billboard. I can’t stand these success prodigies. Okay…I admit to being a bit envious—and troubled.
You see, Shawn Mendez is a hot selling artist and his music is not even played on the radio. Yet.
His rise to fame came through Vine, a mobile app where posts are all of six seconds! Check out the Mendez Vine page and you discover his videos have 367 million “loops”—or views. I learned this from reading his story over the weekend. (See the New York Times link, http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/25/arts/music/a-rapid-rise-for-shawn-mendes-in-tune-with-social-media.html?emc=edit_th_20150425&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012&_r=0)
So who owns Vine? Twitter. The masters of short form messaging. But who can deliver a compelling act in six seconds? Apparently, a lot of people—the majority of whom come nowhere close to the success of Shawn Mendez.
However, I liken this short attention grabbing method to some old school work of professionals. Specifically, those who write headlines and those in advertising. These folks know you must grab the attention very quickly or your customer is gone. Good telemarketers and cold callers know this, too. In store salespeople often try and stop you with a personal question such as, “Is that an iPhone 6 you have?” Me: “Why, yes it is!” Too late. Now I’m conversing about satellite systems I don’t want or need!

Some of the headlines in newspapers and magazines that have turned the trick for response include:

  • How a Strange Accident Saved Me from Baldness
  • Are You Ashamed of the Smells in Your Home?
  • Play Guitar in Seven Days or Your Money Back
  • How I Started a New Life with $7

Television and radio people use short teases for upcoming segments. Direct mail uses gimmicks (close to trickery) to get you to open “official” looking mail. So why not a simple premise like, “You’ve got six seconds to impress me, Kid!” Works for me.
There is a big challenge waiting. Do the goods match the pitch being made? If not, credibility fades. At that point, even new and more clever approaches fall flat.
A few takeaways on this subject include:

  • To get attention you must arouse and intensify interest.
  • Quick hitting, creative messages can get you in the door.
  • Sustained interest requires consistent delivery of what your customer comes to expect from you.
  • Shortcuts often lead to short lived relationships.
  • Repetition of a short, but effective, message—when delivered in a tight window of space or time—can be very powerful in delivering recall.

One of the most effective, power-packed messages delivered by rescue missions and other ministries of Christ followers has just two words: Jesus Saves. Most people are familiar with John 3:16. You see signs for it everywhere. I personally think John 3:17 has a lot of spiritual punch: “For God did not send His Son to the world that he may judge the world, but that the world may be saved through him.” (Young’s Literal Translation)
Jesus saves. Two simple words. When the message is received and allowed to play out, hearts find peace. Consciences are cleared. Hope is renewed. Relationships are restored. Eternities are changed.
And get this. Jesus calls himself The True Vine. Look it up. (John 15)

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

10 STEPS TO BEING A BETTER WIFE (from msn.com lifestyle)

  1. Take care of yourself – Turns out that the best thing you can do for your husband is also good for you. Eat healthy foods, maintain good grooming, and exercise regularly. You’ll look and feel better, and you’ll continue to be the vibrant and attractive woman he fell in love with, no matter your age.
  2. Say thank you, often – When researchers ask men what they want from their wives, appreciation always makes the list.
  3. Keep the romance alive – When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can’t remember, you’re way overdue.
  4. Let him have “guy time” – Everyone needs time for themselves — to relax, enjoy a hobby, or socialize with friends. If your husband loves football and you don’t, don’t bug him about it. Encourage him to cultivate friendships with other men. He’ll enjoy the companionship.
  5. Make your husband a priority – With the everyday stresses of work, home, and kids, it’s easy to take your husband for granted. Make time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. Take an interest in his work and hobbies. Let him know he’s important to you.
  6. Don’t try to change him – Are you outgoing, but your husband is shy? Do you like a clean house, but he leaves towels on the floor? Behavioral experts say you can’t change others, you can only change yourself and how you react — so look for ways other than nagging to handle these situations.
  7. Don’t make him guess — tell him what you want – It’s easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don’t be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want.
  8. Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage – Once you’re married, it’s easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend.
  9. Let free time be free – Just as you need time to relax and unwind, so does your husband. He may not define it the way you do, though; while your idea of relaxing after work may be talking over a glass of wine, he may enjoy being quiet for awhile, reading the newspaper, or watching TV. Find a compromise so both your needs are met.
  10. Believe in your husband, and let him know it – Men can display a lot of bravado, but like us they sometimes struggle with low self-confidence and feelings of failure.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Coming May 4th, 2015!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

Could insulin be the solution for Alzheimer’s?  An insulin nasal spray has shown it can boost memory and other mental functions for people with Alzheimer’s. According to the report, Patients in the early stages of the disease who used the spray saw as much as a 25% improvement on tests of their mental manipulation and memory. Insulin, which became available for medical use 92 years ago this week, is essential for managing blood sugar in the body, but it also plays a key role in brain function — allowing receptors to process memory. The first study only looked at 60 patients over 21 days. The team is now looking for 250 patients from across the country for much longer trials in 29 centers across the country.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/nasal-spray-helps-alzheimers-patients-regain-some-mental-function/

 

The First Wave of Jews coming to Jesus hit in the 1970s in America. The Second Wave were Russian Jews in the 1990s. And now – in what some observers call a Third Wave – Jews in Israel are coming to faith in increasing numbers. The chairman of the board for the Israel branch of Jews for Jesus says “We’re seeing a steady stream of Israelis who are coming to Jesus from all walks of life, though usually among the young. There seems to be a greater openness to spiritual input.

http://www.assistnews.net/index.php/component/k2/item/486

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I talked so much today, I bet my lips lost weight.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 01, 2015…

 

Avengers: Age of Ultron—Here comes Marvel Comics with more of your favorite heroes after Ultron (James Spader from television’s “Blacklist) as the villain. That man does get around.  In this film there are Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Black Widow (Scarlet Johansson), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo,) Captain America (Chris Evans) and my favorite, Thor (Chris Hemsworth.) Enter new characters such as Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). The Plot? It is there somewhere and about a robot (Spader) who doesn’t like humans. “Avengers: Age of Ultron” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the characters, comic books and the cast.

 

She’s Funny That Way—A darker comedy starring Imogen Poots as a lady of the streets who becomes a stage actress. Owen Wilson as the director of her latest play, and Will Forte as the author are involved with her, and Kathryn Hahn is suspicious, plus Jennifer Aniston is an analyst. Written by Peter Bogdanovich. “She’s Funny That Way” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Roar (opening in select cities)—is a real-life story of raising lions in captivity and living among them.  It stars Tippi Hedren, Melanie Griffith (Hedren’s real-life daughter) and John Marshall.  The movie was actually done after 1971 and today Hedren runs a wildlife sanctuary in California, the Shambala Animal Sanctuary. This was an experiment to see if lions could become accustomed to having people around if the animals were raised with people.  It didn’t always work.  “Roar” has no rating, but could be PG or PG 13. No rating.

 

MAY 08, 2015…

 

Hot Pursuit stars Reese Witherspoon as a police officer who must protect Sofia Vergara.

 

Lambert & Stamp is a documentary on the beginnings of the rock group The Who.

 

The D Train  stars Jack Black in a comedy about  a man planning his 20th class reunion

 

I Am Big Bird is a documentary on the person who plays this character.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.