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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
NOTE: You may have noticed the slight changes to the welcome page for ONAIRprep – primarily, the green “Member Entrance” button and the red “Member Login” button. You will need to begin using these buttons on Monday, May 4TH as we revert back to using unique usernames and passwords to gain admittance to the prep pages. Be on the lookout for an email with more information about this important and overdue change.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I may sound a little weird this morning. Right in the middle of my Lucky Charms, I hiccupped and sucked a miniature marshmallow up my nose. A pink one. –HaLife
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” — 1 Peter 2:24
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him. — 1 John 5:14-15
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless. — Psalm 10:12
Thought: We are very much aware that we live in a broken world. Unfortunately, our broken world is also filled with broken people. In days of pain and anguish, in days when those who hurt know their helplessness, we have no other source than God to whom we can turn. The LORD, the covenant God of Israel, who kept his promises, preserved his people and produced his Messiah, is also the God who stands by us. In the short run, there are moments when he appears to not be watching or listening or caring. What do we do in those moments? Pretend we don’t have our feelings and doubts? No, we honestly cry out to our LORD who has redeemed, saved, and liberated in the past and call on him to do the same in our day!
Prayer: God of hope, do not be far from us in days that are dark and menacing. Restore to us the joy of living and the hope of good things; give us comfort in our times of pain and anguish. Lift up your hand and act to bring repentance and renewal to our time, our families, our culture, and your Church. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Matthew 5:3 NIV = “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – MAY 03, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 237 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is LUMPY RUG DAY, a day to tease those who shove unwelcome facts under the rug. ***MARLAR: Also a good day for yelling at husbands that sweep dirt under the rug when asked to clean the house. (Also known as “Benghazi Day”!)
Today is HUG YOUR CAT DAY. ***MARLAR: Your cat will absolutely love it, trust me. Yeah, sure, they’ll act like they don’t want you around and will likely shrug you off when you put them down… but that’s a cat for you.
Today is SUN DAY. ***MARLAR: True, it’s Sunday – but it’s also SUN DAY, extolling the virtues of solar energy. Which should be obvious with all the hot air you get from this show.
Today is NATIONAL TWO DIFFERENT COLORED SHOES DAY. Organizers say the “simple and lighthearted act of purposely wearing two different colored shoes demonstrates the courage to take a risk and step outside of one’s daily routine.” ***MARLAR: Either that, or it proves you got dressed in the dark.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Garden Meditation Day
International Baby Lost Mother’s Day (Bereaved Mothers Day)
Lumpy Rug Day
Motorcycle Mass & Blessing of the Bikes Day
National Special-abled Pets Day
National Infertility Survival Day
National Two Different Colored Shoes Day
Public Radio Day
World Press Freedom Day
COMING UP NEXT
MONDAY, MAY 04
Intergalactic Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You)
International Respect for Chickens Day
Petite and Proud Day
World Give Day
TUESDAY, MAY 05
Childhood Depression Awareness Day
National Teacher Day
Totally Chipotle Day
Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 06
Great American Grump Out
Joseph Brackett Day
No Diet Day
No Homework Day
THURSDAY, MAY 07
National Day of Reason (the atheists’ response to National Day of Prayer)
FRIDAY, MAY 08
No Socks Day
Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War
V E Day
World Ovarian Cancer Day
World Red Cross Day (Red Crescent Day)
Fintastic Friday Giving Shars a Voice
SATURDAY, MAY 09
Birthmother’s Day (Saturday before Mother’s Day)
International Migratory Bird Day
Mother Ocean Day
National Babysitters Day
National Miniature Golf Day
National Moscato Day
National Windmill Day
Stay Up All Night
World Fair Trade Day
SUNDAY, MAY 10
World Lupus Day
Mothers At The Wall Day
ON THIS DAY
1654: America’s first toll bridge was completed over the Newbury River at Rowley, Massachusetts. Humans crossed free but had to pay a toll for animals.
1675: Massachusetts enacted a law requiring all church doors to be lock during services to keep people from leaving during long sermons. Eventually, the law was ruled unconstitutional. ***MARLAR: The biggest complaints came from those with weak bladders.
1891: Eppa Rixey was born in Culpeper, Virginia. The National League lefthander won 266 games for the Phillies and Reds. He lost 251. He won 25 games in 1922. He lost 21 games in 1917. He went from college to the majors and pitched nearly 4,500 innings in 21 years. He never played in the minor leagues. He had very few strikeouts, but he almost never walked anyone. He’s in the Baseball Hall of Fame .
1921: West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax in the U.S.
1948: “The CBS Evening News with Douglas Edwards” debuted. Walter Cronkite replaced Edwards in 1962, Dan Rather got the job in 1981. Bob Shiefer in 2005, Katie Couric in 2006.
1957: The cost of first-class postage for a U.S. letter increased from three cents to four cents.
1977: Bruce Williams was shot while allegedly robbing a Cleveland motel. Paralyzed from the waist down, he later was charged with committing five other crimes, including robbery and kidnapping, from his wheelchair. ***MARLAR: During his trial, Mr. Williams’ lawyer said the prosecution didn’t have a leg to stand on.
1977: Speckle the goose of Goshen, Ohio, laid history’s heaviest goose egg. It weighed 24 ounces, twice as much as the average goose egg. ***MARLAR: She probably gave that “I gave birth to you for 16 hours – and this is the thanks I get” speech to her kids too.
1984: David Letterman held the first Rocket Chair Races.
1986: Dolly Parton’s “Dollywood” amusement park opened near Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
1991: The final episode of Dallas aired on CBS (#356). Lasting 13 seasons in prime-time, it was second in longevity only to Gunsmoke. (audio clip)
1995: Singer Doug Supernaw eloped with Debbie Lubbe. They married at Brendas Love Chapel in Elko, Nevada.
1999: When late-night customers at a Madrid, Spain, gas station realized the attendant was sleeping, they filled up without paying and told their friends. The party ended $1,000 later when police noticed the commotion and woke up the attendant.
2003: President Bush told a news conference in Crawford, Texas, it was a matter of when, not if, weapons of mass destruction would be found in Iraq.
2003: A lovesick man in Jesi, Italy, stole an ambulance so he could serenade his girlfriend with the siren. The girlfriend’s neighbors complained to police while the 38-year-old man sang, accompanying himself with the siren. He told police he couldn’t play an instrument, but he wanted to impress his girlfriend.
2006: A study by Salary.com reported a full-time stay-at-home mother would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work. A mom who worked outside the home would earn an extra $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she did at home. Moms can figure their own potential earnings at the Web site’s calculation wizard.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1512: The Fifth Lateran Council opened under Pope Julius II. Its twelve sessions lasting through 1517, the council continued under Leo X, following Julius’ death in 1513.
1675: A Massachusetts law was enacted requiring church doors to be locked during the worship service. (Too many people were leaving before the long sermons were completed.)
1738: English revivalist George Whitefield, 23, first arrived in America. In all, Whitefield crossed the Atlantic thirteen times, and died in Massachusetts in 1770, during his seventh visit.
1850: Sixteen year old Charles H. Spurgeon made his public profession of faith in Jesus Christ in a Primitive Methodist Chapel, in Colchester, England. Spurgeon began a preaching career the following year which did not end until his death in 1892.
1878: Death of William Whiting, 53, Anglican poet and music instructor. He is known to have written only one hymn during his life, but its popularity has endured: “Eternal Father, Strong to Save.”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actor (“The West Wing”, “Psych”) Dule Hill 40 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1903 : Bing Crosby, born Harry Lillis Crosby
1921 : Joe Ames (The Ames Brothers)
1926 : Jimmy Cleveland
1928 : Dave Dudley
1937 : Frankie Valli (The Four Seasons)
1944 : Pete Staples (The Troggs)
1948 : John Richardson (The Rubettes)
1950 : Mary Hopkin
1951 : Christopher Cross
1953 : Bruce Hall (REO Speedwagon)
1959 : David Ball (Soft Cell)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do we call a violent robbery a “mugging?”
The slang generated by the real world of cops and robbers is often colorful, but sometimes misleading. A cat burglar, for example, deftly and daringly climbs great heights to get his booty. He’s not a felon who filches felines. But a mugger is not only linguistically related to mug, the slang word for one’s face, he’s also very much physically in your face. A mugging is a street crime in which the perpetrator forcefully removes your valuables. He often grabs his victim from behind, putting his hand over the mouth to prevent an outcry, which is how the act got to be a “mugging.” Mug as a slang word for face originated with old drinking mugs, which were often decorated with distorted caricatures of faces. You might even end up looking that way if you drank too much of what was in the mug.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Think that major Christian artists never have a down night? Casting Crowns Megan Garrett says that’s not the case. She tweeted this week: I’m pretty sure I set a personal record for most wrong or bad notes both vocally and on keys during tonight’s concert. Yay me.
Third day was in Montreal, Canada last night and, prior to the concert, front man Mac Powell was a little concerned. He tweeted: So…Montreal….I know French is the primary language. Should we have an interpreter at the show tonight?
What does a gorilla, a Lamborghini and a pet store have in common? Give up?? Jimmy Needham says you can find out this week when he debuts the music video for Vice and Virtue, the title cut from his brand new CD.
Matthew West says one of his first dreams in life was to play professional baseball so, when he decided to hold 24 concerts in 24 hours to celebrate the release of his new CD, he says baseball had to be involved. Matthew sang the national anthem prior to the start of a college baseball game in Nashville as part of his day long series of concerts. However, Matthew admitted that the performance did have one disappointment. He says: I never did get that hot dog.
Show Hope is introducing a revolutionary new product. The adoption organization created by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman is out with a new promotional video for a product they say allows 100% of the proceeds to go to feeding orphans with absolutely no overhead. It’s the invisible bracelet. According to the video, it’s water resistant, goes with any outfit and is hypoallergenic. And best of all, it costs nothing to produce so 100% of donations go to actually feeding orphans. Watch the Show Hope promotional video for the invisible bracelet at https://t.co/4uZEWWBwG2.
Kutless member James Mead was sitting in a van all day so took some time for a Questions. Here are a few of them.
-What has it been like to be a founding member of Kutless as other members come and go?
A: Bittersweet. I’ve gotten to know some rad people throughout the years. I know God guided the others decisions.
-Do you like Cheetos?
A: Nope. I hate the Cheeto dust all over my fingers.
-What’s your favorite venue you’ve ever played with Kutless?
A: Hmm….that’s s hard one. I really enjoyed this festival in Frauenfeld, Switzerland.
-Where has been your most favorite place to visit and see. Not for a concert just in general.
-What is your most favorite thing about touring? Least favorite?
A: People. People.
-What’s the weirdest fan encounter you’ve ever had during a meet and greet?
A: Someone brought their car door through the line.
-What would you be doing if you weren’t playing music?
A: Hopefully, I would be teaching the Bible or writing books on hermeneutics and such.
-Do you remember the first concert you ever went to?
A: No. I was really young. I was 3.
Jamie Grace is requesting continue prayer for her mom. She this week shared honestly about the families struggles as they deal with the her moms rare disease. Her mom suffers from Pudendal Neuralgia, an illness that causes chronic, unbearable pain. Her mom was sent home this week after another stint in the hospital but Jamie said the doctors really don’t know what to do to help with the problem. Jamie added: I’ll be blunt and say that if ANYONE has ANY connections to a doctor or clinic that would be willing to help us… please let us know.
Christian artists regularly give away CD, journals, mugs, and even hand written copies of their lyrics. But David Crowder isn’t satisfied with the status quo. The front man for the group Crowder this week was giving away beard oil. He announced the giveaway on twitter and encouraged his followers to tag someone who needed to win. Crowder promised more beard focused giveaways throughout the rest of the week.
Josh Wilson was playing in West Texas this week. He tweeted a picture of a sign at the venue that said caution: snakes may be present.
The group Finding Favour will not be touring with the Newsboys this weekend. Representatives of the band made the announcement on Thursday, asking that the groups followers keep the group in prayer. They say the son of Finding Favour’s bass player, Dustin Daniels, arrived in the world on Wednesday but had a really tough entrance. Details are scarce but officials say the family needs a miracle. They are calling out for every prayer warrior to pray for healing. Members of the band say they made the decision not to tour with the Newsboys this weekend because they cannot leave their brother in this time of need. https://t.co/MINdcfbpWc
Jamie Grace is continuing to reach out and ask for help as she walks with her parents through a very difficult time. Her mom suffers from an illness that causes chronic, intense pain and this week that she had to be hospitalized several times. After doctors could give them no answers Jamie took to social media to ask for help. She says she received nearly 200 emails of encouragement, love and support along with many personal recommendations. However, those avenues will require a significant amount of travel. In response, on Thursday Jamie shared her mom’s personal blog and asked those that could to pray and help financially. Access the web site and keep Jamie Grace’s family in your prayers. http://posthope.org/monaharper
CCM Magazine will present Audio Adrenaline Up Close and Unplugged next week. Monday Night, May 4th, at 8:00pm CT the band will be online. But you can send in your questions right now. Ask them on twitter with the hash tag AA Up Close.
Another major career milestone for Building 429. The band has sold one-million individual songs. A special plaque presentation was held this week in honor of the group’s achievement.
Passion member Kristian Stanfill was hit by a car while running this week. According to New Release Tuesday, Members of Passion say he is in the hospital but is going to be OK. They say it could have been worse. Miraculously there were no broken bones or permanent damage. Pray for Kristian as he heals from the bumps and bruises and praise God for His protection.
Jonny Diaz tweeted this week: Baby girl will be here in about three weeks. I can’t wait to meet her. Jonny then ended his post with an interesting thought. He said: I hope she likes pink rhinos. Attached was a picture of his unborn daughters room, complete with a pink rhino head mounted to the wall over her crib.
WEIRD & WACKY
|RI woman returns home, finds wild turkey in her bathroom
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) — A Rhode Island woman thought a pipe burst when she returned home to find water pouring from her garage ceiling. But the culprit turned out to be an unusual houseguest that dropped in. HASH(0xc2b620) Police and a Department of Environmental Management officer caught the…
|2-headed calf born on farm in northern Florida
MACCLENNY, Fla. (AP) — A two-headed calf was recently born on a farm in northern Florida. Multiple news sources report the calf was born Sunday in Baker County. Dwight Crews, the owner of the farm says he hadn’t seen one born in his more than 60 years of raising cattle. Crews says the female…
|2 arrested in Florida for stealing hundreds in meat products
DeLAND, Fla. (AP) — A man and woman have been arrested in central Florida after police say they stole more than $300 worth of meat from a grocery store. Deputies told The Daytona Beach News-Journal (http://bit.ly/1bh9GQ8) 48-year-old Doris Rowe and 54-year-old Kenneth Edwards drove 26 miles…
|After 49-run blowout, high school rematch ends closer
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — Two New Jersey high school baseball teams faced off again Thursday, four weeks after a game between them ended with a lopsided 49-run blowout. Buena, a defending state champion, defeated Pleasantville 20-2 on Thursday in Atlantic City. Buena had won their last game…
|16 co-workers at New York company split $58M lottery jackpot photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Sixteen co-workers at a New York City biopharmaceuticals company have won a $58 million Mega Millions jackpot. New York State Lottery officials said Thursday the colleagues call themselves the Lucky 16 Trust and pooled their money before the March 24 drawing. Most of the…
|Sea lion pup spotted on San Francisco sidewalk gets rescued photo
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A stranded sea lion pup has been spotted wandering a San Francisco sidewalk in a scene that marine rescuers warn could become commonplace as the ocean heats up. Video from the Marine Mammal Center in nearby Sausalito shows the male sea lion nicknamed Rubbish hiding under…
|South Dakota town rolls the dice to decide next mayor
PLATTE, S.D. (AP) — A roll of the dice has determined who will be the next mayor in the South Dakota town of Platte. Steve Christensen became the next mayor Thursday after the town solved its too-close-to-call race with a game of chance. Christensen and incumbent Mayor Rick Gustad split the…
|Prosecutors: Man stuffed $300 bribe into city worker’s pants
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A Philadelphia man is facing a bribery charge after prosecutors say he stuffed $300 into a city worker’s pants during a property reassessment. Ri Quang Wu was charged Thursday with bribery in official and political matters and obstructing the function of government. Court…
|Video reveals 2 bra bandits in latest mall lingerie heist
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Newly released surveillance video shows two women were behind the latest bra heist at a northeast Pennsylvania mall. The women can be seen brazenly stuffing bras into a bag at the Victoria’s Secret store at the Wyoming Valley Mall last week. Twenty-five bras were…
|Man turns in $1 million lottery ticket – dusted with flour
DETROIT (AP) — A postal worker says he couldn’t eat or sleep for three days because of something in a container of flour. What was keeping him up? A $1 million lottery ticket. Fred Morgan of Detroit had five winning numbers in the April 17 Mega Millions game. He knew he had won the next day….
|Cops: Maine man who fled arrest found hiding 50 feet up tree
GRAY, Maine (AP) — Police say a man they were tracking after he took off following a traffic stop was found hiding 50 feet up in a tree. The Portland Press Herald reports (http://bit.ly/1Eqgi9p ) authorities in Windham County caught 30-year old Weston Wing on Wednesday morning after flagging…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Medicare data show contrast in generic, brand prescribing photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The most-used medicines in Medicare’s prescription drug program are generics, but the program spends the most on brand-name drugs, led by the heartburn treatment Nexium, according to an unprecedented release of government data on Thursday. That contrast sheds light on…
|GOP divided as Supreme Court ruling on health care law nears photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sen. Ron Johnson was elected to Congress in 2010 as an adamant foe of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul. Yet facing a Supreme Court decision that could disrupt how that law functions, the Wisconsin Republican is among many in the GOP who want Congress to react…
|US shuts down Ebola treatment center in Liberia
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — American officials are shutting down a special treatment unit they set up in Liberia at the height of the Ebola crisis last year. It’s the latest sign that life is returning to normal in the West African country where more than 4,600 people have died from Ebola. On…
|Hungary vows to start moving toxic waste from chemical plant photo
BUDAPEST, Hungary (AP) — Some 1,000 barrels of toxic waste will be removed quickly from a defunct chemical company plant in Budapest, a Hungarian official said Thursday after Greenpeace described conditions at the site as “near catastrophic.” Reversing earlier official comments that it would…
|House rejects bid to let VA docs give advice on medical pot
WASHINGTON (AP) — The GOP-controlled House Thursday barely rejected a bid by supporters of medical marijuana to permit veterans to receive information about the drug from their government doctors. The 213-210 vote came on a failed amendment to a bill funding the budget for the Department of…
|Texas takes aim at telemedicine care for patients
DALLAS (AP) — The state of Texas and telemedicine advocates are in a legal tussle over patients who receive doctor consultations through video. The state’s medical board has implemented rules scheduled to take effect in June that place restrictions on the practice, drawing a rebuke from those…
|Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch dies at age 91 photo
PARKLAND, Fla. (AP) — A half-century after dropping 70 pounds and keeping them off, Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch made some allowances: Cokes in her fridge, Klondikes in her freezer, the occasional potato or extra piece of bread on her plate. But she never again touched the chocolate…
|Jury awards woman $13M for exposure to asbestos in talcum
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A Los Angeles jury awarded $13 million to a 73-year-old woman who contracted a deadly disease from using asbestos-containing talcum powder manufactured by Colgate-Palmolive Co. Jurors deliberated for two hours Tuesday before finding that New York-based Colgate was 95…
|3 boys saved by customized airway tube made on 3-D printer photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a striking example of how 3-D printers could customize medical care, doctors turned powdered plastic into tiny devices that saved the lives of three baby boys by holding open defective airways so they could breathe — and the implants even expanded as the tots grew….
|German measles officially eliminated in North, South America photo
NEW YORK (AP) — German measles is officially gone from North and South America, the first region to rid itself of the disease, health officials announced Wednesday. Vaccines against German measles were first licensed in 1969, and were included in mass vaccination campaigns. It is now part of…
|Medicare data show contrast in generic, brand prescribing photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The most-used medicines in Medicare’s prescription drug program are generics, but the program spends the most on brand-name drugs, led by the heartburn treatment Nexium, according to an unprecedented release of government data on Thursday. That contrast sheds light on…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NONE ON THE WEEKENDS
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
NONE ON THE WEEKENDS
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Better Business Bureau”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Korean-Irish”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been making defective badminton racquets for his friends so they’d have to keep buying new ones, but now he’s learned that Gruffy is planning on giving Racquet’s niece a present… a new badminton racquet, made by Racquet! So now he’s working feverishly to make a new badminton racquet that is NOT defective so his niece can play in the badminton tournament…
CLOSE: Oh boy – looks like Racquet’s underhandedness is now going to affect not only Sully, Nozzles and Gruffy, but now it will also affect his niece, Rita – and the cute boy skunk, Stinky! And that stinks. None of this would’ve been a problem if he’d just treated his friends right to begin with! Find out what happens next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 02/03, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: And you thought YOU were busy! Tune in again next time – if you have time, that is – to see what the jungle animals do about their own time problems! As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A newborn baby boy was welcomed to this world at gunpoint by police. It was a crazy case of miscommunication by Kettering, Ohio, police and a woman who gave birth while in her car. It started when Debbie Coleman was driving and began to give birth. She pulled over at a gas station and delivered the baby herself and then took off towards the hospital. A gas station attendant alerted police, who got the woman confused with another report of a stolen van. Police pulled Coleman over, ordered her out of the car with guns pointed at her. Once they realized their mistake, they helped her to the hospital.
TOP TEN SIGNS THAT DOING HOME RENOVATIONS JUST ISN’T YOUR THING
- The local Home Depot has opened a First Aid wing in your name.
- Bob Vila mentions you specifically in a disclaimer before each show.
- The only power tool you own has settings of “whip,” “chop,” and “puree.”
- You’ve yet to find a jammed door that can’t be opened by the careful application of half a stick of dynamite.
- You have to check the listings to tell if your watching “This Old House” or “The Frugal Gormet.”
- Basement rec room and swimming pool: now the same thing
- The hospital staff calls you “Mr. Allen.”
- High school shop class grade was an “F” Asked not to return!
- Since it was so hot in the attic, you decided to install fiberglass insulation in your bathing suit.
- You fixed the furnace by moving to Arizona.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
If you’re going to lie to the police about something, be sure there isn’t any evidence out in plain sight showing that you’re a liar.
FILE #1: In Clay, New York cops were looking for the boyfriend of Roxanne Lawrence. So the cops paid a little visit to Roxanne’s apartment. When asked about her boyfriend, Willard Franks, Roxanne said, “Nope, never heard of him,” and got up to show the cops to the door. As she walked in front of them, one of the officers noticed a tattoo on her back that read, “Willard”. So either she was a huge fan of TV weatherman Willard Scott, or she was lying about knowing Willard Franks. Turns out the latter was true and Willy was arrested soon after.
FILE #2: Don’t have any other way of stopping a robber? Pin him to the ground with a wrestling move. A former high school wrestling champion pinned a young robber to the ground and told the robber that he would dislocate his shoulder if he tried to escape. The robber, a teenager, snatched a cash bag from a Toronto woman when he bumped into our wrestling hero, Reg Toews. Reg pinned the robber and waited for police to arrive to arrest the 19-year-old.
FILE #3: New Orleans prosecutors were too busy to see a bank vault manager who wanted to confess he’d stolen $900,000. Ricardo Antonio Pacheco had to wait a week to get an appointment with the US attorney’s office after resigning. Police say no-one suspected a thing until he gave himself up. He apparently wanted to get the secret off his chest. His lawyer Vinny Mosca said: “He really wanted to get this behind him. He wasn’t able to get an appointment with the Government because of some scheduling problem.” According to embezzlement charges, Pachecho had been stealing money since 1991. The US attorney’s office and Bank One did not want to comment on the case. ***MARLAR: I wouldn’t comment either. How embarrassed would YOU be if it was your job to count money and for ten years never realized that you were short almost a million dollars!
STRANGE LAW: Oklahoma law declares that dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Beware of falling St. Bernards!
In the Polish town of Sosnowiec, a man walking down the street was injured but is alive after being hit by a falling Saint Bernard that apparently had been thrown out a two-story window above him. Police believe the 110-pound dog was pushed out of the window by its drunken owner. Actually the dog escaped with just a few scratches because he had a relatively soft landing after falling on the guy. A police spokesman said, “The man was more in a psychological state of shock than physically hurt.” The one-year-old dog, named Oskar, was placed in an animal shelter while police investigate its owner for animal abuse. (Yahoo News)
Hey, Mother’s Day is on the way – so we’re giving you 30 seconds on the air to tell us how much your mom means to you! But as your mother used to say – you have to obey the rules. So at 30-seconds we’re cutting you off!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: In what book of the Bible do we find a record of Paul’s trip to Rome?
QUESTION: Who was the Macedonian that accompanied Paul and some other prisoners to Italy on an Adramyttian ship?
ANSWER: Aristerchus (Acts 27:2; Col 4:10)
QUESTION: (Tough one today!) What was the first casualty of the Allies’ World War II bombing of Berlin?
ANSWER: It was the elephant in the city zoo.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Former U.S. President Grover Cleveland, when he was a sheriff, twice served as a hangman. (True)
- Mr. Squeezie was the pesky supermarket manager who kept asking customers not to “squeeze the Charmin.” (False, it was Mr. Whipple)
- Marconi was 16 when he invented the radio. (False, he was 21.)
- Every calendar year has at least one Friday the 13th. (True)
- Cindy Crawford was valedictorian in high school and won a full college scholarship to study chemical engineering at Northwestern University. (True. But she dropped out after one semester to model.)
- On April 8, 1983, before a national TV audience, David Copperfield made the Empire State Building disappear. (False, The Statue of Liberty)
- Charo’s real name is Carlita Bonez. (False, Maria Rosario Pilar Martinez Molina Baeza)
- Cassanova, you know, supposedly the greatest lover of all time, was a librarian. (True)
- Schroeder is the Peanuts gang member who is the catcher for the kids’ baseball team, (True)
- The American state nicknamed the “Gem State” is Washington. (False, it’s Idaho)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
KILLER RACCOONS IN ________ (FLORIDA)
Wild, vicious raccoons are attacking citizens in Kiwanis Island Park.
Brevard County Parks and Recreation closed Kiwanis Island Park on Merritt Island, Florida after hundreds of raccoon attack were reported over the last few weeks.
Governor Rick Scott is sending in the National Guard. ”The raccoons are out of control. We’re hoping the Guard can control them… but we’re not taking any chances. We may have to ask the government for help from the NAVY Seals,” said a Florida government insider.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Early one evening a man went out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.
A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.
“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date.”
“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbor.
“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”
“The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents’ Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab. “What are you working on?” he asked.
“A universal solvent,” explained the son, “a solvent that’ll dissolve anything.”
The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, “What’ll you keep it in?”
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . .
“Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.
Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.
The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . .
“Good morning, Mr. Williams…. Just called to say that I don’t *have* a dog.”
Australian medical researchers say that a popular insomnia drug has been shown to make people gain weight by sleepwalking to the kitchen and eating in their sleep. ***MARLAR: Ironically, the only diet pill on the market that can counteract the weight-gain causes insomnia.
An Australian biotech company has invented an implant that gives you a perfect tan in just two days. The tiny high-tech device is put under the skin to stimulate melanin production which results in a suntan that lasts two months. ***MARLAR: And in just four days you can have skin that looks and feels just like leather.
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”
He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt and when the phone rang I accidentally answered the iron thinking it to be the phone.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”
He says, “Well, see, I had to call the doctor!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
DO YOU, JOE, TAKE CHRISTINA’S NAME AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED NAME…?
When Christina Ellison married Joseph Harkless, you’d expect her name to become Christina Harkless, right? Wrong! In an extremely rare occurrence (many think it may be the first of its kind), Joseph took his wife’s last name! Christina Ellison said the couple made the name change to preserve her family’s name. Her father was the last boy in the family and there are no other Ellisons to carry on the family name. Joseph said he did it because he loves her. The biggest problem was with the license and Social Security bureaus that were confused and not prepared to handle anything like this. The couple said a criminal investigation was even conducted to make sure Joseph was not changing his name to hide from the law. ***MARLAR: He’ll want to hide from his buddies though – cause they’re going to beat the tar out of him after they find out he now has a maiden name.
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something; and what I should do and can do, by the grace of God, I will do.”-Anonymous
It is said one person CAN make a difference. A single vote can overturn an election and a sole person can save the life of one in need. So too, have we heard stories in the media of individuals who sat idly by as they watched a crime in progress, relying on someone else to place a call to the police. Think of what type of world this would be if NO ONE reached out, cared, or tried to make a positive difference. Our world would be Hell on earth where each man selfishly looks out only for himself, stepping on the backs even of children, so he can progress. Love and the ability to reach out and make a difference, is man’s greatest asset, for, if we do not utilize this God-given ability, then we are no better than those of the animal kingdom. Today, make a concerted effort to do something positive for another human being, whether it be calling a long lost friend, visiting someone in a nursing home, or saying a kind and uplifting word to a complete stranger. It is in giving, that we receive, just as our heavenly Father gave us His Son so that we might receive eternal life and salvation! Make a difference in someone’s life and let God make a difference in yours!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
(From Campus Journal)
Paul was caught between an angry Jerusalem mob and a garrison of Roman soldiers. (Has anything in Israel changed?) Not a comfortable position! The crowd was out of control, so the Roman guards escorted Paul to “the barracks” (Acts 21:37) in the Tower of Antonia. Just before Paul was dragged inside, he asked permission to speak to the hostile mob. In speaking with that hostile mob, Paul gave them a powerful account of his background, conversion, and call to proclaim Christ.
His speech so agitated the crowd that they were beating their cloaks on the ground and throwing dirt in the air. Quite a man, Paul. Fearless! Gave his testimony to a frenzied mob. Told it like it was. Showed us that the God who called us to be witnesses will fill us with grace, courage, and the right words to say.
Trouble is, when we are with unbelievers and are presented with a great opportunity to speak out for the Lord, we don’t. We generalize. We change the subject. We look for a way to escape. We clam up.
Scary as it may be to witness to our volleyball team or madrigal group, we need to do it. Even if we’re “scared to death.”
In the movie First Knight, a local sword fighter was easily defeated by the skilled Lancelot. The man asked Lancelot to teach him to sword-fight. Lancelot told him that he must be fast and that he must anticipate the moves of his opponent. Then Arthur’s future hero gave the churl this final word: “To be a great swordsman, you cannot care whether you live or die.” The man slinked away.
Speaking out for the Lord Jesus requires a similar courage. When the opportunity presents itself, we must be brave of heart and speak out boldly as Paul did in Jerusalem. Growing men and women of faith who love the gospel and are concerned for the unsaved can witness even to the enemies of Christ–fearless! –DE
A FEW THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
Here is a new list of phobias that you may not have heard about:
- Nomophobia: We’ve had this. Nomophobia is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact.
- Vidigameaphobia: Hey “World of Warcraft” fans, this is the fear of video games.
- Interphobia: Oh yes, fear of the Internet or World Wide Web.
- Dextrophobia: How fun would it be to have a fear ofeverything to the right of your body?
- Coulrophobia: Scary clowns! Though it sounds strange, the fear of clowns is one of the top 10 most common phobias.
- Alektorophobia: While it’s generally known to be anextreme fear of live chickens.
- Pupaphobia: The cruel half-cousin to coulrophobia is pupaphobia: the fear of puppets.
- Sesquipedalophobia: This very long word describes one who has a fear of very long words.
- Cathisophobia: Cathisophobia is the fear of sitting.
- Genuphobia: Imagine having a fear of knees. Think of panicking every time you saw someone’s knees!
LIFE… LIVE IT
FLUSHING YOUR CAREER
Would you ever consider cleaning bathrooms and toilets for a living? Don’t respond too quickly – it could be the best thing you could do for your health!
Most people have jobs that require them to go into work and sit behind a desk and do paperwork all day. Fun, fun, fun. But most of us would never consider cleaning bathrooms for a living unless it was a last option. No offense to those that do, we really appreciate the work you do – trust me. But most just don’t like that idea. Well, maybe you should reconsider. It turns out that working over a commode in the restroom would be healthier than working at your desk! It’s true! In fact, according to a study by a microbiologist from the University of Arizona the average desk is covered with 400 times more bacteria than the average toilet bowl! The study shows office toilets actually have the lowest levels of germs out of all of the surfaces tested. And don’t think you’ll be able to get away from those germs just by stepping away from your desk – because you’re going to have to answer the phone or make a call sometime… and that is the most disgusting part of your workspace when it comes to bacteria and germs. Then comes your desk top, water fountain handles, microwave door handles, and your computer keyboard. ***MARLAR: No wonder you’re sick of work… you’re sick at work!
JUST FOR FUN
Is the sun really burning itself out? Yep.
Eventually the sun will burn itself out and Earth will freeze over. When that happens, given the 94 million miles from the Earth to the sun and the speed of light, we will have a little over eight minutes before the daylight goes dark and the temperature plunges precipitously. ***MARLAR: Maybe not enough time to take out the garbage and put your personal papers in order, but surely enough to wolf down one last bowl of nachos and salsa.
SEPARATE, EQUAL, BUT NOT THE SAME!
“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.” Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same. Here are a few examples to prove my point…
- You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
- Boys’ rooms are usually messy. Girls’ rooms are usually messy, except it’s a good smelling mess.
- A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
- When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.
- Boys couldn’t care less if their hair is unruly. But, if their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.
- Baby girls find mommy’s makeup and almost instinctively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy’s makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.
- If a girl accidently burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidently burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.
- Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
- By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.
- Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.
- Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they’ve watched “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie three times in a row.
- Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
If you’re on top of the music scene and aware of the hit makers being generated through social media, then you know of Shawn Mendez. For the rest of us, he’s quickly reaching stardom status. He’s a six-second wonder.
Shawn is 16 and in the 11th grade, and lives in Ontario, Canada. Uh-oh. Another Justin Bieber. His debut album just shouted down the soundtrack to Furious 7. In fact, his “Handwritten” tracks were numero uno on Billboard. I can’t stand these success prodigies. Okay…I admit to being a bit envious—and troubled.
You see, Shawn Mendez is a hot selling artist and his music is not even played on the radio. Yet.
His rise to fame came through Vine, a mobile app where posts are all of six seconds! Check out the Mendez Vine page and you discover his videos have 367 million “loops”—or views. I learned this from reading his story over the weekend. (See the New York Times link, http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/25/arts/music/a-rapid-rise-for-shawn-mendes-in-tune-with-social-media.html?emc=edit_th_20150425&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012&_r=0)
So who owns Vine? Twitter. The masters of short form messaging. But who can deliver a compelling act in six seconds? Apparently, a lot of people—the majority of whom come nowhere close to the success of Shawn Mendez.
However, I liken this short attention grabbing method to some old school work of professionals. Specifically, those who write headlines and those in advertising. These folks know you must grab the attention very quickly or your customer is gone. Good telemarketers and cold callers know this, too. In store salespeople often try and stop you with a personal question such as, “Is that an iPhone 6 you have?” Me: “Why, yes it is!” Too late. Now I’m conversing about satellite systems I don’t want or need!
Some of the headlines in newspapers and magazines that have turned the trick for response include:
- How a Strange Accident Saved Me from Baldness
- Are You Ashamed of the Smells in Your Home?
- Play Guitar in Seven Days or Your Money Back
- How I Started a New Life with $7
Television and radio people use short teases for upcoming segments. Direct mail uses gimmicks (close to trickery) to get you to open “official” looking mail. So why not a simple premise like, “You’ve got six seconds to impress me, Kid!” Works for me.
There is a big challenge waiting. Do the goods match the pitch being made? If not, credibility fades. At that point, even new and more clever approaches fall flat.
A few takeaways on this subject include:
- To get attention you must arouse and intensify interest.
- Quick hitting, creative messages can get you in the door.
- Sustained interest requires consistent delivery of what your customer comes to expect from you.
- Shortcuts often lead to short lived relationships.
- Repetition of a short, but effective, message—when delivered in a tight window of space or time—can be very powerful in delivering recall.
One of the most effective, power-packed messages delivered by rescue missions and other ministries of Christ followers has just two words: Jesus Saves. Most people are familiar with John 3:16. You see signs for it everywhere. I personally think John 3:17 has a lot of spiritual punch: “For God did not send His Son to the world that he may judge the world, but that the world may be saved through him.” (Young’s Literal Translation)
Jesus saves. Two simple words. When the message is received and allowed to play out, hearts find peace. Consciences are cleared. Hope is renewed. Relationships are restored. Eternities are changed.
And get this. Jesus calls himself The True Vine. Look it up. (John 15)
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
(Men’s Health) Even brainiacs lose their keys. They just know how to jump start their memories, says Scott Hagwood, who memorized the order of nine decks of cards in an hour to become the first American Grandmaster of Memory. Here are his tips on recalling:
- Long List — Walk into a grocery or music store without a list and chances are, you’ll forget something you came for. Mental lists can dissolve when you’re faced with an abundance of similar choices. The brain booster – visualize each choice. “The more unusual, the more easily it can be recalled,” says Shane Bush, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist on Long Island, NY. Imagine Keira Knightley holding the milk in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other, wearing nothing but a miniskirt make out of your favorite cereal. Bizarre? Sure. Effective? Definitely.
- A Date’s Details — Remember little things: her dog’s name, her favorite color – and she’ll be eating out of your hand. But that laundry list of information is difficult to sort out, particularly when you’re paying more attention to her lips. The brain booster – use the room technique. “You’ll be able to recall a tremendous amount of information quite quickly,” says Hagwood. Pick a room that’s familiar to you. As she’s telling you things about her life, imagine her doing them in different parts of that room. If she likes running, picture her jogging in the corner. If she watches “Gilmore Girls,” imagine her watching it on your TV. And so on.
- Phone Numbers — The brain’s buffer can handle only so many numbers. So, “combine them into bigger units,” says George W. Rebok, Ph.D., professor in the department of mental health at Johns Hopkins University. The brain booster – find meaning in sections of the number. Phone numbers are already broken up, but rechunk them to simplify. Look for three and four digit patterns and link them to years, area codes, whatever.
- Introductions — “It doesn’t matter how good you are at remembering things,” says Hagwood. “Even the best experts can forget information if it’s delivered too quickly.” The brain booster – the key here, says Hagwood, is to control the flow of information. As you’re being introduced, pause at the third person. Make a comment on his or her name, outfit, or resemblance to some celebrity. As others are responding, mentally review the names of the first two people you just met. Repeat with every third person you meet.
Coming May 4th, 2015!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
THINK ISLAM IS WINNING? THINK AGAIN!
Mission experts estimates that between two and seven million people from Muslim backgrounds worldwide now follow Christ. The report in Christianity Today says Muslim background believers are leading Muslims to Christ in staggering numbers, but not in the West. They are doing this primarily in Muslim-majority nations almost completely under the radar. Good news indeed – and if you’ve been praying for a worldwide conversion, you’re doing something right – keep praying!
Could insulin be the solution for Alzheimer’s? An insulin nasal spray has shown it can boost memory and other mental functions for people with Alzheimer’s. According to the report, Patients in the early stages of the disease who used the spray saw as much as a 25% improvement on tests of their mental manipulation and memory. Insulin, which became available for medical use 92 years ago this week, is essential for managing blood sugar in the body, but it also plays a key role in brain function — allowing receptors to process memory. The first study only looked at 60 patients over 21 days. The team is now looking for 250 patients from across the country for much longer trials in 29 centers across the country.
The First Wave of Jews coming to Jesus hit in the 1970s in America. The Second Wave were Russian Jews in the 1990s. And now – in what some observers call a Third Wave – Jews in Israel are coming to faith in increasing numbers. The chairman of the board for the Israel branch of Jews for Jesus says “We’re seeing a steady stream of Israelis who are coming to Jesus from all walks of life, though usually among the young. There seems to be a greater openness to spiritual input.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I majored in radio for a very good reason — I couldn’t spell business administration. –HaLife
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
MAY 01, 2015…
Avengers: Age of Ultron—Here comes Marvel Comics with more of your favorite heroes after Ultron (James Spader from television’s “Blacklist) as the villain. That man does get around. In this film there are Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Black Widow (Scarlet Johansson), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo,) Captain America (Chris Evans) and my favorite, Thor (Chris Hemsworth.) Enter new characters such as Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). The Plot? It is there somewhere and about a robot (Spader) who doesn’t like humans. “Avengers: Age of Ultron” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the characters, comic books and the cast.
She’s Funny That Way—A darker comedy starring Imogen Poots as a lady of the streets who becomes a stage actress. Owen Wilson as the director of her latest play, and Will Forte as the author are involved with her, and Kathryn Hahn is suspicious, plus Jennifer Aniston is an analyst. Written by Peter Bogdanovich. “She’s Funny That Way” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Roar (opening in select cities)—is a real-life story of raising lions in captivity and living among them. It stars Tippi Hedren, Melanie Griffith (Hedren’s real-life daughter) and John Marshall. The movie was actually done after 1971 and today Hedren runs a wildlife sanctuary in California, the Shambala Animal Sanctuary. This was an experiment to see if lions could become accustomed to having people around if the animals were raised with people. It didn’t always work. “Roar” has no rating, but could be PG or PG 13. No rating.
MAY 08, 2015…
Hot Pursuit stars Reese Witherspoon as a police officer who must protect Sofia Vergara.
Lambert & Stamp is a documentary on the beginnings of the rock group The Who.
The D Train stars Jack Black in a comedy about a man planning his 20th class reunion
I Am Big Bird is a documentary on the person who plays this character.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.