May 04, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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Live! From the outskirts of sanity! It’s The (Jock) Program! –HaLife




Jesus said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. — Luke 9:23-24


I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. — Job 19:25




And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:19


Thought: Paul gives the Philippians this promise only after he has emphasized to them that he had found the Lord’s grace sufficient in good times and tough times, in times of plenty and in times of lack. The key to this promise is not just God’s provision, but also our trust upon him to satisfy what we most need in Christ Jesus. When our hearts yearn to be full of him, to be pleasing to him, to be blessed by his presence, to be given the assurance of life beyond death, surely we can rely on his supplying everything we truly need!


Prayer: Give me eyes to see, O God, all the many wonderful ways you are providing for me and graciously providing the abundance you have poured into my life. I confess that my vision is shortsighted and narrow. I need to see the panoramic view of your graciousness. Yet the “little” part of your blessings that I am able to recognize is lavish, gracious, and fulfilling. I know you have blessed me with many more things that I do not see. Thank you for being so generous! In Jesus’ name! Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Peter 5:4 NIV = And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is COMPLIMENT SOMEONE’S SMILE DAY, a day to express appreciation to happy people for helping the rest of us feel better. ***MARLAR: And might I say you’re smile is brilliant this morning!


Today is INDEPENDENCE DAY IN RHODE ISLAND.  ***MARLAR: How is this possible?  Independence Day is July 4th in the United States… how can Rhode Island celebrate it on May 4th?


Today is INTERNATIONAL RESPECT FOR CHICKENS DAY, a day to stick up for chickens.  ***MARLAR: Hey, I’ll respect them as best I can just so long as they remain finger-lickin’-good.


Today is NATIONAL CANDIED ORANGE PEEL DAY.  ***MARLAR: I think orange candy tastes nasty… and nobody eats orange peels… so why on earth would someone combine the two to make nasty candied orange peels?  Is tomorrow going to be Candied Bologna Peel day?


This is NATIONAL CLEAN AIR WEEK. ***MARLAR: Here’s our idea… everyone cleans the air tonight by going outside and aiming your Shop-n-Vac at the sky.


This is NATIONAL INSECTOCUTOR WEEK. ***MARLAR: Imagine that, an entire week dedicated to watching your bug-zapper.


And, of course, today is STAR WARS DAY. May the Fourth be with you!




Intergalactic Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You)

International Firefighters Day

International Respect for Chickens Day

Melanoma Monday

National Library Legislative Day

Petite and Proud Day

World Give Day





Cartoonists Day

Childhood Depression Awareness Day

Childhood Stroke Awareness Day

Cinco de Mayo

International Midwives Day

National Teacher Day

Totally Chipotle Day

Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith)



Bike To School Day

Great American Grump Out

Joseph Brackett Day

No Diet Day

No Homework Day

Nurses Day or National RN Recognition Day

World Asthma Day

Occupational Safety & Health Day

School Nurse Day



Cosmopolitan Day

Lag B’omer

National Barrier Awareness Day

National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day

National Day of Prayer

National Day of Reason (the atheists’ response to National Day of Prayer)

National Day to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy



Free Trade Day

National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day

No Socks Day

Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War

V E Day

World Ovarian Cancer Day
World Red Cross Day (Red Crescent Day)

Child Care Provider Day

Fintastic Friday Giving Shars a Voice

Military Spouse Appreciation Day



American Indian Day

Armed Forces Day Military-Amateur Crossband Communications Day

Bereaved Mother’s Day

Birthmother’s Day (Saturday before Mother’s Day)

Cornelia de Lange Syndrome Awareness Day

International Migratory Bird Day

Letter Carrier’s Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day

Mother Ocean Day

National Babysitters Day

National Miniature Golf Day

National Moscato Day

National Train Day

National Windmill Day

Occupational Safety and Health Professionals Day

Stay Up All Night

World Belly Dance Day

World Fair Trade Day



World Lupus Day

Mother’s Day

Mothers At The Wall Day



Eat What You Want Day ***MARLAR: Known here as “Monday”.

Hostess Cupcake Day

Root Canal Appreciation Day ***MARLAR: Being celebrated by absolutely no one.

National Women’s Check-Up Day

Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day




1927: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was founded in Hollywood.


1956: Gene Vincent and his group, The Blue Caps, recorded “Be-Bop-A Lula.”


1959: The first ever Grammies were awarded for: best single Domenico Modugnos “Volare;” best album Henry Mancinis Peter Gunn; best C&W the Kingston Trios “Tom Dooley;” best R&B “Tequila” by The Champs.


1968: “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” by Ohio Express entered the Billboard Hot 100. It sold a million and hit #4, though Ohio Express had nothing to do with it. It was a demo with studio musicians; co-writer Joey Levine was lead vocalist.


1975: Moe Howard, the last of the original Three Stooges, died of cancer at age 78. His real name was Moses Horwitz. Moe, with his brothers Curly and Shemp, created the Three Stooges as a vaudeville act. They made 190 short movies.


1976: “Waltzing Mathilda’ was adopted as Australia’s national anthem. It was replaced in 1986 with “Australia Fair.”


1987: Playtex became the first manufacturer to air TV ads featuring live models wearing bras.


1994: After Ernie Banks paraded a goat around Wrigley Field for good luck, the Chicago Cubs beat Cincinnati to end a 12-game home losing streak.


1997: Seven Bob Mosers and their wives attended the first meeting of the Robert Moser Society in Columbia, Missouri. The group listed 43 Bob Mosers as members, and hoped to eventually enlist the other 199 known Bob Mosers.


1997: A wildly quacking duck, jumping around in circles in the middle of the street, stopped a police car in Bensalem, Pennsylvania. Then, the mama mallard led the officers to a nearby storm drain where her nine baby ducks were trapped. The officers rescued the babies, and proclaimed the mama one dexterous duck.


2001: Actress Bonnie Lee Bakley was fatally shot while sitting in a car waiting for her actor husband Robert Blake. In April 2002, Blake was charged with the murder, but a jury acquitted him in 2005.


2001: A South African grandmother caught driving at 106 miles per hour near Capetown told officers she was late for church. The 71-year-old woman was fined the equivalent of $110.


2003: Idaho Gem was born at the University of Idaho The baby mule was the first clone of a hybrid animal.




1256: Pope Alexander IV founded the Roman Catholic religious order of the Augustine Hermits.


1493: Pope Alexander VI issued “Inter caeterea II,” which divided possession of the New World discoveries by Spain and Portugal along a longitudinal line running 250 miles west of the Cape Verde Islands.


1746: The Moravians in Pennsylvania established the Moravian Women’s Seminary at Bethlehem. It was the first educational institution of its kind established by the “Unitas Fratrum” in (colonial) America.


1784: Birth of Carl G. Glaser, German music teacher. Of his many choral pieces, Glaser is primarily remembered today for his hymn tune AZMON, to which the Church today sings: “O For a Thousand Tongues.”


1923: Sir W. Robertson Nicoll, editor of the British journal The Expositor (which included articles by many leading scholars) and of a 50-volume Expositor’s Bible (published 1888-1905), dies.


1970: In deciding the legal case “Walz v. Tax Commission of New York,” the United States Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of a New York statute exempting church-owned property from taxation.




  • actress (Numerous TV guest appearances, best known as Erin Walton on “The Waltons”) Mary McDonough 53 (audio clip)
  • actor (Dean Borak on “Boy Meets World”, Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson in Die Hard, Principal Richard Vernon in The Breakfast Club) Paul Gleason 71 (audio clip)




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1923 : Ed Cassidy (Spirit)

1928 : Maynard Ferguson

1934 : Ace Cannon

1937 : Dick Dale

1938 : Tyrone Davis

1941 : Richard Burns (The Hondells)

1941 : David LaFlamme (It’s A Beautiful Day)

1942 : Nick Ashford (Ashford & Simpson)
1943 : Ronnie Bond (The Troggs)

1943 : Ricky West (The Tremoloes)

1944 : Richie Furay (Buffalo Springfield, Poco)

1944 : Peggy Santiglia (The Angels, Dusk)

1945 : George Wadenius (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1946 : Nick Fortuna (The Buckinghams)

1949 : Zal Cleminson (The Sensational Alex Harvey Band)

1949 : Stella Parton

1951 : Bruce Day (Santana, Pablo Cruise)

1951 : Jackie Jackson (The Jacksons)

1951 : Mick Mars (Motley Crue)

1959 : Randy Travis

1970 : Gregg Alexander (The New Radicals)

1972 : Chris Tomlin

1972 : Mike Dirnt (Green Day)

1979 : Lance Bass (‘N Sync)




Where did we get the term “acid test”?

This reminds me of my 10th grade geometry teacher. We called any test she gave the acid test because she was a real pickle-puss. But enough of my adolescent bitterness. The origins of this phrase were quite literal. More than a century ago, when much of the population lived in rural areas, the peddler was an important person. Not only did he sell all sorts of manufactured goods otherwise unavailable, he also bought old objects made of gold. For this purpose he needed an easy way to estimate the gold content of, say, an old spoon. He did it by nicking it slightly and pouring nitric acid on the indentation. The color the liquid turned revealed the percentage of gold present. So the acid test was as good as gold, to coin a phrase.




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Josh Wilson was playing in West Texas this week. He tweeted a picture of a sign at the venue that said caution: snakes may be present.


The group Finding Favour will not be touring with the Newsboys this weekend. Representatives of the band made the announcement on Thursday, asking that the groups followers keep the group in prayer. They say the son of Finding Favour’s bass player, Dustin Daniels, arrived in the world on Wednesday but had a really tough entrance. Details are scarce but officials say the family needs a miracle. They are calling out for every prayer warrior to pray for healing. Members of the band say they made the decision not to tour with the Newsboys this weekend because they cannot leave their brother in this time of need.


Jamie Grace is continuing to reach out and ask for help as she walks with her parents through a very difficult time. Her mom suffers from an illness that causes chronic, intense pain and this week that she had to be hospitalized several times. After doctors could give them no answers Jamie took to social media to ask for help. She says she received nearly 200 emails of encouragement, love and support along with many personal recommendations. However, those avenues will require a significant amount of travel. In response, on Thursday Jamie shared her mom’s personal blog and asked those that could to pray and help financially. Access the web site and keep Jamie Grace’s family in your prayers.


CCM Magazine will present Audio Adrenaline Up Close and Unplugged next week. Monday Night, May 4th, at 8:00pm CT the band will be online. But you can send in your questions right now. Ask them on twitter with the hash tag AA Up Close.


Another major career milestone for Building 429. The band has sold one-million individual songs. A special plaque presentation was held this week in honor of the group’s achievement.


Passion member Kristian Stanfill was hit by a car while running this week. According to New Release Tuesday, Members of Passion say he is in the hospital but is going to be OK. They say it could have been worse. Miraculously there were no broken bones or permanent damage. Pray for Kristian as he heals from the bumps and bruises and praise God for His protection.


Jonny Diaz tweeted this week: Baby girl will be here in about three weeks. I can’t wait to meet her. Jonny then ended his post with an interesting thought. He said: I hope she likes pink rhinos. Attached was a picture of his unborn daughters room, complete with a pink rhino head mounted to the wall over her crib.




RI woman returns home, finds wild turkey in her bathroom
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) — A Rhode Island woman thought a pipe burst when she returned home to find water pouring from her garage ceiling. But the culprit turned out to be an unusual houseguest that dropped in. HASH(0xc2b620) Police and a Department of Environmental Management officer caught the…


2-headed calf born on farm in northern Florida
MACCLENNY, Fla. (AP) — A two-headed calf was recently born on a farm in northern Florida. Multiple news sources report the calf was born Sunday in Baker County. Dwight Crews, the owner of the farm says he hadn’t seen one born in his more than 60 years of raising cattle. Crews says the female…
2 arrested in Florida for stealing hundreds in meat products
DeLAND, Fla. (AP) — A man and woman have been arrested in central Florida after police say they stole more than $300 worth of meat from a grocery store. Deputies told The Daytona Beach News-Journal ( 48-year-old Doris Rowe and 54-year-old Kenneth Edwards drove 26 miles…
After 49-run blowout, high school rematch ends closer
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — Two New Jersey high school baseball teams faced off again Thursday, four weeks after a game between them ended with a lopsided 49-run blowout. Buena, a defending state champion, defeated Pleasantville 20-2 on Thursday in Atlantic City. Buena had won their last game…
16 co-workers at New York company split $58M lottery jackpot    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Sixteen co-workers at a New York City biopharmaceuticals company have won a $58 million Mega Millions jackpot. New York State Lottery officials said Thursday the colleagues call themselves the Lucky 16 Trust and pooled their money before the March 24 drawing. Most of the…
Sea lion pup spotted on San Francisco sidewalk gets rescued    photo
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A stranded sea lion pup has been spotted wandering a San Francisco sidewalk in a scene that marine rescuers warn could become commonplace as the ocean heats up. Video from the Marine Mammal Center in nearby Sausalito shows the male sea lion nicknamed Rubbish hiding under…
South Dakota town rolls the dice to decide next mayor
PLATTE, S.D. (AP) — A roll of the dice has determined who will be the next mayor in the South Dakota town of Platte. Steve Christensen became the next mayor Thursday after the town solved its too-close-to-call race with a game of chance. Christensen and incumbent Mayor Rick Gustad split the…
Prosecutors: Man stuffed $300 bribe into city worker’s pants
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A Philadelphia man is facing a bribery charge after prosecutors say he stuffed $300 into a city worker’s pants during a property reassessment. Ri Quang Wu was charged Thursday with bribery in official and political matters and obstructing the function of government. Court…
Video reveals 2 bra bandits in latest mall lingerie heist
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Newly released surveillance video shows two women were behind the latest bra heist at a northeast Pennsylvania mall. The women can be seen brazenly stuffing bras into a bag at the Victoria’s Secret store at the Wyoming Valley Mall last week. Twenty-five bras were…
Man turns in $1 million lottery ticket – dusted with flour
DETROIT (AP) — A postal worker says he couldn’t eat or sleep for three days because of something in a container of flour. What was keeping him up? A $1 million lottery ticket. Fred Morgan of Detroit had five winning numbers in the April 17 Mega Millions game. He knew he had won the next day….
Cops: Maine man who fled arrest found hiding 50 feet up tree
GRAY, Maine (AP) — Police say a man they were tracking after he took off following a traffic stop was found hiding 50 feet up in a tree. The Portland Press Herald reports ( ) authorities in Windham County caught 30-year old Weston Wing on Wednesday morning after flagging…




Medicare data show contrast in generic, brand prescribing    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The most-used medicines in Medicare’s prescription drug program are generics, but the program spends the most on brand-name drugs, led by the heartburn treatment Nexium, according to an unprecedented release of government data on Thursday. That contrast sheds light on…


GOP divided as Supreme Court ruling on health care law nears    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sen. Ron Johnson was elected to Congress in 2010 as an adamant foe of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul. Yet facing a Supreme Court decision that could disrupt how that law functions, the Wisconsin Republican is among many in the GOP who want Congress to react…
US shuts down Ebola treatment center in Liberia
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — American officials are shutting down a special treatment unit they set up in Liberia at the height of the Ebola crisis last year. It’s the latest sign that life is returning to normal in the West African country where more than 4,600 people have died from Ebola. On…
Hungary vows to start moving toxic waste from chemical plant    photo
BUDAPEST, Hungary (AP) — Some 1,000 barrels of toxic waste will be removed quickly from a defunct chemical company plant in Budapest, a Hungarian official said Thursday after Greenpeace described conditions at the site as “near catastrophic.” Reversing earlier official comments that it would…
House rejects bid to let VA docs give advice on medical pot
WASHINGTON (AP) — The GOP-controlled House Thursday barely rejected a bid by supporters of medical marijuana to permit veterans to receive information about the drug from their government doctors. The 213-210 vote came on a failed amendment to a bill funding the budget for the Department of…
Texas takes aim at telemedicine care for patients
DALLAS (AP) — The state of Texas and telemedicine advocates are in a legal tussle over patients who receive doctor consultations through video. The state’s medical board has implemented rules scheduled to take effect in June that place restrictions on the practice, drawing a rebuke from those…
Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch dies at age 91    photo
PARKLAND, Fla. (AP) — A half-century after dropping 70 pounds and keeping them off, Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch made some allowances: Cokes in her fridge, Klondikes in her freezer, the occasional potato or extra piece of bread on her plate. But she never again touched the chocolate…
Jury awards woman $13M for exposure to asbestos in talcum
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A Los Angeles jury awarded $13 million to a 73-year-old woman who contracted a deadly disease from using asbestos-containing talcum powder manufactured by Colgate-Palmolive Co. Jurors deliberated for two hours Tuesday before finding that New York-based Colgate was 95…
3 boys saved by customized airway tube made on 3-D printer    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a striking example of how 3-D printers could customize medical care, doctors turned powdered plastic into tiny devices that saved the lives of three baby boys by holding open defective airways so they could breathe — and the implants even expanded as the tots grew….
German measles officially eliminated in North, South America    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — German measles is officially gone from North and South America, the first region to rid itself of the disease, health officials announced Wednesday. Vaccines against German measles were first licensed in 1969, and were included in mass vaccination campaigns. It is now part of…
Medicare data show contrast in generic, brand prescribing    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The most-used medicines in Medicare’s prescription drug program are generics, but the program spends the most on brand-name drugs, led by the heartburn treatment Nexium, according to an unprecedented release of government data on Thursday. That contrast sheds light on…




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Reports have surfaced that the Apple Watch’s heart rate monitor may not work on tattoos or dark skin.  ***That’s right – the new Apple Watch is racist.


A musical version of the Bill Murray movie “Groundhog Day” is headed to Broadway in March, 2017. In the film version, Murray plays a television weatherman who repeats each day exactly the same while covering Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.  ***MARLAR: In the musical version, the groundhog has a song where it sings “I’m alright – nobody worry about me”.  Oh… wait… wrong Bill-Murray-with-a-Groundhog movie…


When a Colorado mom sent her daughter to school with Oreos in her lunchbox, her 4-year-old returned home with the cookies uneaten — and a letter from her school saying the family needs to pack healthier lunches.  But Leeza Pearson of Aurora, Colo. thinks the school needs to butt out and said her daughter is perfectly healthy.  ***Besides, it’s not like she put the usual martini in her daughter’s thermos.


The Hawkins County, Tennessee, School District recently served six-year-old pork to students. A county commissioner who’s also a parent was reportedly shocked when a Joseph Rogers Primary School lunch worker sent him a photo of the pork roast that the district was feeding kids. Some of the pork roast was dated 2009. ***Well, at least it wasn’t Oreo cookies, because that would’ve been unhealthy (see previous story.)




Gerrie Hawes of Fresh Daisy, an organic frozen baby food company, says she’s finally solved the problem of how to get toddlers to eat their greens. She’s invented green pea ice cream.  She also has ice cream and frozen yogurt recipes that include broccoli, carrots, parsnips and cabbage.  ***MARLAR: And if it doesn’t get them to eat their greens, it’s a great way to get them off of ice cream.


A Cornell University research study determined that when temperatures in offices were below 68 degrees, “employees committed 44% more errors and were less than half as productive,” versus when temps were 77 degrees.  ***MARLAR: Although I’m not sure these figures are accurate, it was pretty cold in here when I was typing them out.


A Norwegian study has found that divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores.   In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.  ***MARLAR: Yess!  Validation for my lifestyle!


Swedish scientists say they have developed a way to keep people from remembering horrible events.  ***MARLAR: Here in America we already have that – it’s called Happy Hour.












OPEN: Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been making defective badminton racquets for his friends so they’d have to keep buying new ones, but now he’s learned that Gruffy is planning on giving Racquet’s niece a present… a new badminton racquet, made by Racquet! So now he’s working feverishly to make a new badminton racquet that is NOT defective so his niece can play in the badminton tournament…


CLOSE: Oh boy – looks like Racquet’s underhandedness is now going to affect not only Sully, Nozzles and Gruffy, but now it will also affect his niece, Rita – and the cute boy skunk, Stinky! And that stinks. None of this would’ve been a problem if he’d just treated his friends right to begin with! Find out what happens next time, as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! We found out last time that the sloth was one of the best animals in the jungle when it came to living in peace. But she wasn’t always so peaceful. In fact she was downright worrisome. So much so, in fact, that her worrying and rushed lifestyle of trying to get so much done spread throughout the entire jungle!


CLOSE: Is getting up an extra hour each day really the answer to all of the animals time and work problems? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




In today’s Moment of Duh we’re going to do a little creative banking.

We have two inDUHviduals in our Moment of Duh today – Linda and Peter Garnett of Grantham, England. Linda and Peter decided to print of a phony $16.6-million check and tried to deposit the check into their checking account. They made to a blinding error though. Along with the check, they tried to deposit a welfare check at the same time. That really stuck out, considering the bank was where Linda happened to work.




  1. The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi. (TRUE)


  1. After the elephant, the giraffe is the heaviest of all land animals. (FALSE… it’s the hippopotamus weighing as much as 4 tons!)


  1. More Americans spend July 4th with their families than any other holiday. (TRUE… about 80% do!)


  1. 415 words in the 2004 edition of Webster’s Dictionary were actually misspelled. (FALSE)


  1. If you raise your legs slowly and lie on your back, you cannot sink in quicksand. (TRUE)


  1. Famous Top 40 countdown DJ Casey Kasem is also the voice of Scooby-Doo! (FALSE… but he IS the voice of Shaggy)


  1. The U.S. buys up almost 75% of the world’s diamonds. (FALSE… but we do buy up 50% and we only have one diamond mine!)


  1. Recent Oscar winner Halle Berry was originally offered the part of Annie, played by Sandra Bullock in the film “Speed.” (TRUE… and Stephen Baldwin was first offered the part of Jack played by Keanu Reeves!)


  1. While spider webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (FALSE)


  1. The word “taxi” is spelled the same in English, German, French, Swedish, and Portuguese. (TRUE)




A request at the meat counter turns criminal in today’s files of Law & Disorder. 


FILE #1: Two men who tried to steal $400 worth of meat from a supermarket in Milford, Massachusetts, almost got away. The pair approached the butcher at a supermarket and asked for $400 worth of tenderloin to be cut. A manager headed to the area to oversee the transaction and caught one guy tucking wrapped tenderloins in his jacket and spotted the other limping down an aisle, with two large bulges at the bottom of his pants. The two made it outside and ran into the woods and to a nearby store before taking off in a car. One of the two meat snatchers actually pulled two tenderloins out of his pants and handed it back to the manager before leaving. A couple of other tenderloins were found discarded on a store shelf near baby diapers. Witnesses saw their license plate number and police were able to catch up with them.


FILE #2: A woman from Modesto, California, was having major problems with her husband, so she got a restraining order against him. Her upset husband was so upset he attempted to get the restraining order lifted. Unable to convince his wife to do it, the man dressed up as a woman an attempted to impersonate his wife at a court hearing to have the restraining order removed. It didn’t work.  ***MARLAR: Gee, it makes you wonder why she ever wanted a restraining order, doesn’t it?  He sounds like a real catch.


FILE #3: Harry Jackson didn’t get caught breaking out of jail. He was nabbed trying to break back in. According to Camden County, Ga., Sheriff Tommy Gregory, deputies found a jail door unlocked over the weekend. He says Jackson had opened a door to the exercise yard and climbed the outer fence. Deputies say they spotted Jackson trying to sneak back into the lockup with 14 packs of smokes. Authorities believe the cigarettes were stolen from a convenience store about a block away. Jackson now faces new charges of breaking out of jail and burglary.


STRANGE LAW: It’s almost summer… what if you were told that you were no longer allowed to eat watermelon in public. Pretty stupid rule, huh? Well, it’s now a law in China! Apparently, thousands of people have been injured by slipping on the discarded watermelon rinds. Under the new law, anyone caught eating the fruit in public can be sentenced up to three years in prison.





The Department of Transportation in California is experiencing a most unusual problem — drunk birds! Intoxicated birds have been careening into car windshields and flying into the pavement, leaving scores of bird carcasses along Interstate 5 in Shasta County. The birds had apparently been eating the parneyi cotoneaster berry, a fermenting fruit that gives birds an alcohol buzz. More than 20 years ago its bushes were planted by state Department of Transportation landscapers. Transportation spokeswoman Debbie Ginn (that’s right, a lady named “Ginn” involved in a drunken bird story) says there have been no injuries to people from the birds.




Okay… so today is “Respect for Chickens Day.” How do you think we could celebrate?




QUESTION: Who confessed to his mother that he had stolen pieces of silver from her?
ANSWER: Micah (Judges 17:1, 2)




QUESTION: The US has one; Canada has one. In fact, most countries have just one. But South Africa has two. Two what?

ANSWER: National Anthems.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi. (TRUE)


  1. After the elephant, the giraffe is the heaviest of all land animals. (FALSE… it’s the hippopotamus weighing as much as 4 tons!)


  1. More Americans spend July 4th with their families than any other holiday. (TRUE… about 80% do!)


  1. 415 words in the 2004 edition of Webster’s Dictionary were actually misspelled. (FALSE)


  1. If you raise your legs slowly and lie on your back, you cannot sink in quicksand. (TRUE)


  1. Famous Top 40 countdown DJ Casey Kasem is also the voice of Scooby-Doo! (FALSE… but he IS the voice of Shaggy)


  1. The U.S. buys up almost 75% of the world’s diamonds. (FALSE… but we do buy up 50% and we only have one diamond mine!)


  1. Oscar winner Halle Berry was originally offered the part of Annie, played by Sandra Bullock in the film “Speed.” (TRUE… and Stephen Baldwin was first offered the part of Jack played by Keanu Reeves!)


  1. While spider webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (FALSE)


  1. The word “taxi” is spelled the same in English, German, French, Swedish, and Portuguese. (TRUE)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


Older U.S. beer enthusiasts may soon find themselves in handcuffs.

While alcohol laws have traditionally targeted age limits for younger residents, officials are currently looking at a cap of 60 years old for legal alcohol purchases. Lawmakers cite a number of reasons for the proposal, ranging from health concerns to road safety.

“All medical professionals agree that alcohol makes the health of the elderly much worse,” said one Washington insider. “And as most DUI cases involve more grandmothers than 20-somethings, it was kind of a no-brainer. We’re all surprised this hasn’t come up before.”





A patient in a psychiatric hospital spent all day with his ear to the wall, listening. The doctor watched this person do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what he was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the patient and said, “I don’t hear anything.” The patient replied, “Yeah, I know. It’s been like that for months!”

Psychiatrist: “Do you talk in your sleep?”

Patient: “No, I talk in other people’s sleep.”

Psychiatrist: “I don’t understand.”

Patient: “I’m a preacher.”



Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”

“Eight”, the boy replied.

The man continued, “Do you know how these are used?”

The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They are for my brother, he’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can’t do either one.”



There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.”

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”

God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”




Authorities in Northern Mexico are trying to cut down on accidents by fining drivers who apply lipstick, shave or carry a pet while at the wheel. ***MARLAR: Unless, of course, the pet is a better driver than you.


An educational bit of trivia for you today: What would you get if you asked for a “pottle” of ice cream at the supermarket?  The term “pottle” is the legal measurement describing an amount equal to two quarts. Legally, there is no such term as “half-gallon.”  ***MARLAR: But if you asked for a pottle of ice cream at the supermarket, you’d probably get a dumb look from the stock clerk.





A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.

She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”




Ever heard of LITERAL fast food?

The Weekly World News says in Tallahassee, Florida, a “fast-food” restaurant is taking the concept literally. It’s hired minor league pitchers to throw customers’ orders at them, at speeds up to 85mph. The restaurant, Mound of Food, named after a pitching mound, is the brainchild of Grover “Lefty” Robinson, who was a minor league pitcher for several years. “I toiled around in the minors hoping to make it to the big leagues, but I never did,” Robinson, 54, says. “I was beating myself up over how much time I’d wasted and how I should’ve gone to business school like my parents said, when I came up with the idea of using my talent to deliver fast-food. “Florida is the perfect place for my restaurant, since tens of thousands of fans come down here every year for spring training,” he says. At Mound of Food, customers step into the “Batter’s Box” where they order their meal, which is standard fast-food fare. The food is placed in a Styrofoam ball that resembles a baseball, and minor league pitchers throw it to the customers, who stand 50 feet away, to catch it.





My dad, an evangelist, was the original soft touch. I remember him once going off to speak in a tiny church and coming home ten days later.

Eventually my mother asked about the offering. I can still see my father’s face as he smiled and looked at the floor. “You gave the money away again, didn’t you?” she asked.

“Myrt,” he said, “the pastor there is going through a hard time. His kids are so needy. I felt I should give the entire fifty dollars to them.”

My good mother looked at my father for a few moments and then smiled. “You know, if God told you to do it, its okay with me.”

A few days later, we ran completely out of money, so my father gathered us for a time of prayer. He said, “Lord, you told us that if we would honor you in our good times, that you would take care of us when things are difficult. We need a little help at this time.”

The next day we received an unexpected check for $1,200. That’s the way it happened, not once, but many times. No matter what you give, you’ll find you can never out-give God.

Source: Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, By Dobson, James C.





Read: Psalm 84

My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. –Psalm 84:2

It was the eve of the National Day of Prayer, and a Christian leader was being interviewed on national television. With a question that seemed devised to trip up his guest, the interviewer referred to the nation’s worsening moral crisis and said, “Does that mean the Lord didn’t listen to last year’s prayer?”

“No,” came the insightful reply. “God is sovereign, and you have to accept how He works and when He works.” How true that is!

Many people think of prayer only in terms of asking and receiving. But it’s more than results. It’s about relationship. One of the most powerful reasons to pray is to maintain a strong relationship with God.

Prayer is conversation with Someone we love and with whom we want to stay close to. It is communication with our heavenly Father. Notice how the writer of Psalm 84 longed to be near to God: “My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (v.2). When we pray, we are enriched by the growing bond that develops between us and the Lord.

Prayer is complex. But we mustn’t miss the great truth that when we as God’s children draw near to Him in prayer He draws near to us (Jas. 4:8). That’s all the motivation we need to make every day a day of prayer.





A woman is told by a judge that she can keep her cats… all 104 of them!

Despite concerns from neighbors and the Humane Society, a judge in Fairfax County, VA, told Kristin Kierig that she could keep all 104 cats that share her townhouse because the house is apparently clean and the cats groomed and in good health. Kristen produced medical records on the cats, showed that she cleans the 101 litter boxes twice a day and keeps the 15 water bowls and 20 food bowls well stocked, and demonstrated she can remember each cat by name. She did confess that her house might have a bit of an “odor.”  ***MARLAR: Gee, ya think?!?!  And what kind of job does this woman have that she has enough time to take care of 104 cats?  And is that company hiring?





Gold’s Gym has revealed astonishing facts about the financial costs that are associated with obesity in the United States. According to Gold-sponsored research, Americans’ expanding waistlines comes with a price tag of $122.9 billion, with obese Americans losing nearly $10,000 per year out of their own pockets. The Fat-O-Nomics breakdown:

  • More weight means more gas that a car or truck needs to burn. Obese Americans burn at least 9 more gallons of gas per year than a typical American. Fat gas tax: $36
  • An average of one full week of work is lost due to obesity-related ailments. Total lost wages: $932
  • A visit to the doctor once per year strictly for obesity-related ailments. Co-pay: $15
  • The average American spends 4% of their annual income on clothing each year, but those who are obese pay an extra 25% for their clothes. Clothing surcharge: $485
  • The typical American travels by airplane 2.5 times a year at an average cost of $331 per flight.  Americans carrying an excessive amount of weight will often have to pay for an extra seat on these flights. Travel tax: $828





Have someone that’s constantly late to work? We have the perfect gift idea for them!

“Gosh, my watch must be running slow.” How many times have you heard that one?!? That may not be a legitimate excuse much longer! The world’s most accurate clock has an even more accurate clock to compete with now. We use atomic clocks now to stay accurate – they keep the entire world on time. But now there’s a new clock. It’s 1,000 times more accurate than the atomic clock. It’s accurate to the femtosecond. A femtosecond is the smallest unit of time used by scientists and is to a second what a second is to 32 million years. ***MARLAR: Our boss says time is money, so he’s offered us all a femto-raise in pay.





  • Get some string and everyone has to cut a length of string that they think will fit exactly around the stomach of the expectant mother. The one closest to the exact length wins.
  • Get a tray of baby items – diaper pins, wipes, baby bottle etc. Show the tray to everyone and then take it out of the room. Whoever can write down the most items that they remember were on the tray wins.
  • Stack a baby tub or something like that with items and have everyone guess how many items are in it; the closest to the number wins.
  • Have a doll and baby clothes. You have to pass the doll around the room and dress it as you would a real child (not holding the head between your legs, etc) The one with the quickest time wins.
  • Have three baby bottles filled with liquid (water, juice, milk) Take three contestants and the one that can drink the contents the fastest wins.
  • Put a memo pad on top of your head. On the hostess’s urging, draw a head, then take your pen down to your side, then draw arms, body , etc. on the memo pad one by one, taking your arm down each time so you don’t cheat. Whoever comes closest to their drawing actually looking like a real person wins.
  • Put up a clothes line in the living room, and clip a whole bunch of clothes pins to it. Whoever can hold the most clothespins in one hand (like you’re taking down the laundry) wins.
  • Everyone gets a clothes pin and clips it somewhere on their clothing at the beginning of the shower. If you spot someone crossing their legs, you get their clothes pin. Whoever had the most clothespins at the end of the shower wins.
  • Make little nametags in the shape of a diaper out of napkins with little safety pins. Put a brown spot in one of them. Everyone puts one on at the beginning of the shower, and then whoever has the “dirty diaper” wins.




UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Seconds Away from Success

If you’re on top of the music scene and aware of the hit makers being generated through social media, then you know of Shawn Mendez. For the rest of us, he’s quickly reaching stardom status. He’s a six-second wonder.
Shawn is 16 and in the 11th grade, and lives in Ontario, Canada. Uh-oh. Another Justin Bieber. His debut album just shouted down the soundtrack to Furious 7. In fact, his “Handwritten” tracks were numero uno on Billboard. I can’t stand these success prodigies. Okay…I admit to being a bit envious—and troubled.
You see, Shawn Mendez is a hot selling artist and his music is not even played on the radio. Yet.
His rise to fame came through Vine, a mobile app where posts are all of six seconds! Check out the Mendez Vine page and you discover his videos have 367 million “loops”—or views. I learned this from reading his story over the weekend. (See the New York Times link,
So who owns Vine? Twitter. The masters of short form messaging. But who can deliver a compelling act in six seconds? Apparently, a lot of people—the majority of whom come nowhere close to the success of Shawn Mendez.
However, I liken this short attention grabbing method to some old school work of professionals. Specifically, those who write headlines and those in advertising. These folks know you must grab the attention very quickly or your customer is gone. Good telemarketers and cold callers know this, too. In store salespeople often try and stop you with a personal question such as, “Is that an iPhone 6 you have?” Me: “Why, yes it is!” Too late. Now I’m conversing about satellite systems I don’t want or need!

Some of the headlines in newspapers and magazines that have turned the trick for response include:

  • How a Strange Accident Saved Me from Baldness
  • Are You Ashamed of the Smells in Your Home?
  • Play Guitar in Seven Days or Your Money Back
  • How I Started a New Life with $7

Television and radio people use short teases for upcoming segments. Direct mail uses gimmicks (close to trickery) to get you to open “official” looking mail. So why not a simple premise like, “You’ve got six seconds to impress me, Kid!” Works for me.
There is a big challenge waiting. Do the goods match the pitch being made? If not, credibility fades. At that point, even new and more clever approaches fall flat.
A few takeaways on this subject include:

  • To get attention you must arouse and intensify interest.
  • Quick hitting, creative messages can get you in the door.
  • Sustained interest requires consistent delivery of what your customer comes to expect from you.
  • Shortcuts often lead to short lived relationships.
  • Repetition of a short, but effective, message—when delivered in a tight window of space or time—can be very powerful in delivering recall.

One of the most effective, power-packed messages delivered by rescue missions and other ministries of Christ followers has just two words: Jesus Saves. Most people are familiar with John 3:16. You see signs for it everywhere. I personally think John 3:17 has a lot of spiritual punch: “For God did not send His Son to the world that he may judge the world, but that the world may be saved through him.” (Young’s Literal Translation)
Jesus saves. Two simple words. When the message is received and allowed to play out, hearts find peace. Consciences are cleared. Hope is renewed. Relationships are restored. Eternities are changed.
And get this. Jesus calls himself The True Vine. Look it up. (John 15)





  1. Buying loss leaders (products that a company sells below or at cost) and leaving
  2. Using credit and paying it off on time
  3. Saying NO to the extended warranty
  4. Activating your own phone with a cell phone company
  5. Shopping in the store but buying online
  6. Buying 1 when it’s 2 for $5
  7. Opening a store credit card to get a discount, then cutting up the card
  8. Using websites to track 30 day price guarantees
  9. Buying seasonal items at clearance prices (for next year)
  10. Buying “accessories” on eBay rather than paying huge markups




Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous! (Updated every Monday!)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! You’ve heard the phrase, “Take a Bite Out Of Crime”, well that’s exactly what a Boston police dog did and the man that he took the bite out of has successfully sued the dog and the police force.

…”Shadow” the police dog was only doing what he had been trained to do, he helped Patrolman Peter McClelland arrest a suspect. Jerome Jarrett fled on foot after being pulled over for driving unlicensed and uninsured. The chase ended with Shadow biting Jarrett’s right knee. Now, a jury has ordered the Yarmouth Police Department to pay $50,000 in attorney’s fees to the man because “the department has tolerated excessive force in its K-9 unit.”




Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

Four words are causing an uproar at a Shreveport middle school. Parents and students are planning to take a stand in effort to keep “In God we trust” on the school’s marquee, where it had been posted for 15 years before its removal earlier this year. In March, principal Albert Hardison was accused of violating the First Amendment through his religious references. The school removed the reference but that didn’t end the discussion. Recently Fellowship of Christian Athlete students passed out 500 shirts on campus as part of their iStand campaign against the removal of the phrase.


If you’re a Red Box user, here’s an idea for you!  Some users of Red Box have found a unique way to make another persons day just a little more special. They included a couple of dollars in the case with the video when returning their rented movie. Also inside was a note for the next person renting the video that said “Snacks are on us tonight!”




“My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.” –Milton Berle




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MAY 01, 2015…


Avengers: Age of Ultron—Here comes Marvel Comics with more of your favorite heroes after Ultron (James Spader from television’s “Blacklist) as the villain. That man does get around.  In this film there are Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Black Widow (Scarlet Johansson), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo,) Captain America (Chris Evans) and my favorite, Thor (Chris Hemsworth.) Enter new characters such as Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). The Plot? It is there somewhere and about a robot (Spader) who doesn’t like humans. “Avengers: Age of Ultron” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the characters, comic books and the cast.


She’s Funny That Way—A darker comedy starring Imogen Poots as a lady of the streets who becomes a stage actress. Owen Wilson as the director of her latest play, and Will Forte as the author are involved with her, and Kathryn Hahn is suspicious, plus Jennifer Aniston is an analyst. Written by Peter Bogdanovich. “She’s Funny That Way” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Roar (opening in select cities)—is a real-life story of raising lions in captivity and living among them.  It stars Tippi Hedren, Melanie Griffith (Hedren’s real-life daughter) and John Marshall.  The movie was actually done after 1971 and today Hedren runs a wildlife sanctuary in California, the Shambala Animal Sanctuary. This was an experiment to see if lions could become accustomed to having people around if the animals were raised with people.  It didn’t always work.  “Roar” has no rating, but could be PG or PG 13. No rating.


MAY 08, 2015…


Hot Pursuit stars Reese Witherspoon as a police officer who must protect Sofia Vergara.


Lambert & Stamp is a documentary on the beginnings of the rock group The Who.


The D Train  stars Jack Black in a comedy about  a man planning his 20th class reunion


I Am Big Bird is a documentary on the person who plays this character.


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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at