May 04, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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Live! From the outskirts of sanity! It’s The (Jock) Program!




Jesus said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.  — Luke 9:23-24


I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. — Job 19:25


And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:19





Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. — James 4:17


Thought: Jesus taught this principle when he healed on the Sabbath (Mark 3:1-7) and told the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:29-37). Our Lord made it clear that to neglect to do a good deed for another in need, even if we had a religious excuse for not doing it, was to do evil. Let’s be a people known for doing good deeds and sharing kindness. Let’s not let any excuse, especially a religious excuse, interfere with our glorious and holy opportunities to serve others in the name of Jesus.


Prayer: Dear Father, please use me today to bless someone in need so that they may know your grace and so that Jesus, your Son and my Savior, will be glorified. In Jesus’ sweet and precious name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Peter 5:4 NIV = And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is COMPLIMENT SOMEONE’S SMILE DAY, a day to express appreciation to happy people for helping the rest of us feel better. ***MARLAR: And might I say your smile is brilliant this morning!


Today is INDEPENDENCE DAY IN RHODE ISLAND.  ***MARLAR: How is this possible?  Independence Day is July 4th in the United States… how can Rhode Island celebrate it on May 4th?


Today is INTERNATIONAL RESPECT FOR CHICKENS DAY, a day to stick up for chickens.  ***MARLAR: Hey, I’ll respect them as best I can just so long as they remain finger-lickin’-good.


Today is NATIONAL CANDIED ORANGE PEEL DAY.  ***MARLAR: I think orange candy tastes nasty… and nobody eats orange peels… so why on earth would someone combine the two to make nasty candied orange peels?  Is tomorrow going to be Candied Bologna Peel day?


This is NATIONAL CLEAN AIR WEEK. ***MARLAR: Here’s our idea… everyone cleans the air tonight by going outside and aiming your Shop-Vac at the sky.


This is NATIONAL INSECTOCUTOR WEEK. ***MARLAR: Imagine that, an entire week dedicated to watching your bug-zapper.


And, of course, today is STAR WARS DAY.  May the Fourth be with you!




Childhood Depression Awareness Day

National Life Insurance Day

Holocaust Remembrance Day

Great American Grump Out

Star Wars Day (May The Forth Be With You)

International Firefighters Day

International Respect for Chickens Day

National Day to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy

Occupational Safety & Health Day

Petite and Proud Day

World Give Day





Cartoonists Day

Childhood Stroke Awareness Day

Cinco de Mayo

International Day of the Midwife

International Roller Derby Day

Martin Z. Mollusk Day

National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day

National Day of Reason

Totally Chipotle Day

Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith)

World Password Day



Child Care Provider Day

Dandelion Days begin

International Space Day

Joseph Brackett Day

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

No Diet Day

No Homework Day

Nurses Day

Tuba Day



Birthmother’s Day

Bladder Cancer Awareness Day

Cosmopolitan Day
Free Comic Book Day

Join Hands Day

Kentucky Derby

Start Seeing Monarchs Day

Mariachi Day

Mother Ocean Day

National Babysitters Day

National Barrier Awareness Day

National Homebrew Day

National Scrapbooking Day

Naked Gardening Day



Free Trade Day

Bereaved Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day

Mothers At The Wall Day

World Laughter Day

National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day

No Socks Day

Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War

V.E. Day

World Ovarian Cancer Day
World Red Cross/Red Crescent Day



Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War

National Moscato Day

National Women’s Check-up Day

Occupational Safety and Health Professional Day



National Lipid Day

World Lupus Day

One Day Without Shoes Day



Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity

Eat What You Want Day

Hostess Cupcake Day

National Foam Rolling Day

National Night Shift Workers Day

National Third Shift Workers Day

Receptionists Day

National Root Canal Day

School Nurse Day




1927: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was founded in Hollywood.


1956: Gene Vincent and his group, The Blue Caps, recorded “Be-Bop-A Lula.”


1959: The first ever Grammies were awarded for: best single Domenico Modugnos “Volare;” best album Henry Mancinis Peter Gunn; best C&W the Kingston Trios “Tom Dooley;” best R&B “Tequila” by The Champs.


1968: “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” by Ohio Express entered the Billboard Hot 100. It sold a million and hit #4, though Ohio Express had nothing to do with it. It was a demo with studio musicians; co-writer Joey Levine was lead vocalist.


1975: Moe Howard, the last of the original Three Stooges, died of cancer at age 78. His real name was Moses Horwitz. Moe, with his brothers Curly and Shemp, created the Three Stooges as a vaudeville act. They made 190 short movies.


1976: “Waltzing Mathilda’ was adopted as Australia’s national anthem. It was replaced in 1986 with “Australia Fair.”


1987: Playtex became the first manufacturer to air TV ads featuring live models wearing bras.


1994: After Ernie Banks paraded a goat around Wrigley Field for good luck, the Chicago Cubs beat Cincinnati to end a 12-game home losing streak.


1997: Seven Bob Mosers and their wives attended the first meeting of the Robert Moser Society in Columbia, Missouri. The group listed 43 Bob Mosers as members, and hoped to eventually enlist the other 199 known Bob Mosers.


1997: A wildly quacking duck, jumping around in circles in the middle of the street, stopped a police car in Bensalem, Pennsylvania. Then, the mama mallard led the officers to a nearby storm drain where her nine baby ducks were trapped. The officers rescued the babies, and proclaimed the mama one dexterous duck.


2001: Actress Bonnie Lee Bakley was fatally shot while sitting in a car waiting for her actor husband Robert Blake. In April 2002, Blake was charged with the murder, but a jury acquitted him in 2005.


2001: A South African grandmother caught driving at 106 miles per hour near Capetown told officers she was late for church. The 71-year-old woman was fined the equivalent of $110.


2003: Idaho Gem was born at the University of Idaho The baby mule was the first clone of a hybrid animal.




1256: Pope Alexander IV founded the Roman Catholic religious order of the Augustine Hermits.


1493: Pope Alexander VI issued “Inter caeterea II,” which divided possession of the New World discoveries by Spain and Portugal along a longitudinal line running 250 miles west of the Cape Verde Islands.


1746: The Moravians in Pennsylvania established the Moravian Women’s Seminary at Bethlehem. It was the first educational institution of its kind established by the “Unitas Fratrum” in (colonial) America.


1784: Birth of Carl G. Glaser, German music teacher. Of his many choral pieces, Glaser is primarily remembered today for his hymn tune AZMON, to which the Church today sings: “O For a Thousand Tongues.”


1923: Sir W. Robertson Nicoll, editor of the British journal The Expositor (which included articles by many leading scholars) and of a 50-volume Expositor’s Bible (published 1888-1905), dies.


1970: In deciding the legal case “Walz v. Tax Commission of New York,” the United States Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of a New York statute exempting church-owned property from taxation.




  • actress (Numerous TV guest appearances, best known as Erin Walton on “The Waltons”) Mary McDonough 54 (audio clip)
  • actor (Dean Borak on “Boy Meets World”, Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson in Die Hard, Principal Richard Vernon in The Breakfast Club) Paul Gleason 72 (audio clip)




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1923 : Ed Cassidy (Spirit)

1928 : Maynard Ferguson

1934 : Ace Cannon

1937 : Dick Dale

1938 : Tyrone Davis

1941 : Richard Burns (The Hondells)

1941 : David LaFlamme (It’s A Beautiful Day)

1942 : Nick Ashford (Ashford & Simpson)
1943 : Ronnie Bond (The Troggs)

1943 : Ricky West (The Tremoloes)

1944 : Richie Furay (Buffalo Springfield, Poco)

1944 : Peggy Santiglia (The Angels, Dusk)

1945 : George Wadenius (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1946 : Nick Fortuna (The Buckinghams)

1949 : Zal Cleminson (The Sensational Alex Harvey Band)

1949 : Stella Parton

1951 : Bruce Day (Santana, Pablo Cruise)

1951 : Jackie Jackson (The Jacksons)

1951 : Mick Mars (Motley Crue)

1959 : Randy Travis

1970 : Gregg Alexander (The New Radicals)

1972 : Chris Tomlin

1972 : Mike Dirnt (Green Day)

1979 : Lance Bass (‘N Sync)




Where did we get the term “acid test”?

This reminds me of my 10th grade geometry teacher. We called any test she gave the acid test because she was a real pickle-puss. But enough of my adolescent bitterness. The origins of this phrase were quite literal. More than a century ago, when much of the population lived in rural areas, the peddler was an important person. Not only did he sell all sorts of manufactured goods otherwise unavailable, he also bought old objects made of gold. For this purpose he needed an easy way to estimate the gold content of, say, an old spoon. He did it by nicking it slightly and pouring nitric acid on the indentation. The color the liquid turned revealed the percentage of gold present. So the acid test was as good as gold, to coin a phrase.




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Third Day road pastor Nigel James is continuing to share his tour devotionals online. Over the weekend Nigel posted: Another ploy of the enemy is to try convincing us that there is an easier path to walk than the one God has mapped out for us. It was part of his latest devotional while on tour with Third Day and Steven Curtis Chapman. You can follow along with Nigel’s devotionals on his twitter page: @NigelJames3d


Manny from Group 1 Crew continues to deal with vocal problems. Earlier this year he spent several weeks on vocal rest. This weekend Manny reported: So I have a throat infection and now cannot perform in Jacksonville. However, the show must go on. Manny added: good thing our team is strong and can hold it down!


Saturday words of wisdom from Shane and Shane: don’t make coffee in the dark. You might get more than you bargained for. Attached with was picture of a packet of Little Caesars Buffalo Ranch dipping sauce shaped exactly the coffee creamer.


At a recent concert event Dave from Sidewalk Prophets and Aaron Shust gave their best imitation of Mac Powell.


The latest song from Natalie Grant is titled King of the World and Natalie says she hopes the song accomplishes a specific goal. She posted: Praying the message is an anchor of security for those, who like me, struggle with fear.  ***Either that or she’s a huge fan of the movie Titanic.


It was one of those Sunday’s for Kutless member James Mead. He said every member of the family wanted something different to eat so they ended up hitting three different places for lunch.


Building 429’s Aaron Branch was speaking out this week. He posted: It’s crazy to me that our our grandfathers were sent to Europe during WW2 to fight socialists, and now our college kids want to elect one. Those who do not know or understand history are doomed to repeat it.


Skillet recently joined with the Make a Wish Foundation to make the wish of a young man come true. Nathanael and his family joined Skillet during a tour date in Oklahoma City to fulfill his wish of playing with the rock band onstage. Nathanael joined Skillet during their sound check and had a blast drumming to their song “Monster.” He was also treated to a special guitar session with Skillet’s Seth Morrison.


Aaron Shust recently had the chance to encourage a mother with a special needs son. During a radio interview Aaron was connected with a special listener, Prudencia, who has a son with down syndrome. Aaron also has a son with down syndrome and he posted: I was crying in the back lounge of my bus here in Arkansas while I listened to her tell stories about her son David Aaron. Then they surprised her “a Artist with a similar story who’s listening in!” Aaron says: We laughed and cried while we shared how precious our boys are, what a GIFT they are and how they show us the LOVE of Jesus!


It’s been one year since worship leader Christy Nockels released her CD Let It Be Jesus. On the anniversary of her latest project Christy shared a follow up blog. She posted: I’ve learned that a record title isn’t just words pulled from a lyric or a clever phrase, it’s actually more like a prayer. To me, it simply says, Jesus YOU are still the treasure.




(No news on the weekends.)



A 100-year-old female runner set a new world record in the 100-meter dash in Philadelphia on Saturday. New Yorker Ida Keeling boasted a time of 1 minute, 17 seconds. Keeling says, “I’m a nice example of what you can do with yourself.”  ***Meanwhile, I’m out of breath just for reading that story.


SnapChat is fighting for the right of voters to take selfies while in the voting booth.  ***Because let’s face it, what the election process needs is another way to make the lines go slower.


Video has surfaced of Carly Fiorina falling off the stage at a Ted Cruz campaign event in Indiana.  ***Trump is so desperate to get rid of the competition he’s installing trap doors under his opponents!


A CNN poll finds most Americans assume Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will be the nominees, and consider presidential primary season is over.  *** Although Kasich is planning a victory party for later next week.


A musical version of the Bill Murray movie “Groundhog Day” is headed to Broadway in March, 2017. In the film version, Murray plays a television weatherman who repeats each day exactly the same while covering Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.  ***MARLAR: In the musical version, the groundhog has a song where it sings “I’m alright – nobody worry about me”.  Oh… wait… wrong Bill-Murray-with-a-Groundhog movie…




Want to be more creative today? Strap on some comfortable shoes and take a walk. A study from Stanford researchers found that a person’s creative output can increase by as much as 60% when walking.   ***MARLAR: The hard part is trying to take notes about those really creative ideas while you’re trying to outrun the neighborhood attack-dog.


Almost four out of 10 Americans between 18 to 24 years old say their parents are involved in their search for employment, according to a survey from Adecco Staffing. Over-invested parents are doing everything from accompanying their adult children to job interviews to writing their thank-you notes after an interview.  ***MARLAR: Hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you just have the employer hire your mom at the same time – because she’s obviously going to follow you into work each day, hover over you, and help you with your assignments.  “Hey, Johnson – is your TCP report done yet?”  “I dunno… hey, Mom – have you done the TCP report yet?”


A study in the Journal of Applied Psychology makes the case that companies may be wasting their ad budgets when advertising during violent or sexually explicit programming.  The study claims that over-stimulating the brain with sexual or violent images basically shuts the brain off to the information contained in the commercials that follow. ***MARLAR: The brain being shut off – that’s the only explanation I can think of for someone wanting to see “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY”.


You work hard to earn vacation days, but when the time comes to enjoy them, a study says American workers aren’t using up all the time off they’ve earned for the year. A study by travel site Expedia says the average worker is expecting to earn less days off this year, down to 14 from 15, but will only take 12 days of vacation.  ***MARLAR: Science needs to find a way to make these unused vacation days transferable – I’ll take as many as you decide not to use.  I’ll take them from everybody!












OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been commissioned by the Rabbit family to create a portrait for them.  It took him a while to find the right shade of white, but once he did he was ready to get started… except that he noticed that the sun was already beginning to go down.


CLOSE: What will Racquet the Skunk do now that all of his crayons have been lost?  Will the Rabbit family portrait be put on indefinite hold?  Will the crayons be found?  Will the jungle population of rabbits explode to a point that no amount of crayons could ever be enough to draw the family?  Tune in next time to see what happens, as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, not only were the Cheetah Sisters no longer singing three-part-harmony, but nobody was singing or playing in harmony!  Ever since Cheetah Bonita decided to go solo, everyone decided to go solo… and now there’s no more music in the jungle – it’s all just… well… NOISE!
CLOSE: Will Cheetah Bonita be able to run away from the squirrels?  Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.




In today’s Moment of Duh we’re going to do a little creative banking.

We have two inDUHviduals in our Moment of Duh today – Linda and Peter Garnett of Grantham, England. Linda and Peter decided to print of a phony $16.6-million check and tried to deposit the check into their checking account. They made to a blinding error though. Along with the check, they tried to deposit a welfare check at the same time. That really stuck out, considering the bank was where Linda happened to work.




  1. The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi. (TRUE)


  1. After the elephant, the giraffe is the heaviest of all land animals. (FALSE… it’s the hippopotamus weighing as much as 4 tons!)


  1. More Americans spend July 4th with their families than any other holiday. (TRUE… about 80% do!)


  1. 415 words in the 2004 edition of Webster’s Dictionary were actually misspelled. (FALSE)


  1. If you raise your legs slowly and lie on your back, you cannot sink in quicksand. (TRUE)


  1. Famous Top 40 countdown DJ Casey Kasem is also the voice of Scooby-Doo! (FALSE… but he IS the voice of Shaggy)


  1. The U.S. buys up almost 75% of the world’s diamonds. (FALSE… but we do buy up 50% and we only have one diamond mine!)


  1. Recent Oscar winner Halle Berry was originally offered the part of Annie, played by Sandra Bullock in the film “Speed.” (TRUE… and Stephen Baldwin was first offered the part of Jack played by Keanu Reeves!)


  1. While spider webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (FALSE)


  1. The word “taxi” is spelled the same in English, German, French, Swedish, and Portuguese. (TRUE)




A request at the meat counter turns criminal in today’s files of Law & Disorder. 


FILE #1: Two men who tried to steal $400 worth of meat from a supermarket in Milford, Massachusetts, almost got away. The pair approached the butcher at a supermarket and asked for $400 worth of tenderloin to be cut. A manager headed to the area to oversee the transaction and caught one guy tucking wrapped tenderloins in his jacket and spotted the other limping down an aisle, with two large bulges at the bottom of his pants. The two made it outside and ran into the woods and to a nearby store before taking off in a car. One of the two meat snatchers actually pulled two tenderloins out of his pants and handed it back to the manager before leaving. A couple of other tenderloins were found discarded on a store shelf near baby diapers. Witnesses saw their license plate number and police were able to catch up with them.


FILE #2: A woman from Modesto, California, was having major problems with her husband, so she got a restraining order against him. Her upset husband was so upset he attempted to get the restraining order lifted. Unable to convince his wife to do it, the man dressed up as a woman an attempted to impersonate his wife at a court hearing to have the restraining order removed. It didn’t work.  ***MARLAR: Gee, it makes you wonder why she ever wanted a restraining order, doesn’t it?  He sounds like a real catch.


FILE #3: Harry Jackson didn’t get caught breaking out of jail. He was nabbed trying to break back in.  According to Camden County, Ga., Sheriff Tommy Gregory, deputies found a jail door unlocked over the weekend. He says Jackson had opened a door to the exercise yard and climbed the outer fence.  Deputies say they spotted Jackson trying to sneak back into the lockup with 14 packs of smokes. Authorities believe the cigarettes were stolen from a convenience store about a block away. Jackson now faces new charges of breaking out of jail and burglary.


STRANGE LAW: It’s almost summer… what if you were told that you were no longer allowed to eat watermelon in public. Pretty stupid rule, huh? Well, it’s now a law in China! Apparently, thousands of people have been injured by slipping on the discarded watermelon rinds. Under the new law, anyone caught eating the fruit in public can be sentenced up to three years in prison.





The Department of Transportation in California is experiencing a most unusual problem — drunk birds! Intoxicated birds have been careening into car windshields and flying into the pavement, leaving scores of bird carcasses along Interstate 5 in Shasta County. The birds had apparently been eating the parneyi cotoneaster berry, a fermenting fruit that gives birds an alcohol buzz. More than 20 years ago its bushes were planted by state Department of Transportation landscapers. Transportation spokeswoman Debbie Ginn (that’s right, a lady named “Ginn” involved in a drunken bird story) says there have been no injuries to people from the birds.




Okay… so today is “Respect for Chickens Day.”  How do you think we could celebrate?




QUESTION: Who confessed to his mother that he had stolen pieces of silver from her?
ANSWER: Micah (Judges 17:1, 2)




QUESTION: The US has one; Canada has one. In fact, most countries have just one. But South Africa has two. Two what?

ANSWER: National Anthems.




Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi. (TRUE)


  1. After the elephant, the giraffe is the heaviest of all land animals. (FALSE… it’s the hippopotamus weighing as much as 4 tons!)


  1. More Americans spend July 4th with their families than any other holiday. (TRUE… about 80% do!)


  1. 415 words in the 2004 edition of Webster’s Dictionary were actually misspelled. (FALSE)


  1. If you raise your legs slowly and lie on your back, you cannot sink in quicksand. (TRUE)


  1. Famous Top 40 countdown DJ Casey Kasem is also the voice of Scooby-Doo! (FALSE… but he IS the voice of Shaggy)


  1. The U.S. buys up almost 75% of the world’s diamonds. (FALSE… but we do buy up 50% and we only have one diamond mine!)


  1. Oscar winner Halle Berry was originally offered the part of Annie, played by Sandra Bullock in the film “Speed.” (TRUE… and Stephen Baldwin was first offered the part of Jack played by Keanu Reeves!)


  1. While spider webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (FALSE)


  1. The word “taxi” is spelled the same in English, German, French, Swedish, and Portuguese. (TRUE)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


Older U.S. beer enthusiasts may soon find themselves in handcuffs.

While alcohol laws have traditionally targeted age limits for younger residents, officials are currently looking at a cap of 60 years old for legal alcohol purchases. Lawmakers cite a number of reasons for the proposal, ranging from health concerns to road safety.

“All medical professionals agree that alcohol makes the health of the elderly much worse,” said one Washington insider. “And as most DUI cases involve more grandmothers than 20-somethings, it was kind of a no-brainer. We’re all surprised this hasn’t come up before.”





A patient in a psychiatric hospital spent all day with his ear to the wall, listening. The doctor watched this person do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what he was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the patient and said, “I don’t hear anything.” The patient replied, “Yeah, I know. It’s been like that for months!”

Psychiatrist: “Do you talk in your sleep?”

Patient: “No, I talk in other people’s sleep.”

Psychiatrist: “I don’t understand.”

Patient: “I’m a preacher.”



Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”

“Eight”, the boy replied.

The man continued, “Do you know how these are used?”

The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They are for my brother, he’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can’t do either one.”



There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.”

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”

God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”




Authorities in Northern Mexico are trying to cut down on accidents by fining drivers who apply lipstick, shave or carry a pet while at the wheel. ***MARLAR: Unless, of course, the pet is a better driver than you.


An educational bit of trivia for you today: What would you get if you asked for a “pottle” of ice cream at the supermarket?  The term “pottle” is the legal measurement describing an amount equal to two quarts. Legally, there is no such term as “half-gallon.”  ***MARLAR: But if you asked for a pottle of ice cream at the supermarket, you’d probably get a dumb look from the stock clerk.





A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.

She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”




Ever heard of LITERAL fast food?

The Weekly World News says in Tallahassee, Florida, a “fast-food” restaurant is taking the concept literally. It’s hired minor league pitchers to throw customers’ orders at them, at speeds up to 85mph. The restaurant, Mound of Food, named after a pitching mound, is the brainchild of Grover “Lefty” Robinson, who was a minor league pitcher for several years. “I toiled around in the minors hoping to make it to the big leagues, but I never did,” Robinson, 54, says. “I was beating myself up over how much time I’d wasted and how I should’ve gone to business school like my parents said, when I came up with the idea of using my talent to deliver fast-food. “Florida is the perfect place for my restaurant, since tens of thousands of fans come down here every year for spring training,” he says. At Mound of Food, customers step into the “Batter’s Box” where they order their meal, which is standard fast-food fare. The food is placed in a Styrofoam ball that resembles a baseball, and minor league pitchers throw it to the customers, who stand 50 feet away, to catch it.





My dad, an evangelist, was the original soft touch. I remember him once going off to speak in a tiny church and coming home ten days later.

Eventually my mother asked about the offering. I can still see my father’s face as he smiled and looked at the floor. “You gave the money away again, didn’t you?” she asked.

“Myrt,” he said, “the pastor there is going through a hard time. His kids are so needy. I felt I should give the entire fifty dollars to them.”

My good mother looked at my father for a few moments and then smiled. “You know, if God told you to do it, its okay with me.”

A few days later, we ran completely out of money, so my father gathered us for a time of prayer. He said, “Lord, you told us that if we would honor you in our good times, that you would take care of us when things are difficult. We need a little help at this time.”

The next day we received an unexpected check for $1,200. That’s the way it happened, not once, but many times. No matter what you give, you’ll find you can never out-give God.

Source: Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, By Dobson, James C.





Read: Psalm 84

My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. –Psalm 84:2

It was the eve of the National Day of Prayer, and a Christian leader was being interviewed on national television. With a question that seemed devised to trip up his guest, the interviewer referred to the nation’s worsening moral crisis and said, “Does that mean the Lord didn’t listen to last year’s prayer?”

“No,” came the insightful reply. “God is sovereign, and you have to accept how He works and when He works.” How true that is!

Many people think of prayer only in terms of asking and receiving. But it’s more than results. It’s about relationship. One of the most powerful reasons to pray is to maintain a strong relationship with God.

Prayer is conversation with Someone we love and with whom we want to stay close to. It is communication with our heavenly Father. Notice how the writer of Psalm 84 longed to be near to God: “My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (v.2). When we pray, we are enriched by the growing bond that develops between us and the Lord.

Prayer is complex. But we mustn’t miss the great truth that when we as God’s children draw near to Him in prayer He draws near to us (Jas. 4:8). That’s all the motivation we need to make every day a day of prayer.





A woman is told by a judge that she can keep her cats… all 104 of them!

Despite concerns from neighbors and the Humane Society, a judge in Fairfax County, VA, told Kristin Kierig that she could keep all 104 cats that share her townhouse because the house is apparently clean and the cats groomed and in good health. Kristen produced medical records on the cats, showed that she cleans the 101 litter boxes twice a day and keeps the 15 water bowls and 20 food bowls well stocked, and demonstrated she can remember each cat by name. She did confess that her house might have a bit of an “odor.”  ***MARLAR: Gee, ya think?!?!  And what kind of job does this woman have that she has enough time to take care of 104 cats?  And is that company hiring?





Gold’s Gym has revealed astonishing facts about the financial costs that are associated with obesity in the United States. According to Gold-sponsored research, Americans’ expanding waistlines comes with a price tag of $122.9 billion, with obese Americans losing nearly $10,000 per year out of their own pockets. The Fat-O-Nomics breakdown:

  • More weight means more gas that a car or truck needs to burn. Obese Americans burn at least 9 more gallons of gas per year than a typical American. Fat gas tax: $36
  • An average of one full week of work is lost due to obesity-related ailments. Total lost wages: $932
  • A visit to the doctor once per year strictly for obesity-related ailments. Co-pay: $15
  • The average American spends 4% of their annual income on clothing each year, but those who are obese pay an extra 25% for their clothes. Clothing surcharge: $485
  • The typical American travels by airplane 2.5 times a year at an average cost of $331 per flight.  Americans carrying an excessive amount of weight will often have to pay for an extra seat on these flights. Travel tax: $828





Have someone that’s constantly late to work? We have the perfect gift idea for them!

“Gosh, my watch must be running slow.” How many times have you heard that one?!? That may not be a legitimate excuse much longer! The world’s most accurate clock has an even more accurate clock to compete with now. We use atomic clocks now to stay accurate – they keep the entire world on time. But now there’s a new clock. It’s 1,000 times more accurate than the atomic clock. It’s accurate to the femtosecond. A femtosecond is the smallest unit of time used by scientists and is to a second what a second is to 32 million years. ***MARLAR: Our boss says time is money, so he’s offered us all a femto-raise in pay.





  • Get some string and everyone has to cut a length of string that they think will fit exactly around the stomach of the expectant mother. The one closest to the exact length wins.
  • Get a tray of baby items – diaper pins, wipes, baby bottle etc. Show the tray to everyone and then take it out of the room. Whoever can write down the most items that they remember were on the tray wins.
  • Stack a baby tub or something like that with items and have everyone guess how many items are in it; the closest to the number wins.
  • Have a doll and baby clothes. You have to pass the doll around the room and dress it as you would a real child (not holding the head between your legs, etc) The one with the quickest time wins.
  • Have three baby bottles filled with liquid (water, juice, milk) Take three contestants and the one that can drink the contents the fastest wins.
  • Put a memo pad on top of your head. On the hostess’s urging, draw a head, then take your pen down to your side, then draw arms, body , etc. on the memo pad one by one, taking your arm down each time so you don’t cheat. Whoever comes closest to their drawing actually looking like a real person wins.
  • Put up a clothes line in the living room, and clip a whole bunch of clothes pins to it. Whoever can hold the most clothespins in one hand (like you’re taking down the laundry) wins.
  • Everyone gets a clothes pin and clips it somewhere on their clothing at the beginning of the shower. If you spot someone crossing their legs, you get their clothes pin. Whoever had the most clothespins at the end of the shower wins.
  • Make little nametags in the shape of a diaper out of napkins with little safety pins. Put a brown spot in one of them. Everyone puts one on at the beginning of the shower, and then whoever has the “dirty diaper” wins.





  1. Buying loss leaders (products that a company sells below or at cost) and leaving
  2. Using credit and paying it off on time
  3. Saying NO to the extended warranty
  4. Activating your own phone with a cell phone company
  5. Shopping in the store but buying online
  6. Buying 1 when it’s 2 for $5
  7. Opening a store credit card to get a discount, then cutting up the card
  8. Using websites to track 30 day price guarantees
  9. Buying seasonal items at clearance prices (for next year)
  10. Buying “accessories” on eBay rather than paying huge markups




A baby daughter of a Washington state Congresswoman has been given a second chance at life after the baby’s father donated one of his kidneys to help her survive. According to a Christian Headlines report, Abigail, the daughter of U.S. Rep. Jaime Herrera Beutler and her husband, Dan, was born with the usually fatal Potter’s Syndrome, a condition that prevents a child’s kidneys from developing properly. Both Jaime and Dan were matches for Abigail and thus possible donors, but Dan insisted he be the one to give up one of his kidneys for Abigail, especially since Jaime is now pregnant with their second child.


ISIS is reportedly seeing a steady decline in its support from younger Arab men and women in the past two years. According to Relevant News, A new poll shows that an overwhelming number of Arab teens and young adults oppose the terrorist group, with 80 percent ruling out any possibility of supporting the Islamic State even if it were to renounce its brutal tactics. The poll—which was conducted through face-to-face interviews with 3,500 respondents ages 18 to 24—revealed that young Arabs are increasingly fearful of the group while simultaneously less swayed by its propaganda. More than 50 percent the participants ranked the Islamic State as the forefront problem facing the Middle East.


Do you struggle with cynicism? There are 3 simple steps to help you be more positive:

The first step is acknowledging where the real problem lies

Next, we should recognize and re-embrace some of the virtues that we often look down upon

Finally though, the clearest way to change an aspect of our character is to begin behaving differently.

Read each one more in-depth here:




“My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.” –Milton Berle




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


APRIL 29, 2016…


Mother’s Day—Garry Marshall gathers quite a cast here and directs them in a comedy about relationships. The stars include Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts, Jason Sudeikis, Timothy Olyphant and Jon Lovitz. “Mother’s Day” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Rachet & Clank—a 3D, animated film adapted from the game series.  The film has the duo meeting for the first time and how they want to save the Soiana Galaxy from the bad guys. Voices are Rachet (James Arnold Taylor), Clank (David Kay), Paul Giamatti (Chairman Drek), and Sylvester Stallone as Victor Von Ion, a bad guy. “Rachet & Clank” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.


Keanu—This is a comedy about two guys looking for their lost cat, Keanu. It seems as though the cat can really get into trouble.  Stars include Keegan Michael Key, Peele, Method Man, Nia Long and Will Forte. “Keanu” is rated PG 13. No rating.


MAY 06, 2016…


Captain America: Civil War has just about anyone in Hollywood who can hold a shield in the cast. Stars Chris Evans as Captain America and Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man.


Going in Style has Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine, in their later years, planning a robbery.


Dark Horse (opening in select cities) is based on a true story of a chess player who is bi-polar. Stars Cliff Curtis.


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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at