May 05, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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Good morning. (THE JOCK SHOW) is already in progress. Where it goes from here, of course, is anybody’s guess. –HaLife


I hope you’ll pay close attention because later I may need someone to tell me what I said. –HaLife


The (Jock) Show c –HaLife




For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. — Romans 3:23-24


Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. — Romans 12:12




We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. — 1 Thessalonians 1:2


Thought: Why is it so hard to share with others that we have thanked God for bringing them into our lives? God let his Son Jesus know his love and approval. Remember his words at Jesus’ baptism and transfiguration? “This is my Son, whom I love…” The apostle Paul also let the struggling churches he started know that he was praying for them regularly (cf. Philippians 1:3). It’s a great blessing to thank God for someone special in our lives. It’s a double blessing to let those people know we’ve thanked God for their being in our lives. Let’s commit to be a “double blessing” people today!


Prayer: Gracious Father, you have blessed me in so many ways! Today, however, I’m especially aware of the many incredible ways you have blessed me through other people. I want to thank you now for the following wonderful Christian people you have placed in my life… (put the names of special people in here and then be sure and let them know you’ve thanked God for them). Please guard and strengthen them and use them to bless others as they have blessed me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 5:5 NIV = And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is NATIONAL BOO BOO DAY, a day to call someone “Boo Boo.” ***MARLAR: You might want to stand some distance away when doing so, though, unless you’re a friend of park rangers and are good at stealing picnic baskets.


Today is CINCO DE MAYO in the U.S. and Mexico, marking Mexico’s victory over the French at Puebla on May 5, 1862. It is not, as many people think, Mexico’s Independence Day, which is actually September 16. ***MARLAR: What I don’t understand is why this is also celebrated in the United States. Oh yeah, now I remember – because it’s an excuse for people to party. Nice. “Hey, we’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo because… uh… because… because it’s May 5th! Alriiiiight! Whoo hoo! Paaaaarrrrttttyyyyyy!!!!”


Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CUSTARD DAY. ***MARLAR: Our place of choice, of course, is Culvers!


Today is SLOW DOWN DAY. ***MARLAR: The perfect thing to do while enjoying chocolate custard.



I didn’t realize slowing down was a problem for me until I found myself yelling at the microwave because my Hot Pocket was taking more than 2 minutes to warm up.  Here are a few suggestions on how to slow down and calm down from author M.J. Ryan’s book “The Power of Patience: How to Slow Down the Rush and Enjoy More Happiness, Success, and Peace of Mind Every Day.”

  • Go on a mental vacation. When you find yourself tensing up, visualize yourself in the tropics or the Alps — any place you find relaxing.
  • Enjoy the experience. Even while doing chores, get into the pleasure of the experience, instead of rushing through it.
  • Seek practical solutions. If something irritates you, find an easy way to fix it. For instance, get a pop-top tooth-paste dispenser if you see red at the sight of a loose cap on the sink counter.
  • Ask for help. Overload causes stress. Since there’s no prize at the end of your life for doing too much, ask for help from others.
  • Use inspirations. Find a quote that you like and paste it on your bathroom mirror or in your car. When you feel frenzied, use it as a patience pill.
  • Encourage others to be patient, too. Instead of grumbling, strike up a conversation while standing in line. Time will fly and you may meet someone interesting.
  • Use the pebble-in-the-pocket trick. When you start to feel irritated, move a pebble from one pocket to the other to interrupt the anger cycle, which will give you a chance to regroup your thoughts and emotions.




Cartoonists Day

Childhood Depression Awareness Day

Childhood Stroke Awareness Day

Cinco de Mayo

International Midwives Day

National Teacher Day

Totally Chipotle Day

Revenge of the Fifth (Star Wars Sith)





Bike To School Day

Great American Grump Out

Joseph Brackett Day

No Diet Day

No Homework Day

Nurses Day or National RN Recognition Day

World Asthma Day

Occupational Safety & Health Day

School Nurse Day



Cosmopolitan Day

Lag B’omer

National Barrier Awareness Day

National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day

National Day of Prayer

National Day of Reason (the atheists’ response to National Day of Prayer)

National Day to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy



Free Trade Day

National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day

No Socks Day

Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War

V E Day

World Ovarian Cancer Day
World Red Cross Day (Red Crescent Day)

Child Care Provider Day

Fintastic Friday Giving Shars a Voice

Military Spouse Appreciation Day



American Indian Day

Armed Forces Day Military-Amateur Crossband Communications Day

Bereaved Mother’s Day

Birthmother’s Day (Saturday before Mother’s Day)

Cornelia de Lange Syndrome Awareness Day

International Migratory Bird Day

Letter Carrier’s Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day

Mother Ocean Day

National Babysitters Day

National Miniature Golf Day

National Moscato Day

National Train Day

National Windmill Day

Occupational Safety and Health Professionals Day

Stay Up All Night

World Belly Dance Day

World Fair Trade Day



World Lupus Day

Mother’s Day

Mothers At The Wall Day



Eat What You Want Day ***MARLAR: Known here as “Monday”.

Hostess Cupcake Day

Root Canal Appreciation Day ***MARLAR: Being celebrated by absolutely no one.

National Women’s Check-Up Day

Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day



International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases

International Nurses Day

Limerick Day

National Nutty Fudge Day

Odometer Day




1923: Syracuse University refused to let Phi Beta Kappa Bernice Goldstein graduate because she could not learn to swim.


1925: John Scopes was arrested in Tennessee for teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution.


1961: Commander Alan Shepard Jr. was rocketed 115 miles into space from Cape Canaveral to become America’s first space explorer. Fifteen minutes later in the Atlantic Ocean, he said, “Boy, what a ride!”


1962: The “Westside Story” soundtrack album reached #1 in Billboard and stayed there 54 weeks.


1978: Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds registered his 3,000th major league hit.


1982: Singer Vince Gill and wife Janis named their newborn daughter Jenny.


1986: Britain’s William Whorriskey set a world record by lifting five barrels filled with water totaling 771 pounds. With one arm.


1988: Anatomist Randall Susman reported that a South African archeological discovery shows ancient non-human creatures may have made and used tools.


1991: Yasuyuki Kudoh did a record nonstop wheelie on his motorcycle covering 205.7 miles at Tsukuba City, Japan. He was riding a Honda TLM220R.


1996: LeAnn Rimes’ first single “Blue” entered the Billboard music charts.


1999: A man who admitted making thousands of obscene phone calls over a 3-year-period was arrested in Vienna, Austria, after one of the women told him she was busy and would return his call. So he gave her his phone number.


1999: Garth Brooks was named artist of the decade at the annual Academy of Country Music Awards.


2000: The world’s first cloned mouse, Cumulina, died of old age at 2 years, 7 months.


2001: Cliff Hillegass, the inventor of Cliffs Notes, passed away at the age of 83. ***MARLAR: What most people are unaware of, however, is that they had a large funeral, and then they had a second, shorter funeral with just a few important highlights of the first one.


2002: Movie producer Michael Todd Jr. died in Ireland at age 72. He had produced the only feature film in “Smell-O-Vision,” entitled “Scent of Mystery.”


2002: A drunk teenager walked away virtually unscathed after a train ran over him when he collapsed on a railway line in Trondhiem, Norway. The 18-year-old passed out lengthways on the tracks and the 82-ton train went within inches of his head at 75 miles an hour. The teen slept through the entire episode and walked away with a small cut on the chin and a hole in the front of his shirt.


2004: Picasso’s 1905 painting “Boy with a Pipe” sold for $104 million at Sotheby’s in New York, setting a new record for an auctioned painting.




553: The Second Council of Constantinople convenes under the presidency of Eutychius, the city’s new patriarch. The council, loaded with bishops from the Eastern church, attacked Nestorianism (a “heresy”—many have questioned that anathema—that overemphasizes Christ’s dual nature as God and man). Nestorian Christians exist to this day.


1525: Frederick III, the elector of Saxony also called “Frederick the Wise,” dies. An avid collector of relics and a supporter of modern scholarship (he founded the University of Wittenberg), Frederick protected Martin Luther after the Diet of Worms condemned the reformer.


1813: Christian existentialist Soren Kierkegaard is born in Copenhagen. The Danish philosopher believed no philosophical system could explain the human condition; the experience of reality was what mattered, not the “idea” of it. His most famous and his first book, Either/Or, sought in part to explain why he suddenly broke off his engagement.


1816: The American Bible Society (ABS) organizes in New York to distribute the Bible throughout the world. The organization has distributed hundreds of millions of Bibles in thousands of languages worldwide.


1925: Dayton, Tennessee, teacher John Scopes is arrested for teaching evolution in his classroom. (He volunteered to admit violating a recent statute prohibiting such teaching so that the law could be tested in court.) The resulting trial—the first “trial of the century”—led to public mockery of fundamentalist Christians, driving them into a more self-contained subculture.




  • Actress (Jennifer Keaton – the youngest daughter on “Family Ties”) Tina Yothers is 42 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Gimli in the Lord of the Rings movies) John Rhys-Davies, 71
  • Actor/comedian (“Monty Python’s Flying Circus,” A Fish Called Wanda) Michael Palin, 72
  • Actor (The Right Stuff, Bishop the android in Alien and Alien 3) Lance Henriksen, 74




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1898 : Blind Willie McTell

1934 : Ace Cannon

1937 : Johnnie Taylor

1938 : Michael Murphey

1942 : Tammy Wynette

1948 : Bill Ward (Black Sabbath)

1959 : Ian McCulloch (Echo & The Bunnymen)

1962 : Kevin Mooney (Adam and the Ants)

1981 : Craig David

1988 : Brooke Hogan

1988 : Adele

1989 : Chris Brown




Is the “catgut” used in some tennis rackets and stringed instruments actually what it sounds like it is?

I was appalled by this word when I was a kid. I didn’t want to even consider the possibility that it was what it said it was. Well, those who favor felines can continue listening. But if you’re a lamb lover be warned: what we have here is a sheep in cat’s clothing. These days tennis rackets tend to be strung with steel or nylon, but some are still made from sheep-gut, which is known for its strength. Also, sheep-gut is still used frequently in stringed instruments. It also shows up in surgical sutures and–don’t faint–sausage casings. So why do they call it catgut? Fewer letters? Because sadism toward pussycats is politically correct? In truth, we don’t really know.




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Worship leaders at the Passion worship conference in Atlanta were given an unplanned tutorial in dealing with unexpected problems over the weekend. Crowder was on stage when the power in the building went out. But it didn’t slow them down. They say David Crowder just continued on with an acoustic set. More than 2000 worship leaders from over 600 churches attended the Passion worship conference Lift 2015.


Audio Adrenaline didn’t let a small thing like a lack of power stop them from having a great night over the weekend. Group member Brandon Bagby tweeted: Had a great time playing in the dark last night until the lights came back on during the last song of the set.


It looks like Francesca Battistelli’s daughter is developing a love for social media early. Francesca tweeted that her daughter, who is almost three, was playing with a toy calculator. She told her mom: “I’m just texting.”


In his first post since being hit while running, Passion Worship Leader Kristian Stanfill was praising God for his protection. Kristian shared on Instagram: it could’ve gone a lot of different ways on Tuesday afternoon. We are thanking Jesus for his mercy and protection this week. For everyone asking…I’m ok. Nothing serious going on. Just bruised and sore.  For all the flowers, food, phone calls, texts, tweets, visitors, prayers and love coming our way…thank you! We have the best friends.


Christy Nockels has just released a new worship album and she says she took a different approach when putting it together. Rather than producing another studio album, the long time worship leader this time brought the music to the Passion City Church in Atlanta, recording the project in front of a room full of family, friends, and volunteers. The result was Let It Be Jesus. In an interview, Christy sat down to talk about the new project, waiting on God, friendship and mentoring. Read the entire interview with Vital Magazine…–Stop-and-Remember-Jesus/


Jamie Grace made an impulsive decision over the weekend and it didn’t turn out so well. At nearly midnight, and with the temperature hovering at about 50 degrees, she and some friends decided it was the perfect night for a swim. Unfortunately, Jamie says it wasn’t one of her best impulsive decisions. She tweeted: we were out there for 15 minutes. Now my toes are frozen.




Joyful noise or unholy din? New church ‘bells’ mean discord    photo
BURLINGTON, Vt. (AP) — The sound system next door is making it hard for Olga Lopatina to love thy neighbor: Christ the King church. Since last summer, the church has been broadcasting the sounds of bells and hymns to its Burlington neighborhood, a joyful noise unto the Lord that some here…


Boston Marathon runner seeking man she kissed on a dare    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Tennessee woman who ran the Boston Marathon is looking for the man she kissed on a dare. Barbara Tatge says her daughter, Paige, dared her to kiss a random, good-looking man and take a photo of it as she ran her first Boston Marathon on April 20. So, about halfway into the…
Thinking it’s a joke, man hangs up on pope; gets papal hug    photo
VATICAN CITY (AP) — Hang up on Pope Francis and you might get a hug. Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano says earlier this week, Francis dialed an ailing Italian man to comfort him. Francis has a habit of calling people who he has heard are suffering and telling them “Hello, I’m Pope…
Bag carrying $63K in moldy bills found at Pennsylvania park
HOWARD, Pa. (AP) — A plastic bag containing $63,000 in moldy bills has been found at a Pennsylvania state park. Police say the discovery was made Saturday by a park visitor in Bald Eagle State Park. That’s about 90 miles northwest of the capital, Harrisburg. Police say paperwork found near…
Giant billowing aerial sculpture installed over Boston park    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A giant aerial sculpture is floating over a park in Boston’s Financial District, bringing a shimmer of spring where snowplow piles towered just weeks ago. Early Sunday, dozens of workers closed nearby streets and set to work installing the 600-foot work by artist Janet Echelman,…
Mother duck, brood waddle through school on trek to new home    photo
BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) — A mother duck and her brood got a brief tour of a Montana middle school as teachers and students herded them from their courtyard nest to a nearby creek. It’s a tradition for Tracy Larsen, who teaches family consumer sciences at Lewis and Clark Middle School in…
Aspen’s Smuggler Mountain struggles with dog poop
ASPEN, Colo. (AP) — Park rangers are at a loss as Colorado’s Smuggler Mountain continues to be covered in piles of poop left behind by furry friends. HASH(0x1403a80) Senior ranger John Armstrong called it “deja poo.” Armstrong said they may need to reinstitute the leash law on the first part…
2-headed calf born on farm in northern Florida
MACCLENNY, Fla. (AP) — A two-headed calf was recently born on a farm in northern Florida. Multiple news sources report the calf was born Sunday in Baker County. Dwight Crews, the owner of the farm says he hadn’t seen one born in his more than 60 years of raising cattle. Crews says the female…
Christie ally, not Kirstie Alley, pleads guilty
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — No, Kirstie Alley is not involved with politically motivated lane closures in New Jersey. The actress became a trending topic throughout the U.S. on Twitter on Friday after jokes and confusion from people reading the phrase “Christie ally” in headlines. David Wildstein is…
RI woman returns home, finds wild turkey in her bathroom
WARWICK, R.I. (AP) — A Rhode Island woman thought a pipe burst when she returned home to find water pouring from her garage ceiling. But the culprit turned out to be an unusual houseguest that dropped in. HASH(0x13d2850) Police and a Department of Environmental Management officer caught the…
Police: Man cut hole in storage unit roof, stole 35 guitars
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A New Jersey man is accused of stealing enough musical equipment to outfit quite a few bands. Philadelphia police said Friday that Jason Mackenzie of Berlin, New Jersey, has been charged with burglary and related offenses in a break-in at a self-storage unit on Castor…




Medicare data show contrast in generic, brand prescribing    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The most-used medicines in Medicare’s prescription drug program are generics, but the program spends the most on brand-name drugs, led by the heartburn treatment Nexium, according to an unprecedented release of government data on Thursday. That contrast sheds light on…


Report: 5 months after infection, man spreads Ebola via sex    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Health officials now think Ebola survivors can spread the disease through unprotected sex nearly twice as long as previously believed. Scientists thought the Ebola virus could remain in semen for about three months. But a recent case in West Africa suggests infection through…
Dr. Oz’s ‘The Daily Dose’ switches radio distributors    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Dr. Mehmet Oz’s radio show, “The Daily Dose with Dr. Oz,” is getting a new home. Oz struck a deal with iHeartMedia that will begin later this year, according to a release this week from Oz and the Texas-based company. It will involve more projects than “The Daily Dose,” but…
GOP divided as Supreme Court ruling on health care law nears    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sen. Ron Johnson was elected to Congress in 2010 as an adamant foe of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul. Yet facing a Supreme Court decision that could disrupt how that law functions, the Wisconsin Republican is among many in the GOP who want Congress to react…
US shuts down Ebola treatment center in Liberia
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — American officials are shutting down a special treatment unit they set up in Liberia at the height of the Ebola crisis last year. It’s the latest sign that life is returning to normal in the West African country where more than 4,600 people have died from Ebola. On…
Hungary vows to start moving toxic waste from chemical plant    photo
BUDAPEST, Hungary (AP) — Some 1,000 barrels of toxic waste will be removed quickly from a defunct chemical company plant in Budapest, a Hungarian official said Thursday after Greenpeace described conditions at the site as “near catastrophic.” Reversing earlier official comments that it would…
House rejects bid to let VA docs give advice on medical pot
WASHINGTON (AP) — The GOP-controlled House Thursday barely rejected a bid by supporters of medical marijuana to permit veterans to receive information about the drug from their government doctors. The 213-210 vote came on a failed amendment to a bill funding the budget for the Department of…
Texas takes aim at telemedicine care for patients
DALLAS (AP) — The state of Texas and telemedicine advocates are in a legal tussle over patients who receive doctor consultations through video. The state’s medical board has implemented rules scheduled to take effect in June that place restrictions on the practice, drawing a rebuke from those…
Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch dies at age 91    photo
PARKLAND, Fla. (AP) — A half-century after dropping 70 pounds and keeping them off, Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch made some allowances: Cokes in her fridge, Klondikes in her freezer, the occasional potato or extra piece of bread on her plate. But she never again touched the chocolate…
Jury awards woman $13M for exposure to asbestos in talcum
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A Los Angeles jury awarded $13 million to a 73-year-old woman who contracted a deadly disease from using asbestos-containing talcum powder manufactured by Colgate-Palmolive Co. Jurors deliberated for two hours Tuesday before finding that New York-based Colgate was 95…
3 boys saved by customized airway tube made on 3-D printer    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a striking example of how 3-D printers could customize medical care, doctors turned powdered plastic into tiny devices that saved the lives of three baby boys by holding open defective airways so they could breathe — and the implants even expanded as the tots grew….




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Taco Bell has plans to start online delivery. Taco Bell’s CEO said the company is in the process of testing delivery and catering services.  ***MARLAR: The perfect solution for anyone who is too lazy to leave their house to get food-born diarrhea.


Engineers at General Motors are developing “smart” headlights that beam light precisely where a driver is looking — an invention that could improve visibility for drivers at night. According to the Huffington Post report, a camera scans the driver’s eyes and other points on the face more than 50 times per second. Based on the scanned data, electronic motors then change the direction of the headlights. Officials say another major benefit is that the eye-tracker doesn’t have to be individually calibrated for a particular driver. The system works perfectly with anyone behind the wheel, no matter what their size. ***MARLAR: So not only can you blind oncoming driver by having your brights on, but now you can just look at them and your car will shine your headlights right at them!


A calf was born in northern Florida last week with two faces.  *** The farmer plans to have the calf run for political office.


Here’s a weird celebration – Sunday was the Dorset Knob Throwing and Food Festival event in Cattistock, England, which involves participants chucking a locally made, spherical biscuit as far as they can.  *** You thought I was going to say they were throwing door knobs, didn’t you?  Yes, I too was disappointed.




Ever thrown money around when an attractive woman was watching? Men are more generous around attractive women, according to a new study.  British researchers found that men contributed more winnings to charity when they were being watched by a beautiful woman than when they were playing alone or being watched by another man. Men may be showing off to potential mates according to the report.  ***MARLAR: In other words, “Hey, Baby – here’s how much money I COULD be blowing on you instead of these orphans…”


Residents and visitors have voted Philadelphia the city with the least attractive people, according to a survey by Travel + Leisure. But that’s not all; the City of Brotherly Love also ranked as the least stylish, least active, least friendly and least worldly by 60,000 respondents who ranked 30 cities in several categories ranging from food to nightlife to culture. On the bright side, the beauty of the museums and art galleries was enough to boost Philly to the third spot in the Historical Sites/Monuments category.  ***MARLAR: Sadly, most of the citizens look like historical sites and monuments.


A man on house arrest asked police to put in him jail rather than serve the remainder of his sentence at home with his wife.  Santino Gambio was serving a sentence for dumping hazardous waste at his house in Villabate, Sicily, just outside the capital. But after being home with his wife, he went to the police station and asked to be jailed to avoid having more arguments.  ***MARLAR: Her biggest complaint?  That he never took her out anymore.


A New Jersey man carjacked a Porsche, but didn’t get very far. He couldn’t make his getaway because it had a stick shift.  ***MARLAR: Who needs The Club when you can have The Stick?








CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kerri Pomarolli, “Bargain Savvy Holiday Inn”




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk had been making notched badminton racquets so they’d break easily and force his friends to keep buying new ones. But it’s about to backfire on him, because his badminton playing niece, Rita, was just given one as a gift… and she’s planning on giving it as a gift as well…


CLOSE: Oh no! Rita is being arrested for sabotaging a badminton racquet – but she was given that racquet as a gift by Gruffy… and he bought that sabotaged racquet from Rita’s uncle, Racquet the Skunk – who made it! So really, Rita is in jail and it’s Racquet’s fault! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! We found out last time that the sloth was one of the best animals in the jungle when it came to living in peace. But she wasn’t always so peaceful. In fact she was downright worrisome. So much so, in fact, that her worrying and rushed lifestyle of trying to get so much done spread throughout the entire jungle!


CLOSE: Is getting up an extra hour each day really the answer to all of the animals time and work problems? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




There’s trouble down south in North Platte, Nebraska. Wedgies.

North Platte police recently received a 911 call after a neighborhood bully gave another kid a wedgie. The officer was able to calm the situation and no arrests were made. A police spokesperson said, “You might get away with that in Lincoln or Omaha, but we’re not going to allow wedgies in North Platte.” ***MARLAR: They also said they planned to put a stop to the wedgies before they escalate into full-blown melvins.





  1. You have been chosen to receive alien spawn. Please report to the canteen immediately.
  2. Free Virus
  3. By the time you get this…….
  4. Please disregard previous e-mail about how sick your rich uncle is.
  5. I’m so sorry! It was an accident, I swear! I REALLY didn’t mean to!
  6. Remember me?
  7. About your test results…..
  8. The Date For Your IRS Audit Is Contained Within This Email.
  9. Interested In A Low Fixed Rate Mortgage?
  10. It’s your mother. I finally figured out how to work this thing.




Some parents will do anything for their kids – even prison time.


FILE #1: When Gregory W. Kasey Jr. of Maryland was accused of violating the terms of his probation, his father, also named Gregory W. Kasey Jr., took the rap and got a four- year prison term. It wasn’t that big a deal, really: the elder Kasey was already serving 20 years for assault with intent to murder. When the judge discovered the mix-up, he had the younger Kasey brought in and taken to jail. Asked what he thought of his father’s action, he said “It showed me he still cares.”


FILE #2: While waiting to get their licenses renewed at the Department of Motor Vehicles, two California teen boys became fast friends with the man standing in front of them and asked him to drive them somewhere once they were all finished at the DMV. But before the man could go anywhere with them, the two boys pushed him out of the vehicle and stole his car. Of course it didn’t take police long to track down the two thieves, considering the DMV had fresh new photos and their current addresses from their license renewals.


FILE #3: Richard Fracasso is a blind snack bar vendor at the state courthouse in Rhode Island. A clerk at the courthouse handed him a dollar bill and told him it was a 20. Richard ran it through a scanner which alerted him to the discrepancy, and then he called security. The clerk has been arrested and fired.


STRANGE LAW: In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if his or her child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.




Distributing bibles is a good thing – but it depends on how you do it.

John W. Hill of High View, West Virginia, was arrested near St. Louis after sheriff’s deputies had stopped to investigate why he was parked alongside I-70. He was shirtless, wearing an Indian vest, cargo pants and combat boots.  He had several loaded pistols, an assault rifle, a two-shot Derringer, two long rifles, a serious Bowie knife, 400 rounds of ammunition and various drugs. He said only that he was headed to South Dakota to “Indian country” to deliver supplies and a sack full of Bibles to the Native American children, and that he was armed because the West is “dangerous.”




When she was a teenager, my wife’s mother tossed out all of her favorite music albums. When I was in my 20s my mom got rid of my comic books thinking I didn’t want them anymore. What did your folks throw away that you wish you still had?




QUESTION: Who ruled Israel after Omri?

ANSWER: Ahab (2 Kings 16:28)




QUESTION: How often does the epidermis, the outer layer of our skin, replace itself? 

ANSWER: About once every 4 weeks



Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. In Canada, the nation’s currency is referred to as “CAD” on the foreign exchange. (True)


  1. Tropical cyclones with winds of 150mph or more are called “hurricanes”. (False, the winds only have to be 75mph)


  1. Tiger was the family sheepdog in the TV sitcom The Patty Duke Show and on the TV show the “A-Team”. (False, not the “A-Team” but “The Brady Bunch”)


  1. While president, Lyndon B. Johnson’s pets, who he affectionately referred to as “Him” and “Her” were Poodles. (False, they were Beagles)


  1. Before the 1997-98 season, the NBA’s Washington Wizards were known as the “Washington Rebels”. (False, they used to be called “The Bullets”)


  1. Elvis Presley gave his custom Convair 880 jet the name, “Mamma.” (False, he called it The Lisa Marie)


  1. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by Doris Day. (False, Mary Martin)


  1. Terry Bollea certainly had his 15 minutes of fame in the 1980s, and still getting some. He’s also known as “The Giant” on WWE. (False, Hulk Hogan)


  1. Now known for his suspenders, in 1957, Lawrence Harvey Zeiger is actually Larry King. (True)


  1. Zsa-Zsa Gabor slapped Paul Kramer’s face on June 14, 1989, after he pulled over her Rolls-Royce Corniche for having expired plates. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


Aliens have visited space shuttle Enterprise, and left evidence behind to prove it.

As NASA officials stationed at JFK were preparing the prototype shuttle for its final home at Manhattan’s Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum, they discovered what they are calling “foreign material” on board. Engineers and NASA officials were unwilling to go record, but sources confirm that the material is of an extraterrestrial nature.

A security guard at the JFK hangar where Enterprise is being stored explained the scene as the NASA crew made its discovery. “They had on HAZMAT suits and were bringing out all these high-tech Ziploc bags with stuff in them. I saw some moss-looking stuff come out, and some metal tool-looking pieces. They were all complaining about the smell. Apparently, whatever was in there left a mess. The scientist was like, maybe they were trying to catch a ride home or something. But you know, they picked the wrong shuttle.”





After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, “You were much better than the preacher we had last Sunday. He spoke for an hour and said nothing.”

“Thank you,” the visiting preacher replied.

“Yes,” she continued. “You did it in fifteen minutes.”



A group of leading scientists had done huge amounts of research in chemical analysis, and bio-chemistry. After many years of toil, they confronted the Lord about his “Creation” process.
“We have studied and analyzed and learned, and have found that we can create life, the same as You did.” said the scientists to Lord.
“You can?” asked the Lord.
“Yes. We can create living forms, the same way You did. And faster too. And we’ll prove it.” The Lord
replied, “Ok, prove it.” So one of the scientists reached down and grabbed up a handful of dirt to put into a dish.
“Uh uh uhhh” said the Lord.
“What?” asked the scientists.
“Get your OWN dirt!”



Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: “Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant.”

“How did you answer that last one?” asked Robert. “I thought it was tough at first…. then I thought of ‘Superintendent.’”

“I think I got it right too,” Pete said. “But I wrote down ‘Horticulturist.’”




Most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Veracuz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about the stuff, were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a National Day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as… Sinko de Mayo. (Okay, so it’s not an actual fact – hey, this is entertainment!)


A study by Dr. Richard S. Cimbalo says walking at the mall is a better way to burn calories than walking outside. Cimbalo claims women naturally walk faster in a mall and burn more calories. The professor of psychology at Daeman College in New York says malls are familiar and a safe places, which helps women get a better workout. Malls offer security, a well-lit path, bathrooms, water fountains and telephones. Plus he says many malls have organized walking groups to keep you motivated. ***MARLAR: Another reason you’ll lose weight is because the compulsive shopping you do while mall walking will leave you with no money leftover to buy ice cream.


First the smokes, now the doughnuts. Inmates at Ohio’s Franklin County lockup are singing the jailhouse blues. County officials are deep-sixing the fattening treats. Officials say eliminating the 55-thousand-dollar annual doughnut contract will be good for the inmates’ health. Every few weeks the prisoners were treated to glazed and jelly-filled doughnuts, and crullers, too. The inmates lost their smoking privileges when tobacco was banned in the county jail years before a state requirement took effect last year. ***MARLAR: This is going to be tough for them, because they survived the cigarette ban by puffing on crullers.





My wife and I are both in an Internet business, but she’s the one who truly lives, eat, and breathes computers.
I finally realized how bad it had gotten when I was scratching her back one day.
“No, not there,” she directed. “Scroll down.”





Shelly Klug knows that it’s extremely important to be on time for an interview. . . but she thinks she had a good excuse for being late to hers.

She was busy saving somebody’s life! Shelly was on her way to an interview for an emergency room job when she saw a woman’s car crash into a pickup truck. Shelly grabbed her medical kit, crawled inside the car, stabilized the woman’s neck and kept her air passage open until emergency crews could arrive. But get this – a spokesman for the hospital says it’s too early to say whether Shelly will get the E.R. job! ***MARLAR: Are they worried she’s not qualified?!?




The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk; He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break; He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits for my grade’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades, I will not have a nervous breakdown; For thou art with me.
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness; Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me All the days of my examinations, And I shall not have to dwell at this school forever, Amen!





Read: Romans 8:1-11

To be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. —Romans 8:6

During a visit with a friend suffering from Lou Gehrig’s disease, I asked what lessons God was teaching her as she traveled down this difficult road. Her immediate response was, “Loss of control.”

She had always been a highly organized, independent person whose corporate job involved long hours and frequent travel. Now she had to depend on others for everything from getting dressed to brushing her teeth. Unable to move her arms or legs, she had control over only what she thought and what she said. She knew that soon she would even lose her power of speech. “I used to stress over my job,” she said, “and never really gave it to the Lord. Now, with almost all control gone, I can stress about [my physical limitation] or surrender it to Christ.”

The question facing each of us is, “Will I retain control of my life or yield it to the Lord today?” To live only for what I want is to be controlled by the sinful nature. Paul said that this leads to death, “but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Romans 8:6).

To one degree or another, we will all lose control of our lives as we grow older. Yielding control to God is a choice we can make every day—starting today. —David McCasland


Although I may not understand
The path You’ve laid for me,
Complete surrender to Your will—
Lord, this my prayer shall be. —Sherbert


True freedom comes not from choosing our way, but from yielding to God’s way.




If you have ever had a difficult time reading your doctor’s handwriting, help is on the way for your physician.

Dr. Paul Hackmeyer, Chief of Medical Staff at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, has begun a course to teach doctors how to write quickly and legibly. Two handwriting experts from Oregon will hold a one-day course at the hospital on cursive writing. Better handwriting will help everyone, Hackmeyer says. Not only the patient, but the nurses and secretaries who have to field phone calls and questions from pharmacists trying to decipher the doctor’s writing. It could also save lives. Studies have shown that medication error accounts for more than 7,000 deaths a year. One woman won a lawsuit because her husband died taking the wrong medication because of a doctor’s illegible handwriting on a prescription.   ***MARLAR: If you can’t read your doctor’s handwriting, how can you expect the pharmacist to? I’ve never had a pharmacist tell me they couldn’t read my doctor’s handwriting… so are they just “guessing” at what the prescription says?




Do you ever find yourself saying that there aren’t enough hours in the day? What if I could show you how to get a half hour of extra time each day?

Time management expert Dr. George Labovitz says you can get an extra half hour out of your day just by following some easy tips.

  • Throw out junk mail without even opening it. If you take two or three minutes to read a piece of mail that you’re just going to throw out anyway, you can save five minutes just by discarding two pieces of mail unopened. The more that goes in the trash, the more time you save.
  • Make all your phone calls at the same time. Keep a list of phone calls you have to make. Before you sit down to make them, look up all the numbers you’ll need. Also write down what you need to find out on each call. If you try to rely on memory, you may end up making a second call.
  • Run all your errands in one trip. If you pick up your children at school, for example, stop at the post office and grocery store on the same trip. By making one trip instead of four you save a great deal of time.
  • Keep a grocery list of things you need around the house. Every time you run out of something, write it down. It’s the easiest way to save you from making unnecessary trips to the market.
  • Schedule your least interesting tasks for your peak energy periods. Everyone has tasks they don’t like, such as cleaning the house or mowing the lawn. If you do these tasks when you’re tired, you’re more likely to take longer than they might otherwise require. At times of peak energy you’ll be most efficient and get the work done faster.





  • Sleep at your desk all day. Inform coworkers you are celebrating with a traditional Mexican siesta.
  • Take your coworkers to Taco Bell for lunch.
  • Constantly refer to your boss as “Los Grande Burrito”.
  • Fashion a sombrero from manila folders and wear it all day.
  • Every time you see a salesperson make a sale, shout out in your best soccer announcer voice, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!”
  • Use the intern in the mailroom as a Piñata and beat him with a stick until candy falls from his pockets.





  • Speaking Spanish all day with an Irish accent
  • Spiking the company coffee with hot sauce
  • Going door to door in your neighborhood, collecting salsa for the needy
  • Showing up at a party dressed as a piñata
  • Serving Chihuahua for dinner




UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Seconds Away from Success

If you’re on top of the music scene and aware of the hit makers being generated through social media, then you know of Shawn Mendez. For the rest of us, he’s quickly reaching stardom status. He’s a six-second wonder.
Shawn is 16 and in the 11th grade, and lives in Ontario, Canada. Uh-oh. Another Justin Bieber. His debut album just shouted down the soundtrack to Furious 7. In fact, his “Handwritten” tracks were numero uno on Billboard. I can’t stand these success prodigies. Okay…I admit to being a bit envious—and troubled.
You see, Shawn Mendez is a hot selling artist and his music is not even played on the radio. Yet.
His rise to fame came through Vine, a mobile app where posts are all of six seconds! Check out the Mendez Vine page and you discover his videos have 367 million “loops”—or views. I learned this from reading his story over the weekend. (See the New York Times link,
So who owns Vine? Twitter. The masters of short form messaging. But who can deliver a compelling act in six seconds? Apparently, a lot of people—the majority of whom come nowhere close to the success of Shawn Mendez.
However, I liken this short attention grabbing method to some old school work of professionals. Specifically, those who write headlines and those in advertising. These folks know you must grab the attention very quickly or your customer is gone. Good telemarketers and cold callers know this, too. In store salespeople often try and stop you with a personal question such as, “Is that an iPhone 6 you have?” Me: “Why, yes it is!” Too late. Now I’m conversing about satellite systems I don’t want or need!

Some of the headlines in newspapers and magazines that have turned the trick for response include:

  • How a Strange Accident Saved Me from Baldness
  • Are You Ashamed of the Smells in Your Home?
  • Play Guitar in Seven Days or Your Money Back
  • How I Started a New Life with $7

Television and radio people use short teases for upcoming segments. Direct mail uses gimmicks (close to trickery) to get you to open “official” looking mail. So why not a simple premise like, “You’ve got six seconds to impress me, Kid!” Works for me.
There is a big challenge waiting. Do the goods match the pitch being made? If not, credibility fades. At that point, even new and more clever approaches fall flat.
A few takeaways on this subject include:

  • To get attention you must arouse and intensify interest.
  • Quick hitting, creative messages can get you in the door.
  • Sustained interest requires consistent delivery of what your customer comes to expect from you.
  • Shortcuts often lead to short lived relationships.
  • Repetition of a short, but effective, message—when delivered in a tight window of space or time—can be very powerful in delivering recall.

One of the most effective, power-packed messages delivered by rescue missions and other ministries of Christ followers has just two words: Jesus Saves. Most people are familiar with John 3:16. You see signs for it everywhere. I personally think John 3:17 has a lot of spiritual punch: “For God did not send His Son to the world that he may judge the world, but that the world may be saved through him.” (Young’s Literal Translation)
Jesus saves. Two simple words. When the message is received and allowed to play out, hearts find peace. Consciences are cleared. Hope is renewed. Relationships are restored. Eternities are changed.
And get this. Jesus calls himself The True Vine. Look it up. (John 15)





The physical courtroom may be a thing of the past, if Virginia’s College of William and Mary has its way. Its “Courtroom 21” project predicts that virtual courtrooms will be the future, with holographic Internet video conferencing used to bring together judges, jurors, witnesses and defendants, rather than transporting everyone to the same room. So, in other words, it’s “Cyber court.” ***MARLAR: Sure enough, you’ll be on-line for bankruptcy cyber-court, please not guilty by hitting “Enter” and then get a window popping up offering you a guaranteed low interest loan.




Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous! (Updated every Monday!)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! You’ve heard the phrase, “Take a Bite Out Of Crime”, well that’s exactly what a Boston police dog did and the man that he took the bite out of has successfully sued the dog and the police force.

…”Shadow” the police dog was only doing what he had been trained to do, he helped Patrolman Peter McClelland arrest a suspect. Jerome Jarrett fled on foot after being pulled over for driving unlicensed and uninsured. The chase ended with Shadow biting Jarrett’s right knee. Now, a jury has ordered the Yarmouth Police Department to pay $50,000 in attorney’s fees to the man because “the department has tolerated excessive force in its K-9 unit.”




Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

The list of the toughest animals on earth might surprise you. The list includes the Emperor penguin, which breeds in the winter and stands in temperatures way below zero for 65 days. Also making the list is wood frog, which freezes and thaws as temperature vary throughout the winter. The the winner in the toughest animal competition is the Tardigrade. It is a little longer than a grain of salt and can survive boiling water, extreme cold, radiation, the vacuum of space and pressures six times greater than that which is found in the deepest ocean.


Encryption is a great way to keep your files safe — but what if it’s used against you? According to the Huffington Post, Ransomware encrypts your data without your approval, which prevents you from accessing it — and the ransomware is a doozy to get rid of. But a new tool released Monday can help. Kaspersky Lab, a software security firm headquartered in Russia, released a “Ransomware Decryptor” to help people fight back against so-called “CoinVault” ransomware, which takes control of data on computers and demands payment to restore access.  Read more about it here:




At the end of every show I gather up all the adlibs and jokes I didn’t use–and I mail them to a needy disc jockey in a third world country.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MAY 01, 2015…


Avengers: Age of Ultron—Here comes Marvel Comics with more of your favorite heroes after Ultron (James Spader from television’s “Blacklist) as the villain. That man does get around.  In this film there are Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Black Widow (Scarlet Johansson), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo,) Captain America (Chris Evans) and my favorite, Thor (Chris Hemsworth.) Enter new characters such as Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). The Plot? It is there somewhere and about a robot (Spader) who doesn’t like humans. “Avengers: Age of Ultron” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the characters, comic books and the cast.


She’s Funny That Way—A darker comedy starring Imogen Poots as a lady of the streets who becomes a stage actress. Owen Wilson as the director of her latest play, and Will Forte as the author are involved with her, and Kathryn Hahn is suspicious, plus Jennifer Aniston is an analyst. Written by Peter Bogdanovich. “She’s Funny That Way” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Roar (opening in select cities)—is a real-life story of raising lions in captivity and living among them.  It stars Tippi Hedren, Melanie Griffith (Hedren’s real-life daughter) and John Marshall.  The movie was actually done after 1971 and today Hedren runs a wildlife sanctuary in California, the Shambala Animal Sanctuary. This was an experiment to see if lions could become accustomed to having people around if the animals were raised with people.  It didn’t always work.  “Roar” has no rating, but could be PG or PG 13. No rating.


MAY 08, 2015…


Hot Pursuit stars Reese Witherspoon as a police officer who must protect Sofia Vergara.


Lambert & Stamp is a documentary on the beginnings of the rock group The Who.


The D Train  stars Jack Black in a comedy about  a man planning his 20th class reunion


I Am Big Bird is a documentary on the person who plays this character.


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