May 10, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150510

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to high definition radio! It sounds best if your ears are really far apart.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. — 1 Corinthians 1:18

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. — 1 Peter 2:2-3

 

Thought: Salvation is such a precious thing! However, we know something is horribly wrong if a child continues to stay in the same place in his or her growth and maturation. Arrested development in a physical child is the cause of great concern. Hebrews 6 reminds us that is also true in our spiritual lives. God does not want us remaining immature! He wants us to continue to grow. Our Father wants us to crave what is good and what builds us up. So, what are you going to do today to satisfy your spiritual appetite and grow in the Lord?

 

Prayer: Mighty God, thank you for loving me and saving me. I really want to mature in your grace. Bless me today as I seek to pattern holy habits and fill myself spiritually with the things that will help me grow. But Holy God, I know that true growth only comes from you, so I ask you to strengthen me by your Spirit as I pursue your character. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen.

 

(The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware.)

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Peter 5:10 NIV = And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – MAY 10, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 230 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is LEARN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT COFFEE RAPIDS, IDAHO DAY. ***MARLAR: Truthfully, learning that there’s such a place as Coffee Pot Rapids, Idaho is enough for me. By the way, a recent study has shown that one hundred cups of coffee over four hours contain enough caffeine to kill an average human. Who is that a problem for? I mean, I take my coffee-drinking seriously, don’t get me wrong, but if I ever get to the point that I’m drinking one hundred cups of coffee in one sitting, I have more problems than just trying to stay awake.

 

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM DAY and NATIONAL SMALL BUSINESS DAY. ***MARLAR: Or you can look into starting a small business of cleaning up other people’s rooms. You can start with our General Manager’s office; it looks as if he’s gone on vacation and brought back most of Coffee Pot Rapids, Idaho.

 

Today is TRUST YOUR INTUITION DAY. It’s a day to pay homage to “gut” feelings and “still small voices.” ***MARLAR: Sometimes though, those gut feelings backfire on you. After all, somebody came up with the brilliant idea of naming their town Coffee Pot Rapids, Idaho.

 

YOU SHOULD TRUST YOUR INTUITION WHEN…

  • The bungee cord looks a little weak.
  • The diamond looks like a cubic zirconium.
  • The hotel you want to stay at doesn’t post pictures online.
  • The job listing says “perfect for recent grads,” and it’s full of typographical errors.
  • The meat in your fridge looks kind of grey.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

World Lupus Day

Mother’s Day

Mothers At The Wall Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, MAY 11

Eat What You Want Day ***MARLAR: Known here as “Monday”.

Hostess Cupcake Day

Root Canal Appreciation Day ***MARLAR: Being celebrated by absolutely no one.

National Women’s Check-Up Day

Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, MAY 12

International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases

International Nurses Day

Limerick Day

National Nutty Fudge Day

Odometer Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 13

Frog Jumping Day

Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity

National Night Shift Workers Day

National Third Shift Workers Day

Receptionists Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 14

Buddah Day

National Chicken Dance Day

The Stars and Stripes Forever Day

Underground America Day

 

FRIDAY, MAY 15

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day

International Day of Families

National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day

International MPS Awareness Day

National Tuberous Sclerosis Day

Nylon Stocking Day

Peace Officer Memorial Day

Straw Hat Day

Endangered Species Day

International Virtual Assistants Day

  1. Henry Pun-off Day

NASCAR Day

National Bike to Work Day

National Defense Transportation Day

National Pizza Party Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 16

Do Dah Day

National Piercing Day

Armed Forces Day

Biographer’s Day

Mike, The Headless Chicken Day

National Learn to Swim Day

Mimosa Day

National Sea Monkey Day

Preakness

 

SUNDAY, MAY 17

Bay to Breakers Race (Oldest Footrace in America)

Morel Mushroom Day (Weekend after Mother’s Day)

Neighbor Day

World Hypertension Day

World Information Society Day

World Telecommunications Day

World Neurofibromatosis Day (NF Day)

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1850: Sir Thomas Lipton, the tea genius, was born. ***MARLAR: I still can’t figure out how he did it. I keep planting those tea bags every year, and I’ve yet to grow a single glass.

 

1869: A golden spike was driven at Promontory, Utah, marking completion of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. ***MARLAR: Of course, the first train arrived late.

 

1908: The first Mother’s Day observance took place during a church service in Grafton, West Virginia.

 

1909: In the Blue Grass League, Winchester’s Fred Toney pitched 17 no-hit innings before finally winning 1-0 over Lexington.

 

1953: After seven years in the minors, Frank Verdi was inserted into the late-inning Yankee lineup. As he walked to the plate for his first major-league at bat, the opposing coach called time to change pitchers. Yankee manager Casey Stengel sent up a pinch-hitter for Verdi, who went back to the minors two days later and never got to swing at a major league pitch. ***MARLAR: Do you think he even bothered telling his kids or grandkids about that? “Yeah, I made it to the big time… I warmed that bench for two days – and it was the best bench I ever sat upon!”

 

1963: Decca Records signed The Rolling Stones. The group had been recommended by Beatle George Harrison.

 

1969: Tricia Nixon’s “Masque Ball” at the White House starred the Turtles and the Temptations. Turtle Mark Volman fell of the stage — five times.

 

1986: Actress Heather Locklear and Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee were married.

 

1990: The world’s largest painting was unveiled at Armidale, NSW, Australia. Students at Robb College painted a 72,437-square-foot smiley face.

 

1996: In Texas a Cochran County sheriff’s deputy accidentally shot himself and a dispatcher while giving a firearm safety demonstration. Both were hospitalized with non-life-threatening leg wounds.

 

1999: Police in Rapids Parish, Louisiana, recognized a man wanted in Houston for aggravated assault when they saw him on Jerry Springer in a televised battle between the man and his sister. Police rushed to a local relative’s home where the family was still watching Springer and arrested the suspect.

 

1999: A 23-year-old Chandler, Arizona, man called police for help after he handcuffed himself and didn’t have the key. Police uncuffed the man, then quickly arrested him after a computer check revealed a warrant for failing to appear in court for driving on a suspended license.

 

2002: NBA owners approved the Hornets’ move to New Orleans, ending the team’s 14-year stay in Charlotte.

 

2002: Dr. Pepper announced it would introduce a new flavor for the first time in 117 years. They called it Red Fusion.

 

2003: Old Spice deodorant agreed to sponsor the annual Festival of the Pit in Battle Mountain, Nevada, dubbed by Washington Post Magazine as the nation’s armpit. The festival is held in August each year when the town is at its smelliest. Highlights usually include an armpit beauty pageant, a sweat t-shirt contest, and a “quick-draw” antiperspirant contest.

 

2005: Germany dedicated a new national Holocaust memorial.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1310: In Paris, 54 Knights Templar are burned alive. The Catholic Church created the Templars to protect Holy Land pilgrims from bandits, but the knights’ quick rise in power and wealth made them unpopular. Philip the Fair of France against them trumped up charges of blasphemy and homosexuality to convince Pope Clement to disband the order and persecute its members.

 

1692: Anglicanism is made the state church of Maryland; three years later this is overturned. Ironically, the state had been founded by Lord Baltimore to give refuge to Roman Catholics.

 

1886: Karl Barth, one of the most important theologians of the twentieth century and opponent of theological liberalism and political fascism (especially under Hitler), is born in Basel, Switzerland. When asked in 1962 (on his one visit to America) how he would summarize the essence of the millions of words he had published, he replied, “Jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

 

1887: Ian Keith Falconer, a Britisher carrying the gospel to Aden, is martyred.

 

1939: Three major division of the Methodist church reunite in the US after 109 years of separation.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (“Saturday Night Live”, Snakes on a Plane, Fat Albert) Kenan Thompson 37

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1899 : Fred Astaire

1909 : Maybelle Carter

1935 : Larry Williams

1938 : Henry Fambrough (The Spinners)

1940 : Arthur Alexander

1941 : Danny Rapp (Danny and the Juniors)

1946 : Dave Mason (Traffic)

1946 : Donovan

1946 : Graham Gouldman (10cc)

1947 : Jay Ferguson (Spirit, Jo Jo Gunne)

1952 : Sly Dunbar (Sly & Robbie)

1957 : Sid Vicious (The Sex Pistols)

1960 : Bono (U2). Born Paul Hewson. He later shortens his nickname from Bono Vox to simply Bono.

1967 : Young MC

1980 : Jason Dalyrimple (Soul For Real)

1985 : Ashley Poole (Dream)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Do porcupines really shoot their quills at their enemies?

There are two denizens of the woods that are peculiar in their means of defending themselves. One is the skunk, who will put up a big stink when cornered. The other is the porcupine, which looks like a walking pincushion. Most of us have come across the skunk’s calling card in the country, but I’ll bet you’ve never encountered a porcupine except in a zoo. So I’ll just have to tell you: this little charmer does not launch itty-bitty guided missiles at its foes. In fact, the animal’s first line of protection against an attacker is to run like the dickens in the opposite direction. But if cornered, the porcupine will turn its rear end to its enemy–mooned by a porcupine!–and whack it with its quill-covered tale. The other party usually gets the point.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

An open request tweeted this week by Sidewalk Prophets guitarist Ben McDonald: Dear youth groups of America… please stop trying to clap along with ballads.

 

Rhett Walker just named my printer Bob Marley. Why, cause it keeps Jammin.

 

Another life milestone for Steven Curtis Chapman. His wife Mary Beth tweeted: Not sure what happened with time, but Shaoey just drove to school for Softball practice. Mary Beth added: On permit but still, didn’t she just come home yesterday? Shaoey is one of three daughters adopted by the Chapmans.

 

Fans of David Crowder have been having some fun placing his face in some unique locations. From Star Wars creatures to birds, photoshopped pictures of Crowder have been showing up on his facebook page. The latest is a rare photo of the elusive Texarkana Grizzly.  http://t.co/Y7umTPi5pU

 

The members of the Sidewalk Prophets say they are thinking of a number between 1-11,375,250,100 and they want you to guess what that exact number is. They tweeted this week: One guess per person… guess it right and an awesome surprise will follow. No word on what the surprise will be.

 

Casting Crowns Juan DeVevo says he finally got his garage cleaned out enough to park his vehicle. But he wasn’t quite fast enough. Jaun share the picture of his kids bikes parked in the newly cleaned up space in his garage.

 

The band Rend Collective is asking for your prayers. They announced this week: We’ve just had a lot of our equipment stolen including our laptop which we were recording our new album on. Months of work gone!

 

Kerrie Roberts is encouraging you to join the Red Thumb movement. She shared a site sponsored by Nissan that includes a pledge promising that you will put down your phone while you are driving. Kerrie says she has signed it and encourages everyone else to do the same.  http://t.co/cw7NK3MswG

 

Blanca was talking about hair this week. The former member of Group 1 Crew released her debut, self titled solo project on Tuesday. As part of the release week she shared openly that, for many years growing up, she hated her hair. Blanca said: I would ask my mom to put a relaxer in it or take me to the salon to get it straightened. All of my friends had long straight hair and I would feel like the odd ball out… But as I got older I realized that my hair made me unique and different; that it was the Real. Blanca said: When I learned to embrace it, I felt a whole new sense of confidence from within. I was learning to love who God made me to be!! Now, Blanca is challenging other artists to also take the Real True You challenge. Blanca says: Let’s spread some positively and authenticity across social media girls; no makeup or curls, just the real true you.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Japan zoo apologizes for naming newborn monkey Charlotte    photo
TOKYO (AP) — A Japanese zoo has apologized after receiving complaints over naming a baby monkey Charlotte for the newborn British princess. The Takasakiyama Natural Zoological Garden said Thursday it was considering renaming the macaque. It was flooded with angry calls and emails Wednesday…

 

Bank robbery suspect posts photo, video on Instagram
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (AP) — A man accused of robbing a Virginia Beach bank posted two videos and a photo of the incident to his Instagram account. Police tell WAVY-TV (http://bit.ly/1EQDCNB) 23-year-old Dominyk Antonio Alfonseca walked into a TowneBank on Monday and handed the teller a note…
Authorities find fake skeletons in underwater lawn chairs    photo
CIENEGA SPRINGS, Ariz. (AP) — A man snorkeling in the Colorado River near the Arizona and California border was terrified — and later embarrassed — when he came across two fake skeletons sitting in lawn chairs about 40 feet underwater. The man reported the skeletons to the La Paz…
Teen who spray-painted prom invite on Idaho cliff sought    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Authorities are looking for a teen who wanted a date with Destiny and hoped to get it by spray-painting a prom proposal on an Idaho cliffside. HASH(0x140a3f0) The person could face a misdemeanor charge of injury by graffiti, which is punishable by up to six months in jail…
Activists ticketed for putting Snowden bust on NYC monument    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Two activists who put a bust of Edward Snowden on a Revolutionary War memorial were ticketed and got their confiscated sculpture back Wednesday, saying they felt the episode had sparked conversation about freedom. Jeff Greenspan and Andrew Tider had tried to stay anonymous…
Cowboys round up cattle after semi overturns on highway    photo
MAIZE, Kan. (AP) — A Kansas highway has reopened after cowboys helped round up cattle who escaped a semitrailer that had rolled over near Wichita. The Kansas Highway Patrol says Kansas 96 near Maize reopened about noon. It was closed when the truck crashed around 4 a.m. Wednesday northwest of…
Woman spread feces on co-worker’s chair, mouse; no jail time
WINCHESTER, Va. (AP) — A former Virginia lab worker has pleaded guilty to spreading contaminated feces on a co-worker’s computer mouse and desk chair, but she won’t see any jail time. The Winchester Star reports (http://bit.ly/1zMcYH1) that 31-year-old Andrea Edwards of Stephens City was…
Woman charged with running crack delivery service from truck
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) — With her four adult children watching, a Massachusetts woman has pleaded not guilty to running a crack cocaine delivery service from her pickup truck. Sixty-year-old Donna McLeod entered the plea Tuesday on the trafficking cocaine charge at her arraignment in…
Woman celebrates 21st birthday performing 21 kind acts
BRISTOL, Tenn. (AP) — A Tennessee woman celebrated her 21st birthday by performing 21 acts of kindness to people she had never met across the city of Bristol. The Bristol Herald Courier (http://bit.ly/1DRKNkL) reports Alexa Sexton and a few friends traveled across the city to complete the…
Koala pays late night visit to Australian hospital    photo
SYDNEY (AP) — Staffers at an Australian hospital’s emergency department received a rather unusual late night visitor — a koala. The marsupial casually strolled through the automatic doors of Hamilton Base Hospital in Victoria state at 3:30 a.m. on April 20, said Brigid Kelly,…
Sheriff: Woman held for driving wrong way while drunk, naked
GRANT TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Michigan authorities say they arrested a naked drunken woman who was driving the wrong way after leaving her naked husband and their child at a rest stop. The Clare County sheriff’s department says 23-year-old Jessie Schwaub-Devault of Harrison left her husband…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

J&J seeks bioethics advice on compassionate use of drugs    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Dying patients sometimes seek emergency access to experimental medicines, desperate for a last-chance treatment even if there’s little proof it could help. Now drug giant Johnson & Johnson is taking an unusual step, turning to independent bioethicists for advice on when to…

 

UN: Lowest number of new weekly Ebola cases in West Africa
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the number of Ebola cases reported in Guinea and Sierra Leone last week dropped to 18, the lowest total this year. In an update published this week, the U.N. health agency said the situation was “encouraging” but noted officials are still…
Hospital efforts to save very premature babies vary widely    photo
They weigh as little as a pound yet force some of the toughest choices in all of medicine. Extremely premature babies face big differences in how hard hospitals try to save them, a study finds. It is the first major look in the U.S. at how preemies fare according to the care they get. There was a…
States watching Medicaid standoff between Florida, Obama
MIAMI (AP) — The Obama administration rebuffed Florida’s Gov. Rick Scott’s proposal to extend federal funds for hospitals that treat the uninsured, increasing the pressure on states that have refused to expand coverage for low-income people under the president’s health care law. The decision…
Using a smartphone microscope to detect parasites in blood    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Prick a finger and have the blood checked for parasites — by smartphone? Scientists are turning those ubiquitous phones into microscopes and other medical tools that could help fight diseases in remote parts of the world. In the newest work, University of California,…
Are bungled VA claims systemic? Senators want agency review    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Troubled by delays in handling veterans claims, a bipartisan group of senators on Wednesday urged a wide-scale, independent review of the Department of Veterans Affairs for mismanagement and changes to improve budgeting and speed up applications. A report released by nine…
EPA suggests triggers for warning of algae in drinking water    photo
TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. (AP) — The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency released the first nationwide guidelines Wednesday for determining when algal toxins have reached dangerous levels in public water systems and do-not-drink warnings might be needed. Up to 48 million people nationwide get…
Study aims to uncover why cancer plagues golden retrievers    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — If a golden retriever gives birth, gets stung by a bee or sprayed by a skunk, veterinarians want to know. Scientists are studying the popular breed to find out why their lifespans have gotten shorter over the years and why cancer is so prevalent. The Colorado-based Morris…
4 arrested in Connecticut synthetic marijuana investigation
WILLIMANTIC, Conn. (AP) — Police in Connecticut have arrested four people while investigating a batch of synthetic marijuana that sickened about a dozen people, including five who were hospitalized. Willimantic police say they arrested a dealer of “K2” synthetic marijuana and three buyers…
Striking Zimbabwean nurses refuse to work night shift
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Nurses in Zimbabwe are refusing to work the night shift in the southern African nation’s public hospitals and clinics in a nationwide strike over salaries. Striking nurses are demanding $150 for a weeklong shift, and have described the current pay rate of $3 for a…
Among Hispanics, Puerto Ricans seem to have worst health
NEW YORK (AP) — Among Hispanic groups in the United States, Puerto Ricans appear to have the worst health, according to a government report released Tuesday. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued its most comprehensive report on Hispanic health, drawing from earlier research….

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Alphabet Song”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mike Williams, “Grape Nuts & Chunky Monkey”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Rita the Skunk, was in jail for sabotaging a badminton racquet. Gruffy was jailed for giving her that racquet. Then Racquet the Skunk was arrested for making the defective racquet, and Sully and Nozzles were arrested just for knowing the jailbirds. Racquet has apologized to everyone, but they are all still in jail… and working on a plan to break out!

 

CLOSE: Tune in again next time as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 09/10, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! We found out last time that the sloth was one of the best animals in the jungle when it came to living in peace. But she wasn’t always so peaceful. In fact she was downright worrisome. So much so, in fact, that her worrying and rushed lifestyle of trying to get so much done spread throughout the entire jungle!

 

CLOSE: Is getting up an extra hour each day really the answer to all of the animals time and work problems? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

What do you think of this statement: “WE DEMAND OUR RIGHTS IN A FREE COUNTRY TO BE SOCIALISTS!” Make any sense to you? Me neither… and that’s why it’s today’s Moment of Duh!

Get this one… some high school students who were banned from wearing socialist armbands to school, are now screaming for their right to free speech! The school district finally did allow the students to wear the armbands after lawyers said that banning the symbols —- red stars on black backgrounds —- would infringe on the students’ first amendment rights to free expression. It all started when a school bus-driver complained about the symbols. Once the armbands were banned, the socialist teens decided to act like Americans again and began demanding their free speech rights. They are now calling their victory “a triumph for free-speech rights at high schools.” According Jennifer St. Clair, 16, “This shows that just because we are students, we are not going to just roll over if someone tramples on our rights.” Jennifer helped pass out flyers and red stars after her friends were asked to remove the armbands. Let’s recap. These teenagers want to celebrate Socialism – yet once they are treated as if they are Socialists (being given no rights to free speech at all) they suddenly want to become Americans to win their right to free speech. Once they confirm their right to free speech, they then celebrate Socialism again – where they wouldn’t be allowed their right to free speech. In other words, they want to be whatever they want to be whenever they want to be it. That sounds like freedom to me.

 

 

TOP TEN

SIGNS OF A FRUSTRATED MOTHER

  1. Your children know how to read HTML code but can’t operate a vacuum cleaner.
    2. Your children tell you that you said “yes” and you don’t even remember the question.
    3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
    4. Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of “stop that!” or “no!”.
    5. You can’t remember the last time you didn’t have to share your drink.
    6. You mistakenly tell the kids it’s “sanity” time when you meant to say “bed” time.
    7. The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it’s out to get you.
    8. You dread hearing the phone ring because it’s a sure sign there’s about to be trouble amongst the children.
    9. It’s finally your turn on the computer and “Touched by an Angel” is just coming on.
    10.You go to sleep with “I’m bored” or “I’m hungry” still ringing in your ears.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

What’s worse than stealing a car?  Stealing a police car comes to mind…

 

FILE #1: Two Los Gatos, California police officers are going to be taking quite a ribbing at the donut shop. After the officers arrested Justin Paul Gorman, through an as yet unexplained series of events, Gorman managed to get behind the wheel of their police car and speed away. Ironically, the officers had just arrested Gorman on charges of auto theft.

 

FILE #2: The Agora newspaper reports that an armed man was trying to rob an electronics store in Sao Paulo, Brazil, when the police arrived. He held four customers hostage and wouldn’t do anything until he had a chance to talk to his mother. The cops let him call his mom on the phone to ask what to do, and she told him to release the hostages and surrender, which he did. A police spokesman said, “I never saw anything like this before; he was the classic case of a mama’s boy until the end.”

 

FILE #3: A man, sitting in a restaurant, receives a call on his cell phone. With little thought or concern about what other patrons might hear, he repeats the details and pick-up point for an illegal drug deal. What this man did not know, was that in the booth behind him, there were two police officers and a detective who worked in the drug enforcement division. Since the deal was to go down in 4 hours, the police had plenty of time to prepare for the
drug bust. As a result, drug enforcement officers were able to bust 6 drug dealers including a major dealer that under cover agents had been trying to capture for over 5 years. The man who once talked on the cell phone now does all his talking in a cell!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Portland, ME, shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Nancy Drew doesn’t have anything on a New Castle, Del., family.

They set a trap to catch the joyriders who were taking the family SUV out for a spin. Police say the owner figured someone was using the Acura MDX in the middle of the night. The owner repeatedly smelled gas and marijuana in the vehicle. So, the family rigged the SUV with a motion sensor and an alarm. The next time it was driven away, the owner called the cops. New Castle police report busting a pair 18-year-olds. Officers say the young men had been using a spare set of keys they found in the unlocked car.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What was the best piece of advice your mom ever gave you?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What king prophesied while accompanied by a minstrel?
ANSWER: Elisha (2 Kings 4:32)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many dust mites can one gram of dust hold?

ANSWER: 500. (An ounce can hold 13,500) – gross!!

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. There were 15 Apollo flights before the first moon landing. (False, 4)

 

  1. Walt Disney died in 1981. (False, 1966)

 

  1. The only state whose flag still has a Union Jack in it is Hawaii. (True)

 

  1. Bill Clinton had solar panels installed on the White House roof. (False, Jimmy Carter did)

 

  1. Harry Truman was the only 20th-centry U.S. president without a college degree. (True)

 

  1. The titanic was at sea only 1 day before sinking. (False, 4 days)

 

  1. The TV show “Zorro,” was the first TV program to incorporate the use of sign language. (True)

 

  1. Jim Belushi was the comedian that played the film role of “Fletch.” (False, Chevy Chase)

 

  1. Rin-tin-tin and Jim Belushi’s dog in the film “K9” were both German Shephards. (True)

 

  1. On the T.V. drama, big city cop Baretta lived in a rundown hotel with his pet rat. (False, pet Cockatoo)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

STRANGE __________ (TAKEOUT)

Last week, popular Chinese restaurant Wu’s Diamond Garden received a strange call from outside of their delivery area… way outside.

“They ordered 30 quarts of Clams and Loofa Soup, 20 Fried Wontons, 50 orders of Fishy in Scallion Sauce, and a carton of white rice,” said Diamond Garden employee Joy Luk.

“Then they asked us to deliver it to Lunar Base Beta on the Moon’s far side, apartment number 20000023. I assumed it was someone playing a joke and hung up.”

However, a half hour later there was a deafening noise in the parking lot be- hind the restaurant. Luk went outside to investigate and got the surprise of her life. “A small spaceship landed in the parking
lot, flattening some garbage cans and my Camry,” said Luk. “The door slid open and a small alien with large oval eyes emerged.”

The extraterrestrial apologized for the unusual phone call, and the dam- age, and explained that he was part of a Martian settlement on our Moon. His people had sampled Chinese food while visiting Earth and brought back leftovers, which had run out. Fortunately, they had a menu and wanted us to deliver.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

Her daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilts.”

Needless to say, Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, “Be not afraid, Thy comforter is coming.”

 

JOKE #2

While on maternity leave, the woman wet to her office to show everyone her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year- old son with her. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, “Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?”

“What do you say?” she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied, “You’re thin and beautiful.”

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

 

JOKE #3

A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help.  The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he’d wiped off sweat with dirty hands.  His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt.  Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones.

“Hello, there,” said the motorist.  “Say, I’ve changed a lot of tires.  Maybe I can help here.”

“You sure can,” the man with the flat tire replied wearily.  “My wife is an expert, too.  If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A new study says we tend to spend more money if we go shopping when we’re sad. ***MARLAR: That’s not good. I usually get depressed halfway through my shopping when I realize I can’t afford to be shopping…

 

According to a new survey, nearly a quarter of British men and women said they would give up chocolate for six months in return for a 50-inch plasma TV. ***MARLAR: That’s a tough one, because my favorite time to eat chocolate is when I’m watching TV.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

AFTER “O”

Sandi’s second-grade teacher was quizzing the students on the alphabet. “Sandi,” she said, “what comes after ‘O’?”

Sandi answered, “Yeah!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

What exactly does it mean to have a “jury of your peers?”

I love this story. The Weekly World News reports from Tailgate, Kentucky, a judge recently ruled that a man suspected of stealing cars was entitled to a jury of his peers – namely, other car thieves. Hank “Jump Start” Ford, 29, was arrested and charged with stealing a 1998 red Camaro. The case took an unusual twist when Ford’s lawyer, Fred Scottsboro, filed a motion saying that, according to the Constitution, Ford was entitled to a trial by “a jury of his peers” — and that meant other car thieves. At first Judge Hank Goss was inclined to deny the motion. But surprisingly, Judge Goss agreed. The county issued jury summons to all convicted car thieves in a 50-mile radius, including some who were still in prison. Ford took the stand and testified that he stole the car because he “really liked it,” and “couldn’t afford to buy one.” The jurors nodded sympathetically. After both sides rested, the jury deliberated for 12 minutes before finding Ford “not guilty.” Afterward, Judge Goss, the prosecutor and even Scottsboro all reported their cars were missing.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE DAY LISA LOST

By Michael T. Powers

I love sports. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about the many professional athletes of today who have developed a me-first attitude, after being raised in a win-at-all-cost generation. A generation where role models are severely lacking, and most of the headlines that capture our attention are of those athletes who are in trouble.
No, I am talking about high school sports, where lessons of life are still being learned, and where athletes still compete for the love of the game and their teammates.
I know some of you are thinking, “The high school athletes of today are just as bad!” And you would be partially right. The me-first attitude is trickling down into the high school and junior high athletes.
But in the midst of all of this is a young lady from Wisconsin.
I first met Lisa Kincaid on the volleyball court as she played for a rival high school in the conference I coach in. Many times I was on the opposing sidelines and could only watch in awe at her athleticism. The speed of a cheetah, the mental toughness of veteran, and a 32 inch vertical jump! (Unheard of for a high school girl. And she was only a sophomore!)
Starting her junior year, I was fortunate enough to coach Lisa on a USA Junior Olympic Volleyball team, and it was during these two years that my wife and I grew to love and respect her.
If anyone had a right to be cocky or proud of herself it was Lisa. Besides being one of the best volleyball and basketball players in the state, she became a track legend in the Dairy State. How good was she? She went 64 straight conference meets and never lost in any event she was entered in. She made trips to the state finals all four years she was in high school, and came away with 6 state titles. Many times she was the lone representative at the state competition for her team, and would single-handedly place her high school as high as third. While she excelled in the triple jump, long jump, 100, and 200 meter dashes, there were times when her coach needed her to fill in for other events. One particular day he asked her to run the 300 meter hurdles. She had never competed in this event before, but the coach needed her that day for the good of the team. How did she do? She not only won, she set the school record in the first and only time she competed in that event!
Never once did she ever brag about her accomplishments. In fact she felt uncomfortable talking about her achievements and would usually steer the conversation away from her and to the performances of her younger sisters or other teammates.
There was one particular track meet during Lisa’s junior year where she impressed upon me what is still good about sports these days.
It was a non-conference meet late in the year and Lisa’s coach told her he needed her to run the mile. Lisa had never done so, but agreed to do what was best for the team.
Lisa easily outdistanced the competition, but on the last lap, she “seemed” to grow “tired.” Two athletes from the other team passed her, and then so did Julie, Lisa’s teammate. She was “able to stay just behind” her teammate and cross the finish line at Julie’s heels.
Lisa “lost” an event for the first time in her track career.
You see, athletes in Lisa’s track program need to earn a set amount of points in order to earn a varsity letter. Lisa knew that Julie, who was a senior, needed to finish at least third to earn a letter for the first time. Lisa also knew that the two athletes on the other team were most likely going to beat Julie, if they ran anywhere near the times they had been running all year, but that barring an injury during the race, Julie was a lock to finish third.
But that was until the coach entered Lisa in the event. Lisa remembered all this as she lined up for the start of that race, and I had often wondered why she had a slight smile on her face after having lost for the first time ever.
After four years of working hard, Julie finally received her first varsity letter, and helped her team win the meet.
And Lisa? On that day that she lost — she earned my respect and admiration, and in my mind, she solidified herself as the role model this generation sorely needs.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

THE GREATNESS OF GODLINESS

READ: Genesis 47:7-12

Jacob blessed Pharaoh, and went out from before Pharaoh. —Genesis 47:10

In the eyes of most people, Jacob’s brother Esau was the greater man of the two. Through the years he had accumulated immense wealth and power. He was the ruler of the land of Edom and could have met Pharaoh on his own terms. Yet Esau, with all his earthly authority, could not have blessed Pharaoh. Only Jacob had that power (Genesis 47:10).

The spiritual is greater than the natural. God can endow a humble human being with awesome moral force. Holiness has within itself the power to master all other powers.

The Greek word for power or authority (exousia) contains the preposition ex, which means “out of” or “from.” This suggests that the ability to influence others flows from inside. It is rooted in what we are. “Do you wish to be great?” Augustine asked. “Then begin by being.” Greatness comes from holiness and nothing more.

I have a friend who makes his way through the halls of power in Washington, DC, meeting with the most prominent women and men in the world. He speaks a word or two, prays, and then walks on, but he leaves behind the lingering and compelling influence of Christ. He has the aura of greatness that surrounds all whose lives reflect the character of Jesus. It is the greatness of godliness. —David H. Roper

 

I want my heart His throne to be,
So that a watching world may see
His likeness shining forth in me;
I want to be like Jesus.  —Chisholm

 

Even a little example can have a big influence for Christ.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Crime doesn’t pay? Apparently that’s not always true.

When Liverpool, England’s Carl Murphy was nine years old, he fell 40 feet through the roof of a building and suffered a massive skull fracture. As you may have guessed, Murphy sued the building’s owner. This despite the fact that he was trespassing at the time. Murphy alleged that if the site had a better security fence to keep him out, he wouldn’t have been injured. Luckily for the now 18-year-old Carl, he found a boneheaded judge who agreed and awarded him over $1 million in damages. Carl says that after all he’s been through, he feels that he deserves the money. Murphy, who’s since done time for robbery and assault, says he plans to spend his money on a fancy car and a big house so he has a place to live with mother…when she gets out of jail.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOW TO PACK A HEALTHIER LUNCHBOX

Follow this game plan for healthy lunches your kids will love.

  • Mix it up: Kids tire of sandwiches, so give them plenty of variety.  For example, mix strawberries and blueberries into low-fat vanilla yogurt with a serving of whole-grain crackers on the side; or make trail mix with a cup of Cheerios, a handful of nuts, and a cup of dried fruit, such as raisins or cranberries.
  • Keep it safe: Keep foods from spoiling by freezing a water bottle and popping it in with the lunch.  By the time your child is ready to eat, the ice will be almost melted, and the lunch will still be cold.
  • Make it fun: For young ones, use cookie cutters to create fun shapes out of a sandwich.  Try slipping a few stickers or a little “I love you” note into the lunchbox, and that same old cheese sandwich becomes much more palatable.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

PROFESSIONAL QUIZ

This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. Be sure to cover up all of the answers so you can’t cheat. Otherwise this test is useless! There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional…

 

  1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

 

  1. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and shut the refrigerator. Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.

 

  1. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.

 

  1. There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?

Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability.

 

RESULTS:

  • If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you.
  • If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there’s hope for you.
  • If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.
  • If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It’s the only way you will ever make any money.
  • If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law or politics.

 

 

FUN LIST

THINGS MOMS SAY (audio clip)

  • If you keep making that face, it’ll stick.
  • You have to wait an hour before you get back in the pool… because you’ll get a cramp, that’s why.
  • Yes. We’re almost there.
  • Don’t chew with your mouth open.
  • Don’t talk with your mouth full.
  • No. You can’t have that [fill in the blank]. It’ll spoil your dinner.
  • I don’t care what [fill in the blank]’s mother says.
  • Don’t put that in your mouth. You don’t know where it’s been.
  • Because those vegetables are good for you … and the children in Ethiopia are starving.
  • Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to. If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?”

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Ring Around the Collar

The current season of the popular television show Survivor developed a new team theme. Cast members were recruited and divided up into the categories to match their “fit” in the workplace. The so-called white collars were used to giving the orders, blue collars taking the orders, and “no collars” claimed to be carefree spirits not fitting in with either group.
As a television show, audience had the stereotypes reinforced in the earliest episodes. The blue collar team perceived themselves as hard workers and “grunts on the ground,” willing to do whatever was necessary in the wild. The white collar team couldn’t manage to get a fire going, an essential for cleaning, cooking, and so forth. The carefree group wasn’t worried about who was in charge or when things got done. With their fire started, they preferred to take it easy. You get the picture.
Just in as in real life, misconceptions abound. White collars proved quite capable in physical challenges. Blue collars had to make hard decisions and think ahead. And the carefree world of no collars found tension and emotional baggage in struggling to play the game.
Survivor is about winning a million dollars. Strategy, power, and politics play out everywhere. As people are voted off and teams merge, new social maneuvers must be developed and new alliances created.
So what are the real differences between white collar and blue collar and no collar types? I believe much of it is centered in the power to make decisions and live a lifestyle of your preference. Thus, the real color of your collar may have a green tint: money.
As it’s commonly known, when management wants you to perform, it comes down to two things: more money and/or more power. Remove those, and you diminish perceived “collar” value as well.
Two events in sports over the past weekend provide an interesting illustration.
The NFL Draft was held in Chicago. Our city became Draft Town. In a period of three days, a large group of hard working, dirt churning, sweat generating muscle men transitioned from “blue collar” life into millionaires. While they will remain “under the thumb” of coaches and management, control over their lives made a huge leap.
The second event was the highly promoted boxing match of welterweights on Saturday night. A 38-year-old fighter, Floyd Mayweather Jr, defeated the 36-year-old Manny Pacquiao. The decision was unanimous.
Boxing is hard work. I mean REALLY hard work. The training would kill most of us. The actual fight would kill the rest. So you have to have a LOT of blue collar work ethic to win. And you have to be really good…to make a living.
The fight brought in an estimated $300 million. The Mayweather contract required him to receive 60 percent, win or lose. Let’s just say he won’t have to worry about the price of Jelly Bellies in the days ahead.
So as Mayweather takes the gloves off, do any labels come off? Is he a blue collar guy, or is he now white collar? Or no collar? He could buy his own franchise or start a thousand companies where he’s the boss. In the case of both fighters, money has given them leverage over life.
For these new NFL draftees and those boxing professionals, their success came after hard work and listening to tough taskmasters. All true athletes know success requires regimen and training, discipline and following orders. So do military men and women.
There is more to say on this topic, which I will address in my blog two weeks from now, Lord willing.
In the meantime, here is another tip from a “spiritual leadership consultant” known as Peter. He writes, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.” (1 Peter 2:18, ESV)
Ruminate on that for a while. And then we’ll get back together for Round 2 in a couple of weeks.
Ding! There goes the bell.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HE’S SUCH A HARD WORKER

Ladies, want to find a good husband or boyfriend? Pick a workaholic.

Experts say hard-working men make the best loving partners. They say the ability to make a commitment to a job is definitely connected with the ability to be committed to a relationship. It’s a myth that workaholic men are cold, unfeeling, too concerned with making money and make insensitive marriage partners. A Harvard study of 500 men revealed that hardworking guys had the best mental health, had achieved the highest levels of maturity and they were shown to be extremely competent in personal relationships as well.  ***MARLAR: I took the opposite approach and found a good workaholic woman.  That way she is loving, a great provider, and I can continue watching Judge Judy without interruption.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! You’ve heard the phrase, “Take a Bite Out Of Crime”, well that’s exactly what a Boston police dog did and the man that he took the bite out of has successfully sued the dog and the police force.

…”Shadow” the police dog was only doing what he had been trained to do, he helped Patrolman Peter McClelland arrest a suspect. Jerome Jarrett fled on foot after being pulled over for driving unlicensed and uninsured. The chase ended with Shadow biting Jarrett’s right knee. Now, a jury has ordered the Yarmouth Police Department to pay $50,000 in attorney’s fees to the man because “the department has tolerated excessive force in its K-9 unit.”

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars’ worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 08, 2015…

 

Hot Pursuit—Reese Witherspoon is a police officer and rather soft at heart. She is supposed to protect Sofia Vergara (former wife of a crook) from bad guys. Trouble is, everyone wants Sofia and the two go on the run (remember the team of Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock who were both police officers), and this buddy-picture continues. The cast includes Richard I. Jones and Michael Mosley. “Hot Pursuit” is rated PG 13. No rating and go back and see “Wild” again.

 

Lambert & Stamp (opening in select cities)—Documentary directed by James D. Cooper. It is about early filmmakers  Chris Stamp and Kit Lambert finding things for their rock movie, and in doing so, discovered and worked with the rock group, The Who. “Lambert & Stamp” is not rated. Of interest to rock fans.

 

The D Train—Jack Black decides to plan the 20th class reunion.  How to get people to attend?  He asks the guy (James Marsden) who was the most popular man in the class at that time, to attend and help.  Things don’t always go as planned in this comedy Also in the cast is Jeffrey Tambor. “The D Train” is rated R. No rating.

 

Dior and I (opening in select cities)—A documentary about Raf Simons, who with eight weeks to go, took over the reins of the House of Dior and was expected to put on a Haute Couture fashion show. Talk about stress!  Besides Simons, there is Anna Wintour, and movie stars Jennifer Lawrence and Sharon Stone. “Dior and I”  is not rated. Rating of 2 for fashion fans.

 

I Am Big Bird (opening in select cities)—Documentary about the man (Caroll Spinney) who has played the popular Sesame Street character from the first day. Yes, he is over 80 years old and still going strong. What stories to tell. Guest appearances are by Bill Henson and Frank Oz, plus directed by Dave LaMattina and Chad Walker. “I Am Big Bird” is rated PG. Rating of 4 for fans.

 

MAY 15, 2015…

 

Pitch Perfect 2 follows the exploits of the Bellas as they try to win yet another music competition. Stars Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson

 

Mad Max: Fury Road takes us back to the “Mad Max” era and this time Tom Hardy has the Max role with Charlize Theron as a friend and Nicholas Hoult as the enemy.

 

Animals (opening in select cities) is a film about drug addiction and stars David Dastmalchian and Kim Shaw.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.