May 12, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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Before I start I’d like to thank everybody who made this show necessary. My bank manager, the electric company, my mortgage company, the folks at Master Card and Visa…


Woke up dizzy today. It’s either the stress I’ve been under, or the amount of spin I’m seeing about (BALTIMORE).




If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. — Romans 10:9-10


For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. — 2 Corinthians 4:17




He [Jesus] is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only ours but also for the sins of the whole world. — 1 John 2:2


Thought: Psst! I’ve got a great secret. Jesus died to set you free from the guilt and punishment of your own sins. Psst #2! He didn’t do it just for you; he did it for everyone else, too! Spread the word.


Prayer: I am humbled to the point of silence, Almighty God and Heavenly Father, that you would take your most precious gift and offer it for something as ugly and horrid as my sins. I can think of no way to repay you, but I want to thank you by sharing this good news with everyone else for whom you’ve made this sacrifice. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 5:12 NIV = Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


This is BE KIND TO ANIMALS WEEK. ***MARLAR: Here are a few things to do to help out our little friends.

  • Do something nice for your mice. After all, their ancestors did come over on the Mayflower.
  • Take time to stop and smell a skunk. Try not to hold your nose unless he holds his. While you’re at it, let him borrow your after shave.
  • Create a scholarship fund for porcupines to study acupuncture.
  • Help an aardvark start his own ant farm.
  • Donate your old contact lenses to a mole.
  • Let your rabbit keep all four feet.
  • Designate one trash barrel with an easy open lid for raccoons.
  • Spiff up your armadillo with Armor-All.
  • Give a rear-view mirror to a hummingbird. The hummingbird is the only living creature that can fly backwards, but it’s no fun because he can’t see where he’s going.
  • Give a robin an alarm clock. A robin needs about 70 worms a day to stay alive, so he has to be an early bird.
  • Take your Chihuahua to Taco Bell.
  •  Watch a Muppet movie with a frog.




International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases

International Nurses Day

Limerick Day

National Nutty Fudge Day

Odometer Day





Frog Jumping Day

Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity

National Night Shift Workers Day

National Third Shift Workers Day

Receptionists Day



Buddah Day

National Chicken Dance Day

The Stars and Stripes Forever Day

Underground America Day



Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day

International Day of Families

National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day

International MPS Awareness Day

National Tuberous Sclerosis Day

Nylon Stocking Day

Peace Officer Memorial Day

Straw Hat Day

Endangered Species Day

International Virtual Assistants Day

  1. Henry Pun-off Day


National Bike to Work Day

National Defense Transportation Day

National Pizza Party Day



Do Dah Day

National Piercing Day

Armed Forces Day

Biographer’s Day

Mike, The Headless Chicken Day

National Learn to Swim Day

Mimosa Day

National Sea Monkey Day




Bay to Breakers Race (Oldest Footrace in America)

Morel Mushroom Day (Weekend after Mother’s Day)

Neighbor Day

World Hypertension Day

World Information Society Day

World Telecommunications Day

World Neurofibromatosis Day (NF Day)



HIV Vaccine Awareness Day

I Love Reeses Day

International Museum Day

Mother Whistler Day

Visit your Relatives Day

Accountant’s Day / Accounting Day



Boys Club Day

May Ray Day

National Hepatitis Testing Day

National Museum Day

National Asian & Pacific Islander, HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day




1820: Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing, was born. She carried a pet owl everywhere she went. ***MARLAR: I loved her on “The Brady Bunch”.


1870: The old District of Assiniboia entered the Confederation as Canada’s fifth province. It’s called Manitoba, which means “The Great Spirit Speaks.”


1932: A new character, Dippy Dawg, appeared in the cartoon “Mickey’s Revue” by Walt Disney. Later, Disney changed Dippy’s name to Goofy.


1959: Elizabeth Taylor married Eddie Fisher. Liz said, “We will be on our honeymoon for 30 or 40 years.”


1960: Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley appeared on the same TV special and performed the other’s hit. Elvis sang “Witchcraft” and Sinatra sang “Love Me Tender.”


1963: Bob Dylan walked out of dress rehearsals for “The Ed Sullivan Show” when CBS censors told him he could not perform “Talking John Birch Society Blues.”


1965: At Chess Studios in Chicago, The Rolling Stones recorded the first tracks for “Satisfaction.”


1967: When Red Socks catcher Bob Tillman fired toward second to get a base-stealing Al Kaline, the ball hit pitcher John Wyatt in the head and bounced back to the on-deck circle. Kaline took third, the hard-headed Wyatt shook it off, and continued pitching.


1970: Chicago Cub Ernie Banks hit his 500th home run. He retired the following year with 512.


1978: The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced it would alternate using men’s and women’s names for hurricanes. Previously, only women’s names had been used, and some complained it wasn’t fair that women got all the attention for causing damage and destruction.


1985: With 13 top ten pop hits, Lionel Richie received an honorary Doctor of Music degree from his alma mater, Tuskegee Institute in Alabama.


1989: Joe Valdez Caballero died at age 81. He invented the hard taco shell.


1992: Thirty men and two women from nine nations reached the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers to reach the peak in one day.


2003: Fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers brought the Texas House to a standstill by going into hiding in a dispute over a Republican congressional redistricting plan.


2003: Ten cows survived after falling down a 50-foot cliff in San Francisco. Witnesses saw the herd sliding over the cliff. Two cows had to be put down, but a vet said the others were not hurt.




1792: Father of Modern Missions William Carey publishes his highly influential (though deplorably titled) book on the importance of evangelism, An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians, to use means for the Conversion of the Heathens in which the Religious State of the Different Nations of the World, the Success of Former Undertakings, and the practicability of Further Undertakings, are Considered.


1861: Julia Ward Howe’s “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” published in the Atlantic Monthly three months earlier, is first performed at Fort Warren, Massachusetts, during a flag-raising ceremony for new Union recruits.




  • actors Sullivan and Sawyer Sweeten (“Everybody Loves Raymond”) 19 (audio clip)
  • Actor (American Pie, Eight Below) Jason Biggs, 38
  • actress (American Psycho, The Punisher, Broken Arrow) Samatha Mathis 45
  • Actress (“Living Single,” Tootie on “The Facts of Life”) Kim Fields-Freeman, 46 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Born on the Fourth of July, Six: The Mark Unleashed, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas) Stephen Baldwin, 49
  • Actor (Young Guns, Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire, Stakeout) Emilio Estevez, 53
  • Actor (Mission Impossible 1, 2, & 3, Dark Blue, “The District”) Ving Rhames, 56
  • Actor (“Babylon 5’s” Capt. John Sheridan, husband to Melissa Gilbert) Bruce Boxleitner 65
  • Actor (The Usual Suspects, Ghost Ship, Vanity Fair, End of Days) Gabriel Byrne, 65




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1929 : Burt Bacharach

1937 : George Carlin

1940 : Norman Whitfield

1942 : Billy Swan

1942 : Ian Dury (Kilburn and the High-Roads, The Blockheads)

1944 : James Purify (James & Bobby Purify)

1945 : Ian McLagan (The Small Faces, The Faces)

1948 : Steve Winwood (Traffic, Blind Faith and The Spencer Davis Group)

1950 : Billy Squier

1950 : John “Jocko” Marcellino (Sha Na Na)

1955 : Kix Brooks (Brooks & Dunn), (Leon Eric Brooks) in Shreveport, Louisiana.

1959 : Billy Duffy (The Cult)

1959 : Ray Gillen (Black Sabbath, Badlands)

1962 : Brett Gurewitz (Bad Religion)




How can we tell what a dinosaur looked like from a few bones?

Maybe paleontologists are just making it up. Why do we believe their stories of huge prehistoric reptiles? What’s the latest? Humongosaurus? The whole thing might be a fraternity prank, and Jurassic Park, a good place for a Sunday picnic. We believe them — some of us do, at least — because their reasoning is perfectly plausible. Bones are like machine parts — their shape, size and structure tells us what part of a body they come from, and the kind of work that part could have accomplished. We know this from studying the skeletons of creatures for which we do have living examples. By analogy, the big bones that have been unearthed from creatures no longer with us suggest the size, shape and strength of the critters from which they came. Think big! Hey… imagine that we had no living chickens and someone found a wishbone. What would they surmise, that it came from a Wishosaurus?




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After shedding pounds by eating at McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner, an Iowa science teacher now works for the fast food giant to share the story of his unlikely weight loss. According to ABC News, John Cisna grabbed headlines nationwide after he lost at total of nearly 60 pounds in six months during his diet that he started as an experiment for his science class. He says was able to lose weight and get healthy during the six months by walking 45 minutes every day and eating healthy options on the menu. Cisna started at 280 pounds, losing 37 pounds in 90 days and dropping his cholesterol from 249 to 170. He said he ate about 100 items on the menu in various combinations during his experiment.


Colton Dixon had to pull out of a concert over the weekend after being hit by the flu. Colton shared online: Very sad to say I won’t be able to perform tonight in Poughkeepsie due to the flu and no voice. Prayers appreciated!


Audio Adrenaline frontman Adam Agee says he survived Duncan Phillips spinning drum riser. Audio Adrenaline this weekend wrapped up their tour with the Newsboys and Adam says that, before they parted ways, he was excited for the chance to ride the Newsboys drummers spinning drum.


Jonny Diaz was having a rough time getting to a concert over the weekend. He tweeted: It’s one thing to blow a trailer tire. It’s another to lose the whole wheel. Jonny says they literally were no able to find it.


People ask about the beard. Honestly, I thought about laser hair removal but realized I don’t have any laser hair. — David Crowder


Not many 13 year olds can say a well known Christian artist recorded music in their bedroom, but 13 year old Tyler is one of the few. Josh Wilson shared over the weekend: I’d like to thank Tyler for loaning me his room to track the last back ground vocals for my record. His house is our green room. The song is getting mixed before I get back to my studio, so I’m improvising.


Jamie Grace was rescuing baby rabbits over the weekend. She saved two baby bunnies from a stray cat but then wasn’t sure how to take care of them. Jamie took to Facebook and twitter over the weekend asking those who follow her on social media for suggestions on caring for the two injured young rabbits.


Kari Jobe has been having a rough day. She tweeted that she ran into the cement wall in a parking garage not once, but two times, last Saturday morning. To make matters worse, her husband laughed.


David Crowder says he has a specific policy regarding eating. He tweeted this week: You’d never know it, but I only eat under two circumstances: 1) when I’m hungry. 2) when I’m not hungry.


Casting Crowns Juan DeVevo needs help. He tweeted this week: “Excuse me. Is this where the Frozen Lemonade Addiction Support Group meets?”


A bit of trivia about for King and Country’s recently released music video for the song Shoulders. Moriah Peters played Joel’s wife. Of course, Moriah is his wife in real life as well. But in the video she was deceased. Check out that segment of the video:


David Crowder’s story was featured recently in the Guidepost Magazine. The artist best known for his wiry beard and his combination of down home music and electronics just three years ago had his life turned upside down. His self titled band had broken up, he had moved from Texas to Atlanta, and he was searching for a new purpose. Crowder found that with his first ever solo album, Neon Steeple. Read the rest of the article…


Jodi and Chris from Love and The Outcome say their band meetings take on a different look when the temperatures in Nashville climb over 30 degrees Celsius. They tweeted a picture while lounging in a hammock, adding that, for those of you who grew up south of the Canadian border, 30 degrees Celsius is actually 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Of course, Jodi and Chris grew up in Canada before migrating to Nashville for their music career.




Consumer culture gone wild: Boar visits Hong Kong mall    photo
HONG KONG (AP) — Talk about a consumer culture gone wild. A Hong Kong shopping mall received a visit from a ham-fisted customer on Sunday when a wild boar wandered in and got trapped inside a children’s clothing store. Video aired by local TV stations showed the boar, which had apparently…


Couple behind fake skeletons on chairs in Colorado River    photo
PARKER, Ariz. (AP) — A Phoenix couple has claimed responsibility for putting two fake skeletons sitting in lawn chairs in the Colorado River in far west Arizona, authorities said Friday. The husband and wife approached the La Paz County Sheriff’s Office earlier this week and revealed how the…
Arkansas veterinarian operates on dog that ate 23 bullets    photo
MOUNTAIN HOME, Ark. (AP) — An Arkansas veterinarian has kept a dog from going out with a bang after the animal ate 23 live rifle rounds. HASH(0xd2e710) Owner Larry Brassfield said Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles, but he didn’t expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his…
Indiana teen takes great-grandmother, 93, to junior prom    photo
SEYMOUR, Ind. (AP) — An Indiana teenager who took his 93-year-old great-grandmother to his junior prom says he had a great time, even though her early bedtime nearly cut the night short. Drew Holm says his classmates thought it “was pretty cool” that he asked Kathryn Keith to last Friday’s…
Chinese billionaire gives France vacation to 6,400 workers    photo
NICE, France (AP) — The billionaire chief executive of the Chinese conglomerate Tiens has given 6,400 of his best salespeople a vacation that started in Paris and ended with a parade on France’s Cote d’Azur. CEO Li Jinyuan said he was celebrating the company’s 20th anniversary by rewarding…
Flint ballot mix-up spurs ‘Giggles the Pig’ write-in effort
FLINT, Mich. (AP) — A lawyer wants to enter his pet pig into the Flint mayoral race after a mix-up threatened to keep candidates’ names off the primary election ballot. HASH(0x1419e50) Giggles’ candidacy seeks to draw more attention to the mayoral race, better educate voters about their…
No offense to royals: Monkey in Japan keeps name Charlotte    photo
TOKYO (AP) — A monkey born in a Japanese zoo will keep its name Charlotte, after all. Oita city officials settled a national debate over whether calling the monkey Charlotte offends its British royal namesake. The officials said Friday they will stick to their first choice because there was…
Austrian empress’s potty fetches thousands of euros
VIENNA (AP) — What’s a potty worth? Thousands of euros, if it was used by an Austrian empress — but much less than her footwear. A chamber pot owned by Empress Elisabeth has fetched 4,290 euros (nearly $5,000) at an auction of imperial Austrian memorabilia in Vienna. But a pair of…
Crime doesn’t spray: man pepper-sprays self during robbery
BEAVER, West Virginia (AP) — A man is in jail after authorities say he foiled his own robbery by accidentally pepper-spraying himself. The Register-Herald ( ) reports 43-year-old Michael Kevin Meadows of West Virginia was arrested Wednesday for attempted robbery….
Kansas seniors try to sell high school on Craigslist
ARKANSAS CITY, Kan. (AP) — The seniors at Arkansas (Ar-KAN’-suhs) City High School think the building will be unnecessary after the class of 2015 graduates. HASH(0x13ed510) It notes the school offers a lot of parking space — or even room for a buyer’s cattle, and whoever buys it might…
Correction: Twins-2 Dads story
PATERSON, N.J. (AP) — In a story May 7 about a pair of twins found to have different fathers, The Associated Press erroneously reported the last name of the judge handling the paternity case. He is Sohail Mohammed, not Mohammad. A corrected version of the story is below: Twins have different…




New blood tests, liquid biopsies, may transform cancer care    photo
A new type of blood test is starting to transform cancer treatment, sparing some patients the surgical and needle biopsies long needed to guide their care. The tests, called liquid biopsies, capture cancer cells or DNA that tumors shed into the blood, instead of taking tissue from the tumor itself….


AP-GfK Poll: Doubts on court’s fairness in health law case    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Many people in the United States doubt that the Supreme Court can rule fairly in the latest litigation jeopardizing President Barack Obama’s health care law. The Associated Press-GfK poll finds only 1 person in 10 is highly confident that the justices will rely on objective…
Liberia churches celebrate end of Ebola    photo
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — Drumbeats echoed across Liberia’s capital on Sunday as Christian leaders heeded the president’s call to celebrate the eradication of Ebola in the country following a horrific outbreak that claimed more than 4,700 lives in this West African nation. At New Covenant…
Liberia cautiously marks end of Ebola after 4,700 deaths    photo
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — On the day Mercy Kennedy lost her mother to Ebola, it was hard to imagine a time when Liberia would be free from one of the world’s deadliest viruses. It had swept through the 9-year-old’s neighborhood, killing people house by house. Neighbors were so fearful that…
Ohio asks neighboring states to help fight Lake Erie’s algae    photo
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — Pollutants feeding the toxic algae blooms that have been turning parts of western Lake Erie green and contaminating drinking water in recent summers aren’t just coming from Ohio. They’re flowing into the lake from farm fields in Michigan and Indiana, leaky septic tanks in…
SF mayor signs law that bans chewing tobacco at ballparks
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco has become the first city in the nation to outlaw chewing tobacco from its playing fields, including AT&T Park, home to the San Francisco Giants. Players and the manager of the team expressed support for the ordinance signed into law by Mayor Ed Lee on…
Synthetic pot leads to nationwide spike in hospitalizations    photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A huge nationwide spike in hospitalizations last month caused by a class of drugs often called “synthetic marijuana” illustrates the potency and dangers of the chemicals used to make them and the shifty tactics authorities believe manufacturers are using to evade…
2 babies die, 29 sickened from bad vaccines in south Mexico
MEXICO CITY (AP) — Mexico’s public health system has suspended infant vaccines and mounted an investigation after two babies died and 29 were sickened in an impoverished community in southern Mexico. Six of the 29 babies are in grave condition after receiving vaccinations for tuberculosis,…
UN health agency: Don’t name diseases after regions, animals
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization is issuing new advice on the best way to name new diseases — guidelines the U.N. health agency itself has previously broken. In a statement published on Friday, WHO criticized disease names like Middle Eastern Respiratory Syndrome and swine…
FDA questions benefit of cystic fibrosis drug from Vertex
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health regulators have questions about the benefits of an experimental combination drug for cystic fibrosis, including whether the addition of a second drug ingredient adds to the pill’s effectiveness. The Food and Drug Administration said in an online review that…
AP-GfK Poll: Can Supreme Court be fair in health law case?    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Many people in the United States doubt that the Supreme Court can rule fairly in the latest litigation jeopardizing President Barack Obama’s health care law. The Associated Press-GfK poll finds only 1 person in 10 is highly confident that the justices will rely on objective…




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Authorities in India are hoping to find the person who robs businesses of their toilet paper. Over the last few months a dozen or so small businesses have been broken into after hours and robbed of their toilet tissue. The thief takes nothing else.  ***If caught, the TP pirate will be charged with breaking and entering, petty theft, and squeezing the Charmin.


A new app is helping teachers turn cell phone distraction into a solution. According to Time, the company Remind makes mobile software that lets teachers blast announcements and homework assignments to students and their parents via an app powered by the cloud. Teachers can send out reminders about an upcoming test, issue study guides to absent students and even conduct real-time quizzes using the app’s two-way messaging system. And because parents get their kids’ assignments as well, it helps them keep their children more accountable for their work.  ***Even worse, if you want to use the excuse that your dog ate your homework, it means feeding Fido your iPhone.


Hold on to your hamburger patties, because the Hamburglar is making a comeback. According to ABC News, McDonald’s is officially bringing back its promotional Hamburglar character to network television for the first time since 2002. Officials from the chain say McDonald’s new premium limited time offer, the Sirloin Third Pound Burger, happened to be just enticing enough to bring the Hamburglar back into the public eye. *** But the truth is just that it took thirteen years to recover from the health issues he received after stealing a McDonald’s burger thirteen years ago.

A Florida mother held hostage by her boyfriend used the Pizza Hut app to notify police she needed help. According to ABC News, Cheryl Treadway and her children were being held at knife point but Treadway was eventually able to persuade him to let her order a pizza using her Pizza Hut app. Along with her order of a small, classic pepperoni pizza, she wrote: “Please help. Get 911 to me.” She also wrote: “911hostage help!” Pizza Hut employees notified the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office, who then went to the woman’s home.  *** She should’ve called Domino’s – that way the police would be there in thirty minutes or less!




Archaeologists have discovered that T. Rex had a long-nosed cousin that has been christened with the nickname “Pinocchio Rex.” Pinocchio Rex probably lived alongside T. Rex, but it was smaller — 29 feet long vs. 42 feet long — and faster. ** It had to be faster – because it had to run away from bullies making fun of its stupid nose.


Gone are the days when men relied on their mothers to fill their Christmas stockings with new undies, replacing old holey ones. Apparently guys are increasingly shopping for colorful, tight-fitting underwear in the same way that women hunt for the latest sexy bras. Retail experts say designs are getting bolder, and men are becoming more body conscious about their underwear.  *** I can tell you that I am VERY body conscious about my underwear.  In fact, I look for underwear that will cover as much of my body as possible.


It appears the world stopped getting warmer quite a few years ago, according to new data.  The figures, which have triggered debate among climate scientists, reveal that from the beginning of 1997 until August 2012, there was no discernible rise in aggregate global temperatures.  ***MARLAR: Although they do admit there is a measurable spike in hot-air temperatures every four years right around election season.


Daniel Balsam hates spam. Most everybody does, of course. But he has acted on his hate as few have, going far beyond simply hitting the delete button. He sues spammers.  Several years ago, Balsam was working as a marketer when he received one too many e-mail pitches.  Enraged, he launched a Web site called, quit a career in marketing to go to law school and is making a decent living suing companies who flood his e-mail inboxes with offers of cheap drugs and unbelievable vacations. “I feel like I’m doing a little bit of good cleaning up the Internet,” Balsam said. From San Francisco Superior Court small claims court to the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, Balsam, based in San Francisco, has filed many lawsuits, including dozens before he graduated law school in 2008, against e-mail marketers he says violate anti-spamming laws.  His many victories are mere raindrops in the ocean considering that Cisco Systems Inc. estimates that there are 200 billion spam messages circulating a day, accounting for 90 percent of all e-mail.  Still, Balsam settles enough lawsuits and collects enough from judgments to make a living. He has racked up well in excess of $1 million in court judgments and lawsuit settlements with companies accused of sending spam.  ***MARLAR: I understand several Nigerian princes are counter-suing him.








CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Sensible Shoes”




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: Wow… that’s strange. What are the odds that someone else would be writing the exact same song that Millard is just now composing? And, is it just me, or does Millard’s new song sound really, uh… familiar? Get more of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were worried about not being able to get enough done in the day. They held seminars on time-management, made lists of things to do, tried to prioritize their chores in order of importance – they even got up an hour earlier each day just to have more time… but that wasn’t working either, because they just found more they had to do!


CLOSE: So now the animals are so busy that can’t even find a single day off to spend time together! How busy can animals get? We’ll find out how busy next time – As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




A man pleads guilty to drug possession –but commits a Moment of Duh in the process.

The cops said it was drugs, but James McClain said it was just debris from a sandwich. The Belleville, Illinois, man was arrested on drug charges after he was stopped on a routine traffic infraction. Police searched McClain’s car and found a suspicious looking plastic baggy with what they believed to be drugs. The suspect argued that it was just bread crumbs from a sandwich. Police didn’t go for his excuse and upon the advice from his lawyer McClain pleaded guilty and went to jail. But after 18 days, lab tests came back on the “drugs” in the baggy and guess what? They really were bread crumbs. A judge dismissed the charges and in the process blasted McClain’s lawyer for allowing an innocent man to plead guilty.




TOP TEN NEW COURSES FOR WOMEN (Use this list at your own risk – you might require an escort out of the building afterwards!)


  1. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: How to make deposits.


  1. Learn how not to inflict your diets on other people.


  1. Communication Skills I: Tears as the last resort and not the first.


  1. Driving a Car Safely: A skill you can also acquire.


  1. Telephones: How to Hang Up.


  1. Learning To Cook I: Bran is not food.


  1. Leisure Studies: An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.


  1. Parking: Beginners Course.


  1. Parking (Advanced): Reversing into a parking space.


  1. Silence, The Final Frontier: Where no woman has gone before.




Four years in prison… for trying to steal dog poop!


FILE #1: The Bristol, England, Crown Court has sentenced David Carlisle to four years in prison for attempting to steal doggie-doo.  He had stopped a woman who was walking her dog, threatened her with a knife, and demanded the bags she was carrying.  She told him the bags were full of dog droppings she’d just scooped up, and he fled empty-handed.  He pleaded for mercy in court because he only tried to steal dog excrement, but the judge said that was just “testament to his incompetence.


FILE #2: Dean Wilson is wondering what it takes to go to jail. The 20-year-old was released from a Liverpool jail on condition that he wears an electronic tagging device to monitor him. But Wilson only became frustrated wearing the device and said he would rather just spend the remaining time of his sentence behind bars. The problem was — the jail didn’t want him back! When he returned to the prison, they turned him away. When he went to the police station, they said they had no record that he was unlawfully at large and told him to go home. Finally, after almost 3 weeks, the police decided to take him back into custody. He’s now back in prison in Liverpool.


FILE #3: Authorities in Loudoun County, Virginia, are searching for a male would-be bank robber in women’s clothing. They say a 6-foot-3 man entered the Washington First Bank Tuesday in a dark wig, white gloves and flowery dress and carrying a purse. He handed the teller a note implying that he had a weapon. But she refused to give him any money, and he walked away empty-handed.


STRANGE LAW: In New York the penalty for jumping off a building is death. ***MARLAR: Then again, that’s also the law of gravity.





A pizza delivery driver in Fargo, North Dakota, says he was assaulted after he refused to take illegal drugs as payment for the pizza he was delivering!

The driver, Atif Yasin, said he thought the suspect was asleep when he arrived. After knocking a few times and calling the man on his cell phone, he finally answered the door in his boxers. He then took the pizza and spent a few minutes looking for money until he gave up and offered to pay with marijuana. When Yasin said he either needed money or the pizza, the man began to yell. He then pushed him and punched him in the face. Officers who arrested the man said he was intoxicated.  Gosh… big surprise there.




Which celebrity was your idol when you were a teenager? (Not a literal idol, mind you – but who did you get goose bumps over?)




QUESTION: In which book of the Bible do we find the first use of the name “Satan?”

ANSWER: 1 Chronicles (1 Chronicles 21:1 = “And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.”)




QUESTION: What does the morse code “S.O.S.” stand for?

ANSWER: Nothing. It’s just a universal distress signal, but the letters are not representative of any actual words. S.O.S. was chosen as the universal distress signal by the International Radio Telegraph Convention of July 1908. This combination of letters, three dots followed by three dashes followed by three dots, was easy to send and easily recognized. The letters themselves, however, are meaningless… regardless of what you’ve been told. S.O.S. does not stand for Save Our Souls, Save Our Ship or any other phrase. The first mention of this false meaning is in reference to the Titanic sinking in 1912, which may account for the “Save Our Ship” story being so wide spread. But it’s totally false. ***MARLAR: However, with (OTHER JOCK) working here, “S.O.S.” could quite easily mean Save Our Station!




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Spider Man’s secret identity is Bruce Banner. (False, Peter Parker. Bruce Banner is the Hulk)


  1. Peter Falk, who played “Columbo” had a glass eye. (True)


  1. Diet Coke was invented in 1975. (False, 1981)


  1. It really takes 5 minutes to cook a 3-minute egg. (False, 3 minutes)


  1. A U.S. dime is made of 25-percent nickel and 75-percent silver. (False, 75-percent copper)


  1. In 1975, when just about everybody in America was wearing a Mood Ring, the ring showed the color green when the wearer was happy. (False, blue)


  1. The first television broadcast of a major league baseball game was in August of 1955. (False, 1939)


  1. The name of Pillsbury’s little dough girl is Fluff. (False, Poppy)


  1. The first television broadcast of a major league baseball game was between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. (True, in 1939)


  1. Most guys say it takes between 1 and 6 months to get over a break-up. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GROLAR _______ (BEAR)

The northward migration of grizzlies has led to more sightings of “grolar” bears in the Arctic.

Hunters from the village of Ulukhaktok, N.W.T., knew there was something different about the polar bear they were stalking but couldn’t put their finger on it.

It was far more aggressive than anything they were used to. They even called off the dog for fear the large white mammal would kill it.

On closer inspection after it was shot and killed, it turned out not to be an ordinary polar bear but one that was a cross between a polar bear and a grizzly, unofficially known as a “grolar bear” and “pizzly.”

“The first hybrid we had ever seen around here a few years ago was pretty nasty. They (hunters) usually stalk the polar bear using a dog, but this bear was so aggressive they couldn’t use a dog on them. It was too dangerous,” Robert Kuptana, who lives in the western Arctic hamlet of about 400 people on Victoria Island, told the Toronto Star Friday.

Over the years, as grizzly bears wandered further north following the caribou herd, the hybrid variety became more common, said the 69-year-old Kuptana. He added that a hunter from the village, Pat Ekpakohak, and his two grandchildren killed three of them just 10 days ago.

“One is pure white, one is partly dark and the other is fairly dark brown and the top part is white,” said Kuptana, who took a picture of the skins.

Polar bear and grizzly habitats overlap in the western Canadian Arctic around the Beaufort Sea. Grizzlies are known to occasionally to go out on the ice in the spring to feed on seals killed by polar bears, according to the Canadian Wildlife Service.

A DNA test conducted by the Wildlife Genetics International in British Columbia on a bear shot and killed by an American hunter in 2006 confirmed it was a hybrid, making it the first documented case in the wild.





Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked…”doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”
Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”



A little boy came home excitedly from kindergarten with a blue ribbon.  When his mommy asked him “What is the blue ribbon for?” he proudly announced, “I won!”

When pressed for details he simply said, “The teacher asked all of us to guess how many legs a cow has.  When my turn came, I guessed FIVE.”

“Five???” his mother gasped, “but a cow only has FOUR legs.  How do you get a blue ribbon for guessing five?”

“I won because my guess was the closest.”



Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”




Two companies, one in Maine and one in Florida, are marketing machines that are a new fad in seafood restaurants. They combine a claw machine game with a lobster tank: for $2, you get a chance to grab a lobster, and if you do, it’s cooked for you for free. But it’s even harder than a regular claw machine because the lobsters try to elude capture. The maker says it’s just good fun, but a PETA spokeswoman called it “absolutely hideous” to “turn animal cruelty into a game.” ***MARLAR: Yeah! So don’t play with your food, just boil it alive.


If you think you’re getting too much homework, don’t bother whining to your parents about it. A new survey finds that most parents say their children get the right amount of homework, and most teachers agree. If anything, parents and teachers say the homework load is too light. There were some other interesting results in the poll. They found that less educated parents spend more time helping kids with take-home assignments and the most affluent parents spend the least time. Women spend an average 46 minutes a day helping with homework. Men spend 35 minutes. A majority of parents and teachers also agreed that the subject that students needed the most help with was math. ***MARLAR: A majority… that’s like almost 50%, right?





Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.

“Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?” asks a little
old lady, terrified.

“Yes, I’m afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel
in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs”.

“And if I do this, the sharks won’t eat me any more?” asks the little

“Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won’t enjoy it so much”.




How far would you walk to see your son or daughter? One man walked over 600 miles because he didn’t have bus fare!

Here’s a case of true fatherly love. A 72-year-old Chinese man walked more than 600 miles over 71 days to visit his son in prison. The poor guy had planned to take the train but had his money stolen shortly after leaving home. He begged along the way and sometimes ate food from garbage cans during his two month journey. He said, “I didn’t see him for two years. I am here to visit him and tell him not to worry about me and transform himself for good, while in prison.” Prison wardens were so touched by his story that they even bent the rules to allow him to see his son. The son, Xie Fei, revealed that his father is actually is his adoptive father, as his real parents died when he was ten. Fei said, “He adopted me and loves me very much, but I have nothing to repay all this.” The return home was a little easier as prison guards all chipped in to buy him a train ticket.





Isn’t it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn’t answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn’t answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, and she said that it hadn’t rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he’d used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he’d called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn’t figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, “It rang and rang, but I didn’t answer.” The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he’d intended to call his wife. The man said, “That’s OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God’. I was afraid to answer!”

The reason why it showed on the man’s caller ID that the call came from “Almighty God” is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!





Read: Philippians 2:1-11

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but . . . let each esteem others better than himself. —Philippians 2:3

Tom Knapp never won a race during his entire high school track career. Tom was a “pusher.” It was his task to set the pace for his fellow team members, who would then beat him to the finish line. When he ran a successful race, he was enabling a fellow teammate to win. Even though Tom never had enough reserve energy for the final sprint to victory, the coach considered him a valuable member of the team.

In a similar way, the New Testament tells us to run our race of faith with the success of others in mind. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Our example of such living is Jesus Christ, who left the glory of heaven to share our humanity and die on the cross so that we can have eternal life (vv.5-8).

If the encouragement of our example helps another person to flourish and be successful, we should rejoice. When the eternal prizes are awarded for faithful service to God, a lot of “pushers” will be wearing blue ribbons. Until then, let’s keep running so that others can win. —David McCasland


Oh, to see the needs of others
More important than our own,
Following our Lord’s example
When He left His heavenly throne. —Sper


You can’t lose when you help others win.





In Land O’Lakes, Florida, substitute teacher Jim Piculas was fired because school officials accused of performing “wizardry.” The so-called “wizardry” in question was nothing more than a simple magic trick where he made a toothpick disappear before his students. The school district’s Pat Sinclair terminated Jim over the phone and said, “You’ve been accused of wizardry.” Jim says he’s both amused and frustrated and tried to explain to Sinclair that the trick was merely a magic act saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not black magic. It’s a toothpick.” The trick was a simple a hand maneuver that made the toothpick seem to disappear, when it was merely hidden beneath Jim’s thumb. But assistant superintendent Renalia DuBose said that the accusation was merely one of many factors that led to Jim’s termination. Other incidents involved him diverting from the lesson plan, allowing students the use of computers despite the disapproval of the regular teacher, and putting a fifth-grader in charge of the classroom. ***MARLAR: Holy Cow! He kind of sounds like one of those fun, cool teachers that students love and remember all their lives. Good thing they fired him!




Most pet owners know that chocolate is a big no-no for dogs. But here’s something to chew on: a common ingredient in sugarless gum and snacks can cause a canine catastrophe. The culprit is a sweetener called xylitol. While you may never have heard of it, there’s a good chance you have it in your house.  Xylitol is common in sugarless gum and in sugar-free snacks. The chemical is completely safe for humans and most other animals, but in dogs, xylitol causes blood sugar levels to plummet. When blood sugar drops, the brain isn’t getting enough energy to do its job. After swallowing xylitol, dogs may get very sick and become lethargic and disoriented. Without treatment, dogs can die.




Advertising is everywhere you look these days – and it’s about to get out of control! A California company has begun to pay drivers up to $400 a month to cover their cars with advertisements. “Autowraps” already cars covered all over West Coast and in Florida! Participants must be at least 18, drive a minimum of 1,000 miles per month, and meet a long list of requirements, including no moving violations during the past year. You have to sign up for a 5-year contract, but you can cancel after a year with 30 days’ notice. And if you’re wondering if drivers get to choose which ads are placed on their car – the answer is “no”. However, they can refuse an ad for alcoholic beverages and cigarettes. ***MARLAR: I gotta say I’d love for this to come to (TOWN). For $400 a month, would you place ads on your car? It’d be cool if you got an advertiser like PEPSI or McDONALDS… but what if you get an advertiser like Odor Eaters or Fruit of the Loom? Just TRY looking cool at a stoplight then!





  • They’re reading this list to you.
  • They’ve said it’s only a top three list.
  • They’ve told you that you think this list is not funny.
  • They’re almost done reading to you and that you may leave soon.
  • But before you leave, where are you going?




UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Ring Around the Collar

The current season of the popular television show Survivor developed a new team theme. Cast members were recruited and divided up into the categories to match their “fit” in the workplace. The so-called white collars were used to giving the orders, blue collars taking the orders, and “no collars” claimed to be carefree spirits not fitting in with either group.
As a television show, audience had the stereotypes reinforced in the earliest episodes. The blue collar team perceived themselves as hard workers and “grunts on the ground,” willing to do whatever was necessary in the wild. The white collar team couldn’t manage to get a fire going, an essential for cleaning, cooking, and so forth. The carefree group wasn’t worried about who was in charge or when things got done. With their fire started, they preferred to take it easy. You get the picture.
Just in as in real life, misconceptions abound. White collars proved quite capable in physical challenges. Blue collars had to make hard decisions and think ahead. And the carefree world of no collars found tension and emotional baggage in struggling to play the game.
Survivor is about winning a million dollars. Strategy, power, and politics play out everywhere. As people are voted off and teams merge, new social maneuvers must be developed and new alliances created.
So what are the real differences between white collar and blue collar and no collar types? I believe much of it is centered in the power to make decisions and live a lifestyle of your preference. Thus, the real color of your collar may have a green tint: money.
As it’s commonly known, when management wants you to perform, it comes down to two things: more money and/or more power. Remove those, and you diminish perceived “collar” value as well.
Two events in sports over the past weekend provide an interesting illustration.
The NFL Draft was held in Chicago. Our city became Draft Town. In a period of three days, a large group of hard working, dirt churning, sweat generating muscle men transitioned from “blue collar” life into millionaires. While they will remain “under the thumb” of coaches and management, control over their lives made a huge leap.
The second event was the highly promoted boxing match of welterweights on Saturday night. A 38-year-old fighter, Floyd Mayweather Jr, defeated the 36-year-old Manny Pacquiao. The decision was unanimous.
Boxing is hard work. I mean REALLY hard work. The training would kill most of us. The actual fight would kill the rest. So you have to have a LOT of blue collar work ethic to win. And you have to be really good…to make a living.
The fight brought in an estimated $300 million. The Mayweather contract required him to receive 60 percent, win or lose. Let’s just say he won’t have to worry about the price of Jelly Bellies in the days ahead.
So as Mayweather takes the gloves off, do any labels come off? Is he a blue collar guy, or is he now white collar? Or no collar? He could buy his own franchise or start a thousand companies where he’s the boss. In the case of both fighters, money has given them leverage over life.
For these new NFL draftees and those boxing professionals, their success came after hard work and listening to tough taskmasters. All true athletes know success requires regimen and training, discipline and following orders. So do military men and women.
There is more to say on this topic, which I will address in my blog two weeks from now, Lord willing.
In the meantime, here is another tip from a “spiritual leadership consultant” known as Peter. He writes, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.” (1 Peter 2:18, ESV)
Ruminate on that for a while. And then we’ll get back together for Round 2 in a couple of weeks.
Ding! There goes the bell.




Are you packing on the pounds because you’re overworked?  You’re not the only one.

The latest government figures show that two-thirds of the country’s workforce is overweight. And a new report from the Families and Work Institute say that a big part of the problem is that workers are putting in longer hours, afraid of losing their jobs. With less time to exercise, more than a third of employees report that work drains them of energy, leaving nothing for their personal lives. At the same time, pay cuts and rising food prices, particularly for more nutritious foods, are making fast food and vending machines a quick and cheaper option during a lunch break. Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families and Work Institute says, “There’s a big relationship between our health and the kind of environment we work in.” And while some employers are addressing the issue by adding on site gyms and wellness programs at work, most still do not see employee obesity as something that is their responsibility and are too busy just trying to keep their businesses going. (Miami Herald)




Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!


A high school student in Florida was suspended recently for passing around a petition complaining about Confederate symbols at her school.  

Krista Adams was angry about tee shirts and bumper stickers around campus with such slogans as “If I had known this, I would have picked my own cotton.”  Krista wrote a flier critical of the displays and handed it out around school. Then she passed around a petition urging that the rebel flag be banned from the campus. She got 94 people to sign it. For that, she was suspended for 10 days.  The school said it was for distributing unauthorized material on school grounds.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, you can’t be spreading free speech around – that could be dangerous!




Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

If you can live stream movies, why not live stream medical care? According to NPR News, Insurance company United Health care will start covering visits to the doctor’s office — via video chat. Patients and physicians talk live online — on smartphones, tablets or home computer — to get to a clinical diagnosis. United Health Care is the first major company to put its stamp of approval on a process that, until now, has been largely experimental. Three mobile-doc startups – Doctor on Demand, NowClinic and Amwell – are the initial providers.


One Michigan teen went a very non-traditional route when choosing his date for the prom. Danotiss Smith, an 18-year-old high school senior from Pontiac, Michigan, took his mom. Danotiss was inspired to invite his mom to the school dance after learning that she couldn’t attend her own prom 24 years ago. When Belinda was 11 years old, her mother died from leukemia, and she and her siblings moved in with her grandmother. Times were tough for the family, and when Belinda was in high school, she couldn’t afford a lot of extra expenses. Now, decades later, her wish finally came true.




The world’s full of apathy, but I don’t care.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MAY 08, 2015…


Hot Pursuit—Reese Witherspoon is a police officer and rather soft at heart. She is supposed to protect Sofia Vergara (former wife of a crook) from bad guys. Trouble is, everyone wants Sofia and the two go on the run (remember the team of Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock who were both police officers), and this buddy-picture continues. The cast includes Richard I. Jones and Michael Mosley. “Hot Pursuit” is rated PG 13. No rating and go back and see “Wild” again.


Lambert & Stamp (opening in select cities)—Documentary directed by James D. Cooper. It is about early filmmakers  Chris Stamp and Kit Lambert finding things for their rock movie, and in doing so, discovered and worked with the rock group, The Who. “Lambert & Stamp” is not rated. Of interest to rock fans.


The D Train—Jack Black decides to plan the 20th class reunion.  How to get people to attend?  He asks the guy (James Marsden) who was the most popular man in the class at that time, to attend and help.  Things don’t always go as planned in this comedy Also in the cast is Jeffrey Tambor. “The D Train” is rated R. No rating.


Dior and I (opening in select cities)—A documentary about Raf Simons, who with eight weeks to go, took over the reins of the House of Dior and was expected to put on a Haute Couture fashion show. Talk about stress!  Besides Simons, there is Anna Wintour, and movie stars Jennifer Lawrence and Sharon Stone. “Dior and I”  is not rated. Rating of 2 for fashion fans.


I Am Big Bird (opening in select cities)—Documentary about the man (Caroll Spinney) who has played the popular Sesame Street character from the first day. Yes, he is over 80 years old and still going strong. What stories to tell. Guest appearances are by Bill Henson and Frank Oz, plus directed by Dave LaMattina and Chad Walker. “I Am Big Bird” is rated PG. Rating of 4 for fans.


MAY 15, 2015…


Pitch Perfect 2 follows the exploits of the Bellas as they try to win yet another music competition. Stars Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson


Mad Max: Fury Road takes us back to the “Mad Max” era and this time Tom Hardy has the Max role with Charlize Theron as a friend and Nicholas Hoult as the enemy.


Animals (opening in select cities) is a film about drug addiction and stars David Dastmalchian and Kim Shaw.


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